C02 - Ep. 47 - Finale in Faunaloch - Lying Through Your SHEATH
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more.

Salutations all you savagers! Climb on into the stinky dragon, knock back our latest latte. Nod the brightest bulb. It's a mixture of Spike's Place Roast Coffee, a claw full of cinnamon-st meat, a sprinkling of dark chocolate spirits, one mouthful of this mauling mug, and you'll-

Previously, our adventurers took a talkative train ride with Tempur all the way to the fringes of Fonolok. After dealing with dragon-leafed lightning leaves, avoiding annoying aromers, and decimating some deaflings, the party pussyfooted their way to Sheath Headquarters. Cobble a cup of coffee and let's continue this grungent chronicle.

That's what happened. I think he turned into a werewolf. Yeah. Because of his drink. I think something happened to the bartender. What? I hope Duncan's okay. I don't know what happened. That's a weird throw to us. We'll find out what's going on with him, hopefully. We're already solving one.

upon stories upon stories all the way down. Can we get a mystery about you Gus the person as well to layer on it? Let me clear some mystery in case you're wondering. My name is Gustavo Sorolla. I'm the dungeon master of this party. That is my name. And I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Yay!

This week's role-playing warm-up question is, if you had to make a craving throw to resist something, what would be the most difficult for your character? Oh, I got this. Oh, you do? Oh, I like that energy, that confidence. Hey, it's Blaine Gibson, and I play Chip Haney, level nine. Chip.

Tiffling roll. Hey! And, oh, if I had to take a craving throw, it'd be cheese. Oh, I love them cheese curds. Back at Yamford, they'd call me Chipopotamus because I'd just go to the all-you-can-eat buffet, just cheese curds, cheese curds. I did it.

know where that was going. I was like, do hippopotamus is like cheese? It's because he mauled several students to death. He trampled them. One of their cheese curds. I love how it squeaks on your teeth. He's also more graceful in water than you'd expect. Oh, yeah. Very fast.

It was our scary. Yeah They are Terrifying they're horrifying. That's what they're one of the most dangerous animals in the world. Yeah Yeah, people who think the tip was aren't terrifying are the ones that get killed by like more humans than like lightning strikes and sharks and like Yeah combined that wouldn't surprise me. Yeah, chip bottom is almost positive that got debunked 500 people a year

Hey, you know what, John? I bet you could take a hippo. You're saying you could take a hippo. I couldn't take most animals that size. I'll go next. I'll get it over with. Oh. One extreme to another. I'm just having a rough arc, okay? My name is Barbara Dunkelman and I play Elga Von Brass. Barbara Dunkelman! It's me! And she's a half-elf vampire barbarian. And I'm just gonna answer

My answer is very not fun, but the Vogue I had to make a craving throw it before blood Here what's the spice who's oh? Just pick the buffet yeah in general any person's you're at the mall. You've got the whole food court You know

pop stars who are probably very wealthy and eat really well and probably have very like pure tasty blood you know maybe who are you thinking Beyonce Beyonce

I bet she says delicious. Is there a difference between like the blood of a meat eater versus like someone with a plant-based diet? It's gotta be. It's gotta be. Probably. Like, don't they feed like those, those certain cows, certain food to get the certain. Yeah. But I'm curious if a vampire would prefer someone, no, someone who ate other animals because there's more like,

Blood? I know there's not more blood. More blood? More like, more iron? Iron and like, what? I don't know. I don't know guys. It's very obvious. If you're drinking blood for life force, then I, one could argue that someone who eats meat has consumed more life force. You want, you want a big old Southern boy who eats at Bucky's because you want, like, like,

Pigs. They're like, pigs make good meat. Also, the cutthroat version of Beyonce is beyond say, and she's a ghost. Oh! I like that. Beyond seance. Oh! Bonjour! Bonjour. Speaking of ghosts, my name is John Reisinger, and I play Mati Conficis, and I busted up laughing, listening to Kristen make fun of Mati in the episode previously. Um,

Sorry, I had to point that out. It was hilarious. Cravings that I would have a hard time resisting. I actually am able to resist most things. I have quite the control over my body. It's what I pride myself on. However, there is one little thing. One little thing. One little thing that I cannot say no to. And that is a macaron. Oh.

Oh my gosh. You cannot eat just one. If, if, if, if there are, if however, there are many are in front of me, they're gone after I'm done. Do you know the difference between a macaroon and a macaron? Yeah. They're two different things. One of them is the president of France, right? I've actually made both. Yeah.

What's the difference? One's harder than the other. A macaroon is like the little cookie thing. Yes, macaroon. That kind of has like that soft cookie with the filling. Macaroon is like a more dense, usually like coconut flaked top. Which ones look like crabby patties? They all look like crabby patties. Macaroon. Macaroon. Yeah. I still don't know the difference, but I like them both. Yeah. That's a good answer.

Oh, I also and and lady fingers. Oh, real lady. That's just. Yeah, it's a grotesque. I also like lady fingers. That's just John. John likes lady fingers a lot. Dipping in coffee. So good. I want to point out something real quick. We were filming something the other day and we had to do like temp Mateed voice. None of us could do your. So two voices in total. You guys can't do them. So whatever my next accent.

The best I could do was lose the H. L-O. You know. It sounds like a little Oliver twist or something. Barney, Barney, wake up. We're talking about craving clothes. I know. I could not resist. Yeah. A good, the best candy in the world. Uh-huh.

Where there's originals. Heart candy. That's in line. But that's not all. The second best candy in the world. But wait, there's more. Nico wafers. Nico wafers. You know, Barney loves them so much he can't even bother to read the wrapper. It just like tears right through them. It's very apparent. You're googling candies you've never seen before. I'm raising my hand. I object. I

I ate those all the time as I was a kid. My grandmother would always buy them for me. What are they? They're like little candy wafers. That's how I pronounced them when I was a little kid. They're very chalky. Yeah, they're terrible. Some are terrible more than others. They're awful. So I don't think Barney introduced himself. I think Barney was so excited about food he just went straight into it. Those look terrible, Chris. Look, I had them when I was a baby. I didn't know that your grandma was torturing you.

You were a baby? When I was a kid, I ate them. My grandma would always buy them for me. Don't feed your babies neck away first. Or do, it's America. 500 babies die a year to neck away first. I'm Barney Barney. And I'm a human cleric. And I'm being judged upon my candies. That's not true, Barney. That's okay. You're not being judged, you're being bullied. Exactly. Nana!

Do you know how old they are? The Werther's Original are so old. They weren't being invented when I was born. It's old. Is that a self burn? Yeah. Wait, they were made? I don't know when they were actually made, but I think Werther's Original has been around for decades, right? They were introduced in 1969. Seems like they should be older than that. I feel like, right? Because like all of our grandparents had them. Necco wafers, 1912. Wow.

I don't like I'm going to buy some and I'm bringing them out I'll try it I just don't think that's a big hump like a brag because the things that are old are not always yum that's very true usually not I would say I feel like candy's only gotten better apparently in the UK they have Werther's chocolate

Oh. So maybe that's the Werther's new. Maybe there's Werther's original and Werther's new. Did you know the first candy was used by the ancient Egyptians for cult purposes? In ancient times, Egyptians, Arabs, and Chinese made candies with fruits and nuts that caramelized with honey. The two oldest candy types are licorice and ginger. I'll give details of the candy dragon. Micah found an alternate source saying Werther's originals are from 1909? That sounds...

More accurate. From the little town of Werther, Germany. Oh. I made them. Gustav Nebel. Are we playing D&D? I don't know. We should start. I think we're all just hungry. You done chopping down on that donut there, Gus? Almost. He's choking. Is it okay? Those are from yesterday. Are they? Yeah. Yeah, they're fine. They're donuts. Oh, yeah. They're donuts. I'm so hungry. All right.

You all make your way, sneaking and trying your best to avoid the locals, and eventually you come upon an isolated copse of shady trees where you find a lonely stump covered in lichen. Sadate looks around for a moment, then furtively steps forward. She brushes off some moss from the trunk and you see it: the sigil of sheath hidden in the grain of the bark. Sadate reaches out into the air and grabs something just above the stump. Then she lowers her arm into the stump and you all hear the soft sheathing of a blade.

The stump twists and lowers into the ground, revealing a spiral staircase beneath the earth. Quickly now! Everyone inside! Okay, here I come. You all make your way down the staircase into humid darkness until you finally reach the floor of a vague room veiled in shadow. The stump and staircase twist back into place above you, thus extinguishing the last bit of light from the room. A voice echoes in the chamber. I wondered when you all would find your way down here.

I was beginning to think you were getting cold feet. You hear the striking of a match and a small flickering flame illuminates the face of a plump mustachioed man wearing a blue coat with a high collar. Welcome, detectives. I'm Director Carl Weiser of Sheath.

How long have you been waiting in the darkness for? How many matches did you go through? Nope, not yet. It's like a surprise party when the wrong person keeps coming in. It's a UPS guy, he's like, oh, dang it! It opens up and it's just full of smoke. Smoking, yeah. Matches all over the floor. I did see it was like, it was veiled in mist and it was hard to see. That's why. It was veiled in shadow. Weezer raises the match and an overhead lamp dimly lights the room around you.

In the center of the room is a long table with six chairs. There don't appear to be any windows or doors. I'm afraid before we proceed any further, I need to be certain you are who you appear to be. I'm Barney. Everyone take a seat. Weezer pulls out a small brass ring and places it on his finger. He waves both hands up and down as if weighing scales. A 15-foot dome of light shines down on you all.

Everyone make a charisma saving throw. Zone of truth. This gotta be zone of truth. Charisma saving throw? Yeah. Nine. Would you want to roll low on this to prove that you're right? Fourteen. You can choose to fail it if you want. Seventeen. You can voluntarily fail. I'll roll a nineteen. I'll see what happens. Okay, so we got... What was yours, John? Seventeen. I don't think I've done a charisma saving throw with Mateed yet. Really? Probably not. I feel like I asked for one a couple episodes ago. Everyone saved except for Barney.

Okay. So Barney or Chris, Barney cannot speak a deliberate lie. Okay. Make him do the ritual again. So are they aware that...

Who passed and who failed? You don't know that. So Weezer begins walking around the room looking at each of you. Then dramatically turns and says, We will start with you. And points to Sedate. Of course, director. What is your full name? Sedate Tempour. What is your occupation? Agent of Sheath. What is your favorite color? Purple. Thank you, Agent Tempour.

Who would like to go next? I feel like those are very easy questions to know, I'm told. Yeah. Alright then, let's move on to you! Oh, hello! What is your full name? I mean, for as long as I could remember it was Elgo von Braff, but now I think it might be something else.

Fascinating. It'd be Calliope Farney. Okay. Elga slash Calliope. He looks to Barney and like kind of does the like nodding talking thing like, uh, yeah. Why do I hear a fart whenever I hear Farney? All right, Elga. You don't want to know my favorite color? What is your age? That's a great question.

What is my age? I don't know. I've lost count. 304! 304... hmm. And finally, have you ever committed a crime? Uh, I mean, probably accidentally, but not with malicious intent. Duly noted.

Barbara looks actually nervous to this. It's like when you look in your rearview mirror and there's a cop behind you and you're like, I'm not doing anything wrong. Or when you go through border security when you're traveling and you're like, pleasure.

I hate it. One time I was going into the, I was at Heathrow in the London airport in the immigration, the passport check. And they had like a little carved out section. It was almost like a little jail in the line. And there were like people sitting in there and they're like an officer came in and started yelling at them, asking them why they were lying and why they were trying to come into England. And I was like, I was like, shouldn't they be in a room?

Anyway, anyway. Why am I standing next to this? Anyway, Weezer turns to Mateed. Tell me, what is your full name? My full name is Alan Mirren. I see. And what is your species?

I am a, uh, Orox. I don't like this. Barney's eyes are wide open. Oh my goodness. He thinks it's real. Have you ever lied to anyone in this room? Uh, never. Oh my.

All alone, if that is your name, Elin Mirren. Elin Mirren? Confirmed, Elin Mirren, D&D player. I've never seen an Auron suit could fly. I like that song from Dumbo. Weezer moves down the line to Chip. And you, sir, what is your full name? Chip Haney.

And what is your... occupation? Assassin. Retired. Now, grieving husband. Professionally? That's a very sad occupation. I'm getting some... Do you get benefits with that? Grieving...

Widower? Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the correction, Weezer. Very, very cool. Last question. What is the first thing I ever said to you? Oh, no. Blaine doesn't know this.

Probably stop in the name of the law or something. Probably, no. That's very close. Weren't we like in jail? Very close indeed. What was it? Nobody move. I'm Chief Inspector Weezer and you're all under arrest. We're gonna come back to that because I got a lot of questions for you, Weezer, but move on to Barney. He's itching to answer your questions. And you, what's your name? Barnabas Barney. And your age?

I see somebody concentrating so hard. 193? Somewhere in that. I guess I'm probably not 304 if you're 193. I think Barney also might not know.

The ripe old young age of 98. That doesn't seem right, but okay. Final question. Barnabas Farney, are you currently...

I don't know. I don't know if anybody's ever answered it that way. The truth. Is he lying? Time will tell. Why didn't everyone else get that question? Everyone got different... Why am I talking like you? Everyone got different questions. Regardless, that'll do for now.

Before we go any further, I must have your word. Everyone's word that any intel shared here does not leave here. Lives depend on this.

Do I have your word? You have a word from me. Word? How many words? You all of them? Well, one from each of you, of course. Yes. I'll give you two words. Knuckles sandwich. The Weezer takes off his ring and the dome of light dissipates and he snaps his fingers. The four walls surrounding you fall to the ground, revealing an underground facility glowing with crystal screens, a translucent map, a wall of equipment, and desks filled with people clicking away on typewriters.

This is Shath HQ. We have much to discuss, but first allow me to introduce you to our tankerer. Siren, would you please join us? Near the wall of equipment, you see a bronze boiler whistle with steam and suddenly sprout legs and arms. It stands up and stomps its way over to you all.

What race is that? Oh, what was it? Siren. It was like a big steampunky machine. It's like a, it looked like a bronze boiler. Then it had like steam come out and then it sprouted legs and arms. What's so funny? Sorry, I wrote down tinkler. I was like, oh, tinker. Detectives, this is Siren. Siren, I'd like you to meet... Welcome back, Agent Mateen.

Weezer looks quizzically at Siren, who has no face and just slats covering a central firebox and a chimney stack where her head would be. Elga's doing that thing where her mouth is wide open and she's looking back from Mateed to Carl to Mateed to Carl. Helen Mirren, now I gotta give you a knuckle sandwich. Did you know Carol? How many people knew about my wife except for me? I didn't. Thank you. I believe you. I didn't. I didn't know anything. I believe you don't know anything, yeah.

I know many things. Curious. Matide was an agent of Sheath? Correct. Matide confies you. Eric Cochran, Ghost Monk, threat level 9. Recruited in 1130 GM by the late director Lorenzo Walton.

Wait, level 9 out of what? Like 10 or 100? I think it's because we're leveled. It's out of 8. Classified. Wait, presumed dead, does that mean you died? By now.

Have you seen Matide walk through walls, right? Weezer would look at Barney and then look back at the rest of the party and say, Oh, anyway. Siren here is our tinkerer and can provide upgrades or additions to paces of your equipment. Little sorts of information. Yeah, you're like arming us for a war. We don't even know what is going on. Matide, do you remember any of this?

Do you remember being an agent and being on the hunt for a vampire gone rogue? Uh, you know, it's very easy to remember the end of my real life. I have memories of plenty of parts of that area, but I've forgotten a lot of it, and so this sounds familiar. What's my threat level? Also nine, probably. Chip, hate me.

Threat level pending. Oh, that means it's off the charts. Could you, are you going to arm us? Could you arm us with more knowledge? Yeah, what's the vampire that Medid was going after, huh? No.

A briefing will follow a tour of the armory. Siren begins escorting you all to the northern wall where all the equipment is, where the equipment bay is, and begins pulling out various pieces of metal and various add-ons. He looks, I guess he'll look at you first, Barney. Hi. Please allow me to augment your armor. Can you add pants? I would love pants. Pants upgrade unavailable. As long as they're breezy.

Do you give it to him, Barney? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's awfully chilly in here without you. What does Barney have on under his plate armor? I imagine it's like a shirtless white, like kind of, what are those shirts called? Tank top. A tank top? I realize Chris used to like cut up white tees. I still do. He cut the collars and the sleeves off and he just looks like a little like. Like a little like. Like a guy. Medieval servant. Are you wearing one under your shirt right now? It's not cut up, but yeah. I mean, it is pretty. It looks like it's coffee stained. Yeah.

No, it's just I like painting them and stuff. They're just like undershirts and they're really, yeah. So probably one of those, like a cut up white rag shirt or maybe a tank top that's also all dirty and old man. Yeah, some like suspenders and stuff like that too. Oh, suspenders, yeah. Oh my God, Barney's covered in tattoos. Suspenders that only cover up, that only hold up my boxers.

Yeah, yeah. Funny. With the white tank top. With like real loose pants that you're constantly having to pull up, but your boxers stay up just fine. Siren pulls out various tools and you see it very quickly welding on and augmenting your plate armor before handing it back to you.

Upgrade complete. Metagame-wise, you have Benidusk Plate Armor. I liked when he was the voice of the dragon in Hobbit. If you want to go ahead and you can, once you find it, you can read what that is. Armor plate, very rare, requires attunement by a cleric that must deal 10 radiant damage upon the armor. Armor class 18.

This translucent armor is now fitted with brass rings that glow like sunsets. Offers AC 18, normal for plate armor, but the wearer gains the following additional features. Two chargers per long rest. Aura of Necro-Sistance. All allies within five feet of you gain resistance to necrotic damage. Blessing Abinadusk, an

As an action, you can expend a charge to cast the Bless spell on three creatures of your choice other than you within 30 feet. Whenever a target makes an attack roll or a saving throw before the spell ends, the target can roll a D4 and add the number roll to the attack roll or saving throw. Radiance of Radiance. Radiance of Radiance. As an action, you can expend a charge to emit a burst of sun and moon beams in a 30-foot radius. All enemies' targets in the area must make a constitution saving throw.

using my spellcasting DC. On a failure, the target takes 1d8 radiant damage and is blinded until start of her next turn. So the radiance wand was already there. Okay, so yeah, the rest of it's like upgrades. Yeah, so other spells. And I can do it twice. Barney's AC is 20. That is so cool. That is so high. It's the advantage of being able to wear heavy armor. But the downside is he gets disadvantage on like stealth checks and some dexterity checks. Siren then turns over and looks at Mateed, you know, reaches out its

Arms? Arms? Yes, it's appendages. That's the word. Feline's collar, please. I pull Gigi out of my hood and hand him the kitty and pull the collar off. Okay. Siren takes the collar, pops out like a little miniature sewing machine and begins furiously working on it and then hands you back the collar. Collar, collar, appendages.

Upgrade complete. Collar, collar. Does that mean the cat gets the bonus? Yeah, Gigi's got it. He's wearing it. That's cool. You want to know what it does? Yes, please. This bronze collar is padded on the inside and tailored to fit the neck of Gigi. It is encrusted with a tiny dangling sending stone that relays a message to target. Oh.

Tell Gigi your desired recipient and then speak a message of up to 25 words. Gigi will typically travel at their normal movement speed to search out the recipient, but the message can only be stored in the caller for one hour. When Gigi arrives, they will immediately open their mouth and deliver your message.

Oh, so it's a bit more of a complicated sending stone. It's not one you could just do to anybody anywhere in the world. It's like a little pigeon. Yeah. Yeah, carrier bird. But he is a ghost, so he can get to a lot of places. It's like cart to stay high up, but actually good.

Whoa. Whoa. Does that mean Gigi could also go to the astral plane, maybe? I don't know if Gigi has that ability. He would have to be like a plane walker. Could you send him there? I could banish him there, yeah. Yeah, to potentially deliver a message to someone there. She came back. She came back. She's only there for what, five minutes? She's probably back now. I wonder what she thought, because didn't the castle fall down? Yeah. She was like, she would have come back in the same spot and would have just fallen.

Siren turns to Chip. Crossbow and Fang Frost Dagger, please. Oh, okay. Here you go. I'll throw it to him. All right. Siren turns around and begins hammering at it and, you know, pulling the strings taut and hands it back to you, Chip.

Crossbow of Coolness complete. Oh, thank you. Let's see. Crossbow of Coolness. A cold and calculated combination of your hand crossbow and the Fangfrost dagger on loan from Helga Von Brath. This wintry weapon can be used as a melee or as a ranged attack weapon and has a plus two to attacks and damage three charges per long rest.

It has polar protection! You have resistance to cold damage while you hold this weapon. Neat. Ranged Rime. Upon firing a crossbow bolt at an enemy, hit or miss, as a bonus action, you can expand a charge to cause the bolt to explode with icy shards. Each creature within 10 feet of the target must make a DC 15 dexterity saving throw or take 4d6 cold damage. Awesome. And Bitter Cold Bayonet! As an action, you can use the Fangfrost Dagger as a bitter cold bayonet.

That's cool. That's very cool. I think it's funny that the guy with fire resistance now has ice attacks. And cold resistance there. Yeah.

I'm resistant to all of the elements. Or two of them. Are you resistant to a nice, normal, temperate day in Los Angeles of 70 degrees right in between cold and hot? That's my weakness. That's my kryptonite. If you ever run into a magmavelinch, you're all set. Magmavelinch? Magmavelinch?

Sounds like a Pokemon. But you know what that does? What? You know the worst thing, the worst pain ever is if you're out in the snow and your hands get really, really cold and then you put them in hot water. Don't do that. Just like needles? Yeah, like as a kid when I didn't know any better. Some people think that if they get like frostbite or something like that, they should just put their hands under hot water. Don't do that. Yeah.

Oh, IRL, I lost the feeling in my hands because I used to work in a freezer during summers. And then I just was dealing with frozen foods and milk. You already have resistance to ice. Yeah. Also, if you burn your hands, don't run around under freezing cold water either. Both are bad. Extremes are bad. Extremely bad. Siren turns to you, Elga. Looks you over, scans you. One moment. Then Siren turns around and from the armory pulls out a pickaxe off the wall. Yes.

Another axe. Lays it down on an anvil and then like an automatically like a little face shield comes over his over Siren's non-existent face. You don't know why Siren has that. For dramatic effect. Siren begins hammering

at this hot axe, then plunges it into some cold water and then hands it to you. Bone to pickaxe complete. Wow. And do I have to give you anything in exchange? Negative. Sweet. How many axes does that make? We used to do a lot of little videos where we would test D&D in real life. We need to do one now, just Barbara holding every axe that she has. I have four. Four axes. Axe of gaining, axe of scarab, bone to pickaxe, and... Bat-toll axe. Bat-toll axe. Also a good memory.

of my particular... I couldn't even probably tell you that. You want to go ahead and read the Bone to Pickaxe to everyone? Bone to Pickaxe. I have three charges on it, which is great. Forged from metallic, dragonic bones, this polished pickaxe has a plus two bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon. It has three different abilities. It has deft digging,

While wielding this pickaxe, you have advantage on skill checks relating to digging or mining. Not sure what those would be. Fun. We have the pick me instead. When a nearby ally is the target of an attack, you could see and within range of your movement speed, you can expend a charge and use your reaction to swap places with the ally. The movement is instantaneous and does not provoke attacks of opportunity. So if one of you guys are...

about to get attacked, I could swap places with you. Oh, you know me. And then settling scores, when you hit a creature with a melee weapon attack, you could expend one charge to attempt to damage another creature with the same attack. Choose another creature within five feet of the original target and within your reach. If the original attack roll would hit the second creature, it takes the same damage dealt by the original attack.

I guess in simple terms, it means what? Like if I'm attacking one creature. And there's another one within five feet of it. You basically double that. Double chain attack. Yeah. Excellent. Like a sweeping attack kind of thing. Two questions. Yeah, kind of. But it's more like automatic. Yeah. Okay, cool.

John, you have the floor? Yeah, I have two questions. One was Elka can hold two axes in attack, right? I thought you had an ability that allowed you to do that. I don't know if she took that. I don't think I do, yeah. My damage, what I do basically is dependent if I'm holding it with two hands or one hand. And then my other question is, did you mean to give the one of us who looks like a little kid an item from Minecraft? LAUGHTER

No, that's Barney. He's walking so slowly towards... Weezer walks up and joins you all at the equipment bay. Sadate has been updating me on the situation, and I believe it's time we brought you four into the fold.

Come with me to my office, you two siren. Weezer moves toward the equipment wall and you see him reach for a silver sheath in the center of the wall. He rotates it clockwise and the wall splits in two revealing an office with a cluttered desk, rolling chairs, and a table with a green crystal screen glowing softly. Now that we got our upgrades, we get to level up. So I'm going to say we're going to go to level 10, 11. Yes.

Chip Haney, threat level 2. Yes! I hit the machine. It's broken! Weezer walks past you into the office and motions for you all to follow him. Elga follows. I do as well. Me too. I whisper to Gigi and I say, go tell Chip that I am a higher threat level than him. And then I send Gigi off. I am a higher threat level than him. I can do that.

Yeah, Gigi walks up to you, Chip, and his mouth opens and like a disembodied Matide voice says, I am a higher tele. I'm going to skin you, cat. I used my telekinetic thing to tell Chip something. Telekinesis isn't a communication tool. No, I have to rhyme it, though. Telepathic. Hey there, Chip. I think you're really strong. You're my buddy all along. Get out of my way! Chip, I'm talking telepathically.

What's the next line? Oh, that was it. It's just I can do nothing. All right. I'll go ahead. I hope you like this little song because when I don't want to make it overly long. Okay, that's right about bad. Getting faster at that.

Anyway, I'll go lots ahead. Everyone else follows, I assume? Yeah. So, Chip, you were asking about Carol. Yeah! I wanna know about my wife! He rarely asks about that. Listen, you know, we've known each other for a long time. I think probably long enough for me to have communicated that I was on a search for my wife, Carol.

Chances are you knew about this and you didn't tell me, and now she's passed away. So what the heck? Well, the first thing you should know is that Carol was drafted into Sheath with me as her handler. What? That doesn't help. You're making it worse for yourself. The problem is that she was undercover and communication was very sparse. She was tasked with finding out what Eddie knew and what he was up to.

But, as I said, any communiques sent between us were few and far between. Did you- were you aware of the belt? Unfortunately, no. Do you have a belt? Well, of course! How else would I hold up my pants?

The Spenders. Alright. And points to Barney. I like how it demonstrates. I just realized Chip and Carol are very Mr. and Mrs. Smith situation. Yeah. So, I mean, when did that happen? Was this before or after the parade that you tasked her with this? This would have been before the parade. I was merely her handler at the time. That was when Lorenzo was still the director of Sheath.

And then were you aware that she was visited at our house by Eddie and stuff? Was she able to report that? Or when did she lose contact? When was the last time you spoke to Carol? The last time I spoke with her was at your house. Wait, was this when I was sleeping? Was this the vision? Well, you did see someone in a blue jacket with a high collar, and you assumed it was Eddie. But wasn't he...

Wait, so were you undercover? It was a separate time. Okay. I think there were two different things you're remembering here. All these people are coming to my house. I was just, what was I goofing off? Yeah, there was one I think you were sleeping when Eddie came and threatened Carol. Yeah. And there was another one when he was outside. Yes. And I think that was like the dream, the...

dream you had. This makes sense that you keep failing on perception checks. You saw someone in a blue collar. Carol, can you get the door? I'm in the bathroom.

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Give yourself an inspiration. Southern all of a sudden. Can you get the door? I'm in the bathroom. The wolfman was the head of sheath. Correct. And someone killed her. Yes, a little over a week ago, the wolfman was murdered. And when that happened, I became the director of sheath.

And you four were at the top of the list of suspects. But now, do you know who did it? Do you know it was Carol? Well, the prevailing theory is, yes, that Carol murdered the Wolfman, but the details and evidence are still in the wind. Did you know who we were?

Before meeting us at the jail? No, I did not. You had no idea who any of us were? Well, I was aware that Carol was married. I mean, you seem to know Matide. No, I'm afraid that was news to me. Siren knows Matide. And Siren's a automaton that could be, have been around for a while.

Oh, am I due any wages? I feel like I might have, uh, missed some back pay. Back pay? Before I answer that, I want to answer something else that you said right before that. To be clear, Siren is a steam golem. They weren't built by anyone here in Shaith. Siren simply has always been here.

So whatever they are talking about regarding Mateid was before my time. You think it's too much of an ask? Could we get Brent Spiner to do the voice for Siren? I feel like getting Data in there would be great. Is he on Cameo? Just send him a transcript. 15 Cameo requests, individual lines.

God, that's funny. Well, what about- okay, well where does the Wolfman's, uh, daughter fall into this? I know you're gonna be like, "Ah, classified information!" No more hooey balooey! We need to know all the facts, because we gotta help with this investigation! Well, he's just yelling this entire episode. I like hooey balooey, it's so good. And I'm sorry, I don't mean to be too aggro, but like, this is like,

picking at Chip a lot because there's so many people that knew about what was going on with his wife and now she's dead and I feel like Chip would blame those people. Barney's like, profanity. Watch. I'm sorry, Barney. Honey gets more, catches more bees than... Says the man who was screaming like two episodes ago. I almost tried to kill Dracula. How many bees does Honey catch? I'm not sure what the ratio is.

Maybe to help us, like, feel confident about this whole situation, maybe you tell us one time you guys actually had a successful mission.

Yeah, that's true. Wait, who is missing? You don't have a good track record so far. And once again, where is my back pain? Isn't that always the way of secret organizations? When everything goes right, you don't know that anything happened at all. I've seen Burn After Reading, I know.

Oh, you know that Benicio was in the Vamp Spire? Yes, we're aware of that situation, and she is back in friendly hands. Do you know who put her there? There is still information to be debriefed from Sedate's intel. So, you were tasked with keep, uh, or someone was tasked with looking up on Eddie? What made Eddie a suspect before all of this? We learned of Eddie six months ago when he arrived in Fonnelok.

He looked much different back then. Large as a giant to be sure, but much more normal. Back then, Phonolotians were welcoming of all strangers, even humanoids.

Eddie posed as a Mormon zealot and quickly gained the trust of the community. He knew the right things to say. That was our first red flag. We didn't know who he was or where he had come from, but somehow he moved things. All right. I think Eddie's been dividing his soul into horcruxes and has gotten uglier. Do you by any chance know the alchemist, Rob?

Robert Esteban? Yes, of course. We're going to need to work with him in order to bring things to a successful conclusion. Is he an agent of sheath? Where does he fall into the hierarchy? He is not an agent, but we do contract work with him occasionally. Have you properly vetted him? Because it sounds like you've been infiltrated on numerous occasions. I wouldn't say numerous. Have you?

Have you ever met his son Henry? Yes, I know him, but before we get too off topic here, there's more to Eddie's story you should know. After some time, the Fonolotion community was celebrating a ritual called Affinitur, led by the archdruid Nessiterra, or as many know her, Nessie. The ritual ceremony centers on communing with nature at the sacred shores of Loch Cessnas.

During the ceremony, the Fornelotians immersed themselves in Loch Sestis seeking visions and guidance from the Great Moor. Some were granted visions while others were returned to Moor, seen as a great honor. However, Eddi is an entirely different story. He waded into the loch, but something happened to him.

Some say he was punished by the Great Maul, others say it was an allergic reaction. Whatever caused it, Eddie lost his skin and was changed into the disfigured creature you see today. So let me get this straight, during this ritual, some people would have visions of the Ma and others would return to the Ma as if to say they died in

In the lake? Yes, they were reclaimed by the mall. That's... You're so casual about a bunch of people drowning themselves in a lock. As I said, it's considered an honor. I'm not one to judge the cultural traditions of others. I'm looking at my party. Am I crazy? Are their bodies left behind? I'll show you a movie called Midsommar. It'll teach you. It'll explain the whole thing. I hate Ari Aster. Both body and spirit are reclaimed by the mall. Okay. Are they... Is the mall...

A creature living in the lake? The ma and the pa are like the two deities. Yeah, but I'm like, is there a physical manifestation of the ma? No, of course not. It's a deity. Okay. But back to Eddie. That day was the last time we saw him. All efforts were made to track him down, but he...

He was just gone. That is until three weeks ago. We heard whispers of someone in Parish that matched his description. We needed someone who had ties to that area of Groteth. Okay. So this ritual went wrong. He lost his skin, got all weird, and then fled.

Wait, so where is Sheath's stance on Ma and Pa? Sheath is independent of any religious affiliation. Okay, sure. But like you guys know of, you know, all the different cultures and all the different lands. So like generally speaking, which is the more like, I don't know,

Peaceful religion. Most Grotethians tend to gravitate more towards the more, while most Abrailians lean toward the poor. Right. But that is brushing with broad strokes. There are exceptions, of course. And whenever Eddie disrupted this ceremony, did it impact any of the other people in the lake? Not that we're aware of. Just him? Yes.

Furthermore, we now know what Eddie was after. He's been trying to uncover an ancient secret. That's what led him to work with Hugo, who has been around Roteth longer than most. That secret is kept hidden beneath Lark Cessna's. It could prove catastrophic if Hugo discovers it.

It's only a matter of time before Hugo reveals his plans in Fonolok and seeks to infiltrate the lock. I understand you have a way of contacting the alchemist. Yeah, Curtis, yeah, yeah. What? We need him to come in and concoct an elixir for us. Something that will help us protect the secret from Hugo. Okay. Can you tell us what's?

What, I guess, what would...

If Hugo uncovered the secret, what would that do? Would it give him power or the, you know? To put it mildly, it would be a disaster. The world would be upended and the fear that I have as director of Sheath is that if I divulge intel to people like yourselves, then you could become compromised by Hugo. Are you aware that the alchemist's wife was in a relationship with your former director? And does that impact...

anyone's ability to do their job because that seems like a conflict of interests. Aren't they a triangle? I mean, it would be if, thinking about it from my perspective, if the alchemist knew that his wife was with the director, he might not be that happy towards Sheath, right? Yeah, but wasn't it a full triangle? He was also with the director because they have a son or a daughter together. Oh my God, you're right. Yes, we know that now. It was a full triangle, equilateral. Oh, okay.

I don't understand triangles. At first, it did complicate things, but the former director gave me assurances that assuaged my concerns. Yeah, I'm sure you don't need to flag that to HR or nothing. Yeah, I'm sure it's all good. I'm sure it's all fine. Don't worry. I'm also in charge of HR now. Great. All right. One more thing. So you can bring your concerns directly to me. Director Weezer, I have one more question for you.

Is there anyone else that's an agent of sheath? You gotta tell me, because if another one of you guys comes out of the woodwork, I'm gonna stab them. I pull out Gigi, and I talk to Gigi, and I say, go tell Chip I am an agent of sheath.

She walks up to you, opens its mouth, and you hear Mateed's voice. I am an agent of sheep. Can you raise his hand? Let me answer his question first. For security purposes, we can't divulge your agents' names for fear of them becoming compromised. Mr. Farnie, you have a question?

Barney looks around, really scared. Am I an agent of cheese? Well, no. Weezer just goes, "God, no." Perhaps you might be one of our best agents if you were. So this elixir that we have to get the alchemist to make, is that for Hugo to drink, or what is it for? My understanding is that it will be something that could protect you. So for us. Indeed.

I do have one question. Remind me, which vampire was I going after? Was I going after Ugo? That I don't know. That was before my time. Siren, what was I going after? Your target was Ugo Von Brath. I wasn't the only one. Elga, your dad killed me. He did? Yeah. I thought their little belt killed you. No. Oh.

Wait, didn't the belt... You were wearing a belt, though. No. No? Yeah. Sorry, I'm stupid. I thought... I thought... I thought McPhee had a vision of the same belt around them. No, I got bit. Yeah. Oh. I recall a belt being in the past as well. I recall it being Berenstain Bears. Oh, my God. Shazam? Shazam?

I'm afraid time is of the essence. We need you to write the alchemist a letter using your Carter's day ire. The letter needs to convince him to come to Funnelock immediately. I'm made at the Arlene Amphitheater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. He also needs to send the recipe of his anti-cestus elixir.

Sheath intel indicates he's been working on it for some time. I have a question. Are you 100% sure you can trust the alchemist? I really, I agree. I don't think you can. Your concerns are noted, but he's the best asset we have in the coming fight and we need him. What about us?

Well, we need you too. Well, who do you need more? Well, if I had to choose. The alchemist. I'm a little bit alchemist. Okay, so we need to just write to him, Chip, if you want to take out your pen. You got it. I pull out like a, I go to one of the desk jockeys and I borrow a quill and I say, can I borrow this? Yeah, they just look at you. That's a yes. Make me a perception check, Chip.

That is a eight. Listen, you got to stop asking me for perception checks. I'm going to fail them every time. Okay. Like Weezer said, you need to write a letter convincing the alchemist to come to Fauna Lock, meet at the Awning Amphitheater, and send the recipe for his anti-Cessnus elixir. Anti-what? Cessnus? Like Lock Cessnus? Thank you. So, Chip, are you going to write the letter? Yeah, sure. Why not? What the heck? All right. What are you going to write? Actually, no.

Alright, who's gonna ride it? I slide it over to... Matide. There you go, wordsmith! Matide, make me a perception check. Oh, okay. It's all part of my master plan. There you go. Uhhh...

That's a 14. As Chip is sliding the cart to stay over to you, you see like a glint of light bounce off of his cold badge. And you look at it and you realize that it's different. The letters on his cold badge have changed from C-O-L-D to S-H-E-A-T-H. Oh, okay. Wait, what? So he's now a sheath agent? Apparently. Oh, okay. S-H-E-A-T-H. Uh...

I do nothing. You don't tell me this? All right, what do you write on the letter? I was half paying attention to your instructions because I knew Blaine had to take care of it. You said you want him to come here, but also to send his... The recipe for the anti... Cessna. Cess, yeah. Cess.

Exactly. Nothing else? Uh, no, that's it. Yeah, we need that recipe for the elixir so we can get the ingredients ready for him. Just ask him if he's an agent of sheath. Just to PS, are you agent of sheath? Please, yes or no. What's the limit on the Cartus D.I.O.? Cartus D.I.O. are yonder letters or pairs of parchment that allow two creatures to communicate long distances via the written word. Any writing implement may be used to write a short letter of 25 words or less. Okay. Okay.

Right there. I don't want to use the quill. I want to go over to the typewriters. You said there's typewriters. Oh, yeah, yeah. There are typewriters, yeah. I'm going to go do that and prove that I'm listening to you guys. Yeah. Here you go. I'm going to count it for you on my hands. Okay. I'm not starting yet. I'm not starting yet. I'm not starting yet. I'm the one typing. I'm the one typing. I'm going to throw this heavy metal dice over to you. It is heavy metal. Bonjour. Bonjour.

Really? Really? One. He's being... They're being played. This is Mati Compisous, the Eric Cochran ghost monk. Eric Cochran's one word. I think we only have one use of this, by the way. Yeah. You have eight. All right. How many have I done? Eight. Eight? Okay. Nine. Bonjour. This is Mati Compisous, the Eric Cochran ghost monk. I was right then. You said I was wrong. I didn't. Yeah. All right. Anyway, we're doing it.

How are you? I'm fine. Oh my god. Gigi is too. How many am I at? By my count, that's 17? 17. I got plenty. You have seven words left. That's plenty. Come to sheath. Uh, anti-cessness... What? Elixir. Elixir? Was anti-cessness hyphenated? Yes. Okay. Okay.

Does that count as one word then? Send anti-cestness elixir recipe. 24. And then I have Gigi get a little ink on his paw and do a paw print on it. Oh, cute. 25. Your pictures count. Emojis. How many emojis can I use? We'll say each emoji counts as one. Could Elga come over? It doesn't include it, but scribbles on the bottom. I am also a bad...

You start scribbling, but the paper just won't take. It won't write on there. All right, make me a persuasion check, Mateed. That's a 17. That's a 17. Okay.

Yeah, you fire off. Why am I doing a persuasion check with this? Oh, because I'm sending him a message asking for it. Right, yeah. It makes sense. How persuasive was my typing? It's pretty good, 17, pretty good. Your inquiry about how he's doing is much appreciated. No one ever takes the time to ask. What's the most persuasive margins? What about typing? One inch. One inch, okay. Did you use Comic Sans? Yeah. It's a typewriter. After a moment, you get a response.

I'm not entirely sure what's happening, but I appreciate the urgency and gravity of the situation. I can be in final lock in an hour. And then there's a list at the end of it. See? Nailed it. I nailed it. Iron ore, dragon leaf tree root, lockwood, archon flowers, and wolfsbane. One more time. Iron ore. Iron ore, dragon leaf tree root, lockquid, like L-O-C-H-Q-U-I-D. It's liquid from lockcessness. Archon flowers, like...

Arcane flowers with an O instead of an A. Fancy. And wolfsbane. And a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. Isn't wolfsbane the stuff that the wolfman was taking? I am wolfsbane right here. It's a plant. Back in the first couple episodes, I put wolfsbane in a book and pressed it. Wolfsbane. Wolfsbane in a book. I'm a wolfsbane burrito. And pressed it to save it. You did? Yeah. Nice.

Nice. There's no time to waste. I'm sending you all back into the village of Fonolok to collect the ingredients we need for the elixir. The only ingredient that isn't local is ironically the one we already have, thanks to Barnabas Farney. Well, looky here. That's Agent Barnabas Farney. It's in my alms box.

Do we still have those badges, the cold badges that are switched now? Yes. You think about that and you look at it and you realize that now it no longer says C-O-L-D. It says S-H-E-A-T-H. Look, our magic badges change. It still says sheath. Isn't that a bad idea? It's like, hey, look, secret agent, man. Well, perhaps you should cover it up. Why are you wearing it like that? I don't even think I should be wearing it to begin with. What if we get captured? Well, how else are you going to identify yourself to another sheath agent? Isn't there like a secret handshake?

Yeah, and you know, in Dagger, we've got a secret little chant. Well, do you want to make a secret handshake? We could make one right now. Well, I mean, are you going to communicate it to every other agent of Sheath? No, it could be our handshake. How is it a secret if everyone knows it? It's because the agents of Sheath know it. No, no, no. We need to develop a handshake for every agent. Gus has figured out how to yes Andy right now and still make him mad. That's still...

Chief Inspector Wizard, I apologize for my friendship. I think it just hasn't had his breakfast this morning. Would you like a day old donut? There's some in the table right there. He's a little hangry. I may help myself not to perpetuate any stereotypes. I was going to say. I'm hungry. I am too.

We're old men who eat early. So do you present the Wulffsbane, Barney? I mean, yeah. Good answer. You mean yeah or yeah? Yeah, I mean, I thought I did. Oh, no, I'm just like, I'm clarifying. So you pull it out of your own box? You said you had it. I found it. You are using your pickaxe to get Minecraft materials. Ugh.

Sorry, I just realized that as I thought about the ingredients. Wow, that was really good. Were you doing like Minecraft music? I was trying to. Siren reaches out one of their appendages to you, Barney. Careful, it's poisonous. Oh, man, you remembered. I was hoping you'd forgotten. All right, yeah, how do you hand it over then? Or you just let Siren grab it? Well...

Are we giving them all until we collect them, or are we giving them as we get them? I mean, we'll bring it here eventually, right? It wouldn't be the worst to just have it there for safekeeping at HQ. That way we don't lose it out in the field. I mean, I've had it this entire... I know, but you know... Stuff. I'll keep it for now, because I don't... Are you certain you can hand it over to Siren for safekeeping in case anything happens? Just give it to her. Just give it. Just give it.

Like what? You could get robbed. Yes. Old men like you are targets on the train. That's true. All right. Can I give Siren some of it? Sure. Because I had a... How much of it is needed? Can I keep some? Sure. Okay. Give like half of it? Yeah. I know. You can't let go of anything. You're just like an absolute hoarder. I'm suspicious of like...

Just like giving away stuff. Yeah, like a hoarder. Yes! He didn't have this case with that. Yes! You should see my apartment. Yeah, something you've never used. It's just been in your sheet.

I knew I had it immediately. To maximize our time, I would recommend that you all split up into teams of two. Each team will find and secure one ingredient from the recipe. I will send Sadate and Siren as one team and two more of my agents as another. That leaves you four to split into pairs. Okay. So bring your father to work, Dave.

Barney. I grab Chip. And we fly off. I guess this would be a good father-daughter bonding moment. I would be honored. Okay. Why do you whisper that so much? Also, Dylan.

What ingredient does each pair want to go for? We want to get the iron bar.

Iron ore. Wait. There's iron ore, lockwood, dragon leaf, tree root, arcane, arcone flowers. I think I kept saying dragon leaf. It should be dragon leaf. Dragon leaf. What do you want to get, Chip? Dragon leaf, tree root.

So they seem like more like floral type things, plants. I was going to say iron ore, that should probably go to Elga because they might have to mine for it. Get it. Use that axe. So if Elga and Barney are going for the iron ore, then Chipmunk have to choose between dragon leaf tree root, lockwood, or arcone flowers. You want lockwood? Let's go lockwood. Let's go lockwood. I hope you didn't go for that one. Um.

Good. That does sound fun. More dangerous. I'm down for it. I want adventure. We're just getting some iron. I'm secretly trying to get Chip killed so he's a ghost with me. Ghost buddies. Yeah. I welcome death. I miss my wife. Siren turns around, opens up a couple of drawers, and rummages around for a second, then spins around.

Hand open, outstretched in front of you all. High five. I know, that's what I was thinking. In Siren's hands are four rings that you high five out and they clatter down onto the floor. All right, see you later. Chip awkwardly gets on his knees and has to pick them all up. I call heart. Are they different in some way, the rings? These rings are ring of fauna form. And what does that do? It turns them.

Animals? Oh, do we look like the Nessians? You can change your appearance to appear like a local fauna lotion. Oh, fauna lotion. Okay. Yeah, so there's four of them. What do they look like? Oh, I'm glad you asked. Yay! Give yourself an inspiration, Doc. Thank you. We're asking a question. I'm just kidding. Okay.

It's a bronze ring that's inscribed with a rune. It's not necessarily in a language you understand, but it looks kind of like, from your perspective or the languages you know, it looks like an M and a W joined together with like an A, like a tongue shape, like an A between them. Like a maw? Kind of, yeah. It's just you pronounce it muah. You? Muah.

What do you mean you? What do Fauna lotions look like? Meta-game wise, you can choose an appearance of one of the different Fauna fams. There's like six different ones. That's cool. So the ring will allow you to disguise your physical appearance as well as your clothing, your armor, your weapons and everything.

and it takes an action for you to activate it, an action if you want to dismiss it. If you don't dismiss it, it lasts for an hour. There are K-miners, which are like dog-like moles that live in dens and are proficient at digging. Deffolins, which are ethereal cats that live in tree roots and they're proficient at defense. Didn't we fight, or we came across those? You did. Urstructs, which are bipedal bear-like beasts that live in caves and are proficient at building.

Benequins, which are elemental horses that live in fields and they're proficient at therapy. I need one of those. Aromers, which are squirrel-like lemurs that live in treetops and they're proficient at reconnaissance. That's the other one we can't even count those. And refibs, which are saurian quadrupeds with protruding bones that live near the lake and they're proficient at medicine.

Maybe the, uh, Rayfebs are good for the Lockwood. Yeah, but they don't sound as fun as a big ol' bear guy. I figured you were gonna go with Benequin, because you're a horse girl. I was actually thinking the deaf one, so that way you could have me and Gigi. Meow! We gotta go to the water, though. I mean, you do you. Okay, so, uh, Elga picks up her ring, at least. Same. As you all are picking them up. Same.

Weezer says, "Remember, each team has one hour to get their ingredient. Then everyone meets back at the Awning Amphitheater due west. Any questions?" Can we race? If you turn into one thing, can you turn it and you don't like it, can you change into the other one? Yes. The ring has two charges. Okay. Where are we meeting when we find our ingredients? The Awning Amphitheater. Where's the amphitheater? You can't miss it.

It's due west from here once you're on the surface level again. Is it amphitheater? Because is it on the waterfront?

Yes. It's amphitheater because it can be either in the water or on the land. It is due west. Okay. Just hold the ring high above your head. Say form of and then the form you want. Okay. I put my ring towards Chip so we can touch rings while we do it. Wonder friends activate. Ghost buddies. Form of refib. Or form of, form of, form of a

- In the form of K-minor. - In the form of Urstrup. - With our powers combined, we are sheath. - No! - At that point, a spiral staircase lowers from the ceiling and you all make your way back upstairs to the surface. Judging by the increased mugginess and shadows on the forest floor, it would appear to be early afternoon.

- Didate and Siren transform into Aromers and head into the trees along with other sheath agents. Just to see who's gonna go first, one of each of you from the pair roll a d20 just to determine it. - 16. - And we are a seven. - Okay, so we're gonna go with Chipmunk first.

All the actions are happening at the same time, so we'll kind of cut back and forth. I'm gonna set a timer. If things drag, we can keep going. We make sure we keep going. Okay. We have 10 minutes each or until you accomplish it or whatever. Cool. We only need five. You all were going for the Lockwood, correct? Yes. So you head over, you know, to Lock Cessna, which is incredibly easy to find. And as you're approaching the shore of the lake, you see a refib wandering around.

Bonjour, brethren! Oh, you're Reefib, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You startle her and she looks up. Oh, oh, hello there. You must have snuck up on me. Yes, I must have. How are you doing today? Good. My name's Cobb. What's your name? Dobb. Dobb? My brother's name is Dobb. It's a beautiful name. Yeah, very common name. Yes. What are you all up to? Just viewing the lake, you know.

Just kind of palling around. Palling around. Yeah. Mickey, both of you make a perception check. 17. Ooh, 19. Look at you. Yeah, it didn't matter. You should have been a cat this whole time. Cobb says, I don't think I've seen you two here before. Are you all new in town? No. Yeah, we're just from the other side of the lock. The other side of the lock? Uh-huh. What's over there?

It's a phrase, you know, it's not actually literally the other side of the lock, you know, it's like on the other side of town. Yeah. Make a deception check, Chip. Okay. 19. Yeah. Okay, I just didn't realize there was anything over there. I guess you must have your own cabin or something. Yeah, you should come visit sometime. Oh, really? Give me specific directions, I'd love to. Well, you look at the lock.

And then across that lock, that's where we are. Oh, okay. You just gotta have to come visit us sometime. You notice as you're talking and, you know, pointing and giving directions that Cobb seems to be carrying a crate and there's another crate behind her on the ground. What's in the crate? What's in the box? What's in the crate? This, I'm setting up to the corner cops just north of here. I've got my ancestral remembrance tea. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I sell it there at the market. How much? How much? How much?

Well, depends. What do you have for trade? We got gold from the outside world, you know, but also some wares.

How much, you know, maybe we can bargain. We'd love to support local business. You know, us being from the lock. Blaine just looked at me with the widest eyes possible. Don't have much use for gold. Yeah, me neither. That's what I'm trying to get rid of it. Am I right? I have a gemstone. Say, where are your piercings? That's a very good question. I remember back. I go, where are my piercings? What happened? What?

Oh no, no! Dob, where'd your piercings go? What about yours? I didn't get your name. Bob! My name is Bob! I remember back to the Deflins that we fought once. Can I do a sleight of hand, a high five? We fought those two Deflins. Do I recall piercings on them? Neither of us are Deflins. I'm a Deflin. Oh, you're a Deflin. I'm a cat.

Make a wisdom check. Okay. Oh, my God. There's one. I remember them, too. I'm going to do an inspiration die on that. Okay. Thank God. 17. 17. You remember that one? That's Bob yelling 17. Bob. One of the defilins did have piercing. Where was it? The one that you saw had it on the ear. Okay. I spin around as if to be like patting myself down. And then in that moment...

You gonna pierce your ear right now? No, I'll use... Okay, I have a disguise kit. Can I like briefly just kind of like tap my body and then as I turn around like slip like something under my ear? Yeah, make a slight hand check. Okay, all right. That would be... You gotta be high on this. That's okay, I got it. No, I'm saying you are a rogue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be all right.

19. Oh, okay. You deftly, as a deftly, put a clip on earring on. Okay, and I turn around and say, oh, there it is. Oh, I guess I didn't see it. Yeah, you know. Where's yours? I don't wear one. Stop talking. I don't...

You're making it worse. You're really just like, you found that hole and you're just digging in. You're like, kind of your head popped up for a second and then just immediately went right back down into it. John also just articulated my feelings on most Stinky Dragons. Stop talking, you're making it worse. You don't know anything. Just making conversation. Conversation. Blah.

So, Dob, I guess you lost it. Do you need help? Here, let me look down. I'll help you look. And Cobb begins looking around on the ground. And as she does so, she kind of loses grip on the crate of ancestral remembrance tea that she has. And it drops to the ground and the crate cracks open and the tea spills everywhere, including on you guys. Both of you make dexterity saving throws. Oh, it's like tea, tea. For some reason, my brain went like tea leaves. No, no, no, no.

So what's the saving doing? Dexterity saving throw. Oh, I'm good at that. You say that and you're going to fail it. 22. Yeah, the glass shards and liquid fly everywhere. Both of you successfully make your saving throw. So you only take one point of damage from like the glass that hits you. Oh, my mom. So sorry. Please. I need to do something to make this up to you here. Let me see what I have. I'll give you something. Okay. Okay, Dob. That's no worries. Dob. Cob. Cob.

Your friend is Dob. Yeah, sorry. I, you know, bonked on the head this morning. How close are we to the lock? Can I throw him? Is your friend okay, Dob? He's had a rough day. He asked me about my piercings, which is just...

Bizarre? You asked about my fears! All the other deathlings have been making fun of him lately, and he's going through a rough time, and I thought bringing him down to the lock would be a nice little day to get him out, you know, and so he's just a little off today. Oh, I understand. You know how it goes. Here, I'll tell you what. If it's okay with you two, I'll give you a couple bottles of my Ancestral Remembrance tea. Here, one each. Oh, cool. Yeah. I'm so, again, so sorry. That's okay. Thank you so much. What a gracious gift. Ancestral Remembrance.

I guess we'll have to figure out what this does later, because I think asking right now would be a bad idea. Yeah, yeah. It's like... It's toilet water. Metagame-wise, it's a potion of guidance. Oh! We know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to add that to my inventory then. Okay, well, I have to hurry. I have to get to the corner cops. You two stay safe out there. May the mob be with you. Oh, yes. And with you. See you later, Cobb. Yeah, Cobb begins marching off, carrying the crate to the north. Turn to Chip and go...

Nailed it. Yeah, you guys are so good at this. We should be agents of the machine. Don't forget that I'm already one. Oh, yeah, you're right. Let's go get this liquid. Potentially one of the oldest, maybe. I found a chief. You don't know. And neither do you. I don't. You don't know. Do you know? Someone tell me. All right, yeah, you walk up, and the lock is huge. It's massive, lapping up against the shore there. I'm going to take a pause there, and we'll switch to the other group at that point. A pause?

We'll switch back over to Barney and Elga. Do you all have a team name? Team Family Matters. I call Urkel.

You all walk to the outskirts of town and come upon the framed entrance of a mine in the side of a hill. And we're doggies? I'm a doggie, you're a bear. I'm a bear. Standing outside of the... Look at his character. Standing outside of the mine is an elderly, decrepit K-miner with a pierced nose named Edgardo. Why did I say that? With a pierced nose. He looks up at you and he kind of perks up. Oh, okay.

Hello Hello there, if we could get a name, can I get it to the mine? Edgardo? How did you know that? What? Witchcraft You could cut that if you want No, that stays in That's comedy gold Well, of course you know, it's on my name tag right here Edgardo Yes Is that like Ed, but you're a guard of the mine, so it's Edgardo? I never thought of it that way Guess my name You are...

Robert. No, but close. This is going to go on forever. Um, Rivaldo. You got it. Oh, Rivaldo. Good to meet you. We're friends now. Great talk show. Oh, yes. Would you care for a seat, Rivaldo? A seat? Yeah, right next to me. He pats the chair next to where he's sitting. Okay. Yeah.

We're just looking to get some iron. Just, you know. Oh, you came to the right place. Cool. You see, this mine has all kinds of ores and minerals. In fact, my grandson's down there right now. He's a miner. I'm waiting for him to get off working first shift. You're making miners work? Ha ha ha!

Child labor. Staring at Barbara. That was pretty good. Yeah, of course. Whales do expect miners to work, but in the mine. Their small hands can get in there. You're so cheap. As you're talking, a violet tremor begins shaking the ground. Both of you make dexterity saving throws. Do I get advantage on this? Yeah, you would. 18. Oh, man.

Six. Oh. That's with advantage. Rivaldo, you manage to stay on your feet. However, Elga, you fall to the ground. The mine collapses with rocks falling into it. Oh no. Oh no. Charlie, you too. You have to help me. We have to save my grandson. Of course. That's my dog. Mole voice. Yes, we must save him and also get

Yes, I'm sure the tremor freed it from the walls of the mine. Could Elga get up and go to try to start clearing, I'm guessing, like fallen rocks and whatnot? Edgarda says, wait, wait, before you do that, let us pray to the Great Maw to give you the luck and the strength to successfully free the miners. One of you, please recite your favorite proverb. Oh, so many. Ah.

Favorite proverb? Yes, of course. Let's bow your heads. This is, of course, from the divine breath, the wisdom from the Mormon tradition. What other one would we choose? Can I do like a history check to see if I know any of this? If not, I can just totally... Make a religion check. Ooh. 15. I like how you said that with such... I was... It's not bad.

Not bad. That's a good roll. I guess if you don't have any modifiers, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to send you one. I was really hoping to hear Chris just improvise. I kind of was too. Behind the curtain, he's not going to get the entire thing. He's going to have to improvise a little bit. Okay, okay. It's Mad Libs. As the great bomb rays, so do we live. And in its exhale, we return to the lake.

Oh, thank you. Edgardo's eyes open. He looks up at you. That's not how I remember it. As it exhales, we return to the pale blue light. Why did you choose pale? Just curious. I don't know. It's the new King James Version. As we do live, as a great mob breathes, so do we live. And as it exhales, we return to the death. Death?

My breath here is just very shaken by the tremors. Understood, understood. It's just very nervous. Of course, as the Great Maw breathes, so do we live. And in its exhale, we return to the Cosmic Gorge. Clearly. Yes, that's what I was trying to think of. Yes, apparently. May the Maw bless us and give us the strength to free those trapped.

Aima. Aima. That's good. That's good. All right. So, Elga, you said you were going to go and try to start like sifting through the rubble. Yeah, like clearing it out of the, I guess, opening. Yeah. Why don't you go ahead and make me a strength check? Why not? Net 20 and a 25. Nice. And as this dog miner thing that I am, do I have any...

to like dig also? Well, it's not that it transforms you into these creatures. It's more like a disguise. So you don't really have anything like... It doesn't give you abilities. Right, exactly. You know, it's very illusionary. So like, for example, if it gave you an appendage that you don't actually have and someone went to like touch it, they would just pass through there. The things that we're proficient at as these forms, we aren't actually proficient at, like in reality. Correct. Those...

Those creatures have those proficiencies, but you do not. Gotcha. So how are you going to approach it? Barney Elga said she was going to go up and start moving some of the rubble. She got a 25 on that strength check. Yeah. It's rock, not metal. Correct. Then I would just, I think I'd use my walker and like whack at it like a pickaxe, double-sided pickaxe thing. Sure. Make a strength check as well. Rock and stone. Oh, fuck.

Dirty Tony. Nice. Yeah, you both begin very quickly pulling out rocks and smashing them to bits and sifting it away. Edgardo tries to help a little bit, but he's pretty old. He's kind of feeble, but he does his best to help out. After a little bit of time, you all are able to clear enough way so that you can see some miners who are injured and trapped. Could I reach them by any chance? Yeah, you're able to. You're kind of small. You can scamper in there.

I want to pull him out. Okay, yeah. Make another strength check. Dirty 20. Okay, yeah. You grab on and you're able to lead some of the miners out, including Charlie. Oh, thank Moth for you all. We thought we were trapped in there for sure. It's a good thing we prayed. Oh, yes, indeed. Oh, speaking of which, let's all recite another line. Yes.

From the divine breath. Please, you saved us. You lead us in prayer. They all bow their heads. Okay. Feels like this town is just perpetually at church camp. Yeah. Can I also do a religion check? Yeah, make a religion check. Okay. 13? Okay, I'll send you part of one. Okay, we bow our heads to feed on...

Our souls is to nourish the soul. In sacrifice, we find the essence of Ma. They look at each other quizzically. Maybe they got hit on the head a little harder than they realized when they were down below. And Edgardo says, oh, don't worry. They're just a little exhausted. Ma-men.

What? What? It's the end of the print. Amen, but mamin. Oh, and then Edgardo continues. To feed the great ma is to nourish the soul. In sacrifice, we find the essence of devotion. Yes, that is what I said. Yes, yes, of course. It sounds like maybe the trauma of almost losing your grandson made you hear different things. Oh, wow.

Oh, okay. I just helped you out. Elga's into trauma blaming. To feed the soul. What was it? To feed? To feed? The maw. The great maw. The great maw. Is to nourish the soul. In sacrifice, we find the essence of devotion. Oh, that's like that lake ritual where they just threw a bunch of bodies in the lake in... Midsummer. As you finish up your prayer, Elga, you spot various pieces of ore amongst the debris and the rubble. Could I pick it up? Yeah. Barney, we got the ore. Mmm. Or did we? Ha.

Can we pick some up? Yeah. You just did what you said a few episodes ago. It was hard to do. Laugh in voice. Can we take it back with us? Yeah. Where are y'all going again? The amphitheater in town. Due west. All right. Yeah. You all grab some more and make your way to the amphitheater. We'll cut back to Chipmunk over there.

Yeah, so you two are standing at the edge of the lock. Well, guess you gotta get some lockwood. I take a piece of rope and I wrap it around Chip and I throw him into the lake. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a devlin. I'm fishing for stuff. All right, yeah, so you tie the rope around Chip and toss him into the lock. Chip, make me a constitution saving throw. Okay. Okay.

At 20. He was mad for the water. Yeah, you get tossed into the lock whip. And then I guess, Mateed, you pulled him out? Yeah. Open your mouth.

I also have empty bottles from like the jar of the baboon and all that stuff. You've also forgotten the last five minutes. Your memory's just blank. Who am I? How long ago was our interaction? I don't want to forget, Dom. It would be a little... Just the last five minutes. The last five minutes is like your conversation with Cobb here at the...

At the shore. I'll tell you about God later. Okay. I don't know how I ended up in the water, but I guess this is awkward, so I start bottling it up. Perfect. And I reel him in. Okay. And make me a strength check just to pull Chip in.

That's a nine. You don't have any... Maybe because Chip's all wet, there's a current that's pulling him out. It's really hard, and Chip, with all the lockwood you've bottled up, you begin slowly sinking into the lock. Okay, I start... Maybe a constitution check to see if you're able to hold your breath okay. The plan is working. Just to check the time.

Six. Oh, 20's gone. You're very quickly running out of breath. You feel your strength being sapped from your muscles. Not his muscles. I make another pull. Alright, make another pull. Make another strength check. Yeah, this is totally gonna be fine. Roll the one.

Make me another constitution check. Is this a save or- or- A check. Did you know that this is how you would die? What'd you roll? One! *laughter*

You feel, uh... I'll be with Carol soon. The world closing down, blackness taking over your vision, your vision only coming down to small points in front of your eyes. I yell out, Chip, stop playing around and get over here. I feel at peace. No, no, I'm fine. Can I do another check? Chip, you have a vision of murky liquids swirling all around you. Carol, I'm coming!

And you see silhouettes above you. Angels? Oh, it's like when I died. Mateed, make another strength check. Definitely no belt. 15. Okay, maybe you weren't able to get a good grip on the rope or something, but finally you're able to grasp it well and you pull Chip out of the water onto the ground and Chip is not breathing. Here it comes. Yuck.

Yuck. Mouth to mouth. I saw Blaine take a very violent sip of his water. I do the chest compressions. Oh, okay. Yeah, you give Chip a couple of chest compressions. Make a medicine check.

I rolled a one. There goes that rib. That's five. Chip spits out a bunch of water and pops it up. And you hear like a rib snap. Oh, no. Chip, you are back in the land of the living. Oh, man.

Indeed, I think I belly flopped into that lock. I don't remember. I go close to him. I go, I saved you. I owe you a Wookiee life debt. Yes, you do, in fact. Now let me tell you about this friend named Cobb. Tell me more. What is my name in this situation? Cobb is this mean ref refib who threw you into the lake. All right, so you've got your lock with you.

Okay. Do my memories come back? I love when a plan comes together. But will they though? Oh, I don't want to forget Cobb. Lovely exchange. All right. So do you all head back to the amphitheater as well? Yeah. To the east.

No. We go the opposite direction. We want to go to the other side of the lock to see where we live. Oh, right. Yeah. You eventually go around the entire world. You'll get there. As you're walking to the amphitheater, your memories do start to come back, Chip. After a while. And I am...

Vibe check!

Yeah, vibe check. Vibe check! Should we talk to him first? Vibe check! Make your vibe checks. All that sugar's hitting everyone. What is it, perception? Insight. They don't let you tell the story. I know, I've got a long block of green here. That's fine, vibe check. 11, 23. Something seems off. The little hairs on the back of your neck stand up and you hear a very slow clap. Oh no. And high up in the shaded western stands you see a dark figure rise from a seat in the very back.

Oh, how I love the theater, the drama, the suspense, the twists. And the figure steps forward into the light. You see the pale man with blonde curly hair wearing a top hat, black suit and red ascot. But he isn't alone. Ah.

But what is an outing without family? Right, father? To the north you see a young girl with piercing blue eyes emerge from shady leaves. She curtsies her silk black and blue dress, then yanks on a translucent chain, and an elvish woman in navy cloak falls to the ground, bound in see-through shackles and gagged with a red ascot. A third voice calls from the south. Personally, I come for the comedy. But I stay for the tragedy.

You turn to see a green-eyed, skinless figure take to the stage and quickly kick the alchemist to his knees. Eddie grips the man's neck with a clawed hand, his jagged smile never fading. Now everyone take a seat and let's enjoy the finale! ♪

Oh, man. I yell at Avena. I'm going to send you to another realm permanently. Wait, are we still doggies? Am I in mole? After all that, Chris is like, are we still doggies? Find out what that means in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Dun, dun, dun.

Did you know you can directly support the show by becoming a patron at patreon.com slash stinky dragon patrons like at Joe man, 20 XTX at Natalie Festin at Suze at Patrick movie and at Ethan Saleti for as little as $5 a month. These patrons directly support the show and get ad free episodes access to our patron only discord server bonus content like second wind and behind the screen and coming soon in July. See squad, a superhero D and D mini series, not a patron yet,

Here's a taste of What You're Missing. Gus, why don't you introduce yourself? Oh my god, you found me. Hi. You're Madeline, right? I'm Aeneas. You probably don't know me. Aeneas? Is that like actually a real name? Yeah. You can call me Darkius. Everyone calls me Darkius. Wow, that's really not that much better. Well, kids make fun of Aeneas.

And not Dorkius? Well, they gave me the name Dorkius and I don't think it was with good intentions. Well, are you also like waiting for this bus or? Yeah, I kind of wish they would get here. Yeah, if you could just like, I guess, stay like five feet away from me or something. Like, I don't want people to think that we're friends or like we know each other. I get it. I get it. That's why I'm in the bus. Dorkius or Gus. It's okay. You can call Gus Dorkius as well.

Again, that's patreon.com/stinkydragon. We can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show. This week's arrow question was submitted by Chazz Surfboard on Discord. Here's some NPCs in this episode that were submitted by or named after patrons. Siren the Steam Golem, named for technically Siren.

Edgardo the caved-in K-minor named by Navidude, Charlie the kid K-minor named after Sticky Charles, and Cobb the recompensing refib named after Cobbo. Also want to thank some friends for writing voiceover for characters in this episode like The Alchemist voiced by Blizz at BlizzBear, Eddie voiced by Andrew Rosas at Mr. Andrew Rosas, Evaina Von Brath is voiced by Kristen Nelson,

at Christina Lynn Hugo Von Brath voiced by Trevor Collins at underscore Trevor C Sedati Tempour voiced by Patty Reisinger and Weezer voiced by Micah Reisinger at Micah Reisinger this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst written edited composed by Micah Reisinger head over to patreon.com slash stinky dragon for all things stinky tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon

PSA to all youngins listening. We've got to reclassify this podcast as educational. Take that, NPR. That really hurt coming out of my mouth. NPR. Public funded. We can't compete with that. We're not even funded.