Yacht girl summer 46:03

Hey guys, welcome back to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome. This week, you can see I have unlocked a new location. I'm in Ibiza right now. I'm on vacation and we have a lot to talk about because I've been having the most absurd experiences here and I'm so baffled and I've been itching to sit down and talk to you guys about it because it's one of those things, you know when something makes no sense to you and you're just like, what is going on? Have I hallucinated this entire trip? Because nothing that's happening is making any sense. And it's like, you know, it's just like,

Minor thing after minor thing to the point where you're like, am I actually crazy or is this a problem? Like, I don't know what's going on, okay? Let me start by telling you, okay? I love the place I'm staying. This is my favorite place to go on vacation in the entire world. I have the best memories here. I come here frequently and I intend to continue doing so, okay? So despite the shit I am about to talk, just know it doesn't affect me. Like, I will be coming back. Okay?

I'm talking shit with no effect, okay? But guys, let me just say this, okay? The food here, I've never eaten it because it's not good. Point blank. The food here is poopy fucking butthole and I don't know why they do it, okay? I guess it's like meant to be like healthy resort, but it's so depressing. It's inedible also.

It's so weird because it's so expensive to stay here. It's like a really nice place. And then the food is poopy butthole other than the sushi. Sushi is really good, but it's poopy butthole. So I usually don't eat here. Like when I come, I'll go into the town, go to restaurants and eat like that. Right. But this time I have only come to Ibiza for three, four days. And I'm here with my friend,

And we decided, like, we're just going to try and relax as much as possible, not go out, not do anything crazy. I say that. We are literally going to... Is it called Ushuaia tonight? Which is, like, one of the biggest clubs in Ibiza. And it's just, like, actually disgusting. Like...

I am so not an Ibiza person. Guys, when I say I'm in Ibiza, you have to understand the Ibiza that everyone like knows and hates and loves is here. I am here. I'm on the opposite end of the island. And actually Ibiza has a really interesting history. And it used to be like this gorgeous place before the British people came and fucked it up like we do with everything. Okay. But we're on the opposite side of the island that and it is like it's just not the Ibiza that people think when they think Ibiza is beautiful. It's peaceful. It's you'd

You'd think you're in like Mallorca or like a Greek island or something. It's so lovely. So when we come here, it's like not to go to Ibiza and be crazy. It's like we come here because this resort that we love is here and we want to relax. And it's so convenient, so close to London.

So this is my Bahamas, if you will. Guys, crazy. Did you know the Bahamas are like a short flight, like a 30 minute flight or like an hour flight from Florida? When I hear that someone's in the Bahamas, I'm like, oh my God, you're a gazillionaire because those are far away. And like, who goes to the Bahamas? Because like I'm from London, like no one is going to the Bahamas unless you are actually a billionaire. And then everyone is like, oh yeah, the Bahamas, the Bahamas. I didn't know

did not know that's your France you should have said I didn't know like that's their Paris you know how English people always oh I'm popping to Paris for lunch okay have fun they're popping to the Bahamas for lunch that's crazy anyway you guys should go to the Bahamas more often I would I might move to Florida because that's

So crazy, the convenience. But then again, if you were in Florida, why would you go anywhere else? Well, there's many good reasons to leave Florida, actually. But continuing on with my stories, okay? I love this resort. Genuinely love it. But this time I've been here has been like no other, okay? I don't know. I don't know what's going on. The staff, I think they are ready to kill me and my friend. We just keep causing issues and we don't mean to. Let me explain, okay? We...

The room service food here, and again, I love this resort. The food, poopy butthole, genuinely poopy butthole. Like we go out to eat when we come here.

it's such a shame that it's like the most beautiful place and just like the loveliest environment. And then the food is poopy butthole. What the fuck? So usually I don't eat at the resort, which is fine. I love going out to eat when I'm on holiday. Like it's so, oh my God, it's like one of my favorite things. And I always look back on those memories really funny. So I don't mind. But this time we are here for four days, three days, four days. And my friend,

is also like working while we're here so I'm like okay we have to kind of stay at the resort and we just want to relax like I'm just here to see the sun because it's not coming to London this summer guys the sun is not visiting London this summer have you heard it's not gonna happen so I was like okay I'm genuinely gonna have us like a psychotic break if I don't get some organic vitamin D ASAP so I came here for three days okay so

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So we decide we're gonna eat the, uh, here. I'm like, it can't be that bad. Guys, I ordered five different times in one day off the room service menu because every meal they brought me was in Oedipal. So I was like, okay, maybe the next thing. Ordered that? No. I didn't tell my friend this. She got here a day after me. So when she gets here, I didn't mention anything about the food because I was like, if she thinks I hate the food, she's gonna hate the food. I want to know if she just can get on with this food by herself.

Because it sucks if you hate the food when you're like stuck somewhere. So I was like, okay, I'm not gonna like shit talk the food. Like I'm gonna let her make her own decisions on the fucking food. Okay? She orders the food and guys, they bring her a burger that is falling apart because it's soaking wet. And I don't know how you make a burger like that. Okay? But the buns...

You know when you leave toilet roll in the toilet, like you don't flush or like your toilet gets clogged? Because I always flush the toilet, me personally. But like if you imagine hypothetically your toilet gets clogged, like, oh, you know those videos where they're like cleaning out drains that are blocked on TikTok? And you see like this like lumpy,

of like congealed toilet paper. That was the consistency of the burger bun. It was shocking. And I had ordered pizza and it came so wet that it was like genuinely like you'd hold it and it would just flop. But not in the way it's like, oh, it's greasy and like saucy. No, it was wet. And I was like, what the fuck?

is this bro so we called the room service guy and we were like can you please come and remove this slop from us and I'm not the kind of person to complain okay I would genuinely rather eat piss and shit that you've served to me than ever ask you to take my meal back or say I didn't like it I just I can't

Okay, like I'm getting better at standing up for myself as I grow up. But complaining about food is still just something I'm like, oh, just because I feel so bad because it's not the waiter's fucking fault. Okay, I also used to be a waiter. So I'm like, I don't know, like, I just get it. Like, it's just annoying. And also, if the kitchen is fucking up like that every day, these people are definitely getting abused daily by customers. I didn't want to be another one. I was like, I know you've heard this 100 times today, because there's no way I'm the only one this happened to. And it's happened to me seven times.

no way so i really hate to complain but i literally was like this is inedible like what the can you just take it away and like just maybe take it off the bill whatever and he was like okay i'm so sorry we're like no it's fine he obviously told like whoever his superiors or maybe like whoever runs the kitchen like they hate the food whatever the next day me and my friend we go to breakfast and the customer care service lady pops up out thinner

hey, I'm taking a survey from all the customers. Mind you, she's only speaking to us. She left, she came for us and then she left. She was only there to speak to us. I'm taking a survey of all the customers came. How's your stay going? And so we turn around and we're like, honestly, it's lovely, but the food, like we've ordered off the room. So, cause then I told my friend, I ordered seven times.

And it was all horrible. So we're like, it's fine. But we're hungry. The food is shocking. Like it keeps coming wet. What's going on? Like I ordered pasta one day before she got here. Guys, it was like fucking moldy. The whole thing with the food is just like annoying. But it's so funny to me because it's like,

nothing makes me giggle more than lots of small consistent fuck ups because I start feeling like I'm going insane and then that's funny. So I was like laughing like how do you fuck up seven meals in a row to the point they're all actually inedible and like me and my friend are both people who are kind of just like

Like we're not that picky. Like I'm not a picky eater, but like seven inedible meals. Like that's crazy. And then this guy comes up to us. We're like ordering breakfast, right? I swear to God, we'd gone up to the buffet. We got these bowls with chia seeds in them. And I like,

was talking to the customer girl. And I turned back around. Why have they removed all my food? They cleared my full plates of food. Like untouched banana bread, pancakes, chia seeds, gone. My friends are still there though. I was like, why do you guys, are you telling me to lose weight? What the fuck is going on? And I started hysterically laughing. Anyway, my friend is eating her bowl of chia seeds. It's like 10 minutes down the line. And this waiter comes up to us. He's like, you done with that? She's like, no, I'm still eating.

He's like, oh, okay. And then I can't remember how this conversation came up, but he offered, I think she was like, I could take it in a to-go bowl. And he was like, I could bring you a whole fresh one in a to-go bowl. If you want to continue eating this, I can bring you another one to take home. Something like that. My friend was like, oh, that'd be amazing. She was eating chia seeds, okay? Like blue chia seeds.

He takes her bowl and promises her a fresh one in a to-go box. We wait for like 15 minutes. He comes back with a to-go bowl and puts it in front of us. And we go, thank you. And we get up to go. And I say to my friend, just check what's in that box before we get up and leave, okay? She's like, okay. She peels the lid of this box open. Mind you, he stole her other chia seeds. Let's not forget that.

He took them in the promise of something equivalent, but in a to-go box. Guys, this big round to-go box, I swear to you, in one corner of this circle was one spoonful of Greek yogurt with some nuts on top. When I saw that, I don't think I've ever laughed that hard in my life. Like I've

was halfway off my chair. I was literally bent over with tears streaming down my fucking face. Because what the fuck do you mean you steal her chia seeds? You stole both of our chia seeds, okay? And then you give her one spoonful of grease. I've just never seen something so fucking funny.

in my life. You may as well have brought her the fucking spoonful of Greek yogurt and then flicked her on the forehead as you gave it to her. Like, what the fuck is going on? And I'm literally hysterically laughing. So is my friend. Like, we're both bent over, cackling, crying, screaming with laughter, okay? In the middle of the breakfast hall. And the same waiter, he comes back over, he kneels down to our height, he goes...

What's funny? And I hand him the box. Mind you, I'm not even facing him. I can't even look at him. I'm crying. I pick up the box. I say, look in there. I hand it to him. I'm like, please look in there. He's already laughing with us. He heals the box open. The waiter starts fucking crying with laughter. All three of us were just out there howling. Because what the fuck?

What the fuck is going on? Guys, it's not that funny to tell us a story. I swear to you, when it's thing after thing after thing after thing, and you're stealing my fucking chia seeds, and then you're stealing her chia seeds, and then you're replacing our chia seeds with a spoonful of Greek yogurt in the biggest box I've ever seen in my life. It was the funniest thing I think that's ever happened to me. I don't cry from laughing like ever. I had bright red eyes and tears streaming down my fucking face. I could not cope with it. It was so...

funny and you know what makes it funnier the waiter was like ah sorry sorry i don't know why they did that what did you want my friend goes the chia seeds i was eating that you took

He's like, oh, well, I can't give you those to go. What do you mean? Because you fucking took them. I can't give you those to go. Those are only for the buffet. Bitch, what the fuck are you talking about right now? Actually, what the fuck are you talking about? We were ready to square up on him, but he was our friend. What the fuck? He's like got the cheekiest look in his eye too. He's like, yeah, those are just for the buffet. So you knew? He said, I can bring you another one. You're going to bring me another bowl with another spoon of Greek yogurt? He's like, I can replace this for you. With what? With a spoon.

Greek yogurt? We said, oh, can we just go to the buffet and fill up our own bowl with the fucking chia seeds and take it to our room? Oh, yeah, that's fine. You can do that. What?

was this interaction about? Where was the miscommunication that happened? So if I could just, I could have just taken the bowl of fucking chia seeds we were eating 20 minutes ago and saved this whole, we could have just eaten our breakfast at the table like we were doing. No. Guys, like, I don't know what keeps happening at this hotel, but the miscommunication is on another level and it is so funny. It literally has been making me belly laugh. Like, it's painful.

And it just keeps happening. For example, right? You just can't get anything you ask for. Like we went down and we decided yesterday we were going to have a margarita to drink. Like the drink, alcoholic. Okay, I ordered two and a bottle of water. He gives us like two mojitos and no bottle of water. That's hilarious. Okay, I'm like, I knew the water wasn't coming. I've always known that that water wasn't coming. I go back to him. Hey, please could I have the bottle of water? Yes.

Perfect, thank you. Every single time you order anything in multiples, get fucked. Not happening, okay? Mind you, I've even put in like, I would like, you know, a pizza on room service and a bottle of water. You can only have one. Like they won't bring you two things at once. I don't know how their receipt system works here, but I'm not complaining. It is the most entertainment I have had in years.

And it's so exhilarating to me because I'm like, what are you going to do next? The next thing I know, what are you going to bring instead of my order? You know what I mean? And I was like a little bit confused. I was like, do they fucking hate me? Like, why does this keep happening? Or like, am I really hard to communicate with? Like, am I being stupid? So I went on their Google reviews. No, this is a consistent issue. Everyone was like, I don't know what the fuck is happening at this hotel.

but you just can't get what you order. I was like, okay, well, if it's not me, then I don't mind. As long as I'm not the fucking problem, it's all good, you know? But it's so entertaining. And I feel like I'm really not doing my experience justice on this podcast. Like it's, it just, it's so funny. Like I think they've genuinely trained their staff to not listen to you, which is hilarious. More places should do this. I'm having the most fun I've probably ever had in my life. But you know what pissed me off? I was, I was on TikTok and I said, oh,

I'm going to Ibiza with my friend, but they're not here. Like, they're getting here tonight. Everyone in the comments, your friend. Yes, bitch. I actually have friends, okay? I actually have friends. She's a girl. Yeah, we're on a girl's holiday. I think tonight we're going to go to see a DJ set because Calvin Harris is here during the season and he's at Ushuaia. I think we're going to go there. I...

fucking hate clubs and I fucking hate clubs in Ibiza. I don't go to them. That is literally my idea of hell. The only thing worse for me than going to a club in Ibiza would be going to a rave. That's like the only deeper layer of health for me. However, we are going to go to a club tonight, I think. Well, they might not let me in, but I'm going to try because I'm not going. I'm so sorry. It's so snobby. This is so snobby. I will not go in the main crowd. The thing about Ushuaia is you can get like tables and

and then they're on like a slightly raised platform. If you've never been to Ushuaia, it's literally, I don't know how they stay in business because it genuinely looks like suffering to me. You stand in the fucking boiling heat in crowds of thousands of

It's like being at a festival, but you're just watching a DJ set, right? But it's boiling hot. You're in crowds. There's no relief. You can't get drinks because you're in a massive crowd, but you're at a club. It's completely open air, so there's no air conditioning. And all you see is a cloud of vape smoke. What if the person next to you vomits? What are you going to do? You can't move. You're in a stampede. It's terrifying. I went the last time I was in Ibiza and we were in like this little VIP section, which is like the tables and

And it's on a raised platform so you can see the entire hellish situation going on beneath you. And they'll bring you food and drinks and there's a room off to the side with air conditioning if you need to go there. It's pleasant. Like, it's okay. They ordered me chicken last time I was there. It was like the first time I broke my chicken virginity. And it was like, um, veiny. It was yummy though. I keep thinking about it. I think I'm just gonna go back for the chicken. But Ushuaia and any club in Ibiza genuinely couldn't think of anything worse. Anything.

Nothing. I would sooner get on a stage and sing than go and have to be in a nightclub for more than an hour. That said, I will be going to Ushuaia tonight. Why? Don't know. I just feel like it's necessary. I feel like I can't come and not go. I don't know. My neck really hurts. I have a massage book for 4pm too. Thank God.

This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions, Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.

In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world, feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online, or visit the website to find a store near you. This episode is brought to you by Joiba Bubble Tea. If you thought bubble tea was just a trend, think again. In fact,

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Oh my god, you guys, there is an influencer trip at the resort that I'm staying at right now and I have a little bit of FOMO. I was looking at them and I was like, wow, is it like a group of baddie friends? And then I was like, no, no, no. That is an influencer trip. First things first, what do I need to do to get myself onto an influencer trip that comes to this hotel? Because this hotel is very expensive and I would like for someone else to pay. Well, someone else did pay. I did not pay for this trip. But you

But, you know, it would be nice to come on an influencer trip here. I was looking at them, I was like, damn, like what fucking ram brought you here? Anyway, the funny thing is, right?

Me and my friend were going to the spa. The spa is like a very secluded part of this resort. And there was this girl there and you could tell she had gone there to do yoga because no one was going to see her. But we walked right past her and I was like, oh, she probably hates this. She was doing a headstand, which is the funniest thing she could possibly have been doing. And as we walked past her, guys, she fell onto her BBL and it made a thud like.

as if metal hit metal. Guys, it was terrifying. I genuinely thought she might have died. First things first about that experience. Why on earth was she doing a handstand in a secluded area? That is so fucking funny. She might be the funniest girl I've ever met. I think she was doing it to watch the sunset upside down because that was her view was the sunset. So she was watching it upside down. What a fucking queen.

But yes, she fell out of the handstand and she fell so hard. And I bet, I bet she'd held that handstand for like 10 minutes. She was probably like, it's so cool. I've been in this handstand for so long, but no one's going to see me. The second me and my friend walked past...

I felt so bad. I was like, I know she's pissed off. I know she's so mad at herself right now. But the thing, the issue is me and the friend that I'm here with, we have like a running joke about handstands, okay? I used to have a flat in London, as we all know. I assume you guys just know things about me. How selfish. That's it.

Everyone knows. Everyone knows. Anyway, guys, I used to have a flat in London, right? And I had a little camera because I have a dog. And so I would leave this camera on all the time, even if me and my dog were like out of the country or whatever, like we went in the flat. But I would... My friend...

the friend that I'm here with, she would always go to my flat. She would use it like when I was away for long periods of time, she would kind of use like an art studio. So she'd always be in and out. She had keys. And so I would leave the camera on so that I could like, so we could like talk to each other through it sometimes. And it would be like, whatever time I'd be like in LA, my friend in London would be like, check your cameras. And I'd like go into my camera. I'm like, what's she going to be doing? The bitch is on her fucking head.

God knows how long she had to hold the headstand for, okay? She would be on her head waiting for me to check my home security cameras. Just doing a headstand in my fucking living room. It's 3am. And it was my favorite joke ever. And it just went on for so long. It went on until I moved out of the flat, okay? Headstands for us are the most powerful joke. One time we were in New York.

I forget something in the room. We're staying in a hotel. I forget something in the room. I run back to go get it. She stays in the hallway. I walk out the hallway. The bitch is on her head. Okay. And it's like playing peekaboo with a baby to me. It is so fucking funny to me. It doesn't matter how many times she does it. I'm going to literally cry with laughter every single time. So for us to walk around the corner and there is a girl on her fucking head,

It's just maybe the funniest thing that's ever happened to us. You know what I mean? And for her to then fall out of the handstand onto her BBL, she couldn't have treated us to a better scenario. You understand? We walked into the spa. I see my friend. Her eye is twitching. She's like, I'm going to literally vomit with laughter when we get out of this spa. I'm holding it in. I was like, okay, babe. We walk around the spa for a little bit. This

second we got out that spa i genuinely thought she was gonna throw up we've laughed so much it's genuinely disgusting and also i think i wish that you could put a word count on us because you guys don't understand you guys think i app oh my god this mind you this is the first like vacation me and this friend have taken together like we've been out the country together like we went to new york together but like i was working and she was she working can't remember but we've been like places together you know what i mean but we haven't been like vacation together so

So this is like the first time we've had like time to like just yap. Like I don't have really much to do. I'm here just to get a tan. And so we've been yapping. One time when we hung out in London, we hung out for 15 hours straight and we didn't shut the fuck up for 10 minutes. We didn't shut the fuck up the entire time. Yap, yap, yap.

The next day, we felt like we had a hangover. I genuinely got like, my throat is sore. My head is banging. She said, me too. We hadn't drunk. We had just, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, 15 fucking hours. Then we hung out and did it all over again. But genuinely seeing her the next day, like I remember driving to her house and picking her up and looking at her and almost feeling nauseous. As if I was hungover and smelling vodka the next day. She was the vodka to me. She was the smell of vodka to me the next day.

It was so fucked up. And that's what we've done every day of this vacation. And it's been so much fun. But yeah, like I genuinely don't know how this girl doesn't run my social battery down. Like she is so lucky. Well, I'm so lucky that she doesn't. Because if this was anyone else and they had talked to me this much, I think I would genuinely lobotomize myself. Also, borderline, this hotel does offer lobotomies.

This hotel, Borderline, offers lobotomies, okay? Their spa is so expansive and ridiculous. Like, you can get every different frequency of hurts, massages. You can, it's bullshit, but you can literally get anything you want. I'm relatively certain that if I walked in there and asked for a lobotomy, they would be able to provide it. They provide every service you want. Don't look at that. And that's why I say this is my favorite hotel, even though this service is like,

hilariously horrible, it doesn't matter to me because it's so funny. And like all the staff are lovely. There's just, I don't know what's happened this time. This is the first time I've ever tried to eat the food here. So I've never had this issue before. Because like I said, usually if I come on holiday, like I want to go out to eat and like walk around the town and like see the country. And I don't want to like just stay in the resort and fucking have dinner here. Like maybe dinner at the resort like once, right? Or like lunch. But I don't want to like stay here and eat. Do you guys think I have a tan, by the way? I reckon. Oh, that's depressing. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Well, I'm going to go back in the sun after I'm done filming this podcast. It's so hot today. And I'm in here and it's like fucking 12pm. It's the middle of the day sun and I'm filming a podcast. That's how much I love you guys. Oh, let's address Yacht Girl Summer. Guys, I'm so shocked. So I've been talking about Yacht Girl Summer this, Yacht Girl Summer that. Did I coin that term? Yes.

However, I've been informed that I did not coin that term, but I coined a term in its new context. I didn't coin anything, by the way. So what I've learned is that whilst I've been using the term Yacht Girl Summer to refer to my personal summer on yachts that I intend to have this year in 2024, Yacht Girl is actually a term that deranged people, used to refer to...

So I can't remember what the definition was. Women that basically go on yachts to get fucked, I believe is, let me, where's my phone? Oh, my phone is you. I'm filming on my phone. Basically, a yacht girl is some kind of woman that does something to get fucked on a yacht. It's something along those terms. Someone that like rides along on a yacht, kind of like a groupie, but like yacht version. So everyone was like, are you sure you want to be a yacht girl? So I'm like, ha ha ha.

scrap the old fucking meaning of the term, don't like it, the new Yacht Girl Summer. Also, can we appreciate Yacht Girl and Hot Girl? It's a Hot Girl Yacht Summer. That's why it's Yacht Girl. Think of it like Y-O-T. Hot Yacht. Yacht Girl Summer. It's Hot Girl Summer on a yacht. Yacht Girl Summer. We're redefining Yacht Girl. I'm a Yacht Girl because I'm going to be on yachts. You understand? So I was innocently, yesterday, I was walking down the stairs of this hotel.

And I'd had one margarita and I was listening to... Is her name Willow Avery? What the fuck is her name? She sings that song, I broke up with the man I've ever loved. The only man I've ever loved.

I can only think about how in love we were in the summer of 22. Those are not the lyrics. Do you guys know what I mean? It's like kind of trending on TikTok right now. If you haven't listened to her before, I highly recommend. I was listening to her. I was being so like whimsical. Okay, on the stairs. I was listening to a little bit country love songs. I was a little bit fucking drunk and I was walking down the stairs and I thought in my head,

am a good energy right now guys manifestation is crazy because as I thought that the man who was walking down the stairs in front of me turned around to me and went do you know what kind of tree this is do I fucking look like I know what kind of tree that is I said no sorry and kept you know skipping down the stairs

but he had paused and so now I'm fucking skipping next to him. That's not my plan. And I didn't want to like seem rude and like run away from him. So I was just like awkwardly walking down this staircase next to him. But it's like a really wide staircase but like he's still there, you know? And then he's like, what are you doing here? What are you doing here? I'm on vacation. What the fuck does it look like? I said, oh,

I'm just like here, you know, on vacation with my friend. He was like, oh, what are you doing here? I assume you're on fucking vacation. Give him a run. We're in a resort in Ibiza. What the fuck is this conversation? He was like, oh yeah, I'm here too, just a couple of days because my yacht is taking a three day rest in Ibiza. Your what? I said, your what? Your what is taking a what? You're here because what? He said, yeah, I'm like doing like a three month trip on my yacht. No biggie. Oh,

Anyway, I, you know, won't go that far in terms of my yacht pursuit. And so I was, oh, cool. And I ran away. I skipped off to my friend. We got to the bottom of the staircase around that time. And so I was like, okay, have fun. And I went back to my friend. I have not seen him since. Hey, y'all. Marci Martin here with a little Tampax story. One time I went on vacation in the Bahamas with some friends. And of course, I got my period.

I didn't want anything to stop me from living my best life on my trip. So I was like, why not be brave and try Tampax? Before that, I really just thought tampons were for adults, and I definitely thought they'd be uncomfortable. Guess what, y'all? They really aren't. It might take a few tries, but once it's in right, you shouldn't feel it, which is great. For a better way to period, just add Tampax.

I just need the universe to show me Yacht Girl Summer in a slightly different way. You know what I mean? Like, I need that to not be the way. It's hard because I do fear. I fear that there are more, and it's disgusting, but I fear that there are more men who own yachts than women, which is incredibly unfair. And I also feel that the easiest way to get on those yachts

is by manipulation of these men, which I'm not down to do. I will be honest with you guys, though. In terms of Yacht Girl Summer's progression, because I do owe you a progress report, we have secured one yacht. Now, one yacht is not enough to suffice me the entire summer, of course. But when I tell you this yacht's a big deal, you guys are not going to fucking believe your eyes when you see what I've got in store. And when I tell you I've got something in store, you're all going to be sickened

Okay? I have the biggest plans for this yacht to the point I have made Canva invites. You guys know about fucking Canva? If you don't, you need to get to know about Canva. Okay? I made invites. Yee-hee!

For my yacht, because I have one. But just not yet. And it's not mine. But, you know, it was interesting. Because I was skipping down these stairs thinking, wow, I'm actually like, I have a good vibe right now. And then immediately, a man who resembled like a lizard turned around. Do you know what tree this is? It's like men sniff out happy women and just...

I don't know, this could have been a nice guy. But it's like, they smell you when you have a good energy. How can I leech off that one? This poor guy is probably innocent. But you know what's interesting and that I've always genuinely thought? And this is completely separate conversation, kind of. It's just made me think of it. I'm just not referring to this like nice guy that wanted to know what fucking tree it was anymore, who also had a yacht. When I was trying to get over my ex,

We'll always bring it back to this. We'll never get over this, okay? It always has to be about my ex. When I was trying to get over my ex, yeah, I remember I could not get over her for the longest time. And I was just so heartbroken. And then one day I discovered this song, and it was Since You've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson. Okay, a great song if you're trying to get over something, by the way.

And I started to blare it through my earphones because that's the best way to listen to it. And I danced around my room, my uni, my little uni room. And I felt so empowered. And I and this is like a year. OK, no, I'm not that I'm not that insane. It was probably about six months after we broke up.

And I was still really not over her. And I started blaring this song and getting so excited for the rest of my life and finally feeling like I was ready to start to move on. And it didn't break my heart to think about forgetting her anymore. And it didn't break my heart to like not be sad about her. You know, like I was ready to move past it. And I remember dancing around my room. And I did it for probably three days straight. Just this song on repeat at night.

being so happy and celebrating and just like finally feeling something again. And I had tried to call my ex over the course of the six months. I tried to call, I tried to text and I had had no response and no communication from them whatsoever. And I tried to get closure and they just wouldn't give me anything.

and so I'd gone this whole time no contact and to be fair like I also went no contact after like the first month like I stopped calling and texting but they hadn't reached out no we hadn't spoke for six months right and so that was hard in and of itself like I feel like if I just had one conversation that would have put me to ease but it because that never happened it was six months it was actually much longer than that but it was a good six months of

pure torture, then I find the song, right? And all I had wanted from this girl was a fucking apology. Like I just needed her to say sorry for what she had done because I was going insane. And I just needed to delude myself with the fact that she had any level of empathy for what she had put me through so that I could stop doubting my worldview and stop freaking out about how I had trusted someone so wrongly. And just, I wanted her to just prove me wrong about her so that I could be like, no, okay, I wasn't that crazy.

I wasn't that blind, but she wouldn't do it. And so I had to face the fact that I had been that blind to who was in front of me. And thank God she did because it completely changed me for the better. But it had been all I'd wanted and six months gone by, nothing. And then I find this song by Kelly Clarkson. I'm finally starting to move on. I'm finally starting to feel good. My vibrations are raised for the first time, genuinely the first time in six months. Starting to be like, oh my God, this is kind of sick. She called me about 15 times that night.

like three nights after I found out about that song I went to sleep and I'd always put my phone on airplane mode because I wanted to get a good night's sleep during university I was like really organized weird because I'm not anymore but she called me like 15 times and thank god my phone was off and she sent me voice notes and she sent me texts because I never blocked her I never blocked her because I always wanted to be there if she needed me can't say the same for her

But so she could get to me. And so she called and she texted and she sent voice notes. And I woke up the next morning. And I'm so sure to this day that people like that, it's like they feel, they get like a spidey sensation. Like, what's it called? My spidey sense when someone moves on. And when that energy supply is no longer available to them, it's like they leech off of it. They find these people with good energy. That's why you see the brightest girls with the most low vibrational voices.

horrible men. It's why it's a fucking thing because these men smell it on them. These people, these horrible people, they smell high vibration. They smell happiness. They smell energy.

and they want it because they don't have any of their own so they leech it off of you and it's like they connect a fucking pipe to your veins and they take it and they take your fucking life source and that can travel through time and space because i wasn't speaking to this guy i was nowhere near this girl and the second i removed that from her and started to redirect it to my own life and stop grieving it was the second she called me where have you gone bitch it was fucking terrifying and it

And it was the best lesson as well because I was like, oh, this is actually physically how these people operate. You felt that.

You felt me walk away from you. And it only happened three days ago. And now you're on my fucking phone. No. And so I never responded to her. Actually, I did. I responded to her about two weeks later. And I said, I need you to not contact me again. And I don't accept your apology. Because she tried to apologize. And it was like the worst apology ever. And she hadn't changed any of her actions. And thank God I was at a place to like get the fuck out of my face. Absolutely not. And I just basically sent her a text. And I said, I would love to see that text. Actually, I can't remember what it really said. But it was like, it was very short.

Because she sent me like five paragraphs. I'm like, oh my God. So I just sent her something basically saying, until you actually manage to change, your apology means nothing to me. And...

I want you to know I don't forgive you for what you've done. Bye. Don't text me again. And that was it. I've never spoke to the girl since. Actually, I'm lying. I did. We spoke like years down the line. And, you know, it is what it is. I don't hate her. I don't like her. It is just a past relationship that I really don't care about anymore. But it taught me so much. That's why I seem like I'm hung up on it. Because it wasn't the relationship. It was everything that came after that transformed my entire life. Because this bitch took the fucking rug from under my feet.

Like she literally pulled the earth from under me. I lost my friends. I lost my relationship. I lost my sense of self. And it was crazy. And you know what? Worse things have been done to me since. I have had worse relationships since. I've had very abusive relationships since that. And they didn't affect me at all. Well, they did. No, they did. But they didn't like...

In comparison to what, for some reason, the effect this girl had on me, it doesn't happen to me in the same way anymore. I really think once you get knocked that badly, you don't get knocked that badly again unless something fucking insane happens to you. Like you're married and they cheat on you or like, you know, something of that like caliber. I really think once someone like knocks the wind out of you, it's very hard to have that happen again.

twice in a short period of time because the things other people did to me after that so much worse so much worse like they also kind of took my soul in other ways but for some reason it just it didn't knock me you know I could still continue on and be a consistent person and not feel like I'd lost everything which is weird why has this podcast got so deep I don't know

But yeah, it's interesting. Like, it really is interesting because I always think about her and that relationship. Because, yeah, what she did perils in comparison to some of the other things that have happened in my life since then. Things that should make me go insane. Genuinely. That don't make me go insane. And I don't know if it's because I, like, switched off. I don't think I did switch off. I just think I'm self-assured. And my prefrontal cortex developed. That one's important. I was literally talking about that with my friend the other day.

I have this little sister that I don't ever talk about because she's not actually my little sister, but I think she's my little sister, right? And she's a teenager and she and her friends visited me recently. And they are all very much teenagers, right? Like very intense teenagers. Think of a teenager. That is what you get, okay? And I love it. And I was talking to them and I was hearing about their lives and I thought...

my body is so peaceful compared to yours. And I never noticed the shift. And it's crazy. I was talking to my friend about this. When I was 16 and I was going through hell and I just needed adults to help me, it seemed so simple to me. The ways they could help, what was wrong with me, what I needed, it all seemed so fucking simple. And none of the adults got it. None of the adults could say the right thing. None of the adults could help me. None of them could understand. And everything seemed so big to me. And gradually as the years passed...

Somehow I forgot all of it. Every single thing that might have helped me at 16, I can't remember. And I find it very hard to help a 16 year old in the same position that I was in. Genuinely really hard. Unless it's literally identical, I wouldn't know what to say to them. And I like to liken that to like sheep. Okay, lambs are so smart and so playful and they seem so alert. And then you have these like dull sheepskins.

It's like they they dullify in their lifetime and they become less intelligent. And it's literally what happens to people like teenagers have this like spark. And it doesn't mean that what they think is right. It really doesn't mean that teenagers are like, right. But it's like you do see something as a teenager that adults do not see and cannot see. And it doesn't matter if you've been in those shoes, you will forget.

And I forgot. And I was trying to help these kids that are going through things and they're telling me their situations. And I was thinking, I genuinely cannot put myself in your shoes at all. And it's crazy because I've been in your fucking shoes and I cannot empathize with it. And it's crazy. And I cannot think of a way to help you because I fucking forgot. Everyone is a teenager and then everyone forgets what it is like to be a teenager. Like I can remember, but I can't. I actually can't.

And I was talking to them and hearing their issues that I know feel so big to them. And I realized how calm my body feels, despite some of the situations that I have currently going on in my personal life that are actually horrendously distressing, okay, that we don't bring online. But it's like, I have situations in my life that are really hard to deal with. But regardless, my body feels calm and it feels like a safe place to be and it feels like a home.

And I was looking at these teenagers thinking, your body's not your home right now. Like your body is...

It's not against you. It's fighting for you. But I know how not okay your body feels to be in. I can see that. And I realized like, God, it's so nice to have a fucking prefrontal cortex that's like almost fully developed because I can just take things in my stride and deal with them and see things. And I have so much perspective now that I didn't used to have. And I just had a moment of appreciation for my body is fine.

such a nice place to be despite the turmoil in my life. It is still a pleasant place to be. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes I freak out. I still have panic attacks. I still have moments where I feel like I'm going to go fucking insane and I need to scream. And I still have all those emotions, but my body is still a nice place to be compared to a 16 year old. And I was so shocked because I never spend time with 16 year olds because I'm 23. And

And then I have this girl that is like my little sister. She's not actually my little sister, but I used to live with her family and we've stayed friends. And I kind of think of her like a little sister, right? I was looking at her and I was like, oh my God, it must be fucking awful being 16. I forgot because I never knew that my body was not going to feel like that forever. I never knew that like you will just grow and you will just settle. And it's crazy. And I never noticed because obviously the shift is so gradual.

Right? Like you don't go from 16 to 23 in one night. And I didn't notice how comfortable my body had become despite everything. But the last time that I think my body felt like a truly tumultuous place was when I was 20 and I was going through the worst breakup of my life. And it's crazy that that was the worst breakup of my life because really, when I look back, like now, actually, I probably still wouldn't be able to deal with that shit. But I've dealt with worse, but it's like there was something that happened there that I was just like, it just...

fucked with me so bad but yeah it's so interesting like and I just feel so grateful for it like my body is such a homely place to be and it

Also, I was talking to my friend that I'm on vacation with and we were basically saying like, it's so sweet how our bodies warn us against things. Because I was talking about an experience that I had ages ago, sexually, where my body had like completely rejected this person. And she was saying, isn't that so sweet? Like your body put up with so much until it physically had to reject this person. And just you couldn't even sleep with them anymore. Right.

because it was going to give me problem after problem after problem after problem and reject, reject, reject. And when I was with another one of my exes, I had tonsillitis almost eight times, I think. I lost my hearing because my infection was so bad. In one ear, I went completely fucking deaf in one ear. My eardrum exploded, okay? Had an inner ear and an outer ear infection. Like they, every time we kissed, I got tonsillitis. And so did they. We were actually allergic to each other. And we were like, yes, perfect. We're

We're a match made in heaven, right? No. And then it's just like we were looking at our bodies and we were basically saying like, isn't it so sweet how our bodies will just consistently be there loving us? Like they will let us do something to it and it'll say, OK, I'm going to fix this for you. And if you do it again tomorrow, it's OK. I'll do the same thing. Bitch that nearly made me fucking sob. When she said that, I was like, my chest, my chest.

Like I've abused my body so much in my short little lifespan. I've abused it so much. And every time it has done its best for me and it has taken care of me and it has said you can do the same thing tomorrow and I will help you again. Is that not the fucking sweetest thing you've ever had in your entire life?

It is. Okay. I've been yapping. I am going to go. I'm going to go tan. Like, why am I sat up here fucking yapping? It's boiling hot outside. I think I'm going to go get drunk. Why not? Literally, what do I have to lose? Okay. I love you guys so much. And I will see you next week on Pretty Lonesome. I will be in Cannes, which will be exciting. Love you guys. I'll see you next week. Love you. Bye. Bye.