Overcoming My Eating Disorder 44:05

Welcome to episode 3 of Hot Mess with Alex Earle. Today we're going to be taking a trip down memory lane. We're going back to high school. So I have one of my best friends who's been with me since high school, Isabella. She's here. You might have seen her in some of my TikToks before. We were spread eagle on Cardi B's story this weekend.

And we have a lot to share with you. What our high school was like, what we were like in high school, stories we have, and now we're doing basically this long distance friendship because we went to different colleges. So we have a lot to unpack. Isabelle is a little nervous, so we're going to take a shot to start this off. I'm freaking out, guys. I'm shaking, guys. Oh my god, are you shaking? Okay, don't shake. Totally shaking. Okay.

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This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts every three seconds on the app.

and the time it takes you to get a drink. You could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it. Open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.

I feel like we need to set the scene of our high school because people probably don't understand. Our high school was smaller. It was a Catholic school and it was in the middle of this town called Red Bank. We met at volleyball tryouts.

I had a concussion. I was sitting out and so I was watching them. I don't even know. I wasn't interested in trying out. I think I was just trying to meet people. I was interested and I thought I was going to be a volleyball star. And in fact, I was the only one out of all of our friends that didn't make the team. High school, I was definitely so different. I think we both were different. Yes. We were part of a pretty big friend group in high school, but it was kind of...

like toxic like I feel like there was always fights all the time terrible back and forth so I wasn't as confident I just wasn't sure of myself or anything and going into high school had super bad anxiety which we'll get into another time

But the way that I would deal with like the lack of confidence or like if I felt, I don't know, like I would be like bitchy. So I would like act out in ways that I would never do now. But I would like lash out because I felt like insecure and that was my way to like

compensate it if that makes sense. You know what another thing was in high school? I feel like we had very similar boy situations, kind of. We both, both of the guys I dated in high school both cheated on me. Your guy cheated on you. Our dumb asses were like, we're in love. But Alex's view of like men is so good. That's where we kind of differ. Yeah, I gotta say. We are like the same person

But you're definitely more of the like emotional one and I'm definitely more of like the hard-o. Yeah, I'm like a hopeless romantic type bitch and she's just like, why the hell are you stressing over this? I'm just like, I can't. Let's move on. Let's move on to the next.

He's probably going to break your heart, but it doesn't matter because you're better than him. So let's just keep going. Like we definitely have very different views with that. And anytime we're going through something with a guy, I don't know why it is that I think like that. I don't know, but you help...

so much. Thank you. What did I help with? Just the way you would talk about it and you're like, why is this even on your brain right now? Get over it. She really gave it to me straight. I can be a little cold hearted at times. I was not always...

cold-hearted big al my first relationship i was definitely like head over heels like he would not answer my text and i would cry all night and i think i just got so fed up with this dickhead and how he treated me i was like well i could never do that again because that was just so insane and i was so blind and he would literally cheat on me

I need to make a whole another episode about this relationship, but like cheat on me. I would take him back, cheat on me. I've taken back. I would, I was just like, Alex, come on. But now I'm happy that I went through that. I also think high school is so much more fun though. Cause it's your first time for a lot of things. One time I remember specifically trying something new and,

I was at Isabella's house and I I don't know where I acquired this nerd rope edible and I brought it over and I'm eating it and like I don't smoke weed I don't like that that makes me like very anxious but at the time I guess I didn't really know so I'm chewing on this little rope and like

it's long like this is a big nerds rope edible thing she went on this little rope so like there's no it's not like it's like a cookie or something where it's like split up like there's just this big long rope so i'm just gnawing away whatever and we're in isabel's kitchen with her older sister and i was like giggling like so much like i was like laughing like her sister looks at me and she was like alex are you okay and like

If you've smoked before, I think, and you feel this and someone says like, are you okay? All of a sudden I remember everything like, and I'm like losing all motor skills. I feel like I'm falling through a black hole. I start crawling up your stairs. Like I couldn't even stand. I'm like crawling up them. Like it's fucking Mount Everest. And I lay in her bed and I was dating this guy at the time.

And she's like, Alex, are you okay? What's happening? And I'm on the phone trying to call my boyfriend to pick me up. And he kept answering the phone and I couldn't talk. Words couldn't come out of my mouth. And you were laughing on the phone with him. I was like, she's not good. You got to come over here. Yeah. So I had to get airlifted home by my boyfriend at the time. He carries me in like this. And my mom's like...

what happened to her? Like, what's wrong? And he's like, I think she just like had too much to smoke or something. And my mom was like, oh, okay. I went to Miami. Isabella went to Clemson University. Being like long distance with a friend can be hard, I think. But we've been really good at like staying close throughout all four years. But I think you have to put in time and effort. Big Al's a big FaceTimer. And I was always like...

I don't know. I hate these. Stop calling me. Sophomore years when I went to Miami, maybe like two times, and it was so much fun. I went to Clemson, and Clemson did not like me. It was bad. I went for Isabella's 21st birthday. I'm not 21 yet, and I had this girl who was older than me. I had her real ID, so it wasn't a fake ID. I was using it. It wasn't me, but it always worked at Miami, whatever.

So we go to this bar and he lets everyone in but me. And he was saying, you have a fake ID. And me, I'm like drunk and being a bitch. And I'm like, it's not fake because it's a real ID. But obviously, it's not me and I'm not 21. But I'm like, it's not fake. And he was like, this is a fake ID. Like, I know what's going on.

what's a fake ID like New Jersey license don't look like this and I was like yes they do because this is a real ID this bouncer takes me by the shoulders shoves me through this crowd of guys and like whips me onto the curb and

I fall over. I have the biggest bruise from this. Like my leg was bleeding. It is, it looks like I got literally beaten up. Then the guys that we were with, they were older and they were like, well, that's not okay that you literally just beat our friend up. So then they start fist fighting the bouncer. Isabella's drunk with her like 21 crown, like wandering the street on the side.

Oh, I got mad. I remember you were holding me back actually. What? I wanted to beat up the bouncer. I was like, I was like this. I was like, get the fuck over here. I was like, here I come. Like, I'm going to beat this guy up. I was going for blood. Like I've never seen red like that in my life. It's the one and only time she came to Clemson. It's the one time I visited. I got fucking beat up. I was like, well, what the hell goes on here? We have made an effort to really see each other, talk to each other throughout college. That's right.

That's definitely important. If you have a friendship in high school, you both have to make effort. Everyone gets annoyed with my FaceTime calls, but they work. Thanks for coming on. This was so fun. Thank you. Love you. Love you. I'm going to miss you. I miss you. She'll FaceTime me in a few hours.

This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts every three seconds on the app.

In the time it takes you to get a drink, you could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it, open Tinder, and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions,

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This is something very personal and I haven't really talked about online before. I just want to have a trigger warning out there for anyone who may be triggered by the topic of eating disorders. I am going to be talking about my struggle with food back in high school. So if that is going to be sensitive topic for you, I'm going to put on the screen what part of the episode you guys can skip to.

You can skip to 25 minutes and 30 seconds. Growing up, I never had a problem with food. That was never really a talked about thing in my family. I had never thought that

Women need to diet women need to eat healthy I just kind of thought it was like eat what you want eat what you love My family was super good about that back in my sophomore year of high school girls and my friend group had Started to go on these extreme diets and this was more a diet than You can eat this you can't eat that they were paying thousands of dollars for these diets and in my mind, I

Knew that this wasn't normal at first, but after watching their habits and watching them lose weight and watching them be so satisfied over this, it became more normalized for me. And I know that it was this way for a lot of the girls that went to my high school. It was a very, very toxic environment when it came to girls' relationship with food. I went from someone who had a very healthy relationship with food to

very quickly to someone who did not. And this is not to blame the girls in my high school, but this was just a normalized thing. They would come to lunch and they would bring a little salad and that little salad turned into them just bringing an apple to lunch.

So I used to bring a full 10 course meal to lunch, pasta, you know, sandwiches, salads, everything under the sun. And for me, it turned into, okay, well, I'm just going to start bringing one meal, right?

And then I saw that they were never touching bread or carbs. So I would just start to bring this salad. I would have this salad. And then I remember thinking, oh gosh, like maybe this salad is too much. Like I can't put dressing on this salad. Like that's too fatty. Like they don't put dressing on their salad. So why would I do that? And mind you, this is not to blame anyone. And I think everyone was going through their own issues. I think I just was picking up on bad habits. I would

Start to track my calories. I had an app where I would put in everything that I ate and You know, I would get stressed out if the numbers went too high I would buy juice cleanses and try to do these juice cleanses like I was just so obsessed with this Dieting culture. I just went down such a bad path with myself and my body and my image and I started to have this sort of body dysmorphia I would look in the mirror and I

would see someone way bigger than...

The person that I was and I couldn't understand like I couldn't grasp I was never happy with the image that I saw in the mirror I would constantly, you know pinch the sides of my hips pinch my arms It makes me so sad like I wish I could go back and hug myself because all that started to run through my mind was Food calories when am I going to work out next? What's my next meal going to be like? How do I make that meal small? Like if i'm gonna go have a meal out with people like how do I make this so that?

I'm able to sit there and just have a little bit of this meal and that no one kind of notices as time went on I realized I wasn't good at this Restricting myself from eating like I always was hungry. I always wanted more and this very quickly turned into me Having this binge eating disorder. This is while i'm 16 17 18 years old i'm in high school. I ate nothing at lunch. I was starving So I would come back home and I would eat

everything. Like I don't even know how I consume this much food. I would do this every day. I would come home. I would eat every single snack, everything in the pantry, things I don't even like, things that weren't even cooked. My mom would say to me, she was like, oh, you're like really hungry today. Like what's happening? And I was just like, yeah, I don't know. Like, and I would try and hide it. I would bring food up to my room. In my mind, I was hungry. So I ate and I

Because I restricted myself from eating food a lot of the time, I became overly obsessed with food. And that's where this binge eating disorder comes into play. You don't have a full stomach. Like you are so set on getting any food that you can into your body because your body is in starvation mode. Here I am after school eating.

Eating all this food or it would be super late night taking food up to my room and finally comes to a point where there's no more food left in sight and I'm finally content. I don't need to eat anything else. This is where the guilt starts to come into play. I would feel so guilty for the food that I just ate and my mind would go a million miles per hour trying to just calculate how many calories I consumed and

how many carbs I just ate, like what was going on? How was I gonna work this off? I would stress myself out so much that then I thought, okay, well, this could all just go away if it all just came back up.

If I just made myself puke, like, I wouldn't have to deal with this. All those calories would be deleted. I could go on with my life. I wouldn't have to stress. And I can also kind of keep eating this food when I want to. I can still have a sandwich, but then if I just stick my fingers down my throat, you know, it wouldn't be a problem. And at the time, I didn't understand why.

what I had just started. This wasn't me aware that this was an eating disorder. I didn't know that other people who had eating disorders did this. I just came up with this and I thought, oh, this is so clever. Like, this is not a problem. Like, I just want to, I want to eat this food. That's fine. Like these other girls aren't eating at all. So I can eat, but then I can just get rid of it. Like, that's so fine. No one knew that I was dealing with this eating disorder.

eating disorder and I didn't really know either after every meal I would run away from whoever I was with and I would you know find the nearest bathroom and I would purge now every time I ate I would think to myself where's the nearest bathroom where can I do this where can I go to a bathroom that's private that people won't see me do this or people won't hear me do this all I wanted to do was get those thoughts out of my head and

that were making me feel so guilty about the food that I just ate. So now I'm planning out the food that I'm going to eat, when I'm going to work out. I'm planning how I'm able to get rid of the food after I eat it. It became a very toxic cycle for me. Part of the reason I don't think I realized it is because majority of the girls in my friend group in high school all had an eating disorder. We thought that that was healthy. We thought that you were supposed to be paper thin.

you know, we would wear uniforms to school where our skirts were really short. And I remember just thinking like, oh God, like my legs need to be so thin to be in this skirt because they're going to be out. Everyone's going to see. And if someone walked by and her legs were thinner, I was like, oh wow, like that, I need to get my legs like that. Like, I shouldn't be eating the lunch that I brought today. Like, why don't I just like,

you know go I'll have some fruit instead or I don't need to eat I can have a juice for lunch today and you know then I'd be so hungry I would come home and then I would you know rummage through everything eat everything in sight I would you know freak out order pizza eat the whole thing and more and then I would feel so guilty that I would have to you know go to the bathroom and then make myself throw up and then I would finally feel better and then

It would start all over again the next day. The time of the year when this became the worst for me and I think for a lot of other girls was prom. Prom season was you better not dare touch a single carb the whole entire month before prom. I think it was two weeks before and we were at the lunch table and some girl had pizza.

Or they were serving pizza for lunch and she had a slice, whatever. And I remember my friend saying, oh my God, I can't believe she's having pizza before prom. Like we have prom in two weeks. Like what is she doing? And I was like, oh my God, like, I don't know. That's crazy. What? How was that a normal thought process for anyone? It's been hard for me to even comprehend myself. And I've only really told this to a handful of people in my life.

saying this right now is not easy and watching it back is not going to be easy and this is not in the way to influence anyone to do this to trigger anyone this is to help anyone to shed light on the topic of eating disorders but what i'm about to tell you is very bad please do not do it i the day before prom

Did not eat anything. I would just go on strictly like water diet. And the only thing I would eat was ginger. Like the ginger that you get with sushi. I think that like in my head at the time, I thought that that, you know, helps your digestive system, helps you go to the bathroom. I wanted my stomach to be as flat as possible for prom in my skin tight dress. So I could look skinny compared to all the other skinny girls at my school. And I did not eat. I remember being at the pre-prom.

feeling so lightheaded because I had not eaten in 24, 30 hours.

And being content because I was like, you know what? That means i'm doing something right. That means I must be looking good right now It just blows my mind that that thought even went through my head people started to notice I went to a dinner with my mom and my sister and we ate dinner I was like, okay Well now time for me to go to the bathroom Like I would do this out in public shamelessly Like I was just like this needs to be done Like I would sit at the dinner table thinking okay how long until I can get up and go to the bathroom

I would go to the bathroom come back and because I had just thrown up my eyes would be kind of red and bloodshot And my mom said to me she was like alex like did you just throw up like what's happening? I lied. I was like no, you know, um, I was just really upset about something I was crying a little bit. I just lied straight to her face and

I think that was the first time anyone had ever realized or asked me what was happening. And I started to then feel guilty about that because, you know, I thought, okay, well, maybe if I can't say this out loud, like, maybe I shouldn't be doing this. Okay. So I knew I needed to stop and...

I did. I stopped making myself throw up, but then I would start eating less. I still wanted to make myself puke every time, but I wouldn't let myself. I knew that wasn't okay. So I said, you know what, Alex, that's not happening, but at least we can still diet. We can still do that. Then eventually, you know, I became a little bit better with that. I would let myself eat some things and

and really when this got better for me was when I went to college. You guys hear me talk about my friends a lot, and why I think I have such a strong emotional connection with them is because they helped me a lot through this issue. I get to college, and it's the first pool party of freshman year. We wake up, 8 a.m., we're putting our bikinis on, I'm self-tanning, and I'm getting ready for this pool party.

My friends texted in the group chat. They said, okay, let's all go down. Let's go get bagels at the dining hall before we go. And I looked to my roommate and I was like, wait, I'm confused. Why would we eat bagels before we're going to a pool party? Like I said that out loud and didn't see anything wrong with it because of the environment that I was in in my high school. Like to me, that was a no brainer. Like why, why the fuck would we eat bagels before? Like, I don't understand. Like

Like, that's going to make us so bloated and we can't do that. She looked at me and she was like, Alex, are you kidding me? Like, what do you mean? We have to eat before, especially we should eat a bagel if we're going to be drinking. Like, it's early. We need something in our system. Like, are you crazy? And I was like, oh, like I was kind of taken back. I was like, wait, I don't really understand this thought process. But OK, I just kind of kept it to myself. I was quiet. I went down to the dining hall and

and everyone was eating, so I just ate two. I was like, okay, you know, maybe I feel a little weird about this, but I'm just gonna eat, it's fine. I had told my friends in college about my eating habits in high school, and I didn't really go into all the details, but I told them that I was shocked by what they ate and how they ate and how...

shamelessly, you know, they could have a pizza and it wasn't a problem or have a sandwich or have pasta for dinner. I was like so confused by that. And they were like, Alex, like, you know, that's like not healthy. Like they said to me, they were like, that's not okay. Like that's not normal for you to think that or do that or restrict yourself from those foods. Like that's not healthy. And I was just like so upset.

appreciative at the fact that I had girls telling me that like it was okay to eat and like we weren't all gonna be you know competing with our bodies and who was gonna weigh the least like that wasn't a thing like they didn't that thought didn't cross their mind and I was so like enamored by this I was like wow this is so nice and refreshing and I don't feel like

This toxic environment anymore. I started to just kind of follow these new girls in college over time those thoughts Went away not completely but you know over time I would think about it less and less i've seen how much healthier and happier I am and i'm so so grateful for The girls that i'm friends with who helped me get over this and who let me talk about it openly with them without them judging me i'm able to be

at this great place now with food where I don't really think about this at all. So like bringing this back up for me is just bringing back so many emotions that I forgot that I had with food. I work out when I can work out, you know, nothing crazy. I eat what I want to eat and that has...

Me in such a better place and in such better shape and my body is so much healthier than I ever was. And I'll get comments a lot of the times saying like, oh, well, she must not eat or, oh, you know, she starves herself like she's in a bikini every day. And like those things are so important.

triggering for me and hard for me to see and hard for me to comprehend that other people think that because I know that I was in that place one time and I'm not in that place anymore. I just wanted to, you know, shed light on this topic and tell my story with my relationship with food. And I'm very grateful to be in the place I am now with food. I can't believe I'm going to cry again. But honestly, like this really is

has been so therapeutic for me, but it just didn't feel right for me to talk about my high school experience without touching on this topic. I really hope that this can help at least one person who's struggling with this or who has struggled with this and just know that like it can get better. And if there's anyone listening to this,

Who is dealing with disordered eating and you didn't know it. Because if I had listened to the segment while I was back in high school, I would have been shocked. I would have been like, wait, that's what I'm doing. But I don't have a problem. I had never gone to therapy for this. I think therapy would be super helpful for this. You know, maybe there's resources that I can...

attached here for anyone who does need help or is looking for help with this hopefully now we can move on to something a little bit more light-hearted and finish the episode with something fun so i will see you guys in a minute

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Welcome back to another segment of what would Alex do? I've had you guys write in questions scenarios for me and I'm gonna tell you what I would do in that scenario. And guys, I was looking through these this week. We need a lot of help with boys. What would Alex do? There is a link in bio on the hot mess Instagram and the hot mess TikTok where you guys can submit these questions. My boyfriend refuses to post me on Instagram.

I know his excuses are bullshit because he has other posts on there. What would Alex do? Well, I think most of us probably know how this ended up for me in my last relationship. I ended up breaking up with him and the whole internet thinks it's because he didn't post me on his Instagram. That was part of our fights. We'll get into that relationship another time. But basically...

I feel you on the excuses. I personally was not upset about the fact that he wouldn't post me. It was more so the reasons behind it because he was older than me. He would say that, you know, I'm older, so you just don't get it. Like people my age don't post their significant others on their Instagram or because he was an athlete. He would say, you know, like people of my profession like don't do that. And I

You know, what I have to say to that is I just think if they wanted to, they would. If it seems like he's making excuses, he probably is. And it's weird. It's shady. Like, what's your problem? So...

That didn't end up working out that well for me. And obviously, you can't force someone to do something for you. But, you know, you want someone who wants to show you off. So I dumped him. Alex, what would you do if a boy who is telling you that you're exclusive with him has his ex-girlfriend come and stay in his bed for three days? He claims there is no attraction anymore and she's like a sister to him. Girls...

We have to get it together. No, it's a no from me. Absolutely not. They're not friends. They're definitely canoodling in there. Okay, don't be dumb. Girls, get it together. Don't be dumb.

He shouldn't be sleeping in bed with his ex-girlfriend. No. Hi, Alex. My boyfriend is the sweetest person in the world, but he is extremely jealous and puts stuff into my head and makes me overthink so much. I love him and I want to make it work, but I hate how he makes me feel bad for everything I do. Even though I'm loyal and I've never cheated on him, I don't ever want anyone else in that way. What would Alex do? So dealing with an insecure boyfriend...

sucks because they're gonna put a lot of their insecurities and problems onto you and make you feel bad for things that you shouldn't feel bad for. I've definitely dealt with this as well and I'm pretty stubborn so...

you know, maybe this isn't the best way to be, but I wouldn't really like apologize for the things that I'm doing that I know aren't wrong. Like I once had a guy tell me that, you know, I couldn't be all of a sudden going out with my friends or I shouldn't wear the things I was wearing. And I wasn't going to stop being myself for someone because they were feeling insecure. And he may be very sweet, but having someone do that is not,

okay. And that shouldn't be accepted. You should definitely talk with him if you've been dating for a while. I think that you just need to put your foot down and let him know that

If this doesn't change, because clearly you shouldn't be, you know, treated this way and you shouldn't feel insecure for things that, you know, you're not doing anything wrong. So I think definitely have a talk and then, you know, see if things change, evaluate it from there, but definitely put your foot down. If you know that you're not doing anything wrong and it's not anything crazy, you know, like obviously there's boundaries in certain relationships. Some of you guys also wrote in about,

boyfriends liking bikini photos on Instagram. And some people are okay with that and some people are not. So I think you guys just need to have a talk about like your boundaries and your partner should respect your boundaries. Like if you tell your boyfriend that it upsets you, if he's liking random girls, you know, bikini pictures, lingerie pictures on Instagram, then he should stop. Like he does not need to go and like double tap that picture. Like some guys, like they just...

I've dealt with this as well. I mean, we are just like basically going over my whole past relationship here. But, you know...

My boyfriend told me that it made him feel better if he could like these girls photos and I was like I'm not really sure this is adding up for me and regardless if it makes you feel better for whatever weird reason it makes me feel like shit and it's like embarrassing to me. So if you could stop and he couldn't stop so, you know, that was another reason that relationship ended but you know, I

Set your boundaries in relationships and be open and have conversations. And I think communicating is always better and that's the best way to be. But if someone's doing something that is making you uncomfortable after you talk to them, then that's someone who is like going out of their way to disrespect you and your feelings. And that's probably not someone you should be with. Hi, Alex. What in the fuck would you do if you found out your ex-boyfriend of four years cheated on you by paying strippers to have sex with him?

found out he was doing this while we were dating about two months after I dumped him. Okay, so your ex-boyfriend, you found out he was cheating on you, but you found out after you were broken up.

Ooh, this is a tough one. What would Alex do? You should definitely feel good that you're not with this person anymore and you should definitely never have second thoughts or any doubts about that relationship ending. If anything, this should help you move on faster. I think definitely the best thing to do would to just be ignore them, like get this person out of your life. Like you don't need to give them any attention because, you know, they clearly aren't a great person. But

Part of me would also kind of want them to know that I know. Like, I think I would say something. I think I would have to. If I dated for four years and I found out he was cheating on me. Oh, oh my God. Ding, ding, ding. This happened to me too.

holy hell i actually found out on my birthday like two years ago that a guy i had dated we were already broken up but someone was like oh yeah when he was making out with blah blah at this new year's party and i was like wait a minute i was dating him on new year's and she's like wait what and she was like we all watched him make out with this girl and i was like okay well

shit he cheated on me and I I did end up I think he texted me happy birthday and I was like by the way like thank you for making out with someone on new year's like great to know like glad I'm not with you so you know I said something bitchy I think if you want to get it off your chest you have every right to definitely the healthy thing to do would just be to like move on but like also girl you gotta let a little anger out I think like you have to

You have to tell him that you know. I changed my response. Don't be healthy. I think that you should definitely let it out because that's what I did and it made me feel a lot better. But then he told me I was crazy and I was lying and then I never answered. So he's probably going to say the same to you, but just like whatever. Then you can move on. Just maybe say your piece. Alex, how do I know if I'm in the friend zone? He calls me stuff like gang. What does that even mean? I don't know. Um...

I think with guys, it's very telling whether they're into you or not. If you have to question it, like, oh, I'm not sure, you know? Like, guys are pretty simple. If they're into you, they'll ask you to hang out. They will show that they're into you. If they're not, if they're ignoring your texts, if they're leaving you unread, like...

they're probably not into you but maybe you're hanging out with this guy and he's still kind of like giving you that weird friend zone i think it depends like how far along you are talking getting with this guy hanging out with him but i think i would just like pay attention to little cues like that and i don't know maybe you drop a hint at something and like see how he responds but with guys they're usually pretty straightforward i don't know what gang means

I don't know. Okay, next question. So, I'm a freshman in college and I'm struggling right now with branching out and making friends. I've been to about four parties and it seems like I've had to research for the parties. No one's really inviting me. What would you do if this were you and you were going through this? So...

Obviously, I have experienced that like awkward time in freshman year when no one really knows each other and everyone's trying to like make friends and friend groups. And I've had girls that I'm friends with now, like,

kind of go through similar things. I feel like I've been through this a little bit. It's a weird time. And what I feel like is the best route to go is just reach out to people or like say hi, like people in your class, people in the dining hall, like,

Like if you're walking back from class, be like, oh, do you want to go grab a drink at the dining hall or something? I think there's a lot more people in your position than you think. I think everyone kind of just has this mask on of like, oh, I have it together. I'm having so much fun. I have my set friends. I'm going to parties like you will get there and everyone will get there. But I'll tell you like.

freshman year so many I feel like people we were friends with we're not anymore like everyone's kind of like trying to find their group and like some people click and some people don't so it's okay and it's still new into freshman year I know a lot of friends who like had a horrible time their first semester they didn't even like it till their sophomore year so definitely don't be afraid to reach out to people first and just make conversation with people if you have class like

ask them to hang out or ask them what they're doing or ask to literally go study together. Everyone's in a weird time freshman year and you will figure it out. You will find your friends. You will find your people. Just keep being positive and being true to yourself. This one is a very Alex based question. I

I think I got this pretty much down to a science at the end of school. But how did you balance your student life and your social life? Because I can't help it, but feel guilty after I go out. I just think I missed an opportunity to study. I don't know if I can relate really on like feeling guilty after going out. But definitely there is a balance. And I know maybe I didn't portray this a lot of the times when I was in school on social media, but

I would get a lot of my work done during the daytime or the mornings and just set time, like make that your study time. If you know you want to go out and if you know there's a party, then you can still go out and party, but like set your time in the morning and it's going to be rough if you have to like get up the next morning and go to class. But like just make it work. Just go. Like that's the one thing I'll say with college is like,

just go to class, just show up. Like it sucks sometimes and you don't want to go. But I remember my freshman year, like, oh my God, I was crawling across the campus. I have pictures of me walking to class, mascara down my face from the night before. Like my face was so puffy and I was so tired, but just go sit in class, like get your attendance. Like that's a big part of your grade usually in college. So I think that

also when you're in class that is like a set time where you like kind of have to do work like you can't really be sitting there on your phone so like when you're in class just make it a time to study like that's what I would do like that is like two or three hours of the day that you have to like do your work get everything done you're taking notes like

figure it out, get it done during the day, and then you can go out at night. And if you don't have anything to do at night, then, you know, you don't have to like rush and cram and get it done during the day. But if there's set times, you know, that you want to go out and do things like probably especially, you know, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, just get your work done during the mornings and make that your study time and make your study time while you're in other classes. Because, you

going out can be a lot like I think my freshman year in the beginning I was a little bit too crazy with the going out and then I like reeled it back in and I was like okay well we're gonna fail out of school and we will not be able to go out in Miami anymore if we don't do our school work so it's all about time management and learning that balance and learning what works for you and I think that pretty much wraps up episode three if you guys have any questions need advice um

want to send in your scenarios, go to the hot mess Instagram or the hot mess TikTok, which it's just at hot mess for both and go to the link in the bio and you can submit these stories so I can reply to you and tell you what Alex would do.

I have a lot of fun during this segment. I think this is like so nice to relate to you guys and hear about your experiences because I'm always telling you about mine. And I think a lot of the time everyone's going through pretty similar stuff, except these crazy stories, girls, where these guys are being very toxic to you and sleeping in bed with their ex-girlfriend and telling you that they're friends and he's like a sister to her. It's just...

No, no, no, no. I don't think he should be sleeping in bed with his ex-girlfriend. And that is a wrap for episode three. See you guys next Thursday. Ciao. Oh my gosh, guys, we are in Paris right now.

I'm dying and I need to get home. You guys have no idea what just happened this week. I filmed a whole episode in Paris and I need to show you guys what has been happening. I have not gotten any sleep. Everyone is looking at me like I'm crazy right now. Maybe I am. I'm on the verge of death right now and we are going back to Miami. So stay tuned for next week's episode because we are going to be going back and recapping everything that happened in Paris.

So I will see you guys next Thursday. Don't forget to like and subscribe to the podcast. Bye.