Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
Hey, what's up? Welcome back to the dumb blonde podcast. Sorry, you guys haven't seen me in a minute. Life got really crazy, like literally the day after I started doing these. So, um,
It's okay. But I don't know if you noticed, but at the beginning of this podcast, there are ads now. And I'm making a little chunk of money off of these. So that's awesome. It's not much. It's literally nothing. But it's still something. And I think that's cool. But thanks for supporting me by listening to those ads.
Um, you're awesome. Anyway, today I... I've been thinking about recording all day long and, uh, yeah, I'm kind of in a slump today, so I just wanted to talk and talk and talk and whatever comes to my mind, I just want to say it and, um...
That tends to be a little bit interesting, so if you want to stick around and listen, that's cool. But I think my main focus for today is relationships and what I would want in my next relationship. All of the boyfriends that I've had and my red and green flags for men, I guess. And what my type is, I guess.
I don't know. We'll see what we come up with. My cat is literally attacking me right now, so I'm, like, scared. So we're gonna go ahead and get into this. Okie dokie. So when I started this podcast, I told myself that, like, I wouldn't do it unless I really, really wanted to. And, um, I wouldn't force myself to record at certain times. Um...
Which maybe if this gets big one day, I'll get to that point. But I have no idea, honestly. We'll see what happens. But yeah, today I just want to talk. And I think what I'm going to start with is all the boyfriends I've ever had and what they have taught me. Because I love talking about myself and men. So this is just the perfect episode for me.
I really haven't had that many relationships in my life. I can think of about a solid, uh, maybe five. I haven't even written them down. I'm honestly just kind of jumping into this, but if I can't remember them off the top of my head, they probably weren't important at all. Um,
Yeah, I think I actually am going to write them down before I really get into this. So give me just one second. Okay, so I wrote them down and I was kind of wrong. I think I only have like four actual like boyfriend, boyfriend. You know what I mean? Like I've liked a lot of people, but were they ever like my actual boyfriend? No, they have not been.
Um, I'm sorry, my neighbor just started absolutely blasting music over her speakers, and if you can hear that in the background, I'm so sorry, but this is so annoying, it happens like every other night. Anyway, so...
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't even necessarily really call these relationships. I just think that they're significant to me because they either lasted a really long time or they taught me something that I really wanted to, like, like I needed to know for the future good of me. But I'm going to use their first initials. So if you know who I'm talking about, lucky you. Yeah.
So first off, the first one that comes to mind is D. And this was like, this is such a funny story. I was in kindergarten and actually no, pre-K. It was the first day of pre-K. And I walk in and I see this boy and he actually had a cleft lip. And if you don't know what that is, it just makes...
It's where their upper lip connects to their, like, nose. Um, and it just looks a little different. It's, like, not a big deal. It just looks a little different. Well, I'm in pre-K, so I don't really know what I'm saying, but I walk up to him, and I tell him that he looks funny, because I'm young, and I'm stupid. I... It was horrible. Um...
But D then goes to our teacher and tells our teacher, and my teacher comes to me and tells me to tell him that I don't think he looks funny and that I would want to be friends. Well, my little, what is it, like five-year-old self, I went back to D and was like, I like you. Ha ha ha.
And I don't know what that, I didn't even really know what that meant. You know, like if that was a good or a bad thing. Uh, no, I can't believe I did that. But I went back and told him that I liked him. And he then, from then on out, was completely obsessed with me and would not leave me alone no matter what I would do. And...
I was like, okay, I guess. So when he asked me to be his boyfriend, or I'm sorry, not that. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes. But I didn't really know what that meant. It was just cute. It was sweet. And so we were like pretty much inseparable from pre-K to college.
I think it was first grade and then one day I decided I just didn't want to be with him anymore and so I broke up with him and this guy climbs up the rock wall in our playground and says if I don't get back with him then he's gonna jump. What were we doing? That's ridiculous. Really? Anyway, but he did because I said no.
And then after he did that, I was like, fine, I guess I'll take you back after he had already like twisted his ankle. But anyway, yeah. So we got back together and then we'd split up and then we'd get back together and then we'd split up over and over and over and over again.
And I remember times when we would, like, FaceTime when I was in fourth and fifth grade, and it was just a sweet, wholesome, little cute little love. And we'd stop talking to each other for a long time, and then boom, we'd be right back where we were all over again. And that was consistent, even though, like, in about third grade,
There was a guy or a boy that moved to our school that I like absolutely fell in love with. And I was like completely obsessed with. I think he's still hot now anyway. But he was still in the back of my mind. But I went for D because he was nice to me.
And we've had that back and forth all the way up until sixth grade when he started being like a not good person. And what ended up with that was he turns out he was so I think he was selling drugs or something in like seventh grade. And I have not
really talked to him since then, except for the other day when I was at the bowling alley and he walked up to me. Meanwhile, like I'll have you guys know, like this guy is engaged now or no, he's not engaged. He's actually married. And so I'm at the bowling alley and he sees me and I see him. He walks up to me. He's like, hey, what's up?
And I was like, oh, nothing much. He's like, how you been? I was like, I've been great. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, well, I've been pretty good too. Like I started my own business and stuff. And so I said back to him, I was like, yeah, I heard you were married too. And he was like, yep. Anyway, because he was like trying to get with me or whatever. And I shut that down really fast. But
That's the last time I've ever talked to him, and probably the last time I ever will. Because, I don't know. I don't know if he's a good person now, but it's just funny to think about how involved we were for so long. And then just out of nowhere, he became not part of my life anymore. Um, moving on to B. Uh, this one, man. Mm-hmm.
That's... Okay, this is one thing about me, is when I fall for somebody, which is, like, not very easy. When I really, really fall for somebody, I fall so hard, and it doesn't go away easily. Like, I will have a crush on somebody for years. Like, years. And this one in particular...
is an eight-year crush. That is kind of terrifying. That's a long time to be interested in somebody. But no, this one is a good story. So B, I met this boy when I was in seventh grade and I met him through my stepdad because he's my stepdad's best friend's son.
I met him for the first time when we were in the process of moving to Rusk and they actually helped us like pack and stuff and the first night that I ever met him I dislocated my shoulder on a trampoline. Just one second, my throat is like so dry, hold on. Okay, so now I'm better. But
No, the first time I ever met him, I met him when I dislocated my shoulder on a trampoline that first night. And, like, one of the first things this boy ever said to me was, stop being such a crybaby. Or he called me a crybaby. So that's awesome. Yeah, love that for me. But, no, that was, like, the beginning of it all. And from then on out, we were, like, very...
Well, I mean we weren't close from that night like that was like the last time that I saw him until my first day at Rusk and honestly that first day that I was there he kind of pretended like I didn't exist but as the days went on he started to talk to me in class or at the playground or whatever
And we started talking and then I literally remember the day. I remember the moment. This was the first time... This was the first time anybody had ever given me their phone number. I was standing in the hallway about to go into my next class. Sorry, my cat's being crazy. But I was standing in the hallway about to go into my next class and he...
walks past me, doesn't make eye contact with me, but slips me a note into my hands and I open it and it has his phone number on it and he says, call me. How funny is that? I remember that very vividly, but I did. And then we talked for a really, really, really long time that day. And then we went from there to texting and, um,
I have always had this weird thing about guys. I love relationships. I love love. But I was completely horrified of boys when I was younger. I just didn't know what to do with them. What do you do with a boy as a girl? I didn't know...
I didn't know what it meant to talk to a boy, I guess. And I was really, really weird about it. I was weird about talking to everybody. I had very bad social anxiety all throughout my teenage years. So, like, literally no matter who I was talking to, I was being weird. But, like, he made it easy to talk to him.
But all of a sudden, in the middle of us talking, a flip switches. Or a slip, I keep saying this, and like, it's not right. A switch flips. That's what's right. A switch flips. And I decide I'm no longer wanting to do this, and I'm scared because I feel like he's going to leave. So I did that to him, and I caused him a slight emotional breakdown, and
And to this day, I feel really bad, B. I'm so sorry. But yeah, so that was the end of us talking for seventh grade. And then we get into our freshman year of high school. And we had a class together that year. And that was the first time that we had talked to each other in two years in that class. And then from freshman year, we were just friends freshman year. And then from freshman year, we moved on to sophomore year and we had...
another class together. It was chemistry. How funny is that? And we sat right next to each other and we became absolute best friends. Like, so, so close. And then about the middle of sophomore year, that's when I started dating C for the first time, which we'll get into. And I kind of, like, I was still best friends with B.
He's definitely my best friend. But after me and C broke up that first time, B told me that he liked me. And I liked him too, but I wasn't ready for another relationship because I was weird. And throughout that whole summer between my sophomore and junior year, I kind of completely changed.
like, into a totally different person. That was the year that I got a job. I started talking to people more. I made some really, really good friends. And I was able to talk to people a lot easier. But I stopped talking to Bea because we went on one date.
And I didn't text him for two hours after it. And he got scared and blocked me because he kind of just does that. That's like his coping mechanism, which I don't blame him. He was just trying to tell me that he had a good time. And I just wasn't paying attention to my phone and didn't see it.
So there was that, and then we get into our junior year, and I see him, and he sees me, and we become friends again, and then all of a sudden he starts dating this other girl. And that was that all the way up until the last time that me and C broke up. Bam. We started talking, and then this was very, very recent, but
him and his girlfriend had just broke up and he he like followed me on instagram and i was like oh shoot like wonder what happened there so i added him on snapchat like a little dummy dumb and then we started talking again and mind you i i think we did date but we broke up this was like way back in seventh grade so i don't even know if you can call that dating even um
I don't even think I consider that dating. But I never really dated this kid. But for some reason, I just have always had this special place for him. And he's been so important to me. And without, with me thinking about it now, like without me making him special in my head, has he really always been that special? Or has it just been me? That's a scary thought.
because eight years of my life have passed by and you know, I finally kind of don't feel that way for him anymore. So weird. But also that has a lot to do with me now knowing what I know and the reason why I started thinking about this the other day, I was doing some journaling and I was thinking really really hard about it wondering why was he so special to me really and
I came to the conclusion that it was, it's always been the way that he looks at me. He has always looked at me from the first day that I met him like I'm the only girl in the world. Like the only girl in the room. The only person in the room in general. And that was very, very special to me because, you know, I wasn't that cute. I wasn't, I've not always been confident in myself.
and it showed, and I don't, I genuinely, I don't think I was that cute back in the day, but he always looked at me like I was, and now that I am older, and I know what I know, and I've seen some of the things that I've seen, a lot of people look at me that way, so it's really not all that special, but I am not gonna lie. A
This is still a very ongoing, confusing relationship that I'll probably never understand. But that's that with that. Yeah. Updates. I'll let you guys know what happens with that one. Just kidding. Probably nothing will ever unless he initiates it because where we last have stood, we were supposed to just be friends and now we haven't talked in several weeks. So if you're listening to this,
Uh, text me, I guess. What's up? You're probably not listening to this, though. Anyway, I'm gonna move on to the next one. So, yeah. Oh my good lordy, this one is something else. Oh gosh. I don't even know where to start with this one. It's hilarious. Uh, this guy's name, or what we're gonna call him, is Jay. Okay.
And he was my first real, air quotes, boyfriend, I guess. I can't remember really the timeline of this one. I guess it was my freshman... No. No, that was eighth grade. No, it was... Maybe it was seventh grade. I really can't think. Maybe it was seventh grade. I think I have my dates crossed here, but...
This guy is something else, bro. I remember thinking that he was the cutest boy in the entire world and he was so tall and I was so interested and I was thinking like I could literally do no better except for C, which I eventually ended up getting too. But no, J...
That was my man right there. Like, I had always thought he was cute. Like, I don't even know, dude. I don't know why I did. But seventh grade, one random day, he walks up to me in the hallway and asks me to a dance. Because we used to have, like, dances every Friday night in junior high. And he asked me to the dance that night.
And I went with him. And from there on out, it was like... We were like best friends. He was pretty... No, I wouldn't say he was sweet to me. He actually kind of treated me like shit. He always made fun of my chin and my nose. Which I've always had... Like, have always been super big insecurities for me. But he was...
Not a good boyfriend at all. I think we went on one date the entire time, and my best friend at the time also came. So, yeah, that's that. I'm sorry if I seem, like, super-duper distracted, because my cat literally will not leave me alone, no matter what I do. So I'm just kind of trying to roll with the punches here. But Jay was complicated, because...
We were also an on-again, off-again type of situation. And it's hard to think about, honestly. Like, a lot of this I don't even remember, to be quite honest. But he... One specific memory that I do remember is he took me to a baseball game, like, one time. Like, not even, like, a big baseball game. Like, a junior high baseball game. And we went together, and...
And I remember sitting on this like brick wall that we have by our baseball fields. And I remember him trying to go in for a kiss like a million times. And then Location by Khalid comes on the speakers. And at the same exact time, we both say, wow, I love this song. And I was like, wow, I'm like in love with him. Oh my God, like this is awesome. Yeah.
That's so embarrassing. I can't even remember really when our relationship stopped being a thing completely. But I do remember him being like arrested or something. I don't even honestly know. Like last time we talked to each other, he just disappeared. And he'd come back, like mess with my head and then disappear all over again.
That was definitely something that he did. He would mess with my head like heavy all the time. I never knew what was happening, what was up, what was down, what the heck, uh, ever. But yeah, I think that's that on that one. I don't have very much to say about him except that I did, I matched with him on Tinder the other day because I knew it was him and I thought it would be funny if I did and, um,
He texted me, he's like damn looking good and I was like damn never mind Okay, never mind. This is weird But yeah, that's about all I got on that one. Okay, so This is the last one before we get into the big dealio um But this one is named im or that's that's what we're gonna call them. This really wasn't a relationship completely, uh
I definitely would not say it's a relationship. We never were, what do you call that, exclusive. We just cared a lot about each other for a really long time. But it started in eighth grade. Oh, the reason why I'm talking about this one is because he actually ended up being my first ever kiss. But it started in eighth grade. The first time that we ever talked to each other was over a joke about glue sticks.
And we had this ongoing, like, joke going, inside joke between us. And I was so excited about it because he was, like, one of the, air quotes, cool kids. And he just ended up being one of my really, really good friends for a long time. And he ended up being really important to me. But the only thing about him was that he was nixed.
And that is by no means an issue with me, but with my family, on the other hand, at this time, they were like, you better not bring, you're like not at, I really don't know if I should talk about this, but I feel like it's important to. I was told I wasn't allowed to date anybody outside of my race.
And I have always been the person to push against the boundaries. Not that that's what this was, but I really liked him. And I wasn't going to give up him just because of the color of his skin. So I continued to date him. And I actually completely changed my family's minds about dating outside of your race, whether you should or shouldn't. And I never ended up dating him, though.
We just kind of talked for a really long time. He was like my best friend ever. And then out of nowhere, we started talking even more and more and more and more. And we were in the band together. This is the story of my first kiss, guys. I don't know if I've shared this with maybe a solid five people. But here you go. It's going on the internet. So it's like...
It's game day. I'm in band. I play the trumpet. It's freshman year. We're on the band bus. We're headed there. And he's like, do you want to sit with me? And I'm like, heck yeah, I want to sit with you. So we're sitting together. And out of nowhere, he grabs my hand. He starts holding my hand. But we have to keep it low key because nobody knows about us.
And, you know, the night goes on. We get closer and closer. We're on the way back from the game. And he leans over and kisses me on the cheek. And after he kisses me on the cheek, he kisses me on my forehead. And from there, my heart is beating so hard. Like, I feel like it's about to pump out of my chest. And out of nowhere, he leans over and bam.
Kisses me. Yep, guys, my first kiss ever was on a band bus. My freshman year of high school in nasty ass marching uniform. It's horrible. Do I regret it? No, because it's a great story to tell. Even though I don't tell it a lot, I think it's hilarious.
But yeah, so that's that one. And, you know, the relationship got more and more complicated from that point. And it kind of ended with him or not ended. It got to the point where he told me that he loved me and I was the first girl that he ever said that he loved. And then I'm not even really positive what happened with that one. But since then, he's done a lot of kind of shitty things to me.
Which I guess I can't really complain about but you know, I highly doubt that he's listening to this But hey, um if you are Anyway, moving on from this one. I just wanted to share my first kiss story Alrighty, so now we are in to my last most recent relationship Which has been completely complicated and
But instead of talking about the bad things in this episode about this relationship, I kind of want to focus on like the good parts of our relationship. But also focus on what I wish wouldn't have happened earlier.
or what I think I deserve better from a relationship. And that is really what I learned from this one. Like, he was my best friend for sure. But if I had the chance to go back, there's a lot that I would do different. And there was a lot that I would expect better from because I don't deserve to be treated the way that I was treated.
And even now, he was always kind of like, like, I do the best I can. This is the best that it's gonna get. So like, you know, like, okay, sorry, there are dogs barking back there. Oh, shit. Hold on. So sorry. I have no idea where I was going with that in that last part. But
a dog started barking in my next door neighbor's apartment and I didn't even know that they had a dog. So I got distracted to say the least. I'm like a complete like I'm very in a I can't even get my words out. I'm in a frustrated mood right now. Everything is starting to bother me and I just want to talk right now. So with C it was like amazing in the beginning.
One of my favorite moments out of our entire relationship was the night that I went and picked him up because he had a broken ankle. And he was so kind to me because it had been... I was, like, completely terrified to kiss him because in our first ever relationship, which we dated my sophomore year, like, five months...
over Christmas break like that kind of time we But that was like I don't even I don't even really consider that anything but turned out that he never stopped thinking about me after that one then he started dating another girl and then Somewhere around the start of my senior year. We started talking again and
I know all of the details. It was because I told him happy birthday on his birthday. And then I added him to my private story. And I put a TBH thing on my private story. And he slid up. And I gave him one and said that I was sorry for being the worst person in the world to him for breaking up with him the way that I did the first time. And then from there, we just started talking. And he became my best friend.
But anyway, back to that significant moment, like, I was terrified to kiss him again because he... That first ever kiss that we had during that five-month relationship was so bad. It still to this day makes me cringe. But, yeah, so I was scared, and he was very kind to me about it and didn't make me do anything that I didn't want to do. But that night when I was taking him back home...
I remember asking him, if you were a song, what song would you be? And he said, well, I don't know about that, but here's a song that I've been thinking about a lot lately. And he played Jealous by Labyrinth for me. And if you've never heard that song before, it basically just talks about
how a man misses a woman and that he's jealous of the way that the wind touches her skin because he can no longer touch it. And that he hopes that she's happy, even if it's not with him. But damn, he wishes it was. So he played that for me. And the amount of times I listened to that song over and over and over again on the way home, like...
it was crazy and i cried and i thought to myself like wow this is it dude i love him and uh yeah that was great he did a lot of things like that and he uh used to learn my favorite songs and then play them on piano he loved my music and he would like
listen to songs and like send them to me if they made him think about me. And I remember like the very moment that I completely fell in love with him. And it was when we were on in the car on the way back home from a date that we had just had. And he's just talking to me and I'm listening to his him talk and I just look over at him and I'm like,
wow, like, I really do love him. This is awesome. Never thought that I would be able to love somebody in that way, but I do. And so there was, there's that. Um, and another moment that I loved about that relationship was, um, we were driving around in the middle of nowhere and he says, oh, I have to play you this song. Like,
Like, I know you've listened to it a million times, but you have to hear this specific part just like this. And I was like, okay. So he plays Give Me Love by Joji, which is such a good song. But the part where the choir starts singing, he turns the music all the way up and he screams at the top of his lungs, like,
while he's looking at me and I know that could sound kind of cringy but it was like something out of a like a movie and I just fell even deeper but on the other hand there are a lot of things that made me realize that I deserved better there I was never his number one priority his friends were always way more important to him than me
And, like, I don't know. I wasn't the biggest fan of his friends. And his friends weren't the biggest fan of me either, which is all a-okay. And I can't sit here and lie and say I wasn't kind of crazy about it. But, yeah. He never took my social media, literally what, he never took my mental health very seriously.
Um, and it was kind of always just like, oh, here we go again, you know? Um, he never wanted to communicate anything. If he, uh, if I figured something out or found something out that frustrated me and I wanted to talk about it, he would completely shut down. Um, every, when we first started talking, he would like always open doors for me. Um, he would, um,
do sweet little cute little things for me at first and then it just all completely disappeared all of a sudden oh and and valentine's day this is a good one this one really hurt because my love language is um i wouldn't say gift receiving but it's one of my more important ones because i'd
Like, I know that probably sounds materialistic, but everybody has their thing. But I've always kind of been shown that I'm loved through material items, I guess. Does that make me sound like a horrible person? I really don't know. If it does, like, I really don't care, but that's my love language, and he knew that. And so for Valentine's Day, he...
That Valentine's Day was a crazy one because that was doing the whole snowstorm thingy. And so as soon as we were able to do Valentine's Day after all of that stuff, he didn't actually get me anything for Valentine's Day. I spent a lot of money on my gift for him, and it was very thoughtful. And it's not even about what he got me.
It's the no thoughtfulness because I just want to feel appreciated. I just want to feel like you listen to me and like I'm important. And like I paid so much attention to anything that he said that he wanted, needed, thought about, anything like that. And he caught me. I actually caught him.
telling his mom to go print out a picture of me and him and put it into a picture frame and uh like that day the day that we had our date and she came back put it in a frame and um wrapped it up for him before he gave it to me which the picture was sweet or whatever but then he got me a candle and
That was like soapy scented. And if literally anybody knows me, knows that those kinds of scents give me headaches. And he got me a silver necklace. I don't wear silver ever. I wear gold. Like almost exclusively. I have one silver necklace that I wear always.
on lazy days and it's just like of a pendant with a little surfer dude on it like it's not even a I don't know but it's a piece of jewelry I would probably never wear and I just know that if he would have picked them out himself because he told his mom to go pick them out I know that for a fact she told me um if he would have picked them out himself and been more mindful about it
It would have been a different ballgame, but no, he let his mom do it. And that just hurt my feelings so bad. So I guess what I'm trying to say is in my next relationship, I want somebody to pay enough attention to me to realize that I don't wear gold. I don't wear silver jewelry and I don't like candles that are soapy scented because they give me headaches.
I just, I find that important. That's just, it's a principle of like, wow, he really doesn't listen to me at all, does he? It's not about the gift. It's about the principle. That's about all I'm going to say about that one. I think I'm going to go into now what I'm looking for in my next relationship. So we'll get onto that. All right. What am I looking for in my next relationship?
Honestly, like, I don't even know, to be honest. I don't even know that I want a relationship, really. I think I've seen so much in the past, like, year now that it's really hard to imagine me ever being in a relationship again. But if I were to be, I have extremely high standards for what I know that I want, for sure. Uh, yeah. Yeah.
I know that them as a person, I do have a pretty specific type. I want that like golden retriever boy, but with brown hair and brown eyes instead of blonde hair. Because I think anybody that has blonde hair kind of just looks like my sibling and it's kind of weird. But not that that's really bad, but...
I love brown hair and I love brown eyes. Brown eyes are like my biggest... What is that called? I don't even know. I love it. I love brown eyes. But I want that goofy, like fun energy out of a person. Somebody that's going to love life just as much as I do and have fun with it and have the idea that you can just...
Have fun with this because we only get one of these lives anyway Yeah, just somebody that enjoys life I want somebody that has a good taste in music because if I have to tell you that your music taste Sucks, then I'm so sorry We'll figure it out. We'll find something that you like But yeah that and
I guess just somebody that's all around supportive of me and wants to be with me, also has good friends, preferably have a job, preferably not live with their parents. Yeah, I guess that's not too picky. Most people tell me I'm extremely picky, but I'm really not. I just have high standards because I know what I deserve now. What I know that I deserve...
is somebody that's mindful of things and that pays attention to the small details. That's so important to me because I'm that person. Like, I pay attention to the tiniest things. If you say that you like something one time, I'm gonna either write that down or remember it, push it into the back of my mind, and, like, remember it forever.
I'm just that kind of person. I make playlists of songs that almost everybody in my life says that they like one time. And it just exists for them. And I probably play that playlist whenever I'm around them. Somebody that's mindful. Somebody that cares about the world. I am known to be, I don't want to say liberal, but...
Because that's a political standpoint, not a personality. I just... I've just always been called liberal my entire life by my family because I guess because I care about people and their feelings and thoughts or whatever. I want somebody that's not judgmental of somebody because of their sexuality or their gender or their...
And someone that is just kind to all things. Because I can literally not hurt a fly. So I don't know how you boys do all this hunting stuff here. I don't get that. If I have to scroll through Tinder one more time and see another dead carcass on my Tinder profile, I'm literally going to delete it. Like I haven't already. It's already deleted. I haven't.
been on Tinder in a second. But, no. I don't really like the idea of hunting unless it's, uh, for a reason. Which I know that's gonna get me, like, a lot of flack from the boys around here, but that's what I... That's what I think. And I'm not a big fan of guns. Uh, I don't have, like, anything against them. I just don't like them being around me. Um, but, yeah. That...
someone that is gonna take good care of me um and just I don't really even know like I just want a good gentleman and somebody that's consistent with it because at the beginning of relationship sure you can like open doors and and buy me flowers and things like that but if you're not going to be consistent with it why ever do it in the first place
That's just so annoying for no reason. Honestly, why can't I even think right now? I just want somebody good. Somebody good for me. Somebody that cares about my mental health and knows how to plan a date. Because my next definite love language would have to be quality time.
And words of affirmation. I'm the big words of affirmation girl. Like, I have to be affirmed at least 10 times a day or I think you don't love me. But that's just me being crazy. Anyway, I think that's like, I guess the top, my top thing would be mindfulness and just caring about me.
And I don't think that's that hard. And I don't think that that's a high standard at all. And hopefully, you know, I guess I've been waiting for the right person to walk into my life. And I know that I know that I know or I know that I will know when that person comes into my life. And the reason I know this is because of conversations that me and my mom have had.
And the other day I was talking to her and she has always said that the love of her life was my brother's dad. Me and my brother have different dads, but he passed away when I was very young, when my brother was very young. And she said that she's never felt the same way about a person until the man that she's with now. But it's like in a different kind of way.
And she's explained to me that kind of love and I have never felt that. Not even for C. And so I'm gonna keep looking for that feeling until I meet the person that gives me that. And to be quite honest guys, I kind of know somebody that I've been thinking about a lot lately.
But I don't know that he would really be interested in me at all. But I'm definitely interested in him for sure. And he kind of gives me that little butterfly feeling that I thought I lost. But maybe I'm just crazy. I don't know. We'll see where that one goes. But I know that I haven't found that person until I feel that feeling in my gut. And then they feel it back for me. So there's that.
That's how I'll know. And I don't think I will be in another relationship until I feel that feeling. So don't hold your breath, guys. We'll see what happens. Anyway, I think that's all I have today. I'm so sorry this is all over the place. I'm back on my Adderall after not taking it for a whole week. And I get very frustrated very easily with things without even really thinking about it.
So this has been kind of hard to keep up with because everything right now is frustrating me. But I just wanted to sit here and talk to try to get my mind off of the things that are going on around me. But yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this. I'm so sorry that you had to listen to me ramble for so long. I mean, I guess you chose to listen to this, but anyway.
Yeah, that's all I got. I will see you guys next time, and this has been Dumb Blonde. Peace out, dog.
