We’re Having a Baby 01:14:32

Well, welcome back to Emergency Intercom. What is this episode, 412? 41. 412. Okay. And yeah, it's silent for this episode, so to fill the void, I'm going to show off my new little toy that I got. I got an OP-1.

It's a portable synthesizer. I'm really excited about it. It's got some cool sounds and can do some really cool things. It's basically a portable doll. The workflow is pretty interesting. There's some learning curve. But here, I'm going to do some sample. Don't talk. Uh-uh. No, no, no. All right, here. What you need is some portable bitches. Oh, my God. What you need is to die in a fire. Jesus. What?

Oh, so you can say any portable bitches, but when I say you want to die on fire, fuck you. Burn. You're going to burn too with the rest of the witches. All right, listen. All right, I'm going to do some sample work. You should do that again because it was really off. We heard it just now. I can tell you just got it. That's good. It sounds so good, dude. Wait, this is what it sounds like when I'm having sex. You sound like a robot.

And yeah, that's the sound Drew makes when I blow his back out. I was going to start this episode by making a joke about...

I was going to start it off by saying we need to stop making such a big deal out of gentrification because I got evicted and my house got turned up like a little LA hype house and it made me a better person but then I thought about it too much and it actually made me really sad. Oh, damn. Okay. I still drive by the house I got evicted from.

That's an interesting take. Oh. And it looks so weird. Oh, one time they left their window open and I could see it in the house and it scared me. Because they didn't change one of the walls so I could see it. Can you hold this for a second? No. I'm doing like something really important. Like an actually hilarious. You're not though. And you could have put them right here. I just didn't want them to fall off. Okay. Oh. Oh.

Why is it so low? This shit sucks. Drew, can you turn up the volume or something? It's all the way up. Yo, this thing's a piece of fucking shit. How much was that? Like 20 bucks? Yeah, like $15. I guess that's a pretty, that's a good little gadget for $15. Yeah, I mean, anything more than that, it would be kind of not worth it. It would be really stupid. Silly and a piece of shit, yeah.

Yeah, I'm fucking stupid. Well, welcome back to Arun Sinha Com. Do y'all like my headphones that I just got? I just got these piece of shit stupid fucking headphones and I fucking hate them. Those are Drew's. No, these aren't yours. They're literally not. These are mine. Are you actually joking right now? Because these are mine. I don't know what you want from me. I want you to stop claiming my headphones are yours. Wait, look at this. Did you know they could do this? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, you should sample that sound. Oh, yeah. Wait, wrong side. Okay. Let's get into this episode a little bit, but I'm going to turn the clairvoyance mode back on so I can hear everything and everywhere all at once. Oh, I saw Sonic 2 yesterday. It was awesome. Really? I actually really liked it. Dude, Eggman's like big suit in it.

is so crazy. There were parts where I was like, damn, this was rendered during work from home. This was definitely rendered on someone's PC at home. They need to bring back Ugly Sonic. I will die on that hill. No, because even his mouth now is still really scary. When they do close-ups of his

face like i can only look at his mouth and it's so nasty but ugly sonic was so fucking rancid and rat bastardy like it was scary as fuck and could you imagine ugly tails and ugly was it knuckles like if they'd continue that art direction with tails and knuckles we would have three ugly motherfuckers someone out there needs to render they should just give them all like a bulge

Yeah. A bulge? Yeah. That would be nice. Like a penis bulge? Like Sonic should have a bulge. Not like he's wearing pants and there's a bulge, but like there should be a bulge under his fur. I would really... To imply that you could lift his fur and see his bulge. I would sniff it. You would sniff his bulge? Yeah. You would never get that close to his bulge. Little tails. Apparently there was like a really gnarly sex scene with Knuckles and Sonic, but they had to take it out. That's not true, and now you're just lying. You interrupted us to lie? Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. Sonic and Knuckles fucked or Tails and Knuckles? Sonic and Knuckles. Tails is fruity and they gave him a lash perm in this movie. Wait, so it's for the girls and the gays? Yeah. Sonic too is. That's actually really advanced. It actually is. Eggman and his assistant's relationship is very homoerotic. Oh.

It made me like, I've never had this feeling before. It made my member feel like almost slippery. And you don't have a member. Sorry, I was getting a phone call. What did you say? I said, I'm not repeating that. It made your member slippery? Yeah. Like cream out the tip? Oh, clear. Okay. Damn, Josh, stop fucking calling me. Answer. Maybe it's an emergency.

Well, oh my God, that scared the shit out of me. I should have. Okay, well, this is something that I need to touch on. I need to touch. This is something I need to touch myself too. Yeah. So, like, we actually do live in the future. You know how we've been saying it, like, at the Blade concert? We'll get into that.

the Dragon Gang concert, we were like, oh, this is like sometimes you see shit and you're like you're living in the future. Yeah. Well, in my hometown in shit ass nowhere, Texas, there is a literal drone delivery service. Like you order food and they bring food to you from a drone.

What? Yeah, it's fucking crazy. In Granbury? In Granbury. What the fuck? Isn't that crazy? I don't know why that doesn't sound that... Should we be saying the town you're from? Girl, everybody knows. Okay, I mean, I care about safety. It seems like you don't care about yourself. That's embarrassing. You should have some self-respect. People drove through the billboard and it was gone already.

they like they were like how long is it gonna be up sometimes you talk like a kid in like preschool who like comes to their teacher and says things they like shouldn't be saying well i just like i just say literally every word that comes in my brain like that's a crazy actually i don't because if i really said everything like it would be you do not want to know what i'm thinking not want to know what's going you don't want to know what i'm thinking once i think i'm really horny it's

It's came over here. But yeah, there's a drone delivery service. There was something else where I was like, we literally live in the future, Kai. What was it? Oh, the fucking hologram that we saw? Well, there was the hologram. Oh, the Disney ride. The Star Wars Disney ride. I was like... Dude, we saw a hologram at Disney and then at the Blade concert. Like actually within two days. Wait, was there actually a hologram? Yeah, Blade was a hologram on stage.

You're so annoying. I swear to God. Yeah, Blade passed a week ago, but they wanted the show to happen. Yeah, so they just made it happen. No, there was like this weird sign. It was an ad. Or it wasn't an ad. It was like an advertisement for a drink. No, it was the theater. It was like the theater's logo. The Globe Theater. Yeah, it said The Globe, and it was like rotating, but it was just floating. Yeah, but we literally saw that. We saw Princess Leia.

hologram at Disney. Seems like it's just really accessible technology. A hologram? What we're saying is we're living in the future. A hologram? That's what I'm saying. It's like the future is now. I'm experiencing the future. The future is now and it is futile and you don't have much left. What the fuck? I just thought you should know. Not if I have something to do with it.

No, the thing is, actually, like, I'm done. I'm tapping out. I don't want to hear about how the world's ending anymore. Well, no, it's ending in three years. Like, it's okay. I heard three, and then I heard ten. Ten honestly, like, made me a little... Well, three is mine and Kai's theory. That's what we just say. Oh, the world is ending in three years. Like, go have sex with that person. Who cares? I don't like ten because I don't want to die in my 30s. I'd rather die in my 20s. Why would you want to die sooner rather than later? Because by 30, I'm like, oh,

I'm gonna have it figured out. Like, I don't have anything to really worry about. Like, I'm so happy. But now I still have moments where I'm like, you know, if it all came to an end right now, I'd be satisfied. - No, I would be so happy. If the world, if literally this house exploded, like there was a gas leak and it exploded. If there was a gas leak in this house exploded and I died and I just like ceased to exist, which I don't actually think death is real. I think we just wake up in another timeline.

Don't let me... If y'all want me to get into that... No, we don't. We, like, we don't. Yeah, I do. Kai does. Okay, so basically... Wait, but before you go on, I have to say, also, when everybody talks about, like, the world ending, I literally imagine everything setting on fire spontaneously. And I think that's...

freaks me out because obviously i'm very aware that like really what's gonna happen is like of course like this is fucking awful and it's gonna be like a lot of third world countries are gonna be like incredibly like affected by it immediately and then it's kind of kind of leak out and there's gonna be flooding there's gonna be blah blah there's they are gonna be a lot of problems um we're already showing the signs yeah like miami will be gone oh that's also what concerns me is i'm like fuck i have to move my family out of miami because it's literally gonna sink in three years the world's gonna be underwater in three

But basically I have this theory. Let me go into it. No, no, no. When I think of the world, I think of that video of the client. No, that video. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. The world is ending in that video. I saw that video of the scientist. I was like. What did she just say? When I saw the video of the scientist, I was like, oh my God. And that's what I thought.

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.

But I have this theory. Oh, there's like three topics here. So let me, I'll just start with the main topic that I was going to talk about already. But tell me why I was like, I was so fucking exhausted like three nights ago. And I was like, I like fell the fuck asleep. I was so tired. I was like, wait, I'm going to have the best sleep of my entire life. Tell me why in the middle of the night at like 4 a.m. I woke up and I was on all fours.

All fours, like literally like on my knees and on my hands, staring out my window. That's because you were having a sex drink. No, I know. That's what Kai said. Kai said I was bottoming, which is not true. I'm straight as fuck. I don't do that freaky weird shit. I'm literally straight. I'm normal. You sound like a fucking liar. Oh my God. Anyway, I was staring out the window and tell me why I literally like for seven seconds, I had like,

I experienced like true zero thoughts in my brain to the point where when I like snapped out of it, I was like, oh my God, I'm dead. Like, did I just die? Am I alive? Like I literally could not tell if I was alive still. And then it sparked this thought about this theory that I have. Sometimes you just sound like you're lying. Sometimes you just sound like a liar.

That literally sounds like someone coming to school and like thinking of something to say. No, I swear to God that happened because I told Kai about it immediately after it happened. Was Kai in bed with you? How did you tell him that fast? No, he was the one topping me. Oh, I said don't mention that gay shit because y'all are going to see my real side. No, so it triggered this thought that I have. So like, you know how when you dream, I think I might have already talked about this, but when you dream...

Like you dream in these like very surreal worlds where like anything can really happen, but you're still yourself in these worlds. Literally me dreaming about Fortnite three nights.

Me thinking about Elden Ring while having sex. Getting my back blown out thinking about Elden Ring. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I thought you were straight. Why is your back getting blown out? I don't know. I just, I'm like, I'm lying. I'm a liar. No, okay. So, you know how you enter these universes where like nothing exists? I mean, everything is like happening, whatever the fuck I'm trying to say. You know what I'm trying to say. I guess. Well, I just got interrupted.

Sorry, I literally keep thinking about how I had a dream that I was in Fortnite and I was with Bella Hadid in Fortnite. Yes. But basically...

These worlds exist, but what if the dreams are actual timelines and real versions of you happening just in different realities? So what if every time you're dreaming, you close your eyes in this reality, but you wake up and you're seeing your life in a different reality where the butterfly effect where you do one thing and make one choice and it splits off and there's another option here and here. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So what if when you die, you don't actually die and you just wake up in one of those realities? Ugh.

And it's kind of like reincarnation. That's crazy. My little brother said he wants to be reincarnated as a gorilla. I'm not kidding. He told me that the other day and I was like, that's good. And then he was like, he was like, he genuinely believes in reincarnation. He's that was literally me when I was 11. That's what I wanted to believe in reincarnation. I kind of still do. I'm like, I literally don't think we like,

actually ever die i think we're just stuck repeating the same life for eternity which is okay because you like your brain gets erased you just have little fragments of deja vu the first thought i had this morning and i'm not joking the first thought i had was um why it's so like i was thinking about movies and how when people are told they're about to like lose their memory

They like freak out because like you don't want to. But once you like lose your memory, you don't wake up like knowing you lost your memory. You just like are alive, whatever. Like and then I was like, oh, my God, if you didn't tell someone that they were going to lose their memory, you could just make them lose their memory. And like they wouldn't be bothered by it. Like if they just went to sleep and they didn't know that tomorrow they would wake up.

But if they woke up tomorrow and they just didn't know, like, what would it change? And then that freaked me out because I was like, oh, my God. That's a really interesting. Yeah, that's an interesting philosophical question because you would fuck up the last day of that person's life by telling them. Yeah. So you might as well just not tell them, like, let them just like live in like blissful, like peace. And then that sounds like the next A24 movie. Let it happen. If it happens, I'll kill myself.

Wait, what? If someone steals my movie idea. Girl, you just said it to literally a million people. Like it's getting. And then immediately after I said I will commit suicide. So then that person is going to go to jail. Rewinding back. I can't believe as a kid I thought suicide was illegal and that they would lock my body up.

I literally thought that. I told my mom when I was seven I wanted to kill myself and she was like, you can't because it's illegal. And that actually scared the fuck out of me. I think everybody's parents told them that because I had the same. Yeah, I think my parents told me that too. Yeah, and then I was like, oh my God, they're still going to find me if I do it. I'm looking at my hand and I don't recognize it. What were you going to say? I was just like rewinding back, but me and Kai went to the Blade concert, the Drain Gang concert. And I have to speak my piece on it.

It was the stinkiest concert I've ever been to. Like without a doubt. Like it was rancid. There was like immediate like 10 degrees hotter body heat. Like a must. The air was like heavy. And like every third person that you interacted with had like stinky body odor. But...

It was beautiful. And like, not because, yeah, not because drain gang was performing like, yeah, that was beautiful, but it was beautiful because it was literally just like all these like fucking misfit freak, weirdo losers, myself included, like all just having like so much fun at this concert. And it was just like, it was just like, so everybody was so happy. There was like, like Kai said it like normally when you go to concert, there's like a hostile energy where like,

People are trying to fight and beat each other up and they're really angry and they're aggressive. What causes are you going to? None of that here. I was talking about the fight club that I go to. You go to fight club? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, you fucked up. Okay. Because now we have to dissolve fight club.

I've never seen the movie. I don't get it. The first rule is that you're not supposed to talk about it. Now we have to kill you. The first rule of Fight Club is that you have to have sex with everybody who joins Fight Club. Really? Yeah. That's so sick. I didn't even know that. Well, now, but now you're, according to Drew, you're done. Oh, fuck. And when Drew says you're done, you're done.

Is he okay? Like what happened? Yeah, he's just taking it. He's decompressing. He's just taking a little break. He's just decompressing. He'll be back. Yeah, the Blade concert smelled like expired poppers. Yeah, there were. I was like shouting the entire time. I was like, give me poppers, give me poppers. Where are the poppers? And then I smelled poppers in my vicinity and I begged for them, but no one had them or would give them to me. But there are like some people who recorded videos of me having fun, which I need to see. So if you have them, send them to me.

Just post them on TikTok. Make me viral. Ew. Make me viral. My favorite thing about that video is Kai looking directly in the camera when it pans back to him for a second. He looks directly into the camera then looks away and keeps like moving around. I don't know.

Yeah, it was but

It was a blast. And I was honestly one of the stinky people. Like, I was stinky. And I'm okay with that. I was going to say, y'all were definitely adding to the odor. Because when y'all came back, all of y'all smelled like you had been outside playing with a dog on a hot day. I love that smell. Dude, I wonder if we got piss on us. Because I smelled my jeans and I was like...

And they just smelled like piss. Well, I had my cock out and I was spraying piss everywhere. Oh, yeah. I remember that, actually. Yeah, that's like... You're going to get in a lot of trouble. Do you not remember when Echo said, pull your cocks out and pee on everybody? And piss all over everybody. Yeah. You remember that. I don't know why I just forgot about that until now. It was called the golden piss shower. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like the beer shower at LJT Larry Joe Taylor Festival, but with piss. And you just unzip your pants and pee everywhere. I got paparazzi'd at the Clara concert.

Should we insert the video? No! Insert the video. I just, it's hard to go outside now because everywhere I go I'm filmed and I can't enjoy myself without cameras being on me.

No, I think we should go back to paparazzi era. I think I've said that before. Yeah, but paparazzi is just different now. Paparazzi is like fucking... It's like people calling it on themselves that it's so embarrassing. Because like...

I don't know. I'm mixed because I love paparazzi because of course it's good entertainment, but you saw what it did to people mentally, so it's not good. I want to be one of them so bad. But I just hate that there's fake paparazzi now because I'm like, you bitches could never have lived in the early 2000s being famous because y'all call the paparazzi on yourself when you look all polished. I feel like everything is in slow motion right now. I'm serious. Because you're passing away.

Hopefully. We can all hope for that. What? I'm going to start a makeup company and it's going to be called Enyas Beauty. Like Enyas Beauty, but Enyas Beauty. Yeah, I get it. Is that good? That's really good. You're so smart and cool. Engorged penis beauty in like a shadow pal. It's going to be like butthole. You probably have a very small wiener.

- Kai, do I have a small wiener? - Y'all are so, I've been in the car with Kai and Drew and they have seriously, like not in a joking way, talked to each other about measuring their fucking wieners. - Every guy does it. - And then texting, no, but like texting each other in detail about like just send each other a dick pic or just show your dick. - The thing is, is you use your iPhone to measure. Every guy knows you use your iPhone to measure and then you Google, what is the length of an iPhone on Google?

That's like the rule. So I'm like two and a half iPhones. You're two and a half iPhones? When did you ever have three iPhones to measure? See how there's a hole in your story? There's a hole in my ass. And I'm going to use it.

Oh my God. I literally am like actually passing away. None of this is real. Actually, I'm like, I'm starting to like catch on. Like I'm starting to actually catch on that none of this is real. No, that's actually how I feel too. But I think it's because I just ate my fungus yogurt and it's like deteriorating my brain. I think like we, this is all...

Like y'all are against me. No, actually, can I say something? When I was watching you talk and I thought about what we're doing right now and then I was like, oh my God, this is like a video that goes out to people and then gets received by other people and actually just freaked me out while I was watching you talk for a second. And there was one point where y'all started like joking about pissing and it was, I like fully detached and I was like, oh my God, like that camera is literally recording us right now and we're going to put that to the public and there are people, there are six fucks who love it.

And then we're just gonna do this again and we're gonna keep doing it forever. - It's scary, forever, until we die. - No, it's literally so scary. - The goodness is on the path of why it's known. - But that's why I'm saying I have to be at peace with it. I have to say it's not real. This is just another form of torture and I'm in hell. - It's not real and we buy all of our views, so they're not real either. It's AI. It's AI. - I am gonna start buying views.

Drew was saying that he's just gonna start buying views and scamming and scamming brands and their brand deals. It's a genius method and someone should try it. The thing is like you're saying it's a genius method like multiple people don't try it and it doesn't work. Like it won't work. I guess I guess

I guess I don't know any influencer who like has interactions already like engagement and then does it because then I feel like it'll be believable if you like bought likes because you would still get like a decent amount of comments. That's what I'm saying. But like it's like no you don't buy likes you buy YouTube views. So you say you get a brand deal and this brand deal pays a certain amount of money. We're never getting we're never getting ads we're never getting a brand deal. Put 20% okay yeah shut up. Um

I got banned from Universal. Have you ever told that story? No, I've never told that story once. What's the story? I got banned from Universal. Like, I'm literally banned. You can't go? No, I think you can now. I can't go to the one in Florida. No, it was a year. Oh, wait, really? Yeah. What happened? It was crazy. It was not that crazy. It was just embarrassing. It was crazy.

It was one of the saddest nights of Drew's life. It was at that convention called Playlist. If you know what Playlist is, it's like a YouTuber convention, social media convention where we all get together and we're stolen from and taken advantage of and then thrown into these rooms to get really fucking drunk together. And it's really scary. But one of the nights, this very special night. It's like the last night of the convention. Every...

every convention there's one night where they buy or rent out the entirety of universal studios in florida and it's just like the creators and like a few managers and like a few people who work at the convention like it's just it's like literally like 200 people in the entirety of universal and they rent it out and shut it down and it's like a fucking blast um

But we are literally delinquents and we were like, let's get like fucked up before we go. And we were like 16, 17. We were like, let's get absolutely... Like 17 and 18. Yeah, we were like, let's get absolutely blasted and then go. We like drank a little before and then they had given us like a playlist had given us these like pouches that were plastic that like you could put water in and we filled them with alcohol. We filled them with like fucking like...

pineapple syrup yeah just like a bunch of like alcohol did you and madeline each have one as well i don't think madeline had one i had one and you had one yeah so we we get on the bus and it like shuttles us over and like i'm not thinking about it at all at all because i'm literally like drunk as bones and we pull up and i was like there's no way they're gonna be checking for this shit but like lo and behold there's like

and, like, scanners and everything still. And I'm like, oh, my God. We just thought no one would look, like, look twice because they gave them out to everybody. So there were other people with these pouches. Yeah, so, like, Inya kept hers on her belt loop. And I took mine off and put it on the outside of the scanner. And it was full of alcohol. And, like, the dude was like, what's in this? And I was like, oh, just water. And then... No, you said...

it was like a... No, no, no. I have this story. Yeah, I have this story. He was like, just water, huh? And he opened it and smelled it. And I was like, yeah, it's like raspberry water. And he was like, oh, okay, yeah, that's what this is. And then another fool came up and was like... This fucking cunt. Yeah, this other fool came up and was like, let me smell because that's not just water. And he... Or she opened it up and smelled it and she was like, this is alcohol. What are you like... Are you like actually insane? Like this is a children's park. Like why would you try to sneak that in here? Okay, her...

How old are you? Universal? Yeah. First of all, it's universal. Second of all, the only people offloading off of these buses are like 17 to like 27 year olds. Yeah. It's like grown ass people. Of course, like a 17 year old. I'm like a kid. But like, I'm not like a jit. Like, I'm not like fucking five. Yeah. Shut up. So, Inya and Madeline get through the scanners and they like pull me off to the side and they're like...

like literally interrogating me and I tell India and Madeline like why don't y'all just like go to the park and like also like just go have fun because like yeah I don't want to like ruin this for everybody else because I got caught like go have fun so

They go off. So, no, we were like standing around forever just watching and I was starting to panic because I had this fucking pouch full of vodka on my side. And I was like, oh my God, they're going to come. They're going to like come to me. They're going to see that I have it. So I run into the...

bathroom at the entrance and I just go into a stall and I like fucking squeeze this Capri Sun ass pouch like down my gullet and I just like down all the alcohol that I had with me and then threw it away and I went out to Madeline and Drew kept being like go just leave just leave and like then he was like they're gonna take me inside just leave so we were like fuck

So we're like, I guess we're just going to like go through the park. Yeah. And I was like, please just go have fun. Cause like it is fucking awesome. Cause you just walk up, you don't wait in any of the lines. You just walk up to the rides. They like, we should go back to play this for this. I know. That's what I'm thinking. Like that night is fucking lit. It's like actually so much fun.

Well, tell me why they take me back into this like really fucking scary tiny office like smaller than like the podcast set like it's tiny and there's like pictures all over the walls and like all this like it feels like I'm in like the set of like Guardians of the Galaxy like there's a computers and like beeping and like walkie talkies and lights.

vines coming through the wall. No, exactly. It's like the scariest, like, most hostile room I've ever been in in my entire life. And then there's just like this blank white wall. And they're like standing in front of the wall and look at me. And they take out an iPhone and take a photo of me. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, okay. And then they're like, oh, like, this is because you're getting banned from the park. And I was like,

Really you're banning me and I didn't really want to question it too much because I was like they're like we can call the cops right now if you want me to and I was like no like they were like the cops are right out there we'll bring them in and I was like no like just ban me and we'll get on with this and then they like ran through like the banning shit and they were like. Me when I'm like bored as shit and take my job away. No I'm like literally like shut the fuck up loser freaks. I

Me protecting Mr. Universal. Exactly. Exactly. And then they were like, we can even arrest you. If you come to this park and we scan your ID. We'll fucking shoot you. No, we'll arrest you on sight. Even if we find you in the parking lot sitting in the car, we'll arrest you on sight. That's the most Florida shit ever. I was like, I literally don't live here. Whatever. Let's just move on. So they made me sign all these papers. Sir, I live 2,000 miles away.

miles away from here. - No, exactly. And so I signed all these papers saying that I wouldn't like enter the premises. And then like, they like guided me back to the shuttle and I had to just sit on this shuttle for like 15 minutes.

and then i shuttled back literally alone to the thing and then also it's like not a shuttle it's literally a big like greyhound bus yeah it's a giant bus like a giant bus and i was the only one on it and they drove me all the way back and i didn't say a word to the driver because i was like so like embarrassed and pissed tell me why we were leaving the next day and i lost my fucking wallet with everything in it my ids like all my cash on my cards like

It was so fucked up. And I called them the next day and I was like, hey, I like got caught for having alcohol. Like, can I have my wallet back? And they're like, we don't have that. And I was like, you literally do. Like, y'all checked my fucking wallet and my ID for like my name and shit. Like, that was the last place I had it. Y'all have it. And they just denied, denied, denied. So not only did I get banned from Universal, they stole my fucking wallet.

That's so annoying. Didn't I go back to the hotel and then just for some reason we had fishing rods? Yeah, we went fishing. And we went down to the pond at the hotel. Yeah, we went fishing at the hotel. Where did we get fishing rods? We bought them from Walmart. Me and like a couple of the guys. Who's taking their job that seriously? That's so fucking annoying to me. No, it was really cursed. And I was like, I'm like a child like having fun. Like I'm not hurting anybody. Like it's going to be fine. Like I'm not going to vomit all over the place. I've drank before, but like...

yeah they like threatened to ban and i was like also on like the night that it shut down like i know it's not even like there's other people in there it's like it'd be different also it's just so stupid it'd be different if like i understand the idea of not being able to bring like gummy edibles into like disney and shit like that i understand because i'm like oh god forbid this falls out of my pocket and a kid sees it they're gonna be like gummy and then be high as balls

I'm like, bitch, it's closed and this is a pouch on my fucking thigh. Also, that's why they gave those pouches to you. They knew what they were doing. Exactly. Giving teenagers plastic pouches. I know, yeah. Here I go filling it with water. So I just stay hydrated. Sure, yeah. But part of it I feel like is like they need to make money off alcohol sales. And like the second part is like...

I did literally break the law. Like, I was, like, drinking on their premise. Like, I had alcohol. I was a minor. She's a fucking cunt. They would be, like, liable for it. I get throwing it out, but, like, interrogating you? Yeah, it should have just been, like, come on, man. Like, do better. Like, throw it out. Move on. True detective set? No, they, like, do that at TSA. They're like, are you fucking stupid? Like, no, you're not bringing this into Texas. You're not bringing this weed into Texas and they just fucking throw it out. But don't say that I told you that because, like...

They'll probably arrest you. Wait, have you gotten your shit stopped in Texas? No. I just know people have and they're just like, are you actually stupid? Like, don't bring this here. That's the funniest, like, visitor in LA about to leave experience is them panicking about bringing weed back. Can I bring it back? I don't want to. Like, I'm just like, you're literally fine. Yeah, I'm like, put it in your check-in and shut up. Like, you will be good, hopefully. I think about stuff like that all the time where it's like,

In my past, I got in trouble and now I think about it and it's like it was just an adult having a power trip. 100%. Like my hometown supermarket, I would like go in and steal gummy worms from the like, you know, those like bulk item things. I would take like two gummy worms.

Kai, that's actually fucked up. Yeah, I know. You stole from a small business. And you do it, what, two times a day? No, not twice a day. Kai, you said you take gummy worms from them two times a day. No. I probably stole a total of 15 cents worth of these gummy worms, okay? Yeah. And then one day...

I walk out and a guy like puts his hand on my shoulder. He goes, I got you. And I was like, what? He's like, I know what you do. You come in here and you snack on these little gummy worms. And I was like, me trying to sound like an absolute like G talking about like you taking gum. He was like, he was like, all right.

So here's what's going to happen. Gummy worms. I'm going to call the police on you and you're going to go to jail. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? I'm 12 years old. I was freaked out. I can't wipe my ass yet. I think I was like 15, but I was still like, this is... Was that in the shot? I don't know. Yeah, it's been in the shot the whole time. It's okay, I'll crop it. The whole time. I don't have my glasses on, so I don't know. I'll use content aware. Yes. But anyway, I was just like, fuck.

I am old enough to know that I'm not going to jail but I am young enough to be freaked the fuck out and just be like what like why am I going to prison I these are like these are worth nothing yeah when I got caught stealing like $600 worth of stuff from Sephora I was like what is the big deal like let me go yeah when I got caught stealing a car and driving it into yeah like what's the big deal like there's so there's literally so many cars yeah I'm like y'all can just get another one and

It's like a Rolls Royce. Like, you have money. You know? I know you have money. Like, I'm doing nothing to you. Wow. You're a millionaire and you're not going to give me your Rolls Royce for free? It's actually fucked up. Like, I was like, are you really going to arrest me right now? Literally fucked blue lives. Oh, my God. Fuck. What was I going to say? Yeah. A bunch of shit from childhood is power trips. I had teachers who were fucking insane. Like, they're...

In the same sentence, of course, kudos to teachers. It's such an insane job. When you really start to think about it, to take care, to babysit, daycare, and then also teach them. That is so much. It's so insane. And their salaries are literally dirt. It's the meanest shit you could do. It's so fucking belligerent.

So it makes sense that so many of my teachers were fucking crazy with me because like I would be too. I would be abusive. I would hit people. I would hit my students if I was a teacher. If I was a teacher of myself when I was younger, I would stop the fuck out of the back of my head because like I definitely deserved it. I was so annoying. But,

I had teachers who were so fucking mean to me. In fifth grade, I had this teacher. Her name was Miss Hollywood. And her tagline... Oh, you've told this. On podcast. Yeah. I'm just going to repeat it because I'm already going into it. So if you've heard it, whatever. Act like you haven't heard it. But her whole catchphrase was, the devil is a lie. And she would just yell at us. And if she felt like we were lying, she would say, the devil is a lie. And then just yell at us. That's some shit Josiah just shouts now. Like, the devil is a lie. Yeah.

you're gonna die soon like actually you're gonna die soon i am no no i think i think it's coming soon for me i can feel it like i say that things are too good it's the only thing that could happen like i'm on the precipice like life is just so fucking good like all of my worst nightmares have already come true like the shit that i would lay awake in bed before i fell asleep all of them came true all in the same year the one last thing to happen to me

is me passing away because i i know i'm gonna die before my parents and everybody else in my family because i literally like can't well almost everybody in my family because my brother died no he didn't like the thing is i'm done i'm done with him coming on here and lying because he did it basically anyway one time in fifth grade when i was crying she yelled at me i was like 10 and she said why the are you so sensitive and she yelled at me and she was like stop crying stop

And then I never cried in school again because it actually scared the shit out of me and I was so embarrassed. Yeah. Oh, wait. There's this crazy story that doesn't have to do with a teacher. Yeah. I'll shut the fuck up. I'll just go fuck myself. We can talk later maybe. Maybe. Oh, when the camera's off, you can go on and on and on. Oh, word. I get it. Okay. So I've been meaning, I've written this in my podcast notes for literally 20 episodes, but every time I just like forget what the fuck. Yeah.

What? I'm done too. Please don't leave. Please don't leave. I guess I'm just gonna do this episode, the rest alone. Um, yeah, this will be cool. I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm done. I'm actually fed up with all your bullshit. I'm better than you. You fucking caught me. I walked out and you had to walk out too. Yeah, my brother died. No, he didn't. You keep calling me a liar. He literally didn't. You fucking liar.

Sorry. I love you so much. I actually like you. I was really overwhelmed because of my love for Drew. So we did go have sex, but it was really quick. It was like we had we I mean, y'all probably heard it. We do. I can't do this anymore. I can't. This is so crazy. I can't do this anymore. That's that's literally Kai every time he talks.

But yeah, I'm always like you've been being insane on the podcast. I've like had this like loaded up for like 20 episodes. And every time I like get to the topic, I'm like, I probably shouldn't air this person out. But I've thought about it for literally 20 weeks. And I'm like, no, they deserve to be aired out because this is fucking insane. So in like, I guess it was like fifth grade because we were at Oakwoods, which is like an intermediate school. So we had like

K through third grade, fourth and fifth grade at one school, sixth, seventh and eighth grade at another school, then ninth grade at its own school and then high school, 10, 11, 12 at the high school. It was fucking insane. I mean, when I'm bored of shit making buildings. Yeah, no, they just had to like fill and occupy the buildings. It was like actually fucking crazy. But it was definitely an intermediate school. And there's this girl who was awesome.

Like, scarily obsessed with me. Like, it was, like, not okay how obsessed with me she was. Like, literally freaked out. And at the time, like, what? You freak bitch. She's mouthing the word liar. Her name. Okay, I'm going to say her name. Me lying and, like, no, there were so many people who were obsessed with me at school. Like, so many. No, like, there actually were. It was kind of crazy. No, I heard that too. I'm going to say her name because it's, like, pivotal to the story. But her name was literally...

If that's not the killer's name that I've ever heard. Yeah, that's the killer's name. But basically, there was this other girl who was also very obsessed with me. Her name was Chloe. And I was obsessed with her. We had this little thing, like fifth grade. Oh, did y'all fuck? No, we didn't fuck. We were in fifth grade, girl. Oh, okay. Prude, prude.

prude. I thought this guy was a slut. Oh, prude. But yeah, I didn't know how to spell her name, so I never wrote her letters. You didn't know how to write her name?

Chloe? I would spell it Chole. Like one time I wrote her like this love letter and I spelled her name Chole. Okay, me can't. You couldn't spell in fifth grade? Yeah. So you weren't fucking and you couldn't spell. Wow. Loser. No, it was fucked up. And then this girl, Chole, wrote me a letter and she wrote me a letter and it was the lyrics to the Taylor Swift song that's like true looks.

And she wrote every word to the song down and gave it to me. This is a girl that I was obsessed with. And I was like, this is like the coolest moment of my life. Like, I'm like literally like so straight right now. Like, this is crazy. I'm like, I'm passing. And then, um,

Athena saw her pass the note to me and grabbed the note and read it and got so fucking angry that she like pushed at recess. She grabbed this like girl. She was a tiny girl and pushed her up against a tree with her forearm and like literally started choking her out because she was like, that's mine. Drew is mine. And like, it was so fucking scary. And she like, I'm not joking. Like she would have actually killed for me. She was just like literally the killer.

and she would have killed over me. And I don't know. There's so much more shit. Like, she had, like, a razor blade on her and shit and threatened people with it. But she never got kicked out. But the kid who literally, like, threatened to stab me and then had a fucking 14-inch blade got kicked out. I don't know. Curious. There's some sexism there towards men. Oh. Wait, is that actually the moral of your story? Yeah, like, girls get...

have nice and don't get kicked out but guys who have nice get kicked out like that doesn't make sense okay yeah I guess see sexism towards men does exist it's real yeah like women are like psychos

Girls are fucking crazy. Women are crazy. I'm a boys girl. Girls are crazy. Girls on their periods. And yeah, you're pretty cool. Yeah, you're lit. That's what a lot of people do tell me that like, I'm like a boy, but I'm a girl. You can hang with the boys for sure. No, I can hang with the boys. I play Fortnite. I drink beer. I like touch my member in inappropriate spaces all the time. It's normal in our group too. When I see a girl

my eyes pop out of my head and I start stomping around. Yes, yes. Okay, yeah. Girls just couldn't get this because girls are so stupid. We just have like locker room talk where we talk about slang and macking on some box, eating a hole out, slaying puss. Yeah, we just talk about like slang, pussy, and like serving like cock.

I'm serving cock to that slay pussy right now. What? In my boots. No. Under the house. Okay, which of the wicked... The wicked witch of the west? The wickedly talented... Okay, which of the wicked? The wickedly talented Adele Dazeem. The wickedly talented, like...

makes it so funny is his delivery his delivery on wickedly because it could have just said yeah the wickedly talented adele delzine fucked up her name but he goes the wickedly talented like his head like shifted please welcome the wickedly talented one and only adele delzine should i uh bring this up or is it too soon

Give it a minute. We have to see where the series goes. We need a little more juice. We need a little more juice to that beef stew. Okay, so I was a little toxic. That's all I'll say. Not even toxic. I'm playing games. I'm done not playing games. There's nothing wrong with the little games being played. Yeah, I was like, who's it going to hurt? So I'm playing love games. Let me play a love game. Oh, I'm getting another call because everybody wants to call me literally at the same fucking time. Do you guys mind that I'm sexting someone right now? Hello? Don't do that. You're on the podcast, Madeline.

What? You're on the podcast. Oh, shoot. Sorry. I did not know you were filming that. No, you're good. What's up? I was just going to ask if you wanted to play Fortnite. Oh, coming soon. Coming soon. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Okay. Well, just let me know. See, that's my twin sister right there. Yes, sir. Yeah. All right. Love you. Bye. She's such a fucking bitch. No, it's funny how I didn't get invited to Fortnite. Did you hear the way she was just talking to me?

It's funny how I didn't get invited to play Fortnite. Yeah, I didn't get invited either. Why are you? You're so obsessed. Yeah, because you were fucking nerd dweebs, both of you. Freak nerd dweebs that want to be a part of me. I'm athletic and I'm chill. Me and Kai have been butting heads recently. No, we haven't. Drew's just been saying that. I'm going to start being confrontational over things. I think you need to get beat up.

Me? Yeah. Yeah. I know. I actually agree. I want bruises that I can press. I've been beat up. I want bruises I can press. Yes. That feel good. Because I have a tumor in my back. Everyone needs to get beat up once. I don't need to, but maybe other people. Am I the only one who misses violence? Like, where's all the violence? Where's the news in the media? No one heard me, but I have a tumor in my back. I'm kidding, by the way. Oh, my God. Oh, sue me. Put me in jail. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

i have a tumor in my lower back you are stealing my bit because i've i've talked about my tumor in my lower back that josh's dad called fat he just said oh he's like yeah that's kind of like a tumor but it must be benign it's probably just fat yeah well i have like a literal tumor right here drew was like i have a tumor and then had me press into his back muscle and then he's just trying to trick people into massaging his back like that's what i'm

He's like you have to dig really deep to find it. Oh I'm gonna deep I'm gonna dig deep in your little fucking ass. Stupid bitch I'd be you to it you fucking idiot. You rotten stinky bitchy hole. Oh. Oh damn.

Keep going. They had REI at Reformation Vintage today and it had me cracking up. That's actually hilarious. Were the pieces good or no? No, it was just like a random pair of pants. It was just like this kind of pair of pants. Oh, nice. Nice, nice, nice. Yeah, well, we have Coachella tomorrow. We're leaving for Coachella.

By the time this is up, we will be in our Coachella day one outfits. Yeah. Kai already leaked mine on his story. Fucking idiot. No, he's not. You're the worst assistant ever. I'm a fucking idiot. Kai's our assistant at one where he's not on this. I'm your friend. I am your friend. Kai, I literally love you. What? That's what you think? Kai, this is serious. I love you so much. You're gay. Oh my God. Thank you. Okay. I love you.

Now I fuck with you. You're not my assistant. You're a little more than that maybe. Okay, cool. Drew, I'm so sorry, by the way. Oh, nope. I take it back. You're my fucking assistant. Drew actually meant it. And yeah, we're homies. Yeah. See how he picks me over you? I fucking hate this guy. Future is female. Babies actually freak me the fuck out.

Yeah. I'm like not kidding. Orion pointed it out at Disney and I was like, dude, I was just thinking this the other day because when I went to the Rose Bowl, I saw this like little kid in what was just an adult costume.

Outfit made for small people and it freaked me the fuck out because like kids proportions are just adults but actually shrunken down. It's like when you shrink down a photo correctly and you take it from the upper right corner and like take it down. That's just what a baby is. That's primordial dwarfism is what you're describing. No, I'm describing the growth of a human being. But it actually freaks me out and I don't like it. I really don't like it.

No, babies freak me the fuck out too. But I want one really bad. I know, I was just about to say, but I kind of want one. Like, they sound fun. Yeah, they're really cute. They sound fun in theory until they like... I feel like kids, when they're infants, are awful because they cry and just shit. And you're just like, oh my God, I made this thing, but at what cost? Because it's annoying. And then when it starts to round out and get a little cute...

It's like, okay, this was fun. Like, I can take pictures of this thing now because it doesn't look, like, terrifying. Are you going to make an Instagram account for your baby? Hell no. My baby will not see the light of day. No, y'all won't. If I had a baby, y'all would never. One, y'all would never know. I don't even think y'all would know if I had a child. Okay, grow up. Yes, we would. No, I'd hide it from everybody.

That's good because I don't want you in my life that long anyway. Oh my God. Why? I'm just saying. Oh, I can't be truthful? This isn't a station for me to be truthful. You should be honest for sure. You know, I like lies. I like lies. Ew, stop picking at your chair. You're like looking at it, like scratching it, like scat. I'm looking for the good bits to drop into this little hole up here. Azul eats those bits that you drop on the floor. No, I'm not dropping them on the floor. I'm dropping them in the hole. I don't drop bits on the floor. But...

Yeah, I would not post my baby. Like, I don't...

I if I am at all important to the public by the time I have a kid, which I don't think will happen because what that's like seven years away from me. What I'm gonna be doing this like y'all probably I'll be dead when I have a baby. But by the time I have a baby, like literally, I don't want anybody to know. I want to be one of those people who's like, oh my God, so-and-so has a baby. I did not know that because I also don't plan on taking it out. It's an at home kind of hobby. Yeah.

My baby, personally. I'm going to have a baby and kill it. Is it an indoor baby? Yeah. I don't want it out. What? I'm going to have a baby and kill it. That's fun. Why? I want to eat its bones.

I want chicken wings so bad. You know what's fucked up is when you said that, I was like, damn, chicken wings do sound good. Yeah, they kind of do. Dude, that turkey fucking leg from Disney World was rancid. That was the most animalistic I felt in my whole life. Dude, it was scaring me. I was like, oh my God, we literally are just like monkeys. Dude, the whole time I was in Disney World, I was like, I was just looking around at everybody and I was like, oh my God, we're just like evolved primates. Like,

so bored that we had to build a fake place to go to to go to to like have fun it was greening me the fuck out and then we sat on a bench and ate literally like meat on the bone and i was like a big ass piece of meat i was eating one with orion and at one point we were just dead silent like like like carving away at this bone because we were so hungry and i i was like oh fuck i had this crazy like

primitive flashback to just being like an animal like fighting over a bone. It was so scary. I like I took a bite. I had to peel the skin back because seeing the skin was like actually rancid to me. I was like this is too much. The thing is the skin is the best part about chicken and turkey. I was like this is too much. So I peeled it back and then I saw like all those like striations and veins and like almost like deep blue colors and like all the nasty little tendons and bits and I was like

I don't know, but I was so hungry that I was like, I literally have to eat this or I will die and my relationship with food will be worse. The good news is instead of putting like...

Like an animal in your body. You did turn to like a more vegetarian leaning option and you ate a whole bag of hot Cheetos. Yeah, I took like three bites of my turkey wing and I ate a bag of hot Cheetos. I gave it away. I was like... Oh yeah, you walked up to me like a baby and you like so earnestly handed it to me and you're like, I don't want this. And I was like, I don't want it. But...

It's like, please take this fucking meat. You had like fear in your eyes. I know, dude. It was, it actually fucked me up. I looked at it and I was like, this is too much. Like all the oils and like guts coming out of this is like, it's rancid. I was like, I can't do this. So I gave it away. I pawned it off and ate my bag of Cheetos. And I'm going back to eating red. You say that every episode. Did you do blue already? No, I tried to do blue. He never tapped into the blue. Oh.

You're red at heart. I can't wait for you. Like politically, you're red. Something scary happened to me in red light. I'm scared of red light. No, I don't mean like, I mean you're red like at heart, like politically. Yeah, you are a Republican. You're a red kind of girl. Oh, red looks good on you. Yeah, I'm a Republican. I can't wait for your green week and then you'll actually eat fucking vegetables.

Drew does not consume vegetables. Do not lie on my name. Cauliflower doused in like buffalo sauce does not count. All I ate was for one of the meals with my parents while they were here. All I ate was just literally wilted spinach. I was like, I need to eat something green. So I ate like an entire plate. So you ate old spinach? My God.

It loses nutrients when it's old. I'm sorry. I'm just being honest. You're so toxic for me. I just like can't win. I'm constantly attacked. I'm constantly berated. I'm constantly questioned. My reality is fake. I'm always lying. What else is there? Let's add it to the list. Your hair looks really good. Thank you. Ew. You are like...

Like, belligerently insane. No, I feel insane. Like, I haven't gotten over the fact that, like, y'all aren't actually real and this is all just, like, I'm stuck in purgatory. Because this isn't, like, hell. Like, I'm not stuck in hell because this isn't bad, but it's very neutral. What's the happiest you've ever been? I don't know. I genuinely don't know. I don't know. I'm right here.

With you? Is that what you want me to say? No, when I'm with you, I'm like at my lowest. I'm like the closest to like hell I think I could get. Wow. Wow. Fair. Wow. Wow. Oh, wow. No, honestly, fair. When's the happiest you've been?

When you got your bow. When I got 11 kills in Fortnite. I'm not kidding, actually. Okay. I haven't spoken about this because it literally happened in the span of the past week. I started playing Fortnite and I had never really played it other than like maybe one time at 13 or 4. You made fun of me profusely for playing it. No, I made fun of you for Call of Duty and I still will make fun of that. But,

I just never played it because like that building shit is too fucking much like you're asking me to kill bitches and build stuff like no what is this real life like I'm not doing it um but I started playing why did I even play I think you were your friend wanted to play it oh yeah so we had friends who wanted to play and I just saw them playing and I was like

I want to play. Like, I don't know. Like, I've just never played. If they think it's cool, it's cool. But if I think it's cool, it's not. I just felt left out because then like the whole friend group started talking about Fortnite and I was like, bitch, I don't fucking play this game. Like, I want to be a part of something. So I played around and then I was like decent at it. And I was like, oh, also, if I'm decent at anything, I'm a big fan of it. Like, if I'm like good immediately and it doesn't take any building, I'm addicted to it because it's like instant gratification for my little monkey brain. I'm addicted and I just can't get enough.

So then I literally think about it every night and day. And they, I'm a dick. I just can't get enough. Fortnite bed. Um, but yeah, I've just been playing it literally every single day and it's actually really bad. I play like,

for two hours, anywhere from two to three hours straight. But now you get it. You're like, oh, like this time I would probably be spending on my iPhone. Like at least I'm playing a video game and killing people. That is not how I feel. How I feel is, oh my God, like no matter what I'm doing, I'm looking at a screen. You said it once. It was like, oh,

The idea that we can even get away from our screens is so stupid because people were like, when I deleted TikTok and I was like, yeah, I'm just consuming less. Now I'm just watching bitches in movies. I'm still watching bitches. It's crazy how much screens are in our life. There's one, two, three, four, five, six screens in this room. Six screens and I'm looking at one. When I run away, don't fucking say anything. I'm looking at one right now.

Yeah, no, when me and Inya run away, we'll probably go our separate ways, but we'll run away. Just, like, act like nothing happened. Maybe, like, download...

um some episodes and start an ai bot of us doing emergency intercom so it looks like we didn't run away we'll just have like a prolonged tip jar yeah on a website and y'all can tip us but we'll have a separated tip jar so that becomes competition and it like separates me and drew yeah and we could like run away yeah oh my god that sounds so fucking good to just like not exist like if i could literally just like

just not exist not like like die but just like cease to exist for like a year like like pause the world for a year i always say that but then when i'm like in the house doing nothing for two days in a row i'm like all right all right let's let's let's get out of here no no i'm you know it's real for me because i can sit in the house i have sat in the house and literally not leave for two weeks like that's the craziest vibe

So it's very real for me. Well, now you have to because the world is ending. And that's why we can end this episode. The world is ending, so make sure you watch all of our episodes so you don't have much time. It's come full circle. It's come full circle. I,

I've always been like, I've always been like, something big is coming. The world is ending. And now you're saying it with me. And you used to make fun of me for it. No, I wasn't. No, no, no, no, no, no. I love you guys. Thank you for watching. And you think the world is ending and something big is coming. She said it. I didn't say something big is coming, bitch. She just said it right there. Something big is coming, bitch. Love you guys. Let's do a media. I like, the thing is when you do shit like that to me, I actually want to hit you so bad. Just one of these days, just hit me. Like, just please hit me. Hit me. Hit me.

That fucking audio. You know what I'm talking about.

Also, wait, before we end, this is a really important note. I guess I felt the need to write down to mention the podcast. Sometimes when I'm pooping, it feels like it's going up my spine. Sometimes when I'm pooping, I like poop the log out and then I suck it back in. And then poop it out? I keep doing it over and over again. Oh, I do that too. It feels good. It hits my prostate. You guys are so fucking weird. I'm sorry. Oh, okay. Yeah, we're the weird ones. They're going to make that into an A24 meme.

- Milm? - Putting the poop back in? - Wait, what's a milm? - It's like a movie. - It's like a movie film. - Movie film. - Oh wait, this is something. This is the craziest vibe I ever saw in my life on TikTok. The craziest vibe I've ever seen.

Someone was literally watching my YouTube videos with their therapist. Oh, I saw that! They were watching my YouTube videos with their therapist and I was like, wait, this is so sick. I was like, that makes me want to get a therapist just to hang out and watch me on the YouTube screen. That sounds like a fucking vibe. She's like, okay, you're a fucking narcissist. Yeah, that sounds like a vibe. And then they also posted one of them playing like a card game with their therapist and them watching Emergency Intercom and I was like,

Maybe stop watching us if you want to get better. I know. It doesn't seem like we're helping. No, no, no, no, no. But I was like, that is such a vibe and I love that so much. But yeah, there's like a few videos that I saw recently of myself on TikTok that I was like, damn, I like am so sick. There's just been a lot of content on me recently on there. Like the truth is actually spreading. Yeah. Like the truth is spreading. Like you want the truth, but you can't fucking handle the truth.

But the truth is spreading. So you're gonna have to learn to cope. You know what I'm saying? I do. Yeah. You're so fucking true. Deism is spreading. Can I just say something really quick? Yeah. Oh, my God. What the fuck is that? Drew, you're so fucking sick, dude. Thank you, Kai. I want to say this, too. Like from the bottom of my heart, we can even like cut it out of the video. But I love you. I love you, too. And you're like so sick.

Dude, this feels so cool. Are you only saying that to him because he said something nice to you? No, I don't think so. No, I know my friend really well. I think that's what's happening. I think you're being tricked into giving him compliments. Wait, let me try something. Let me try something. Look at him. He's doing his... He's passing away. Wait, I'm going to try something. When Drew gets caught in a lie, he passes out. I'm going to try something. Drew. Yeah. You fucking suck. He's just rebooting. Oh. Oh. Oh, my God.

Why would you slap him on the bare ass like that? How did you get your pants down that fucking fast? He's got a big stinky butt. It's hard for me to miss. It came out really fast. That's what I was doing. Me pulling my pants down in .01 seconds. Jumping to my face height. Okay, media of the week. I saw Sonic 2. It was awesome. It made me fucking crack up. I think Sonic and Tails are going to have sex soon. Lit.

And then for music is Aguas de Marco. Marcho? I don't know. At least Regina and Antonio Carlos. I don't know his last name. And then for songs, I already started songs. Sorry, I'm like actually passing away. I'm not even fucking kidding right now. I'm like actually fucking losing it. Only Over You by Fleetwood Mac, which I've said before, but I'm saying it again. Everybody's talking Harry Nilsson.

Everybody's talking about me. I don't hear a word you're saying. And then breakage by a serial actor. Oh, yeah. Okay, my media of the week is 12 Stout Street by RxPoppy and Good. God Bless the Child by Billie Holiday. Stars to the Rainbow by Young Lean and Ty Boy Digital. Oh, my God. Dude, she hit her head really hard. I saw it.

let me just keep going i guess yeah oh my did that kind of hurt no it actually felt really good oh my god i want you to lay on top of me tonight i can lay on you right now everybody knows um any rd oh no i just said that one um fondly eulogizing sleep by bed wetter is another good vibe like put all your weight on me no because i'll sit on your wiener no just do it here let me readjust i'm gonna break your legs imagine my femur just snapped

You're shaking, Drew. Babe, who's texting you? That's just my text tone. Oh, okay. My pastor. What? No, really, who's texting you right now? I'm healing. My pastor is texting me. Are you going to answer it? What if someone needs help? So ran through. Each of those was a different person. I finished my show, The Good Place.

It was good. It was like, no, it was like incredibly mid, but I did cry at the end because I was like, I'm so attached to these characters. And like, it did make me really existential because I was like, oh my God, like if there is a heaven or hell, like heaven becomes hell at some point because like everything good is always happening all the time. Like infinity, like the reason why life is so fun and good all the time is

It's because there's murder? No, it's because there's like, we have like a reason to live, which is death. Like, that's like the ultimate reason for life. And like, there's none of that in like hell or heaven, theoretically. So like, it freaked me the fuck out. And I was like, Oh my god, like, even after we die, we're still gonna be alive. And I was like, I don't want to be alive. Even after I die. That's a good way to end the episode. Thank you guys so much. I don't want to be alive.

so much in my life is happening to my media so much in my life is happening thank you guys so much for watching it's okay we're not monetized anyway but whatever the fuck you want oh he's touching himself all right bye guys