Enya Got Catfished 01:18:05

Welcome back! Welcome to this episode of Mercy Intercom. I've been seeing a bunch of comments recently saying like, it's fitting that they say welcome back to this episode because I watch every episode ten times. So... You're trying to ostracize them. No, I'm trying to fix it. Okay.

Because we do say it wrong every time. It is welcome to the system. No, but I mean... But if people are like... It's okay that they say that because I'm going to come back anyways. Now you're trying to isolate them and make them feel like fucking freaks. So every time they listen to it, they're going to be like...

Have I been here before? I think I'm hallucinating. Like, I'm getting deja vu. Y'all, literally everyone who is watching this is like, we're experiencing a mass delusion together. Like, we're infecting them with our mental illness and they're being delusional with us. I saw something recently that someone was like, I'm such a bitter, like, bitch. And it's honestly because of Drew and Enya and I would never take it back. And I was like...

Charlie D'Amelio fans are like, I'm so kind and sweet. And it's because Charlie's guided me. And people are like, I fucking hate everyone. I'm like consumed with bitterness and anger. And it's because of these two. I'm such a hypocrite. Because like when I hear shit like that, I'm like, there's no way people think I'm a bitter hater. And then someone's going to post a super cut of me saying like the most evil, hateful shit ever. And like, I really am trying not to be mean. It just is in me. It's in me. And I don't think it's cool. Trust me.

but it's just in me it's a part of me i just i think you'll never know someone nice unless you know someone who's a bitch and i'll be the bitch in your life like so then everyone else who you meet you're like you're like i'm setting your standards for human interactions really low so that when you have interactions with people in real life you're like damn they're being really nice and

It can only be up from here. Yeah, I'm only sending you guys up. So honestly, I'm taking the L for y'all. So you guys should be happy and stop being a fucking bitch to me. I saw another comment that was like, I don't think I've heard these two actually have a genuine conversation in the last 27 episodes. Every single thing they say starts with I.

And it's just like, it's like us responding to each other with our own. It's like not a conversation. No, it's literally like the infamous John Mulaney, like quote from one of his standups where he's like, when I, I, I just wait for people to finish talking so I can talk. Exactly. That's exactly how we function as people. Um,

And then it made me freak out for a little bit. I spotted for a little bit and I was like, am I like a conversational narcissist? Like do I make the conversation about me every single time? And I was like, is that how my friends perceive me? And like the people in my life perceive me? Like, am I a conversation narcissist? And I was like, I don't think so. Like, I don't think I make every single conversation I've ever had about me, but like,

It's very easy, like, for me to do that. So... And I've done it a million times on here. So I'm like, does that seep into reality? But I think I've been good recently about, like, asking questions and, like, actually being interested in what people have to say. I don't know if I ever have perceived you that way, but maybe it's because I fucking do the same shit. Because right when you were finishing that, I was going to be like, I... And then I was like, wait, no, that's not... I'm doing the thing. You got it in my head, too. But...

don't know in my head I'd like to think that most conversations are the person talking about themselves because that's what you have to cater to your interactions with other people is yourself but I understand what you're saying because I fully fucking do that with so many people I can name people that I always feel like I do that with one of them is Sabrina who I don't know if she's gonna be listening to this episode but every time we're together especially because our friendship is like newer and

I just go on these, like, intense rants where I'm, like, explaining something about myself or my life or, like, something that's happened to me. But we also just, me and her, have a friendship where, like, we get into really intense conversations, like, about our stuff. Like, our own personal life.

So I'm like, no, this isn't a weird thing. We're just sharing. Yeah. I don't know. I'm trying to think if there's anybody that I like, see, like I hijacked the conversation and made it about me. But again, I don't. Is that like how a conversation goes though? Like, I don't know how a normal conversation. How do you talk to other people? But I'm like, also like a majority of the time, the person that I'm interacting with, like I have zero things in common with and I'm like, okay, like, like I'm

I feel like this unneeded pressure to carry the conversation. And I have to be the one to carry the conversation because the person I'm talking to literally doesn't know how to speak. That's what I was thinking. Most times in moments where I feel like I'm being the fucking hijacker or terrorist of a conversation, it's because I'm talking to someone who's maybe naturally a little more quiet than me. Because then I think about my conversations with Nat.

me and nat can just like talk for fucking ever and it's like i don't feel like either of us are like saying too much because nat can she's a good talker yeah so like when we talk it's literally just both of us talking like almost i would maybe say an insufferable amount to each other but because we're both like pretty like yappy we could just like go on forever with each other yeah um

And with Orion, too. Like, actually, with Orion, I don't even know what the fuck I talk about. Like, we literally... We speak, like, a different language when we get into a room. And sometimes when we're talking, I'm like... I'll hear us and I'm like, Orion, we sound...

So crazy. Like, we don't sound normal. Yeah. I feel that. That's, like, how I feel, like, talking to anybody in the friend group. I'm like, if anybody actually heard these conversations outside these walls, like, if these walls could speak. No, if anybody heard these fucking conversations, it would be, like...

we would be locked away. Like, we would be 5150. Walls can't speak, though, so why even think of that hypothetical? Like, what are they gonna do, call the police on us? Well, I mean, like, it's just a saying. Like, that's just, like... Who would say that? Because walls have never spoken. Well, no, like, it's, like, if they could speak, it's, like, it's a saying. If they could, I don't... I don't... Wouldn't they have, like, first words? They wouldn't call the police. Oh, my God, you're, like, actually so fucking stupid. Ha ha ha!

You're actually freaking me out right now. Yeah, conversation narcissist. I feel like that's, you know, I'm going to own that. I'm going to own that and be like, yeah, I do hijack every conversation. And also, I'm going to become a vibe terrorist this year. I'm going to ruin, like, I've dabbled previously. I've dabbled. I can ruin the mood for everybody. And I can just like. I don't know if that.

I don't know if that was dabbling. You were like, you were wearing it on. No, you, you know what it was? Now you can dabble because when you were at first a vibe terrorist, you weren't like really aware, like you were aware of it.

But I couldn't control it. Yeah. And it wasn't like you were doing it on purpose. Now you can dabble for fun. Yeah. Now I can walk into a room and just give off the worst fucking energy ever. And just like, like there's those people that walk into a room and like you immediately, like you can feel their presence and it's like, it's like a great feeling that you're like almost comforted. And you're like, you, you like look up at them and you're like, wow, like that's like a, like that person knows some shit has been through some shit. Like I'm the opposite of that. I'm like,

That person is a dark entity and like they're gonna come like ruin the vibe and that's like what I plan on being Instead of lining up the room. You literally want to turn off the lights and like flashbang exactly throw fucking flashbangs and like Ringing sound and like Call of Duty. No someone who? Honestly, I'm like almost embarrassed to admit this but someone who has that like aura for me is

With someone we experienced yesterday in the grocery store. And like when I saw Shawn Mendes in person, I'm not kidding. It felt like, like there was like this aura, like there, do you know what I'm saying? Like there was a presence in the room and it wasn't because he was Shawn Mendes or

Maybe it was a little bit. But also, like, he had an energy. Yeah, and he was wearing a cream sweater, which was reflecting a lot of light and making it hard for me to walk around. And I'm delusional. And he was following us around. He followed us everywhere in that fucking store. He, like, was obsessed with us. It was weird. He was, like, kind of, like, at one point, I heard, like, a...

And then I was like, oh my God, is Shawn Mendes in here with COVID? Why is he sniffing like that? And then he was really close to us. And I was like, oh my God, is Shawn Mendes sniffing? Yeah, it was like fucking diabolical. And also he made eye contact with Kai and they had such intense eye contact that he crashed the cart into his homies.

And I just had to say that for Kai. Or it was literally he saw us and like maybe by some chance he knows that we're like some of the most evil people on the internet. And he literally got like scared to the bone because he knew we're the kind of motherfuckers to sit on mics the next day and make up a story. And lie about the interaction. He literally was like fumbling for his phone and like texting his publicist like...

Like, no, he, like, pulled out a fucking, like, razor and held it to my neck. I don't even want to get into that. No, no, he literally... Okay, like, Shawn Mendes seems like a sweet person, but he literally carries a shank around. And I'm like, we're in Erewhon. Like, you're good. You're good, bro. But no, he did... Like, we were looking at the vitamins. Okay, he followed us around the store. Like, we're not joking about that. Like, everything else is a joke. We all just...

just so happened to be going into the same exact fucking aisles. And we beat him to it every time. And I know he was insecure. So we would get to an aisle and he'd be right behind us. And like, I...

Kind of my instinct was to like leave immediately, but I was like, I was here first. No, I was here first and I'm gonna be loud and obnoxious and I'm going to say the most absurd shit possible. The thing is, what also doesn't help is in Erwin, that's one of my favorite places to be loud and obnoxious because I feel like the people in there feel like they're safe from freaks in there.

But I'm like, you're the fucking freak and I'm going to make you uncomfortable. Fuck you. But yeah, we were in the vitamin aisles and we were looking at just like weird holistic bullshit like per usual that I do because I believe in it. And we were looking at these boxes and we were standing in front of this row and

And he reaches over my shoulder and completely invades my personal space. I know. That was kind of interesting. It was weird, right? And I felt, you know what it felt like? It felt like that one interviewer where he was like, can I smell your armpit? Because like his armpit was in my face and I like smelled his deodorant. And I'm not joking. I'm literally not lying. Do you know what clip I'm referencing?

There's a Shawn Mendes clip where the interviewer is like, let me smell your armpit. And Shawn Mendes is like, oh, okay. And he lifts up his arm and he smells it. And he's like, that's nice. And it's like the most uncomfortable clip ever. And I probably shouldn't be bringing it up because Shawn Mendes is actively trying to get it eradicated from the internet. And I just keep adding fire to the flame or oxygen to the flame. Yeah, he did do that. And

He seemed like a sweet man, but he didn't say excuse me, which I was like... Yeah. Which I give him a pass because he is...

Sheen Mendeley. Like he is like that bitch, but like. He is Sean Witherspoon. Yeah. He is Sean Witherspoon. But no, he, um, he also interacted with this baby in a very sweet way and this baby and her, and her mother. And I was like, oh, like he is just a guy. But then I was like, I can see right through your publicity stunts. Like I can see that you want people to see you being nice to this baby. But I just like, I just don't trust anybody anymore. Like I don't, I literally like can't.

Everything's a publicity stunt now to me. But how did we even fucking get there? Oh, you were talking about... He had an aura. He literally did. You were talking about a light when you enter the room. You said Shawn Mendes was your light. Yeah. I'm so annoying. I saw him in an aisle and I literally turned and walked kind of goes... And I go, that's Shawn Mendes. And then we turned and we walked back and I looked at him and I was like...

I have such a knack for immediately seeing people. You can have your mask on. You can have your fucking sunglasses on. You can have your hat on. Bitch, I see right through all of that. Like, I am so, I don't know why. Like, because I don't claim to be someone who, like, necessarily cares for celebrities by any means. But I can point them out really easily. And I'll be like, I don't know their name, but that's someone from that. And then the person with me will be like, oh my god, that's literally blah, blah, blah.

And yeah, that's my story and fuck you. Cool, bro. Like you're good at recognizing people. Like you have a pattern seeking brain. Like, okay.

I was going to say that I was also in the room, so maybe the energy that you were feeling was coming from you. Yes, actually, it could be, Kai. It could be your energy. I was going to say, no, actually, all day yesterday, not only was it raining and scary outside, but you were with us, which definitely added to dulling my senses. But then when we got in the aisle with him... I will say, Kai, you do have a comforting aura. Genuinely. I genuinely mean that.

But, like, not in that scenario. That was definitely Sean. Sean Mendes is definitely outshining you. Maybe it wasn't. You see, you can't even take, like, a little compliment and go with it. You have to, like, why are you trying to beat Sean Mendes right now? Like, you know Sean Mendes has a better aura than you. He has beautiful hair.

He had a beanie on, I thought. Yeah, but he had his hair fluffing out, and I was like, you've got beautiful hair. He's also the richest man in the world. You better have good hair. You better. No, but Kyle, we love being around you. Aw.

What? I had to bring it back. Because we are so mean to Kai on here. People either think we hate Kai or we want to have sex with him. And that's true. It's known between you decide. We do hate him. You can decide if the other one is true, though. I do not hate Kai. No, I don't hate him at all. Do not bring me in that. Do not bring me in that. I never said I hated Kai. I literally never said that. You just did, you psychopath.

You scary. Y'all are trying to fucking gaslight me. I've literally, I never said that. I said I love Kai and I love being around him. Tweaker. Okay. And watch, I bet Kai's going to edit this all funny so it looks like I said it. Oh my God. Oh my God. Now you're gaslighting us. You're a master class. You're a master debater. You're a master class. I do masturbate. Gaslighter.

We have nothing else to talk about. That was the episode of the day. Thank you guys for watching. It got really fucking awkward just right there. It was so fucking awkward inside. It got awkward because y'all were pitting, two men pitting against a woman when all she needs is help. As it should be. As it should be. My hate for men is seeping into all my other companies. Oh my God, here we fucking go. No, I'm not gonna go on the ramp, but I'm saying like, I think I need to like go to like a workshop to learn to like love women.

Because it's like seeping into my other conversations. Like when we were at dinner and we were talking to our friends and I was like, I literally showed up was like, I think men should be put in cages. But she agreed though. I know. Which is awesome. But I need to be careful because sometimes I say those things around like random men who I don't know that well and it looks like they're going to punch me in the fucking face. Which like adds to like my fuel for hatred, but like also my fear. Yep.

Sorry, I'm like literally trying so hard to think about what to talk about. You shouldn't think you should just talk. That's the fun. That's the best part about being us is that we don't think we just talk and we fill the world with things that it doesn't need. We're not giving anything we're taking. I actually have never like really like thought about this, but Kai constantly does have this like radiating like black cloud around him. Do you see it? I can see it. What? I don't see it. Oh, that's weird that you don't see it.

everyone else sees it you're used to it you were born with it so you like you don't you don't realize it we all talk about it all the time i'm gonna say he always has something next to him and there's like a little wet paper towel next to him i thought you were gonna say he always has a little wet paper towel next to him but he doesn't that's literally my that's actually one of my worst like things i do in the house is one i use so many paper towels oh sue me sue me um

I use so many paper towels and I just wet them and like carry them around the house. Like I'll hold on to it because I'm like, oh, I don't want to waste this. I'll wipe something down with it or whatever. But then I just leave little damp. You know what I do that's so fucking annoying is I'll be washing the dishes and I'll get halfway through the dishes and I'm like,

Oh, like I want to see what's happening on the TV or like something. So I like dry off my hands with a paper towel and I throw it in the garbage and then I get right back to it. And I do that like three or four times. So by the end of the fucking dishwashing session, session, session, session, session, session, session, session, session, session. Are you rebooting? Holy shit. What was that? Do you know where you are right now?

What was that? You, I think you were just like, you stuttered and then you like rebooted. No, that like literally I saw like matrix code in my eyes. I was like so fucked up. Did y'all put a screen in front of my face? No, I don't even have like a screen. Oh my God. It was like the matrix rain, but rainbow. Rainbow code. Wait, were you having an LGBT reboot?

No, what the fuck was I saying? Session. By the end of the dishwashing session, I like the gish basher session, the badger session. I like dry my hands off and wash my hands like 36,000 times.

Also, it just doesn't help that one time we told Josh to get paper towels for the house and he accidentally ordered a 36 pack jumbo roll. Yeah. So we have infinity. No, but it's dwindling down. We only have like four more left, which is actually really disgusting that we were able to go through that many so fast. I was like, damn, this is going to last for as long as we live here. Yeah. But I use them like I use them to like honestly wipe my ass sometimes.

No, but that's not a joke. Because toilet paper is too soft. No, but I know. When we run out of toilet paper, we wipe our ass with fucking paper towels because we're so lazy and disgusting. No, I'm saying when we have toilet paper, I'll use paper towel because it's a little more gritty and it exfoliates my holes. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I do like the blood. I do like when it etches it. Knowing people who have had hemorrhoids literally has sent a new shockwave of fear into my body that I'm always convinced I'm going to get a hemorrhoid or have a hemorrhoid. Yeah. I'm convinced I'll get one too, but I don't think I will. I feel like I already would have if I was going to. Yeah, I've never had one before, but it's literally a fear of life. What the fuck is a hemorrhoid even? I'm pretty sure it's when you strain your butthole and then there's a little...

A fissure. And then. Yeah. I know what it is. Like, I know it's like a little skin tag. And then it boils over. It's like a skin tag that like bubbles out. Stop. A fissure. A fissure is like a cut. It's like a cut. Yeah. But I don't think it comes out of the cut. I think it's literally like a whole different thing. Oh, I thought. Look it up though. Because I thought a hemorrhoid was literally from getting a cut. What is a hemorrhoid? And then it gets infected from poopy butt. But.

Kai's saying yes to me and he's seen a lot of things in his life. It's swollen and inflamed veins in the rectum and anus that cause discomfort. Oh, then what am I thinking of? That's just like from shitting too hard, huh? Yeah. See, I thought it was like a prolapse, like pink sock situation. You like prolapse your butt, but just a little bit. Yeah.

Like saying that so casually in conversation is fucking disgusting. Goatsy. Do you know what goatsy is? No. Look it up on your phone right now. Everybody listening, don't look it up. Like goat? Like a goat? Yeah, goatsy. And go to images. Did you find it, Kai? Oh, did you look up goatsy? It's like hiding it. Oh, this isn't like as bad as like a pink soft do. Why is this considered a goatsy?

Okay, never mind. I just saw like a really crazy one and like I don't like that. Yeah, don't look that up. That's so scary. That's the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. Did you ever eat a blue waffle out? Have you ever had a blue waffle before?

haven't seen blue waffle in so long i think i think google scrubbed it though you can't look it up anymore being told to look that up and looking it up in front of your friends in school was so fucking embarrassing literally i loved it personally i thought it was hot like i thought blue waffle was like a real thing and it scared the fuck out of me it is or is that edited no it was real to me it was real to me nyquil coochie nyquil chicken um no that's not real but i i know it has to be

You think that there is something that's going to make a vagina blue? Like turquoise blue? Yes, like colloidal silver can literally turn your skin blue. So like I bet there is a disease that will make your skin blue, your vagina blue. I have, and yet like I don't want to argue with you on this because I literally have to believe that it's real. Like I have to for my own sanity. Like if it's not real, I'll freak the fuck out. Why would you want that to be real? Because it was just like such a...

Part of my life as a child. That's like if I just started talking to you about how Sansa isn't real and you're like, no, no, no. Wait, what? Wait, is this real?

It is? Is it really? No, that's real. Like, she's saying blue waffle isn't real. But I know there's diseases that literally, like, literally cyanobacteria can get into your fucking blood or, like, cyanosis. Yeah, maybe hypothermia can make your fucking coochie blue. I gotta look this up. Is blue waffle real? I just looked it up and it said no.

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, "Wow, oh my god, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads." But we're doing our job, you're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste. Here's why your vagina is blue during pregnancy.

No, it literally is fake. I swear to God, I thought it was real with my whole life. Is that why you actually asked me if I had blue waffle before? No, I knew you didn't have blue waffle before. I would have known you had blue waffle. That's not a secret you would have kept. You're scoffing at me like, no, you're dumb for thinking that one was real. When you fully believed it. No, you're lying. Dude, I swear to God, I thought it was real.

On everything. Like on literally everything I thought it was real. I'm smoking blue waffle pack though. I need to get in there and shave some of that off like truffle onto my pasta and eat the blue waffle balls. Yeah. The cream cheese? Blue waffle cream cheese? Blue waffle truffle. Ooh. Wait, I have to see what it looks like. Oh my God. Blue waffle truffle butter. I have to see a photo of the blue waffle.

No, Google scrubbed it. It's like hard to look up. I wonder what the new version of like telling someone to look up blue waffle is. Dude, I still feel like it's like kind of the same shit. Like, cause I've been seeing a bunch of viral videos go viral recently of like the jar man or whatever, the jar video. The guy putting a jar in his ass. Yeah. So I've been seeing like a bunch of remakes of that. And then like also those like ones. Wait, wait, wait.

You've been seeing remakes of people putting jars in their ass. Yeah. Cause like who doesn't like that's hot. Like people like that. Okay. It's not that weird. Are kids still like talking about two girls, one cup?

I don't think so. Damn. Blue Waffle and Two Girls, One Cup are extinct. Those are classics. We need the retro, though. We should remake them. Ash Jar is... They're still coming out. Yeah, Ash Jar is still around. There's also the Scary Maze game is still... Dude, I saw... That's like a rite of passage. I know. Like, you have to do that. But I saw one. I was like, that's not fair because they weren't having the girl play it, but they just had her following it on the TV. Yeah.

Which is even more mean. Like, literally, you're close up to it. But yeah, Scary May's game is so good. My siblings were just scared of literally everything and anything. Like, my little brother was scared of horses and monkeys. Aw. So we would show him pictures of monkeys on his iPad and run after him with them.

Have I talked about when we used to call Madeline? Yeah. There's that one fucking picture. If you look up, like, ugliest girl ever. Dude, that's so mean. If you look up ugliest girl ever, that's, like, so mean. If you look up ugliest girl ever, did you know that a picture of Drew comes up? But...

We used to look this up and, like, literally put it as, like, the background to all of our, like, computers in the house. And, like, we used to tell Madeline, like, this was her. Like, this picture was Madeline. And she, like, used to cry her eyes out. Like, it was so fucking mean. And she never lived it down. And to this day, she's still a creepy, ugly guy. And I'm going to send it to her right now to traumatize her. I'm trying to think of...

what else you were oh i remember as a kid we would make so many email addresses because we were so bored like that there wasn't really anything much to do on the on the computer and like on the internet like other than playing cool math games and we would make email addresses like i really yeah we would just make them for fun so that we could like our generation is like yeah dude we used to just do the most boring shit ever oh my

god i don't know if i've ever talked about this but i remember in fourth grade this girl who i really didn't fuck with and i fucking hated um came to school this maybe it was no this was middle school this was like sixth or seventh grade because okay whatever maybe it was fourth grade oh it was it was so in fourth grade this girl comes to school and she's like showing pictures of her boyfriend like she's showing everyone pictures of her boyfriend on her phone and like

To clarify, I did not go to school or live in an area where white people really existed. Like, I literally, like, we didn't know any, like, just, like, straight, like, obviously, like, there was, like, kids who were white but Latin, but, like, even that was a short amount. Like, I was, like, one of, like, maybe 10 kids in my whole, like, grade who were, like, Latin. But, like...

No, just straight up like buckwheat off the farm motherfuckers. Like that was not a thing. So she's going around showing this picture of this boy and she turned it to me because I was like, we already had beef and everyone knew we had beef. I was like, no, let me see. Like, let me see the picture of your boyfriend. Because she's like, oh yeah, he's 16. Mind you, we're like nine. So I'm like, or like 10. So I'm like.

you're dating a 16 year old. You're dating. Yeah. You're dating a fucking 16 year old. So I was like, let me see. And she shows it to me. And it's literally one of the most popular like scene boys on my space ever. Like if you look up white emo boy with blue eyes, wait, I want to see. Yeah. I want to see if I can find the photo, but yeah,

I saw it and I didn't say anything. Like, I just go... Dude, I was such a conniving fucking cunt even at the ripe age of 10. I go, oh, that... It's literally that picture. I go, oh, that's so sweet. That's cute. Like, how'd you meet him? And she's like, oh...

like your family friends. And I was like, oh, wow. What school does he go to? And she just like starts like pulling shit out of her ass and talking. And I was like, and he's 16. And she's like, yeah. And everyone's like, oh my God, you're so fucking lucky. Like what the fuck? Also, mind you, this was like during Justin Bieber time. So all of us couldn't believe that our girl just bagged a white boy with blue eyes. We were like, girl, you're so long hair and long hair.

were like, you're the luckiest girl on planet Earth. Except me, because I was like, bitch, we got to this fucking class and it was computer class time. Computer day. Yeah, it was like computer day and I go up to the computer and I pull over one of my friends and I was like, you want to see something? And they were like,

yeah and i look up white boy white emo boy with blue eyes and her boyfriend comes up and i click on it and it's just like a myspace link but because the school has a firewall you can't even get to it but you could see that it said myspace on it and i was like wait what is this not cindy's boyfriend like you're so mean me just airing her name out of it like i don't even know her fucking last name i don't know where she is um

But yeah, and then I told everyone and it was really embarrassing. And I called everyone over. I was like, guys, guys, what the fuck? He doesn't go here. My boyfriend doesn't go here. He's from a different school. She was like, yeah, he's from a different school. And I was like...

why is he like famous like i was such a bitch i was like wait he's all over google guys we should look up our names and see if we come up and like obviously we were not coming out so mean and really tormenting this girl oh hell no yeah and that's what you get for being a fucking liar like why are you lying i mean literally we lie all the time no we lie because it's fun and it's loving and it's a game

She was lying for attention. Yeah. Which I also do. Yeah, I was going to say, like, there's not much of a difference. There's not really much of an argument. I just... I was just thinking, like, back to stupid shit I used to do when I was a kid. And, like, I never really had any, like, moments like that. I mean, there was one moment, like, that, like, I don't even know if, like, I can really say what went down. But if you...

Are a boy, I mean also girl, like girls play video games too, right? Like girls play video games. What's that? You don't know what a video game is? No. Oh, it's like this thing, like, do you know what an Xbox 360 is? No. Oh, so girls really don't play video games. I don't know if you keep saying it. Wait, okay, do girls poop? What? Do you know what poop is? No, like, no, you're making things up right now. You're just saying words to me. You're like trying to make me look stupid.

What? Girls don't play video games or poop. I knew that they didn't poop, but I thought that they maybe played video games. Okay, I know what a video is, but what is a game? What is a video game? It's like something you play on the TV. But anyways, one of the most evil things... Maybe you'll learn from this story. It's like, how do I kill this? How do I burn this to the ground? There was...

We were playing Halo 3 Forge or whatever. We were playing Halo and it was custom matches. And me and my friends took it very seriously and we had this one kid join. And we literally spawn killed him. No, I can't even tell this story. It's so bad. It's so bad. We spawn killed him over and over and over again until he like got off Xbox and

And like I could tell something was up. So I like ran to his house up the street. And let me just tell you something was up. That's all I'll say. Something was up. He was very mad. Yeah. Something was going on. But yeah. So girls really don't play video games, do they? I just like... Yeah. Yeah.

That was like one of the things I did similar to that where I was like. Just being evil for no fucking reason. Yeah, evil for no reason. Just bullying. Like literally I was the first cyber bully, I think. Like low key I was the first cyber bully. I was definitely a bit of a cyber bully, but I was just a bully in real life, which we've talked about like forever ago. But like I was just, I was mean and I was definitely projecting my anger onto other people.

people girl this is a crazy fucking story so like webkins was like all the rage like it was like webkins was like the it game like you would beg your parents so badly for webkins like me and madeline like that's all we asked for ever were webkins um and we got like a pretty decent collection going and like we had a really fucking cool house and we had like

the really rare items that you got with like the new Webkinz and shit and like we would trade our items and yeah, whatever. And we met this girl at a hair salon because our moms were getting haircuts and she was like, oh, do you play Webkinz? And we're like, yeah, we play Webkinz. And she was like, we should play sometime. And like,

I forgot how she knew about our house, but basically, oh, because we showed her a picture of all of our webkins and she knew the rare items that came along with them. And she could just only imagine what our house looked like. And she was like, oh my gosh, what's your password? We should play together sometime. And you should let me play on your account. And Madeline was like, yeah, give me your password. So we traded passwords with her and we went to log into each other's accounts and

this fucking bitch logged into our account and stole our most rare item. I don't remember what it was and sent it to herself, but her dumb ass gave her her real password. And so we logged into her account, sent our item back, sent everything in her house to us and changed their password and never saw her again. And like, we completely ruined that game for her forever. But like she deserved it because she-

naive, like, sweet kids. Yeah. And she decided to take advantage of that. Yeah. Literally, just, like, don't fucking come for me because I will destroy you. Yeah, and kill your fucking family along the way. I will burn your house down and plant C4 in it and watch your family perish. Okay. That's my favorite fucking thing in the world is to say I'm going to blow something up with an RPG. Like, I fucking love that. I've never said this publicly, but I just thought about it.

I've been catfished once in my life and it literally... Oh my god. I don't even know if I know what you're talking about. No, you don't because this is so embarrassing. Holy shit. So this is like... This was literally back. This is so funny. No. This is in sixth grade. So mind you, I'm like literally 12 or like 11 or 12. And I was a big fan of Shake It Up. And I was...

I was on Twitter and like I had like this like Twitter or I don't even know how I met this person. I don't even know if it was on Twitter. I don't know what I think I met them on fucking Omegle. Oh my God. And I was on Omegle and this person straight up was like, I'm Bella Thorne. And I was like. Okay, you told me about this. I was like, God, are you fucking serious? I had a phone at the time. So we talked on kick or I did have a phone.

But we spoke on kick because I was embarrassed because I had an Android and I was like, Bella Thorne definitely has an iPhone. Like, she's going to see my messages are green. I'm scared. So, or subject. Anyway, we spoke on kick and she would straight up like we, me and this person, whoever the fuck it was, like, I don't think it was like an older person. It definitely was someone around my age who was just lying because they were too nervous to like say their real information because we would have real conversations. But every now and then.

Everyone's talking about being Bella. They're so fucked up. They would turn up and go like, yeah, everyone likes Zendaya better because she's a better dancer. Did she ever talk about her dyslexia? She'd be like, it always bullies me because I'm dyslexic. Like, it's so hard. That's the most iconic. And she would just like randomly bring that up. And like me being like, oh my God, Bella, you're just a person. How long did this go on for? Probably.

Three months. Like, it went on for, like, quite some time. Oh, my God. And I don't know why we stopped talking, but I think I just, like, came to the realization. I was like, this is not Bella Thorne. Dude, that's fucking hilarious. That's, like, one of my most, like, Pen15-ass, like, moments where I'm like, oh, my God, no way. Are you serious? That's who you are right now. Holy shit. Well, that's fucking hilarious. I, like, I remembered that story halfway through, but I, like, forgot how fucking funny it was. Dude.

Like, yeah, people make fun of me because I can't dance and I have dyslexia. Like, which is so funny for this random person to be like, that bitch can't fucking dance. And like adding that to her character arc of being like, Bellathor is insecure because she can't dance as good as Zendaya. Dude, that's so fucking funny. I'm trying, there's like in a, in like, in like seventh grade when Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 was like crazy. Yeah.

I was obsessed with JTAG Xboxes, which is hot swapping the discs so you could play hacked CDs on it. And I wanted a JTAG Xbox so fucking bad, but I just didn't want to get in trouble with the law or some shit. I don't know why I never got it. But...

I like had to resort to other methods to getting my modern warfare to count hack because all of my friends got infected with like the hacks and like, I wanted 10th prestige cause that fucking emblem was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. And every one of my friends had it. So like I had to resort to other methods. So I went to fucking eBay and got on eBay and like,

bought a listing for $25 for like a hacked lobby that I could get 10th prestige and unlock all the guns in Call of Duty. And I was like, Oh, this is like fucking huge. Like I'm going to have better hacks. I'm going to have hacks that last the entire time I play and like all this crazy shit. Um, they, they messaged or they emailed me and they were like, what's your password and account or email and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like my naive six grade ass gave it to them and

And they hacked my account and sent me like the most conniving like they called me like a squeaker which was a fucking derogatory term that you fucking squeaker like your account just got hacked bitch and like I was so embarrassed and humiliated because like when I got hacked into like.

Yeah, it's just... My dad's credit card is on the account. And I was like, oh my fucking God, they're going to steal all of my dad's money. So I had to go and tell my dad. And my mom literally called...

like found this kid's mom's phone number somehow. I think she probably emailed him and was like, this is Drew's mom. Like what's your mom's number? And bitched her, not bitched his mom out, but like just yelled at this kid's mom for an hour. And like they like beast mom together. Like they like fucking Power Ranger and just yelled at this kid together for an hour. And I got my account back.

And then two weeks later, I did the same thing and just never told anybody. And my dad's identity could still be stolen to this day. So I just never learned my lesson. You're running the family. Your identity's stolen. I know. I just never learned my fucking lesson, and I give my password out to everybody. Like, I literally just sent a fucking photo of my card over text. Like, I literally don't learn my lesson. I do that shit all the time. And then, like, when certain things, like...

When you're like ordering like from a dispensary and it literally asks for front and back photos of your fucking license, your license. I was going to say your license card, just your license. And I send it and I'm thinking like, this is so dangerous. I really just don't care about my identity anymore. But in my head, I'm like, I'm such a public figure, like which doesn't correlate at all. Like you could be a public figure and have privacy, but I'm just like.

Like y'all can have it. Like I don't give a shit. If they want it that bad, maybe they deserve it more than I do. Maybe they deserve my identity more than I do. That's literally what I'm saying is like my identity is already stolen and in like the dark webs and it's just being flipped around and cycled and I probably have 36 cards opened under my name and don't even fucking realize it yet. And my credit score is zero. Negative 5,000. So at this point I'm like literally I don't give a shit. Like I don't care. I don't care anymore.

Sorry, I just remembered because you're talking about being on eBay. I remember during the like One Direction like fucking hype and my face when I was a huge fan. The letter jacket. The letter jacket that was so expensive. It was $100.

Which like now for like a nice. You've talked about this twice. Nice made one. I'm like, okay. But I remember I felt like I was, I knew my dad was paying way too much money for it. And we didn't have the money to be spending that much money on anything. But I think he felt bad because I wanted to go to One Direction concert so bad. And Dante got to go to Ultra like every year. And just like One Direction tickets were crazy.

so expensive compared to that. So he like saved up and got me this jacket. But I remember when we were buying it, I was like, this is a scam and I'm scamming my dad right now. And then the other thing that I haven't mentioned, but during that same time, I remember when I like bought my tickets to go. My dad bought my tickets, obviously. I did not have money when I was like 14, 15.

Oh my god, or was I 13 when I went to that fucking concert? No, I was like 14. Um, but I remember- Dang, how old are you now? Oh, I'm 38. Oh, cause I'm just turning 16. You're literally older than me. You're aging rapidly. I thought you just turned 15. No, I turned 16 in March. Sorry, I should have just said that. So I just turned 15. Oh, okay, yeah. But like, it's really weird for you to be like, whatever, be having a podcast with me. No, it's not. We can be friends. I'm like a mother figure.

Yeah. Anyways, I remember when I bought the tickets, I was so scared that I was being scammed by like a scalper or whatever the fuck they're called. And I remember up until like I went to also Dante went with me to that concert. I remember up until we were getting our ticket scan. I was like, I bought fake tickets. Like, I know I bought fake tickets. And I remember that anxiety was like so deep. It's so funny how like now it's. Would you have lied?

If you like, would you just, I would have been like, I loved it so much. Like I loved it. It was like, to this day, um, because my dad would have been so upset and then also felt like so bad for me. So I would have been like, I loved it. Like it was awesome. Um, but,

it's so interesting to think how like buying anything on the internet used to be like there's a so 99 chance you're getting scared like it used to be like anything you're buying on the internet is probably 100 likely that they're just stealing your information bones like like literally like you're getting shipped bones in the mail like that's what i was always scared of was like bones and rocks and

Now it's like there's, of course, you could still get scammed. But, like, it's so easy to tell. And most people on the internet are, like, real people who are, like, trying to sell something. Dude, my dad gets scammed all the fucking time by Instagram ads. All the time. Like, there was the most absurd fucking thing I have ever seen in an ad in my entire life. And it was, like, this, like, remote control, like, floating thing.

but like not like the helium one. It was like the, it was the most absurd thing I've ever seen. It was like an RC flying like shark. And he was like, Oh my fucking God, I need that. I need that. And he spent like $25 on it, which red flag number one, like an RC shark is not $25, like a $300 ordeal.

He got it in the mail, and it was literally a plastic toy shark that you get from Dollar Tree this big, and it was just a hunk of plastic painted, and that's what he got. I won't let him live it down, ever. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Wait. He buys so much shit off of the internet. He just discovered Amazon like this last year. Yeah, my parents recently like made this splurge for themselves to be like, fuck it, we're going to get Amazon Prime. And they like buy the most dumb shit ever. Like I walk in the house and I'm like, what is this? And my mom's like, I got it off Amazon. And that's like her only explanation. I wonder what the percentage of the population is that has Prime. Like it's got to be like upwards of like 60% now or is that like too high?

I feel like it's probably a huge number. I feel like it's super common. Like, my parents have it. Can you look that up? Um...

But I just remembered, actually, in 11th grade, I got scammed off Grailed, and I was so fucking mad. I was literally so mad because my friend, like, a close friend at the time, Patrice, I was getting him. We would always joke. And what made me more annoyed is it was kind of a joke purchase. Like, at this time, like, Bape already kind of, like, died down. Like, because we all know Bape, like, had its, like, huge thing in, like, the early 2000s. And then, like...

Supreme resurgence. Yeah, like, they all had their, like, ups and downs. And by this time, it was, like, 2016 or, like, 2017. So it wasn't, like, the coolest thing to have, babe. But it's not, like... It was, like, you could kind of laugh at it, even though I owned babe things. Like, whatever. Yeah.

So I bought him this fucking stupid ass of bape jacket, like one of the zip ups. So I spent like kind of a decent amount on it. I got like. It was like 300 bucks at the time. Yeah. But this I should have known because this one was like 150 and I was like, I'm just going to fucking cop this because like I never see this at this price. It's usually like 200 and up. And I bought it. And I remember I was like, Patrice is going to fucking love this. And then I just never came. And I was so sad. I was literally so upset. I was like, God.

That's like before Grail had like authenticity checks and like buyer protection and shit. Yeah, because now it's like if they don't ship that shit out in like 48 hours, like you get your money back. But I remember I was like, can I please get my money back? And he was like, fuck you. And I was like, you're going to die soon. Like, trust me, I know these things and you're actually going to pass away. He's probably dead. Yeah, no, he is. I actually visited his grave and I pissed on it. Good. Like we twerked on his fucking grave. I bought so much fake shit off of Grail and didn't realize it was fake until years later. And

Yeah, that's just like my life. But there was one thing on eBay that I bought that I was like certain I was like, okay, this has to be real. And it was that Supreme face mask. Yeah. And I bought like that Supreme face mask. And it was like the normal price. But then like,

I recently found it and I was like, is this thing real? And I like looked it up because it's still in my like red chest and I looked it up and no, it was fake. Like literally fake as fucking bones. Like the little tag was like so off. But yeah, just...

Just naive buying. Grailed was so scary. Yeah, Grailed was like, because those are like the worst people in the fashion game. Yeah. It's like, like, not everyone on Grailed now, but like, at that time, it was just like pieces of shit kids who were literally scamming kids who lived in the middle of nowhere.

It was like the piece of shit kids who actually lived in like LA who were buying real pieces, taking pictures of that shit and then like selling the fake ones of that piece so that they could keep buying real pieces for themselves. It's honestly genius. Yeah. It's really smart, but they fucking suck. Yeah. And I fucking hate them. We just got swindled and finessed.

But that's okay. Dude, remember our Supreme T-era? Oh, yeah. That was iconic. I so badly want a white box logo t-shirt right now. Like, I think that's... Like, regardless of your opinions on Supreme, like, I think that is just such an iconic piece of clothing. And I love it. I just love the way it looks. And I love, like...

Just yet that piece, but it's still so taxed. And I don't know if it'll ever be untaxed. Like that specific like box logo tee or box logo hoodie, I think will forever be like a grail to someone. Cause like, I mean, if I'm still thinking about it, someone out there is. Also like, I, it's funny to think about how like the, the market of Supreme has changed so much. Like,

When we were buying shirts in 2017, like, those, like, just their, like, random drop tees were going for, like, $150 up. Like, at resale, like, they were, like, $200, like, up. And now I think it's, like, really cheap because they make so many fucking shirts that, like, I don't know if it, like, costs as much. Like, do their drops even sell out anymore? I don't know. Like, who the fuck is buying Supreme, like, on drop day anymore? Like, genuinely, like...

I don't know who the fuck. I feel like there are people who are doing it. I mean, like, I did want that bug sex toy. I wanted a bug sex. Oh, dude. And that, I loved that camo jacket. Was it Junior Watanabe? Yeah. Yeah, I wanted that so bad. The fuck is happening? But, yeah. That was a cool collection. But Supreme, like, literally freaks me the fuck out now. Like, I have it tied to such, like,

dark like ego thoughts there's nothing on the site i don't know what's happening like i can't navigate it and it's freaking one time at fucking um we were at like a high school football game and i was like wearing like a supreme hoodie or something and i it was like the first time i was like ever actually bullied in person and it was by this kid that i grew up with and like

Like, we literally shared the same last name. So, like, we were, like, homies by, like, force in school. And he was like, me and Tag were our supreme fits to the football game. And sure enough, this motherfucker, like... It definitely came from a very jealous place. But he was like, oh, I see, like...

Like I can't say what he said, but he said supreme somethings are out to play or something I was like what the fuck like what do you mean and I was bullied and

Well, didn't he end up also dying? Because we have talked about there's such this weird thing when people bully us and are rude to us, they do pass away soon after. Yeah, it's fucking weird. So if you say anything fucking rude about us ever, you'll die. It's like actually so scary. I mean, it's not something we're like proud of, but like it's definitely like it comes in handy. Yeah, it's a curse. I'm like really trying hard to see like how much like this is fucking insane. Yeah.

What the hell are you looking up? You've been looking up for 15 minutes. I was looking up

the like supreme teas because i was just like i wonder what the market is like like i want to know like how much like they're being resold for like are they still 200 are they still selling am i tripping like there are a lot that are still selling for like 200 but i mean like going into one of those shops like around two like are all the teas still that expensive because i remember even at the end of it some teas were like 85 yeah it wasn't like it wasn't like which is still crazy but

I think retail, they're already, like, $60. So, like, paying $20 on top of it isn't the craziest thing. Yeah. But I saw this, and it's their Mike Kelly shirt. And I'm like... Ooh, that's cute. I was like, oh, damn, $15 for this? Like, and then look at the way they... I don't think it's, like, a real... The real, like, Mike Kelly thing they did. Oh, no, it's not. But, like...

It's- What the fuck is wrong with this person? I'm gonna go up to the camera because it's so funny. Wait, no, you can show it. We can have Kai insert it. No, but it's just so funny. It's not gonna show, but I'll tell Kai to, like, show it.

$15 that's that's a good deal honestly and it's literally cut up like a fucking maniac no more DIY cutting your shirt no more no more little how it's the little hoodie effect like little how do you is doing it so you can stop let little how do you do it once little how do you is doing it it's done yeah but I will say we watched the Hype House show and I'm like

Little Huddy is a sweet kid. No, Little Huddy. Like, all of them are, like, cute except for that freak of zoid, freak of nature, freak bitch, Alex. Alex Warren is a fucking menace to society. I cannot stand that motherfucker, and I hope you hear it. I hope you hear us, like, berating him. Making beef. Okay, let me be clear. Everything that happened to him in his past is really sad and tragic, and I really do feel bad for him for that.

But the way this motherfucker treats the industry and treats himself, takes himself that serious and how everything is shrouded in this illusion of wealth and he has to make as much money as possible now.

Maybe I hate it so much is because that's how I used to think. I don't know. I just legitimately like cannot stand him. Like the way he speaks. Oh my God. Fucking God. No, dude, he's a fucking freak of nature. One, the way he talks to his girlfriend, which I guess like if you watch the show, yeah, sure. Whatever. I guess there's like some like resolution at the end. And I'm not about to tell like that sweet girl to like walk away.

But you know the saying, if you find yourself in your relationship being like, no, it's good sometimes. Babe, walk away. Babes. Babes, that's no bueno. Because that guy is a fucking freak. Dude, the way he talks was driving me crazy. Also, just like, that show was just kind of sad, like more than anything. It was more sad than it was like obnoxious and like laughable. Because...

as someone who's a part of a friend group who we do film together and we do work together a lot, I'm like, holy shit. I wonder if people think or they, people like that definitely think that all the groups in the world function like this. And what's crazy too is they kept considering themselves like this group of friends, friends before anything. And I'm like, if my friends started talking about our relationships like this, I would be very uncomfortable. Yeah, it would be very weird. And like,

I don't know. Also, like it made me really sad because that show like very obviously was supposed to be something completely different from the beginning. But like certain people backed out and like certain people's contracts didn't line up and they couldn't figure out like the payment situation. So that's why it was eight episodes long. And a lot of the people that like you really wanted to see weren't in it. And so they had to force these like fake narratives throughout it.

that were just kind of fucking boring. Dude, it was actually one of the most boring things ever. It felt like you put a camera on random kids. Yes, but it was very entertaining at some points. It picked up this... When they stopped talking about all the sob stories and got into...

What are their names? Like Baron and Jaden or... It's like Baron, Rylan. Yeah, Baron, Rylan, and Little Huddy. And like Chase. Like that trio was... That trio was so... All of their camera time to me was fucking hilarious. And then Mario, Ravon, and Larry. Dude, yeah. They were like hilarious.

They carried the fucking show like for me personally. Like anytime they were on camera, I was rooting for them. And I was like, these kids are so fucking funny. If they like spent more time filming those like crews, it would be way funnier. But literally like not us like confirming what they were saying in the show where they were like, I just feel like it's very split right now. I'm like, yeah, girl, for real.

reason yeah it is like very funny on this ad y'all are boring and they're funny y'all are too existential and like so like i guess i don't know we've been lucky but it's not even luck it's by choice we made it this way we made it this way where we were like normal people sorry yeah we're like normal we're carrying out normal friendships and we just so happen to make content together and like do it naturally and it would be a different story like the way they would be like

When they went on that trip together and they were like, no one's making content. Like, I'm like, I thought like the whole thing was it of this was like y'all are friends and rekindling like friendships. Yeah. And they just kept like the way they talked about making content and like,

Just really weird. But I guess that is just like a side of the internet that we don't really understand because we don't make content one nearly as much. And two, with that kind of ideology, we really make content at our own free will. And we do it because we genuinely love doing it. I guess that's the other thing is like they were thrusted into this. Yeah. And they would talk constantly about how like a lot of them don't like doing what they do. And like,

we do the things we do because we like doing them yeah and also alex like so badly wants to be david dobrik that like i know sleep at night you know what's fucked up is he made me look at him and be like damn maybe david dobrik is a decent person like and that's when you know it's bad it's because i'm looking at this like copycat and being like damn the real one's better dude like he used to be a good person like if you're gonna like i don't know again also i don't know this motherfucker personally he could be like the

The nicest. Sweetest angel ever, but... It could have just been, like, reality, like, TV bullshit, like, that we all know happens and, like, painted into the bad light. But, like, I'm sorry. Like, you can blame it on the edit. Hey, blame it on the edit. But you said those things. You said those things. You're the one who said it. Yeah. Also, I stan Thomas. I stan his girlfriend. Yeah, his girlfriend eats. Yeah, I know. She eats. She's, like, the most grounded person ever. Like, I...

I'm sure some people are going to be like, bitch, I'm not watching this fucking show. Fuck you. But I think it is, like, honestly, way more interesting this way than it could have been, like, if they had it really interesting. Because it's so, like, sad that it's, like, very real. Yeah. It's just like, let go. It is, like, a really real thing of, like, yeah. Just, like, a lot of people in entertainment, like, especially this part of entertainment, I, like, get it. It is, like, a big fear of...

It's so accessible to so many people now that you can be easily replaced. And it's like this fear of like wanting to stay on top. But again, I don't know. In my head, I'm like, you can't do it this way. You can't do anything in life that way where you're just like, yes, it's normal to have these anxieties about what where you're going to be in like the near future. But to really force it and start to mutilate the people around you and the relationships around you is

And belittle them into nothing but numbers is really dangerous. And it's, like, not a good game to play at all. Yeah. But I do that. Like, I use y'all as...

Ponds. I mean, look at this. That's why I honestly was like, fuck a podcast. I never want to work with Drew again. Honestly, I'm going to go move back to Miami and never speak to these people again. And then I was at lunch and I overheard the girl from Call Her Daddy. She was talking about how much money she makes. And I was like, oh my God, I need that. And I want that. So that's why I started a podcast. No, I literally, genuinely... Never mind.

What were you going to say something mean? I literally have to take a Xanax before I like get on here because if I don't, I'll freak the fuck out and punch you. What the fuck? Cause I fucking hate you. Oh my God. Also Alex Warren did not break his foot. What a piece of shit. You did not break your foot. Like you're such a pussy. I broke my foot. No, you didn't. Cause you were on the fucking roof of your trailer. Literally the next day. Like, I'm sorry. You did not break anything. Stupid fucking cart that you wrote on little freak bitch. Like,

like fucking content in general like whether it be like alex warren or david dobert content i don't like when like when the content is making your friend like the butt of the joke or like that's the whole thing is like yeah because they have that p-body kid that's literally obviously their jonah and like the whole jonah situation makes me very uncomfortable it always has like because that's not even his fucking name like it's just like he he heavy guy like funny joke like we're gonna make him the butt of every joke and i'm like leave this guy fucking alone it's a

to add on top of it like literally one of jonah hill's biggest pet peeve with hollywood is that he like gets typecasted as like the bigger guy yeah and this guy's whole thing is calling his bigger friend jonah hill like oh my god i never realized you're like doubling down on this like narrative i don't know like again to each their own do i hate watch all of their content yes because i'm a fucking loser and i love keeping up and being like this is laughable you're a freak

But yeah, I just can't. They're still making money off us and that's genuinely all they fucking care about. Yeah. At the end of the day, that is all they care about, which like, I wish my brain worked like that. I'm just going to start endangering you guys. Like, I'm so down. Like, I've said it before. Like, you can stab me like randomly at any point. Like, as long as it's non-lethal, just because one, I want to know what it feels like. And two, like, it would make a fantastic story. It would make a fantastic episode of the podcast. Yeah.

Just the audio. Literally. But yeah, and that's my take on the Hype House show. Honestly, if I'm going to put a number on it,

six out of ten really like pretty i was gonna say like a five four or five yeah i i'm just i'm giving it a six because like i watched the whole thing and i was like i was like i need to finish this thing yeah we binged the fuck out of it so like i'm like anything that's like even brain rotty enough to make me binge watch it like there's obviously something here and i'm intrigued by these people so you'd agree with my take on imagine dragons then

That they have to be doing something. It may not be for your brain, but to have every song you put out have a billion streams, you're doing something. You're doing something. Like, it's true. It's true. It's true. It's all for you. Shut up. Everything I do. Everyone.

who is brave enough to make something for the public, they get kudos for at least that. How about that? See, the thing is I'm talking and I'm saying something serious and you're just like ignoring me because you want to take your turn to talk next. No, I'm singing a song and it's for you, for you, it's all for you. Everything I do. I tell you all the time heaven is a place I know. Wait, stop. That's like literally making me tear up a little bit. Like,

Come on, that's my song of the week. Okay. Damn. Damn, damn, damn. Damn, damn, damn. Media of the week. They should have got James Charles on that Hype House shit. I gotta know what he's up to. What connection did you make there? Low Anthony to James Charles. What was that connection? Did he used to say that? Oh, he said video of the week. Yeah. Um...

Go piss, girl. My video media of the week?

has been um these videos where people show how to use different kind of knives and i'm not kidding that's like all i've been watching she's been watching cheese is like how to cut every cheese how to use every japanese knife why japanese knives are so expensive how to cut every kind of shellfish how to prepare any kind of meat um because i'm so fascinated like what a good interesting you can prepare my meat with a knife i can prepare your meat with my mouth circumcise it um and

And then my audio media is Remind Me by Patrice Russian, Dirty Work Steely Dan, and Don't Tell Your Mother by The Sundays. Kiss one another. Die for each other. Don't tell your mother. Fuck. I'm just gonna scroll through my playlist and pick a random song. Boom. Right Side of My Neck by Faye Webster. Johnny. I Kiss Your Lips by Tokyo Ghetto Pussy. And...

No, we already said that one. It was Amoeba by Claro. T for Two. Duda Mix. Kiss-O-Matic. Uno Mas. Paranoid Android by fucking Radiohead.

Loser. Okay. Radiohead... Kid A's son or In Rainbow's daughter. And you can't kill yourself. What is In Rainbow's? Oh, the fucking Radiohead. When you said, oh, fucking kill me, weird fishes. I was just...

But you have to choose and you can't kill yourself. I'm killing myself. No, you can't. You can't. You can't. This is a son who likes Radiohead. I'm fully fucking killing myself. No, you choose a son who likes Radiohead or a daughter who likes Radiohead. Oh, a daughter who likes In Rainbows. Because In Rainbows is a vibe. Like, if it's a girl who likes In Rainbows, I'm like, okay, get it, Miss Depressiana. Like, you're so...

You're a freak. But you know she's smoking weed and drawing that one art style. No, because then I'm breaking her fucking hands and she's going to have to relearn to use her hands. Okay. And I want to see what YouTube videos I've been watching recently. Because that's it. Other than plane crashes and near-death experiences. You know that's all I watch. Like, you know that. I literally, I live to live and die for a plane crash video. Um.

That's what Tupac should have said. You know what's fucked up is all I've been watching... Is Call of Duty videos. No, is keyboard videos. Is like really good sounding keyboards. Hold on, let me show you. Oh, you don't have YouTube Premium. It's like the worst thing ever. You're literally... Your main... Oh, that's good. That's good. That actually like... I know. Like I feel it in my penis a little bit. Yeah, I felt my pussy dropped a little bit. Yeah, like...

But yeah, I watch those all the time. Like, literally, that's kind of all I watch. Me predicting the big thing coming and it being the volcano exploding and sending a tsunami and killing a bunch of people. But recently...

I've been thinking like nothing is gonna come. Like I really do think... Yeah, literally. I think like we might be in like a big thing recession. Like I genuinely believe that. Like there's not gonna be anything happening for a very long time. And the pendulum is gonna swing back and we're gonna be so chill. Like the world is gonna be so chill very soon. Predicting it. It's gonna come true.

I'm manifesting it. The chill variant is coming really soon. I need to see. I need another video. And it's like Delta, but instead of losing your taste and like smell, it heightens your taste and smell. And makes you high as fuck. Like you get high as fuck and then you want the munchies. I'm going to do. I'm going to do a bunch of whippets. That's it. We have to end this fucking episode. Oh, this.

What is that? That's a classic. I'm gonna retro that. That's a classic. Oh, this is one of my medias of the week. Dr. Octagonopus. That was like original band kid humor. I can't. I like beans. This is getting copyrighted. We can't push this up. I don't think so. It doesn't even have a copywritten thing in this description. I don't know. Sleigh Town.

Oh, so I can use this on my YouTube for one of my next collages and not get canceled? I've been watching the... Canceled? There's that... There was like that monkey versus dog uprising. We never had...

Did you hear about that? Monkey versus dog uprising? Yes. I forget where it was, but like there was a, I'm not kidding. There was like a battle and like they were killing each other. So what happened was these dogs in, I think somewhere in India attacked a baby monkey and killed it. And I'm not fucking kidding. These monkeys went on like a genocidal rampage and killed over 271 dogs. And there's very,

video of these monkeys dropping and throwing these dogs off of like very high buildings and killing them it's fucking insane and the death toll is like getting out of control and they're like it's the most absurd shit ever have you not heard of this i'm i'm i swear to god i swear to god you're like talking about a dog and monkey war i'm on the side of the monkeys honestly no same like the dogs deserve it um there's like an actual gang war in india going on i'm not kidding look

But yeah, they just be like they're just killing a shit ton of dogs and they deserve it and it's because they allegedly killed around 250 dogs to take revenge because they killed one monkey baby, which is fucking insane. Oh, I love nature. But no, that's like that's gone beyond like that's like human intervention. Like that's insane. Like that's gone beyond like nature. That's like also monkeys learning habits from like humans. Which is kind of scary.

I still want to smoke with Caesar. I still want to smoke with Caesar from Planet of the Apes. I feel like that would open my mind to a lot of things. Okay. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. We could keep going. You're so fucking stupid. Everybody just wants to cut me off always. Yeah, I'm cutting you out of my life after this. Fuck you. Thank you guys so much for listening. Meet me at the Grand Canyon. If you were the person who catfished me as Bella Thorne, let me know. And...

If you could and or if you wanted no no no if you if you If or if it could figure it out, then we can know it for sure. There's something wrong One of these days I'm gonna bring a really big oversized pair of scissors to set and just fucking chop your mic. I'm like do it! Oh dude, don't fucking do it to me Okay, bye! Fuck you in half