Our Last Episode 01:20:24

So I'm like actually really fucking pissed off right now. And like, I know this is a terrible way to like intro the episode or whatever, but Inya has not turned on her mic for the last...

15 minutes or her camera for the last 15 minutes and it's like actually starting to like piss me off so I'm just gonna uh welcome to this episode of emergency intercom like I can't oh I guess and yes I'm so sorry welcome to the podcast you guys today sorry guess and yes mic is on um wait sorry I'm late you literally actually are not in you like you're devon

Devin, why are you here? Do you not see the name? No, I see the name and I see the room. Are you in my fucking house? Yeah, because it's Enya. Oh my God. Well, that's literally so strange. We just start the podcast. No, because we're not going to start the podcast because you're not Enya. How did you get in here? What is this? I don't. I'm a little confused why you think it's not Enya.

I mean, you are literally like, I don't know why you're going down to that level of like comparing yourself to Enya Devon because like you're gorgeous. You're beautiful. You have your skin is glowing. Enya is constantly dehydrated and her skin is literally cracking. Like it has like fissures in it and it's crazy. And like, you're just perfect in every way. And I don't know why you compare yourself to her. I'm Enya Devon.

Enya is perfect. Enya does have perfect skin. I am Enya. Enya is like so perfect and funny and amazing. And I'm just like, how could I not be Enya? Does Enya have a gun to your head, Devin? Do you actually need help? Because I can call the cops. No, this is Enya. This is Enya. I'm in my room. I'm sorry I'm late. You're deflecting, but... She's going to kill you. Is she going to kill you if you say no? No, it's me. It's me. Okay.

If you're Enya, let me play with your boobs. Enya lets me play with her boobs all the time. Let me just squeeze your knockers. I'll come in there right... Oh. Devin? No, I'm not doing that. No. Devin, let me play with your boobs. Come on. I'm literally... Devin, let me play with your boobs. Oh. That was actually really weird.

I don't don't know where any is what the fuck um okay well I guess we can just get into this episode it's the true cast now hey the truth is literally spreading tap in the truth is oh what the fuck was that what was that what are you talking about

What was that? Like you forced Devin to come on to the party? Oh, I forced her. I forced her. I'm so sure. Like, yeah, I've, oh, I'm forcing people to do things. What are you talking about? I've been here the whole time. That was not you. The background's different. The skin, it's different. The beauty, the allure, the luster, the mystery is different. Devin has all of these qualities that you just don't have. Like, I don't know why you're trying to compare where you do not compete.

Actually, I think you would find that a lot of people say me and Devon are really alike. I actually think not a single person has ever said that once. Literally, no, literally. I'm sorry. What the fuck? You've been lying to me this whole fucking time. You've been lying to me this whole time. So how are there two of y'all on the screen explaining? Explain that. Did you hear the sound? Explain that. I don't think he gave that.

The camera going in and out is so funny. I love myself. Literally, is she trying to kill you, Devin?

I don't think I was supposed to come back in yet. Like I got back in because I was like, oh, are they done? I'm going to leave. No, it was we finished and then you came in perfect. Like and then Devin coming back in was perfect fucking timing. So I'm going to go. So thank you so much. You lied to me and we need to get to the bottom of this. No, no, it's OK. Devin, thank you so much. I love you. My twin, my twin flame. I love you, sis. Yeah.

People say that sometimes when me, Sydney, and Devin are out, people think, like, Sydney isn't a sister. Like, I'm Devin's sister. That's what people say all the time. They've never said that. Are you sure you're all three related? Because I thought it was just Devin and Nanya. They've never said that. I don't know why you're stooping down to that level, Devin. Okay, it was so nice meeting you, Drew. We literally made it.

I swam in your pool. That was weird. That was such a weird start to the episode. Yeah, why were there two of you? If it was just you, explain that. It was just me. No, Devin popped in and it was Devin saying she was you. And I'm actually worried about her safety because I haven't heard from her since she left. And I'm scared you killed her to keep her silent. Oh yeah, I killed my twin. That's literally my twin. That's what I was saying is that, like, why is your name Devin?

That's my twin.

that's my twin like everybody always i get so many comments actually like you guys have to stop commenting that like i get a lot of comments that are like oh my god i thought this was devon like oh my god you look so much like devon right now and like she gets them too and i'm sure that's like kind of annoying because like just like to like get comments about someone else's name like people mistaking you all the time for someone else like i don't think that's ever happened once no it happens it happens in if there's no paper trail on the internet

It happens in real life. So that's the weird thing. I asked to play with Devin's boobs and she left. That's why she fucking gave up? Yeah. Dude. Oh. What? So you admit it, that it wasn't you. Okay, fine. Literally, since you want to bully the fuck out of me. Okay, fine. No, here's the truth. Here's the truth. Actually, I found out that I could make a lot more money without this stupid, stinky fuck on screen. So...

I have moved to New York. I am starting my own podcast. The studio is being set up right now. I actually vacated a whole building for it. It's already being set up. This mic, like see, like we don't have these back home. It sounds like shit. Yeah, that's what I would say if I was your competition too.

So I just thought, okay, like, I don't want to kill emergency intercom because like, I could still make some money off of that. You see, Drew, you get where I'm coming from. So I thought I could just replace myself with Devin since everybody thinks we look alike and that we act the same and that people, people, I love her so much. Honestly, people kind of like me more, but that's like, that's, no, that's, that's me. That's me being like me. Huh? No. No.

Yeah. Anyways, I told her I'd do a wildflower case if she replaced me, but she did say that she wouldn't take that treatment from you. Like she wouldn't take like you trying to have sex with her. I just tried to play with her knockers. It's Devin Lee, baby. You would jump at the chance to. If you had the chance to touch Devin's boobs, you would also. Would you? Yes. Yes. What the fuck?

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, wow, oh my god, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste. Anyway, welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. My name is Enya Yemanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips.

How come we never say our names? I feel like, no. We just assume people know who we are. And I hate all of the formalities that come with like having a podcast. I literally like, hey, I'm Enya Umanzor and I'm Drew Phillips. And this is our show. Leave it against my back. Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips.

And this is our podcast where we get a little silly. Because it is an emergency. We do need to be listened to. What was that? Kai, why is your mic on? I left my mic on. Shut down. Don't talk. That's what I'm saying. She asked me a question. Oh, who's she? Say my fucking name. Who is she? Enya. Yeah. Yeah.

Can I turn my video on or? Oh my god, you need attention. You need attention so bad. Yeah, only for a few seconds. Off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off. You guys gave Kai too much fucking attention last time and I refuse. I refuse. I refuse to give him a platform.

Yeah, you guys, Enya had a call with me and she said that I'm not allowed to be on screen for this episode. And I gave you a limit of 50 words and guess what? You're reaching that really quick. And you've already spoken more than I have, so.

You can turn your camera on. I'm so fucking greasy. You say that this is our second Zoom episode. That's like the old the first thing you said in the last one. It's like you seeing yourself on camera like that, I think does something to your brain. No, it's I've been looking at myself the entire time and it's really unhealthy. Like I've just been picked

Picking my body and face apart. It's like fucking crazy. Zoom is the devil. I've said it a million times. Zoom is the devil. I like that you're looking me in the eye. Zoom is the devil. Like looking. Imagine we did the whole episode like looking in the camera.

So yeah, so my week's been awesome. I'm super excited for the summer. Isn't that like an odd feeling? Like looking me in the eyes. I've always never been able to look at the lens when I like am filming like a YouTube video or something. Like I can't do it. It like freaks me out. It's like I'm staring into oblivion. It's like my eyes almost turn off and they go into robot mode and I'm just staring at this spot, but I'm creating this like universe in my mind. I don't know how to explain it. Very like...

I almost said predatorial. It's like... Are you calling me a predator? No, like, it's, like, very animalistic. It's like, I just got my eye on one thing, and I'm like... Maybe primal is, like, a better word. Yeah, but except it's, like, the opposite of primal, looking into a fucking camera lens and talking. Humans have gone too far.

That's what I'm saying. We literally, I'm not kidding. I keep every episode since Coachella, I've mentioned it, but like I, it's genuinely sent me on like the gnarliest spiral of like, I just look around and I think, wow, we are not meant to do this. Enya's finally reaching my brain. She's seeing the world the way I do now.

And now she understands me just a little bit more. I still don't. I still don't understand you or believe you. That is one thing I will never do is believe Drew. Well, I got my gap filled. Was that gum? It actually looks so good. Not you. I literally look like a whore. If I had these teeth, I would be a slut. You are a slut. No, but like I'd be like a public slut. People would know.

people know you're very openly a slut no you know what i mean yeah you'd be for the like the people via like like look how hot i look with the closed teeth you look hella sexy you look so scary you actually look like someone i just got on a zoom meeting with for like a contract to go over are you twitching are you

Oh, also, everybody, here's my update. So as you can tell, I'm not in L.A. right now, as you can tell from the wall behind me. I'm sure like it's super easy to tell. I have something I have something else I need to show them. I didn't finish saying what I was saying. Go for it. Oh, you have to enable screen sharing.

For you? Yes. And why should I do that? You should beg me. Oh my god, I'm gonna actually kill myself and blow up this fucking world. Oh shit. I will literally drop a nuke on New York City. I don't give a fuck. I'll eradicate 300,000 people. Literally every single Marvel movie be like... Every Marvel movie, literally. I think it should work now. Okay. Definitely started shit. Oh my god. Sorry, that was the wrong thing. Okay, here we go.

So I'm going to draw penis to body ratio for me. We can't do this. We have to blur that. We'll blur it and the people can use their imagination. You only have one ball sack? Yes. Ew, Drew! So you get the image, right? Yeah. This is like physically accurate? Yeah, this is exactly what it looks like. I just don't understand because you're sitting right now and I don't see any sight of your mumber.

Well, it's because I do good at hiding them. But okay, that's all I wanted to do, really. Do you roll it up and put it away? Oh, okay. I was going to say, you have to have a compartment. I hide it up there. I mean, I guess that is why God gave men butts. So they can put their own number away. True. I have a similarly sized penis, so I know. Like why? Every time you speak, you lie. It's a new lie. That wasn't a lie. That was true.

But what I was saying is I'm in New York right now. Oh my God. You guys are like obsessed with each other's member. Like, what is that about? Little dinky. So I went to Miami to go visit my abuela. And then I, can you say that word? Abuelita. Yeah. Yeah.

um so I I also learned her name this is a fun fact about me I did not know my grandma's name or her age and I learned both of those things finally I thought it was my mom that and she was like um what like she she couldn't believe it she was like she's like how does she not know her grandma's name and then she was like wait I don't think I know my grandma's name and I was like

it's like and i was like i think it's kind of a normal thing maybe but i know my all my grandma's names i didn't because like she was always just like abuela so i was just never like i was never saying her name um but so i went to go see her and then i was like while i'm here i might as well go to new york and you would think oh my god what is any doing in new york she's probably running around every day like saying a blank going to parties um just like having the time of her life um

What I did do, I haven't done a lot of that, but what I have done is when I left LA, my- Are you playing with yourself? Send me a video of that. Sound on and off early.

I could connect my AirPods and put the AirPod right next to the action. Yeah, okay. That's all I'll do for you. Damn, I'm hungry. My belly just growled. Did y'all hear that or no? I think you're horny, not hungry. You said the wrong word. My belly literally just growled. It was kind of cute. Your belly growled for something meaner. I love a good belly growl. That's like so cute if you think about it. It's like, yeah, you're a hungry little guy. We'll get you some food soon. It's cute, but sometimes it just sounds like a fart.

Like I've had a couple that someone was like, did you just fart? And I was like, I swear to God. Every time someone has a belly growl around me, I'll call it out. I'll be like, Kai, are you hungry? I know it's the worst. You're a hungry guy. Also, if it's like quiet in the car for like three seconds, you'll be like the energy just shifted and it's bad now.

And it makes it a lot worse, honestly. I don't say the energy shifted. It's bad. I just say the energy has shifted. Kai, are you okay? You do say it's bad sometimes. He just says it's bad sometimes. I've literally never said it. Why are we putting this on me? That is not me. I said it was bad when you came into my house and started fucking bullying me on the couch in my own house. I wasn't bullying you. Oh, beef. The girls are fighting. I was like, it's bad now. It's funny how I leave LA for like a week and y'all are...

Fighting. That's how you know you need a war. The thing is we're not fighting. This is Drew's delusional perspective. We weren't fighting at all. He's fighting with himself. He's fighting his own demons. I wasn't even at the apartment. He was just talking to a voice in his head. I just didn't know the lyrics after that.

Dude, you look like nothing but like a head. Like you need to sit up. No, because if I sit up, I like get out of front.

You're holding yourself up. You're not that tall. Oh, basically, I need to finish my thought. I went from a level 30 to what is it? I think I'm like 68. No, but now I'm like 69 because I kept playing when I got off with you last night. So I see I have control. This is Fortnite, by the way. I have control. And when we got a win, I was like, I'm going to end on a win, baby. And I ended on a win. And I slayed that game. How many kills did you have in you? I only had four. No, I think I have five.

in the game we won oh my god no i don't think i had any kills you had one but the game before that you had like eight kills but yeah just you know what the thing is with trios it's like it usually is one person is like slaying the house and then the other ones are just kind of like assisting because i had a lot of assists but i didn't have a lot of kills the one we got third in when i had that jet pack i was slaying out i was on track to have like 15 or 16 kills

fortnite is so good it's fucked up i got reached out by a company almost immediately for my fortnite usage wait what do you mean like a company reached out with like um like a brand deal and they mentioned they were like we know you like games we know we know you're a big fan of fortnite and that was like kind of their opening line and i was like oh my god um that's top tier secret kai you have to believe this

He said test you. Text me it. Is it the same one that reached out to me? Oh, maybe. No, I don't think so. It was ***.

It's a shoe company. Why would a shoe company mention Fortnite? Because they're doing like a gaming thing. I don't know. But I like their boots. I was about to say their boots lay. Yeah, their boots do serve boots. Kai liked that. That got Kai laughing. That got Kai giggling.

you want me to do that i can't do that yeah i can i can grow out a very thick masculine beard i have a photo of kai with a beard too i have a photo of when we first met like within maybe 10 minutes of us meeting you're that's weird you're on your weird shit you meet someone to take a picture with them 10 minutes later no that's i didn't ask somebody like came up and took a photo of us i forget who it was

But yeah, I'm also not weird. It was us on the balcony of the Chateau. Yeah. Yeah. Any of the Chateau story like of us with the guy of the company, like really high up at the company that we shouldn't name where he's at. And we climbed all the billboards. Have we talked about that? Cause I don't think we never did. Have we said that on the podcast? Yeah. I don't know. You've alluded to it, but I don't know if you've ever told the story. Okay. Well, I literally want to tell the story.

Because I don't think we've talked about it. And I've always been like, forgetting to say it. Um, but like, basically, there's this hotel in LA called the Chateau. We've mentioned it 3000 times. And like, it was like a good night. We were partying our asses off. We were climbing billboards and shit.

And then we went to like one of these bungalow rooms that like was connected like there was a stairway that connected to the roof and then right above that roof was a billboard. And so me and yeah and it was Christian right. Yeah, I was me and you and Christian climb this billboard, and we're just up there like goofing off because we love getting on billboards, don't do it it's really dangerous. And honestly, I'm surprised we survived that because you remember how rotted out the wood was India. Yeah.

dude yes it was like crumbling beneath us it was crazy i was like we're gonna die up here well randomly this dude i think i've told this before we've told this before because randomly this dude um or maybe we said it in a youtube video or something uh but this dude like an older gentleman like i'm gonna say like 50 something maybe 60 something who works for like

One, like the biggest company in the world. I think he has the biggest market cap in the world. And like, he's like really like lead designer at this company. Am I mistaken? No, he, he literally, he was like holding credit to making like something like

almost every American uses like every day yeah it's like the craziest shit ever um well his old ass was like I want to feel young again and like there's like I'm gonna get I can get rowdy with the kids I can get ready with the kids so he after smoking hella weed drinking a lot of alcohol um climbed up on the billboard with us and like we were just goofing off up there

Well, we're like scared we're going to get kicked out. So we like get off. So we like climb down the billboard. We get on the roof. Also, he helped me get down. Or am I tripping? Or was it someone else? No, it was him. No, it was someone else. I think it was Greg. Okay, that's what I was going to say. I was going to say it was someone who was really tall. So it might have been Greg. I think Greg helped me get down because I was like, I'm going to break my ankles. Yeah, exactly. So...

we get down. It's like, I'm not joking. It's like what? A nine or 10 foot drop from up there. Like it's, it's pretty high up. No, this, the Greg is literally like, what is like six foot? Like he's tall as fuck. And even him still, I had to like, kind of like jump from up here and like help her down. Well, we're getting off and the,

the gentleman thinks he can do it by himself and he like goes to like get off and he like climbs down a little bit and you know when you're like a kid you're like hanging on to the edge or something and his feet were like curling up under so billboard right here hands right here his body was like curling up underneath the thing and he was just gonna like drop down well he lost his grip and fell and

10 feet directly onto his back onto a stucco roof like one of those like like classic like shingle roof yeah like the the red like um like glass clay shit yeah like uh and he he fell and like broke like 20 of those tiles like crazy it was like this

It basically made that sound. But he like fell and exploded. All I heard was a scream. I thought it peaked, but did it not peak? It did, but it didn't.

Yeah, Zoom tried to make it quiet. It sounded like you actually got attacked. Like anybody who's just listening to the audio, it sounded like mid-conversation. Someone came in the room and like pushed you off your own balcony. It sounded like a stalk, like a stalk sound for a man getting attacked. Oh, I scratched my headphone with this and it was really loud. But anyways, he fell, like was groaning on the ground, like moaning, like...

and like everyone was like oh my fucking god and then he lifted his shirt and scratched and bruised I didn't see him again after that no I never saw him again I like I went in there and he sat sitting on the couch like with a blunt and a beer in his hand and he was like trying to cool guy and I just felt like really just so bad for that man like because it was like him like 50 late 50s early 60s something like

Old ass man hanging out with a crowd of like the cool kids of LA, not calling myself the cool kids. It was just the cool kids of LA and me and India there. Like it was, it was a very interesting crowd and I would have been like really embarrassed had that happened to me. I would have passed away. No, that ass would have rolled off the roof and fell, fallen another 30 feet into the concrete headfirst. No, I would have climbed back onto the billboard and run because it goes over the street and just jumped onto a car.

a car exactly just run me over but yeah iconic also you you just did something that sometimes you do like oh when you scratched your headphone and made that noise you do this thing sometimes where you like have like a visceral reaction to something and like it's not that you're embarrassed but like you try to like explain it before it looks too weird and all i could think about was in the episode of field trip where you almost fall out of the

of the trailer that would have not been chill i'm gonna give y'all a little tour of our setup um where we'll be sleeping tonight so yeah actually i'm just gonna walk in through the front door oh my god imagine i just fell out that would have not been chill but anyways

it's like we were in this fucking trailer dude that was the funniest it just doesn't it does not read it doesn't translate i i think it was just like genuinely one of those moments where you had to have been there but like i remember no dude it died it still is so funny on video because like drew almost falls out of the

trailer and then like tries to like make it funny it's like oh whoa like goes to fake fallback again and then it's like oh that would have been bad and that had us cracking up and then that would have not been chill and that's what got y'all like the wording of that also you just recreating it like

whoa like you did that and then right after the farmer guy like comes to go into the trailer so he scares the fuck out of you immediately after so you just had like the producer planted that they had to have so good like she did she was definitely like go like go check on them real quick oh for sure do not check on me i am fucked out as i'm gonna be recording

um but yeah that was hella funny also I already posted this on my story but like I was talking about this the other day like with a group of friends I was just like oh I like love that I have the like ability to like cry laughing over almost anything like jealous it's very easy for me to like kind of get there for the most part like

I don't know. I just find like certain things so humorous and they will push me there. But one, and I was just trying to like think of things that like the last thing that made me cry laughing. I don't know if we can insert it, but the, our neighbors smashing into that gate. Wait, what? Oh,

I don't know if we can insert it, but cause it's just like, Oh, that's like a little, like, I don't know. I'm not about to like put some like literal children on blast. I mean, you literally can't read that. You can, there's no way you can see their face. Cause they're actually going at my, like they're literally going 80 miles per hour. It's crazy. Um,

But I don't know if I want us to put it in. So I'll just explain it basically. And it's not going to be nearly as funny, but next to my window in my room where I do my makeup, we have a neighbor who has a child who's maybe like what, like 10 or 11. Like they're super young. Yeah. He's just a super young kid.

And one day he had all his friends over on like a Saturday or a Sunday and I was doing my makeup and I just hear them screaming and running and laughing and it's like cute. And then Drew comes into my room. - You're literally so cute. Oh, Kyle you're cute. - I'm not kidding, I like him. - Thank you Drew. I think you're cute too. - No, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. Like yeah. - What is she saying? - Does she know that her mic's on still?

Who the fuck is she talking to? I have no idea. This bitch is schizophrenic. Don't leave me alone! Dude, I think she just collapsed. No, I think she's being abducted. Sorry, I gotta call because I'm going to the Met after this. By the time this comes out, I'll already have gone to the Met. Yeah. The Met Ballot isn't even now. What?

The Met Gala isn't even now. Like, what? Are you kidding me? Wait, is this going to be out on Mother's Day or by Mother's Day? No, it comes out right before Mother's Day. Okay, I can't say this then. Yeah, don't say that. They need to make MILF stay. They need to make MILF stay. Turn your camera off and your mic. Yeah, turn it off. Time out. Three minutes. Inya, you know how there's Mother's Day? Yeah. They need to make MILF stay.

Are you kidding? No, for real. Would you just call it milk debt? That's literally my joke. I'm sorry. Who is that? Who got in? Who got into our Zoom? Oh my God, did you leak the fucking address? I think I accidentally leaked. How do you guys not recognize my voice? Who is this? This man is scaring me, honestly. Look, it's me. Look, I'm back. Get the fuck out. Get out. Get out of here. Get out of here. Lock the door.

motherfucker you look like you need help motherfucker all right kai you can go back oh wait actually okay so speaking of um mother's day when i was in miami i saw this mom in her like early 40s it just made me like so i was like oh this is sweet i saw like a mom and hello

so annoying um no for real let me finish so i saw a mom in her like early 40s and she had like a like a cap and gown on so like like this isn't the craziest thing to see like it's pretty like it's funny how you don't believe in women like like pursuing i believe in women anyway i saw a mom in like her early 40s

She had like a cap and gown on. She was with her three kids who were like older teenagers and they were out like celebrating, I guess, her graduation. I'm assuming she got like a master's or something because she was like old as bricks. Oops, sorry. Master degree, innovation degree. Anyways, but it got me thinking because I was like, oh my God, when my mom was in her early 40s, we did something like that, except we put her in a box and then everybody stood around the box and then we just like never saw her again. But it was kind of similar if you think about it.

What? Are you referencing a funeral? A what? Yeah, that's like a funeral, Enya. What is that? What are you talking about? I think you're talking about a funeral. No, they put my mom in a box and then everyone stood around the box. People seemed a little upset about the box in the room. Yeah, because she's... Enya, your mother isn't alive anymore. No, it was fun. We had a... We brought the espresso machine so I got to have a latte. Wait, did you know your mom's not alive, Enya? Yeah.

my mom was what no my mom's chilling alive and you know wait they put her in the box to bury her or burn her burn her yo i gotta show y'all something hold on wait actually never mind don't not yet not yet not yet

um yeah your uh mother and my brother and praying mantis are all just living it up you forgot about dumping it up i don't think the bug and my grandpa funny how you're invalidating one of drew's very harsh losses i think if drew had to okay i'm gonna make an educated guess which was the hardest

Wait, we'll say it on three. One, two, three, bug. Bug, yeah. Really? Are you serious? If I had to choose between my bug being alive and Kai being alive, let's say it on three. Bug. Bug. Really? All right. You couldn't even wait. Me and Drew are connected in a way that not most people are connected. Probably because of our intimacy in bed. I would straight up kill for both of you guys, okay? I would do whatever it took. Yeah. How about yourself? Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh my god! Did he do it? Did he do it? Wait, but did he do it? I forgot the power. Did he do it though? Apologize. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry, Kai. Oh. Is that good? Is that a good enough apology? Thank you. Oh, you took that? Kai, that apology was good enough for you? You took that? It was good. Drew's showing us his Call of Duty right now. And it's lagging, hella. Yeah, are you trying to play a round of Call of Duty while you're doing the podcast?

Oh, I didn't even literally know y'all could see that. Sorry guys. Are you trying to show us like you get like just right in Call of Duty? Should I continue this round or? No, like you should do your job. This is honestly super disrespectful. We're like, we have to work.

Yeah, we. What the hell? Yeah. Yeah. I have to work too. Wait, now you're trying to boss us around and say we have to work. No, I'm saying like, I also have to work with alongside you guys working and making the decision to work. Also, Drew, you fucking suck at this game. Yeah. And it's hella lagging. Like, and you're cheating. Honestly, I've been thinking a lot about this and I just like want to say it. If

If all of this like fails, I'm just going to. Off yourself. True. Jesus. Oh my God. No, I was going to say, I'm just going to like change my career path to being the vibrator. To being a vibrator, a vibrator. No, the vibrator. Like I'm like going to rate vibes and maybe sometimes pulse on a woman's clitoris if she would allow me.

So, yeah, it's like a double-edged sword because that's a lot of responsibility to break the vibe. A double-edged vibrator for yourself. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a very manly thing of you to say. Oh, you're leaving. Oh, a bag of garbage. No, no, no. I recently went camping in Utah and...

It was a good getaway. It was an escape. I needed to reconnect with Earth. I needed to rebalance my life a little bit. And while I was out there, we went rockhounding for a lot of minerals. And for the first time in my life, I found some fossils. And I just wanted to show the visual people the fossils. We found trilobites.

whoa that's cool and that is actually so cool this is my favorite specimen because it's a mama with the baby on the top you can't really see it that well we can insert pictures too yeah and then also in my wallet i have a trilobite always with me at all times because i found a really cute little baby one i have oh wait we'll show you what i got in my wallet i got a piece of obsidian

um a trilobite a key and an apple air tag that tag or kai gave me but i wish you could see it better oh you can kind of see him there but he's like he's out of his matrix so it's literally just hit the trilobite whoa yeah and then i found a bunch of geodes and we like um damn wait what is the what does the shell look like what does the shell just look like a rock on the outside oh yeah

damn so sick it's like this specific and this is my favorite one hold on let me grab it so you went digging for rocks when you have an iphone yes yeah drew why don't you just play like video games or something yeah or fortnite because like you that's cool but like you bitches are mad motherfucker motherfucker you look like you need some help motherfucker motherfucker fucker

um okay we need to address something the nepotism rumors are going too far um my parents aren't rich and famous that doesn't need to be public information you guys are like really going in like why can't i just be myself it doesn't matter that my parents like have been hoarding millions through the like ancestral line like it literally doesn't matter are you really like don't

Who do you think made Vine? We're moving on. No, stop it. Why are you doing that? Why are we doing that? Inya's mother. Wait, Drew, didn't your dad make Grindr? Yeah.

Oh, didn't he make it for you? Didn't he make it for you? Because he was like, oh, you're not getting any bitches. There's not much bitches. So he was like, let's invent something where you can. I don't know how much Grindr would help with getting bitches, though. Really? Because my friend is literally viral on Grindr. Are you saying that only women can be bitches and men can't be bitches? Very not feminist of you, Kai. Oh, shit. I didn't even think about it like that. I'm so sorry. What's funny is Kai, like, why?

wants so badly to be a feminist. He even has the Glossier hoodie on. He's one of those freaks. He is doing a good job at it. Kai is one of those freaks. He knows his big three. He knows too much. Wait, what's the big three? You don't know what that is, Drew? I'm not like these other bitches. Honestly, at first I thought you were a low-life slut with no self-respect, but now I think maybe you kind of have a low-life. I actually don't know what that is either. Big three, like

big five sporting goods like you're talking about a store he thinks it's a sporting team and yeah yeah see i don't know what that is you're such a man yeah because you watch sports and stuff yeah is it rupaul's drag race the top three in rupaul's drag race yeah yeah that is actually what that means

Can y'all hear that? What is that? They're working on the studio, my podcast studio. What? My new one. I don't believe that. Because I signed for, like, a really big amount that, honestly, like, y'all knowing that my parents have money and then knowing that, like, I get signed for, like, crazy deals would make, like, a lot of y'all feel bad. So I won't say it. Give me a number. Let's just say it's a double digit, but...

the word that comes after those double digits changes a lot. That's all I'll say. So $7, $17, 80 million, 80 million. I got signed for $80 million. Okay. Well, I want to say congratulations on you for getting signed for 80 million. Thank you. You don't have a job. You're I'm not hiring you. And like, you're like, I know that's what you want. And like, you're not like, I'm leaving both of you behind because I think it'd just be better for me. You guys are really toxic. Bitch. I don't.

okay well i'm actually fucking i don't i am not happy that you have that money and i hope that honestly i hope that your fucking studio burns to the ground i would i would literally build a new one that's fucked up because it's in the new world trade center thank god you know we need to do more things like that to make kai just like kind of like like go back into his shell and like

Enjoy some silence. Like more silencing. You know silencing of the lambs? Silencing of the lambs? Maybe silencing of the kai. That was like top 50 funniest things I've ever said. I think. It was very referential. But to even like

make the like ground that you have said 50 funny things is like a lot so i think we're gonna say look at the pod class clips i think drew said i think drew said over a million funny things okay just since i've been signed for 100 million dollars and you're still not on my team oh okay also i can host

Let's go. Let's go boys podcast. We need more of those. Yeah, we need more white guys doing like duo podcasts together. Yeah. Yes.

Talking about sex and depression. Dude, this is going to be awesome. All women do is cheat. A woman can't sleep with another man and it be considered... Women just fall in love too easy. It's different. I can sleep with as many women as I want to and it still be like this. It's this primal thing. I can come back and lay with you. Wait. Back up. You said sleep with what?

other women that's are you speaking for other men or i'm straight girl oh okay it's it's only cheating it we i have an open relationship but i'm the only one that's allowed to explore because if my if the girl in the relationship explores she cheats it's cheating but when i do it it's not cheating yeah i feel that like girls are like kind of sluts um

I don't feel that way. Oh my God. For the record, I don't feel that way. Oh, I'm so sure. I'm so sure. Yeah, I would never even use that word. You don't feel that way because you like men, Kai. Okay. I was so close to turning off my camera, but I'm going to leave it on. You just decided to face your truth. Be who you are for your life. Oh my God.

Guys, sorry to interrupt, but I did have an announcement to make. Guys, what is it? He thinks he can interrupt with announcements now. Yeah. Fuck, my name is still that. How did that happen? It's okay. So I am having a procedure done next week. It's a brain reduction surgery. So I just wanted to tell you guys because I'm really excited about it.

Mm-hmm. What's the likelihood? Brain reduction surgery. Brain reduction. Apparently it's too big. What's the likelihood of it going wrong and you passing away?

99% but you need that no you need that you need that surgery you need to tap into that like I mean do what's best for you I really trust this guy because he did my penis reduction surgery so he's super good so he works with penises and brains yeah and he said it was one of the biggest penises he's ever he's ever had to reduce and also he said my brain is the biggest brain he's ever had to reduce

Is there a chance that he's never seen another human? He is a vet and he works on animals. So he works on like small dogs. Oh, okay. Then that makes a lot of sense. Oh, yeah. Yo, Drew, check chat. Are you looking like, wait, is this chat? Wait, just look at your screen. Like, I think when I put on chat. Yes, we do. Okay. Yeah. Wait, we need to. Drew, are you seeing, are you seeing my chat? Yes. What's the chat say? Wait, wait, one more thing, Drew.

Yo, it's right here. Do you see it? Drew my message to you. No, I've seen all of them. Oh, okay. Yeah, yours. I agree with yours. It's cool that Zoom has chat in here so we can like talk to each other. Wait, I can't see that. Al Gort. Opening it. Yeah, it's not showing up for me, guys. Oh, no, it's a secret chat that it shows up on me and Drew's screen. Al Gort. Who is Al Gort?

it's like al gore but it's al gore it's the first thing that comes to my brain every single time i like think of i have to think of a name you don't think of your own name when you think of a name you should have some self-love erica badu or al gore it's like really in my brain it's so fucking weird um also i use the word belligerently correct and i will stand by that i fully use it correctly

Because belligerent just means aggressive. I don't know if you do. I don't think you do. I don't think you do. And I allow you to say it because I'm done correcting people. And I use words wrong all the time. But sometimes you don't use it right. And you do use it four or five times an episode. Or...

10 times a day I think you're belligerently fucking stupid that's what I think I think I belligerently love you and want to hug you see belligerent just means aggressive like to like isn't it like to do something aggressively I'm a belligerent drunk I'm an aggressive drunk I'm like overtly drunk I'm belligerently sexy I am aggressively sexy the bitches just aren't ready for you yeah that's what I'm saying a bull neck belligerent old man yeah

I'm belligerently horny. No, I am belligerently horny. It's true. Like it works. I think it works in that context for sure. Kai is belligerently annoying. Like sometimes when he speaks, like I get a belligerent headache.

Drew is belligerently smelly. Sometimes when I'm around him, my nose hairs like belligerently recoil back up into my nose. Like it works. It works. Yeah, Kai's dick is belligerently big. Oh, shit. See, that doesn't work. It doesn't sound like... It's not rolling off the tongue. Maybe it's you. Like you shouldn't use that. It's like my thing. No, you're not. You're belligerently beautiful. You're BB. You're so BB. Okay, so...

I have something to show you guys. It's really important and I honestly it was kind of hard for me to do. It took a lot of like opening up. I'm getting a raise. I'm getting a raise.

this is so exciting i'm raising what wait i'm right no you're you're an old man i can't raise you you've been raised what do you like no i mean like a like okay financial you're literally making no sense so like i was saying actually kind of scaring me too yeah like what you stuttered a lot yeah it's like scary um so this was like came from a very vulnerable place and i hope you guys can just like

like understand what the fuck is this so i've just been thinking it's oh drew drew you got to tie back in drew fuck you it's just i'm sorry like this is just the way it should be and i have good drew can you please hear me out can you just hear me out drew maybe we should just hear her out like that's what i'm saying pay me an equity bitch maybe she's gonna she's gonna buy you out or something yeah maybe most likely not don't put those ideas in his head

so why i think emergency intercom should be just and yeah also i know everyone's gonna be like this is a beautiful it looks like it looks like shit yeah i don't think anyone's gonna say that but yeah well we'll just move on um starting off simple drew is ugly and and this hear me out it distracts the viewers from anya who is super sexy and funny

sometimes it's hard for viewers to feel good and safe when Drew is on camera. Your skin is cracking. Okay. I would say that if I was... You need lotion. Yeah. Okay. You can be defensive. You can be defensive all you want. This is a real quote from one of our viewers. Zach Smith is not a real person. That's true. Look, that's him. He's literally... I literally... Like, he's here. Well, for...

we wanted to keep everyone anonymous because we know drew will attack them so it is an alias name but we just know drew can get a little aggressive scares me i listen and watch for india but sometimes it's hard yeah i hope i fucking scare you zach smith i'm gonna come to your house and fucking murder you and your family and kill your dog i heavy on the dog i'm gonna rip your dog's fucking neck off why is zach talking about his dick

Drew is a liar. Okay, this one's true. We have been waiting on Drewmoji for five years. Yeah, that's true. Like, why is that a bad thing? Because of the next slide. He hired me to develop the app without credit or pay. The whole time Drew has spoken of Drewmoji, he stutters, sweats, and even nervously laughs because of the dark truth. Do you have anything to say? Like, genuinely, do you have anything to say about this? I contacted my Drewmoji developer.

I mean, I was just seeking the truth. And they made this comment. Yes. And I was just... They'll burn too. Thank you. They'll burn? That's your response? The blood is on your hands. It's on me? Yeah, they're going to die soon. I just wanted... I was excited for the app and I just wanted to know what was happening and I found... Fake religion. Drew has coined the truth as a way of life when really it is the end to normal living. No, the truth is spreading.

yeah like a disease he has brainwashed millions into joining a cult he speaks often of writing a book with stolen practices to gain from this lie financially i literally don't see a problem in this like the truth is real the truth is spreading and sure i may need to make a little bit of money along the way to survive and to feed my members i love everybody like that's my thing like

I love everyone and everyone means so much to me. And like, especially like if you're in the truth, like, like if you practice Judaism, like you're lit, like, I love you. Are you turning my, my anti you like PowerPoint into an ad for your fake cult? It's not my fault that the truth spreads so easily that you can try to hit job me the truth. Okay. Fuck you. Do you,

Oh my God. Would you like to read it for the audio listeners? Like he has ran through one of many grinder notifications. It said he has ran through. Keep reading. There's more on the screen that people need to know and they need to hear. It should just come from you. It should come from you because it's the truth. Hold on. I'm not reading that.

um he has no self-respect he is a slut there is there is anything wrong with oh sorry yeah yeah but he is a slut and also has sex with kai yeah that's true the last part is true that's but that's the only true part oh of this whole thing oh shit what what was that it was like a grinder notification there was like three that just went off how do you know what that is

It doesn't matter how I know what that is. Oh, this is I used a template. I don't know what this is. All right, I'm done. Yeah. I don't know what that is. You just fucking dissed me the entire time.

The Drew, the Judaism, they're going to get you. I don't understand. I don't understand why him being ran through has anything to do with whether or not he should be on the podcast. And I don't understand why you're not afraid of the Drew because the truth is coming. They're going to get you. Everybody go comment the truth on Inya's news Instagram post. The truth. I'm going to get you removed from that app for bullying and harassment. And I'm going to come in your bed.

Like, where are you? Like, you're going to go into my bed or like stand over it. Well, the thing is, like, I'm just I one emergency intercom doesn't stand for men who are sluts. I just don't think men should have that kind of free will. I think it's like a bit disturbing. I think you should be like settling down with one person and building homes and

and working in the workforce preferably war huh what did you say what did you say okay he's losing it see what happens when the the truth is exposed i think he's sending out like a um a message to his followers to attack yeah i hate how good you are at that drew yo

what was that like actually what was that you just like said some weird incantations and then your eyes rolled to the back of your head and now you're back all of a sudden yeah what do you mean yeah that's weird that's very fucking weird behavior they're coming who's them like you three schizophrenic people i wouldn't worry about it one of my authors just showed reared its ugly head

Stop doing that to your hair! When you were talking about being ran through and you were like, no, because I'm like, um... I'm hella Gucci-based. Drew, what's your plan for your hair slash beard? Is it just going to keep going? No, I thought about it. What? And I was planning to be up there.

Are you okay? What happened? What happened, buddy? What are your plans for your hair? You didn't even answer Kai. Your ass. My ass? I can't say. I'll tell you in private, but there's big things coming. Oh, you have a whole thing planned out for it? No, legitimately. I've told you before, and yeah. You're going to make it a whole thing to get attention? Yeah. Yeah.

yeah you know that sounds right yeah sure how has the week been without me fucking awesome oh i did some crazy shit i really i can't talk about it on here genuinely you know what we did um it's probably better left unsaid but it was a fucking blast um let's just say i laughed my little butt off is that like a real smile of yours or

No, I had I've been having fun I've been like, like as every single time you go away like I just lock myself inside and do nothing for the entirety that you're gone and it's like, great. I love being a shut in. And it just reminds me that when I am dolo, I will never leave my house.

It's crazy. Yeah. We got to try this thing that we've been wanting to do where I put Drew on my dick and then I spin him around like a top and then we fly away. Yeah. It's called dreidling. I don't think you needed to say that. Like, that's probably something that could have been kept like kept to yourselves. OK. You need to keep. Yeah. Well, yeah. My week's been good. I've just been shut in vibes. I have been eating.

Like, I don't know what else. I've been like, literally, I've been constipated. So without me, you're like life, like the quality goes down. Awesome. I know, like it's I, you know, I hate socializing. And I don't have this like overlooming thing of like social socializing FOMO because I don't have to go out simply. Because you don't have anyone near you going into having the time of their life. Exactly. How's your week been?

pretty good I'm not kidding I like all I've done really like is play fortnight like I've like gone out and like done my little thing but like I look at my phone and I have no photos of like my past week because all I do is play fortnight and honestly part of me is like that's fucked up because I came to the east coast to stay up late play fortnight and then wake up late but you know sometimes the simple things in life is what it's worth

life is it's what life is worth sometimes that's the truth that's the truth babe that's the truth i've always i've always said that that's like literally my quote so drew that's your quote like i just said i think that i think that is true also still no fap by the way oh nice

So Drew, you were constipated and then Enya, you just played Fortnite. Yeah. That's cool. I started a nonprofit. What? Yeah. So that's just like what I've been doing. You're claiming you started a charity? Yeah. I'm working on fixing war. I'm getting rid of it. You started a nonprofit for neo-Nazis. No, I didn't. I'm Jewish. Why would I do that? I don't know. You tell me.

That's just something that you said. I'm not doing that. Do you have proof that you're not doing that? I don't have proof that I'm not doing that, but I'm also not. Oh, that does not look good. That really doesn't look good on you. Like, I'm going to be honest. Drew, you should be a lawyer. Drew, you should literally be a lawyer. You shouldn't be a lawyer. There's nothing that Drew did that proves that you should be a lawyer. He just, like, made up a lie about me. That's not what lawyers do. Get him. Get him.

Bitch, I'm going to rip your headphones out. No, Drew, I'll be the judge. Okay, Drew, get his ass. You skinny bitch. That's not what a lawyer does. Kai, it's not your turn to speak. Keep going, Drew. I call blasphemy in the court from Kai. That's not a term that people use in a court, but all right. Kai, you're sentenced to timeout in the corner because you keep talking while Drew is defending his case. All right.

Court adjourned. Lunchtime. Objection. He just made fun of my... He just body shamed me. And that has nothing to do with the case. Drew, eat his ass up. Eat him out. I mean, eat his... Fuck. Oh, fuck. I'm gonna eat him out. Eat his ass up. Get him. Get him!

Destroy. What is it? Let's destroy him. Let's destroy him. That's literally us before every single episode with Kai. Let's destroy him. Yeah, that's honestly it. If you guys felt like I talked too much this episode, that's because... She's going through a lot. Yeah. I'm crying right now. So I'm just... Crying. The thing is...

No one said I looked good today. You look beautiful. Don't. I know you look beautiful today. Kai, Drew, when I get home, you're getting the biggest spanking I've ever given you. Yeah. I know. Yeah. I'm going to put you over my lap. Bend me over. Oh, yeah. Okay. Holy shit. We've got like, like crazy people for 20 minutes. Okay. My media is murder man by young Manny. Um,

Birth of Rap by Little B and Oblivion by Grimes and then I've been kind of going crazy on this like new style of music I don't know what it's called yet um

But Kay Strueno, K-A-Y-S-T-R-U-E-N-O, makes some really cool music. And that's kind of like the gist of the subgenre. It's like rap, but like super blown out. It's like kind of cloud rap, but like blown the fuck out. And I've been really enjoying it. And then I've been watching this show called Disenchantment.

the animated show that oh is that the Futurama dude yeah he did Futurama Matt Goering um and I tried watching it like four years ago when it first came out um but I fucking hated it I could not get into it it literally just like wasn't good to me and now that I've like settled into my like millennial a little bit it's like funny um and I love it

Wait, are we going to be considered millennials? No. No. What are we? We're like considered Gen Z, but we're like also considered millennial. We're like literally like right on the cusp. It's crazy. Like we can kind of claim either one. I'm Gen Z rising millennial cusp. Gen Z rising millennial cusp. My boomer is in moon. I'm a medium. By the way, I see ghosts.

oh i thought you meant like your member was a size medium no no i'm saying i'm a medium i see ghosts that's new did that develop in the past week yes on patreon we should do a a ouija board video i'm done yeah ouija board episode we have one maybe we speak to your gampy and my my mama

They will be playing squirt game and my bug and my brother. They'll be playing with each other in a way that we should talk about.

wait and yeah I think you have to do your media because it's about to cancel the zoom yeah I'm about to cancel you please don't cancel me I mean I just did it it's too late my media of the week is anything by Adrian Lenker Adrian Lenker I don't know how to say her name that whole album songs is really good I'm just like really into the like sad sleigh at the moment

also honey by marine girls i'm still listening to a lot of baby father bubble that song and then curve and light mid-air thief classic and wandering star for his head those are the songs i'll give you guys um and honestly you should be grateful and then the only video yeah just as i watched the abercrombie and bitch

documentary and drew you should watch that because it's actually true you look uh are you frozen i think i think you froze for a second but we could hear everything oh drew looked really scary he was like this he's like i was staring into the camera for the entire time on purpose oh i thought you like genuinely were tapped out and staring like that and i got so scared um

Is it about them being bad people and all their really gnarly shirts that they made and shit? Yes. It touches on that. It touches on how gnarly Abercrombie and Fitch really was. It's actually genuinely crazy that Randy Melville's low-key just doing the same thing and no one really cares that much. Yeah.

I mean, because also what's crazy is, like, I don't know of any civil lawsuits against Brandy Melville, but, like, Abercrombie & Fitch fully experienced, like, civil lawsuits against... Completely 180'd and, like, their wardrobe is, like, for men at least, is, like, literally the most, like, workwear bullshit I've ever seen. But, I mean, it's, like, perfect for, like, clothes. But, yeah, someone else wears the company that still fully exists, which is crazy.

all right well i'm gonna go play fortnite thank you guys so much for tapping in tap tap tap that subscribe button and tap tap tap that review button and give us five stars why weren't we invited to the met gala charlie d'amelio's birthday because we i think we scare her like we literally i think we might scare she used our audio the mlb used that audio too your honor i'm slaying

really yeah the mlb major league basketball or baseball baseball same difference but um okay well we have a minute 41 left so because i am not paying for zoom zoom is the devil i know zoom is insane for thinking people are going to pay for this like why do you want to talk to somebody for more than 40 minutes yeah it's like in all of these meetings can be done in an email

i know i've never gotten a zoom and been like i'm so glad we got on the zoom it could have been done via free text yeah exactly even this honestly like i feel like this was like actually a waste of my time it could have been done in two packs bye