66: Shoot the Crap With Rick Glassman 01:05:24

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All right. We are back together. Look at us. Yeah. I got to say, Gareth. It's been a while. You look handsome. No. Yeah. You have a cool look. Really? Yeah. What is going on? I don't know. Because when I wore the best on the road-

It was almost like, I can't do this. Yeah, the vest isn't right. Well, it wasn't even that the vest is not a good look. It's too much. It's become, it's no longer a vest. It's a scarlet vest. Kevin, am I wrong? Is he going through a handsome moment? He looks great. He looks great today. The jacket looks amazing. Stop it. It's a good look.

Well, I will say, I'm going to savor this moment. I was sitting here while we were doing the, we did a call this morning, a little potential YouTube partnership. Yeah. And during it, I hadn't seen the Garf in a little bit, and I looked over and I thought, I'm seeing what the Garf girls are seeing. Wow. This is a handsome guy. Well, you look good too, Jake. I look okay. And Kevin looks married. Hey, hey!

There's her husband over here. And it is official now. I think after you said that, it is official that I am the hunk of the show. Again, just because you're single doesn't mean you're the hunk of the show. There's a vacuum for me to step into. A lot of fun at the wedding. Thank you so much for coming. Such a good time. Thank you. You didn't come. You passed. I came. It was really fun. You guys both have really nice families. Your dad is awesome.

That is awesome. Also, your sister and her husband or boyfriend? Husband. Great guy. Big fan of Caleb Williams. He's a big college fan. He's in the Navy, so just be careful if you want to start getting at people who serve our goddamn country.

He's a Navy guy. He serves for us. He die hard. Caleb Fennin. He goes, what do you think? And I don't know college sports. I go, I don't know. And he goes, in years, you're going to think back to this conversation and you're going to think he was right. He's incredible. But just briefly, because we do want to talk about the elephant in the room, but just briefly. Yes.

This has been what you all do for a long, long time. So what's sad about guys like Gareth, Kevin, is they live in the past. Can we please move forward? But this has been going on for ages. All right, so I guess we'll just have to talk about your vest all day. Or can we talk about the new cool outfits? Why don't we talk about Hall of Famer Kyle Orton?

I can feel the audience members tuning in. I do, too. I'm not saying that it's catchy. Okay, but let's talk about it. Wonderful wedding. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Unbelievable. Such good cake. You didn't come, and we wanted you there. It was so good. How good were the hors d'oeuvres? I was going nuts over those. Those whores were good. Hey, we're back.

We have some art in the studio now, which we've been... New look. Now, it got a little lost, didn't it? Yes. So this is a story. A guy reached out similar to Caitlin on social media, similar to the guy on YouTube.

he reached out uh patty holland a young man uh he's an artist yeah got a great following patty holland p-a-d-d-y uh at patty holland 2004 or at at vincent underscore van underscore holland and he said uh

Can I do a little painting of the show? Yeah. We said, sure. Yeah. He made this awesome piece of work. Go to YouTube if you can't see it, if you care. It is. It's incredible. What it really does, too, is I think it embraces the drunk uncles at the bar vibe. Yes. I think it's really beautiful. You're handing a beer. I have a cigarette and you have a cigarette.

A fingerless glove on, as we talked about on one of the episodes. But so now we have two pieces of artwork. Yeah. Ooh, we got to get going. Our guests, I just see. Our big guests for the next episode. Just showed up. But please follow him. And if you care to see it, go to our YouTube. As well as Patty. Thank you for doing the artwork. It's great stuff. We have a really fun guest today. We have Rick Glassman, who has the shoes off pod. Which we were both on. And not dead yet. No.

Yeah, Not Dead Yet on ABC and Hulu with Gina Rodriguez. His podcast is hilarious. We were on it. By the way, Hannah Simone, the only new girl main cast member. We've noticed. Who hasn't done the show. We've noticed.

We've noticed. She's been asked. We've noticed. I mean, what do you think? Does she need the closer? Brian. She needs the Brian factor to come in? Bring the security man and lock her up. I gotta say very quickly, with shows on the road, the amount of things that people will bring that are Brian's. And the person who is like,

Was he seriously a character? Like, I don't know what I could call out the bit or not. But but anyway, Rick is a great guest. We have a great call. And truly, I think his podcast is hit. He's hit because he is so unique. Yes. And has such a unique perspective. And it was a pleasure to have it in studio. So go listen to his pod. Go listen to us on his pod.

And for the last time, but... No. What? You did Thumb. You said for the last time. I didn't know what the last time was going to be. Well, I was sort of wrapping it up. Yeah? But you did Thumb. You were counting. I was doing the Bill Clinton, I think. Okay, non-threatening. Well, you know, you said for the last time. Don't point. Yeah, I was going like, all right, where's he going to go with this? All right. Yeah. Well, I was just going to say without further ado. Enjoy the show, everybody. Thank you. Without Kevin here, it's... It's weird because it's not over. It's over, but now why don't we say without further ado, for real. Kevin!

Help, Kevin! Kevin, help us end! We're dead without you. Help us end. Kevin! There's the hunk. Without further ado. By the way, no longer hunk of the show. He is the hunk of the show. Hello, you're on the show. Can we get your name, please? Hi. Hi. Hi, I'm Ryan. Ryan? Ryan. And where are you calling from, Ryan? I'm calling from Maine. You're calling from Maine? And how old are you, Ryan?

I'm 25. 25. You're on with us and the very funny.

Rick Glassman. Take your shoes off. And not dead yet on ABC. Which, by the way, is now on teas everywhere. Not dead yet. The, I would say, the star. Yep. I've been saying it. Yeah. Rick did a very funny thing. I posted something and Rick wasn't in the picture. I just posted what Hannah Simone had reposted. Oh, boy. He put himself in the poster and resented it.

You just added yourself to the promo. Good. We'll put him a picture. I love it. Take it down. So Ryan, 25, you having problems with your family? What's going on, Ryan? The floor is yours. Uh, so, uh,

Basically, I recently made a pretty big mistake, and I'm hoping that you guys can help me find redemption. So I drove down this ice road to try and get to my parents' camp that they bought a couple years ago. It's like a five-mile dirt road in Maine. They bought a camp? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So, um, you don't, you don't mean like a camp. You're right. Yeah. You say it differently. You mean like a cabin? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I know that because of Maine, uh, there's a show about people in Maine who build cabins and they call them all camps. Yeah. Cabin master. Yeah. That's exactly right. Cabin master. Sure. They're into the grateful dead and fish. They smoke a lot of grass. So I, what, I shouldn't have been on this road with the car that I was in and I, uh, ended up getting stuck and, uh,

blocking the road because it's only one car can get through at a time. And so the

The four people who lived there year-round, there was a couple who came by trying to get out, and I was blocking them. And so they were pretty grumpy. You know, people in Maine sometimes can be a little bit like, oh, I don't want people from away around here. But people from Maine can get tough. Yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. So I inconvenienced them significantly, and I was hoping –

that you could help me find a way to, uh, sort of like restore my family's honor. Well, there's a sweet second half, Ryan. So let me, let me just, uh, paraphrase. So we're all on the same page. Uh, everybody farts on Rick. And the women all have explosive diarrhea and, uh,

Hannah Simone has it the worst per Rick Glassman. No, they're all bad. I was saying that before we were on. Sorry. Ryan, I'm sorry. I don't want this to be public. Take this out. All the women on my show have diarrhea. The guys don't. They just fart sometimes. But that was... Keep that in. That was not supposed to be public. Okay, so Ryan, but the... So don't tell anyone that, Ryan. And it's on ABC and Hulu. But just... Wednesday nights.

I think I'm a little confused. I would like to paraphrase. So I think I know what's going on. Ryan's 25. He's doing his thing. He's probably farting. His mom's having diarrhea, right? Now, she bought a summer camp, a small one.

and you were driving there in the snow, and your car stopped working, probably because your mom had diarrhea in it or something. Well, a woman. And then you got out of the car, but you didn't put the car to the side. You stopped the car in the middle of the road so other cars couldn't get past. You created a blockade, and then you walked to your camp. There is a side of the road.

But that's true, Ryan. So first of all, my mom, who listens to the show and gives notes, doesn't like when we get wild. She's going to hate Rick Class. Does she watch on the toilet? We should definitely film your mom listening to this one. I want to have my mom on with Rick. Oh, my God. My mom's in town. I would love to do a mom's episode. We don't even need to be there. That'd be fun. So...

I think Rick's right though, Ryan. So you're driving and then your car gets stuck and you just leave it. So there's no other options. So like the tow company was like scared about bringing their, their tow truck down the road. And so it's, it's a one lane road at its best. So you, this family got stuck in there for the winter.

This is like The Shining. What redemption do you need? You were in a situation where you're... No, but he got them... The family couldn't use the only road out because of this 25-year-old outsider. Exactly.

But it's not. Yeah, exactly. But what else would you have done? Not fucking go there in the first place. So the thing is, I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have even gone to the road to begin. Right. Yes. So like the couple's initial attitude when I got there was like. Why are you on this road? It's snowing, you fucking goober. Okay. What do you think you're going to do? Take a snowmobile out? But how could they have left anyway? If the roads were that bad, they couldn't have left. That's a good point.

Hold on, Ryan. Rick brought up a good point. Oh, they probably have like one of those like a snow cats.

Yeah. They got a snowcat? Yeah, they live there year-round. They have a much better car than the ones with studded tires. My car is just like a sedan. You're fucking putting a sedan up there. I got to tell you, I'm kind of with them, Ryan. Yeah, Ryan, we're not here to rake him over the coals. But we're just getting backstory. Well, yeah, but you're getting hot. You're getting hot. You're right.

Yeah, and that's fair. That's fair. I'm just saying I need to find a way to redeem myself because I really messed up. I respect where you're coming from. You're coming hat in hand, which I think is a nice thing. How did they react to you and who are the people we're dealing with? What's their personality types? Like, for example, Hannah Simone has diarrhea. Brad Garrett has farts. I'm just talking about types. Rick Glassman doesn't really fart a lot at work because he's the star of the show. I am the star of the show. That is correct. I'm not in it the most.

I'm not even that necessary, but I think I'm great. And I fart, but Ryan, I guess what I want to know is, you're looking for redemption, and in that, though a just intention, what you're really looking for is something to make you feel better.

And what's interesting about that... You're putting words in his mouth, but you're saying it's fact. This is pretty good, though. Well, it's not... Brian, shut up for a second. Shut up, Brian. So, if you want redemption, this is a victory for you. What I think you want is amends. It's pretty true. That was just a lot of word garbage. No, I think he's... Well... You want more of that? It's not dead yet on ABC's Wednesdays at 8.30. Come for the farts, stay for the diarrhea.

Ryan, I'm sorry to leave you shut up. The thing that I'm most concerned about is that, you know, I was sort of like representing my family who just sort of got their place there a couple years ago. And so I'm hoping, you know, to maybe leave the family, get a better reputation in the neighborhood.

Okay, so here's what I need a little bit of information now, Ryan. I actually get where you're coming from. I think you're doing the right thing by making amends here. You put your family in a tough spot. And if I'm the neighbors who got stuck, I'm not psyched to have these new neighbors because of their son. Okay, so how did they react to you? We spent two hours trying to figure out a way for them to get their package from the end of the road. They had to meet the UPS.

guys and uh this is tough right yeah to sign for a package so you know things things smoothed out over time they weren't like actively mad by the end and they they saw how apologetic i was i like helped them shovel a little path so they can get their atv around my car instead of their car and my girlfriend came to the rescue and and drove them down the other end of the road i had diarrhea yeah

to get them to their package. The guy said initially, he's like,

This is an emergency. We have to get to the end of the road. And then it turns out the package they were getting was a sewing machine. I think I got a glimpse of this and I think I got some pictures. Okay. They're going to be down. They're going to be kind of solid, clean ones. But I know what I would like if this happened to me. And just to be clear, there are multiple cabins in this little area, right? Yes. Yeah. It only pissed off one family. I understand. But yeah, go ahead.

I would go to them with a big package. I would figure out what kind of automobiles they have, and I would get snow chains for each of them so that you are presenting them with snow chains with a note that says, sorry, it won't happen again. What pissed you off there, Rick? What didn't piss me off is just these 25 and snow chains are expensive. I would suggest getting some nice thread, some nice yarn, some nice wool, something they could use with their sewing machine. Nice. And, you know...

Keep going. I like it. And, you know, this is one of the situations where, you know, I'm pretty sensitive with my apologies. What I mean by that is not how I apologize, but when and why. Okay.

Are you apologizing for a mistake that you made? Word garbage. Or an inconvenience that you were part of that they had to go through? Because, Ryan, you didn't do anything bad. You just tried to get to your family. If I know anything that our human instincts... Are you getting emotional? I love my family. Okay. And I want to go see my family. That's coming across. I'm into what you're saying. And if it's snowing...

I'm not going to be like, oh, I better not see my family. Yeah. Right. I'm going to go see my family. And you get stuck in the snow. Let me tell you something. Whether it's literal or metaphorical, we all get stuck in the snow sometimes. Wow. Now, if you got out of the snow and you said, fuck it, fuck all these people, fuck their snow machines and their heart, then whatever. Ryan sucks. That's not what you did. Even you calling in to this show and

We're here to help. Take your socks off. Over there. Just shows that you care. You know what the greatest gift is? Acknowledgement. You know what the greatest apology is? What? Acknowledgement. You go over there, you knock on the door, you send him a clip of this.

You know, if I don't think so, Rick, if you were running for, you know, some sort of role as a politician, I'd be too busy because I want to see my family. You know, my speech would be after that to connect to the people. Blah, blah, blah. That's what I call diarrhea mouth. Here's the truth. There's so much diarrhea coming out of my opponent. He might be one of the females on his show. All Rick said there to me was nothing.

politician talk. Ryan, did you connect with anything I said? Tell me the truth. If not, you owe me a sewing machine. I really, I do like, I do think, you know, I agree with a lot of that. I think a big, a big point that was sort of exaggerated was that I, I wasn't going to visit my family. I only went in to go get some camping equipment.

You could have gotten that anywhere. You wanted to get it from your family. But you did do something wrong because you shouldn't have been in that neighborhood in a sedan. I think you're both right. Okay. Okay. I think you're both right. Okay. I think there's a little land in the middle. We're listening. Okay. I think what you're saying, Rick, is true. I think, Ryan, what you're trying to do here, I mean, you feel guilt and a little embarrassed. And more importantly, the reason why it maybe takes it off, you feel...

It's your family. It's that you've shamed your family. The acknowledgement for you is one thing, but you're not your family. You've shamed your family's name. You're an outside weirdo. You left your car on the main road. You probably have a drinking problem. Let's be honest. It's manic. It's lonely.

But I think what you're saying, Jake, is true. You want to do some gesture. So if this is a little community where you feel like your family's new, and I'm going to get a little stereotypical because it's Maine and I don't know much about it. Augusta's the capital. That's all I got. Maine Cousin's Lobster from Shark Tank. So we have a whole episode about that on accident. So why not in the summer when it gets a little... She ripped those boys off. She really did. Barbara? Barbara...

Barbara stole from those boys, took so much equity. Hold on. And now it just lives off of the obstacle. Let's not relitigate. Agreed. You're in. Okay. So why not in the summer –

You guys have like a lobster bake or like a clam off or something like that. You get Maine Cousins lobsters. Yes, you get Maine Cousins lobsters. So you get everyone out there and you throw this party as a way of not only welcoming your family into the neighborhood, but also as a way of a little mea culpa of you being like, hey, I'm the goofball who left my car. And I'm sorry about that. But now we all know each other.

Ryan, can I go before Rick? Rick's hand was on the line. I have a suggestion. Okay. Ryan, what do you do for work?

I'm a school psychologist. Thank you very much. We support you. That's awesome. Public school? Yeah. Okay. If you said private, how would you have reacted? Less supportive. No, well, here's the thing. Public school, you know, the... Don't get me started on the funding on the public... We should be funding public schools like we are our military. Agreed. However, since they're not, and we are all unbelievably rich, I think that you guys should help him

for this lobster thing. By thirds. Yeah, we each put in 5,000. You told Lamorne Morris you were making 14 million a year. 12 million a year. And that's including merch sales. Ha ha ha!

Listen, Ryan, what we're going to do is we're going to want you... We'll go 25% each way, the way that Barber should have done it with the Maine Cousins Lobster. Okay. And we're going to help pay for... I'm going to do another pitch, Ryan. I'm sorry. I can't go down there. Never mind. We're not paying for it, Ryan. I don't think you should do a fucking lobster off. And I'm going to tell you why. We haven't even heard his reaction to the lobster off. Ryan, what's your reaction to lobster off? I liked it. I liked it. You do. You know,

I would kind of feel bad if I was getting all of your guys' money, but buddy money's free. How much do you want? All right. Well, Ryan, Ryan, keep in mind the beginning of this issue, right?

It's not that you were trying to see your family and then nothing happened. You're a fucking outsider who came into a community that doesn't like outsiders. Now you're going to host a lobster off a New Yorker bringing a bunch of lobster. I'm not from Maine. I'm offended. You've been writing too many pilots. Your whole thing is... You're an outsider. You're finding yourself... I'm a doctor who moves to Alaska and I have to figure it out with the people. Lobsters...

Alright, well what do you got Jake? Let's hear it. Here's my pitch. I would not do a lobster off because that's not- We understand that part. That's not gonna work at the end of my pilot. Okay. I'll tell you what will work for my pilot. It's about a bunch of people who are not dead yet and all the women have explosive diarrhea. You're just greasing the rig wheel. And you get one of the gals from New Girl and then you get the other one who is the lead of Jane the Virgin which is a show I've watched in its entirety. What about one of the girls from Superstar?

Superstore. And then one of the guys from, which you might not know. Everybody Loves Raymond. Oh, that's amazing. Amazing. But the thing is, you guys are so into comedy, you might not know about dramas. I have a drama background, award winning, as we see it, Amazon Prime. What award? I'm a Kids' Choice Ensemble nominee. Jake, I mean, as your friend, you must have something better. Nope.

That'll do it. Ryan. That'll do it. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Well, I got my pitch. Okay. Ryan. Ryan with an R. Ryan with an R, of course. We all assumed that. Sure. Rick was just finding a transition. Yeah. I just find it polite when you're speaking to somebody, you say their name three times. You say it, you question it, and you assert it. Okay. So, Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. No, no. It's Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Yeah, that's me. Okay. So, here's what I would do. And you could do this on Etsy.

And I know this because I've done it on Etsy. Okay. You find a company that engraves things in tools. Tombstones. No, that's not what I'm pitching. I'm not pitching you give them a tombstone. Okay, I was going to say, it's a bad direction. You get a shovel, a big winter shovel. If we're talking economics, we're talking $40. Ryan, you can afford that.

On that, you say... We could each ship in 10. Sorry. Rick will send some money. We'll figure out the finances. We'll sit right on it from Etsy. You can have it engraved in the wooden handle. Sorry about blocking you in in the winter of 2023. Won't happen again. And on the back, watch Not Dead Yet.

ABC Wednesdays at 8.30. If you do that, we pay for it. That's how we're going to be financing it. We turn this into a Not Dead Yet promo. But what do you think about giving him a kind of a gag gift, but a big shovel with an apology so that he can go. Is one shovel enough? Is it one family, this one cabin? Yes, I only interacted with the one. I passed another guy on my way in, but we didn't communicate. But there's only one family who's pissed off. And he'll tell others, and then everybody will go, he's a good guy.

So is that something you would consider doing? Yeah, definitely. Great. Yeah. I think, I think that would, that'd be very well received. So here's what we have is pitches right now. We have a lobster off. I didn't give any pitch yet. What's your pitch. You, he didn't do anything wrong. You're running for office. No, it's not give money to public schools. You know, not doing anything wrong is, is it isn't enough information. It's like saying, Oh, but I meant well intention matters, but it's not the only variable. What I'm,

I was complimenting that one. That was confusing because of our other one, but I was giving it to like, I just didn't want to go over your audio. So I was less speaking on, I'm speaking to a psychologist. He gets it. You guys don't get it. He gets it. Yeah, right. I'm speaking less on what needs to be done and more about the feeling because he's not calling in because he needs a shovel or a lobster. He's calling in because something isn't sitting right. You like the lobster pitch to be fair, but keep going. I don't eat.

Rats. Okay. All right. I eat lobster. Well-marketed rats. Very well-marketed rats. All right. Keep going. But what I'm suggesting is whatever it is that's best to do could be great.

But why are we... I'm wondering, why are we doing this? And if you're feeling... What I noticed is... I'm watching the presidential debates. What I'm noticing is, and something that I don't like, and I understand, and I've been there. I've been 25. I was two years ago. But what I don't like is... You can't be 27. Let him go. Let him rip. How old do you think I am?

Forty eight is that the fact that you feel shame is something, you know, a shovel might make somebody else feel happy, but that's not going to dig into your subconscious. Nice. Well done. An emotional shovel. If you're feeling shame, it's because you're judging yourself. And that's what I meant about you didn't do anything wrong. You made a mistake. You got stuck in the snow. Sure. But you're not a there's nothing to be ashamed of.

You know what you should be ashamed of? If you do it again tomorrow. Yeah. You know what you should be ashamed of? If the guy told you, hey, you're getting in the way and you're like, I don't care and you didn't help him get his sewing machine. I think you did everything right. You know what you did? You were a human that was considerate. Buy a shovel, get some lobster, watch Not Dead Yet on ABC on Wednesdays. I don't care. What I do care about is you recognizing the shame is something

That's a choice. And as much as you might want to gift this neighbor at your camp something so he feels better, I want you to gift yourself a little bit of solitude and a little bit of trust that, hey, you didn't know you were trying to get some stuff from your family. Shit happens. You shoveled it out. I think you're and you're working for the public school system. You got to send you some money. You know what this reminds me of? First of all.

Yeah. Great. But this reminds me of when I was in high school and I was going through a troubled phase. Sure. And I had long hair and I wasn't in school. Dope. I had taken some time out of school. Everyone was doping. I was smoking a lot of grass. Yes. My mother found some random guy in Evanston who claimed to be a motivational speaker. Oh.

And he was going to set me straight. Did you meet him in a bathroom? There was a barbershop on the corner and he was outside the barbershop. Like most motivational speakers. I feel like you're going to insult me right now. No, but he came and had that same tone and was talking at me. Not dead yet. But was talking at me doing a lot of

And what do you think you're going to do? And then I would go like, I got a question of today. And then you'd go. And with that long hair, you got, you're going to fly away. He's going to turn into wings and they're going to fly you into another situation. And in the middle of it, I thought, cause he would always come to an end. He'd go. Cause the only place that you're going to be able to fly is to unemployment line. If you keep, and I would go,

You pulled that together, but I don't think you knew what you were saying when you started. Jake, what I'm hearing is you're a troubled kid with long hair wings and you're smoking dope and you're out of school. You meet this guy, then you're a TV star. What happened? I'll tell you what happened. This is true. My mom was into it. I wasn't. He said, my mom goes, so what would you like to do? And he said, I want to take him on a boat in Lake Michigan without, no, he said without you to my mom, Eve. And I looked at her and I went like,

We just met this man. I can't go on a boat with this fool. And then my mom snapped into reality and goes, what do you want to do with my son on a boat? And she's like, we need to talk man to man. And my mom goes, no, no. And he left. And we never talked. I don't know what he's talking about. I'm not into any of that. But if you want me to fly you to LA and just hang out with me somewhere on a boat, I would do that. It's a pitch. So Ryan. But Jake, real quick. When you got new girl, long hair, short hair.

Short hair. Interesting. Quite. Bottom line, go ahead. It's interesting. Rye guy, the only guy who's got your fucking ass on this. Wow. What we've pitched to you is lobster off from Gareth. Thank you. I don't know. I'm pitching to him some self-acceptance. An emotional shovel. But from Rick, I guess what Rick is saying is you did nothing wrong.

No, no, no. It's not that a mistake wasn't made. I'm saying the only thing he did wrong was being a human being. But you know what? Guilty. How about you? Guilty. How about you? How about a murderer? How about the guy? Well, that's not just... What I'm saying is the snow fucked things up.

Oh, can't blame the snow. By the way, that's a good shovel engravement. You had it. Hold on, Rick. You had it. You knew you said snow funny and it got all the wires. You had it.

So what Rick is saying is just accept the fact that you're human and blame it on the snow. What I'm saying. No, you don't blame it on the snow. Take accountability. Take accountability for what you did and don't feel ashamed of it. Or if you do feel it and then later on question, what could I have done different? Did you find an answer? Then follow that.

If not, then you didn't grow. Listen, if I never made any mistakes, I would never grow. Great. So what is like a one? Because the advice. Acknowledgement. You go up to him. You say, I'm sorry for what I did. If there's anything I could do to help. And by the way, get him a shovel, get him some lobsters, whatever. But the biggest. You just took everyone's advice.

No, I'm saying go over there and say, I'm sorry. I've been feeling really bad knowing what I know now. I should not have done that. But, you know, and I'll next time I won't do that. I'll get some chains or you live this life. Do you have any suggestions so I could come see my family more? I could do. And also, let me get up to you. If you're a person that likes to socialize, you could get lunch. If not, I could send it in a lot for a guy in Maine. Listen, his head will explode. There's there's there's some good stuff. So you can. Why don't you bottom? I'm going to bottom line it.

You do a lobster off in the summer. You do what Rick suggested, and that is acknowledge it. Both to him and to yourself. More to him. On his doorstep, more to him. I would say 60-40-60. Leave the breakthroughs for the car ride over for you. For me, I would say get him a shovel that says, sorry, won't happen again. Ryan, the floor is yours. What are you going to do?

So I really appreciate the pep talk. I feel like I already have, you know, it's not really based on shame for me. It's more like, you know, I just want to

take responsibility. Sorry, I'm not... He's out of shape. I do like that and I like the lobster idea. I was hesitant to accept your money before but if that's still on the table... I'm not paying for a lobster. If you're not ashamed, the money's gone. Gareth might get the food truck. How did this happen? I renounced my pitch.

And so you're now saying if Gareth will pay for a lobster truck, you'll get that. I'll get you five lobsters. Don't do it in winter. So where are you at? How do we end this? Right. I'm actually against lobster eating. I am too. Big time. And the boiling of them. Yes. Horrible. Horrible. I think. All right. How about this? You show up with some vegan cheeses. What I'm actually going to do is probably, uh,

Get the shovel with the cool engraving. Probably some sewing things as well. You know, one for both of the couple. Oh, that's sweet. That's great. You get her some thread. You'll get him a shovel. You'll say you're sorry. You say it won't happen again. You move on. You know what might be cute is if you give her the shovel and him the thread. It might be. But let's not swing for the fences. That's for round two.

Oh my God, you're so special. Yeah. You really are. I'll figure out the right way to arrange it. Ryan, we wish you the best. And in closing, don't fucking bring the wrong car to a snowy road. You've got to act like them when you're there, right buddy? Well, you know, he knows that now. That's actually a great, like, never bring the wrong car to a snowy road. Yeah. Oh, that's a great saying. Merch. Title. Merch. Put, engrave that on a shovel.

That's pretty good. That's the... Never bring the wrong car to a snowy road. Quote Rick Glassman, comma, not dead yet. That was you who said it. But you put it into better words. I was around the idea. I mean, it's a shovel. Like, room space is limited. There's a big handle. Ryan? Oh, I was picturing it on the shovel, not the handle. No, it'd be the handle. You got to engrave it in the wood. It's not going to be a wooden shovel. You can't do that. It's a grave metal. Thanks, Ryan. All right, thanks. Thanks, Ryan. Bye. Bye.

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Hello, caller. Can we get your name, your age, and where you're calling from, please? My name is Matt. I'm 23. I'm in Southern California. Nice. What part of Southern California, Matt? Los Angeles County. I'm in the city of industry right now. Great. All right, Matt, what's going on? So I have this friend who I met pretty much at the start of COVID.

About two years into our friendship, I kind of picked up on him liking basketball. So I kind of started getting involved in that conversation, like talking about basketball, sending him memes on like Instagram. But my problem is I never have watched a single game of basketball in my life. Why would you? OK, let's let's name the friend. Let's just call him Brad for now. Is that OK?

That's fine. Why would you... Because he wanted to connect, Carl. Yeah, but why... Jake, don't. Why would you... I'm with Maddie. No, you're not. I am. But if you had no frame of reference... You want the absolute truth? Yes. You're going to get annoyed with this and be triggered. I don't care about the NFL as much as you do, but I do. I said, this is what I'm saying. You're a liar. There's no talking to me. You're a liar.

You don't care because you've been hurt. Okay. I told you what was going to happen and it happened. Yeah, but it's very easy. Matt, I'm going to talk now. So I am with you. I actually do this with Eric, too. I send Eric Edelstein NBA stuff and MLB stuff. I haven't watched a basketball game or a baseball game in years. Mm-hmm.

But it pops up on my algorithm. I know we'll have like a funny back and forth. I kind of get that a little bit. So he's like, he met a guy. He likes him. The guy's really into the NBA. He's on Instagram. There's a thing about, I know the new kid on San Antonio is about 7'7". So there's another guy in Oklahoma about 7'5". So you could take a photo of them and be like, Twin Towers. Yeah. Okay. Is that kind of what it's like, Matt? Is that the kind of vibe?

Kind of. I follow hockey closely, so I'm already following like sports pages. So whenever I see basketball stuff pop up, I would just send it to him. And we would have conversations where I kind of BS my way through it. But are you, question on that, are you BSing your way through it? Walk me through what that looks like. Maybe he'll mention something that happened in the last game.

like he'll name a player and I'll be like, yeah, you know, like his three point game has been a little off lately, but he's overall pretty good. And you're making it up. Yeah. I,

I don't watch basketball. Is Brad buying this? Like, is he like, exactly. I know what's going to happen here. Brad's never watched a game of NBA. Oh, that would be the fucking great. Because if you do that, if you go, if he goes like, yeah, LeBron James is pretty good. And you go like for a little guy, he can handle the ball. And he goes, he's the best little man in the game. And neither of you watch sports and you guys got to figure out what you like. And at the same time you go, I don't like basketball. Cause what I can't do with my little, uh, post to Eric or whatever is,

is when he starts going in the weeds and he'll go yeah the kid chat on Oklahoma City went to Gonzaga and SGA is really good and I have to write back who the hell is SGA well that is why the thumbs up response yeah on a text is the greatest yes it's just a way of being like we're done here but I agree we're good so Matt walk us through it so you send this stuff to Brad you have bs'd your way through it it's a two-year friendship where are we at now the floor is yours

I mean, lately, I've been very busy, but I don't know if you guys are familiar with Discord. We kind of talk over that. And every so often a conversation comes up, we, you know, shoot crap. And I pretend like I know basketball.

Did you say shoot crap as a term? Shoot the crap, yeah. It's different. I don't know, man. Let's just hang out. Let's just shoot crap. By the way, shoot crap is... I've done that. By the way, you're BSing like you're a regular dude right now on a pollen show. And I'm calling you out, man. I feel like you've never listened to the podcast. And I also feel like you've never said a term like that before. Shoot the crap. Shoot the crap is what I would say as a seven-year-old that just legally is my way out of trouble with my parents when I wanted to say shoot the shit.

Or somebody from a or an alien or A.I. It feels like A.I. right now. We go to the downtown and shoot the crap or A.I. writing something about like just how dudes talk sports. Let's just talk sports. I love the basketball. Those guys are shooting crap. So, Matt, where are we at? So you guys are kind of talking. What is the problem? We now have the setup.

How do I get out of the lie? Or should I continue the lie for our whole friendship? Has the issue, has the rubber met the road, you know, in terms of shoot crap, has Brad got close to calling you out? Where are you guys at? The question is apart from wanting to be on a podcast, cause it's a lot of fun and we're glad you called. Why are you calling now? As much as,

He hasn't really pushed back on it. Yeah. I'm afraid my knowledge and BS can only go so far. And at some point he is going to push me on it. He's going to figure out you're just shooting crap. Yeah. He's going to call you. You have two options. One is you start watching basketball or the other is you find your way to kind of sneak out Homer Simpson into the bushes.

There's a third option. Go. Both of those options are good. You watch basketball pretty soon. You could shoot crap pretty easily. Two, you could just disappear from it. But I think the rubber will meet the road. Shoot crap on that. And boy, three, you cut to Jake writing a movie called Shoot the Crap. Shoot crap or three rubber road. Shoot crap. You go right to shoot crap. You go what? You go right to Brad and you go.

I've never watched a game of basketball in my whole life. And he goes, huh? It's weird. Wouldn't that be weird? Don't you think that would be strange for a friend? I think the whole thing is weird. The whole thing is weird. But out of those, I would opt for, this is what I would do.

I would find a way to be done with the NBA like you with football. Interesting. Because your team is dog shit. I think all they are are crap shooters. I think we're going to be better than the Packers next year. Hold on. I'm in the middle of my pitch. Because you have been burned so much by your team and they're garbage and they just kind of string you along. So are the Packers. Jake, please. Wait, what team do I want to compare you guys to? Oh, you know who you guys are?

I was going to text you this to trigger you. You guys are like the Cowboys. Great. The point is to go far. But do you think the Cowboys will ever win it? Jake, it's a little inside football. So what I would do is I would come up with a way to be done. I would be like, you're sick of like, you hate the foul calls. Everything's a travel. Those are kind of just like these big complaints that I even have about the game. I would come up with one of those and kind of just be like, you know, this is what Jake does.

Jake is always walking away from football, but he still has enough to talk about it. So he's still I think you just say Like what's in the NFL? It's like what is a catch anymore? You find one of these things where you just basically go I'm fucking done I can't handle anymore that everyone travels there's too many easy foul calls the refs decide the game not something like Matt I kind of think Garth is on to something because one of the things that does keep me connected to sports is

uh, is I do like to read about it. Yeah. So like the general manager, what the bears are doing in the off season, it's really fun stuff. Sure. So reading about all the off season stuff, it's a very easy thing to text Garth about it. Yeah. But watching games has gotten annoying when you go to like, I don't know what to catch it. The new kickoff rules. Yeah. They'll be like, there's so by the way, a hip tackle, they made a new thing I read about where I'm like,

There's going to be the weirdest 15-yard penalties that'll truly make the game less fun to watch. So one thing you can do if you want to get out of this is

Is Google weird NBA rules? Yes. And just text Brad a few of them and be like, dude, I'm fading on. It happened to me. Yeah. Once a defender couldn't hand check anymore. If you can't put your hands on another man's hips, why am I watching? Easy. But the three, the three, like the three point shot where you fake the foul. Yes. Those kind of just get so old. So I would even, yeah, I would just Google white people stop watching the NBA. You say white people?

White people stop watching the NBA. It's a demand. White people, that's not for... No. White people. Easy. Okay, you're absolutely right. We're in a dangerous zone. You are. We are. The show is. You are. The show is. Kevin's not. I'm not. Head gum's fine. The show, Gareth and I are venturing into dangerous waters. You says... White people don't watch the NBA. Hey, I'll say... Let me talk. Will you mute him? Don't mute me. Will you mute him? You can't mute me. You can't just talk...

There's another mic. You ripped it off the wall. So Matt, what do you think about trying the play? And that is you start pretending to be annoyed with how the league is changing with the hope of bridging that into a new connection with Brad. That's not a bad idea. Actually, I think I can get that done. Okay. And then here's another question.

What's going on, my king? Why'd you fake this? Yeah. Who hurt you? I have the lie. Yeah. Honestly, I guess I definitely want to feel a connection, but I felt like I follow hockey. I like sports. I can probably fake this. What is it about Brad that made you want to connect so much?

He's just pretty funny. I like talking to him about anything. It's really easy. Well, I feel the same way with Garrett. That's absolutely right. Jake, don't. You're back in the good books. I get it. I think you do the switcheroo now. I mean, you just say, you know, just do something where you say, I'm done with the NBA. I'm going full in on hockey. See what he says. Say you'll watch the playoffs. I have an idea. I have an idea.

I love what Garth just said, where you go, Hey man, the NBA is annoying the hell out of me these days, but a lot with the travel, with all the fine, a few rules and then go,

I'm getting pretty into hockey. Yeah. You ever interested in going to a game or blah, blah, blah. That's good. And try to get him into hockey. Try. You can use how the NBA has fallen off. But the NHL is really picking up. Let's Matt Brad make Brad the one sending you the hockey thing. I think that's good. I would do something like that.

I would try to just bring him in. Yeah, exactly. You know what this is called, essentially? And it's not an exact... This is called... This is a body swap. It's the switcheroo. The switcheroo. I wanted to call it the parent trap, but it's not the parent trap. It's not. This is the... Freaky Friday. This is Freaky Friday. It's Freaky Friday. So you should Freaky Friday him and get him going to you

dude, the penguins are an amazing franchise. And you go, they're the best. Yep. They're the best. And then he goes, did this goon, this guy, a guy who's just a goon, all he does is fight. And you go, he'll be back in the minors in two weeks. And he Googles, do they go back to, are there minor leagues? Yeah. And then start sending him hockey stuff. Let him catch up, do a fucking freaky Friday. I think we win here, Matt. Are you going to do it?

I can definitely do that. I think that's a genius idea. What is going to be your initial text start?

I might send him a post about maybe a penalty or something and be like, wow, this penalty has really gone out of hand. Are you the last few years in the NBA? Sorry. Let me get into hockey. You want to try getting into hockey? Are you going to ask if he's AI? Well, here's the thing. If I were, if I were Brad, I would know that Matt doesn't watch basketball because he just said, man, these penalties are out of hand. Yeah.

Which I don't think... That was a filler term. Yeah, you say foul. It's about traveling. This traveling is going out of hand. This traveling... Again, I'm not... By the way, are you convinced of AI? Matt, are we talking to AI right now? Are you shooting crap?

Hey, these basketball plays with the traveling is out of hand. The dribble hands is going wild on the courts this month. All the guys want to do is catch catfish in the riverbed and shoot crap. Big old swish from the tall man. All I love to see is alley-oop dunkaroos. Wow, through the legs, two-hander. So, Matt, are you a human boy?

I'd like to hope. Me too, man. I feel the same way. Listen, I'm not teasing. I'm related. I'm not saying walk away from this friendship conversation. Run. The fact that you've gotten two years into this and he hasn't poked a hole. I bet you Jake's right. He's never watched basketball either. Matt, I think you and Brad are both too. Penalty box for two minutes. You guys are both robots riding to each other. Oh, man. You don't know the other ones. Have you met in person? You just a bunch of ones and zeros. You guys, this is the.

first AI robot love story. Matt the robot has been programmed, but like his programmer did not teach him how to make friends. And Brad the robot is also a very lone robot boy. What is love? What is friendship? All I want to do is shoot crap.

So crap. There have been four or five red flags. But either way. I think you're going to win here, Matt. I do too. I think it's not going to be that hard. I would just, yeah, like we're saying, I would make that transition to hockey and quick and see where it goes. And even if he doesn't meet you there, I think you can still win.

You could save it if you needed to. Yeah, you can walk away from that. What do you think about, because what we don't want to do really fast, and I know Kevin's ready for us to move on. He's doing the kid in the back of church. He looks like his pants have to peel. I didn't know clouds go that way. But before we get off with Matt, I'm sorry, I'm just feeling invested in this friendship.

Is there a world where rather than talk about the traveling penalties are being so bad for the game of basketball, can you just send him something about hockey? Like, who's the kid the Blackhawks just drafted? There's some 18-year-old kid. Yes. So he's... I've never watched a game of hockey in my life, a full game. I know that this kid is the next Wayne Gretzky. He is special. I've read about him. I saw a little documentary on him. Can you send Brad...

a little something about this kid and go like, dude, I know you're not a big hockey guy, but this is the Jordan of hockey. Mixing in a little hockey lately. And so that all of a sudden he could go like, everybody wants to see greatness. Yeah. And maybe you can just transition him and we go back to the switcheroo. See what he does.

See what his temperature is on hockey. But I think that's the right look. Either way, you're going to walk away from the basketball. But I think that's right. I think framing it in that way. I just don't want Matt to lose Brad. He's not going to lose Brad. That's not even real. I think that's what you're talking about. But neither is Matt. And Matt cares. I know. So, Matt, what did you say, bud? I said I think that would be way easier and not be a robot.

Yeah. Doing that. Well, why don't you do that? Start with that. And then I think, again, if you Google reasons people quit watching the NBA, you'll find plenty of them. Yeah. And and mix those two in and let us know how it goes. Awesome. Thank you. And will you actually follow up with us on this one? Yeah. And maybe. Yeah, I will definitely follow up with you guys. Maybe a screenshot. Maybe a screenshot of this first initial.

Also, maybe a screenshot of you just so we know. Maybe with you. How about this? If you need to take a picture, take a picture of you with a mirror beside you so we can sort of see. Although the problem is AI is so good, we couldn't tell the difference. I don't know. Kate Middleton got busted. Doing what? Photoshop. Oh, is that what that whole conspiracy was? Yeah. You with today's paper and a couple mirrors around you, and that's all we need to confirm that this actually happened. Okay.

Okay, I'll find the nearest mirror mate. Okay, awesome. Thank you, Matt. Appreciate it. Go shoot crap. This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose.

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And Jake, we are brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscription, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. We've talked about this before. We've both had multiple things we did not know we were still paying for. That's why we're here.

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Hey, everyone. Producer Kevin here. This next follow up is from episode 51. It's the second caller in that episode. That episode's called It's Your World. We're just pitching in it with Chris DiStefano. It's from February 8th of this year. Enjoy the follow up. Hi. Hi there. Welcome back to We're Here to Help. We know that we've talked to you before, but we have no clue

what it was about or who you are. So do you want to just give us a little update? Jake's here too. Jake, say hi to whoever this is. Hi. Okay, great. So who are we talking to and what's going on? What's the update? All right. So my name is Kate. I called in about the Pornstar dog sitter. Oh, yes. Pornstar dog sitter. Your dog sitter came. Her boyfriend brought a camera. You then, Kate, did the maniac move.

of firing her and saying signing on to hold on gareth you can't put that photo up yes i'm sorry i have to it by what it helps my wi-fi okay gotcha gotcha glitchy uh so kate you then did this you you fired her uh so where are we at now

Well, okay. The question was whether to ask her if anything had been going on in the house or not. And the advice that you all gave me, like it was split at first. Yeah.

But in the end, I decided, no, no, I'm not going to say anything to her. I don't want to offend her. She's a nice person and whatever. I was just going to leave it there. And then my curiosity got the better of me. Oh, good for you, Kate. This is good. We liked it. But by the way, I don't think you'd be on this follow up if the curiosity didn't get the better of you. But also, Gareth, whatever you are, Kate, you are part of the community. I know the community doesn't have a name yet, but to follow up.

up after firing a woman for having an OnlyFans that makes you a true helper or whatever the term is I didn't fire her I didn't fire her

fire her for having the account. I'm just not going to hire her back. There was no firing involved and I really truly have no judgment for what she does for a living. You just don't want it in your house. Yeah, you just don't want to be a set. You're a house, not a set. By the way, Kate, I'm sorry, really fast. Gareth has a photo up because of his reception where it's

fire orange hair with a huge mullet on a boat. And Gareth, don't sleep on the teeth. It's throwing me in a real way. Don't sleep on the teeth. All right, Kate.

You'll see. Watch this on YouTube, Kate, when you're there. It's wild. And by the way, not part of my plan. I was not trying to go public with this. Gareth is on tour in a hotel room. That's why we're doing the Zoom. But Kate, back to you. So what happened? I'm dying to know.

All right. So, you know, my friends and family were split on the advice too. And so I finally just, I sent her a text and I was like, hey, really, truly, I'm not judging what you do for a living. I promise. You know, you're a beautiful woman. I think you're a great, you know, you're a great woman.

You're lovely. But I have to know what the equipment was for. And she was like, I totally respected your home. Like she was not really pleased. Not surprisingly. But, you know, basically she said no. You know, and I took really good care of your health and took good care of your dog. And I was like, well, about the dog, you didn't even walk him. So. Oh, OK. So that last part isn't true.

Yeah, so... Kate, I'm dying to know about The OnlyFans. What's happening with it? You know, I immediately unfollowed it because I don't want to be a creep that way. Yeah, so there's nothing really on there. But we are... We kind of ended it amicably and we're still friends on Instagram and whatever. So the funniest part of all this, though, is my students. Okay. Yeah.

Because I don't know if you remember, but I had to get off the phone with you all because the bell rang and they were coming into my room. Yes. Right. And I guess I just had this like funny because we hung up and then I immediately opened the door and like 16 year olds are pouring in my room. And I guess I just had this like kind of like funny look on my face and I'm like, what's up? And I'm like, you know, Nick and Brian security are from New Girl. And they're like, yeah, we love New Girl. We know both of them. Yeah.

I was like, well, I just got off the phone with them and they were like, what? No way. And here's the thing. I was not even considering for a second the fact that then I would have to say why I was on the phone with you and like tell the story. Right. So I'm like, oh, I can't really discuss porn at school. So

So I didn't tell them. And then they, you know, they followed the podcast for weeks. This is a turn on the update. I'm like, oh, my God. OK, so I finally just told them what it was about. And I said, if you listen, do not listen to it with your parents. I think that's fair.

So, so then, so they figured it out. They come in the next day and they were like, so they listened to it when it came out and they were like, Oh my God. So like now, like every sophomore at my school knows exactly what happened. And they're, they're giving me like all kinds of advice. Um, and advice on this from 16 year olds is pretty entertaining. What's the, uh, what's the advice? By the way, that's, that's our podcast, but keep going.

I know. Well, one of them suggested that, like, well, you've got to go back on and then AI generate a calendar with her and your dog in it

and say that she did it i'm like i can't lie to them oh my god ai generating calendar that's such gareth advice i was gonna say you know it's bad what you know it's bad when i looked out on it you know what's sad gareth is that the reason we've never pitched an ai thing is an ai don't say it don't say it because we're old we would pitch everything would be ai generation by the way

Watch how this influences the show going forward. 80% of my pitchers will be like, have you heard of this AI? I think it's called G-H-I. Here's how you age us. Rather than AI generated, all of ours are 70s Bush, 70s Bush. Fight fire with fire.

Yeah, well, by the way, yeah, there are two. There's really been two. There's an A, there's a B, C and an A, D on this show. And post 70s Bush is the A, D. But now it might be AI generated. I think we've got a new theme. I think so. So, Kate, you just to recap here a little bit.

You had somebody in your house you believed was doing OnlyFans, your dog sitter. You then followed her on OnlyFans. Just to see if my house was in any of the concerts. Kate, we're not judging. We're not judging. We're part of the goddamn community. So then we're into it. I mean, we love it. Are you kidding me? We're doing this for fun. It could be AI. AI generated. I don't know what AI is. Neither do I. 70s Bush. So...

Then you followed her. You didn't know if you were going to follow up. You're a teacher. Your students heard about it. They pitched AI generated, which is something you're going to start hearing as a buzzword on our show. At this point, you and this woman talked. You made it very clear. You don't judge the OnlyFans community. Who does? And so she said, no, I wasn't doing anything scandalous. But the question is, what the hell was she doing with the camera set up?

Exactly. Well, she said that she just wanted to take some pictures in front of the Christmas tree and they had one that I saw. Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate. I hate to be Columbo here, but you are a teacher of high school students, right? You are an intelligent human being. You are leading the next generation who understands things like AI generated.

She brought an entire film set up to take a photo for Christmas. She's got an iPhone. That's...

that's all you need i know i i definitely think that she took the pictures and she can't and she can't use it because you're onto it that's what i think happened of course she'd you'd never go hey you know what i'm dog sitting let's take a photo huddy in front of the christmas tree why don't you bring nine porn stars in a full film crew why just for the crew we'll get all these porn actresses and porn actors to be craft service

Hey, let's get 15 tarps for this tree shoot. It just blocks the light. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Kate, Kate, Kate, my friend. You ought to believe her. Kate, Kate, your house is a porno set.

I hope you know that. I'm sitting on my bed right now. Thanks a lot. Yes, so was she, and so was he. And maybe so was a third. And so are they. And so are they. Now, I got bad news for your high school students, or good news for them, bad news for you. Guys, I'm now speaking to Kate's class.

This is a woman you can trick and lie to. This is somebody AI generate your essays. I generate everything. Oh, by the way, she believed porno was not filmed in her home. Guys, you know, it was AI generate. Go ahead. Garth. All your finals should be done with chat GPT. Um, I would definitely, if I was one of your students be offering to dog sit. Perfect.

Without question. So Kate, how did she convince you? Will you tell us really fast before we keep steamrolling this? I'm not convinced. I've just let it drop because like, obviously, well, I don't even know what answer I was expecting. Like, uh, yeah, I, I definitely did this in your bed. That's true. So I don't even know why I asked in the first place. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Um, I think it's classy. It's classy and it's grown up to ask. I think it's good. Yeah.

For her, it probably makes her think twice about the next time that she's dog sitting about turning the place into. Or she just had to do the same while just filming, taking a photo for Christmas. Well, maybe she'll at least walk the dog a little. I think that's fair. All

All right. There was only one doggy style taking place in that house and it was not on leash. Kate, we got to jump off. Thank you so much for the follow up and the call. Kate, we got to get off like your dog sitter. And to the class, thank you guys for listening. Please be kind to your teacher. She is a cool, nice human being who's trying her hardest and she's part of our community. So be good students and get good grades.

Yeah. You guys are awesome. All right. Have a good one. You're the best. Thank you. Good luck. Okay.

Hey, everyone. Producer Kevin here. This is a little extra fireside chat when Rick Glassman showed up. We thought it was ridiculous and wanted to put it in the episode. And we're putting these fireside chats day early on the Patreon. So if you want to check them out there, go to patreon.com slash here to help pod. And the link for that is in the description. OK, enjoy.

Hi guys. Hi. I'm sorry for my... That's fine. No sweat. Good to see you. How you doing? Gary, give me a... I have a shoulder issue. You do? And I'm giving hands. Is that true? Yeah, I just had... I like the Nickelodeon dog tags. That's why I'm a little late. You served in Nickelodeon? I... All right. We have fun. We have fun. I had a little procedure and it made it more difficult than I anticipated to shower and get dressed. Oh, shit. When was the procedure? Yesterday. I had done these things before, but...

This one, it hurts a little bit more. Jesus. We're not going, are we? We're going. No. Oh, we are going. I did not have a procedure. You don't want the people at ABC to know that you had a procedure? What's this? What time is it?

Hey, Jake's on London. Jake's on London time. What time is it now? In London? No, I know what time it is in London if I know what time it is here. It's 12:10. It's 8:10 in London. That's exactly right. So here's what we need from you, Rick. That's exactly right. We've got the collar is on. Still. Throw these on. We have not heard either. So we are all going to figure this out as we go. Did you see what I did? What'd you do? You're a sweet guy. Oh, that's nice. Thank you. You have no rules.

I made a mistake. One rule. Is this my camera? I made a mistake. I mean, sort of. I was looking for that. I could do it. I could do it. All right. Thanks, man. Thank you. So Hannah Simone, tell us about her. How is she on set? We have only done scenes together a couple of times. And every time she, I don't know if she's going to not, I might, can we send this to her? Yeah. She has diarrhea. Yeah.

She'll approve this. She always has diarrhea. She'll approve this. She's running always. I mean, that's the same old Hannah Simone. You know who else who always has diarrhea? Gina Rodriguez. Not dead yet. Wednesdays on ABC. Not dead yet. Wait, did you plan this bit? I knew that they do this, but I get this tea. Wait, what does it have? That is why you wanted the tea. Absolutely not. I don't drink coffee anymore. I know. You said that. So black tea. And this is my favorite black tea because they put rose or whatever in it.

But I'll tell you something. Look at this. Not dead yet. That's pretty good. That must feel good. This man is good at sales. That is great. He did about 10 texts about your tea. I don't know what you're talking about. And you want it to come after the tea arrived? Uh-oh. It's all on the floor. And if you're looking to be on the floor, head on over to Marshall Red Gallery. I'll send you guys a commercial. And we're back. Oh, back to editing. Oh, no.

The battle. Three, two, one. Come on, Rick. Is that a beat? I'm giving you a great beat. Without you, it's not great. A few people are falling off a cliff. Rick is key to the song. Without him, Jake, it's not good. Are we all set? I don't hear...

No one's talked yet. I don't hear me very well, and I hate that. You've got to hear you very well. So Gina Rodriguez has a diarrhea issue? All the women. All the women on the show. Lauren Ash, Angela Gibbs, Hannah Simone, Gina Rodriguez. How about the men?

I mean, I fart every now and then. They're guys. Yeah. No, we don't have that. I mean, we know lines and we don't have diarrhea. Yeah, that's fine, though. That's encouraged. What is the vibe of the set like? It's got to be tough. Everyone's just running. What's Crafty like? Crafty's fantastic. Is it? It's network. Yeah, but I mean, still, the people seem to be eating bad. The women are choosing bad options, it seems. I don't think it's necessarily. I think there's, I mean, women have. Hello? I just think women have diarrhea. Hello, how are you? Is that Garrett? He just farts? Yeah.

- Brad Gere's a big farter. - Farts a lot. - How are they, loud, stinky? - Just regular, just like-- - Okay, 'cause he's a big-- - Yeah, he is. He's a regular fart. - I imagine something different. - How do you picture him farting? - Honestly, smells really bad, really loud, aggressive. - I could picture him doing the one leg up, kind of one wing. - Yeah, same. Some jokes about it. - Yeah, yeah. Like, he sits down and says it's old leather when it's like a regular chair. - I don't know if I get it. - Leather would make a little bit of a fart noise, maybe.

That's Oliver, R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.