Conservatives Using Noble Tactics feat. Larry Wilmore 01:24:25

All right. Before we get started, I want to say a huge thank you to our friends of the pod.

here for this very special episode of Love It or Leave It. Thank you, of course, for subscribing. And now, what you've been waiting for, please welcome to the studio, John Lovett! Just kidding, it's Larry Romo! Thank you so much. Thank you.

We tricked you. Like, what? How did Larry get on show? I am Larry Wilmore, your host. Or as the MAGA hats put it, the DEI replacement for the... Right? DEI. I don't like the way the right has weaponized that term, right? I mean, I'm old enough to know what they really mean.

You know what I'm saying? Trust me. Racists have been trying for years to find clever substitutions for the N-word, you guys. What? D-E-I. Diversity, equity, and inclusion of niggers. What did I say?

What did I say that was wrong? The N is silent, right? The N word is silent. That's what it is. Here's what it is. I just think we should come up with our own sneaky offensive acronyms. Just to level the playing field, you guys. That's all I'm saying. So if somebody says something like, that DEI mayor, you can come back with, you know what you are? You are a conservative using noble tactics. Oh, thank you. No problem, cunt. laughter

And that's the message I wanted to get out as guests of Love It or Leave It tonight. Sam, thank you very much. We've seen the level of the crowd here. You guys are my kind of crowd.

I appreciate that, yeah. I also have a message from Lovett, and that is do not disturb, which is weird because he's one of the most disturbing individuals I have ever met. It's on the prompter, but I'm not making that up, you guys. So this week, Lori Kilmarn is here on her queen shit, and Lily Rabe and Hamish Linkletter live happily ever after this show ends. And Bradley Whitford, my boy, he gets the hots for some Commander in Briefs. And to wrap it all up, we're getting Trumpy with it. Yeah. Woo-hoo!

You'll find out what that means. But first, let's get into it. What a week. President Biden came out swinging this week informing the Commission of Presidential Debates he intended to debate Trump twice, once in June and once in September. You know, just to see if any of that Gemini or Virgo energy can give him a little edge. Trump accepted his challenge, declaring a true social. I'm ready and willing to debate, Crooked Joe.

Crooked Joe. Crooked Joe, by the way, which coincidentally is Biden's nickname for his Johnson. A lot of people don't know that. It's true. As Biden would say, that's no joke. No joke, man. Not making that up. No joke. Okay, Biden, it's no joke. We're good here. Also wrote Trump, crooked Joe Biden is the worst debater I've ever faced. He can't put two sentences together. You know what he should know? With these trials coming up, he could be putting three sentences together. Bam, right? Bam. Bam.

I'm manifesting that shit as we speak, you guys. And then Trump concluded, just tell me when. I'll be there. Let's get ready to rumble. Let's get ready to rumble. Who is that? You know, interesting enough, by the way, let's get ready to rumble is also what Trump tells his diaper before he takes a shit in it while sitting in a meeting. I'm just here to give you the information, you guys. The information you can't get from other sources. That's my job.

And in case we weren't quite sure how serious he is, Biden released a full on like WWE promo for the event. Donald Trump lost two debates to me in 2020. Since then, he hadn't shown up for debate. Now he's acting like he wants to debate me again. Well, make my day, pal. I'll even do it twice. Let's pick the dates, Donald. I hear you're free on Wednesdays. Damn, Joe.

Okay, I see you. I hear Biden's going after Drake next. Of course.

The big news this week is Trump's ongoing hush money trial. I'm so exhausted by this, you guys. You know, I'm not a fan of this trial, I'll be honest with you, because it's basically over bad bookkeeping. But look, if he goes to jail, I'll take it. Don't get me wrong, okay? Even if Wayne Brady asked me, do I want to keep Trump in jail or trade him for what's inside the box? And even if there's a good chance ending racism forever is in the box, I'm like, nah, I'm good. LAUGHTER

He got to go to jail. Oh, yeah. Plus, I'm still getting good jokes from racism. So there's that. Right.

So I'm not ungrateful. I am not ungrateful. It's just that when it comes to Trump, I want to focus more on his high crimes rather than his misdemeanors. You know, for instance, when the prosecutor asks questions, I think there should always be a reminder, right? Just to keep things in context. Mr. Cohen, let's go back to 2016. You know, that's four years before Mr. Trump stirred an insurrection and tried to overturn a free democratic election and thus installed himself as a dictator. What was your frame of mind? Right? Right.

Create context, right? Or, Ms. Daniels, let's go back to 2006. That was, of course, when Mr. Trump was between rapes, right? What were you thinking? Yeah, that's right. I went out there, guys. I took a chance at that one. Am I wrong?

Thank you very much. That's right. I wasn't the one. And then Trump's cronies started showing up, like J.D. Vance, who sat in on Trump's trial Monday, his latest attempt to throw his cowboy hat in the ring for vice president. He told reporters outside the courtroom, every single person involved in this prosecution is practically a democratic political operative. J.D., of course, stands for just a dick.

The rest of Trump's VP hopefuls arrived at the trial Tuesday with House Speaker Mike Johnson, North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum, Vivek Ramaswamy gathering at the courthouse to stand by their man. So pathetic. And making a special appearance was the dead worm from RFK Jr.'s brain. He was there. I was very happy to see him.

There are other VP hopefuls, too, like Marco Rubio, Tim Scott, Rick Scott, Chrissy Noem, dog executioner. But that is a lot of kissing Trump's ass, you guys. Trump hasn't been this pampered since he put on his underwear this morning. Come on, give it up, you guys. That's two diaper jokes in one monologue. Two diaper jokes in one monologue, you guys. Yeah. You didn't know what you were coming to see, right? Yeah.

Meanwhile, Fox News personality Laura Ingraham was reprimanded for using binoculars in the courtroom. It's not really her fault, you guys. When you're that far up Trump's ass, you're never going to get out with at least some opera glasses. You need something. It's foggy. I have no idea what that means. And in a really bizarre twist, a Wednesday, the New York Times... Oh, I love this story. The New York Times Instagram account posted a text thread between Rosie O'Donnell and Michael Cohen. Did you guys see this? Yeah.

I wish we were making this shit up, okay? Look at it. In the text conversation, which occurred shortly before Michael Cohen took the stand, Rosie told him, breathe, relax, tell the truth. You got this. I love you. An hour later, she added, you're doing great. I mean, are these two fucking, you guys? Honestly, you...

What's happening with them? So apparently, when Michael Cohen was sent to prison in 2019, Rosie sent him like a six-page letter saying that despite his years of aiding Trump's smear campaign against her, she admired his decision to finally stand against Trump and also said he reminded her of every guy I went to school with as they grew up only 30 minutes away from each other on Long Island. And for that reason, even though he ruined her life, I don't know, there's still just something about him.

So she soon visited Cohen in prison, where they talked for like six hours and at one point held hands. Rosie added, Michael was sort of proudly introducing me to people, the friends he had met there. The friends he had met there? It's a prison, not a Montessori school. What?

What the serious fuck? They've since remained friends with Cohen describing Rosie as a mensch on his podcast, completely ruining that name for anyone else. Guys, I have no issues with Rosie O'Donnell, but I just want to go on record as saying, I really hate this, okay? I hope we don't get more lurid details, too, right? Because I'd rather have RFK Jr.'s worm in my brain than have to endure more of this. I just don't like it.

All right. In other disgusting news, Arizona officials said they can't locate Rudy Giuliani to serve him with the summons for charges stemming from Trump's 2020 election fraud scheme. They don't think he's fled the country, though, since they can sometimes still hear him scurrying around in the vents. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.

In a press release, the officials also said, quote, and you can all stop telling us he's in the sewers. We know. The problem is that there are sewers everywhere. Please be more specific. I get why they're irritated. I understand.

On Tuesday, primary voters in West Virginia, Nebraska, and Maryland, you know, this headed to the polls, right? This is true, too. Nikki Haley's zombie campaign, like, continues to gobble up Trump votes, taking almost 20% of the Republican vote. It's a zombie campaign, you guys. It's been dead for months. I love that. Right? I mean, how ironic would it be for Trump's campaign to be derailed by the last of us, right? Right?

Relax, RFK Jr., we mean zombie figuratively. The uneaten portion of your brain is safe for now. Just stay away from those vaccines. Oh, you are? Oh, okay. Very good. Oh, on Thursday, President Biden announced that the Justice Department will start the process of recategorizing marijuana from a Schedule I to a Schedule III drug. Yeah? Explain to the President, because I schedule that shit three times a day, bitch. That's my impression of President Biden. Thank you very much.

bitch also said by in a different accent no one should be in jail merely for using or possessing marijuana period technically that was an exclamation point job but i agree with you people should be in jail for trying to overturn the election or for hush money not for hash money am i right rfk jr's brain worm am i right

RFK Jr.'s brain worm agrees with me. In other news, Berkshire Hathaway, the multinational holding company run by billionaire Warren Buffett, revealed this week that it had secretly acquired billions of dollars in shares with the insurance company Chubb. After the disclosure, Chubb's stock price increased by over 8%, causing Buffett to acquire another Chubb. I'll wait.

You can see how juvenile this show slowly becomes. You see, son, when an investor sees a really pretty, attractive stock that it likes, the company will experience an increase in stock price, which sends money flowing into Chubb, which in turn hardens and strengthens Chubb's value, making it more viable for a union. How many people just want to fuck right now?

Okay, but this is my favorite story, you guys. The palace unveiled the new official portrait of King Charles, which depicts the royal in blood red accompanied by a butterfly. Did you see that? I mean, he asked for a period piece and got one, right? Am I wrong? No.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Didn't he say, older people in the room, help me out here. Didn't he say once that he wanted to be Camilla's tampon? I'm not making that up, right? That was disgusting, right? Okay, that makes this even creepier. I mean, you talk about manifesting. That is some fucked up shit. And the butterfly apparently was included because much like what takes place inside the butterfly's chrysalis, King Charles' insides have also completely liquefied. So...

That's ironic. It all makes sense to me. From an artistic standpoint. Here we go. This is a fun one. And Sage, a black miniature poodle with a dope as fuck haircut, won the 48th annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show this week. Check this out. Oh my God. Yeah, finally. A black female wins that old white award, right? Hashtag dog show so white. Ladies and gentlemen, she is that bitch.

And finally, after scientists sounded the alarm in 2006 that bees were dying rapidly, the honeybee population in the United States has since rebounded to an all-time high. I know. You know why? Because they bee-fucking. All right, that's my monologue. Anyway, that's all we got. Thank you, guys.

All right. But before we go, a little segment we're calling America's Least Wanted. Oh, my right's here. This week, we're keeping it local with Republican nightmare Representative Michelle Steele from, you guessed it, Orange County.

Now, we know that Michelle still might look friendly, like the lady who shakes your hand at the Vancouver immigration offices when you become a Canadian citizen. And she speaks English, Korean, and Japanese, making her fluent in maybe one, two, three more languages than her average Republican colleague. But...

Below an exterior that says, welcome to British Columbia, let me direct you to the nearest Tim Hortons, lurks someone much more sinister. Like the time Michelle Steele bragged during a 2014 local tea party meeting that she pulled her younger daughter out of UC Santa Cruz because she was starting to support gay marriage and express interest in voting for Barack Obama. Right, because nothing makes a kid want to pledge lifelong allegiance to the Republican Party like their mom telling them that they have to or they'll turn gay. Right.

Also, she sent her to Loyola Marymount University, a Jesuit college. Jokes on you, Michelle. The Jesuits are a progressive order who love the gays. Ha ha ha.

Joke's on you. In 2017, while serving on the Orange County Board of Supervisors, Steele opposed funding for the county's Human Relations Commission, casting the only dissenting vote. Then, that same month, she voted to block the release of a report detailing an increase in hate crimes in her district with Black and LGBTQ residents, making up a considerable percentage of the victims. Even the Irvine police chief pushed for the report to be released. Do you know how much of a facet you have to be to get outflanked by the Irvine police?

Chief of police. It's the planned community, Irvine. But worst of all, Michelle Steele is California's leading opponent of abortion rights. As a congresswoman in 2021, Steele co-sponsored the Extreme Life at Conception Act, which would grant legal personhood to fertilize eggs. But after blowback from the Dobbs decision in 2022, Steele saw the writing on the wall and withdrew her name as co-sponsor shortly after reintroducing the bill in 2023. The bravery that these Republicans show.

When they face the slightest bit of adversity, sometimes it takes my breath away. Now, as of March 2024, Steele now describes herself as an ardent supporter of IVF, despite having many times introduced legislation that would have literally criminalized it. She wrote an op-ed in the Orange County Register titled Setting the Record Straight on What I Think About IVF, in which she spends most of the piece talking about taxes.

Yeah, so she's trying to cover her tracks on her terrible voting record, but can't even bring herself to stick the landing. You're not fooling anyone, Michelle. The people of Orange County deserve better, even if the white people there scare me on a deep spiritual level. LAUGHTER

Sure, the sunsets are gorgeous, but that's unfortunately right when I need to be out of there. I never get to see them. This is anecdotal evidence as far as I'm concerned. So if you want to make sure Michelle Steele and other conservative creeps exactly like her don't get into office, then head over to VoteSaveAmerica.com 2024 to save democracy. You guys know how to do that. This has been America's Least Winning.

My ride, too. That was the Week in News. Up next, make its way for Laurie Kilmartin. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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All right, please welcome to the stage a cis-woke grief slut, if I've ever met one. It's the hilarious Laurie Kelmartin, everybody. All right. I appreciate you being here, Laurie. I wanted to start things off kind of light, if that's okay. So abortion jokes. So that's kind of your jam, right? I do love an abortion joke. Yes. I got doxxed for telling one on MSNBC. Okay.

On MSNBC? Yes. I mean, it was, it was, it got spun around into right wing, like Stephen Crowder type of Facebook shows. And then, uh, I ended up on, uh, Sean Hannity's show. Uh, not myself. I was being talked about by him and Laura Trump. So, uh,

yeah, then I got, yeah. What they usually do. Cause I was docked on Fox too. Really? And, uh, yeah. And they, they do it on all the shows. Like they start in the morning. You may have even, they may have been doing it from the morning show and they do it all through the day. Ending with who's ever on. Oh, wow. I just heard about Sean, but yeah. Uh, as soon as it went up on like the little Facebook, YouTube shows, that's when somebody posted my address on Facebook. Can you share the joke? No,

No, but I'll tell you my address. Oh, okay. I know. We're going to get a doxing here. Let's have doxing. Okay. Did it affect your relationship with MSNBC at all? I never went back on their show because they posted the clip on this clip site called Mediaite. Have you heard of it? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. So they sort of put it out there and they...

They framed it as guest said she would abort a Republican fetus joyfully. And...

And, you know, not comedian or anything like that. They made me sound like I worked for the DNC and I was out there, you know, aborting Republicans. Look at this Planned Parenthood worker. Right. It's so disingenuous. Okay. So I'd also like to discuss the title of your special. Okay. Cis Woke Grief Slet. So did you just want to cover your basis? Yeah. Is there something else to that? Is there a method behind this, the madness? Well,

I guess I talked about like the trans stuff, but from a cis point of view, like we need trans women cause they know how much we're supposed to get paid. I didn't know that. Is that true? I didn't know there was a financial aspect to that. Wow. That's what trans woman stands for. Salary transparency woman. A lot of people don't know that. And maybe transaction. That's right. Yes. And,

And then Woke, I figured I would get called Woke at some point, so I just own it. And then Grief. Even Woke is even getting old for that group over there that hijacked it. It is. It's tiresome. Yeah, it's getting tiresome. So I got in there at the last second, hopefully. Good, good, good. Squash that shit. And then Grief is because my mom died of COVID, so I have a lot of jokes about that, of course. Do you really have jokes about it? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

That's amazing. My brother, I lost my brother during that period. No, I'm so sorry. Is that like a way, well, you know, I think a lot of people kind of went through this and some of you don't even know. I'm so surprised. I'm sorry for your mom. It takes a while to get the audience acclimated. I usually just say my mom died of COVID and people go, and I say, oh, some of you are gasping like my mom.

So that's how we start. It's kind of dark, actually. Yeah, it's pretty dark. Yeah. Oh, wow. Because I was choking her, of course, at the time. Well, she liked that. That's what she said. She liked that you were there. Okay, so the title reminded me of something I've been remembering recently. Can we discuss how easily...

the right can politicize words. Like it's a little too easy for them to do that. Is that something that you deal with in this also? Like it's too easy to hijack things or should we be careful about the language that we are using now from now on? I don't,

like when I'm doing standup, you know, you can always feel pullback on, on certain topics. It really just depends how you talk about it. Right. I did. I do perform when I'm like, I was masked. I was, I always feel like a nerd because I mask every place, but, um, I also bring an air purifier on stage. And so someone, and when I was in Michigan, I mentioned that it's from California and someone goes, yeah, we can talk. She had an air purifier. I'm like, yeah, it's the law. Um,

Newsome makes us bring him out there. That's good. He probably does. It probably is written somewhere. Do you wear a mask because you're, are you a germaphobe? That type of thing? Or is it just, you know, COVID might still be lurking around the corner somewhere. I mean,

I mean, my feeling is we were the first generation to find out, like we're the Guinea pigs. And I guess we'll know in 10 years how bad it was to get COVID five times or something. So I just don't want to be, I just want to stave it off as long as possible. I'm sure I'll get it at some point, but I haven't. I'll probably get that worm in the brain. Yeah.

I'm saving COVID for my wedding night. Oh, that's so, that makes sense. I'm romantic like that. You are romantic. That's very nice of you. You're so thoughtful. Yeah.

So what is a joke you would not do? Because you're doing abortion jokes. You're talking about your mom dying. Yeah. Is there a red line for you to go, uh-uh, that's crossing the line? No. I mean, I just like to try to get a laugh on stuff, you know? So it's not really, it's always just challenging to try to get a laugh on stuff. That's it.

I agree. Yeah. It's our job to be brave, right? I don't feel brave. I feel like a trickster. That's hilarious. I used to do this joke like something –

Oh, like my mom getting mad at me, telling me I'm a bad Catholic. And I would say, I'm a bad Catholic. Uh, I'd love to hear your theory on this mom, but I'm really late for an abortion. Got to scoot, which is, that's like a mid-level, but nineties in the nineties, that was like pretty, you know, that was on the edge in the nineties. And I remember telling it in Chattanooga and going, I,

I got him. Like, like I said it really quick and they went on to the next joke and they, I think they didn't realize, you know, what they had just laughed at. Cause it was more of like a timing laugh. And, uh, but it was still felt like a huge victory to me. It was like, you know, when you hear, when a siren goes by and then, Oh,

Yes, exactly. The sound is here. The thing is there. Yeah. Okay. So, Laurie, you told the Love It or Leave It producers that there's one subject you wanted to bro out with me about. Okay. And that is the British Royals. You're a big British Royals fan.

I'm obsessed with what's happening now. And no one in my life wants to hear about it or talk about it. Right. Okay. And it's upsetting. And mostly I type about it on Twitter or Reddit. So I haven't even had a conversation. So I'm so excited. Okay. I'm here for you. But I have to tell you, I make no distinction between the British Royals and the TV show The Crown. Okay.

They're the same thing as far as I'm concerned. You know, if I mix it up, that's not my fault. Okay. Do you have a favorite Queen Elizabeth of the three? I really love Claire Foy. Yeah, she was incredible. She was great. It really doesn't get better than that. But Olivia Colman, I mean, come on. I know. I know. It's hard to choose. They're all really good. But I think Claire Foy is my favorite. Yeah. Same here. The third one, I forget the third one. She was okay, but yeah. Right. Because we don't even say the name. Yeah. Right. And we won't. Right.

If they tell us, we won't say it. But I believe Claire Foy really was Queen Elizabeth. Oh, you do? That's where we differ. Oh, I see. Yeah. She's the queen as far as... This is what I'm saying. She's the queen as far as I'm concerned. We're going to ask you about both in a segment we're calling The Crown vs. The Crown. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Whoa, whoa. I'm very scared. Oh, wait. Oh, my goodness. Guys, that is very scary. Okay, the real crown. Harry and Meghan recently went to Nigeria, and Prince Charles is now reportedly attempting to ban them from making international visits to Commonwealth countries. Apparently, they're making the royals look boring, old, and lazy, which they are. But can they even do that? No, they can't do it. They just...

She's an American. King Charles can't stop an American woman and her husband from traveling. She was made a princess in Nigeria. Did you know that? She has a second title. I did not know that. They really humiliated the royals because they were just out there mingling with people. It didn't look awkward. Whenever the white royals are out in any sort of African country, it's like, oh my God, it's so embarrassing. Yes. Yeah.

They're there in like full three-piece suits and stuff like that. And it's awful. It's like Elaine from Seinfeld. Yes. Meghan and Harry are so natural, you know, and it just shows that they felt really comfortable. And so they really are making the current British royals look really bad. Now, the British media recently reported that Harry and Meghan's Arch Royal Foundation charity was financially delinquent with the state of California, creating such a stir that Governor Gavin Newsom had to come out and say, I just want folks to know

Not only are they in compliance, it was a technical paperwork issue that was widely overhyped. Will the Royal Royals ever let these two rest? No, I don't think so. I think they're obsessed. I think William is supposed to be the chief. I mean, he's number one. He's going to be king. And Harry is just so much more charismatic and popular and likable and funny and normal. And he can't bear it.

It's like a, it's a dumb, it's a dumb family with dumb titles, but, but it's also like every family. I mean, and why Charles wouldn't meet with Harry. He has cancer. Like, what are you doing? It is all these weird dynamics happen in a lot of families and to see it like writ large, I guess, um, with people who should know better or who should have advisors going, this makes you look better.

really petty and Prince Charles can't catch a fucking break like his his mother lived for fucking ever right that's right so then he gets cancer oh Prince Charles oh wait someone else has cancer too what the serious fuck

A younger, hotter person has cancer. I mean, come on. He's in a what the serious fuck moment. It's not fair. Okay. So let's be real for a moment. Is it okay if I'm not real high on Harry and Meghan as celebrities? They just kind of bug me sometimes. It's not okay. No. I don't want to know their every move. I don't want to know their every move. You don't. No. No. How come? It's too much. What do you mean it's too much? Well, first of all, they were not in the series.

That's right. I forgot. They kind of half exist to me. I just don't completely accept them as people and characters. I get it. Yeah, I just have a problem with that. So, okay, this is terrible. Prince William's rumored side piece, Rose Hanbury, was spotted at some horse show talking to Prince Charles' former side piece, now queen, Camilla. She playing those cards, right? Is this a scandal or what?

What do you make of this? I mean, there's several theories and many rabbit holes you can go down. But Rose also showed up wearing to a service that Charles and Camilla are at, wearing a very peculiar hat that has also only been seen on Kate Middleton. And she kind of keeps wearing things that Kate used to wear. Like single white female type of thing. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

And the theory is the British media are soft launching Rose Hanbury as the next Camilla because for reasons debatable, Kate might be out of the picture. But I mean, he would be the most hated royal ever if William did this, right? Well, his dad is so, I mean, it's like, that's what they do. And it, it worked. He's King and he has a really cool portrait. Yeah.

Daddy is proof of concept. Yes. Yeah. And, you know, Kate isn't as beloved as Diana was. So it's almost like if he were to dump Kate and move on to Rose, it's a little bit better.

Oh my God. Yeah. These are the things I deal with every day on Reddit and you, you mock it and say, Oh, they're not in the crown. No, I'm not mocking it. We need season six is what I'm saying. For sure. We desperately do. Is there any other Royal news that, that I'm missing or we're missing real Royal news? Well,

Well, Rose Hanbury's husband is probably gay. He has a giant house that he lives in in France with a guy who duped the L'Oreal heiress out of millions of dollars. And his name is Rock Savage. And that is not a straight last name.

So the theory is that he needed heirs because he's the Marquess of Chambly. I guess that's how it's pronounced. He needed heirs. And so she was the womb that produced a couple heirs. But because he has his side piece in France, she can like this. This is British people. This is the way they are. And so she can dally with William. I'm going to have to give him a little credit now, I think.

I mean, the bones, you know, to get away with this type of thing. Yeah. It really is amazing. Okay. Now let's go to the other crown. Okay. Okay. Do you ever struggle to tell the actors on The Crown apart because they're also incredibly pale and British? I have learned to. No, I'm good with white people. I can tell white people apart. Right. I've worked with white people for years and I still, I grapple with this one. I understand. I understand. Yeah.

um how has dame maggie smith never been on this show like how is she not a royal that's a huge loss i mean she could have been a queen mother she could have been yeah even further back queen victoria queen victoria yeah i agree um were you mad that all the media outlets spoiled the queen's death before it aired oh sorry spoiler alert i mean the queen is dead though everybody knows that um

Did you... I loved the day the Queen died. That was...

I don't know if I loved it. In terms of just like tweeting jokes, it was one of the best days of my life. And I actually got blocked by the British Royal Family on Twitter. Really? Yes. Oh, my God. I'm not allowed to read their tweets. That's hilarious. Yeah, I have to have a separate account, a burner account. I think I did that when Desmond Tutu died. I think I did the same. It was a glory save tweet. I was tutuing jokes all day long.

It is crazy. He had it coming. Come on, let's be honest. Next time, stay alive. What? What did I say? Okay. And as a follow-up, does that seem like an accurate portrayal of the Royals to you, the crown? I thought the first two seasons with Claire Foy were great. Those were fantastic. I thought the season, the show in Aberfan in Wales when the coal... Oh, yeah, yeah. That was a tough time. Yeah, that killed a lot of kids. I don't know why I'm just very dark. I'm a mom-off.

Fuck you. Go get your own dinner. Yeah. And then towards the end when they had Diana like visiting Charles as a ghost and like, ah, you're okay. It's like, no, I don't think that happened. And then they sneaked in that bonus queen.

Remember the bonus queen? Oh, right. Yes, they had two queens. And then they had Dominic West, who's incredibly hot, play Prince Charles, which, again, a fantasy. It seems like somebody got to the writer. Yeah. Somebody from the family got to the writer. I feel like you're right. I think that is. Because Prince Charles was very flattering in the series, I thought. Yes. Charming. And not at all like that blood red man we just saw. Not pedophile like at all. Like the family. Yeah.

Thank you, Lori. Really appreciate it. This kind of dark shit I could talk about all night. I can tell you guys. But you can stream SysVogue Grief Select now and visit LoriKillMartin.com for tickets to her tour. Lori Kill Martin, everybody. When we're back, how strong is love? Really? All right, my next guests are two stars of stage and screen that have always made me say, oh, they're in this? I love them. Please welcome to the stage Lily Raybin, Hamish Linklater. Thank you.

Great to see you guys. Should we be closer? Should we keep this pillow between us?

Split the dip. Do you guys, because you guys work together a lot, do you try to find where you can spend time apart? That's why we come on a show like this. Right. For distance. Yes. We feel differently about that. Hamish will find sort of spots. Like the other day, to get away from all of us in the house, he was like inside the pool fence. Like he brought a chair from inside. Right. Outside to inside of the pool fence. Right.

and was just sitting there reading a book. Nice. Very nice. You've got to get away. It's a glass pool fence. I was kind of hiding in plain sight. It wasn't hard to see. But it's also acoustically, it's wonderful. You can't hear, like when Lily is like, I can see you. Like I couldn't hear that

That I have been found. It's also a visual representation of don't touch me. Don't come near me. That's pretty nice. How many kids do you have right now? You have the one kid? Four. Oh, you have four kids. That's right. My stepdaughter and then we have three little ones. So it's you two, you're working together and now you have the kids and everything. Have you ever thought of putting the kids in the work with you and just never leaving any of each other's sight at all ever? No.

We bring them. They've been like, I've been pregnant working a lot or like breastfeeding working a lot. But yeah, not in the. I grew up in a theater company and my mom used to, they used to put me in the plays so that they could save on babysitting.

Because they would be like, oh, now we know where he is. He's the changeling child over there in all the body paint. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. It was useful. That's how Buster Keaton actually started. They just threw him on stage. He was actually kind of a prop for his parents. This is true. They would throw him across the stage and, you know, he would like bump in the scenery and that kind of stuff. And it was a comedy act. That's how he started. Well, that's useful. There's an idea for you. Yeah.

You guys also, you directed a film together and you acted in it. It's called Downtown Owl.

And is it out now? Can people see it? Yeah, you can go. You can buy it. You can rent it on Amazon, on Apple, and it's there for you. If you're on a Delta flight, it's right in front of you. And we actually kind of highly recommend that because watching our movie at altitude with a Chardonnay, it's going to go down nice. Have you been up?

Have you been on the plane when it's been showing? We haven't, but I've been getting a lot of, I know where all my friends are. Right. Because they're like, wow, you know, they're telling, they're sending me the flight pictures. I know you got to get people to fly Delta now so they can see the movie, right? It's kind of the new way of box office, right? Because you have to fly to see a fucking movie now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's great. So tell us about the movie. What is the movie about? And I want to know how it came about. Because you guys made this together. That's a big kind of decision to do that together, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one advises a couple to do this. Right. You know it would be really good for your relationship. Right.

no couples therapist has said ever direct a movie together, guys go. But no, this was a, it's a Chuck Klosterman novel that Lily did the audio book for a number of years ago, fell in love with the, with the story, fell in love with the character. And yeah, at first I just wanted to play the part. And I, at that point I just asked my agent, then agent, like how to get the rights for something that weren't available. And,

But I reached out to Chuck and I said why I loved it. And then a couple of years later, there was an email in my inbox saying, hey, it's Chuck. I've been following your career and I think you're the person to play the part. And now the rights are available and I'll sell it to you for a dollar if you want it. So if you've moved on, I get it. Have a nice life. And so it felt like this opportunity, like, OK, walk through that, you know, try and walk through this.

door. And then many years later, we did. How do you keep enthusiasm for something like that? Because you told me it was like 15 years ago or it was a while ago. I think from the initial reading of the audio book. Right. Not since I had the rights. But yeah. But still, it was...

double digits for sure feels like Hollywood's kind of in a holding pattern right now like feels like movies aren't going to be made anymore do you guys feel that way sometimes like this was our last shot at it it may as well be like this how do you feel about that it's just we're in a weird position I think they're I actually think they're going to start making a lot of I don't know I'm very optimistic about absolutely everything

And I do think that they're actually making a lot of movies now because I think there was that, you know, this sort of limited series craze bubble where we all made so much money for working for such a short time with even more famous people than ourselves. And then, you know, that's sort of like gone away and people figured out, you know what, these limited series, aren't they just miniseries? Yeah.

Didn't we used to call these mini-series? And that was sort of like an ugly stepchild of the industry. So that's sort of like gone away. And I think a lot of people are like, you know what's an affordable thing? It's just like 90 minutes of entertainment. Why don't we just make 90 minutes of entertainment with all these famous people who we used to put in those limited series? So I think the model...

I'm really optimistic. And then I hope that the limited series come back because those are fun too. I'm optimistic they will. It's like it's all going backwards. Do we really need sound? I feel like it's getting in the way. Speaking of limited series, I wanted to say your portrayal of Abraham Lincoln in Manhunt is unbelievable. Oh, thanks. I was a fan of the book. I've recommended that book to so many people. I've read it so many times.

It's really like a thriller, you know, because it really happened. But your performance of Lincoln, it's I've never seen a Lincoln quite like that. You know, he's kind of this emo Abe. Where did you start with that? You know, how did that? I know it's an odd thing to ask an actor, especially when you're playing an actual person.

Um, you know, uh, well, the, the, the, the show, it's about like the hunt for, um, John Wilkes Booth. And, uh, you just see Abraham Lincoln, like in, in flashbacks because to show why his friend, uh, Edwin Stanton was so passionate about not only catching his killer, but continuing Abe's, uh, legacy, uh, uh, with the 13th and very important 14th amendment. Um, and, uh,

But it's a breakneck thriller telling of this. And then you have these flashbacks with Abe. And Carl Franklin, the director of the first two, and Monica Bledsky who wrote it, they were just like, we need to see the husband and the father and the domestic guy that really –

was behind the politician. And so then you read like all this contemporaneous writing about what he sounded like, how he moved through a room. And you don't know if that was someone who liked him or hated or wanted to make fun of him. So, but you know,

it sort of made sense that he would have this kind of high voice and this kind of nasal voice because he's got to like fill the fields of Gettysburg. He's got to fill the National Mall. You know, he's got to fill these huge spaces. And like, I can't do it anymore. I also felt like watching that performance of Hamish's, because you're like, why did he have to go to the play? Why couldn't he just, there was so much, couldn't he have just stayed home? But something about Hamish,

I had such a penny drop moment of watching him play that part where I was like, oh, that guy couldn't stay home. He wanted to be in the world. He wanted to, he needed to get out of the house. He wanted to go see the play. And I don't know. I, I, I just so appreciated that. Yeah.

Yeah. Now, as a follow-up, Lily, how do you plan on portraying Abraham Lincoln? Because you really stay working, girl. What would be your approach to the role? It's a secret. Okay, Lillian Hamish, inspired by the breadth of your resumes, we wanted to pit you against one another in a segment we're calling the awkward ride home game. Okay? Okay.

That's right. It's basically the newlywed game, except you're not newlywed, so if we strike a nerve, well, let's just say it's going to be an awkward ride home. Hamish, I will quiz you about Lily's IMDB credits, and Lily, I will quiz you about Hamish's. So you both write the answers down on these whiteboards and read them aloud, since this is a podcast. And audience, we'll hold our breaths that you both pull this off, okay? Are you guys ready? Can we have some theme music? There we go. All right. Okay. Okay.

All right, Lily, we're going to start with questions about Hamish's career. Okay? So Hamish co-starred alongside Julie Louise Dreyfuss in a 2009 sitcom titled what? New Adventures of Oak is Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding. That's right. Oh, do we have a Ding, Ding, Ding? All right. You two love me. All right, this is another Lily. We're doing Lily's first and then we'll do you, Hamish, again. Okay, Hamish played what character in Mike Flanagan's excellent horror series Midnight Mass on Netflix?

And your answer is Father Flanders. That's the Simpsons version.

That was pretty bad. Father Paul Hill. Yes. Ooh. That's like Alex Trebek. Ooh, I'm sorry, Father Paul Hill. It's like, fuck you, Alex. I didn't know that. All right. In 2009, Hamish appeared in Twelfth Night for Shakespeare in the Park. Which of these actors was not one of his co-stars? A, Audra McDonald, B, Michael Imperioli, C, Anne Hathaway, D, Raul Esparza. Michael Imperioli. Correct. Correct.

Okay. How do you know how to spell that? I know how to spell. In 2011, both of you starred in the Broadway production of Seminar, a play which follows four writers taking a, you guessed it, seminar. Hamish portrayed the financially struggling author Martin. What was the name of the actor who was playing Martin when the show closed? And the answer is Justin Long. That is correct. Very good. Nice. Okay.

Couple more here. Like all New York performers, Hamish has appeared on Law & Order SVU. In the episode titled Midnight Vigil, Hamish plays a father just re-looking for his kidnapped son. What year did that episode come out? Hmm. Hmm. I'll give you a hint. It was not the 90s. Let's hope we got it right here. 1989. The answer is... I hope this is right. 2012. You started young. I was 13. I was 13.

Law and order didn't need to save on babysitting by putting me in the show. He's got a point. Lily, he's got a point there. I thought the question was, what was Taylor Swift's album? Okay, questions about Lily's career. In 2011, Lily was nominated for the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Play. What play was it for and what was the role? 2011.

That's a lot of writing for doubt. No, I'm just kidding. Merchant of Venice, Portia. Yes. Very good. Okay, Hamish. Lily played the titular character, a lonely teacher escorting her students to a drama competition alongside Timothee Chalamet in what 2016 film? Yeah, he got this. He got this. He's way ahead. Miss Stevens. Yes. Right? All right. All right.

Okay. Lily's like, his are easy. Lily appeared in this short film about a woman who goes to Comic-Con after suffering a miscarriage. What was that short called? It was about Star Wars. The answer is? Close, though. The Phantom Menace.

that is so bizarre um in 2008 lily appeared in a nip tuck episode called kyle ange in which lily's character and her husband engage in what after a car accident on their honeymoon what did they engage in after a car accident on their honeymoon you might be able to pull from real life who knows oh he's got something he doesn't have this right no way he's guessing

Deep Chats. You were close. Cannibalism. Yes, the phantom menace of Deep Chats is what cannibalism is. Speaking of horror, in the film Monster, Charlize Theron played an infamous female serial killer in American Horror Story Hotel. Lily played the ghost of that same serial killer. What is that famed murderer's name? Ooh, that's a tough one.

You're good if you know this. Aileen Wuornos. Is that it? Very good. All right. In an American Horror Story double feature, Lily played famed pilot Amelia Earhart. In the episode, Amelia Earhart's mysterious mid-flight disappearance is revealed to involve what? A, an alien abduction. B, time travel. C, an extraterrestrial pregnancy. Or D, all of the above. This is a Ryan Murphy we're talking about. D, motherfucker. D.

Yes. All the above, baby. All right. Well, thank you, Lillian Havish, for playing the game. Wait, who won? Did we have a winner? It was a tie. I guess it's going to be a nice ride home. And you guys can stream Downtown Owl right now. Coming up, Bradley Whitford fucks around. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way.

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All right, you guys, please welcome to the stage. You know, he's done everything from West Wing to Handmaid's Tale. He's my personal friend and yours, the legendary Mr. Bradley Whitford. Yes.

Thanks so much for being here. My pleasure. I love you. You know that. Love you right back. We've known each other forever. Years and years. Our kids went to school together, and I've been a fan of yours even before that. Very nice. Before that? Yeah, before that. Oh, God. Yeah. You've been acting a long time. You know, it's very weird. You start out, you feel like you're a young person beginning this thing, and then you're Wilford Brimley. Right.

But a distinguished Wolfram. I'm sitting in a puddle of was. I have a bright future behind me. You're in a puddle of was? I'm sitting in a puddle of was. So that was followed you in here. It followed me in. The puddle of my spent potential. But go ahead. Okay. All right. Speaking of puddles of was, of wases, how...

How are you feeling right now? Oh, we're good. You mean politically? Yes, exactly. We're great. Bradley is a political animal. I talked about politics. We're a great fuck event. How are you feeling, Bradley? How are you feeling? Are you nervous? Yes. How are you feeling? Yes. And I am, you know, if you look up in the dictionary, white privilege, you

The definition is my headshot. Like, I'm terrified. Right. No, I am, all joking aside, absolutely terrified. I hope that we remain terrified. It's important, right? Because it keeps us alert. People get out there. Yeah. I think some years ago we were not terrified. And something quite awful happened. Mm-hmm.

I'm very anxious about it. I've been terrified. You know, it's almost...

Trump has become the delivery system for this very dangerous form of white nationalism that I thought on The Handmaid's Tale, you know, Margaret Atwood, when she was writing the book, almost stopped a couple of times because she thought it was kind of an absurd premise. And it's actually happening. And I really hope that

that people understand what is at stake here and understand, you know, we need to fall in love. You talk about the Democrats. Yeah. And, you know, we need to fall in love.

And, you know, it's not Tinder. It's public transportation. Right. You're not going to fuck Joe Biden. Yeah, yeah. You don't need to fuck him. We'll do that later in the show. And the good news is he doesn't want you to, like the other guy. So I really do...

I really do hope that people understand what is at stake. Why do you think people don't get it, Bradley? Because I think people are...

kind of blasé about Biden right now. They don't understand he's running against Trump, I feel. You know, it's like West Wing Handmaid's Tale. It's like your career is pretty much what the choices are. It's like, why do they not, why are people apathetic? That's a better word. Why are they being so apathetic about this election? Is it because, should they just forget about that it's Biden and just look at it as this side and that side? And usually, normally I wouldn't say that, but is this an election where we should really just say that?

Look, I think the right has punched way above its weight on every issue that you and I care about because the right – this is going to sound a little pretentious – the right understands that politics is the way you create your moral vision. Right.

And their moral vision is basically a business agenda that is fueled by culture wars. We think that culture is the way you create your moral vision, but the West Wing won't help you if you have a preexisting condition, and Handmaid's Tale won't help you if you're a 13-year-old rape victim in Ohio right now. You have to work the levers of culture.

of the political system. And we take that for granted. We think that democracy is inevitable. We think that decency is inevitable and it's not. And I get frustrated with the left. We see the horror of what happened to George Floyd and we do the diagnosis, we'll show up and it's

absolutely necessary the diagnosis and we'll do the absolutely justified righteous indignation but then we don't we don't show up for state politics we don't show up for the treatment after we diagnose it and you have to Stacey Abrams the fuck out of that shit that's how they overturned Roe v. Wade

So, I'm always trying to use my bizarre, you know, I wore makeup and pretended to work in the White House, but use my position to go, like, get involved politically. Because for them, for us, politics is often a civic extracurricular. Mm-hmm.

For them, it's not. It's just a business agenda. The NRA doesn't need a shooting to put pressure on Congress. Right. So I just want people to get really involved. It's what the relationship to Trump is. Like when he's criticized or attacked from the left, it's usually about his personality or he said grab him by the pussy or it's these personal things which –

are actually more cultish than the people following him. The people following him want him to appoint conservative judges. Like, it's completely transactional. And because he did that, they're like, that's the guy. Like, they don't care. He's absolutely right when he says he could shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue. Absolutely. As long as he appoints the right judges. Because the right... They didn't want him. No. But he goes...

here's the federalist list of judges here's the tax cut i'll do the business agenda right they're like you know who cares meanwhile we're all like completely it's white nationalism is what the you're making that sound bad i know it's a bad thing it's christian that it's it's it's

It's a really insane time. Here we are, cracking wise while democracy dies. Right? Because we are conducting public discourse in the age of entertainment. Sure. And we got this guy...

You know, who is a TV character. Right. I find it totally bewildering because I've campaigned for people running for president and running for local offices and any sane politician is out there.

wanting to make sure they don't seem condescending. Right. The thing about America, when America votes for president, the most charismatic person usually wins. It's very rare that you don't. Kennedy beats Nixon, right? It was close, but more charismatic because of those debates. Um,

The only weird one, Nixon beats Humphrey, but does anybody remember Humphrey? Exactly my point. Reagan beats Carter. That's how shallow we are. We're really shallow. I like that guy. I want to have a beer with him. We're really shallow. From my weird point of view, you can...

I don't know, be bipartisan, ejaculate on an intern, you'll be forgiven. You can go to war based on false intelligence. You will be forgiven. The death penalty in politics is reserved for my shallow, deep fear. It's reserved for one thing, being bad on TV. It's unforgivable. Howard Dean screams, get the fuck out. That was so bizarre. Get the fuck out.

I know. What the fuck's wrong with you? Get the fuck out of here. Al Gore seems condescending. Hillary looks like she's thinking. It's so true. It's so true. And the problem is a car wreck is much more fun to watch than a car stopping at a stop sign. And Democrats think, oh, we'll get rewarded for governance. And, you know, no. No.

Trump beats Biden because of these issues? Is that what you're thinking? Like right now, I hate to bring this bad news, but I give Trump the edge right now. And I'll tell you what. I don't think it's going to happen. Here's why I think this. Because imagine...

Like if Barack Obama had lost to Romney in 2012, okay, and the people who supported Obama felt that the election was stolen. Whether they were right or wrong, let's say they felt that way. The energy, and Obama ran again in 2016. The energy that...

Would be incredible. Yes, of him, of the people coming to vote for him that time would be huge. And I think the people who are voting for Trump and think that it was stolen is much bigger than the people going, oh, it's Biden? All right, yeah, I guess we'll vote for that motherfucker. Yeah.

I'm serious, that's what it feels like to me. Prove me wrong, Ro. Prove me wrong. Yeah. I mean, I think one of the other problems, we may have talked about this before, but if you just use that stupid word brand...

The right always has an advantage because if you think about it, they have God for no reason, no fucking reason. That's true. They have the flag. Okay. Right. They have, we're good with money, which is really fucked up. But they have...

They have freedom. That's a good one. And they shouldn't, obviously, because they're trying to impose a Christian nationalism that has absolutely nothing to do with freedom. But there is an opportunity, I believe, on their overreach with the Dobbs decision that gives the Democrats, I think, an opportunity to –

lead with choice in a larger definition of Democrats being the party of freedom. Yeah, I agree. There you go.

It's so well said, Brett. You're so articulate about this. And because you're on the West Wing, is there an expectation when people meet you that you should run for office or you actually have been in office or that sort of thing? Yeah, it's very bizarre. I'm often, for different things over the years...

people will say like, you should run for office. And my standard answer is I have no desire or capacity to act that much. Right. Which, which is sort of my flip joke. But the sad thing is, again,

No, I do not want to run for office. But apparently the only thing that matters is being good on TV, which, by the way, I have no respect for. No. Because the words of one of my children, no offense, Dad, I've seen dogs be good in movies. Wow. Oh, my God. Only devastating because it's true. Yeah.

Yeah, they actually were very good. I will say this. You are very good at movies. Get Out is one of my favorites that he was in. So tell me, in 2024, would you still vote for Obama a third time if he were running? I know you said it in the movie. Oh, there we go. Oh, my God.

You know what's funny? It was a funny thing, like internet thing. I, as a joke, said in an interview, oh, I didn't even realize that was a joke. And then all over the internet, it was like, he didn't even realize it. There was a bit of an irony deficiency out there. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a terrible disease. That movie's so bizarre when you think about it. It does not start off how you think it's going to end, putting someone's brain in another body. Jordan said at one point, I was like, why did you cast me? And he said, I just thought it'd be funny to see Josh Leman take the top of someone's head off.

Very nice. Very nice. Okay. It is hard to convince people not, well, people that care about it and people who are scared like me, not to panic about this election. What do you think our best approach is for the next six months? And I know you're from Wisconsin too. Should we look at this more like a local election? I know you're really not a pundit, but do you have any...

Words of advice for what we can do as people who are really interested in trying to make a difference. Right, right, right. Maybe that's the way to do it. First of all, I am from Wisconsin and I've done a lot of stuff over the years, almost every election cycle for 25 years. Done stuff back in Wisconsin. The

The Wisconsin Democratic Party, which is run by a brilliant guy named Ben Wickler, has been incredibly successful. And it is not rocket science. It is a science.

year-round, not just election cycle, presence and communication with voters. I was going crazy the night we lost the House because I assumed we were going to lose the House by like 20 seats or something. And then we lost by what, 12, 13, something like that. And

And we lost it in California and in New York. In Wisconsin, there is – because they are so battle-tested, because it is a one-point state, they have an operation, a structure there that was able to nationalize a state Supreme Court case.

race putting choice out front. That's a miracle. And you need to have those sort of state structures in place. But I want every, I've seen in Wisconsin that just the drudgery, the simple chimp work of

the throwing spaghetti at the wall of communicating with voters, of volunteering to make phone calls, of writing postcards, of tracking as in Wisconsin they can when making sure that people have voted. That stuff really makes a difference. So get involved in any way you can and actually Pod Save America –

is a great vehicle to do it. There you go. Get out there. Pick a state. Bradley, I appreciate your candor, your thoughtfulness, of course, your vulnerability. My vulnerability? Yes, it's always all those things. You're very vulnerable. Thank you. So before you go, I kind of hinted at this a little earlier, but we wanted to play a classic love it or leave it game. Would you fuck this president? Right. Jesus Christ. Now, just to provide the context...

The show has previously played Would You Fuck This Ghost or Would You Fuck This Alien. These pretty much speak for themselves. Jesus Christ. We will take a gander at some presidents, real and fictional, and you'll weigh in on whether you would fuck them or not. What is happening? No, no, no.

Bradley, we're not using fuck in the literal sense, okay? Okay. But rather as a way to describe your gut reaction to this entire, this person's entire vibe. So it's not a sex, their body? No, no, no. If you want to fuck them literally, that's fine with us, you know?

No one is stopping you. Well, they might stop you, but we're not. We're not stopping you. I mean, maybe a grave might stop you. Also, if you don't like this game, blame Lovett. Can I just say something about John Lovett? Yes. I have this really bizarre, and I don't want to fuck John Lovett.

But I have this incredible kind of insecurity about John Lovett because I think he just thinks I'm an idiot. And I don't know why I think he thinks that. But I've met like John Faber. I think it's because I listened to Pod Save America and –

I just find John Lovett incredibly funny. I love the way his mind works. Again, I don't want to fuck him. Let me make that clear. Right. But whenever he refers, like, he just refers to West Wing like with utter disdain. And

And I think, like, I'm... Well, he worked in the actual West Wing. Yeah, I get it. But, you know, and I get it. Like, the show, we were, you know, pretending it was fake and everything. You're an actor. That was your job. Yeah, I was just pretending. Exactly. Thank you. So why do I have this insecurity about John Lovett? Maybe I'm just trying to avoid which president I want to fuck.

Exactly. Which brings us back to would you fuck this president? God, this is the most disturbing visual. You brought this back beautifully. Okay. All right. Let's go to the first one. That's Mount Rushmore in drag. Okay. Are you ready? You ready? Yes. No. Let's see the first one. No. Young Joseph Robinette Biden. Nice guy, but no. You wouldn't fuck him? No.

No. He's a little fetching right there. He looks sweet. I'd like to... I don't want to be inside him. I just want to hold him. You would cuddle? I would cuddle. You would cuddle. Okay. No fucking, but you would cuddle. Yeah. I would spoon him. All right. Young Jimmy Carter. Oh. Oh. Oh. You kind of reacted like, oh. Are you sure that's not Rosalyn?

Wow. There's something dewy and vulnerable about it. I think Jimmy Carter could get it. Look at those lips. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, he's not kidding around. Well, still no, but I'm getting closer. No, on young Jimmy Carter? Really? It's the uniform. Oh, okay. You put a turtle in epaulettes and I'll fuck it. Yeah.

You don't want him staring at you like that, too. That's a little too intense. Yeah, I feel like he's looking right through me. President Fitz Grant in Scandal, played by Tony Goldwyn, pictured here with Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope. Would you fuck that president? Is she gonna come? That's a question you may want to ask him. laughter laughter

I don't know. You make up the scenario. Only if she's there. Okay, only if she's there. Okay. President Ulysses S. Grant. You know, I don't know, rough trade. You may be a little... Yeah, that's like a... A grant of Finland there, I think is what that is. 5 a.m. on like one of those bars way downtown. You just say faggot. Like, yeah, yeah. He's wearing just backless chaps under that.

By the way, let me point out, it is wartime. It is kind of hot. Choices are slim. Choices are slim. Just send me to the front. There you go. A little double entendre there. Very nice. You take up the rear. Maybe a triple entendre. All right. President Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Simpsons movie. Shoot my cannon. What is this? Now, this is an animated character.

Is that Trump in the background? Oh, fuck. Simpsons does get everything right. Damn. Okay, President Arnie. It would be the animated version of you having sex with him. Oh, the animated version? That's fine. I love Arnold Schwarzenegger. I think he's really funny. President Barack Obama. He's winking at you, too. He's winking. That's really pretty. Okay.

No? No. It's too close? Yeah, it's too hot for me. He was president too soon. Not enough time has passed. Yeah, yeah. Tragedy plus time equal fucking, right? Or comedy, one of those things. Sorry, I have no idea what I'm talking about. But no on Obama? I'd like to walk hand in hand with him on a beach.

Okay, finally, finally, Jed Bartlett from the West Wing, brought to life by the incomparable Martin Sheen. That's your boy. What is this, like a Greek play? No. No. This is Lovett's game. It's not my game. It's Lovett's game. I don't want his approval anymore. Sorry.

So you're saying no to both him and Lovett? Yes. No. No, no, in the name of God, no. No. By the way, by the way, Hamish played Lincoln. You know what I just found out? Because I'm doing this thing about, going to do this thing about James Garfield's assassination. Todd Lincoln, Lincoln's kid, was standing next to James Garfield when he was shot. Yeah.

And then was standing next to McKinley when he was shot. So don't fly with the Lincolns. He's the cooler, it seems like. So would you fuck Garfield? I don't have his picture, but you brought him up. No. I would not fuck any president. Okay. No matter how much you push it.

For whatever reason. Okay. Leave it. Leave it. Not love it. Leave it. Leave the bitch. It is not my game. I just wanted to clear about that. Okay. This is what you say. We'll believe you. All right. Thanks, Bradley. Okay. Stay right here on stage. Okay. When we're back, we're going to make love it or leave it great again. Okay. We'll be right back.

Okay, please welcome Laurie Hamish and Lily back to the stage for our final segment. You guys, give them a round of applause. Why couldn't Lily and I have played Would You Fuck This President? Thank you. There you go. It would have been more appropriate. But you know what? It was cringy in a nice, fun sort of way. It was, but I would have been a yes all the way through.

Or you could have said, would you abort this president's child? Also, yes. The only Republicans I keep with me. Okay, this week at Trump's hush money trial, prosecutors submitted quotes from Trump's own books. They say, prove the Trump organization knew the company was falsifying financial documents. So none of us are strangers to Trump quotes. So to close out the evening, let's play a little game we're calling From Fraud's Lips.

Okay. These mock-ups you guys have of me. I would fuck that shit. Wait, the dummy or me? I'm going to have nightmares about these images. Okay. Here's how it's going to go, guys. I will assign you a classic Trump quote and the wheel of characters will assign you a character to deliver that Trump quote. I think that speaks for itself, right? Everybody in? Everybody's confused.

Okay. Where's our... Oh, there's our number. Okay, who's first? Who's first? Lily's going to go first, right? Yay. All right. Yay. There she is. Eileen Wuornos is that person, right? Oh, God. Okay. So do you have your quote? I do. Okay, here's the quote. At first, we have Trump explaining in May 2020 that he tested negative for COVID. Okay? Okay.

So that's what the quote is, right? Yeah. Take it away. Go for it. I tested positively toward negative, right? So, so no. I tested perfectly this morning, meaning I tested negative. That's a way of saying it. Positively toward the negative.

Very good. Now I understand the game. Now I understand the game. Okay. All right. Let's spin it again. And it's Hamish. Hamish, it's your turn. Let's see what Hamish gets. He's going to get...

Uh-oh. Did he get... Oh, of course, he got Lincoln. Okay. Now, this is a tweet from Donald Trump dating from January 2018, which, if you recall, was during his presidency. Okay. Go for it. North Korean leader Kim Jong-un just stated that the nuclear button is on his desk at all times. Well...

Will someone from his depleted and food-starved regime please inform him that I, too, have a nuclear button? But it is a much bigger and more powerful one than his. And my button works. Abraham Lincoln, everybody! Oh, my gosh!

I'm... Lincoln would have been a badass bottom president. Fuck. Okay, Laurie. Spin the wheel. All right. Let's see what Laurie gets.

Oh, yeah. Oh, is that Camilla? Thank God. That is Camilla. Okay. Okay. First of all, mine is really long. And this is an excerpt from Trump's CPAC speech. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And I don't do accents. And I'm on a show with award-winning actors. And I'm an Emmy-losing writer. So here we go. Remember this. I've been indicted more.

Mr. President, do you know who that is? Even the president just said I do. Scarface, Al Capone. If he had dinner with you and you didn't like the smile in your face, he thought you were mocking him by smiling. You'd be dead by the time you got home and said hello to your wife. Alphonse Capone. I got indicted four times by this gang of thugs.

Very good. That's Camilla, the Queen concert. I want to be your tampon. Oh my God. If only I still use them. The show's officially gone off the rails. All right. Okay, Bradley, it's your turn. It's your turn. Let's hear Bradley Gibson spin the wheel. Spin the wheel.

Okay, who is he? That's hilarious. Okay, this is not Bradley. This is not Bradley. This is the white guy from Get Out. That's who it is. It looks like Bradley, though. But he just talked like me. Well, but with a little more fanage. I had to... Can I do Bill Clinton? Oh, yeah, you do Bill Clinton. I like that. Okay, go for it.

Okay, and by the way, this quote, it's Donald Trump comparing gay marriage to golf in the New York Times, okay? And while you might hear it and think this has to be from the 90s, no, this is a quote from May 2011, okay? Everything's a little dirty with Bill. It's like in golf. A lot of people, I don't want this to sound trivial, but a lot of people are switching to these things.

These really long putters. It's very unattractive. It's weird. You see these great players with these really long putters. It's not Bill Clinton. Because they can't sink three-foot putts anymore. And I hate it. I'm a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay. Yeah.

But I'm a traditionalist. I don't know what the fuck. He is a genius. Bill Clinton, everybody! Okay. Oh, I guess it's my turn. Who could it be? Oh, great. MLK. I won't get in trouble for this at all. Okay.

Okay, I've got a few shorter quotes here, but, you know, they're all too good to cut, you guys. So we're going to do all three. Okay, the first one is Donald Trump tweeting on New Year's Eve 2016. I'm MLK, right? Happy New Year to y'all, including to my many enemies, those who fought me and lost so badly they just don't know what to do. Love! There you go. That's the first one. Next, thank you very much. Next, we have Trump tweeting this on May 24th, 2015. Okay.

I would like to wish everyone, including all haters and losers, of which sadly there are many, a truly happy and enjoyable Memorial Day. There you go. And finally, from Tony Trova, stand-alone Trump tweet to beat all Trump tweets. This is an actual tweet. Never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke. That's it. Thank you very much.

And that is our segment, you guys. And now because we all need it, here it is, the high note. Hi, Lovett. My name is Louisa and I have two high notes to share with you this week. The first of them is my partner is originally from Venezuela and he immigrated as a child. He never got too into politics and I just helped him register to vote for the first time ever. And I'm so sorry, but my second high note is a little bittersweet.

I am originally from the south of Brazil and we are going through the worst environmental catastrophe of our history. The high note is that despite being a state run by extremely corrupt right-wing politicians who are leaving the population to fend for themselves, the people are really coming together and helping each other. I live in Boston and the most effective way I could find to help

was to collect donations from outside of the country and send them directly to smaller organizations and to the people who are working in the front lines to rescue other civilians. And the international media is not talking about this enough. There are over 850,000 people affected by the heavy rains and flooding, and the forecast is showing more rain. We really need all the help we can get. Thank you so much for all you do, and have a good week.

Hi, John Lovett. I love your show. The high note for me this week is that my partner and I are starting a queer farm in rural Tennessee, which, as you know, is a wild mother effing place. And it's called Fruity Farm TN. And you can follow us on Instagram. And you should. Bye.

Thanks to everyone who sent in a high note tonight. And if you want to send us a message about something that gave you hope, send a voice memo to lolihighnotes at gmail.com. That's lolihighnotes at gmail.com. Or if you're a Friends of the Pod subscriber, you have the exclusive ability to leave us your high notes without the hassle of a call or email.

Simply head on over to the Friends of the Pod Discord server and post a comment or voice memo in the hashtag LoveItOrLeaveIt channel or the hashtag HighNotes channel for a chance to hear it featured here on the show. All right, that's our show for tonight. Thank you so much to Laurie Kilmartin, Lily Rabe, Hamish Linkletter, and Bradley Winford. Thanks to the LoveItOrLeaveIt audience. And if you like the show or just the sound of my voice, check out my podcast, Black on the Air, you guys.

By the way, there are 170 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Thanks, everybody.

Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Chris Lord is our producer. And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahana Del Shiki are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure.

Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each week so you can.

It's Love It or Leave It.

Hey, it's Lovett. Want to help fix democracy but don't know where to start? Want to make friends while making a difference? Have a ruthless competitive streak that you can't deny a moment longer but are not interested in pickleball? VSA has got you covered. Join Vote Save America's 2024 volunteer program and maximize your impact on the ground with opportunities catered to you and the causes you care about. They'll sort you onto a team, east or west, and you'll compete with like-minded volunteers to potentially win the biggest prize of all, the continuation of American democracy.

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