C02 - Ep. 40 - Vengeance in Vainia - Klawstred Way To The Top
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Greetings, all you gooselings. Flock on into the stinky dragon. Drink up our latest java. Redonk a honk. It's a mixture of translucent turmeric, pseudo-cinnamon, freshly-concealed gin germs, bubbling hiss honey, and a generous pinch of salt for bubbles. One taste of this tacky tonic, you'll put the more back in amorphous.

Previously, our adventurers climbed their way into the Clawstrat, where they encountered Counts, looked into more battlers, and curiously uncovered a captive they weren't expecting. Round up a refreshment, and let's resume this rank recollection. Mwahahahaha!

What was that? Red badonkadonk? What'd you say? Red dadonkahonk. That got John real good. It's the beverage this week. And my name is Gustavo Sorolla. I'm the dungeon master of this putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.

Oh, you shot me in my badonkadonk. As long as it's not your badonkahonk. This week's question is, if you could ask the arrow shooter a single question, what would it be? It's the tables are turned. Why do you hate us? Are we asking Gus the DM or what? The arrow shooter. The arrow shooter. Which is Gus. Because he says I'm going to shoot our players with an arrow. Oh, interesting. Interesting. I guess, I mean, you guys interpret it how you want. That's all I'm saying.

I'll start. How are you interpreting this, Gus, as we are asking the audience a question? It's just, you know, think of it this way. Like, we always joke that the Arrow questions are like in reality shows when you get like in the closet in the confessional. So it's like you're asking whoever's asking you the questions, like turning around on the documentarian almost. Okay.

So, Chris, I think you said you were going to go first. Hi, I'm Chris Damaris and I play Barney Varney. I want to know why you have to shoot us with arrows in order to ask us questions. Couldn't you just ask us? Taking it very literally. Let's see here. In the spirit of that question, I'm going to say that Barney takes two points of piercing damage from that arrow. Oh!

Don't hurt anyone else. I'm kidding. Don't, don't, don't. He fires back with his crossbow. The battle breaks out in the interview room. What's the AC on the arrow shooter? The camera just like falls to the side and is on the floor. You just see like feet shuffling around in a scuffle. All right. Who's up next? I'll go next. All right, Barbara. Hello, everyone. I'm Barbara Rod Dunkelman and I play Elga Von Brass, the half-elf vampire barbarian. Ahem.

I have a question for the arrow shooter. You know, you hear a lot of our secrets every day. Very secret. No one else listens to them. So what is the juiciest goss you've heard, arrow shooter? Oh, that is a good one. That is a good one. Spill the tea. I think the juiciest goss might involve some broccoli and turtles. Oh.

Broccoli. I think the juiciest gossip that's been, what is that? That's a really good question. It might be, well, no, we're dealing with that. I would say early on, I would have thought it would have been the revelation of Elga's sister. Mm.

But now, you know, that obviously we're kind of dealing, you know, we've seen more of that. But I think when it dropped, that was like big El Galore at the time. Has any of the other players maybe said who their favorite other player is? Like maybe who Matisse's best friend is? That'd be a good era question. I'm not at liberty to say. I can't spoil the conversation set in private. In the

in the confessional. I'll go next. Go for it. Hey, oh my God. What voice do I choose? It's Blaine Gibson and I voice Chip Haney. Hey there. Good to see you arrow shooter. Wow. Another arrow. Another day. Here we go. My question to you is, uh,

you know, as someone who's, uh, you know, a little familiar with the ways of the interrogation before killing someone, like why these random questions, you know, normally you ask for the pertinent information, but you're asking us about her, like your favorite colors. Like what, what for, why, why, why,

Why? And we just want to get to know you better. Find out what makes Chip tick. You know, what all the little things. How well done does Chip like his cheese curds? I mean, from a meta perspective, weren't these designed to just like build character, but in a way that non-conventional? Yeah. Yeah. Role play. That's actually pretty interesting. Yeah. It's to kind of like flesh out the characters. I think let the audience get to know the characters and their quirks a little more. And then also it.

kind of feed the, it gets your brain started for all the improv stuff. And it also kind of helps feed the world building in a kind of roundabout way. Yummy. So basically we're filling in the shoddy holes of Mike is writing. Is that what it is? We're filling in the shoddy holes of the lack of backstory we get sometimes. That's more accurate. And speaking of a shoddy backstory, hi, I'm John Reisinger.

I play Matty Confucius who is an air-cocking ghost monk and if I had a question for the air shooter I would ask hmm I had a question but I was going to say how are you doing? Are you doing okay? I feel like no one checks on you. That's nice. You seem to be really deflecting a lot and asking us a lot of questions.

But my worry is that maybe this is something you have not been dealing with for some time. I've got my nice piping hot glass of Radonca Honk here and I'm ready to listen to some stories and tell some stories. Well, then I think a better question would be like, have you gone to the doctor and checked your caffeine levels? Because you talk about coffee beverages all the time. Constantly. Yeah, maybe I should cut back a little bit.

But it's so delicious. John says as he picks up what looks like a big coffee. I don't know what's in that cup. No, it's water. It's water. It's water. Okay, okay. That's much healthier. I drink water. I already finished my coffee. Oh, touche. Yeah, me too. Drank half a pot this morning. Wow. Yummy. That's Radonca Honk. You're going to be pooping your guts out. That is a lot of coffee. Yep. I could go for some more. Ready to dive into this? I'm Radonca Honka ready.

The bear puts its nose on the button for the doorbell and takes like a big sniff from it. I push the doorbell. You hear like a deep bell ring. Oh, it's the deep bell. Maybe, but nothing seems to happen. I push it again. You push it again and the door spins around, revealing a dark cramped stone room with an angry young girl blindfolded and chained up. Oh my gosh. Oh my goodness. Look what I did.

Do I recognize that as Avena? No, it is not Avena. Is it the little person in the... It's a young human girl with olive complexion, brunette hair. You can't see her eyes because she's blindfolded. Do I recognize her? She's covered in scars and clothing blood-stained rags. You do not recognize her. It's the one from the painting that we found, or the picture that we found. It does not look like that.

All right. I'm going to assist the little person. Yeah, I'm going to help them up. Well, is there anyone or is there anything else around her? Or is it just the girl? It's just like a small cramped room. Yeah, she was out there. So then I understand what happened. Was it that the second ringing of the bell like revealed a secret room? Correct. Thank you. Okay, I'm going to help her. Yeah, she kind of hears you approaching. She can't see because, you know, the blindfold. She begins like growling and like trying to lash out as much as she can in your direction. Dang.

Spicy. Who are you?

I'm... Hey there, I'm Chipainy. Pleasure to meet ya. I feel like I set that up for you. You sure did. You said the secret sentence. What's going on here? Are you... Have you been kidnapped? What's going on? No. I'm here of my own free will. Listen, I can't ask. She's so big. I love it here. This is so great. I put the blindfold back on. No, I'm just kidding. Well, look...

Help me, okay? Let me out of here right now. I think we should exercise caution right now. Yeah, can I do like some sort of...

Insight? Yeah, like some sort of vibe check. Vibe check, yeah. Insight check. Do you think she might be the one who clawed? I think so. She's very feral, spicy kid. Ah, yes. I see all. Well, one. Yeah, she doesn't seem to be concealing anything. Show you an inspiration. You do you. You all will free me right now and take me back to my mother. Who's your mother? Lorenzo Wolfman. I'm Benicio Wolfman. What you doing here? I have some bad news for you.

Oh, yes. Don't be so excited about it. No, I just remembered as well. Sorry. Have you been trapped here for a whole week? I'm not sure how long I've been here. What? Why? Who took you and why? I don't know who took me, okay? I can just still hear his voice. It's like it's implanted in my mind. I don't know. Look, if I hear it, I'll recognize it, okay? It was disturbingly pleasant. Eddie. Arne. Arne.

Why? Because his voice is disturbingly pleasant. Wait, wait, what happened to my mother? She went on vacation. I don't remember! Assassination! By not us! Someone tried to frame us for it, but we just happened to be wrong place, wrong time. Also, it might have been my wife, but, you know, she's not a bad lady, so don't judge her too harshly, okay? She died, and I'm very sad about it. Do you need a hug? We lost someone very important to us. Do you need a hug?

I know that I am not always the best person at dealing with other people, but you all three are terrible at approaching someone who has been imprisoned and traumatized and giving them very sad news. You've had like hundreds of years to emotionally patrol, and I'm just like a little baby. I'm only like in my mid-30s to late-30s. I will agree, you are a little baby. Hold me like one.

So you all didn't do it. Okay. But maybe one of your wives did and you all coincidentally just happened to find me. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Long story, but this is based from I don't really know why you're here. I've never seen you here before. And you live here. Exactly here. Just down

different room, completely unrelated. I'm just as confused as you are. At this point, I think Benicia would probably like see you guys because her blindfold's been loose and she's still tied up, but she's trying to like edge away a little bit from you guys. Trying to like be cool and coy about it, but she's definitely trying to

put as much distance as she can away from you, which isn't very much. You might have already clarified this, but for my bad memory, what's the age range of the person we're looking at right now? It's a young human girl. So definitely on the younger end. Young like Elga Young or young like is looking forward to voting soon? Mm-hmm.

Probably a couple years from voting, but not like Elga Young. So adolescent. So probably like a teen. Okay. Yeah. Man, they could have done better with the amenities in this year. We'll say a little bit older than Elga, but she still has a few years to go before voting. Isn't Wolfman having like an affair with like another lady? Francesca? That's the alchemist's wife. Yeah. Bye, Dan. This is an odd question, but we're just trying to get information here to help. By the way, we're like...

covering the doorway right yeah i would say fill the doorway probably the four of you and the bear that i'm gonna kill in about two seconds oh not my bear may i and i uh reach out a talent to like cut her bindings oh okay yeah she's very appreciative of that yeah i feel like that needs to happen before we start asking questions and then i say may i and i reach out and i help her up to her feet

She moves around her arms and her legs a bit. You know, she's obviously been restrained for a little while. Chip curtsies. It's very nice. May I have this dance? Not really. Barney doesn't do that. This is maybe a personal question, but it might inform us just a little bit what's going on here. Do you know who your father is? No, I've never known him. It could be a sperm donor. Could be. That's a very normal thing for people to do. Follow-up question. Were you a owling earlier?

I was yelling for help. Maybe it came out like a howl. Your mother has a very particular affliction that makes her owl in a certain way. Do you share this affliction? We have a lot in common. Okay. Did she wink when she said that? No. So what was the last thing you remember before being tied up and thrown in here? I was in Astro City.

I don't know how I got here. Like, were you at the parade, or was there anything going on? Like, do you remember... I know you said it was like a week or two ago. Yeah, what was your last memory? Ah, it's all so fuzzy. I've been tied up here for what seems like an eternity. It's definitely been longer than a week if you say the peace parade was a week ago. Did the voice that you heard tying you up have like a slightly kind of British accent, but kind of not British? What?

Did he laugh like this? That's my Eddie impression. No. That's disturbing, but not pleasant. I'll keep working on it. I think ultimately Eddie's voice I wouldn't really call pleasant, so I don't know if it would be him. I'm thinking the alchemist's voice is pretty pleasant. Because she described it as a

pleasant voice? Disturbingly pleasant. Disturbingly pleasant. That seems like kind of what you'd describe Eddie as. Pleasant? Any part of Eddie's voice you would find pleasant? He's kind of crazy. He's cheerful.

but he's disturbing he's like the joker baby can i go now you're not taking me as prisoner right i'm gonna leave this place and i'm just gonna go home no we want we want you to help us to help you to help us you know because you obviously would probably want to know who did this because they're probably not a good person and we're trying to you know solve a murder yeah and to be honest with you we're kind of like some of us here don't belong here so we're kind of sneaking around so

She just stares at you. I mean, I don't know how to answer that question.

She just stares at Barney. Don't worry. He's known that bear for the last ten minutes. He's got quite a rapport with it. Perfectly fine. You should totally rise as bear. Is that even appropriate? I barely know you. There it is. There you are.

You get a little inspiration, my little lady. That's pretty great. Micah gets that one. He was quick on that one. Yep, that vibes with Micah. Another quick question. Do you get along with Frankesca? Do you know the name Frankesca?

Francesca? Some people might pronounce it Francesca. Some people might. Tomato, tomato. Yeah. You mean my auntie Francesca. Yeah. Your auntie Francesca that spends a lot of time with your mommy. All of us are looking at each other going...

And went loosening our collars. Your mom's special friend. I almost made the joke your aunt Francesca, but I was like, nah, that's too far. Yeah, I know her. Is she okay? You didn't kill her too, did you? No, we just saved her life, actually. Wait, in fact, she was here not too long ago, though. Yes. As if she was trying to get in.

No, she was protesting. Yeah, she was protesting, and then we stopped them from attacking each other, basically. Villagers from attacking them. Oh, she's nearby? Yeah.

I can go find her then, and she'll help me. Maybe. Your uncle Alchemist is here too. Was the voice that tied you up, like, T-Telfo's more masculine-sounding voice or more feminine-sounding voice? It was, like, a deeper tone in the voice. Okay. I wish we had, like, the Cow Says Moo book, but it's all the voice characters from the campaign. Yeah, we could just start playing. Was it this person? At this point, Benicia's going to be, like, slowly starting to, like...

shuffle and slide getting closer to the door. Just before you go, little girl, just a few more questions. Do you remember if your mother, Wolfman, had, like, any mortal enemies or, like...

Like, reason for people to be against your family. Yeah, really tick someone off. Well, I don't know much about that. Look, my mother was very important, and as far as I know, everyone seemed to love her, so. Well, not everybody. I mean, she did bring everyone together for the peace treaty, so that has to mean everyone likes her, right? I guess not. There's someone who might be different, but did you also know Robert, Francesca's husband? Yeah, he worked with my mother. Yep. He did.

Mateed steps aside. I don't want to, like, come across as, like, cornering this trauma victim. Prison guards 2.0. Yeah, I'm good. If you want to come with us, we'll help you find answers, hopefully. But if you want to go, then please be safe. This place is evil. Everything here is evil. Okay, well, let's not go that far.

Okay, I wholeheartedly agree with that. But if my Aunt Francesca's outside, she'll be able to help me. Well, I don't know if she's still there or not, so you'd probably be on your own if you left. Let me show you this map that I made, and it's nonsense. You're going to want to go through the bloody waterfall and come out at the boat. The bloody waterfall? Isn't there a moat? A bloody moat? Yeah. Yeah, there's a moat. That's a secret exit. That's right down at the tails of dock. Dude.

Got it. You know what? Actually, okay, really quick. I had taken one of those, like, capes that the battlers wear. Ooh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you do. ...and an existing disguise. So I'm going to give her my battler cape, and I'll say, Hey, this should help you, you know, scoot around in a concealed, like... If you want to become an assassin, I'm taking on little... I'm going to mentor the next generation, so, you know, let me know. Yeah. Hey, maybe if we meet up in Atro City, we can talk about that. Okay. Are you injured? No, not really. Just a little tired from being restrained.

But other than that, I think I'm okay. I can't sleep on you. Man. Barney, you're coming off a little creepy. I'm gonna just call it out. Okay. I'm gonna go now. Uh, thank you for the cape and the information. Hey, don't forget us. We helped you escape this. Be safe. Hey, uh,

Uh, good luck and goodbye. Say bye-bye, Boo-Boo. She kind of does that thing where she doesn't turn her back for a while. She, like, walks backwards, keeping her eye on you guys, and then very quickly turns around and runs away down the clustrate. I've had cats do that to me. I imagine, like, a 50-foot-long hallway where she does that, just all to the very ends. Well, remember, you're in the clustrate. I think it was one of you. Maybe Barney or Chip realized that the hallway, like, kind of corkscrews going up.

Ah, that's right. What a precocious young girl. You act creepy as a man sometimes. Oh, God. Is there anything else in this room that was left? Any sort of, like, writing or anything like that? Make an investigation check. Okay. Investigate.

You know, you'll never let me do investigation. You always make me do perception. And then I roll a 19 on investigation. Look at that. Hey, look at that. I feel like we set a precedent in campaign one with the infinite score. I leaned on perception a lot more than investigation. I'm trying to be better about that now. Investigation instead of perception, when it makes sense. This is...

This is obviously an investigation. So you look around, you know, you using your background with your previous work and you're able to find like pick out little red frayed threads on the ground here. Red frayed threads. And oh, God, what was your name? Cecilia? Venetia. Venetia. My bad.

Benicio wasn't wearing red, was she? No. Okay. So red threads, which I imagine would have been on the clothes of the person who tied her up. Possibly. Is the best guess I can make. Wait, who had a red cloak or a red bow tie? Oh, didn't you guys see people in your like weird dream nightmares who had like some type of red piece of clothing? A red bow tie? A red necktie, I think. Necktie? Necktie.

A blonde feller. Feller. Okay, I think we're doing the thing again. Yes, Barbara, the answer is yes, but I think there were two individuals that were shady and unrecognizable in those visions. It wasn't one single individual, or at least the descriptions differed. Well, I remember there being like, I think there was two dreams that had a similar person. Yeah, but then there was another one that wasn't the same person. Right.

And so I just want to make sure we're not doing the thing where we're just matching everybody together into one person. One dream, I think, had someone with like a big, like high neck coat or something like that, like a pop collar type thing. Yeah, I feel like one of them was definitely Eddie, but it

But it's harder to remember. And one was, I think, somebody with fangs that had the thing. So maybe... Maybe if we write in the Cartus Dei to whoever mysteriously holds the other one, we can find some clue. As you all are trying to figure this out, a lone patrolling Sviratu rounds the corner into view. We're in a good spot. Walking up the hall. Yeah, this is not conspicuous at all. I would...

If you guys will allow me, I'm just going to pull everyone in to shadow just to duck out of the way. Or I could just run down and distract them. Because if we're found in this room, I don't want us to get locked in here because I don't think there's a way out if we're inside and they close the door. Will you guide Mateen and get phased through walls? You'll be all right. Has he seen us yet? Not yet. What's the plan? Go. Do you want to hide or confront? Hide. Hide. All right. Could I run out? I don't think you should...

be here at all. I mean, I live here. No, I know, but this hallway next to the door of the prisoner. It's not that far from her home. Her home was pretty close. Okay. That's what I'm saying. Alright. So, Elga goes out and then the three of you try to hide in this room. You close the door and try to hide in here, correct? Sure. Yeah. Make that animal handling check, Chris. Oh, God.

But I've got the orange goo. I think it gives you advantage. It lasts for an hour. Oh, okay. 19 with the goo. Okay, so you're going to have the bear hide with you, right? Yeah. Okay. The three of you hide and Elgar, you run up to the Sviratu who stops and looks down at you. Sorry about that. I was away for a week and so I just kind of forgot where my room was. And she tries to just like walk by him. Make a deception check.

With advantage, right? Oh no, Barbara. Oh no. I rolled a six. Yeah, you try to get around him, but this is where you kind of sidesteps and looks at you and says, you don't remember where your home is? That's unusual. Well, it's not that I don't remember where it is. I was just kind of being like, man, I haven't been here for a week.

I just wanted to re-familiarize myself with the hallway, you know? Is the Sriratu's back facing away from us, like, as she turned him around? You wouldn't be able to see, would you? You closed the door. Yeah. I don't know. I just wanted to poke out, maybe, like...

Point its fur out to slit throat and shrug shoulders. Somehow, Elga can't see Chip, but knows he's doing it. I just remembered something we said in the last episode. You actually have advantage on charisma-based checks on this level because it's like your home turf. So I do have advantage. Yeah. Let's try it again. I kind of want it to be low. I know, right? Nat 20. Dang. Or 24. 24.

So I guess he wouldn't have stepped in front of you. You would have told your little white lie and then pranced around the side of the Sferatu, continuing down the hall. Thank you for your duty job. Thank you. Duty job. I imagine he would watch you, like turn and watch you go down, and then you would disappear around the bend in the hallway. Yeah. Then he's going to make a perception check to see if he overhears the rest of you. The other three of you make me stealth check.

And Elga's kind of just peeking out from around the corner. I like to picture, like, just the top of her head and two eyes, like, over the stone, like, sideways looking. Reminder, I have an advantage because of the sneakers. Oh, right. 25. Nice.

- Five at disadvantage, so. - I was gonna, I rolled an 11. I was gonna do inspiration dice, but I don't think I should use it. - Let it stand. - Yeah, Barty rolled a nine and a five just for reference. I'm going to roll a perception check here. - Maybe he'll get a nat one. - Fail. - He's got a plus four on it, so let's see. - So no matter what, he matches.

That's a three, which is a seven, which is still greater than Barney's five. So as he's walking by where you all are hiding, he would maybe notice that maybe the door is slightly ajar or something seems unusual. So he like turns and starts peeking his head in to that apartment. Can I poke the bear so it goes like that? Yeah, let's make the bear angry. No, I'm trying to make it look like a werewolf is in here. Yep. It's a decent cover. Let's see how it plays out.

Okay. Do we want to fight a Sferatu or a bear? Like, can I animal? Can I try an animal? Just so you know, with the potion that you drank, it's almost like you have it charmed. So you can make it do that. Okay. So I wanted to make it scratch and, like, growl. You know, like bears and wolves, they sound the same. Okay. I wouldn't go to a room with either growling and scratching. I would avoid it.

Your Honor. It's a clever plan. It's Chris. Chris is doing his salesman little thing he does where he's trying to convince Gus. Absolutely. It's like I was picturing like a lawyer. I may be just a simple old man who lost his family. I guess have the bear roll an intimidation check. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. He is prodding a bear. Can I fly up above the door? Like through the ceiling? Is the door, I guess I'm asking, is there like room above the door on the inside of this room for me to hide above? Like where you would put a bucket of water for a nice little prank. I see. It's pretty small since it's like a hidden room. You could like, if you, yes, I'll say yes. Sure. Yeah.

Oh, he's a kind man. He's a beautiful man. And already an arm blade by the side of the door. Somebody walked in. I rolled an 11 out of D20. I didn't know what the bear's intimidation modifier was. Intimidation would be a charisma-based one. It has plus zero on that. All right, you rolled an 11? Yes. And I ready a... Yeah. Yes, I rolled an 11, and I ready a bolt, crossbow bolt, silver bane bolt. We're going to make such a fuss in this place. Yeah.

300 Sferatus come running upstairs. The bear yelps. Maybe it's surprised more than anything. And it seems to give the Sferatu pause for a second, but then he continues getting closer to investigate the source of the sound. Cool. All right. We do nothing. He begins slowly opening the door. Chip goes, get out of here. Help, I'm losing.

Benny, see ya! Chinin to go like, hello! Barney looks at Chip and gives a thumbs up, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, thumbs up back. Mateed readies to be phased through this wall and leave these people forever. Yeah. Make a performance check, Chip. What's Chip's performance modifier? Plus four, that's 23. 23. Oscar worthy. Yeah, your performance is great. Let's hear it one more time.

They trapped here for a week! You sound like the gingerbread man from Shrek. He does, that's funny. Yeah, the Sferatu stops and then like even more quickly, like throws the door open to look and see what's there. And sees the three of you. She was supposed to have her blindfold or mouth hole, whatever you call that thing. Well, he might not have known. I shoot him with a bolt. Also, from a meta perspective, she was being hidden.

Even in the VAM Spire. He's going to check anyways. He's worth a try. Can the bear attack and I shoot him with a bolt? Sure. We'll do that as a surprise and then we'll roll initiative. Yeah, we're doing surprise attacks. Yeah. And I'm just watching this whole time, right? Yeah. Elga's just still soon. Soon. All right.

How does the bear attack? It has a multi-attack. It can bite and claw. Do we all get a little surprise attack? Sure. Why not? Okay. This thing's dead on arrival then. I hope he's got low AC and low HP. Don't some of you have low HP? Shut up.

So what do we do? Shut up. While Chris is reading, if someone else wants to go for it, you're more than welcome to. Matide, do you want to? What? Take an attack? Yeah. I stabbed this guy with a spear. No, actually, I throw... You drop a bucket of water on him? I do. It's holy water. I just prayed over it. Can I hit him with the sling of sandstorms? Yeah, sure. Okay. That's 15? That's 15.

That hits. That's his AC. His armor class is 15. Okay. I'm going to roll damage. Seven. It's also with my, they're called the bullets of walloping. So they have to, he has to take a DC 10 strength saving throw or be knocked prone. I love the word walloping. We don't use it enough in like normal parlance. His strength is plus seven. So he needs a three or better. Oh dang, he's strong. Nine. So that's 16. So he succeeds.

Okay. But I also want to make a stun strike and use a key point. And the stun strike is DC 14 con saving. His con is plus four. He needs 10 or better. That's a 16. Tony, success.

Okay. In a surprise attack, is that counted as one action or one attack? One attack. Okay. So I don't get to do what I get to do in an action. So the way it used to work in old D&D was you could get a surprise round. Tell us, Grandpa. Okay.

Nowadays, it seems like they've changed it where surprised is a condition on the enemy. So it's not that you get a full surprise round. They just are under the surprised effect. And what's the description of that effect? If you're surprised, you can't move or take an action on your first turn of the combat. You can't take a reaction until that turn ends. So we get a whole round of combat.

That's what it seems like. This is good. Yeah, I have something that's going to help. This is basically a round of combat prior to initiative. That is exactly how I interpret that. So, yes. Oh, there we go. That's what I wanted to hear, baby doll. All right. Let's... What? Are you done? Are you done? No, I can do a bunch more. All right. I got a bunch, too. I do another sling of sandstorms. Da-da-da-da.

That one's a 25. That hits. Eight damage. Ow. Roll that strength saving throw and then roll that con saving throw. This is the strength success. That's a 17 plus seven, which is 24. This is the constitution. That is a success. That's 18 plus four, which is 22. Okay. I'm going to cast. I'm going to do a flurry of blows. My favorite beverage from Dairy Queen.

I was thinking the same thing. That's a 25? For your hit? Yeah, that hits. How much? I got a lot of ki. You know what? I'm about to die. So I'm going to burn.

to burn everything. Push all the buttons. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. That's damage of... Yeah, I know we got a bear, but I'm trying... Like, this thing might have, like, 100 HP, and, like, it's literally a security guard at a vampire spire. And you guys are almost dead, right? Yes, I'm at 6 HP, so sorry if Mateed's a little worried. I bet you're, like, now you still see the top of Elga's head, and now she's, like, chewing on popcorn. You just see the little flakes. Yeah.

Seven damage. Okay. Roll another cons saving throw. That's a 20, 24. Poo poo. You know what? Let's do it again. That one's at 18. So that hits. That hits. That's another six damage. And just go ahead and let's see if I can stun you with this final one. I see you roll a nine or lower. I need, I got a 16. That's a 20. You butt much? No.

I'm getting good rolls for once. I'm happy with this. All right. Now I'm done. You may proceed to try to decimate this man. Bear! Who goes first? Bear! Whichever. You guys pick. Sounds like Chris goes first. I really want to use the bear. I know. Can you tell, Blaine? Hey, Blaine, can you tell?

All right, the bear makes three attacks. One with its bite, two with its claws. It'll attack with its claw first. That's plus 10 to hit. Okay. So that's a 19. That hits. Now, the creature must succeed. Wait, if the target is a large or smaller creature, is it smaller than the giant bear? Yes, this is a medium creature. Okay, then it has to succeed on a DC 18 strength saving throw or be knocked prone. Okay, that's plus seven. That is a 20. Okay, then it'll attack again with its claw.

Okay. Wait, did you roll damage on that? Oh, no, I didn't. But that next roll will be a 22. I'll roll damage really quick. Sorry. Yeah. 3d8 plus 6. Piercing, right? You said it's a bite? The first one was a claw. 26 slashing. Okay. Got it. My next attack, my other claw attack was a 22. 22 to hit or damage? That hit. Yeah. Right. So it wasn't damage. That's to hit.

Yes, yes. Chris, you gotta answer the question I ask. Sorry, I misunderstood you. Yeah, 22 to hit. Okay, yes, that hits. Woo!

So that's 14 plus six. So that's another 20 damage. Okay. And it has to make another DC 18 shrink saving throw. All right. And I just, I hear this going on, right? I don't see it. Correct. I rolled a 20. That's a 27. Yeah. You hear like a scuffling and you, you also would have heard like the bear kind of roaring and making noise. And then Chip yelling, help me. I'm a little girl.

Yep. That's what I'm used to hearing. It was so convincing. Even Elga was like, did we leave Benicia in the room? Did she come back? And then it's their attack. It was a 13. That misses. Okay. That's the bear's turn. Okay.

Chip, did you want to go? Sure. I'll use my arm blade of the brother being, but because we had a surprise, I also have assassinate and sneak attack. So assassinate, you have advantage on attack rolls against any creature that hasn't taken a turn in combat yet. Any hit you score against a creature that is surprised is a critical hit. So in that mind, I'm going to roll the arm blade. Plus a nine, but I mean, do I get it? You said I get advantage, right? Yeah, it said you get advantage. Okay, yeah.

I'm going to use my inspiration. There was a nine and a seven. Yeah, that's an 18. There you go. 18 does hit. Okay. I'll roll the 1d8, but I feel like I just crit on that, right? I get eight plus two. Yeah. So 1d8, you roll plus two is a three, but since you crit, we add the extra eight onto it. So that's 11. Okay. And then I also have...

Sneak attack. Once per turn, you can deal an extra 46 damage to one creature you hit with an attack. The finesse or ranged weapon. If you have advantage on the attack roll, you don't need advantage on the attack roll. If another enemy of the target is within five feet. And I think we're all bundled together within like two feet of each other. Yeah. I am his enemy. You are. And I his as well. 46. That is...

There. 11. 11. Is that your... That's damage. Okay, 11 damage. Looking at it. Yep. Okay, got it. Yep. And then...

I think that might be it. Do you want to disengage or stealth? Yeah, I'm looking if I want to do some sort of bonus action. Yeah, I'll use cunning action to disengage and then I guess block any exit that he would have in order to leave the area if he needed to go get help or something.

yeah it's all really close you just kind of like shuffle around him then since you disengage and like yeah it's really awkward though like you can hear my sneakers squeaking and i'm like oh i'm gonna go this you're gonna go okay all right yeah yeah yeah he does the thing where he moves to one side and you're like oh

Why is my anxiety spiking right now? In that case, everyone, let's go ahead and roll initiative. Barney gets to take an official order of action, right? Barney also. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was it. Barney shoots him with a silver vein bolt. What if this is all we had to do? That's 19. That hits. I hope this is all the episode was written for.

This one fight with a... And that does 13 points of damage, and if it matters, when you successfully hit an undead creature with this bolt, it deals an additional 3d8 radiant damage. Yes, that does matter. This creature has to make a constitution saving throw, DC 13 plus proficiency bonus. On a failed save, they become stunned until their next turn.

All right. What kind of save was it? Constitution, saving throw, DC 13 plus proficiency bonus. Yeah, I got a 23. I rolled a 19 plus four. Okay. Well, I'll roll my radiant damage. All right. That's a 15 radiant. Ouch.

Okay. We'll never do this, but I would love, since this is all just a surprise attack on this guy's entry room, I would love just an animation of all of this happening all at once. Because it all happens within six seconds. Yeah. It's, you know, two shots of the sandstorm and two kicks of my feet and...

a bear attacking like three times and Chip stabbing him a bunch of times and Barney shooting him with a crossbow. All in a little closet. All in this guy's got a look of surprise on his face. It's like that anime trope where he just has that look of surprise and then he slowly starts sliding in half like he's been cut in two. Yeah. How's this guy looking? He seems like he's had better days. Okay. Roll initiative? Yes. I think you were about to say. Yes. Yes.

Elga. Nine. Elga. Yes. Roll initiative. But am I not there yet? Do you want to join in on this? I guess I should. Yeah. Why don't you just roll and then you'll have the option if you want to do something or not. That way we'll at least have a spot for you. This is six on initiative. 16 for Matide. That is a, I want to say it was a nine for old Chipainy. There's a nine for Barney and then for the bear, 16. Okay.

And then I think Chip has hired Dex because we matched, right, Barney? Yeah, my Dex is 15. Mine is as well. Roll off. Roll off. We got to roll off. I'm going to reroll initiative. Let's

Three. I rolled a one. Okay, so you're going to maintain the nine position, but Barney's going to go first, and then Chip will go after. Okay. Wait, I rolled... Wait, wrong. Why did you swap that, Gus? Oh, you're right. I said Chip will go first, right? No, you did not. No. Oh, no. It's happening. He's aging. Yeah, Chip goes first, because Chip rolled a three. Okay, yeah. If I said it wrong, I put it correctly on my list. I probably just said it wrong. We believe you. Yeah, of course. It says...

- It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. - Yeah, okay. - Gus is like only like a few years older than me. - You'll be like this too. - Like we're really close in age. - No you're not. - Enjoy it while you can. I used to do that to Bernie and Jeff all the time. And then somehow I magically caught up to them.

Yeah. Okay. At this point, you see something weird happen. It's not a Sferatu. It was the alchemist the entire time. No! I came here to save my niece. What's happening? It's almost like the blood...

from the Sferatu starts congealing into like a mist about him in this space that you're in. As it transforms into a mist, the Sferatu almost loses its own form, almost becoming like a mist, and the red drops are just shimmering in the air for just a second, and then it goes into the nose of the bear, possessing it. What? Cool. We're being punished for that bear. Yeah, this is great. The bear goes crazy. It's my bear now, Chris. Okay.

And begin swiping at Barney. Boo boo! No! I'm on the bear's team now, just FYI. Switching sides. I've swapped, I've swapped. That's a bite, that's a 22. That hits. Glad this bear's not biting me. Doing 12 points of damage. Terrible HP right now on my team. You guys might die. Yeah. You could've just gone...

then the bear lets out a roar and begins slamming into the walls then explodes past you chip running down the hallway towards elga opportunity if you want it you can take it yeah i take an attack opportunity as well okay i can uh cast a spell as an attack of opportunity uh

because I have something. - Okay. - No, no, I do. I do have a, what is it called? - Warcaster? - Warcaster. - Worcestershire sauce? - Yep. - Sorry, I'm looking at the best thing to take down a bear. - Why don't you pause then and let someone else go while you look that up? - Yeah. - I guess me? - Sure.

arm blade of blurbling because he's just running past me. So I'm gonna take a little swipe. Okay. 14. I believe that misses. Let me double check. No, that hits. What kind of armor does a bear have? Okay. That hits. Gus just never mentioned it's an armored bear. Now it is. 406.

Something I failed to mention is the arm blade has 1d4 acid damage that I should have inflicted on the Sfara too earlier, but because I failed to mention it, that's fine. But I'll give it to this little bear. Okay. So that's an additional three points of damage. Four plus three. Seven. Okay. I'm doing nothing. Okay. Barney. Actually, wait. Oh, Mateed. Meta question. What happens when something that's possessed, something else tries to possess it?

Oh, I don't think that works. I think like the second possessor kind of like bounces out because it's already taken. Do you want to do like a mental fight? Maybe we could do like some kind of contest. Maybe like a wisdom thing. Let me see if there's precedent for that. We're learning things. Wee.

I'm going to say that it is taken like a slot and it's already full and you can't do it. I don't see any precedent or any rules for it, but that's kind of what makes sense to me. He's that little kid on the bus in Forrest Gump. Seats taken. Cool. Then yeah, I'll let this bear go. Okay. Barney. I'm going to do a guiding bolt at the bear and shoot it at the bear. Sadly. Sadly.

Just FYI, since you're casting Guiding Bull, we've never dealt with this before, so I can understand why this is a new thing. You have disadvantage on casting that right now because it's in melee range. Normally, this is intended to be something you use at range. It's a ranged spell attack. Wait, you get disadvantage? But I've used it...

If it's in melee before. It's on a target that's right on you? I think so. Then in that case, you should have been at disadvantage then too. And I'm only reminded of that because I read the Warcaster rules right now and it does mention it in there. Well. Yeah, like any range, it would be like, the example would be like trying to hit...

someone with a bow and arrow when they're also in melee range right next to you. It's any ranged attack, whether it's spell or a physical weapon has disadvantage in melee range. Well, I'll shoot it. Let's see here. That's a 19 and a 16. That hits. Yes. Yeah, the bear has AC 13. And that does 16 points of radiant damage. Okay. Okay.

At that point, then the bear would fall to the ground as it's running out the door, seemingly dead. But as it's lying there, once again, it transforms into a cloud of red mist and then disappears through the cracks of the floor. Mom, Dad, you should shop Amazon for back to school and save some money. See, I'm currently obsessed with superheroes and need all the superhero stuff. Superhero lunchbox, superhero bathhouse.

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Well... Problem solved. Alright, well... I like that really nervous laughter from Chip there. It's just really funny. So we goofed, and I think we should probably skedaddle on out of here, because we probably got way more Sephiroth 2 coming our way. Probably. I think it's an astute observation. Yeah. Are you guys there?

Your house is right down the hall. I guess during this time, Elga would have skedaddled over to the bathroom. She's just playing with her toys in her room. Perhaps we should actually abscond to Elga's apartment to maybe hide. We should hide. You're right. Hide.

You guys want to come with me and hide in my place? Yeah, let's try that. Yeah. I feel like that's better than trying to get out of a spire that now has all the security guards alerted. I could just walk through the wall and leave, but you all are like, you know, you guys do not do that. Does the vamp spire, like specifically Elga's apartment, does it have windows to the outside? Oh. No.

Oh, can't let in sunlight. Right. I think we covered that last episode, if I remember right. That's why I double-checked, because I feel like normally it'd be, yeah, but yeah. Why is that, though? Because Elga's been in the sunlight, right? They're still not fond of it. Okay. Is there a private, like...

Exit that they don't have to go to the tails dock like rich people. You go swim through the moat. Okay. There's no rich people exit. Elga, make me a wisdom check with advantage. Secret door in her apartment. Secret door. 14. Growing up, you heard that when the Sferatu take injuries, they don't necessarily, if they take enough injuries, they don't always necessarily die.

Sometimes they return to their resting place and they need a while to regenerate and come back. So we got to go find his resting place and then kill him to the Sauratu headquarters. Got it, Elga. Could I share that information with the team? Yeah, absolutely. Just say I shared that with you guys. So I don't have to repeat exactly what Gush just said. Yeah.

Oh. Then let's continue our... of the tower. It sounds like we got a ticking clock in that case, because it's a matter of time before this thing rests well enough to then, I guess, alert the others. What is our objective at this point, since we have been to a botnet? Well, okay. Well, okay. I'm kind of curious where my family is. They're not in their house. No, we have not found your father yet. And also...

of torn up and pushed around like someone was trying to look for something. So... We also did not check any of the other apartments like asking any sort of help. I know where my family is. Well, we went to one apartment and I met a friend that maybe doesn't want to see me again. Which one of you in the party is the tallest? Probably...

Mateed. Mateed, come with us. Make me a dexterity saving throw, Mateed. Can I grab the bolt that I shot and then also do my initiative thing? Yes. You're doing the initiative thing. You mean the buff that gives you advantage on initiative? 26. Thank you, Gus, for translating. Yeah, I just want to make sure the audience understands. Speaks Chris as well. 26 for Mateed. As you all are sitting there talking, like your bird sense or something goes off, Mateed.

and you instinctively duck at the last second as a swarm of bats flies by racing overhead down the hallway carrying a bunch of rats. - What? - Make me a dexterity check now, Mateed. - This place is weird. That's a one. I'm gonna re-roll that with inspiration dice. - All right. - 'Cause I'm worried of what this is. Nat 2024. - Yeah, baby. - A couple of the bats swoop down and try to take Gigi from you.

- I am glad I used inspiration dice. - Again, you react quickly enough to shield Gigi from them. And then the swarm of bats continues racing down the hallway. - The one that tried to get Gigi, could I grab it? With a nat 20? - I'll say make a different dexterity check for that. 'Cause that 20 was to hide Gigi. Another one will be to see if you can reach out in time. - 21. - 21, yeah. You reach out lightning quick and grab at one of the bats and you catch it in your hand. - Bite its head off like Ozzy Osbourne, do it.

I was going to have Elga talk to her, but Elga can't turn into a bat again. As you're doing that, two battlers come running down the hallway. Oh, wait, wait.

which one is that why did you grab it because they're trying to take my pet what is this bat doing oh no i told you dolson oh man oh you'd lose the pay up what are you guys doing the the dwarf starts pulling money out of its pocket and handing it over to the uh the house elf that was talking to you i knew i shouldn't have been on that you guys making bets on bats that are they called bats

But yeah, we're doing rat-bat races. Rat-bat. Rat-bat races. Where are the rats? Oh, are you racing the rats in the house? They were carrying rats? Well, how else are you going to rat-bat race if you don't have rats? Obviously. So they were going up the spire? Yes. To where we were at with the door? Yeah, they came from lower, from the bottom part, and then they're up to where you are now, correct? When we went to the door where Benicia was in, is that the end of that?

stairway? No, there's still more. It still keeps going. That's why Barney wants to keep going up, and he's about to start going. Wait, isn't there a rat infestation here in the vamp spire? Yeah, you know it. That's where we get the rats for the rat bat races. Oh, so this is a means of getting rid of the rats. Why did you bet? Why did you bet that this was going to take my pet? The dwarf starts talking. Well, you see, that's an interesting story. The thing about that is that I...

I didn't bet on it taking your cat, I bet on it finishing with a rat before Scarlet's bat here. But I guess my bat dropped its rat and was looking for something else to pick up on the way. Oh, it reminds me of the time when I was young. You see...

Uh, it was actually about ten years ago. I was down in the lower level of the Vanspire. I'm gonna start scurrying over to the fall of Arnie. And while I was down there, uh, you know, I was looking for rats, and I couldn't find them. And it just so happened that I ran in. That's when it was actually the day that I met Scarlet. And, uh, I saw Scarlet over there working, uh, repairing a clock. And I thought, well, what's up? What's up, Half-Elf? She's wasting her time!

I'm listening intently. This morning I walked up and I said, I know how to fix clocks. He's vamping! Give yourself an inspiration die if you don't have one. But I'm the best clock repair person. So we had a clock off. It turns out that Scarlet was better at fixing clocks than me. Oh, what a day.

What is your name? Me? I'm Dolson. Dolson? Dolson and Scarlet. Okay. Pleasure to meet you. Anyway, we got to get after our rat. We have to get after our bats. Yeah, we got to go too. There it goes. Okay, I'll follow my team that's left now at this point up the stairs. I wanted to know that Barney kisses Boo Boo in the head as he leaves. Okay. Scarlet and Dolson run off. Chip shoots an arrow into his head to make sure he's dead.

Just double taps the bear. And Mateed looks at Chip and gives a little nod like, good call. What did I miss? As I was going on and on right then, David slacked, I'm so happy I get to transcribe this. Guess which NPC is not getting a voice actor? Hilarious. Okay, so we go...

The stairs. Okay. Yeah. As you continue circling, there's just more doors all decorated differently. Everything in the hallway seems like it's the same over and over, except the doors change. Every door is a little different than the previous one. Okay. But they're all decorated like the domicile doors that we saw when we entered this part of it.

Thomas, the doors all as a whole look the same. It's just the decorations on them that look different. There was the wooden door that had scratch marks on it that was very different from the other doors. And then there were the decorative doors that are clearly the apartments that Barbara described what their apartment door looked like. Correct. And the scratched one that you found, that's where Benicio was. When you went in, I don't know if you remember, it looked like a vacant apartment. It was a vacant apartment.

It was unfurnished. Oh, okay. But it was the size of the apartment. Same size door, correct. Yeah. Okay, okay. Okay, yeah, we go up. Our door, Mateed goes up. Yeah. Yeah, I'm following Barney. I'm assuming he's going up. Also, I thought that that was a trap. I thought that guy was laying a trap. I would never walk away in the middle of something, but that seemed like he was waiting for Sprottu to come in and back us up. That's good to know. But now that I left, did he say something important about the clocks? No.

Now I'm scared I missed something important. Mateed comes back up and says, guys, I know everything now about what's going on. It's amazing. That guy had all the answers. So Micah does a lot of writing that, you know, you guys never see. And I do want to, you know, I love everything that he puts into these modules. And Dolson's traits are a dwarf that loves to hear themselves talk and always finds a way to insert their personal stories into a conversation. Yeah.

I was like, okay, okay, we can do, I can do this. We all know that person in real life. Yes, um. Okay, yeah, so you all continue walking up the hallway. Everyone make a perception check. We'll call it from perception. Darn dirty perception. Seven. That one. Nine. Wow. Eight. Seven, eight, eight, nine. Wow, okay, no, yeah, you all, okay, nothing, nothing happens.

We see nothing. And everything is fine. You continue your roll. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. Oh. It rolled over from a 16 to a 6. Another nat 1. 20. 17. 8. Are you within 5 feet of me? Yes. Yeah, I assume you all would be. Two allies within 5 feet of me.

Gain bonus to saving throws equal to my dexterity modifier, which is plus two. Why do they get that? It's that armor thing I have that blinds people. Read it. It's because of my dust plate armor. Oh, plus two bonus to allies within five feet. Gain bonus to saving throw equal to your dexterity modifier. Yeah. He's not fibbing. I ain't fibbing. We add what? Okay, 10. Plus two to whoever needs it the most. Take it. I mean, yeah, I don't think it's going to make a difference. I think...

Everyone would get that. I don't think it's you. Oh, two allies. It's two allies, yeah. Okay, Elga and I take it. We both have 10 now. Yeah, 10. Okay, so that was 10, 10, Barney 17, and Chip 20, correct? Yep. Everyone except for Chip...

falls through a trap door in the floor. Pardon, I float and fly. You float, and when you lift your head and look around, you see you're in the middle of an iron cage where battlers are in the middle of a brawl with each other, fighting. Around the outside of the ring are vampires shouting and exchanging money. Wait, so we're in the cage? You're in the cage with battlers that are fighting each other.

Chip did not fall in? Chip did not fall in. Okay. So yeah, Chip, you would look down and you see this from above. Oh, the first rule about Bat Club.

Did it close behind us? Can I float out of it? Yeah, it's still open. It's just looking down. All right. I want to use steps of night so I can fly out. And can I grab Elga? Well, before you do that, I want to look and see if there's anyone in here I recognize. Make a... Just call it wisdom check with advantage. My gosh. A 10 is my higher roll. You rolled a one. Hey, I've been rolling ones. Buddies for friends.

You look around and no one catches your eye. Maybe it's because it's dark, your eyes are adjusting and got maybe a little bit of dirt in them, but yeah, you can't quite make out anybody. How many battlers are in here? In here, engaged in combat currently, there are three battlers in a three-way brawl. Can I do a quick... Yeah, you make your noise and you get no response. I'm good. We're not done here. It's good to know. I was hoping quickly it would be like shredded Brad Pitt abs. LAUGHTER

You see a sweaty gnome jump on top of a young human and just start wailing on him. I really had no idea all this weird stuff was happening right under my feet, but here we are. And just to confirm, I don't recognize any of them. You did not know, but you floated out, right? Yeah. Yeah.

You didn't ask if you recognized anyone, so. Right. Yeah, you floated out. I also caught Gus in a double negative. He said, you did not. So he did recognize someone. Oh, you got me. They said, did I? Well, you didn't ask if you recognized anyone. You just said you floated out, so. Right. But then I didn't. I stopped because I said I was going to grab Elga, and then Elga said she wanted to see if you recognized anyone. In that case, if you're still down here, make a wisdom check. Yeah.

He telepathically communicated that. Shame on you for not picking that up, guys. 18. Yeah, you look around and it's just mayhem. You do not recognize any of these people, battlers or people on the outside. Okay. And I guess, Elga, did you want to go, like... Yeah, I guess I'll go.

- And then where's the-- - Three. - Flirts out. And Mati already floats out, right? - No. - Before we leave, does Chip see any folding chairs up where he is that he could throw into the ring?

Really strange. Yes, there is a metal folding chair in the hallway here. Oh, no. I toss it down the ring, and I say, what's the chair doing? Yeah, the sweaty gnome scappers over and picks it up and begins swinging it around an abralion that's floating in the corner. Yeah!

I turn to one of the vampires outside a cage. I say, "Three emo pieces that that gnome wins." Three emo on the gnome. I'll cover that action. All right. Matide just watches. So Barney and Elga floated out, and Matide's down here now betting on the gnome, right? Yes. I'm leaving you. Bye. Bye.

I'm gonna make a roll here. Sorry, let me deal with the combat real fast myself. It'll just take me a second to get through. He's actually having a fight. I love this. Rolling a bunch of dice. Yeah, it's so good. Come on, gnome! I got you! You can do it! The Abralion tries to dodge out of the way, but it's almost like the sweaty gnome anticipates it and swings the chair right where the Abralion was going and smashes it to the ground.

then turns around and throws the chair at the human that it was on top of previously, knocking that human out on the ground. - Whoa! - Yes! - The sweaty gnome jumps up and down in triumph. The vampire you handed three hemo pieces to taps you on the shoulder, Mateed, and then hands you back six hemo pieces. - Six? - Oh! - Yeah. - Good current investment. - I go over to the gnome and I hold his arm up. - Winner!

Darude rules. Yeah. Darude. Screen back. Who's next? Who's next?

At this point, I would say some battlers come out and drag the Aurelian Inhuman out and begin preparing the ring for the next battle. Alinda and Darude exits the ring as well with them as they're cleaning up. Okay, I'll fly out. Thank you. I had my fun. All right. Mateed flies up and rejoins. That was fun. This is good. Gambling is not good. If you need it,

I'm always here for you. Okay, thank you. This fight was sponsored by Fang Duel. Heck yeah. Heck yeah. Would y'all want to leave the trapdoor open or is anyone going to try to close it back up? What's the plan? Probably close it. Is there a trapdoor in the floor of this apartment part of your building? You know.

I think we know why. All right. Yeah. Can we continue to head up? Yeah. Can we head up? And can I look for a good spot to like pull to the side for a second? Like that's out of the way. Yeah. You spot a marble statue of a caped vampire with a black fang mask that's in kind of a recessed alcove. Can I go to the behind it and or first check and see if there's anything anyone around there, any traps or anything or just anything suspicious? Make an investigation check. Two? No, seems totally fine. All right.

Can I actually, I want to keep that trap door open. There is a world in which we have to escape and then we re-trigger that trap. And I am not for that, okay? So I'm going to say we leave that open. Okay, that's a good point. All right, yeah, so you, yeah, Barney, you step off to the side by there. And can I pull Chip, I guess, with me? And then I go, Chip, take this healing potion. I'm going to take a quick power nap. One minute. Okay.

And I use that little sand that gives me a short rest and replenishes a spell slot. And you gave me a healing potion? Yeah, I gave you a healing potion. Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats. There seems to be some music. From Elga and Matisse's perspective, the statue almost seems to come alive and extends its cape over to Barney and they disappear. What? Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

Did I have time to take the potion? I turned to Elga and I just go, finally. Oh. Yeah, it was as you were drinking the potion, Chip. All right. Are we still doing the roll where if you just take it not in combat, you get full effect? Sure. Yeah. Okay. And that's 10. And did I already do my one minute sleep thing? Yes. Okay. All right.

Cool. So they've actually disappeared? Like we don't see them? Yeah, they're gone. It's not just that they're like concealed by the cape? No, the statue's kind of reset back into the position it was previously. Okay. What do we see? I'm going to let them decide what they want to do first and then I'll get to you guys. Okay, copy. Do I like remember anything about what these statues are or do just because I live here? Like what I know? Make me a perception check.

Elka. 21. You have never seen it yourself, but you've heard stories of hidden parties that happen in the VAM Spire sometimes, and that there are secret ways to get into them. And you can kind of hear a little bit of music right now. You feel like, Oh, that's what he was making. Oh, the boosting cats. Yeah. He was beatboxing. Well, Mati, I think I know where Chip and Barney might've been taken to. It would be your vibe if we went with them. Do you think we should go after them or?

I suppose there is an answer to this that is we should. For sure. I don't know if that's the answer I want to give, but I'm just going to point that out. We could also just go back to my place and have some tea and I can make some croissants in the oven. Honestly, a long rest would be kind of wonderful for myself at this point. You and I just go take a long rest. Can we do that? You can go take a rest if you want. Elga, I will follow your lead, whatever you want to do.

I should probably go after them. You make your choice. You know, you live your truth. You do not need to follow these men everywhere they go. You do you. Whatever you want to do, I'm on board. You know, we don't have so much baggage now. Just you, me, and Gigi. I don't think we could, like, metagaming-wise, actually take a long rest during this, can we? Depends how long they're gone. I can't answer that because I don't know what they're going to do. Let's take a nap. I love it. I love a nap. It'd be wonderful.

Oh, let's go. So Elga and Mateed decide to take a rest. We'll call it that for now. Sure. Okay. Okay. Chip, from your perspective, the world goes dark for a second. And then when it comes to again, your senses are overwhelmed. It's like a deafening blood, drunken rave, black lights everywhere.

There is an identical statue now still by you that has released you into this. In the back of the room, you see a DJ wearing a red robe of mist and a black porcelain vampire mask. He's floating in the air, spinning a red disc on a stone table that's booming with a deafening bass-heavy music. Can I tell you what I did as soon as you said that I just got teleported into a vampire techno club? I started playing The Blade.

I can't wait to hear Micah's background music for this part. There are various people dancing all around. And I'm asleep, right? Yeah, you're asleep. Set a timer for one minute. You're asleep for one minute, Barney. Go, Chip. Go, Chip.

I'm just going to dance, you know? I've had a really tough time. It's been a real bad week. My wife is dead, and I'm just going to dance. He's single for the first time in decades. He's not seen it from that perspective. He's seeing it as an opportunity to cut loose, so he's going to dance. Do you want to dance by yourself, or is there someone in particular you want to approach? There's a gnome, there's a goliath, there's a halfling, there's a furball. I don't want to, like, dance up on someone, but, like, kind of dance amongst the group. I'll go up to the goliath and just be like...

What's up, man? Hey, Earth lady. Woo! It's a pink freckled goliath with one fang who, like, gives you a nod and is just dancing along. What is this place? I haven't been to this club yet. It's nice to meet you, Chip. I'm Choth. This

The Vamparty. Oh, Chelf, that's awesome. I love their puns here, don't they? Barney, you are now awake. What in the world is happening? Oh my God, I'm dead. You see Chip nearby dancing with a pink freckled goliath. Barney runs up. Chip, where are we? What happened? How long was I asleep? We're in the Vamparty. Cut loose, dude. What year is it? You've been asleep for one minute.

minute. We just got teleported in here. You okay? You've never been to a dance club before? No. Let me show you how to do some dance moves and then I want to show off some dance moves. I want to do like a performance or something. Yeah, let's get a performance check. Okay, that's about right. It

It's an eight. Ooh. So I start gyrating my hips. I will say, Barney's very impressed. But also, we have a family!

Right, right, your family. Let's look around and see if we can see any of them. Do we see any of Barney's family? You see the people dancing on the hall. You see the DJ. Next to the DJ, you see a floating glass bowl of drinks.

And that's about it. Could we do that thing, you know, wherever you're like crossing a dance room where you kind of like dance and move, you know, like while you walk? Yeah. Just so you don't look awkward while you're crossing a bunch of people dancing. Is it just Barney or both of you? Oh, I'm dancing the whole time. Chip is for sure dancing this entire time. I mean, are you following Barney or are you staying on the dance floor? Oh, yeah. I know that this is not his normal environment. He's freaked out. Chip has had to go undercover in dance clubs before, so he knows how to fit in.

He knows how to vibe. Maybe, maybe you get Barney and you like start pumping his arms as- as- like to get- Like this Barney, like this! What was the dance that Chip kept doing over and over again in the place that had the uh, the- the- Oh what was it Blaine? Yeah yeah, I uh, I don't know what the specific- Cupid shuffle? Cupid shuffle?

I'm doing some variation of that to match the BPM of this music. So you're both doing the Cupid shuffle, crossing the dance floor, going to the drinks? There you go. Yeah. Chip, make me a perception check. Okay. Six. Okay. It's always perception. You make your way across the dance floor and end up where the drinks are. Like I said, it's a floating glass bowl, and it's got a ladle in it and a bunch of cups nearby. Okay. Bye.

Barney, I don't think we're going to want to drink that, pal. I wasn't planning on it. Barney, scan the room for anyone to see if his wife or kids are here. And then, yeah. Yeah, make an investigation or perception, your call. Whichever one you want, Barney. Perception, 22. You do not recognize Barney or the kids in here. Do I see anyone who looks approachable?

I mean, yeah, everyone on the dance floor. I mean, you could even talk to the DJ if you want. Okay, go talk to the DJ. That's what every DJ wants you to do. Approach them while they're working and talking. Barney doesn't know that. Can you play YMCA? Yeah. What about Shout? He's floating near the drinks and sees you walk up and leans over to look at you. Barney says,

DJ Fade is the name for you. Hi, I'm Barney Farney. Nice to meet you. Have you seen my wife and children? I don't know your wife and children. Her name is Barney. She's the most beautiful woman in the world. Can't say I know her. Sorry. Oh, all right.

Big goals, huh? See you later. Okay then, old man. He changes out the disc and the music intensifies. And yeah, he kind of shakes his head. And you hear him say, kind of mutter himself. Old man's had too much coagulate. Oh, coagulate. That must be the drink. It's blood. Coagulated blood. You know, Barney, I don't think your family's in here. I'm having a good time.

*laughs*

You ever seen John Wick? No. What's it about? I say, as we're dancing back. I'll have to show it to you later. Let's get out of here, Barney. So you make your way back to the statue? Yeah, Chip's going to just kind of grab Barney and without skipping a beat, still dance and work over to the statue. Make me one more perception check, Chip. Okay, that is...

A seven. All right. Yeah. You make your way back to the statue. It's standing there kind of ominous looking. Did I get the perception check? No. Can I do an inspiration die and reroll that? If you want. Yeah, sure. Do it. There we go. 14. There you go. As you're walking across the dance floor, there's like a yellow glow that catches your eye. And you see that the gnome that's dancing has a dagger tattooed on their leg, like a D-shaped dagger that begins glowing yellow as you approach and walk by.

It's one of your people. Oh, uh...

Barney, I got to make a pit stop. And then I go over to the gnome and I say, oh, God, what was the chant that we had? The secret handshake? Yeah, yeah. I want to do that. Is there a check that I can do? But you would know it, right? Because it's like. Right. Blaine doesn't, but Chip sure would know. And they do it. The gnome sees you, Chip, and reaches out a hand to shake your hand and leans in and whispers in your ear. We are dagger. Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

well i'll be if it isn't your pain keep it quiet here yeah yeah for sure for sure what was your code name what's your name i'm gamble gamble so good to see you gosh i haven't seen many dagger folks you on the job yeah i'm deep undercover here in the vamp spire

I can't believe I ran into you of all people. Fellow Yenford alum. That's right! Oh, go Yenford Yams! Yeah, yeah! Yeah. Well, um, you know, I don't want to blow your cover or nothing, but, you know, what you looking at? What you scouting for? Maybe we can share some intel. Keeping tab on the vampires here in the VAMP Spire. Gotta report back regularly and let them know what activity's going on here. Yeah, I got any news? Because I got a couple of things I could share with you. I hear things are kind of tight here right now.

Oh.

Maybe that's the prisoner they have. That makes sense. Yeah, yeah. We already let them loose and I give them a disguise and they're regrouping outside of the vamp spire. So hopefully they made it safely. This is going to be great intel for Dagger. Yeah. Can we give them a disguise? Yeah. Yeah, we give them a cloak. Okay.

Well, do you have any other information? Because, I mean, you know, I had a run in with Sheath. Do you have any intel on them? No, I'm just focused on the vampires right now. This is my station. Okay. Ask about Dracula. Hey, how about location of Dracula? We're trying to find him to get some, you know, information. I haven't seen him in a while. Don't think anybody asked. There's been a lot of gems floating through the claw string. And maybe that's related.

Oh, this is my friend Barney. He's cool. He ain't Dagger, but he's alright.

Okay. I'm Barney Farney. Have you seen Count Vixie? I think I saw him two days ago here in the classroom. Doing what? He was walking into his residence. Okay. And what about Count Van Broth? Their house was ransacked. What do you know of that? Oh, has it? Van Broth. Yeah. I was trying to give him a chance to try that again.

Yes. Count me in, bro. Nope. You said the exact same thing twice. I know. I'm looking. I'm going to. Von. Von. Von. Nope. Von Braff. Von Braff. Come on. It's Elga's last name.

It's only been 40 episodes. Well, technically, it's been a week. So it's been. Oh, really? This is the first I've heard of it. I should investigate that right away. All right. Well, what else? I mean, do you got anything else to share? Because we're going to have to skedaddle and get back on our mission. And I don't want to bug you much longer. That's all I have right now.

Maybe we'll meet up a little later before I take off from the VAMS fire. Okay. We could use some extra muscle. I gotta be discreet. I can't leave. I have a cover to maintain. Yeah, Gamble's gotta be undercover. I can't blow him up, you know. He's probably been at this for weeks, if not months, Barney. I've been here a long time. Yeah.

You seem like you're having a terrible time, Gamble. Sometimes you gotta unwind a little bit. I get that. All right, buddy. Well, it's good old seeing an old yampered alumni. Hey, woo-hoo-hoo. Go yams. Go yams. I part ways and we head back to the statue. Okay, yeah, you head back to the statue. Are you all going to approach it again? Like, to have it absorb you? Sure. I have no idea what's going on, so I'm like, wait, how do we go back to the real world? Follow my lead, Barbarian.

- Early, Barney. - Y'all walk up to it and once again, it wraps around you and then you reappear in the hallway. Elga and Mateed, you can get a short rest. - Okay. - Okay. - I'll take it. I will use all of my hit die. - Ding dong clang. Ding dong clang. Large bells ring in the distance and a voice brooms through the corridors. - Mandatory convention in the Trigremium in five minutes.

All counts in the families must be in attendance. Do not be late. Elka, why don't you roll me a wisdom check with advantage? Gee whiz, I wish I'd taken a long rest. It was a short rest. Short rest. Either way. My wisdom is a three. I'm sorry, a nine. A nine with advantage. You know, it's something your father normally dealt with, but you believe that's like a town hall forum where public announcements are made and complaints are heard by Dracula.

So like the HOA meeting of... Right, exactly. And they're held in the central hall called the triclinium. Well, maybe that's where my father is going to be and maybe Dracula. I don't think he really attempts this, but maybe he'll...

Yeah, you all you know here and then see like a bustling of counts countesses and their families rushing off down the hallway Let's just follow Maybe also Count Vixie might be there too so we should probably go to this but you guys just don't make any sort of scene okay be cool When have we ever made a scene? I ran out of fingers on my hand that I've been counting with I can't think of one

Y'all make your way down the hall and it's not long before you come upon an open door that leads into a triangular hall with crimson carpet and black stonework. In the center is a dais, which is also in the shape of a triangle. The crowds give no pause and continue to pour into the hall, pushing and shoving you all closer to the dais. And as they do, Elga, you see someone you recognize.

Pardon me.

But are you Elka? Yes, who are you? I'm your mother. What? Find out what that means in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Chip points red, red gloves, red ascot.

Red room. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week with another episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Gosh, darn. Why don't we just find out now? Next time. There are many ways little stinkers can support the show. Commenting on social media, rating us on podcast services, interacting with us in Discord, or telling friends about the show by word of mouth. Stinkers like...

I probably said that wrong. That's not how you spell that, but apparently that's how you pronounce it. And listeners that interact with us on social media and Discord have NPCs named after them in this episode, like Gamble, named by...

named by at Chelf. Really creative there, Chelf. A Scarlet, named by at ScarletDeath666 and Dulcenth, named by at WellBeWellOff. You're getting a lot of airtime, WellBeWellOff. Good for you. Additionally, Benicia Wolfman's voiced by Griff Milton at the underscore IndoorKid and the Sfratu are voiced by David Saini. I know that guy, at David underscore Saini. He's sitting right next to me.

The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger with additional editing work by David Sanyi. See, I told you I know that guy. Tune in next time for the thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I don't want to jinx us or derail us, but I think this might be the first recording in months from home that Chris's audio works on first shot. So congratulations, Chris. You did it. Thank you. Power goes out right now. I'm like, don't touch anything. Yeah, Chris, don't talk. Shut up.