C02 - Ep. 38 - Vengeance in Vainia- Right Off the Batler
01:34:20 Share

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Greetings, all you gargoyles. Stand in the stinky dragon and quaff our latest coffee. Brooklyn, Bronx, and Broadway. It's a mixture of inanimate milk. No laughter. It's a mixture of inanimate milk.

A slash of chopped clod syrup, a chomp of peanut biter, a skyscrape of coffee topped with Goliath's mini marshmallows. One nip of this nightly nectar, you'll have a chiseled physique in no time.

Previously our adventurers trekked through the Tailzadok, the lowest level of the Vampspyre. After encountering many bustling battlers busy with burdens from their counts, they eventually ran into Elga's battler bud, Quifly. Can the party take it to the next level? Or will they get served? Pour yourself a potation, let's proceed with this pungent potboiler.

I was hoping that whole thing was a Gargoyles reference. It was. It was. Gargoyles the movie? The Disney cartoon. Oh. Yeah. What was the guy, Arbiter? He does the voice for the- That's Halo, dum-dum. Yeah. I know, but the voice actor. Hey, you're coming in now, everyone. I'm going to match this in with you guys. We're going to put it in. We've had some tech issues this morning before recording. I'm a little on edge. I apologize. Everyone is in a great mood. I'm a little on edge.

I got hushed multiple times during that process. You wouldn't stop talking. Yeah, you guys wouldn't shut up. We're talking about work. It's talking about work. We're talking about puppets. Now there's that one time we're talking about dirt.

Why can't we be friends? Hello, my name is Gustavo Sorolla. I'm the Dungeon Master of our future party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Do it, end me. What is your character's favorite physical feature of themselves? Character's favorite physical feature. I'm going first today. Hi, I'm John Reisiger. I play Mati Confucius, the Akakren Ghost Monk. And I don't know if...

We haven't referenced your small mouth in a while. Okay. So my, I don't know if most of you have noticed it, but I have,

wonderful tail feathers. I take care of them very, very carefully because they are very, very fragile. But I've always been proud of them. You know, it's important to take pride in your appearance to a degree and I take pride in my tail feathers. We're all looking respectfully. You may look respectfully. What color are your tail feathers? Black.

With, uh, I don't know. Have we ever shown Matit's tail feathers? Because I want to say black with red tips. Oh, okay. Because Matit is black with a red accent. I like that. Like a fancy grackle. Hey guys, what's black and white and red all over? Matit is actually based off of a shrike. The newspaper. Ha ha!

What's a shrike? A shrike is a... For all you bird lovers. Well, yeah. I think it's a specific one. It was like an African shrike that had this coloring, something like that. It's a bird that catches bugs and then skewers them on twigs. It's a very cute bird. It makes little shish kebabs. Yeah. Shish kebabs. Oh, nice. Yeah. I'll take that inspiration die. They impaled him.

You've already got one. You're good. No, I don't. Which makes sense. I'm just kidding. I'm not so mad at you guys. All right. I can't just switch gear. Hey there, it's Chip Haney. Do you want a kiss? No, I'm played by Blaine Gibson. I give you a kiss. I'm a level seven tiefling rogue. And I would say, you know, outside of my beautiful gams, you know, I show them off with my, my five inch inseam shorts to really show off the,

The work I put into the muscles on my legs and my calves. I'd say my mustache is great. It's perfectly manicured. Shows that I care a lot about my appearance. It is looking daggers at my mustache right now. It's perfect. It connects right in the middle over the nostril part. Fuck.

For those who can't see Blaine's mustache, while being a wonderful mustache, I think he doesn't like that it has a little bit of a gap in the middle. It disconnects. Why don't you just kind of like comb it towards each other like a little comb over mustache? Yeah, right. Could you get it tattooed in like how some people get their eyebrows tattooed? Give me a pen. I can fix this for him real quick. Oh my God. Yeah. What kind of products does Chip use to take care of his mustache? Oh, you know, conditioner, beeswax. What can I say?

Wax! War wax!

It's mostly you want to keep it trim is what you want to do. You just want to keep it well trimmed. Chip melts a candle and then uses that wax on his mustache. My real life mustache looks like two caterpillars like fighting to kiss each other across the Rio Grande. They'll never meet. It's so sad. They're a Greek tragedy. Exactly. Well, hello. I'm Barbara Dunkelman and I play Elga Von Brass, the half-elf vampire barbarian, level seven. And you know, Elga...

Elga has learned to be very confident in her appearance, you know, because she spent a lot of time living and learned that you got to love yourself. And that's the most important thing. But one of Elga's favorite physical features is her curly blonde hair. Oh, nice. It bounces really nice. And somehow in the over 100 years she's lived, it's never grown. Yeah.

Just stay the exact same length. That's convenient. You don't ever have to worry about getting haircuts. It's true. But what if we like... But my nails grow like crazy. I'm going to cut those every day. So what happens if we like shaved Elga?

Does she just stay like that? You will see pain. Oh, okay. You won't see what happens. You'll be dead. You will not see the aftermath. You'll see my fist and then the floor. I'm Chris Damaris, and I play Barney Farney. Oh, this is going to be a good question. Barney Farney. Normally you do it in the voice. That's weird. There it is. The level seven cleric human. My greatest feature about myself is my sense of hearing. Sense of hearing? Yeah.

I can hear really well. Just like the question you heard really well. Is this a physical attribute? Yes. Oh, okay. It's ears, right? Ears. Okay. Great lobes. My ears. They just capture all the sound. Are Barney's earlobes attached or detached?

Detach. Barney definitely has old man ears where they have just grown longer. It's just that they've gotten danglier and danglier. Your ears and your nose never stop growing. Fun fact. They're probably hairy. But your eyeballs stop growing immediately. That's why kids have like giant eyeballs. That it for Barney? Yeah. Gus, what's your favorite physical feature about yourself? Well, for the bartender from Infinite Campaign, they would have to be eyebrows.

Very nice and thick. Much like two capybaras trying to kiss. I wanted Gus to say something like his rock-hard six-pack abs. Well, that's for Duncan for Grotath campaign. I just like the idea of your character being the way he looks, but also just having the most chiseled...

abdomen ever we've never seen him shirtless i know that's what i'm saying like they're there we promise you they're there i'm sorry again because we're multiple episodes we're like in the 40s episode 30s or 40s high 30s this is 38 is duncan the narrator yeah yeah he changed his voice though yeah yeah at the end of the infinite campaign the start of grotesque he says he has a new voice he wants to try out to tell this story i must have missed that okay

Continue. The subreddit was very nice and pointed out that in episode 20, you explicitly told us when you handed us over the cart to stay, this is so you can keep in contact with the alchemist. And we completely forgot it. And for episodes, just were like, who's talking to us? I'm so glad you brought this up because I think every time you all talk about it, Mike and I put our head in our hands and have like a sidebar discussion over here. Like, oh my God, they don't remember. That's why you used it.

It recently, like the episode before last, and that's where he just showed up like, oh, this is a perfect opportunity. He's there. He can physically show up and remind you. Was it Francesca gave it to us? Yeah. And Francesca is like,

This is so you can keep in contact with my husband, Alchemist. Two episodes later, it's like, who are we talking to? I don't know. The mysterious cactus. They said that I'm in the land of the dead. We're like, oh, Carol, no. You guys must have been so, we miss so much. It was fun. It's fun. It's good. I like it. And don't worry. We did our last episode where we went through a labyrinthian new location through many rooms and then

It definitely hasn't been a month since we recorded and we will remember everything about where we went through. I remember where everything is. Chris drew a map. I did draw a map. We all drew maps. Yeah, I drew a map too. Metaphorically speaking. You did not. Yeah, no, I'm... Oh, Barbers looks really good. This is me holding out my map. Barbers looks really good actually. I have notes on it too. Recap time.

Could I go look at the fountain? Or the ichors? Yeah, you begin walking to the north to walk up to the fountain. And as you're doing that, Belga, you hear footsteps around the corner getting closer and closer. Are they coming from the east? Yes. As they quickly approach, you hear a voice speaking in hushed tones. Oh, this just isn't my day. You know this voice. It's a young male dwarf with uneven ginger hair runs straight into you and spills a bottle of blood everywhere. Oh, my ma. Are you okay?

Yeah, you found Quiffly the battler. Oh, gosh. Hugs him. Yeah, and he gives you a big hug back.

Oh, Elga, you've returned. Yeah, how long was I gone for? Like a week or so? About a week. Your father was very worried. You were supposed to go to the peace parade and return quickly. Oh, well, we did go to the peace parade, but some things happened after that.

We kind of got accused of something we didn't do, and then little shenanigans happened after that. We've been to a lot of places in the week, actually. My wife died. Hi, I'm Chipaney. Pleasure to meet you. These are my friends. Some very tragic backstories that they have. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. You should be. I should be? Yeah.

I'm letting everyone know the light of my life is gone. This smile, it's a facade to hide what is truly happening behind my dead eyes. Hi, I'm Chip Haney. Pleasure to meet you. Well, again, I'm so sorry to hear that. But might I say, sir, you have quite the mustache. Thank you. I put a lot of work into it. It looks like it. Is that beeswax? No, just regular wax. It's candle wax. This is over. Over.

He's a vacuum. And also our dog, Stinker, but he's less important for some reason on the hierarchy of pets. No, I just, Hoofer's a little bigger. Wow. Isn't Hoofer like horse-sized? Yeah, he's a big goat. And he's hauling dead animals. What are you doing with the giant goat out here? We're trying to take these other animals to the animal dump.

Dead bodies. Oh, the Refusery. Yeah, where's that? That's just down the hall to the east. Okay. He points in the direction you have not come from. Right at that moment, a bell starts ringing on Quiffly. Oh my, I need to leave. I was sent on an errand that I must complete very quickly. But be careful, Ilga. Something's going on upstairs. What's going on? The Svartu are looking for someone, or maybe more than one person?

I was sent down here on an errand before I could find out more. By who? By Count Von Barth. Oh, your papa. My papa. I need to get to this as quickly as I can. Just be careful, Elga. I'll come back and find you as soon as I'm done with my errand. Okay.

Which way is to Dracula? Upstairs. Take the staircase in the southeast of the pelser dock. Okay. That's good information. Okay, I have to go. Bye. And he very quickly... Did he say high five? Goodbye, Quiffly. Bye. Quiffly very quickly shuffles off to the west. Come back soon. Quiffly the Quiffly. There he goes. Wow. I can tell that you guys are going to be best friends.

Chip and Quiffly. Me and Quiffly? I could use a friend right now. You should be nicer to Hoofer. Oh, make an animal handling check. Okay. Thanks for reminding me about Hoofer. That's a 10. Does that do it, or should I use my inspiration die? I will use my inspiration die. Okay, you tell me. We know you will. I'm using my inspiration die. 12. Well, that's better than a 10. Yeah. I like that Chris infuses all of his characters with a little bit of a hoarding tendency. Like, they find stuff and they want to hold on to it. It's almost as if it's a trap.

There's there was something that happened on the puppet set today where Chris found like I just a piece of junk it was like some mesh piece of metal and he's like

We could use this. We could put some light through it, or I could use this as a gate. Yeah, we're going to keep this. It's like, I'm never... That thing's just going to sit there. Yeah, Hofer is beginning to become very restless. He doesn't seem to enjoy following you at the moment. Let's go to the... Let's take Hofer to the dump. This might be a good time for me to re-describe the room that you're in. Please. You all were in that hallway, and you had seen a door labeled...

So there's iron doors on the south and east walls. Correct. And you came in the one from the south.

Okay. And Quiffly said that it was in the east. He said southeast stairwell. So if we go east and then kind of maybe loop around south, we'll find it. And you had come in this door from the south using an iron key that you all had found. Just a reminder. We found that with the painter, right? Yes, that is correct. Okay. Did we investigate the font in the middle at all? I think you all were about to start doing that stuff when Quiffly entered at that moment. Rudely interrupted. I just hope we'll kill him.

No, I won't. No, I won't. Yeah, at the end of the previous episode, I believe Elga was walking over to the font to begin investigating it. And that's when Quiffly was ignored. She has quite the keen eye. Well, there was like a kneeling bench or something. It's those bat eyes. They're so keen. Yes. I guess, should we investigate it? I'm going to ask a dumb question. Does anybody know exactly what a scryery is?

Where do you write letters? That's what I thought. Right. Because scrying is the act of writing something on something.

Or creating... Is it? Isn't it creating, like, language? I feel like that's scribing. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I'm going off of, like, Latin origins. Root words. Root words. Yeah. But that's why I'm asking what a scriber he is. Can I do a check to see if Mateeb knows? I'm curious to see if anyone on the team can answer. One who divines, sees, or predicts the future by means of scribing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, Bimmy Dunks.

You're welcome. Google. And dictionary.com. Yeah. Wikipedia. Okay. So there's a font and the font is, uh,

Icar. Got Icar. Yeah. What color was the Icar? Black? Red. Red? But it's not blood. Did we figure out it was blood? Wait, wait, hold on. You said it was red? Yes. So do you remember the peace treaty where it had all the names of the... In red. Oh. And then the Wolfman's name was in black because she passed. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I wonder if that has anything to do with like something that was written here, like originated here. We should check the... Are there logs? Logs?

I really wish we'd taken that map. Map? What map? There's a map. It looked like the 10th episode on the wall where we noticed the...

Oh, like in the library? Yeah, and we just left it. Did we? I thought we took that. Are you talking about the globe? Maybe it was. It was a globe. Because he has said this before and you have said it was a globe. There was a sky chart. There was a sky chart that I believe Elga took. And we've been around into this neighborhood before. Mateet sits down at the bench.

The kneeling bench. Sure, kneels at the bench. Okay. And I would imagine it would be in a position that kneeling over and looking into the pool would be like a normal position. Your legs bend that way? Yes, I bend that way. No, that's a good question. Yeah.

Bird knees are sometimes like backwards, right? Yeah, they go backwards like a velociraptor. Yeah, but Eric Cochran's... I don't know. Actually, now I don't know. Yeah, you said it so impetuously. You just like put them back and put your like hips on the bench. Well, you've done a lot of kicking. Yeah, which you can kick with the other way as well. It looks like it goes both ways. It's like a chicken wing. It comes out like a knee and then goes back.

Yeah. Okay. So yeah, it looks like an Eric Cochran could kneel there. It doesn't seem stable. It seems like a design flaw. Make me a religion check, Mateed. What is Mateed's religion modifier? It is plus one. All right. That's surprising. At least it's not zero.

Or negative. Almost a nat 20, but instead it's a nine. You kneel down on this bench and it's really uncomfortable because it's very low to the ground. Okay. I mentioned that there was a sigil painted on the northern wall and that's kind of what this bench you kneel down on is near. That's what it's kind of facing.

What's the sigil say? You recognize it now because you're here, but it's the sigil of Vania. It's painted on the northern wall. Is it that upside down triangle with the V in it? Right. It's like a red blood drop and inside is the outline of a white upside down triangle. How big is the sigil that's on the wall? It's pretty big. Let's call it eight feet big. Whoa, big. Yeah, really big. That's a door. That's a door if I ever saw one. Is it high up or low down? It starts from the ground and then goes up. Door. I kick it.

You kick it. All right. I'll make an attack roll, I guess, to hit it. Whiz my talons. I think. 24. Yeah, you hit it. Roll some damage against the stone wall. I will. I don't think this is going to go over well. I do five damage. You know, you like pop up.

from your kneeling position and then give it a spinning kick very quickly and deftly. No normal person could do this. It's your monk training has adapted you specifically for this kind of stuff. For kicking doors? Or for like jumping up and then immediately kicking. It's pretty impressive. I am a precision tool. You are a tool. I see I'm not the only salty one today apparently. Someone's just mad that Hoofer's acting up.

Yeah, you kick it and the wall shakes firmly, but nothing seems to happen. Okay. And you asked if you could look into the bowl. Is that what your question was? Sure. No, the bowl or the font is more in like the center of the room, whereas this bench is more on like the northern portion of the room. Okay, so it's large enough that there's a distance. Yeah, this room is probably like, let's say you could call it 15 by 15. Okay.

Do you want me to go look at it? Yeah. I'll go look at the font. Let's see what we can see. Yeah. What do you call it? It's a font made of bloodstone that's filled with some kind of red liquid. I keep thinking type. Yeah, what do you mean by font? Oh, it's Sans Serif. Times New Roman or? Yeah. Is there any parchment or quills or any writing utensils? No.

Remember, it's a room of divination. But let me get back to Barbara and Elgar because she was investigating the font. Yeah, what does font mean in this? Think of it like a fountain kind of. Okay. Oh. Okay. Made of bloodstone with, you said, blood? Something like that.

Something? Some kind of red liquid. Red liquid. I feel like you gotta look inside and, like, see visions of the future. I mean, can Chip look in? Elga, I think, is about to look in. Yeah. Yeah, let's do Elga. Chip comes and shoves Elga out of the way. No, me. Chip, I will tell you what I see, and then you can come over if you want. Sure. You look in, and...

This particular font seems to be like a big almost like a big bowl, and it's just filled with this red liquid What happens if you put cereal in it? I thought the exact same thing What would be the best cereal to put in this bowl? Oh whatever Count Chocula's got going? Yeah What does he have? Something chocolate? Chocolate with marshmallows? Are there marshmallows in Count Chocula? Yes! Trust me

Chris is very passionate about Count Dracula. I remember. As I was patiently saying, what if you put your face into it? I mean, it looks tasty. Elgo dunks her head in. Yeah. And does a blurble-gurble. What is it? There it is. Unless I'm going to my mouth.

Oh, no. Yeah, you dunk your head into the liquid, and nothing seems to happen. Something gets in your mouth, quote-unquote, accidentally. Is it blood? Yeah, you can tell that it is definitely blood. And you pull your head out. Out from the bowl emerges Elga's bloody head, just...

Gore dripping everywhere. Anybody know a line from Carrie real quick? Hi, Carrie. How do I look? Splendid. Happy. This is what I would look like as a redhead.

Literally. What about asking a question or something? You know, like, let the, like, water come down and then, like, you know, try to summon a vision or something. I don't know. Um, where is Dracula? You're asking the bowl? I'm asking the bowl. That's interesting. How interesting? He goes, that's interesting. Nothing happens.

We find out this is like a toilet or a bidet. Make me an arcana check, Elga. Oh, eight. The bowl kind of shifts a little bit and you get a vision in the bowl of a dark figure on the ground holding a bottle. Dark figure on the ground holding a bottle? Uh-oh. Amongst what, maybe bells? What kind of bells? Dark figure on the floor as in like... On the ground. On the ground as in like prone? Crouched over, kneeling. Okay.

What kind of bells? It's hard to tell. It might not be bells. Jingle? It's a very... Like small little metal things? Maybe. Okay. It's a very vague, kind of blurry vision. Who here is apt at Arcana? Plus one. No. No?

I believe Arcana is an intelligence based skill and I think in the two campaigns we've done nobody has invested in intelligence. I have plus four on Arcana. Do you? Yeah. How? If I was a monk and you had me invest in intelligence you'd think I was an idiot. Yeah. And I'm a barbarian. So you're a plus four? Yeah. Alright. Chip maybe you should chat. Okay. Chip come over to this bowl and ask you the

Let's get the question, any question you'd like. I feel like Chip would call it Arcana or something. Arcana. Text Arcana. Arcana. I don't know, what do we want to see? What's Eddie up to these days? I don't like that guy. What is it? Eddie. Show me Eddie. Give me Eddie. No whammies, no whammies, no whammies. Make me an Arcana check. Okay. Come on, come on, Chip.

Come on, Chad. Come on. That's a 15. Nice. There you go. The blood kind of swirls and coalesces, and it starts to form what appears to you to be like a

a Sferatu and then he very quickly fizzles away. Hmm. Showing a Sferatu, we might be, uh... I think he might be, yeah. If this is a future thing and a Sferatu comes in, then we know that this thing predicts the future, potentially. Or maybe Eddie is disguised as a Sferatu right now. My gosh. Because I think it's showing current. Hey, bull!

Show me Barney. I like that you address it as, hey, bowl. Show me Barney. Make me an Arcana check, Elka. I just want to see if it's right now. Yeah. Okay. A nine. Can I loom near as well? Yeah, I want to see Barney too. Just to help. I want to see Barney. Barney, make me a wisdom save. 24. The bowl and the blood begin swirling, but never actually fully coalesces into a vision.

Bowl, what did I eat for breakfast? Make an Arcana check. We're just going to spend the whole episode by this. If you're listening, we're getting ready for 90 minutes of hot bowl action. Six. You see a vision of Count Chocula. No, no, no. Nothing seems to appear. So most present...

I would think it would be like currently. What was the definition of scryery? It also refers to seeing or peeping as in a practice rooted in divination and fortune telling. It involves gazing into a medium, hoping to receive a significant message or visions that could offer personal guidance, prophecy, revelation, or inspiration. I gotta say, man, Google's the fifth player right now. Where's my family? Make me an arcana check. Tombstones.

Nat 20. If you were never going to get mad at Chris looking up every flower under the sun on Google, you can't get mad at Barbara looking at Sprite. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I'm just making a comment. You rolled a nat 20? You see your family moving around very quickly, running here and there. Not in a panic, but just moving around bustling. Then it very quickly fizzles away. Where? What?

You can't see a background, really. You just see them. Could he tell how old they were? Why don't you make me a... Let's call that perception, a perception check to see. Someplace red. Because if they were the same age as when you... 19 plus 5, 24. Wow, killing these trolls. They look just how you remember them. Maybe it's because we're in the Vamp Spire and I'm just on the top of my brain, but maybe they turn into battlers, you know, like they're helper people. No. Okay. Okay.

Well, you know, I just like, I'm just trying to go where they're going around and running around. I don't understand it either. I have one more important question to ask Mr. Font. Mr. Font. Okay, Bolt. Who of our party is the most beautiful of our party? Whoa! That's fun. Font, Font, on the ground. You see your reflection in the bowl. Oh, oui, oui. But I see mine. I kick Barney away from the bowl.

Perhaps we should proceed. Okay. Well, we feel we should come back to this for information, but I think if this is current present what's happening right now, we need to find Dracula because I think he's up to no good. Or my family. At this moment, you hear footsteps coming from the southern hallway where you all entered from and two Sferatu walk into the room. Hello? Bonjour. Hello. What is the meaning of this? What's going on here? We're looking for the place to dump these bodies. I seem to have gotten turned around.

Elga is covered in blood on her face. Miss Von Draff? Yes? Are you okay? I'm great. What seems to be the problem? I'm surprised you recognize our color. The scryery is not an appropriate place to be taking snacks or to be bringing giant goats. Leave here with haste. And they point to the door to the east. Dispose of that animal and the goat.

I see what you did there. By the way, how did you enter this diary? Through the door in the south. With what key? The door was already open. It was open. It was already open. It was unlocked. Someone must have been really irresponsible. It was unlocked. Make me a deception check, Elga. Oh, man. Man, you should have let me answer. Sorry. I think they would be addressing Elga, though. Yeah. But I could have interjected. I do have a plus four. You got this. A 12. Ooh.

I could use my inspiration die. That's not bad. They do a check against it. Yeah. Oh, this. So it depends on what their role is. So we're happy with a 12? Yeah.

I don't know if we're happy about it, but... I'm going to use my inspiration. Okay, do it. Deception. This is high stakes. Oh, man, not much better. 13. That's worth it. It's better. Because they're going to roll a 12. Do I get a bonus because I'm so cute? What's your cute modifier? Plus 10. I'll think about it.

They say, we'll have to investigate that then. Yes, you should. You need to keep this place safer, okay? They turn around and head back to the south. I say, Eddie says, what? What? What? Did you hear that, guys? I did. Please keep your guest under control. Okay. That's Eddie. That's Eddie. Guys, don't embarrass me. I pulled my knife. I stabbed him. I stabbed him.

They turn their back to you and begin leaving, walking down south. I grab Chip by his shitty hood, and we head to the east. Does that door we came in, by the way, lock from the inside? Yes. Could we close the door and lock it? I'll say the Spheratu probably do that when they leave. Okay. They just locked us in here. Let's maybe put something in the door to keep it ajar. Well, we have the key. Okay. Yeah, you all have the key. Sorry, I thought you lied to them, and I was like, wow, that must be the truth. No.

I got Chip with my deception. You fooled me. So, Mateed drags Chip to the east. Elga and Barney? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And Hoofer. Oh, yeah, make an animal handling check. He's getting kind of stubborn. What's going to happen if he just completely loses it? 21. All right, yeah. Don't even worry about it. You're persuading him. I'm this way, Hoofer. You head down the passageway to the east, and you're met with an iron door.

Knock, knock, knock. No, use the key. Can we see if our key works on it? Yeah, there is no keyhole. Is there a handle? Yes. I tried the handle. It's open. Aha. Why don't you kick it? Don't want to hurt your feet on iron. Why would you have to kick a door? There's a handle right here. You're right. All right, so we enter?

Yeah, you enter and this is a round iron chamber reeking of putrescence and smoke. The floor is covered in blood and bodily remains. To the east is a narrow chute and to the west you just came through an iron door. Then to the south is another passageway with stairs leading up. Does it look like there's a place where like bodies are dumped? Probably the chute. Just so I was thinking, the chute. The chute leads down to the room you're in right now. Like

Like, it goes... I should say, it comes from above. Oh, like someone has been dumping bodies into this room. Correct. Okay, so this is where bodies are dumped? Yeah, there is blood and bodily remains all in this room. I guess you could put those bodies in here. Yeah. This is probably the refuse room. Yeah, I'll have Hoofer dump the bodies. Or I'll dump them. I'll pull them off of Hoofer. Yeah, you pull them off and...

You know, I guess just dump them there on the metallic floor. The floor's covered in blood and viscera. Is there any value in trying to climb up that chute? You should try. Yeah, what the heck? I don't mind getting a little dirty. Can I climb up the chute? I want to climb up the chute. Yeah, it's pretty narrow. You can give it a try. I help him and shove him in as hard as possible. This won't be a problem. Why don't you... I got you here. Hopefully no one's dumping bodies while you're trying to go up.

I put all of my monk strength into getting this tiefling into this chute. All right, I guess, Chip, make a, let's call it a dexterity saving throw to see if you're able to, because the walls are slick with all the blood and everything, and it's a pretty narrow space. Okay. And what do I do? 21. I'm going to see here what his roll is first. 21. I guess, Mateed, if you're very enthusiastically trying to help, you're, like, shoving him from behind, like, pushing his legs and his butt up into the chute. Make a strength check, I guess.

Six. So strong. Chip begins moving so quickly, you almost, you kind of like miss. You put your weight into where he's going to be, but he's like already kind of scurrying up the chute. So you don't quite, you're not able to help him, but it doesn't seem like he really needs it. You see my little butt just going wee-wee-wee-wee. Wee-wee-wee-wee.

How's that traction on that slide there? I feel like the sneakers and my rubber, the soles of my sneakers would help me get traction, right? You begin climbing up and you hear like a rattling noise coming down the chute, but you very quickly with your high dexterity safe manage to dodge out of the way as some body parts fly past you. Okay, and as they do that, I say, oh no, a blade, a spinning blade. So I guess the other three of you in the room hear Chip screaming and then two arms fall into the room. Oh no.

It was bound to happen at some point. I guess Chip's arms turned a different color after they got chopped off his body because isn't he purple?

So now that I'm like in the chute and stuff like that, do I see like, is it multiple entrances into the single chute or is it like a one specific room? No, it's just, it's continuing to make its way up. Maybe that's a shortcut to get. I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like if I just climb this thing all the way and then lower a rope. There also are stairs to the south. That's true. I was trying to cut to the chase. Find the Dracula. Chase to the cut.

Yeah, you squirrel your way around and the chute doesn't actually really make any bends. It just kind of goes straight. So you go straight up and you eventually, you start to see some light and you emerge and you see like a grate covering the entrance or the mouth of the chute. Oh, great.

Like a bar. It's almost like a jail cell. Okay. I move them. I don't think it's going to work, but I just kind of see if they're like... Yeah, it's pretty... I will warn you before you touch it. It's pretty gross. It's covered in grime and just like blood and viscera. I don't care. That's not going to dissuade me. He's an assassin. He's seen it all. He's done it all. Yeah, you grab it. He's got nothing to live for. You grab it and give it a little shake. You're right.

You grab it and give it a little shake, and yeah, it seems like it's pretty firmly locked. Okay, so it's like a latch on the edge. Time to ride a slide. Okay, then I go, I let my arms up, and I go, wee! Make another dexterity saving throw. Okay. What if he doesn't throw good? 24. I hold my spear up just in case an enemy comes down the chute. You just hear, wee! Yeah, you hear Chip yelling, wee, as he comes down the chute, feet first, and he like,

Plants them and tucks them right under him. Pops up standing. Yeah, there's just the bars at the top. You couldn't go anywhere. All right. Perhaps we should proceed down these stairs. Let's go south. Or up these stairs. Yeah, because this is exactly where Quiffly said we should go, southeast. All right. Are we still bringing the goat or? Yeah. Okay. Make an animal handling check to see if the goat follows.

Willingly. Gus is just waiting for him to fail at this point. You rolled a one. I rolled a one. We did. Yeah, Hoofer's not interested in going. He's gnawing on the fleshy part of a thigh that he's found. He's not really interested in moving now because he's found something to eat. He seems happy. This herbivore of an animal seems happy eating meat. I just want him to get home safe. I think he's home. I don't think this is a safe place, Hoofer.

Oh no, he rolled a one. I guess we'll have to move on with that too. And for this to be a factor, we have to continue to deal with every step of the way. He's eating, right? He's happy. Yeah. I know, but I don't want him to get blooded. Wait. Does anyone have a way to get him? Give me one second. Give me one second. Did you say you don't want him to get blooded? Oh, yes. Give me one second. It's not permanent.

That's the problem. They're thinking about something that I don't know what they've got in mind. Chris seemed like he knew exactly what John was doing. I do. What is the thing? Oh, it's an item. That's what it was. It was an item. Is it a dagger or something? Yeah. It was my tuning fork. Can I banish Hoofer?

I gotta say, I was not expecting that. I knew exactly where you were going with it. I'm like, yeah. So you were happy about this, Chris? Well, I want to... But I can't see... Hold on. Well, it's better than being slaughtered. Who knows what's safer for him, though? Let me look up the spell for banishment because I think it's only... Are you sending him to goat hell? How many times could you do it? I have another idea if that doesn't work.

Banishment. It's a concentration spell, and the target remains there until the spell ends. At which point, the target reappears in the space it left. So yeah, sorry. I try to banish. Actually, you know what? Barney doesn't know this. Barney doesn't know how long banishment works. He just knows that I have a tuning fork. It's true. I banish Hoofer. Goodbye. Bye.

Hoover, I'm- I'm- He'll be safe. I'm sending him to the Australian plane and- and Jack will take care of him. On a farm? He's gonna be on a farm. The farm's good. And he will- I believe there's actually a lot of goats there. Hoover, you're gonna be in a better place. Don't worry. Yeah, he's going to- and we will visit him again someday. Wow. What a year-o. Can I give him a hug? I think he's already gone.

Yeah, you may give him a hug. It's fine. Please, brave, I know you well. He's chewing on a... He's still chewing on that leg.

I cast banishment on this goat. Okay, the goat disappears from existence. Marty goes to Matide and like just hugs Matide. Thank you. You're welcome. I think I sent him to Australia. Could Elgo start chewing on that thigh that Hooper was chewing on? Sure, absolutely. I just wanted to see what the big hype was about. On the list of planes, Australia's right by Pyroa. Nice.

Eating better is easy with Factor's delicious ready-to-eat meals. Every fresh, never-frozen meal is chef-crafted, dietitian-approved, and ready to go in two minutes. You'll have over 35 different options to choose from each week, including Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, and Keto. Also, there are more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long. What are you waiting for? Get started today and get after your goal. Factor has two-minute meals. You fuel up fast with Factor's restaurant-quality meals that are ready to heat and eat

Whenever you are, pancakes, smoothies, and more discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day like breakfast, midday bites, and more. No prep, no mass meals. Factory meals are ready to heat and eat, so there's no prepping, cooking, or cleanup needed. It's flexible for your schedule. Get as much or as little as you need by choosing your meals every week. Plus, you can pause or reschedule your deliveries at any time.

Factor is the perfect solution if you're looking for fast, premium options with no cooking required. Sign up and save. I've done the math. Factor is less expensive than takeout and every meal is dietitian approved to be nutritious and delicious. Head over to factormeals.com slash dragon50 and use code dragon50 to get 50% off. That's code dragon50 at factormeals.com slash dragon50 to get 50% off.

Misty Mountain Gaming Dice Company has an incredible catalog of dice in all sorts of materials like stone, resin, glass, and metal. Misty Mountain Gaming offers free shipping to the entire United States and now has new affordable shipping rates for international shoppers. Their dice are perfect for any RPG like Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder, Shadowrun, Savage World, math games, or...

pretty much anything else you can think of. They also have tons of specialty sets like the Ragnar's Bone dice set, Legends of Valhalla Hollow Metal dice set, Elder Runes Blackout Metal dice set, and more. Misty Mountain is the only dice company that offers a lifetime warranty on all dice sets, including stone and glass. There's new dice sets monthly, it's the biggest selection on the web. Tons of other gaming accessories including leather bags, leather books, dice trays, miniatures, and more, you gotta check it out. Our friends at Misty Mountain have an exclusive offer for our listeners.

Just go to mistymountaingaming.com, use code STINKYDRAGON for a free acrylic die set of your choice when you spend $20 or more. One more time, head over to mistymountaingaming.com and that code is STINKYDRAGON. You get a free acrylic die set of your choice when you spend $20 or more.

Selling a little or a lot? Shopify helps you do your thing however you cha-ching. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell every stage of your business. From the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage, all the way to the did we just hit a million order stage, Shopify is there to help you grow. Whether you're selling scented soap or offering outdoor outfits, Shopify helps you sell everywhere. From their all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system, wherever, whatever you're selling, Shopify's got you covered.

Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout, 36% better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms, and sell more with less effort thanks to Shopify Magic, your AI-powered all-star. Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the United States and Shopify's the global force behind Allbirds, Rothy's, Brooklinen, and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size across 175 countries.

All right. Staircase problem solved. Staircase. All right. Yeah. You head down to the south.

And as you exit the room, an iron door closes behind you when you enter the hallway and you hear the sound of flames coming from the room you were just in. Oh. Oh, good. We saved Hoofer from that fiery... He actually did save Hoofer. He definitely will not appear in about a minute or if I just lose concentration and it'll be burned alive.

100% not going down. Hey, Mateen, look at this thing that I got here. After several seconds, the iron door opens once again, and you see that the room is left charred and burned up. Chip just comes over, and he's just like, Mateen, Mateen, Mateen. Chip, you can go in there. You're fire resistant. You're right. Elga, stop. I'm playing a little game.

All right. We head up the stairs. Yeah, you head up a couple of stairs and continue down south through this very narrow passage. It eventually dead ends and then turns to the west, and you're faced with a door there. Dead ends and goes to the west? Yeah, like, dead ends and then there's a door to the west. Is the door got a handle? This is a wooden door. And with a handle sign? Yeah, with a handle. There is no sign on it. Can I listen through the door? Yeah, make a perception check. Okay.

Would do that with pleasure. That's 12. You feel like you hear a set of footsteps walking on the other side. It seems like it's getting louder, like it's walking towards the door. Which way does the door open? In towards you. I.

Open it quickly. You open it quickly and down the hall you see a lone Sferatu patrolling looking in your direction. Okay. Since I have perfect recollection of anything I see, was it a very long, narrow hallway? And did I see any other openings in the hallway? It was a very long, narrow hallway with your perfect recollection. You remember this is the hallway you were in before when you entered the scryery.

With the locked door. So we've just gone in a circle? Yeah. How did we go in a circle? Because you left east from the squirey, went to the refusery, went south, and then went west. So that hallway, though, had, I think, another route that we hadn't explored. Correct. There was another door to the left.

To the south, depending on where you're facing now. Yeah. I thought we came in that door, though. Okay, so you came in from the west. You won't be able to understand this, but there was a on my on my map because it's just my scrawlings. We got a hallway. There was a bunch of openings. One of them took us to like where we met Hoofer. One of them was from the repair shop. One of them went to the bestiary. But this one, there was one that we never went down.

So was that door that we hadn't gone down, is that between this door and that Sferatu, or is the Sferatu ahead of that and we'd have to get past him? The door is between you and that Sferatu, but he is closer to it than you are. Was he looking at it this way? He's walking in this direction. So yeah, this is the direction he's looking. Okay. Okay.

I'll address the group. Okay, there's a Sferatu down this hallway, but there's a door that we need to still try out. All we need to do is we need to get past the Sferatu, which we've done pretty well so far, as long as we are able to deceive them one more time. So I think that perhaps, is there anything we can do to make Elga more believable with magic? What do you mean? I'm having a great time.

time showing my friends around the vamp spire is there anything there's no reason not to trust me i'm very persuasive but they seem to really want to talk don't forget in the scryery i saw that i asked for eddie and it showed me a sferatu so he could be undercover here in the vamp spire what would you like to do with that information i don't just let you guys know you get a surprise attack from a sferatu turns into a giant green monster guys you look like your good friendship told you about it thank you very much yep let's

Let's go through. Okay. Perhaps Elga should take the lead. It is actually very fortuitous that we no longer have Uther because he seemed to be drawing some attention. But he is where he's supposed to be. Exactly. He's happy on the farm. Happy on the farm. It's fortuitous. We got him out safely. In fact, yes. I just got a message from Jack and he's already settling in.

Did he send any pictures? Yes. I draw a picture really quickly with a big smile and I just show in a field of beautiful trees. He looks really happy. Barney's cataracts are making it difficult for him to be able to tell. Matias, now draw Barney.

Okay, so yeah, let's proceed and see if we can make this work Micah says you can post that on astral gram if you want So you open up the door and

and there is a lone Sferatu walking in your direction. - Act like you're supposed to be. - Yeah, Elga just attempts to stride past. - To the door we're trying to get to. - Yeah. - Okay, you stride past and he looks at you and says, "Back from the Refusery so quickly?" - How did you know we were in there? - 'Cause he sent us that direction. - Yeah.

Oh, yes! We took care of business very well, very quickly, very professionally. And ze goat too, I see. Handedly handles like that is below your station, Miss Von Plath. I was doing it. Oh.

That makes more sense. Yeah, you know, I wanted to give my friends, like, the full experience, you know? Show them the behind the scenes of how I bought hair in the VAMS bar. Is there a gift shop? He doesn't answer you. Okay. I asked you a question. Is there a gift shop? Is there a way that I can, like, make my wings get big and just cover both Barney and Chip from, like, the vision? You could banish them.

Actually, you know what? Mati just astral leaps right now just to exit this conversation. I wish I had that ability in real life. Just like, I don't want to be talking right now. Just appear 10 feet from anywhere you can see. The sracha says...

Very good. And then continues his patrol east back in the direction of the Refuser. Still looking for that gift shop. Shut up. I will end you right now. Do it. Okay. So we continue down the hall to the door. Yeah, there is a door that goes to the south. It's not quite opposite from the Scryery. It's offset like a little west of that, like 10 feet west of that, is that door that heads south. Okay. And there's a wooden door. Has it got a handle? Yeah. Okay.

Every door we come across now. Can we open it? Listen, I have trauma. Okay. We all have trauma from doors. I do a perception check to listen in. Yes, Elka, it's open. Okay. 23. You do a perception check to listen in and you hear like a lot of like clicking sounds. Oh. Bats. Like what kind of clicking? What's me? Typewriters. This sounds familiar. Are they all followed by just a ding?

Yeah, why don't you proceed? Could Elga peek in? Yeah, you peek in and you see a tall chamber that the floor is stained with guano.

That's a bat poop. How do you guys all know that? Ace Ventura 2. They taught an entire generation of boys that love dumb humor what it was. Bat poop. Okay. Could I look up at the ceiling? Yeah, you look up and the ceiling, it's like I said, it's a really tall chamber and it goes up and it's very dark, but you can see there are bats flying about and nesting all over the room. Okay. Your

Your people. Nesting? Is that right for a bat? Roosting? They're doing that upside down hanging thing. Is there any more openings in this room? It says a tall chamber. Yeah, Elga, you also see a door. Besides this door that you're entering, there's also a door to the east. Door to the east at ground floor level? Yes. Anything above us, like an opening that the bats go in and out of? Possibly. It's hard to... Oh, wait, you have like 100 foot dark vision. Yeah, you can see that there is a narrow opening at the very top. Elga. Yes?

Why don't you talk with some of these inhabitants? I think you have to be a different kind of version of you right now. Make me an animal handling check, Elga. They all attack Elga. Man, six. They have no reaction to you. All right. Elga disappears and in her place is an adorable little bat. I'm making my voice higher when Michael just do it himself. Yeah, don't strain yourself. Hello, everyone.

Me, Elga, bats, fellow bats, like you guys. Hello, fellow bats. How's it going? He did that last time. That's just how Elga says hello to the bats. I'm still learning what it's like to be a bat. Welcome. Good hunting today. Thank you.

Good hunting today, indeed. She talks to the giant bats that we met that had the other goat. You all don't understand it. This is bat talk. Oh. Yeah, you just probably... Well, they understand me. But if you're talking to the bats... Yeah. It's like you're speaking a different language to your other friends. Yeah, I'm in the Matrix. Hunting today, indeed. Many insects. Many insects, because that's what we like to eat. Yes. Yes, as a bat. Much glad. Anyways, uh...

That's a good way to get to Dracula. Bats. Can you tell me how to get to Dracula? What is Dracula? What? They had a vampire in Sesame Street. Are you guys just like normal bats or are you kind of, couldn't you change into anything? Bats are bats.

Okay, then. I think they're low intelligence. Guys, I think these guys are just bats. I don't think they're Dracula bats. How many are there? One, two. How many are there, actually? So that I can keep my puppet card. Count is actually not a vampire on Sesame Street. He is described as looking like one, but isn't actually because they don't want him to be a vampire. Oh. Yeah.

Just had to say that. She's wearing a spirit Halloween costume. So people don't get in the comments and go, Johnny's not a vampire. I know that. How many bats are there up there? Just a lot. Yeah, there's quite a few dozen different bats just all over the place. Some of them are nesting, doing that upside down thing. And some of them are just kind of like flying around in the room. And every now and then one will leave or one will come back. The bat looks at you. The bat you were talking to, Elga says. Fred changed the other day. Fred? Fred.

Into like human looking other than he changed into. He fell on the floor and got white stuff on him. He died. This guano. Could I fly up through the little hole in the ceiling? Yeah, you fly up. The bat yells. Farewell. UAV online. I'll be back.

I'll be bad. It's a very narrow shaft, maybe only like a foot in diameter, and it's several hundred feet tall, and eventually you follow it long enough and it leads out the top of the vamp spire. Just to outside? Mm-hmm. Would you say, like, geographically, are we at the top of the vamp spire, or is this like a separate, like, chimney kind of... Like a chamber in the middle of it? Yeah. I'm sorry, I don't understand the question. So, like, if this is, like, going up to the ceiling and exiting out, is this...

theoretically the top of like the vamp spire or is this like a separate tower this would be the very top at the very top yeah could I while I'm outside could I just do like a cursory glance to see if I could see like any windows that are open or like if I could see Dracula

standing by a window. Dracula's standing on his balcony just looking longingly out. Make an investigation check. With advantage or no? Because I'm far away. I'll say no because you're not able to get up. Man, I'm not rolling well today. That was only an eight. Do you keep your little glasses when you're a little bat? Yeah. Little spectacles. Yeah. You know, do a very quick...

fly around the vamp spire and you realize there aren't very many windows and the few that there are are like boarded up and covered. Probably because of the sunlight. Maybe do some clicks. Do I hear anything? Quiffly? Like echoey? No, no response. Okay. Dragula! Dragula!

It would be so faint, like the tiniest little Dracula. She's trying. I appreciate it. No, you get no response. As you're out there flying around, you hear a very faint howl in the distance, however. Like an animal howl? Yeah. Like a werewolf howl?

It'll sound better when Micah does it. No, I think he did use Gus just for that sake. You've done his work for him. We're just putting more work on him. Could I tell if that's coming from like somewhere in the VAMSpy or somewhere outside? Oh, definitely outside. Outside. Yeah, far away. Okay, that's creepy. I fly back in. Welcome back. Thank you. I put out my arm like one of those like hawk people. Yeah, falconer. Could I land on Chip's arm? Yeah, you land on Chip's arm. Watch out, I'm at!

I gently place Elka-Bekka on the ground. No, you can stay here. Okay. Oh, you're like a pirate. As you all are doing this, the door to the east opens up. Okay. In scurries, a battler who doesn't even look at you guys. He walks up to one of the bats, ties something to its foot. The bat flies off, and then he very quickly leaves. The battler leaves through the eastern door again. Messenger bats. Oh, we have those notes, those letters.

Oh, you remember. Is this the, what was the room called that we had to, is this the aviary? You would think this would be the aviary. Okay. I summon another bat with my letters. I feel like it would know what to do, right? Yeah, they're just there. Okay. You just tie it to their leg? I just tie it to their leg. And I say, go, be free, fly this to the post office. I don't know. Yeah, you tie the letter to the bat and it seems like it knows what it's doing. It just immediately takes off and begins flying. Do it to all three.

Three of them. Two. Does a notification pop up, Achievement Unlocked? Does he get experience points for completing his side quest? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, nothing you're going to write down, but we're keeping track of it.

Okay. That means that they're not. No, no, no. I can see it right now. The DMs keep track of all. Yeah. True. They know everything. Don't question. What about the second one? You do both? Yeah, I do both. I do all the letters that I have. Except for the Cartistaeus because that obviously goes to the alchemist. Make me a, obviously, for this one, make me an animal handling check. Why don't you, Chip? Since we're doing a lot of those now. Yeah. This is the episode of animal handling. 11 minus 1. That's a 14. As you're tying the letter to this bat,

It gives you a little bite on the hand. Uh-oh. Rabies. No, it's... Oh. I was like, it's kissing me. And then it flies off. Okay. Can I do a medicine check on my bite? Yeah, can I check it out too? Yeah, both of you can make medicine checks. I'm sure it was just an accident. It's a zero. I'm fine. 24.

Yeah, Chip, you're totally fine. That wasn't even a bite. It was like a little scratch. Yeah. You had a 24 bar? Yeah. It seems like the bite is very superficial. These are very small bats, so it barely broke skin. It's only bleeding ever so lightly. Yeah, but can I check for rabies? It's not the United States. There aren't rabies in other places like this. It's okay. Skipper does this to me all the time. I'm used to it. It's magic rabies. Magic rabies. Mabies. Mabies. Mabies.

You don't think that there's anything worrisome about the wound, Barney? You're all good. Okay, I go through the door. The door to the east? Yeah. Has it been a minute yet? Sure, why not? Oh, dang it. Is that how long you can be a bat? Yeah. Yeah, I'll just say definitely since you flew out and then flew around the Vam Spire and everything, it's definitely been a minute. Turn back into Elgat while you're up high in the sky. No, I'm still on Chip's arm. Yeah. And what does everyone else do? Does everyone else follow Matita out the door? Yeah. And I would do that thing that gives me advantage on initiative.

Okay, what was it called again? Vigilant Blessing. Okay, I just want to make sure I know what's going on. No, no, I just want to keep it stocked up. Yeah, you walk out to the east and the passageway immediately turns to the south and there's some stairs that lead up. And then the passageway continues down to the south and then branches off to the west and then there's a door at the very southern end. Is it a fancy door? No, it's a plain wooden door. And the passage to the west, where does that connect to? Just above the bestiary. Okay. Okay.

Can I listen through what the door? The door? To the south? Yeah. To the west. No, the west is just open. The door's to the south. The other door. Oh, it was the door to the south. Yeah. It's a wooden door. Making perception check to listen to that door. 12. You give it a listen, and in that one, you don't really hear anything at all. Okay. Cool.

I quietly open the door and begin speaking. You quietly open the door and you recognize this room as the cellar. How does... Cellar? We're on the top of the floor. Have we been to the cellar before?

Yeah, this is, it's a pretty confined room that smells of copper with crimson stained floors and there's stacks of barrels in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's this one that goes to the commissary. Yeah, then to the east is a swinging double door, which leads to the commissary. Oh, God, I'm lost. Okay, so we don't want to go south, we want to go west. I guess. Sure. So we just did a circle then, I'm assuming? Yeah.

A lot of the circles. So we're going west down an open passageway. Are there any rats in the room? I mean, he said we had to go southeast to get to the stairwell. I wonder if when we were in there... We did a big circle, and so now we've gone south, and then that took us to the Bat Aviary eventually, and then... I just wonder if when we were in the Refusery, we were supposed to go out that east. There was no other way to go out of the Refusery that would have...

East was the way we came. East was the chute. The chute. And west was the door we came in, and south was the only passageway out. So we are negating, we are using up ways to go, and so I think going west is a new way, and so that's good. Okay. Let's go...

West. So you're all going to enter the... It's like above the B.C. area. Oh, I see. You're going to take that passageway to the west instead of... Back to the south. Okay. You're listening at home and you don't know where we're going. No, do we? Neither do we. I do. I do. Yeah, you take that passageway to the west and it eventually dead ends in a T intersection with another passageway heading north and south. Have we been here before? Yes. You know that this passageway to the south...

there's a door there that goes into the bestiary and then to the north is the passageway you took that took you over to the scryery okay so we are we are running out of ways that we haven't we must admit but you know what we haven't done when we came into this vamp spire there was a direction we didn't go correct at the t

Yes, but you were told... One was the moat, the blood moat. No, no, no. There was like the two colors. Yeah, that was where you found... One was the way to the blood moat and then the other was where the dwarf was or the painter, the artist was. And then you went south from there and there was another T. Yes. And then you all went west there and that's what eventually took you to the workshop. And we never went east. Correct. Yes.

I still feel like we've rolled out what we're supposed to do in the scry ring. What is possible here is there's basically, in my opinion, there's two chances here. One, there is a place here still that we haven't gone to of this part of the vamp spire that our maps might not have gone through everything. Or we should have gone through east and everything we just did was not the final destination. Gus? Oh, I thought you were talking amongst yourselves. I mean, yeah, it's possible. There is that passage where you didn't go down to the east. Should we backpack?

Because I don't have... He's right. I don't like when Chris agrees. No, I agree. I know. I'm looking. I have a map, John. Now I'm second guessing. So you all are standing there talking to Spheratu approach from the north. They round the corner from a passageway that heads off to the west. They round the corner and run into you all here standing just north of the bestiary.

Hello. Miss Von Braat, we see you again. Yes. Anyways, what do you want? Quite unusual that you're spending so much time in Zip Tales the Dock. Where else should I be? Oh, cut. Come on. Perhaps on the floor above. Oh, okay. Well, why not

Why don't you just take us there? If we had time, we could, but we are investigating something at the moment. What are you investigating? Suspicious activity. What kind of suspicious activity? Stop. Stop. Stop. Let's not ask any more questions of the people investigating us. I saw it in the script.

Don't talk to the cops. Don't talk to the cops. Don't say anything to the cops. Let's just let people play. That's fine. If this is Chip in character, it makes sense. I saw in the scryery that when I asked for Eddie, we saw a Sferatu. So there could be another investigation happening, and we need to be aware of if Eddie is present as well. Valid question. And we have our cover with the Sferatu.

What's the suspicious activity? Like, who are you looking for? What happened? Out of the ordinary infiltrators. That sounds really unfortunate. Can you tell us more about your friends, Ms. One Breath? No, they're kind of shy, and they want to go now. But thank you.

Do you start walking off in a direction? Yeah, let's... Should we go just back the way we came? So from where you are, you could go back east where you came. There's a passage west that you know takes you to the workshop. And then there's the passage that they emerged from, which is just north of that and also goes to the west. Let's just go to the what? To the workshop. We could do that. I have a question really quick. Yeah, what's up? The sign that said Tales of Doc, where was that sign...

I thought the sign Tales of the Dock was at... I believe it's when you first entered. Let me double check that. The first entry. Yeah. So when we... Yeah, it's the main entrance where you first came in, that first door you came in. Before the workshop? Yeah, way before. Yeah. So then... No, actually, no. I'm asking specifically, was it when we came directly through after we'd given the password? Yes, right there.

So was there another way to go that was not the Tales of Dock? No. So then why did they say, why are you in the Tales of Dock when there is another way that we could have gone anyway? I think what they asked was, why are you spending so much time down here when we could go up? Because we're at like the bottom.

I'm from the top. That makes sense. I worried of like, I thought the sign was at the entrance, but if it had been at this like west and east break. So if we go west, where does that west take us? So one of the pathways to the west takes you to the workshop. And then there's another one to the, another pathway to the west that's just north of that, that the Sferatu emerged from. Have we been there? No. Okay. Oh. Then let's do that.

Yeah, let's say I guess see where the Svartarsu came from. Yeah. Going west through where they came from. And you all, you know, very quickly begin making your way to that west passage and as you're doing so, a couple of rats run out from that direction as well. Can I shoot him? With a crossbow? With no, with his gun. Barty's got a gun! Yeah, make an attack roll. Okay.

Oh yeah, you hit one of the rats and roll some damage.

That's six. Oh, yeah, that kills it. Do you want to take a shot at the other one? At least it's not a hamster, am I right? The other one. That's a 21. That hits. With 10 points damage. Yeah, so you very quickly shoot at and kill two rats. Can I tell where they were going? No, they're dead. Well, like, where did they emerge? Can I see? Do I see, like, a mouse hole? Make an investigation check. Three. No, it seems like they were just running down the hallway. Just normal rats. Not dead rats. Anyways...

Shall we continue? Yeah, so you all head through this passageway, which actually has a couple of steps down. It only proceeds for about 10 feet, then it curves to the north with some more steps down. Goes another, let's call it 30 or 40 feet, then dead ends with a passageway to the west. Then as you make this turn to the passageway to the west, you realize you're back near the entrance of the Tales Dock. This is the intersection John slash Matide was asking about earlier.

This was the place we didn't go. So now we're back at that T. Correct. You're back at the T. This is the side you did not explore. Probably just like a back staircase that leads back down. That's what I'm saying. We have just now come through the option that I was suggesting, which you, to come from an east direction, you have to come west. I have an idea. Hey, speaking of Barney, you see some more rats. I'll shoot it. That's one. Take a shot. Should we just...

It's coming from the west. We should just follow the rats. I think Gus is about to dump as many rats on us as possible. Should we follow the rats? Yes, absolutely. Instead of shooting it, should we follow it? Yes. Yeah. Can we do that? You're going to follow it? Or see where it came from? What makes more sense? See where they're coming from or follow where they're going?

See, if it's going towards us, like to get past us, then we don't follow it, we shoot it. And if it's going back to where, then I say we follow it. I say follow it. Follow it. Follow it. Follow it. Follow the rat. So everyone's in agreement that you're not going to kill the rat and you're going to follow it to see where it's going. Yes. And if it goes too far, I'm going to use my telekinetic and grab it. Or we just follow it and let it be a rat.

If it's like getting away. I don't think it will. Yeah, okay, make a... Is the rat a metaphor for us that we're in all our ways? Despite all our rage. The rat race. So I'll say, Chip, you took point on, I think, I felt like you took point on saying you're going to follow the rat. So why don't you make me a survival chip? Okay, 13.

It's moving very quickly, but you're able to keep pace with it and the whole party behind you. And it goes down the passage you just came from, goes past where you were talking with the Sferatu, and it goes through a chewed-out little corner of the door into the bestiary. Which is where we found Hoofer. Yeah.

Go for 2.0. Here we go. Maybe there's something in here. I continue to follow. I open the door and then see if it, like, we don't want to lose touch with it. I'm imagining Chip is doing the speed walking where it's like his hips are moving really fast. It's a combination of that. And then once it starts really going fast and I'm like bear crawling. All four. Was there something in the beast here that we, there's cages. Could we just look around this beast here? Yeah. I'll re-describe it.

for you. It's a large cool chamber reeking of fecal fetidness. It has straw covering the floor and is stocked with stacked cages confining various creatures along the western wall.

To the east are chains and metal harnesses hanging on the wall and a steaming cauldron of topaz liquid and an ascending ramp leading to another room to the east. You follow the rat in and it begins walking around the room eating various things. I shoot it with a crossbow. All right, take an attack roll. Should we have gone from where the rat came from? I don't know. Could I like brush away some of the straw on the ground to see if there's anything? Fifteen.

underneath the straw as he's killing a rat? Yeah, let me just have him roll damage and then I'll answer that question for you. Wait, so this wasn't the origin of where the rat came from. We were just following it on the path it was taking. Yeah, you move some of the straw around and you see that beneath it on the floor is just like old blood and

animal waste. You feel like the straw is just put on top to kind of sop it up. To kind of keep that stuff from being directly underfoot. Have we investigated that Topaz liquid? You saw someone... Topaz is not red. You think Topaz is red? What is Topaz? Tell us, Chris. What color is Topaz? Is it like a maroon? No, it's more of an orange, right? Orange is yellow? I always think of Topaz more like teal. I'm going to look it up.

Oh, is Topaz teal? Is he like a bluish green? Am I crazy on that? What am I thinking of then? Well, Topaz the gem is apparently orange-ish like you're describing. Yeah, I'm thinking of the gem. So then would the gem be different than the...

Where did you both get? I had blue, green. I had like a maroon in my head, which maybe is similar to orange-ish. I guess Topaz can also be frosty blue, apparently. Really? Weird. So Topaz is nothing. Topaz is everything. Topaz is a rock. It's not blood, is what we're saying. Correct, correct. Could I look at the Topaz liquid? You saw a battler come in at one point in the last episode and take a drink from that cauldron.

And then I believe they went and grabbed an animal and let it out of here. Ah, it's the Baja Blast.

We found it at last. There actually is like an orangeish-yellow Mountain Dew. Next time. Next time a Feratu comes. Chip, why don't you follow them and see where we head to? You mean the Battler? No, Feratu. Like, they're investigating the area. Maybe there's a spot we missed that they're going to investigate. They're like super onto us, though. I'm going to, you know what? I'm going to take a drink of the dope ass.

What do I gotta lose? Nothing. Let's see what happens. Let's see what happens. What the heck, gang? Make me a constitution save chip. There we go. That was a better roll. That's a two. How does it taste? Get me out of the vampire! I want out of here! Get me out! Get me out of here! I don't know if you remember, but at the start of the last episode, I described this as a very...

chaotic, like, almost like insanity-inducing place. And I feel like you all have realized why now. You are in the Tales of Dark. I mean, you are in the thick of it, and I'm loving it. I think that orange or green liquid made Jip go crazy. I'm gonna cast Guiding Bolt at myself. You take a drink out of the cauldron, and it

It tastes terrible. And it almost makes you want to, like, vomit from how foul it is. I'm getting notes of...

But... What are the macros on it? It's all carbs. It's carbs all the way down. Pure sugar. Terrible in a bad way. It makes you feel tingly all over. Could I try drinking some? Yeah, make me a constitution sake. Ten. Yeah, you're able to keep it down. It tastes terrible, but maybe your palate's a little more in tune with this. I do like...

that we are at such wit's end. We're trying to find a floor up, but we're like, let's just drink stuff and see if it takes us. Now we're just, we're just wearing this escape room part where we're just touching stuff. Maybe it's like Spice where it opens your mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The prescience. Here we go. At that point, as y'all are doing this from the east about,

- The battler enters the room. Oh, again, not even really looking at you guys. Walks straight up to the cauldron, takes a big drink out of it, then approaches the wall to the west and opens up one of the cages and lets out a wolf and begins leading it out. - I grabbed the battler. - Yeah, please. - What, what, who?

do we get upstairs to the living quarters of the vampires? We are about to drown you in this topaz too. Tell us how to get out. He points out the... I cast Visage of the Astral Self and make men get advantage on intimidation checks. I also just have good advantage on intimidation. Yeah, make an intimidation check. Yeah. Both of us? Yeah, both. Sure. And I make harmless tremors on the ground for one minute. 25. 25.

I rolled a 10. Don't you have advantage on that, Mateed? I did. I rolled it twice. The six was the other one. Don't hurt me, please. Either of you. He points to the door to the east. Just let Ramien down, please.

I'm just trying to get my work done. The door to the east takes us to the commissary. How do we get from there? Just keep going. Just keep going east? Yeah! Oh, please, that's all. If it is wrong, I will come and end you in ways that have not been written in the history books yet. What color is Topaz? Is it orange or is it blue?

Tell us! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not gonna haunt me, are you? He's looking at you, Mateed. My eyes glow even brighter. Oh, please, just put Ramien down and you can forget I was ever here, but just keep going east, keep going that way. Are you talking to a third person? Who's that? Are you, are you a ghost too? Yes. No, no. We got him, we got him. Ladies and gentlemen, mission accomplished.

There is a door to the east in the commissary we didn't go through ding ding ding ding ding ding on my map

We didn't go through there? No! Oh, I think we got distracted because we met Quiffly last time. Because we got side quests. Yeah, you did pick up a side quest there. I think that's where you were given the job to take Hoofer and then take the dead bodies to the Refusery. This is just how I play RPGs as well, where I get lost on side quests and I go, what was the main thing I was doing? What was the main thing I was doing? Wait a minute.

I head for the east. I head for the east. I race. Please tell me you put Ramien back down. I throw him in the Topaz liquid. No! No! No! I help him out. Thank you so much. You're welcome. And maybe in exchange for me helping you, you could tell me what this liquid does. Oh, it helps us control the animals. By you drinking it? Yeah. You can dominate them. Watch. Watch.

He puts a chain around a very scary looking dire wolf, which then becomes very subservient and listens to him. Do you think we should maybe bottle some of this up? Yeah. I saw that light bulb go up over Chris's head as that happened. Do we have any empty canisters? I have an empty, like the jar of the baboon. I drank that. So that thing is empty now. So I could potentially bottle it. Can I bottle some? Yeah. What? What?

Bottle some. Yeah, you had a little bit of extra. Can I bottle some? Can I bottle some and drink some and look for a big, strong beast? I'm right here, Chris. Please say there's no other animals in the bestiary. Yeah, you drink some, you bottle some, and there are, unfortunately, animals in the bestiary. There's a brown bear in a cage. I'll take that one. That's going to go well when you do a bad animal handling check. It's almost like I picked it on purpose, huh? Yes.

Come on along, bear.

What? I said come along, bear. You said come on, long bear. Yeah, you did. Well, you know. Yeah, the bear emerges and are you going to put a chain on it? Yeah. Okay, it allows you to put a chain around it. All right, boo-boo. Let's go. So you all leave to the east, which takes you through. I grab Chip and fly just through all the doors so fast. There's not actually a door to the east. There's a ramp that leads up into the cellar.

then east of the cellar is a wooden double door. Yeah. Are you going to go through the left or the right, Mateed? I think it was left, wasn't it? Because we did it wrong both times.

We go through the right door. Chip and I fly through the left door. Okay, well, Elga said it first. She's going, as you are, as Chip and Mateed are discussing it, Elga becomes tired of the situation and walks through the right door. I think right was wrong. I just like that we went to Elga's home. She's like, let me show you around. And we got lost. And she's like, it's right over here. I'm going to spend time down here.

I'm very sheltered, kid. Roll me a d20, please, Elga. Okay. People listening to the show screaming that as they're out of the door. Well, they just listened to it. It's been a couple of weeks for you. 19. As you're going through the right-hand side of the door, you very narrowly miss a battler who's coming out that same side. You get there just a fraction of a second before him. And he goes, whoa, excuse me, whoa, pardon me. Right. Sorry. Sorry.

I was dizzy. I just got turned around. Oh, he almost doesn't stop. He just like does a quick twirl and he keeps going to the west. All right. We go through the doors. And I assume everyone else goes through the what side? Mateed and Chip? Right side? Left side. Left side. Left side. That's why. And that's why I asked. Left side. Left side. Left side.

Chris says with such confidence. Yeah, you all walk into the commissary and there's quite a lot of activity in here. And in fact, someone locks eyes with you, Barney. Oh. And says, oh, you're back. Are you done already? With? The air

the errand I gave you it's me count 20 Wayne yes of course I am the letters or was he the rat guy the rat I think is the animal the refusery refutory yes it was oh excellent excellent how you saved me so much work well no let it never be said that count 20 Wayne doesn't keep his word I never would it's time for me to give you your reward here follow me

And he stands up from where he's sitting and begins like motioning for you to follow him. Okay. I follow as well. Yeah. Me too. Same. He leads you up to the northern portion of the room. And if you remember, this was a large dining hall. Yeah. It has like a bunch of people in it. There's two long tables running parallel through the center of the room with battlers sipping from rusty goblets. And to the north are a few tapped barrels resting on a bench next to some empty goblets. Yeah. He leads you up to...

the large wooden barrels of the northern end of the room and there's four of them and you walk straight up to the fourth one

And he grabs an empty goblet and taps the fourth barrel three times and he whispers something to it. And the barrel pops open, revealing a secret door. Oh, is that easy? We could have found it there all along. There you go. Direct access to the dregs. Did I hear what he said? Make a perception check. I want to do it too. I was listening. Doesn't the dregs just take us down to the moat area? With my best feature, I listen as well.

Chris was very excited to say that. Rolled a 13. I only rolled a 10. Perception? Yeah. Time to save us, Chris. Bring it home. Eight. Okay. What did you just say? Oh, it's a secret. But there you go. Access to the dregs. Maybe do me another favor down the road and I'll let you know. What does dregs mean? I believe you all were told in the last episode that it's a black market. Right.

Right. Okay, so we have the dregs is where we can go to, or we have the door to the right. There's another door to the east out of the commissary. Yeah, to the east. Which we should probably go to. Should we try out the dregs? I'm curious about the dregs now. I mean, if we're here. All right. It's like one of those stores in the mall where you're like, oh, this seems nice. You just kind of poke your head in it. Before you eat. Yeah.

Before we leave, though, could I ask Twinty Wayne, does this close behind us? Is there a way to get back in here? Oh, you can open it from the inside. Okay. Let's go to the dregs. Yeah, so you all have a brief climb through a tunnel that opens up into a lively den packed with battlers dancing to jaunty music being played by a small band in the corner. Off to the sides are more battlers sitting at pub tables trading knickknacks.

- We go to the trading knickknacks table? - Yeah. So you walk over to the trading table. Yeah, there's various battlers sitting around with the numerous knickknacks, a few different knickknacks on their tables. - Is Quiffly in here? - Quiffly is not in here. - What you got, guys? - Yeah, you walk up to the first one you see and it's a rather plump orc. He's got a big goblet in front of him. You walk up and he begins sniffing.

"Hmm, you have some of that potion on you, huh?" "Mm-hmm." "I see. Perhaps I can interest you in some of these wares." And you see in front of him, there's, uh, on the table, there's an axe, some crossbow bolts, ooh, some baked goods, there's like a brownie, and that's all he has in front of him. There's some more knickknacks out on the next table over, though. "What do these knickknacks do, Paddywhack?"

Which one specifically? Crossbow bolts. You have a good eye. These are silver pane bolts. Oh. They're magically coated in silver, which is not allowed around here if you don't know. I'll take the lot. All right. There are five of them. And what might they say? What do you have to trade? You got that potion thing you just got. Yeah, I've got some potion I just got. I've got a bear. Yeah, that potion's free. That bear's free too. I've got these delicious fruits.

Tell me more about the fruit. Well, why don't you have one? No. Oh, Todd. You give him the fruit? Well, they aren't worth much if you're giving them away, are they? They might make you dead for a little bit. Tell me more about it. They're secret fruits that when you take them... I have several of them. I cannot remember how many. And I can't remember exactly which ones they do. But...

Let me check my slacks. Hold up one second. Let me check my slacks. His pants. His pants, yeah. He's got his notes in here. There's the blood oranges, the mord apples. Yeah, I got like four or five of them. I have mord apples. I can also take hemo pieces, by the way. Oh, wonderful. God, I don't know how many hemo pieces I've lost. I give whatever hemo pieces I have. Well, how many do you have? I don't remember, Gus. Quit interrupting. If you're going to say stuff you don't know. I don't think you have any. What's special about these brownies? Is there anything special or is they just bad taste?

Oh yes, the old bard make brownies. Metagame wise, you gain 1d10 of bardic inspiration. Oh, that's actually very good. There's three bites per brownie. Oh, if I give you a marked apple right here, would you be, would that be a, uh, yes. Oh, that's a good sound.

Sorry, audience. What is that? What is it doing? Is that him smelling it? Yeah. No, he's not like getting up and smelling it. Like where he's sitting, he's like, his nose is going crazy. I think the mort apple was the feign death one. I believe so. Yeah, because of the word mort. Food for food. An interesting proposition. Yeah. Yes, that's a fair trade. All right. I give him one of my mort apples and I get a brownie. It's called a brownie of what? Barred baked brownie. Barred baked brownies. And how many apples would you like for those bolts? Food for bolts? Huh.

That's a little different. That's not food for food. Five for five. All right. I think I have five fruits. Do you have them in your inventory? He bought a bunch, I will say that. Yeah, he did. I have one clary berry. I did not. That was the one time I didn't add it to my inventory because we were rushing out, I feel like.

I think he got three, four of each. Four of two of them is what I think he said. Because I just listened to the episode, but I don't remember the exact numbers. Yeah, just say it's four of two of them. So then you get rid of all of one of them and then keep only three of the other. And then you said you had berries, Barbara, did I hear you right? I have one glary berry.

Berries? What do those do? The Glareberry? Well, let me tell you. It's a milky grape-sized fruit with red veins. Grants advantage on perception and intimidation checks for one minute, but the target can't blink for the duration. Afterwards, the target is blinded for one minute so their eyes can rest. Perhaps that and some hemo pieces that can get you something that I think would be perfect for you, Miss Von Braff. And what's that? Miss Bat-Tole Axe.

Bat, Toll, Axe. Yeah, I'll be willing to trade this. Again, you can't show anyone this. This is a silver battleaxe. It's not allowed in the VAM Spire. Could I do like a check on that? What do you mean? Like an insight check? Insight check? Yeah. If they're like telling the truth. Do you bite it? You go. Yeah, make an insight check. She dies when she bites it. 11? Do you think he is being truthful? Okay.

I'll give up my glory berry for this. And a couple of hemo pieces? This is a fantastic axe! Maybe five hemo pieces? Yeah, five hemo pieces and this berry. Excellent. A pleasure doing business with you. I think you mean axe-cellent. Axe-cellent.

Why don't you go ahead and read what it says and how it describes that Bat-Tole Axe. Okay, so this Bat-Tole Axe, love the pun, by the way, has Sterling Strikes, which is a silver battle axe, offers plus two bonus to attacks and damage rolls. Nice. It has Bat Barrage.

When you attack a creature, you could use a bonus action to speak a command word. The battleaxe transforms into a swarm of bats that attacks the target for up to one minute. That's awesome. When the swarm is killed or if the target is killed, the swarm turns back into a battleaxe and falls to the ground. You could use this feature once per long rest. And it also has fanged ferocity. When you score a critical hit with this weapon against a creature,

They have to make a constitution saving throw of DC 13 plus your proficiency bonus on a failed save. They take an additional 2d8 necrotic damage and on a successful save, they take half damage. You regain hit points equal to half the amount of necrotic damage dealt. Oh my God. That's powerful. It's almost as if you don't need your Fang Frost anymore.

That orc looking out for you, good old Jeff Boriarty. That's his name. That's his name, Jeff Boriarty. Thank you, Jeff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Enjoy your berries. He's sniffing the food you all gave him very intently. Let me remove that from my backpack.

Chip, you have a crossbow. Yeah. Take some of these bolts. I give two of them to Chip. After all, Chip did use up a lot of his ammunition to shoot himself constantly to get the emo pieces. True, true. He's right. The next table over, it's a hairy goblin who begins, like he sees this trade going on. He's like motioning you all over to look at his stuff.

Really quick. The thing where the axe turns into a flurry of bats, I think it'd be kind of cool if... Never mind. What were you going to say? That could be like a cover for an exit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a smoke screen, but made of bats. Yeah. How many axes do you have now? Like, is that four? A lady never tells. Yeah.

I mean, I have three plus the Fang Frost. Thought you might have had a fourth one. The goblin's waving at you all. I go over to the goblin. I go as well. Bonjour! What do you have to sell? Welcome to Polaris's table. Oh, I love you from X Factor. Yeah, I don't know what that is. I've got some stuff here. You want to take a look? Yes, I would love to look at your wares. Yeah, I've got some hocus pocus. They're silver dots.

Just don't tell anybody. Oh, you have silver ears. That's wonderful. Yeah, it's silver darts. Darts? Yeah. What else do you have? Do you have a knife? Cool knife? No, I have an egg. You have an egg? Yeah. He holds up and points out an egg, actually, on his table. What does this egg do? If you crack it, a gooseling comes out and attacks. Oh. Oh.

Like a little friend. Yeah, a little gooseling. How long does a gooseling last? What's the life expectancy of a gooseling? Yeah. How many gooshes? Goosh, goosh, goosh. Gooseling, gooseling, goosh. You know, until it dies. It's a permanent? It's an actual little gooseling? Yeah. You know, like, um...

ooze not a goose a goosling goosling goosling yeah and i get this bag of magic chips no no i'm chip this is for you then bag of magic chips magic chips yeah so you can see it's a confetti colored bag and it's labeled variety fun pack oh this sounds fun like what does it do sour screaming onion does it give any sort of buffers

Is it just a delicious snack? Uh, boorach. I betcha it's got random effects. Yeah, all kinds. Tear-fried onions. Meta-speaking, there's often, like, items in D&D that just do random magic. Meta-meta-speaking, this is an item that was created in Discord with first members. What? The gooseling egg in the bag of magic chips or something. How much for the chips? I have no cost. I'm...

I'm priceless. You need to put more value on yourself, friend, okay? Oh, your friend's name is Chip, too. It is. Oh, a Chip Chip discount. I think that would be very wonderful of you to do. So, two emo pieces. Sure. I'll buy it for you. No, I'm buying it for you. No, I'll buy it for you. No, no, no, I insist. I insist. I hand over my two emo pieces. I take them and I throw them across the room and I give them my two pieces. I'll take it if you want. Give me your knife. I take it.

All right, so you can write, so one of you deduct two chemo pieces and write bag of magic chips. Wait, and what were those dart things? Hocus Pokes? Hocus Pokes, are they like throwing darts? Yeah, three silver darts. Oh, that's a broke thingy. Yeah, it's pretty cool. What do they do? They're just silver? Plus two. You're just throwing numbers and words at me. Plus two. Plus two what? Attack and damage. Oh, okay. How much are those again? Two silver, three silver? Four chemo pieces. I feel like.

Food for food?

Uh, yes, okay. Okay. You all hear a scream down the hall. Who cares? Coming from the other direction. Then voices are shouting, Tell the truth. Let go, I don't know anything. Barney, that second voice is unmistakable. It's her, you know it. She's in trouble though. What are you going to do? What? You know that voice. She's just down the hallway you were just in. I run.

You see her! A Sferatu is gripping her arm and won't let go. But she's not alone. Two young boys run up and start throwing their fists against Sferatu's wings. But it easily knocks them both to the ground. It's up to you, Barney. Your family needs you. Marnie needs you.

What? Marty? That's adorable. I shoot him with a crossbow. We'll find out if that hits in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I want to call out that I said that. I said, this sounds like they might be battlers because they're rushing around. We were like, oh my God, Chip is inadvertently the greatest detective in the world. Thank you.

All right, find out what that's all about in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Barney, your family. Barney and Barney. What are your kids' names? There are many ways little stinkers can support the show. Commenting on social media, rating us on podcast services, interacting with us on Discord, or telling friends about the show by word of mouth. Stinkers like, at fake account to get his name on Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Hmm.

Also at Min Ring, at Idiot With Ideas, at Truffled Barrel, and at Planet of Cows. Listeners that interacted with us on social media and Discord had NPCs named after them this episode, like Quiffly, Elga's Battler, named by at Eri the Ace, voiced by Ben Ernst, at Halcyon underscore Ben. Aramian, the Nervous Laughing Battler, at Dino Essay on social media. Twinty Wayne, by at BB on social media.

I know that guy.

And Marnie Farney is voiced by Caroline Grossman at Caroline underscore Constnar. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook. Written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing and producing work by David Saunier. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. What do tieflings say for like cheers? Uh, no, it's Wisconsinites. Oh yeah, Wisconsin. We say, uh, I don't know. Improv. Woppa!