119: I Must Be Dreaming.. 01:56:43

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It was fine where it was. You didn't want to look at me? I just, it would have felt like we're recording in the forest or in the jungle. We're on Survivor. Yeah, this is how they do the interviews in Survivor. I don't like it. I want to see you. Especially because you haven't been on an episode in forever. I think it's actually been a couple months since you've been on a regular episode.

And I kind of forgot because you come on Patreon and you do so much with me on Patreon. And then Lauren the other day sent us a comment and it was like, where's Justin? Give us more Justin. Maybe with his shirt off. And I lost it. We'll get there. We'll get there. We need to do it like an episode on a beach. Yeah. With the waves crashing. Okay.

I like doing the recordings on location. Yeah, it's ideal. With like a margarita. Oh, don't even get me started. Give her one margarita, she's gonna open her legs. You need to carry us this episode. Yeah, so... Might as well put a curtain in front of me and then I can record from in the back like the Great Oz. Yeah. Yeah, so Justin and I have been quarantining for the past two weeks.

I came back from my trip and came back with COVID and decided to give it to him. So we've been on lockdown in our house. And let me tell you, COVID round two, not very fun. You did not have a hard time at all. I lost my taste and smell again. You're like, I got allergies.

I did think it was just allergies, especially because the first day on my trip, I have video proof. I'm sitting there like sniffling. And so I was like, oh, I came back like still allergies. Like, and I do get really bad allergies. So whatever. I thought it's fine. But I lost my taste and smell again, except it came back a lot quicker than it did the first time I had COVID. But man, I was about to have a mental breakdown. I was keeping my game face on.

Well, I hope everyone listening is down for a nice, chill boy today. Yeah, Justin's still a little sickly. This is tough for me right now, gotta say. Really? Yeah. Well, you better pep up. Solely throughout the episode, you see me start to sink. Like, I just get to the point where in the last story, I just respond like this. Yeah, I mean, I think it's totally fine. Especially for the audio listeners. I mean, they don't care.

No, they'll have no idea. No. So, so happy. So I'm very happy to have you back. I think this will be a great episode, even with you being sick and things being a little tamer, you know? We won't be yelling. It's fine. I could probably still yell a little bit. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, now they're going to hold you to it. But I have some amazing stories. The theme I have today is like,

I must be dreaming. Like, I must be dreaming because these are too ridiculous for reality. That's kind of how the last week has felt. It felt like a fever dream, hasn't it? Especially Tuesday. Tuesday is my bad day. And then that was my bad night, I think. Justin has been very, very ill. I've been very active in my sleep hours. Oh, don't worry. We'll get there. We'll get there. Are you ready? Yeah. Let's dive in. Let's dive in.

Okay, so as Justin kind of hinted, he has been very active in his sleep this past week. And I think a big part of it is a combination of like NyQuil plus allergy pills plus Tylenol. And I think it's just kind of all... Plus being half dead. Yeah, plus having COVID. So Justin had an experience the other night. And let me set the scene for you, okay?

It's 3, 3.30 in the morning. I'm just finishing getting my episode up on YouTube, the thumbnail done, all of that. And all of a sudden, I see him sit up on the side of the bed, turn on his phone flashlight, and then stand up. And I'm like, what the hell? I thought, okay, maybe he's getting up to go to the bathroom. No big deal.

But all of a sudden he starts taking the flashlight on his phone and like scanning it all over his body. No, I was looking at the floor, I thought. No, no. You were scanning your phone all over your body with the flashlight. The story has evolved. Where's my phone? You did not video me. I have a video. No, you didn't. You can't do that. You really did? I have a video. How'd you take a video that quick? I have video of you talking.

Later. Anyways, so he's sitting there and he's scanning his body with the flashlight. And I go, babe, what are you doing? And he just goes, looking for bugs.

And I'm like, at this point, Justin's never really slept walked like this. He'll mumble in his sleep and you'll kind of be able to talk a little bit back and forth with him. But he's never gotten up and done things. He's not that type of a sleepwalker. And so I'm freaking out because I think he's awake. And I'm like, what bugs? Did he feel something? Do I have bugs in the bed? What's going on? Well, it's not wrong to say I was awake.

Because I remember a good bit of it. It's not like I woke up and said, what? What happened?

Which is so strange because you didn't remember a lot of it when I was telling you the next day. No, then I got mad. Yeah. So he ends up like scanning himself for bugs and I'm like, babe, what bugs? I'm freaking out. So he ends up laying back down like pretty quickly. So he didn't have to get up and go pee, which when I confronted him in the morning, he said, I got up to go pee. And I go, no, you didn't. That's how I remembered it. I remember getting up, going to the bathroom, coming back,

grabbing my phone and looking for something. That's what I remember. And then I remember you said something and I was like, what? No, what are you talking about? And then I got back in bed. You never, yeah, you never went to the bathroom. That's how I remembered it though. Like I wasn't completely blanked on it. But isn't that scary because you didn't go to the bathroom. So in your dream, you must've gone to the bathroom and then came back and scammed yourself for bugs. Hey, at least I didn't go running outside. Yeah, well, our first- I'm on fire!

Our first story is supposed to kind of play into that. I must be dreaming and maybe make you feel a little better about your sleepwalking bug experience. I'm sure. Okay. So this is from three years ago. It's from Off My Chest from Sarah Horace Skate. It's titled Help. My boyfriend peed on my mother.

So I will explain. My boyfriend and I got home late after a basketball game, and we were both super tired, so we went to sleep at my mom's house, since we were both home on winter break. In the middle of the night, I woke up to my mother screaming, quote, what are you doing? This isn't the bathroom. You just peed on me. Get out.

and I found my boyfriend missing from the bed. When he comes back in the room and lays down, it is obvious that he is still sleeping. I was horrified and didn't know what to do.

Fast forward to the next morning. My mom calls me out to the living room while my boyfriend is still asleep. She then asks, does boyfriend have a history of sleepwalking? Was he drinking last night? I answer no to both of these. And then she continues to explain that he peed on her in his sleep all over her bed.

She doesn't want to bring it up to him because she knows he was sleepwalking and doesn't want to embarrass him. I am sick to my stomach over this incident. What do I do? Yeah, that would be pretty shocking. But okay, what the crazy part is with your bug thing is

You literally thought you had gotten up and went pee. So how easy would it have been? Maybe I did. No, I was awake. I was sitting there editing. You wake up and just peeing on the bed? Well, and like after you laid back down, I kind of talked to you for a little bit. I'm like, babe, what bugs? Of course you can't. And that's when I started recording you. Well, and that's when you could get some crazy info. You know, if there was some secrets going around. When are you going to propose? Well, I'd probably be like, I don't know. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that would be pretty horrific on either side. On any of the three people's side, that is just sucks, especially for the guy. I mean, come on. Imagine waking up the next day and being like, I did what? It's a lot different than posting a lot of embarrassing photos on Snapchat or something like most people do. Yeah, that is true. But I think it's not...

all that uncommon to have drinking correlate with people peeing in their sleep. I think that is, I've heard of that before. Yeah, I mean, people black out and they wet the bed all the time. But he wasn't drinking. But to have it manifest how it did. Like, I don't know how you trust yourself going to sleep ever again after that. One of my biggest fears is a lot of times I'll have dreams where

And while I'm being chased or the world is ending or something horrific is happening, I will often be trying to find a bathroom because I'll have to pee so bad. In all reality, I wake up from those dreams and I do really have to pee because I drink a lot of water before I go to bed sometimes.

In the dream, I remember sometimes finding the bathroom. And when I get close to finding it or when I do is when I wake up. Oh my God. Or sometimes I do remember peeing, coming back out of the bathroom and then continuing on the journey for a little bit and then waking up. And yet I still have to go pee. So I'm like...

How, like not sleepwalking and peeing, right? Like the story, but how has it not happened to me where I wake up? And you peed yourself? Yeah, so that freaks me out. Have you ever wet the bed as an adult? I don't think so, no. I have like one questionable experience and I don't know if I did or not.

But it was like I went out and I wasn't super like I didn't get super trashed or anything. Yeah. And I went to bed with like a water bottle next to me and I woke up in the morning and the water bottle was gone and I was like in a puddle.

But I couldn't remember if I drank it or if it leaked. Oh, that's crazy. And I was like, oh my God, did I wet the bed? So that's like, I say when people ask me, I'm like, no, I never have because I really don't know. And it wasn't like, it didn't smell like pee. It was clear. So I'm like, it must've been the water bottle. You'd be able to tell, I feel like. But if you're that like hydrated or like after, you know, drinking or whatever, like if you pee, sometimes it's clear anyway. So I don't know.

I mean, anything would be better than I think what happened here. Would you want me to tell you if you did something like this? If you're sleepwalking, escalates? Yes. I would want motion sensors set up that little alarms go off if I walk past a certain point. Okay.

Like little, like, you know, in the movies, little red laser beams that go across in the bank vaults. Like some serious shit. Really? Oh, yeah. Because you just don't want to leave the house? Like you're scared you'll wander off really far? Well, I'm also afraid that at like some family barbecue one night,

People have some drinks and your mom would stand up and be like, guess what? I got a story for all of you. Yeah, my mom would for sure. 100%. No, I would want to know. Of course. It's like, would you want to know if someone's cheating on you? Yeah. Would you want to know if you're waking up and peeing on your partner's mom? Yeah. So how should she tell him? I just tell him. Straight up? Yeah. I mean, that's not the hard part here.

I would tell you. Are you kidding? Be the first thing. I'd be like, babe, guess what happened last night? You hopped on the bed and squatted on it because it's a lot harder for a girl to pee, which is kind of nice. Yeah. But I mean, like, I wonder, I actually wonder if peeing in your sleep is more common for, you know, an easier peer versus a not easy squatter. But yeah, I think just tell, just get it over with.

Are you afraid that's going to hurt your relationship or something? I think so. Nah. I would just sit down and be like, listen, everything's fine, but here's what happened. Because when you're a partner with someone, you should work together as a team to help work through this. Because obviously he's not going to want to do this forever. And I wonder if there's some kind of thing that can help you work through it.

Some sort of therapy. Like, I don't even know what type. Sleep peeing therapy or...

Some sort of... You wonder if that's a thing. Medication. I don't know. It could be a medication thing. But it could be a mental thing too, where you can work through to have little sensors that go off if you get up and start walking away. Yeah. Or just something to help you maybe get to a point where you can avoid doing it. Absolutely. And you should want to help your partner get to that point. Well, there's a lot on this actually that like,

Peeing and sleepwalking is actually really common, especially in unusual behaviors like a closet or a doorway or things like that. But this reminds me, my brother's little kid, oh my God, my brother's son, Emmett,

He will like wake up at like four in the morning sometimes and just like go outside. That is so crazy at that age. And he's done it multiple times. Like Matt and Amy, they'll wake up and like Emmett's just like out of his bed and gone. That is not cool. Not cool. And like Matt's, I guess like Amy asked like- How does he get outside? He just opens the door and goes. Okay.

Okay, they need that thing. They ordered, I sent them the link because I saw it on TikTok and I sent it to them and Amy literally bought it. But if you're a sleepwalker, I wonder if like your sleepwalking self, if you had like besides the doorknob, if you shut the door and then had like another latch, I wonder if your sleepwalking self is smart enough to get out of that. Well, because in your sleepwalking, you do make use of your eyes.

Yeah. Haven't you seen that content creator on TikTok? Yeah. She's a big sleepwalker. I've seen a guy too. There's another guy. Well, it's her and like her brother sleepwalks too. So he came and stayed at her house with her husband or something. And apparently if she eats chocolate, it like activates it more. And so the two of them are sleepwalking and kind of like interacting, but not. And it was the craziest video, but her eyes are just open. Yeah.

And your eyes, I mean, your eyes were open. You were doing stuff. You turned your flashlight on. You were scanning your body. Like, I thought you were awake because you've never done it, which is the same case for this guy. He's never done this until now. Which is weird because I also can control my dreams. So I was in a weird state in between both because I'll be in a dream and I'll completely stop it and change what's happening. Yeah, you're a lucid dreamer.

And so I was somewhere weirdly in between that with NyQuil and we did have chocolate. But I also wonder, deep down, does he want to pee on the mom? We're not going to go there. Maybe. Probably.

I don't think so. I think that's a stretch. I think I'm stretching it. The top comment on this one, you got to talk to him. Even though it might be awkward, it sounds like he may have a sleepwalking issue that he might be unaware of and he probably needs to see a doctor. Please take this seriously because as embarrassing as this scenario was for everyone involved, he could cause serious harm to himself or others if he has a sleepwalking problem. Only 10 upvotes on that one. This one, very under the radar. What if he could drive?

I wonder. Get in the car and start it and just. There that was listed as like one of the behaviors is like they categorize them as like unusual behaviors, dangerous behaviors, inappropriate behaviors. Oh shit. So peeing is just inappropriate, not dangerous.

Yeah. OP responds and goes, thank you. How do I bring this up though? I am 100% concerned with his health. I'm just not sure how to approach this or how to move past this family and relationship wise. It's just pee. You just wash it off. Listen, if you can just get over it and tell him, get over the fear.

Have the conversation. And then, I mean, obviously just have a dialogue because it's her mom. Yeah. Just have a dialogue with your mom. If your mom has a problem with this going forward, that's kind of weird. Especially if he's, you know, if you guys are moving forward to work on it, then that's a weird thing to fault someone for. Like, obviously it's a kind of crazy situation, but it's not malicious. Yeah.

So to have a problem with that and not just be concerned for trying to help someone is a little weird then. Yeah. And like, it's just Pete. Like, I think if it was like him trying to like,

attack her or something else like yeah it would be really detrimental and it's still like yeah i guess it's gross like to get waken to get woken up out of your sleep with someone peeing on you like it's probably the most unfortunate place it could have happened yes but again it's just pee you can wash the sheets

It's fine. She posted the same thing three times. And on the third one, there is like a small little update that goes, I think he was drinking. Yeah. I mean, that probably makes it more likely. But then again, maybe you could get to a point where either it's just you don't drink. Or I wonder if you can get to a point where you can drink and have that

subconscious control to not do that. I don't know. It's very interesting. I do wonder what the craziest sleepwalking stories are from our listeners, though.

So if you're listening on Spotify, you will have a question posted that you can respond to and share your crazy sleepwalking experience or feel free to comment it on YouTube because I think it'll help make Justin feel a lot better. I feel fine. Okay. But I really want to read these. I really want to read them. So if don't screw him, don't do for him. Do for me. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, moving along. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on personal care items at your local store. Now through August 27th, get extra discounts when you purchase participating items like Dove Beauty Bar, Dove Body Wash, Dove Men Plus Care Body Wash, or deodorant, Dove Shampoo, Trace-A-May Shampoo, and Axe Body Spray. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary.

Visit Safeway.com for more details. This next one was posted three months ago. It is from HungryEstimate976 on Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole for telling my wife I'm moving? It is up to her if she is coming with me or not. Okay.

My wife and I have been married for six years and have two kids under five. We live on the East Coast in a two-bedroom small house. Cost of living here is insane.

My parents moved down south a few years ago. My mother called me up a few weeks ago to tell me about a home in their community that is up for sale. They are good friends with the owner and can get us a good deal for the house. To me, this sounds amazing. Everything there is cheaper and we will have more space and more bedrooms for our kids. I work from home, so I talk to work and I would be able to keep my job no problem.

My wife would need to leave hers, but I could cover us until she finds a new one. I contacted a real estate agent to get an estimate on how much we can get for our house here, and it's a good amount and would make the move easy. Once I had everything worked out and I was sure it was a good idea, I brought it up to my wife. She was totally against it immediately. She doesn't want to leave her job, she doesn't want to move the kids away from her family, and she does not want to leave her friends.

I explained to her that when she puts her selfish reasons aside, this was a great opportunity for our kids. We will have more money and more space, a big backyard, and we will be close to my parents, so our kids won't be without family. She said no, there was no chance. Her life is here and has been her entire life, and she has no intentions to change that.

I was pissed and slept on the couch that night. I spent all night thinking about it and came to the decision that if she doesn't want to do the right thing by our kids, I will.

I laid it out for her. It was up to her if she wanted to move, but I had made the decision to move. She could either come with me or we could divorce. We could sell the house, split it, and I will use my half for my new home down south, and she can do whatever she can with her half up here. Probably would have to rent.

We would also have to work out custody of our kids. I told her she has a month to make the decision, but I was going to start the process and get all of my business in order. She told me I was being crazy and has only been speaking to me about the kids for the last week.

I have been in contact with the seller of the new house and I am setting things in motion. My parents told me I'm doing the right thing and I'm looking out for my kids. I ran it by my friend who told me I'm being an asshole for expecting my wife to change her entire life. But this is what is best for our kids. And I think she needs to grow up, stop being selfish, and think of our kids. She needs to stop being selfish. She. She should stop being selfish. Really? Mm-hmm.

She is so fucking selfish. That's the most selfish lady I've ever heard. Time for divorce. It's unfortunate, but I don't see another way around this one. To be with someone that makes such huge decisions.

on the flip of a coin. Seriously. And some weird feels like under manipulation by his parents and is just kind of framing it all to sound like, oh, it's better for us, but really it's better for him. It's scary. I mean, this is almost as scary as someone coming up to you and being like, I'm not in love with you anymore. I mean, this is scary. It almost feels like that though. Yeah, because it's like he does not care. It's I'm

I'm moving. And if you're not coming, then fine. I'm fine without you. Cool. Good riddance. And so that's why I say it's time for divorce because he's clearly not in it anymore. He doesn't give a shit about what happens with the kids. It just seems like I'm going to go be by my parents and all these other things are just kind of excuses of bigger yard, whatever. Yeah. East coast is expensive, but there's a reason people pay a lot to live there.

They love the lifestyle. They love the community. They love, in this case, where they grew up, their friends, everything they know, their family. His parents made the choice to move down south, which a lot of people on the East Coast do. I mean, when I was just in Florida, it was all New York and New Jersey plates. And I'm like, you're all the same. But it just is baffling to think you can be with someone, have kids with them, have this life established, and then...

this comes out of nowhere and not to approach her with it. He didn't, he, he, the way it's written, it was like, I had it all together, like well put together, like presentation. And now I'm going to just bring it to my wife and see what she thinks. And that's not how it went down at all. It's like, this is a lot bigger than they think it is, which is just,

I don't know. This is weird to expect her to change her job. You're fine. You get to work from home no matter what. You figured out your whole side so you're happy and comfortable.

And then just the rest of it's just whatever. I mean, it's easy. It's just a split. This is split. Be done. This is very, very weird. And that's why I'm like, it fit into this theme of like, I must be dreaming because this cannot be real. Yeah. Because how are you married for someone for six years and you have two kids under the age of five? Which if she's really close with her family, which kind of is what it sounds like, she's close with her family and her friends, she's got a support system there. Yeah. Which,

probably help her with those two kids under five. And that's like the thing. I...

I think a lot of times when you look at families and who are the people watching the kids and babysitting and doing that, it's usually the moms or the women's family and friends that are usually the bigger help. And it's kind of a part of this matriarchal society we have where you're usually, if it's a heterosexual couple...

It's usually like you're closer with the woman's side of the family because of the way our societies have kind of functioned. Like you're usually closer with that side because your wife is the one that has the kids. She wants her mom to help. It's a part of this whole thing. And so it's like, why would she want to move down south when she's got this rhythm? She can't work remote like he can. Her job is there. Like life is there.

And it does seem like it was just like a coin flip where he was like, I don't want to live here anymore. Cost of living is too high. We're in a two bedroom house. It's weird. It's like automated. It's like you're a robot. Well, and then it's like you guys have been married for six years. You dated for however long before that. But then to be like, well, if you don't want to come with me, I guess we're getting divorced. Right. So why are you together at all in the first place? I don't know. It's so crazy. It doesn't even sound like you love your wife. Why are you even with her?

Is this just a marriage of convenience at this point because she takes care of your kids and it's been easy? Maybe. Like, why are you together? I don't know. This would be a fun conversation to have. About like why they're still together? If this was like a radio like call-in show and this guy called in with this. Yeah. It'd be so fun to talk. Be like, what? I'd be like, dude, are you okay, bro? Because naturally, I mean, I think the thought of moving...

is not uncommon. I think a lot of people like to move for a variety of reasons. Well, and moving for this reason is really valid. A lot of people are moving because the cost of living is too high. They can't afford rent in their city. There's better job opportunities. This is common. If it had come up mutually for a bit of time, I mean, I think if we were going to move

we would have talked about like, oh, this kind of sounds like a good opportunity. It's closer to home. I still can do this. You can do this. And, you know, maybe eventually, you know, a few years, five years down the line, it could make sense and it could really work. Yeah. Planted the seed. It's an option. It would have been a conversation versus, hey, this is what I want to do. I'm doing this. Either get on board or we're done.

Which is interesting because going, my mind's just on some of the Father Knows Writings we've had where you will have an individual that doesn't have kids, but they're with a long-term partner and they really want to go off and have these experiences or move to a certain place. And sometimes it does come down to, I have to go do this. I really, just for me and my life and this, and I really want you to be a part of it. And if you're not, I understand, but...

And sometimes that does happen, but they don't have two kids. I was just going to say. They don't have a six-year marriage, two kids, a full life and all of this established. It generally happens to younger, early 20s people maybe. Yeah. But this is just completely insane.

This is bonkers. Yeah, it's very it's giving very controlling just not good. Well, and I wonder how old they are because no ages were mentioned for our OP or the wife. Not even for the kids really just two under five. There's no comments from him on this post. There's no other additional posts like on his account.

This post has been removed by the moderators at this point. The top comment right now is, I hope your wife gets a really good lawyer. You're the asshole. Yeah, that is true. 9.7K upvotes. I'm always so bad at answering the question. I never answer.

Yeah, he's the asshole. Like, this is the weirdest situation. It's like, make it a conversation. Like, if this is something you're passionate about doing, make it a conversation. But don't spring this on her and say, hey, you have a month to get your shit together because our house is getting sold.

I don't even think he has a right to technically sell it like that. Like with them being married, unless there's a prenup that the house is solely his, like, I don't know. But like, I feel like, I feel like it's going to be kiboshed at least until like it gets legally dealt with properly. Yeah.

The next comment down is, I love how he's calling her selfish when he's trying to force his family to give up their community. Yep. And all they've known just so he can live in a cost of living fantasy. But hey, at least they'll have his parents next door. You know, the same ones who moved away from him and his family. Right.

Yeah. Let's just stop his parents from moving again. Like they could move there and then the parents could move and then they don't have support there. Like that just makes you wonder what it's really for. Yeah. Well, and I love that this comment points out the community because I,

Like, and I was clearly kidding when I called her selfish. Like, I don't think she's selfish at all. I think... No, that was the point. I think she's very rational in the sense like, why would I move? Like, yeah, the cost of living is high, but we're content here. We have our friends. We have our family. And interestingly enough, like, he doesn't mention any friends. Like, he doesn't mention...

Like even caring about anything in that community. Yeah. And even his family, he's fine leaving. He just wants to move close to his parents and live cheaply. Yeah. Which I think we all want to live affordably. But like you have a family and a wife. Like, what are you doing? So, yeah, this one was real weird. Real weird.

Yeah, I'm not about it. No. There's a lot of comments on this one. Another one down goes, and he gets to keep his job and doesn't give a single fuck that in a place where everything is cheaper, his wife's paycheck would also likely lessen and for a job she might not even like. Who's to say she's even able to get a job there? Yeah, imagine leaving everything you have, literally, to go into the unknown.

usually if there's like a partner that can work remote and the other one can't, you usually organize more around the person that is not a remote worker. Yeah. The one that has to be in a spot. So him being like, oh, I can work remote. So it doesn't really matter what happens to her. Like, dude, that's,

A lot of assuming. Yeah. Well, and the next comment down goes, I moved down south because I had to, and I still haven't found a job even after applying to literally everything. So good luck if the wife actually follows him.

Uh, next one down with two children under five. I think it's safe to assume that OP's wife is capable of getting pregnant. No one who is capable of getting pregnant should be moving to the South. Not even if you never plan to get an abortion, doctors are hesitant to perform life-saving pregnancy terminations out of fear of prosecution. True. I took, I took a turn there, took quite the turn, but not wrong. Not wrong.

But moving along. Moving along. I hope there's an update on that one someday. I hope so too. I hope the wife finds this one and says, my husband left. Yeah, exactly. He tried to sell our house. I'm divorced now. And that's when I'll go, good for you. That would be scary. Happy ending. Okay. Don't do that shit to me. Do what? Don't ever do that, please.

Just up and move. Yeah. I'm done. I'm done. You can come or we're divorced. Like, um, all right. Yeah. Tough cookie. Tough pill to swallow. Yeah. Yeah. My brain feels a little broken. Like I know I'm talking and I'm saying stuff, but I honestly don't remember what I just said. That's good. I'm sure this next one will go great too. Hey,

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now, through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes, Gillette Razors,

Metamucil, Crest Toothpaste, Secret Body Spray, and a Swiffer Power Mop. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, so this next one is coming from the Two Hot Takes subreddit.

posted five days ago from ThoughtPocket44. Nice. It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Supporting My Dad and My Friend's New Relationship? I cannot believe I actually have to post something in here, but I think I need a bit of clarity for my current situation because I really don't have anyone else in real life to talk to it about.

I am 21 female and attend college about six hours away from my hometown. Unfortunately, my mom passed away at a young age, and my dad, 48 male, has been a single father to me for the past eight years. My dad hasn't dated anyone seriously throughout the years, and he seemed to constantly indicate that all he wanted to focus on was being there for me.

I've always encouraged him to put himself back out there, and when I left for school, I encouraged this even more, as he would be an empty nester. Since my freshman year of high school, I've had a really close friend, 21 female, that has always been there for me, and I've spent a lot of time with.

She attends a more local college that is only about 20 minutes away from my hometown. This all started this past spring break, March, when I went home and noticed that my dad was texting someone fairly regularly. I also saw the name that was texting him once, and I did not recognize it, but it was a woman's name. This is not common for him, so I figured he may be finally sparking up his love life after all these years.

I did not say anything about it because I didn't want to make him feel weird or uncomfortable about getting back out there. He seemed happy and I was happy on the inside as well for him. I said my goodbyes and went back to school. A few weeks later, I just so happened to be looking at my find my friends when I noticed that my friend was at my house. I thought this was strange since she doesn't live necessarily close by.

It will sound naive at this point, but I honestly did not think that much of it. About a week went by and I decided to come home one day early for Easter in April because I just had a feeling that something was strange and to try and catch my dad off guard a bit. Everything was normal and he was very happy to see me. I was planning on seeing my friend the next day for lunch. My dad and I spent the day together and then started watching a movie.

Then it happened. I saw an incoming text on my dad's phone, and it was from my friend. This was all I needed to see to place the last piece of the puzzle together.

My dad was going out with my friend. I was feeling pretty sick the next day, a little bit of faking to avoid the situation, and I also just felt a bit uneasy about it all. I felt like a layer of trust was broken, and the other external details, such as their age gap and the already existing dynamic, made me cringe up a bit as well. After two days at home, I took the next train back to school. I told my dad that I really had to ace an exam coming up, so I had to get back.

I needed to leave the situation and think. After thinking, I came to the conclusion that I am not okay with this relationship. I did not want my individual relationships that I had with each blended into one. I thought it was a bit gross. And above all, the fact that they knew they had to be sneaky validates my feelings that they should know better. I waited until finals were finally over a few weeks ago and finally called my dad and told him that I know and what my thoughts are.

He sounded very upset on the phone, sad, not at all angry, and told me that he understood and wanted to talk about it the next day so he could think.

I have no clue what he was telling my friend, but I did not have any contact with her about this throughout these initial calls. The next day, my dad and I talked. He was very apologetic and understanding of why I was upset, but eventually came down and said that he would not stop seeing my friend. He said that they had been seeing each other since the end of last summer.

and have become attached to one another, and he was not ready to forfeit, quote, his first real connection that he has felt in so many years.

I held my ground and told him that I will not be seeing him or hanging out with him when I returned home for summer break until he ends this. It has been two weeks at home with basically no interaction with him or my friend, aside from a text from my friend every other day requesting to talk in person or on the phone about it. I did not respond to her texts or calls. Tonight, it came to a head. I returned home from dinner with a friend to find my dad and my friend awaiting me in my house.

This was the most unpleasant experience I have ever had with my father. It ended with him crying and him saying that I should understand because I know how hard it has been for him.

He also pointed out that I've been deeply encouraging him to put himself back out there, so I have to have some sort of sympathy with him. After about 15 minutes of yelling, tears, and overall awkwardness, I stormed out and drove to another friend's house to stay for the night. I am too embarrassed to tell the friend I am staying with the details slash talk about why I left home or this relationship. So I have sat here for the past few hours and wrestled in my mind whether I'm being too hard on them

or if I am in the right. Am I the asshole here for not supporting the relationship or even tolerating it? Just a note, I have talked about zero details yet with my friend or dad about why they started going out or etc. I just know that it's been happening. I'm sorry for how long this is, but I am very confused and don't know what to think or feel. Same. You know how I started feeling during this? Sick? Real uncomfortable.

And I was like, I got to check myself for bugs. Almost got my phone out. Oh, my God. Well, what's the most concerning part about this is she says she's 21 now.

But this has been going on since last summer, which is a full year. So this girl was likely 20 when this started. And it's like, okay, did this actually start last summer or did this start when you guys were still in high school? Because you've been friends since freshman year of high school. So your dad has watched this girl grow up from a very young, vulnerable age. How long has he been waiting in the wings?

This is extremely inappropriate. And a lot of people would even, just knowing this, really consider the fact that the dad likely groomed her. Which is probably not something, if you're listening, your dad held off dating after your mom. It sounds like he experienced a tragic loss, like you did as well. And it sounds like he was a great dad, focusing on just you.

So then it's like, why would he do this 180 tailspin? Like, your dad doesn't seem like the type of guy that would want to be known as a groomer or want to be known as taking advantage of a young, vulnerable girl. Like, this is fucking weird. He's 48 dating a 21-year-old? Bro, get it together. Yeah. I was just kind of imagining going home one holiday season from college or something and then you're...

one of your parents is one of your close friends. Can you imagine? I mean, your mom was single. She's only a freshman in college, right?

I was going to say your mom, like you were a junior in college by the time your mom was divorced. Well, I had freshman in college. I was 18. Yeah. But, oh, so maybe, okay, maybe she is like a junior then. Junior or senior. Yeah. I wasn't 21 until my senior year. Okay. Which was rough. So imagine you going home and your mom was divorced. So this could have happened. Imagine finding your mom and like your friend Mike. Oh, yeah. No, that's kind of like what was playing out in my head. And of course, no one's going to be cool with that. No.

No. And that's, it reminds me of the boundaries that get crossed when friends date friends as exes. It's kind of that same vibe. Obviously, there's the whole like grooming potential here, which is a whole different disgusting piece, but it is similar to when your friend

dates your ex. It's just, you don't cross these lines. There's these unwritten rules. Well, and that's like with the friend too. The dad is a lot older. Oh, it's on both sides. Yeah. And I, I want to put more of the blame on him than this girl, but also like, I never ever would have like, can you imagine? Girl, what are you doing? There's

Listen. There's so many other people out there that are more age appropriate and... You could go anywhere. You could go to the smallest little town in the middle of Montana and you're going to find somebody...

You don't have to go for your friend's dad. You don't have to go for your daughter's friend. No. It's just, and don't use the excuse of like, you've been telling me to get out there and this is my first real thing. Throwing that back. I'm sure you've been through some hard shit.

But this is not how it manifests. This is not where it should lead you to. I want to know how it happened. I want to know how it went down so bad. Yeah, and there's a right 100% for her to look at her dad and be like, no, you are in the fucking wrong.

This is weird. I don't care about if it like what it does to help you with the past. It's too far. I also wonder where he's like, this is the first real thing like I've had since like. Really? Was someone half your age, more than half your age that can't relate to anything that you were living? What do you have in common?

You guys are like on totally different points of your life. You've had totally different lived experiences. Yeah, I can hold a conversation with your dad and people his age, but like,

This is beyond me. But I was going to say, I wonder if like he's even given himself a chance to have real connections with other people. Probably not. Yeah, this is weird. Like to use that as an excuse, like really? Like what dating have you done? None. This is the first person you've even talked to. Yeah, just because they were around. I want to know how the hell this went down. And then to not, but also the other weird part of this is when...

When this would have began, I get from their ends hiding it from the writer. But this is something... It's still territory where you should have a conversation no matter what.

on the front end of this type of thing. Yes. Like, hey, friend. Yeah, your dad started talking to me. Or, hey, daughter, I've been talking to your friend. I don't even know. No, I think that would have been respectful up front. But they're not going to because they know what's wrong. Exactly. Exactly.

So the right thing is just not to go to this, not cross these taboo lines. So top comment on this one right now is not the asshole. My friend tried to come on to my dad. He's good looking. I look like him. Not trying to brag, but my dad looks great for his age. My dad told her she was a child and a child the same age as his own daughter.

Right. That will answer your question. Yeah, I just...

I don't know how to, how I'd respond. It's just like, you want to just go across the world and pretend it never happened and never see it again. So weird. I wonder if this person is from Minnesota. So I'm on their, um, their comment history now. And, uh,

They commented on a post that is like the average Minnesota enjoyer has logged on, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I think that might be from Minnesota. But you find out it's like someone, you know. Oh, my God. Can you imagine? Lots of like comments from OP responding to people. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big,

basically talking about how they feel like they don't really have a great support system. I have no siblings and it really was just my dad. I don't know how I can proceed if neither of us budge. I don't know if it's all worth it even. Someone goes, not the asshole. I'm

I'm not sure what your dad hoped he could accomplish by ambushing you. If history teaches us nothing else, it's that it is a bad idea to ambush someone you want support from. Also, if this connection is real, one, what do her parents think about this? Have they met to discuss the relationship? I'm sure she stayed over at your house when she was younger. And two, your dad could wait until her brain is fully developed around 25.

Yeah. Yeah.

And number two is like the shrug emoji with like the girl just going out like two hands. Like, I don't know. A lot of other comments that I'm going to let you all read. But we do have an update. Okay, first, I forgot about the fact that they were both there then one night. Yeah, they ambushed her. Can you imagine...

already dealing with the fact that this is going on. I'd be pissed. And then walking in and they're both sitting there. I would not. There's no way I'd go through with that. I'd turn around and be out. I would have literally opened the door. I'd be out. Immediate 360. It's like a different version of an intervention. It'd be like a, it'd be like a outervention. I don't know. But it's like, it's one of those situations where you walk in and

They're just there. And it's like, we're ready to discuss. No. No, thanks. No. And I said immediate 360, which is a fucking circle. I meant 180. Or 540. Because then you could do 360 plus the 180 and still be out. You do it in style. I almost, you'd almost like. You almost fake them out. Like you're going to spin and go towards them, but you spin. Well, and you almost would need that double take to be like, wait, am I fucking seeing this? Okay. No. Out. And then slam the door.

Don't come back. And they move halfway across the world. It's crazy. So you're on the exact opposite end of the globe from them. So if you dug straight through the center of the earth, you'd run into them. Mm-hmm. Furthest possible point or you go to Mars. Yeah. Mars is hot right now. I'm chill right here. Babe, I'm moving to Mars. If you're coming, great. If you're not, divorce. Divorce. I ain't going. You're like, we're not married, bitch. I like Earth.

I got nothing. So update before going into this, I do want to address something. I want to reiterate. I said this in one of the comments on my last post that my friend and my dad did not all caps have any sort of relationship slash contact beyond waving hi and bye while I was in high school.

I appreciate that people are looking out for me and encouraged me to consider that there was maybe something going on then, but I know that this was not the case. This is definitely not a grooming a minor that he knew situation, which hopefully is a relief to many of you that were concerned about that.

The conversation I had with my dad this morning confirmed this as well. So after reading a few of the comments this morning and cooling down a bit, I decided to just go home and visit my dad to try to have a conversation about it all. We have had way too good of a relationship to not just hear each other's perspectives. I walked in at eight when he is always drinking his coffee and watching the morning news. As soon as I opened the door, he looked at me and he looked like he had not slept.

About 10 seconds after I walked in with silence, he started crying pretty intensely. My dad is usually not emotional, and throughout the past 24 hours, I have seen him cry more than I have the rest of my life.

He basically stopped me from saying anything and just said that he wanted to explain himself and the situation. Last summer, my dad was at the gym when he ran into my friend. They waved hi to each other, and he approached her because he wanted to ask if I had told her anything about my internship I had in another city for the summer. They talked briefly, and then a month later, they saw each other again at the gym. This time, she asked him if he'd want to grab a coffee, and he agreed because he knew we were good friends.

He swears that he had zero romantic intention going into this.

Basically, he said that they just hit it off and had a good time. It did not become mutually romantic until about a month later when they decided to get dinner. Once this all happened, my dad told her that he needed to tell me about it before moving forward. But my friend did not want to tell me yet because she was not sure how serious they would eventually be. And there was no point in making me feel uncomfortable for nothing. Not true.

Unfortunately, this way of thinking just continually progressed until it reached the point of now, nearly nine months later. He repeatedly said that he wanted to and should have told me from the second they even met for coffee. Now the awkward part. I will admit, the part that was actually making me feel the most uncomfortable was thinking about their sexual relationship. So I knew I had to be straightforward. I asked him how long they had been intimate. Shockingly, he responded that he had not had sex with her yet.

He said that they had done other stuff and I stopped him from going into detail about it because we did not need to share that stuff with each other. When I asked him why he has not had sex, he revealed that he has not had sex since he had become a widower. He will not do it until he knows that I would approve of the person he is with. He then revealed that he had gone on a few dates without me knowing for the past eight years, but did not think any of them were special enough to bring around.

Not having sex with my friend even caused them to have a break last fall because my friend was upset that he wouldn't do it with her. But she eventually came around to accepting it.

Hearing this really saved the image I have of my dad as a polite, respectful, and mild-mannered man. I had said in a few comments on the last post that this was all very uncharacteristic of him, and this information calmed a few of my nerves about the situation. Then the apologies began.

He said he was nervous and panicked when I brought up that I knew about it and he lashed out. He said he was trying to convince himself that he was not in the wrong and was glamorizing the relationship a bit to make it seem like I should be more understanding. Then he started crying again and hugged me and said he wants to start over with my friend with all of us on the same page because he really does actually like being with her. He just wants to take it slow and dial back the seriousness a bit right now.

I said that I would be open to this and that we could move forward from there with no secrets. I apologize for how reactive I was to it all at the moment. While I still may not fully agree with their relationship, I am more open to seeing it play out slash being tolerant now that I know more details. It felt like the father that I knew had returned. I

I had no idea.

to breathe on that for a second. I just, let's all ponder in that one. There are so many other older men, especially celebrities that are all attracted to younger women that I will not entirely hold that against him. Thank you all for your help and insight. This may not have gone nearly as well as I would have liked if I had not been able to read some of your insights. I'm feeling surprisingly hopeful about this situation going forward. Does that make you feel better?

Biggest problem here, I mean, regardless of how you feel about the age gap, he wanted to bring it up to his daughter right away. And she was like, no, we're not doing that. And then that snowballed into nine months. Which is far too long. You can have a baby in nine months. Right. So it's just like, that's the flaw. That's hard to get past. That's the worst part of it is...

You can tell me all day long you wanted to sit here and tell me and you wanted to do the right thing. Yeah. But you didn't for nine months. Then it's kind of like, cool, like you wanted to, but that means nothing if you didn't do it. Like you're just, words are great, but inaction's inaction. Yeah. And I think it's sad, like,

And I think that speaks volumes to the friend, like the dad being like, I want to tell you even before that coffee. And at that point, there was nothing romantic in his head. He's like, oh, coffee. Like he's it probably went over his head why she was even asking him out to coffee. And maybe she didn't even know. Maybe she's lonely. All of her friends moved away and she's still in her hometown, you know, going to school there. And

she thought this would be nice to connect with someone. I don't know. But the fact that she for so long, like, oh, you know, I don't want to tell her yet. I want to tell her yet. You know how wrong it is. And you don't want to tell your friend because you know how wrong it is, which it would have been better had you just said, hey, I ran into your dad. Like I asked him out for coffee and

what are your thoughts like come at it from the get-go or like yeah or the dad could have you know said which he should have he should have told you know his daughter and not it should have been a no I'm gonna have this conversation because my relationship with her is way more important than anything with you well and the thing is it's like you waited nine months okay three months you don't feel and then you still didn't bring it up though you had to get caught yeah so how long would it have gone on without her knowing

Yeah, that I don't know. I'm surprised she it's hard to be in someone's, you know, dynamic with their with their family and stuff. It's hard to put ourselves there. But very forgiving. I would be stuck on that. Very, very forgiving. I mean, I would not be OK with my dad dating my friend.

Even at my age now of 29, like, I think it's just, again, one of those lines, even like regardless of an age gap. These are my friends. Like, why? Why are you shitting where I eat? Why do you got to shit on my food? Come on.

It's just weird. Well, because right. Because then anything that happens between them now affects your relationship going forward. And your best friend becomes your stepmom. And what if she wants kids? Like she's 21. What if she wants kids? Is your dad going to be a 48 year old?

How old was he again? I forgot. 48, yeah. Yeah. Is your dad going to be a 48-year-old parent? Which it's not, you know, it's not like it doesn't happen. I mean, we've got 82-year-old parents out there right now. Yeah. I mean, it should happen. So is your dad okay with that? Does your dad want kids? Are you okay getting a sibling? Like, because for you, like...

I mean, it could be really hard for you to get a sibling at 21. Like, you could feel threatened with your dynamic with your dad. Like, there's a lot there. And I think, like... Well, is this a long-term thing? Or is this just some fantasy she has and...

And then if the dad truly is fully innocent and just kind of going along with the flow and it just this connection, then is he going to get pushed aside all of a sudden and be re heartbroken and be fucked up forever again? Yeah. Just because her friend is just living out this little fantasy thing.

There's so much we don't know about it. I think they definitely need to sit down and have a conversation. They've been together nine months, almost a year. It's summer now. It's going to be a year they've been together together.

It's time to have these conversations of like, yeah, I'm 21, but like, I know I want kids. Where do you see yourself? Could you be a dad again, a new dad with a little baby at 55? Because I'm not ready yet. I'm thinking five years. You'd be 55. Are you okay being a dad having a little baby at 55? And then being...

Being a senior when they're retired or when they're, sorry. When they graduate. Being a senior when, yeah, when they're done with high school. And that's a reality. I mean, there's a lot of people out there that their dad was 70 when they graduated high school. Like my dad's got a cousin who was 72 when he had a baby.

Like, is that fair to the kid? Robert De Niro just had his like... Yeah, it's him and someone else just did too. And Robert De Niro is... There was someone older. Really? Yeah, there was someone older.

Well, Robert De Niro is 79 and he just had another baby. Yeah, look up. There's another one though. Alec Baldwin keeps popping out babies. Maybe that was it. Eastwood was 66. I thought there was two. Hefner, Hugh Hefner was 65. On this list of celebrities, Robert De Niro is the oldest that I'm seeing at 79 to have a new baby, which...

I mean, there's a lot of questions of like, is that fair to the child to like not have a relationship? Like you're 80. Like we are mortal. We're human. Like we die.

But I think there's, there's a lot of conversations for them to have. I will say like, it does overall make me feel a little better that there was like very clear cut, like nothing happened when they were in high school. This happened totally outside, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like that does. I mean, she's going to have the best read on her dad too. So. And that's what I said originally. I'm like, your dad like sounds like he's an amazing guy. Like

you lost your mom and he really focused on you and didn't really date and all this stuff. Like he sounds like he was an amazing dad. So to like almost be associated with like that or like that persona of like, oh, he's dating a 21 year old. Like people talk. I mean, especially if you live in a small town, like people talk, but I do admire the maturity to be like, I'm just going to let it play out. Like,

whatever. And that's kind of all you can do because you don't want to. I mean, all you can do is evaluate how you want to proceed with your relationship with your dad. You're not going to control. Yeah. It's just, I think that's what you learn as you get older is you can't control the actions of other people. All you can control is the level of engagement you want to have with those people going forward and what that relationship looks like. 100%.

Control what you can control. Yes. Top comment on the update is, so like, what do her parents think about her being with a dude? Probably around their age. Yeah. Just a thought. Which I would agree. Like, I'd be very curious to know.

I would pay so much. I would let you come on the podcast, OP, if I can come to the family dinner where the girlfriend brings your dad. I would love to be there.

Can you imagine that level of awkwardness? I mean, maybe she has a terrible relationship with her parents and that's what she's looking for in this. You just never know. I mean, I've known people that literally they could go do anything in the whole world and their parents just don't care. Or the parents would support it. They just are like, all right, cool. Nice to meet you. Yeah. Next comment. Not going to lie. My first...

Petty order of business would have been to show up with a man my dad's age. Next comment down. Better yet, friend's dad. Nah, one of her dad's friends. That would be chef's kiss. Oh, wow. Yeah. Someone goes, I'd request a double date and bring someone older than her dad.

Someone else goes, she's a lot nicer than I would have been to find out my so-called friend was messing with my dad. Yeah. They would have been the first people I called to let them know what their little angel was doing.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yep. Yep.

Right. Yeah. Which this person picked up on exactly what I was saying. I did not read the comments. I didn't read the update or this story. This was a blind reaction for both of us. Nice. But moving along, I think we've exhausted this one. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes,

Gillette razors, Metamucil, Crest toothpaste, secret body spray, and a Swiffer power mop. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. So this next one is coming from r slash 2x chromosomes. User Chris Maz, four days old.

titled, I'm currently living like my husband does. Yesterday, we had a huge fight about household chores. Yep, another post about one person carrying the household on their back and the other just living their best life, but still somehow complaining they have to do everything. My husband helps with laundry every Saturday and empties the dishwasher at best once a week. That's it.

Last night, he got pissed while he was drinking and decided to go clean his toilet and bathroom floor at like 10 at night with the whole quote, woe is me. I can't believe I had to do this attitude. And he kept arguing with me from the bathroom. I told him.

I told him that just because he cleans his pissy bathroom once every three months, that doesn't make him fucking Cinderella. I feel kind of childish, but him saying that he has to do everything around the house got me seeing red. I went to bed without washing the dishes or clearing the kitchen at all. This morning, I woke up, got my breakfast, did

did not touch the dishes, got my coffee and sat in front of my computer, caught up on my shows and played my games. When I was done eating breakfast, I took my dishes in the kitchen, was feeling generous, and just put them on the counter and left them there. I'm not going to do those dishes, and I'm not cooking dinner. I'm just going to do what he does every single day. Do whatever I feel like doing, and then either ask what's for dinner or just show up to dinner when it's time. Of course, there will be no dinner, but

But still, we have sat down and had conversations about this several times. Quote, I bet my father never had to clean the bathroom is the kind of response I usually get from him. I thought about making a new account to post this with, but then I thought, fuck that. I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm a grown ass person and I did nothing wrong, except maybe not standing my ground sooner. This is such bullshit. Isn't it funny how roommate problems continue? Yeah.

past roommates into new roommates. You always got a roommate, whether it's your husband, partner, kids, whatever that looks like. Yeah, but you hope at some point you work better as a team than you and some random youngins back in the day. I feel like this is so, so common for people in heterosexual relationships though. And the fact, well, the worst part of it is the comment about

My dad never do like, okay, cool, grow up. The world is changing. The world is evolving. A lot of women are breadwinners.

Yeah. A lot of men are stay at home dads. And then whatever kind of relationship combo you have, people figure out their dynamic and that's how they work it out. Absolutely. You know, it's not this, I'm a man, so I do this and I'm a woman, so I do this anymore. That's just, it feels medieval to me. It's weird to me that that was like within 50 years of my lifetime. Yeah. You know, it's just, I don't know. It's not in my code.

The funniest part I got to say first is picturing just looking down the hallway and there's this bathroom with the light on, just hearing someone argue from the bathroom as they're so mad at what they're doing. That is comical. But this really shows the importance of living together with someone before you maybe commit to the long, long term. Yeah. And I think...

A lot of times moving in, you can learn a lot about someone that you think you already know everything about. Or you're like, oh, it's going to be great. It's going to be perfect. We're going to work so well together. And then, you know, things are different. You just never know. People don't get married and move in with each other

you know, hoping to end up here or with the knowledge that they'll end up here. And yet it's so common. And it stems from a lot of times guys never really growing up after being in that teenage phase where you have no responsibilities. Everything's kind of taken care of at home. You don't worry about a lot. You play your video games and then, you know, you don't want to have anything. You don't need to do anything. And that's like,

People want to carry that fantasy forward. Some people get there again by making a shit ton of money and having the ability to have all these services provided. But it's not necessarily saying, hey, wife,

What's for dinner tonight? Oh, you didn't clean my dishes from earlier? Oh, well, I guess they're going to sit there because I got more video games to play. When did you start doing your own laundry? Like when you moved back in during your junior year of college, did you do your own laundry 100% of the time? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know some people in my life right now that are my age and still have...

people doing their laundry. And those are people you probably would not want to be together with. No. Because that's going to carry forward. But I think a lot of people do go from their mom's house to their wife's house. Yeah. And I think that's a part of the problem. They're coddled. They never have to do their laundry. They never have to clean. They're pampered, weighted on hand and foot. And then they go move in. And it's like, you're like, as a wife, you're expecting a husband and you get a fucking kid.

Like you are, you're a parent. Like so many times you see these people post and it's like,

I only popped out one kid, but fuck, I got two. Might as well tack on my husband. Like he is just not doing anything. I think like we've talked about this in the past. I think it was like the first episode Amy came on. But there is a book and it's called Fair Play. And it talks about how do you divide labor in your household? And, you know, there's a card game that's associated with two. But I listened to an amazing NPR podcast.

episode. And it is about love contracts. It's on their Life Kit show. It's like the show that has all these like little tidbits. It's one of my favorite podcasts, like one of the only podcasts I listen to actually. You update it regularly with your partner, but you talk about like chores and like, what are you agreeing to do? Okay. I hate doing the dishes. So do you mind doing that? I'll take something you don't like.

But I think it would honestly be good for people that are in these situations. Type out all of the chores you have for your house because everyone's so different. Feed our 10 dogs. Walk the 10 dogs. Pick up kids from school. Whatever those are.

Cut them out on little pieces of paper, note cards, whatever that looks like. And you each, you and your husband or your wife or whoever that is in your life, you stand there, you lay them all out on a table and you separate them. I do these regularly. You do these regularly. If your piles are very unevenly stacked after, you have some adjustments to make. Yeah. Unless that one person is a stay-at-home person.

person and they that is their main job, which that's different. But after five, so like nine to five is the kid stay at home parents role. But then after that, it should be a little more even. But I think that would be like a good exercise for people in these situations to do. And like, I don't know, post it on your fridge like you're a fucking kid. Like it's it's good to have these visual reminders. And like, it can't be like this. Like

It's just not sustainable for anyone long-term. Yeah, and it's going to evolve too. I mean, chores change and the different needs around the house will change and evolve. But I just think even if you don't have a set thing you do, you're just always aware of what's going on and what needs to be done. And you just start picking things off as you go. I don't know if...

will be the type of household where no matter what, every X day, I'm the one taking out the garbage bins or versus every X day, I'm going and doing a different thing. I think it's like, oh, the garbage bins need to go out. One of us will go do it. Oh, the dishwasher needs to be unloaded. Oh, one of us will just start doing it. I feel like we just naturally kind of have this unspoken, unwritten ability to work well together.

And here I am saying it's important to live together for any long term. We basically do, though. I know, but I'm just saying it. I think we naturally will find our roles and I think they'll change. But I think we naturally be very even. Yeah. But like for people that aren't like a big issue, I see. And we literally just watched this episode of Survivor.

It's the season we're on now is one of the younger guys. And they were all talking about roles at camp. And everyone was like, you know, Twyla gets wood all the time and Sarge is doing this. And the one guy, Nick, I think his name was, was like, yeah, I take naps. I like taking naps. And

Jeff even asked him like, well, don't you feel bad taking so many naps when everyone's working all the time? And he's like, well, if they asked me to do it, I would do it. But that's a part of the problem. When someone has to ask you to do something, you are still making them responsible for half the work because half the work is the mental load required. I

I need to do this task. How do I do this task? How do I prep this task? So if you have to ask someone, hey, can you do this? You're already wearing on that person. There needs to be some initiative. And I'm just like ranting about relationships like this now because again and again, this comes up. And I think like a hard part right now that a lot of guys are being faced with is

is this demand for emotional intelligence and equity on the home front. And it's not something they're used to. And I think it's a big part of why a lot of, especially heterosexual relationships, struggle, especially after you throw kids into the mix.

Yeah. So. Well, and so what I was trying to lead up to is though I think we would work very well together and naturally be even if it ever got to a point where it started to feel uneven or just, you know, unbalanced. Yeah. Like in this case, if it got this bad, I feel like

It's fine to give reminders, especially in any relationship. I think if there's anyone slacking or if there's a lack of satisfaction of a love language of any sort or an uneven sense like this, it's always fine to give a reminder, right? To say, hey, it's been feeling like a little uneven with this or I haven't been feeling the love with this such as this.

I think that's important instead of just jumping to like, okay, yep, we're not working. This is really bad. It becomes a problem when there is a, it is pointed out and it is reminded and it is, Hey, would you mind going and doing XX and X and X and X today just to help me out? And like, you know, cause we got a lot to get done here and we're really busy.

And then it still doesn't change. That's when it becomes an actual, actual problem. And that's when you start to look at, you know, I kind of love her like little petty, I'm going to give him a taste of his own medicine situation. But I think that needs to come once you've already tried because otherwise that's just toxic. Yeah.

But it sounds like she has tried and has tried to be like, give that gentle push. Several times. And so I think that's the important distinction. And then once it comes to this point, if this is kind of your stance of saying, hey, here's what I'm dealing with. Can we work on this and try and figure this out? And then there's still no change.

that's when you're starting to look like, all right, how long can I put up with this? And maybe we got to move forward separately. Yeah. Cause she does say here, we have sat down and had conversations about this several times. And then that's when he said the comment, I bet my father never had to clean the bathroom. Like he's not getting it. No. Right. And that's why I think it is leading down that the path. I think so too. And I think she'd probably be happier. And

This Brene Brown video is coming to my head too, where it's like, yeah, maybe he's going through something right now. And we all have these seasons in life, as I call them. We've been talking about this with Rod passing. But before that, I was like, I'm in a season right now where I need more. I need you to spend more time up in Duluth versus in the cities. This is something I need. This is just the season of my life.

there's going to be seasons in your life where you need more support. And it was interesting that I said all this before seeing the Brene Brown video, which basically just says like relationships are never going to be like 50-50. Rarely are they 50-50. Like partnerships ebb and flow. And so she gives an example of like, you know, she might only have 20% that week. And her husband says, you know what? I got you. I got 80% this week. We're good.

And, you know, next week she might be at 40 and he's at 60. And, you know, the week after that, he's at 40 and she's at 60. But when they both don't total 100, that's when they sit down and they really have a conversation and say, how can we be more patient with each other? We are both struggling right now. You got 20%. I got 20%. We don't got a lot. So how can we avoid hurting each other during this time? And if that's where they're at,

they're both at. I don't know, get paper plates for a while. If you are so in your mental health need, you're depressed, you're dealing with a lot of anxiety, whatever it is, get paper plates that maybe are compostable. Don't do dishes. There's ways to get around that, but communicate that to your partner then. But I don't think that's the case here. This dude is just

He sucks. I do think there are people that need structure and need to be told what to do. One of those people is one of my greatest friends of all time, longtime roommate and friend, Jake, who I lived with for 10 years straight. And it started at basically, he pseudo kind of lived at my mom's with me when I was finishing up college. And he's a guy that will

you know, just kind of do his thing, not bother anybody. But when it comes to mutual chores, they kind of go over his head a little bit until you establish roles and structure. And one of the things my mom went to him and said, Jake, if you're going to stay here as much as you do, I need you to do X, Y, and Z. And one of those things was take out the recycling garbage every Thursday. And without fail, since that one mention of

Every single Thursday that he was there, he would do it without even forgetting, without being told anything. And that's how it should be. Right. But that carried forward into us being roommates. And so when it was just him and I in New York...

I knew we had to establish some sort of roles and routine because otherwise it wouldn't be 50-50. It wouldn't be as easy. Yeah. So we established the roles, we established the routine, and that's how it worked with him is because he needed that structure. But did you need to remind him more than once?

I mean, sometimes everyone needs a reminder, but it didn't get to this point. Well, and I think for like, that's the problem. Like when you started your story, I was going to be like, God, I wouldn't be able to fucking do it. Like,

You have a bad habit of leaving water bottles and cups on your side of the bed and like that is so minor that i'm Like oh, whatever like pick your battles but Like if I had to do like bigger things where i've asked like hey Can you not leave cups on the side of bed and it was like every week? Hey, can you put your cups away? Hey, can you put your cups away? Hey, can you put your cups away? I mean you can only ask someone so many times like how many reminders can you give?

And I think like that's where a lot of people ask themselves, like, it's time to check out. Like, I don't want to be a parent to my partner. Well, because the little things become really big things. They do. Over time. So maybe you should start putting your cups in the sink and recycling your water bottles. Yeah, this is the first time I'm being told. So here we go. You had like 20 water bottles I recycled. At our house, I won't have a single thing anywhere. Why do you make my house messy? Just to fit in. Yeah, but you don't have to make it messier.

No, but that's my little area. I got to walk over there sometimes. When? What do you have to go over there for ever? I don't know. To vacuum. And I can't. You just noticed the bottles the other day. No, I've been noticing them for a while. I just haven't touched them. I was waiting for you to do it. And I and I did it. Oh, I was saving them.

Oh, for what? To go to the recycle place and get 10 cents a pop. I thought you were going to say to pee in when I don't want to walk to the bathroom. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that. I used to know a person that would do that. They would have two liter pop jugs and instead of walking to the bathroom in their college house. A lot of guys used to do that. A lot of guys used to do that. Gross. The top comment on this post is he bitches about cleaning his bathroom. What?

And then someone quotes like, I bet my father never had to clean the bathroom. Ah, the secret words to kill any partner's libido. Yes. Next comment down, like quotes, like a quote. And I bet your mother suffered for it. Oh, mic drop.

I think with this subreddit, there's not a lot of crazy comments on it. Yeah. But someone just goes, please, OP, we must be updated. I swear I go through cycles of this where about once a month I go through and deep clean the house because the chores that the kids and husband do are generally done about half acidly. So the mess slowly piles up over a period of a week or two. And then I just sit around thinking, no, they will notice the pile growing so large, but

Yep.

I was raised a place for everything and everything in its place. And it's super easy if you just put it back where you got it from clean when you are done with it. Simple concept. But alas, OP, please do let us know how it goes for you. That's how our house is going to be. Yeah. I have tried to get in a better habit of like, don't put it down. Put it away. Dave Ryan. Very hard, though. That's where that came from.

Okay, so we have an update. Okay. Holy shit. I was not expecting my post to get so much attention, especially since there are probably dozens of similar posts in here every single day. I stopped reading and responding after a few hours to avoid getting too riled up, but I do appreciate the support. So here's how it went. Quote, are we eating dinner tonight? Quote, I don't know. Are you cooking dinner? Uh, okay. Wow. Shakes head in disapproval.

quote, well, I figured since you said you do everything around here, I could just chill and you'd take care of it like you always do. Then a short back and forth. I didn't say that. Yes, you did, et cetera, et cetera. He got up, made himself a sandwich and had dinner at his computer. A little while later, I made myself some food and ate in peace in the living room. I finished my dinner, put my plate on the counter and left it there with the rest of the stuff.

A couple of hours later, he came into the bedroom and announced he ran the dishwasher because the dirty dishes stunk. Normally, I would have run it last night, and it was now almost 24 hours later. Ew, David. He asked if I was boycotting that too. Quote,

He left all the non-dishwasher stuff on the counter. He said I was brutal. I said, yep, I sure am. I went about my skincare routine and went to bed a little after him. He leaned over to drink some water and guess what? No water. In the 16 years we've lived together, he hasn't done that particular chore once. I told him that shit doesn't just happen by magic and turned off the light. Ha ha ha.

I fucking hate being this petty and I don't really like myself much right now. I finally opened up to a friend this afternoon. She has been through a divorce and had some good advice. I think my next step is to get an appointment with a therapist, get my head on straight and figure out my next step.

I'm working 9 to 7 tomorrow. I wonder what will be waiting for me when I get home. See if the message is received and then proceed from there. Yeah. Someone just asked like, fuck yes, enjoy living your best life, keep us updated. Are you child free? Yes, child free. And that is not going to change. There we go. This is just brutal. I mean...

Someone goes in a comment, you sound like you resent each other, which isn't a moral judgment on you, but is valuable and actionable knowledge to have. I hate to admit it, but you are right. And someone goes, maybe it's time for marriage counseling. Based on your comments, there's much more than chores to unpack. There's four communicative behaviors that if repeatedly happen are predictors for failed marriage slash relationship, which is from John Gottman's book, Baby.

And they just say what they are. Criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt. You've mentioned most of these in some capacity. And Opie goes, I'm working on getting an appointment right now. Fingers crossed. Yeah. I mean, she's taking all the right steps. Yeah. It's fine. Like, I wouldn't feel too bad about yourself for how you're handling it. No. But you really just got to see...

If anything changes, if anything gets better. Absolutely. Because if it doesn't, then it's not ever going to. No, and they don't have kids, which makes this divorce a lot easier. Simpler for sure. Simpler. And, you know, maybe the next one she'll find a more balanced partner. Yeah. Like, I don't know if this is just our generation, but I feel like in the past...

There's been a lot of shame with divorce, and I do not feel that at all. What's the difference between a breakup and a divorce? The main one is paperwork. Obviously, it's a little harder to unwind, but there's not really shame with a breakup. People are like, oh, sad. I thought you guys were great together. Yeah, I feel like that's just...

But what's the difference? Like if you don't have kids and you're still in the same spot, like dating to marriage, it didn't really change much. Why is a divorce so much worse? I feel like it either stems from people with religious feelings about divorce or it stems from like the whole Bridgerton type era of divorce.

you can't get divorced. Henry VIII did, baby. He created a whole nother church for it. Well, I just think back to how, you know, divorce has for a long time been

this taboo, like, oh, you know, you committed for life. You committed no matter what. Maybe that's what it is too with the religious side is like the oath of I'll be with you forever, no matter what. And I'm like swearing this under God or, you know, I don't know, but maybe it's just like a, it's a sin to get divorced after saying you basically that you won't. But my great grandma was

Got a divorce like 60 or 70 years ago. Which was very uncommon at the time. And that has forever kind of just set the stage, I guess, with just my understanding of divorce is it's okay. And it's good in times when you're not a good partner and you don't have a good partnership anymore and you're not good for each other. Why would you live the rest of your life

going through something that's bad for both of you and you're going to spread that bad energy to everyone else. You're going to spread it to your kids probably. And, you know, you're going to make life harder all around. Then just get divorced. I mean, now you have, you have divorce parties. Yeah. So it's definitely evolved, but I just always think back to the story of my great grandma doing it back when it was probably like the talk of the town. What a baddie. Yeah. Yeah.

I know a lot of people like I think that's like some of the earliest criticism we got on the show is like, you guys like divorce isn't so easy. And I'm like, but I definitely think I get it's hard. I get there's a lot of unwinding. I get you have to separate assets legally. You know, that's a lot like I get that. But like breakup, divorce, like.

They're kind of the same thing, except one has a lot more paperwork. Like, I think people honestly overcomplicate them. And maybe that's my hot take for this episode. Like, I think people make divorce way more complicated than it needs to be. I think it depends, too. Like, if it's a, like, you don't have kids and you didn't, like, for these people, like, they don't have kids. Like, this seems like it would be a very straightforward divorce. I think divorce gets complicated when people compromise. Yeah.

in their relationships, such as they give up a career to stay home and take care of kids while... I mean, you make these decisions as a team and you say, all right, so you can stay home, take care of the kids. I'm going to go be the breadwinner. And that's how we're going to operate. Well, all of a sudden now, this person...

has given up a career for the betterment of the family and the team, and now the team is dissolving. So now this person has given up a career and it's really messy because now their breadwinner who they gave up the career to support and help them do that

and XYZ. Now it's really complicated because they're now 20, however many years behind and they're not going to, it's like really hard to jumpstart their career and they gave up these opportunities. It's things like that that start to make it really emotional, really complicated, and it's hard to find the fairness. Well, and that's like one thing, like, I'm going to be honest, like

Staying home with your kids if you want to is amazing. But if you don't want to stay home with your kids, don't stay home with your kids. Your kids will be okay in daycare. Don't make decisions that you're going to resent. And I think that's a lot of times what people do. And yes, there's compromises and there's going to be sacrifices in a relationship. But if you truly in your heart of hearts, you love your job and you don't want to quit, then don't.

I think there also needs to come this point in a lot of people's lives where you're not sacrificing your happiness to boost up your partner.

like you can both make an equal sacrifice. Yes, but I wasn't saying sacrifice your happiness. You're making decisions. No, I'm inferring that a lot of people do make those decisions and do end up staying home to support their partner and get divorced and then are left with like, I was a stay-at-home mom and sacrificed my career and now I'm stuck. And it's like,

It does happen. And a lot of times it is the mom that stays home. COVID took so many women out of the workforce. I'm going to Google this because this number I was reading about this other day and it's crazy. So nearly 2 million fewer women in labor workforce. And

I like remember hearing this and I'm like, well, why are the women leaving their jobs? Well, women on average are paid less. So it made more sense in a lot of these families for women to leave their job during COVID to stay at home and take care of their kids. And it's like they didn't want to, but COVID forced them out of the workforce. And now a lot of them are having hard times getting back in.

It's literally this is one like article from the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. In many cases, parents, most often women, stayed home to care for their children. Half of all workers and nearly 60 percent of parents cite lack of child care as their reason for leaving the workforce. They didn't want to. They had to because they're kids. And a lot of people have to do that. A lot of people don't.

do have to stay home because it's cheaper to stay home and makes more sense economically than to pay for daycare, which I fully believe we should have universal free daycare in this country. Others do. It's better for our society. We encourage people to enter the workforce. We encourage them to get educations for themselves. A more educated society has better quality of life, better socioeconomic status. Why are we so fucking behind?

And it's just, it's really frustrating. So I feel like I'm really passionate about this in a sense where it's like, if you don't want to stay home and you want to work, I get there's a lot, a lot of factors here. And I know there's a lot of nuance that I obviously can't articulate in this fucking two minute rant now, but I get there's a lot into it. And a lot of people might be fuming and getting ready to type. And I fully understand there is a lot that goes into it. But I just think

It should be a little more balanced in today, 2023 and going forward. Yeah. Sorry, I'm done on my soapbox now. No, I mean, we're so far off topic, but I just was kind of trying to talk about the situations where it's not that they don't want to. They want to in general.

Like the idea that the divorce isn't coming. Yeah. So they want to make this choice because it makes sense for the team and the family all the way through. Yeah. Divorce gets complicated because all of a sudden you have this unforeseen change in that plan that now screws you over in particular because you made a choice for the team, not necessarily that you didn't.

Didn't want.

can't survive off one income. A lot of people, especially people with kids, are dual income households. That's the majority. So if you are a one income household and one parent stays home with kids, that's where you should have an agreement between the two of you where, hey,

I'm still furthering my education online as I stay home with the kids. I'm still going to have a part-time job. I'm still going to do this to make sure my resume stays up to date. I'm going to be given an allowance. Like, yes, we have a joint fund, whatever, but I still have my own money to put aside. You need financial freedom as well.

So there's certain things you can do. And some people even do this in their prenups where they say like, or they add it on as a postnuptial agreement once they start having kids. And they say, if I am the one to stay home with children, I will be given X blah, blah, blah a year. And you go from there. Like there's certain ways to make it equitable. And I think like if I were to be a stay-at-home mom, like

And my husband, you, in this world, was the breadwinner. I would ask for those things. I would say, I'm going to do certain continuing education every year. I'm going to volunteer and have a part-time job. Part-time is anything under 25, but you could work five hours a week and you're still part-time, which could be up to 25. So I think there's certain things you can do that

like you're still investing in yourself because we should always have a safety net like it's it's no different than life insurance it's like hope for the best prepare for the worst the reality is people fall out of love you might not work out anymore someone could cheat what's plan bcd and like i don't know maybe people don't think like that usually but like that's where my brain goes i'm like make sure you're gonna be good and like taken care of yeah

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Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay. One last one and then we're done. This one is a poop story though, friends. So trigger warning, poop. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Some people get really sick over it. Just sick. Well, I don't have a choice. No. So this one is two months old. Username, ShowerDrainClean. Great. Yeah.

It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Cleaning the Shower Drain Cover? My Roommate Installed Since I Have Short Hair. I, 22 male, am originally from the Middle East, and I live with my roommate, 21 female, who is English. She has really long hair and sheds everywhere while I have short hair.

We used to have a problem with the shower getting clogged with hair and I kept having to ask her to clean it, which she did, but she would complain about finding poop in it as she picked out the hair.

Where I grew up, it is considered unclean to use toilet paper and toilets have a handheld mini shower we call a Shatafa and used to spray clean our bums. I am not religious and this is not a religious thing. I just find the thought of smearing poop around to clean it disgusting as some of it probably adheres to the skin.

So after I poop, I clean up in the shower. The only reason poop got stuck in the drain, though, is because her hair had clogged it there. Otherwise, it would have gone through. Am I the asshole? They need to just... They just need to not be roommates. I think this person needs to live with like-minded people. Or buy a fucking bidet. Or has their own personal bathroom.

But days are so easy. Yeah, but if this is the method, then we either need to look at living alone, having our own bathroom, or something of the sort. Because it doesn't sound like you're going to change. I don't know if you can expect someone to...

just kind of be cool with it. I don't know. Where does the line fall in this one, people? I mean, there's clearly a cultural difference here, which is totally fine. And that's what I'm saying. You kind of have to separate this cultural difference in the sense that

I don't even think it needs to be that complicated. Why can't he buy a bidet? I'm on Amazon right now. Like, this is how serious I am about this. I've just been under the impression from the start of the read that this isn't changing.

But if this is a part of his culture, can you imagine like for me, if I have like a really bad stomach day, especially like, unfortunately, I love coffee, but it really fucks me up. I'm pooping maybe four times a day, sometimes five. Like it's sometimes excessive.

So this man, every time he poops, he doesn't wipe. He takes off all of his clothes and gets into his shower. It's kind of inconvenient. So inconvenient. Also, what does he do in public? Maybe he doesn't poop in public. True. What about when he travels? I don't know. Must have dry skin because of the constant showering. I have a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But this is your home. How inconvenient, great word, is it to shower ever?

every time after you poop right now on Amazon.

$25 for a handheld bidet sprayer that attaches on your toilet real easy. $25. And guess what? I can get it here overnight and it will be here. We're recording on a Saturday at 11 p.m. I can get it tomorrow morning, 7 a.m. through 11 a.m. Yeah, Jake had one. Jake had one at our house. I mean, bidets are so easy to install on your toilet. There's so many bidets. $70, $100, $100.

25, 29, 36, 46. What if that's just like, nah, that doesn't cut it. It's got to be a full shower. Then where do you go if the method isn't changing? But he said the cultural thing is a handheld toilet sprayer. That's the culture. They call it a Shatafa. I'm butchering it. You guys made fun of me for calling Macca's Macca's or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, so Shatafa. I mean, I got to...

Oh, it looks like it's an Egyptian thing. Kairoscience. Portable Shatafa. Yeah. It's like, you know, those Gatorade water bottles, the big green ones. Yeah. It's like that with like a pump. It's a portable one. You can take it with you. So it is like a bidet. It's a bidet. Like literally you Google Shatafa, same fucking thing. Oh, well then, I mean. So what's his excuse? I'm not sure. I just know that if the methods don't change,

There's got to be some change in the living situation. I would never, ever, ever in a million years, I don't know how that girl didn't call him out sooner and be like, hey, can you stop shitting in the shower? Yeah, true. Like, how did she not call him out the first time? I'm sorry. Maybe she hasn't cleaned that thing in a long time, though. Don't you smell it? If there's so much hair in there that the shit is clogged on top of the hair, how isn't there shit overflowing in the bathtub?

I mean... How don't you smell it? I'm not envisioning a mass amount. I'm envisioning a decent amount of poop for her to dig out the hair and notice it's shit. Also, what if he had corn? Are you finding little chunks of corn? What is this? Yeah, I mean, does corn get stuck? I don't know. I mean, I guess the corn would be in the toilet, not on his ass. The problem is it all should be in the toilet. This should be a toilet, like a fully toilet situation.

Not a shower toilet situation. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people, I guess, would say that everything runs down the same way and whatever, but you don't want to be stepping in that. And I can't imagine that is the healthiest situation. It reminds me of...

The ancient Romans, though they were a very, very advanced society, they had these public bathrooms where it was like these slates of stone and then there'd be these circles all cut out. And literally be like, we'd be sitting this far apart. Oh, they were open latrines. Yeah, and we'd just be sitting this far apart just having a conversation. There's no phones, there's no TikTok, there's none of that shit. So everyone's just like sitting there talking. And then the Romans actually, which...

you know, in London, they fucked up later on with they just dumped their shit out the windows and stuff, which caused a bunch of problems. They literally had poop pipes just shooting out the side of the castles. The Romans...

running waterways that this would fall into and take it away. They were smart. Kept their cities clean and healthy. Except that they all used, then in the middle of all these toilets was a little square thing of water which had constant replenishing of water from the running water. But they all had these sticks with sponges on the ends. And that's what they would all use. And the problem became is that they would all... To wipe their butts? Yeah. And then they would put it back in the clean water. Yeah.

So it's kind of like dunking back in. No, they didn't drink. It wasn't a well? No, no, no. This water was separate. This water was purely wastewater that would flow in, take away from the bathroom and take it out. Yeah, but what were they using this little poopaloofa for? They were just in front of them in another little section of water. And they would just use that to clean. And then they'd all put them back. Yeah, look up a picture of it. You look up ancient Roman... Yeah, yeah.

Okay. You can still see some of them. Some of them still exist today. Sponges on sticks. Yeah, and then they... The problem was they'd mutually use that. I thought we were going there with this story. I thought there was going to be a sponge and a stick next to the toilet that was used every time. Yeah. This is really interesting. So anyway, there's a fun fact for everybody. This is a very small hole in the toilet, though. Like...

Compared to our modern day toilets that are very big, this looks like the shape of a keyhole, if you envision, like a tiny little circle. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. This is an ancient Roman latrine. I think they're bigger than they appear.

I don't know. It looks like a tiny keyhole to me and very close together. You could definitely touch thighs with someone as you shit. Oh, yeah. You're right next to each other. Yeah. Yeah. You hung out. Oh, my God. There's some cartoons of like where they show people kind of like sitting there. Yeah. No, there's there's a lot.

If you're watching on YouTube, you'll see some great pics of Roman latrines. Hey, it's fascinating. We're on the topic. It is really fascinating. It's interesting how different cultures have evolved to take care of this. Obviously, we have the bidet commonly from Japan. And it's like... Are they from Japan? I'm just so curious now about... I want to just learn about...

Bidet was born in France in the 1600s as a washing basin for your private parts. But isn't it super popular in Japan? Like all my friends that have gone to Japan are like, every toilet has one no matter what. Bidet showers are most commonly found in Southeast Asia, South Asia, and the Middle East. Okay, yeah, so they're a big thing. In 1980, the first paperless toilet was launched in Japan by manufacturer Toto.

Yeah. Oh, it dries your ass after washing too. Damn, you're sitting there for a while. Oh my God, this is giving. It's like a spa day. Oh my God. What is that? It's Cars. It's the Cars movie where Lightning McQueen and Mater like go abroad. It's like some fancy race tour. And they literally try these toilets, the air dryer toilet. And Mater's like, oh.

Oh, yeah. I kind of remember that. That's funny. Oh, my God. Flashback. But yes, a bidet would be a fantastic solution. Get it done, dude. Get it done. If he's willing. And if he's not, then, you know, separate showers. But like, here's the thing. Separate bathrooms. Here's the thing. Just this girl should not live with him. Here's the thing, though. You say this is cultural.

I fully respect that. But you're not doing what your culture says. You're going in the shower, which is making your life harder than just buying the $30 handheld thing and doing what the culture actually says. That's true. Why are you shitting in the shower? Why? Why? Well, he would be like, I'm not technically shitting in the shower. I'm technically cleaning up. Get a handheld shower.

faucet for your toilet. Yeah, I'm with you. Top comment on this one, you're the asshole. Stop shitting in the fucking shower if you can't clean up after yourself. Yep. I honestly, you know, when Jake and I had moved into that apartment in New York, if this was going on,

It would have ended very quickly. Next comment down. I'm actually morbidly curious about this. What is going on with men who can't shit without leaving a mess all over themselves? That's true too. Then can't clean themselves up in appropriate ways. When did this happen? Who failed them? True that it's bad enough to have to shower every time. Imagine going to like Coachella. Just get a bidet. This could be such an easy. What do you do at Coachella? There ain't no bidet there.

I mean, he's got the handheld Shatafa. It's like a little Gatorade bottle. Is there a portable one? Yeah. You can carry it around with you? Yes. It looks like this. It's a pump water bottle. You go through security. Hey, bro, what's this? Yes. Literally, this one is called Fresh Buzz, the Egyptian solution to every Arab traveler's greatest dilemma.

Okay. Because literally, I had that question. What does he do if he's traveling? What does he do when he's out in public and has to poop? You need a fresh buzz. And then what do you say when TSA pulls that thing out? Oh, no. This is my Shatafa. No problem. It's just my. Careful where you touch that. You might want to put some gloves on. Yeah, that's true. Like it comes with a travel pouch.

So it's just like, I mean, someone, if you were traveling with it and someone saw it fall out, you'd think it was like a neck pillow in a bag or something. It's like I get it for, you know, camping. Yeah. Like for here right now or for the hotel we're about to be in in New York. I don't need that. No. And I also don't need to get in the shower. No, but he does. So he's got to come up with a better solution.

That is all I got for this episode. Grand finale. Grand finale. The shit story. There's going to be a lot of fun stuff on Patreon. I'm glad you're here. People are going to be so happy. Except I'm already anticipating the comments. Morgan, why are you picking on Justin so much this episode? Were you? Because I want Justin to pick up his water bottles and put his cups in the kitchen. Hey, if that's the one complaint you can have of me. That's really it.

That's really all I got, which is so minor. Like I read these stories and I'm like, I'm like, you keep leaving those water bottles behind, babe. However many you want. I bet someone out there would let me leave my water bottles and my cups out. 100%. 100%. When you find them in the comments, you can take all your shit over there. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm really exhausted. I gotta tell you.

I'm really tired. I know you're coming off of two weeks of COVID and just really. Another Tylenol. Really still, still feeling it. I need Tylenol and a tissue and a hot shower. I'm just kidding. I love you.

I don't want you to leave anywhere. And I need one of those Vicks shower tablets, which everyone should try. Oh my God. Even if you're not sick and you want to feel like an awakening in the shower, Vicks has these menthol... They look like urinal cakes that you see in guys' urinals. I haven't seen one of those in years, actually. Yeah, I don't go in guys' bathrooms, so I wouldn't know. But...

I used to clean the bathroom at Perkins when I was a server. So like I would see them there. But it's white and you just drop it in your shower as you're showering. And it steams up with like menthol eucalyptus and it opens you up. And it's just the most refreshing, happy shower in the world. It is very nice. It's so good. Let's go do that. That sounds great. Okay. Okay. Also, don't worry, guys. Cup's going straight to the kitchen and the water bottle still has water in it. So...

I'm going to get away with that one. Yeah. I love you. We've been together for two weeks straight in quarantine. So it's just like... Starting to lose it. Starting to lose it. But head over to Patreon and be sure to check out Spotify for the question. And if you're not on Spotify and you're watching YouTube, you have homework in the comments. If you've sleptwalked, sleepwalked? Sleep.

Sleepwalked. If you're a sleepwalker, please tell us more about your sleepwalking, what some of the weirder things you've done, stuff like that. And head over to Patreon, like I've said. My brain's a little broken too, sorry. There's going to be free content this month as well as some amazing bonus content. And we still have one group therapy left this month. So...

Well, depending on when you're hearing this, it'll be June 18th, Sunday. So head over there. But love you all. Thank you for being here. And until next time. Until next time. Bye, guys. Bye.