Should We Breakup or Makeup? 01:02:05

Welcome back to another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earle. My stalker has not left me yet. She's around for another week. I'm back! Ashton loves me and it's really just showing. I'm so happy to have you around. I know, you love having me, don't you? Sorry. Yeah, come on. Okay. Get ready. You're on Hot Mess, okay? I'm ready. So nervous.

This episode is presented by Sephora. Nourish yourself with hair care that really works whatever your hair type from brands like Amika, Kerastase, Moroccan Oil, and K18. Click or tap the banner or visit sephora.com to shop now.

This episode is brought to you by Liquid IV. It is hot out this summer. It is actually absurdly hot out and you don't have to be an athlete like Braxton to get the sweat going working outside training. I'm sweating walking to the car, walking down the road. People are taking Zoom meetings on their porch sweating and you need to replace that sweat with hydration. I personally love Liquid IV.

They have three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients for everyday wellness. Liquid IV hydrates two times faster than water alone. If any of you were listening to one of the episodes where I said I had a panic attack this summer, it's because my body was so dehydrated. It was run down, didn't feel good. The boat captain actually had to bring me out a liquid IV to put in my water because I was feeling so nauseous. That just truly shows my love for liquid IV and how much they do

They're so amazing. They have a bunch of flavors to choose from and, you know, take it to the beach with you. Make sure you're staying hydrated this summer. So grab your Liquid IV Hydration Multiplier Sugar-Free in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code HOTMESS at checkout. That's 20% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code HOTMESS at liquidiv.com.

This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never going to happen.

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts every three seconds on the app.

and the time it takes you to get a drink. You could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it. Open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. Do we look weird sitting like this?

I mean, I'm really comfy. No, me too. I'm comfy. Okay. Ashton and I are together again this week. I guess this past week was the Sports Illustrated swim show. And I feel like I went through so many different emotions this week. I was getting a little crazy. Just a little. Yeah.

But I so at the Sports Illustrated Swim Show, I guess I ran in and was around someone that like I used to be friends with. And that was just like such a weird feeling. And I didn't really expect or maybe I did expect to get like really sad because it's like hard breaking up with a friend. And I know I did the whole friendship breakup episode, but.

those emotions that you get in the moment and it reminds me of when you see like an ex-boyfriend like all you want to do is just like be back with them like being around someone that I used to be like so close with was like so hard and sad and flooded me with so many emotions and I was also so nervous about the show that like I just was like really overwhelmed and crying I think I was like kind of crying before yeah it was like weird I'd never seen you so like not on like you were on top of it but you were just like

So like freaked out usually you don't let things get to you and I feel like it was kind of getting to you just like a Smidgen because you were like already just nervous in general Well a lot of like what i've been doing this year because okay, so you break up with a boyfriend I feel like that's more my alley. I'm like I can you're good at breaking up with people I can be like bye. Yeah, but like

I don't know. You always want to like see the better in people. So that's like a big thing too. I was like working through in therapies. I'm like, well, I'm like, why can't like I just be friends or like maybe it's like better. But then it's like for whatever reasons, like, you know that that's not the best thing to do. And that, I don't know, I guess was just...

hitting me hard this weekend and it reminds me because a lot of times girls write in and they're like I want to get back with my ex or like what do I do and I feel like that's like it never crosses my mind but I feel like when dealing with like a friend like I was just like oh my god like this is so horrible and sad and I don't know I think there's a difference of when there's either like time to rekindle something or when there's not and you need to just like know what's best for you as I was going through these emotions I

I was in the hotel room with Ashton and Ashton was like, we're like so close now. I can't even believe like a year and a half ago we weren't close, which I feel like a lot of people don't know. I know. I like forget about that too. When we used to live together in high school, we were obviously like together every day and like best friends. But, and now we are kind of like that again because we see each other all the time. But there was like,

Was it like a year? No, this was like two years or something. We just like... It was like when I... I think it like started more when I went to college or was it before? Before.

But, like, it was a while. I think when you went to college, we just, like, never kept up with each other. So, like, Ashton and I seem like we're best friends now and sisters. And, of course, and, like, everyone's like, oh, I wish I was that close with my sister. But there was a point, like, a year and a half ago, we didn't talk at all. Like, we were kind of strangers. And I genuinely, during that time, I was like, that's crazy. Like, I'll never live with my sister again. Like, I'm just...

probably like gonna have like a totally different life than her i know and now i'm like different paths

Well, now I'm like, wait, I think we should live together. Now Ashton's, like, planning to move in with me next year. But I guess, like, what tore us apart was, like, your boyfriend. My relationship. Not that he tore us apart, but that, like, created, like, a little dent. A little divide between us. Because I was a little bit... So Ashton's boyfriend and her, like...

How long did you guys date? Like three and a half years. Yeah. And I don't know, this is like you went from high school to dating into college. Yeah, which is crazy to think about. We started dating when I was 16 and we broke up like two weeks before I turned 20. Yeah. Which is like such a pivotal moment in your life. That's what I'm saying. Like, I feel like you changed so much in those times. And there was just some things that you were like, oh, I really want to go abroad. And he was like,

you shouldn't go abroad. That's like for losers and people who are insecure. Yeah. He's like, it's for like people who are single too. I was like, okay, like, yeah. I really just want to go abroad. And like being an older sister, I know that like, since you've been like two years old, you've been like, Ooh, I want to go study abroad and travel in Europe and like go live my best life over there. So I would like see those things or like hear him say things to you that I, in my head was like, Oh my God, he's like putting her down or just like not letting her like grow. So I would be very vocal about that. Yeah.

Like, I know now you were really just trying to protect me, but at the time it really just felt like you were trying to, like, cause problems because I knew you, like, hated men. So I was like, she just wants me to be single and, like, blah, blah, blah, like...

but now i know that it was for the better i just like i wasn't afraid to tell ashton or her boyfriend yeah i was like she was pretty straight up about it to both of us he did not like her towards the end of our relationship but that's the other thing is you guys dated for so long that he felt like a brother to me so like i felt very comfortable going to him and i was like hey fuck you i'm like don't say that to my sister like don't do that and ashton was like guys it's

No, they literally fought like siblings. It was funny. And it was funny until it like wasn't funny because then we weren't friends. Yeah, until we just like stopped talking to each other. Yeah, so I just like voiced my opinion a lot and that's something I would not do again in the same way is I like was very harsh towards Ashton about like how I felt and I could have gotten my point across by just being like nicer and like more calm and like on her side. But I was like,

You stupid idiot. I was like, why are you dating this guy? Like, you need to be single. And she was like, Alex, shut up. Yeah. I feel like, yeah. I feel like we both learned from that, though. Like, I learned to, you know, listen more and take what you say with... Well, I was right. Well, not completely. I mean... Yeah. Mostly. But you were just like...

I didn't want to believe you, but yeah, I learned now that sometimes you have to take your friends' or sisters' advice when it comes to a guy, too. Well, I mean, like, I feel like you need to explain, like, what you were like in this stage, because you're not the same Ashton that you are now. Which is crazy, because I still, like...

that's still like how I would describe myself and everyone's like what are you talking about like I was very very like insecure shy like total people pleaser I would never make a decision even if it was what kind of coffee I wanted in the morning like I was just a shell of a human I'm not kidding

i know you're not kidding no it was bad i'm definitely better now but you would like rely on your boyfriend a lot oh i yeah this is i'm like hide the hide under the hat girl no no it's like i'm in these like psychology classes and i'm like oh my god the attachment issues were real they were bad like i fully relied like

every thought I had like based on him and I didn't want to do anything or think about anything or make any decisions without him and I realize now it was like a severe attachment problem but I was just like so not sure of who I was as a person at the time that we started dating so I think I just like

leaned onto him for everything yeah you did and i could see that and sometimes i feel like he wouldn't steer you in the right direction because he would be like maybe a little like selfish for something so i always tried to butt in and then after maybe like six months of making these comments and whatnot i think it was christmas break we were driving from like dad's to mom's house for christmas because the annual christmas drive anyone who was divorced parents

On holidays, it's like, here we go field tripping with suitcases from one house to another on the holidays. So we were doing our annual divorce kid rounds. We're in the car. So I was like, all right, you know, we have 30 minutes right now. Like maybe this is a time I talk to Ashton. And I think at this point I was being more calm and trying to talk to you. Like I wasn't like coming at you. I think why it resonated with me more.

But you still were like, well, you're wrong. Well, that's the thing. I wasn't ready to admit it to myself yet. So that was my issues. But I like heard what you were saying this time instead of just getting mad at you and being like, fuck off. You're wrong. You don't know what you're talking about. I remember just like trying to get all my points across very calmly and like

wasn't really answering me. She was kind of just sitting there in silence, but she was crying. And this is so sad. I know. This actually makes me really sad, too. No, and, like, I was like, Ashton, like, you have so much, like, potential. And, like, I was just, like, trying to give her any, like, courage I could. And, like, she wasn't answering me. And she was like, no, like, I'm fine. I don't need to hear this and whatever. But she was crying at the same time. So, like, I knew that. That's what, like, at that point, I kind of... I feel so bad for her. No, oh, my God. Why am I tearing up? Are you tearing up?

Wait, this actually, like... Oh, my God, Ashton! No, that was, like, really rough for me. No, it was sad, and then it was, like, I knew that I was getting through to her finally, but, like, she wasn't... She still was, like, saying no, but she was crying, so it was, like... No, and this was, like, crazy, too, because at this point, and, like, between me and you... Oh, God. Oh, God.

But like me and you our relationship we didn't talk like about like what was going on I never told you what was going on with me. Oh yeah maybe we should like give some context. I kept saying that like we weren't close during this time but like we like weren't close. At like the end

like towards the end so like we were like this was at our like most distant probably yeah because ashton would go to college and just like talk to her friends and her boyfriend like we never like we never planned to see each other called each other she had no idea what i was doing i had no idea what she was doing so like we weren't close so like during this time when i'm talking to her i was like

trying to just be a good big sister but like we kind of like didn't really know the details of each other's lives like we would come home for the holidays and it like was we'd just be like hey yeah we didn't even like know what yeah we were i mean we were siblings yeah but we weren't like best friends like we are now yeah and um i think my christmas car ride struck a nerve with you yeah it was one of those situations where i had like

a few times, like, thought about, like, what if him and I did break up, but I was like, oh my god, like, no, like, that could never happen. Like, I don't know what I would do without him. Because you were so, like, he was like a blankie. Oh, yeah. No, genuinely, I would, like, be terrified. I was like, I don't know what I would do without him. Like, I don't know, like...

a world without him. Like, I don't know how I would think or like literally just go about my day without him. Like, that's like, I was so severely attached to this boy. And it was your first boyfriend. Yeah. So that, and it was also like, we were in love. Like we did just like love each other too on top of it. So it was like all this stuff. And I was like, I don't know who I am as a person. Like I can't be alone. And then I started to realize that I was like,

oh my god, I don't know who I am as a person. So it was like the back and forth between like, I need to figure out myself, but I also can't because like, I'm so scared. So when did you like realize that was a problem? Like kind of when you talked to me. I would, because I would always just be like, like, forget about it. Like you don't, because like, I would like randomly like have those thoughts. That was my ultimate, like, I told you so moment that I just had.

Two years later. Okay, I'm done. Continue. As I remember, we were like long distance, him and I. So I remember that was like that first semester I was like flying to him or something one time. And I don't know why on the airplane, I just started sobbing. And I was like,

hmm i was like we're just gonna ignore that and pretend that didn't happen and yeah subconsciously yeah i would just like be like low-key in the back of my mind like what and then i would just be like no no no sometimes your body tells you things like before you know and i'm like i don't know if i should say too much about that well what like i've never said this like out loud before it's like kind of icky like is it like about sex yeah

Like, I just remember, like, one of the last times I was with him and we had sex. Like, I literally felt, like, numb. Oh. And I was like, this is bad. Yeah. But I was still in my mind. I was like, I can't break up with him. Yeah. I love him. I don't know what I'd do without him. Well, I feel like so many people feel that way and go through that. And that's, like, a hard...

I feel like sometimes like hard for me to think about that sometimes before you like break up with someone you like know for like months before or it like takes like months to lead up to like, okay, like, let me just wait another month and see if I'm still feeling it was just like really hard because like, I was still like, in love with him. I loved him. Like I knew his whole life. I knew his whole family like loved him.

but it was like something else was just like you need to get out of this and decide i don't even know how to explain it but then like i had like been having those feelings kind of but i would just like ignore it i'd be like shut up no and then you talk to me in the car and that's why i started crying because i was like oh my god like she sees this and like i'm feeling it and like but like i can't like like i was like like like like like like

Oopsie. Need to go to speech therapy. But you were saying all this stuff that I had been thinking about kind of, but I had never admitted to myself really. And so that was all going through my head as you were speaking to me, which is why I was crying. But I was also just like, no, no.

you don't need to break up with him blah blah blah i was just so genuinely terrified of breaking up with him it got so bad to the point that you didn't even tell me that you broke up you told me like after and i was like i was embarrassed and i was scared like i didn't tell anyone anyone i remember i was i was at dinner with lily like the day after or something and she like brought him up and she was like you haven't talked about him really did you guys like break up or something

And I was like, no. And I was like, yeah. And she was like joking. And she was like, what? And I was like, oh my God, I'm sorry. I don't know. Oh my God, Ashton. I know. I was such a dork. Wait, so I don't like, how did the breakup go again? He broke up with you, right? Yeah, it got to a point.

Where I was so mentally messed up about this, but I still couldn't bring myself to break up with him that he broke up with me thinking it would trigger me to beg for him back and be more attentive because I just kind of started disassociating towards the end. That's healthy. Yeah. Real healthy of me. I would just like forget to answer his text sometimes, which I would never do. But...

I was just like, I love him so much. I can't break up with him. So he broke up with me over Snapchat. Over Snapchat? What was that for? It was Snapchat. I thought it was text. No, we were Snapchatting.

just talking he's like you've been this gets worse and worse every time i hear it my toes have been curled every time i tell this story like one more detail comes she still hasn't told me the full breakup story wait over snapchat okay we're just gonna move on they were dating for three years this happened over text but apparently snapchat so it's even worse than text and he expected you to like say like no wait and like fight for it back and you didn't and i was just like okay maybe you're right you know maybe we'll take a few days apart see what happens and

Because I just couldn't bring myself to ever say the words, let's break up to him. And then he said it. And I was like, you know what? Let me just sit on this. Are you okay? Kind of triggering. Not going to lie. Yeah.

welcome to therapy don't think about that ever anymore that's okay I blocked it out of my mind a little bit well that's what I'm here for you were a great sister you really did the most for me just inviting me to things and letting me hang out with your friends and just being there for me but then that's when we like became friends again which is which I was so grateful how we started this story was we weren't close and now we're close

Yeah. I needed you. I'm glad you were there for me, though, because you could have just ignored me. Yeah. But going back, if I could have done things differently, I think from the start, I wouldn't have...

been so pushy with Ashton about the breakup because or like getting her to try and break up with him for me it felt just very insensitive and it was it didn't feel like you were doing it you were saying all this stuff because you cared about me per se even though I know it was that it just more felt that you were a girl who was like hate all men like blah blah blah whatever and

he all men suck like you need to be single and have fun and i was like i like being in a relationship and you were like no no and that's where it felt like i was just like she doesn't know what she's talking about yeah i feel like i don't know where my tactic was with all of that but like i was i think you were trying to entice me to be single but i was trying to seduce you you were trying to seduce me to the single life but no i'm

Yeah, I should have just been more like, I care for you, sweetie, and nice. More like my Christmas talk. Now the tables have turned, haven't they? You're the relationship girlie. Well...

What are you going to do about it? So then after you guys broke up, I immediately tried to distract Ashton. I planned her birthday in Miami. I invited her to Coachella with me. She was coming for my graduation. I took her out every night because I was like, she can't be alone right now because she's going to lose her mind, respectfully. I remember how just sad I was on my birthday. Yeah, she was crying in the club on her birthday. But I was like, bottle service! She was like, shots, shots. I was like...

I was like, it'll be fine, sweetie. That's a good sister right there. Just keep dancing. And I think it wasn't until, she didn't really tell me the whole full spiel of everything that went down until you were there for my graduation and we were at Live. And I remember we were like at this table. It's graduation week. We were at 11, not Live. No, we were at Live. You don't even remember. When were we at Live? We were at Live like before I graduated, I think.

i remember when i wear that black top with the skirt i was thinking about 11 i was like i don't remember telling you this at 11 yeah no this was at live okay okay so everyone's like partying having a good time for graduation ruha and ruha new word ruha i don't know why like i feel like i've heard that i'm gonna start using this

anyway everyone else is off and we were in the corner of the club crying and i don't do you remember this conversation like we were like just whispering because you know in a club you like can't hear people so you have to like intensely like whisper in the ear to the point where you're like licking the inside of their earlobes you're like yeah you feel like they're hot breath in your ear it's the only way you can talk in a club otherwise you can't hear anything yeah so i was like i should have gone to

for you and i'm so happy that you've broken up with your boyfriend okay i gotta stop um and then she was telling me like that the whole a lot of the times they would fight was about me actually yeah every time we would fight was about you we never fought unless it was

when you came up well do you want to describe like why like you're fighting over me because i'm perfect we're fighting who wants you more um well it would mostly be because he hated you no well because he knew you wanted us to break up well yeah yeah yeah

This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts

every three seconds on the app and the time it takes you to get a drink you could have already met your special someone so don't overthink it open tinder and take a chance on romance no matter how your journey starts you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to tinder explore all of the possibilities for yourself tinder it starts with the swipe download tinder today this episode is brought to you by majuri you know i had a thought the other day since rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions

Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.

In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world, feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online, or visit the website to find a store near you. Let me just give one example. Okay. Just one story. So right...

We all know about like the boyfriends like in other bikini photos on Instagram. You know, everyone's like, whatever. Some girls are fine with it. Some girls aren't. But this man, her boyfriend, boy, followed these other girls on Instagram that I followed as well. These like Instagram baddies. I remember this one girl, this like model girl with huge boobs like out, literally out to here in this tiny bikini top.

And I saw this photo and I was like, oh my God, hot girl. And it says liked by your boyfriend and like however many hundreds, thousands, others, millions. And he came over and I was like, hey,

what's up with you liking all her this girl's photos like and i went back and he was liking all of her photos and i was like this is creepy like why are you liking this other girl's like clearly slutty photo and he was like um sorry that like you have a problem with that but ashton actually doesn't have a problem with that like we have an agreement like she doesn't care about that right ashton tell her and ashton would be in the corner like yeah i don't care about that at

And I like, that's where like, I don't think you understand. I can understand now like why you were enraged a little bit. I don't think you understand fumes came out of my ears and I was like floating off the, it was like a cartoon like off the bed and I was like, I'm going to strangle you.

and i was trying to be good sister and then ashton was like alex it's seriously not a big deal well like that's really funny because at the time genuinely i was like yeah like i don't care like he can like their pictures like i know he still likes me so like it's fine and i was like this is seen embarrassing now i i understand a little bit more like you just don't have to like other people's pictures yeah you really don't have to

Like, it's not that hard. It's easier actually not to like it. Guys always love the excuse of, I just like every photo. How fucking generous of you that you like every photo on Instagram. But kind of crazy. Stop tapping that little finger and put it away. Give that little guy a break. He's tired. We're gonna overtime out here.

Like, why is that their go-to excuse? Like, I like every photo. Like, what is the one photo on the feed going to tell the other photo that you didn't like that photo? Like, it'll be okay. I just double tap every picture I see without thinking. I'm like, well, think a little. I don't know.

They hang up there. But it's okay. He's not that smart. Yeah, so that was just one example of why Alex hated him. And I didn't hate him. Okay, you strongly disapproved. I think he wasn't best for you at the time. Okay, that's fair. I could see that now. Look at us talking calmly. We're like, yep, it's fine. But now I'm so glad.

We can air it out on a podcast together. My last question, and then I'll stop torturing you about all this. Yeah.

for any girl who's, like, in this position, because this is such a common position to be in, of, like, in a toxic relationship, maybe, or maybe it's not toxic, but it's just comfortable, and you want to leave, and you want to get out, but you don't really feel comfortable doing that, or it's scary, you don't want to be alone, like, what would your biggest piece of advice be? Because I'm not gonna lie, Ashton was, like, literally had no backbone until they broke up, and then she literally went, like, cold turkey on this man, like,

hasn't seen him like was like bye and I did not expect that I expected her to be like begging at his doorstep like so upset like she literally just like turned around and left and like how did you do that or like how would you what's the best way for like coping with that honestly I don't really know how to say it I just knew that it had run its course and I knew that if I had any self-respect and wanted to become any way like

if I wanted to become independent in any way, shape or form and learn how to be myself, I had to just stick with it and just kind of go like no contact. Cause I knew like, no contact is the best. I knew all the stories of everyone, like no contact or, you know, talking to your ex after you break up and not really being broken up. I've seen it with my friends who like break up with their boyfriends, but still talk to them every day. And then

nothing really changes and then they get back together and then they fight again and they break up so I knew I was like if I want to do anything for myself and learn how to be independent and maybe a little more confident and learn about myself a little bit I need to just genuinely be alone and that's like what kept me going which was crazy because even at the time I still had no like

Like you didn't want to do that. I didn't want to at all. I wanted to run back to him immediately. So you put like almost like facts over emotion and you kind of just closed your eyes and did it. Yeah, I was trying to be very logical about it. You were just like pulling off the band-aid and you're like, I'm just going to do it. Yeah, I was like, it's already over. Like I just knew I needed to do this for myself somehow. I guess I have...

self-respect or something but like something like that I just knew I needed to do it for myself even though I was genuinely terrified if you can't tell from yeah how attached I was and then how long did it take you until you were like oh okay this was like a good decision like I'm feeling good the whole summer after we broke up which we broke up at like the end of March I was like I'm fine I don't care but I don't think it was really until like the next fall when I was really like

I don't care anymore. Like, that whole summer, I did actually... I didn't tell you this either. I didn't tell anyone this, actually. I did, like, actually have a mental breakdown and FaceTimed him one night in the middle of the summer. Wait, no, you told me this. Did I? When you were, like, drunk on the lawn. No. Oh. He called me that night. Oh. Okay.

no never mind when i was drunk laying down on the lawn sorry no but one night i was just genuinely because i kind of had a little mental breakdown i was like i don't know if anyone will ever get to know the real me again because i was so reserved and wouldn't really tell anyone anything besides him so i just was freaking out and i told him i was like he was like

This is why he was... This actually made me happy that I called him because I was, like, scared that no one else would ever understand me like he did. And I called him just to tell him that because I was drunk and, like, having a mental breakdown. And he was like...

So let's get back together then. And I was like, that's not what I want. I was like, I want to be alone. I want to figure myself out. And he just wasn't getting it. And I think I just like hung up on him at one point. But that was kind of just like a turning point for me. He was always says to people now still, he's like, yeah, she's so different. She's so different. I'm like, good. I freaking hope so. I'm not a 16 year old shy little twerp anymore. Yeah.

How did I know that word was going to come out of your mouth? Do I say that a lot? Twerp? I think you do. It's kind of cute. I want to be a little twerp. You should make twerp merch. Twerp. Twerp. Um, well, yeah, thank God. Yeah, I kind of just stuck to my guns and then... Stuck to my guns. Wait, isn't it stick to your gut? My gut. Like, stick to your guns. Isn't it stick to your guns? What does that mean?

Am I wrong? I'm going to be so embarrassed. Stick to your guns. Stick to your guns. Oh, man. Oh, man.

If you stick to your guns, you continue to have your own opinion about something, even though other people are trying to tell you that you were wrong. Okay, well, it doesn't sound like it would be correct. That doesn't sound like what I would think it would be. Stick to your guns. That sounds bad. That sounds exactly like... That sounds like... Well, it sounds like you're dumb. Sorry. Okay. Anyway, yeah, I kind of just stuck to my guns because I knew I needed to do that for myself. And then eventually, you know, time heals all. And...

yep now i'm chronically single and now she hates all men and now i'm terrified of them and won't let them come near me well earl girls you heard it here first it gets better it does and i knew that which is why i i knew even in the dark days i was like i know it's gonna get better i just have to get through this and it got better and i got through it so now that we've rekindled our friendship

It depends. Like, there's some friendships that are worth rekindling and some that are not. So I think we should play a little game of would you stay friends with this person or break up with them? I'm going to give examples of, like, a friend dynamic, and we're going to say break up with them or, like, stay their friend. Okay. First, if you consistently caught them stealing out of your closet. I don't think that's means for, like, the ending of a friendship, but I would...

kind of be annoyed because i just be like i yeah so one time i lived with this girl who like i didn't didn't really like i wasn't really close with her before we lived together and like i would come home from going out and she would be like in my closet like trying on my clothes and that's like a different like if it's like natalie's in my closet i'm like bitch what the hell are you doing if it's like a best friend i'd be like hey yeah if it's like a friend or like a roommate

Yeah, it's a little like weird, but I don't think that's a reason to like not be friends with someone. But also like I feel like I pretty much have like a rotating closet at all times or not even closet like anything in my life. I feel like that's a precedent. That's a situation where you're either like the friend that has the open closet or not. For me, it's easy to say because I get...

gifted so grateful but gifted a lot of clothes and a lot of makeup at a lot of times like that's just always the thing i'm like if i get all this stuff like so do you guys like take whatever you want so i'm like very good about sharing but yeah no sometimes like that girl would be in my closet and she would pick out like my nice like designer like pair of sneakers and be like can i wear these to the party tonight and i was like i mean do you have to and i would say yes because it was yeah so we deem this as you can still be their friend but maybe tell them to ask if you care about that stuff okay

if they never paid your venmo requests i feel like there's always the friend that you have to remind 45 times for them to venmo you i feel like you would be like that me just because they were like lazy sometimes no i always i always pay my demos i'm always the first to venmo actually okay go ashti yeah i'm good i'm good at that me too unless it's something with like my friends in the group chat because sometimes i just like don't read all my texts and then they're like alex i don't

on the side yeah but i'll always pay it yeah but there are some friends that like i they purpose no there's some schemers out there there's some schemer to get none of my friends but there are some that i've seen before i mean yeah but i don't think that's the reason to not be friends with someone it's the reason to be really annoyed at someone but yeah but like no hunt them down get that memo call their parents yeah tell on them to their parents sue them

Okay. If you found out they were talking shit about your physical appearance behind your back. Absolutely friendship breakup. Hell no. I thought you were going to say it looked absolutely fine. Absolutely okay. That is so not okay. No, that's... First of all, you shouldn't talk about anyone's physical appearance ever, but a...

especially your best friend yeah like i don't know everyone talks shit here and there right it's like uh ashton walks out of the room i'm like she's so like slow today at walking like she can't like pick up the pace or like clean her shit in my room whatever but like that's different than if i'm like talking about someone's appearance like that i've

I've had that before where I've had girls talk to me. That makes my blood boil. I've had girls talk to me about other friends that we're all friends with about their appearance and like I stopped being friends with that person and ultimately so did everyone else because I was like actually... Like that's just someone's appearance. That's just how they are. If they were a super sloppy... If they were a super sloppy drunk and you constantly had to take care of them. I feel like I have friends like this. But like...

No, it's like fine. That's not a reason to not be friends with someone. It's a reason to like maybe have an intervention. Yeah. You could be like, hey girl. Or maybe let's not go out together anymore. But yeah, no. I could still be friends with you. If you said a guy was hot at the bar and they went home with him.

hmm i've had a friend like this too and now we're not friends anymore because that's tricky well okay that's like really annoying first of all this one's tricky though because this isn't saying like if you got with someone and then they got with them this is just like if you like said they were hot

yeah i mean like i don't like that i wouldn't is there more context though did like you try to talk to the guy and he didn't like you like you say you're in a bar and you like pick out this guy and you're like wow like i'm gonna like go after that tiger and then they do it i'm gonna go after that tiger

Is that what you say when you see hat guys? I don't know. I've had a boyfriend for so long, I don't remember. Alex is getting ready to pounce at the bar. I honestly probably wouldn't be like, I'm not friends with you anymore. Yeah, like thinking realistically, if one of my- I don't want to sit them down and be like, hey, this is a problem, but I probably just would be like, you're not at the top of my list. Yeah, if that was like one of my best friends did that to me, I'd be like-

Maybe I don't tell you who I think is hot anymore. But is that a best friend then? Well, my best friends would never do that to me. That's the thing. Yeah. If they posted the worst possible group photo of you after you asked them not to, Ashton, this is Ashton core right here. Ashton is the bad photo poster. Photo... Can you speak today? No. Hey.

But Ashton is the definition of she only looks at herself before posting a photo. Every time I get tagged in a photo by Ashton, I'm like, great. What kind of like crocodile arms do I have going on in this photo? I'm always cross-eyed or close-eyed, hairs in my face. Ashton is so bad at this. And I'm going to say that you are selfish with that. Honestly. Excuse me? You are. Ashton, go through Ashton's Instagram right now.

Well, in my defense. Every photo she posts of me, I'm like this. In my defense, you're just so perfect. I don't think you look bad in pictures. Oh, you're so sweet and such a gaslighter. You're just trying to make me seem like a bad person. I'm not saying. I don't post genuine bad photos. Yeah, no. There's a difference. Okay, she posts photos that my eyes are closed. Maybe her eyes are closed. Yeah. But like, I look really good in it. So, yeah. But it's not like she looks bad.

Bad. Her eyes are just closed. There's a difference of, like, if someone's not paying attention, I think, or if someone's, like, literally looks like they gotta go. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it's just... It's not their day today. And especially with, like, this was a big thing in college because...

I went to Miami. So everything was like bikini photos. And that's where I feel like it's a little bit like you have to be more sensitive to people's opinions with that because some people would be like, I've posted photos before, like group photos with my friends and I've had a friend be like, please take this down. And I always delete it, especially because I have followers. So like that would be just horrible and rude and mean. Nothing's worth posting a photo about.

That you look good in that like someone else looks like horrible, horrible, horrible. Yeah. Especially if I think if a friend asks you, they're like, can you please take that photo down? Yeah. And you don't like just take it down. Yeah. If they left you alone at the club without saying bye or checking that you were OK.

I think that if that happens more than once, I would stop being friends with them. Yeah, that's just not a good friend. Because for me, that's besides being a bad friend, that's like putting someone else in danger. Like if you leave someone drunk alone at the club, like God forbid, like there's so many like horror stories, especially in Miami or like New Orleans where you live, like that can get sketchy over there. That's a good point. There is like you, I've seen situations where girls have been like,

in terrible very dark bad situations because their friends have left them alone at the bar so i think that's like not even an excusable thing maybe it happens one time it was like yeah if it's a mistake but if someone's leaving you alone like you always have to check on your roommates your best friends like that's a big thing with whoever you're with you should check on them especially if you're leaving someone just like even at a table alone and you know you might be leaving like at least text them yeah hate hate

If they constantly make fun of you but always say they're just joking. Another one that enrages me because this happened to my best friend with one of her friends at school and...

like it's just mean yeah it's like a sign of like weird jealousy it's it is it's try to let it out no i'm joking it's obviously like jealousy yeah and it just enrages me i'm like why would you be jealous of your best friend you should be so happy for them and whatever they're doing if you're genuinely jealous of your friend and saying mean things about them and then be like i'm just joking like

you have some serious issues that you need to work on yeah i don't think like this one hits for me i think me and my friends like shit on each other but in like a funny way where it's like no but like if you're saying something that's like hitting home a little too hard and you're like but that's a joke um it's not a joke no that is a bad friend you're cut off you're done if they don't stick up for you when people were talking behind your back

Bad friend. Done. Bye. Bad friend. Done. Bye. If someone's talking about your best friend and you're just sitting there like, okay,

Like you should be punching them in the face. And if someone were to talk bad about one of my friends to me, I would actually probably drop kick them in the face. Yeah. Like imagine just sitting there. I can't. But there's this video I saw on TikTok the other day of this girl who was like, honestly, she's like, if you hate me because your other best friend hates me, she's like, I fuck with you. She was like,

yeah good for you like you shouldn't that's how it should be i feel like if you hate someone your best friend should also hate them yeah no explanation needed exactly because if your best friend hates wrong to you then they did something wrong to them too exactly

Okay. I will literally live, breathe and die for my best friends. Like Ashton, Ashton has had the same friends since kindergarten. So she like, I've never had like any like real friendship breakups either. Really? Oh God. Yeah. If they try to become best friends with every new person in your life that you introduced them to.

I think that's a good thing. Like you should want your, like my home friends and my college friends. Like I want them to be best friends. That's my favorite thing is like, I feel like Coachella was a good example of that. It was like, Sally's my home friend. Ashton's my sister. Kristen's my school friend. Patrick and Zaza are my like LA friends. So everyone was kind of like mixing together and like we all were best friends. And I'm like, of course I want everyone. Like I would never be mad if all of a sudden like,

Sally went to go hang out with like Zaza in LA. I wouldn't be like, um. Yeah, I think that's just a sign of a jealous friend, which is not a real friend. Yeah. We're going to be late to the airport, so we have to go. But I'm going to come back and sit down with you guys once I get on this flight and don't miss it.

And I'm going to tell you about a recent like friendship rekindling that I had because like we said there's sometimes with friendships that it's like you're It's not worth getting back friends with them. Like they're just not worth it Not a good person, but there's other times where there's circumstantial issues and then you drift But then you're like wait, we're still really good friends We just haven't put in the work and I went through one of those recently with a long-distance friend that i've had so i'm going to tell you guys a little bit about that and

We have to like actually go to the airport right now or we're going to be like really late. Okay. Say bye Ashton. Bye hot mess. I love you. This episode is brought to you by Joyba bubble tea. If you're a fan of bubble tea, then you guys have to try this range from Joyba. I've seen this all over my TikTok and personally, my little siblings are obsessed with this Joyba bubble tea. They show me videos all the time. So Joyba bubble tea, it comes in several delicious flavors.

This episode is brought to you by Joiba Bubble Tea. If you thought bubble tea was just a trend, think again. In fact...

Now you can have it in the comfort of your own home. I have seen it all over my TikTok page. Ooh, bubble tea. Ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm like, okay, what is this? I need to try it. All of my friends are now drinking it. Joiba bubble tea comes in several delicious fruity flavored tea combinations with popping boba, like strawberry lemonade green tea and mango passion fruit green tea. Enjoy your popping boba moment anytime, anywhere with Joiba bubble tea. Follow Joiba.

Joyba on Instagram and TikTok at joyba.fun for fun giveaways and to find a retailer near you.

We're back. We actually made our flight, thank God. And now it's just me back here, but there was one more point with friendships that I wanted to recap with you guys because we were just kind of talking about like friendships that are sometimes worth rekindling, sometimes not worth rekindling. And recently I had to have a conversation that was really hard with one of my friends because

we kind of just let the long distance get to us. Like, I don't know if anyone has like a long distance friend. This was my friend from high school. So we did long distance all of college. And I don't know, friendships are also like relationships that you have to nurture. And when we went to college, we did a pretty good job of like keeping up with each other. And then I feel like when we both graduated college this past year, just

on top of keeping up with like my college friends and then just life getting crazy and I don't know she started a job and we just both kind of like didn't do a good job at keeping up with each other and honestly things just got like kind of awkward like we didn't really talk and like there was just points where we would like do a FaceTime call and kind of had to like recap on like the past like three months of our lives when normally we would talk like every single day and

I don't know. It's just like it was sad to see and in my mind I kind of was like oh well like maybe she doesn't really want to like be friends with me anymore and this is like one of those situations where you kind of like take something personally but there is just like actually a misunderstanding if that makes any sense. Like she thought that I didn't want to talk to her. I thought that she didn't want to talk to me and then every time we talked we just like slowly stopped like

keeping up with each other on the little things and it got to a point where like I called her and I actually like didn't even know like her and her status on anything I literally was like talking to a stranger and it was like almost like awkward and then we decided to have a call and

It was actually so scary. I feel like when you're confronting a guy, like we're just used to confronting guys or you're in a relationship and it's easier to just be like, hey, like you're pissing me off right now. But when it's a friend, there's just like this unsaid, I don't know, you just like don't really have serious conversations with your friends sometimes about like the way your relationship is working. Like we don't have like monthly checkups with our friends and

we she had texted me and she was like hey like can we talk and I knew exactly what she wanted to talk to me about and this is like say a year in the making right that we're like not really keeping up with each other and I was like well this is so awkward right now because like

like I had things that like you know maybe upset me she had things that upset her and I was like I don't want to get on this phone call right now and discuss this and I was really really scared and anxious and I literally was like sitting in my bed I was like okay like I'm just gonna call her like this is gonna be fine and the way that this call went like I first of all we were talking for like

an hour of just like oh my gosh like catching up and we both were kind of like dancing around the topic of like confronting each other that we like weren't that close anymore and obviously she was like one of my she is actually i would say like my longest best friend that i've had we were friends since high school so yeah that would be probably be my longest friend i don't think i have any friends from like middle school

which is like crazy because Ashton's friends are her same friends since kindergarten. I'm like, how did you do that? Because that's not happening for me. But anyways, I called her. We're talking. We're just like catching up. We're kind of like just small talking. And you could tell that we were both kind of like waiting for the moment that one of us was going to be like, oh, okay. So and she did it first. She hit me with the like

so like there was just something I wanted to talk about and I was like here it comes here it comes I was like sweating in my bed and we just both kind of started going back and forth with like okay well you know I feel like we're not that close anymore but like we don't really talk and then she was like you know I feel like

I'm being left out of certain things and I was like well I thought you like didn't want to be included because I we like weren't talking to each other so we just kind of like went back and forth and we both were like hysterically crying but it was like so awkward like confronting a friend is just like so weird and awkward and like

Maybe I should actually call her right now and she can help better explain how this phone call was because we were just like so awkward, but it was kind of so sweet. Like we were trying to like we were trying to make amends and just like figure out like whatever issues we had going on, which there wasn't an issue. The issue was just miscommunication, which I think is.

Something that is really important that I wish I just had like nipped in the butt a little bit earlier because we kind of just let the like miscommunication like get to us and like I've had a really really busy year and I don't know we just didn't do a good job on checking up with each other but I'm gonna call her right now because you guys need to hear I feel like she can like better explain the dynamic of this call.

um so remember when we had that call and we had to like confront each other that like we were not talking anymore and it was so awkward that was literally the worst thing ever like we were on the phone i'm recording for hot mess right now so say hi to the earl girls

hey guys but i'm trying to explain to them how this phone call went down like we were talking and like crying but like every time we cried we were like so we're like i'm so sorry like it's so awkward that was a hard a hard phone call yeah no it's not easy but you know but we had but we had to nip it in the butt exactly love you

Love you. Bye. Bye. But we went from not talking at all to talking again, just like every single day and FaceTiming and catching up on the little stuff and just, I don't know, like the stupid little moments that you have to catch up with to be close friends with someone. And like immediately after we had that call, I wasn't sure if like,

Maybe like I don't know is like did we like get that across clearly or did she like understand what I said like are things just going to like go back to normal and we literally just started like texting like normal and FaceTime each other every other night and it made me like so happy and like not to get emotional or anything but I like she is just truly like wonderful.

one of my best friends and it's so sad that if we didn't like if she didn't text me and was like can we have a talk like we probably like would be still in that awkward position right now where we're not really talking so this is a sign if anyone else is dealing with long distance friendships because I know that a lot of us are especially after like I don't know some people move for work or after you're graduating college like I

I have a lot of friends now that are long distance and like a lot of my college friends like Sarah, Natalie, Kate, Ava, they all live in New York City. And we do a really good job at like texting in our college group chat like every day. And I would say that really works for my friend group because I just think if you're not like keeping up with the little things and hearing how someone's date went or hearing how the date work was or just like little things that...

are important and I don't know it's so easy for you to text your friends or to have group chat with your friends I would say that's definitely made a really big difference because I haven't felt like distance from my college friends at all the ones that I'm doing long distance with but that's because we did a good job at keeping in communication like 24 7 so yeah that would be my little tidbit for long distance friendships and anyone dealing with a friend that

It's like sad because I would I don't know I would literally like cry to chris and I was like I feel like we're not close anymore and like it just made me so upset but it was just miscommunication so I don't know for anyone who needed to hear that because I think there's times that it's worth Rekindling a friendship and sometimes that it's not and sometimes, you know You need to let go and cut things off and it's not right for you. My whole Prophecy, is that the right word? prophecy

I guess prophecy. No, that's, I don't, you know what I'm trying to say. My awakening this year was just communication. It's helped my relationship, my friendships. It's helped with everything because sometimes things just get a little lost in the sauce. To end this episode, we're gonna do some What Would Alex Do? Hi Alex, this may be dumb, but I'm going to Vegas for the first time next week for my birthday and we're going to a bunch of DJ sets. I'm a country music girl and have

no clue how to dance to EDM music. Are we fist pumping? Twerking? Is grinding a thing? Please help. Okay. Vegas for your birthday. DJ sets. How would I dance? I mean, I don't know if you should take dance tips from me, but...

I wouldn't say, like, twerking. I mean, maybe, honestly. I feel like it's just feeling it in the moment, but I would say out of a lot of those sets, I'm just, like, bouncing, and I don't know, like, I have one leg going, and I'm just kind of, like, bouncing, and sometimes I'll, like, flick my hand like this, but this is usually, like, how I'm dancing to a DJ. This is terrible advice. I don't know, like, I really just bounce, I think. I just bounce and, like, flick

flick my fingers in the air. But you can do whatever you want. You can grind. You can twerk. I'm all for it. I think anything goes. But I'm going to say, like, at

you know, country music versus DJ set. I don't think you're, like, doing the, like, one-two step honky-tonk, but yeah, just a little bounce and a smile and have a drink and you'll get through it. Hey, Alex, I'm thinking about going on Accutane, but I'm nervous about the side effects and all the other complications. How did you deal with the severe dry skin and other effects? Also, what advice would you give for someone who's just starting? Love you so much. I'm

Love you too. Okay, advice for Accutane. A lot of people are really hesitant because of the side effects, which rightfully so, because the side effects can be very, very bad for some people. So definitely like talk to your doctor. I'm not a doctor. I don't like listen to everything I say, but this is just my experience. I actually didn't have that bad of side effects. Like I would say the number one thing was the chapped lips, like so chapped. Like

so chapped to the point where it's like you get it's almost like a cut on your mouth it's like it's painfully chapped but you just have to keep like aquaphor vaseline something like that on at all times like your your lips can not be without some juice on them and also your skin does get really dry but that was manageable for me it never got to a point where i was like pee

peeling off like a snake like it was just like dry so you also just had to like lotion it moisturize it what am I saying um and then the other side effects oh getting burnt in the sun that's a big one so that's something to take into account if you like live somewhere where you're laying out all the time or summertime like I could not lay out for more than like

15-20 minutes without getting burnt but if I applied like SPF I was pretty fine for like a decent amount but I would definitely get like burnt so I would say like staying out of the sun or putting on a lot of SPF is like smart if you're going to be on Accutane I mean it's hard to say because everyone deals with such different side effects when going on these type of drugs because everyone's different so I

You can always stop. Like, that's my thing. Is nothing, no, like, mental health, nothing is worth, like, your skin. But if your skin's to a point where it is affecting your mental health, personally, I...

loved when I went on Accutane. I did it three times, but my acne always came back after. So, it's just something that you have to deal with. I think another side effect I'm just remembering right now is purging. In the beginning, it gets better before it gets worse, but try it out. If there's a severe side effect that, like, you can't deal with, then stop. And...

I also think it kind of made my hair fall out a little bit. So yeah, I mean it doesn't sound great right now But it really cleared my skin in the moment. Okay, and um I think if you're nervous about the side effects like there's side effects for everything if you look up the side effects of I don't know walking down the street They're like you could get hit by a car So it's like you just have to like take everything with a grain of salt and see how you feel with it But I wouldn't let the side effects scare you from like not taking it um

And the other side effect that I'm also just remembering now is they said that you're not supposed to drink on it. I did drink on it, but, like, again...

Don't listen. That's just what Alex would do. Hey, Alex, with summer coming up, can you let the girls know how to get a smooth hairless bikini line? I've never tried waxing because it makes me nervous, but my skin gets so irritated with shaving and I feel like I have to shave literally every day when I know I'll be in a bikini help. Okay, wait, this is a good question because after going to University of Miami and having a party in a bikini for four years, I've pretty much got this system down pat. I don't get laser. I don't wax.

I have waxed before in high school. It hurts. So you could definitely do it.

But the problem with waxing is you have to let it grow out until you can get it waxed again. So I feel like that's not really giving ideal for summer. Maybe that's something you do in like the winter months. And then for summer, it's like you have less hair going on. Another thing that's really great is laser because you can shave and then like laser it off. But again, I've only done that once. And actually, the one time I did it actually helped a lot. But then I forgot to do it ever again. That was like my freshman year of college. But for me, I just...

here's my shaving routine that I swear to God, it really, really helps. So one, you have to use a men's razor. The women's razor is like something about them. They're just like, they don't do the same thing. Like the men's, like they get in there and they get a clean cut job done. So then after you have your men's razor, I think I use like Gillette or something. They

Then you're gonna need a good like exfoliation before just like scrub it down I use like a loofah, you know, you just want to like make sure you're exfoliating before it's gonna help you get a better shave then you're gonna need like a shaving cream or This might be weird. But if I know I have shaving cream I use like a conditioner. I don't know if that's bad to say like hair conditioner. I

Because it just like I don't know I feel like it's like thicker and smoother so it like helps me not get any bumps And then this is the most crucial part. So with shaving, this is the routine that you're going to want to do You're going to want to go down so like

The opposite way of what you would think like usually you go against the hair, you know Um, you're gonna go down first Then you're gonna go sideways. So sideways all the hair back and forth left right left right then And in between each of these you're gonna reapply like your shaving cream or your conditioner or your soap Whatever you got going on then third reapply more shaving cream go upwards so normally people start with just like going upwards and just like ripping that hair out and

And that I have found like is a little damaging. So you go down sideways and then up and I swear to God, it'll make you look like a smooth baby's bottom.

And then I have one more hack, which I have, don't take my word for it, if this like actually helps or not, but this is something I heard my freshman year of college and I'm not sure if this is correct, but deodorant. So you put deodorant on your bikini line, like after you shave or before you're going to wear a bikini. So you don't get any, like, I don't know if you're walking and it like hits the side of the bikini. Sometimes you get like red bumps or irritation or

I heard that deodorant makes that not happen and I've always done that always applied deodorant after shaving there and or if I'm gonna like shave and then go right into a bikini and I don't get bumps so I don't know maybe that's a whole load of bullshit but that's what I do well thank you guys for listening to another episode of hot mess with Alex Earl don't forget to subscribe

I'm watching you. Subscribe. Subscribe. And follow this podcast on Instagram, TikTok, so you can stay up to date on all the latest news, notifications, new episodes coming out, merch. And I will see you guys next Thursday for another episode. I love you. Bye.

Listen up, you naughty little pelicans. It's Harry Jowsey here, host of the new video podcast, Boyfriend Material. Dating, sex, and relationships in your 20s?

It's messy, confusing, and sometimes you just want the male perspective. That's where Boy For Material with Harry Jowsey comes in. Every Tuesday, I'll let you in on what the male brain is thinking, breaking down all of your relationship questions and situations and giving you honest advice on them all.

Watch Boyfriend Material with Harry Jarzy every Tuesday here on Spotify. You know, you might potentially land the guy of your dreams or the red flag, but there's no judgment here. Follow Boyfriend Material with Harry Jarzy on Spotify.