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Stay farm and DJ Dramos from Life as a Gringo. No making smarter financial moves today secures a financial freedom for a successful tomorrow. Tackle these situations in stride and of course be annoyed when an unplanned expense comes up, but not let it be something that slows me down. Right. As I did with repairing my credit, you know, hiring somebody to do credit repair for me. That was a gift that I gave myself that allowed me to then, you know, get my first apartment.
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So I went on this like little lunch date today with a new friend. And first of all, making new friends at 27 is the most stressful thing in the world. But there was like a fucking horse walking down the street and they showed up to this like little cafe we were at on Burbank, California. Oh, that doesn't surprise me. Really? Yeah. I feel like there's horses like up north. Not that that's like up north, but like north of LA. Oh, I guess. Yeah. Griffith Park. People have horses around there. Yeah.
I was blown away. I was so surprised. Like a horse was just on the street? Two. Yeah. One, a guy was riding one of the horses and then leading the other one. It's called ponying. Oh. And I was just like, oh my God, I was in the middle of like trying to make friends. And where did you react? Oh yeah. Or did you have to act like you weren't excited? No, no, no. I full blown told her I was a horse girl. Okay. So she knew. Did you wear that shirt too? Just to like really hammer home.
I didn't wear the shirt, but now I regret not. Hey, I'm a horse girl and you're like wearing that shirt. I know. I showed her. I have a picture of my horse and me on like my debit card. Oh yeah, that's right. I showed her that. I was like the most embarrassing I've ever been in my life. No, I'm sure her debit card's like a dog. It's a picture of her. It was so funny. Oh, it was? Just her? It's like...
It's like a, just like a funny college picture. And she's like, I tell people that I was drunk when I did it, but I wasn't. That is so funny. You'll love her. She's, she's, um, she's going to be a good new friend. Good. But like you said, let's fucking ride. Let's talk the talk about these crazy families. I can't wait. Okay. Let's just dive in. Crazy families. Okay.
Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. And I'm Alejandra. Back at it again with my three-peat. I'm here for my three-peat. Technically, it might be on four, though. But this is three, right? This might be the third topic for you. Oh, okay. All right. All right. There we go. Fair enough. Welcome back. Thanks. You've been missed. Feels good to be back. Families, we all have them. Mm-hmm.
They're good. They're bad. They're ugly. But is it truly family if there's no drama involved? No. I don't think so either. Not in my world. I really, I don't think so. I think like there's drama is like family's middle name or whatever you want to say. Like, I don't know. I'm trying to- Wait, hold on. Drama is family's middle name? Yeah. Family drama? Yeah.
I don't know. I was trying to be funny. Family is drama's middle name. Wait, what? Hold on. Say it again. Drama is family's middle name. Okay, okay. That makes... That's my bad. Yeah, no. Twisted it. No, it doesn't work as much as I wanted it to. Drama and family go hand in hand. They truly do. They do. You can't pick your family. You can't.
But sometimes you can because like my dad, I, my mom kind of just picked him because he was super nice. Like my, like I have my biological dad and my adoptive dad who you'll also meet in this family theme. He's going to be, he's going to be coming on the pod. Um, but yeah, I don't know. I kind of like, you'll be my kid's fun aunt. So it's like, I'm already such a fucking fun.
If I decide to go down that road, I'm still, you know, we've talked about this. Yeah, we have. Undecided. Teeter-totter a lot. I think a lot of our generation is. It's tough. I don't know. I feel like most people still talk about having kids. I don't know. Most, yeah. You know? It is. But maybe people talk about it because it's socially, like, normal. Trying to fit in. Yeah. Like, because, yeah. And then they hold it in that they...
Deep down inside, they don't want to have kids, but they're not going to talk about that. They don't want to be socially ostracized. Yeah, of course. You just want to blend in. Yeah. So families, I mean, they're great. They suck. They're amazing sometimes and supportive. And then others, they're just a nightmare, to say the least. To say the least. So some of these stories are good. Some of them, not so good. I'm guessing more of the latter. There's a lot of toxic families on Reddit. Yeah. And...
fortunate for us because these stories are just wild. Okay, let's do it. Here we go. Am I the asshole for getting mad about my mom marrying my fiance's dad? Mom marrying what? These always like are brain games for me. I'm like, I have to sit there and like think about the genesis. I'm like,
Okay, so I'm assuming they're doing that before they get married? Mm-hmm. That's weird. Okay.
I have a good relationship with my dad and his new wife. Sadly, my fiance's mom passed two years ago due to cancer and his dad, 53 male, has been single since. My fiance proposed last year, but our wedding was delayed due to COVID. Our families had never met up to this point because his family lives in South Carolina, whereas we're in North Carolina where we went to college, around a three-hour drive away from his dad.
Three months ago in January 2021, we decided it was time to have our families meet for the first time to discuss our upcoming wedding in June of 2021. My dad and his wife, my fiance's dad, and my mom all met at our place to meet and discuss the wedding. This went well, albeit there was some tension between my mom and my dad. They're divorced, so yeah, makes sense. This morning, out of the blue, my mom called me and announced that she had eloped.
Hold on. Okay, just keep reading. I'll let you finish. I was shocked as she had not been dating anyone to my knowledge. Upon questioning, it turns out that she and my fiancé's dad had been dating in secret since that meeting in January and had married in secret yesterday, making my fiancé my stepbrother. I can't believe this is a question. Oh.
This is so sad because it's like this just goes to show like there's been situations where I'm so in the right and I know it. Yeah. But when people make you feel bad, you genuinely are like, am I the asshole? You know what I mean? Like, I mean, we're sitting here like, what? You are not the asshole. But then I'm sure in her head, she's been made to feel bad. So she's like, fuck, am I the asshole? Yeah.
Especially if her mom is gaslighting her. No, you're not the asshole. Or being a toxic mother. That somehow got worse than I could have expected. Yeah. What? Uh-huh. Okay, so I'm sure there's more. I want to throw up just thinking about this. She said that I should now cancel my wedding because it would be inappropriate to marry my stepbrother. The audacity. The audacity. After she's been dating him, what'd she say, five years? Five years. Five years and they finally like...
joined forces to plan this wedding yeah and then she falls in love with him during that wedding planning session it has it's been like how long since they actually met yeah like maybe when was this written in april this was written in i believe march so she said like we had a meeting three months ago three months ago three months of like secretly dating and secretly so it's not even like you how could how serious can you get with someone when you're secretly dating them
I don't think that's serious. Because you have to shut off so many parts of your life, like your kids to them. Not all of your environments and your context are going to be influencing your life. Yeah. If it's a secret. Exactly. What? And then she comes and says, you need to cancel your wedding. I'd be like...
Bitch, you need to go get an annulment. I can't believe that. She like beat her to the punchline. She did it on purpose. 100%. Yeah, for sure. She was like, shit, the clock is ticking. June is right around the corner. We gotta go. We gotta go. We gotta tie the knot. Courthouse wedding just to seal the deal.
I know. I'm absolutely horrified. I shouted at my mom saying she just loves ruining my life and called her selfish. First, she cheated on my dad and now she went and married my fiance's dad. Oh my gosh. Knowing full well, I was about to marry my fiance. My mom then said I was still young and I'd have the chance to meet someone new, but she's old and quote has to take every opportunity she's got. And so I was an ungrateful bitch for not approving of her marriage. Um,
She then accused me of wanting her to die alone. This is someone with a victim complex. Yeah. I'm shocked. I'm genuinely shocked at this. That's, I don't even have words. Both of them would be uninvited. I would go, I would 100% like whatever your fiance wants to do about his dad. Yeah, that's true. I wonder how he feels. Yeah, that's fine and dandy. But like my mom, I would not talk to my mom if she pulled this shit.
I don't even know what I would think because that's like, it's no, it's deeper than this. It's I'm like questioning who my mom even is. I think. Yeah. I'd be like, who are you? Like, I don't know her very core, like principles and morals. Yeah. Like how, if you can do this to your own, your own daughter, like, you know, what else are you capable of? I don't know. That just freaks me out. The mom is so only thinking about herself. And I feel like as a parent, you typically put your child above yourself. Yeah. So if that means like,
I just think, I think about my mom and like most moms who are like, my daughter can marry, like true love is rare and it sometimes only comes around once in a lifetime. So if you really find that person sometimes, and I don't want to be pessimist, like you can't find it again, but like if you're someone, a mother and your daughter has found a true love and she wants to marry him, that should like,
Take priority and everything. You'd be like, well, then I guess I'm going to die alone. I feel like my mom would be like... It would trump your wants and needs. Yeah, I'll die alone then if that means my daughter gets to marry the love of her life because I unfortunately fucked up in my first marriage, but I'm not going to give my daughter the same path. She has this great opportunity and good for her and I'll die alone if that means that she gets to have the love of her life. Yeah, and I think...
Like to your point, I think there's some parents that live for their children. Like my mom and, you know, our relationship has been like tumultuous at times. And like obviously raising a teenage daughter is never fun and easy. But at the end of the day, like I know my mom would go to bat for me. She would take a, like she would take a bullet. She would lay herself down on like at the end of the day. Like she's definitely not what you would consider like a toxic parent.
Like this fucking lady. Yeah. This is like a whole nother level of toxic and selfish. It's like she's clearly... So selfish. And I know it's like almost toxic to say, well, you know, as a parent, why do you have to put your kid above you? But it's like, that's typically how it works. That's like your child is bigger. You always want your child to have it better than you had. So it's like, no offense to this woman, but she kind of like sabotaged her first marriage by cheating. That was a choice. And if she wasn't happy in the marriage, then that's one thing. But like she...
did that. She made that decision to, you know, kind of ruin the marriage. And her daughter has this like fresh chance. You know what I mean? Am I making sense? Yeah, no, it's love. They, I mean, they met in college. They've been dating for five years. Like this is the beginning of her life. Yeah. Like, wouldn't you want her, your daughter to have it better than you did? You know, instead of being like, I'm going to die alone. You have all the time in the world. It's like, what if
She doesn't find anyone else. And now your daughter dies alone because of your decision. Yeah. She's got a lot more life to live. Yeah. That doesn't make any sense. Not to be like crass, but I think too, like when you decide to have children, you knowingly are signing up for sacrifice. You are sacrificing your freedom, your time, your energy, your money. You now are like committing to having another child.
raise another human. And I think like, in this case, it's like she had a kid, but like, she's not committing to that like role as a parent. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually true. It's like you, you chose this. I didn't choose to be born. As funny as that line is. I love that meme. As funny as that line is, like, I thought about it the other day when I was in front of my mom. I'm like, I didn't, one of my mom was like, yeah, I have three kids and you're using all the energy. I was like,
didn't choose to be born you allocate your resources better like if you might if I'm so energy sucking like get it together I didn't choose to be born let alone first
That's on you, lady. Yeah, that's not on me. Nah. Sounds like you have energy management problems then. I fucking love that meme that's been circulating like literally word for word for what you said. About not wanting to be born. Yeah, it's like, I didn't ask for this life. Literally. I didn't ask to be born and have to deal with capitalism and going to work every day. No, literally no one chose this life. No one chose to be born and then
Be forced to work a nine to five to pay your bills. Just grinding. I mean, I know that there's a lot of other paths in life now, but I did not ask to be born. You know what I mean? That line is like, it sounds so dramatic, but it is so true. It is. It is so true. I was about to just get off subject, but it's like, especially when you hit your parents with something you learned from them and they get mad and it's like,
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, motherfucker. I'm like, there's a sign that's like, you are the one who helped raise this monster. So it's like, I learned this somewhere, right? Like this behavior was learned. I didn't just come out of the womb like sassy, right? Yeah. It's that argument too, like nature versus nurture. Yeah, for sure. Because some people do come out the womb just...
Choosing violence. That's true. I actually might have. How did I think about it twice? You're a feisty gal. Yeah. I've always been that way though. So it's like my mom used to call me grumpy cat because she said I would like sit around the house just like grumpy. Oh my God. But I'd be like happy. I just looked grumpy. Yeah. All the time. I have a really bad RBF. Yeah. If you ever see me in public, I'm nice. I promise. I'm not intimidating as...
As I've been told by multiple people, I look very intimidating and scary, but... It's like that thing that's like, looks like a blueberry, will kill you. Looks like she'll kill you, is a blueberry. Yeah. That's me. Or like, it's not blueberry. It's like something else, but... I'm just like a little marshmallow. I'm just soft and vulnerable. I look like I'll kill you, and I might, but...
likely not no you're a good friend so op goes on to say i don't think i'm the asshole but i just wanted to make sure because ultimately i don't want her to have to be alone even though i think she did this to herself by hurting my dad i think i should be allowed to marry my fiance as we met first i'm also 12 weeks pregnant with my fiance's kid oh my god so that complicates matters more
We haven't told anybody yet. Oh. Am I the asshole for being mad at my mom about marrying my fiance's dad because she said I couldn't marry my fiance anymore? Absolutely not the asshole. Like... Is that... Yeah, that's your response? Yeah, no. Fuck the mom. Fuck that lady. It's a no-brainer. Like... No, you are not the asshole for being mad at your mom for...
Quite literally hijacking your relationship. She is a terrorist. Yeah. She hijacked this situation. It's insane. It's just so, so... Yeah. There's not really a good word for what she did because it's just despicable. It's so, yeah. It's despicable. It's so beyond selfish and toxic. Like even if a friend did this to you, it'd be fucked up. Like it'd be like, okay. But family? But like family...
No. No. She does give another little edit. I don't know how much about whether it's legal to marry your stepbrother, so if someone could confirm, that'd be great. And then another edit. Mini update. We just called his dad. Apparently, he sees no issue with my fiance and I staying together. It was my mom who had an issue. Honestly, I still don't know how to feel about this because this still kind of feels gross to me. We'll probably be going low or no contact. Fair. Not that it matters, but like...
That's just so awkward to have to explain to people, you know? Yeah. Like if you have like a wedding and then they're like, oh, like mother of the bride. And then they're like father of the groom. And then later they like, you know what I mean? Like that's a weird dynamic now. Like you have to explain to your friends and family and other people like, yeah, my husband's dad is married to my mom. I just wouldn't even disclose it.
It'll come up somehow though. Yeah. Think about it if you're my friend and you're like, hey, and I'm like, hey, I'm hanging out with my family this weekend. And you're like, oh, that's cute that Brett's dad is coming along. And you're like, so is my mom. Then, you know. I think I'd just be outright. I'd be like, my mom's a toxic bitch. And she secretly dated my fiance at the time's dad.
Yeah. And went and married him first. So then she tried to tell me I couldn't marry my stepbrother and told us to break up. I couldn't marry my stepbrother. I would just be so outright and point blank. I would make people, anytime they met the mom, then be like, oh, cringe. That's not a fun life either, bashing your mom. No matter how wrong she is, it can't be fun. It can't be fun or comfortable. No, it's a stab in the back, the heart, the heart.
It is terrible to have anyone betray you in that way, but your mother? You have half that bitch's DNA. Ooh, I'd be so hot. I just wouldn't be able to handle it. No. Top comment. Not going to lie. I laughed. Not the asshole, obviously. In a big part, not because of your mom hooking up with your fiance's dad, but because she thinks that means you should ditch your fiance. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're definitely both selfish and insane. Facts. Ah, so messed up. Yeah, not the asshole. No, no, no. I immediately know. I could have told you. You don't have to give me context. I could have just said no. We could have moved on. Like, there's no way. Done. Done. Point blank. Yes. Period. No debate. No debate. What are the kids saying these days? Period. No cap. Printer. No facts.
Haven't you heard that? I know, but I believe you. It's like wild. And then they like stitch it on TikTok and they're like, is this English? What are these kids saying? I'm 27 and I feel old. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little dicey on TikTok some days. Very thankful for it because it's brought a lot of you guys out there to the podcast, but it's a little dicey on that app sometimes. For sure. This one is a little tearjerker. Aw. Aw.
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A lot of awards, though. Oh, wow. Am I the asshole for refusing to attend an apology dinner after my mother-in-law called me a bad mother at my son's funeral? Okay, that's tough, but I feel like I need to hear more.
I lost my son to congenital heart disease and he did not survive the open heart surgery at the age of one year and six months. He was the greatest blessing I had in my life. Everyone kept telling me things will get easier with time. I know that no matter how much time goes by, I'll still be missing my baby and everything sweet about him. Mother-in-law and I were in constant conflict. Things always been bad between us, but in those months we reached our limit.
Oh my gosh. Yeah.
Can't imagine. Wrong fucking place, lady. Yeah. She used the fact that everyone was there so she could say it was my fault my son was born sick and I didn't take care of him properly. That I didn't listen to her when suggested other ways to treat his condition. Yeah, because I'm sure you know fucking more than the doctors. Yeah. Right. And that I was the one who took their grandchild away from them and caused them heartache.
Wow. Fucking bitch. What a narcissist. Insane lady. Yeah.
Like completely insane. Yeah. But you know what? I will say, not defending her at all, but like my dad was telling me this about people. It's actually such a good point. Like when people are facing grief or dealing with like that kind of trauma, there's like phases and there's a phase and hopefully it's a phase and it passes, but there's this phase where you just need somebody to blame and it's not right. It's not right at all, but they like...
She just needs somebody to blame. She can't just like leave it up to whatever higher power or God or the universe or whoever, whatever, to be like, my grandson was taken and that was just meant to, that was written in the cards and it is what it is and I need to accept it. She needs to blame somebody. Yeah. Instead of blaming the doctors or the treatment, it's easier for her to blame her, her whatever, daughter-in-law. Yeah. She's an easy target. And it sounds like they already had tension. So yeah. Easier target. Definitely. Definitely.
Mother-in-law dynamics can be really tough. Yeah, I can't imagine. Not there yet, but just, yeah. Yeah, you hear all those stories, I feel like, and you're like, that will never be me. Like, just get along, girl. Like, you know what I mean? Like, just be like, like, agreeable or, you know. Be a duck. Let it roll off your back. Yeah, but then again, then I see the older you get and the more, the closer you get to that possibility of like having this sexiness
second mother, I think you start to see like, wow, I see why people get into it. Like that's a really weird dynamic to straddle. Like as someone who's like not your mother, but like acts like a mother and could be a mother in positive ways and not so positive ways, you know? So it's like, I can see now where these issues arise. Yeah. I think something that's really interesting too, because like, yeah, it's not your mom. So it's like,
You don't have to necessarily have a relationship, but like say you guys have kids. Yeah. That like your mom and his mom, aka your mother-in-law, are equally grandparents. True. No one trumps the other. It's like, oh my God, like...
It's got to be tough when like your mom and your mother-in-law have like conflicting ideologies. Yeah. You know, and you're like, well, I don't want to piss off because it's easier sometimes to go against the grain with your own mom. Cause you're like, it's kind of like, it's what you've done and they'll love you anyway. Right. Like ask for forgiveness, not permission. Like, oh mom or whatever, you'll come around.
But like your mother-in-law, they don't have to love you. No. They don't have to. They just have to tolerate you. No. And you also don't like if your husband is taking your mother-in-law's side. Oh, yeah. Like that's such a big point of contention in your own marriage, in your own house. I definitely want to have another episode on this. Yeah, mother-in-laws? Yeah. And like I could go down a rabbit hole on this because there's something with being a woman. Yeah.
And we have an easier time setting boundaries with our parents, especially our mothers, because it's something we've done throughout our whole lives. We've gone through stages in our life, like high school. You don't even know me. Like you're constantly battling with your mom and like trying to establish your own self as a young girl. Yeah, that's true. And so we're setting these boundaries. Whereas young males...
don't go through these same points of contention. It would be so interesting to do an episode on this actually, because there are very distinct parenting styles that I've noticed being as my mom likes to call me biracial. I was like, Alejandra, you are biracial. And I was like, tell that to everyone who calls me a white girl, because I'm like to the world, I'm a white girl. But my mom's like, don't forget you are biracial.
And so, cause she was like lecturing me on like Latin culture. Cause I didn't get it. But anyway, that was a rabbit hole. No moms and mother-in-laws would be a very interesting. We'll get there. We'll definitely get there. Okay. So back to this poor woman who is dealing with a mother-in-law from hell. Yeah. So she basically said like,
She told everyone I kicked her out as a way to hurt her further. My husband later sent his side of the family an email talking about my mother-in-law's behavior during and after our son's illness and telling them he no longer will be seeing her. That had the family criticizing us saying mother-in-law was just trying to do what was best for her grandbaby and called us selfish for assuming we're the only ones struggling with this tragedy.
I get that at the end of the day. Yeah. But there's no comparison to losing a child. A parent's pain. Yeah. Losing a child versus losing a grandchild. Yeah. No. A parent's pain. Or like a niece or whatever, nephew. Yeah. No. No. The ones that are going to be struggling and hurting the most are those parents. Yeah. They do not need to be...
dealing with any more stress, fucking chaos at a funeral. Already the worst day of my life. Like slice it however you want. Yeah, okay, the grandma was hurt, but like there is, it's inexcusable to show up
to a funeral and place... You can think that all day long and you can have that conversation later if you must. Save it for a rainy day, bitch. But save... Yeah. You don't show up to the funeral and you fucking swallow that. You put on your black shades and you sit there and you mourn with your mother and you give your condolences and you grieve. And then later on, when you're level-headed and the emotions have subsided a little bit, you calmly have this conversation and you say, hey, you know, if you must. But like... Yeah. Yeah.
And if you even want to, you know, bring the heat and like talk shit, save it for fucking Thanksgiving. Yeah. You have ample. Thanksgiving. Oh God. Thanksgiving is always rocky for, well not always, but Thanksgiving's a rocky, rocky holiday for a lot of people. All the holidays can be rocky. True. But like save it for
another time when everyone's together. No, no, don't even. If that's the audience you want. I feel like, well, okay. She did it for an audience. She did it for a fucking audience. So it's like, if you want that. Yeah, true. If she wanted it for an audience. Yeah. Or like schedule a dinner. Not the fucking funeral. Keep it together. Exactly. On the funeral, that's like the one day where you should put everything aside, like everything aside. What are you there for? Yeah. To grieve, to mourn. Be there for that reason. To be sympathetic. Yeah. Yeah.
We haven't seen his mom in one year and eight months. I'm now three months pregnant. No one knew, only my sister-in-law, brother-in-law's wife. But word got out. Jinx. Yeah, what a bitch. Though we told her not to say anything. Week later, I had family members saying I was invited to a dinner hosted by mother-in-law so she could both apologize in front of the whole family and settle this issue before the baby's born.
They said mother-in-law was regretful and offered to financially provide for her grandbaby, and they want to see that. I refused, but my husband surprisingly wants me to go. I had his grandparents calling me, telling me that I'm a good person with a good heart, and forgiveness is something I'm capable of giving. Yes, ma'am. Capable, but not willing. I'm literally going to pull up this quote by Taylor Swift because it's amazing. I can't believe these people. This whole family is a little weird to me.
think they're just like promoting this mother-in-law's toxic ass behavior also like and they're enabling her balls and call me directly why are you do you have people messaging this to me yeah what she feels regretful no she can call me grown-ass woman yeah woman of woman and tell me how regretful she feels exactly and if you're fucking blocked send a letter plan plan this little shindig for two months down the road yeah when she's even more pregnant yay then you get to see the bump
Plan it for down the road. Send her a fucking letter if you're blocked. But like she has to realize that the only reason they're doing this is because there's another child involved. Exactly. If she wasn't pregnant, she wouldn't have heard from her mother-in-law. Also, if this other child, like God forbid it's a genetic condition where this other child then has like a heart problem. Yeah. Can you imagine how batshit crazy this bitch is going to be? Yeah, absolutely not. That's so tough. But I see where she's coming from. So in the wise words of Taylor Swift...
Sorry if you're not a Swifty, guys. You don't have to forgive and you don't have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent and then you move on. Yep. That's exactly my grieving process from start to finish. I relate to that so fucking hard. Yep. That is exactly how it happens. And everyone is like, you need to grieve. You need to be sad. You need to... No. No.
I don't give a fuck. Yeah. And I'm like, no, I'm like, fine. Like, no, you're not. Like, it's fine to be hurt. And I'm like, I'm hurt, but in a very passive, indifferent way. Like, it's just kind of like a, I'm moving on. Like life goes on and I don't have to sit here and have a kumbaya moment with you and forgive you. No. And I also don't have to fucking forget. So like,
It happened, but yeah, like I don't, I totally agree with that quote. Everyone deals with things differently. And if you decide that indifference is how you deal with things and that's, then so be it. You genuinely feel like you moved on. Cause there's one thing where like you're indifferent. You don't want to be harboring anything. And then like a year later you just have a meltdown and you're like, oh wow, I wasn't over it. I was not indifferent. I been harboring this for a year now and now it's all coming out. I actually wasn't over this. Yeah.
like saying like I actually wasn't over it. Oh, I thought, I was like, what are you not over? No. Did you see my face? I was like, what are you not over? Who hurt you? You were really scared. Yeah. Okay, no, that's true though. Like she doesn't have to and that's what sucks is like I was recently in a position where it's like I was like in a situation with somebody and everyone's like, you know, oh, you should forgive this person. But it's like I don't have to, one. And two, it's moments like that where you're made to feel like you're the like
You're the reason for the disruption. Yeah. Like, oh, like she feels so bad. Just forgive her and come to the dinner and the family will be reunited and we can all move on. And now you're the reason that that's,
not happening because you are refusing to accept somebody's toxic apology and you just have decided that this is your boundary. Now you're the asshole. Why is this being placed on her? Right. Why is this on her to forgive? Because she, they're viewing her as the reason that like they're divided and that they can't see this new baby. But it's like, no, she did this to herself. She was her own fucking catalyst in this. And when someone hurts you, like first of all, no one gets to decide how hurt you are. And second, no one gets to decide what you do with that hurt.
So if her idea of rehabbing and moving on is, I just need to have a decent relationship with my mother-in-law, and that includes with my child, my future unborn child, then so be it. I mean, that's not ideal, but... It's honestly not a loss though, if the relationship is so tumultuous and toxic and energy draining. Like what kind of... I'm sure maybe she'd be a good grandparent, like maybe, but also...
But she's shown you that when shit goes south, she blames you. Yeah. And not even in like in a healthy, I mean, I guess there's not a healthy way to blame somebody, but there's no respect. There's no respect and there's no like empathy. Like at the end of the day, that was what she really needed to come through with. It's like, you can think like, gosh, I just feel like if Alejandro wasn't so stubborn and she had done this or tried this or explored this, the baby would have been alive. You can think that.
And maybe have a conversation later. But when it comes to the funeral and when it comes to me grieving, you should just be like, the first priority is being empathetic and being supportive. Because regardless, a loss is a loss. You know? Such a big one like this too. Yeah. The last thing someone needs is- Her first and only child. Yeah. Wow. I told them I'll never be sitting at the same table with the person who called me a bad mother at my child's funeral. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, drop the mic at that. I still remember it vividly to this day. My sister said this change of heart from mother-in-law is probably for the new baby. It could be, but I insisted I won't come. They're saying I'm making it hard for everyone to move on and pass this unresolved pain and I should really go. Yep. I think at the end of the day, like kind of going with the Taylor Swift quote, like... Turquoise. I love the quote. I watched the interview and it was just so...
Spot on. Yeah. But I think like,
I've kind of learned this by letting go of toxic relationships that like life is too short to waste your energy on people that are not deserving of it. And so for this, it's like, you're making this difficult on everyone. It's like, if that's the way you feel versus recognizing the person who is truly at fault here, then you don't deserve me. You don't deserve getting to know this new child. Yeah, no, that's true. That's exactly how I felt with my situation. It's like, if that's how it's going to be viewed instead of just like,
hold the person accountable. If you're so upset, go hold the person accountable because we wouldn't be here if that person hadn't acted this way. So like I can relate to that very strongly. And it's like, and I've been in the position where I'm like, am I the asshole? Like I'm the one asking the Reddit question. Like, am I the asshole for not wanting to like
reconcile with this person and it's like no if that's your boundary and you're at peace with it because that's what matters at the end of the day is she at peace with it is she just trying to prove a point or is she really at peace with this decision and if the answer is the latter she's at peace with it and she feels good about it there's nothing I mean it's tough because your husband is now like you know that's what's tough too especially with him being like
I think you should go. Yeah. Cause that's a lot of pressure. You're kind of like on your own. Like, yeah. You know, like nobody has your back really. Yeah. Besides yeah. Her family. But like, yeah. I mean your person, your husband, the father of your now, you're three months pregnant, the father of your, your next child and the one you lost, like that's a lot of pressure to be put in. And honestly, like,
That is so annoying to me. And something that is talked about like throughout psychology a lot, where a big, big, big detriment in marriages is when one of the partners chooses their birth family versus the family they've chosen and created. Yeah. That's gotta be really tough. That's where your loyalty should lie. Yeah. And so that is like a big reason for divorce. And it's like,
Ugh. It's just like, they already have bad stats working against them. Like married couples that lose a child, like flip a coin on the divorce rate. So it's just tough. That's yeah. I can't even imagine. And it's like, I'm putting myself in her shoes right now, which is tough because I've never been married. I've never had a kid. I've never lost a child. But if it were me, I feel like she's being really strong. Like I think I would just eventually cave out of convenience. Yes.
I feel like I would just be like, I wouldn't, which is really sad, but I feel like in my heart I would still resent that person and I'd still be like, I'm not never letting you close to me. It's kind of like I saw this thing on Twitter that was like, we're okay, but we'll never be the same. Yeah. Which is basically to say like, I'm okay with you. Just neutral. Yeah, you're fine. I'll come to your dinner.
you can come to my baby shower, but we'll never be the same. No. I will never love you the same. I will never treat you the same. Yeah. You never get access to the same parts of me that you had before. So the way that would translate here, like with the relationship with your mother-in-law is like, you could just be like, yep, you know what? Whatever. Let's put this behind us for the sake of the child, but you'll never be the same. Yeah. I completely agree. It's, it's hard to come back from something like that. Yeah. My dad said a quote to me once and like,
I broke something of his that was like really, really precious to him. And he, he said like, after this all went down, he was like, you know, this is, this is kind of like a shattered glass. And this is like life when you have problems with people and you do something mean to hurt them, you broke a glass and that glass will never be the same. Yeah. You might be able to fix it, but it'll never be the same. Yeah. That's true. And it's just like, it's,
It's something that I fucked up and this literally happened when I was like five and it's haunted me since. So it's something I always keep in mind. Which all of us almost always fuck up and drop a glass at least once in every relationship, right? Yeah. A relationship from start to finish is never the same. Someone drops a glass at some point. Yeah, definitely. It's just like... But it's like, is this new version good for you? Yeah. That's kind of the question you have to ask because it's never going to be the same. No one keeps a glass...
for years without dropping it, right? Like somebody drops a glass, you know? I mean, a little chip here and there. Yeah, they say something that you can never really forget or-
I don't know. Forgiveness is such an interesting topic. It is. Such an interesting topic. It really is. Top comments on this one are really, really good. Not the asshole. I work in nursing in ICU and I see people like your mother-in-law often. You were done so dirty and no one, absolutely no one will ever understand what you and your husband went through and the kind of horrific choices you had to make. People like to think modern medicine can cure anything and it's just not true. Yeah, that's a really good point.
Next one. I felt sick to my stomach reading this. The pure audacity of this woman is beyond words. Yeah. It's crazy to hear these stories and think like, it's like humbling. You're like, wow, my issue with so-and-so is not that bad. If someone can do this to someone else. It pales in comparison. Yeah, it does. Definitely.
Uh, next comment. I'm so sorry, OP. I can't begin to imagine. Mother-in-law is a textbook narcissist. She's staging this fake public apology and the flying monkeys have been unleashed. If OP plays along, mother-in-law will redirect the pregnancy attention onto herself.
If OP doesn't, mother-in-law will bemoan her suffering to anyone who will listen. You can't win with a narcissist. All you can do is refuse to play and let them find someone else to torment. That was the best thing they could have said. That is so well said. You cannot win with a narcissist. That's the best thing they could have said. You just have to refuse to play. You just have to tap out.
and be like, I'm not playing with you. There are people you just can't win with. Yeah. You can't. Yeah. Like you can't engage with people like that because no matter what you do, they'll spin it so that they are the most satisfied or they're the most assured in themselves. And no, I wouldn't be dabbling with this fucking family dinner. No. So you wouldn't go? I wouldn't go. So you would just like continue to...
Yeah. I would not allow that person access to me. They don't deserve it. Yeah. Until she's like, I don't personally, once you burn a bridge with me, like it's, it's really burned. Yeah. Really just fucking, it's torched. Annihilated. It's fucking torched. Ashes. It's gone. It's gone. So I, which is hard because I'm like, I look at what I've put up with in some relationships and I'm like,
I'm only like that now because of the times I've given second, third, fourth, fifth chances. And I've learned it doesn't work out. So that's why now I'm like, it's not worth it. It's not worth it to waste your energy on someone like that. Yeah, that's so true. And so I look at it and I'm like, it's a really tough situation because you're connected to this woman forever. I mean, as long as you're married and you share children with this person. Yeah, absolutely. So it's like, you don't want to say no.
never say never or whatever. Yeah, true. But she would really, really have to start demonstrating she's a recuperated fucking woman. Yeah, I feel like that's one of those things where the only thing that can salvage it semi is time and just the proof is in the pudding. So like actions. Yes, 100%. But more so time. I think that can't be understated. Like,
Because someone can do all these great things in like a span of one month, two months, but that doesn't show consistent patterns and behavior. It needs to be consistent. Change behavior has to be over time. So like... Yes. People don't change overnight, you know? They can have revelations overnight, but in order to like act out those changed behaviors, it's just a matter of like building a habit. It takes 21 days, whatever they say, right? So like the same way with behavior, you can decide to change your behavior overnight, but it's not changed behavior overnight. So...
I don't know. I think time. It's so important to give things time. I can't add anything better to that. That was perfect. Mic drop. I literally was. You said I can't drop your mic, so. No, it was. I've never really looked at something like that where it's like,
Yeah. Time matters, but like the consistency part of it too, because it's like, okay, they could be better for a month and then fall into treating you like shit. And it's like, okay, well then you didn't change. So it's that combo of the two. Yeah. I'm really, I just have a revelation sitting here. So that was, that's great. Realize some things. God. Yeah. That was deep. That was good.
I didn't mean for that. No, I'm like, I'm just thinking about like, I'm contemplating life right now after that. It's just... Yeah. You think back to all the times people wronged you and you're like, oh, how long did it take? But it's always time. It is. It really is. Okay. Here we go. This one...
That's very interesting.
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My heart is racing. I've only shared this with three people in my life, my parents and my husband. I want to move forward, but I don't know how because of our age difference, my brother and I didn't grow up close or even in the same household really.
He was moved out by the time I was six. However, he always hung out at the house on weekends, holidays, birthdays, and such, and we had a pretty good relationship considering. When I turned 18, he really pushed me into drinking with him. I drank in general, so I didn't really think much of it, but there were a few times where I felt he made weird, inappropriate jokes about me and my friends.
But having little life experience, I didn't realize how strange it was at the time. Anyways, he's always pushed boundaries. Used to pick on me, but in a very physical way. He would hold my arms behind my back and bump me into things like the wall, a table, etc. My parents never asked him to stop, despite him being so much older and way bigger. 6'4", 240 pounds. Whoa.
I'm just saying this to set the scene of him never respecting my boundaries my entire life. Fast forward to a couple of years ago. I visit him on his birthday. Earlier in the day, we went out to a pub and his creepy, much older friend said something gross to me. My brother asked, is he weirding you out? I said, yes, definitely. He said, yeah, John's kind of weird. I thought by my response, he would tell him to leave, you know, like what a good brother would do for his little sister. Instead, he invited him back to his place to continue the drinking with us that night.
At that point, you just tap out and you gotta go. My brother gets wasted. John gets wasted, but it's kind of normal, boring. John leaves. My brother's wife went to bed early. We're in the kitchen and my brother asks for a hug. He's married? He's married. Oh, okay. Apparently. We're in the kitchen and my brother asks for a hug and apologizes that he hasn't been there for me. As he's hugging me, he's kind of breathing into my neck. Okay.
Okay. Weird. Yeah.
Honestly, all I'm thinking in this moment is how he needs help and how sad the scene is. Him being wasted and alone on his birthday. He then brings me in again for a hug and says, my name, and then leans in to kiss me on the mouth.
Oh my God.
Once I came back to the house, I found my brother in the bathroom, puke all over the toilet and himself. I got him a cold washcloth, got him a bottle of water, wiped him with a vomit off his face, and told him to go to bed with his wife. This was a couple of years ago. And I feel like I haven't been able to move forward. Wow. It has complicated my husband's relationship with my family. I also told my parents, and they have no idea how to process it, and waved it off as a, he was too drunk, he didn't know it was you. At one point, my dad told me I was going to...
Yeah, that's loaded. Ooh.
Wow, wow, wow, wow. I actually really relate to this in the way that me and my older brother are eight years apart. And so not as big of an age gap. But when I was born, like my brother really, really, really resented me. And we had a terrible relationship going up. Like I still remember him like calling me fat all the time. Like I was just a burden in his eyes. Like he was, especially when they got his license, like he always had to pick me up, drive me around. But like-
We did become close like after, like I think in college he would come down to Minneapolis, you know, a three hour drive from where he lived and we would hang out and like go out, whatever. And we, we started having a good relationship, but I cannot imagine in one of those nights out, my brother like turning to me and fucking trying to kiss. I can't imagine. But I also like the horror. I honestly, I don't know what you do. I feel like
You can't pretend it didn't happen because it's going to eat at you. I don't know. I don't know.
I'm glad she told her parents. Their reactions aren't A plus in my book. No, not a good reaction. It could be worse. Her parents could have been like, well, what did you do to provoke that? You know what I mean? Which is weird. So true. At least they didn't go that route. And they are defending their son in a sense where he was too drunk. He didn't know who you were. But I think that's the only place their mind can go. What's the alternative? He knew exactly what he was doing.
You're hot. He wanted to make out with you. I think it's, I want to believe what her parents said too. Like, okay, you were, you're, you might be, you're probably an attractive girl. Yeah. He was probably so drunk that he just didn't even like connect. He's, I mean, he obviously was throwing up. So, but, but I don't know. I mean, like, God, how drunk do you have to get to like try to kiss your sister? Yeah. Like I, I, unless you don't really look at them like a sibling because of the experience. Yeah. You didn't grow up with them. It's just, it's,
I don't know. Maybe like a cousin. I feel like. That's still so bad. It's still, it's still so, so, so, so, so, so, so bad. I mean, I'm really good friends with my cousin who's a guy. We don't have a huge age gap, but I could never, like I'd be, I would be. First cousin too. So weirded out. I would be so weird. Like no. Yeah. But what I will say is like.
I don't know. My initial reaction is just, I think she needs to have a conversation with him about it. I think she needs to tell him what happened. 100%. Because then you can both move forward. Just get it out. Yeah. And if he is like, yeah, I remember. And he stands, but he doubles down. He's like, and? You need to go to therapy. Then you need, yeah. These are unnatural feelings. Now you need therapy and now you need to have a conversation with your family and that's going to be difficult, but you can't just go through life alone.
Not just sweeping this under the rug because... That's not healthy for you. It could happen next time and worse. Yeah. It could happen again and it could make things worse. So... I don't know. It's easy for me to say... Clear... To just, oh, talk about it. But... Yeah, clear the air. I just don't see a way around it. I don't either. I really think this is something... Unless you just completely decide that you don't want a relationship with your brother anymore. You'll tolerate him. You'll come around with, for your parents' sake...
Family get-togethers. You'll collab, but you're not one-on-ones. Absolutely. You know what I mean? That's a route. And that's fair at this point. But you might feel unsafe and unsettled when you're around him, and that's not fair to you. No. And if this is something that's affecting your marriage and- Exactly. It is. Oh, that's another thing. That's a component I forgot. Her husband now, or fiance, whatever he is to her- Harbors that secret. Yeah. And at these family reunions, dinners with the parents-
He's going to be weird. And you're risking... Yeah. It's just a lot of discomfort. It is. And it's just like, honestly, he's the one that fucked up. So get it out there. True. This isn't your burden to bear. I agree. Let it out. Yeah, so true. That's what sucks is a lot of these times...
the perpetrator or whatever, the offender goes scot-free. Yeah, and then the victim has to bear the burden of being like... And the guilt. Yeah, and the guilt. Turmoil. Yeah. What's her question? Am I the asshole or was it just what do I do? Yeah, what do I do? Address it? I think address it. Honestly, if you want to send him a letter, like you don't want the confrontation, like send him a letter. Oh, that's true. I forgot about the component that'll fuck up his family. Yeah, like send a letter and just like be non-confrontational or literally like
Hey, I need to talk to you. Can we grab coffee? Sit down in a very public space. If you want your husband to come join you, bring your hubby and just get it the fuck out. Like this is not your bird in a bear and it's not. Oh, that's.
I know. Top comment. I think you should find a good therapist if you haven't already. Also that. That. I forget that therapy is. I love therapy for everyone and anyone. Like I'm a true believer in even if you don't think you need therapy, like everyone could benefit from therapy. Absolutely. I talk about this to Justin all the time. Like therapy is like maintenance for your brain. Like we all, our cars need oil changes. Yeah.
like everything in your life like light bulbs expire you need to change light bulbs like our brains need therapy like a rewire sometimes yes like just get it out talk to someone like even if you don't think you do like everyone could benefit from therapy so yes yeah to that yes i'm sorry this happened to you i'm sorry your family is in denial of your experience next comment your parents are assholes well i think it's hard as a parent because you yeah you love your kids equally right
And you also like you weren't there. So yeah, I mean, it is a, he said there's no pattern to think this is, we totally see that happening. Like it's just like a, it's fucking shock. You want to believe the victim. You want to support the victim. Like I thought that they do. It's not that they do, but they're like,
Yeah, you're right. In a way, now I'm seeing what they're saying. Like in a way you're not supporting the victim when you place, you're kind of gaslighting them. Like he was confused. It is a lot. It's gaslighting. It's like, I saw what I saw and like I'm a sister. So yeah. But I think at the end of the day, you're like, I, I raised this, this,
son of mine. Like I, I can't imagine him being capable of this. So it's like, yeah, it's almost like they're maybe taking it personally on her, on their own parenting and a reflection of them. And so then they're like gaslighting her to like, hi, that didn't happen. And I think it comes back to what I said earlier is like, what's the alternative? If you don't believe that he was confused, what's the other option?
He wanted to kiss his sister on the lips? Yeah. That's weird. You don't want to believe that. No, you don't. It's like the brain's way of protecting itself. It's like, I can't come to terms with that trauma. Yes. So I have to believe this, you know? And it's not right, but like that's the parents. They're acting out of like fear and...
Yes. You know, like it's not like, oh, we don't believe you. It's just like, we believe you, but we maybe think that there's another reason for it. There's more to the story. So OP does comment on another comment basically saying like, your family's toxic, blah, blah, blah, blah. She goes, it's true. I agree. My parents are older and I'm
wondering if they are going into this weird self-preservation mode. Yeah. Which is literally what you just said. No, I think it's what you just said. No, you were saying like they're trying to like, they're trying to rationalize it and like save themselves. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Yeah. It's a bummer regardless. Yeah, for sure. And that's what I'm trying to, I'm like, obviously I'm not a parent, but I'm putting myself in their shoes and it's like... They're equally your children. Yes. Obviously this is the one coming to you and telling you this, but...
Yeah. You don't want to, you don't want to believe that you're one of your children is like capable of something like this. I agree. Yeah. Tough situation. Super tough. I hope she figures it out. Let it the fuck out. Yeah, I think so. I just let it out. But therapy was a good suggestion. Oh, love it. I absolutely love it. Yeah. Okay. Do that. Fucked. Last one.
Okay. That's fucked up.
You can't control what your dumbass friends do. Or your fucking dumb dad. I'd be like, mom, what's that saying? If your friend jumps off a bridge, do you jump off a bridge? Like, my friend chose violence and the whole life. That does not mean I chose it. Like, how are you going to hold me accountable? That's like when Jordan Woods did what she did. Yeah. And it was Kylie's friend. Like, did the Kardashian-Jenner clan turn their backs on Kylie and say you fucked up our family? No. Jordan Woods chose what she chose. Yeah. Like...
I know that's a hot topic right now too, because Tristan is making headlines again. I know. Okay. Wow. It all started when I, 22 female, discovered he, 45 male, had a lot of sketches of her, 21 female, naked. He also had a lot of photos of her. I confronted him and he just told me- Like her father? This is her father. This is her dad.
I confronted him and he just told me that he was in love with her, but that nothing had ever happened between them. I talked to my friend and she swore to me that she only loved him as a father and that she could never think of him as a man to flirt with. And I believed her because I thought that she was in a relationship. I mean, she used to have a boyfriend and then he suddenly moved to another country to study. So they had a long distance relationship.
But apparently they broke up a few months ago after he moved. She made me believe that they were still together and that they were going to get married when he came back. But I found out that it was all a lie. I went to her apartment and saw that my dad's wallet was on one of the shelves. And I asked her what his wallet was doing there. And she said that he went there to talk about me. I believed her again. But then I told her if I could stay in her apartment for that night. And she said no.
And that she was very nervous. So when I went home and sent an Instagram message to her supposed boyfriend, and he told me that they broke up years ago, that I should know why I told him I didn't know and that I wanted him to tell me what happened. And he told me that he broke up with her because she told him that she slept with my dad and that she was no longer a virgin. He's a really religious man who believes that you shouldn't have sex before marriage. Okay.
This girl's been fucking her dad for years. They're 21. Yeah. So like. So at what age did this start? I don't know. Let's hope 18. Is he a little fucking groomer? Oh my God. Oh my God. I mean, regardless if she was of age, I mean, we don't want her to be underage at all, but if she was of age, it's still disgusting. It's still so bad. It's still disgusting. Especially way younger. She's married. This is your friend's daughter. She's vulnerable. She views you as your father figure. Oh my God.
Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah. Like her parents are still together. So like they're married. Not only is he having an affair, he's having an affair with her friend. Who's very much younger. Yeah. Whom he should view as a daughter. Yeah. And that shocked me. I really thought she was a good girl. And doing math, that happened for her 18th birthday. And that day she didn't want to celebrate her birthday with her friends because she was going to celebrate it with her family. But apparently her parents,
family was my dad oh my god so he was grooming her yeah before i'm physically unwell because you don't just fuck someone on your 18th right wait it does oh oops look at the time it's like no you have to like you've been fucking teeing that up yeah for sure teeing it up i mean yeah teeing it up literally you've been yeah there's been that's not a coincidence no there's been that's so disgusting you should be able can you charge for that
I think you can. You can, right? I think you can. Grooming minor. Yeah. Especially if you have proof that it occurred before she turned 18. I think you can. Isn't James Charles facing... Not to drag his name through the mud, but isn't he facing some charges for grooming? There's some stuff happening there. Yeah. Yeah. He lost his makeup palette with Morph. They mutually decided to separate. But yeah, there's like... But it's something to do with grooming. Yeah. I swear that it was like...
He has a lot of screenshots coming out that he offered fans money for sending nudes and stuff. A lot of them were underage. Oh my god, ew. Yeah. Stressed. I went to her apartment the next day without telling her, and my dad was there. It gets worse. I told her everything her ex told me, and she didn't say anything. She just cried like an idiot. And my dad told me that he was sorry, but that it just happened. That their marriage broke up.
When my mom got pregnant with my youngest brother on purpose so that he wouldn't break up with her. But honestly, nothing of everything he told me matters to me. I feel like a fool. They have been having sex for more than three years and I was helping them with that without knowing. Oh my God. That makes me feel sick for her because now it's like you were never my friend. I was your scapegoat. Yes. Oh. That. She was a scapegoat. And fuck you, dad. Yeah.
For putting her in this fucking position. Right. She was like a member of the family. And every time she went to my house, I used to tell my dad to drive her to her apartment so that she could arrive safely. Oh God. And when he took longer than he should, he said that there were things like a lot of traffic. And now that I know, maybe they use those moments to have sex. Oh God. No, this poor girl. Now she's like blaming herself and like,
She's like, I had a role in this. Yeah. Oh, no. I feel sick as if everything was my fault and my whole family thinks it is. My mom doesn't talk to me because she thinks all that happened because I became friends with her, that I should have realized what was happening. She blames me and I don't feel comfortable at home anymore. My siblings, 10 male, 8 female, also hate me. They're too young. Because they think I made this mess. And no matter what I say, they think it's all my fault.
Well, they're young. Give them that pain. They have to blame someone. Back to the concept of blaming. Grief. This is a loss. They're like, yeah, they have to blame somebody and you're easy. They're 10 and 8. They don't get it. And they're following their mom's charge. You look to your parents for guidance in this moment. It's not on them whatsoever. The mom is wrong. She's old enough to know better. Yeah. That's wrong. You can't blame...
I mean, you could use the same logic. How didn't you know what your friend was doing? Right, right. How didn't you know what your husband was doing? Right, exactly. Why is this just on the daughter? Exactly. You are just as like connected. Culpable, yeah. If not more connected to your husband than someone is to a friend. I don't fucking know what half of my friends are doing. I can't manage them. No one, you can't manage another person ever. Yeah, ever. Doesn't matter what your connection. Let alone when they have absolutely no like...
Like you're married, you share a home. Like you share expenses. Like there's ways to find gaps and consistencies. But no one's more culpable than the other. Yes. But you make a great point. Like, okay, if you didn't know what was going on with your friend, like you didn't know what was going on under your own roof. Yeah. How do you then like stick it on your daughter versus...
Just sticking it on the man that actually fucked up. Yeah. The one that decided to cheat, decided to groom a minor. People always blame the girl. Don't... Or like the... Yeah. Don't shoot the fucking messenger. Yeah, exactly. That's crazy. And she should understand like her daughter's hurt too. Yeah. It's like her...
understand if her daughter knew and then held it from her yes then i could say okay yes your mom is mad because you harbored the secret that you shouldn't have she didn't know she's just as shocked as you you guys should unite and be like badass women together and figure out how you're gonna take these people down fuck both these people let's let's put them in jail yeah fucking build a case build that case there's a case oh wow what the fuck so
So top comment. I'm sorry this happened to you. Your father groomed your friend. And your family should have seen that and saw him as disgusting, being that she is around your age, rather than getting upset with you. Agreed. Yeah. Yeah. Other top comment. The only one at fault is a lying guy. Sorry. Lying guy. Sorry. Pretty sick too. The whole family needs therapy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Love therapy. Yeah. Everyone. Big therapy gals. Everyone should do it. Everyone. I could not be a bigger promoter, plugger of therapy. Promoter. I love it. I just started watching the show Couples Therapy. Couples Therapy. I got to go watch that. If I didn't have Pilates at six in the morning, I would like put that on tonight. It's absolutely unreal. I was going to watch it before coming here because this might be a little primer. Download a couple for your flight back to Minnesota. Oh, good call. My flight's at 1 a.m. I need to sleep.
Definitely don't download any. Maybe on the way back. That's a perfect thing to do on the way back. It's addicting. I went through the whole season and just, it is such a really great, interesting show. And I know a lot of people are calling about it. Like if you do listen to Call Her Daddy, like she's been a promoter of it. Yeah, she plugs it. Yeah, the therapist is actually like going on one of her upcoming episodes. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't know that. Good for her. Yeah. And so it's an amazing show. I mean, this woman goes through it with these couples and she's
It just shows that at the end of the day, like we all need a little help in bettering our relationships and working on communication, whether that's with fucking family or a partner. But I mean, there's always areas in our life that you can use a little tune up in. It's true. When I was, my parents got divorced when I was five.
You were a wee nugget. I was wee. And so when you – I don't know the laws about this or whatever, but when you're like – when your parents get divorced and you're a minor, I don't know to what degree, if it's like 18 and under, what age. Obviously, I was a very young five. The court actually mandates therapy. Okay.
Or like family counseling, let's put it that way, for the minor children to evaluate them and see the effect that this is playing on their early development. And I literally think I went to a few sessions and they literally reported to my parents, like, your daughter is like, couldn't be more unfazed. They're like... She's the most well-adapted five-year-old. So unbothered. Like, she doesn't need to be here. And they were like...
I'm kind of pissed looking back. I mean, I am fine. Like, I've never really been like... I could have used that fucking therapy. I don't feel like I'm traumatized, but like, I'm kind of like annoyed that they just dismiss... Like, how can you really gauge? I don't think I went for more than a few months. Yeah. If that. I think it was a few... Like, I'll have to ask my mom. But my mom says, like, you literally, like, you were so well-adapted that they were almost like, she doesn't need to be here. She's like really doing well. She's doing great. Yeah. And I'm just... And I actually remember...
I have a very bad memory, but one of my only memories is like after the session, they typically talk to the parents right after, like when it's fresh. And I think they ask the kids to like wait outside or the kids are like an earshot, you know, because obviously they have to keep an eye on them. And I remember playing, do you remember those like, those weird like things where you push the beads? The beads. I was, I knew. On those like, they look like roller coasters. I knew what you were going, yeah. I remember I was like playing with one of those and I remember getting like,
of the conversation and my parents just being like, really? They're like, yeah, no, she's fine. Take her home. And I'm just like, I always think about that. This girl's Gucci. Yeah, she's chilling. I don't know about her. I don't know what happened with my brother, but I don't know about him. He was a lot younger. His story's a little different, but yeah, too. But for me, they were just like, go off, sis. Go home. Enjoy your life. Live your life.
I love that for you. Love that for me. Little me. Little me was fucking chilling. But I mean, they were good in their assessments because my parents were like, you really were though. Like you grew up. That's amazing. You were good. Like you really were. You were never a kid who showed like troubled signs, like anything to where they were like, oh God, like we really did her dirty. Like nothing.
And so I would blame them if I had these like traumas today. I'd be like, those fuckers, like those counselors should have paid closer attention. I know. Child psychologists, they got a tough gig. Yeah. Divorce is traumatic as fuck. Any family can be traumatic as fuck in general. Especially when there's like weird dynamics. Yeah. Like I would say I have a great relationship with my mom now, but like it's not always that way. And like I have a lot of trauma that –
I'm sure we'll get to on this podcast eventually, but... Start with the lighter traumas. Yeah. We like to delve into the deeper ones later. Yeah, we got Mother's Day coming up. I'm going to... We're going to keep it light for the moms. I'm going to keep it light. Right before Mother's Day. Yeah. We're not going to come for their lives just yet. No. But after Mother's Day, it's open season, mom. Open season. Just kidding. No, but at the end of the day, like...
Everyone is dealing with their own battles. We all have crazy families or a lack of family, which in itself can be traumatic and just that's in itself is like a loss or whatever feelings you have about it. So if you have experienced trauma and
you are dealing with things like reach out to people. There's always people around you that would be willing to, you know, talk, turn to Reddit. We've obviously, we love this community and feel that it does offer great support. Yeah. Online communities. Yeah. And there's always people out there that are willing to listen and just provide support. So, you know, whatever you're dealing with.
Don't fight it alone. It is Mental Health Awareness Month. So just a note. So an important month to seek therapy. I know, as we've been plugging it so hard. I know. But again, and on a light note, I'm going to let you start crying again. I'm like having cramps, and I think you willed this into my life. Like I was fine, and now I'm like having cramps. And it's like, you did this. You like summoned the gods. I triggered it. You triggered me. I'm like, ah.
kidding but no really I really do yeah fuck okay and I need to let you go to bed so on that note thanks guys for tuning in to another episode of two hot takes absolutely love you all we're so happy to have you and um until next time yay goodbye bye
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