I Choose …To Love Again 28:13

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Text BVJOBS to 97211 to apply. You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Welcome, my friend. I am so happy you decided to hang out with me today. I cannot wait to start talking about choices with you and how our choices determine our paths moving forward in life. I have so much in store for you.

I promised you that I would share some stories from my life, and that is what I'm going to do today. I want to tell you about the time I decided to let love in again. But hold on, let's do that thing. Let's go back in order to go forward. Okay. In 2012, I went through a very public and painful divorce. I spent the next couple of years grieving and eventually healing.

When I finally resurfaced into the world, back into society, people started encouraging me to get back out there, start dating again. That thought honestly made me feel sick. But when the time felt right, I started dipping my toe into that pool. And let me tell you, my dating pool was pretty shallow. It was basically setups, friends of friends kind of thing.

I had no idea what I was doing, what I was hoping to find, who I would find. It was pretty brutal. I was awkward and needy. Not a very attractive combo. When I look back now, I see a very lost lady just trying to feel loved again. I was putting way too much importance and focus on getting a man to love me again. It was like I was lost.

throwing spaghetti against the wall, just trying to figure out what would stick. Some of my choices were odd to others, odd to even me. And in my confused and sort of weakened state of self-understanding, I saw myself attaching my worth to these guys who had no idea who I really was.

and who were just not right. Yet I tried so hard to make each one of them love me. I so wanted to succeed in a relationship. And who knows, maybe I was trying so hard because I wanted to show my ex what he had lost, what a mistake he had made, whatever it was, it wasn't working. I decided to take a break from searching for that kind of love altogether and just focus on my girls and my job.

I was doing a sitcom at the time called Mystery Girls. I was also building a house home for my new family, which was just me and the girls and our dogs. And I got to be honest, I like that vibe a lot more than dating. It was really turning into a good time in my life.

I was finding my self-worth again, and I was feeling confident and capable of being out there on my own. I was reinventing my life. I was doing a lot of work on myself. And I started to think ahead. My therapist, Wade, hi, Wade, encouraged me to make a list of my non-negotiables. The things that I had learned were top priorities in my next relationship.

And here are a few of them. Number one, a family man, a man who puts family first, top of the list. Number two, a man who keeps his word, honesty, very important to me. Number three, someone who could make me laugh. I really needed some laughter in my life. Number four, someone who was confident enough in who they were to let me shine.

Also, a man who never complained about how much luggage I packed for a trip. And there were others, but I don't remember what they are right now. So that was my list, my list of non-negotiables. That's what I did. So I would know when someone came along and checked the boxes. But all the while I was asking myself, do I even really ever want a man in my life again?

Which as you know, as a middle-aged woman who has gone through a divorce, that's a valid question to ask yourself. So now it was the end of 2014. And what they say is true. It happens when you least expect it. And to help me tell this story, I want to introduce you to the man who loves to let me shine. I want you all to meet my hubz.

Dave Abrams. Hi, babe. I was thinking we could talk about how we met. Oh, yeah. I like that story. I mean, you know, people like to know these stories. Everybody loves a, what's it called? A cute meet? A meet cute? A cute meet. No, meet cute. I don't like cute meet. The meet cute. Because, you know. Ours was a blind meet cute. Do you remember the story? Yeah, yeah. I remember. You get a lot of flack for your memory.

I do. But I remember the story. Do you want to tell it? Yeah. How about you start and we'll go with it. Okay. So how, what was, what was your perspective? Cause we met on a blind date. I thought I was going to talk. Okay, you go. Oh my God.

Okay. My friend who was seeing a guy who was younger than her, she had just been divorced not that long ago and now she was seeing a younger man. I was like, oh, that's so cool. We chatted. This was a school friend. Yeah, a school friend, a mommy friend of mine at school. And I remember we were on our yearly camp out at El Capitan. Oh, yeah. The glamping. Uh-huh. And she said to me, would you be open to meeting my boyfriend's one

one of his best friends. And I was like, I wasn't really even like at the place of wanting to meet anybody, but I was at the place in my life after the divorce where I had done a ton of work and I was finally like happy on my own. I felt really strong, really like confident. And then she said that to me and I was like, okay, I'll practice. Let me practice. I need to practice dating. So I went to

They set up a blind date, basically, with us. And it was like a double date. Do you remember when you Googled me? Oh, that was... Yeah, that's true. People do that. Yeah, of course. Everybody does that. If you're going to go out with somebody and it's a blind date, you Google them. Yeah, but there was at the time... I don't know if Dave Abrams is the Chippendale dancer. If you're out there, Dave...

He's out there. You got a nice physique. Yeah, because when you Google Dave Vidd or Dave Abrams. Yeah, he was coming up. A Chippendale dancer. Now when you Google me, it's all Jenny and Dave. It's just Jenny and Dave. Anyways, but I thought I was going on a double date with a Chippendales dancer. Yeah. Little did you know. No, I knew. By the time I got to the restaurant, I knew you weren't a Chippendales dancer. No.

But I did walk in. I'm not. I did walk in. And immediately, it was a crowded bar. By the way, you were late. Whatever. Do you know how many minutes late you were late? Oh my God. You do? Yeah. 15 minutes late. We had to wait. Are you sure it wasn't 16 minutes? No, it was 15. Okay. For sure. Just checking. And you were wearing all black. And your hair was cut. I had a bob. Kind of bob. It was cute.

Looking back, you ordered like... Wait, I was talking. This is what happens. I was saying when I walked into the thing, into the bar, it was crowded. And immediately my eyes went to a tall man standing at the bar. Like your typical...

actor, like LA guy, really handsome. I take offense to that. And immediately I said, and then they introduced me to you and you were that guy. Well, we sat down, us four, and we ordered some drinks. You said nothing.

And then they proceeded to talk. I kind of didn't say anything. I didn't really feel social. I wasn't in a social mood to begin with for some reason. Yeah. And then it just it felt awkward. And I felt like I was being interviewed almost. They were talking about 90210. And I was like, I don't I don't I don't know the show. You never watched. No, I didn't. No. I mean, my sister did.

But I mean, I knew. I mean, obviously, I knew of you. I Googled you. You Googled. Mm-hmm. The first thing out of my mouth when I was approached to go on this date was, oh, she has three kids. All right. Well, whatever. I'll go. And yeah. Wait. You probably should have really thought that through a little bit more. I mean, yeah. Yeah. That's probably a thing. I don't really think. Yeah.

So I went in there and yeah, you didn't say a word and you ordered pasta and salt. It was a very foodie restaurant. You know, I don't like foodie restaurants. Looking back, yeah. I was like, oh, do you want to try this? This place is really good. Fish. Good pasta. No. No. I'm okay. No. I'm like, oh. Anyways. Looking back, it makes complete sense. A hundred percent. I get it.

And then we left the restaurant. They were leaving and we were going to valet. You gave the ticket. Your car got pulled up right in front of mine. I was saying, I walked over to you and I was like, after, what did we say? Like three sentences to each other? I was like, well, it was really nice meeting you. Can I call you sometime? It was kind of like you were going to be like, no, see ya. And you were like, no, but you can follow me.

And I was like, and first thought was, oh, on Instagram? No, she was like, no, dummy, follow me in your car.

So we were on the East. The nice bed off. Yeah. And then you like a bat out of hell. I wanted to get out of there. And I don't drive fast. No, you don't. And I've been accused of driving like an old man. I do the speed limit. My motto is I ain't got nowhere to be that's going to kill me. Okay. Thank you. And you flew and we were...

In Silver Lake. I needed to see. I did that intentionally. I drove like that intentionally. And I spoke to you like that intentionally because I needed to know if you were on the same level as me. Like a little crazy, spontaneous, a little wild. Okay. Well, yeah, I guess I was. You were. I'm not like that now. No.

I probably would have went home and went to bed. But I followed you. You followed me. We went to this little place called Cafe Stella. Had a little drink at the bar. We got to know each other. And you started to make me laugh. Yeah. Almost instantly. And I was like, hey.

he's not just a pretty face, he's actually funny and fun to hang out with. I like this guy. And you were hot, which started to like change my mind. - Well, thank you for that. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, and I thought you were like fun and beautiful and refreshing and to the point, not a lot of bullshit. When we left Cafe Stella, I walked you out to the valet

Was that our first kiss? Mm-hmm. How was it? I don't remember it. How was it? It was good. I got tingles. Oh, you got the tingles? Yeah. And then we said goodbye. I lived kind of close. You lived in Studio City, so you lived a little bit further away. I got home, but right when I pulled into my driveway, I remember getting a text. And you said, you want one more drink? I was like, what?

Okay. What time is it now? Oh, God. That place was closing. Cafe's at 11. It was like a Tuesday night. We are wild. Tuesday night, 11 o'clock. You text, you want one more drink? The Babe Bar. And you sent me this address. And I was like, I lived in Studio City. The Babe Bar? What bar is this? I can't believe you're telling this story. Yeah. And so I drove there.

Over there. And I was like, I don't know this bar. I'm going up a hill. It's all residential. Residential Canyon. And I get to a gate and I text you. I'm here. And the gate just opens up.

I pull in. There's no, no, the lights are kind of off. There's no, I don't know if you're in there. And I walk into the front door. It's a beautiful, beautiful house. But I'm thinking to myself, what the absolute hell am I doing? What, what am I doing?

And then we had a nice evening, we chatted. - You came to the Babe Bar. - I came to the Babe Bar. - I had a bar then and we named it the Babe Bar because it was all girls at my house at the time and it was the Babe Bar. - And we sat and we chatted and yeah, that was it. - The rest is history. - You came to see me the next day at work. I was moseyed on up at the bar. - I mean, instantly it was, we were on, that was it. - It was over.

Done. Didn't look back. Nope. Didn't listen to anybody. No. Mm-mm.

For 25 years, Brightview Senior Living Associates have been committed to creating a vibrant culture and delivering exceptional services, making Brightview a great place to work and live. If you're looking for a rewarding opportunity to serve your local community and grow, we want you to join our team. Brightview Senior Living is growing and actively seeking vibrant associates to join our community teams, including directors, healthcare, activities, hospitality, and dining. Apply today at careers.brightviewseniorliving.com. Equal employment opportunities.

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Bye.

Did we have anybody, was anybody like objecting on your side when we were first together?

If I tell you that now, are you going to be mad at them? No, not at all. Wait, who? I remember Luca.

But Luca was also 17, about to be 18. I mean, that's a pretty significant opposer. Yeah. Our oldest daughter. Yeah. I mean, senior in high school. There's a lot going on. And then we kind of threw that on her. Yeah. Oh, by the way, we're getting married after being together for three months. Yeah. After your graduation in July. Wait, you graduate June? Oh, yeah. Then we're going to have a wedding.

Wait, who? I'm trying to think. I don't think that Mr. Showbiz objected, or at least if he did or if there was any conversation about it. He never told me. I would love to ask him now.

Was there something you wanted to tell me, but you never did? Oh, for sure. It was in the back of his head. What about you? My mom never said, because she really liked you and she loved what you brought to our family. Kind of the same background, kind of raised in the same old-fashioned. Your mom's very old-fashioned Midwest-ish.

And so was your dad. Okay. So Mr. Chavez didn't object. My mom didn't object. No. Adele didn't object. She met you. She vetted you. Yeah. Well, I met Adele like, what was it? The second or second?

Week we were together. Yeah, and she loved you. I met your friends Mm-hmm. Yeah, and they I mean my the friend who introduced us already knew you sort of like acquaintances and then All my other friends were yeah on board. I mean they all thought I was nuts looking back Do you think you were nuts for making that decision? Hmm

I mean, looking back, yeah, I feel like it was a nutty decision, but I wouldn't have done anything different. I don't really, I think, I don't really have a plan. I mean, we joke sometimes and say, probably should have thought that through a little better. Yeah, yeah. Even if we had thought it through, even if you had more time to think it through, you're saying you would still make the same decision. Yeah, I would have made the same decision. Absolutely. What about you? I would have made the same decision too.

Only because I am crazy. And I love adventure. And I'm, you know what I mean? Like this just seemed right. Well, in the beginning, it's always, you know, fun stuff. And then you had jobs and we went on some trips. Like we went to Arizona and then we went to Cabo and then we went all over the place. So yeah, that eventually the trips fizzle out. And life gets real. Yeah. I remember thinking like,

Once the glitter wears off of this new relationship and the excitement of it all, what's going to happen? Yeah. And we were faced with that reality. Very early. Like literally like a month after we got married. Yeah. That was crazy thrust. Here you go. Into the real world. I mean, because your life...

I mean, our lives both changed. I would say your life changed. Drastically. Drastically. You went from a single guy. Living in a one bedroom apartment to moving into a little bit of a nicer house in Studio City. Three, four dogs again at the time.

three stepchildren. And then all of a sudden I'm taking, you know, the girls to school. I'm walking them into class because this was, you know, they were still in the lower school. It was a lower and a middle and a upper school. And everybody would take the kids in in the morning and you'd have stuff to do. And we were like delegating between like Peter had him one week and then we had him the other week. And you were so great though. You just really jumped into everything.

everything with both feet. Like you did, you dove in. Yeah. I mean, and also it was crazy. And like being in that situation, all of a sudden I'm at this like prominent Los Angeles school with a bunch of other celebrities walking these kids in. And then like, were you starstruck? Uh, yeah. You were. I might've been. Yeah. Cause you, before me, you were the guy at the grocery store who looked at like the national inquirer and us weekly. Yeah.

I love the check. Yeah, I like to check. You love that stuff? Yeah, I used to check them. Yeah, I don't ever look at those. But yeah, that whole situation and then that school and just like then the events that the school would do and then becoming like, you know, being around those other parents that are celebrities looking at you. I can imagine that was really intimidating for you. So what do you do again, Dave?

Well, I'm opening a restaurant bar. Oh, where? Rampart, which to anyone that knows, it's not a great area. They've never been to Rampart. They would never go to Rampart in East L.A. But yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm going to come down and check it out. I don't think you should. But you didn't move in right away.

No. We waited. When the kids were home, I slept in the guest room. That's so cute. It feels like it was literally warp speed. I went from that to stepdad. Yeah. And looking back...

This is something we can talk about in a future episode because it's a pretty significant part of our... Oh, perfect. I like waiting to talk about things. Well, you're going to have to wait because this is a bigger subject. But I think because we did fast track everything,

There was a lot of like learning and growing on both our parts, but mostly on your part. I mean, in like having a family like that and having all these responsibilities put upon you. On the fly. Yeah. And having to like model for the kids a certain behavior and just you and I getting on the same page about parenting. Which that really wasn't that difficult.

Right. That wasn't, that wasn't. But we did, my point is we did reach some obstacles that we couldn't get past or we thought we couldn't get past, but it didn't, it took us a while. And I think that you realized, okay, I'm swimming in the deep end and I, I,

need a life preserver. Yeah. And then also if you take a step back and look at bigger picture, the kids were involved and that's the main thing. And so then all your crazy stuff that's going on in your head that may seem overwhelming, well, you made this choice and we have to kind of figure this out. And we did. We were still going to therapy and doing a lot of work, but it was...

We reached an impasse. Yeah, we weren't doing the right work. It was actually we were trying to get everybody else to do it for us in a weird way. Does that make sense to you? Not at all. No, okay. Well, we did go to like three different therapists. And you remember Barbara.

We tried some things. We really did try. We gave it our all. We did. And we reached an impasse. We'll talk about that in another episode. Oh, gosh. Because that's... I have some notes for that. I think it says, I didn't do anything wrong. No, no, not at all. But I'm really proud of us. I'm proud of us for like finding somebody. Like when I found you, I knew this is a good man.

This is a person that I can see in my home. I can see around my kids and I can see growing into, you know, who we're going to be as a couple. I can see that with him. Yeah. You were very willing and like, you seem like you wanted it too. I did. I did. But does this make sense without knowing it? You know, just really being in love with you kind of took over everything.

everything. And then I said, well, if that's there, then we can do anything. There's obviously more to that because they say love conquers all. It actually does, but there's that other layer to it that you really have to work on. But I was just so in love with you. I was in love with the kids. I was

You know, in love with an exciting life that we can make. And then you don't really think about all the other stuff. A lot of other stuff. Yep. We threw caution to the wind. But it worked out. I mean, it's working out. I wouldn't want it any other way. So it's a choice we have to make every day. We chose each other that first night. Mm-hmm.

That's pretty cool. Thank you. You said before that you didn't know if Mr. Showbiz approved of you. Did you know that he listens to every recording of this podcast? So we can ask him right now in real time. Yeah. Hey, Mr. Showbiz. I heard Dave say something before you started recording where he mentioned me and I thought,

I hope that she doesn't say that I had a problem because I specifically did not. I had a problem with several other guys. Yeah. No, I know. Yes, I know about that. But not this guy. Absolutely not. Not this guy. Not this guy. I'm going to get a T-shirt for you that says, not this guy. Not this guy. Yeah.

For 25 years, Brightview Senior Living Associates have been committed to creating a vibrant culture and delivering exceptional services, making Brightview a great place to work and live. If you're looking for a rewarding opportunity to serve your local community and grow, we want you to join our team. Brightview Senior Living is growing and actively seeking vibrant associates to join our community teams, including directors, healthcare, activities, hospitality, and dining. Apply today at careers.brightviewseniorliving.com. Equal employment opportunities.

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Okay.

It's just me again. I'm wondering what you guys are thinking of me right now because that was pretty bold. But you know what? I honestly have no shame in that game. I had been letting men lead me around for long enough, letting the man make the moves, make the decisions on whether to move forward in the relationship or not. And I was over that. I was over being the passenger in that car. And here's the key.

I had started loving my life again, choosing what I wanted. I was choosing me for the very first time in a long time. That is exactly when it happened. I believe sometimes in life, when you find something you really want, something that feels right, you just have to put it all on the line. You have to go for it. And that is what I did. I went for it. Because at the end of the day,

I really did want what we all want, love, loyalty, companionship. Would I make the same decision again? Yes. Yes, I would. Yep, yep, yep. It hasn't always been easy, but I would absolutely choose love again. Choosing to love again after heartbreak, it's a profound act of courage and it is complicated.

It's about acknowledging the pain of the past, but at the same time, refusing to let that pain define our future. It involves embracing vulnerability, opening ourselves up to that possibility of hurt all over again, and trusting that we are worthy of love. One of the biggest challenges is overcoming that fear of getting hurt again. Because after experiencing heartbreak,

It's natural to build walls around our hearts to protect ourselves. But those walls can also prevent us from fully experiencing love and connection again. And I know it is so hard to let go of that past baggage and those old stories and those old insecurities. But I want you to see that each new relationship is an opportunity to

It's an opportunity to reinvent yourself and your life, just like I did. It's a choice. And it's a choice I hope you find the courage to invite into your life too. I love you. Now I want you to go look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love you too. I'll be right here next week. I hope you will.

For 25 years, Brightview Senior Living Associates have been committed to creating a vibrant culture and delivering exceptional services, making Brightview a great place to work and live. If you're looking for a rewarding opportunity to serve your local community and grow, we want you to join our team. Brightview Senior Living is growing and actively seeking vibrant associates to join our community teams, including directors, healthcare, activities, hospitality, and dining. Apply today at careers.brightviewseniorliving.com. Equal employment opportunities.

Text BVJOBS to 97211 to apply.

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