Is This Really The Art of Seduction? Ep 73 56:21

From the art of the deal to keeping it real. Live from the Simply Vegas studios, it's The Power Move with Jon Gafford. Back again, back again, back again for another episode of The Power Move.

where we share thoughts, guests, feelings, whatever it is to try to make you better. I'm your host. My name is John Gafford. To the left of me, riding shotgun, if you will, is the one, the only, Colt Amidon. What's going on, guys? Better known as? The Green Dot. The Green Dot. No, the Bulgarian Mongoose. Not the Green Dot. The Polo Assassin. You always go the Polo Assassin. And if he's riding shotgun, that means across the way, riding bitch.

Chris Connell. How are you, counselor? I'm riding my own bus. You're riding your own bus. Now you are. You're good. And I got to tell you what, today's show is going to be good because I feel like Colt has it. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Riding bitch is such a like...

Like, if you have a Rolls Royce. Is that a sexist thing to say? It's not going to be where you sit. You're going to be driven. Yeah, you got to be in the back. Like, who made sitting up front like a plebeian some position of honor? Okay, I think it really is just behind the motorcycle. It's on the guy on the back of the motorcycle. Yeah, the back of the motorcycle. Fine. But I'm saying if you're sitting in the back seat, that's like a power movement itself. Can you ride on the back of a motorcycle and be a man with another guy? No, no, no. Okay.

- If you have a bad ass girl and she's got like, you know, some crazy, if you're still Danica Patrick or something, yeah, I'd drive a shotgun. - No, I don't think so. - On a motorcycle. - I know. - Sure. - No, I'd be like, I'll follow you into my car. - Aren't you big spoon? Technically, if you're on a motorcycle, aren't you big spoon on the back? - No. - You ever been to Little Spoon? - No. - It sure sounds nice. - No, you'd tear like it. - Oh boy. Today on the Power Move, I felt like Colt has not been involved enough lately.

I feel like Colt has been in his own little world. So we're going to try to bring Colt out of his shell. So we have a couple things today. Sounds like communism, by the way. It does. Angry, but I've been angry the last month or so. Why are you angry, Colt? Just everything. People are the world, man. The world. We're a bunch of pansies now, man. I'm so tired of half the people I deal with. Well, I'm going to get you worked up for sure because today, Colt, his favorite book that we always talk about.

Robert Greene's 48 Laws of Power. Well, he wrote other books, you know, Colts. We're going to talk about another one today. So today, we're going to discuss the laws of seduction. Brown chicken, brown cow. One of his books that he wrote, Colt. I hope you've read this before. And I'm telling you. This is 2022. I hope we can read some of this stuff. And I'm telling you, we're going to bring it right out of you, Colt.

All the way in the aplomb. In the aplomb, yeah. No, just kidding. So, yeah, but we're going to talk about that book, The 48 Laws of Power. We're implementing a new segment this week.

where Colt will read the news once a week. And this is news that Colt found and he thought was important that we should know. Are you going to get it on a teleprompter for him so we can Ron Bergen do it once in a while? I think we should. I'm Colt and Ron Bergen. He'll read anything that's on there? Yeah, I agree. Oh, fuck yourself. I agree. He will. But no, I think the 48 laws, I'm sorry, not 48 laws of power, but the rules of seduction are,

is what we're going to go over today and and it's not just about this is not if you're listening to this and you're like sweet just what i always wanted three middle-aged white dudes you're gonna tell me how to pick married middle-aged white dudes you're gonna tell me how to pick up chicks that's not really what this is about we could we could we could make that decent we've done well but that's not really what this is about it's it's a book about seduction can be

About getting what you want from others regardless and it doesn't always have to be a little roll in the hay It can be buy my stuff. It can be you know, let me just get a one-up on ya. Give me some time Yeah, give me some time to me. Whatever it might be. It can be any of those things and so today I

we're going to kind of go over some key insights from that book are you excited colt are you excited for us today because i keep wanting to go over the power again but i know he wants to i know this is a new one i don't know if power and seduction is going to be uh the

The best blended thing, but we'll figure it out. I would say every week could be your power. You could go over that book every week and say podcast. I love it. What are we going to talk about today, Colt? The same thing we talked about last week. Bring a new pair of pants every Tuesday. I'm going to wake up and just draw a card out of him.

That's my bed and that's gonna be one of them. So here's what we're gonna do today with the artist seduction We're gonna hit the key insights from the old insta read which I do love I'm not I don't I'm not endorsed by the answer II but people ask me all the time How do you read so many books and the answer is very simple? I go to the insta read I give it the 15 to 20 minutes to read and if I like it and I like the vibe of it I will then invest my time and energy into the entire book in the audio book. No. Yeah, sometimes out of book

But I do prefer cover to cover other audiobook. Yeah, you know what? I used to read a book a week, a paper book a week. Yeah? Just destroyed books. But how many Encyclopedia Brown novels? I mean, how many mysteries can that guy solve? Snoopy is a hell of a detective.

So, no, I used to read like a finest book every week. When you talk about biographies, we talk about things, about hedge funds, about J.P. Morgan, Goldman Sachs, all that stuff. I've read it all. I used to go to the business section of books and I would have nothing there to read. Which leads us to probably, I would say, the finest thing ever put on television is the miniseries The Men Who Built America. Oh, lovely. If you've never watched it, it's the finest thing.

If you are in any sort of business and you've never watched that, holy smokes. - About the Robert Barons, yes. - Dude, unbelievable. - History Channel, right? - I think you can probably find out. - The Carnegies, the Melons, the Vanderbilt. - Have you watched the-- - The Commodore, my friend. - Sex. - The Commodore, Cornelius. I got stock from old Vanderbilt. - I've seen that. - But anyway, no, what I was saying is, used to read all these books and then Audible came out. First off, I went to law school, so after about four years after going to law school, I couldn't read anymore 'cause all I do is I go to work and read.

So reading for pleasure is a problem. I'm getting back into it, thankfully. It's hard to do scratch and sniff on Audible. This man does not lie, people. This man never tells a lie. He's back, baby. I'm telling you. I just find Waldo so quick in the audio book. Where is he? Audio book is just a bunch of descriptions of the people around Waldo. But anyway, no, so with Audible, though, you can tear through a lot of really good stuff while you're driving. So I always make a point of having something like that going.

well let's get let's get right into the art of seduction he's got to read the news no no the news comes later see here's the problem if i let him read the news now then people just are gone right they hear him read the news they laugh they enjoy this and then now that's the end of it the teaser he hit that was the teaser sandwich you guys wear a car he's the closer i'm nothing contacts no i got the monovision

I think that it's bullshit that I pay so much for glasses. I'm getting ripped off my insurance. Should be free. Sounds like you should be free. Touting the benefits of a Canadian style. Just saying. I mean, for eyes. Love it or leave it. Hey, do you know what I did see? My son did watch Tornado Chasers from 2014. I'm sure it made one season, but they're from Regina. Psychos. Real lunatics. Yeah.

Yeah, it was an interesting town it looked like. That's a terrible town. Did you know that the Golden Knights have more Canadians than any hockey team in the NHL? I do know that. Did you know that? I didn't know that until yesterday.

Highly high high Canadian Prince. We love it here. Yeah, this is our it's like a second or catnip Just come down here and start licking and that's it and that's it. Well, let's get into this book All right This book has a lot of key insights to it But there's some stuff that I think we can all agree on and I went dig a little deeper which is simple the first one is

"Seducers must enhance their natural charisma "to make themselves as appealing to victims," quote unquote, "as possible." - Jesus, I just see the whole party started. - And yes, they used it as a victim. - I love this, and I 100% agree with that. - I think I'm gonna leave. I think you guys got this one. - I'm reading it for me. I'm reading it right from the book, but it says charisma exists on a spectrum. Charisma is that it factor that you can't quite put your finger on.

You can't explain. And a couple of things in there say there's certain things that are proven to increase charisma that you cannot control. For example, no, no, no. For example, what do you think? One of the number one things for charisma is that we are all, we all have in this room. We're all blessed with it. What do you think it is? Extroversion? No hair. Well, height, height,

Height. Height. Height. If you are tall. That's the types of charisma. I meant personality. No, no, but I'm saying just in general charisma. If you are tall, you are perceived as more charismatic. A tall boss is more respected than a short boss. Tall people make more money. Don't be mad, people. I don't make the rules here. I'm just reading them right off the sheet. The average CEO is what, 62, I think? Yeah. Height. Height is good. Height is good. The next thing is you can tweak simple body language that can change your charisma. And man, man.

Showed this one that when this came up I showed immediately to my son because that's the battle that I fight with him all the time Does he cross his arms shoulders back not yeah hunched over arms crossed. Yeah, like I brought that on right now Yeah, no, I mean there's a relaxed pose. Yeah, my daughter was in the car and I look over and I couldn't place him like what's wrong? Huh? Nothing like you look like something is really wrong. So God like your arms crossed you have this like bad body image right now you have this bad body language and

And she's like, "No, I'm comfortable here." I'm like, "Well, don't do it." Just don't, I promise you. Don't get comfortable just sitting back and being open. 'Cause if you're doing this, you're more open to the world. - We went so far as to buy a little thing that literally you stick it on you. It's a little tag, if you will, that vibrates. - Electrified. - No, it vibrates. And we stick it on Hayden in the middle of his back when he's at home.

And if he gets in an angle too far over, it buzzes to remind him to sit up. Yeah, it's good. My mom would walk by and do this. Yeah, because I'm like, buddy, you got to do that. And how you present yourself to the world, the world will receive you and the world will react to that. So if you're somebody that, and I tell them too, you got to take up some space, buddy. You got to, like when you sit, you can't just sit.

be meek you got to take up a little room man spread man spread my friend your balls on somebody else's legs you got to do it you got you got a man spread yourself out and that makes a lot of sense now this one i thought was interesting and i think this is going to be a challenge for people because you know what else is a high quotient to charisma if you will is attentiveness and i think with all the the beep bop boops that we all have these days going in every direction

Paying attention to anything is hard. So if you want to come off more charismatic, the more you can single in on somebody and really just zone in on them and ignore everything else, it will help your charisma as you go along. I was told by a woman a long time ago, I was like, why are girls into this guy? It was like a thing. This guy was just, just kill it. Not prototypically attractive, not tall. We all have that friend. We have that friend. Just kills it. And I asked him, what about this guy here?

and the answer blew me away because i really wasn't expecting it yeah so when he talks to you it's like you're the only person alive in the world yep but think about any think of all the really successful people i'm not saying people that oh make a little bit good money the people that are super successful they do they make you feel like you're the greatest person the person in the room ever yep i love that like you're the only guy which is awesome so if you are someone that is wanting to seduce

- Victims. - But here's the thing, again, start pulling the thumb instead of pointing the finger. Look in the mirror first. See how you presented the world. There's a theory out there, and I don't know if we talked about it before, but it's about lobsters. And lobsters,

based on their physiology of how they present to the other lobsters will become either, you know, fight or flight. They'll become either the king lobster or they'll become the weak lobster. And what happens is as they present themselves weaker,

And then the other lobsters start to attack them because of their physiology. It changes their actual physicality. They actually become weaker in real life because they spend so much time in a state of fight or flight that it weakens their immune systems. It weakens everything about them.

So what starts with simple physiology turns out affecting, really affecting them. I think that's a human being too though. Yeah. I think that's humans. You can sit there and watch people and like, wow, that guy was a shit, you know, back in the day. And he has a couple of wrong moves or can't get up and they're eating alive after. People, if you think you're sick all the time, you're going to get sick. It's psychosomatic. Yeah.

somatoform illnesses, psychosomatic responses. What you believe you are, you will become. You know what? I forgot. I'm going to segue for a minute because I forgot to tell you something that I thought. I was in a...

Went to my mastermind a new mastermind this weekend, which was phenomenal by the way It's the boardroom mastermind we can't close the a and it's the people that were in that room were phenomenal I mean there were some people in there with three cut with three commas, you know I'm saying there were some serious hitters there and at one point somebody was talking about People's need to belong and they brought up one of your favorite concepts, which is the the man's concept of tribe What is it?

You talk about people's need to be tribal and need to be part of a tribe. Dunbar's number? Dunbar's number, yes. And somebody from Crossroom goes, well, there's Dunbar's number, which is a concept. And I'm like, did fucking Connell roll in here? So you should have thrown it out first. That would have been a power move. I don't own wisdom. I would just spew it. It would have been a power move to get that on there, but there was. But let's go to insight number two. Ready? A seducer should cultivate a mysterious persona.

Totally agree with that. Yeah. Totally agree with that. Did you guys ever see like the pickup artist show on VH1, which was so magical? Yes, Mystery, that guy. What's even better is if you ever read Neil Strauss' book, The Game, where he went and hung out with that guy for like a while. And what a complete nutbag he was. Courtney Love. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. What a complete... I don't know what you guys are talking about. Neil Strauss, he's the guy who wrote The Dirt. He wrote all these... Yeah, I've heard of him. Rolling Stone. I think Rolling Stone wrote all these books. And then he found out about this guy, Mystery, who's a pickup artist. One of the guys who... And it was like he was writing a book about the secret of pickup artists. And so he, Neil Strauss...

Started doing it himself. Yeah went to like style name style styles style Spike you did a sir. Yeah, and anyway, but these guys are like, you know, there was a show on vh1 where they would take guys that were Less than hip. Yeah, you know probably never had a girl for their whole life and they would turn him into pickup artists and anyway a big part of what he said was to create a Mysterious persona ie his name was mystery, but that's not really what this is talking

What this is talking about is not walk into a room and be like, Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. No, not that. No. What it means is never really let people know your intentions or why you are doing something. Never explain yourself. And there's an example that they use in this paragraph. It says, seduction thrives on inscrutability and instability. Seducers should try to seem mysterious even if...

and even a little emotionally volatile to keep the victim guessing. A good seducer can maintain the advantage by staying a step ahead of two of the victim at all times. Gaslight. Being mysterious might not be as difficult as it sounds, as people often seem inscrutable to others without even trying.

According to psychologists, a lot of misunderstandings are rooted in a phenomenon called the transparency illusion. Here we go. Which is when someone naturally assumes that whatever they are thinking is

is immediately obvious to other people. For example, without ever saying anything out loud, Tiffany might automatically assume that Jason knows she's in a bad mood because she's tired. She feels as though her tiredness is simply obvious to everyone, which is transparency illusion at work. Meanwhile, Jason has no idea how tired Tiffany is. After all, she never mentioned it.

So he just assumes that she's angry with him in terms of seduction. This under understanding inadvertently serves Tiffany. Well, as Jason will feel confused about what he's done to make her mad, which gives Tiffany the advantage cold. It's just seething to assist. It's such horseshit. Like that, but it's not horseshit. If you really, really think about it.

Tell me that's not the truth. Okay, but what that does is create breakdowns of communication. When you want to talk to psychologists, you want to talk about all these other things. We're not talking about a great marriage. We're talking about seducing somebody, Chris. Just victimizing somebody. Okay.

Okay, okay. Fair enough. You've never had, you've never been in a relationship with somebody where you walked in and they were like, whatever, and you immediately assumed, shit, they're mad at me. What did I do? So you start overcompensating, trying to make them not mad at you. That never happened? Well, I'd probably walk in, but you got to remember that I'd probably do the same thing. I'd be like, fuck you. I didn't do anything to you.

Yeah. Why are you mad at me? Like get over it. Yep. I like it. That's just, it's conflict. I'm not seductive. Well, yeah. I mean, that's, that's the point of volatility. You're being a mystery man. And then people put it, Oh, this guy must be this or that. Nothing. You wouldn't understand. But I think it's getting even to that, like perfect example. Last night, I went to, I went to a party last night and got stuck at a table with people I didn't know. And they all knew each other and kind of were like,

Didn't even look at us when we sat down. Like, cool, go fuck yourself, right? And I just sat there.

Pleasure to meet you guys. That's all I said. Did you ask them if they knew who you were? No. Do you guys know who I am? But I said nothing. So then a big person in town rolled by a table, hey Colt, hey vet, and walked off. We just sat there. After that, those guys are just like trying to figure you out because you're not over that, hey, I'm Colt, I'm this, I'm that, I'm that, you know, and trying to get into it. Era of mystery. Be mysterious. Yeah, era of mystery. Because here's the thing. Chaos is

is actually attractive. And if you've ever been around or dated girls that dance on poles, this is a case in point. There you go. I mean, they're just, I mean, the more chaotic it is, which is why, you know, a lot of times girls that make a lot of money that are sometimes beautiful, have a boyfriend that is, you know, at home playing Xbox, it's in a band and she's going to save him. Photographer. She's going to save him. Somebody posted, a friend of mine posted to these like,

He goes, the conundrum is this. He goes, if you're not with a crazy girl, she's probably very boring. And somebody posted a comment on there going, I think you just told on yourself. You know, there are other people, right? True though. Do you think? I mean, I get it. A little craziness keeps your life. But a lot of craziness, like we got a mutual friend, all of us. Yeah.

He dates too many craziness. Yeah, it's a prerequisite to date him. There's a checkbox. You said you're telling on yourself a little bit. You're attracted to something about it. Oh, yeah. Are they crazy? So are they crazy or are they just... Oh, no, these girls are certifiable.

I mean like it's such a guy thing to think of the way a woman does something is crazy But other women would be like that's totally okay Let's play where's the line? Let's say hypothetically Someone murdered their pet because they were mad at you trying to hurt you with as they hurled their pet at you in a fishbowl and the died and

100% crazy or not crazy. That's certifiable. That's a crazy thing to do. Choke yourself with your own shoelace and try to call the cops and say that you got choked by that person. Crazy or not. That's pretty fucking dangerous. Why the other person is on the phone with the police?

Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. That's a good sign of a very volatile person that needs a lot of help. Yeah, it is pretty crazy. Or just, or just some love. Just, just the right guy. Yeah. That's all I need. Just a little love. Thank goodness. Just, thank goodness. Just a little love. Some of those, those are true stories. Yeah, they are true stories. And by the way, just to help you out, if you are a friend of mine and

And you happen to date some girl that's somewhat unstable and you have a funny nickname about her instability and you tell me said nickname and you asked me not to call her that when she walks up. 45% chance it's coming out of my mouth. No, 45 or 100%. 100% it's coming out. It's coming out of my mouth. Fish tank. Anyway, moving on. Moving on.

Ah, key insight number three. People are naturally narcissistic. Robert Greene just speaks to your soul, I feel like, Colt. People are naturally narcissistic, so they're attracted to others who share similar sensibilities and interests. Oh, yeah. So I think that's pretty simple. You want people to like you, like what they like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think there's anything super complicated about this. Yeah, be interesting. But I don't think that most people are narcissistic. I think that people have...

traits that oh i disagree with that hair allow but no a true narcissist totally doesn't maybe not true yeah but i mean like uh every psychopath goes uh leaves their house in the morning it's like well so you have psychopathic tendencies we leave your house i'm saying there's self-preservation right everybody's going to be self-interested i don't think that's narcissistic

i see my definition in sales classes in sales classes all the time i ask people i go let me ask you a question who's your favorite person and people like oh my mom my best friend i'm like you're lying you're you are your own favorite person if you have a healthy self-esteem yeah oh that's true there's some there's a lot of bad self-esteem even if there's some self-loathing i still think that there's a little bit of a a little bit of that in people which is there i think people are very self-interested i don't think everybody likes themselves

No? No, I don't think a lot of people are as proud of themselves as they pretend to be. I love myself. My mom growing up would be like, oh, you're so secretive. You're this or that. I'm like...

I hope my kids turn out exactly like me. I leave them alone. Well, this says that in 2016 study, researchers compared the personalities of different kinds of pairs, including romantic partners and close friends, and found that people really are motivated to spend time with others who have similar attitudes and interests.

Indeed the phenomenon was so common that researchers think it's more than just a trend It's something closer to a default now. I think where this is a real problem. Yeah obvious It's obvious the echo chamber with politics. I'm saying that's a pretty obvious thing I like to be around people that are that like the things I like well no no no no but but again I think that it's more than that I think if you look at we've talked about echo chambers with political parties and people's political views

People like to be around other people that think the same way because it makes them feel like they're right. - Yeah, of course. - Speaking of which. - It's like having the yes man always around. - Speaking of which, if poking the bear was an Olympic sport, if it was an Olympic sport,

Chris Connell would be a gold medalist every year. Top five invited back every year. I was crying, crying at that text chain. I was absolutely, I was crying. No, there's nothing wrong with it, but I was just, I was crying because we have a big text chain. I'm not going to name names or tell you anything else, but we have a big text chain with...

a lot of people of varying views and some of those views tend to lean way out in a direction

one way or the other. - One way or the other. - And I just see it coming 'cause it's like watching a master fish for a marlin, if I will. It's like you bait the hook, you set it out there. - You gotta trigger it a little bit. - Just a little bit. And then when the time comes, you just set that hook. - Just sink it, yeah. - And you can just-- - And then you fight. - You're just feeling shit. - You're holding on for dear life. - Yeah, you're hanging on for dear life. - So I just get the popcorn ready every time I laugh.

So yeah, if you ever need someone to up to poke the bear Chris Connell is definitely your guy which probably what makes you a good I mean, it's sort of what we do right try to find out what it does Oh boy, I key insight number four seducers should subtly mimic targets behaviors and moods now I totally agree with this and if you are

in sales matching and mirroring. I mean, every sales book, every how to win friends and influence people will talk about matching and mirroring a hundred percent. And for those of you who are listening to this, who may have never heard that term, what it essentially means is it means literally acting like you are a mirror image to the people that you're, you're talking to. Um, when, when I, when I'm on the phone, go ahead. I was going to say, there's time you can meet like younger people and you're like, Oh, they're just exaggerating.

exactly. Like as soon as you go like this or like that, sometimes you gotta, you gotta practice. Don't follow when they itch their head. No, every person that kind of is for years, because I used to do all the interviews for simply Vegas and what people will come to interview, uh,

I would match and mirror them. And I knew when to close them, when I could, I could make them move. And what I mean is if you get an exact sync with somebody, if you touch your knee, I touch my knee and you do it subtly. And if they lean forward, you lean forward, you lean back, you lean front, you lean back across the knee, you cross the knee, you know, just real subtly. But at some point, like then you reach for your water. And then when they reach for their water, now you're like, okay, I got you. Yeah.

Now I got you. And I'm telling people, and I've told people this story that are like in the room, in a classroom setting, and I can just see them looking like, well, I don't, this is blah, blah, blah. I would never do that. It's like, I did it to you. I did it to you. I did this to you. And it's such a small thing. It's such a subtle thing. But I think it's most importantly, if you're working in a sales gig, like a lot of we do in real estate, that deals with the phone. I think a lot of it is. You've got to pay attention to...

especially the volume in which people speak. Good Lord. If, if somebody, the volume and the tempo at which they speak, because I'll never forget, I was having a class one time, this dude was in there and he raised his hands and it was, it was a sales class. And he's like, uh, John, let me ask you a question. I'm having a real hard time.

Getting people to engage with me when I get to the qualification Period of the call when I try and I'm like I Told him and I said I said, okay stop I'm gonna help you The reason is because me talking to you right now your voice to me is like nails on a chalkboard You you see how fast I talk and I said, but there's a flip side to that coin. I

'Cause I speak very quickly. So to someone that speaks as slow as you, they're like, "Eh, eh, eh, eh," when I come at them that way. So I am constantly adjusting

my tempo, my tone, my volume to whoever I'm speaking with to match and marry them. Because again, people's favorite people are themselves. You want to make sure you're getting there. You can adjust that by doing that. So let's say you're a real fast talker. I will intentionally slow down. Yeah. Right. And then you will buy, then you'll probably actually slow down a little bit too. So we get to a middle point. Well, that's the Chris Voss thing. And he talks about the best way to bring somebody down off the ledge. And I've taught this for years, which is, you

you know, let's say you have a client that's like, ah, you mother truckers, this is bullshit. That title company screwed up and blah, blah, whatever it is, rah, rah, rah. Rather than look at them. I think you're fucking crazy. Yeah, no, no, but rather than look at them and say, you need to calm down or okay, settle down, which except for your wife, always tell her that to calm down. That is a move. Don't ever in a relationship. Always.

it's amazing how many people say that come down you need to calm down it's like oh especially if you know latina women you should do that to them all the time always expressly except for latina women where calm down is always always appreciate it you need to go straight up with with where you go you go ballistic with them like if you're at nine i'm gonna go right to nine with you and then i'm gonna walk you down you know god this is but but you know what maybe you'll just maybe

Maybe it wasn't screwed up. Maybe it was this. I don't know. I'm just throwing out ideas here. I'm just throwing out ideas. We should call and find out. Just spitball. And you can walk them down. But if you tap somebody that's at nine and you try to come at them at one, they're going to be like –

And screw you too, buddy. You know what's a fun thing you can do with that? What's up? If you just ask people for permission to take a second. Like if somebody's fired up and they're, oh, what the fuck? You'd be like, oh my God, just give me a second here. I need to get my thoughts because I'm mad too. Right. Yeah. Right? And you kind of say, okay. Because you need to address, you understand. People are not.

at a nine or a 10 for no big reason. It might not be a big reason, but to them, to them, it's not right. So you have to mirror that because if you come to me and say, oh, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, it's not a big deal.

Then now you're just... Oh, now I'm pissed. Now I'm even... Now you didn't recognize... Yeah, that I'm pissed. You didn't validate my feelings. But if I'm at a nine or a ten... People... That's the other thing. People aren't at a nine and a ten forever. They're not going home to dinner that night. No. So you can take that, let them kind of blow it off with it, and walk them back, like you said, with...

Sort of a hey, I'm Matt. Oh, this is ridiculous. Yeah, give me a second I want to think about something because we may have a an option here. Yeah solution. I think okay. Yeah, that'll immediately diffuse those diffusal situations are good. I agree number five stagnation kills seduction new experiences help keep things interesting and

that's it totally disagree new interest new new new experiences are for the birds man just go home every night no no no watch television i think look now look look i know our minds all kind of go to the same place and we're like okay let's get the finger paint out or whatever we're talking about i don't know whatever but i think where i'm going to take this i'm going to read it first because cold it's just going to go crazy when i read this i gotta read it i gotta read it first

A seducer must hold a victim's rapt attention. An effective tactic is to keep the person guessing so he or she doesn't grow bored with being seduced over time. Waning interest is death to seduction. Conventional wisdom suggests that new romantic relationships are more exciting than long-term partnerships, a claim that science seems to back.

Research suggests that when a romance is in its early stages, the brain's dopamine levels spike in the same way that occurs with substance use. However, these spikes in dopamine aren't sustainable, so in other words, the excitement fades away.

Couples who've been together for a long time tend to fall into routines such as going to the same restaurant every weekend or taking the same vacation each summer. While those activities may be pleasant, they won't have the same effect as trying new experiences. New activities could include something simple such as cooking class. God, who's going to class? This is my point with it. - I would, absolutely. - This is my point with it. I'm gonna take this-- - I'd do salsa dancing, that'd be fun. - I'm gonna take this out of the relationship mode and I'm gonna put it in sales mode 'cause I literally just had a call. I just had a coaching call.

with my team at one of our title JVs. And we were talking about, we were talking about elite customer experience during the sale. And my thing was, you know, the rep was like, you know, I'm going out there, I'm talking to these people, blah, blah. I'm like, because you're always talking to them the same way. Send me business, send me business, send me business, send me business. You're a broken record. They see you coming down the hallway and it's like the person at the clothing store. Can I help you? No, I'm just looking. They already know what's going to come out of your mouth.

I said, you've got to create a better, more interesting reason and way to talk to them. I said, so here's what I would do. I said, obviously you're calling them right when they open a transaction, obviously. And by client with a title rep, you're talking about the realtors, not the actual home buyer or seller.

And I said, you're calling them to say thank you right when it first opened. She says, yes. I said, cool. What I would do is I would set it in your calendar 10 days later to call and say, is everything still going okay? Is there anything I can do for you? Is your transaction good? Then I would set another reminder three days before close and say, is there anything you need me to help you get from your clients to make sure this is getting ready to go? But make it about actually helping them have a good experience and not just asking for business. And now you have a good reason to do that.

And that's changing up the routine. That's changing up. If you're always calling your client base with the same pitch, you got to mix it up. Call your clients sometime and talk about something that you know they're interested in. Absolutely. Nothing to do with the deal. Nothing to do with the deal.

Seriously. There was times that I would make up lies. Oh, I saw this. It made me think of you. How's everything going? I didn't see that. Who gives a shit? I think that's great. I saw this cool thing. It made me think of you. Blah, blah, blah. I just thought you'd find it interesting. Check out this show or whatever. If you're calling me and nine out of ten times it's about business, that's

you're turning me off already. Invite me for a cigar, invite me for dinner, invite me for coffee. - You become somebody that, you'll go in the rolodex of people that if I need to use somebody for what you do, then fine. - Right. - You're not a person anymore, you become like a-- - Just a product. - A product. - A product. - 100%. - A product. Key insight number six.

Victims' childhood relationships with their parents affect their romantic relationships as adults. - Yeah. - I mean, this goes back so far to say as a baby.

- It says, it says, "Balboa is among the first psychoanalysis to suggest that the way parents interact with their babies greatly influences emotional development and communication styles. Babies whose physical and emotional needs were routinely met by their parents are more likely to grow up to be good communicators and healthy emotions." - Dr. Gabor Mate, if you're interested in this kind of thought.

So I've listened to I've met Colts dad. So this this is Dr. Gabor Mate, he brought up this thing where you know, I'm an idiot I don't know what the hell I'm doing with parenting just cuz I've had two kids and Neither of them have gone to prison yet ones only 14. That's a win check it off again We're trying the best we can right? We're doing what we think is best for kids at all time I don't ever do anything if I think it's bad for my kids, okay And so is that is that something that you is that a fear in the back of your hide that you're constantly screwing up your kids?

Well, you know, there is, of course, there is a thing that was this the right way to do it? Was I too harsh? Because there's times when I let things go. And then if I'm not addressed in a certain way, then I've yelled. I don't hit my kids because I'm past that Dr. Spock point. You know, nobody. I think hating children is not the right move. But I think my kids believe I will. Did you spank your kids? No. Oh, I don't.

I never had to. My oldest was always very, we work on it now. The problem is. I'd like to point something else at that. He's never had a son. No, no, no, no. Would I? That's true. Could I spank my daughter? Absolutely not. Not a chance. Could I punch my son in the throat? Twice a day. So I get it. Twice a day. I don't know. Whatever. But Gabor Matu had a good point about.

Dr. Spock, when we were growing up, remember Dr. Spock was the child rearing expert, whatever, blah, blah, blah. He said, let your kids self-soothe and cry it out. He said, don't always go run into the room, let your kid cry it out, whatever. Apparently that is literally the worst advice you can give to parents.

Say kids needs, they'll do what they need to have met and then they'll figure it out. But if you give them love and nurturance and you let them know that intrinsically at a very deep level that they're going to have that support and love, right? Then holding them too much, there's no such thing as smothering them too much. That's a level that's very difficult to actually get to. So they found statistically that parents who were

um constantly not letting kids self-soothe they cry they run in the room and get the kid and nurture them until they feel better and go to sleep those kids end up being disproportionately successful later in life because they have high levels of self-esteem self-confidence they don't need they don't have repression issues they don't need the therapy for my parents didn't let me whatever yeah well it's a whole uh

i've changed my hug as a kid i'm sure right like that's right that whole that's a real statement that comes from a real place he was a hungarian uh during auschwitz or whatever they had like you know these parents had to give their kids away so these kids grew up without people hugging them that's why they're so stoic and cold and they're not um you know open and nurturing themselves you know they have all these barriers of emotions because when they're kids they didn't get what they needed from a nurturance point of view oh god crazy

This one I'm kind of buying into. And it's like this is- Wait, you haven't bought into all of them so far? No, I'm saying some of them, yeah. Everything's been right. Well, you know- Calling his tattoo artist. That's true. He's going to get Robert Greene right across the chest. This one says, a heightened emotional state will cloud the victim's decision-making skills.

And this is like seriously phone scammer 101, dude, with old people. Because it says, For example,

Criminals who can upset or excite a man in his 80s before presenting a fraudulent financial proposition have a much greater chance of defrauding the victim. The problem is compounded by criminals' knowledge that elderly demographic is more susceptible to their deception, which means they're more likely to target older people. This is the, this is the, hey, well, no, I'm calling from the, you know,

you know, the sheriff's department, there's a warrant for you at IRS. I need you to send me, you know, they bounce them off the ceiling and they get all freaked out. And then all of a sudden they're like, you know, going to get gift cards to send to the IRS, which my type of people, oh my God, they need just kill them all. Speaking of old people. I mean, my mom is seriously starting to just serve up some magic. I mean, absolute just gold. And I'm going to show you guys this cause this was magical over the weekend. Um,

So my mom on her Instagram posted her flight information on Instagram.

Did you see the Instagram account? It gets, it gets so better. She posted her flight and from flight information, right? To which I commented back, just canceled it. Oh no, I got it. It gets so much better. I got to find the exact, I got to find the exact phrase because it gets so much better. All right. To which I responded back, mom, if you keep posting your flight attendant or your flight information, I'm putting you in the home. Yeah. All right.

to which she responded in kind on Instagram for all to see. This is not a DM. This is for everybody to see. She responded back at the John Gafford. I'm going to read this exactly as it's written. Deep sense of peace, but since then, I don't know how this happened. I'm blaming on my phone. There was no intention in this whatsoever.

And then right below that response, it says the above reply picked up from TV. How do I take this down? So she was talking to the TV and this is all posted online.

Oh my gosh. So there's this IG account called like toxic Kings or something. And it was, uh, this girl posted her flight information to Miami for the weekend. So I called and canceled her flight. What are you doing? Put that out there. That is not toxic Kings. That's not nice. I tell you, it's, it's amazing what people put.

It really is just incredible, the things that happen when you do that. But yeah, so my mom is one step away from the home. I thought that was the gift to just keep on giving. I thought it was amazing. So you talk about...

illusion bias right or the illusion what'd you call it the um transparency by transparency guys so you assume everybody you assume everybody knows what you're thinking or how you're feeling about something my dad i love him more than a wonderful dad wonderful guy amazing guy but he has this thing where he assumes everybody thinks like him it is too

to an absolute T and it'll be like, and it's just baffling, bafflingly upset when they don't know what they don't. It drives my mom insane. Like he'll be on a plane and the person beside him, he'll just start talking about how fucking shitty Trump is. It's like, okay, you don't understand. You don't, you gotta know your shot first before you can talk about what people are interested in. He'll talk to other people about like guys on his basketball team where he was a coach on a native reservation. It's like,

A lot of people really don't care and they don't really, they'll be nice. And they're just trying to get out of the conversation and he doesn't do it from a place of, he just assumes that people are interested in these things that he finds interesting assumptions, you know, it's just like, like hatred of, of us presidents. Well, no, but it's just one of those things where you just, oh, everybody feels this way. Yeah. How do you not? How do you not? It's like, no, no, no. And if you don't feel this way, you're an idiot. You're an idiot. I mean, that's how it goes. It's just funny. Good Lord.

Well, speaking of your dad, seducers should avoid overtly controlling their victims. Instead, seducers should use hints and subtle suggestions to bring about the desired behavior. And how to win friends and influence people, Dale Carnegie made it one of his core principles to avoid giving orders. Instead, he recommends asking questions, which help provide others with an illusion of agency.

In the parlance of seduction, which Carnegie did not use, the victim, Colt, you're just, I love it. The victim would feel more vested in the given action if it was proposed as a question instead of a demand. One of Carnegie's points was that human nature isn't really conducive to taking orders. An order might not work in the context where the person has received a lot of training, like in the military, but civilians tend to offer up a little more resistance.

Consider a colleague who asked her counterpart in the other department if it would be possible to complete a task by the end of the week as opposed to Demanding it be finished by Friday. It's a Socratic. I use that all the time. It's literally the Socratic It is it is so, you know again ask I do this all the time I always call whenever I need something from like our County Department. I'm always like I know you guys are super busy Would it be okay? It's something I need now. I'm like, I know you're super busy. You're super backed up. I

When you ate your first available chance, would it be okay if I got this? And then it just shows up. If I called them and said, I need this today, I'd have to hear about all the 50 things, why they can't get it. Which is understandable, they're busy. But it would probably take more than two days to get that.

And sometimes you got to be direct with people. Sometimes you got to be. There's times I call somebody and say, hey, when you get a chance, and then two days later I'm like, yeah, man, I needed that. Yeah, the thing about earliest convenience, did I ever tell you about that? Have I ever aired my grievance about that? If I call you and your answering machine has, hi, this is Bob, please leave a message. I'll get back to you at my earliest convenience.

I find that to be literally the biggest turnoff ever in a voicemail. At my earliest convenience. Do I say that? I want. I don't know. Now I'm going to start calling. Whoever does that, change it immediately. Because what you're saying is, I'll get around to what I feel like. How do I say that? At my earliest convenience. I don't know if I have that or not.

Like my earliest convenience is like, you're not a priority. I guarantee it. That's exactly how it reads. I'm trying to see. I want to see. I want to see if I have this or not. How do you? I'll get back. We're going for the default greeting. Let's see what I got. Hang on. John Gafford. That wasn't even you. That's not even John. That's just a stupid thing. That was MMA. That's a bot. That was MMA. How do you get to your thing? I'll call you and just ignore my.

Oh, yeah. I'll just ignore your call. Like I've ever done that before. So just do what you normally do. Like you said, laws of seduction. Put on speaker. I finally hide it. I think I say that. I think I may have that. My earliest convenience. I think I may have that. Here, put on speaker. What do you got? Hey, it's John. I'm not available to take your call right now. However, if you leave your name and number, I will return your calls to these platforms.

Return your call as soon as possible. That's the right answer. Okay, that's the right answer. As soon as possible. As soon as possible. You're clearly a priority. I'll get to it as soon as I can. As soon as possible. Not my earliest convenience. Not my earliest convenience. Like, ah, it's inconvenient until... See, I'm feeling good. What does your say, Colt? Just, Colt, go fuck yourself. Don't leave a message. That's it? Don't leave a message if I'm not calling you back? I had a client legit said, do not leave a message. And he would freak out if he left a voicemail. But some people say this, which I don't mind. They say, it's...

I'll take a long time sometimes to respond to voicemails. So if you send a text, it'll be responded faster. Yeah, text should get responded faster. Totally fine. Give me instructions on how to get through to you. Do you leave a voicemail?

- I will, I will because a lot of times I deal with adjusters, a lot of times I deal with corporate stuff. - Yeah, in business, sure. But if I call you, I'm not leaving a message. - No, I'll text you. - You see, I called and saw the message. - I'll show you a text. - You saw the message. - If it's important, if you needed something, then maybe you would. - Well, if you're interested, if you liked the topic we talked about today, you can pick up the book, "The Laws of Seduction" by Robert Greene. Colt highly recommends "The Laws of Power." - I think that they're all great.

I mean, there was nothing really bad about that one. 48 laws of power. It was a whole nother animal. Way better. You should have probably not used victims. Victim is the word that gets him. I think that is definitely the word that causes a problem. He could be more persuasive in his book if he said recipient or something. I agree with that. I agree with that. I can't wait for Cole to read the news. I can't either. Bated breath.

I think it's news time with Colt. What do we have today? Here we go, Colt. Let's start off with Los Angeles Animal Control grants unicorn license to a young girl. Officials told the girl the unicorn must be given regular access to sunlight, moonbeams, and rainbows, and watermelon at least once a week. Okay, this is what's wrong with America. Oh.

That's taxpayer's money going out, being spent on that. On research to know that it needs moonbeams or telling her that? Do you have an issue with that? I do have an issue. I get the police do stuff to make their image come better. But like animal control, you really have a problem with them that they got to go do unicorns? And in Los Angeles, I feel like there's probably enough stray animals in Los Angeles to keep them busy. Well, it's probably a way to get animal control on people's minds so that people go to shelters and stop buying these absolute...

sins against nature. Which is done now. This is done now. Tongue-picking monsters. It's done now. You know, they banned...

uh pet sales in clark county good from pet stores you're done horrific that is a horrific institution isn't it funny they all come from the wolf breed well that's how long it's like just gone is is that not the wildest hey mike ricky gervais says the best thing about unicorns why do we have to believe in unicorns we have octopuses like yeah that's amazing right like that's amazing oh i think why are we thinking about a horse with a horn on its head yeah like what

The girl freaking wrote to the LA County and they responded and all this time have issues with them. But it's so funny. Don't you think some of these things are to keep you distracted? Okay, but here's another problem. At some point, somebody there told this girl that she has to polish his horn once a month. I feel like that. It says right here, unicorn's horn must be maintained. This requires polishing at least once a month. Yeah.

I don't think they should have said that. Man, the Boy Scouts got to stop using the same PR person. No, it's not good. And any sparkles or glitter used on the unicorn must be non-toxic and biodegradable. That's total LA for you. You can't even get man's glitter anymore. You got to get biodegradable. This is what's wrong with America. I think that's what's okay with America. It's better than Saudi Arabia where they maybe chop your hand off for writing that kind of nonsense.

yeah which way we're going wow we're going real deep huh do you think that uh do you think these people over there for the World Cup are really dying these people no there's been these people journalists these journalists I don't know you think they're really naturally dying or they can kill them look Qatar you know what they did two days before the World Cup they pulled all the beer

Did you have a problem with that? You couldn't drink at all? I don't have a problem with that. Not the stadium, not whatever. They literally pulled it because they were like, yeah, Budweiser had a whole thing. Yeah, in designated areas. Designated areas. But then two days before, they told FIFA. And now FIFA's like, so Budweiser's like, hey, FIFA, what are you going to do about this?

So do you think again that it's going to be held in a Middle Eastern Islamic? We're talking about FIFA here. This is one of the most corrupt organizations on earth. When you bite the hand that feeds you like Budweiser. Dude, but here's the thing. You don't think that a Saudi prince can hand under the table whoever's running FIFA and making those decisions so much money that they will put it wherever they want it?

But again, it's just such a bad look when you have a world game like that and you let your religious convictions actually dictate what goes on. But that...

What shocks me about that is FIFA. Have you not been to the Middle East? Do you not know anything about the Middle East? I've been to the Middle East multiple times. FIFA is worldly. I could see some Americans being naive, like, oh, let's go over here and do that. I'm shocked FIFA had that issue. On to the next. On to the next story. Here we go. German police on the hunt for 60 containers of, what would you guess, Chris?

60 containers of something german police sauerkraut no close probably tastes the same i was going to say the same thing containers of stolen bull sperm probably tastes the same previous cargo needs to be super cold with liquid nitrogen and

negative 320 degrees Fahrenheit so it doesn't spoil so like kill off the t1000 so where'd it happen why why would you what happened to the bull sperm it was stolen from a farm why first off it's big money in bull sperm what what would you use it for

they're seeking tips from the freaking thing what are they using it doesn't really jump into my head but why it doesn't say much about it you assume it was for breeding this was i don't know if there's there's a nefarious party where there's just a bunch of weirdos because it sounds like a lot of to contain it and keep it that cold

You think you just let a bowl go out there, I would assume, too, but it doesn't say. It doesn't really say anything about it. This was purely just going off of the headline, and they got me. And, yeah, I'm just really shocked. Somebody stole a bunch of cleaning supplies. I assume they were cleaning something. Chris. I'm...

I'm going to research this. There's probably some better use. There's got to be a follow-up story. There's got to be some better use for both. Probably steroids or something. I don't know. It could be. It could be T-ball or something. North Koreans make soup out of it because it gives you fatality or some crazy shit. Yeah, we do some stupid things as humans, so whatever. Who knows? I wonder how much... God, you think? What's that going for? What's that going for in Germany right now? I'll figure that out for next month. Ever since Biden...

took over. It's up to 30 bucks a gallon. Thanks, Biden. Bullsperms through the roof now. I needed it last Thursday night. Couldn't get any. And the last one. This one's my favorite. Menacing wild turkeys led by Kevin are taking a New England city for themselves. They don't let you out of your house, one resident said.

So the best is, okay, a flock of feathered hooligans intimidating residents of Massachusetts. And their leader is one especially tough turkey, Kevin. So there's five of them. They are just going around this. The man who gave Kevin his name characterized him as a bad egg among other all-female turkey crew. Crew.

So the police has a thing that they go in their thing. It says, not Kevin, but a bird who fits the general description. So here's the question. Usually when there's five people running around terrorizing people in Massachusetts, it's usually on Wild Turkey. It's not on Wild Turkey. Hey, Kevin. Hey, there it is. There it is. That's one for you, Connell. That's nice. But here's my question. All right.

You got a gaggle, because that's a gaggle, right? We'll call it a flock of menacing turkeys. And you got one that's the baddest turkey of them all. You call him Kevin. Do you go for Kevin? Yeah. Is that the name you go for? Have you ever not seen that? What's that show? Uh...

There's something wrong with Kevin. Oh, no, I thought it was up. There's like a book or something called There's Something Wrong With Kevin. There's a movie. There's something wrong with Bob. The guy that was in it is now a lunatic. The guy that started it is now insane. I'm saying something with Kevin. Kevin's creepy. Kevin, that's it. Kevin Spacey. Kevin's a little creepy. Kevin Spacey. Creepy. Creepy. I see where this is going. But see, I think Kevin's creepy.

I don't think this turkey. No, this turkey's not creepy. He's just trying to take it back. He's badass. What would you name a menacing turkey, Kof? Top five names. Gator. Gator. He's a pimp for sure. Gator. I'm not even going to go with my other pimp. Nails or something. I love it. I love it.

I love it. Gator. Well, Colt, thank you. I got to play an outro for you if we're going to do this properly, if we're going to have this every week. I'm going to get this on the board for next week. I'll get it on the board for next week. But yeah, thank you for reading the note. All the news is fit to print with Colt Abadad. The Bulgarian Muggles, right here in the studio. I'll find out. We'll see you next week, America. What's the sperm used for, guys? Find that out what it's meant for.

They're going to be shocked when it's not that. And that's it. Guys, thanks for joining us today. If you're still here after that. If you're watching us on the old YouTube, give us a like. Give us a subscribe. You can see us on any podcast system out there. Give us a max review. It does help.

And thanks for joining us. I could never kill somebody because my Google. Save it. Save it. Just let it fester inside for next week's show. That'll be evidence. Guys, if you're going to move, you might as well move forward. Connell Law, LV. Connell Law, how's it going, Colt? Three experiments. Three. Colt underscore Amadon.

Hey, it's John Gafford. If you want to catch up more and see what we're doing, you can always go to thejohngafford.com. We'll share any links that we have things we talked about on the show, as well as links to the YouTube where you can watch us live. And if you want to catch up with me on Instagram, you can always follow me at thejohngafford. I'm here. Give me a shout.