Jordan Peele Is The Coolest Director Alive w/ Lil Rel Howery | 2 Bears, 1 Cave 01:13:58

100%. It's interesting how segregated Chicago comedy... Are we rolling, Halston? Okay, yeah. Hey, guys, brand new episode. Lil Rel. Before we go any further, we should point out that Harold and the Purple Crayon comes out in August. And that your festival, the What's Funny Comedy Festival, is in September in Chicago. That's what we were just talking about. We were just talking about that. We were just talking about the festival. That's going to be funny shit.

I'm so, like, if I can explain to y'all, like, this crazy ideal I have for the second half of my career, which I've been calling it. Ooh, I'm dying to hear this, because that's all I think about. The second half of OnlyFans page. Yeah, it's just, it's kind of thinking from an executive perspective about things. So, like, doing a comedy festival, want to direct...

a gang of comedy movies and write them and green light stuff. So I've been thinking on that, like just being a very hilarious George Lucas.

Yeah, that's a really... Yeah, I think we're all thinking along the same lines because that's the dream, I think. And it's all very possible, too. You know what's funny? We can actually, as the comics thinking like that, now be the first generation to do that type of stuff because it's funny. Me and Gerard Carmichael had this conversation. We always talk about how comedy still is kind of a new art form. Everything is like... These are the first richest comics we've ever seen. People being legitimate millionaires. Yeah.

in comedy. Like, this just happened. So everything is still kind of new for us, you know? And so just...

It's really interesting because I do believe that we should start putting ourselves in more executive positions. Like, to have people who greenlight specials that never wrote a joke or understand none of that shit is fucking weird. And you really can because this is the generation because of technology that you have a direct-to-fan-based relationship. That didn't exist before. Like, I mean, you know, when people, like, are doing this...

putting out their own specials. Like I think about when, when Schultz did that, like that was, and he marketed it so well. And it was just like straight to, that was unheard of. It literally, you could not, it didn't even, the platform didn't exist for it. And now there's nothing stopping like specials have been done. The next step is I think features and shows where people just go, we'll just make them ourselves. Well, that's my point too. Like,

Like, at some point, are you comfortable when it's just not you? Yeah. And so right now, everything's still like self, self, self, self. So it's like, all right, cool. Are you comfortable saying, hey, I can do your special. I know how to do this. I got you. Where you can actually really make some money from it. And I'm just, I'm the exec that you will go to at Hulu or HBO. You know what I mean? Come see me. Yeah, for real. I think it's something really interesting. I think about that all the time. I start thinking about like...

Like how Robert Townsend or Kenan Ivory Wayans that was asked to like run a studio. Yeah. Or run head of comedy. After they've done stuff, literally use credit cards to pay for it. So they know how to do stuff from not having money. Yeah. And to really having a budget. And nobody was like, here, take all this. You should run our comedy. Yeah. A thousand percent. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

The only person who's going to think like that is another comic who gets it until you prove it, right? Somebody's going to... Because they'll always follow the money. If you're successful at that, they're going to be like, we should hire 50 comics to do this shit. Yeah. Somebody has to do it first. Gillis is doing a... What he's doing is... Because I'll tell you, I was in meetings maybe...

18 months ago, where I was like, yeah, I got an idea. I just want to shoot it. I just want to make it. You did that. You did that with Netflix. Yeah. Tom did the same thing. He goes, I'm not going to run through notes. I'm just going to make what I want, and then I'll show it to you, and then if you want to do that, we can do that, but that's what I want to do. Let me tell you, this is why you over there, you're too fast. I want to high-five you. But that's one of the reasons why I'm doing my special at the festival. I had one meeting with a studio or network or whatever recently, and I got off the phone like,

Why the fuck am I taking notes from this motherfucker? Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you don't know. What are you, what are you, you, first of all, you're not going to tell me I can't do the material. Right. Because I've seen the other specials, so you let people do what they want anyway. Yeah. You just want me to send you this shit just to be sending you some shit. Definitely. That doesn't make sense to me. I know.

I know. And that, that process is, it's antiquated. I mean, like, so I had, like, I had this idea for a show and like, you could go the traditional route where they were like, all right, take it in and pitch it. And I was like, let's just shoot it. So we, that's what we did. We just made it. And then now they ended up buying it after seeing it. But I was like, that just eliminated like a year long process, you know, like to be, I've been in a 19 month development deal. Yeah. Yeah.

Same time you made that, I said, oh, let's do a deal. I'm still in that 19-month development deal. There is nothing...

painful as Well, but a TV and feature is just waiting for assistance to line up people's schedules I don't call the other I'd call yesterday about a movie. I'll tell you about it after okay, I think but uh, yeah, I think it's yeah Yeah, why don't I move and I was like and I was like like, you know what we'd like to do We'd love to get you know, I went no no no pull me out of it. I'm a yes to everything get everything moving forward. I'm

I agree. I agree 100%. I agree with everyone on the page. You don't need my notes. Get it going. Let's go. When do I move? I'm like, dude, the majority of a movie is figured out when he goes action. I don't need to fucking sit with a writer. I go, I got you. You're good. You're good. That's so crazy. You say that. I think it's such a waste of time, man. It's like.

especially now because Hollywood is kind of weird. Yeah. So stuff is taking even longer now. Mm-hmm. And, you know, a lot of times it's a, you know, it's a dick contest in a way where it's like, my stuff is so much more important. Like, fam, are you going to do it or not? Yeah. If not, let me go. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost like going like, yo, like be the fucking chick at the bar that just goes, hey, I'm not going to fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. And you go, oh, thank you for the heads up. Yeah. I was going to waste some time with you. Yeah. Yeah.

that's a great yeah yeah for sure I had a chick do that to me once at a bar probably more than once I'm not gonna fuck you I don't know why you're wasting your time on me I'm not gonna fuck you that's really considerate cool that's really cool I was like hey can we be friends will you find out what other chicks don't wanna fuck me

Really skinny up my hour? It's also like when men can just start being honest too. Like, yo, I'm not going to satisfy you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, as soon as I come, I won't care about whatever you got going on after that. Just being honest. You're going to have to be pretty special in bed for me to want to listen to you after. Like, I won't please you. I'm going to sleep. I nap hard really fast. I can't imagine sleeping in bed with a stranger. Yeah. Yeah.

I've done it. It's crazy when they snore. Well, basically, yeah, I'm engaged, but yeah. This is my second time around, so like, I wear the ring and everything now. I'm out. I'm so happy and comfortable with my one. I'm so happy with her. I'm at a really interesting part of my life with like, just making all these second half of life decisions. It's even like, you know, when I came in early, he's like, oh, you look small. I'm like, yeah, I like,

I'm a lunatic. I work out every fucking day like some lunatic. And I've been doing this like 2019. How much are you down? I don't know anymore. Nope. I stopped weighing myself like three years ago because I didn't want the pressure. Because sometimes, you know, you shoot a movie and you gain stuff and you're like...

I don't want to do that. But you're just like super healthy. I just feel good. That's all I care about is feeling good. That's great. Yeah, scale's like Twitter. I don't need to see what's on there. Me neither, man. That shit go up and down all the fucking time. It literally depends on what you got going on. If you take a vacation with the family and y'all just eating bullshit all week, then you're going to be irritated. I'd rather not know. I didn't look after I got back from vacation. I didn't look. Really? No.

I didn't want to see the damage. You don't want to see the damage, man. All them fucking kebabs and fucking... Okay, here's the question, though. Let's talk about dieting for a second and eating right, okay? So I just did my special, and I was eating very clean for two months. For two months, I ate perfectly clean. Protein? Oh, I drank. I drank. I'm not a fucking pussy. And you ate perfectly clean? I was down in the 220s for my special. I was eating perfect. And I noticed I didn't have any stomach problems. I didn't have anxiety. Like, I was just doing really well.

Then I shoot my special and I'm on Instagram and I'm just looking at cheeseburgers going, I'm fucking food up. I'm fucking food up. And I went to an Italian restaurant.

Not only did I get pasta, they had a pasta pot pie. They had baked it into a cake. Wow. Pasta and a cake? And a cake. I was fucking in the middle of the night. I'm throwing up in my throat. I'm like, the fuck is wrong with me? I was feeling perfect six hours ago. I know. I can't help it. No. You got to pick and choose what you're going to do. Like, I know...

I mean, I eat as clean as I can, but I do eat what I want. And that's why I work out a lot. I had a friend who's always been in shape and he eats what the fuck he wants since I've known him. And that was the goal. Like, yo, I want to be this motherfucker. He looks great and he literally eats whatever the fuck he wants because he's... It's what he do. What's your vice food-wise? It's Chicago shit, but that's why I love living in LA. Because they don't sell none of that shit here. Yeah, yeah. You know, but when I go back home, when we get to this festival, I'm not...

I'd rather bring a trainer with me. Like, fam, you're going to have to fucking... Because I'm going to eat at least two Italian beefs a day. Okay, okay. Fucking Italian beef is one of the best goddamn sandwiches in the... By the way, Portillo's... Portillo's. Portillo's is fucking... Now, there's one out this way near Knott's Berry Farm. I've been to that one. And, like, the kids are fucking weird because they're like, why the fuck we got to go to... Like, we go to Portillo's in the morning before the fucking park opens. And I'll eat a fucking Italian beef for breakfast. Wow. I can't... And have heartburn for the rest of the day. Oh, fucking hell.

All the hot peppers. Dude, I'll tell you, I've never once in my entire life gone through Chicago airport and not gotten a Chicago hot dog. The Chicago hot dog is the best presentation of a hot dog. Out of all hot dogs, there is to be presented.

Chicago has great pizza. I mean, burgers is my favorite spot. Really? And most people don't even fuck, because they, you know, New York got the flat fucking sausages. Yeah. You know, fucking the real Italian sausage is in Chicago. That motherfucker's on there. God.

I just had an avocado for breakfast. I want cheeseburgers all day. That's like literally my favorite shit. And you know, we got like in Austin, we have not a damn chant like Phil's place with Neem. That place is... Wow, I'm going to Austin this weekend. I mean, I leave tonight. Do you know Neem Williams? Is it Neem Williams? Yeah. Do you know Neem Williams? Yeah, Neem. Yeah, skateboarder? Yeah, yeah. Gray shape?

I said, dude, I hit him up every time I come down. I go, let's work out together. I want to work out with that guy. He's a fucking beast. He's a beast. Dude, he's someone, if I'm not mistaken, he used to party.

And then got sober and was like, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to take care of my body. I stopped drinking too, which is crazy. When did that happen? I haven't drank since December 1st. Really? And I ain't thought about it, ain't wanted it. You feel much better? Yeah. It's like, honestly, it felt like it was the last step of, like, health. I kind of got a six pack now because of it. Wow. That's ironic. And I didn't realize.

It's so funny. Like, as soon as I stopped drinking and it was like, I was like, damn, I've been working. Because sometimes I'll be like, I go so hard. Why the stomach don't look the same? And then like, literally when I stopped drinking. Just gone. It was like, oh shit. The sit-ups work for real because I'm not drinking fucking a million double Tito's. Yeah. Was that your drink? That was my shit. Dude. And we talked about that and a shot of Casamigos. Like, I could do it.

When I think about it now, I'm like, I was fucking crazy. Sometimes I think about, even when I'm driving, I'm not being honest, even when I'm driving sometimes, and I'm like, how the fuck did I do this for real? This is crazy. It's funny you think that, and then you get back into it, and it's very achievable. Yeah, yeah. I was sober for a while, and then I got loose. I love when you do this. And now I've been really loose. I've been really loose. Like the kind of loose where you wake up a little depressed in the morning. Yeah.

I like when Bert goes, and then when I got sober, so everyone's like, oh, so you're sober. He's like, no, no, no. I got sober for a couple months. Just to get healthy. Yeah, yeah.

This episode is sponsored by Blue Chew. If you want to be as hard as the summer day is long, then get yourself a Blue Chew and bring the summer heat. Blue Chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but at a fraction of the cost and in chewable form. The process is simple. Sign up at bluechew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days.

You can take them anytime, day or night, so you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises. I got to tell you, I didn't think I needed this and I have never been harder. And it feels so good to basically see and feel the erection that you had as an older teen. And believe me, the people around you notice, they feel it, they sense it.

And they want it. Blue Chew wants to help you have better sex. Discover your options at bluechew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue Chew free when you use our promo code BEARS at checkout. Just pay $5 for shipping. That's bluechew.com. Promo code BEARS to receive your first month free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast.

Investing can feel intimidating and people usually don't know where to start. Many people think you need a lot of money to invest.

investing also often gets put off because it doesn't seem urgent. When we're busy with life, we feel like we don't have the time to research and manage investments. Today's sponsor can help with that. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing for your future. You don't need a lot of expertise to invest with Acorns. In fact, you can get started with just your spare change. Acorns recommends an

expert-built portfolio that fits you and your money goals, then automatically invest your money for you. I mean, I can tell you how much I advocate doing this. Investing is something that if you have any amount that you can put into it, you should do it for yourself, for your future, and for the people that count on you and look to you for support. You got to build for a future. So head to acorns.com slash bears.com

or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Paid non-client endorsement compensation provides incentives to positively promote Acorns. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC Registered Investment Advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash bears. Quick math. The less your business spends on operations, the more margin you have and the more money you keep. But with higher expenses on materials, employees, and distribution, everything costs more.

more. So to reduce costs and headaches, smart businesses are graduating to NetSuite by Oracle. NetSuite is the number one cloud financial system, bringing accounting, financial management, inventory, HR into one platform and one source of truth. With NetSuite, you reduce IT costs and you cut the cost of maintaining multiple systems. You improve efficiency by bringing all your major business processes into one platform, slashing manual tasks and errors.

Over 37,000 companies have already made the move to NetSuite. 37,000 people cannot be wrong. This is the way to do it. You should have one place, one platform where you can see it all and manage everything going on in your business. By popular demand, NetSuite has extended its one-of-a-kind flexible financing program for a few more weeks. Head to netsuite.com backslash

bears that is netsuite.com slash bears netsuite.com slash bears it's good it's so funny i got i've enjoyed like i like only thing i drink now is like a heineken zero really i still like the taste of beer but yeah you smoke weed nope so what do you do to go to sleep that's funny you say that like um i try to tire myself out as much as i can that's the best

Because that's funny you say that. I realized that was helping me sleep was drinking. I realized that like sleep is definitely a thing, right? Where like I struggle with it. The only time I'm like, man, I slept like a baby is when I do it a two a day, when I do a cardio session and a weightlifting session. So my body's like kind of literally depleted.

And then I get in bed and it's like, oh, wow. I slept like a baby tonight. You know what makes me sleep really well? This is going to sound fucking weird. And I don't give a fuck. It's like watching some good tennis. Really? Yeah. Tenet? Wimbledon? I'll be up watching Wimbledon. It's like the rhythm of it. It starts like three in the morning. Yeah. And it's like, yeah. Can I give you a code for this? What? I'm about to change your game.

watch Wimbledon or golf, but watch it in Spanish because you don't listen to what they're saying. You just hear it and it,

and it turns into white noise, and you hear the fucking ball, and you hear the thing, and you know the rhythms of it. Because, dude, if it's English, I'll listen to what they're saying. But if I can get it in Spanish, I can watch soccer. It's so fucking relaxing. I found that out. We were redoing our house, our old house. You got to pick the right language. Spanish. German or Arabic. You're like, fuck. So aggressive. How's an hour?

And you're like, God damn, this is fucking hardcore. Spanish is a siesta fucking language. Yeah. It wants you to go to sleep. It's so fucking good. You want to fuck, you want to drink, and you want to sleep. Wow.

Look at you. That's fucking... They were doing reconstruction of our house. And all they had was, we had like louvered doors. And so it was like open-aired. I mean, it was open-aired. And you could hear the guys talking. And they would relax me so much. They'd just talk. And they'd be like in Spanish. And they'd play the Ranchero music. I think you need to hire some full-time Spanish speakers around you. Or just get a Spanish sleep aid.

Or just get a Mexican side chick. That's what I'm saying. Who doesn't speak any English. A Mexican side chick? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking sleep next to a redneck. That'll keep you up all night. Oh, Jesus. It's cold in here. That's so fucked up. It's like, yo, like...

You have your cleaning lady like, just tell her about your, tell me about your day and then you go to sleep. Tell me about your day. Real quick. Make my bed while I'm in it and tell me about your day. In Spanish. In Spanish. Do you speak Spanish? No, not at all. I just like the rhythm of it. That's hilarious. Have you ever had sex with someone who didn't speak English? Ooh, that's a great question. Damn. Yeah, no. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Because it wasn't that, it just wasn't good English. Broken English. It was broken English. Yeah, I met these. Were you like, did you trick her into like, you'll get a green card? No, I met these black girls from, they had to be from like Germany or something. I don't even know what the fuck they were speaking. In a lobby of a hotel. I think, this is so specific, but I was doing a show with Felipe Esparza. He probably don't even know this.

And it was after the show. I just sat in the lobby and met these two random... They wasn't at the show or nothing. They were just cool as fuck and we had a great time that night. Nice. So you had... Wait, you had a threesome? Well, I don't know if it was a threesome. It was like... It was two beds. It was just like me kind of...

This is a true story. I can't even tell you. So you go back and forth between beds? You know, sometimes you have like stories, you're just like, I'm going to keep this shit to myself. You're jumping back and forth like a young kid getting into a new hotel, just jumping bed to bed. It was like I was being ran, but then like when they were talking in their language, I didn't know what the fuck they were saying. Like, it was almost like, it's my turn, maybe. I don't fucking know. Wow. That happened though. But it wasn't together. It was in a separate bed. Did you ever have sex with a non-English speaker?

girl from Liverpool. That's English. I know, but not really. Not really. And I've said this a million times, but this is true. I was a big, I still am a big hip hop fan, but much younger, much bigger hip hop fan. And she drank Kavasia and smoked cool cigarettes. And I thought, this is what it smells like to fuck Tupac. That was your thought? The whole time. I was like, this is what it would smell like to have sex with Tupac. I couldn't,

And she was tongue-tied. You know what that is? Where your tongue doesn't leave your mouth because it's connected at the bottom of your mouth. What the fuck did you meet her? Comedy club. Comedy club. Her and her sister needed a place to stay, and they stayed at my place one night. And then we went to Great Adventures or something that next day, and we did stand-up again. And then they came back, and in the middle of the night, they were on the couch, and she came into my room.

Comedians, we are fucking crazy. I remember like I did a college and I stayed there for an extra week. Extra week? Yeah, like this fucking sorority house. Oh, because you were having a good time. We were having so much fun. But that's a drinking move too. That's 100% a drinking move. It was me and two other comics. And I remember them talking shit about us and they didn't know we were listening. And so we started cleaning up this shit. Because we heard them like, yo, why are they fucking leaving?

This comedy is so fucking stupid. Like, we literally, they were just being nice and we just stayed for a week. And we had shit else to do until the next weekend. Wow. The best. That's when you can tell a comic's off the wagon. Like, when I text someone, they're like, hey, you had, I'll say the real name, but then you got to edit it out. You had this weekend? And they're like, yeah, he's staying in Omaha. And you're like, okay. Is he? What is he? He got meetings? Yeah.

Staying somewhere is definitely a point. Just fucking not going. Just literally just hanging out. I've had those weekends where I was like, you know what? It was the worst on tour doing theater. So I'd do Sunday and then we'd have shows Wednesday. So I'd be like, fuck it. Let's just do... Why am I going to fly home Monday to come back out Tuesday? And we'd just stay. And those were like the best days. Days off on the road, if it's not a lot, are they made? Like, I've had a few runs where they're like...

just because of the routing. They're like, you got show Wednesday, Thursday off, and then a show Friday. I'm like, this is the greatest. To have a full day off. Do you do the road different? Like, I feel like now, it's so funny you say, because even us telling these old stories, I'm like, now I'm boring as fuck. Like, I just do my shows. I go back to the room. Maybe...

watch a movie or catch up on some highlights and shit and go to fucking sleep. Yeah. Get up and go to the gym in the morning, have breakfast, take a fucking, I get some of my best sleep. Now that's when I get a good sleep is when I'm not at home sometimes. And I don't have to answer the shit. Your midday nap, that kind of thing? Man, until the show. Yeah. I just lay in that fucking bed. I don't want to go to, I don't need to see the town. It's almost like, cause I did all, I did, I feel like for like the first 15, 20 years of comedy, I did a lot of crazy shit.

I don't even know how I had it. Now I just be like, look, I just want to do my shows. I get them all I got on that stage. I kill it. And I just go, I'd be like done. Yeah. There's a good. You want to party? I'm like, no, I know I was hilarious and I gave you the energy. Yeah. That's all I got. That's all I got. That's what people like friends and family. Sometimes they come on the road. They're like, what are we doing today? I'm like, no, what are you doing today? Cause I'm not doing anything. Cause I, I have to conserve energy for that, for the show.

Like, I can't, I don't want a huge outing. You know what I mean? When they're like, it's not that bad. You drive like a couple hours out of town. You see them like, no, dude, you, you can go do that. You start cutting out, I cut out the drinking. Right. And then like, and then also let's just be real. Like, I don't, I'm happy in a happy relationship. So like, that's not a thing no more. Right. Meeting like, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't, like, there's no, I literally brought my daughter to my last role gig with me because we was already traveling. And we just hung out. We went to the mall. I love a good mall on the road. But she's a teenager, so teenagers want to sleep all day during the summer. So she just wanted to chill. I'm like, you are fucking perfect to be on the road. Yeah, that's, she's a great comic to have around. Dude, we didn't do shit. Yeah. You're like, what a great day. We did some shopping one day. That was fucking it. Other than that, I mean, we ate at like this random Italian restaurant. I forget what city. We was in Indianapolis.

that gave us the most food I've ever... I thought I... I had to order the kid shit. I'm like, take this back and give me kid shit. And that shit was still big. I was like, what the fuck? You ever go to a restaurant where they feel like they just got too much food so they just want to give it to somebody? Yeah. It's like, what the fuck going on? Crazy ass portions, yeah. The portions, it didn't... I didn't believe the weight. It was like...

Like, yeah, okay. Sometimes they tell you that. They're big portions here. Especially in L.A. They'd be like, oh, these are big. And you're like, what the fuck you mean? These three meatballs? Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. But the portions really was. I was like, oh, shit, you really wasn't. Midwest is different, though. When they say it, you got to believe them. Man. Someone in Indianapolis tells you it's a big portion, they're not fucking around. They eat there, dude.

Because people like there, the person going out is like, what am I getting for this? For my money. It's different. Yeah. Like New York, they want to have it present. We went to, where did we go during the Super Bowl? In Vegas, where they gave us a butterfly.

we went to a restaurant and they gave us a butterfly for appetizer yeah yeah a butterfly that was butterfly that was a crazy like but you're like you know like one of those like michelin wouldn't fly in indianapolis yeah they gave us a fucking one butterfly there's also a lady playing violin in the room and the walls were you know i mean it was a whole it was a it was a thing it was a thing man like yamakasa sushi is fucking amazing

But I need to go with someone who doesn't like sushi so I can eat theirs too. There's nothing worse. I was out and someone was like, oh, we have sushi. I was like, great. And they laid out four pieces of nigiri and I was like, great. And then they brought out the next thing and I was like, is there more sushi? And they're like, no, that was it. I hate places I got to eat before I go to. Yeah. How has your eating changed though? Since you're like, are you,

Because you said you eat what you want, but are you eating less food? I think, well, L.A. helped that out, to be honest with you, like living out here. Because once again, the portions are, and it's not the same type of food. And so I actually had to, like, first L.A. changed my eating habits. Yeah. You know what I mean? It really did. It was like, okay, I'm not, what the fuck is these little fucking portions and everything? And then if you start being around people who own, there's so many vegans out here now. And so it's like, shit. Did you try that?

I have, like, because J.B. Smoove is a vegan. If you're out with him and his wife, they're both vegan? Yeah. Damn. They be vegan up, man. If they throwing a dinner at their house, you're like, all right, man. Let me go ahead and eat whatever shit they telling me that's like that shit. A bunch of yeast on shit to make it taste like Parmesan cheese. I've had vegan meals. I hate they name the stuff like regular stuff. Yeah.

Like vegan Italian sausage. And like, why would you say that? Like, what the fuck is the point of that? Yeah. It's like a dildo. Just take the dick. Yeah. Exactly. This vegan dick. Waka Flocka Flame was, by the way, Waka Flocka Flame is a large motherfucker. That guy. He's like six, seven. I did, I did a podcast with him and Desi Banks, the spades thing.

He's an interest. Waka Faka is fucking interesting. It's so crazy because I liked him a lot when we hung out and met. And then recently, I didn't realize he was a huge Trump supporter. Oh, I didn't know that. Waka Faka? Yeah, it's a whole thing now. It's been viral for the last week or so. It's shocking to me. A huge supporter? Like a huge. He's like, man, if you vote for Joe Biden, get the fuck out of my show.

He literally told people to leave. That's hilarious. Which is a rap concert. I mean, most people who love rap is Democrats, I thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably. If you vote with your bike, get the fuck out. Yeah. And that's in the hood. Everybody like, I ain't voting at all. So what the fuck do you mean? I ain't going nowhere.

With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. When Mint Mobile says $15 a month,

When you purchase a three-month plan, they mean it. There are multiple people here who have told me that they could not believe this was actually the way it is. They have signed up and they're only paying 15 bucks a month. Say bye-bye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw-dropping monthly bills, and unexpected overages. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest

5G network. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash bears. That's mintmobile.com slash bears. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash bears. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 per month. New customers are

on first three-month plan only, speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. This season, Instacart has your back-to-school, as in they've got your back-to-school lunch favorites like snack packs and fresh fruit, and they've got your back-to-school supplies like backpacks, binders, and pencils.

And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow. Let's face it, we were all that kid. So, first call your parents to say, I'm sorry, and then download the Instacart app to get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes all school year long. Get a $0 delivery fee for your first three orders while supplies last. Minimum $10 per order. Additional terms apply.

But no, it's kind of crazy. It's the most awkward thing that I've been watching. But this whole election has been fun to watch anyway. Because I just think it's funny that like... This whole thing is... It's like there's really no difference between anybody. We're just really voting for two really old-ass, crazy, grandfather-ass people. They totally are. But the craziest thing to watch for me right now is like Biden is clearly...

out of it. Like, he's clearly... He's not... But he's not the first one. No, he's not. When you think about it, he also has a whole...

Like, the whole party is basically like, look, man, you need to go. Right? And he's like, nah. And guess what? He has a right to say that. He does. Because at the end of the day, if we really want to change this shit, we really got to change the age shit for just politicians in general. Yeah, term limits, everything. Like, for real. Like, a lot of these motherfuckers have been way too old. That's why I still be like the same shit. No abortions. It's like, motherfucker.

Come on, man. When the fuck did they get chicks pregnant? Yeah, it was like... They're not like us. No, they're not. It's just... All that's... It's just stupid. It's like nothing... It's like whatever they thought about when they first were still having the same mind. Yeah. At maybe what year that was is when they still think the shit is going on now. It's fucking weird. They're burning bras. Yeah. They're burning...

But I want to like, it feels like that the pressure for him to bow out is ramping up. Like every day, it seems like it's a little more. And he is like, nope, I'm not going. But I feel like there's going to be a

a real tipping point here, like in the next, in the next month or so. I'll tell you how, I'll tell you how fucking hot this election is. I have never once watched a debate in my fucking life. Never? No, I don't care. I don't care. Donnell said it's because I'm white and I don't have to care, but, which is probably a pretty, I mean, that's very real shit. Yeah.

He was like, yeah, man, none of those laws affect you. He was like, you're going to be fine no matter who they get. But this year, we were doing fully loaded, and everyone got in the bus and watched the fucking election. And I was high, and I was like, oh, this is, I might have to pay attention for the first time in life. Like, this is kind of heartbreaking. Like, this is, I really. What did you think? I broke my heart that they let that happen to Joe Biden. That they brought him out there like that and just rolled him out and was like.

Because they did it as a sacrificial lamb. They're like, we need to let everyone know you can't talk so that we can bring in Kamala Harris or Gavin Newsom. They did that to him. That's what's so scary about being a president. You know, when we watch Obama age, right? Like, he looked really young when he got in office and he looked older. And it's like, what the fuck you think will happen to an old motherfucker? Yeah.

The job of a president has to be so fucking strong. It's shit we don't even know they got to have answers to. They probably don't even know that was part of the job, which that's what makes Donald Trump interesting because he truly don't give a fuck. He is the ghettoest fucking person I've ever seen with any job like that ever. Like he is, he's so fucking, I hate that we associate ghetto sometimes with,

With black people and hip-hop. But, like, nah, fuck all that. Donald Trump is ghetto as fuck. He's so fucking ghetto, man. And it's scary to watch. He don't give a fuck. Like, he bullied... Like, you watch that debate and you like, damn, man, he just...

He just roasting his mouth. Yeah, when he goes, I don't even know if he knows what he just said. We were doubled over in the fucking boss. We're like, shut the fuck up. You get mad because he's killing it. You're like, man, how are you supposed to be laughing at this crazy motherfucker? He's funny. He's always funny. There's no denying that. He has said a ton of funny shit. I bet he'd be so fun if you're sitting at a bar and he just sat down next to you.

He's like, you doing a shot? And you'd be like, hey. I bet he'd be wild. Never drinks, though. He doesn't drink? Not at all. Not a drop. Donald Trump doesn't drink? Never had a drink. Yeah. I explained why. So he just fucking just, this is off the dome. Yeah, he's wild, dude. God damn. Yeah. That's crazy. He's just been a sober man this whole time. Sober man, Diet Coke, and well done steak. Pussy was his drug. Yeah. Pussy was his drug. Bad. Yeah, yeah. Which he don't seem like he's good at any of that shit. Fucking...

You know what I mean? Like, it's just like a thing. It's like, he's just, he's just, I don't even know how to describe that. He's a tall dude, right? I think he's like 6'2". We went, I got invited to the Republican National Convention. They wanted me to go as like a influencer.

And I was like, fucking absolutely. And Leanne was like, absolutely not. You are the Billy Bush motherfucker that'll get caught going, yeah, grab her in the pussy. Like, I just can't help it. I don't like confrontation. So whatever anyone says, I just agree with. Yeah. And I'm just like, so if you would have been like, yo, grab her by the pussy. Like, hell yeah. Oh, easy.

Wait, so wait. He would have yes anded that shit. I would have been like, I'll tell, because I tell, if you tell me a story, I try to tell a better story. I'm like, I got a better story than that, Donald. Like, I fucking, I should not. That's why I shouldn't watch politics. He'd love you. He would love me. Yeah. He would have you on a roll with him. Like, dude, I don't know what you're doing. Yeah. I need you with me. Yep. He'd be like, join my cabinet. Do you know how much crowd? Join my cabinet. He goes, just bring me up on stage.

I go, I got you, buddy. You would say yes to that. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I'd bring Kim Jong-un on stage. You'd be shocked, too. I'd say, you'd be shocked where I'd draw the line. Like, I would have been the guy hanging out with fucking Muammar Gaddafi going like, hey, let's put on the robes. So where would you draw a line? PETA. PETA? Yeah, PETA asked me to do some stuff for them. And I was like, you guys are... Too polarizing? Yeah, they're too polarizing. NRA?

I do. I fuck with the NRA. Yeah. Yeah. I fuck with the NRA. I like guns. That's interesting. Do you have a gun? Yeah. A BB gun. That's it? Yeah. I have a couple. I mean, I'm leaning towards it, honestly. It's just, I've had like, you know, I live in, I've had my career broken in a couple times. Couple times? Yeah. This year. In LA? Yeah. Yeah. Me, well, the first time they didn't take anything but some Jordans, which is fucking weird.

Because my assistant showed up before. They were still in the house when she was in there. And I was like, yo, you got to get the fuck out of there. I think they hiding. And then the second time, I'm literally at a screening for one of my movies. And they broke in my media room. Broke the glass and shit. No. For real. And the police. Now, this is weird about the L.A. police, the LAPD. They see this motherfucker in the house. Helicopters. They done cut the streets off. One asshole they couldn't catch. One motherfucker.

For real? For real, for real. And I was just so fucking annoyed by that shit. I'm like, I got these helicopters and you just cut the street off. Does that mean your house is a target if it's been hit twice? I think so. The second time, but this is weird. I'm like, man, look, dude, whatever you just took, because the only stuff you took was like the other, I like other watches and stuff, but I had it out because I was getting ready. Yeah. So the stuff you took was the stuff I already had out. You know what I mean? Because I don't, I got everything in there is like regular big shit.

You know what I mean? Are you going to walk out of there with a TV? Motherfucker, no. Or chairs. Leave me the fuck alone. We can't even rob this house for chairs. You got to find people who had money for centuries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've been passing pearls down and all that shit. I don't have none of that shit. Oh, these are Travis Scott's. These are great. And we're the same size. Yeah, I'm telling you. It's so funny watching a video because you could tell the dude took my joints off. I'm like, we got to get something out of here. Yeah.

Because they didn't get shit because my assistant showed up. And so they walked out the front door. I had to watch all this footage to even see that shit. And you can see his motherfucker was repaired. I just bought those fucking Jordans. I have a shitload of shoes, first of all. Which I thought, when I came in, I'm like, yep, they got my shoes. And I'm like, huh, they didn't take any of these shoes. I got like racks of shoes. And they took just that one pair that was near the door. Wow. Wait, how many shoes do you have?

Man, I can't even. I don't know. What's your go-to shoe? The one that you can't help buy. If it comes out new, you got to buy. I'm a Nike Dunk SB guy. I don't know, bro. The kids were just talking to me about this. My shoe game. I'm a real. I have way too. I have a lot. Really? Yeah. That was one of my hood things. You know what I mean? Your parents buying you pay less shoes your whole life. And as soon as you get some money, that's what I did was buy. But you're a Chicago kid, too. Come on.

Oh, yeah. I mean, you were there during the 90s. I mean, I watched Last Dance at least teared up at least eight times. Yeah, of course. We talked about eight episodes. Anytime I get on the treadmill, I put on Last Dance. I watched Last Dance for no... Now I could just... You know how you watch it so many... Like, I could just... I could watch it out of order. I don't need to watch them shits one... No, no. I could go to nine and then go back to one. Yeah, yeah. I've noticed shit that... It's literally... If you look at the first episode of Last Dance when Michael Jordan first get to... Get to the booths.

And he's walking on the court and these two girls are like, ooh. And there's one drug dealer looking motherfucker pissed at the girls looking at Michael Jordan. It's the funniest shit in the world. Like, he's about to kill Michael Jordan in 1984. It's just a guy like, motherfucker. Yeah. He just looks so fucking angry. It makes me laugh, so I rewind it back a lot. Yeah, yeah. Watching Mike Walker to Courtney Layne.

Then fuck y'all looking at, because the girls are like, ooh. First of all, why is this dude in the stadium? He's like a guy that shouldn't even be in the motherfucking stadium. Who you selling drugs to on his team? Is the whole, like, this is a weird question, but is the whole checking in thing like a real thing? Depends on where you at. That's a real thing in LA. Really? That's a real thing here, and it's a real thing.

Chicago not as not as not like LA LA's a different level of that shit which is why you can't go around here just stunting and talking shit and walking which is why like you know unfortunately like I think some of these rappers tend to like think shit is just sweet and they'll go in these neighborhoods and places that they don't know the people like that at and

You know, people getting robbed and all types of shit. So it's not like I really I don't I heard about the check in thing. But like so like is is can you age out of it? Like if when you get to like, say, 40 years old, you don't really need to check in anymore. No, I mean, it's movies. You can't shoot certain movies in certain places.

If you look, it's a guy named Bone, which everybody know in L.A. If you look at like Training Day and all these different movies, he's in a bunch of movies because they had to put him in those movies. Really? Or you weren't going to be able to shoot on that block. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah.

So you're doing this movie, he's in the movie. If you shooting that shit, and depending on what neighborhood it in, he makes sure everything is cool, and you got to put him in that shit. I saw that happen with like music videos was big. It's like I saw a video of someone going in and someone saying, just standing there, go, yo, you didn't check in. And they were standing outside his car, and you could see that it was a very fucking real thing. Yeah. And I was like, wow, that's wild. No, it's a real thing, man. Like, which is, you know.

I mean, like, if you grow up somewhere, you'll know the right people to whatever talk to, but, like, man, L.A. don't play about that shit, which is why, like, people got to respect peoplehoods, man. Like, you know, people come from all these different places. Like, nah, the L.A. shit is some next-level shit. So, like, if you... Say if you were, like...

For training day, though, that's kind of crazy, right? Because you're like, that's a massive production. And they still. You still. Because you're shooting in the hood. But that's what made Denzel fascinating, too. Because Denzel could go to any hood in America. Yeah. And people is going to embrace him. Yeah. I've seen videos of him just showing up. Me, too. It's the best. The most gangster motherfuckers losing their shit. Really? Over Denzel. Denzel, cool as fuck. Like, yo, what's up? What's up? Yeah. Yeah.

He's like such an icon and I think especially in black families and neighborhoods, he's like the chosen one. He probably could go literally any black neighborhood, any community. Yeah.

Denzel Washington can walk in. And the Jewish people, he can walk in and just be like, what's up? They'll be like, hey, man, what's up? Ain't nobody going to think twice. Everybody's going to be excited. Denzel's here. He's like a throwback to movie stars like Paul Newman where people were just like, you're just beloved. You're just beloved. It doesn't really exist today, I don't think, aside from him being

you know I don't know if there's maybe like him like we're like also like

transcontinental like I think you could you could put him in a village you know in Africa you could go to Europe Asia and like they're all gonna flip out they see Brad Pitt you know like people like they're just like yeah we fucking I can't believe I got excited about seeing Brad Pitt one time I was doing a show with Chris Rock and he came backstage he was like man you were funny I was like

I shouldn't be this excited about meeting this motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it wasn't even like, it was like, it was like inside excitement. Like, I was getting goosebumps and that's what made me uncomfortable. You know what I mean? Like, it was like, oh shit, Brad Pitt. It was like...

I'm like, why the fuck do I care? He's like, you're funny. You're like, really? I want to have him feel to be that good looking. You just walk around and people just like, that's a good looking... Here's the thing, is it puts it in perspective because there's a lot of famous people who people go like, oh, this person's really good looking, right? But then you kind of go...

Yeah, you're kind of saying that though because of their talent. And because, you know, like a really good actor, you go, it's just like a really talented musician. They become more attractive because of their talent. And then you see somebody who is just objectively talented.

really good looking not shaving just he just whatever he does whatever he does it's just like it works but it is they put it they put brad pitt in the ai to make him more attractive yeah and it wasn't more attractive yeah he was less attractive he looked kind of cheese cheesecake like kind of like i always see people like that one of the it guys right now is a pedro pascal you know oh yeah

And anytime he posts something, you look at the comments, women are like, I'm like, this guy looks like he changes tires. Yeah, yeah. It's certain people you don't get. Yeah, I don't get this at all. Owen Wilson. I was just about to say Owen Wilson. But he's mesmerizing to look at.

Like, he's just different. Like, you remember those chicks in high school where you're like, ugh. And then you go to college, you're like, what the fuck? What was wrong with me? Right, so Owen, though, falls into the, like, there's something interesting about this guy. Interesting about him. And then the interesting morphs into, there's an attract, where people go, this guy's attractive. But you're attracted because of, like, the weirdness and the talent and that he's unique. But, like, Brad's in that other category where it's just like, yeah. Yeah, he's a unique guy.

You know, it's interesting because it's like, because I look at like, even sometimes I look at the women do like, they're so handsome. And then I look at a picture of myself like, well, you know,

I should be called fine too then. Yeah. But it is, like, but then you know what, you hit it on the head too. If you get the right roles, which is why I think like comedians sometimes, like most, the comics, like I saw Martin do it, I saw Eddie do it. Well, they'll do a movie like A Boomerang or A Thin Line Between Love and Hate to make themselves look cool. Yeah. Like, fuck that shit. I'm going to be the fine motherfucker in the movie. Yep.

Ain't nobody else go wear the cool clothes. They did that on purpose. Just so you know, like, you're going to, and I can't wait to do my movie like that. I'm going to do one with that. Eddie pulled it off. Eddie is the outlier, though. You're not supposed to be considered

that funny and that cool. You know what I mean? Like, if you're that funny, by most people's accounts, you can't be that cool. And he's been able for fucking 40 years to be that funny. And that cool. And that cool. It's a real anomaly. It's not normal. That's a real thing. I think we've had people try to emulate that. Yeah. A bunch. And it's impossible because...

He wasn't trying to be something. He was just doing that shit. He was just doing his thing. Eddie went out. Have you seen the new one? Do you see it? Yeah, Beverly Hills Cop. I haven't seen it yet. Eddie, it's great. Yeah, it's great. It's great. Especially if you grew up watching Beverly Hills Cop. You love it. It's fucking... It's awesome. It's awesome. I watched it high as fuck and I just smiled the whole time. And I thought, I'm still a kid. I'm still a kid. Eddie's still doing it. But I'll tell you what's wild is...

Eddie did... I mean, this is before... This is when he did Delirious. And he came out in that fucking outfit. He was 21. He was 21 and he came out in a leather fucking outfit with gloves on. And you think to yourself...

What a big swing. No one was dressing like that. No one was. And that was authentically who he was. You know why he did that, right? Because he's a huge Elvis fan. I was going to say, he's a big music guy. Which is so crazy. He's a huge Elvis Presley fan. And when I heard him say that, I'm like...

That is exactly what that fucking look is. Yeah. You like a fucking Vegas Elvis. Yeah. But that's, I would argue. Elvis in like 72. But you would never think that kid, this little, the little black kid. No. Which is why he was able to do it because nobody saw that company. Like, it looked like just some cool shit. Yeah, but that was, I think that was the thing I always was more drawn to

And I don't have it, but I like it. When you'd watch black comics in New York, there was a swagger on stage that white comics didn't have. White comics had the hoodie and the notebook and the new balance. Everyone dressed in a uniform. And then you'd see dudes come up like, I mean, I watched Chappelle on stage probably a month ago, two months ago now.

I don't even know what kind of pants he was wearing with the tank top and jacked shoulders and zippers all over with space shoes on. And I was like, that's fucking... Every...

Cat Williams, when he did Pimp Chronicles, came out dressed to the T. No white comic does that. White comics are like... I mean, that's what made the Kings stand out, right? When the Kings of comedy went with it. When they did that shit. And honestly, just even coming from that circuit of things, you had to look nice. Even when you did Comic View, back in the day, you was going to be on TV.

Yeah. You're like, oh, we got to fuck. Like everybody was dressed up. Big cultural separation in that. Yeah. We're like, cause I remember when I started doing standup, I embraced looking like shit. Like if a shirt had a hole in it, I'll be like, I'll wear this tonight to do this. And one of my friends was like, you know, people want to like see something different.

They're looking at you. Like, you look like shit up there. And I was like, oh, yeah. But I also thought it was like, oh, that's kind of what I was emulating around me because, like, other guys who had been doing it longer, yeah, they'd wear, like, the clothes they slept in, you know? It was like, it was a total separation where, like, yeah, black comics always were like... We felt like we had the... I mean, like, I remember, like, the first year I did Comic View and this was, like, the era of the jersey and the headband. Yeah.

Yeah. And so, you know. That really dates it. When you see certain things, that Jersey era, you're like, oh. I had one pants leg up on my first TV appearance. Oh, yeah. It was just, that's when we was at the hip hop. You know what I mean? And so, like, just my first TV appearance would be with a fucking headband. There was also black comics who part of their

like their set was their towel. Like the towel was like a prop. Oh man, people were swinging their shit under there. And they needed it. Like some of them were like, big dudes be sweating, but then they're like, rest it here, rest it here. It would be part of the act. It's so interesting. Because then we went through a shift, right? Where that was happening. And then, you know, the newer groups kind of fell into just like, all right, fuck it. We don't give a fuck.

And then it was like a weird battle between, I remember it was like weird beast. Like, oh, you want them shoulder pad jacket comics. I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? You know, it was a weird, but then like, I feel like in an interesting way, because I think even my next special, I'm thinking about like wearing a tuxedo and just having to untie it and just sit there. Yeah. And not even just, I don't even want the stage to be grand. I just want to look grand. Yeah. Yeah. I've told you this. I've told you this every time I see you.

Your special in the gymnasium shot in the late afternoon is my favorite special. That's one of my favorite specials. It broke every fucking rule. It broke every fucking rule, and it was so fucking good. The material was so great that you didn't care. The sun setting and that fucking, it was just, I fucking love that special. I love when you start to watch a special, and you go, oh, this won't work. And then you just go, oh, it's working so good.

It's working so fucking good. That's Gerard Carmichael, man. He directed it. He directed it when he told me he wanted to do that show. So me and Gerard have been friends a long time. So he introduced me to a lot of random stuff that I'm like, I'm a little bougie now because of him. But I remember when I first came to L.A., I would only eat at Roscoe's.

I wouldn't try to, he like, man, let's go to Jar. I'm like, I'm not going to a motherfucking place called No Jar. It's too fancy. And so like, he got really, he would talk to me, I guess like he would talk to his parents to introduce shit to me. Because like, when we did Carbiker Show, me and Loretta Devine, we was still kind of hoods. So he's like, we ain't going out. He trying to take us to this fancy place, you know. But he called me, he's like, look, real, hear me out before you say no. I said, oh shit, let's not do a theater, let's do a gymnasium. And I'm like, you want mine?

My first HBO special to be shot in a fucking high school gymnasium. Fuck you, man. Yeah. You trying to fucking Kanye Drake me? Because I always, the first Drake video was terrible and Kanye directed it. I think he did it on purpose. So I was like, and so I was like, you fucking trying to do the job. But then we went to the gym and I saw that window. I was like, we shooting this shit and it's going, motherfucker. Fucking so good. Wow. Whoa, we can do that?

He's like, yeah. I was like, hey, I'm on board. Shit. I don't know if I ever told you, I haven't told you this, but I remember he was always like light years ahead in like confidence and composure. So like, I remember one time I'd seen him do a spot and I invited him. I was doing like a weekly show at Brea.

And so he came out. I was like, I still didn't know his age. I was like, how old are you? And he was something like 25. I was like, you're 25? Because he also has that ambiguous look where I was like, I don't know if you're 25 or 58. You know what I mean? With the mustache. I was like, I didn't know how old he was. I was like, how the fuck are you? You know, he was like so composed. And then he had his first special coming out. Shout out the store. And I saw, he had no juice yet. Like he wasn't,

I saw it was directed by Spike Lee. So I saw him and I go, you have Spike Lee directing your special? He's like, yeah. I go, how did you get that to happen? He's like, just reached out. He's like, you reached out to Spike Lee? And he was like, yeah. And then he said yes. And that was the story. And I was like, okay. I guess, yeah, you have to have the audacity to...

to ask, right? That's my big little brother, man. I'm older than Gerard, and he'll lean on me sometimes for big brother shit, but honestly, I've learned way more from him than he's learned from me. That was amazing. He's just so fucking, like you say, he's composed. From a young age. He takes big chances. Man. And it's not a big deal to him. It's not like... That, to me, I was like,

My thought, me at the time especially, I would have been like, it would be cool to get Spike Lee to direct this. You've got to talk to him about that whole experience. But then I'd be like, I'm definitely not going to ask. You know what I mean? At that age, at that time, I would have been like, who the fuck? Especially what makes it crazy. You can just talk to Gerard about it just because it's such a generational gap of what Spike think comedy is and Gerard's comedy. Sure.

Oh my God, he was bumping heads. Really? Really. Hell yeah. That'd be a good story to get. It's so fucking crazy. It's really funny too because it makes sense. But I'm like, did you do that just because you wanted the conflict or something? Yeah. Maybe. A guy like him probably goes, the conflicts, what's the thing? What about working with Jordan? Jordan Peele, I think is almost in a weird way, the same way as like,

What I love about Jordan is more or less with movies, too. And it spoiled me a little bit because that was like my first feature film. That was? Yeah, Get Out was. Well, first real feature. I mean, shout out to all the people I did the independent shit with. Yeah. Real movie. What about my shit? You don't remember that shit, Lil Rel, we did for $15? No, but yeah, he was just, I love the fact like,

He did something that I wish all the directors did was like gain my trust and was cool with my process. You know what I'm saying? Like he knew everybody's different processes and went with that. He didn't ask us all to do one thing to make it. He just came in everybody's world to get us to get the best out of us. Yeah. And if more or less for me, he was like, I give me, you know what I wrote, whatever. And then give me a real take.

And because he was going to give me a take to do whatever I wanted to, I'd do whatever the fuck you say. Yeah. Because I knew you were going to let me have fun. And then when you watched the movie, I forgot what I was saying. So most of the stuff, we was doing a panel one day and he was like, yeah, real, that's not, I know you give me props, but like, I use most of your takes. Yeah. I'm like, wow. Wow. Holy shit.

Did you have any sense when you're making that? Is it possible to have any sense that how, how like impactful that movie was going to be? I had a feeling about that shit at the, I booked it. After you booked it? Yeah. I never get, I've told this story a couple of times, but it's a real shit. Like I, I was doing my last, um,

And it was with Jordan. And it was for the original ending, which was the sadder version of the movie. What was the original ending? Well, like, he went to jail. And I was trying to help him tell me what happened and shit like that. And he just was like, fuck it, man. I'm a black man. Nobody gonna believe me. And this is what it is.

So it was just dark. Dark. But Jordan was like, we can't end this shit like that. People already know that could be a reality. That's a movie. Let's make people leave the theater happy and excited, you know?

And we did that, though. We did that read. And I was waiting on my Uber. And that's when Jordan came out while I was waiting. It was literally six other people that I even, I knew that had to read with him. He was like, yo, it's yours. Right then. Right then. That's exciting. Wow. I was like, oh, shit. But I just, and I just walked down the street crying.

Wow. I just watched it a month ago. I think we all knew after the trailer, though, because we did reshoots. I remember seeing that trailer. People were so excited about it. You know what was crazy about seeing the trailer? I saw the trailer in the theater when I was watching some other movie, and it was a mostly empty theater. It was like a daytime. I forget the movie I was watching. And the trailer plays...

And there's like 15 people watching this trailer. And people were like, like hollering. And like, I've never seen people react in a trailer, especially 15, 20 people. I was like, this is nuts. Like, like the energy in the, for a trailer to go like that was pretty crazy. I'm always be, you know, it's weird. Cause you have some actors that be trying to like,

Say they in something like that, they like, I don't want to be associated with it. They only known for this or whatever. Yeah. But man, I feel like it's like historic and beautiful. I like, I still, I still get goosebumps when I watch people watch it. Yeah. Like it was one of the craziest experiences of my career, of my life. Just like the night and day of what happened. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And it was crazy because even like, you know, Tiffany Haddish, my good friend,

Like we had Get Out Girls Trip back to back and we were still doing Carmichael show. So that year was just crazy to be on set and how supportive Gerard and we don't do that shit without Gerard okaying it.

Right. Oh, yeah, because he's got to let you get out. He's got to let me, yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. That's crazy, too, because everything you hear, especially when you listen to that Cat Williams interview, is there's so much animosity and gameplay within that. And then you hear someone going, oh, no, man, I want you to blow the fuck up. And it doesn't sound like, I'll tell you the one thing I love, and this is going to sound horrible, but I just love the way a black director shoots black people.

It looks different. And it's just like... See, I hate it, but keep going.

Like I go back to, I go back to one of my favorite movies ever. And you know, this is belly. Yeah. The lighting and net is the lighting. It's so fucking hot. It's a hype Williams two hour music videos. It is fucking. Yeah. To this day, I'm so attracted to dark skinned black women because of that fucking girl, the fucking assassin.

I mean, the way the sweat looks on the fucking arm. That shit. That's some of the best lighting. Well, yeah. But that's like people, if they don't know, he was the music video director, right? Hype Williams was that guy. And he was known for like these...

beautiful, incredible, visually stunning music videos, then you give them a feature. He took that same aesthetic to it. So yeah, I can remember in Belly, just the frame of a car passing down the street

you would just go like, this is gorgeous. Like the way that the lights reflecting off of the car, because he took that eye from music videos and just put it in the movie. And so every, I mean, the opening is iconic, right? Walking through the strip club with the eyes. That opening, I don't give a fuck. Well, let me say this. Before I came here, I watched, I watched the new Tyler Perry movie, Divorce in Black. And what I'll tell you,

One of the craziest openings of a movie I've ever seen is what I fucking just saw. Really? Really. Yes. And it's not that it's bad. It's not even...

It's so entertaining, but it's fuck. I called my fiance. She was like, babe, just describe. I said, I'm not doing that shit. Hang up the phone with me and just watch it. She called me back yelling. I'm like, yo, that's the craziest shit you see. Where did you see it? Is it on the stream? Amazon Prime. It just came out today. It's called Divorce in Black.

it that's just so crazy i was trying to watch the rest of this movie but i can't stop thinking about the opening the fucking crazy hey we're gonna go watch that yeah it's like it's like tyler perry's a fucking lunatic dude i got the best i got the best black experience ever i did i went to david lucas's house in macon georgia and his mom and his uncle and his whole family came out and they did a fish fry for us and it's

Maybe I'd say 20 of his family members and then me and like four people on my team, you know, we're doing a tour. And then his mom looks at me and goes, you seen the new Madea movie? I was like, no.

she goes you want to watch it i was like yeah and so i sat in a room with 20 black people four white people and we watched medea i have never enjoyed a movie experience more in my life oh well it's going at it again and i went it was so inclusive and like just it was wild but i was like i'm gonna start watching media movies i mean that's when i knew i was almost could be a hater right because i was like

The way I look at film and TV and think it should be this and this and that. And I will go home in Chicago and they'll throw on either a play or a movie from Tyler. And the whole, I feel like I show my special to my family and it's like a few chuckles. Man, motherfuckers was whining shit back. They was running around, pausing to go get snacks and shit.

So you motherfuckers. And I'll be sitting there, I feel like the biggest hater because everybody in tears, I'm just sitting there like, why? Why? But no, and so, but then that's why I think he's a, I think he's a genius because it's kind of what we was talking about earlier too. I can respect somebody and say, hey, this is my eye. This is how I see it and this is how the fuck I'm going to do it. Yeah. Fuck with y'all. I mean, he essentially was the guy that, to go back to the beginning of our conversation, he was the guy

took that whole thing of like, I'll just do it myself to the limit. Which is why I always get, I only think I get frustrated with like, I think sometimes what's scary about that, and it's so funny because I think about this all the time. I was talking to one of my friends whose music is that

And we were just talking about when a lot of the big ones became evil, right? Yeah. Because I feel like music figured out what we're trying to do, right? Like, well, musicians became the label owners. Yeah. Like, the people who really love this shit. Mm-hmm. But then once they got whatever that other part of the power shit was,

Then that's when all the crazy shit started happening. It's like, damn. So I think about this shit all the time. Like, dang, I really don't want to become. I don't want to get whatever the secrets of being powerful is. Don't be evil. Don't be evil. But I guess it's very tempting. It has to be. Yeah. It's like Star Wars, right? The dark. As much as we look. I love Jedi. Boop.

Dark Vader and the dark side do look cooler as fuck. They don't give a fuck. They don't go by none of the goddamn Jedi rules. If I feel like choking this motherfucker for fucking up, that's what I'm going to do. Yeah. And then hire the next person. That's some crazy shit. It is. It's fucking dope. Vader chokes somebody like you're next. And they go right to the new job. Yeah. Knowing that he might choke them too. And I think that's what they're telling us too, is that we each can be, everybody has the opportunity to lean one way or the other. You know, you,

You can be more Jedi-mindsided or you can just lean into the dark side, man. But that's where the Jedi... I mean, we can get into deep conversation about this. I'm a huge Star Wars fan. But it's like, yo, y'all... You know, you're trying to tell people not to care about these people that murdered their mom so they can't be angry about that shit. I'm going to fuck them up. Where's the balance of the force in that?

It's like either you don't do it, you say, man, it's okay. What? They killed my mama. And I got all this power and shit. I can't go fuck these people up. Don't make no fucking sense. Real quick, MJ or LeBron? Who's your favorite? MJ. Okay. I know. Kendrick or Drake? Kendrick.

Really? I didn't, you know, I just listened to that song for the first time. I didn't understand it. Which one? Not Like Us. But you got to listen to all the songs. I think what Kendrick did that was beautiful, especially if I'm a hip hop fan, he just did every aspect of a rapper. He did a West Coast song. He did a Southern song. He did one of them songs that just got a sample playing and you just spitting everything.

It was just like, dude, you just hip hop. Like, who battled this dude who probably just walks around with a blanket in the studio in his house, kidnapped his engineer. I told my brother, I said, I think he kidnapped his engineer. This guy's like, dude, I got to go home to my friend. And it's like, Kendrick's like, no, I'm still making me just showing up with a blanket and he's like, spitting and walking out and going back to bed. And you miss shit too. And it's like, you go back and you actually realize that

There's more than just double meaning. He loves to fucking rap. Yeah, he does. You don't battle somebody that just want to keep rapping. His raps are like a New York Times crossover puzzle. He don't want to hang out. He don't want to fucking party. He just want to fucking rap. Yeah. Drake want to hang out and do shit and have a good time. He's like, you can do all that. I'm not going to stop rapping. Yeah. All right. What's your thoughts on T.I.? Because I remember I was with Snoop when T.I. wanted to challenge 50.

And to the, to the verses and T I said to 50, you are New York's Nelly. Damn. Do you remember that? Wow. I think that's what he said. I just remember it distinctly. Cause I remember, I remember Snoop's reaction to that was just like, Oh, like it was just, it was T I's like, I ran into T I much bigger than you think.

physically bigger physically large man like i i was like hi i just thought he'd be like a smaller dude we worked out with t.i we was doing vacation friends the first one like he would come pick up me and batch uh king batch yeah and uh yeah we'll just yeah we'll go work out with him man i hear t.i runs atlanta like he really he really is the king of that shit like like for real for real like it's is i have a picture of me t.i and tiny and leanne i have a fucking big dope in my hand

So you don't post it? No. I didn't fucking realize. You should do it now. Where did you get it? Wait, so you just randomly had a big gulp?

i was trying not to drink but i need something to drink like i want i like to drink you just stopped at a gas station i stopped at the gas station i was like i'm gonna get a big gulp and uh and i got a big gulp and i was like can i get a picture and he was we're posting it on this episode yeah yeah we'll post it and he was like i was i geeked out like like i said i was a big i still have a big hip-hop fan but i'm just more of a fan of like everything now a little more but at the time

I think I freaked him out because I was like, you know, we used to listen. I used to listen to your albums with my daughters. And he was like, really? And I was like, you don't know me. I was like, I used that song to talk to Ilo about bullying. I told the 85 South guys this. And they're like, that's not a bullying song. I said, kind of is. Because like you say to a kid, they're saying stuff about you, but they don't know you. And if they see you in the streets, remember, they don't know you.

They don't know you. Yeah, and I remember T.I. was like, yeah, it's about bullying. Sure. He's like, Tiny? Tiny, give me money. That dude is such a smart businessman. Like, he owns so much real estate. Real estate. I saw that. I didn't know that. He's fucking smart, man. Even the way he looks at entertainment and investing his own money. He's just a smart guy.

Yeah. I called him Tip. Yeah. You like that? I was like, what's up, Tip? And he was like, okay. Everybody calls him Tip. Yeah, but I don't know the guy. I called Big Boy Daddy Fat Sacks. That's a weird thing to say. That was a weird one. Called him off guard. Like Tip is what people call him. Yeah. You were like, hey, Daddy Fat Sacks. Can I call it Itty Man Daddy? I yelled it at an airport. Daddy Fat Sacks!

I met him the day before and I was like, I'm a huge fan. And then I saw him again and he was like, okay, I guess you really are a fan. I freaked out Trick Daddy. But I was like, you know when you're a real fan of something and you listen to this, when you really get into an album, you feel like you know them. I remember when I met Trick, I said, yo, what ever happened to Money Mark? And he was like, huh? He was like, you...

He's like, that's really interesting. I just talked to him the other day for the first time in a little bit. I went, for real? He's like, yeah. And we talked about Money Mark. Yeah. But like, it's crazy because you get into something and when you really, like with Star Wars, like if you ran into Mark Hamill, I bet you'd have like a million things. And there's certain people who are generous with their time. Mark Hamill is very generous with his time. And he would, he'll indulge you in that moment. Yeah. Yeah.

Big boy, T.I. I get weird when I see people that I'm obsessed with Star Wars. I've seen Mark. I've seen Christensen. I just looked at him. Because your brain also is like, where do I go? I have nothing else to do but fan the fuck out. You don't want to have no conversation with me about specific things. You're an actor at the end of the day.

Like, I'm obsessed with George Lucas right now. Like, that's my... Like, I've been watching... Pick a general. It's people... It's certain people I'm scared I'm going to tear up when I meet. Buddy, but that's the coolest thing. It's Eddie Murphy. Oh, yeah. And it's fucking George Lucas. Yeah. If you watch the movie Malcolm X, when Malcolm X meet Elijah Mahan for the first time, he's emotional. That is how I'm going to react to Eddie Murphy or George Lucas. Yeah, I can see that. I mean, like, I... I'm so... I, like, so look up to them. It's so... Like, it's just like...

I'm going to lose my shit. Yeah. Have you met Jordan? Would you lose your shit? Mike Jordan? Yeah. Oh, I've met Mike. Oh, really? I remember the first time I ever saw Mike and it was in a club.

And every, it was a club full of fine ass women. But when Michael Jordan walked in that motherfucker, every man in that club became a groupie. It was literally, you saw the club shift from all the men just staring at Mike at VIP and just women standing by themselves. Wow.

That's hilarious. It was the craziest. In Chicago? In Chicago. And then where did you, did you meet him then or no? I met him, I ended up meeting him at a sports bar. I was able to speak to him and shit. How was it? I don't know. I mean, I guess if you might, people always speak to you. Yeah, for sure. It's not like I'm a special. Like, hey, Michael, you know. They're like, hey, Mike, yeah, he's funny, man. Oh, okay. Yeah. Anyway, it's like, hey, shit. Cool, man. Yeah. That's why I got my lined up.

from Mike Jordan. I got an interview. I want to interview Mike. That's what I want to do. That'd be fun. They do a last dance too. Hire me to be one of those random motherfuckers just in there asking questions with a sheet of paper. Because you heard the story, the last dance story, like the, you remember the episode where he's like, look, if you want to play like that, don't play like that. And he says, break.

They said that was the first fucking question. Yeah, it was first day. First day. Yeah. First question. They didn't even talk about anybody taking a break. He just said that shit, walked away. And they was all just sitting there like, okay, is he coming back? Because he was just like, break. Like, that's the first shit he said. Like, that's why I skipped through the episodes. Because I like watching that. Because I'm like, damn, that, whatever the fuck they asked you. Yeah. That one answer.

Fired you up. Yeah. He got emotional and had to take a walk about people not playing. They didn't even get into the other shit yet. No. No Isaiah Thomas video.

No Gary Payton talking shit about Gardner. That shows you like how that mindset is all like he's. He probably was holding that shit in. Yeah. For decades. Decades. Yeah. What are you going to say to Mike? Okay. You be Michael Jordan and then you introduce me to Michael Jordan. But give me like a like a like like blow me up a little bit.

Oh, hey, Mike. Oh, Mike. What's up? Good seeing you. Hey, this is my boy, Bert. I don't know if you've seen, have you seen the movie, The Machine? The what? Okay. No, great movie. Bert tours all over the country. He's hysterical. But outside of that, he's actually really, really good people, man. That's good. All right. What's up, Brent? It's good to meet you, man. What do you do? I said Bert. Oh, Bert. What do you do, Mike? Yeah, all right. All right.

Did you guys grow up together? You know who else got that energy like this? Charles Oakley. Yeah. Like that kind of... Yeah, like especially they together. Shit, man. Intimidating, right? 100%. Charles Oakley don't give a fuck. Yeah.

He's exactly who he is. Yeah, I just heard that story. Because, you know, he was like a bruiser in his playing days. He's still a bruiser. He was a coach on some team, and he got into it with one of the players, and he was like, I'll knock you. And they're like, yo, man, you're a coach. You can't punch him. Hey, you're like 75 years old. You can't hit him.

All right, we should run. Harold and the Purple Crayon comes out in August. August 2nd. And the Comedy Festival in September. September 16th to the 22nd at What's Funny Comedy Festival. What's Funny Comedy Festival which will be in Chicago. The great city of Chicago. And any other things you want to plug? I mean, yeah, that's it for now. I mean, I got like, you know, I'm always got some

movies and all that other shit. But like Harold and Purple Crayon was very important. But this comedy festival is my baby. Nice. And I'm excited about it. September 16th to the 22nd. Congratulations on that. Thank you so much. And thanks for coming, brother. Thank y'all for having me. I watched this, so this is even cooler to be here. Awesome. Fuck yeah. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert.

One goes to the top of the swamp, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave.