Our Friends Are Parasites 01:13:51

Welcome back to Emergency Intercom. I almost said welcome back to the South. This episode of Emergency Intercom. If I'm not making eye contact, it's literally because I'm not trying to kill eight people in my parents' car.

You're probably curious where we are. I'm trying to die in this car with you. No, no you're not. So just make eye contact. Make eye contact.

Eyes on the road. Eyes on the road. Also, the camera is fully shaking, but like you get what you get and you don't fucking get upset. You motherfuckers. Like we're really going out of our way to make this happen. We're going out of our fucking way to do our job right now. The craziest part is I haven't heard this entire squad this silent the entire fucking trip and it's scaring the fuck out of me. The whole squad pulled up to my house and I immediately got so nervous because I was like, dude, this is the loudest group of people in

In the world, and I just brought them into my family's home. And it was so silent in here. Like, three minutes ago, everyone was silently awaiting, like, putting on their best manners. And then all my homies came in, and they're like, yeah. Not in a bad way, though. My family fucks with that because they, I train them to enjoy. Yeah, to enjoy annoying, obnoxious annoying. Yeah. Let's talk about it. Yeah, let's talk about it. Let's dive in. Let's talk about it. The classic, like.

Nails ladies nails show the nails I don't know if we can see that but everybody all the boys got nails ladies ladies ladies

But yeah, we're in Miami right now. We're literally on the way to the Everglades. It's going to be so fucking fun. Last time I was there, it was... Okay, so this is like the sequence of fun for me. Sequence of fun? Fuck you, motherfucker. No, so it went like... I was like, the air butt was the most fun I've had in four years of my entire life. Like, the drifting, the whole vibe is fucking crazy. This is the best movie I've seen in my whole life.

Literally coming out of the movie theater. This is the best movie I've ever seen in my life The next was the monster trucks and I was like this is the most fun I've ever had in four years like this shit is fucking lit like are you kidding me? And then yesterday it was the fucking yacht and I was like, oh that was the most fun I've ever had in my entire life. I think

The airboat might top it. I think... I think it might, like, come back around and take first place. You know what I'm saying? Dude, because it's just so fucking funny. Like, again, literally everything to me now, like, you have the existentialism where you're like...

nothing matters, we're so small, and, like, you freak out like that. I have that in the way that I'm like, this is fucking hilarious because humans are literally so beyond what they were supposed to do. Like, the Everglades is like, yeah, let's keep the Everglades safe so we can put fucking diesel- Boats. Like, fueled boats onto the grass and zoom through everything. Drift through it. It's probably good for it somehow. It probably, like, cuts it and keeps it clean or something. He was telling us about the forest, or the water fires that, like, keep it clean and shit. Yeah, there's-

There's actually a lawnmower on the back of the airboat that we're on and they're just killing two birds with one. Dude, it's literally a giant lawnmower. It's literally a giant fucking fan. I'm really curious. Also, I don't think I mentioned this, but we're going with my family. Like, they're not in the car with us. Yeah, I wouldn't allow them in here. Yeah, Drew was like, I know, like...

to my dad. He was like, I know you're, like, letting us borrow your, like, big-ass car, but you need to go squeeze the rest of that damn family in your other car. Exactly. I was like, you're not popping in here. I'm sorry. Like, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Which, usually, I would be, like, really offended by it, and, like, I was shocked my dad didn't, like, pick Drew up by the neck and body slam him, but, like,

There was something in the room that like drew just like... There's love. I command. Yeah, like... I'm Sigma. Kai said I was Sigma. I give Sigma. Maybe it's because my dad called you Jesus. I give Smegma. I'm giving... It's giving Smegma. You're giving Smegma. Yeah. What is that? It's like you're the alpha without even wanting to be the alpha. I don't think that's what that means. That's not what that means. That's what it means. That's like cum or something. It's like male discharge.

So dick cheese your cheese Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. You're calling men don't get discharged You get dirty fucking cock syndrome because you can't clean your dick like girls get discharged because we're our bodies are cleansing It's literally a detox. So my discharge is the detox if I drink your detox. I mean You talked to my blood

My fucking mic fell, dude. If I drank your detox... Girl, give me a shot of your detox. Okay, fine. I just... Well, I'm not making detox right now. I'm making beet juice. Ew. What? I thought we were, like, talking about our bodies. Honestly, can all the guys agree that periods are weird and gross? Yeah, that is really fucking weird. It's... Okay. Guys in the back say yes. Okay, yeah. It just... It really freaks me out, like...

You guys never have a moment to like to reiterate that it was a joke and it's just people are kind of like yeah they like their whole crew seems really nice and I want friends like that but they do seem like they're not that into girls. They're very anti-period. They're anti-period. My prone nails anti-period. Girl

Yes. They're like, girls should just spend their money on getting their nails done, not getting tampons and stuff. Like, you're wasting your money elsewhere. No, this, that, all that. Y'all should have gotten your nails done with, like, big-ass rhinestones and shit. That's what I told Kai. I was like, Kai needs to put a big fucking rhinestone on his ring finger, like a big one. And he was like, no, I think I just want to do, like, the all sleek, like, black look. Ew. I know, I was going to say.

I was going to say, Kai didn't want to spend an extra $5 per nail to get rhinestones on them. Dude, no. Y'all went and got scammed. No, it was $400 total. No, it was like $450 for four people to get their nails done. Yeah, but Orion went to a spot and got her shit done for $45. I know. The reason we had to get scammed, though, was because we were trying to support the local economy. Like, we just wanted to drive the economy. That is not true because it's true. Y'all had to go to, like, a little spot in Hialeah. Where did y'all go? Resupport.

Little Havana Neo Nails. Cut that out. No free promo, no free promo. You say we have to support the local economy and then making a local business and be like, no, no, no, no, no. No tax, no posting. No tax, none of that. But yeah, we got our nails done. It was super sick. Everybody was like laughing with us, not at us. They were laughing with us. Wait, can I talk about the lady on the boat? No.

Literally, yes. Sorry, I fully cut you off, bro. No, I'm used to it. I'm used to being talked over by everyone in this car. I just get cut off. I get cut off. It's just my life. It's my fucking... See, there it goes. Yeah, I'll shut up. Like, you want fucking attention, bitch. Like, it's not your birthday anymore.

The way it is still my fucking birthday trip. We're silencing Drew all 2022. Silence Drew 2022? Yeah. I'm going to get big red, white, and blue signs of that made. Literally a billboard silence Drew. Someone yesterday in front of us had stickers on their car. There was somebody who was like, enough, period. I will not comply. Like about mask mandates. And it was like...

Legalize freedom. Me, me. I know. I'm like, take the muzzle off. Take the muzzle off. Unmask the truth. That's literally... Literally. That was Batman's campaign, but I know what they were trying to hint at. Me, yeah. That, exactly. Okay, so you were saying they weren't... You claimed they weren't laughing at you. They were laughing with you, which is a very beautiful way to take bullying. No, it was just not... It was honestly just a really great experience just getting nails with my boys. Like, we're just like...

We're just like a squad, you know? Like, and we roll together and we're just... Yeah. Y'all do stand for, like, anti-fragile masculinity. Like, y'all are serving, like... Yeah, I'm saying fuck gender norms. I'm getting tits put on. You said tints or tits? Tits. Get them installed. Installing...

I have to upgrade my tits right now. Yeah, literally. Let me upgrade ya, upgrade ya. The good thing is my phone's literally at 20%. Oh, shit. Flop. How is that like a flop moment? You're literally flopping so fucking hard right now, it's embarrassing. I'm actually taking y'all to the airport right now. I'm putting you all on a plane back home. But the lady on the boat...

literally pulled me aside. Like, I don't know why, but when I went down under the boat, she... Australia? I knew you were going to say that and I tried to keep going and say something about the boat because I knew you were going to make that fucking joke. Down under? Girl, quit calling it a boat. It was a yacht. Like, come on. Everyone...

Everyone's like boat this boat that no it was a yacht with a bedroom. Like what are you talking about? It was a yacht with a bedroom and she offered y'all lube. Yeah literally. Immediately. It was the craziest vibe ever. Cause she saw your nails and she was serving Ally. Literally. She was giving Ally. She was like I have scrubs and lube. She can suture up my husband. She can give me a husband stitch after Kai destroys my hole. Ha ha ha.

Okay, but she was like she saw me like come I don't know if it's because I came last or what but she was like is it your birthday and I was like no and she was like I thought they got the nails for your birthday and I was like

No, no, it's not my birthday. It's the kid with curly hair's birthday. And then she was like... Oh, I'm the kid with curly hair? That's how y'all describe me now? No, I was like, oh, it's the ugly, like, scary motherfucker who looks like he snuck onto the boat. It's like his birthday. That's how y'all are describing me now? Cool. Oh, I'm sorry. Who snuck onto the yacht. Yeah, exactly. But I was like, it's his birthday. And then she was like, why did they get the nails? And I was like, oh, they just thought it was funny. They saw, like, the girls get their nails done and they wanted to do it too.

and she was like why did they do that though and i was like uh no it's just funny it's like a funny joke and she was like are they gay and i was like uh i wasn't about to be like oh actually like and like go on like some weird detail like i was i was just like no like they they just did it for fun and she was like okay because i'm cuban and we don't do that in miami she was literally like bring back manly men she literally said it without saying i was like oh i get you i'm from miami and like yeah it's definitely not something you see like

people do here unless they're like just like outwardly gay like yeah dude I knew she hated me I could feel it nah I think she like fucked with us like in total but I think it was just it was just some like you're literally like around like a 20 like 7 year old like Miami woman like she's not about to be like yes like I fuck with this

She's gonna be like, "Uhhh..." Wait, it makes sense why the only dude she would talk to the entire time was Josh because he didn't have nails on his fingers. Yeah, she was like, "This one will bone me, the other ones are confused." Yeah. She like, let it downstairs at one point, they like went on a full day. Ooh. Yeah. Yeah, she wanted to bone Josh. She was really nice to me though. She, we had like a Latin Miami connection. Like, she just saw my vibe. I felt that with me too, with me and her. I felt that too. You felt a Latin Miami connection?

Drew, you're like actually from Granbury, Texas. Granbury, Texas named after a Confederate war general. Granbury. Just like the Granbury. But yeah, that happened. Also, I bought a wing bot. I ordered a wing bot on Amazon.

to my parents house because I'm fucking feral and I don't give a shit. I have my own room. I do what I want. Like, don't fucking question me. But more importantly, it was on sale. So I was like, oh, I want a wing bot. Did you post made it? No, I Amazon primed it. Damn. So yeah, you had to get it ASAP. One day shipping. I was like, I can't waste any more time. I'm literally freaking out. It's building up. I'm literally,

literally about to start like squirts building up i'm about to go in public and start like pinching people's balls if i don't have something right now um what what y'all don't do that no you don't pinch when you're horny you don't like feel the like need to like pinch balls no oh i go like this like with my nails like i put it like right the skin right between there all the little bumps on there and you just pick them off

You know what I'm talking about. I know. It's like chicken skin. Like, like feathers. You gotta pluck little cubes out. I literally... Remember when I, like, first became sexually active? I was so against balls. I literally wanted them to be, like, fucking...

extinct from the earth. I was like, they literally hold no fucking purpose. And now you can't get enough of them. I know, now me and balls, we got a different kind of relationship. Yeah, I got a great connection. Anyway, I ordered a Wingbot Junior and then the Amazon man came this morning and knocked on the door and my little brother grabbed the box and like, there was two other packages and my mom is really fucking nosy so when like, my brother showed me the packages, he was like, oh, these are for you and I was just like, go put them in the room.

I was like, get them in my room. Do not fucking open those packages. I know my mom will literally come and like watch me open packages because she like swears I'm like a walking YouTube video. It's literally, no, it's me watching you doing a live unboxing. It's just like the caveman instinct to be like, what's in box? Let me see a box. I know.

I just want, I just get secondhand like high from it. You get secondhand pleasure from my pleasure. Yeah, exactly. When you feel pleasure in your eye, I feel pleasure. When I squirts, you squirts. Exactly. When I scream for cream, oh. I scream for cream, you scream for cream, we all scream for cream.

Damn. Literally, the plane is crashing. Oh, my God. It's literally going down. It's going down. For real. I'm going to play that on my iPhone. Why did you say that?

I finished the thought in my head. I finished it in my head, but not out loud. That's like someone who just learned human what we're up to. I'm going to play that song on my iPhone. No, I meant as my plane is crashing because I have a feeling it's going to go down soon. No, I'm not kidding. Literally, when my plane was delayed on the way here, I was like, it's because it's going down and I'm going to fucking die. For real? And I made the joke to my friend. I was like...

At least like maybe I'll like trend for like 15 minutes because they'll be like, oh my God, that one girl died on the plane today. But then I found out Johnny fucking Knoxville was on my flight. Taking all the credit. He would literally take all the shine from me. So thankfully it didn't go down. Also, I want to have sex with Johnny Knoxville so fucking bad. Literally doesn't. I was feral. I was like foaming at the mouth.

And I wanted to speak to him, but I was like, I don't look my best right now. And like, I can't speak to him. And I usually don't give a fuck. I'm not like the other girls. Yeah. No, literally. I didn't go up to him. Stop. I'm not kidding. That was my vibe when we got off and there was like people waiting for him. And my friend Sabrina was like, should we go ask for a picture? And I was like, no, like I actually can't. Sabrina, like you don't understand. In like two years when I have sex with him, I'm going to be like, oh my God, this is so crazy. But we were on the same flight and I just didn't want to bother you.

I really wanted to say something to you because I've always had the biggest crush on you, but you just seemed so exhausted and I wanted to give you your space. And then he said, oh my god, this is the most caring woman ever. I'm going to put her on my will and bone the shit out of her. Damn. And that's exactly how it's going to go. Hello Kitty says, hey, Cam. You're so annoying. I'm actually terrified because I hope he doesn't see the camera on our dash and be like... Girl, just slow down. Literally just break the fucking house down. I'm actually doing 100 right now. I'm racing him.

Just stay in his blind spot the whole time. You should just crash into his back tire. No, I like do the thing that cops do when they're on a chase and they like knock into the back. That's what I mean, yeah. Spin him out. Oh my god. Sorry, sorry. But yeah, I'm really excited. Also, it's going to be a huge group of us because also Nat and Dom and Sabrina are meeting us there. So it's literally going to be like 15, like 10 of my like

best friends and then also my family with me which is so funny like I need a picture of all of us on the boat together because it's just like me and my whole family and then all of y'all around us is like cracking me up in my head I'm thinking about jumping off the boat and never y'all will never see me again you would you so you want to commit suicide in front of my family yeah I don't who said suicide

Oh, what's awesome is I missed my turn. Oh, my God. Sorry. Oh, no. This is Mexico City 2.0. You've been driving three hours in the wrong direction. Stop, because I actually got really scared of that, so I was hella checking. Dude, this guy won't let me in. These motherfuckers are going to hell. Just commit. Just commit. No, because this motherfucker is slamming his brakes, too. I literally would have just killed us all.

I'm thinking about jumping off the boat into the water and acting like I get eaten by an alligator. Um, but then I survive and five years down the line, I reintegrate back into y'all's lives. Um, as a new person, shaved head. Oh my fucking God.

Literally, like, out of a movie. I actually experienced a fucking movie last night, and, like, it was the most insane shit that's ever happened to me in my entire life. And it's really sad and embarrassing, and I can't believe I'm bringing it up on the podcast and sharing this information with everybody in the world. So now they have more fucking ammo to, like, ruin my life. Um...

But basically you're you're making it seem like you did something really really fucking bad. My body did something really fucking bad You get a boner. Yeah, well obviously like I have one literally right now literally car boners are a thing Like I know every boy in the car has a boner right now and like it's just we don't talk about it We don't talk about it. I'm not kidding. I don't think that's a girl There's a rocket ship about to fucking launch over. I know I was literally what the hell I

Miami's crazy. Florida's crazy. The Florida man. Florida's different. Florida man. Florida man. We, I need to live the Florida project legitimately. Um. You need to live in a motel? Yeah. I romanticize. You're romanticizing poverty? Yeah, I don't give a fuck. It looks lit. Sorry. Not fucking sorry. That's literally everybody, every like wealthy person from LA or New York. I just see a motherly connection and I like want it. Um.

I had a great mom. My mom is an amazing mom. I had a motherly connection with her, and I fiend for it now. You're actually tweaking right now. But anyways, I went... We were just, like, chatting for, like, hours outside of... In this, like, part of the hotel, and I was like, I'm, like, gonna go into the room and, like, get ready for bed because I'm really fucking tired. So I, like, went to the room and was, like, getting ready for bed, and I was just, like, washing my face off with water, and I, like, looked up, and, like, I saw something in my hair, and I was like, what the fuck is that? And I, like...

Literally, God does not want me to tell this story. He's like, do not. Like, this will ruin your career. Girl, are we making another turn? Wait, I'm going to make another turn. Sorry. Sorry, guys. Difficulties. I'm literally driving the world's biggest fucking truck right now. I know, you're driving a monster trunk. Monster truck vibes. Okay. So, I'm like looking in the mirror just like,

Like actually looking at myself and being like, oh, wow, you actually are like a sexy person. I like I waver like I'm like, OK, you're the ugliest motherfucker I've ever seen in my entire life. And then also I'm like, oh, you're the sexiest motherfucker I've ever seen in my life. And there's like no in between. But I was looking in the mirror, like admiring myself. And then I saw something in my hair and I was like, oh, what the fuck is that? And I like I thought it was like a piece of fuzz or a piece of lint. And I like pulled on it.

and it was a gray fucking hair. You're so annoying. I have a gray hair and it's literally my 24th birthday and I get a gray fucking hair. Dude, I thought you were going to say there's fucking cum in your hair. That's where I thought this was going. Literally, what? I was like, there's like a patch of fuzz like you see something white like just like in your hair. Like, how is

How is this disgusting? You're so annoying. Because I'm literally old as fucking bones. Like, I turned 16 and I grow my first gray hair. It's like, literally, what the fuck? Drew, that's just a part of life. High school is really stressful, so it makes sense. I know. I have my SATs tomorrow and I need to ace them to get into my dream school. I know, and you're going to the Everglades. You shouldn't be doing that right now. I have to study. I have to study. Ew.

I never studied. You couldn't literally pay me money to study anything. No, I literally just like was naturally good at school. Like that sounds like I'm making a joke, but genuinely I didn't have to study. Oh, so you're bragging about being a fucking nerd?

Yeah. That's what you're doing now? Well, no, I wasn't a nerd. I was literally doing drugs and making incredible grades. Oh, so you can still do drugs and be naturally a fucking nerd. I'm not saying that you can do that, but I did it. Like, and... So drugs didn't even make you cool, you were still a fucking nerd. That's what I'm like...

That's what I'm saying is I was, like, doing drugs, I was hella cool, and I was making good grades. No, you don't make good grades if you're cool. Like, you don't do both of those things. I mean, in Granbury, Texas, that's the way of life. I mean, look at Euphoria. None of them bitches have Bs. The way I actually lived Euphoria in high school, and, like, I can never talk about it because it was really gnarly and traumatic. Oh, write a fucking book. Write a sob story about it, Drew. Wait, Kai, say Drew-phoria. Yeah.

I'm giving him a beat. No, I'm giving him a fucking line to say. That's really fucking weird. He came up with it. Okay, but he didn't feel like saying it now. So, like, now you're getting him to say it? So weird. Oh, he's doing his job.

Oh my god. I actually thought of another Drew word and it's Drewphoria. Yes! It would be so much better if it was just like, it came out of his mouth naturally. Well, like, he just doesn't have the comedic prowess that we have. Are you saying Kai isn't funny? I've never said that once in my life. You just said Kai doesn't have comedic prowess. Kai isn't funny. I've never said that once in my life. You just said it. I just said it right now.

And you said it was, like, conviction. Y'all are actually fucking freak bitches, like, trying to, like, actually make me, like, seem crazy. I didn't say, Kai's not funny. Like, he's not funny. Like, I didn't say that. Oh. Bitch, it's the Drew podcast now. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. It's the Drew. Hey, guys, welcome back to the Drew. No, we need to do the Drew podcast, like, a sub show, and it's literally just me, like, spilling misinformation. Like, a whole, like, shit.

Yeah, exactly. Alex Jones misinformation. Well, no, that's like actually my life. I literally love vitamins. And the intro is like really like dateline, like kind of it's like, welcome back. It's me in front of like a green screen news set. Every time it starts, it's like fog dissipating and it's you sitting on like a black leather couch, like alone. Pandemic doesn't exist. Real. The pandemic, you, oh my God. I just want to hold my hand.

I keep trying to teach them how to open cans. Damn. She's sprayed. If I squirted, would you, like, let it go to waste or would you have some? Wait, what? If I squirted, would you let it go to waste or would you have some? Why would you waste...

Okay, yeah, I was just making sure. I don't know, like, I just need to make sure that the people around me are, like... I'm just like, that's a really fucked up question to ask. Like, why would you weigh squirt? I'm just, I'm... Kai. I'm literally, oh my god. You're not alone. Yeah, like, Kai, the question was not to you. I'm trying, I... Oh, absolutely. No, literally, squirt. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I thought I was asking for the Red Bull, but I'll have that, too. Oh, I also... No, oh, I did squirt in that. Yeah, no, I was hitting that. Can you squirt directly?

Oh, Ryan, we're literally on camera right now. Like, come on. It's really hot and steamy. The windows are fogging up. Oh, I literally thought that guy was going to try to kill himself. Why haven't I been on a rebel yet? I want to be on one of those little motherfucking mopeds so bad. Well, they're all around the place. You can just get on one.

Like you say it like anyone's in your bed. You know nothing about me. See, Drew, you're the kind of person to say, I want to do this, I want to do that. I'm the kind of person to move in silence and do what I want. Because I don't need the public to know. Real bitches move in silence like they're being subtle. Oh, I just literally invented that. What did you just say? Real bitches move in silence. Also, I think that one had real milk in it and you probably just ruined my day. Oh, it definitely did.

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, "Wow, oh my god, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads." But we're doing our job, you're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste. Girl, you can drink literally like half a shot of milk.

She about to get the squirts but in like a different way. No, yeah, out of her butt. I can't believe you just did that to me. You're going to hell. I did it on purpose to actually like purposely ruin your day. No, I just saw the same color liquid and I was like, oh, I can just put this into here and like be more ergonomic and have a cup holder so I don't have to freeze my legs on the metal can. So if anything, you're the fucked up person for coming for me for putting. You're literally gaslighting me right now.

I'm sorry, Anya, for pouring milk into your coffee. You're a fucking freak and you're going to hell. I'm sorry. I'm just like, if you could say the truth, I could say the truth. You're literally going to fucking hell. Bitch, I'll meet you there. I'll meet you there. Feed me to the gators. I'm literally going to make sure you accidentally fall off the fucking boat. And like, that's that. Accidentally? What are you talking about? I didn't say anything.

What? What the fuck was that, Josh? He said, accidentally. Cut that, cut that. Dolphinly. Dude, that was beat, Josh. Josh, honestly, that's like... I think that was kind of good. Yay!

Can you guys um grab Josh's head and like move it like kind of to the side? Yeah, cuz he's really in he's like in frame Massage chair I'm actually taking y'all to the fucking psych ward

I'm going to 5150 every single person in this car and go back home. It's not a 5150 if you're begging for it. It's possible, but I haven't been 5150.

Oh, Ryan, I'll 5150 you. Because we all have the same, like, problems, and we're like, bitch, just stay at my house. No, we all have the same bullshit, and, like, it's just normal for us. No, and there was one day I absolutely had a manic breakdown and turned my location off to everyone, and you guys all thought I got murdered, and no one thought to 5150 me. It literally was a very scary moment in my life. True. I, for some reason, don't remember. You called me the next morning, and you were like...

Are you okay? Oh, no, that wasn't when you turned off your location. That was when you left our house and we didn't know you were going to someone's house. No, no, no. This was recent.

Yeah, this was really recent. Well, you scare us too many times in the year for me to know. You're the boy who cried wolf. No, bitch, you're the boy who cried wolf. Don't fucking pin that on my sister. Fuck you guys. Fuck you guys. Like, it's funny how you're just, like, trying to, like, silence a woman. Like, it's just weird. Yeah, no, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. Men are more...

What? Dude, he fucking tried it out back here, and I was like, you're lucky they didn't hear that one. And he fucking just tried it out. Squirty one-fifth cream deed? Kai, what were you gonna say? Oh, I, uh, Drew, I want a 69-69. Yeah, what? Like, you wanna, like, you wanna 69 and then reverse it back? Like, I don't get it. I just want a 69, Drew, like, twice. Okay. Oh my god, oh my god. Wait, me and Kai have been sharing...

Damn, this shit bitch got fucking... No, I'm saying damn to the engine. This shit's loud as fuck. I know. No, me and Kai have been sharing bed. We started up the crew with talking. I know, not everybody's talking. Can you guys like actually be quiet? Yeah, can you guys shut the fuck up? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Oh my fucking God. There's like...

I was freaking, I'd be like, I just start slamming the seat and I'm like, shut up! Shut the hell up! Or do what my mom would do. I thought you grabbed your Red Bull and I got so scared. I was like, true or not? Literally. But yeah, me and Kai have been sharing a bed for the last, what, four nights? Have y'all touched?

Oh, yeah. Like, we'll accidentally be cuddling in the middle of the night. It's, like, really crazy. Why accident, though? Just say what it is. Um, okay, yeah. Just, like, admit it, probably. Like, why are you, like, you're literally, like, being like... You know what I've noticed is, like, we sleep the same way. And, like, when I turn one way, Kai turns the same way. And we're always looking at each other or looking at one another. We're never backs to each other. We always have to have an eye on each other. Ew. It's just a connection. Maybe it's because y'all don't fucking trust each other. Oh, sorry, guys. There's a fight happening in the backseat, but just ignore it. No, I trust you.

Actually, you know what was weird? I woke up, what was it, two mornings ago, and your fist was in my ass. Dude, it was so weird. It was literally so fucked up. I need someone to beat around my bush. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh my god. I volunteer, I volunteer. Oh, and then Orion's cosplay as Katniss Everdeen shows up on screen. Olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé.

That's lit. No, this car is giving that thread on TikTok. Like the goblins just like... The goblins? I don't know why I've been referencing goblins so much recently. I just literally love the word. Love the word. Love their like lore, the little trinkets that they collect.

We actually have Christian in the trunk, by the way. Christian is here. Christian is here. He is here. He volunteered to lay flat in the trunk, and I told him he can't pop his head up so I don't get pulled over. Have y'all ever ridden in the trunk?

Oh, literally, like, my childhood, I grew up in the trunk of a fucking car. Wait, wait, wait. Did they bring out food to you or, like? No, I had to go to the trash cans at the 7-Eleven down the street. Oh, okay. That's cool. I just meant, like, chilling in the trunk, like, because there wasn't enough space in the car. No, I lived in a trunk for 14 years. Oh, remember when your nephew lied to the teacher and said he...

That his parents make him live in the laundry room? He drew his bed in the center of the laundry room. We'll put the schematics. It's the funniest thing ever. And she just hit up my sister and was like,

Like, we just got a concerning drawing from your kid. He said he sleeps in the laundry room and that there's scary people that pop in the window. And Jodi was like, oh, my God. But, yeah, literally cracked me up. Dude, I'm going to start lying about that right now. I'm going to start saying y'all make me sleep in the boiler room. Me and Josh put you in the boiler room every night.

And your whole room is a facade. If I fall asleep in the car, y'all carry me inside, but lay me into the boiler room and lock the door. Lay me down on a bed of boils. Wait, how did y'all parents get y'all to wake up when you were...

Like, asleep in the car. Because since we lived in Miami, my parents would lie and, like, wake to wake us up. And be like, we're in Orlando. We actually drove. We drove to Orlando. We're at Universal right now. Dude, holy shit. That's actually so cute. My parents would just put poppers under my nose. And smelling salts and poppers. Drew, that's really bad. Fuck, I'm awake. And horny. You would get up.

No, my parents were really cute. They would literally they wouldn't wake me up They would just pick me up and carry the money when you got like when you like started putting on like that weight What weight are you talking about?

Dude, what's awesome is I have siblings who are like a sibling who's eight years old and there's definitely boogers all over that fucking seat. And Lucas is like chewing on them. And I did rub my gooch on that before we got... Don't rub your gooch. This is my family's car. No, I have to mark my territory. You know this about me. Yeah, only if you leave the bottle in the car though.

Oh my god. Bad aim? Like, why even try that? You know this is my territory. My gooch lives in this car. I don't aim. I just let it go. I just see where the wind takes me. It's a shoot you. I literally, if I don't pop a squat soon, I think I might pass away. It's been too long. That's your, your name, your rapper name is Papa Squat. Lucas is Papa Pill. And mine is Papa Perk. Oh, there's a dead animal. Oh yeah, Josh's is Pharmacy. Pharmacy? That one's okay.

No, that one eats. Are you kidding me? Wait, is Orion just ozone? Yeah. What's Kai? Kaiyami? Kaiyami. What's Elsie? Elsley. Elsa. Elsa the Ice Queen. What's that? What? Like Finn, like Finn, like what's that? Mike Wee.

That's his rapper name is Mike Wheeler Finn just loses it and starts rapping and going by the name of his own character Okay, so

Sorry, he starts to freak out when he's on camera. What did he say? He said, I'm in the upside down. Yeah, we're going to start a rap group. So that's like on the list for what we're going to do. And we're going to start an Airbnb. Airbnb.

We're thinking about starting an Airbnb. Yeah, we're going to start Airbnb-ing out our apartment, but it's like really fucking expensive. And that's why we've been putting Inya in the boiler room. To rent out my room. To rent out her room. It's a private stay. You won't see us. It's a private room. You may see us in our little like robes pop out of our rooms. Full frontal nudity. Full bush. I just...

just i i never understand like obviously i get it because like you can stay in like a really nice airbnb if you do a private room and it'll be like less expensive but i could not do that like no it scares me it's like kind of scary that is literally the most terrifying thing ever like it's literally a hotel i have a friend who's done that before and he did it like in europe and i was like you were insane to go to a different country and do it in like a random random stranger's house like that's crazy

Honestly, I would feel more safe doing it in like Europe. Yeah, for some reason. I feel like they have like values and morals in other countries. Here it's like a killer would make an interview. No, we have... Okay, in the US we have dignity, we have pride, we have anti-Muslim. Literally patriotism, like... We have slaytism. Yeah, okay. Slaytism? Servitude? Servitude. We've got servitude, slay...

Your Honor, I'm slang. Boo. Your Honor, I'm the boots. Your Honor, I'm the boots, this is house. That's our DJ duo. I'm boots, the house down. Boots, the house down. Wait, what is it? We had a Your Honor joke last night where Kai said, I think it was when you went in, what did you say? It was something like... Your Honor, that pussy was boots. Yeah, that's what it was.

No your honor I have a I had a boner. Yeah your honor I had a stinky boner With the nails On the boat I kept going like this like with his nail and then I was like going like this to a girl with like those pointy ass nails and being like

Your honor, double D tits. Case closed. I use my tit as a laval. I like, er, what is it called? A gavel. Oh, sorry I didn't grow up in the fucking judicial system. Like, what, are y'all fucking like little judges? Girl, none of us did. Anyway, I want to use my tit like the fucking whatever the fuck it's called. A gavel. And slam onto the piece of wood. And it breaks in half. It breaks in half and it's like.

It reverberates and sends a shockwave. People's hair like blows. So we're getting close. As you can tell, we're leaving society right now. We're leaving society. We're like going to find peace with ourselves in the swamp. We're doing ayahuasca in the swamp. I am on shrooms hella right now.

You're driving on shrooms right now? Yeah. Oh my god. Oh, oh, I didn't know this was like an anti-drugs group. Oh, sorry. No, it is. Yeah, it's like dangerous. Oh, so y'all are trying to guilt trip me like you haven't dabbled and gotten behind the wheel. No, none of us have. I took a dab. I took a shroom. Do you want one? Yes, I need... Can I have five?

No, I literally panic attack. I can't be high around my family. It'll scare me. The last time we were at the Everglades, I got high and I felt like I was making friends with her. So cool. No, but then I also said that the gators would look better on a Birkin. And I said that because they're fucking scary.

No, they're big lizards. There is a program here where you can catch a gator and make a Birkin. I'm not doing that. Oh, wow. I can't afford that. Catch a Birkin. No, no. Here, this is like a build a Birkin, but it's like cheaper. Build a Birkin? Because it's one from the surf.

Right from the serve instead of the source. Did you hear that? Oh, wow. That actually was like... Can you guys like chill? Like I can see you in like my rear view mirror and it's freaking me out. Yeah, like what? Y'all been boning back there? Yeah, really.

Oh, so no one cares about us getting monetized. Like you're just literally all freaks. Is anybody gonna ask me about this little orange bracelet on my wrist? Oh my god. Okay, yeah, where'd you get that bracelet? Where'd you go? Ever heard of Soho Beach House? Yes, I have. Okay, that's where it's from. Yeah, it's from Soho Beach House. It's this really beautiful place. Oh, I got you in.

Okay, I guess, yeah. How are you there? Yeah. Finn, Drew just put his fucking boot down. Like, he literally, he put his boots down in the house.

Heard of a little thing called Soho House? I put my boot down in the Soho House. I stepped my boot in the door. I've got my boot in the door and soon I'll be running the show. These boots literally were made for walking. These boots, your boots were made for walking, my boots were made for serving. That's the difference between us. Your boots were made for walking and that's just what they'll drew. Wow, these boots were made for walking.

Walk all over me. I am me. I am me. I am me. Oh, he doesn't serve. I am me vice.

Should we just talk about our friendship with the group and how hard it has been on me? I thought you were going to say, should we talk about it and like all the love it has to give? Not like... No, it's so hard keeping up with these three. Do y'all mind if I text and drive? I'm just not going to like touch... Oh my God, Inya. Oh, first I can't be high and drive and now I can't text and drive. What can I do? Like... You can literally just drive sober and not on your phone. Oh, oh.

Oh, I have to have both hands on the wheels, I guess. Oh, we're gonna die. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Oh my god. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Literally accidentally actually killing us. I wouldn't scream, I wouldn't scream. I wouldn't scream, I would embrace it. See it on the Patreon. Exclusive content on the Patreon. Watch the whole squad.

Literally David Dobrik be like, "Oh!" I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So literally Kai? I know, I know, I'm sorry. Lucas has been listening to music this whole time and just reacting.

He hasn't heard a word we've said. Um, why did I have to pay for my birthday dinner? Because... Why did I pay for my birthday dinner? Because you're literally burdening us with your fucking existence, so you have to give us something on your birthday. Literally, not only was it, like, the worst dinner I've ever eaten in my entire life... Which is your fault. That's not our fault. Bitch, it...

Yeah, all of our food was really good. I ate the worst food, had three bites, was literally on the verge of vomiting the entire fucking dinner, and I, like, also wanted to off myself. Wait, am I the only one who... That was one of my favorite dinners I've ever had with the crew. Like, or is it just me? It was so delicious. It was amazing, right, guys? Like, it was a really... You're a wonderful guy.

Yeah, it was beautiful. Oh, wow. Okay, yeah. Well, I wanted to kill myself the whole time. And then I had to pay for my own dinner. See, that's why I don't fuck with motherfuckers like you is because you, like, hone in on that negativity. And I'm just, like, the positive. I'm a vibe terrorizer. I like to terrorize the vibe. That's, like, what I am. That's what I do. That's my profession. Yeah, and you see how sometimes...

It mirrors right back onto you. And then you have fireworks for dinner. You see, you can't terrorize the vibe terrorizer. You can't terrorize his vibe. Really? Because you sound bothered as fuck. I will make it miserable for everybody on this fucking boat today. I will make it the worst vibe ever. We will literally just push you off. I will push you off. And that would be a win for me. That would be a win for me. Because then you get to be the victim. Yep. But...

In all seriousness, I literally love when you guys come to Miami. I think it's, like, so funny. Like, something about it is so entertaining because it's, like, seeing y'all in my, like, world that's usually so separate. I want Squad to come to literally shitberry Texas and, like, vibe out and go on the lake and shit. Like...

We've done Miami twice now. Yeah. We've seen it. Actually, I feel like I literally haven't seen it because we've just been here for like three days at a time. And I really do want to like go on like a really like deep dive of like the herstory of your childhood. Just so I can see where you came from. Yeah, maybe that'll be a thing where it's like not the huge crew because doing that with the huge crew is a little more difficult. Yeah. But we are doing Georgia vibes for.

Oh yeah, we're gonna hit Georgia, we're gonna hit... Finn, are we hitting Vancouver? No. Yeah, we'll hit Vancouver, we're gonna hit England to see in Provincetown. England? For Elsie. We're literally going across the fucking ocean for Elsie. Well, I legitimately, with or without squad, am going to Elsie's grandma's house. No, I'm literally going to London and I'm smoking fucking spice. Yeah, I'm smoking opium in London with Elsie's grandma.

But we're... And then I want to do Granbury really bad. Like, I really do think it would be so funny seeing squad mobbing in Granbury. And then we all do Honduras. Yas! And y'all get left there. Alright, we just wanted to...

pick back up before we noticed. Before we even knew it, we were back. We were where our dreams were going to be made. Yeah, we were already here and it was shocking because it was only like 40 minutes away when it was supposed to be an hour and 30. It was a crazy trip. You know, time flies when you're having fun with your friends, you know people? Time flies when you're like just so horny, packed into your dad's car, sweaty with your friends, sweating your ass off and like

praying someone gives you just a little bit of physical touch. Sorry, not on camera.

But yeah, we're here. We're at the Everglades right now. If you're from Florida or Miami specifically, I'm sure this is somewhere that you either heard of or you've been yourself. It's very hot and nice because I haven't like really been in the sun as much this whole time. So it's nice to get that sun like on me. You know, I thought...

sun was supposed to cure depression but like every time I go into the sun for more than like four hours a day by the time it's ready for bed I literally am the saddest I've ever been in my entire life did we click record on the camera yeah

Yeah, I did. Wow. No trust. No trust in a woman. Just making sure. No trust in a woman. Like, y'all are, like, invalidating me. No, yeah, you can't trust women because they make mistakes. I will say women are, like, really bad at their jobs. Like, they usually, like, do a worse job than men. Yeah. They're just not as smart. Like, for instance, a man was driving that car. So he got by very smoothly. He didn't crush our toes. Exactly. If a girl was driving, our feet would have been ran over. She probably would have murdered us. And we would have died, probably, and turned into fucking pulp.

But like that's just kind of the vibe recently we've had. Is not liking women? I don't want to. I was joking. I don't want to like that. That's the vibe we've kind of had recently. The media of the week is us reading like men in this book. I've just been like really like opening my eyes up to like the fact that like men should be seen. They should be heard. Men should be seen, not heard. That's my take. That's what I believe. Yeah.

Like, I'm always down to be seen. Why? You're rallying that? Well, I don't see you, Kai. I never see you. I see the type of person that you are. No, that's how I feel about Kai. I see the kind of person he is. I see the type of person that you are. I see right through that little shy, quiet, nice man facade. I know you're evil, and I know you stink, because I can smell you. Baby, grind on me.

Relax your mind, take your time on me. Relax your mind, take your time on me. Oh my, oh! Get the fuck away from us. Oh my god. We can't have a moment to ourselves. I know, like that actually creeped me the fuck out. That was dangerous, Kai. That was really dangerous. And you're going to hell. You're lucky I didn't have my fucking pepper spray on me today. Because you would have got got, bitch. You would have got got and I would have rolled you into the swamp. One of you... Oh. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Honestly, apology denied.

Denied. You know what? I'm going to take that apology and shove it right up your fucking ass, motherfucker. Kai's down for that, though. That's a thing. Is the wind bothering it? Your mama? I had sex with your mom last night. Did you know that, Kai? And she squirted everywhere. Did you know your mom was a squirter? Oh, my God. Why would you know that, Kai? Ew. Ew. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it. Dude, when we went to like a club the other night, I for the first time looked around. I was like, dude, my friends so obviously do not fit in. I was like, they are so obviously like the like odd ones out. And like, especially when Miami like classics were coming on and me, Sabrina and like all my Miami friends are like sick.

singing them and screaming and then y'all were like dancing with little fucking gestures. Don't include me in y'all. I was in on the Miami songs. I guess, yeah, you've dabbled. You've trained my ear. Yeah, that is true. You've trained me. Did you hear I'm So High playing? You just might be the sexiest thing. No? Wait, sing. Keep going. I don't.

No, I don't know that one. Damn, maybe I am just one of the jesters. Yeah, I know. You are just like a random motherfucker. Damn. I know. It sucks. It sucks not to be in. Oh, my God. Are you dancing to me singing, Kai? Yeah, it sounded actually. Thank you. I get that a lot. Oh, wait. Actually. And I'm so high and I'm so high. Yeah. Okay. I do know that one. Just your tone was off.

You're blaming me. You're out of key. I'm never out of key. I'm always having a key. A key, a key, a key, a key. Here, here, here. A key, a key, a key. Here, here, here. But yeah, it was really funny because I turned around. I was like ordering drinks for everybody. And I turned around and I was like, oh my God, my friends are the losers. I was like, oh my God, we're the losers. We did look like loser freaks, but also at the same time, we just have fun. We were having fun. No, but what's fun is like in Miami, they actually dance. So for once...

We didn't look like total... Girl, no one was dancing. There was hella people dancing, but people were dancing at their tables with their crews. Yeah, maybe that was the case. Guy said, and it fucking cracked me up, he was like, we were literally at a Fortnite map last night because that venue looked... The Tilted Tower. Yeah, there was a Tilted Tower, and they were like, it was crazy. If you live in Miami, the club was Oasis in Wynwood. Um...

It was really funny. But Kai at one point got really hot and wanted to take off his hoodie. And I know, like, I didn't talk to you about this, and I don't know if it actually bothered you, but I was cracking up because he wanted to take off his hoodie, and I was trying to help him, but his shirt came off with it, and he had to just commit to being shirtless for a minute in the club. Dude, no, it was so sick. I knew that if I tried to take my hoodie off with these fucking nails and how sweaty I already was, my shirt was going to come off no matter what. So I was just like...

I have to lean into this and just make it a bit. And I knew that like if I like was struggling, Enya would start to like rip it off. I did help. I thought I was helping. You did help.

Because your sleeve was hella stuck. I don't know how you did that so bad. Like, I've never seen someone take a hoodie off and then the shirt come off that much. Like, I feel like in middle school. He does that on purpose because, yeah, he is a little slut. Yeah, in middle school, I feel like that's, like, one of the worst things ever is, like, when you're taking off your hoodie in class and then your midriff shows and it's, yeah, your little belly pops out. Like, I remember being so embarrassed by that. No, that was literally my dream when I started wearing my training bra. I'm like, oh, my God, I have to take it off.

I'm gonna take my hoodie off. I hope my fucking bra doesn't show right now. I hope nobody sees that I'm growing in these fucking AAAs, these AAA batteries, these AAA nipples right now. These mosquito bites. Yeah. My fucking swollen nipples. Um, this guy's going the wrong way. Yeah, this is actually really fucking toxic. So embarrassing for him? Um...

But yeah, we're at the Everglades. We're kind of chilling, waiting on our boat to pull up because we missed our boat. We live like the real Miami life. Like we go from yacht to airboat to yacht. Tomorrow we have another yacht, 8 a.m. And then they have to get on the flight, but the flight is departing from the boat. Yeah, it's a water plane.

Waterplane back. They take the waterplane back across the country. Ew, the scary fucking birds. The scary fucking birds are out to play. No, those are the, like, big Miami birds. No, a crow just flew by. I know, I am sad that I leave tomorrow. Like, I feel like we're all, me and Lucas were talking about it. We're like, damn, like, this shit went by so fast. Like, but, like, time flies when you're having fun. I said it. Time flies outside in the hay of me.

Girl, this segment that we're adding is literally just us singing the entire time and saying nothing. It's because we're in Miami, and when you're in Miami, you got that groove in you. All right, well. Girl, no, we...

Yeah, I was about to say, we have not been doing anything. I'm so scared of them getting on the boat without us. What if they fucking depart without us? Girl, they would not depart without us. Someone would run over here and grab us before they left. I'm literally so excited. They said we have an hour and a half, like, until the next boat pulls up. When we got here, my whole family and, like, a few other friends were, like, waiting outside. And I was like, this is so fucking funny. And then we all hopped out of this car. And it was, like, my family, all my friends. And, like, it's just such a funny sight to see.

It's a surreal sight. It's a beautiful sight. It's beautiful when you make friends who your family love.

Because I've literally... That says a lot about a person. My dad was actually saying that yesterday. He was like, it says a lot about you. Like, I've never met, like, a friend of yours or, like, a friend of your other friends who I didn't like. And that says a lot about them. Because, like, if the people they brought around me, like, were rude or disrespectful, then that shows a lot on the character. They actually are outside of my doors. And I was like, that is so true. And then he called Drew Jesus. He said, Drew looks like Jesus. I did get the Jesus... I've been getting Jesus comments the entire trip. Like, by... Like...

random strangers in the hotel they're gonna fucking start also someone called me and think you fucking washed up on shore to like save to save miami just put some blood around my head and i'll like really serve jesus let's put a flower crown yes every every rose has its thorn femme jesus put a flower crown instead of thorns what'd your dad say about me yeah he didn't mention you he did talk a lot about me though he was like he was saying no actually i'm sorry to cut you off

He was talking a lot about Tyler, not you. Girl, really? Yeah, well, no, he was talking about you. I'm sorry. That was mean of me. No, I was saying really to Tyler.

No, I fully cut you off. Every time I cut you off on podcasts, I get really uncomfortable and nervous because I'm like, oh my God, these are just like our things where people can like look at that and think like I'm the worst friend to you. And it like makes me really nervous. It just makes sense in our friendship. It just makes sense in our relationship. It says a lot. I'm just, that's something that I've been like really leaning into recently is like kind of my like, um...

What's it called? Introverted vibe. Like I was talking about it with Kai where I feel like... I don't know if I talked about this in the last episode. I don't think I did. Maybe I did. I don't know. But I was just like... I'm leaning into my introverted side. Like I feel like I've lived a very extroverted early 20s and now I'm like...

like, oversaturated with, like, friendship and, which is, like, a very, like, like, privileged. I'm just way too loved and, like, I have way too many cool people around me. I have too many friends, way too many cool people around me that I just, like, need a break. But, like, genuinely, I feel like I've, like, been hanging so much and, like, seeing people all the time that, like, I just need some time to myself and just, like, need to be alone in my room sometimes and, like,

But I feel like I have always been like that, though. Like, we're hanging in big groups. Like, I'll just, like, retire back to my room. Yeah, that's, like, always been your vibe. But, yeah, I'm just in my introverted era right now.

now that i have gray hairs no one can see me now i have now i'm gonna wear this hat like fucking crazy you already do wear that hat bitch it's fucking like it's you know when like people wear like a band-aid too long and it's like their skin starts melting into the band-aid that's like you and that fucking hat yeah it's it's sealed to my head you pull the hat off and my hair comes off with it i just love this cap i love the way it fits i love the vibe it gives off you just look good you look

sexy um you kind of look like if you had two beers at a bar and i like bumped into you you would turn around and push me on the floor no that's well that is who i am i'm leaning into that character like it is you do that kind of stuff yeah i beat people up true i don't give a fuck ew we can't i beat people up with your nails they're no i can't say that but yeah um when

When I cut you off when you were about to literally lie and say that my dad was calling you sexy or something because you were fully just going to lie. When Kai was like, did your dad mention me? And you were like, no, he mentioned me a lot. And you were just about to lie because you weren't there. No, you called me and told me how much he talked about me. Oh, he actually did. I fully forgot. See, that's how easily I forget about you. Oh. And don't fucking forget it. That's like really fucked up. That's how easy I could replace you. Wow. No, no, I feel good. That made me like feel really good. But yeah, my dad was like talking about Judaism. He's like...

He's like, man, like, because obviously we've kind of talked about, like, our rough patch. And obviously I told my dad about that because I'm a fucking... She talked a lot of shit about me and probably exaggerated about me. Yeah, I was being hella dramatic. I was gaslighting. Probably. I was sleigh lighting. But yeah, I was, like, told my dad about all that. And then he was like, I feel like Drew's, like, grown so much over the past two years. And, like, he seems like such a good kid. And I really like him. Like, he was like, I really, really like Drew.

and was just talking like highly of Drew. But then randomly he started talking about like Tyler, the creator. And I was like, what? Cause we were talking about like fashion. Oh yeah. And then he was like, speaking of fashion, you know who, like I, like what I saw the other day, I saw that video of Tyler, like riding his bike around and he was going on like the craziest, like tangents.

He was like, oh, I saw that video of Tyler, the creator, riding his bike at the Louis Vuitton show. You know, that's a motherfucker who's, like, done everything right. He's, like, made sure he was in the right rooms at the right time and he's going to be the big same in fashion. And I was like, I've never heard him talk about that man once in my life. But he was going in. But he's not wrong. He's not wrong. I know, he wasn't wrong, but I was like, he was going in and he was just, like, being, like, a fan as fuck. I love that your dad knows things about, like,

Culture. Culture, yeah. That's, like, super sick. Like, he's intertwined in, like, young people culture. My dad couldn't name a soul...

um that I fuck with heavily that's funny for some reason he also thinks Finn is a youtuber though he said that yesterday to my family because we were talking about Carbone and like uh Finn was like really sweet and I really wanted to take my dad to Carbone but um they wouldn't bat an eye at me um so like he got me and my dad a reservation which was literally so sweet like I took my dad to dinner like a really nice dinner for his birthday and he like really like my dad used to be a chef and he loves like food and just like

restaurant culture so he really likes going to nice spots so we went and i fully forgot where oh but then when i got home my uncle and aunt were at the crib like with my mom and my uh my dad was like talking about how like it's really hard to get a reservation there apparently and then he was like yeah but like one of anya's friends who's like a really big youtuber got us in and i was listening to it and i was like that's not what he is but okay i was like okay maybe he's not that tapped in because my mom knew who finn was but like my dad was like

Your mom lives on Netflix, though. I know. My mom can't believe fucking Netflix. She eats Netflix up. Every time we log into Netflix, it's so fucking, like, sorry, I was going to say it's so fucking loud, and then I got mixed up in my sentence. Hold on. Oh, never mind. Keep going. Every time we log into Netflix, everything's in Spanish because my mom is watching, and she, like, only speaks Spanish. So then, like, we'll, like, be watching a trailer for something, and it's like...

In the final episode of... We'll be like five minutes in and realize that the show is not supposed to be in Spanish. And we'll be like, wait, what the fuck? We'll be like, what's this Spanish film? And then we're like, oh, it's literally subtitles. It's literally super bad in Spanish. The euphoria. Why did you get an idea that says me loving? Me loving. Me loving. Me chicken. Me McDonald's. Me chicken. McDonald's. McDonald's.

Oh my god I'm fucking up some McDonald's after this Yeah no that's like That's been my vibe the entire time And no one's fucking Like let me live My McDonald's vibe Like I'm like Why do we have to go out To a nice restaurant every night Why can't we just go get McDonald's You literally sound like a 10 year old I just I ride so hard for McDonald's It's insane Like it's like the best restaurant Like

ever made. There is like, there's validity to that statement because there's no way it's the biggest restaurant in the world and literally everyone on this fucking planet, not everyone, but like literally 95% of the planet has eaten McDonald's. I've never had McDonald's before. Oh my God. That's why I wanted to go. I was like, oh, it's a big day. We're going on the boat. Like maybe I'll try something new. That's what I want to do. Girl, I ate you out in the McDonald's bathroom. Oh my God. Why are you lying? You shouldn't fucking say that. Like, why are you going to like let the public know that kind of shit? What if they just got on the boat without us and dipped? I don't know.

I would literally fucking punch my dad in the skull. That's our boat, though. That's your boat. That's the private boat. Oh, it is. Yeah. So, all right. Let's do some media real quick. Wrap this up really quick. Media of the week. All right. So, I haven't, again, been watching too many shows because I've just been binging Futurama. That's been my vibe. So, like, we've just been...

Yeah, I've just been like binging Futurama. But my music is Chrome Country by 10 Tricks Point Never, 9-Bit Blues by Kid Koala, and He's a Mighty Good Leader by Beck. I've probably said all three of those songs already on this media. But it's okay because it just shows that I'm about what I say and I listen to and love those music. I'm about the things I claim to love. Okay, my media of the week is By the Time I Get to Phoenix by Dorothy Ashby, Star by 702, I Would Die

And Inside Out by Feast, their cover, is so good. Feces. I already said it. Inside Out by Feces. Feces, like poop. Yeah. No. Why would a band call themselves poop, Drew? There's literally the poop fuckers and the shit farters. You mean the butt suckers? Is that what it is? The butt suckers, right? Yeah, Drew, you don't know shit. No, there's also the poop shitters. I swear to God, there's poop shitters. Kai, you would know. You're like one of those guys who just weirdly knows a lot for no reason.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So you're giving promo. Oh, I watched The Green Knight on the airplane. Was it horny? Was it hella horny? Girl, that shit was boring as fuck. Was it hella horny, though? I got halfway through and was bored as shit. Like, I can't do, like, old English movies. It was horny. There were horny scenes. Yeah, I just wanted to watch it because I...

I heard someone say that the horny scenes were really sexy horny. Is that actually true? Because I only got halfway through and was like, okay, I literally am falling asleep watching this movie. Yeah, I feel like it's a really boring movie, but people were like, dude, that the sex scenes were, like, some of the most, like, intensely horny things I've ever seen. Oh, word. Yeah, I mean, like, there was some really... Which is reason enough for me to watch anything. I take that back. It wasn't, like, bad. It was...

Could you see, like, any penises in it? I didn't see cock at all. But, no, it wasn't, like, bad. It was just, like...

Like, just not the pace that I wanted to be on the airplane. I feel that. Like, I wanted, like, something that I could, like, understand, like, what was going on. Well, I watched Moonrise Kingdom for the first time. Super cute. Good movie. So good. There's, like, one really good song off of there that I, like, forgot to, like, look up, but I want it on my playlist. And then, dude, it feels so good outside right now. And then I watched Jackass 3 with my family, and

And it was really funny because like Natalie is around the age where like I was when I was really obsessed with jackass. And I wanted to see if she was like into any of the guys on it. Like if she had a crush on Johnny in Oxville, who was on my fight. And I literally was beliterally horny. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, I, oh, I did. Sorry. Sorry. I just had to bring it up again. But you know, I'm always like, oh, cause I don't find like random men attractive. But for the first time in my life, I was next to a man where I was like, I will literally like gobble your balls. I will somersault onto your balls right now.

And do a backflip on your balls. And if you see this, Donnie Knoxville, I will literally gobble your cock. Like, hit me up. Hit my line. But...

Yeah, I made them watch it. My mom agreed that Johnny Knoxville was sexy. And then I told my dad that I found Johnny Knoxville sexy. And he goes, he's an old man now. And I was like, he's a sexy old man now. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Period. But, yeah, so my parents would approve of our relationship. Like, it would be chill. Let me know. Yeah. I think that's this episode.

Thank you guys for tuning in. Y'all are my heroes. You're constantly slaying my day away and it's just like very curious how powerful all of you are. Honestly, the theme song for Emergency Intercom, I'll just riff it real quick. No, no, no.

I'm making up a theme song. Oh, my God. Get Dom over here. Get Dom over here to finish it. I love emergency intercom viewers. And you're really beautiful. And there's like a vibe to you guys that I want to know better. And Inya and Kai are ignoring everything I'm saying because it's the Inya and Kai podcast. But at the end of the day, it's emergency intercom. And there's hella beautiful viewers.

Alright guys, my media of the week is the video I took of Drew while he was sleeping last night. I pulled his pants down. No, you're not. He did send it to me. It was a good video. Did I look girthy and hung? You were fucking hung like a horse. Big fuck. Big shit.

Big cock, double D balls. We should start sizing balls like boobs. Honestly, I wish my balls were a little bigger. I'll say that. I'll admit that. Your body is rocking. Have you seen my penis before, Kai? Yeah, I mean in the video last night. And then I played with it too. Okay, okay. That's it. Bye, guys. I feel like my butt is sweaty. Is my butt sweaty? Oh, don't look at my ass, Kai. Kai's looking at it way too long. He looked at it way too long. Oh my god. Bye. Bye.