C02 - Ep. 42 - Vengeance in Vainia - This Sferatu Be Good
01:10:22 Share

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or maybe therapy day.

When your schedule is packed with different things like kids activities, work projects, maybe listening to a podcast, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I think everyone agrees that therapy is beneficial for a whole host of things, whether that's learning coping skills or setting boundaries. I think it can help empower you

and help you figure out how to be the best version of yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy, you can give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if you want, you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash stinky dragon today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash stinky dragon.

This is a Rooster Teeth production. How do you do, all you dretches? Bemoan your way into the stinky dragon. Swallow our latest swill. Chagrining from ear to ear. It's a mixture of vanilla vice cream micro-caved with bitalion blend espresso coffee. One drip of this self-detesting drink is enough to shrink any stink that would make your heart sink.

Previously, our adventurers were communing at a convention, conveying communiques when they encountered Countess Von Broth. After egressing to Elga's home, they engaged in a grim game with Avena that left them evading unforeseen foes. Grab a guzzler and let's get back to this gassy goss. ♪

Let's get back. The narrator's a little more wacky. I like to think that when Micah writes these episodes and the intros, that the amount of time spent writing is like...

10% episode, 90% intro of just like rhyming and alliteration. There's a lot of it. I like Vitalian blend espresso coffee. That might be one of my favorites. That's good, yeah. Hello, everyone. I'm Gustavo Sorolla. I'm the Dungeon Master of our Puget Party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Whee!

Missed me. No, I got you. Take 2d8 points of damage. This week's role-playing warm-up question is, what's a hidden talent your character possesses? Something they don't tell many people about and no, murder doesn't count. I'm looking at you, Chip. Oh, hey. Oh, oh.

Calling you out, Mr. Haney or Count Haney. Disengage. I sneak. I hide. Count Haney. Well, if you point me out, you know, first, then I'll go first. Hey there. It's God. I always start with the character voice. Then I got to say, it's me, Blaine Gibson. Just do it all in your character voice. Hey, it's me, Blaine Gibson. No, that was weird. That was really weird. Yeah, it's strange. It's me, Blaine Gibson. I play Chip Haney. He's a little tiefling rogue, level seven. And...

And, oh, it's a talent that I don't like to show off to too many people, but I'm a bit of a master of impressions. Oh, really? Yeah. You know, it does help with the killing, I'll be honest with you. But, you know, sometimes when you're on the job, you got to act like you're someone you're not. Oh. Yeah, so I can do, I can do, it's me, it's Diego. Everyone did not get that

from that. Oh, that's so good. That's so good. This is my favorite one. Whoa, we have two Elgas, two Barnys, and two Matins. Oh, my seeing quadruple. That makes no sense.

That's really good, Chip. I had no idea you were such a master of voice manipulation. You know I practice. I got a lot of spare time on my hands now, not with my wife. I'm going to keep reminding you. Every episode, top the episode. Carol dead. Real bummer. It's good to give us updates. You went from missing wife to dead wife. At least there's no questions about it anymore. Yeah, Carol watch.

Still dead. I'll go next. Okay, go for it, Elga. Or Barbara. Belga. I am Barbara Dunkelman. And I play Elga Von Brass, the half-elf female vampire barbarian level seven. That's correct. John was looking at me as if I did not know what I was saying. No, no, no. I was just paying attention to my good friend, Bimmy Dunks. And Elga actually has...

a lot of hidden talents because Elga has had a lot of time, uh, just being at home inside, not doing much. So Elga sounds like me. Did Elga have to stay inside during COVID? Is that what I'm hearing? She didn't even know it was happening. And Elga, so Elga can, she's really good at playing the piano. Um, she's really good at drawing and sketching and painting. Um,

And also, Elga is really good at holding her breath for long periods of time. Oh, really? Does Elga have a record? Does she keep track of that? Yeah, 6 minutes and 72 seconds, which she means is 7 minutes and 12 seconds. Totally a real number.

She started counting and then forgot to switch it to the next minute. You were reaching the end and, you know, your brain doesn't work as well, I guess. Exactly. That's a made-up world. Time could be that minutes are like 84 seconds. Yeah, why not, right? Yeah, you know? Yeah. But then a short rest would change and a long rest would change. Well, that's the meta side. We're talking about actually in the world. In the world, yeah. I live in the world. I'm here. Welcome to reality. Yeah.

Christopher, do you want to go? I'm Chris Damaris and I play the human cleric Barney Farney. It cracks me up every time you say Barney Farney. And a lot of people don't know this about me, but I'm a bit of a jokester. Oh. Nope, we do not know that about you. I have yet to learn that. Knock, knock. Oh, who's there?

Tank who? You're welcome. Burn! Knock, knock. Who's there? Fix. Fix who? Fix the doorbell. It's not working. It got me. Close his laptop. Just close his laptop.

Just close it. Just close the laptop. Close the lid. Who's there? Cal says. Cal says who? No, Cal says who. I saw that coming from a mile away. But Tina can't breathe. It's like when you're driving around, you got like a little kid in the back seat and they've got your prisoner and they're just like saying the lamest jokes. That's when you do a break check. Oh, no. The one father at the table just revealed a lot. Oh, no.

Kids are resilient. They'll be fine. The dental pop right out. And they're all baby teeth. That's everybody.

No, no, no, no. We got one more. Mati, what do you do? What is your secret talent? Bonjour. Je m'appelle Jean Reisinger. I play Mati Confissus, the Cochrane ghost monk. And my hidden talent is that while I have enjoyed, you know, crafting and refining everything about my body and everything about baking, I also have a love of music.

And I actually have created seven dozen symphonies in my lifetime. That's a lot. How many? Maybe Elga could play one on the piano since she plays piano. Yeah, Mati, drop your mixtape. This guy over here, he did some pretty good organ playing the other day, if I recall correctly. Yeah, what?

You rolled like a nat 20. Yeah. What are, how can I phrase this? Since Chip is such a natural at the organ, does he have any favorite chords or keys that he likes to play? Oh, I can't pick just one favorite. They're all so good. What if you just name a chord? Yeah. What if I did that? I bet you, I genuinely, I'm not messing with you. I bet you, you could stumble into one. It's not...

I'm a minor. There you go. You did it. I'm a master. Do any of your symphonies involve the Theorbo?

They do not. I forgot about that. Chris Googled that again. What would he do without his computer? What's a furmo? That's that big, big, big, that big, big, I don't know, it looks like a guitar for like a... It looks like if a guitar had a baby with a machine gun or something. That's the instrument Barney plays, right? Yeah, in a rock band. He would play. Would play in a rock band, yeah. In a rock band. We all know.

What's your favorite instrument in a rock band? The Orbo. The Orbo. That's when you knew the video game rock band was really jumping the shark. It wasn't going to last. The Orbo cells did not take off. Can that phrase in R&D and DB jump in the Orocs? Oh, that's so good. Let's make it. I don't know. I just thought that would be cute. Yeah, I'd jump the Orocs. Oh my goodness. I think that was Bart. That was good. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

All right, well, let's dive into it. M'oroks. Clang, clang, clang, clang. You hear the sounds of large bells chiming, but they sound different to the ones that were ringing earlier. And with a poof, shrouds of red mist start materializing in all the different rooms of the manor. And with them, the Sferatu. Avena begins screaming. Help! We're home! Oh!

Everyone roll initiative, but Barney, you rolled initiative in the last episode, and I think you were very proud of it, and you wanted to keep it. It was a 19. Yes. I think Micah was eyeing when I already had an initiative here for Barney. I know when Chris rolls good at the end of an episode, he wants to keep it for the beginning of the next episode, but if he had rolled bad, he would have been like, no, no, no, we'll re-roll. I know your games, Mr. Damaris. But I rolled because I was just ready for fighting, because Barney was on his, he was ready for bad. I don't

Prepping for battle the whole time. Always ready. I did a 16 because I have an advantage on initiative. All right. I did a 17. I rolled a...

He's doing the magic real life dice. Ten. How'd that work out for you? It's fine. It's fun. That's the good thing about, I've realized when you roll dice, even if it's bad rolling, there's still some satisfaction there. But then you have to do the math. I love math. I'm like Gus. I like math. We're going to switch to physical dice someday, right? I'm doing it now. I feel confident. I'm doing it now.

Because I really like it, and it's part of the game that we don't ever get to participate in, and I enjoy it. Also, the lights are going out. The power's going off, so we're going to have to... Yeah, we're going to be playing by candlelight here soon. Okay. Recording in gramophone or whatever. I'm just making a couple rolls over here for the Sferatu and for our NPCs. Well, I'm pretty sure it's time to do math when we're unemployed. What do you mean, when? Okay, let's...

Let's see here, Barney, you are gonna be first with 19. Then after you is Countess Von Broth at 18. - Oh wow. - Then we have Chip at 17, followed by a Quiffly also at 17. Oh wait, hold on. Hold the phone. One of the Sferatu out of 20. - Whoa. - So everyone's gonna get shifted down there. - Ring, ring, ring, ring. - The cleverly named Sferatu C. Thank you, Michael.

Sviratu? Elga, you're after Quiffly. Oh, Quiffly's involved. Yeah, well, Quiffly has to... He's here. Do something, right? I would think so. Sviratu. I just glared at Ben because he voices Quiffly. All right, well, up first is one of the Sviratu, and then Barney, you'll be acting after them. Okay. Okay. Yeah, so I guess they would, like I said, they materialize all around the manor. And Avena says...

How does she know?

What a little brat. Bat-bat. We're very different, me and Avina. Yeah, she's a little brat, you're a little bat. Hey. I'm giving myself an inspiration die here. You deserve it. I was involved in that joke, so I'm giving myself an inspiration die. An assisted inspiration die. It's at my expense, so. All right. Well, one of the Sferatu disappears again into a puff of red mist.

and goes through the wall to the north through Count Von Broth's room and rematerializes flying outside of the vamp spire close to you, Mateed. Oh, I thought I was going to get to take a break. I was already prepping like, I don't know there's combat going on and it's a game of hide and seek. I should stay out here. So then you're surprised is what I'm hearing. You know, you need a wind basket for it. So yeah, so from your perspective, you're out there, like you said,

playing with Gigi, I think. Yeah, yeah, because we made you do an animal handling check. And a mist of blood comes through the wall and coalesces into a Sferatu. Ew. About 15, 20 feet away from you and begins casting. And all around you, a cylindrical deluge of blood forms. Almost like a, it would be like a tidal wave, but since you're

you're floating and you're flying, it just kind of forms all this liquid that then crashes down on you and all around you. It's like Moog from Elden Ring. I didn't play Elden Ring, but I did see Carrie. So yes, it's like Carrie. Cool. So I'm getting a shower. So you need to make a strength saving throw. Oh, good news. I'm...

decent at strength savings when I push the button instead of doing it because it's reflex but I'll take it it's 18 would they sorry to interrupt this battle would they be attacking me we'll have to see okay well I would say for you right now Elga they might not necessarily see you because you're hiding inside that giant animal skin you're like an Elga burrito at the moment

But we'll deal with that when we get there. I'm with an Elga Kalachi. All right, so the... I'm hungry. You hungry, Blaine? I just activated his stomach. The pool of blood falls on you and it kind of like starts making you lose your ability to fly a bit, but you're able to shrug it off. And Matita is just so strong that they're able to overcome all of this liquid falling on them. I agree. You do not fall prone. Lucky for you.

And you do not take the bludgeoning damage. You don't even take half. Take two.

Oh, did you use your top of the order? How would a flying creature fall prone? Would they just fall to the ground? I would assume like they're not flying. You know, they're just like in a prone position, but falling. Like planking in midair. Like I'm dying and I'm doing an outdated weird thing. Planking. Yeah, remember that? Remember planking?

Micah's saying he didn't do half damage because it had a conditioned thing. It's okay Micah. We'll still get him. We'll still get him. Alright that's it. Hey wait a minute. That's uh let's see can it do anything else? And no it does that. Alright that's it for that Sviratu. Barney you're in Countess Von Bra's room and that's where the Countess and Quiffly are as well. And currently there is no Sviratu in this room with you. And the

Countess and Quiffly, how did they respond to the call that little Elga's sister made? They seem caught by surprise at the moment, like caught off guard, like they don't know what's happening. Okay. How far away is Chip from me? So you're in the southeastern portion of this residence. Just to the north of you is the parlor where you all were talking before, and then north of the parlor is Count Von Broth's room, and that's where Chip is pretending to be a trophy.

Okay. I just realized this place has wings like a bat. I wanna... Oh, I like that. Give yourself an inspiration, dog. Okay. Outside, can I exit?

quietly or like move outside to the parlor and make my way towards where Chip is. Sure. When you say quietly, does that mean you want to make a stealth check? Yeah, but I'm at greater invisibility. So... Oh, right. You are invisible, aren't you? Because I can't slot the... Let's see. I think that... So I'm going to read it, but I think he still has to deal with the noise. Yeah. I would imagine it's like... I think I get advantage on stealth, but then I have a disadvantage that would probably even out. That's what I'm... That's what I think as well. Yeah. So it's going to even out. So basically, you just make a regular stealth check because...

You're invisible, but you normally roll a disadvantage because of your loud armor, so it's going to cancel out. So make a stealth check, see if you're able to do it quietly. It's a 10. Okay. It's not terrible. And I want to make my exit there, leave them, and then make my way towards... As you exit the room and go to the parlor, you can see that there is indeed two Sferatu in Count Von Brath's room and one out in that center foyer where you all first came in. And there's none in that main area.

area. In the parlor? No. And where's Elga's sister? Avena, she's in the foyer over there because she was pulling the chain to alert this fraud to. Brett. Brett. Is Avena like gearing for combat? What is she doing? She make a perception check.

20. Oh, she's pretending to be super helpless. She's batting her eyes. Hey, get it? And pleading for help from the Sferatu. Just a heads up while Barney thinks. After Barney is the Countess and then Chip. Okay. I'm very curious to see how Countess Von Brath fight's.

If she fights. If she fights. If I go to Elga's sister, am I within like 30 feet of Chip? No, because Elga's sister is to, or Avena, I should say, is to the west, like in the other direction. Then I'll go towards where Elga's sister, or I'm sorry, where Chip is, and are there, and there's two, you said, in there? Yes, there are two, Sviratu and Count Von Brostrom. All right. And I will shoot one of them with my crossbow.

Okay, you don't care which one? Whichever one is closest to me, I guess. Okay.

I just want to make sure I'm within like the perimeter of a chip. Yeah, you're trying to get within the 30 feet. Yeah. Okay. If you're using a ranged attack though, shouldn't you be further away for better? Well, I mean, I think I can still, I don't, as long as I'm all like up close. Right. I think as long as Barney is more, like not in melee range essentially. Yeah. It should be okay. I have a question. Since I was invisible and came from like not the room, but is that a surprise? Am I surprising them? Do I get advantage on that or anything?

No, they know you're there. They know. Even invisible? Yeah, they can hear you. Oh. It's that loud clanging armor. The Barney signature. Yeah, I'll shoot. Shoot a crossbow. I'll roll for that. That's a 12. That does not hit. Okay. Shoot. And then...

Then as my bonus action, I'm going to cast spiritual weapon, which will take the form of a big vampire steak. And I'll summon that second level. And you begin casting your spiritual weapon. And as you're incanting to form it, one of the Sferatu mutters something under its breast and you feel the magic fizzle out and fail to form.

That still took my spell slot, is that correct? Yes. Oh, shoot. No!

All right. And then I'll use any of my remaining action to kind of move away a little. Are you staying in Count Von Broth's room? Yeah, yeah. Because you want to stay within 30? I still want to stay in that area so that Chip will definitely get my thingy. But I also just want to move so that I'm not like standing right where I attack from. Gotcha. And I guess that will be my turn. Okay. It's Countess Von Broth. And then after that is Chip. Okay.

Countess Von Broth begins running out of her room where she was talking to Quiffly, past the foyer into Count Von Broth's room where the bulker you are right now, and begins pleading with the Sferatu in there between the Sferatu and you, Elga. This is all a misunderstanding. Everything's fine in here.

We're not in danger. So she has a sense of where I am, I guess. Yes. Okay. She knows. You kids used to always play hide and seek. She knows Elga's favorite spot to hide in here. Even though she abandoned us many years ago. It was complicated. She said she's trying to persuade the Sephirot that this is all okay. There is no problem. These are her guests.

She has like triple advantage on persuasion, right? I think I heard that. She also is like a countess. Yes. So like I imagine that she would have some type of authority. Yeah, like quadruple persuasion. Yeah. Or just like auto like critical success. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I read that in the book. I read that in the book. Oh, yeah. We changed it a little bit from the book. Oh.

It's a little different. Only true fans know. The book's better. All right. That's going to be what the Countess is doing for now. Chip, it's your turn after Chip is Quiffly the Nelka. Do they seem to be responsive to this at all, by the way? Like, what is their reaction? I mean, they're kind of looking at her, but they're also looking around suspiciously in the room. So there's two with me in Count Flaut's bathroom. Do they see me? Have they detected me?

Make a perception check. Perceive if they have perceived you. Yeah, make a sneeze check. Oh my God, that's the only time I'll ever pass that. 17. Or so you think.

You think as of right now that they are aware of your general location. They might not know specifically where you are, but Avena did say, like did point out where you were. So maybe they're looking through all the heads trying to find which one specifically is you. Well, they don't know which head I am. Okay, then I want to... The one that blinks when they blow in the face a bit. Their eyes are just like red and tearing up. They're just like, I guess we should just hit every single one of these heads. Yeah.

I watch as they go line by line, striking each of them, stabbing. My eyes are going, eugh. They're breaking them just like they're made out of paper mache. They're just like caving in. Squishing them like the mountain. I'm just imagining you big smile, eyes darting back and forth.

There's a moment. Sorry. I have to make a reference to something that maybe not everybody's seen, but the original Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was Steve Martin and Michael Caine. Steve Martin is trying to have a con where he's playing a man who's in his wheelchair and has no feeling in his legs. And Michael Caine is trying to break the con. Yeah. And he's like playing his doctor and he comes up with just like a, uh,

What do you call that? Like a switch, like a long stick and just goes to the back of the room and runs and hits Steve Martin on the like bare legs. And it's like, you have to watch this clip because he just, he doesn't react. He does a, his eyes water a little bit. It's great. So with all that being said, I'm going to stay hidden and hold my attack. And I have to give you the, the like until. Yeah. Until like a condition.

I would say until... I think we've entered greater combat. Like, is that too vague? Like, if... Is that a land we haven't visited yet? If Countess Von Brath's convincing doesn't go over and they don't listen and then they start, like, attacking, attacking, then that's when I can attack. Is that... Yeah, well, I'll let that go. All right. That sounds fine by me. All right. Now it's... And that's it for you, right? Because you're waiting? Yeah.

If I had a potion, I wonder if I could just like sneak it. It'd be funny if your head sticking out of the wall had one of those like beer helmets with the two health potions in it and the straws coming down to the mouth.

Yeah, A, that would give me away B, I don't think I have a health potion. Well, it's all moot then. I do cure your charm. Cure my charm? Yeah, you're charmed, right? Oh, I was charmed. Yeah. Yeah. Just so we can refresh everyone, remind everyone why that is, Barney. Yeah, so I had used my channel divinity, Twilight Sanctuary, and it can end one effect on it causing, it can either grant temporary hit points or end an effect like charmed or frightened. Okay, cool. I listed charmed.

Okay. And then when I realize what happens, you see the smallest furrow of my brow. There he is. Get him. That head grimaced. People don't know this, but he's got the loudest eyebrows ever. Okay.

All right, so that means it's Quiffly's turn. Take him out, Quiffly. No one is in Countess Von Broth's room to see this, but Quiffly is very scared. Quiffly tries to get under the rug and hide in there. Quiffly, you're worthless. You're just, like, sleek. Yeah.

No one will find me in here. It's perfect. I like to think, though, that his head is still poking out. He just covers his body with a rug. Or he's just sticking his head under the rug. It's like little kids who have no object permanence, and they just think if they can't see it, then they can't be seen. Okay, that means it's Elga's turn. After Elga is a Sferatu and then Matide.

Okay, Elga goes, "We are all not dangerous, but press and no venture."

She's still on the rug, by the way. Elga. Good prank. Good prank. That's just a prank, bro. Make a persuasion check, Elga. Big persuasion check. Big charisma modifier. Dirty 20. Oh, that's pretty good. All right. Let's see. Dirty 20? Is that what they're called when you have that modifiers? Yeah, when it becomes like a 20 with modifier. Nat. Dirty 20 is fun. Well, I got a Nat 1. What?

Wow. So a little peek behind the curtain. I wish that today's Micah's birthday. I wish I had a birthday earlier. I said, may your day be filled with Nat 20s and the party filled with Nat ones. And I think we just got it backwards here. My wish for you went backwards. They got the 20. I got the one. Which is funny because it's the 21st. It is. The date. Yeah. Yeah. Micah's not turning 21. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what you think. Okay, I think that's going to give the Sferatu in here a bit of pause because now Countess Von Broth and maybe Elga, they don't know, are telling them everything's okay. A special rug. Oh!

Elga! Oh, my God! It is Elga. Instead of having a bass on the wall that talks, they have a rug that talks. Well, you said it's like a bear rug, right? Wolf. I think it was a wolf rug, yeah. So I'm just imagining, like, it's coming out of the wolf's head, but it's still muffled because it's covered. It's cute. Like I said, there's two Sviratu here in Count Von Brostrom, and so they're taking a little bit of a pause, maybe reassessing. There is still the one outside and the one in the foyer, though. Okay. Is there anything else you want to do, Elga? I'll come out of the rug as well. Oh, okay. Both.

I came out of the closet once. Just once. It is enough. Yeah. One and done kind of thing. Okay. Then it is one of these Sferatu's turn that's here in the room. It's going to consider its life choices. What has it done to get here? It's un-life choice. There you go. After life choice. You found it. You found it. He's decided he's going to go back and take up painting again.

I think they'll leave. He's going to go back to school. That's what he's going to do. I think they'll leave. Yeah, this one's going to have a conversation with the other one here in the room for now. The umpires are conversing. And this is in? In Calvin Bross room. This is right in front of you, Chip. Can I hear? Make a perception check. All right. That last one was so good. This is going to have to be a good one too, right? Right. 13. Okay, yeah, you're here. I mean, it is their home. Should we still? I don't know.

It is your job. They're taking a pause. Mateed, you are outside the wall. I get to keep fighting. Yeah, and you are... There is a Sferatu who has appeared in front of you out here, outside the VAMSpyre. He tried to cover me in blood, trying to stain my beautiful wrappings. You got dark feathers, though. It won't stain.

Yeah. I have dark feathers with red accents, so it actually makes me look even more foreboding. If you need to wash off, you can just take a dip in the river. The river of blood. Oh, I forgot that detail.

Well, you know, good news is Mateed likes a fight, so I'm down for this. Mateed flies over. This is fun. I get to do a flying fight. That's cool. It's like Agent Smith and Neo at the end of Matrix 3. Everyone's favorite Matrix. I actually like it. But I'm going to go ahead and just go for a stabby stab of my Spear of the Superior Baker.

I'm going to roll for a hit on that one. I did the thing where I pushed the button again. I should not have pushed the button because I rolled a nat one. Do you have inspo? No. Make a joke quick. Gus will give you one. He's feeling charming today. You don't have like any... That's the worst. Bro, give him a knock-knock. No, don't. No. I'm taking away dice for this. Gus, I promised never to do a knock-knock joke with you. Oh.

Okay, okay. Pretty nice. I'll give you one, but if you ever do tell me a knock-knock joke, you have disadvantage. I will never, ever, ever do a knock-knock joke with you. I'm making a note here. A note here. No knock-knocks. Never, ever. No knock-knocks. I'm doing it next episode. That's better. That's 21. Okay, that hits. Okay, I like that. I'm going to now hit you with...

with eight piercing damage. Okay. And I'm going to spend a key point to make that a stooning strike. Some people call it stunning. Stooning. How exotic sounding is a stooning strike? Okay, so I need to make a save for that, right? Yeah, I'm scrolling down. It is a con saving throw of 14. Okay, I have plus four, so I need a 10 or better on this. I have a 50-50 chance. I rolled a one. Oh. It's worth it.

Um, knock knock. No! No! Um, Dad, you should shop Amazon for back to school and save some money. See, I'm currently obsessed with superheroes and need all the superhero stuff. Superhero lunchbox, superhero bathhouse,

But next year, it'll be something else. Maybe dinosaurs? I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller. But I can tell you not to spend a fortune and shop low prices for school on Amazon. Okay, good chat. Amazon. Spend less, smile more.

No one's home. No. Yeah, no one's home. I don't answer. I don't answer. Oh, what are you, me? That's me. Someone's knocking at the door. I better hide. Nope. We come on the ring doorbell. You could just leave it. All right. Yeah. So I failed the con save. Cool. You are stunned with stun.

Do you stay flying? That's an excellent question. I guess it depends whether or not they need to continue doing something for flight. I'm going to double check the rules here on stun. Don't they have wings? Yeah, but it could be ornamental. Like they could just fly. Your butt's ornamental. That's so silly. Why would they have wings but not use the wings to fly?

Well, they're like dodos or penguins. But they're flying. He just named two birds that can't fly. Dodos and penguins. Well, they're ornamental wings. Yeah, right. But imagine if there was a hovering... Sorry, this is a bad example. Yeah, this example's terrible. So I think the general accepted rule is...

is that flying creatures that cannot hover fall if they're stunned. Do the Severatus hover? They can hover. Okay, well, you know what? I would have said the exact same thing if you made me prone because I hover too. So eat my shorts. Yeah, it's nothing that Matide always keeps reminding everybody about, but it's there in my character sheet that I hover. Wings are also ornamental? No, I use my wings, but I can hover if I want, so I can double fly. Oh.

Yeah, I'm really good. Okay, well, at least they're stunned, which means I can hit them again. Yes. And I want to make a character that has a strike that's like a kiss. I was just thinking like a really, really hard kiss. Or raspberry. Yeah, I think because it has my highest attack opportunity, I'll just do the spear again since it seems to be my... I did it again. Am I holding dice in my hand? Whatever, 17. Okay.

I'll slap your hand next time you try to roll it digitally. Thank you, thank you, please. I give you consent to slap my hand. Plus nine of that, that's great. Micah says that would be like Rogue from X-Men. Who does what? Kiss the sun. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kiss from a rogue. I like that. That's a reference I like. Baby! 17 hits. Yeah. And now I'm going to roll hit dice. Do it. Roll digitally. Dammit. Oh, I got it mixed up.

I had the physical dice in my hand. He smacked me. You dunce. Ooh, 13. 13 points, and that's like bludgeoning damage, right? Piercing. Oh, he said you're doing your spear again, right? Yeah. That's right.

The superior maker. Cool. So I can do a bonus action, and I have a lot of bonus actions, options. But since you're stunned, I don't need to do, like, defense. So that's kind of nice. So instead, actually, yeah, I knew what I wanted to do if I stunned you successfully. I want to use my bonus action to do arms of the astral self. I didn't want to use that at the top. Arms of the astral self. All right. Hover.

Yeah, because I like what that can do as a bonus action. I can spend a ki point to summon arms of your astral self. And to remind people, it's wings when I do it because I think it's pretty. Yeah. When you do so, each creature of your choice that you can see within 10 feet, you must succeed in a dex saving throw of 14 or take some farce damage. Farce? Farce damage. Farce? Yeah, it's not real. The farce. It's a DC 14? DC 14 dex sobbing. Do I get dex since I'm stunned?

Oh, maybe disadvantage? The creature automatically fails strength and dexterity saving throws. So good. So good. Like I planned it, but I didn't. Gonna roll for damage. He planned it out exactly. He scripted this. Oh, look at that. That's some dice ASMR. That's seven damage. You did like, I think you've done 28 points of damage so far if my math is right here. It's pretty good. Could I? Yes. Okay.

I've used up my action and my bonus action. Yes.

What would happen if I were to try to grab this Sferatu? I would not be able to do that. That'd be like a grapple. Yeah, you've already done action and bonus action. What are you, Chris? I know, I know. I don't want to go there. No, no, no. I had a funny little idea, but I thought I was too late to think of it, so I'm going to just hang out there and stare at this stunned dude and wonder, like, why are you fighting me? I'm playing Iden Seek. You're playing with your kitty. You're not playing a very good game of Iden Seek. No touching. This is my Iden spot.

the entire outside world. All right, that's it for you, Mateed. Wait. It is the turn of the other Sferatu that's in Count Von Brostrom. So this is the one that's having the conversation with the other one. They're still trying to figure it out. I'm going to make a roll here just for myself.

And so they're in here attacking us because of Avina. Yeah, it's like when you're a kid and you call the cops by accident, you know? It was an accident, though. You took your turn, is that right? Yeah. You should have gotten your bonus HP roll. Is that okay? Yeah, go for it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Is that like temp HP I would add? Yeah, yeah, it's temp HP. And I would say since you're in Kha'Vaan Broth's room and that's the wall that Mateed went through, Mateed would probably be within 30 feet of you as well if it affects them. Through a wall? Yeah, I don't know if it works through a wall. Yeah, I think it's just 30 feet. You don't have to see them? I don't believe so. The sphere centered on you has a 30-foot radius and is filled with dim light. It moves with me and it lasts for one minute or until you are incapacitated or die.

Whenever a creature, including you, ends its turn in the sphere. So, yeah, I would imagine. So you can say sphere, but you can't say spheenix. I could say phoenix. But sphere is the same as spheenix. It's the exact same sound. I don't want to do this, Gus. Leave me alone. It is the sound of spheratu. It is the sound of spheenix. It is sphere. So, Elga, you get nine temp. Thank you, Barney.

And then Mateed you get 8 Thank you Those are bad rolls 10 HP? 10 HP Yep

Better than nothing. And to correct something I said, I wanted to cast Visage of the Astral Self, which also casts Arms of the Astral Self. It's like the upgraded, like, I want to be Charizard, not Charmeleon. Gotcha. He understands that reference. He does. He does. Because those are what, Gus? Those are Yu-Gi-Oh. He's close. It's fine. Let him pass. I'll let it pass. Digimon? I'll let it pass this time. I like Digimon.

I want to be Greymon, not... I only know the names. I don't know anything beyond that. I can out-nerd you here, okay? You absolutely can. Okay, that's it for Matitas Desferatu. I made my roll. These two in here are taking a pause, trying to figure things out. Oh, they're clapping. Not applause. Did they further their conversation? Did I hear anything else that was discussed? Yeah, I don't know. She's right there. If these are home... You should not have told us. Yeah.

That was very oil can. Oil can. I think we shouldn't attack. You did it. You did it. Okay. And then it's Evina's turn. And she's in the foyer with one of the others for R2. And she says, Don't you help? They're charming your friend.

Oh, that's... She's fantastic. Yeah. She's fantastic. She's pretty good. No notes. So that Sferatu is going to rush over from the foyer into Count Von Broth's room where everyone is. My eyes get slightly bigger. Well, it's going to see those two talking and not doing anything and say, What are you waiting for? Stop the intruders. And it's going to try to do something. Elga came out, right? She's not in the wolf skin anymore? Yeah, she came out of the... Okay. If you were still in the wolf skin, I was going to have it start stomping on the lumps in the wolf skin. Oh my goodness! Bethlehem.

That would be very disapproving. But you came out. It sees Barney, so it's going to... It doesn't see Barney. No, they hear Barney. But the one that just came in hears? Yeah, with a 10. Their passive perception is above 10. Sure. Okay. Barney, Chris will allow it. Don't argue with the DM. Well, I just, yeah. So yeah, their passive perception is a 14. Okay.

Just to let you know. So if you would have to beat 14 at a minimum for them to not know that you were there and you rolled a 10. All right. So this one comes in and it's going to... I believe in you. I think I can do it. We also have me and my mom. I believe in a thing called Blaine. Blaine.

God, remember the summer that song came out? Woo! That guy's actually really fun to watch on TikTok. What does he do? Does he do a lot of singing or anything? No, he just watches a lot of other music video content from other bands, but he is always very positively commentative on it. And he's just a very charismatic guy. He's just fun to watch. Yeah, I'll have to check it out. That band was called The Darkness, right? Yeah. Yeah, he had great abs.

Yeah, that was 2003. Sorry, I had to Google it. I know we have a no phone rule, but I had to know. I was 13 years old. Just going... Drinking my Mountain Dew Code Red. Yes. My gamer fuel. Yes. Just like now. Tricking Surge. Nothing changed. I'm going to make my investigation check here to see if it knows where you are, Chip, specifically. All right. Uh-oh.

13. No, because your stealth was like 22, if I remember right. So no, it does not. It knows generally where you are, but not specifically. So instead, it's a rogue. Be Rogan. It's not going to attack Barney. Instead, it begins casting. And Barney, you feel like, before I describe it, make me a wisdom saving throw. Okay. It's going to be a 25. Wow. Way to go. You feel like a probing at your mind.

like an outside entity invading your mind, trying like searching for something, but you're able to steal your resolve and push it out. - Lucky for me, not even I can get into it. - And none of you are damaged at the moment. None of you have been hit, right? - I mean, not from this battle, no. - What about emotionally? He keeps talking about his dead wife. - Oh, that doesn't count. Okay, in that case, it's gonna once again, like shove its companions, say,

Get them. So that is its turn. This is such an awkward fight. Because you're all like, will they, won't they? I'm having the most normal fight. Speaking of which, we go back up to the top of the initiative order, which is the Sferatu outside with Mateed. Well, okay, really quick. Because I held my action, what does that mean? Is that just being that? It's burned.

Okay, that's fine. You're undetected. Yeah, the one that attacked me. Well, it didn't attack. It cast. Oh, you're right. You're right. Yeah, that's fine. All right, so we're back up to the top. This one's stunned. The stun ends on your turn, right, Mateed? Correct. Okay. So you're having a Dragon Ball Z fight outside. Yeah. When we're just like, no, please. Yeah, it's going to take three hours. That's cool. I'm just yelling. We're just going to be yelling. And there'll be a lot of commercial breaks.

So you see the one outside that's with you, Mateed. You know, it's stunned. It can't really move. But you see almost like some of the wounds it's taken begin to close up. Oh, that's nice. Is it? For him. There's this really cool concept called sarcasm. Hmm.

Is there? No. No. Darius of Inspiration dies. That's pretty good. Chris, I do like that one. So it can't move, can't speak, can't do anything else. So all that happens is its wounds start to close up. All right, I know my plan now. Keep this guy perpetually stunned and just keep danging over and over again. Barney, you're up. Then the Countess, then Chip.

Running low on the spell slots. That was very much that. God, that's old. That's old. Jeez Louise. I don't know if Barney can be peaceful here. No. I mean, they're attacking us. At least that one did. That one attacked you. Yeah, but there's a chance. Did it attack you? It did. I felt it probing my mind.

Barney's going to shoot with his bow at the one. What? You don't think we should? No. You're not helping her, Chase. Fight. Fight. Okay. You gotta do what you gotta do. No. I will hold my action. Barney holds his action. For what? He readies his crossbow to shoot at any of them that make an attack.

Towards one of us. Okay. Yeah ready my crossbow to shoot with one of them and also ready a telekinetic shove. Well, you're gonna do one. Yeah Can I can I? You ready just one? Ready my crossbow. Okay, but can I also go pick up the arrow? Yeah, sure. Why not? That's just movement. Okay, I'll go pick up the arrow and I'll try and hide.

Okay, make a stealth check. That's a lot of things on one turn. That's movement. I'll consider all of that movement. You're generous. That was a 16. We have a mic and I'm wearing headphones. You don't have to yell at me. Yeah, I'm excited, guys. 16. It means stop yelling for all of our sake. All right. I would assume the way you approach that is Barney just has to stop moving. Just like very, very tries to blend in. But you are invisible. You have greater invisibility.

Okay, so Barney's going to be holding the countess's turn. She continues to plead, trying to convince them to stop what they're doing. I'm going to have her make a persuasion check here. With advantage. Come on, brother. Oh, that's an 18. Plus. That's not bad.

Ooh, she's very charismatic too. That's a very good role for your part. Yeah, it seems like these three Svarratruids, especially like the one that came in, came in hot, you know, not knowing what was going on. I think now, you know, with Countess Von Broth calming them down, you know, the one that came in is kind of disarmed. It's not an appropriate word in a D&D setting, but kind of like a little more relaxed. Okay, okay, we understand. They're having a discussion. Yeah, and she says, Surely you'll respect the home of a countess. Which really seems to kind of take...

the Sviratua back. It kind of like snaps them out of it. Yeah, you go, girl. After the Countess is Chip. Okay. They know we're hiding. They know we're here. You know, so I guess to alleviate suspicion, I'm going to crane my head from its post in the wall in the trophies, and then I'll just say like, Hey there, fellas. Ha ha!

Oh my god. I know, I got you good. This has all been an unfortunate, you know, mistake and confusing situation. We are here as guests of Miss Elga Von Brath.

and the Countess von Braath. I think that the little one, Avena, got a little too into the game and thought that the risk was much higher than it was. We're just goofing around. This is, this is, we're not meaning any harm. - Elga's nodding along the whole time too. - So, so sorry to raise all the alarms, fellas, but you know, this is, this is, this is all just a misunderstanding. - False alarm, if you may. - Make a, it's not deception necessarily. Make a persuasion check. - Okay.

Okay. Okay. Oh, charisma. 17. Yes. Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah. They seem to be like kind of considering it. Okay. Yeah. You're very persuasive. Okay. And then as a...

show of good faith, I'll pop my head. Like, I'll go back into the wall and then reemerge with, like, hands up. Okay, yeah, and then to do that, you're going to have to, like, pop back in and go through the wall crawlspace back to the Countess's room, reemerge there, and then come back in. If I have enough movement to do that, but yeah. If you double move, we'll say. Okay, then I'll double move. You can do that. So all my actions are gone. I'm putting it all on the table. And you get bonus HP of 10.

Timp HP. 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10,

How are you? Yeah, yeah. Star Wars. Okay. Quiffly is still hiding under the rug, plugging his ears and humming. Oh, God. Comfort song? Yeah, yeah. I love hide and seek.

I'm so good at this. Elga, you follow up quickly. Is there anything you want to do here? I mean, I want to just keep persuading them that like we're okay and they could leave, which I guess would just be like a persuasion check. Yeah, I mean, it's really just telling the truth at this point. Yeah, listen, everything is Gucci here. And, you know, we're all friends. We're just playing some hide and seek with our buddies and the Vina, you

a little bit too seriously and she's very competitive so she just wanted to find us without finding us herself and so that's why she called you guys because there's a little cheating on the game and so you could go now and take all your friends. Alright, why don't you make me a persuasion check too, Elga? I think Elga broke Micah when she said everything was Gucci.

18. Okay. Okay, yeah. Gucci's a race of creature in D&D that's very, very calm and cool. Everyone is Gucci. Yeah. Pacifists. Yeah, they're pacifists. Yeah. Okay. It's one of these Sviratu's turn. They're going to confer here. At this point, I'm going to break initiative for a bit, and I'm going to have that Sviratu that was outside come back in because it would have cleared.

would have cleared its stun on the next turn anyway. So the four of them convene and they begin talking a little bit. And the conclusion they're going to come to is they're going to say, Apologies, Countess von Brath. We did not mean to disturb you or your family. You know, Countess von Brath will say, Good. Now please exit at once. Respect my property and home. There is a matter of the intruders. We cannot let them go. Oh.

But they are not intruding. I brought them here. We are guests. They do not have Count Dracula's permission to be in the Vanspire. Well, if you could find me Dracula, let's get his permission. Countess Von Brath, I think would pull you in, Elga, and whisper to you. I can delay them. Perhaps you should take your friends to the third level, Fangbeck, and go see Count Dracula directly. Is that where he is? Yes, he should be up there. I'll delay these, Sviratu. Take your friends and go up.

I need to poop. I catch that conversation. I need to find a way to get out of the room. I need to poop. Okay, and here's the area. Emergency. I'm going to take them out. I'm just fine. He's got to poop. I know he does. I don't. Countess Von Broth continues to yell. She says, I know you've never been there, but reach it either by climbing the chute in the refusery or ascending the stairwell in the triclinium. Oh.

You did this refusery climbing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you went from the first floor up to here. There was a little grate. Correct. And so you said climbing through the refusery or stairs. In the triclinium. Triclinium. The triclinium where the little convention thing was? Exactly where the convention was. Yeah, I listened. Are we going to have to go to the Omicron to get the Rubiculum?

Have you been looking at my module? And then we're going to find the unobtainium. That's good. I'll delay them. Hurry. Go quick. Okay. Countess Unbrath, you know, draws the attention of this fraud too and says, while you all are here, I do have some issues I'd like to address. And this fraud too kind of like, they kind of saw it. How do we get Mateed back in? I got it. I have this thing called the recorder of rapping.

What is happening? I point my finger towards a creature within range and whisper a message to target and only the target hears the message and can reply and whisper only you can hear. And I can cast the spell through solid objects if you're familiar with the target and know it is beyond the barrier. But I have to do it in the form of a rap. Okay, let's hear it, Barney. So is this to Mateed? Yeah, to get them to join back in. That makes sense.

Oh! Oh!

John looks like he wants to jump off a cliff. But you only heard that in your head. I just shake my head and I go, the air is weird out here. Mateed's punching themselves. I gotta eat more fiber or something. I'm all clogged up. Yeah, Mateed heads in for the sake of... Mateed doesn't want to. Mateed actually wanted to finish the fight.

I'm sad that guy left. Yeah. Where's our friend? Where's dad? Where's dad? Yeah. I wanted to just murder this guy here. He comes in just like carded feathers and bruises. Yeah.

Yeah, I agree. We should go. Yeah. Yeah, I come back in and join the party. Okay. And then could Elga kind of motion to shuffle them out of the room? Yeah, yeah. Elga begins trying to get rid of you guys, getting everyone out of the room. Cool. Minty didn't hear all this, but John didn't, so John has a question to the party. Do you want to go to the TreadClinium or the Refusery? Well, there's the grate there, right? So...

Would be a triclinium, just because I think, like, the grape was really... It all sounds really gross. And we had to, like, climb through goo and... Also, triclinium we haven't been into, but I don't know. Triclinium. Triclinium. And I assume you all are now having this conversation out in the hallway outside of the Von Brass residence. Yes, in hushed tones. Oh, no, I'm standing next to the Sferatu saying all this. Yeah, triclinium. Because, like...

Like we talked about, I've been to the Refusatory, and there was a great in the way, right? Refusary. What is this group? I already said the words were crazy. This is a fake language. They are hard words. Says the Star Wars fan. My head was in my hands. Blaine's like, we should head to the midichlorium.

Yeah, let's head up. Okay, just so I'm clear, what is the specific plan here? I think we're going to take the stairs to the triclinium. Okay, the three of us are going to take the stairs to the triclinium, and then Chip's going to actually try to go to the refusery. Is that true? No, I would never do that. That's the stealthy way. It's the stealthy way, Blake. To the refusatory. Okay.

So you all head back to the triclinium, and, you know, there's an open door that leads into this triangular hall with crimson carpet and black stonework, and in the center is a dais, which is also in the shape of the triangle, and to the north beyond the dais is a small chamber with an ascending spiral staircase, and flanked on either side of that staircase are two igneous stone guard goyles. Oh, gosh. Okay. I go up to one, and I say, it's Keanu Reeves, and I walk through. What? Are you my dad?

You might die. You might die. No. I was trying to make another Bram Stoker's reference. I got you. What if that was the code? Right. That was the code, right, Micah? No, it's not the code. It wasn't the code? No. Okay. So I know the ones at the front, like when we first came into the VAM Spire, it was the Stoker password. But then we also...

encountered other stone gargoyles. He moved one with telekinesis. You walked through because you're cool. And then we did belts. You guys had the belts. Yeah. Do you still have them? I still have them. Yes. Yes. I gave my cloak to the... Yeah, I don't have my cloak either. But you have your belts on still. Yeah. Maybe it will be okay. But you try walking through, right? I try walking through with my belt. Ha ha! I'm going up like hips first. Alright.

All right. You begin trying to walk through, and the gargoyle takes a swipe out at you in your direction with its claws, but misses you. Yeah, it does. But then they move to block, to physically, they come to life and then physically block your progress from being able to go up the stairs. So maybe this, unless we do the same gimmick where one of us hides to listen to the password, maybe that's why the refusery was brought up. Oh. Look to these guys real quick. The gargoyles? Mr. Gargoyles.

personally by Dracula to come upstairs to his quarters to talk to him because we are performing a little song and dance for him

And my friend here, Bernie, is going to rap. Yeah! Dracula loves hip-hop. Make a deception check for me. Can I help by sending a secret message to their brains? Describe it to me, and we'll see what happens. It's also a 14. A 14. Thank you, Elga. You two look like friendly gargoyles. Why don't you... What's he doing with gargoyles? I don't think he figured it out. Why don't you not worry about all the turmoils?

What's your stage name?

The great Barnabas. The carniv... Barnabas. Barnabas. The great Barnabas. Great Barnabas Barnabas. But it's all of that. Everything that you said. Great Barnabas Barnabas.

Barnabas? Barnabas? Barnabas? Carnivorous? It's like where it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-

Okay, I'll say that that does assist you a bit, Elga, so that means you can make that deception check with advantage. You already rolled a 14. Roll another deception check. 23. Wow. Woo!

I didn't realize that the gargoyles were sentient. They're just like turrets, essentially. They got up and physically blocked Mateed's path. So I think they like could come to life, but I think they're probably still stone. The way that Gus described them when Chris was trying to break them was that they are stone based, but they are not objects. Gotcha. Yes, correct. Cool. And plus, I don't know. I think this is kind of fun and interesting. So we'll go with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a really good check.

So metagame-wise, I'll give you a little peek behind the curtain. They shouldn't be... Why aren't you wearing pants? What? You can see me? Took me a second. You shouldn't be able to convince them, but I do like this story and this approach that you all have taken. So let's say, you know, one of them says, You are not on the list to see Dracula. Not unless your name is Van Helsing.

Well, lucky for you, purple friend here is Van Helsing. Oh, they move aside. That is me. And we are his posse. Yeah. All right, gang. Let's go.

I am Van Helsing. You have the highest charisma modifier, right? Yes. And I walk through. I imagine Chip walks forward, arms not moving, you know, just like stiff as a board. The palms are out. Palms are out. Yeah, you're able to pass through onto the staircase, Chip. Okay. Could I follow? Yeah. Okay.

What happens if I follow? Yeah. You all seem to be able to get on the stairs no problem. Puzzle solved. Hold on. We're not all up there yet. And Barney goes through and in his head he goes, Thanks for letting us go. Hope you enjoyed my little flow.

I'll stop now. I'm done. I hate this. I just forgot. I just was excited to finally use it on my team, you know. Is this what it was like playing with me in campaign one? No, it's probably worse. No. So you ascend, you all ascend the staircase up to the third level of the Vanspire, the Fang Pick. Elga, you've never been here on this level before. You've never been up here. So this is all new to you.

Pretty cool up here. I didn't realize that there was more above me. Why don't you roll me a history check to see what you've heard about this place, Elka? Now let me try to remember what I've heard about this place.

Quite the bit, actually. 17. Nice. It's getting a minus. You know that your sister, Evaina, told you that she heard that the fangpick is where Count Dracula impales his enemies on stakes, leaving them to die. Jeez. I liked his style. You know, when you were younger, your father was once asked by Count Dracula to help with the construction of something called the silver and another thing called the sepulcher here on the fangpick.

Silvern and Sepulchre. So he was helping with building these things. Yeah.

Your dad's kind of a bigwig. Do I know what those two things are by any chance? No, it's like, you know, when you're a kid and you hear your parents talking about something and you hear it, but maybe you don't necessarily comprehend or it doesn't like really stick. Ah, so anytime my parents talk about insurance or credit cards. Mortgages. Mortgages. The Silvern and the Sepulcher. I've never, I know it's an area in World of Warcraft, but I've always, that's how I've always said it. Sepulcher. Sepulcher.

Sepulcher. Sepulcher. Oh. It reminds me of Zabalba. Zabalba. Zabalba. Oh, I thought you were referencing El Dorado. To Zabalba. The English language needs accent marks. Give me some accent marks. Tell me where to put my emphasis. Okay. Poodoo. Everyone rolled me a perception check.

Sepulcher. I learned something today. I hope the listeners, I hope you learned something too. Find a way to use the word of the day in everyday conversation. Sepulcher. Seven. Five. Nine. Eleven. Wow. Okay. We're very distracted by all the things going on up here. Sepulcher. My favorite kind of music.

So, Elga, Barney, and Chip, you know, you all know that this level, or you recognize that this level is far quieter and emptier than the others, and it makes it really creepy, and it's nearly pitch black up here. Mateed, you notice that this level of the Vamp Spire appears to be made purely of black Ignis stone, and it's arranged like a triangle. It looks like most corners of the triangle have a door, and in the center of the level is a central chamber.

So like an overhead view, this room is a triangle. So there's like three corners. Yeah. Okay. And then there's a chamber in the middle. Yeah. Central chamber. Like a, like a, like a conversation pit.

What does that mean? Yeah, like what do you mean by chamber? It's a conversation pit. Conversation pit. Like where it goes deeper? Yeah, like where the floor goes down. Yeah, they're really nice. That's a thing? Yeah, 70s things. Oh, they're so cool. It's like the sunken living room. Oh, I get what you're talking about in like an indoor like fireplace in the middle of it sometimes. Okay, got it. Oh, man. Someday when Stinky Dragon really blows up, I'll buy one of those for my house. You'll just demo your living room to make it deeper. Look, look, honey, there's a hole. Conversation pit.

I always felt like sunken living rooms were really bougie and fancy. Like when I was a little kid, I was like, ooh. Very bougie. Yeah. Okay, but this is not what's in the middle of here. It is a chamber. It's a chamber that's kind of hidden. You can't really tell. There's like a door to it. So there's a room. Yeah, it's a room. And there's a door. Yeah. I go to the door. Why don't you all make me a group stealth check? 23.

Nat 20 for a 22. Dirty 20. Three. All right, well, everyone rolled good enough for the most part. Sorry. Clang, clang, clang, clang. You begin quietly trying to make your way, I think you said to the central chamber? Is that what you said, John? Yes.

And as you're doing so, a dark figure steps around the corner from the northeast. It's a lone Sferatu, but their red robes don't seem to fit their muscular frame. The Sferatu quickly approaches the southeast corner and reaches out with their hand to touch the sculpture of fangs. Wait, no, it's not their hand. It's a dismembered hand. All at once, the sculpture rotates, revealing a secret passageway. And as the Sferatu creeps inside, you hear them utter a sound you're all too familiar with. No!

It's been a while. It's been? It's been! Okay, so he- One week since you killed my wife!

It's probably Eddie, as we've gathered. And he is wearing Sferatu clothing and is holding a dismembered hand. Yes. Maybe it's Dracula's hand. Oh, yeah. Because if it's special permissions to enter this secret passage, it might be. Or maybe it just like could be a Sferatu hand. It's definitely Eddie because like episodes ago, someone said that there was like a laughing green guy hand.

Posing as a Sfaratu. That was like a rumor that we had heard wind of. Did we come- where did we come into this chamber? From the northwest? I think we'll have to find out and get more details on the next episode of Tales of the Stinky Dragon. I hate that he let us like talk about it and entertain it. I was like, oh, we're gonna keep going. No, no, we're not. No, it's fun. I also like when you think- this episode was really fun and there's a lot that happened, but if you really think about it, all that happened was the Sfaratu came, we were like, hey,

Hey, we're cool. And then we left and went upstairs. With some raps. Well, I got removed as Charm of the Venus, so now I see them for who they really are. A little brat.

Voiced by my lovely girlfriend. I still like them. All right. We'll see you all next week. Bye. There are many ways little stinkers can support the show. Commenting on social media, rating us on podcast services, interacting with us on Discord, or telling friends about the show by word of mouth. Stinkers like Sikuni108, Tenacious Ramen, Giburaham, Giburaham. I don't know how to say that one. Shinobi underscore Jeff,

That's a mouthful to say.

and the Svratu are voiced by David Sanier at David underscore Sanier. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger with additional editing work by David Sanier. Head over to stinkydragonpod.com slash first for all things stinky. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Hey Mateet, it's time to go. They already are in the know. We have got to go upstairs. Why don't you come out and... and provide some...

You two look like friendly gargoyles. Why don't you... Why don't you... Why don't... Why don't... Why don't you... Why don't you... Why don't... Why don't you... Not worry about all the turmoil. We just want to sing and dance. Why don't you... Take off your pants. Thanks for letting us go. I hope you enjoyed my little flow.