"Huge Skulls Chat" (w/ Michelle Collins) 01:26:15

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Look, Matt. Where? Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes. Goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. Well, another episode. Can we just quickly mention, and I would love to know more about your time on RuPaul's Drag Race. Oh. This semifinal episode, which is, I guess, what we're calling it now. We've never called it that before. Except.

Except now this is this is the B.T.S.T. So Joel Kim Booster had guest judged like a week and a half before me. And then literally I was recording my album in L.A. and they they they reach out and they're like, can that come literally tomorrow to do something? And I was like, OK, maybe they had a guest judge come out. They said it's not judging. It is something else. But it's a big part of the episode.

So I said to Joel, I was like, how many girls were there when you were there? He was like seven. So I was like, oh, that feels like there might be very few girls there. So I get there. I'm essentially doing the Tic Tac lunch. I was going to say, which is such a huge supplanting thing.

of such an iconic thing. But I think this is my girl being so undeniably good and talented and charming. I didn't miss it.

I didn't miss the TikTok lunch. This is why it works as a thing that's not the TikTok lunch because with Rue or Michelle, there's a guard up. Whereas I got immediately that they were talking to me like one of the girls. And so I sat down and literally the, it was so funny. I get there.

And I go to my trailer and there's probably about 90 minutes to go before we tape. And they go, okay, here are their books. And here's an info sheet about all of them. And I was like, what? Their books? What did you read? Because you seemed pretty up to speed, but how much did they write and how much did you read?

So they each wrote like two essays each. The materials that they gave me, what I was surmising was that they had to write two, I guess, contrasting essays that said something about them. What it seemed like was write one funny one and one more vulnerable one.

Great. It was all like that, except for Plain Jane's, who kind of were both more... Sardonic. Comedy forward. Yeah. And so it was a lot, though. I was excited. It felt like I had homework, but in a fun way. So get to the runway, do the four interviews. I will say what you saw on TV was pretty much the way it felt in the rooms. Great. Outside of the fact that

I'm surprised that Plain Jane got such negative critiques. And if I had something to say about all four of them, it was just like, Saphira's star quality is like through the roof. Like she has so much like gravitas and she so clearly knows herself. And I was so impressed with her. Nymphia, I walked away and the producers were literally like, she's never even used that tone of voice before. This was huge. Like she never opens up. She's goofy. Yeah.

as we can see on the show, that's kind of been true. Plane felt like one of the girls, one of our friends. Like, yeah, it was just kind of like very normal. And then Q was great. But the fact that there's the top three that there is, I'm not surprised. Oh, it had nothing really to do with Q. It just had to do with the three of them feeling like the three.

And I was really happy with how it went. And I'm so happy that it was positive and everyone looked really great coming out of it. And it was so fun. And you were just so good at facilitating that. Yeah, it seems like maybe in the edit, they had you set a trap for Jane when you move for playing when you didn't really. That wasn't.

the plan. I would like to clear this up. That is not a, there was no traps being set for plane. I was having a lot of fun with plane and we actually had probably the most casual conversation out of the four of us because we had a lot of back and forth planes. Essay was called being a bitch can be an act of kindness. So I asked a pretty simple question off that, which is how have you been a bitch as an act of kindness in the competition? It's not a trap. If it was the name of her essay, it's,

You know what I mean? Like, and I think that I had tons of positive things to say about my time with plane, but the clip they showed was if an interviewer asks you to be shady, you don't have to be shady, which is true. It's something that everyone's had to learn. Like anyone that does any interviewing or, you know,

any like, you know, pop culture discussion or talk about other people on a platform, there's always going to be the opportunity to say something uncouth. You just can't take the opportunity all the time, which maybe is useful for playing to learn. You know what I mean? Sure. She's on a journey of self-discovery as we can tell. And yeah, we wish her the best. We wish all top three Queens the best as they headed to the grand finale. Um,

But, oh, we also wanted to say, or I didn't tell you about this, Beau, but I feel like we should announce this. So readers, Katie's publicist finalists will remember that we have upcoming our big 400th episode. It's where we will have the iconic 400, the iconic 400 people of culture. It will be one of our biggest episodes yet. Maybe the biggest episode yet. Here's the thing. We are well past our 400th episode. We forgot.

We missed it. We, I think on episode like 407 or 408, 409, we missed it. We did not do it, but we will. We missed it, but we will. And we will get to 2013. We've just had a lot of culture and a lot of business to take care of.

Please listen when we say that we are designating the iconic 400 episodes, plural, because it will be multiple episodes. Hear that? That will be the time to celebrate 400 episodes of Lost Culture. Yes, it's coming. The nominations for the Culture Awards are coming. It's a big time in Lost Culture lore. It really is. It's a big time in Lost Culture lore. I mean, Lost Culture was on Drag Race.

Like they said, the words Lost Culture reached us on Drag Race. Hello. Hello. I was gagged. We've sold out our show. You know what I mean? Like the culture awards are sold out. Thank you all so much for being so excited. Thank you for being excited. We are looking into a live stream option. We really want to make sure everyone can watch this.

We're so sorry if that process was stressful for anyone, but we're so excited to see you all there in any capacity, virtually, spatially. It'll be great. Speaking of a big time in Lost Culture Lore, speaking of Lost Culture Lore in general. There are some things. Our guest is...

deeply woven into that tapestry. 100%. This is a figure in Lost Coach, in the larger picture that is Lost Coach. You know what I mean? I think when the aliens in decades to come find the artifact that is Lost Coach, they're going to be like, this was a podcast hosted by Michelle Collins.

And if they find a huge skull, if they open the trunk and it's my skull, I'm going to be so mad. It's just all skull. They're like, it's Mish. What are you talking about? And they're going to go, it's Mish. Stop it now. So basically,

What had happened was we went to Amsterdam and literally one of the only reasons why we even did a show in Amsterdam was because our guest today lives there. And we thought, what a fun opportunity to do a great live show with our guest and get it on tape and bring it back to the States.

That did not happen. That did not happen because I'm just going to say the venue lost the audio. And then our guests didn't believe us and thought there was a conspiracy. No, Michelle, we can show you the emails. We were like, what are you talking about? And this is like a pretty, this is a great storied venue. And they somehow didn't get their stuff together to like record like live audio, which no problem. It's hard. Things happen. Things happen. We're not...

We're a little bit peeved because it was a great episode. It was the funniest I've ever been, but it's completely fine. You know, I'll never reach those heights again, but

But it's fine. It's OK. Afterwards, I was like, Michelle thinks that we thought she was funnier than us. And so we tossed the episode. Not at all. I was like, I was like, maybe she thinks because you didn't. I don't think so, honey. That was controversial, to say the least. Yeah. And I thought I think she thinks we quote unquote lost the audio because we didn't want that on there. But now we're setting you free. We want you to do whatever you want to do. Let me tell you.

Since the honeymooners, I don't think an episode has been lost of anything. Okay. The last lost episode was the fucking honeymooners and now lost culture recess. And I had my worst ASOS dress on. I was feeling cute. Actually, just the other day I was walking with friends of mine and you know, most of my listeners, cause I have a show, the Michelle Collins show. I'll plug away. It's fine. And this is Michelle Collins, by the way, but everyone, welcome to the pod. Michelle Collins.

fine lose that too who cares cut that out cut the name believe my name this is already marked marks for deletion I was walking through like town with my friends and the two like coolest Dutch people I've ever laid eyes on they were so dressed so cool they were young like Gen Zers and they went Dutch they went Michelle

And my friends thought they knew like that we were friends. I would never have such cool friends, no offense to them. But I was like, yes. And they go, oh, we're fans. Could not have said it in a bigger throwaway way. But like, I loved it. They're like, yeah, we're fans. We saw you at Las Culturistas. And I thought, oh, two people who witnessed the famed Las Culturistas, right? So anyway, but I had the best time with you. Thank you for asking me. Listen, it was so much fun. Who cares? We had

We had a blast. We had a blast. And then we had a lovely boat ride the next day. That was so fun. Remember the boat? Remember our sea captain who looked like they scraped him off of the side of one of the wooden posts? Like he was so, he was so like weathered and hot. Wait, why do I remember him being hot though? He was very hot. But he was like weathered. Remember?

Remember? That'll do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm saying he was like, yeah. When a Dutch man like is rugged, it's it's it's a it's a complex flavor profile. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes you don't expect these Dutch guys to be sort of dressed down, not really giving a fuck. I don't know. He was he was he was cool, but like he was Dutch hot in a way that I am not accustomed to. That's my thing.

This is the problem, having lived here a year, is that when I first moved here, my eyes were shining with how hot the people here were. It was upsetting. You know, coming from New York, where you feel physically sick looking at people after, what, 15, 20 minutes? You want to throw up? I got here and I was like, I thought, oh, my God, these are the best looking...

slim fit. They, and they all dress down. That's the thing that there's no, there are no gown shops in town. If actually I'm going to send you the Instagram account of this woman who sells like high end clothes, who genuinely looks like tan mom. And she's the most elegant woman in the Netherlands. Like I can't even tell you, but after being here a year, my, my eyes are basically, how do I put it? It's like, you know, the Eddie Murphy joke where when you eat Ritz every day, you grow accustomed to it. Like I'm so used to how hot the people here are. Right. Absolutely.

I'm like immune to it in a way. And then now I'm also starting to see the ugliness as well because I've been here so long that, you know, I always liken people to kind of like animals. So there are like a lot of frog faces here. A lot of like wide set pug eyes. Anyway, they love me. I'm a huge hit. And I can't wait for the government to hear this. One might be. Anyway, the government. Yeah.

The government of Amsterdam is that the one it is? I guess the Netherlands. The government of Amsterdam. The Amsterdam government is coming for us all. The only reason why I did my I don't think so, honey, about this very lovable personality is because I've never heard anyone, rightfully so, say a bad word about her. And she is. And of course, I adore her, too, the most talented person on Earth. So it felt fun and really dangerous after someone from the audience. I'm not going to say who everyone knows. Someone from the audience screamed her name out and Matt refused to do it.

And then I scrapped my plan and I thought I'm going to do it because that's just funny. In the meantime, since that, she looks incredible. Her show is like number one. I mean, it's just, I think it's because of me. I think that I... So basically, Michelle, do you want to say what your I Don't Think So Honey was about?

Yeah, I do. And I hope she hears this because I'm a fan. I wanted to know and I'm happy that we lost the episode. It was about Kelly Clarkson. A moment like this is Kelly Clarkson. You know, my whole thing, which I'll say here and I'll say to her face, is you're already the most talented singer. Why are you stealing food out of my mouth in the daytime talk show circuit? You know, there's only like seven chairs open. That I'll stick to. That's the same with Jennifer Hudson. All these singers that they're... Andrew Barrymore too, like...

What do you make of Sherry? Because Sherry was technically sort of in that, you know, milieu for a little bit and then kind of re-returned. Well, I don't have any opinions about any former Vue co-hosts personally. So I wish her the best. I don't really know Sherry well. Hold on, hold on a second. Michelle, I marvel at the fact that you are so, and can I just say like,

and you have been so respectful about commenting on The View. From where I sit, it seems like you have such restraint. And I feel like, and please don't take this the wrong way, what we love about you is that you are, you can just talk and talk and talk. You have the gift of gab. You are unfiltered. So I find it so...

interesting and complex and beautiful that you have, have really, I'm not asking, I'm not teasing anything out of you. I'm just saying that's, that's amazing. I've got tickets to a tour to sell. It's called the big natural tour. You buy tickets. I may bring the view up on stage. Say this about it. And maybe this is like a good teaser to get people to buy tickets. By the way, I sing in the show. I, I really hope you guys can come if you have the chance, but I'll say this.

I have bitten my tongue about a lot of the things that went on there. I think partially due to light PTSD and then just also being raised in a family home where we took the high road. That was just not, you know, I find it ugly. And frankly, you know, it took me a long time to kind of come to terms with the fact that it was and still is the biggest problem.

thing I've really ever done and allowed me the opportunity to gain fans. I had the serious show, you know, all these things happen because of that. So I can't spit, you know, where I came from. Right. But I'll add that it does frustrate me a hair that I have behaved so well. And then this show has absolutely never invited me back.

They have a podcast. They've never asked me back. Matt, I know you were so sweet about me on that show and that meant the world to me, by the way. I always go out of my way to say you're one of the lost great hosts of that show. Another lost thing. No, I just mean that you were this great host on it and it feels like what you said, it feels like that era kind of gets lost. Me and Raven and Candice. Yeah.

I mean, I love them, but you know what frustrates me is like, okay, I'm playing the game and Kelly. Oh, who was on? It was, oh no, Paula. I don't even remember. There were like 17 people, but

It bothers me that I played the game right and then I'm not rewarded a little bit. No, exactly. They asked me, I'll tell this much, for the 25th anniversary season, they did reach out to me. It was the first time I had heard from them. Are you getting a little gossip? See, it's fun. I got to sell tickets, people. I'm telling you, Michelle Collins live. The Big Natural Tour. Big Natural Tour, singular because it's... Big Natural. Okay.

So one big one, 25th anniversary. They reached out to me. I was very open to it. You know, the negative feelings or what have you, which one day I'll write about in a book after they have me on. I have buried. So I thought, OK, they said, hey, can you do an intro? We're going to do all the hosts in the 25th anniversary intro. So this is, by the way, one of the worst stories ever because I sound horrible. But I was in Paris. The lights go out.

It's lost again. And my friend, I said, this is so fabulous. We're at the Eiffel Tower. I know. It's like a wonder they lost it again. Eiffel Tower is behind. That's so weird, Michelle. We can't reschedule. I'm like, it's amazing. You don't have me back on. That's great.

I'm in an ermine coat. I have a crown on. I'm like, I don't know why they won't have me back. No, but anyway, there was an Eiffel Tower behind me. An Eiffel Tower. The Eiffel Tower. And there was one of them. You've been. An Eiffel Tower. You've been.

You know how it is. Don't tell anyone. And they were so sick. Oh, this is fabulous. And so we shot for like an hour of me going, walk into the, you know, whatever the thing was that they wanted me to say. And I really wanted to look good in it, et cetera. Send it in. And you know, I don't watch the show. To be fair, I didn't watch it before I was on it. I always say I watched it when I was literally on it, like on stage. So yeah,

So anyway, then the show, the premiere comes out and I swear they put me in. I'm trying to think what's the tiniest three by three pixel square on an HDTV. You couldn't see. It looked like I was in front of an antenna in the skin. Oh, finally. That's the one. That's the tour name.

Tiny skull. And I was like, okay, you know, whatever. I wasn't bitter about it because what are they going to do? Feature me? I was on the show for like six months, you know, so fine. But then that whole season, I thought, you know what? It's shitty. And I'll just say it. It is. It isn't nice. It's like, listen, I exist, you know, and I've played the game, but now I guess I don't have to anymore. So that's exciting. Thanks. No, now, now it's, now it's, it's off to the races. Now that you're getting dangerous. Now they're going to want you back.

Cause the show lacks danger. Now I will say that since the show has become, we're five moderate women that like, you know what I mean? It's just kind of like, it's, it lacks a little bit of that energy. You know, who tries to start mess is sunny, but because she's the only one trying to start mess, like she's,

And also it's kind of just funny when she does, cause she has like this, like you can see her rev up and deliver. And it's just like, you don't believe this. You know what I mean? Like she was like, well, I think a woman should be able to kill her husband if she cheats. And we're like, no, you don't. Oh my God. And then all of a sudden, like Alyssa, Alyssa Farrah Griffin on the show, like suddenly turned a corner and is like life likable queen. And you're like, wait, wait, hold on one second. Yeah.

They were all so sweet when I went there, but there is an element of, let's call it that quality that the view has where it can get dangerous when you're watching it, which is missing, which I can't tell if I miss or whatever. But like you said, you don't watch it.

I really don't. I watch Price is Right every damn day. My brother gave me his DirecTV. Another host I'm not crazy about, Drew Carey, but we'll take it. I love my games. I love my games. I can't help it. No, I don't watch it, but you know what? Listen, if I reached out to my friend who works there being like, hey, I'm in town next week to do some promotion, and I would happily go back. You know what I mean? For me, it's been such a long time, but I think that they really do want to forget about Candice Raven and I.

And, you know, they never talk about Rosie Perez. She was on the season before me and we crossed over a little bit. But yeah, I remember there's just a couple of people that it's like, you know, we were on. We were on the you had a confetti cannon go off when I got hired. Do you think it's like that time politically was so like it feels so foreign, like Trump just left?

out or like the beginning of all of that feels so far away that there's like the distance is the focal point is so like

and all over the place. Maybe that's it. I don't think it's on you guys. Oh, no. Listen, I personally think that there were so many things going on behind the scenes with the producers that we were just sort of, what's the word in war? You know, there's a word for when people just die. Casualties. Casualties. Friendly fire. Casualties.

- Friendly fire, unfriendly fire. Yeah, we were just the collateral maybe is the word I'm looking for. They didn't care. It was like, okay, next we gotta bring other people in. So it's fine. You know, listen, I'm grateful. I rented, you know, when I moved up back from LA to New York to do the show,

I was so sure that this was like my longtime big break that I rented the nicest apartment. My joke is that I came back in the coming to America limos. Like I was just like, I'm so rich now. I'm on ABC and I rented a two bedroom, huge apartment at Columbus circle. Like who do I think I am? A two year lease. You thought you were a corporate media girly. CMG.

And now I wear threadbare dresses with hot pink bras on. Okay, this is what happens. Anyway, that's a lesson to you kids out there. When you get hired for daytime TV, get a studio. What were you going to say? Get a studio. It's the big natural tour. Please go check. Thank you for sharing that.

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You said something before we started recording that you had one had a day and two were just in Germany and that you're not the same. So tell us what happened.

Tell us what happened today and tell us what happened in Germany. - Today I just worked all day and that alone was traumatizing for me 'cause that never happens. Like when I'm working from like 8:00 AM until 4:00 PM, I don't remember the last time that's happened. So I really worked hard. I went to Frankfurt last week. Thanks, Bobo. You were so great on the show, by the way. The two of you are just, can I say how proud I am of the two of you? Is that, I really mean it. I sound like your mom. But I just am like, look at my boys thrive and it's the best feeling in the world.

You know you're our favorite. Honestly, I will say it truly was like there was only so many ways to communicate the episode was truly lost. The fact that you for even one second thought that we would like

ever not use even a second of time we had with you was like I just wanted you to know like that that was legitimately what happened and it was very embarrassing and like so anyway listen I don't even remember that night was so fun it felt like a fever dream we had a blast we especially went on vacation with you and we loved it by the way I'm going to Greece in June please come because right now it's just me which

If you know Mykonos, it's not the vibe. - It might be the vibe though. You might be the queen. - It could happen actually. Well, I went last week. I don't know if you know the podcaster, Laura Shane Halls. She does the Sexy Unique podcast. Very, very funny. - Yes, yes, of course. - She's great. So she and her family friend were in Germany and I thought, oh, 'cause I live in Amsterdam, let me go to Germany. I figured what's the worst that can happen? I just watched Zone of Interest by the way, anyway.

I got on a train. Listen, it was supposed to be. Did you watch it? Have you seen it? I can't. No, wait. I did. I did. It was hard. Yeah. Very hard. Everyone said everyone who told me to see it in a theater are my enemies. And by the way, this is no, because if I had sat in a theater with those sound effects going off. I know. One way ticket to the loony bin for me. I don't know how sensitive I am. Because they usually give a round trip. What?

All this material and more in the last episode. Again, my funniest show ever. You really were tearing it up. It's not that good. I got a one-way ticket to Frankfurt.

Four hours. It actually relates to zone of interest. Hear me out. Four hours from Amsterdam to, I'm telling you, I can make that joke. Amsterdam to Frankfurt. Get on the train at 8 a.m. Looking good. I woke up, I like to wake up early and pack in the morning, do my makeup. I really never know. I'm always in first class on the train because it's like an extra $10, but then you can like kick dirt in people's faces. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You can speed past people. Like I love doing that.

So anyway, already there was an issue with the train. We had to take a connecting, okay, no problem. Get on a new track. We're on the train for about an hour. I'm doing work for the show, believe it or not. And we come to a halt, a grinding halt.

We're stopped for about an hour to two hours. And in German, they keep coming over the loudspeaker, which again, not a safe feeling for me. And they're like, hello, we have some power lines on the track. We are going to try. It's a safety issue. We cannot do anything about it. We have buses going to take you to Dusseldorf. I was supposed to be in Frankfurt by now. I'm going to fast forward.

I now am sitting on the floor of a bus. I have pictures with the road next to me. Hold on. Now they take us to Dusseldorf to get a train. Get on that train. I actually meet some very lovely Dutch people. We're like all kibitzing about the stress of it all. Right. And train comes to a stop again and I'm looking on my phone on the app and I'm like, this

This is weird. It says it's not stopping in Cologne. Do you want to know why? The one day that I decide, I swear on my life, to go to Germany, do you know what they found right near the train station? A World War II aerial bomb that hadn't been detonated. What?

Listen to me. They found a world. They unearthed. They're like, oh, Michelle's here. Perfect. Unearthed. Oh, big skull OBS. Perfect. A torpedo or some shit. And they couldn't have the trains go by because they're afraid that the vibration of the train is going to set off this bomb. So it wasn't a power line issue. It was. It was two things. First the power line, then the bomb.

End of story. I ended up with my big ass bag. You know, I always take a lot of shit with me in a place called Koblenz, which I was rotting in this piss stinking train station for two hours. And then right as I'm getting on the train, I see a guy with the most beautiful TK Maxx bag and I missed it. I didn't get to go. This is not a good story. Anyway, it took me 11 hours to get into town. I'm just saying next time I go to Germany, they're still finding bombs on the ground. Jesus Christ. Isn't that wild? It's not funny, but interesting.

And it did relate to Zone of Interest. How do we lose it? You were like, it relates to Zone of Interest, I promise. It's a World War II bomb. Yeah, it's Zone of Interest. That's unbelievable. I know.

Wow. We went to Berlin right after. Amsterdam? We saw you. Did we go from Amsterdam to Berlin? Was Berlin our last stop, Beau? We did Berlin. No, it doesn't matter. Anyway, it's very somber. Like, the first time you go, there it is. There's, like, this very intense feeling you have to, like, get over. The wall, like, there's, like, an energy. It's just...

Once you get over it, you're fine. And then it's a fun, lovely, great city. We had an amazing time. We went and smoked weed on the floor with peaches at a bar. It was incredible. But like there's a heaviness at first. Gravitas. There's a gravitas. But you're right. There is a feeling when you get into a town like that. And it is depressing. The worst place where I feel, and it's actually for the opposite reason. Have you ever been to Vienna, Austria? No. It's too pretty.

Exactly. Vienna has the opposite thing where it's so pristine and so beautiful. There was not an overlook or a balcony in that town where I couldn't see you-know-who giving a major speech. Every balcony I'm going, well, it was like my mind was like AI-ing him into every little nook and cranny in Vienna. So I might just need help. But yeah, it's, listen, I love Germany. I actually like Germany. Munich, I love if you've ever been. It's a beautiful place, you know.

- Well, again, funniest episode, similar year. You have to bring this stuff up in the 400th. - No. - Clip this part.

But you're so nice to have me back. I really appreciate it. People still talk about someone spilled sauce. I was just going to say, that's one of our most famous, most notable episodes of all time. When Michelle told the story about getting into an elevator and spilling, I guess, ponzu sauce all over the floor. And Lea Michele walked in. At the BevMo. At the BevMo. Yep. And Lea Michele walked in and Michelle told her, someone spilled sauce. It was me. But she gave me such a dirty look.

I didn't know what, her boyfriend was very friendly and then she looked at me so dirty, but you have to understand that that elevator, just want to make it known because anyone who's been to LA needs to know that it's where the crazy rock and sushi is. That's their house sauce. It's ponzu really mixed with some sesame oil if we're going to go there, but there's a Target, a BevMo, that same elevator. And I think I told this on your show as well, was where one time I was by myself going to Target and a guy who had whiteout contacts, flip flops,

came up to me and was like... Are you scared? What'd he say? Are you gonna cry? Are you gonna cry? So I had this very haunted elevator for me. It's one of the reasons I left LA. I'm not even joking. Like, unfortunately, the state of the world is...

shit. Yeah. So it's just a reflection of kind of what's happening all over. It's happening in Miami. I mean, it's happening everywhere. Cost of living, being insane. I just, I mean, Bone, you, what about the girls getting punched? Well, you know, they think that that was like a Reddit conspiracy with those punching ladies. Yeah, because they never found the guy, right?

Well, they think it was more than one guy and that it was like a Reddit thread where they said, go in this area and punch these ladies. But somehow, amazingly, Bethany got herself involved, which is a really good gift. I mean, just to figure out. So how did that happen? Because I heard about Bethany getting in the mix, but I didn't bother finding out how. I mean, she just was like, I got punched.

You know, she said, but it was months ago. And I'm thinking that tracks, she probably did, but I don't think it's related to this. Right, right, right. I just keep my head down. I don't know if that's, I don't know if that's like, I don't know what that means, but I just kind of like go to the train, take it to work. I thankfully, I,

the train pulls right into my office. Like I don't have to step back outside in order to go inside another building. Um, so I feel like I have a pretty myopic view and scope of the city, but I I'm, I'm having an okay time here. The weather's getting nice.

Do you go to the restaurants below Rockefeller Center? Yeah, there's one. When I'm in town. No, they're nice. They're nice. We're going to Del Frisco's, baby. Come on. Hold on. Can we? I'm about to. I don't think so, honey. Del Frisco's. Which one? The grill? No. Because there's two Del Frisco's. Oh, all I don't think. Yeah.

Which one? The one that's by Rock Center or the one that's by Sirius? There's the Del Frisco's. Oh, the one by Sirius. No, there's the one by Sirius, which is... I never go. You never go. No. People from the office get delivery from Del Frisco's at Rock Center all the time. There's a place called Jupiter. That's great. We go to Rock sometimes. I can tell Matt's... They have these like cheeseburger egg rolls. Oh my God. I know. I know.

I'll tell you something about this, guys. When I work at Sirius, I used to go there. I used to go there.

There's a bartender who works there. You probably know him. He kind of has like a skeletal energy. He's like a bald, big Irishman. The skeleton and skull imagery on this episode is out of bounds. He's very like hot squidward. No, because he's bald, but he has like the dents on the side. You know, he's like a slimmer guy. Irish. I've never, I don't know if anyone on this planet hates me more than this man. I've never had someone be so mean to me when I show up.

Like the water always smells like dog. But the only reason why I used to go there is because they had a seared tuna sashimi salad that I loved. And it was like $37. It was three chunks of sashims, some, you know, wonton strips, you know, like real dumb bitch food, like dumb, dumb bitch. And I loved it. And I went there last time with my friend Lucas and,

And we sat at the bar, which I love to sit at the bar anywhere I go. I love a bar. I want to be in the mix. Love to look at everyone. Yeah. Cool girl vibes. The ultimate cool girl vibes. I'm at the bar. You can talk to me. I'm watching. I'm watching people. Yeah. It's the best. And also as a tall person, I can like stretch my legs out. You know, it just gives me room to breathe. Yes. Anyway. You open the menu. Guess what? No.

tuna salad on the menu any longer. And I called Tristan, I don't know his name, over. And I said...

I said, Tris, what's with the, what's with the lack of the sesame salad? My favorite item's not on the menu. My number one item isn't on the menu. And he said they were bought by another restaurant group ever since they sold us to fill in the blank. I don't know who it was. He's like, so they made some decisions and they took the salad off the menu and we left. And

And we went instead. We laughed. I'm not eating fucking cheeseburger egg rolls. No offense. So we laughed. I can barely squeeze into my ribbed dress as it is. And we went to Oceania. What is that place? That's another. Jesus. Ocean Prime? No. No, it's the one also in the serious building. Yeah, yeah. And we went there and I had like a $97 like scrimp. I don't even know. The whole town is upside down. I had to leave. No.

Right. This was the last time you were in New York or no? This was a while ago. This was a month and a half ago. A month and a half ago. Yeah. And so you're like, oh, this city's in the toilet. That's when I decided to leave. When I saw that the tuna salad was off the menu...

You're like, this isn't my city anymore. I don't recognize this place. I just want to make it clear to everyone as well. Now that we're airing our, like doing our like ombudsman segment, I left New York, not because of the crime, but because I had a bathroom that wouldn't not be brown. The grout, the tiling. This was my breaking point moment. I had two.

One was I got stuck in the elevator at the Clark Street stop on the 23 train. You have a huge famous stop. One of the great stops. No, that's a terrible stop. It's horrible. One of the great stops. There's no stairway to get up. And I got in that elevator and I swear to God, it was like the casting team from the bus from Speed had put everyone on that elevator. It was like...

unorthodox Jew like a guy with a whale spear like I was like what is happening from the bus from speed that was like everyone motherfucker was on it and I looked around me like okay this town still has it

And then it got stuck and we were stuck on that elevator. And I had an anxiety attack seriously where I was like, of course I had never had claustrophobia in my life. And you're in an elevator and you're underground. Like that's underground hell with genuinely with central casting. And I thought, okay, not city's not for me. And then I was away for a bit in a very nice modern bathroom, came back to my uptown apartment and,

And I had a very lovely apartment. I had a great deal on it, even though I think there was mold in the ceiling and I was seeing stars every morning when I woke up. Great deal. Great deal. There was definitely like mold. There was 100% mold in the ceiling in this apartment. I don't want to shout out the address, but anyway, my bathroom, first of all, I had that coffin shaped tub, which I hate. You know, they have, why did they do that? Why do they shave some tubs like coffins? The,

The shape of the nail. Fill your fantasy. Wait, that's funny. And then the tile was so old, Tylee Minogue. And I looked at it and I saw the grout and it didn't matter. I could get on my hands and knees scrubbing it with a toothbrush and toothpaste and it was not going to not be brown. And the brown grout, how now brown grout, is what got me out of that situation.

Okay, so that's where you're at with New York. What about Miami? What about Florida in general as having grown up there? Funny you bring it up because truth be told, if I do end up moving back to the US... Now listen, I say this about New York. It would be Miami. So many people are doing Miami. I know. Yeah, yeah. I would move back to New York for the right job. You know, obviously network TV in a second, but...

Miami's fine. Listen, great shopping. If a single person is debating moving there, if you're a straight woman, you have to really be comfortable with the idea of dating Pitbull. If that is something that you're a favorite, and he's the best smelling celebrity I've ever met for the record. No one smells better than Pitbull. And lovely, sweet as pie. But the styling of Pitbull, that whole, that kind of a vibe, that has to be with me if you're going to move there. We're going to call it a Miami aesthetic.

Yeah. A flow, literally a flow rider man. Yep. Florida man is actually flow rider man. That's actually a big distinction because you can have Florida man walking around really any part of the country, but a flow rider man is Florida specific. Yes. Specific.

Yeah, I probably would. Do you guys ever go down there? We should do a little trip. We went down there for New Year's. Two New Year's ago. And it was fun. We were just like...

all over the place. And so I need to go back there. And we were like in an Airbnb. And I think, I think Miami is a place where you, you gotta be in a nice swanky hotel. I think I've been to Miami for the last time. Really? Yeah. Stop. Why? No, I don't enjoy, um,

Here's the thing. It lives in a thing for me where it's like, it feels like you can go and you want to be relaxing, but also be like turned on if you want to, like in terms of the nightlife. It's just a little too much of both. It's a little too... It's just... The energy is too high for me. Even if you're relaxing, quote unquote, you still have to dial into it in such a crazy way. I don't know. It's just... There comes a point at night where things turn in Miami and it just goes...

I think I've not, not outgrown it, but like, it's just not the way I would choose to vacation. And if I'm ever going to Miami, it would be that. So I don't know. I have something to say. Go ahead. Much like we are stereotyping Los Angeles and New York, you have seen, and I, by the way, I left Miami when I just turned 17. Cause I hated it. So understand like, I'm not some God knows what Miami person, but I know that the Miami that you've seen is a very specific part. You've been to South beach. I'm assuming downtown, maybe design district, but,

There is, you know, you're not wrong. It's a very flashy town. Money is king. Everybody wants to have the most money and looks a lot expensive. It is a lot. No question about it.

But within the town, you can still find pockets of like good restaurants. And now especially like a lot of New Yorkers are down there like Northeast people. I think it's gotten a little bit better, but that is a very touristic thing. Did you drive when you were there or you were just taking Ubers everywhere? We were taking Ubers. I think it would have been a totally different vibe had we been there for longer than it was. And it wasn't New Year's and we weren't like doing a certain thing. You know, our best friend Jared, who's like your biggest fan is also from Miami. Oh.

Oh, no kidding. Yeah. Hook us up because I always need more friends down there. But every time I come on your show, I beg for friends. What is that? That happened also at the Amsterdam show. Let's unpack that. Forget Miami. I'm always like, I need friends. Fabulous. Let's talk. Let's do it. You have such cool friends though. You have cool friends. When we, speaking of Chaconis, we sat with some swanky, swanky friends. Here I am saying swanky again. What am I? But then we had a great time with your friends. Also those Gen Zers who stopped you in the street could have been your friends. Yeah, they were cool. Like,

You know, we got to start building more bridges. I was attracted to your one. Remember when I was like hitting it off with your one friend. No, it was a better one. Kevin, Kevin. Those are my two hot Dutch girlfriends. I felt that there was a vibe between us. I had a good time talking to Ben, right? I remember. You guys, come back. Listen, look at me. Come back. And just in case the listener is wondering, yes, I was sitting alone. No, I'm joking. You know, it's literally. You bring two gays to the show and we're like, bye, bitch. You're...

I'm sitting with my legs crossed on the ground. I don't even have a seat. They're like, sit there, dog. I'm like, okay. I sit on the ground. I'm like, it's fine. I don't mind it. No, they're the best. I do have very lovely friends here. I'm joking about that. Miami, come back to Miami when it's not New Year's. Here's the thing though. And just on the topic of New Year's, no city that you don't live in, if you're visiting a city on New Year's, you will have a bad time, period. It doesn't matter where it is. Correct.

New York is not better. Except this last New Year's where we were in New York, I loved it. We were home. We were working. Yeah. We were working, but we were just like, it was, we were like, it was so like, there was no like,

packing within two days. There was no like, okay, like where, where should we go now? Like what, what reservation should we make? It was, there was none of that. There was no itinerary. It was just like, let's, we're just, we're home. Everyone come over to my apartment. And we went to Mexico city a couple of years ago. Like I would love to visit Mexico city when it's not new year's. Um, Becca Ramos, producer Becca says New York New Year's Eve house party is the best way to go. Period.

I do want to say, however, that I had one of my best New Year's in Las Vegas many years ago where my friend and I Vegas is actually fun in New Year's because what I love about Vegas, many people hate it. It's whatever you want it to be, I say. So if you want to be like a dumb slut, great. If you want to just gamble or have a drink, have a good dinner somewhere, see a nice show. It is what you want, which is nice. We had the best fucking time in Vegas. We met people. We had big martinis at the

Petrosian bar in the Bellagio hotel. We saw Celine Dion. So Celine, God bless her. We saw Celine. Then we went and watched fireworks over the strip. And I bought these like $2 light up, uh, Minnie mouse ears that when I put them on my scalp, it felt like my entire body was getting electrocuted. Anyone, you know, this feeling anyway, it was fabulous, fabulous. But,

So Vegas actually can be. Well, because Vegas can't turn up more than it's already turned up. So it's like it's already operating at a New Year's Eve energy, literally 365 days a year, 366 on the leap. And so on like any given day, you can have that experience. And so it doesn't feel like you have to adjust to anything because you're just like, this is Vegas. Right. Yeah. I've never been to Mexico City, though. We should all go do a live show there. We should all go.

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Michelle, what are your hopes and dreams for the summer? Besides Greece, are you going to Greece? So I have a lot coming up, actually. So, okay, tour first, even though it's not technically summer. Where are you touring and when is it? Okay, big natural tour. So it starts on April 23rd. We're doing Atlanta, Town Hall in New York, the Stavon Theater in Los Angeles, Portland, Oregon, and a big theater, the Aladdin Theater, then Philly, Pittsburgh, and Chicago. And Boston is still not ready. Where are you playing in Chicago?

City Winery. Oh, fun. Cute, cute venue. Should be fun. But yeah, if you live in LA or New York, definitely, definitely get to the other shows are like nearly sold out. But LA and New York are the big venues in Portland, Oregon. So we have special guests, Brian Safi, Daniel Schneider, Mamrie Hart. I don't know if she'll let me say, but Kat Cohen in New York is going to be there. It's going to be fun.

I wanted to say I played at the Aladdin Theater in Portland. It's such a funny vibe because you get there and it looks like it looks like a high school auditorium. And you're like, there's no way. Like my agent had been like, yeah, this venue is great, man. They're going to love you, man. And then I was I get there and I'm like, huh? It's like very Portland vibes. That venue turns awesome.

all the way up. Really? Like it fills up and you're like, oh my God. Like, like I remember before I got on stage, it was one vibe. And then I got on stage and I was like, hold on, wait, this is one of the fun shows. Like it, it really, really, really was great. I, I really liked that. Yeah.

I happen to love Portland. You're going to have a fun time there. Brian Safi's coming with me to that show. And I'll add, I just need people to buy tickets for that show because I think I know like seven people there. They're so sleepy there. Portland sales are slow, but they will come. When Matt and I did I Don't Think So Honey as a tour there in Portland, that was the first show. And it was, I think, one of my favorite shows.

It was. It was great. It was great. And then I remember I got such a bad taste in my mouth about Seattle going forward because we performed the very first time that Bowen and I toured for I Don't Think So Honey. We took it around the country. This was a whole different era. We went to Seattle and we played at an all ages, no alcohol venue.

And Discovery Zone. What was it? We were opening in a Discovery Zone. But but then I was like, it was the most silent. I think it was the most silent comedy show I've ever had out of here.

But did you redeem it with, have you heard of Christmas though? My, one of my favorite cities by far to perform in, Seattle. Have you heard of Christmas? Like I did, I did the Moore Theater last time, which is a little bit bigger. And then before that I did the Neptune, which I'm going back to this year. Oh, spoiler alert. Such good energy. Seattle fucking rocks. I love Seattle.

You know, I've never been to Seattle and I have a friend here who's from there who was like, you need to perform because they're the best crowds. Oh, it's so good. Last week we were talking about it. I should add one last thing, which is also a spoiler because I'm also doing Five Nights in London at the end of June. Wow. At the Soho Theater. Oh, the best. So everyone...

The best. So people should, I don't, tickets will be on sale this week. We're going to announce it officially, but I'll give you the scoop that's happening. I think June 25th through the 29th. Oh, that's so great. Yeah. Oh, there's just the best area, best theater, best vibes. Oh man, that's so great. I'm really excited. I hope you can come for it. Then we're all going to Greece, the three of us to meet Knows. Um,

what I'm doing this summer. I want to like go, you know, I went on a cruise last summer with my parents because again, like the friends are just knocking the door down. So I went to Iceland and to Norway with my parents and I have to tell you, I feel like I'm coming off as the worst version of myself. Like I love Vegas. I had a great time on a cruise, but genuinely I had fun on that cruise and I won't do it again. Just saying. The

The people watching, you are basically on an insane asylum at sea. So everyone is drunk. Everyone's just like horrible in their own kind of ways. Some people are fun. You know, you can sometimes be fun people. Wait, we saw there was a singer on the boat who, this is a really funny quick story that you'll die. So there is a singer that they billed as like being the most, not Michael Crawford, but he was like the second most performing Phantom of all time in Phantom of the Opera. I don't remember his name. Okay.

And so we love Phantom. So my parents and I, we go, we hobble down to the theater to see this guy. And he gets up and he sings two songs from Phantom of the Opera to the sequel. And then he spends the rest of the show singing like Queen songs. So I have video, which I actually am going to show in my show, of my mother just fuming in her seat. She's like so pissed.

She can't stand him. The next day, elevator doors open. Who walks up at this guy? He's like, I think Welsh. And he's got this big stomach and he walks out. And my mom goes, oh, I'm so sorry. Are you the singer from the show? Oh no. Please, please. Oh no. You're dying. At this point, honey, I shrunk the kids. It's the witches. There's green smoke coming out of my jacket. I'm not even alive. It's just, I'm a little rat in like a dress.

And she goes, are you the singer from last night? And he goes, why? Yes, I am. You know, very proud of himself. I am ready to receive a compliment. Yeah. And she goes, just wondering why you chose to sing Phantom of the Opera 2 when they're billing you as Phantom 1. And also you sang like he sang a song from Oliver, which is I guess is like my dad's favorite musical. But he sang like one of the worst songs from Oliver that had my dad seething. So then I go, she goes, and why of all

songs in Oliver that you could have chosen? Why did you? I mean, I'm like this. It was like, um, what's the Jack Nicholson movie? A Few Good Men? It was The Shining. It was The Shining. It was The Shining.

As good as it gets. She was in the back wearing glasses and my mom was Greg Kinnear. And then I was the dog. My mom was Greg Kinnear. Second time you've designated yourself as a dog for this episode. Really? I was that little Brussels Griffon or whatever the fuck they're called. Anyway.

So that was that. I had the best time on that boat. If that guy is listening, I'm so sorry. I'm not proud of her behavior. She's a monster. Anyway, she'll be one of the shows. Talk about your mom. Cause like what I want to know about her takes recently, because like, I know she always has pop culture takes like you sometimes post the emails you get from her. I just want to know like, what's up, what's, what's mom thinking, doing, saying lately. Mom is upset. You know, I do a weekly episode cause I have a Patreon with the show. And once a week, my mom and I do an hour for the highest bidder. Um,

at patreon.com slash mishcall. It sounds like an old man's, but no. No, to the people who pay the most. But she's really big on Deal or No Deal Island. Like this is her new favorite show. Oh yeah, this is like taking over. Yeah. Yeah. It's on NBC too, I think they're showing it there. She loves the traitors like everyone does. You know what she's obsessed with, which I haven't watched yet? Survivor Australia. Oh, it's the best. Yeah.

Oh, 100%. How do you watch it? Because she watches it on something called SouthHemmyTV.com. If I have to hear her say this again, I'm going to like end it all. She's like, well, my SouthHemmyTV.com. I'm like, stop. They did have it at one point on Paramount Plus had it and they don't anymore. But there was one iconic season that they had of Survivor Australia. It was like, I guess it's

Maybe it was season four or something. I don't even want to say who won it because I would like people to find it. But someone that's on Australian Traders season two was also on this season of Survivor. By the way, I want to say Australian Traders season one is I'm going to call the pinnacle of reality television. I think it is the single greatest reality TV season of all time in a competitive sense. Australia.

Australian Traders Season 2 is the worst thing you could ever watch. It honestly becomes more of a comedy. So bad that they cancelled it. And the whole thing was cancelled. Did they? The Australian version? No kidding, because I watched that too. One was very good. Unreal. Is the guy you're talking about that hot as shit giant guy with a beard? Luke. Luke.

I had to look him up. There's a guy who's on Survivor Australia who was like, I think we're Instagram friends. It doesn't matter. Anyway, it doesn't matter. But yeah, he's, but he was, I think, on one of these other reality shows. Anyway. Well, the thing about the cast of Australian Survivor at any given time is it is a collection of the hottest people in the world. And I can't say that about the American version. But this Survivor, by the way, I'm sorry, this season is really sucking. I'm watching, I watched Survivor, you know that. It's not good.

It sucks. It's not good. It's a sit. It's a sit. What's sit? It's long. They're long episodes. You gotta sit for him. I'll say this. Last season was excellent. And it also really only got really good around episode six, seven. We're at that point now where they've merged in this season. And I feel like it's going to get more interesting. But I will say the boogers that they cast that you had to get through in the beginning...

It's actually some of the worst gameplay I've seen in decades on the show. Like it's like, and I talk like I'm 90 years old and it just, it feels like,

there hasn't been this level of A, super fan, and B, horseshit gameplay at the same time, to where I'm like, we gotta stop with the toxic positivity and casting here. There is a casting issue. And like, I understand if people are excited, but there was a, do you remember Banu? Do I remember Banu? He's here. He's on his knees here. Banu's

He said, dear dog, sit. That was a low point in reality television. There was a second where I thought Bono was hot, but then it got too much. He was photogenic and handsome. Yeah. But then it got to be a lot. Mish, what does mom think about the Kate Middleton stuff? Does she have an opinion?

Oh man, there was a moment where I was worried for myself, not her, because I knew that I had joined like K-Anon, like whatever the QAnon version of the Kate Middleton conspiracy theories. I'm one of the few people still on X and I feel it being very...

a really slippery slope with things like this because people are still very funny on X. Like the tweets are hilarious and then they're engaging. And so when people are pointing at all these conspiracy theories, it's fun. You're like, wow, this was before the video. But then even with that video, people saying her eyelid is, you know, glitching out and her shark teeth and the ring and all this stuff.

And it's tough to not watch it back and be like, are they right? Am I, you know, I don't know. Well, I think that they could have avoided all of this by just being a little bit more transparent in the beginning because something that happened that I think, to be honest with you, I don't think they hated was the fact that there was all of this like,

craziness online. And that went on for a very long time. And of course, like she is deserving of her privacy and also deserving of the time it takes to figure out what really is going on. Because, you know, when you get a diagnosis like that or you think you're getting a diagnosis like that, you also want to make sure that you have all the information and that you have a plan and stuff. But the fact is, like,

We can't act like she's not one of the most famous people in the world. You know what I mean? And so, especially when you doctor a photo and when you do all these things, it's like they didn't help themselves there. And I will stand and say they have the worst PR in the world. And I think that the...

If there was any inappropriateness that went on in terms of the discourse about what she was going through, they did not help themselves there. And I'm not talking about William and Kate. I'm talking about the machine around them that did not create a positive, healthy space for her. And I also say that taking accountability for the way everyone talked about it. But then only to be chastised after the video comes out. It's like, well, you kind of...

you kind of like ginned up this fervor around it that like didn't have to exist. I would agree. My thing is that hot guy, Thomas, I forget his last name, who died, that young guy who died supposedly from, I mean, it supposedly was a gunshot wound, I guess. It kind of never fully, I guess, came out what did it. But then when they said the rifle, it sounded like one of the Looney Tunes rifles. Something about it also was off to me and people think that he had like a

a sharp implement or like that he was bludgeoned, which is a word I love to say, but there's something with that too. And that's where I started getting into the weeds about having an affair and what's going on. And it just seems suspicious that all of this was happening at the same time. What can we do to tell you to get off of X? Thomas Kingston. Me? Yeah.

I need a job. I honestly, outside of what I do, I need to work. I know. Are you off of it? You deleted it. We're off. I mean, I, I have, I have a porn old. I have, I have, I have one where I just like follow porn. I have one where I follow porn stars and rollercoaster construction.

My feed is wild. And you're giving me shit about deleting it? Why can't I enjoy the things I like if you're enjoying what you like? I don't understand why I have to be shamed because I'm not watching guys jerking off. Is that okay? You're right. Honestly, the tweets or whatever you want to call them, I'm not on threads. Every time threads accidentally opens, the zeets.

The Zits. I still love it. People are funnier than ever. I'm sorry. And yes, I do see a lot of horrific things as well. And I immediately block. Anytime I see something that I'm like, crosses a line, they're gone. But-

It's endless, unfortunately. It's endless. No problem. No problem at all. I feel like... I love you. The thing is, I feel like I, of course, want to be on there and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. But I think because that context is removed, I can't even engage. But you can jerk off to it. Yeah, for sure. I can jerk off to lots.

But you have so many, it's like, there are only so many things that are funny these days. And that's where I find laughter. You can jerk off to anything. You can go anywhere and find porn. So it's funny that that's the thing that you still are giving them your business with. Mm.

I mean wow is TV comedy that bad like we have to be on X to laugh like nothing out there for day to day stuff yeah because we have no blogs anymore you know I'm 100 actually we have no there's nowhere else to go for like hot takes and quick news quick rapid things I don't know I miss Gawker every day me too in the interest of like you know quick takes before we get to I don't think so honey do you have any Bravo or Housewives takes you have to get off your chest what do you feel about all the recent stuff

We're talking what? Like Summer House I'm watching. I'm liking it. Whatever. So whatever. I don't even know what Carl and Lindsay is. Oh, I actually don't. You know, I watch it again just for there to be sound in my house. I don't know how else to put it. ASMR. Vanderpump is fine. I'm not loving this season. I don't find joy watching it. Really, I'm kind of in a bit of a rut at the moment because...

Potomac is over. Potomac wasn't great this season. We all know that. And then what else is on? Jersey starting. I might have to start watching Jersey. I stopped for a while. I'm excited for Jersey. I'm excited for Jersey. And I guess...

You know what I've been rewatching is like season 10 of OC, the Vicky and Brooks of it all. Like that was that was the golden age right there. I guess I don't even really know why I asked because it's kind of we're kind of in the dead zone. But I hope that I hope it gets fun again. You're right. There's nothing on in New York. What do you think about the New York casting? Have they finalized it?

I think it's pretty finalized. It's just all the women returning, right? No additions? No additions. Everyone's coming back. They haven't even said any friends of. It's just the six of them coming back, which I think is the right move. Sure. But that promo of them split screen on a vertical video, is it there? People have already commented on this weeks ago, but is it there is not enough of a thing for that promo to have made sense. And...

what's her face? Erin doesn't know what the hell was going on and continues to suck. And as does Sai. Like, I'm like, I looked at that grid and I was like, oh, I don't really care about most of these people. That's how I feel. I want to say I like Erin. Erin is a, Erin is a, is a great vibe in person. She's a great vibe in the room. Yeah. But we're not, she sent me a great bottle of mezcal. My loyalty can be bought. Um, no, just kidding. Um,

By the way, she doesn't bother me to the extent that some people hate her. I'm bothered. I think by the end, I hated her. By the end, like Aaron at first, I had goodwill towards all of them actually. And by the end, Aaron really fucked herself. I was like, okay. And I love how I say like, I'm not excited for it. I will be drooling for the first episode. Like I can't wait for it to start. So, but I did their BravoCon panel.

And I really, so the only one I didn't meet was Jenna Lyons because she wasn't even at BravoCon. She didn't step foot into the arena, I guess. I don't know, for whatever reason. But the five of them, I really enjoyed, actually, a lot. And it seemed like they were a very cohesive cast. And I will say the BravoCon audience was going fucking crazy for them. I can imagine. Like, I think that show was a bigger hit.

Then you were supposed to moderate? I was supposed to go to moderate the OC panel. Oh, that would have been fun. I booked my travel. It cost me. I felt like the Monopoly man on the United website. I was like, let's go for it. Like it was so expensive. And then they were like, oh, we'll reimburse you. And then when I said, hey, cause I'm coming from so far away to Vegas. Yeah. It just didn't work out with like the money. They were like, we'll pay for two nights hotel. I was like, and...

then what am I sleeping in the Bellagio fountain? Like on the top of the center spout. Like, where am I going after that? Oh, they come on. They could have ponied up for more to get you out there. They could have ponied and they didn't. So I thought, you know what? And I went to Milan instead, because again, I'm relatable. Good for you. Please come to my show. I won't bring up Milan one time. Michelle Collins. Live talking to her. I really won't.

MichelleCollinsLive.com. I'm excited for the show. I'm going to sing. I wrote a new parody song for it. I love it. Wait. All right. Well, you know where to get tickets. We should do Vegas. That's hopefully an easy trip for us, right? 100%. I love Vegas. I will go this summer. The summer sucks. I'll go in the fall. I'm addicted to Vegas. I literally, I fucking love Vegas. I turn up. I can tell you.

You sit in that Bellagio bar, that Petrosian bar. They all know me by my first name. And one martini is like $37. They're huge. You see, when I say every walk of life in that lobby under the truly glass, every person, every alien, every specimen, every,

somehow walks, rolls their way through and it is the best. To me, there is no better people watching on the planet than right there. Especially during BravoCon, by the way. The best during BravoCon was like, I stayed at, I forget what I said, Cosmopolitan. Oh, nice. And the best was running into like the Gorgas and the Foodas.

like just roaring through the lobby like I loved it like Joe Gorga and John Fuda both stand 4'6 their wives are 19 feet tall and just gorgeous and stunning and just watching them walk through it's like BravoCon was the best because it was just like mascots everywhere I was describing it as like

You watch Mickey and Donald Duck walk around, but they actually never take off the masks. You know what I mean? That's just them. Shannon Storm Spador coming up to me saying she's a fan. I'm like, Shannon, you're too good. That's fine.

I was going to ask if Joe Gorga took a picture in the big high heel in the Cosmopolitan lobby. You know, they have that big high heel you can sit in. That would have been fun. I would have enjoyed that. Cosmo's fun. Listen, it's cheesy. I'm not cheesy like that. I hate fleur de lis famously. I don't like swirls. Like there are certain design elements I don't love. And that's very Vegas. All of those things. It's very Grand Lux Cafe. But I do really lean into that's the Miami suburban girl in me, though. I love things like that. You know? Yeah. I mean, we connect on that. Yeah.

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Okay. It's time for I Don't Think So Honey. Wouldn't you say, Bo and Yang? I would say so. Let's do it. So this, of course, is the segment that we do famously on this podcast every single time. And we even do it on Lost episodes. You know, somewhere out there, there exists an I Don't Think So Honey Kelly Clarkson by Michelle Collins. And it's...

Will it be repeated? We don't know. Maybe she has new takes. We'll see. But I certainly have a new take. It's as a result of watching and consuming culture. And I'm noticing someone is really, really present in the culture right now. And I just want to point it out.

Okay, this is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey as time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, Nicholas Galatzine logistically. This actor is in every single thing. And I don't understand anything.

how it actually happens. I am not, I don't think so honeying him as a talent. I really liked him in Bottoms. I respect his straight ass being in Red, White, and Royal Blue. I think we need more amazing, talented, straight actors to bring gay sex to the screen. I want to see your takes.

But what I really, really don't understand is just logistically how he is the lead in all of these things. All of a sudden, it would suggest a couple of things to me. One, that there are no other actors in his demographic.

And two, that he is AI. I am here to pitch. I think that Nicholas Galitzine is the first AI actor. I don't actually know any sighting of him in real life. So I am pitching this. Nicholas Galitzine is AI. If anyone can disprove this, please come forward. But I think we have to watch out for AI Nicholas Galitzine. It's the only explanation for his ubiquity. And that's one minute. The letters are in his name.

Listen, you are correct, sir. I don't know. I'm like Russell Crowe in what? A Beautiful Mind? You're like pop culture Russell Crowe. You're like Russell Crowe in L.A. Confidential. Love that movie, by the way. Am I wrong? This person is suddenly A-list in a way where I'm like, where did this get? What happened to whatever happened to It Takes 10 Years for an Overnight Success?

Yeah. Because I think now it takes one night for an overnight success. It literally is an overnight success. I don't know this person. Okay, you do, though. He's very talented. No, here's the thing. He's good. He's good. And he's also cute. But the thing is, like, it has now become a situation where I don't think anyone else books. That's so interesting.

He's the lead in a romantic comedy with Anne Hathaway. Just like straight away. You know what I mean? Like he's like starring opposite Julianne Moore in this like huge Marion George series. These aren't like little things. These are him opposite these Oscar winning actresses in these like projects that they're doing. And it's not the first time. There was no like on ramping. It was just like straight change.

shot up into the sky. Yeah, and I think like even if it was red, white, and royal blue, that to me logistically doesn't seem like it could have been the thing because that wasn't that long ago when all these products have become concurrent. It's just like if you look at any given time over the past year and a half, he's been starring in something like

that it can't have just taken a couple weeks to shoot. You know what I'm saying? So it's just like logistically, I think he has to be artificial intelligence. Because show me him outside of a movie. He's Simone, I'm telling you. Simone. Simone. I feel like I just looked at him. I'm excited for that Anne Hathaway movie, but

I feel like this happens with a lot of actresses too, where all of a sudden I'm being subjected to these young people in general who I've never laid eyes on. I assume they're like TikTok people because I don't know where else people are discovered these days. Industry plant. I agree. I actually believe deeply in the idea of industry plants. I'm one right here. Oh, you're so lucky. How do I become an industry plant? I know. I just want to be planted. That's great.

people don't suspect a thing I know they would if I made it they'd be like okay someone planted her I guess the seed finally grew put my skull in dirt I don't know what I'm saying at this point for us they repot us go the best is when you do an interview and the comments are like they really are trying to make them happen huh like I don't know like they it's just so funny

Well, it's it's just impossible. I mean, this goes back to Matt's whole like premise like that he made years ago, which is there should be like new famous people every let's say 10 years. Because now what's happening is there is no way for new people to be famous, except if you're a Nicholas Galatine, I guess. Or but then I also I reject that notion a little bit because I'm like, we still have stars, right?

They're just a little bit. It feels like there's more chaff to sift through. Well, go watch the movie Dune 2. All the movies, literally every new movie star is in that movie. It's Zendaya, Timmy, Florence, and Austin Butler.

The four of them. And then I would say outside of that, there's like Tom Holland, like that generation and Sidney Sweeney, that generation. We definitely do have movie stars. We're locked. We're there. And Nicholas Galatine. Now I just didn't see the progression with him. It just felt like it came out of nowhere.

Right. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Because you can sort of track everyone else. He arrived in these huge projects out of nowhere. It's funny. Well, he's gorgeous. Beautiful kid. And he's, and by the way, chock full of talent. I've never seen him in anything. What a talent, you know? Well, I was watching an interview with Anne Hathaway and she was like, well, thank God we have Nick. And I was like, oh, wow. Really? Really?

You didn't know who this person was. I didn't know who this was.

I would say the other guy in Rare White and Royal Blue, he, I've seen the cobblestones laid out for him. He took the bit parts and worked his way up. Yeah. You know who we should ask? Because he was in Bottoms. We should just flat out ask Rachel Sennett and Ayo if he's AI. Because they can answer it. Because they worked with the AI creation in the film. If this is true. Or they could confirm or deny he is a living, breathing flesh creature.

Rachel, Ayo, reach out to us. And look, it's a totally acceptable answer if you're like, he is AI, but he's so good. He's so sweet. We're like, yeah, totally. We just have to get to the bottom of his existential nature. You know what I mean? Listen, we're just two industry plants reaching out to two other industry plants to let us know about this other industry plant. Let us know, girls.

Oh, to be planted. Boys, what a blessing on both of your lives, honestly. Seriously. Anyways, so Bo and Yang. So my phone famously died this morning. No. And I almost overslept, so I don't have it with me. How many times?

Can you time? Yeah, of course. This is good. You've earned this. You're now a legendary guest. Wow. So you can even do the whole thing as a former judge of the culture pageant, we'll call it. Okay, so let me figure out how my timer works. It's a stopwatch, correct? Oh, Jesus. You know what? You know what? Hey, hey, plant one. Keep it down. I got it. Okay. I am not plant one. Let's be clear. Okay.

Whatever. You're looking at plant one over there. They said, I guess I can use this second one. I unplugged my headphones with my toes. Is that going to be a problem for the recording? Hold on. We're back. Nothing. You know, I used one of these things. I don't want to talk about it. Cut that out. Here we go. Bowen Yang. I don't think so, honey. I'm going to start now. I don't think so, honey. British Vogue. I need more videos of what's in my bag from...

I just, I think I don't need to watch any more TV or play any more video games or read any more books. All I need to do for the rest of my life is watch what's in my bag videos. What is it about these videos that is so soothing? It reveals so much about these people. It makes them relatable. If we all did a what's in my bag video, it doesn't matter for what platform, we would have 1 million new fans. These are very effective marketing tools that make me all of a sudden care for people

fucking Daisy Edgar Jones that make me think, you know, maybe, maybe Emma, what's her face? Maybe Hermione is a very, Emma Watson is a compelling, I can't even remember her name. Maybe Emma Watson is a compelling celebrity. Um,

It makes me really enjoy these people no matter what. CharlieXCX has an amazing one. Pamela Anderson has such a good one. This is such... This is the best media we could ever have come up with in the history of time. And I need more of them. And there's a stoppage. They've stopped making them. Yeah. And that's one minute. Listen, I think that there is something about the fact that... And tell me if this is true. Because you...

do like a product. You know what I'm saying? It's like you... I'm...

There's one thing in all those bags where I'm like, I could buy that thing. Retail therapy famously works. That's why those things have started to work on me personally. I'm like, that's an attainable thing I could do. Essentially, they're being sold to us. That's really what that shit is. It's like QVC. I don't think so, honey. Wirecutter doesn't really get it right all the time. What is actually more reliable is these What's In My Bag videos where you have someone being like, no, I live and swear by this.

this should be the only endorsement that matters. And you believe them because, you know, I've just changed once again, my, I don't think so, honey, based on both of yours. I always do that. Like I have one in mind and I've just changed. I'm going to do a whole new one now because you've inspired me, but I'm going to give kind of an opposite take of you because I, I guess I'm, no, I'm not trying to veer away from what you're saying. I just, I'm like a little more skeptical, but maybe because I've been burned. Yes. Okay. It's happened. Oh, I can't wait to hear this. Well,

Well, can I also add that I broke when I was going to Frankfurt, Germany the day they found that bomb. I have a ring cam in my house that the wire was around this big vase and as I was running out the door, I tripped on the

wire. No. The vase came crashing down. I vacuumed it up. There's no question I have ceramic shards on my feet right now. And just keep in mind there's no question for the past like 20 minutes I'm like oh when I get up there's just going to be like Wilson blood prints across the floor. Thanks guys. You get up with a stumpy foot like oh.

Lieutenant Dan. Ice cream. Anyway. This is so fun. We'll see you in Vegas. We gotta go do the cruise. You get up and fall over because your foot is a bloody stump. What if my I Don't Think So Honey was about Forrest Gump? I'm like, Forrest Gump. I like, back to the forefront. Fuck that. No. To the forefront.

Okay. This is Michelle. By the way, Michelle, you look amazing. Radiant. You look radiant. Oh my God, that's really nice. But always. You're so sweet. Wait, can I, I might even just do all three things I wanted to. I don't think so, honey. Yes, please, please, please. And I think I can get it in. Do whatever. And there's no time limit for you, honestly, but I'll hold this up. No, that's the fun of it. That's the fun of it. I have an immediate anxiety attack. I'm in the elevator going to Clark Street. Okay, no, let's do it. Take it away. I'm ready. With central casting from Speed, the people on the bus from Speed.

This is Michelle. Okay. So honey, her time starts now. Okay. Initially, I don't think so. Honey, theater tickets, AKA cabaret tickets. I'm coming to New York for three nights. I decide I'm going to be chic. I saw it in London. It was fantastic. I said, I'm going to see it again in New York. Cause I love it. And I love the music and the story. And I went on their website and one ticket is 390. The not most expensive ticket.

The most expensive is over 600 for one ticket. It was 399 for like limited view. I want to see for $500 with the fees. I want to see Redmayne head to toe. Sorry. That's how I was really pissed me off. So if anyone's listening in his connections now, but then what I wanted to change it to say, I feel crazy right now. Micro machines is Bethany Frankel suggestions in her, her influencing because I fell for it. Okay. Well, don't nag me in my own. I'm looking so honey. I fell for it. I thought I will not stand for it.

I fell for it because of exactly what you said, that she had something attainable. She is. I want to continue. She had something attainable that I thought I want that. She had Hermes lip oil. Listen to the dumbest bitch in the world. That would be me. And I'm watching her with her jigsaw face, lathering the lips.

lip up with this oil. I said, I need the Hermes lip oil. Only thing I can afford. I go into Hermes in Amsterdam with no makeup on. I look like Trunchbull. Okay. I walk in. I swear to God, I looked like, I don't even know. I don't even want to insult myself, but it was not a good look for me. And I come inside and they were like, can we help? Yeah. Like all rude.

First it started where I tried on a pair of shoes that were a little tight, a size 42, ladies. And the woman there was like, oh, they're tight? What size are they? And I went, a 42. She went, that's the biggest size we make. That happened to me. I went, you don't think I know that, you fucking bitch? Please. Okay, that was the first neg at Hermes. Anyway, so that bothered me. And then she did apologize to me because I didn't handle it well. I like walked away.

I was like, she was like, I'm only a size 36. I said, well, you're five and a half feet fucking tall. What do you think? You know, I'm big. Leave me out of it. Anyway, I went to buy the lip oil. Hold on. I'm getting fired up. And it was 60 euros. And I thought, all right, it's like one Uber Eats. I'll starve tonight and I'll eat my lip oil. And I got a table for one.

That's how much I eat. Size 42. Anyway, I get the lip oil, cola. It was called cola flavor. I don't, whatever. It's like a pink color. Who knows? I put it on. First of all, packaging. This is really an, I don't think so honey Hermes. Packaging.

I'm giving it a three out of ten. Horrible. Worse than Wet and Wild from fucking Dwayne Reed, number one. Number two, horrendous packaging. First of all, it's a glass tube, so anytime you put it down, it's like rolling left and right. I'm telling you, I'm the captain in Titanic trying to keep it on the table. That's first. Second of all, just follow along. How many more minutes do I have left? That's a joke. Oh, girl. I open it up. Please, I open it up. I'll kill you. I'll have you killed. Edit it down.

- Listen, you deleted the first one that I did. - No, you have to keep going. You have to keep going. - You deleted the first brilliant thing. - You deleted it. She still doesn't believe it. You deleted it, she said. She's still trying to fucking keep. - No, no.

We are exonerated. Listen, you are. I know. So wait, so I come home. Second thing. I take this hard, they call it a, it's like a doe foot applicator. That's what they, that's what Bethany calls it. A doe foot. Who knows? Anyway, I take the applicator. It's hard as a rock with this oil. I'm going, huh? I put it on my lips. Y'all, it tasted like hard peppercorns. Listen to me. This is lip oil. No.

My joke is like cacio e pepe. Like I put it on, I'm going with this. You know, you want to taste cherry, floral, something kind of delicious minty. It was Szechuan peppercorn oil. It was Szechuan General Cho's lip oil. I put it on.

That's why Bethany was like, yum, probably her first meal all day. Leave that in. Anyway, so I put it on. Leave that in. And then it tasted so bad. I never use it. Of course, I can't return it. So I got fucked out of like $70. And you were humiliated at the store. And humiliated.

Oh my God. So not only can't I afford cabaret tickets, I have an Hermes lip oil I can't even use. And I was humiliated about my big fucking feet at that store by that little bitch. Yeah. And that's my, I don't think so, honey. I was going to talk about my manicure, which looks like dentures, but no. I love manicure. And that is four minutes and 27 seconds.

I'm leaving in every word. Every word was perfect. And but I will say this is not a nag. I do think Bethany on TikTok doing product reviews is a different thing.

Why? It is not editorial. What I like about the British folk videos, even if it is like, oh, this person clearly has a deal with Valentino or whatever, like, I still like watching these people. It doesn't matter that, like, that I know them. I just like watching anybody talk. Like, I have gone down a rabbit hole on YouTube of just any old vlogger talking about what's in her bag. Mm-hmm.

I'm like, there's something so soothing and comforting about this. But Bethany like reviewing tuna from cans. I'm like, she's out of her fucking mind.

Listen, anytime she mashes something down with a fork, I'm sick. Anytime she's like the rice cake, she's like, you got to mash it. She always is using a fork. I've never seen a knife in her house. And there's just, she's a very hard person to watch eat. But there is genuinely, there is something very, I think I may have just recently unfollowed her. There is just something inherently watchable about her. Much like that Bellagio lobby where it's, you know, it's just like, wow, I can't believe someone is just doing this shit.

And truth be told, I do like some of her opinions sometimes on makeup and things like that. I like watching her put the stuff on, what have you. But when she went to that TJ Maxx in the Hamptons to give out her used makeup, that for me was, that was really a new low in culture and society. I could not-

And I'm generous. It wasn't about, it's just the fact that it was used. You want to give them something, you're rich, go to fucking Sephora, buy them gift cards. Don't bring them some half-eaten peppercorn lip oil. Right. I mean, like, it's good. And like, Bethany has reached that point now where it's like broken clock is right twice a day. Yeah. It's like, we can totally appreciate specific things about her still, but it's like,

But I mean, and like, that's not to say that she can't come out of that phase because I feel like now I am personally, even though we know what we're getting now with Azalea Banks, it's like, I can totally disagree with her on so many things, but I can, I can agree with her on other things. And what I love about new is about Azalea Banks' newest takes on Cowboy Carter, which she doesn't like for whatever, for all her reasons is what,

We've now found out that she is a huge KT Tunstall fan. She stans KT Tunstall and it's hilarious. It's amazing. I am obsessed. The Black Horse and the Cherry Tree was a movement, not a moment. Suddenly I see... That's a rule of culture number eight. Black Horse and the Cherry Tree was a movement, not a moment. Not a moment. Not a moment.

Azalea Banks over here talking about how the melody in Suddenly I See is one of the best pop music melodies ever. I'm like, she's not wrong. She's not wrong. No, that's crazy. It's crazy to single out that song with Black Horse and the Cherry Tree right there, even if it weren't by the same artist. It's just like, suddenly I see. It's literally not even better than Texas Hold'em's melody. He's right. You're both right.

I love Azalea Banks because she's one of the few people now that we don't have poor Wendy Williams speaking her truth she's one of the only people that is allowed to be truthful does not care about the ramifications of quote unquote getting cancelled or people not liking her or not getting hired for things she is a free spirit and that to me is so admirable and we need more of that is the truth we need to be able to allow people to say shit without having their throat slit

Totally. And what she's saying about Tyler, the creator and Lil Nas, I don't totally disagree with either about how like there is this trope. There is this trope within like gay celebrity culture where it is like, Oh, you got to date some like fucking a specific kind of person. Anyway, that's all. Oh, that's interesting. I love her. I think, I think the fact is like some of her opinions, like, like even if they seem wild, she will, she will, she will,

bring out the PowerPoint presentation. You know what I mean? She never just says anything. She's always like, this is why I think this, this is the experience I'm bringing to this. You, it might be wild. You might not agree with it, but this is my experience. And I think the fact that we are also up in arms about someone being like no holds barred in what they think is kind of actually a problem with us and not her.

Yes. And she's funny as shit though. She's very funny. God damn funny. She is a linguist. The words that she chooses, the rhymes, the things, the puns. My friend Dave and I, we just DM her shit to each other all day and like shoot tears of laughter. I think she's one of the great poets. No, she's one of the great poets. Genuinely. Genuinely one of the best lyricists ever.

of her generation. She, she has one of the best Burns roasts, whatever you want to call it, of calling Grimes, of saying that Grimes looks like she smells like a roll of nickels. That is the funniest, the funniest insult that's ever been written. Yeah. Ever. Anyway. No, she's, she's, anyway.

And one of our best, one of our best minds is right here with us. It's Michelle Collins. It's her big natural tour. It's just a full round of applause. Industry point number three. Boys, I, first of all, thank you so much for having me back on the show after the horrific loss. After we deleted the last episode.

Can you imagine me being so up in arms, but I don't think it's funny. Delete it. My allegiance to celebrity is that delete the episode. How dare she? I don't know. I mean, listen, it was fun, but I just, I adore you both. Nobody makes me laugh like you two. And I know, I hope one of you can come to one of my damn shows. You're working so much. I'm coming. You're coming? I want to come too. In fact, I'm going to be, when are you in New York? When is that happening? New York show is May 6th is town hall. And then LA is April 25th.

May 6th? I'm not going to be able to make that. May 6th could happen for me too. It's within the realm. This is really... Don't say it if you don't mean it. So don't say for sure. Let me know. Don't buy tickets. Well, I already said it, Michelle. So what am I supposed to do? Go back in fucking time? I said it. I'm going to try to be there. Listen, I wanted you on stage, but I'm not going to put that pressure on you. You come in the audience. We'll come. Now I'm like, yeah. Look at me. Look at me. If you want to get on stage, we'll talk. If you can do it.

I am going to try dying to get back to New York sooner than later. And I'll pay you. I'll pay you if you get on that stage. Listen, we'll take all this business off Mike. That's it. Take the business off Mike. Leave the sin. Leave the sin I want to hold these boys accountable to the fans. I love you both. Thank you for having me. We love you dearly. What do you say Bowen? We end every episode with a song.

What song? I need you like water. I need you like water from heaven. You changed keys in the middle of that. There's a feeling in your eyes that tells me the truth.

I need you. No, that wasn't even the right words, but Bowen just literally plucked out of obscurity I Need You by Leigh-Anne Rimes, which is a Christian song. No problem. And we love it. And we love it. Bye. Bye.

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