We Have Decided The Fate Of Humanity 01:32:55

I thought you were cheating. And for all you audio listeners... Is your finger bleeding? Yeah. What the... Get, get, get, get gone. Come back. Welcome back to this episode, or welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today, we're going to be talking about Drew's plastic surgery. Yeah.

Yeah, he's got some work done and he just feels like he's been setting the beauty standard for a while now and he has to speak on it. I've been lying about my BBL. And his big balls. I've been lying about my cock enlargement. It's real. Your B-E, ball enlargement and lowerment. It's to make them hang lower. Ball enlargement and lowerment? So B-E-E.

Um, ball, ball enlargement and low and like lowerment.

shut the fuck up no because why would it be b e e it'd be b e a l well i thought you were saying n like e n lowerment like e n l o w oh no and lowerment but like you know when they do like um not abbreviations but like is that what it's called where it's the letters instead of like the words when they do the abbreviations they never even put in the a for the and you just

Because I think everybody can just assume where it belongs. It takes me a lot of work to know. It does take my brain a lot of like brain power to figure out abbreviations. Fuck, I was watching something. Oh, when we were watching Sonic 2, they don't have like real government logos in them. Like or anything that looks like a real government logo, which makes sense because they have to keep it in the world of like...

a video game and i don't think there's real government involved in sonic world um or like in the sega universe i don't know like i literally could be surprised but um they support a cab in the sonic universe no they actually support the opposite at one point sonic puts on his blue coat again and goes it's good to be in blue he literally says that like and me and my friends who saw it together were like

That's a little weird. And the main guy was like a sheriff. So like he's literally, it's like on some Paw Patrol shit. It's like, it's good to be in blue. It's good to be back in blue. Like that's his mind. Wait, Paw Patrol is literally a psychological operation for our children. No, it's literally to put kids in not only the workforce, but like.

The police workforce. The fuck was I saying? Oh, but basically I was thinking yesterday for some reason, because I'm thinking about the abbreviation FBI, and I literally was sitting on the couch and I was like, Federal Bureau of Investigation. It took me a minute to think of it, and I was like, they don't have the O in there. Like...

Because it's not Federal Bureau of Investigation. Because F-B-I-O or F-B-L or F-B-O-L. The beginning of this is just showing how fucking dumb we are. We haven't said anything of true intellect. Well, the craziest part is we have nothing to say because this is the second episode we're recording in 24 hours. Yeah, because we have big plans, big plans. So we'll be gone forever. I'm probably never coming back. Yeah, maybe running away. I am running away. I'm genuinely running away. Or maybe I'm running into the fire.

I'm running towards my problems, kind of. You're running up that damn hill. You're pulling a Kate Bush. I'm going camping again.

which is really exciting for me yeah why'd you laugh because anytime you like bring up camping you're always talking about like you're like something's gonna happen no i was gonna say something bad is gonna happen while i'm gone it always when i go to utah to camp something bad happens every time but you know like i've accepted that and like the that's a small price like death is a small price to pay to get a weekend away you know like it's a small price to pay

Holy shit. You have to change the narrative. Actually, bad things happen to you because you attract them. Did you know that? If bad things are happening to you, it's probably because you deserve them. That,

That literally is the ideology of manifestation. Like that's like what you bitches like preach. Oh, I manifest. I am those bitches. Yeah, you are the problem. No, I manifest all my bad problems. Like it's really fucked up. Like I'll fester them. I'll be in bed just like right before I fall asleep. Just thinking of literally all the worst shit possible that could happen. And then eventually it comes true.

And it's because I manifested them. Maybe I should spend my time laying in bed manifesting all the good things that can happen. And maybe they'll start coming true. I spend my time in bed manifesting having sex. Oh, my God. I do. It, like, comes to fruition. Like, it, like, works out for me. Like, I'm always having sex. That's true. She is. Yeah, I am always. I'm always, like, I've always got a bone to pick at.

Do you get it? Like I have a bone to pick but I have a bone to pick like I'm picking at that bone like guys I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking wow Oh my god, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again

I can't believe I miss reading ads. I miss the taste. Look over in that corner. You see that orange packet? Yeah. I took 14 of them. Today? Those are mushroom gummies. You're tripping today? Not yet, not yet. But it'll come up on the podcast. And y'all will see me in a full-blown mushroom trip.

You're going to have an ego death on the podcast? Yeah. It's going to be actually fucked up and scary. Just something casual. I do it like three times a day. You have ego death three times a day? Ego death isn't real.

I genuinely believe that you can't have ego death. The thing is, you said this before. I think you said this on like four episodes. It's a core belief of mine. It just doesn't make sense. You're always like, because if you think you had ego death, your ego is still intact because you believe it's dead. Episode 28, 34 minutes in. Exactly. Watch that be right. Why do you know that? Kai just listens everywhere. No, you got 28 minutes in and it's Drew being like, I'm a fucking slut. I'm a whore. I love having sex. I love getting ran through.

Total verse. I don't even know what that means. I'm just saying shit. Like, I'm not even, I don't even know what that shit means. So are you a slut or no? I am, but I don't know what verse means. Like, I'm not that. It sounds like, like, why would you even use that vocabulary? Because, like, normal people don't say that kind of stuff. I'm a slay. I'm a slay in bed with whatever partner I decide that day. You're so annoying. Saying your verse and then being like, I'm just saying these. I don't know what that means. Yeah.

I just saw that online. Like, I don't actually know what that means. Fuck, I was going to say something and I literally forgot. Oh, are we going to comment on my shirt? Like, no one has any comments. Like, I'm turning a new tide. Oh, yeah. I was on my anti-men shit, but like, I'm just, I'm going to like, like, I'm going to call it now. Like, we're going into a pro-men. Yeah. You want to get out in front of the trend. Yeah. And here's trend forecasting men. Me trend forecasting when it's like,

I got this shirt. Like, I didn't make the shirt. So, like, what am I doing forecasting? I just was wondering, like, who got the shirts for you and who... Oh, who got the shirt for me? It's from Hollywood Gifts on IG. Like, it's from a brand. But technically, I got them. Kai was the hookup. Kai was the plug. Yes. It's not the first time he's, like, been a third-person party in terms of transactions that aren't necessarily legal, but we don't have to talk about it.

He's a drug dealer. Yeah. Amongst other things. And I'm about to take a trip. That's an Altoid. I'm turning to a new vibe. Have you ever heard the word Altoid? Have you ever listened to it? The word Altoid is fucking disgusting. What does that even mean? Altoid? It's so annoying. I actually remember the first time I heard it in third grade and being like,

Just why not call it candy? You remember that far back? Kai, there's actually no way you remember all the way back to third grade. That's over 20 years ago. You don't remember that. Like you really don't. That's two decades ago, Kai. Oh my God.

It is. Holy shit. Wait, do you actually know what age you were in third grade off the top of your head like that? Yeah, you're like seven or... Yeah, you're like seven. Six or seven? No, you're like seven. I have no concept of time. I think I only have concept because that's around the time my mom literally decided to like abandon and ruin my life. So trust and believe. Also, I... Trust and believe, I do not forget. But also, I have...

What? I'm just laughing at like just how subtle that was. The trauma. The trauma dome. Also, I have siblings who are that age. So it's just like off top, off top of dome, which I give a lot and very well. I watched like,

36 movies last night i could not sleep i couldn't sleep either i don't know what the fuck i was doing i have work to do like trust and believe i have so much work to do i have to like pack i have things to do but instead i sat on my bed and made tiktoks forever which is exactly why i shouldn't have the app like i'm so bored um because fucking fortnight was down last night it was literally the worst thing that happened to me kai i played one round it was so good i was on such a good streak last night and i

And then Fortnite went down. It was really the worst thing that happened to me. I can't stress enough. Yeah, I just like laid in bed till like 6 a.m. watching movies and shows all night. Like I watch, honestly, it almost broke my top four on Letterboxd. But then I thought about it and I was like, you're just being like fucking stupid. Like you're just trying to be different and weird, which I can recognize sometimes I like,

my brain works in that way where I'm like, I want to be as different and weird as possible. But I never give in to those weird thoughts because I am who I am at the end of the day. But I watched...

The Lego movie last night. The first one? Yes. That shit is actually so advanced. It's really good. It's like really, like there are some like really like actually real shit that they're like commenting on in such like a fun. I was laughing out loud in bed. It's genuinely super good. It's super funny, super good. And like the subject matter is like super advanced. I was like, oh, whoa, this is like.

A lit ass movie. I was actually someone on a plane recently and they were watching it and cracking the fuck up. It's actually that funny. It's actually that funny.

if I believe that. Like, come on. Like, come on. Like, come on, man. Two man babies talking about how much we love the Lego movie. It's actually really good. It is good, though. Drew texted me that last night and I was like, all right, I'm going to bed. That texted me to bed. He texted you from his room? Yeah, because I got up to pee and he was like, I'm up too. I was like, I can't sleep either. I can't sleep either.

Literally just like that. With 100 E's. Drew hinting that he wants to crawl into bed with Enya. We haven't had to spend the night in a very long time. When Drew was suffering very awfully from his PTSD from the break-in, he would sleep in my bed almost too often. It was awesome.

My little wing was like not getting the treatment she deserved. She was shriveled. The clitoris was shriveled. Yeah, she was like evaporated. She was like a little dust bunny. Well, no, I just gave you your sensitivity back. You were abusing her. You did give me a tolerance break. Yeah, I gave you a masturbation tea break. You were abusing her. Simply. Yeah.

I'm nofap right now. Huh? You're nofap right now? This, like, why? Like, how did we become, like, one of the most sexual, like, podcasts other than maybe, like, Tan Mojo? And I haven't watched her podcast. I'm just assuming she'd be talking about sex. We don't talk about sex. We talk about, like,

playing with ourselves we talk about our own members we talk about like the really lame shit if i'm gonna talk about something it's gonna be my wing bot like we're just relatable everyone does it's a podcast it's just a jacking off podcast it's the masturbation podcast sorry i thought of something i thought i had a thought and it's it's not coming out do you want me to pry no you shouldn't because i literally can't i can't say it um

And that's it for this episode. That's what it feels like. I have nothing else to say to y'all. I literally felt like I just talked for an hour. I have nothing else to say to y'all. Y'all are sucking me dry. I need to be sucked dry. I need, I need. Viewers are literally stealing every ounce of conversation I have. And it's y'all's fault. What's insane is the fact that I still talk my fucking ass off. You would think I'd do this and it like...

leaves me dead and silent for a week. Bitch, I get off of here. I get on my iPhone for like an hour and I'm right back to it. Like, I just need like a few minutes on iPhone having monkey brain, like dopamine to like recharge. And then I'm like, all right, now I dabble in Fortnite. You do without fail. Every single episode for at this point, 42 episodes,

As soon as we turn off the camera, you just go to the couch and are on TikTok. Yeah. For like an hour straight and then you're good. Yeah. And then I'm like, all right, I'm back. Like I literally like it actually after the camera gets turned off, my brain is like it feels like an old TV turning off. Like when like like when it was like like.

Like, that's what my brain feels like for, like, an hour after. It is, like, actually so draining to talk for an hour. Like, people don't realize that, but I have the hardest job in the world. Simply. This is the hardest job in America. I'm braver than the fucking Marines. It's like, I'm... I do...

Harder work than the average American. Yeah, I was gonna say because like yes, we can argue like whatever 95 you have to get up a little but like I have to sit here and like be myself I would Courageous thing you can do just so hard day and age Nobody wants to be themselves and like the hardest part about it is being loved by everybody Like I not being able to go outside like living in a city like LA and not being able to go outside without the chance of someone knowing who you are or

I mean, it's just a nightmare. It literally is. At least we have each other to understand because these people watching, they literally have no idea what we're talking about. It's unnatural. Humans weren't meant to be seen by this many people. But the thing is, we are the people to put ourselves in that position for their enjoyment. We're like little animals. Oh my God, we are good people.

yeah like we are we are good we are better than we lock ourselves in the zoo so they can observe us yeah if only y'all could see the cage that's around us right now we literally record the podcast in a cage and go and sleep in the corner and wake up in the morning and do it again and there's a little stack of hay in the corner that has an imprint from our body yeah and then i eat the hay that you sit on why would you eat the hay that i sit on

Drew, why would you eat the one? Like, I sweat on that. The dookie flakes. Ew. What?

Like you're eating my doo-doo flakes. Your stink. My little stink. Oh, I love a good smell. I love a good bad smell. Is that like your Texas accent? You say stink. Stink? Say stink. Stink. But isn't it stink? Stink. Stink? Stink. No, it is stink. But doesn't Drew say stink? Stink. Yeah. But I guess that's like

What do you want to say? Stink? Stink. Stink. I also say I'm going to draw a picture. That has to be Texas too, right? It's that Texan draw. Wait, somewhere I saw... Oh, I think I saw on like the Reddit page or something like...

the other day that someone was like, it's so crazy how Madeline still has her accent. And then Drew does it and I was like... It is. It is crazy. I had that accent. But I also just think I never really fully had an actual Texas accent. Texan accent. Like a southern accent. I think like... Oh my...

She always steals the attention from me. She always has to steal the attention from me. I'm not kidding. That burp actually took the breath out of me. It was one of those ones that stretched your esophagus. It left an air bubble right here. It actually knocked me a little. But I don't think I ever really had a Texas accent. I think like... Or Texan accent. I think I just have a better vocabulary than the average person. So it's just like... It was hard for me to have that. No, genuinely, I like just...

didn't have one and then, but I actually have noticed a bunch recently that people are like, when I talked to Madeline on the phone, they were like, Drew's Texan accent came out or comes out when he's talking on the phone. And I watched that clip over and over again to like try to hear my Texan accent. And there were like 50 comments talking about it. And I, for the life of me could not hear like a change in my like accent

But then when I'm on the phone with my grandma or like one of my Texas friends, like my accent like literally comes out like crazy. It's literally like Elsie talking with her mom. Yeah. Like it's like it's something so like like instinctual in me. Like I don't even like consciously do it. It just happens. But yeah, in Granbury, we say like slay and serve. Oh, OK. That's cool. Oh, my God. My hometown. I just like I haven't thought about it. And like since the billboard video and like.

That place is psycho. Am I? I love it though. It's like literally such like a change of pace. It's like a different world. Yeah, it really is. Just like I go back.

And that's like, I don't do anything but eat McDonald's and drive my mom's car 120 miles per hour up and down the road. You've been in it. Dude, that was probably, that was so fucked up of me to do to you. Cause like, I was literally like not suicidal, but I was like at like a very low point in my life after my brother died and he were in Granbury. And I was like, look how fast we can go. And it was like midnight. And I was like, like just zooming up and down the back. You know what though? Like I, um,

I didn't experience a death, but I was like in like also a tumultuous time. So I literally did not second guess it because that's like... We were in that shit together. Yeah, I was partaking in the same kind of like really like...

let's see how high I can get my adrenaline so I can feel alive again. Exactly. So I just like, I literally don't do that shit though. That is genuinely like some of the dumbest shit that I've ever done. What do is like go fast in the car. Like that's like actually like I can, I recognize that that is like,

really really stupid and dangerous but I just like doing it but I also to clarify do it on like desolate desolate back roads in Texas where like literally there hasn't been a soul driving on it but me for the last eight hours so it's just like whatever but yeah very dangerous time in my life

Sorry, I went to go smell my fucking armpit because something in this area stinks and I thought it was me and I hit my fucking forehead with my ring. Girl, that's my ball grease. No, that girl at fucking Coachella. It smells like an onion. It smells like a single onion. Girl, there's probably rotten food back here. There's always something rotten in there. Something smells like it's rotting. The girl at Coachella that was raising her hands and she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I saw that. And she like looked away. She's my hero. She's my hero. I've gotten comments like people... I'm smelling the onion now. Yeah, you smell it. Oh, it's Josh's food. He probably ordered onion food. Yeah. Onion food. It fully is Josh's food. The thing is, I've had gotten comments where people are like, are we going to ignore that Enya smelled herself?

Who fucking cares? Because y'all are the kind of bitches to be in a room smelling bad, wondering what's smelling bad. And it's you because you don't fucking smell yourself. Like you need to you need to take accountability. Yeah. Let's talk about that. Take accountability for smelling like shit. She did what she had to do. And like she like, yeah.

She had her hands up, she put her hands down, and that's self-awareness that I love and support. She did what she needed to do. She had her hands up and put her hands down. Yeah, and I support her thoroughly. Sorry, I need to light a fucking candle because it smells like fucking... I need a J right now. Like, literally so fucking bad. Do you want me to roll you one? Yeah, roll me a J. Just suck that down. Imagine I did just now. That would be awesome. No one's commented on my mud water. Because we're over it.

Wow. That looks so fucking gross. Wow. Again, I know I say that, but it's very real. It's very real for me. I am surrounded by dangerous people. Ty and Inya are dangerous. Me when you just admitted to like going 120 miles an hour with me in the passenger seat. They're sick and twisted and they play mind games with me. You should see what they do to me.

Yeah, we do. When the cameras are off, it's a different story. It may seem lighthearted and fun. True. But they attack me. You're acting crazy right now. Yeah, you're fucking belligerently sexy. Did you take your meds today? Oh my god, see? Did you take your pills? See? Open your mouth, let me see it. Under tongue. Oh! Open your mouth the whole time. Chewing the lithium. What?

I haven't spoken to my therapist for like two months. You're ghosting her again? I have not spoken to her. Have you like, did you get the last response in or did she? Yeah, she got the last response in. I've just been, or no, no, no, like. The conversation ended cordially or did you ghost her? it was really cordial. Um, basically emailed my therapist and I was like, oh, sorry, I've been like MIA. I just like haven't really had time to talk. Um, and I feel like I've been doing okay enough that I don't need to. Um,

Which is... You need to talk. Clinically insane. Like, actually, like, you know when, like, in the beginning of interrogation, like, YouTube videos where people are, like, it starts with, like, this video has been, like, analyzed by, like, a psychologist. Like, we need that for Drew. We need, like, a psychologist to analyze footage of him. One thing about me is I thoroughly believe that I could...

No, no. I was going to say I could like commit a crime and then lie my way out of an interrogation. But absolutely not. I would genuinely like, I could not commit a crime and go to jail for life for the crime I didn't commit because I would freak the fuck out and freeze up. Orion says that all the time when we were watching this interrogation. And I was like,

Like this is how you would look like, like this girl thinks she's killing it. And that's exactly how you would look. It's just like, no. Yeah. I want my lawyer. Yeah. I mean, like, I don't know what you're talking about. Dude, I would fold. I wasn't there. I was here. I've never had a doubt in my life. I am so transparent when it comes to being stressed out. Like people will be like, I feel like one time we were hanging out.

I clocked you forever. Every time I clock you. Yeah. Like we were in the car and you've done this to me too. We were in the car, not even looking at me, maybe even on your phone. And then my body will like tense up or something and you'll go, oh, yeah.

Like, you are acting weird as fuck. Me? No, no, me. No, but I say you're acting weird as fuck. Well, you'll just call me out for, like, being... No, I don't call you. I'm like, Kai, are you alright? Like, what's up? This is what I say. I'm like, what are you thinking about? Yeah, yeah, you'll be like... No, a couple times you'll be like... No, I'll be like, you're being weird. You are being a freak. I'm like, the killer is in the backseat. And you won't even be looking at it. And I'll be like, I'm driving and I just feel something in my backseat shift. And, like, Kai, when he is, like...

like not in a mood but like when you are like feeling something you will get my car and disappear in the car like i'll be driving for 20 minutes and i'm like then suddenly i look in my rearview mirror and i'm like oh my god like he's literally so bad at like faking it but whatever well you gotta fake it till you make it and push all that shit down so get better exactly yeah totally um i'm really good i'm not good at faking it i don't think no i think i'm good

I'm awful. Well, no, I'm good when I need to be good. But when I want people to be like, what's wrong? Or like you're terrorizing the vibe right now. I like sometimes intentionally do it. Like when we were walking up to Coachella, that was unintentional. But I wasn't even trying to hide it. I was just like, I'm in a bad mood. But like when I intentionally want someone to be like, what's wrong? Like I'll like play it up a little bit. You're so annoying. It's true. And then when you ask, he won't say anything. He's like, no.

No, exactly. I'm telling the goddamn truth. Like that's what that's the thing about me is I tell the truth. I say what people are afraid to say. You are not. You're lying. Like how are you lying as you're talking about telling the truth? Like you're lying about telling the truth. I don't think I'm a good liar at all. Like I think I'm really bad. Like I fold really easily. But mainly I speak before I think so often that I don't even think to lie before I tell the truth. Like...

I just am naturally like, oh yeah, this, this, and that. Because I don't think to lie because I'm not a piece of shit. Like, I'm literally one of the best people on earth. See, I... And you can quote me on that. Fuck you. Shut up. Don't quote me. Like, okay, this is... Like, I lie when it's fun and funny, obviously. Like, we know that about me. Half the shit I say is literally, like, a funny lie. Like, whatever.

But when the time to tell the truth happens, like, when it's, like, a serious moment, I don't lie. I tell the truth. Yeah. Except when someone asks me about my own emotions, then I lie. So... No, I'm happy. So... I'm happy. And then I bottle it up and shove it way deep down. Yeah. Honestly, I'm surprised. I honestly bottle it up and shove it up my hole. Yeah, exactly. Like, everyone's so concerned with shoving it down, but I bottle it and put it in me. Exactly. No, I, like...

There's something like actually I like recognizes wrong with me because like when I bottle shit down like everyone's like Oh, it's gonna boil over. It's gonna boil over I've been bottling shit for like 15 years and it somehow just like evaporates in my gut and I should have that is Literally not true. That is like that is so far from the truth. No, it's true No, it's literally not like I I think like you don't you think you're good at it But like it comes out. Do you remember that video of the Kony 2012 guy?

Like getting naked and judging him off. Yeah. That's going to be Drew in literally two years. He's going to be like, no, I've bottled it for 15 years. Like I'm, but it's good. Like I've said that now, like there's going to, I'm going to snap one day. Like it's going to be crazy. Like people are going to be like, Oh, is this like a bit? Like what is he doing? And I'm going to be like literally rolling around naked on the floor of fucking Hollywood. Like literally putting rocks in my ass.

It's gonna be crazy. That's gonna make you like way down. Like how will you keep going? I'm gonna recreate the movie at Hauntland Drive. What was that? What was that? Because I blinked and then I heard something. What was that? Did you almost drop something? Actually, that was just a moment between me, Kai, and the viewers. Oh, the thing is you put out the fucking candle somehow. No, it just died. Is it a Glossier candle? Yes, and I want another one so bad. But...

Dude, burps get Kai every time. If you want to make Kai laugh, just burp. It's insane. Like yours was like a baby burp. That's how babies burp. Well, I'm really drinking baby diarrhea shit right now. Babies don't have any social awareness to know that burps are funny yet. So they'll just like shit and burp and just be like serious. Yeah, you just like did it like break. Wait, why are...

Why do I want a kid? You'd be an awful father. No, I recognize. You have to say, like, yeah, I just bottle everything up and I've been doing it for 15 years. Why do I want a kid? I drove my parents around in Los Angeles for a week. And on the way to Malibu, I had a very serious conversation with myself in my head where I was like, like, this is what it's like having children. And I actually, like...

That would be dangerous to me. It would be dark-sided. You considering thinking a conversation with yourself? Girl, you're just thinking. No, we were having dialogue. Me and my alters. Drew, should we try for a kid? I'm so happy you finally asked. I can't reach. Yeah, we should start trying. I'll carry. Yeah.

Just deciding who's going to carry the child. Also that quick. Just like, yeah, I'll do it. Like it's on me. It's on me. The baby's on me. Like I'll do it. Um, I still literally, I feel like we've talked about like wanting kids possibly on this podcast so much.

It's a relatable topic for their mid-20 girls. I'm down, but I'm still like, I think I'd be a really bad mom. I think I'd be really like without realizing it, like fucking awful because I genuinely had this thought. I was going through my closet and folding everything. And I was like, dude, I have like such a cool like collection of clothing building up. I get to give this to my daughter. And then I really thought about it. And I was like, let me see my daughter look better in my clothing than I ever did. No. No.

I'm going to be like, damn, you look fucking bad. You look really bad in that. Oh my God, it's going to be so cute when my grandkids are going through my kid's attic and they find a rack of all of my clothes on there and they're like, look at this vintage shit. Look at all this. Oh, this is going to be worth $200 in the future. This Link Tour Claro merch. Yeah. It's a grail. There are so many people watching right now that want this shirt. Bidding goes at...

Let's say 640. Okay, I have a surprise. What? Damn, I always bring out all the surprises. Where's my surprise? The thing is, whatever he just pulled out was out of our fucking fridge. So like I... Where's all my surprises? I probably put it in there. Oh, which one do you want? No, you choose. It's your surprise.

Okay, inflation isn't real because these are still 99 cents. Like, y'all are actually fucking insane. I genuinely am like... The government is literally making it up because they want to suffocate communities. This is proof that it's corporate greed. Inflation wouldn't be real if everybody just stuck to their prices all the time and we could just live in harmony forever. You know what? You are one of the smartest people I know. Thank you. Like, literally. That's all I needed to hear. Holy shit.

Kai, what were you going to say? You were going to say something. You took a minor break. Because something really bad happened to me, guys. So you should... People were... What were you saying? People were... Okay, you can go. You can go. You can go. We'll chill. We'll chill. People were... Oh, fuck.

Alright, it's down. It's out of my hand. I'm not going to do anything. And you put yours down. This shit tastes so fucking good. What the fuck is in this? Literally, Miss Arizona put her pussy in this. I swear to fucking God. This is scary. What is in this? They put the pussy of the green tea leaf in this. They literally, like, what? This is squirt. Like, what? This is apple flavor. Try this. It has, like, the essence of apple. It's really pretty. I used to get this one.

Arizona sponsor us. Kai, what were you saying? How much caffeine is in this? Keep going, Kai. Okay. People were... I swear to God, I was just going to take a sip. I was literally just going to take a sip. I'm so traumatized. This is so big. I used to drink like three of these like every day in high school. So bad for you. And middle school. It's only 210 calories, which is surprising. I thought it would be like 600. How many grams of sugar is in that?

It's got to be like 40 grams, right? Oh, 49. Literally 50 grams, basically. That's not good for you. I mean... I need glucose to survive, baby. That's true. I'm an idiot. It's like how they give cow skittles. Say what you're going to say. Oh, people were Ubering back from Coachella to LA. No. I heard of like...

Wait, but how much would that be? Dude, some people spent like $1,000 because it would- The Ubers were driving from LA anyways. Like all the Ubers that I had were from LA at Coachella. Really? Yeah, they all drive down there. Yeah, so they were probably going to go back anyway and they were just like, let's- Damn, I'll make a bag while I drive down. But you know, like we would try to get an Uber to an after party and it was like $110 just like to go like, what, 10 miles or something? Yeah. And then-

It's like literally 200,000 people are all trying to Uber. So one of my friends, I guess, blacked out and ordered an Uber back to LA. And it was like during the rush of everyone going to after parties. And it was like 850 bucks. Oh my God. And like blacked in. But I guess the drive wasn't bad at all because it was at like 3 a.m. in the middle of the festival. So it wasn't like, it took like two and a half hours. It like got caught in like the surge pricing. Did they mean to leave?

I think that they did make the decision. They were like, I want to go home. Oh, okay. Because he's like being blacked out and like three hours from home and being like, I'm, and like just blacked out and like hitting home on your Uber and being like, that's literally what Inya was trying to make me do on day three. She was like, you're going to just have to Uber. Bitch, I was like, you know, like 8 million people here, bitch. Get a ride. I do forget that I am a bit of a socialite and everybody I know loves me and would be so willing to give me a ride back. I forget that. Yeah.

But you do have to do things for them, like, in a sexual way. So it's like, is it love or are they using you? It's not using me because I want it badly. Okay. $800 Uber. That's actually fucking insane. Dude, the Uber prices in general for Coachella, me and O'Reilly were talking about this. We were like, literally, thank God we can afford to, like, come and leave here. Or, like, specifically leave because you can get an Uber for, like,

$50 there if you like timed it right but to leave it was always $150 plus and I was like holy shit like that is insane that is unreal like even that price $50 Uber is like insanely high for how far we were going no yeah it was literally a 25 minute drive yeah so like it's already insanely high but like yeah like what else would you do like yeah like it's like you either be safe

I guess it's making the decision like, okay, do you want to go there and stay sober and drive? Or do you want to like be safe and not take your car? Because you probably won't stay sober. What are you looking at? You're looking at my tits right now. What? Were you just looking at my boobs? Did you think that was subtle, Drew? What? I wasn't even doing that. You fully just bent your body forward to look at my boobs. I'm not even looking at your fucking boobs. No, you're looking right now. Like, stop. What?

Oh my god, y'all are- you're such a perv. Like everything you do, everything I do is- Kai, why are you covering yourself? I'm showing respect by holding my hand up. I'm holding respect by not acknowledging that there's a woman in the room because I will indefinitely sexualize you if I look at you. Exactly. That's the male gaze. No, that's literally not what that means. Yeah, you are a male gaze. Oh, y'all are some male gays! Oh shit. Oh shit.

We had a five-minute bit of us just slurping fucking Arizona tea. I know. When we were doing that, I was like, dude, you guys are such freaks for watching this. Every episode I've been watching it. No, y'all aren't. They're not freaks. They're actually, like, brave. Like, they're warriors. If you make it through every episode, I, like, if you make it this far into this episode, I literally need to see, like, a comment or something. You're getting a badge of honor. Because, yeah, you're literally, like, I will, like...

and not acknowledge it because I don't have the time, but I will read it and I will see. There's comments of people that'll be like, I just found out about this podcast I watched. I binged every episode over the last like two weeks. And I'm like, I need to see an MRI scan of that person's brain. No, their brain is this big now. It's this, no, it's not even this big. It's just a green Skittle. It's literally a green sour Skittle. Yeah, I was going to say sour Skittle.

That's the yellow ones. It's just nasty, dude. That is so insane. Yeah, y'all. But like, just say something. Say, I made it this far into the episode, whatever the time stamp is. I want to play Fortnite so bad right now. I'm going to be really honest. Like, it's all I can think about. Girl, let's do it on Patreon. I'm not kidding. That would be fucking awesome. Me literally fucking... You have a video of us playing Fortnite. My video of Fortnite coming out tomorrow. I'm itching. I'm literally itching. Wait, when is your video coming out?

It should be today, but I might be late. Okay, work. Mine is probably going to come out tomorrow then. Sorry, we're discussing work and scheduling. That's what it's like being an influencer, scheduling out your videos. Yeah, taking meetings. Exactly. I love a good influencer saying like, yeah, like I wake up and then I take meetings. I'm like, you don't do that. You don't do that. You do not do that. Because I don't do that. But like maybe some of you bitches actually have that. Well, I just call like any phone call that I have a meeting.

Like any, like I'm like, oh, I was doing meetings. Literally just to make myself feel like I'm productive when like in reality, I do nothing all the time. All the fucking time. I am fucking munching these down. They taste really fucking good. I am actually destroying this. You're never going to hear me say it again because I'm going to kill myself. Oh my God.

And then you're going to, I love saying that to people. Then you're going to miss me. You'll miss me. Then you'll be like, damn, I shouldn't have taken that for granted. Like that thing that you didn't like, you're going to look back and be like, you know what? I could use that right now. Oh, I think about that shit all the time. I'm like, what I'm annoyed by, like with like my friends or relationships or family, I'm like, you know what? It may be annoying in the moment, but when they eventually pass away because I'm going to outlive everybody, it's going to be sad when I'm all alone.

I think I'm going to be like 156. You went from thinking you're going to die at like 30. Well, it's 25 because I have to make a million dollars before I'm 25, which I have like seven more months. Or what is it?

You have literally one more month. Yeah, so I'm like... I don't know how you're gonna make it. Y'all better savor these moments. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I have such little fathom of real life. I don't know what making a million dollars would even do for someone. I'm literally like, genuinely, what does that do for you? At this point, it means

nothing to me yeah i'm like you were literally just doing that you're just doing it to say you did it like you're not no that's not it's not changing anything about your life you're literally just doing it to be like i did that one time and it's like cool like you still suck i'm sorry and i'm having fun me that's the thing about me is like i am alive to have fun have sex and have a laugh yeah at the end of the day the meaning of life is to breed

Yeah, it's to breed and live. My... Oh, brother. For me, it's just all about helping people and just being positive and chill and awesome. You are like one of the most negative energies I've ever met in my life. That was beautiful. Thank you, Drew. That was beautiful. You are beautiful. That's really just like so good. Um...

Yeah, that used to be my idea, but then I was like, wait, you could be really nice to someone and they still treat you like shit. You know what? I'm here to have fun. Even though I still bend over backwards and I let everybody beat me in the head. I was about to say, I do make it an effort to just be nice to literally everybody. Just give everybody the benefit of the doubt and see their side and...

Maybe I don't agree with it, but I think everybody deserves that much. You are one of the best people I've ever met in my life. Thank you. Like, did you just like teach yourself that or did someone teach it to you? It's just like this intuition that I have, like ever since I was a young child. Yeah, it came naturally. Yeah. I'm basically a philosopher. Yeah, you've always been a caretaker and like just like... A giver. I've been a giver. You're an empath. I'm an empath. I've been a giver my whole life. I just give so much. I am giving. It's giving. Wait, the giver is literally giving. Yeah.

Like, oh my God. Dude, I have nothing useless to give to the world anymore. I know y'all. Sorry. This is, you're seeing us just like. Deteriorate. Like I'm done. Like, okay. How do, actually, how do people have podcasts for like three years? What?

are you talking about like what are you talking about that and also how do people record podcasts every day like i actually like or even like multiple times how do people do anything every day like i'm done i'm tapping out like i'm literally like like y'all funny because like we're gonna turn the camera off and then you guys are gonna be talking for seven hours straight i'm not gonna shut the fuck up we have somewhere to go after this and then after i'm trying to meet with more people i'm like yes yes yeah maybe you're trying to meet with later um right

Because I was like, I made plans with Axl to go see movie today. Axl? Yeah. Weber, the TikToker. I'm not kidding. I don't know who that is. I'm kidding. He's the guy that lives in the world's smallest apartment in LA or in New York. Oh, the guy who was on the news. Are you joking? No, but I am meeting with Axl. You're not going to see me with that kid. Like, what are you talking about?

He's friends with Weston. That actually greened me the living fuck out. I was like, why are you going to see a movie with that kid? Why is he here? The little actor boy? Yeah. The psychological operation. I wish you understood.

Is he real? Is that a real person? I've discussed this. I think he is an industry plant and he's like an actual robot. Last night I was saying there is some human behind Mark Zuckerberg and his decisions, but Axel Weber is a literal robot and he actually gives me Uncanny Valley and I'm scared of that man. Honestly.

I'm sorry. He's just so good at being in front of a camera for TikTok. Not even for like TV and film, but for TikTok. You don't know that. He's going to be big. He probably will be. No, I agree. Like what he does, he's so good at. Yeah. And I'm just like, it seems. He's infectious, which is annoying to me because I want to be that.

but i'm like the opposite of you you're like like hazardous like hazard i'm infectious but it's like infectious yeah deadly you're biohazard infectious yo we're on the podcast josiah's on the podcast with us what do you have to say um okay i have to call you back text it to me just believe what he said like that

I'm so ugly. I'm like, mask mandate getting lifted off the airplanes. It's not that I'm anti-mask, it's just I don't believe in the muzzle. Exactly. Exactly. Like, I... No, it is like me wanting to be comfortable. Literally. I'm so...

I'm so drunk right now. Holy shit. She's fucking lit. This photo being taken. Someone's going to see that photo and be like, oh, that was taken once they were done. Yeah.

I was like, while we were still on camera. In the middle of the fucking episode. You know what it is? I actually have absolutely nothing fucking happening in my life. Like, I genuinely, I've said this for the past few months. I cannot stress enough monkey brain. Like, I don't know what's happening. I never know what's happening. I'm just letting life happen. And I'm like, okay, I guess I got to go do this. And I go and do the thing. And then I'm like, I'm waiting for another task. And then I avoid the task. And then I do it because I need to do it, I guess. I have so much shit going on. I have like deals and meetings that I have to make.

I'm like moving money around constantly. So you're laundering money? No, no, no. I'm just moving it to different investments, kind of like reevaluating what, like how much money I want to make. This is what everybody who accidentally got involved in the money laundering scheme that is crypto trying to explain to their parents why they're out like $2,000. I was looking, I was doing my taxes for 2021 and I was like looking at my like

Statement and I was like, oh my god, like in 2021 I got addicted to gambling again It was like it not actually gambling but like like throwing money at crypto which is essentially gambling. Yeah To me But I still believe in it and I got addicted to investing myself Just like investing in pieces of you know that you don't have to pay taxes and

- What? - Yeah, you don't even have to do that. - Are you serious? - Yeah, you can actually save a bunch of money by not doing it. - H&R Block scammed me. They scammed me. - Today? - Yesterday. 'Cause I was filing for an extension

And because I'm like, I'm not paying my tax. I'm not doing that shit right now. I'm like literally master procrastinator. I masturbator. Exactly. I went to file for an extension and I did it on my own, but it said it got rejected. And so I called H&R Block and

And I was like, I need to file for an extension. And they were like, well, you have to pay us $99 to even talk to us. And I was like, okay. So I gave them $99 and they were like, oh, we'll file it for you. Like it says you're not filed. It's not filed. And then we like on the phone, I had like a 30 minute call with them. They filed it. And then she called me back like an hour later and was like, oh, it got rejected. Don't be worried. It's because the first time you filed it on your own.

It went through. And I was like, so I paid y'all $99 for nothing. And she was like, well, it adds to like when we do our taxes together at the end of the year. And I'm like, I don't do my taxes with H&R Block. So y'all just stole money from me. It's so crazy that there's like facial recognition. We're all being tracked constantly, but...

There's no automated way just to take taxes. It's because the H&R Block and Intuit and TurboTax all lobbied against the government for years and paid congressmen millions of dollars to vote that they have to be the one in power during the tax season and all this crazy shit. And that's why taxes are so convoluted. It's because of places like H&R Block,

I fucking hate it. I literally... Oh, so, but you're supporting those places. That's the funny part. Isn't that weird? Well, there's no other way. It drives me insane. Yikes. Yikes. Big yikes. Like, actually, like, every tax season, I, like, get so angry thinking about it because I'm like, just please, you know how much fucking money I owe you? See?

Send me that. Send me that on January 1st and I will pay that to you and I'll do my little stupid deductions. Like, I won't even do deductions for you. I will literally just give you the money that you think I owe you just so I don't have to fucking worry about going to jail. It's like the worst vibe in the world. Why don't you just like call the IRS and figure it out?

I actually did. Call the IRS. No, I literally did in 2020 because since my identity was stolen, literally for some reason my social wasn't working and when I filed my taxes, I wasn't being recognized as a real person. Also, the

I had like it said I didn't file my taxes and I was like I filed my taxes and paid y'all and they were like we'll sort this out and then I had to be on the phone with him for four hours when I was back in Texas in April in 2022 or 2020 fucking nightmare also your identity like wasn't like stolen for some reason it's because you used to carry your fucking social in your wallet and then you lost it at Universal when you were underage drinking see you know see how karma catches up to you when you do illegal things keyword underage

I was a little child. And you were feeding me alcohol. David Dobrik. Yeah, because you needed it. It's giving David Dobrik. It's giving David Dobrik. It's giving defamation lawsuit. I mean, he said it himself. He apologized for it. For giving you alcohol? No, I'm saying you gave me alcohol. I thought you were saying it's defamation lawsuit because David Dobrik's going to sue me. Yeah, he is. Well, he said it. He admitted to it. He apologized. So it's not defamation.

I have my bases covered. You've thought about this. I am a lawyer. I'm training. So you're a lawyer. You're an empath. You're clinically insane. We need to get that on a shirt. Lawyer, empath, clinically insane. One of those ironic shirts. That's literally all over the place. I don't think you can be like a true empath and like be a lawyer.

I think there's like a certain, like a defending lawyer. But like even you could get on cases where you're defending something that you don't morally agree with. I guess it's not about being an empath. It's about being like... You can kind of choose your cases. You can be like a lawyer and choose like cases where you're like, oh, this dude. Like there's this dude on TikTok. I think his name's like Lolo or something. Lola Bunny? Yeah, Lolo. He...

is like I think a good lawyer I don't I know nothing about it no lawyer is a good lawyer because all of the whole system is fuck throw the whole system away me saying shit that I know nothing about I know no both of us just like regurgitating what we think sounds good

No, I know that sounds good. I don't think it sounds good. You said you know it sounds good. You don't know anything. Holy shit, this is the worst episode we've ever recorded. I'm sorry, guys. This is fucking awful. I don't want to be doing this right now. I love you so much. I love that you watch this every week, and I'm sorry. Sometimes I can't turn it on. I've been turning it on for 42 weeks in a row or 41 weeks in a row. I can turn you on. Drew, just give me a chance. Today, it's just not on for me, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

But like next week, if there is a next week, the world might end. I might die in the forest. I may get stranded. Who knows? Who knows? No, that's... It'll be better. The good news is this is the last episode of the podcast because I don't plan on coming back to this. Like I think I'm just like...

kind of like said what i needed to say and i think i could just like disappear for like three years and everybody just has to kind of like be okay with that and sure you might get like a little bit of like abandonment issues and like ptsd because you'll be like oh my god this is someone who i used to see every week and although virtually like i built a connection with this person but now they're just gone and like i don't know what they're up to and like i'm feeling this weird sense of like

detachment and it's making me freak out because it's making me overanalyze my like parasocial relationships with people on the internet and like that's good you're being self-aware but like i really don't give a fuck and i'm actually going to abandon you and i'm i'm done like i'm gone oh my god yeah

yeah well i'll be here next week oh fuck okay no that won't be here we'll be here we can't we can't let kai take it we can't we cannot like kai's gonna be here next week alone but like he's not gonna be on camera the chairs are just gonna be empty and you're still gonna be right there you're just gonna be adding like you're gonna have conversation you're gonna be like yeah or you're gonna like laugh in the background at nothing for like 10 minute intervals yeah it's gonna be really cool you can't why do you like trail off like that

oh i'm getting a massage i need a massage i can i the thing is i can turn you on i can give you a massage i can do all the things you want and you don't want me to be that i have asked you i've genuinely before i asked you to give me a massage or walk on my back and you're like ew no i don't i don't believe in that i genuinely don't like even like like i have to really love someone like in a romantic way to give them a massage because like no bitch like what like i just want someone to walk on my back every once in a while i'll walk on your back

I love that. I used to do that with my siblings and then my parents yelled at me because they were like, that's so bad for you. That's literally so bad for you to be doing a hardwood floor. I used to have my parents walk on my back and I would walk on their back when I was like nine. How the fuck were your parents stepping on you? It was just like... Oh, like lightly. Yeah, it wasn't like they were fucking jumping on me. But yeah, we would like...

There's like bars of my parents bed because they have like a canopy bed. Yeah. And we would like I would hold on and just like be walking on my dad's back. Really good memory of mine. That's so cute. Yeah. I think I used to do that with my parents too but I don't really remember because I've just like my life was like actually a nightmare. So like I've like blocked out a lot of things and I don't like to think about it. Hmm.

Holy shit, I just like spiraled and I had crazy thoughts. Like actually crazy thoughts. Can you share your crazy thoughts right now? I was just like thinking about how I like slept in my parents' bed for like a very long time. Like until I was like eight or something. Like I was like, I did not like sleeping in my own room. And then I was like, did that like affect me as an adult? Like is that like why I can't like form like romantic connections with people or some weird shit? And then I went into the spiral where I was like,

And then I thought, I was like, why did I sleep in my parents' bed at the ripe age of 21 when my brother died? But then I was like, oh, that's cute. It's like, whatever. Just thoughts. Literally thoughts. I was thinking about that literally while we were at Coachella because I kept, not obviously exactly that, but I kept looking at people and thinking about how

I was like, damn, like, it's so insane. Like, again, this is nothing new to say ever, but it's so easy, like, within our own experiences to, like, look at people and not think, like, oh, this person used to be a child. Like, this person used to be dependent. Mm-hmm.

on other adults around them. And they used to be so small and it was in the hands of the people around them to try and do a good job to raise them and keep them safe and teach them the right things. But nobody knows how to do that. So that's why there's so many people struggling with that. And then those people are going to either self-reflect and change their own attitudes and do their best to not repeat that or they're just going to repeat it without really realizing it because...

We're just fucking people and what are we supposed to do? Like, as much self-reflecting as you do, I literally think there is no way to not project, like, things onto other people. Like, I genuinely don't think even the most self-aware, like, well-kept emotional people... Well, I've done mushrooms before. Oh. What does that do to you? It just makes me, like, a better person. Oh, yeah. Like, I just, like...

know more things and I know that the like world is like connected and I really can't believe men need to take mushrooms to know that humans have feelings like that is like literally like that is it's a true it's literally true I did a bunch of ketamine and I realized that I know nothing exactly

Exactly. That's literally, that's actually what I took away. That's what I took away from my actual first mushroom trip was that nothing matters. Like that's literally, I came out of it like seven years ago and was like, oh my God, like nothing literally matters at all. We're all connected, but nothing matters. And then that was like an unhealthy, very, very unhealthy spiral for me. Yeah. For like,

six years seven or five years and then by like year five like i like had like a very um deep self-reflection moment where i was like this is like this nihilistic like view on your world or on the world is like really destroying you and your relationships so then i like just read a bunch of philosophy and read a bunch of books on nihilism nihilism however the fuck you say it i don't give a shit

and kind of just like discovered this like, it's not even possible. Like I know someone's gonna have to have an argument with me, but like the idea of like optimistic nihilism where it's like, yeah, nothing matters at all, sure. But like, since nothing matters, you can do whatever the fuck you want and why not enjoy your time here while you have it. And that's like kind of my view on the world. And that made me a better person. Find the beauty in the life and you'll stop seeing what's ugly. I'm serious. Why'd you laugh?

I feel like so much of going from your early twenties into your mid to late twenties is becoming nihilistic and then figuring out a way to like transform that into optimistic nihilism. Yeah.

Or you're just like delusional and you're like, I actually do matter. Yeah. And maybe if that's... I wish I thought that way. I genuinely wish I could be like, dude, like there's this greater purpose in life, like, but I just don't have it. Which I don't think is unhealthy. I don't think that's an unhealthy thought. I think it's like, for me, it's like the healthiest thought. I don't think necessarily that... I don't know. I don't know that I believe that like nothing matters. Yeah.

Because this is like the wackest way to phrase it. But like, because nothing matters, literally everything you do does matter. That's how I feel. That's like my train of thought is it's just be like, sure, like you could like be super objective, which isn't a thing. Because I agree. Like, I don't think that I never look at my own life as a thing of like, I don't matter. But realistically, yes, yes, I do. Because

not only on like a grander scale of like the position we're in where we obviously like

Although what we do is very silly and it could be pinpointed to like pinpointed to nothing, but like us just being like funny people who like talk shit and do stupid things. Like there is no way around the fact that like the people who watch this are like very intensely affected by it in a positive manner. And, and then even just on a smaller scope of like the way you go out through your life, like whether it be holding a door for someone, like,

chipping in, like doing small things, like those things have such big domino effects. And then especially in your like day-to-day life, like you do really like matter. But I know what you're saying. Like I used to, when I was younger, be like, I need to be something. I need to be like, I need to be remembered forever. Like I need to like,

make myself this historical figure because like my biggest fear was being forgotten but now i almost find like solitude in that because i'm like i love the idea of being forgotten because in 200 years my body is going to be recycled back to earth and no one's going to have any idea who the fuck i was yeah literally it's just a very comforting feeling because i'm like

Yeah, because that doesn't matter. It makes it easier to digest like I think your own faults in that way because it's like, yes, I could like look at my own mistakes and like self reflect to the point of almost self harm where I'm just like not really helping myself. And I'm like, oh, I'm this piece of shit. Like I'll never learn. Like I make mistakes all the time. But yeah.

Who fucking cares? Yes, of course, self-reflect, try to better yourself. But what? You're going to like be fucking evil and be like, oh my God, like I'm just this awful fucking person and everyone will remember me that way. It's like, no, sure. Some people you interact with will remember you one way or another. But at some point, even those memories fade. And then it's like.

You just had your fun. You lived. You loved. Like literally to me, genuinely, I always say this, but the reason I am alive like through thick and thin is because of my relationships with people and my love for people. And like sure, to a certain extent, it is unhealthy.

But, like, if it's what keeps me afloat, like, by all means, like, keep me afloat is, like, the love I know I have to give and, like, the fact that I do matter to the people around me. Because it is really insane to think, like, I would be so different if I didn't know you, Drew. Like, if I didn't have you, I'd be completely different, I think. Like, in so many ways. I agree. I can't even pinpoint how I would be different, but I know I would be. And, like, even, like, without Kai, like...

I haven't known you for super long, but like there is no denying that like our friendship has had so many effects already. Life is about learning. Yeah. But it is, it is really funny how like nihilistic you can be as like a teenager. Like just being like,

this shit is so fucking stupid I'm so fucking small and like what the fuck is this for like and then you grow up well just a person floating on a rock through a vast empty of nothing like yeah that I do resonate with that thought but it goes like your scope is really big at first and you're like everything is so big and important and then for me it was like

I think it was around 20. I was just like, oh shit, everything is meaningless, completely meaningless. And then finally coming around, like you said, where since everything is meaningless, what's right in front of you all of a sudden has all this weight that it didn't have before. Yeah, that's kind of what I was saying. Without saying it, it's just like find the beauty. That's literally all it is. It's just like if you can find the beauty...

Everything becomes less ugly. I genuinely believe that. Just look for it. Yeah, literally. Also, I only laughed when you said that because the way you moved your finger and said it at first, I thought when you said it, you were you were going to follow up being like, I just made that up. Like, I thought you were going to follow up with that. And that's why I laughed. Because they know what I was getting at is find the beauty.

Oh, so that is what you were doing. I'm everybody's North Star. Oh. So look to me for your answers and you'll be a good person. If you're ever depressed, just pull up a photo of Drew. Exactly. And smile. Yeah. And it will reduce like so much stress. The way that's actually true. Yeah. I mean, you know what's fucked up is like it is.

It's true for some people. This is why Drew and I were walking around Coachella telling women to smile. Yeah, we were just like, you need to smile more. You guys were at Coachella harassing women? No, we're not harassing. We're helping. You look way prettier with a smile. We're literally helping. Why did you have to comment on her looks? You weren't even inquiring about her emotional state. You were just... We are third wave feminists, and you don't understand that. Oh, what? It's beyond your...

You. Explaining feminism. It's beyond me as a woman. Yeah. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to say it. But yeah. It's like, it's a man thing. I wish I could like say, explain this better, but I'll never forget when I met someone. Oh my God. You know what?

I know exactly. When I started to like, I used to like, I think for context is like, I am, this is annoying to say, but I'm like a boy's girl. Like there's like, I think it's very obvious. Like, of course I have my female relationships, but like I am usually around men more often than not. Um, and like when I was growing up, yeah. Cause it's like, she likes getting filled. Yeah. Like I need a good filling, but like,

So I don't think I ever like step back to things like, oh damn, like even in these close relationships with men, like I still have like

lesser power in the room because there's no denying it whether i'm being treated fairly or not like once we leave this room where i'm being treated fairly like there's still unfairness like it doesn't make sense whatever we don't have to get into it what are you saying like in our like close circle yeah like no i get what you're saying yeah like there's just certain like things that come along with being a man that yeah that like it's just unfair yeah um

Whether you try to build a safe space or not, it's like, at the end of the day, bitch, I'm a woman. So I am, like, playing at a lower level than you. 100%. But I, like... So I never... And then I got to a point where I was really thinking about that. Like, when I was, like... Especially when I moved out to LA and I was 19 and I was, like, fully just around, like, guys all the time. I didn't have close girlfriends. Like, me and Orion weren't very close yet. And I kind of started to realize that as I got closer to Orion, I started to really look at that. And I had someone...

Dude, holy shit. I had someone I knew who, for my birthday, gave me books about, like, feminism and being a woman. And I remember I was really, like, offended by it. Not that there's anything offensive about being a feminist. But when a man is...

This has to do with what they said about it. But they said that they got the books for me because they felt like I was just like really into being a girl right now. Like I was really into it. Like I was just like, that was like my thing right now, which really was like, excuse me. Like, oh, just right now. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Like this, this too shall pass. Like that was like kind of the vibe was like,

All this feminism shit, you'll be back to being the cool girl one day. You'll be back to normal. You'll be back to being normal and none of that feminism shit. Exactly. But yeah, I just thought about that because that is fucking hilarious. Yeah, well, being a male feminist is actually really hard. It's really hard for us. Like taking... I don't want to say it. Drew, don't cry again. Don't cry again.

Remember when we cried in your room, we held each other. How hard it is for us. Okay. I didn't want anybody to know about that. How many people watch this?

A lot of people cry. Like hundreds of thousands. Oh, no. How good of men we are. How we cry. How we're different. How we're different. How y'all are like gay. Like you're literally like when we cried, we held each other in bed. We're close on or off. They were off, but I don't know why that matters. Yeah, why does that matter? No, but I'm just like, I don't know. Like I'm like, if that's who you guys are, I'm like, I'm so for it. And like, I'm here for you. But like.

Why weren't your clothes on? We were in our jockstraps. It was very homoerotic. Like, what? What? Yeah, we had our BDSM stuff on. But it doesn't really... It has nothing to do... You had like a gag present? No, not gag. Leather. Oh, just leather. We were in a swing. Yeah. A sex swing. Yeah, we were looking at the 2016 voting results and just sobbing. Falling off.

kai voting for hillary clinton three times no it's crazy it's four it is now four times five coming soon yeah get to the fucking booths write it in let's fix this write in miss clinton like miss clinton yeah sorry clinton i said something to her right the other day in the car like it's gone into my real life of being like

Can I figure it out with you? Fuck. That's gotten to my real life. I used to say that so much. And Orion literally was like, can you fucking stop? Can you keep? Can you keep? Shut up. And I was like, what? I literally, when I have those slip ups, you should be there for me and just know that I'm a person and I'm making a mistake. A Freudian slip. Yeah. Like in the video I did with Casey when I was like, I'm fingering it out, figuring it out. Yeah. Yeah.

It is not normal how sexual our group is together.

No, that insinuates that we actually do anything sexual. But all we do is like when there is silence, we fill it. We fill it with our members. There is tension. There is a lot of tension between us. And one day we're all going to do ecstasy as a group. And it's just all going to come out. Don't say that. We're just going to do it. It's just going to happen. And it's going to be weird for two weeks. I'm not kidding. That actually makes me fucking sick to my core. It's just going to happen. We're going to be weird for two weeks. And then it's going to go. We're going to forget about it. That was me at Coachella making sure that Enya didn't do mom.

to make sure that you and Drew didn't have sex. That's why I didn't do Molly's because I know I was going to freak. I was going to have sex with Drew. Me and Drew are literally too close at this point. It really is some sibling shit. Literally, we were in the hotel together and I just went and peed while he stood right in front of me. Not looking at me, but he was in the mirror and we were talking and I was just sitting right behind him peeing with the door open. And I was like,

this is like so funny we're too close and then also my boobs like felt like fucking bags of rocks and i almost like drew like like go to grab my boob because i was like this is actually insane this is actually insane like how dense they are because i genuinely for a second i was like oh my god i definitely am going to lose my boobs to i wanted so badly to grab your boobs so badly i will say that i wanted you to ask me so bad that's why he didn't get to because like i was like

pretending that you're gay for 15 years just to grab Angel's boobs to milk her knockers

Girl, like let me massage them for you. I got you. They need to be sucked because you're producing milk and it's building up and you just let me suck your boob. You have a clog. You have a clog. I'll suck it out. Just let me get it out. I'll pinch it out. Have you seen that? Yes. Like literally your nipples will clog and like some partners will just like suck your fucking tit. Yeah, Drew and I cried about that. Yeah, that's one of the things. That's another thing.

Wait, no, that just sounds like you don't want to suck a boob. You guys cried about the idea of ever having to be with a woman and sucking her tit. We were just crying at the idea of boobs hurting. Boob clogs, periods, diva cups, toxic sock syndrome. Toxic shock syndrome. Toxic thought syndrome. Just to name a few. Cramps. Cramps are really hard for us to think about. Wait, how are we going to do that?

You are getting the pause. No, periods in general are really hard for us to be around. I literally am the luckiest girl in the world. I like barely ever get cramps or anything. Also, my period was so short this time. So hopefully, let's pray, let's pray. Something is wrong. Something is very wrong with me. Oh my God. We can only pray though, guys. Like we can really only pray for miracles. I watched Prometheus last night. And there was a scene where she got like pregnant by like an alien baby.

And she had to cut it out and it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life when it was in the like surgery container like flopping around and like slinging slime at her and shit. Did I do like a c-section in that movie? Yeah, she she like went into the Like surgery pod that was only made for men and like they did a c-section on her. She was like abdominal um

Invasive object. Like, remove it. And they, like, cut her open and pulled out the fucking baby. Ew. I'm not kidding. Like, this is actually why I don't watch...

horror movies, I am really squeamish to even the idea of gore. I can't do anything that's mimicking skin being cut up or whatever. I was watching a movie that literally shit. The C-section was very real. The C-section is really bizarre. I saw that movie eight years ago probably and I remember that. For some reason, sorry, I completely cut you off.

No, it's fully okay. I remember her taking care of the baby. I always thought she grew attached to it, but that might be another alien movie where she's impregnated by the alien and then she's in the corner trying to protect it. I thought that was coming next because I had seen it, but it wasn't in this movie. But then the baby she birthed grew up to be a giant squid face sucker. And then...

face sucked the uh engineer i need that sucker to go on my member no it's it's like your wing yeah it's like your wing bot and then oh sorry i just had to use it that movie like is simultaneously like as bad as it is good like that's i feel the same way i'm like that i did not like that when's the last time you watched it though because like you keep it was a long time yeah you must have amazing but that movie stuck with me i

Oh my God. That movie stuck with me though. Yeah. Like there's something about, it's just the visuals. Like visually that's very, also like story wise. It's really interesting. Like, um, I'm just going to spoil it because it's fucking 12 years old, 10 years old. But like, it's like, what is it? The prequel to alien versus predator alien basically. Um, and it's just like these human or these like beings created humans out of boredom. Um,

And then they developed this bio-warfare shit, which were the aliens, the acid-spinning aliens that were supposed to wipe out planet Earth. But yeah, it's really curious. Dude, I used to be obsessed with alien movies. But like I was saying, gore, I literally can't do it. Any movie I'm watching, I can't look. I haven't finished Tatum because that movie is...

Like I literally I like can't watch that kind of stuff. I don't know why. Like it just like actually freaks me out. And obviously I'm very well aware it's not real but something about it like it literally makes my body crawl. I feel the same way. I feel like I used to when I was like a teenager I'd be like fuck yeah. Like people getting their heads like blown off. And now it was like

I don't know, around like 24 or something. I was just like, wait, why am I watching this? This is fucked up. I said that, I think, literally last episode where I was like, I was so desensitized because I was watching Beheadings when I was like 12 years old. Oh, yeah, yeah. For like the last like eight years, I didn't give a shit. But when I turned like 21, I was like, oh, this shit is gnarly. Like, why –

it's just like why was i indulging in that behavior like it's something to do with like seeing like the darkest parts of human i do believe that sometimes when i'm like you have to see the darkest sides of humanity to like appreciate the good shit because like it's out there you have to be aware of it but like they're they're they like became unhealthy where i was just like surrounded by like

Like just dark thoughts and like, I don't know, intrusive thoughts. And now I'm kind of just like. I don't need that. Turned off by all of it. Well, we were talking about that too, is there so many movies that like, I wish I watched when I was younger. Cause now as an adult, I'm like, I don't.

I don't want to see that. I'm like, I don't like specifically movies where it's like kids doing shit, like literally kids. I'm like, I don't need to like, that's not something I need to like partake in. Although like, obviously like everybody knows it's culturally important. Like we don't have to get into like the deepness of it or like the like nitty gritty, but like things like that where I'm like now as an adult, I don't see why I need to partake in that necessarily. I say that like I don't have the VHS sitting in my fucking room.

fucking room but like yeah i think you get what i'm saying like what were you watching 13 i was like oh i was like oh this was insane like no wonder my parents like didn't want me to watch that although i know it did the opposite for people like a lot of parents randomly wanted their kids to watch it because they thought it would like make them not act like that but i was like bitch if i saw that shit when i was a kid i'd be like i'd be like yo i'm trying to get like you like that is me like that's literally me um

But yeah, I just like can't like, but I don't know if I've ever been one for like gory shit. I've always been one for someone like the description of like gnarly shit. Like I don't want to see it, but like I love like

48 hours, date line, like, all, like, bitch, I, like, I eat that shit up like it's fucking porridge. Josh and Josiah describing the aristocrats joke. Have you heard? Do you know what that is? Dude, yes. Yeah, like, that shit is, like, crazy. Yeah. But that's another topic for another time. Um... Like, because that's really gnarly shit. But...

I think we're good. There's parts of me no one will ever know. Isn't that fucked up? As close as you get to someone. I think I said this on the net. I was telling Josh that last night. As fucked. Like, I think about this all the time because I think about my siblings and I'm like, me and my siblings are all so like insanely different. And those are people who I spent almost every waking moment with. But there are so many things they have no idea about me even during that time when we spent so much time together.

Same goes both ways. And we all ended up so different. And like, there's literally like, no matter how much time you spend with someone, there are so many parts of that person you will never know. Dude, I was saying this exactly to Josh last night. But I was like, I like wish there was a way like when like I passed away that I could like

my subconscious and like make like a fucking clip of like my highlights and lowlights and all the weird secretive shit that I did in between because I'm dead like I don't give a fuck like I can't be humiliated or shameful so like just being able to like put that out there and just like it's like I'm basically describing a memoir but like

But like just like. No, I know what you're saying. It's so different. All of it. Like all of it would be so fucking sick. Just so. Because like I lead like a pretty like although like I talk for an hour like every week and like I like I'm pretty open with my friends. I lead like a pretty mysterious life, especially like with my sexuality and like exploring that shit. Like literally like even y'all like don't know like fully.

fully what goes down. But like, it's just like, like, I think like, just like the most embarrassing moments that people don't know about. And like the highest moments that like affected me the most. Like, I think that would just be such like a cool idea for like a passing away like thing. I don't, I don't know what that would ever, that's like never going to happen. But I just was telling Josh like that or that last night that I think that would be so like fucking fascinating just like to put that out there.

Yeah, literally. Because I mean, I could say the same, like not fully, but I feel like I'm a fucking open book, but there's still so much shit that I'm like, no, like that doesn't need to be shared. And I would never say that out loud. And I feel like I'm a very open person. Like I'm a pretty open book. Like, especially now I used to be so fucking closed off, but now I'd be like, I just say shit. But I know what you're describing because what's the scariest part is like nobody-

I don't know. I was gonna say I wish, but I was like, I literally don't like I don't at all. But even when you describe like experiences to the deepest, like of their core and try your best, like you could have the best fucking vocabulary in terms of talking about like your emotional experiences, but it will never, ever translate exactly like how it feels to you. Because even

Your most intense moments, like even if someone can kind of relate to it, cause they've been close, experienced something similar. Like it's just not the same. Like you, you weren't there. Like, it's crazy. Like I'm trying to like use like intense verbiage to like explain to you how it felt, what was there, like what was happening around me. But like, if you weren't there and you don't know even how it affected that person, it's like so insane to think about that. Like used to really freak me out, especially with my siblings. Cause I was like, Oh my God, like,

If you grew up around siblings, you know that like you're with them all the time. And it's crazy how close you could be to your sibling and like,

there's still so much you don't know about that person and vice versa it's like so insane to me i was just sitting here and i had like a like a really weird moment where i was like wait i've had these on my wrist for so long and it's not even like a conscious choice like they've just been on my wrist and i don't know why and now i'm like they've been on there for like i was just sitting here thinking about that i was like wait why are these on my wrist like i know why one of them is on my wrist but the other three like

I don't really know why I have them on, but they've like become like a part of me and now I can't take them off. I was like, I was freaking out about that for a second. I was like, wait, these have been on me for so long. Like I literally like haven't taken them off. Remember my fucking nasty ass anklet that I had on forever. I used to have this anklet that I got in sixth, seventh grade that I had tied in a knot that like one of my like,

family friends brought back from like Nicaragua or something. And I tied it onto my leg and I didn't cut it off until I was like, like 20 years old in LA. It stayed on. It's not like it was something I could take off and on. Like it had showered with me. It had gone. Like it was like on me for literally like it, it was on me for more of my life than it was on for less of my life. Like if that makes sense. Wow. Um, and then, and,

And cutting it off felt like really like intense. Like I didn't want to, but I was like, this is so ugly and nasty. Like it's just like rotting on my fucking leg. So I cut it off. I remember when I did, I was like, dude, that is so weird. Cause like,

I was so used to the feeling of getting out of the shower and it being wet on my ankle. I put my yoni egg in 10 years ago, and I just realized it's still in there. One time, I actually genuinely thought I left a diva cup in me forever. What? I was like, because one time, I just had one single diva cup, and I was like, I can't find it, and I don't remember taking it out. It disappeared inside. It went up into me, and it's a part of my organ now. Oh, God.

If you knew the female anatomy, you would know that. That's literally not possible. I literally have no idea about that at all. I don't care to learn. Yeah, and I don't care. All right. Let's do the media. The media of the week. All right, I'm going to do the shuffle thing again because that was fun. Snowy Lava by Emmett Stubb. A-M-E-T-S-T-U-B. I used to love this song. Kim's by Burial.

I've said that one before. Rosetti Noise, Crystal Garden, and Coda. Harold Budd. Those are my whatever, how many that was. Well, mine is literally just reading, writing, and arithmetic. The Sunday's album. Because I heard it in that pop-up I went to yesterday. Pretty's one. Can I see the album artwork? It's the seashells. Oh.

your classic that album is so fucking good the sundays are so good and the album on earth like oh they're so good like such feel good like i feel like a girl also good days by sZA i was like driving around last night listening to that that song used to make me like cry like i remember like there was a moment like in 2021 where i was like sitting in the car with a like friend and like listening to it i was like oh my god like these are my good days like i'm finally like

Hitting them. In my good days. The good old days. The solid days. We're in the dog days. The dog days over. The dog days. Go watch the Lego movie. And go watch something about murder. Remind yourself that the biggest threat to your safety is another human. Go watch the Patreon episode that we're recording next. Bye. See you on Patreon if you actually care about us.