110: Why the Tizzy? Ft. Griffin Maxwell Brooks 01:46:25

I can't give people the free feet pic, so I gotta use the blankie. Oh, I have, yeah. I don't get the socks. I wear fun socks. You're good. Harley Davidson. Ooh, we're a Harley house here. I really, like, I've, I just think, I'm so inspired by Dykes on Bikes. Like, I think that they're everything to me. Um, I want to be like a them on a bike.

um but i've never ridden a motorcycle so it's just like vintage leather is the vibe oh my god i could literally teach you i know how to drive a clutch you do yeah oh my god yeah i used to ride like dirt bikes growing up as a kid and had my own bike where are you from minnesota no that'll do it yeah hillbilly oh my god wait no but i'd love that are you ready get comfy sit back you're like so unless you like normally sit so prim and proper no i have bad posture i didn't that vice video i was like

You were on point. You want to know why? Because that stool was metal and I was in it for four hours. I was like, unless I, if I slouch at all, I will break something. Oh my God. I know. And in heels too. Wait, let me, can I look in the mirror real quick? Yeah. I'm sure.

My hair. Sorry. Okay. Okay. All right. Oh my God. I love you. This is off to a great start. Yeah. Your vice interview is how I found you. And I, I literally watched the whole thing last night to like get ready for this. And I was like, honestly, I didn't need to. The TikToks that Griffin posted are the best parts.

Um, so we're going to have a lot of interesting stories today about like men, men hating being men, non-binary people, and just like everything under the sun to do with just this chaos that surrounds gender. Awesome. I love talking shit about men. It's like what I really learned from that video is just how much excitement it gives me to be mean to men when they deserve it. Well,

Well, okay. Let me introduce my guest. Sorry. You're going to hear the voice. You're going to be like, Morgan, you're already talking. You're forgetting to introduce...

Again, every time I get to the end and I'm like, sorry. So hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host Morgan and today I'm joined by the marvelous Griffin Maxwell Brooks. Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to have you and I just want to introduce you to the audience. For those of you that don't know Griffin, you are non-binary. You use they them pronouns. I do. Any other pronouns? Um.

I mean, like, she, her, if you're feeling spicy. Okay, okay. I always ask because I saw your, like, twink video and you're like, it was something like, they all go by she, them now. They all go by she, they. Oh, the Jeffree Star one, right? Yeah. The pipeline. Yeah. It's inevitable. Eventually she will enter the bio, but like, I don't know. I have to test the waters. The goal is no labels at some point, but like, while people are still referring to me, I figured I'll give people a pronoun as a treat. Okay. I like that. Yeah.

I just like love all your videos and I like I always get really nervous before guests come on and there was one too where you're like

Like, if a straight guy calls me dude, I'm fight or flight. Yeah. But if a lesbian calls me dude, it's fine. I'm like, it's going to slip up at some point because, like, dude is my... But dude is... No, but also, like, coming from someone who's not, like, a cis man, dude is so, like, whatever to me. It's just like... I'm like, hey, dude. I say girl to everybody. I know. Like, dude is, like, so neutral. And guys. I'm like, hey, guys. Oh, no. Yeah. With everyone. Welcome back to another episode. It's like, that's just my... I'm comfortable with it. It doesn't bother me at all. Perfect. So, yeah, I saw your Vice interview and...

Honestly, it was incredible. But it's also like it made me realize that these men are their own worst enemy. Oh, absolutely. Like, I just couldn't get over like... And you feel bad that they feel unsupported or don't have close friends and all of these things. But I'm like, that is literally because of the box you're putting yourself in. Yeah. There was a lot of self-pity in that video, in those interviews. And I...

Like, you feel bad for a little bit. But then you listen to them talk in circles and it's kind of like, okay.

You can escape this bubble. You don't want to. Like, you're voluntarily here because the benefits of patriarchy are greater than, you know, it getting you down and not having that many friends because you're so focused on, like, women and getting money and, I don't know, listening to Andrew Tate. It's so interesting. So the first one today that we have, we're really going to get into that, and it's going to be a good time. Let's dive in. All right. ♪ music playing ♪

Okay, so this first one is coming from r slash men's rights. It's the first time I've been on this subreddit. It is at the most basic level, men's rights are the legal rights that are granted to men. However, any issue that pertains to men's relationship to society is also a topic suitable for this subreddit. Men's rights are influenced by the way men are perceived by others. Warning, some other subs have bots that will ban you if you post or comment here.

Fascinating. Oh, I'm excited to see where this will go. Yeah. So only 65 upvotes. It was posted 11 months ago. It is kind of an older one then. So it seems like it flew under the radar a little bit. The title is I hate being a man. It is the source of all of my problems. All of them. Every single one. Male 26. Life is going fine otherwise. Have a good education and a good job. Have hobbies and interests. Live a functional life.

Except I am single and hate being a man. Here's the thing. I have never been in a relationship, in part because it is rigged. Women are the employers. Men are the job seekers. Men have to do all the work and take self-esteem hits. Women can just go sit around and twiddle their thumbs and receive offers and valued and worshipped day in and day out for existing.

Please. Please.

I could have had that if I were a woman, but instead, since I am cursed into being a man, I am denied that. Rather, I am expected to be with someone who makes less due to male provider rule, is worse with kids, has worse domestic skills, and has slept around and given her best years to a bunch of frat guys and now wants a good stable guy. How am I supposed to be happy in such a relationship knowing I am being exploited? I bring a lot to the table and deserve what I put in.

If I were lucky enough to get to be a woman, that would not be a problem. I'd get valued for existing, have a lineup of offers, and could get a man who brings more to the table than I do. I could also easily be the asshole who sleeps around with the hot guys when young and then marries the good stable guy getting the best of both worlds, while most guys struggle with loneliness in their formative years and are stuck with a losing deal.

If I were a woman, I would have less trouble finding a job, could always get someone to take me out when I'm lonely, would have a closer friend network, and would just be valued and loved more. Five years ago, I met a woman who was perfect for me in every way. We were perfect for each other. She was a smart, ambitious person with good values and good with kids. We were perfect for each other.

We were foils of each other. But because she was more privileged, she quite likely rejected me. Because unlike conventional wisdom, it is actually women who are more shallow than men. Men care about vibe and fit. Women care more about looks, status, money, hypergamy.

And since she was an attractive, rich white girl, while I was an average looking, visible minority, middle class guy, I failed the LMS hypergamy. So she rejected me despite how perfect we were for each other. And no, I don't like her because of her looks. I liked her because we got along really well and had a lot in common and we were just perfect for each other.

It just like, it's not, it's never ending. I'm like, I really. Oh, it's not done? No. Oh my God. So he just keeps like going on pitting himself for more paragraphs. Yeah. Like women live in heaven compared to men and men live in hell compared to women. Women cannot conceptualize suffering. They cannot conceptualize getting into a relationship despite wanting one because they just line up

I mean, I could just marry up and get it back, LOL. I know some people will say I'm single because of my thoughts.

No, that is mistaking cause and effect suffering while dating and seeing how rigged life is against men Is the reason I develop these thoughts I see how rigged they are to the core. I see who the red pill in cell Whatever is accurate

Oh my God, I'm kind of speechless. I'm blown away. This is like somebody's manifesto. Honestly? Yeah. The username is I hate being a man. It's kind of, okay. Like, you know what my thought immediately was? Try being a woman. If you hate being a man so much, and not even in like a, try it for a day because it's not easy, but also like, I don't know, it's giving she her.

It's really interesting. I do think this person is really like locked in themselves. And my same exact thought I had with that. I was like, if you want to be a woman and you feel... Do it, girl. Come to the dark side. Come join us. Come join us. No, but I mean, confusing gender identity aside, there's a lot going on here. Just so much inaccuracy. Well, such a victim complex. It's so clear like...

this person has not only no idea what it means to be a woman. None. And like has only perceived what they're like jealous of, which is just like factually incorrect. Like so much of it, like, oh, they have no fears and they just get courted all the time. I'm like, yeah, you get courted by scary men trying to put things in your drink. Like it's not, you know, it's not good. It's not roses and candy. Oh my God. I was thinking that too, where it's like, it's so easy being a woman. It's like,

Getting all these offers and it's like most offers come with the potential of getting killed like a caveat, which is you have to sleep with me. Yeah. Oh my God. Well, and so that's what I wanted to bring up about your, you know, vice video. I absolutely think that if you are in a heterosexual relationship, it is a video you should watch with your partner because

like especially as a woman yeah i think you could gain so much insight into your partner's head and their view of women by watching that video together because there are such a diverse take from all these people and it's just like if my partner and we watched that video agreed with the one dude who was like i had to pay 150 for dinner it's like

No one asked that. Yeah, like no one asked for that. Like, take me out for coffee. Take me out for drinks. Like, you don't have to invest heavily in a first date. He was so funny too because he was like, I have to be funny. And I'm like, you should want to be funny. Like, you could just not be funny. She might not like you. Like that, I don't know. That's what this Reddit story, the guy was like, we were the perfect match. And she rejected me because I'm not like, you know, what she was looking for. And I'm like, okay, be better for yourself. And maybe the people that you like will...

you know, reciprocate. Yeah. I always... Men who feel entitled to love are so sad, but also so laughable. Like...

It's just like, who, what do you mean? Like, she like, she was perfect for me. Like she should have gone for me, but she didn't because of like privilege because of her privilege as a woman. Maybe she didn't like you because you smelled. Try deodorant. Everyone has a type. And it was so funny. I think it's the same guy I keep talking shit about from that video. It was an Asian man who he's sitting in the far right.

like layout of the group. And he kept saying things like all these women just say, I'm too skinny. I'm too skinny. But like, then he went on later to describe, he has a type and likes women to look a certain way. And that's all it is. Like we all have our own views of what we perceive as attractive. If you don't line up, that's fine. Like find someone you do match with. Well, beauty is subjective. Like, and also it's,

I've always the thing with types and like we're getting into that in that video or I'm just like you can have a type there are things that you like and the things you don't and honestly like nobody's gonna get in the way of that because nobody could tell you to like something you don't but when you like put it on a flag and walk around with it it's like what are you really trying to do here are you trying to attract a mate by disqualifying people or are you trying to put people down yeah which the latter

And that guy was just, I don't know, like, women don't like me because I'm this. And then also every woman in the world has to be this like whole long list of boxes to check off. And if you're not that, then you're not good enough for me. Yeah.

It was an amazing video. Again, go watch it with your partner. There's some people that like, I like Tahoe, I think was. Yeah, wait, the people adjacent to me. It was like the one in. Tahoe and Dylan. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. They seemed like they had their shit figured out. Oh, and they were sweet. Afterwards, we were like, kiki in the back room. Kristen Walker. I wanted to just.

Punch in the face. You know, I have him blocked and everything because I was just like, I don't want him to see my, I don't want discourse. Like, I don't. Yeah, it's not worth it. I don't want any more press related directly to him. You know, he had his moment. He had his opportunity to address me. It was full of the word dude and he him in a non-girly pop way. No.

In a derogatory way. And that's it. That's all he gets. Yeah. It's wild. I think daddy issues and the concept of it is so interesting. And it was literally like, it was right there. He literally said, I didn't have a dad growing up. And so I want that in my man. And I'm like, what? Like what? Therapy. Weird Freudian. No, I know. Therapy. I said the word Freud and I was like, oh, people are going to love that. Oh yeah. Internet eats it up. Well. Freud out here. He stays winning. Oh God. Him and his dad.

His incorrect theories. No, I, yeah. Well, also that clip is so funny to me because I'm just like, I think it's responsible for us to like interrogate where our preferences come from. He goes, no, and then proceeds to do exactly that. Tell me where his preferences come from. Just gave it to you on a silver platter. And I was like, okay, go off. Now what?

Oh, man. The top comment on this one that OP actually responds to. They go, it is going to be extremely difficult to meet a good woman if you're angry with women in general. So you have a choice to make. Cling to your anger or decide to take action to deal with it so that you'll one day be receptive to meet a lovely lady who's looking for someone just like you.

The former is easy. All you have to do is nothing, and the anger will breed itself into resentment, disdain, and strife. You can cherish them for many years to come. The latter will be one big word, I don't know. I think they mean of the hardest, yet most rewarding things you ever do.

what it is that you truly want and what are you willing to do in order to achieve it? And OP goes, how would refusing to be angry at injustice solve it? Injustice. This guy's sitting in front of his computer with his fist up in the air. Like, I just solved the world's issues. Injustice. I'll trade you, dude. I would love to walk around at night without worrying about getting kidnapped. Literally. It's just, it's such a victim complex. It's so like, also just to like, to posit that

Your inability to find somebody who wants to be with you forever. Given that this entire thing was a soliloquy about how like you hate promiscuous women. You hate.

I don't know, women is what it sounds like. In general, yeah. And then to be like, and it's so hard to find somebody. I'm like, you just went on and on about how narrow your dating pool is. And now you're like, but nobody wants me even though I'm perfect. Okay, girl. Why do you even want a woman if you hate them so much? Right. Is there even a good one out there for you? I don't think so. No, absolutely not. I don't think she exists. I think this man needs to date himself for a little bit. And if that doesn't improve things, then don't date anyone ever.

There we have it. There we have it. Moving along from this little crazy person. Okay, so this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Asking My Trans Brother to Be My Bridesman?

My 27 female brother, Jake, fake name, 27 male, transitioned from female to male three years ago. I was and am completely supportive of him. I'm getting married next year, and I've been gathering my bridesmaids team. My twin sister is going to be my maid of honor, and it was also important for me to have Jake with me at the altar. So I asked Jake if he would be my, quote, bridesmaid.

and be part of my side of the wedding party. I didn't think it would be an issue at all, but Jake freaked out.

Jake said that he should be a groomsman for my fiancé because he doesn't want to be seen with my bridesmaids, all three of whom are girls, because people will think he was a girl. He accused me of asking him to be a bridesman because I still thought of him as a girl, which isn't true. I explained to him that it didn't make any sense for him to stand by my fiancé because they've only met a handful of times."

And my fiance already has a budget-approved number of groomsmen. And besides, Jake is my brother, and I want him to stand by and support me during the wedding. Plus, before Jake transitioned, I always planned to include him in my wedding. So why should his gender change anything about that?

I see his argument that it might make him feel dysphoric, but having bridesmen is becoming a more common tradition. Besides, he has a beard and he'd be wearing a suit, so there's no way anyone would think he was a girl. Jake and I fought back and forth for a while, and I finally snapped and told him he couldn't be in the wedding at all if he didn't want to stand on my side. He called me an asshole, and it made me feel awful. I guess I needed to vent about it to strangers. So, am I the asshole?

You know, I kind of feel like you might be. Really? Okay. Let's hear it. My first thing is that, like, trans people navigate the world in a very particular way, you know, where we live in a world that is very gendered. Everything is gendered down, you know, from bathrooms to weddings. Everything has gender. And while I think it's, like, fair for, like, this, you know, woman who's getting married to be like, you know,

you know, it doesn't mean you're a woman. It just like, I want you on my side of the wedding. If a trans person is like, hi, this is my identity and putting me in this box makes me uncomfortable. I feel like it just stops there. Like, okay, we'll find a different way to make it work. And like,

It's difficult because weddings are long, traditional, gendered experiences. Oh, yeah. It's like giving off a woman in exchange for shit. Right. It's very, yeah. So it's going to be real hard to de-gender that experience, which is why it's like putting an...

like an honorary like man sticker on like somebody who you then like put surrounded by women and like you know it's just going to lead to like a very uncomfortable experience for this trans person like invalidating their masculinity in a lot of ways whether or not that's what she intends to do because it sounds like she's not trying to be like you are a woman like she's trying to be like I want you with me during this wedding but you know

It is about you. That day is about you. That being said, like, that doesn't mean that you get to just make everybody uncomfortable. You know, if you want it to be like a happy experience, like your wedding, a memorable, happy one.

making the people that you cherish feel comfortable will make it a happier experience in my opinion yeah i totally agree i could also see her making him like an usher like there's so many like there are so many roles that you can have that aren't gendered um and even then like yeah ring bear would be so fun right i okay i'm like people are gonna be like morgan bite your fucking tongue bitch um

Um, we had a story where this girl asked her like grown ass friend to be a flower girl. And I was like, oh my God, if my bestie asked me to be her flower girl, I'd be offended. So now I'm like, I'm thinking about it and I'm like, oh fuck. But I think it like, if like he didn't want to be a bridesman, then that is like a solution you could at least offer. Well, that's the thing is I understand that there's tradition here that like the groomsmen are supposed to be the husband's or the groom's friends. And you know, which again, weird, but.

You know, I digress. Yeah. Straight people wedding. I'll let them have that one thing. I'm not gonna be at the wedding. So I'm not gonna be like, you can't do that. But like, there are other ways to involve people. I also feel like I don't know, obviously doesn't sound like she offered him an alternative. No, it doesn't sound like Usher is a part of the equation at all. There is an edit that goes, he's still invited to the wedding as a guest. I just told him he can't be in the wedding party if he's not a bridesmaid.

Yeah, see, that to me is weird. Like, I get it that you don't want to, like, structurally change, like, your traditional wedding, but, like, you have people that don't fit, like, traditional cishet normativity in your family who you claim to love so much. Yeah. Maybe it's time to open your eyes a little bit. Yeah, well, and I also could see maybe the groom has...

a sister that you want to ask be on your side as like hey we're blending families let me include your sister because you are a part of my family now and you can do like a little switcheroo i also feel like if you de-gendered like bridesmaids as a whole like if these are my brides people and there was and he was not the only man let alone you know then i think that it would yeah it would make sense i just i think that when i don't know this is like an experience that has been voiced to me by a lot of like my trans male friends where they still get like grouped into like women's spaces and like

women kind of see it as feminism and them as like men are like, I feel included in like a weirdly inflammatory way. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. Cause it's, it's,

thank you for including me but like this isn't necessarily a space that's open to me anymore because i am a man right and like that like i want that to be acknowledged like yeah as a man and it's just you know if i think that another way you could go about this is just having like three men three women on your side and then it's like not even a gendered experience but when you have like all of the women and then the trans man it's giving like all of the women and then my fun women it's how i felt during that that advice interview all of the men and then the non-binary man and i'm like

It's just non-binary person. Right. Bitch, thanks. They didn't say that, but that's kind of how it felt. Yeah. Well, and then like people in the YouTube comments were like, well, why is a non-binary person there if it's talking about masculinity and being a man? And it's like, but...

Also, those are the same people who are going to tell me that I am a man if they found out that I was assigned male at birth. So you got to pick one. I'm either a man or not. And either way, I was there. So what are you going to do about it? What now, bitch? What now? It's a catch-22. And that's kind of the vibe for this. Like the saying that popped into my head for this one is like,

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Is that what it is? Yeah. I butcher sayings. It sounded good. So if it was wrong, we just made a new one. Okay. Look at me. There you go. But that's, you know, it's kind of what it feels like. And you have to respect the answer that someone gives you. Yeah. Like at the end of the day, like if it makes them uncomfortable, then find another way to do it. Yeah. I...

I see the objective here. And like for my wedding, if I get engaged, but we have progress, guys. I'm not going to spoil anything, but we have progress. But my partner right now has like a cousin that he grew up with that's like so close, basically a sibling. And so like our idea is to put her on his side in like a suit and

I saw a Vogue wedding where the groom did it with his sister and I have been obsessed since. But Josie also has to agree to do that. And if Josie doesn't want to do that, then we'll pop her on my side in a dress. It's no big deal. I don't care. But it is interesting. So the overall vote on this one...

Do you want to guess what it was? I'm a little worried. It was not the asshole. Wow. Okay. So the top comment is not the asshole. You aren't telling him he has to restrict how he dresses or making him dress like a gender he isn't. This has no element of transphobia. He can be the bride's man. He actually is.

I always think it's weird when people stand on the opposite person's side to keep genders separated. He's a bridesman. He's your bro. But if you're from an area where that's super weird, I can kind of get where he's coming from. Yeah. Which is true. I...

The thing is, I don't think that this, like, this person is, like, riddled with transphobia. I think it's less about transphobia and more about just, like, caring what this person feels. Which, like, to some extent, if you are dismissive of a trans person's, like, gender qualms in order to, like, make sure your wedding is exactly how you want it, then it's, like,

Okay, I'm not going to throw around the word transphobe, but like it is giving an air of like this issue isn't as important to me. Or just that it's not as important and like you're willing to sacrifice on your day because it's your day. Like cut the corners a little bit. Yeah. You should be, you know, you should be willing to tailor to the needs of trans people in terms of their gender identity because that's.

Like kind of the whole thing we're fighting in this country right now. Yeah, I can see that totally. And almost just the entitlement where like you still you feel entitled to your brother. And so you want to include him, but you're not respecting his decision. So, yeah, I think find another way, like do the usher thing, do something. I think excluding and like kind of issuing that as an ultimatum feels a little cruel in my head because it's like,

he's your brother you love him you want to include him and you're essentially like drawing the line of like you're not in the wedding at all if you won't do this the lash out is what's is what makes me feel like this person is the asshole because if you cared that much then you're you know what fine you don't want to be on like the women's side then you don't get to be in the wedding at all and it's like how much did you actually care about them being in the wedding if you're willing to just like dismiss it if it's not the exact way you want it there

There are some comments from OP. Someone goes, info, is the groom's wedding party entirely male? OP responds, yes, they are. So again, if there was like a little switch where the groom had a sister on his side, maybe that would feel a little better.

There's another comment that OP responds to that is you're the asshole. You decided to honor him by choosing a way that he finds insulting and then you threatened to eliminate his participation if he doesn't submit. Holy shit. I just literally got chills. How do you not see it? Here's the compromise. I agree with you. It doesn't make sense for him to be on your to be a groomsman, but he can be an usher. That's a traditional role for for male members of the family and he will be responsible for

for escorting the women to your side of the family to their seat slash rows.

Great minds think alike. There you go. Yeah. Look at you, ahead of the curve. I know, just creative over here. OP goes, we are not having formal ushers. Our groomsmen and bridesmaids are going to greet people in the entrance and people are free to sit where they want in the wedding venue. So you're already having an unconventional wedding, but you don't want to change one thing. You're already like, we're doing it progressively, but also you have to be a bridesman. You can't be on the groom's side. Let him be a fucking usher.

fucking usher with everyone else and then he just doesn't stand by you he sits in the pews or whatever the fuck it is fucking have him juggle in the middle like who cares what he's doing let him be in the wedding without it having to be like like a harmful experience this is just giving bridezilla now where it's like if it's not my way on my day i'm gonna fucking burn the place down yeah well arson coming to a town near you

Okay. How do you feel about weddings? Like, do you, like, you have... I haven't been to one. I mean, I've been, like, a couple when I was a child. Like, didn't really, like... Yeah. And I'm going to one in, like, May. And it's going to be, like, my first, like, wedding. My friends are getting married. Okay. Also, like, at a rave in the desert. So, like... Oh, my God.

I don't know. I can't wait. It's going to be the fruitiest wedding of all time. It's going to be great. I like them as like a concept. Yeah, like a signifier of a bond. But the issue is that it's so like rooted in this like traditional Christian like formality that I'm always like if I do have a wedding, it's going to be really subversive. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel the same way. Everyone goes in drag. Like, I don't know. People face the opposite direction. Something stupid. Like, it's got to be crazy. Because I just, I can't, I can't be a part of anything so traditional. I love that. I went to a wedding recently and like, you believe what you want to believe. But I'm very much so like,

My dad's Jewish. My mom's Christian. I grew up kind of having experience to both, but like I question everything. Yeah. And so I'm just like, I don't know. There's a higher power. There's some juju up there, but like, I don't know what really I believe in. And I went to a wedding and it was just like song after song after prayer, after prayer, after him. I'm like, they're long girls. It's about you were God. That's I literally got to the point. I'm like, I wanted to celebrate like their love and it just felt like a church service. Yeah.

And that's fine if that's what you want for your day. But like, for me personally, I'm going the other way. There's, there's not going to be no unity candle. Right. Well, I see. Cause I, both my parents are Jewish. Um, but my mom was like a Hebrew school dropout and I didn't do like anything religious. Like she's pretty much an atheist at this point. Um, we radicalized her. It was good. Um, but like, I, I'm always just so alarmed by like intense religious things like that. Cause I just never experienced it as like normal growing up. Yeah. Um,

Um, I like my brief memories of like Christian weddings are like crazy. I'm like, wow. Yeah. Who is this about? You or God? Yeah. I'm like, God's not getting married. I get about you. I know. I totally get that. So I had another wedding one, but I'm like, I feel like we really hit the nail on the head with weddings because it's titled, am I the asshole for not letting my non-binary friend be a bridesmaid?

And it's kind of the same thing where the friend agreed to wear a bridesmaid's dress initially and is now backing out and saying, I don't want to wear a dress, but like, I'd still love to be on your side. And the friend is like, nope, you have to wear the dress or you're not in it at all. And it's kind of the same issue we've talked about where it's like, respect them as a person.

Or don't have them next to you. Exactly. It just doesn't make sense. And so just like forcing somebody to wear something they don't like or putting them in a box that doesn't make them feel comfortable is like the antithesis of trans inclusion. Like, hi, I'm a trans person and I don't want to do this. Well, it's my wedding day. Okay. Mazel tov, girl. I'm out. Like...

That's how I get. And you see it with these wedding stories with like even like cisgendered people where it's like, my bridesmaid had blue hair. Like, can I ask her to change it? And it's like, no. No, you can't do that, unfortunately. Why are you friends with this person? Why do you want them standing next to you on your big day? Let's get back to that core reason there. Yeah. Blue haired liberals are invading my wedding. Tragedy.

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now, through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes, Gillette Razors, Metamucil, Crest Toothpaste, Secret Body Spray, and a Swiffer Power Mop.

The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, so you are a big fashionista. I do my best. Oh, your best. Come on, look at the outfit today. I'm trying to give like country club, you know? This sweater is, it's all sperm. If you look closely.

Oh my god I totally missed that. That is wild. It's one of my favorites. I just love the belt. I saw the belt when you walked in and the trousers. Oh my god thank you. I love it. They were both thrift finds. They were like really cheap.

I had to modify the belt a little bit because it did not fit me. You have a hole punch? Yeah. I have a hole punch. Well, this one's actually just like a little clip. It's just got like one setting. Oh my God. Yeah, you're crafty. You're crafty. Okay, so this is again wedding. All the drama comes out with weddings, but there's a twist. So this one is coming from Am I the Asshole? 15 days ago, 37,000 upvotes so far.

Oh, God. It's... Wait, oh, this is like fresh. This is fresh. Oh, no. Okay. Am I the asshole for not giving my sister her wedding dress because she didn't invite my underage son?

I, 40 male, have a sister, 30 female, who is getting married in a week. The groom proposed to her a year ago at a family dinner that left everyone speechless, but very happy for them as they are longtime companions. During this dinner, my sister asked my son, 17 male, to make her wedding dress. My son has always loved design and fashion. He took technical courses in these areas and sewing, and even his friends keep asking for his clothes because they are so beautiful.

He agreed but said that he needed time and that he would need her opinion constantly. At first, my sister was very annoying. My son drew about 50 dress designs in a month and she only liked one, which he continued with. He sewed it with great quality fabric, which I paid for as I wanted to get involved in a certain way. For five months, he made several adjustments to suit her wishes as she always complained about something.

After a while, he arrived on the final model, and it was just amazing. My mother cried seeing my sister in the dress, and I confess that I almost got emotional too.

The problem was that last week, my son came to talk to me about the wedding invitation that had not arrived for him, but for other family members. I thought maybe he didn't need one, but it still felt weird. I messaged my sister raising this issue, and she replied that she didn't want any underage people at her wedding because there would be alcohol. I asked if she was going to make an exception for my son, but she cut me off and said no.

There are no children in our family. My son is the only minor, so I didn't see any sense in this rule for family members. And to make matters worse, my son was very sad and cried because he spent months on this dress and couldn't go to the wedding. I was very upset and told my sister that she should look for another dress as soon as possible, as she would no longer wear the one my son made. I know that's right. Mm-hmm.

She called and yelled at me, saying I was being unreasonable and that I couldn't do this. My mother called me, saying I should deliver the dress and follow the rules, but I didn't and hung up on her. Because of this, the family is divided. Many agree with me and condemn my sister's action, saying she could make an exception, but another part says I'm unreasonable and I'm spoiling her big day.

I don't think I'm being wrong, but just rational and paying her back in kind. So, am I the asshole? Uh, no. Okay, first of all, I don't know if you're having your, like, reception at Berghain, but, like, your wedding is not New York's hottest club. You can have a minor there. Like, just don't give the minor alcohol. Like, you really worry about liability with the person who made the wedding dress you were gonna wear? You're gonna get busted? Like, what's happening? No. I also, like...

Look, fashion is art in its most expressive and complicated form. And to have somebody, first of all, hiring a designer and then constantly telling the designer that they're not doing what you want is like...

Why'd you hire a designer? Go get like a 3D printer. Like this is not... Go to Joanne's Fabric, bitch. Literally. Go learn how to sew. Do it yourself. Because at the end of the day, like you appreciate this person and the art they put out. You need to trust that the art that they make for you is going to be good. And if it's not, then don't hire them in the first place. Yeah. And also, I mean, it sounds like it's just they're paying for the fabric, but it's like unpaid labor that this 17-year-old is doing for Bridezilla. And then Bridezilla is like, the dress is great. You can't come to the wedding. Kisses. What?

What? Are you kidding? It feels very intentional. Like when I read this, I was like, there's got to be something else going on here. Yeah, wait, absolutely. Because like reasonably the...

we're not having any minors is a really terrible way to like, I don't know. That doesn't make any sense. No. And it's like, but you had a minor, make your dress. Right. You're okay with child labor, but not alcohol consumption. Yeah. Well, it's also like, do you not have alcohol at your family Christmas party? No, of course. Do you not have alcohol at 4th of July? I was like, this person is a seven year old living in America. They've had alcohol. Wake up America. Like, come on. Likely. I asked my, I have like a, I almost said niece. Cause I feel I'm so much older, but it's my cousin. Yeah.

And I asked her, I was like, do you party? Like she's a senior in high school and she's like, no. And I'm like, I was getting drunk at 13. Like there's nothing to do in this small town besides party. Like, I'm like, good for you.

Good for you. See, it took me, because I don't know, I went to like two high school parties and I was like, this is only straight people and they don't like me and I don't like them. So I'm not going to do this again. And then, you know, just got a little fake ID and now we're good. We're good. Yeah. I'm 22 now. I've retired the ID. Just putting that out there. Allegedly. Apparently. Apparently. I'm going to need to see that bad boy. Heard. Noted. So the top comment on this one is, not the asshole. He should go and wear the dress.

Exactly. Yeah. Slay. I don't usually get behind people wearing dresses or white to another person's wedding, but this one? Do it. Disrupt it. That wedding that I'm going to, I'm wearing a wedding dress to that wedding. Whatever one is. Okay. See, that's fun. That's fun. How did the invitation come? Was it like wear a wedding dress? Well, it was just, I didn't get like a formal invitation. It was in like a group chat. They were like, although, let me check my mail real quick. I'm like...

Like, maybe it's there now. OP responded and goes, would definitely be unexpected. There's a big red box award response and goes, right? OP, not the asshole. Personally, I'd offer your sister the chance to pay your son for his labor and design. He needs to crunch the numbers and give a price. She meets it. Cool.

Cool. No. What a shame. Someone will pay for it. Oh, yeah. Well, oh, no. First of all, she should be paying for the dress. Yeah. Even if it's not, you know, it sounds like it's haute couture. He made one dress. I know. Even if you're not paying haute couture, whatever, I'm not French, prices, like...

pay them something and then to not it just feels like a like a double fu like yeah get it together girl no i would wear yeah i think i'm pro the the designer wearing the dress to the wedding and then like dump blood on her wedding dress carrie style and leave do something revolutionary you're going all out sorry i love drama fuck her shit up get her um so we have a lot of other comments from op okay

um lots of discourse yeah so someone does ask like info is your sister willing to pay your son for the dress and are you going to continue to withhold if she does op goes she didn't suggest it and i won't either my son spent months and a long time making this dress this is priceless but it has a lot of sentimental value to him and also like as a designer what an

like amazing like almost an honor to be able to do that for your aunt that you love yeah and thought loved you and then just to have her turn around and yeah it's a slap it's a slap in the face in so many ways um so there's an update oh no oh my god okay so we have an update on the original post and then it looks like on their account there's also another update um

So first, I would like to thank all the comments and suggestions. I really didn't expect my post to resonate so much. I talked to my son about the suggestion you guys gave me, and he agreed to sell the dress at market price. He calculated the price of everything, and the value was quite high. We sent the proposal to my sister, and she hated it. She said she couldn't afford it because it was too expensive, and it should be a gift because, quote, she is family.

Oh, she's going to look great in that JCPenney wedding dress walking down the aisle because she can't afford the one that she commissioned. Come on. Get it together. I hate it. I responded by saying that it was too easy to say she was family to get a free dress, but not enough to include my son. She cried on the call and begged me to not ruin her day, but I didn't call because that to me was bullshit.

At no point did she offer to just let my son go or apologize for it. And for anyone who said that maybe she's homophobic, I'm not sure. But I think who could be influencing her is her fiance, who is a Christian and has never been close to my son. There you go. That's all. All I had to know was that there's an evil man with marionette strings behind this whole thing. That's always how it goes, isn't it?

We have so much more. I'm like scared to keep reading. Oh my God. However, I don't care if he's doing it or not. If she wants to exclude my son from this event, then she will also be cutting ties with me. And for those who are asking for a photo of the dress, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but my son didn't agree. And unfortunately, I won't post it because of that.

What an amazing dad. I was going to say, it really is heartwarming to hear like parents who stand by their queer kids. I, yeah. Like, yeah. Absolutely amazing. Amazing. This is like what a supportive parent looks like. You're either going to bite my kid or I will not be at the wedding. Have fun though.

Bye. This is flawless. This is flawless. So we have like another short little update that was posted as a separate post on their account about eight days ago. And it goes, update, sorry for the delay. It's been a busy week. Many family members skipped my sister's wedding and decided to have a party at my cousin's house instead of attending the wedding. And see that, that night, that party was New York's hottest club. I fear.

My sister is obviously very upset and has cut us all off her social media. She got another dress to get married, but everyone thought it was cheap compared to what she was going to wear. Sorry, I'm just imagining people at this like this like backup party, like watching the live stream of the wedding, like, oh, that looks cute. I'm happy for you.

And I would also like to inform you that someone already bought the dress that my son made. It was for a good price and that will help him cover his college costs. There's not much to say, but I'd just like to make this final point to let you guys know. Wow. Shout out to Reddit for... You just like, yeah. Yeah. Ripped the carpet out underneath Bridezilla and made somebody a fashion designer. Oh my God. Amazing. I love the internet. It's great. Okay. I love Reddit. Like some days it makes me want to pull out my hair, but like...

Like, stories like this... It makes it worth it. Yeah. This turned really good. I didn't know there was a happy ending. Okay, so I don't know if the designer is watching this and you want to make me a wedding dress, I will pay you. Here we go. I'll, like, Klarna you if that works, but, you know. Pay in easy form. Yeah. In increments. That's what it's giving. It's me with these Beyonce tickets, like, 200 today. Ooh, there you go. Yeah, I love this. This was great.

I feel like so fulfilled. I'm like, I just want to end and here because they're not all going to be this good. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes.

Okay, so you are also a DJ. Yeah, I am.

I am. The outfit you wore for like, I think it was your first gig, right? Yeah, the dress. It was also a wedding dress. It was a wedding dress, yeah. It was my first gig. It was a party in Princeton that I threw. Well, it was Studio 54 themed and I have a lot of inspiration from like the

Oh.

So shout out to her. I love that. And then I'm looking at this wedding dress and I'm like, it'd be great to wear a wedding dress for my first gig. How can we Yasify it?

So I cut the back out of it and took like a grommet and it's just like lace and a white thong up the back. It was insane. My friend Lauren, I was like, yeah, I have Griffin coming on. And she sent me your video. And I was like, I'm obsessed. You also have like the nicest ass. Oh my God, thank you. I need to start squatting again. Fuck. Okay, so in your DJ experience so far, do you have any horror stories of people like

trying to come up and sabotage or getting a little... Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, okay. So I've DJed a bit in New York and a bit in Princeton. And DJing a college party is a very different experience from DJing a club. DJing a college party, people come up to you and they're like,

Play Pepas! And I'm like, I'm doing a disco set. People, I don't know, say the darndest things. I was doing a set and a white girl came up to me and she was like, it's Black History Month, play Drake. And I was playing Honey Dijon, who is a black trans woman. And I was like, first of all, you saying that is crazy. Second of all, look at the board. How do you not know who this is? Well, actually, I know why she doesn't know who that is. Lack of culture. And don't say that to me. Not only does it say no requests, no to that kind of request.

I, yeah, people, I think, just feel very entitled to, like, the DJ space because, I don't know, they don't take it seriously enough, especially in, like, a college setting. Yeah. In New York, like, the gigs that I've done, like, I'm surrounded by a lot of my friends, so it's very, like, loving. But people, I don't know, people love to encroach. Yeah, I'm going to be honest. I've been that little terror asshole girl that, like, just let me, like, can I do something? And, like, it's total college bars, especially here in LA. Like, there's this one place called, like,

Baja Sharkies and they have like jello shots and syringes it's like the most unhinged vibe and so like you can go there and like there's five other people there and you're just like well if it's a low pressure environment then sure but if it's

You know, especially if it's like, this is an event that I'm DJing. Like, it's not like you went to a bar and there's someone DJing. It's like you went to a DJ set. Like, you came to listen to the musical stylings of this person and you want me to play Purple Hat? Who do you think I am? No, I grew out of my ways. It's okay. I'm evolved. I'm evolved now. You know, every now and again I get a request from somebody. Well, the thing is, like, you have to have the music saved on a flash drive. So if I don't have your song, I'm not playing your song. I don't have it. Yeah.

But I don't know her. Happy for you. Sorry that happened. I am reading all that. But, you know, sometimes because sometimes people come up to me and request a song that is like, oh, that's on my set list. And that fits the vibe. Like, yeah, I'll play it sooner than I was going to. Yeah. But like, again, if I'm doing a disco set and you come up to me and you're like, play me smooth jazz. I'm like, I like smooth jazz. I'm not going to play it. Sorry. No, no.

Well, and something I think a lot of people don't realize, and I think there's this misconception that DJing is so easy. Yeah. And it honestly isn't. It's an art to be able to time the songs and mix them and just pick the right ones that go together. It's an art. Well, what I've understood is that...

To be a DJ isn't necessarily the most difficult thing in the world. You can learn the basics, learn how to do a transition, and be pretty good. The best, best DJs are also producers. The ones who command an audience, they also make their own music because music is their art form. It's not just... But also a big part of being a good DJ is picking songs, which I think people don't really understand. That's why they're not taking requests because there's a format to this. There's an energy curve that you're trying to cater to. There's genre.

genre specific stuff that you're playing because it's all in the same BPM range and everything has to be in the same key like it's more complicated than just like getting in there and like playing a country playlist like you know it's so complicated and it also makes sense why this DJ at a bar in Venice did not want to put on Shania Twain for me

I get it. Man, I feel like a woman. That's what I wanted. Or like, I think it was like Party for Two with Billy Currington. It's just like. Yeah. But I get it now. So this next one, I don't know if it flew under the radar or if people just hated it so much that they downvoted it. Slay. Because it's four months old and has 27 upvotes. Okay.

It's not popular. No. It's titled, Would I be the asshole if I asked the person my fiance came on to if she would still be okay with being the DJ for our wedding? Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. I'm, you know, can't open worms everywhere. Mm-hmm.

My 21, fiance 25, and I had started to get into an unhealthy habit of relying on weed to deal with our stresses instead of dealing with them. The stresses included work, family drama on both sides, unresolved trauma, and financial troubles related to wedding planning. My fiance took an edible that ended up being way stronger than our dealer said it was going to be. Myself and some other friends who go through the same guy are pretty sure he laced our shit.

Anyways, my fiancé blacked out and ended up basically sexually harassing our mutual friend who had agreed to DJ for our wedding. I'm not excusing his behavior at all. In fact, this event almost doomed our relationship.

That was three months ago now. We have given up marijuana for the foreseeable future, completely banning edibles should we decide that we are in an okay enough mental space to be able to responsibly partake. We are seeing both individual therapists and a couples counselor. I forgave him only because he was not himself when the event in question happened, and he has been doing everything in his power to make things right with the person he hurt."

With the help of our counselors, we have decided to push forward with the wedding.

I get the vibe that this friend thinks that the story of my fiancé blacking out is a crock of shit, and I'm just trying to come up with excuses for him. Because of this, I haven't been able to really talk to her in person, despite working with her every day. I would not blame her in the slightest if she tells me to go fuck myself for even thinking she would still DJ for us. I just don't want to not communicate and then fuck her out of her time, effort, and the fee she would be expecting for her services."

In a perfect world, we would all be able to sort things out in a healthy manner. However, if this were a perfect world, my fiance's intoxicated behavior wouldn't have resulted in what happened. Dot, dot, dot.

I planned on tacking on an extra $200 to her pay as an asshole tax if she's still okay with being our DJ. This isn't including what we planned to tip, nor would I tell her about this until the day of the event. So with this information, Reddit, would I be the asshole if I asked the person my fiance came on to if she would still be okay with being the DJ for our wedding? Uh-huh.

You what? That would be super weird. What? You're lucky she's not pressing charges. I know. Like, okay. Also, the person was like, oh, you know, we haven't spoken in a long time. So, like, I don't want to just, like, ignore them and then be blindsided by me, like, dropping their payment. I'm like, first of all, I'm sure your friend is doing fine. Like, I'm sure she doesn't need your wedding gig to, like, pay the bills. No. And, like, if you're so worried about this friendship, maybe, like, talk to them first.

about, like, you know, what has happened and about your friendship before you're, like, it feels like there's, like, a charity complex going on. Like, we're going to give them a little bit of extra money. Like, I don't want to blindside them without, like, dropping a gig. And I'm like, your fiancé, like, sexually harassed this person. I think that's the least of their worries. Yeah. Like, if I were, like, the DJ, the friend, I would be kind of aghast that they're still getting married. And you know what? Yeah. Like, you do you. Like, I'm not going to tell you you can't marry this person, but...

Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions. Like, oh my God. No, that's what it is. Well, and if you were actually friends with this person, I would never marry someone who did this. Right. But if you were actually friends with them, you would think she would go to her and say...

I am so sorry this happened. I don't want to put you in an uncomfortable position. So I just want to like relieve you of DJ duties. Like I don't want to put you in that position to be around him. Whatever involvement that this person wants is the involvement they're going to get. Yeah. You know, like that, like especially given like this is already like a very like

crazy circumstance like the fact that the marriage is still happening and that the person yeah like maybe still wants to attend is surprising to me but like that person needs the agency that person needs to be like I'm gonna be able to DJ or I'm not gonna DJ or I'm not gonna come to the wedding at all because at the end of the day like they're the victim like that's like some fucked up shit that happened and to be like hey like do you still want to DJ for us what happened to hello how are you

Where did that go? I know. Just have a fucking conversation. So the overall vote on this one is really surprising. It's everyone sucks. Like? Like, including the DJ. What did the- Oh, great. Okay, you all suck. Especially the person who got assaulted. That makes sense. I don't get this one at all, but the top comment is an everyone sucks vote, so let's see...

Everyone sucks. And by that, I mean you and your fiance, not the friend. Okay, slide. Yeah, that makes sense. You guys can get married together and invite nobody and then live in a house together and invite nobody. Just say you're the asshole. Like, yeah, you're the asshole. It's a clear point.

I would suggest you both seek therapy if you aren't already in it. As someone who has taken many edibles, it has never made me want to harass anyone. I would take a deep look at this relationship because he may behave that way again. And this DJ clearly isn't your friend if you think she should be chill after being basically sexually harassed. Also, like, yeah, the weird ambiguity around all the language is like a telltale sign of like, this is much more serious than you're letting on.

And also like, I don't know, I hate when people are like, "Oh, they got really fucked up and now they're off like that drug so they're not going to do this again."

Drugs don't make people do things that they wouldn't do. It gives them the lower inhibition to go through with things they've been thinking about doing. And you can't attribute that kind of behavior to the drug. That's that person. Sure, maybe they should not be taking crazy edibles all the time as a harm reduction kind of thing, but that's your fiance. That's not the drugs. Yeah.

It's weird. I mean, I got some laced weed edibles from a man off of the light rail subway system in Minneapolis.

And it was like this really good lemon poppy seed loaf. And I just wanted to make a friend. I was drunk. He had Jimmy John's. He gave me a free sandwich too. On top of the edibles. Like he gave me like a lot of stuff for free. And I just, I love presents. So I took this. I like three things too. I get it. I know. I'm going to be careful though. Yeah. So I took this edible and me and my three other friends split it four ways. And it was a pretty big loaf. And we were like very much so like edible virgins. No idea what we were getting into. And yeah.

We couldn't tell if we got super high or if it was laced, but like it felt like an acid trip would feel like I felt like I was in, you know, that really creepy part in Fantasia where it's like those elephants and it's like different kaleidoscope color elephants. Shapes and colors the likes of which I've never seen. Literally, that was my life. And I'm like, I'm sitting there. I had like one hand and one foot on the wall. I'm trying to just like come back to reality. And I'm like, oh, my God. So I've had that experience.

And I didn't want to hurt anyone. No, no, no drugs make people do that. Like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. I shouldn't say that. Like, perhaps there is some chemical concussion that the CIA has. But like, we're not, it's an edible. Like, girl, get it together. Yeah. No, this is, this is very weird. And it's always these edibles ain't shit. And then 10 minutes later, face down. Yeah. Yeah.

Nice. Oh my God. My boyfriend took like six before bed once because he's like, they don't work. And then he went to the dentist super high and he was like, I could feel every scratch on my tooth. I'm done. Oh my God. Yeah. My first edible experience. I was like, I like went, I did it. And I was like, I don't feel anything. And then take more. And then like moving furniture at my grandparents place the next day, like.

Hello. What's happening? The furniture starts talking. Like literally, be our guest. Okay, moving along.

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on personal care items at your local store. Now through August 27th, get extra discounts when you purchase participating items like Dove Beauty Bar, Dove Body Wash, Dove Men Plus Care Body Wash or deodorant, Dove Shampoo, Trace-A-May Shampoo and Axe Body Spray. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary.

Visit Safeway.com for more details. This one was found by my lovely assistant, Willow. All right. Thank you, Willow. So it's two years old. Vintage. Yeah, we're pulling it from the archives. It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Non-Binary Husband to Change His Clothes?

Sorry, entering with non-binary husband is already kind of a red flag, but I guess I don't know what this person is comfortable with. I am curious. I haven't read this one. Benefit of the doubt. My husband has massive gender dysphoria and recently came out as non-binary, he slash him, which isn't an issue. The issue is he can't hold down a job and now we're losing the flat because of his loss of employment due to discrimination in his last job.

To be blunt, he's dot dot quite open. He spoke openly about his sexuality, bisexual, and gender identity in his last workplace office, and it offended the manager. He also has super long hair, likes wearing lots of makeup, and dresses, quote, traditionally feminine, minus skirts and such. He has a job interview today. We were told if he can't secure this job, we're most likely going to lose the flat.

He says he wants to wear makeup for the interview, which is fine, but I admittedly was cringing inside because I knew how he does it. He emerges happily from the bathroom with knee-high, shiny, high-heel boots, bright pink eyeshadow, sparkles scattered across his entire face, and deep cat liner. I stopped him and asked if he was actually going to walk into the interview like that, and he got immediately angry and started yelling at me before sulking to the sink to wash his makeup off.

He's also opted for Doc Martens instead of the boots. The thing is, I don't really care what he identifies as, and all of the other days happily go out with him when he's dressed like that. But I feel terrible telling him not to be himself for the sake of his employment and a flat. It was already hard enough for Jobs to take him seriously before he properly came out due to his super long hair. But now it's worse.

And we kind of can't afford right now for a job to find a reason to discriminate against him. As wrong as that sounds, dot dot, am I the asshole? Oh, this one's fun and complicated. This is a really tough one. So...

I think as a queer person who is often entering spaces that make me feel like I need to, like, mute myself and dumb myself down to be palatable, I, like, have had, you know, I have the voice of maternal isomophobia in my head. That's, like, don't wear makeup to, like, the interview or to the presentation with, like, the engineering people because they don't like that. And I think that, like, especially when circumstances are dire, it's fair to feel a certain way. But, like, are you really willing to compromise, like, your, like, tolerance of a person?

on the basis of like, I don't know, like obviously the situation is dire. Like we might lose our house. Yeah. But like it kind of, it kind of begs the question, like, do you think that your partner is taking this seriously? Which I would argue that they do because they live in the house too. And like, do you think he would be doing this if he,

his own self-expression wasn't like just as harmful and experienced as losing a house. That's how I see it. Like for trans people, queer people, non-binary people, like feeling comfortable in your expression, like your mode of expression, your identity, like the things you wear and like feeling personally validated is like life or death. And we see that in like statistics, like, like, oh,

of like mental health and suicide rates among queer people that like it's not just about like I want to wear the pretty thing because it makes me feel pretty it's about I want to wear this because it makes me feel like a person and if I'm not dressing the way that is an extension of my identity I feel like dysphoric like out of my body inhuman and also like I don't know

The big thing here is that it's understandable to be like, I'm really worried about this because they need to get this job. But if you're entering this space and they don't accept you on the basis of, oh, I'm wearing glitter and I'm, you know, not only is like, why would you want to have that job in the first place? But you won't be able to retain that job unless you continue to mute yourself. And now you're basically pigeonholing your partner into a job and a life that

Which is, it is, one of the precedents of it is that you have to have gender dysphoria. Yeah, and not be yourself. Like, that house is going away later if it doesn't go away now because they're not going to want to stay in it. Like, he's not going to want to stay in a job that he has to, you know, de-ethify himself for. Yeah. I, oh my God. I literally want to, like, roll the tape back and replay what you said about, like, clothes and how it's not just, like, muting yourself. It's, like, essentially not

do you remember I like literally I was like it's an out of body experience I was just like in awe just now though I was like mic drop like just the way you articulated that I think a lot of people it might click in people's heads it's like

You're not dressing like that to be extra or to be loud. Sometimes I dress to be extra, but yeah. But it's more so it's like, this is just me. Like, this is me. I'm not doing it for other people. Like, and ask yourself in the morning, like, why do you pick what you pick when you get dressed? That person is picking what they're picking because they like it. It's their comfort.

No, it's, yeah. Wow. I'm going to like insert it as I edit. I'm going to be like, okay, reinsert that again so I can just like reminate with it. But it's real. I think that people don't understand it because like a lot of cis people navigate the world in a way that is like, I know what I'm meant to wear and that's what I wear. And so diverging from that doesn't feel too uncomfortable every once in a while because it's like, oh, it's Halloween. I'll wear a dress. Like, and men will do something silly and goofy and put on a wig. And I'm like, oh, you're so special. But like, if somebody like told you,

as like i don't know if somebody told like a cis person that they i guess this man they had to wear a dress every day think of the fit that they would throw be like a magnitude 10 earthquake girl like people and and it's it's for good reason because you should never be forced to wear something you don't want to wear but like i think that a lot of people don't understand that fashion is not just like performance art yeah like and it can be and it often is but like

day-to-day fashion and like your day-to-day like expression and like physical existence is like a part of you. Like it's a part of your identity. It's a part of your personhood. And to like strip somebody of that for like,

one interview which in reality would be that entire job and in many ways like their life to come yeah is like robbing them of personhood well and that's what my thought was too where it's like you should show up to the interview as yourself and if they're gonna discriminate against you like you don't like you said you don't want to work there it's is that even going to be a safe place for you probably not like they're gonna kick you out because you're wearing glitter in an interview yeah they're gonna kick you out if you wear glitter to work yeah and it's a tough line because I get like

we're going to lose our house. Like we're going to be homeless. And so I get also, you know, in her head, she's like, please just suck it up for one interview. But it's like, how many times are you willing to compromise yourself? Like, okay, if I suck it up for today, am I going to have to keep sucking it up for the next six months? The thing is, it's not one interview. Because if they don't, if they wouldn't give you the job on that precedent, then they're not going to let you keep the job on that precedent. And it's like,

I don't know. I think that it's just, it's sort of like a narrow-minded expectation from somebody who clearly empathizes with this person but doesn't have the lived experience of like a gender non-conforming or like a non-binary or trans person because the lived experience of that, like this is an ongoing thing. Like cutting it off for one day is not really an option. Yeah. I also hate how gendered we've made fashion and it's like, it's almost that whitewash because there's so many other cultures that don't have fashion where it's like that. Like I think about

And I've watched way too much Outlander. But like Jamie in a kilt, hottest dude out there. I'm like, I wish my boyfriend would wear a kilt. I wish he was Scottish and would do it. And it's not just Scottish, you know, culture. Yeah, let's go, baby. But it's like there's Japanese culture where the men have a certain like dress. I mean, there's so many other cultures. And there was a video I saw.

Honestly, maybe it was yours before I even knew you. But it was around the time when there was so much outrage about Harry Styles wearing a dress. It might have been me, actually. Was it? I mean, wait, what was it? Tell me. Well, okay, so it was like...

a stitch and it was like there's so many other cultures that wear dresses or wear feminine things and it was like a kilt and then the Japanese I don't know if it was me but it's something that I've definitely said before it was amazing well in a lot of ways like the rigid gender structure like the cis binary that we enforce in America is like a byproduct of colonialism and that's why like there are so many non-white like

cultures and nationalities and like just communities that don't experience gender in the same way as us and not to say that like other people's experience of gender is not flawed because it's yeah, I mean people are flawed but like it like like there are so many like other cultures I mean also like there are lots of like countries that have like more than two genders Yeah, two-spirit people there like he draws and like there's there's so much to like unpack there and

And I don't know, for people to be like, oh, it's biology. This is what you're meant to wear. And I'm like, well, they're not doing it anywhere else in the world. So who made you the biology professor? Also, there's more than two sexes. Oh, there's so many. It's like grocery bag surprise. Reach in and pick one out. People forget that there's intersex all the time. And it's like one in every 2,000 babies born is intersex. Well, and it's also, it's calculated that up to 70% of the people that

are intersex don't know and will never know because it's like a it's a genetic test that they don't really do like they look at you and decide if you're a boy or a girl based on your genitals which problematic in lots of ways it's just external genitals like you could literally have an external vagina and then and have internal testicles like a penis and a uterus a lot of people don't find out until they have health complications or try to get pregnant or have kids and then find out like

This is not what I thought. So well, in many ways, the argument that I always end up at is like, why do we care so much about nature? Like, why do we fetishize being natural? I'm like, nothing about that silicone and all the GMOs you're eating is natural. Why do you care so much about like what's in your chromosomes? There's nothing natural about that jewel you're hitting every 30 seconds. My DNA is probably so altered from all the plastic and Play-Doh. But like slay. Who cares? We're on a floating rock.

It's so wild. So wild. So we have an update on this. Okay. So the top comment was not the asshole. This is not about what he identifies as. Anyone, cis women included, can't walk into an interview like that. Honestly, if he has near to none self-interest in providing for himself, I would reevaluate my relationship with him. 12,000 upvotes. Fascinating. Yeah. Also, like the cis women included thing.

I don't know. Whenever people like try to like levy misogyny to perpetrate transphobia, I get the turf alarm goes off in my head. This is a little more vague. I'm not going to draw any conclusions. But like the next comment spells it out for us. Yeah.

They quote what OP describes that he was wearing, like knee-high, shiny high heel boots, bright pink eyeshadow, blah, blah, blah. And they go, yeah, dot, dot, dot, dot. Regardless of perceived gender, I would, all caps, not be hiring anyone who thought that was appropriate clothing for an interview for anything but stripper or prostitute. Ah, there we go. There. Hmm. Funny how that works. Came out. Came out real quick. Oh, God.

It's also just, why do people care so much about... Professionalism is a curse. Like, I find it so stupid. It's used to perpetrate sexism, transphobia, racism, like, everything under the sun. Why do you want everyone to look the same? Like, also, like, you're at, like, what, an office at Goldman Sachs? Like, nobody's really looking in there. Why do you care that everyone wears a suit? Oh, I saw this video of this woman who...

kept getting reported from her HR for wearing too sexual or revealing clothing. Which like to what is like a tube top girl get over it. It was a sweater dress that just fit her body. Yeah. High neck covered her boobs. There were no cleavage but she had boobs. Right. That was the problem. You have boobs. You got like a back roll. They're like it's revealing. I'm like unfortunately they don't make clothing for people like this like people this size. So it's not only hard to find stuff that doesn't fit you like too tight but like

This is this person's body. Like, why do you care? No, I have boobs. And like, no matter what I wear, if it like doesn't go up to my neck like a turtleneck, I'm going to look boobie. Like it's perceived that way. Like, thank you. I want to look boobie.

They're not, I don't know how much longer they're going to be here for. I got them packed up today. I'm dead. It's just like, it just hurts my back at this point, you know, just, but my boyfriend's very sad about it. So we'll see. We'll see. I just, maybe I'll do some, some bench presses and we'll, we'll get them perkier and I'll be fine. So the overall vote was not the asshole. And so for the update,

He just got back from his job interview and seems in higher spirits. He apologized for yelling at me and told me he understands where I was coming from. He's still adamant he didn't feel himself, to which I've offered to sit and help him find inspo online slash practice new looks together.

he's happy to. So this is the thing. The situation does deserve nuance because it is kind of like a dire situation. And I understand how somebody presented with this circumstance would be like, oh, like sound the alarm. Like we need to, we need to be really precise about this. Yeah. But I mean, I think honestly, only time will tell is if this person has made the correct decision. Because now if you're sending your non-binary partner off to this job every day and one of two things is going to happen, which is either they're going to

feel dysphoric because they have to dress a certain way or they're gonna get fired because they are dressing a certain way and getting like if one of those two things happen then you will have learned your lesson but I don't know like yeah I don't know the situation deserves it's one of those things where I don't know what's going on in these people's heads yeah I don't really know but I you know

proceed with caution. Whenever somebody's telling me how to dress, I'm like, careful. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, and they go on to say, he said the interviewer was an old traditional lad, so he was actually glad I convinced him to change. Apparently, it went really well and they got on good. Thank you all for the responses. Take care. Stay safe. Yeah. Second slash final update.

Basically, just, whoa, I didn't expect so many people to be here. Thanks for the awards. To clear some stuff up, I haven't been legally allowed to work in this country until a few days ago. But later after I posted this, I got a phone call saying I've been given a full-time job I applied for.

My husband is still unfortunately employed and waiting to hear back, but has another interview later this week. At least now, we're not going to be at risk anymore, considering that I'm in full-time employment myself. I'm helping him pick out professional gender-neutral looks in the meantime and have found some nice options. It's a lot to unpack. I mean, like,

You know, there's like navigating the world as a queer person is not easy. And I think that I and a lot of people more so than me, like who don't have some of the privileges that I do, like are confronted with this issue of am I going to make myself more palatable and sacrifice my personhood in many ways? Or am I going to exist exactly how I want to and face the consequences of that? And it's a decision I make every day. But when other people are making the decision, things get a little complicated. Yeah. Well, and it's just hard because...

I think there are certain jobs. Like I think about my, like my boyfriend's stepdad, who's a CPA. And like, if this person were to walk in for a CPA interview, he'd probably be like, okay, interesting. And it's sad that we have these constructs where it's like,

CPAs are supposed to dress this way. And if you think about, you know, a bartender, a bartender can wear whatever they want because that's a different service industry. Like it's, it shouldn't be like that. Like people should just be able to wear what they want. And it's like, okay, how can we move past this? And,

Yeah. There are certainly like, because obviously there are positions and jobs you can have that require certain clothing. One is like if it's for safety or cleanliness. Yes. Obviously. Yeah. We don't want OSHA violations. Right. None of that. Or if it's like, I don't know, if everyone has a uniform, but like you should also be, you know, take care to not make the uniforms like so overtly gendered and then force people to wear certain things. But like at the end of the day, like unless it is out of like health safety reasons,

kind of like full stop. Yeah. Then like, why are we forcing people to wear certain things? Because like, what's come out of that notion of professionalism and the rigidity of that is black women's hairstyles are unprofessional. Yeah. Ridiculous. Like queer people, the presence of being queer, unprofessional. Like, and it's just, it's just like, you're just discriminating against people because you want to, not because it's unprofessional. No,

No, it definitely is an excuse to be able to discriminate in a way you can get away with. Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. Stinky. For sure. Well, it seems like it's going to work out. She got a job. I also like, I know he got let go or whatever from his last place for discrimination. Which? Sue their asses. Right. Sue them. That house is going to be yours. Fuck a mortgage. I'm going to own this whole neighborhood. Yeah. Name it after myself.

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Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, so this next one. Am I the asshole for getting a makeover to mess with my brother-in-law? I, 20 male, to put it bluntly, look like a girl. Definitely a flat-chested one, but still.

I guess I'm just unlucky in the genetics department. Most people think I'm just a tomboy, but still, it gets a bit annoying people thinking I'm a girl. I'm pretty comfortable with myself now, but I did used to get bullied a lot for it and can be a bit sensitive about it. My sister's 26 female husband, 30 male, is always making jokes about it. I've told him to stop, but he never does since it's all just jokes.

I've gotten sick of it and wanted to get him back instead of being my usual timid self and not saying anything. I went out of my way to get some friends and younger sister to give me a makeover a little before they were to come over. Basically, make me look as girly as possible. Sly. They did a pretty good job. And turns out, if I'm all made up, I look a lot like a younger version of my older sister.

Oh, that probably made him real upset. Oh, keep going. When they came over, I made sure to act as girly as possible. He was visibly very uncomfortable, so I was definitely winning this one. They left very early and I got a text from my sister calling me an asshole for making her husband uncomfortable. She

She told a few family members, but most are on my side. But a few think that what I did was childish and in asshole territory. So am I the asshole? No, girl, you slayed your girly pop through and through. I love this. So we we do have an update with this one, which is which is pretty cool.

Do you want to go right into it? Do you want my take now? You, you. Okay. Give it to me. Love her vibe. Very proud of him. Him? We're, we are seeing 20 male. Okay. So we're, as of right now. So him. 20 male. But you know, if that updates, good for you. It's what I said. Remember the pipeline, twinks to she, they. It happens often. You'd be surprised. I'm like on the pipeline currently. Little trains just chugging along down. Yeah.

No, obviously not the asshole. Like literally slay. This is the thing. It's clear that queerness makes this man uncomfortable. Which is fascinating because it started out as like

Queerness in what I assume is not a queer person and if they are queer like this is not along the lines of their queerness like they haven't come out as trans like they're saying like I am a boy people think I'm a girl a lot which and like people made jokes about it which upsets me which makes you think that they are a boy or man.

And like, I don't know, like then his sister's husband is like making jokes about it because he clearly has externalized and internalized homophobia. Like, you know, men shouldn't look like women. And if they do, that's like comedic because it goes against, you know, our little rules that we have in our head. So he's making fun of him. And so he was like, OK, you know what? I'm going to I'm going to throw on a lace front, get this beat on and like slay as hard as I possibly can.

And that made somebody upset. And it's just, okay, sorry that you were upset. Not my problem. Not at all. And it seems like there's maybe...

a little projection from the brother-in-law, like some resentment or I don't know what it is, but I think the fact that he looked so much like his older sister when having a full face on, like I'm sure the husband walked in and was like, damn, he's hot. It's like the SpongeBob clip where he's like, just imagine him in your underwear. Oh no, he's hot. I haven't seen that one yet. Now I need to do some research. It's just like, yeah,

Yeah. Well, okay. He's probably like feeling so uncomfortable in himself because he's like... Because he's into it. That's been shoved down. Exactly. It's been shoved down for so long and I don't want to speculate too much, but like otherwise, why the bullying? Why the harassment? So, I mean, well...

I always tread lightly in this area because I do think that sometimes we shouldn't attribute homophobia to queerness. Like, not every homophobe is a closeted gay person. Some of them, or a lot of them, are just homophobes. That being said, there still are some who are closeted gay people. And, you know, I've encountered it quite a bit where, you know, they get all mad at you because they're into you. Well, did you just see the governor for... Oh, the Lutine governor of Tennessee? Yes. And he literally passed an anti, like,

Like, trans law in Tennessee. No more drag, I believe, is what it is. So, yeah. I think it's actually because it's the lieutenant governor who was in the Instagram comments. Is that who it is? The governor-governor. But, like, obviously he's, like, rallying behind the troops here. Exactly. People in power. And the drag ban is crazy because it bans drag, but it also bans, like, being trans because it's, like, male or female impersonators, which to a Republican, you know...

law enforcement person like they're you know they're gonna do whatever they can they would probably arrest like a cis gay guy because they're like you're wearing a crop top that's female impersonation like I don't know they're gonna use it to do whatever they want absolutely and it's so fucking annoying because in the comment section of that twink girl what is going on oh yeah so this lieutenant governor is commenting on this person's

thirst trap Instagram posts and I'm not sure how that person identifies. I think it's a I think I think he's a boy. I think he's a man but I mean yeah kind of no point like it like very revealing like basically dick out hand covering dick squatting and the lieutenant governor is commenting you look so good. You turned a day into rainbows and sunshine. What is happening? You know people can

your comments, right, dude? He probably doesn't know how to use the internet. No, no chance. No chance. But it just goes to show like these people again and again, Lindsey Graham, who is actually Lady G. Oh my God. You have so many other people in these positions of power that go against what directly...

Yeah. It's them that they're hiding. It's hilarious and crazy and quite scary. It's terrifying. I mean, there's like... I think often about that video of Laverne Cox where they're like... She's like, I think more men in the rap community should come out. And they're like, are there a lot of closeted guys? And she goes, girl. Like, a lot of... Yeah. A lot of just people in power...

like men in power who are doing homophobic things a lot of times because like it's one thing to be homophobic but to be so homophobic that you feel the need to like put gay people down is giving like I have my own issues to reflect on and it's not everyone there definitely are regular homophobes but there's a select few who've got the gears are spinning the blood is flowing the Instagram comments are commenting don't you just want to be happy like people that are like that like don't you just want to be yourself and be happy I think they're so brainwashed like why do you have to

I just can't imagine. And there's some people out there, like I had a conversation with someone in my life recently and they're like, I just like don't really understand like what it would feel like to be trans. And I'm like, well, ask yourself this. Like you struggle with depression. Like you don't want to be sad. You want to be happy. So if you could do something to change that, wouldn't you? That's all it is. Yeah. Like trans people are just trying to be themselves. Yeah. They're just trying to be happy.

It's hard enough to be happy. Yeah. Let people be fucking happy. No, I know. Well, that's why that argument too is like, I don't get it. And I'm like, you don't have to. Like the point is that you don't cause you're not. And like, if you think that it's a choice, this should be an easy way to debunk that. You don't feel it because you are not it. And that's okay. But you're not trans, but trans people are, and they know that like, it's like a, you know, they've existed forever. They're going to continue to exist forever. And they exist everywhere. It's not like some product of like wokeism. Like it, it is a,

a part of human history it's a part of our society it's a part of human biology in many ways

But, you know. It's wild. Let's get into the updates. Top comment first is not the asshole. Brother-in-law is obviously the asshole, but your sister is also the asshole for letting this behavior continue and even defending it. Jeez. Edit props to your younger sister. She's a real one. Little emoji. Very typical Redditor armchair analysis. Your brother-in-law is either homophobic or has a thing for femboys. There it is. Laughing my ass off. Oh, a thing for femboys. Or both.

And OP goes, yes, she is a real one, but she always wanted to give me a makeover, so she wins as well. Edit number one, fuck off to anyone using Reddit care resources to be bigots. No one likes you. Edit number two, got a text from my sister that I'm a giant piece of shit and ruining her marriage. Oh, the girl. If that ruins your marriage, your marriage is a

Done. Doomed. Donezo. I don't think I will be seeing them anytime soon, but just in case, I'm going to try and have a proper conversation with my parents about everything and see if we can not have them in the house for a while. Since I only pay rent to live with them, I don't really get a say, but I hope my parents support me. Update number one, which is coming about a week later.

Thank you everyone for all the feedback, positivity, acceptance, and some laughs. It's been a wild few days. I had to sit down with my parents and had a big talk about my feelings. They agreed that my sister's husband's husband,

wouldn't be welcome in the house anymore. The only reason they didn't do or say anything about it is because they thought it didn't bother me and know I'm a tough cookie. They apologized for that and said they would speak out more in the future if anything like this happens again. Great parents. There we go again. My older sister has been texting me a lot, calling me all sorts of names, saying I'm ruining her marriage.

She also visited yesterday and as soon as she came into the house, she started screaming at me and things got heated. So my parents also banned her from coming over till she can apologize for her behavior and letting her husband continue to make me feel uncomfortable. You're ruining my marriage. My fiance likes femboys now. What am I going to do, girl? You were doomed.

On a more positive note, I've been exploring myself a lot these couple of days with my twin sister. She told me not to call her my younger sister, but we are a day apart, so I'll always call her my younger sister. LOL. It's all in good fun. She helped me a lot with clothes and makeup, even experimenting with what pronouns I like. I think I may be trans, but there's still a lot of exploring to do. Come over. Come to the dark side.

I hope it's a worthwhile update for you. It's not too exciting or drama filled, but things are working out and it's at least an exciting time for me, even with some of the negativity. I do have to say, though, thank you so much, brother-in-law. I wouldn't have explored my identity without you. You know, yeah, that's why when conflict like this happens, I'm always like, you got a glass half full at first of all, because that's the only way that I get through life. But I'm like, you know what?

this person was a piece of shit to begin with. Like, at the very least, like, they serve as a vessel for you to understand yourself and now you don't got to deal with her anymore. Yeah. She's banned from the house. Perfect. I love it. There is one final update from October 10th, 2022. Okay. Trigger warning for this update, though, you guys. It does contain talks of sexual assault and attempted rape, I would say. I think that's a good umbrella. Everything has been quiet from my older sister and brother-in-law. Me and my

Aww.

On a less positive note, my brother-in-law and sister being quiet and not seeing them came to a quick end last night. Brother-in-law came to the house drunk, mumbling things about how I ruined his marriage, calling me names and other bullshit. He went to the side of the house and entered through the back door that we never lock. It was a very scary moment. He came after me and tried to push my head into his crotch. And when that didn't work, he tried pulling my pants down and pushing me to the ground.

Thankfully, my sister was there to pull him off and threaten him with a kitchen knife. He left right away, and we called the police and my parents, who were out at the same time. My parents came straight away, but police didn't show up till two hours later to basically just say they can't do anything and that if we want to go to the courthouse for a restraining order, we could. My parents tried calling and texting my sister to tell her what happened and why he did what he did, but all she texted back was, "'Fuck off.'"

I'm very shaken up right now, but I'm not going to let it get to me. My parents are going to get me a psychologist so that I can talk about this and other problems I feel and maybe also help me explore my identity a bit. I'm sorry this wasn't a more positive update than my previous one, but I always appreciate the support of everyone on Reddit, even if there are a few assholes. Damn.

I would have stabbed his ass. Oh, no. Like, yeah. Ended right there. The minute that he tries to take my pants off or face in the... No. Uh-uh. Your life over. Sorry, girl. That's crazy. Also, like... A psychopath. Yeah. It is just...

It's crazy to me how that lifestyle and line of thought really causes brain rot in that way. That as somebody who has repressed their sexuality all their life, then turns to violence against the people you're attracted to, and then sexual violence because you're attracted to them. What were you going to do? Rape her? It makes no fucking sense. It's disgusting. It's crazy. And it's...

It's unfortunately not uncommon. Like it's a lot of people who they repress their, you know, their identity and their desires. And then it comes out later as violence. And it's like, wow, you're too far gone from helping. Like that's for sure. I am looking at OP's account. There is actually another update from four months ago and another one from three months ago. So for update number three, basically the brother-in-law came back.

And so I just want to give a little update since some of you people would like one. My brother-in-law came to the house again to apologize. Luckily, I wasn't there and my dad chased him off while calling the police. Yeah. This time they came. Good dad. Yeah. In an appropriate time, about 20 minutes later, there was nothing they could do except advise my parents and me to get a restraining order. So that's what I did. Right now, I only have an IRO that lasts about 20 or something days like that. And if he doesn't show up to court in those days, I'll get a more permanent VRO. Yeah.

And I know a lot of you like to follow along with people's accounts, like our listeners. They kind of like to see the person's account. So the final post on this account is about OP's dad passing. So the title is, I feel like I'm going to break after my dad passed.

And seems like they were there during. And so I don't want to get into that one, but I just know like you guys really do get attached to the people that we read their stories. So if you, the listeners want to reach out, I will be sure to post OP's account in the description. But I'm sure it would be appreciated any support and things like that because we,

what a tumultuous time to be like finding yourself and then lose like one of your biggest supporters. One of your, yeah. Like your ally, like the dad was chasing the brother-in-law off and being so supportive and then to lose him at such a monumental tumultuous time in your life. It just, yeah, it just, to me, it really does highlight the value of community. Yeah. Um, your family isn't just your family, but your chosen family and,

Now that you've ever mentioned come to the dark side, you have all of us. Yeah. Okay. Well, if you are listening to, I'll send you the link, but I wish you the best. It sounds like you have a very supportive family. Fuck your brother-in-law. Fuck that guy. Keep that restraining order going. And we wish you the best. Okay. One last one. I'm like, I need to find a little bit of an upper, but like none of these are uppers. We have a revenge story.

And I'm kind of curious what you think about it. Okay. I mean, yeah, let's hear it. I like revenge from now on. You know, if it's executed well. I don't know. I'm personally really torn about it. So we're going to see. Okay. So this is posted. Well, I'm on the Wayback Machine because it actually got removed. So on March 4th, it was posted two days ago. So you guys know I'm not good at math. So have with that what you will. Wait. On March 2nd?

Oh. Yeah. Okay. Thank God you're here. My Princeton math skills are hard at work. You're so good at math. I'm like, okay, I'm mad. You're really good. I don't know. Thanks. You know, I do my best. Two days, Morgan. Like, what the fuck, you guys? Oh, my God. Okay. So it is titled, and it's from r slash petty revenge, and it's titled, Neighbor called the cops on me smoking weed, so I outed him to his family.

Oh, God. Okay. Yeah. Well, let's get into it. I know. And the I don't want I'm not spoil. Here we go. First off, where I'm from, weed is illegal. I'm very conscious about the smell. And I understand that for non smokers, the smell of weed is horrendous. I completely understand why. And I always do my best to avoid any discomfort to anyone. That's why I usually smoke late at night when I know that everyone should be asleep, including my downstairs neighbors. We live in an old apartment building.

The thing with this guy is that he's a heavy tobacco smoker, and I can always hear him coming in and out of the terrace, mostly because he shuts the door so damn hard that all the walls shake.

From the pattern of slamming doors, I can tell that he smokes his last cigarette around 2.30 a.m. Therefore, I decided to go for my nightly puff at 3 a.m. I opened the windows, turned on the oil diffuser that is also anti-tobacco, and lit up my joint. Fifteen minutes later, cops knock on my door.

Alongside them is my neighbor, and I get taken to the police department for statements. I end up with a warning for possession, a fine for disturbing the peace at night, and a sleepless night. Before this point, he wasn't exactly a friendly neighbor either, but his wife was sweet. From the few interactions I had with her, the first few days after I moved in, he always gave me a death stare, but I assumed he was just grumpy.

Fast forward a few days. I'm scrolling through Grindr when a new profile pops up at the very top of my list. All of my neighbors are mostly elderly people, so I was quite confused as to who this is. I clicked on his profile and it was him.

I started a conversation with him, sent him a pic of a friend, with consent, of course, to pretend I was him. That's catfish. And a couple of hours later, we were sexting, and he sent me a couple of nudes. The next morning, I caught his wife before going to work and showed her everything. Oh.

When he came home from work, I could hear a lot of crying and he eventually got kicked out. It's worth mentioning that they also have a 16-year-old kid. Oh, God. I'm very satisfied with my revenge. But I also feel terribly sorry for both the wife and child. They didn't deserve this. What do you think? Oh, this is a fun one.

I'm giving us like very tough moral debates today. No, I know. Okay, because there is a part of me that's like outing people is never okay. Never should out someone. But also like, first of all, I don't know what the age gap between them is. Yeah. I guess they didn't really specify. No, no, no, no. But also like, I mean...

outing somebody on the basis of they're cheating on you is I think a little bit more complicated than outing somebody just to out somebody and it's not like you've outed them to like their homophobic like parents and they're now being kicked out of the house you've basically just divulged hey your husband's cheating on you and this is the only proof I have which also is like contingent on me outing you for your sexuality but like

It's complicated because this person is not doing it like with the pure intention of like saving the wife This person's like you got me arrested for smoking weed. Fuck you. I'm gonna ruin your marriage Oh, yeah, they haven't brought it on themselves But it's more malicious intent versus I'm gonna be a good person and save this woman, you know That's the thing. I think the intent here matters. Mm-hmm And that's why I can't I can't stand by the perpetrator but I'm also like

I don't know. This man is cheating on his wife. He has like a family next door. And he's also like being a menace to the neighbor. Yeah. A tattletale. So like I'm not going to personally condone it, but I'm not going to I'm not going to be mad at you. You know, I wish the revenge would have been blackmailing him.

You have to buy my weed or I'm going to out you to your wife. You have to leave me the fuck alone. Let me smoke all the joints I want. I do it late at night when you're asleep. See, now that would have been a good career. I guess now he's probably moving out. I mean, I would not stay there. Account's been deleted. I can't even go look at their comment history, but...

Like that would have been better. And then you're not outing someone. Yeah. Although I don't know. There are exceptions to every rule. And I'm not going to sit here and say that that's an exception. But I do think that like it's complicated. Because then on the other hand, I'm like, I do want her to know. So I'm like, maybe. Your husband's cheating on you with gay boys? Write an anonymous letter. Yeah. But I mean, it's like the thing is without proof. And the only proof is your husband's on Grindr. Yeah.

It's kind of like, I don't know. I mean, that's a risk he's willing to take, too, because that is a very public. Of course. Because it could have been anybody but the neighbor. Exactly. It could have been family.

It could have been family. It could have been friends. There's so many other people that could have come across his profile. Yeah. It's complicated. I also guess... I think what it kind of comes down to is the moral quandary of what is worse, outing somebody or like adultery. And like, I don't have... I don't think anybody has the subjective like knowledge to like really weight those two because they're kind of just different, you know? But also like, are you putting this man in personal danger? That was literally what popped into my head. I go, if outing someone ever...

One, you should, again, like, oh, don't out someone. It's just not good. But if it puts them in direct danger or the risk of becoming homeless if they're underage and live with family. That's why outing is such a big deal. Because, like, sure, you're exposing somebody's information, which is not public, and that's their own journey. They get to decide when it comes out. But the reason that we're like, don't out people ever is because people get outed and there's unforeseen consequences. They get kicked out of their home. They get fired from their job. Like, so many things.

I don't know. It sounds like the only person that knows about this man being gay is his wife who he was cheating on. So, can't open worms everywhere, girl. I know. The comments on this one were actually pretty supportive of our revengeful person here. People love to root for a girl boss. And he girl bossed so close to the sun that he got a little burnt. Top one is she needed to know. Like,

arguably yeah it's tricky well I also think too just in terms of like and this goes for people that are straight and cheating as well like if you have a partner that's cheating on you and not being safe about it like you could be putting the wife's health at risk too if they're still fucking like so yeah like not only for the fact your husband's stepping out

on the marriage but like health wise yeah like no matter who he was cheating with like you just wild next comment down is op didn't create the problem just revealed it even if the neighbor wasn't a butt wench a butt wrench but about i like butt wench yeah the foul butt wench about weed telling the wife is the right thing to do

Yeah, I mean, because sometimes I'm like, maybe it's not your responsibility to take matters into your own hand in that case. But then again, like, who's going to tell her? Yeah. She probably wouldn't have found out. Right. Which is just like... This was like the perfect storm of events. Yeah.

I also like I always have to wonder if people are cheating because they haven't experienced like queer affection and they want that so bad. Or if they're just cheating because they're a cheater. You know, I guess it's kind of the same thing. Yeah. There was there was another story I had in the tabs today. And it's a story about this young man who his family started calling him homophobic. And turns out.

He came out as gay at 16. He had an older brother that was like, I think 30. Okay. Not supportive. Didn't talk to him. Very closed off. Got married. Had a child. Cheated on the wife. Ended up marrying his affair partner who is a man. So it turns out

Gay. Right. And the OP was like, I'm not going to support you cheating. Like, and now you're trying to manipulate social media and make your ex-wife look like the bad guy. Like, and then the parents were like, you're not being supportive. You're being homophobic. You know, it is complicated because like,

Because on one hand, I'm like adult. Like you told somebody you weren't going to do something and now you're like fucking someone on the side. Yeah. You know, on the other hand, I'm like this person lived a very sad, repressed life and has now understood like what they want in life and what they want is unfortunately not a woman. So it's, you know, like I think like everybody makes mistakes. I'm not here to justify those mistakes. But like.

I would rather somebody make a mistake in the direction of them having a happier life. And also, like, that wife was not going to be happy about that marriage. No. If they're together and he's gay. No. And, well, so on the flip side, I did an episode, like an LGBTQ plus episode on my dad's podcast. Okay. He's got his own show despite his chaos today. And so we had my friend, Dason Afoalo, come on. Drew's sister. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we had...

two stories about women who were married, are married, and they realized that they were a lesbian. Instead of cheating, they had conversations with their partner and they separated to explore that sexuality. Which is like very much an option. That's what you do. Like that's the open communication and like

explore, see what you like. And hey, if you realize like that is more your true self, then you divorce or you come up with another. Bisexual people exist and that's a groundbreaking statement for some people, but they do exist. Yeah. They are valid. And like, which could mean, hey, person that I've been married to, I would love to try this. It's not the end all be all. And, you know, I don't know. I personally, like I'm not married to the idea of monogamy. Like that's not something that I need. I'm not opposed to it, but

I know that some people are really opposed to non-monogamy, that they're like, I need to be with one person. That can never change. So it's definitely a touchy subject to be like, hey, by the way, I'm going to go fuck someone else. But at least if it's so dire that you're willing to go behind the scenes and potentially endanger your partner's sexual health, cheat on your partner, do all this crazy stuff in order to jump through hoops to make this happen.

A, like if being caught would be the end of your marriage, like that should be a telltale sign that you should just come clean about it. Yes. Because like you're living a lie, unfortunately. And also like, I don't know, that's just a lot of effort to do something that like if you do enjoy it, you're going to want to keep doing it. Yeah. And it's like, okay, well now we have to make a decision. Yeah. Well, and like I think –

like if they they and their write-ins for the show they were like I'm a lesbian but if they did come out as bi like there's I love non-traditional relationships and I'm like I'm like if you are bi like you could still have your husband and then explore and like have a it doesn't even have to be romantic on the side you could just be

You know. Hooking up. Luncheon box on the part time. Like, good for you, girl. Yeah. Also, like. Just do what makes you happy. Thripples are in. You heard it here first. Very much so. I think, like, polyamory is, like, especially on Reddit, there's so many wholesome poly stories. The polycules, sometimes it's like a whole network of people, too. And I'm like, I don't know how you keep track. I can't even keep track of my friends like that.

I literally... It's amazing. And it takes a lot of dedication, open communication, effort. Because even just having one partner and trying to maintain my friendships, I'm like...

It's hard. It's so hard. I like have gotten down to such a small, especially like being so busy with work. I'm like, my group is so small and like I need to make more time getting out of my fucking house. Yeah. And like investing. I don't know that I could do polyamory. Like I support it for them. I don't know if I can do it for me. Like I have trouble investing emotion in one person, let alone a lot of people. I have trouble finding one person. It's hard. Let alone more than one. It's hard. But you know, maybe like a sexy Bushwick Hype House is in the...

is on the you know on the destiny so Griffin is open if anyone has a good proposal come adopt me into your polyglot house

Polycule? I haven't heard that one. Yeah, well, that's what they call, like, a polyamory. Like, a molecule. Oh. You know, because of the dots and the lines connected. Oh, my God. All those. Yeah, the little valence electrons. Because, like, a lot of them are like, I'm dating this person, this person, but, like, they're not dating each other. And, like, they're dating someone else. So it's like, there's, like, a web. Oh, my God. It is a molecule. It's not, like, because not all, like, polyamorous relationships are, like, we are X amount of people and everyone dates each other. Yeah. Some of them are like, I have two boyfriends and my boyfriend's both have boyfriends, but those boyfriends don't know.

That's a lot. Yeah. Like happy for them, but like. Happy for you. Right. Sorry that happened. I am reading all that. I need a nap just hearing that. I'm like, oh my God, the energy. What I'm like is how do you find so many people? I mean, like I can barely find one to go on a date with and half the time that, you know. Oh my God. I want to be a little matchmaker.

You let me know because it's been rough out here. I have a friend. He's so cute. Okay. That gives me no context. I'll show you. I'll show you after. Griffin, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. I had so much fun. I'm so glad. I was really nervous, but I think we did okay. Don't be nervous. How can people find you? I'm Griffin Maxwell Brooks on Instagram, on TikTok, Griffin Maxwell B on Twitter.

If you go to a stinky Brooklyn warehouse on any night of the week, you have like a 10% chance of finding me. I will be dressed in something ridiculous, dancing in a way that makes people want to run away. But it's a

I love it. Yeah, it's a surefire way to find me. I love it. You also have a YouTube, but we need to get going on the vlogs or something. I know. It's coming soon. I'm waiting. You have such vlog vibes. We've got long-form content in the work. Okay. It's definitely... It's on the menu for this year. I'm like, I graduate in May and then no more college. No more me like in my little...

you know, shiny dress in the mechanical engineering laboratory. Like, I was going to ask what your major is because between the molecules and the math, I'm like, you're so smart. Yeah. I am a STEM girly. Oh my gosh. I've been, yeah, it's, it's really just like,

I went to like an engineering high school. Yeah. A public school. I didn't have the money for private school, but it was like engineering focused. And I've been doing next in sequence since like freshman year. So I'm like, I'm going to get this mech-y degree. I'm going to coat it in resin and I'm going to hang it on my wall and it's going to look really pretty and I'm never going to use it. Okay. It's okay. I went to grad school and I have a doctorate and here I am with a podcast instead. That's such a flex. Yeah.

It's pretty cool, but it feels like a whole nother life. Yeah. It's wild. But okay, thank you. Griffin's links will be in the description. Be sure to go follow them. Yes, please. The content is amazing. The TikToks literally gave me life. I'm sitting there laughing my ass off last night doing my research. I just...

I love your content. Thank you so much. I think it's Griffin Maxwell Brooks on YouTube. I have to double check. I'll link it. Okay, cute. Follow me on YouTube and then sit and wait because it's coming out soon. You need to. All your little ski trips you do too. I'm going on one in two days. I'm going back to Mammoth. I just got a bunch of snow. I gotta show you my ski suit. Oh my, oh I need a snow. It's so cute. Okay, but until next time guys, bye! Thank you.