C02 - Ep. 37 - Vengeance in Vainia - Make Heads or Taelzadok
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This is a Rooster Teeth production.

Salutations ancient sea serpents! Dive on into the stinky dragon, partake in our latest potation, Poetry in Ocean. It's a mixture of constricting coffee, a cone of cold vanilla mint ice cream, garnished with pepperminster leaves. One mouthful of this monstrous mug and your next breath will have no rhyme or freezing.

Previously, our adventurers rectified a riotous rally and reconnected with old friends. After some resourceful reconnaissance, they finally found their way into the vast vamp spire. Bring over a brew and buckle up for this bedtime tale.

I was looking at Chris the entire time. Chris would drink that drink. It sounds like coffee and ice cream. Yeah. I think he had a little bit of drool come out. I think he had that. I think I saw him with it a little earlier. Is that the Damaris? What was it called? Yeah. The yum. Coffee drink he got one time. Oh, my God. Oh, right. I forgot about that. Yeah.

I had like a week's worth of your daily, your sugar intake. Yeah. Cause you get it all out of the way at once. Yeah. Hello everyone. I'm Gustavo Sorolla, the dungeon master of our putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. This week's role play and warmup question is if your character could go back in time and change one thing about the past, what would it be? I was going first. Go ahead, share concert. That's for sure.

Is that what Chip would do? Blaine, I think you've just offered to start it off. I was going to go last for dramatic effect. Hey there. It's no, no, no, no, no, no, Matin. I insist. It's me, Chip Aidey. Please let me step into the conversation booth or the confessional booth. Hey, it's Blaine Gibson. I play, oh God, Chip Henge. He's a level three.

Really got to get to the front of the line. Chip Haney, tiefling rogue level seven. Thank you. Thank you. Delga. Previous or now widowed. Oh, right. Right. Right. Funny you should say that because if I could go back and change something about the past, oh, I don't know. Probably stop my wife from dying. You know, that'd be great. You know, this has been my, it's been my mission. Was that a big deal for you?

It affected me, you know? You know, random conversation interviewer, it actually hurt my feelings quite a bit. Yeah. Yeah. It hasn't been the same.

That makes sense. That makes sense. I'm John Reisinger. I play Matty Confucius, who is an Eric Cochran ghost monk. That's a very good question because I've lived a very long life and I've experienced so many things and I don't normally live in a state of regret at all. If I could go back, I

I would have probably, I don't know, packed a few more croissants before we left on this adventure. I just feel like I did not put enough bread in my pouch before we left. It was very unexpected for you. I didn't think that I was going to go to this festival and then be accused of murder. You know, you never know. And so maybe that's just a lesson. You always have to be prepared. You always pack bread. You've never been to a good festival then. Keep a croissant in your pocket. Yeah. For a festival. Yeah. Croissant in the pocket for a festival. Everyone listening, take note.

I've actually put croissants in my pockets before. Not a good idea. They're too greasy and buttery. They're supposed to be fluffy. I know. You can try and wrap them in a paper towel. No, doesn't work. Anyway. Who are you? A croissant lover? He's Croissant DeMero. And I play Barney Varney. And a level 7 human clerk. But if I could...

Well, this is an easy one. Oh, okay. I would have done something when my family was taken from me. Was that a big deal for you too? Just a bit. Gus! Gus! Tell us how that makes you feel. He's over there just snickering. I have a second answer. Okay.

I recently acquired a spell that allows you to bring someone who has died in the last minute back to life. I wish I had prepared it the other day. You shouldn't bring it up. I wish I had known. Did you have it when Carol died? I didn't have it prepared. Oh, prepared. And that's my second.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I think for plot reasons, that probably would have worked out. But also, wasn't that the one that came with like a cost? There was like a cost. Or am I thinking of that necklace that we came across? That's the necklace. That's the necklace. Oh. Well, Barney, you really dropped the ball there, pal. I didn't. I know. Yeah. I didn't know. Elga, I need to go have a talk with Barney. Why don't you get in there? Get in the booth. Barney is here.

Barney really needs some more fiber. Get out of there a lot more quickly.

Marnie have been in the bathroom for an hour and 20 minutes. I'm Barbara Dunkelman. Hello, everyone, and Blurble Gerble, my friends. I play Elga Von Brass, the leader of the party, of course. Thank you, John. Thanks for confirming. The half-elf vampire barbarian, level seven. And, you know, Elga doesn't regret the whole lot in life.

But I'd say one of her biggest regrets is that one time, Elga was partaking in a light breakfast of blood, and she accidentally spilled a little bit onto her favorite white frilly shirt. And unfortunately, it didn't come out bloodstains pretty bad. I'm surprised that when we went around the shops in Vania, there wasn't just one shop devoted to stain removal potions. Take a note. That'd be good. I think you can use, like, prestidigitation to help get some of that stuff out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But unfortunately...

Unfortunately, now all guys have to wear a different off-white frilly shirt. I think what you can do is if you spill blood on a white shirt like that, you can just cover it with red wine and you won't notice the blood at all anymore. They don't dry the same way, Gustavo. Oh, they don't?

I wouldn't know. Give it a shot at home. Please don't. Actually, I was wrong. I needed a diamond in order to cast that spell and I don't have a diamond so I couldn't have done it even if I had it prepared. Oh, I have so many diamonds. I bring all my diamonds with me everywhere I go. I have lots of diamonds. You could have just asked. You don't have diamonds? No. You know who might have had the diamonds?

Carol's ring on her finger, her wedding ring from her marriage. Yeah. Yeah. The body disappeared, though. Yeah, that's true. Her ring, too? I don't know. Was this like a Star Wars situation? Everything disappears except the ring. You had said that you went through and gathered her belongings. So if there was a ring that you all had given or that you all shared, that you would have had a chance to recover that. Mm-hmm.

Maybe give that to me. Yes, please. Give it to the old man. No, no. It was like one of those things you have to prepare a spell. Material components. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then do it during a short rest. You don't know what spell you're going to use at any given time. And you only get so many. So you have to like, oh, I didn't think between the tails there would be a main character death. We can keep going. Yeah.

As you move through the open archway, you pass by two red-robed batfolk you recall as the Svratu. They pay you no mind as they chant in unison and conjure clearly powerful magics. Beyond them, ornate sconces of torchlight flicker across glossy black stone walls leading further into the belly of the tower.

Welcome home, sister.

So the door before you says Tales of Doc. What do you all want to do? Could I look at the door and see if I know what that means? Make me a, I'll say make me a wisdom check with advantage. Since it is my home. Ooh, 19. You know that it means Tale of the Tower. T-A-I-L? Yeah, T-A-I-L. Oh. So this is the back entrance to the tower. Maybe. Probably, or if it's the bottom, maybe.

Yeah, the butt. Question. You know that, Elga, you have never spent much time in the Tales of Dock. Oh. So this isn't home? This isn't home. I mean, I probably spent more time up. Correct. The Vamspire, it's a... Tall and skinny, right? Right. It's a tower or a spire, so there are... Presumably, there would be multiple levels. Where we are, this is the only door. This is the only door that we can see. Correct. We're like in a hallway or an entryway.

Yeah, the entryway. You just cross the bridge, pass the sprawl to pass the gargoyles. We're all just standing there. Is this like a situation, Ilga, where like the higher you live on the tower, like the higher on the like, you know, the hierarchy you are like, is this like a physical manifestation of like, you know,

I don't know, society here in Sylvania? I definitely know the answer to this question. Well, you've never spent much time here. I've never spent much time here. In the tail. Correct. That should be a very big hint as to the structure. Well, let's go in. I'm tired. I want to take a rest. Yeah, you want to open it up, Mateef? I knock on the door. You die. You give a quick rap on the door, and there's no response. Go ahead. What are the lyrics?

Of your rap. Oh, I get it. Could we just open the door? I'll open the door. Do it! Okay. Matias, just in case, I'll open the door. I acquiesce. It's live. It's live. It's live. Elga, you push forward and open the door. Everyone roll me a perception check. Everyone roll initiative. I was waiting for that. Some sort of saving throw. 22! 22!

Five! Fourteen. Fourteen. Jinx, we'll start with Chip. The door opens and it's just the clamor and chaos of fervent foot traffic and chaotic crowds so overwhelming to you, it's hard to absorb what it is that you see before you. Barney and Elga, it seems to be a dingy, congested network of passages thronged with hurried folk of every shape and size going this way and that.

Mateed, you have maybe a slightly better vantage here. You're able to see that just up ahead, you know, there's some stairs going up, and beyond that, there's a T intersection. And you notice red drops on the ground near the eastern wall and blue drops on the floor near the western wall. Oh, like the colors of blood when it's oxygenated or not. Mm. You know more about blood than I do. Oh, I've dealt with a lot of blood. I just don't consume it, but I really do produce a lot of it in different ways. Gotcha. Interesting.

A little bit of an overshare there. Is there anybody to, like, greet us or anything like that or any signage? Currently, no. Nobody seems to even really be giving you any mind. Everyone's bustling about on their way. To what everyone rolled, make me a wisdom check. Wisdom is a nine. Seven. Fifteen. Five.

Just five, five, five. Five, five, five, five. So Barney, with all the chaos going on around here, I think in general here in Vania, Barney's been on edge a little bit. Yeah. What? You don't say. I did not notice that at all. No way. Seems cool as a cucumber. I think Barney, you have an inkling that with all the chaos you see before you, it might make sense to make note of the path you're taking. You think that you might be in for a maze of corridors ahead of you. Ah.

And Mateed, what again, you saw the witch blood on which side and which blood on the other side? It was red blood on the east side, blue droplets on the left side. Wait a second. I've noticed something that we do as I've re-listened to it is that we add words into what he says and a lot of times

It sends us down the wrong direction. We are very bad at parroting guts. I think I saw that entire table of Micah, Gus, Ben, David all just go like, yup. It's why I try to put a lot of intent in trying to use your words that you say because I know I'm prone to that. Yeah. Write it down. So in that vein...

Barney, me telling you all that information about the chaos is the way for the DM to tell the party, make a map because I don't want to have to constantly re-explain where it is that you're going and where it is that you've been. Well, you guys saw how good my last map was.

We are. We are. We are. We've entered the building from what direction? Just give me. You are facing south. You've entered from the north is to your back. The south is in front of you. Okay. And does this seem like it's primarily going upwards or are there hallways like a stairway with a T spot at the end? You're going down here. You know, you're in a long corridor currently. That's probably about 30, 35 feet long. Is it good that I have this long, tall paper with me today? Turn it sideways.

There you go. Okay. And you're at the north and the hallway heads south from you. Yeah. Could I try to stop any of these passerbys to ask for directions? Sure. You hear the sound of a bell and turn around and see someone shuffling around. It seems like the bell sound is coming from them. What do you say to them? Where's the bell coming from? I don't know. It's somewhere on their body. Maybe it's tied to them? Is that all? You said there was like ringing. Like, is it like...

There, the bell tower. Well, no, he said like faint sounds of ringing constantly happening. Is it rhythmic ringing? And you said there was ringing at the bottom of the well as well. But I think you said it was more like a tonal ring. Correct. That was a different. Yeah. That one, I think you said was like screeching, right? Oh, no. I thought that one was like a eee, like a tinnitus. I think you said tinnitus. Yeah, there's a lot of tinnitus. Okay. Yeah, I grabbed this person. Bonjour. My name is Matit. I'm here visiting this valley.

Wonderful. I was trying to figure out how to describe this place. Wonderful. Wonderful. And I'm trying to get to, you know, to the top. Is there like a system? Yeah. Like I've seen you guys from coloring systems. You're wearing a bell. Is there like a normalcy here that I can understand? Oh, hello there. The name's Vin Von, the world's greatest thief. Pleased to meet you. What's your name again? Don't shake their hand. My name is you steal something from me. And you know, who knows what happens?

Find out. Oh, no. Do you have anything worth stealing? Nope. I am on guard, so if you try anything, I'm doing a check. Don't forget at this point, you all also have your cloaks on. You're trying to blend in. Yeah, I know. I'm just... I'm from another place where vampires are from, and...

Oh, where is that? I'm only familiar with the VAMP Spire here. That is from... Oh, it's called... Scansylvania. Yes. Yes.

Scamsylvania? Sounds wonderful. Yes. Must be related to Vania. Anyway, yeah, a count like yourself should be right at home on the upper levels. Yes. So is there a way to... I see you got these stairways ahead of us. Which way should we go, you think, to get up to the top? The ringing becomes louder and more incessant. What? And Vinvon says, yeah, of course, just head up the stairwell and go up. Anyway, I gotta go. Really in a big hurry. Someone's calling me. Bye.

And Vin Von runs off. I'm thinking that what we are experiencing is that these are familiars and that they have some sort of communication system involved with that. You know, a lot of aristocrats would use bells to make the servants come up and that kind of thing. Elga, I want you to make me a history check. Okay. I was going to ask if I recognized anybody. Yeah. You might be doing that right now.

Oh, with advantage. I'm sorry, I didn't say with advantage. Yay! Thank goodness, 15. Yeah, I mean, you know that these are battlers. Battlers! That are running around. Even though you've never been on this level of the Vamspire, you do know that you had a lot of interactions with a battler that specifically served your family. Mm-hmm. Do I see them down here? You do not currently. The battler you remember, his name is Quifliari. Mm-hmm.

Did I have a nickname for him? Quiffly. Quiffly. Quiffly Down Under. Quiffly Ari? Yeah. He was a very young male dwarf battler with like an uneven color ginger hair. You remember Quiffly. What was that thing y'all got up to that one time? That thing that y'all had that was lots of fun? Yeah, yeah. We were playing hide and seek.

And we were just on the ceiling giggling at him, but he had no idea we were up there, which is really wild that he wouldn't just look up there because he knows that we're vampires. Yeah, that's a classic Quiffly. I like to think that he was maybe pandering a little bit to us. That's what I was going to ask. You think that he was playing along? Yeah. Can I cast Visage of the Astral Self?

It lasts for 10 minutes and it gives me advantage on insight intimidation checks. I feel like that might be handy. Sure. It also gives me the sight in magical or non-magical darkness. Correct. I had a theory that I want to throw by you guys.

I have a theory as well. I was imagining that vania is like the human anatomy, like a body. Maybe this is like the heart. Because you said like the red and the blue in like the blood flow, like maybe this is like there's like aortas and valves. Well, that's a good idea. The vineyards had like the barrels of...

What did you call me on? Like veins pumping? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe there's something to that. You know what, Blaine? You get an inspiration dice for that. Thank you. Marking it. You think maybe, Elga, since you've never been on the Tales of Doc before, that maybe if you could find Quiffly down here, that he can point you all in the right direction and help you out since he will remember you. Maybe if we all scream for Quiffly.

You scream, I scream. We're all screaming. Were you screaming? I'm leaving the recording. Well, I like your theory, Blaneson, and the direction of heading to the heart is...

Is blue. So let's go east. I was just thinking of maybe doing our secret catchphrase. Whenever me and Quiffly would get lost from each other, we would just, one of us would do the sound and then the other one would echo the sound. What's the sound sound like? It's like something you scream? I was expecting Marco. Yeah, yeah. And then Elgo listens.

Okay, I don't hear anything. No, no, no sound, no sound. No sound, no sound. Okay, well, you know what? We should try that. We should be trying that every once in a while. Okay. Let's get ringtone. So just because of what you said there a little while, just a second ago, John, you know, you all are in like this main entrance to the first level of the Tales of the Dock. And on the western wall from here is a framed painting of a vacant chair.

And on the eastern wall is a Florida ceiling gold frame cracked mirror. And then this passage continues to the south to the ascending stairs to that T intersection. Hey, Elga, whenever you look in the mirror, are you visible? Let's find out. Which side was the empty chair picture? On the west side. On the west. So then the Florida ceiling gold frame cracked mirror is on the eastern wall. So you step in front of the mirror, Elga? Yeah. Yeah, you see yourself in it. Okay. There's me looking fine.

I was going to say, we don't want to add ourselves by walking in front of any mirrors because if they can see us, then, you know, we're not vampires and they might. There's a mirror and what was the other one? You said a painting with a chair. Empty chair. Empty chair. Correct. If you're going to be a stickler about words like John said earlier, I said vacant chair. Vacant chair. So, like, someone should be sitting there, but they are not. So, like, is the mirror... Or could be sitting in there, right. Is the mirror opposite the chair? So, like, theoretically, if you stood in front of the mirror, you could be looking at the chair, right?

also behind you, you know, like the reflection of the chair? So the, I mean, they're kind of close to each other. The difference is that the chair is just like a framed painting, whereas the mirror is wall to ceiling or floor to ceiling is what I said. What if I looked at the reflection of the chair painting in the mirror? Make a perception check. So you're trying to look into the mirror and examine the chair painting, right? Get ready for this five. Yeah. That is a 15 plus 10.

Plus 10? Because I've been rolling fives all morning. Oh. Yeah, yeah. It was a 15. You know, you're examining the painting of the chair. Yeah. And it looks like a normal painting, nothing out of the ordinary. However, as you're staring at the painting of the chair, you know, you're looking at the wall around it, you see that there are, in the reflection, you see that there are grooves along the floor of that Western wall.

Oh, groovy. Below the chair, the painting of the chair. Oh, as in like, yeah, I urge you, you don't have to keep hitting my arm. No, no, no, groovy. No, I, you know, I don't have to acknowledge every single thing you say. Groovy. It would be a lot if I had to. Endless. That seems like that may be, maybe scrapings of where like a secret wall might be coming out. Oh, la la. Uh,

Um, hmm. You don't need to make fun of the way I speak. No, I'm code switching. I feel like we're actually making grounds towards a friendship here, and I'd like to do that as a mutual endeavor. Of course, I'm just trying to, like, make you feel at home by saying your phrases in words. We're both at one HP, and we both could just end each other at any second right now. Anyway, Matias, what did you see?

Actually, uh, the, the... Um, Titan Chip, what did you see? There's grooves on, so that's the secret entrance. Secret entrance. If we move that, there's, like, grooves so that you can move the painting. Could we, uh, do a little, uh, like, group investigation of that area to, like, see if we find a switch or maybe, like, the painting needs to be shifted or opened? Stoker! Could I look at the painting? What? Uh, yeah, you look at it. Oh, oh, oh.

Up close or do you look at it through the reflection? I want to look it up close. Make an investigation check. I'm going to do it too. With advantage? Yes, you can. Should I partake? Yeah, do it. That is a 12. Seven. Ten. While they do that, can I look through the mirror at them looking at it? Yeah, you're watching them through the mirror? Okay. Okay, sure. We'll deal with you in a second, Barney. We'll deal with you in a second.

Just wait. So yeah, Elga, you're able to, you know, you follow the grooves with your fingers and you're able to find like a catch, like a hidden catch that potentially could open up like a spring door. Okay. But I don't see anyone on the chair, do I? No. Okay. Barney, make me an investigation check as well. I assume investigation, like you're watching them, you said, right? Yeah, not perception. Yeah, we'll do investigations.

I love a good haunted house. 16. Yeah, nothing seems out of the ordinary. You also spot those grooves and the mechanism that Elga finds. Groovy. At the same time. That was good.

But it's groovy. My teeth passes through the wall. Oh, okay. You can do that, right? No, I'm not doing that. I'm not going to burp right now. You found a switch, a latch. I found, yeah, essentially like a way to open it up, right? Do it. Yeah. Okay. Everyone come over here. I think we should probably open this up. Should we like stand against it if it like does like a rotate thing?

Okay. Fair enough. I'll go. We'll just try to crack it open. Yeah. You activate it and open it up and the wall slides to the side, revealing a cramped hidey hole. Oh. What's inside? It's filled with rancid meat, some vials of water, painter supplies. Water?

A red towel, a key, and a cot. I should probably take that key. This is like someone's quarters. Yeah. This is like someone's quarters, I say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say. So wait. Rancid meat. Red towel. A key, a cot. Red towel. Red towel. Vials of water. Vials of water. What was the last thing? I don't know, John. You were doing so well. I know. You got all of them. You were doing so well. I was like, I was like, I was giving it. It was, it was, it was like.

Paper? Oh yeah, painting stuff. There you go. Painter supplies. So maybe they did the chair. Maybe the person who lived in here painted this painting. Is this where Quiffly stayed? I hope not. That would be kind of unfortunate. Can we tell... Could a...

We look up. Gus is done with us officially. He's so done with us. You look at the cot and there's someone snoring, sleeping on it beneath the blanket. Oh. Who is it?

Barney, go wake him up in your special way. Does Elgo recognize this person? Good morning. I'll never not find that funny. Terrifying. Does Elgo recognize the person sleeping? No, this is some bald human you've never seen before. He appears to have an unkempt multicolored beard and paint stains on his tunic. John's raising his hand. Can I get Gigi to lick him? Oh, sure. Brilliant. Wow.

Well played, Mateed. That's all. You deploy the ZZ. The ZZ. Yeah, ZZ. Where do you want ZZ to lick him, or how do you want to approach this? I don't want to, like...

Yeah, just like get Gigi in my hands and just kind of point him at the bald head. Okay. Yeah, Gigi, you know, lets out a little lick on the bald head. The human, you know, kind of shuffles around and you see a vision of his dream appear, start appearing before him or above him, I should say. You see visions. It's almost like first person point of view. Like you're seeing through someone's eyes, going down a maze,

Seems like they're searching for someone and they have painting supplies in their hands. This is a rerun. Change the channel.

Okay, so they got painting supplies in their hands. They're trying to look for somebody in a maze. And it seems like maybe they're lost. This seems like he's not making progress. Oh, okay. Been there. Bonjour. Good morning. Good morning. Who are you? Oh, my name is Matit. Count Matit. Thank you very much. Sometimes I forget those little eccentricities that we should use. Right. Can you close the door? Okay.

Elgar closes the door. Oh, thank you. What are you so afraid of? I'm afraid of getting caught, and you all seem to have caught me. Oh, we made no harm. Yes, we did. Oh, okay. You're very naughty. You caught me in my cot. Snapping off an on-duty...

What's your name? I'm Graff, my liege. Graff? Graff, what you doing? There's a hole! I'm painting. See? He points to the painting supplies and the paint stains on his tunic. Are you not supposed to be in here? Or in this... Or in the Vamspire? You see, I want nothing more in life than to paint a portrait of Count Dracula, but I can't find him. I keep getting lost. Oh.

Are you all vampires? Could I maybe paint you? We... All of us are vampires, that's right. Yes. We're from Scamsylvania. Scamsylvania? That's the one. Sounds wonderful. It's beautiful during the fall. Yeah, and they're visiting me. I'm Elga. I live here in the Vamp Spire. Oh, wonderful. Do you know how I can find Count Dracula? Yes, I do. But I...

It's hard to describe. So we are actually on our way to go find him as well. So if you can help us, then we can help you. I keep getting lost. That's why I was hoping you could help me. Yeah. Well, you know, this place is pretty complicated. I get turned around all the time. Have you ever tried using your painting supplies to like mark places you've gone so that you can kind of retrace your steps? Well, I'm afraid of leaving evidence of my presence here.

Why do you not want his presence to be known? I'm not supposed to be here. You're not supposed to be here. But you're trying to find Dracula himself, even though you're not supposed to be here. Don't you think you'll get in trouble? I will gift him with such a wonderful painting that he'll forgive me because I paid tribute to the almighty Count Dracula. Can I look at his paint?

Yeah, sure. What color paints do you have? He's got like a full palette of all different kinds of paints. Graff, that's your name, right? Graff. Graff. Did you perhaps leave maybe a little trail of maybe some red paint or some blue paint previously on the floor? I hope not. I've been trying very carefully to not leave any evidence of my presence. Gustavo, when you described the droplets, what's the pattern of it? Or the consistency? Does it look intentional or...

Yeah. Because that's very different. Yeah, they would seem accidental. Okay. And how far apart were the droplets? Were they like close to each other? Yeah, pretty close. Pretty close in proximity. Okay. Okay. So they're either walking slowly or bleeding fast. So Graf, did you paint the empty chair and that's supposed to be where the painting of Dracula sits? Yes. Do you like my work? Oh, it's magnificent. The gold, it's the detail, the brushstrokes.

Good. Good work, Captain. The impasto? Say that. Anyway, have you... Impostal? Have you made any progress on finding Dracula? Like, is there any directions that were completely dead ends? I just keep getting lost. It seems like no matter where I go, I keep ending up back here.

all I really know is that the commissary is to the southeast. It seems like I end up there all the time. Is that why you keep ending up with, there's all this rotten meat? Yeah. Rancid. I probably need to go get some more. I feel like I might have put my foot in my mouth with another dumb fact. Like, I know that in the diagrams it's red and blue blood, but it doesn't actually look blue, does it? No. Yeah, it doesn't. Now I'm

remembering like I learned later is like that's just the diagram. I'm saying that so the comments don't make you feel stupid. Even though they probably already commented on it. It's okay. Hey, comments. Go back and delete your comments. No, I'm stupid. It's okay. Why don't you all pose for me and I can make a painting of you.

I can just do a quick sketch for now and I'll remember you and make a more worthy painting. Can you do it fast? Well, I'll just do the quick sketch for now and then I'll paint it later. Okay, team. Ready to pose. Yeah. I pose. Is there any special pose any of y'all want to do? Elga wants to jump into the air and like spread her arms aside. It's a sketch. I know. She wants that to be how she sketched so she keeps jumping and posing. Okay. So that he could catch. Yeah.

Barney wants to hide his face, like, I guess. Like with his cloak? Scowl. What do you call those things? A cowl? Yeah, a cowl over his face. Like a classic vampire pose where you're, like, lifting the cape and your elbow's pointing out in front of your face? Yeah, he also just doesn't want to be, like, yeah, he wants to stay hidden. Everyone make a perception check. 17. 7. 14. 6. Mateed, you hear footsteps walking down the corridor outside in the hall. Oh, shh, shh. Ooh. That's Feratu. Oh, okay.

Okay, they're gone. That's why I wanted you to close the door. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's good we did that. I'm gonna pull Mateed to the side. Should we share the password? That way this guy, he's in already. I know, but like in case he gets caught, then he can say the password and then he makes him think that, you know, he's meant to be here. I mean, you do you. What happens if the Frosts do catch you? They'll toss me out and destroy my work. Yeah, they do not seem like they like people who are not supposed to be in here. Can I roll for vibe check?

Like is I like that's what we call insight insight is he is he here to say what he does or do I it's since any deception Yeah, go ahead and make that insight check. I'm gonna do as well. Can I as well? Yeah, of course and I got advantage. That's a whopping 425

All of you think that Graf is being sincere. I like this little guy. He's very cute. He's a little painter. I love artists. Let's pose. Graf, you know, you seem like an Asian dude, so I'm going to let you in on a little secret. If you need to get in or talk to a Sfratu and they ask you for the password, it's just Stoker. You say Stoker. That is so helpful. And you know what? That is...

Way easier than the way I got in. How did you get in? Across the hallway behind the mirror, there's another secret room. And that leads to a pool of blood. If you swim through it, you can go down and you'll emerge in the moat. So that explains the red towel. Yeah, it was very unpleasant. Yeah, it sounds so unpleasant. Where did you say that was? Across the hallway. Just kidding. Behind the mirror. Mateed poses.

Okay. He very quickly does a sketch. He turns his back. Mateed has their arm outstretched, or their wing outstretched up in the air. What about Chip? Normally he'd have like big beaming small hands on hips, but you know, because of recent events, he's going to do like a more moody, like kind of like that Spider-Man crouch. He's going to wield his blade.

Edgy. I think that's in character. I also would think that Chip would do the other MCU pose, which is when they make all the females do, which is facing away and showing their rear, but their head facing the painter. So emphasizing buttocks. Like the original Avengers poster. It's Scott Johansson's pose in every poster. I would just think that Chip would lean into like, oh, well, I'm supposed to be a vampire, so I'm going to do like a vampire pose. He's doing his little assassin thing. I like it. Yeah, yeah.

Some combination of vampire assassin. Assassin. Yeah. Cool. I'm a day walker.

That's very cool. Chip pulls out these sunglasses we didn't know he had the entire time. Yeah, Graff turns his back to you and begins feverishly working on his sketch. Okay, so I think we should probably leave you to it. We'll let you know if we find Dracula, okay? Okay, great. Yes, please, please. Real quick, Graff, what's that key to? The key? Oh, I don't know.

I lifted it off of a Speratu. Oh. You want it? Yeah. I'll take it. Let's borrow it. All right. What's the key made out of, by the way? It's just a very mundane looking iron key. Silver.

He's not allowed. All right. So we need to add up to the stairs and pick a direction. Which way should we go? So are you all heading up the stairs down to the T intersection? Do we want to check behind the mirror? No, we know that's where the blood moat. I think it's an exit. Are there any other places behind that mirror besides just out to the moat? No, just the blood pool that goes down into the moat. You've been very helpful, Graff. I appreciate it so much. Thank you.

I appreciate patrons of the art. Yeah, I'd hate if you, you know, turned around and stabbed us in the back. Oh, he turned his back to you first. Yeah. All right, thanks, Greg.

Let me know if you find Dracula. Okay. So we leave. And then where did you say the staircase was? Immediately to the south. There's some stairs that begin going up and then the corridor continues for probably 30 feet to the south. Commissary to the east. Southeast, yeah. And so let's go west. Forza Echabit. So you go down to the T intersection, which branches out to the west and to the east. To the west, there are some stairs that go up a little bit and then it's just an open passage to the east. So y'all are going west.

Yeah. This is the red. It's blue. No. Oh.

I'd imagine that the red came from the mirror and the blue came from the commissary or some version of that. Well, the red is probably the blood drops from the moat. Correct. And then the blue is, yeah, probably paint. So just FYI, the red and the blue was up closer to where you all entered on the northern side, like under the painting and under the mirror. Oh, they weren't at the T. Correct. Okay. Okay. Blue is probably the paint. So we're looking at a west or east direction. East had a stairway that went up and west. West has a stairway that goes up. East is just an open path.

So let's go west. Seems like Graff only just went to the convent area over and over and didn't really find anything else. Yeah, let's go west on that staircase. Yeah, so you all begin heading west. The stairs go up maybe 10 feet, and then the top of the stairs rounds a corner southward and looks into a room where you hear the clanging of metal and the buzzing of wood. Are we at a door? Yeah, so after the passage turns south, the passage continues for another 30 feet, and there is no door. It just goes straight into an open room.

What's in it? You all walk up to it and it's a large chamber filled with the clanging and banging of construction repairs being performed on furniture, jewelry, clothing. There's two rows of four work benches, each tailored seemingly to different trades and crafts. In the northeast corner you spy one of the tables is paint-stained and turned on its side. Along the western wall is an upright unfinished coffin.

And to the south is a door. And then to the east is an open passage. Where's the coffin? It's along the western wall. And the painting was on the north. And you said that they're repairing? Or is this just like the manufacturing wing? Is it ringing? I just don't know if these are battlers. Yeah, it seems like it's battlers toiling away on stuff. And it seems like they are repairing things as opposed to creating things, to answer your question, Chip. Can I walk up to a battler, the one that's working on the desk? Yeah. Is there something?

Is there a specific craft you want to investigate? I guess the carpenter who's doing the table. Yeah. Hey, Jesus. He looks around.

Me? No, I'm... Bad joke. Just a friend of his. Yeah. I see you're working on this table. What happened to it? Why are you repairing it? What happened? It's a gnome who's working on it, and he looks up at you, and he says... Someone fell on the table and cracked the leg, so I'm just trying to repair it. Oh. Oh, okay. Uh...

Do you know who that someone was? Or like, is this your trade as a carpenter? Not really typical me. I'm typically out there on the field, you know, breaking monster legs. I don't often repair them unless I'm summoned to. But yeah, no, I just got summoned to fix this table. I've been known to do some carpentry on the side. Probably heard of me. Beowarg, kind of a big deal. As I said, slain many creatures, kind of a hero around these parts. Does Helga recognize anyone in here?

Make a perception check. Oh, yeah. Say Bailorg. Bailorg. I only rolled a nine. No, you know that these are all, it seems like they're all battlers, but none of them stand out to you. Maybe try. Maybe try.

A few of them stop and look at you. They turn and look at you, and then they look at each other, and then get back to work. Mind your business. Barb fully bares all her teeth when she's making that sound. It's a very teethy sound. It's great. Bail work, I'm a little turned around here. So is this just like the repair, you know, manufacturing wing of the Vampire, Vampire? Maintenance. Yeah, what is this? This is a workshop. This is where we fix things in the Vampire.

Who broke the table? Whose table is it? I don't know. I just get summoned to fix things every once in a while. You know, when I'm available, it's when I'm not off on a mission, doing important things, saving the kingdom, all that, you know. Who summoned you? It's the counts. So do you go up and get the stuff from them, or do they bring it down to you to fix? Of course we go up and get it. Yeah, okay. So you know how to get up there to Dracula's place.

and all those places up there? Yeah, good luck. The stairway. The stairway? Right where? To the east. Yeah, he just points vaguely to the east. Okay, thank you. That's helpful. Can I look at the painting? Did I say there was a painting? Wasn't it like turned on its side or something? There's a paint stain table on its side. Paint stain. Got it. Thank you. Can I see if... This is a bit of a stretch.

Is the paint from... What's his face? Graf. Graf. Is this Graf's paint? Give yourself an inspiration die if you don't have one. All the paint supplies are missing. The table's just stained with paint and it's turned over on its side. Graf's a little borrower.

Oh. Interesting. Craft might not be... Now, you know, he's trying to make his way in this vampire world. He wants to paint Dracula to prove his worth. Could Barney look at the coffin and see how big it is? And also if it has a name or anything or like embroidery? Do you want to see if it fits you?

No. It's getting about that time. We got to make the preparations. He already has a coffin and he's already in it. Do you remember? No. Yeah, I will get to that with you in just a second, Barney. Let me do one thing I forgot to do here real fast. Bail War pulls you in a little close, Chip. Hey, we're real busy here. You think you could lend a hand?

Oh yeah, absolutely. What can I do for you? We have a lot we need to get done. We could use some help cleaning up some clothing, delivering some letters to the aviary, or you could do something about this darn rat infestation. They're overrunning us. It's ridiculous. That'd be great.

I'll deliver letters. That sounds fun. I'm always wanting to be a mailman. He shoves three letters into your hands. Take these over to the aviary. Make sure they're delivered. You got it. Where's the aviary? Again, he points vaguely in the easterly direction. Who are the letters addressed to and from? They have no writing on them. They're just in sealed envelopes with like a wax seal and there's nothing, no writing on them. In the sigil, there's no like thing on the wax seal. They all have the Vania sigil.

Should we not ask about the rat infestation? I feel like that's important. We'll resolve you? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, the coffin. Yeah, I'm going to hit the coffin here real fast. So you were trying to see if it had a name on it or something. Do you want to make a perception or investigation check? A perception it is. 14.

You give me an option, I'm going for the one with a higher modifier. You notice that there's no name on it. It doesn't seem to be personalized. It's, you know, it's roughly, it's a little bigger than you, Barney. But you notice that there are many nails sticking out of it. It's really weird that it has that many nails. Maybe it's poor quality. Maybe it's broken. Who knows? Maybe it's a kink. Maybe it's an Iron Maiden. Nails sticking out of it. Maybe it's Maybelline. Maybe it's Maybelline.

Like inward or like out of it? Like not fully driven in and some that have been driven in all the way and are coming up the other side. Who made, who's this? Is anyone around who's working on it? Isn't Barney a carpenter? He has some carpenter. Yeah. Remember the heart thing? Yeah. You could ask Bailorg. Bailorg. Because Bailorg was doing carpentry. Yeah. What's the deal with this coffin? Why is it so poorly made? Oh, that's for no one in particular. That's just an old relic.

Old relic from who? It's been there for as long as I can remember. And it recently broke? It's just been there. I don't know. It's just been there. You guys haven't fixed it. You aren't doing a good job. No one works on it. There's no work order for it. Does it look like it's been...

used for lack of a better word. Dusty? Does it look like someone laid in it for a while? Like a dead body or a body or any... It's very dusty. Can I go in it? Do it. Do it. Yeah. Do you like sit in it or stand in it? Yeah, I just go... Is it propped up or is it laying down? Careful of the nails. You're very injured right now. Oh. Don't do it.

I very carefully step inside of it. I'm trying to see Gus' face. And I cross my arms. Make a dexterity check with advantage because you specified you're being very careful. Very excited. That's a... A... A 20. All right, yeah. You very carefully get into it because the nails are rusty and sticking out everywhere. You managed to avoid the one point of damage I was going to give you. My teeth go stuff and he goes, Boo! And it seems like it's a pretty solid fit for you. Hmm.

Hmm. Okay. Make it an investigation check. Oh. I'm trying to see if this is like some sort of weird portal or something. I spy 18. The weird thing is it won't move. Like when you get in and out of it, it's like it's affixed. Right. It's like affixed to the wall maybe. It's just not rotating at all. Can I like...

see if there's like a doorway hidden behind it. Or should we close it? Grooves perhaps? Oh yeah, close it. Yeah, as you all are looking at it, three Sfratu walk in to the workshop from the northern entrance, where the entrance you all came in from. And they look around the room. Everyone make a either like, I guess like a stealth check or a deception check. I'll leave it up to you all. I will do stealth. Oh,

Oh, it's now, but I have advantage. I will do deception. Nat 20, 27. Don't see me. Don't perceive me. I'm not even here. 15. 19. 16, but I might have something. I have something if I fail it. I have a thing. That was with your advantage? Yes. They like survey the room, look around. They look at you for a second, Elka, and then they turn and exit the room to the eastern corridor. Okay.

How did you, like, grow up in this place with those dudes creeping around? I didn't really see them very much. I haven't really been in this area of the Vellum Spire. They're spookies. Anyway, so now that they've left the room, what are we all doing with this coffin? Closing the door. Yeah, close me in. Ha ha ha ha ha. Look at me. I am in the coffin. Time to go nannies. Nannies. It's like we're a bunch of tourists taking pictures in here. You all close it and nothing seems to happen. It gets dark for you, Chip.

We open the door and go, all right, Chip, smile. Go. So nothing happened. Yeah. When they open it or yeah. Okay. Can we open it? Yeah. You open it up and there's Chip. And I hiss at him. Does Chip feel any different or look any different? Make a perception check, Elgin.

21. Good old Chip. Good. Barney, tap the walls around it to see if it echoes like as if there's a chamber behind it or below it. Like if it's hollow? Yeah, like...

Yeah, make a... Let's call that an investigation check. There's got to be something in this coffin. There's got to be. Nat 20. Wow. It's all solid stone, so it's hard to tell. It's a solid stone wall, so it's not like knocking on drywall or wood where you can tell if it's hollow. It's all stone. Can we do another little, like... Elga was able to find that little latch. Can we do another little investigate-y? Yeah, groovy. Like walking your fingers around it? Scrapes.

Yeah, whoever wants to do that can make an investigation check. I'll pitch in. Maybe this thing is just so old it's like solidified itself to the wall just from time. 14. 9. Yeah, it doesn't seem like the coffin moves. It does seem like it's a fix. There's no scrapes on the floor from it moving out of the way like the other secret door that you found. Is this a red herring? Are they messing with us? I think we should.

Yeah, move on, groove on. Okay. Chip puts his hands up straight and kind of does a hover walk over to Barney. Roll me a dexterity check, Chip. Is this for him to see if he scrapes on his way out? Dexterity check. Are you leaving gently and carefully? He didn't say that. No, he said he was messing around. What'd you roll? What'd you roll? What'd you roll?

Yeah, yeah you you goofing around trying to get out of the coffin and you step on a nail and it goes up through your shoe One point of damage to chip Yeah

Chip is at zero hit points. This is so good. I go down. Can I... This is so good. Try and stabilize him. Yeah, you're able to stabilize him there. So he stays at what? Zero and can't move? Correct, unless he gets some kind of healing. Do you have healing?

I genuinely don't have anything to help. Since you're stabilizing him, Barney, make a medicine check. If you roll a nat 20, then yeah, it comes up to one. I rolled a 20, but not a nat 20. So he's at zero. Here's what I'll do. We could just leave him here.

Just close the door. They never mess with this coffin. Do it. Just do it. You're like in limbo, like in the afterlife. All you hear is the ringing of hammers from the workshop. Carol, I'm coming, baby. I'm going to cast aid. What does that do? Is a permanent increase of HP for eight hours.

on three creatures. Oh, how much we get? Chip gets five. Wee! Barney gets five. I don't care. It's so fun. Do you live in on the... I would like some.

Why not? I mean, I was going to give it to Mateed. Oh, yeah, you should give it to Mateed. And Mateed gets five. In case they touch a screw or something like that. Guys, really quick, I need to go to the bunk. No! Oh, there's an ATM here. Yes! Bail Warg sees you all doing all this and kind of, like, shouts over. You guys need a hammer?

Wait. Mind your business! Oh, the nails! Yeah, we do actually. Yes, give me the hammer. Just don't throw it! Throw it, I dare you. He hands you a hammer. Here you go, don't drop it. Be careful, this thing, I killed like six monsters with this just last week. How many nails? Lots? He doesn't hand you a nail. No, there's already nails in there. No, in the coffin. Oh, there's lots of them. I hammer the ones that are sticking out.

Yeah, you hammer one of the nails and the first one you hammer in, immediately the back of the coffin opens up.

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But next year, it'll be something else. Maybe dinosaurs? I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller. But I can tell you not to spend a fortune and shop low prices for school on Amazon. Okay, good chat. Amazon, spend less, smile more. Yes, what's inside? It's hard to see. It's very dim. It's candle lit. Give me my hammer back. I hand it back. I hand it back. I don't... Did you guys really never find this after...

coffin with nails that are loose all this time. No one's ever tried to fix the nail. He just smiles at you and shrugs. Oh, he messing with us. I got really good eyesight right now, so I go into the thing.

But, dude, I'm just telling you now, if you find a cool knife, I call dibs. So you look in and it's a quaint candlelit library with a rather empty bookcase on the western wall and two chewed up couches, one to the north and another to the south. There's currently two battlers sitting on the couches reading. What? They knew about this. This is their little break room. They kind of look up at you then look back down at their books. Is this your break room? One of them looks up and just kind of like nods and gets back to reading. What?

What's your reading? He holds the cover of the book up to your face. It says, Ales from the Stinky Dragon. That's funny. All right, now tell me every book on the shelf. Great. It's a miasmatic manual of mixology for beginner bartenders. I'm hoping to be a bartender one day. Oh, what's your name? It's a cookbook. Cardinal. Cardinal. We can go to the chapter that we're in and look and see what we're supposed to go to. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't get it. It's a Kenku. So he's looking at, he looks at Mateed and then he looks back in his book. Oh, Kenku too. I don't like Kenkus. You guys are like distant relatives. Kenkus, bird people.

I go to the empty bookshelf. It's rather empty. There are some books on it, but it's not a well-stocked library. That's the only bookshelf? Yeah. That's not a good library, dude. Can I borrow that letter? Ladder? The letter. Ladder. I've got three. Sure. Could I take them and kind of off the side open them?

That's illegal. He's breaking the seal? Yeah. Ripping the, not the seal, but ripping the paper. Chip acts like he doesn't see this. Okay, yeah. You open one up. Yeah. And then as you open it, the entire letter and envelope poofs and disappears into red mist. Well, I can't mend it. Marnie, Marnie, Marnie. Can I try and mend it? What are you going to mend? The atoms. You know.

I'll take the other letters back. Thank you, Barney. I'm just going to put all those little electrons and protons back. Wow. Most letters are able to be mended. Cardinal looks up and says, Shh, I stay back. Oh, no, that's the Kinkoo's job. Yeah, I know. I'm playing their game.

Yeah, I could do this too. Ah, asserting dominance. Are there any grooves on the wall or can I like move some of the books around to see if there's another secret latch? Just chip going up to the bookshelf and just shaking it. Yeah. Yeah, make an investigation check. Okay.

I will go with my investigative partner. That's a 13. 17. No, doesn't seem anything suspicious about it. Nothing out of the ordinary. No manga? No, just took a couple of books on there, but no, nothing with drawings. Two couches, one dude? Oh, wait, there is one with drawings. What? Yeah. Is it Demon Slayer? You see... Is it X-Men? Uh...

Nice. Give yourself an expiration date if you don't have one, John. There's a book that's filled with drawings. It's Fantastic Beasts and How to Cook Them. Oh, good lord. It's a graphic cookbook dealing with monstrous recipes. Well... Where are we? We went... We went out of the workshop. West of the workshop. Into a secret coffin room.

Well, they did. When we asked where the counts were bringing or to go to the counts, they pointed to the east. So maybe we should just continue that way instead. I'm with Elga. I step through the coffin door carefully. Is there anything else in this room besides the bookcase and the...

No, just a couple of couches and a couple of battlers reading, taking the load off. It's like a break room. Yeah. Yeah, which we asked them about already. Did you confirm just one dude? Two. Two. Who's the other dude? It's an older elf lady. She's like mean mugging you, giving you a side eye. Wait, do I recognize her? Make a history check with advantage. We should see if you recognize either of them. We got 14. Do you think you've seen her in the past? Do you remember her being very mean? Hmm.

You know her as Mrs. Lofty Bottom. She's great. Mrs. Lofty Bottom. That's as fun as we're all good to say. My favorite Queen song. Is she like some type of nanny or teacher or like servant? All you remember about her is that she loves cats. She's a battlerette.

Oh, do you want to share that information maybe? Hey, my dude, that's Mrs. Loftybottom. She's not very nice, but she loves cats. So maybe if we're trying to ask these people questions, you could show them Gigi. Oh, I do a little like magic trick and like twiddle my fingers around my... Your talent. My talent. No, my hands. And then out comes Gigi and he does a little mew. She looks very lovingly at the cat, but then like...

like gives you a disgusted look, Mateed. Well, that's not necessary. She looks back in her book. I put, I put Gigi right up to her and be like, would you like to pet the kitty? You seem like you're having a bad day. Petting a kitty always makes me feel good. Except for when my wife dies, it doesn't really solve that. She looks at you, Chip, and says, between you and me.

Oh, that's very interesting. Delga, that's- Why is that just between you guys? That's pretty relevant, Delga. Uh, Madame Bottom, we're trying to find our way to the top of the tower to find our friend's residence. Do you help us maybe with some information on how to find that? She, like, claps her hands. Sue! Get out! I'm ready to give- to- to- to serve this woman's demands. I hiss at her. That's my friend! Hey! Hey!

Get your bad facts out of here. Is it his because she likes cats? Between you and me, I don't like you. Well, I don't like you either. You and that Ken over there. What's wrong with the Kinku? Oh. She's got a book? Yes. I smacked the book out of her hand. Oh. It's from you. She looks at you, Elga. I don't care about your bad facts. It's your predator's disease. It's one of their bad facts.

Why are you talking to me when you've been so mean to me in the past? Miss Lofty Bottom. She like narrows her eyes. Oh, fun breath, right? Correct. She picks her book up and then goes back to reading it. Interesting. You know. Interesting reaction. This lady's bringing down the mood for the whole party. I'll take another disc. I think we let her mellow in her bad vibes, gang. We're not going to let her bring us down, Miss Tootie Bottom. All right. Well, thank you for your time.

Mateek kills her. I wanted to leave one of the more apples. As you all are turning to leave, Barney, she grabs you and says, Hey, don't forget! Like cats!

I never forget. Could never forget such a thing. All right. Should we go to the east corridor that they kept motioning towards? So just to remind you, when you're in the workshop, there is a door to the south and then an open passage corridor to the east. Okay. Let's go.

Let's go east. Did we come in through the door? We came in from the north. There was no door. We went to the coffin to the west. And then there's to the east from the workshop is what he's describing. Oh, there's passageways to the east from the workshop? Yes. And that's the one that...

BULL-WURG, BALL, BALL, BAIL-WURG, BAIL-WURG was referencing. Yeah, and they're kind of pointing. I thought it meant back down the stairs. Where we were supposed to take our three letters. But also there's like, well, I thought Minding would be a good solution. There's also a door, though. Do we want to just really quick bit by? Because we got a key. BAIL-WURG! Yeah. Let's do that door. That's a closet. What do you keep in there? Junk.

Cool. I look in there. One man junk is another man's treasure, you know? You open up the closet to give a little peek in. Out comes a giant dog named Junk. It rips the chip apart. Doing exactly five points of damage. Yeah, so you walk over and open up the door. Make a dexterity saving throw, Chip. No.

Gus is trying to kill Blaine's character. Not 2025. Right as you open it up, the door opens and then just like a huge pile of junk just falls out. Filling up the room, the area right in front of it with a bunch of useless things. Then right as you do that, you know, it makes a loud noise. Two Sferatu walk in from the eastern passageway that y'all were just about to go to. I say, Miss Lofty Bottom, you gotta stop opening the junk drawer. Goodness me, clean this up.

Miss Lofty Bottom. Miss Lofty Bottom did this. Make a deception check. Miss Lofty Bottom did this. Everyone else can also either make a deception check or a stealth check if you want to try to hide yourself. You have inspiration. Yeah, I rolled an 11, but I'm going to roll an inspiration on that one. I'm doing another stealth check. I rolled a 9. I rolled a 1. 14. To make a 3. On what? Deception. I did a 7. 7.

Only one of us had said we should just go through the east corridor. If only. I would have had you all bump right into them in the eastern corridor there. Yeah, it would happen. Yeah, they hear all the noise and their eyes immediately turn to that closet and they walk straight over to you all. Bonjour. Identify yourselves. My name Elga. Madame, you are okay. And these are my friends, Elga's friends. Who are they? Elga's friends. What are they doing here? Being Elga's friends. Okay.

Visiting Elga. Distracts. Why are you in Zedelsadok? Shouldn't you be upstairs? Oh, you know, I'm being childlike and exploring, you know, as children, young, very young children do. Full of wonder, you know. Yeah. Just being a little curious. I'll let you make a deception check with advantage. What's Elga's deception modifier? Plus four. Nice. That's what ships is. 18. Yeah. We say that, Gustavo. All right.

Take this dare well. Don't spend too much time down here with your friends. Okay, thank you. I'll go spend thank you too. Say thank you. Merci beaucoup. Blah. Vampires. They leave the room exiting out the northern passage. Chris just nodded silently on an audio podcast. In my canon right there, Barney was going to play as if he was a mute. So if they talked to him, he would have just gestured or written like, I guess, you know. Yep. That was his plan. There you go.

The mute on the podcast. It works. Well, we are describing it very thoroughly to the audience. Yes.

All right, we go down the corridor. You're just going to leave all that clutter out there? I may slough the bottom. All right, all right. I mean, that's up to you. I do a little, like, two fingers on the eyes, two fingers on bellwugs. I'm like, I see you. I see what you're doing. Barney, look at the clutter. See if there's anything that might be of note. Of note? I mean, there's a well-chewed femur. I mean, you could probably use that as a club. That might be worth something. A well-chewed femur. Yeah. It's a bone. Okay. Okay.

I'll take that. Oh, there's another weapon. What? There's a sword, but it's twisted into a pretzel. Okay. That's fun. Pretzord. Like...

Purposefully done so or no it was by accident There's been multiple murders this episode and one just happened

I'll take my femur and get it. So that's it. A pretzel sword and a femur. I mean, there's some candles. There's a broom. And this is all the junk? Yeah. Why don't we just shove it in like Sherry Bobbins did on The Simpsons? Yeah, you can do that. I want to get going down the east. You're going to kind of like reset it how it was. Just kind of shove everything back in and close the door. Can I just take the broom?

Yeah, it's made of wolf whiskers. If you cut every corner, it is really not so bad. Yeah, you all shove all the clutter back into the closet and very quickly close the door for the next unsuspecting person. To the east. To the window. I was thinking that too. To the stairs. I'm going to start listening to Elga more. It's almost as if this is my place. It's almost as if it is. You walk out the passageway to the east and it kind of,

dead ends and then there's a corridor that goes out to the left to the north and then a door to your right to the south. So like we hit a fork? Correct. This isn't that hallway on the east that we saw, right? No, no, you're further south from there. So like I said, there's a door to

to the south, and then the corridor continues to the north, and you can see that there are a couple of branches off to the north in various directions, left and right. Let's keep heading south. Like, into that corridor? Why not? To the south, it's a door. There's a wooden door, and it's got a word carved into it. What does the word say? It says bestiary. Bestiary. Oh. That's where they keep the beasts.

Very good, Barney. Where would we be without you, Barney? Probably further along this treacherous path. One plus one letter. Yeah. I say we possibly avoid that one. I like animals. Yeah.

Never mind, let's go inside. Do we hear any noises through the door? Yeah, what kind of sounds? You hear like the moving, like the rattling of chains. Oh, like things are being chained down. Should we check what the north leads to? He said it branches off into a few places. Yeah. If you go north, there's immediately a branch to the east. And then a little north of that, there's a branch to the west. And then even further at the end of the corridor is a branch to the east. So that's a three-way. Oh, good Lord, my dude. Oh.

All right. It's winding past. It's a good thing Barney thought to make a map. I have one. I'm making one.

I'm okay. I feel like my map almost is like hurting me more than helping me. Yeah, one time we did this in the Infinite Campaign and I ended up just, I think, making it harder for myself. Yeah. Okay. Gonna fall on my gut. My chip gut. The first path to the east. What does that lead to? If we go north. Northeast. Yeah, go north and then look down that first path to the east. You see it's a descending staircase that ends in a T intersection going north and south. Good. Any signage in this place? No. No.

And then the... We're just like going down and tracing our steps. And so if we go back and go to the west, which is the only western one from this corridor, where does that go to? I think we have to make some choices here, guys. I thought there was two paths to the west. Were there not? There was one to the... You came from one that went to the west. Yeah, and then it came to a hallway. And the south was the bestiary.

and then north were all these off paths, right? -Correct. There's two to the east and one to the west. -Gotcha. -The one to the west, it's staircases that lead down and then the corridor turns to the north. -I say we go upwards. We need up progression. -By up, you mean south? -Oh, no, no, no. -Upstairs. -Which of these stairways-- I haven't been keeping track of that. Which of these stairways have been going upwards? -The one to the east.

When you came out this way, then you turned north and the first one immediately to the east, it does go up slightly. Let's try. Yeah, let's go that way. Let's try. So we're at a T. We'll get to a T that goes north-south, right? Correct. It's a T intersection that goes north and south. From there, there's a descending staircase to the north that seems to turn to the west.

And then to your south, the corridor goes a little bit and there's a door there. And that goes up a little bit to the south? No, you said descending? Descending is... Descending staircase to the north, then to the south. There's no stairs there. It's just the corridor continues. So I say south then. Okay, let's go to the door. Yeah, there's a wooden door here. Is it locked? You can open it. A sign? Does it got a sign? No sign. No sign. Any sounds? Listen. Check for traps. If you want to listen, make a perception check. If you want to check for traps, make an investigation check. Okay. All right.

Let's double team it. I'm going to do perception. I got higher perception. I'll do perception. I'm not even going to bother telling you my role. 23. 21. 16 investigation. I was just sitting in the hall with her fingers in her ears going, blah, blah, blah. Planning to kill Miss Lottie Bottom. She's now number one on my list. You don't detect any traps. When you listen, you feel like you can hear almost like the scraping of chains every now and then, and then footsteps. I must be doing the monster mash in there.

It was a graveyard smash. Or some sort of vile torture chamber. I open the door.

You open the door and it's a rather confined room smelling of copper with crimson stained floors. And there's a stack of barrels to the north and to the south. Obviously from the north side, you all just enter through a door. And then to the east is a swinging double door. And then to the west is like an open corridor that seems to lead down. Is there someone in here? Currently, no. And it's crim- There's copper with crimson stained floors. Smelling of copper with crimson stained floors. That'd be blood. That's-

Yeah, because blood typically has like a coppery smell, right? But he looks up. There's a stone ceiling about 20 feet overhead. Could I look in one of the barrels? Yeah. You go over to the barrels and it seems like there's a liquid inside of it. Could I tell if it's blood? It smells like blood to you. Okay. Could I taste it? Yeah. Okay.

Dip a little thingy in there. Barney looks away. You know, the barrels have, you know, lids on the top and the bottom. They're laying on their side, and there's like a little cork stopper in the side. You open it up, and it's just like filled to the brim. You give it a little taste. Ooh. Yeah. Goat blood. Hmm. Goat blood. Goat blood. Oh, no. Remember that mountain goat we saw?

R.I.P. Is there a... Now he's alive. Is there a chain on the floor anywhere or anything? No, but as that moment, as you're looking around, a battler wanders in from that western corridor, leading a tethered goat into the room. Just the man we were looking for. Hey, you. He kind of looks up at you and then looks back down, continuing on his way. Where do we... Where's stairs? Oh, a little turned around. We're from...

Scamsylvania. I like how you're just telling people where you're from even though they're not questioning you at all. Master of deception.

Our rogue. It's a dwarf who's wandered in with this goat. And he says, Does he indicate where when he says this? I was told to take that goat. He looks at you and then looks at the goat. He just kind of shrugs his shoulders and gives you the chain that's leading the goat and then wanders back to the west. Thank you. A new friend. Hello, goat.

And they wanted to die. That is your goat now, Barney. That goat will not survive this campaign. Everyone, you get a pet. Congratulations. Did I recognize that, Battler? Make a history check with advantage. Oh, my God. I rolled two ones. Oh, no. No, it didn't seem familiar to you. I think that was your dad. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I think I didn't say this. It's a really big goat. It's a giant goat. Oh, no. Like horse-sized riding goat? Yeah, it's probably about that size. Wow. Okay. Get a lot of blood out of that guy. Okay.

Like mileage. You pat it on the back. Wow, that's a lot of blood. A lot of goat power in there. Here's the problem that's going to arise from this new companion. We are trying to blend in, yeah. We are trying to seem like we are counts of this area, and I do not think walking around with the foot on the chain. I don't think so. The dwarf wanders back into the room from the west, this time with a chain leading a giant brown bear. I'll let him keep that one.

He doesn't even look at you all. He walks over to the center of the room and he slices open a vein and begins draining blood from the bear into a barrel. Bummer. Anyways. Let's leave this place. Should we go through those double doors? Yeah. To the east? Yeah, it looks like it's swinging double doors to the east. And that's not where they came in. You said the west is where they came in. Correct. This one came in from the west. I feel like that is connected to the bestiary, the one to the west. Yeah, we made a circle. We should go east. Okay.

Okay, yeah, double doors. Elga, you said you were going through first, right? Yeah. Which double door do you go through, the left side or the right side? I swing them both equally open in the middle. And then Chip makes like little like spurs. She's a little cowgirl. You ain't seen none of this in this town here, folks. Are you taking the goat with you, Barney? Yes. Okay. We are now going to be rolling at disadvantage on every check we do. I don't know what we did.

Marnie, I don't know if we should take that through here. It might be hard to navigate. They can't leave it here. The dwarf begins leading the bear back out to the west. Oh, so it lives. He just gets a little bit of blood out of it. Yeah. He's fine. Can I pull Chip aside really quick? Hey there. Hey, it's Chip 80. How you doing? Chip and I are going to have a moment, okay? Okay. Chip. Hey. If we kill this goat, the goat won't be a problem anymore. Oh.

Which means Barney won't be a problem anymore. At this point. You're not part of this. I wash my hands of this. I don't want any part. I will distract Barney. And you will do what you do best. Kill goat.

Barney, make an animal handling check. Oh, God. It's going to kick Barney, isn't it? That's a 17. Oh, okay. Yeah. The goat's really stubborn. It doesn't want to follow you, but you managed to get it to continue to follow you. It's fine. It's fine. Let's just go. So, Elga, you push open both doors and walk through. You nearly hit a battler who's coming out in the opposite direction. But they definitely dodge out of the way at the last second. Say, oh, we're careful. And they keep going. They keep walking past you. My apologies. You know what?

I'm very familiar with these parts of the castle town area.

Spire. You know, you burst through the swinging doors and you find yourself in a large dining hall bustling with a cacophonous carousal. There's two long tables running parallel through the center of the room, occupied by probably a dozen or so battlers all sipping from rusty goblets. To the north, there's a few tapped barrels resting on a bench next to some empty goblets. No outlet? There is a door to the east. So like on the opposite side of where we came in. Correct.

You guys want to head to that door? Do I recognize anyone in here? Make a history check with advantage. Are the battlers vamps? Make the call. I don't know. Because if they're eating blood, what are they eating? They're drinking out of rusty goblins. I mean, I assume they're bats or like some type. Well, he said there was a gnome and there was a dwarf. Yeah. Maybe it's just all they eat. Like, that's all they have. They have no choice. I don't know. Interesting. I don't think I recognize anyone, but just in case they go, ee.

No response. Oh, it's gonna happen. What was his name? Quiffler? Quaffler? Quiffly. Quiffly. Quiffly. Quiffly. Quiffly. Yeah, you do not recognize anyone, Ilka. Did you ever feed Quiffly? It was not my responsibility. He could take care of himself. He didn't water her. She didn't blood her Quiffly before she left.

Try explaining that phrase to anybody who doesn't listen to this podcast. Yeah. As you all are standing there, two Sfratu walk in from the room you all were just in, coming in through the double doors. They nearly bump into you. Again? Me, Elga, remember with my friends? Same ones? No, these are different ones.

What are you doing down here? They look at you, Elka. Again, just exploring, you know, like kids do. Elka, are you lost? Barney, make an animal handling check. Okay. Chip is turning his back to just kind of join a group.

group of battlers. 23. Hoofer's great. I love Hoofer. Hoofer's about to let a loud, really loud bleed out, but you like kind of hold his mouth and keep him from making too much noise. I thought you said he was going to bleed out. No, bleat. He's like, no, so he bleats. That's so funny. Yeah, no,

I'm just a little lost. Could you guys actually help me get back to my chambers? I'll say make a deception check with advantage, because you're not entirely lying. Okay. There's a 23. A 23. Wow. They look rather annoyed with you, and they just kind of point vaguely to the northeast and turn around and leave out to the west. Okay.

I imagine these guys just kind of hover, right? They just got like a creepy little gate to them. So that could be through that door maybe. Or where we first started in the initial hallway where we could have just gone to the east down that corridor. And instead we went to the west. Were they motioning in the room towards the end of the room? But it seemed more like they were pointing in a direction rather than something in the room. Oh. Well,

Well, there's a door on the opposite side of this. Let's go east. Which is to the east. Let's boogie, gang. Let's go through there. Anything of interest in here to anybody? No. Pretzel weapons? Hopefully this is not the area where the red wedding happens. You guys would love that. As you're walking through, one of the battlers tugs at you, Chip. Does he tug my tail? He tugs on your cloak. Oh, okay. Ah, ha!

Hey there. Hey, you're the guy that's taking the letters to the aviary, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm a bit turned around. Where is the aviary? He points to the north. Actually, he points to the northwest. Okay. He goes, hey, can you all do any more work? Can you do any work for me? What do you got? What do you got? We need to get rid of some...

some carcasses from the bestiary, take them over to the refusiary. Mm-hmm. So many side quests. Could use some help, maybe, you know. He looks around, makes sure the Sfratu have left the room. You could sneak into the scryery, see what the Sfratu are up to over there, see if we can figure out some stuff. I look for approval from the gang. What are we feeling about this, guys? Let's in it for us. We get to sneak in and listen to the Sfratu.

If you help out, I could maybe get you into the dregs. Maybe hook you up with some hemo pieces. He just named four new places. Or if you could do something about these gosh darn rats. And he kicked the rat from under the table. I stabbed the rat. What's up with the rats? I don't know. They're everywhere. They're making the creatures in the bestiary sick. When did they start chilling up? It seems like it's gotten especially worse in the last month. And you don't know where they're coming from?

No, if you could help find them, that would be so appreciated. I can tell you what, we will definitely kill any rats that we see along the way. How does that sound? Great. As far as the bestiary and the refusiary, if it's on our way, absolutely. But we kind of got a thing to do. I already got my hands full with these letters. All right, well, you might be interested in the dregs, that's all. What is the dregs? You know, the black market.

Is that here in the spire? Yeah, you know, it is. Is it up or down? I don't know. If you do me a favor, maybe I can tell you. And what's this guy's name? So many NPCs. The name's Twinty Wayne. Count Twinty Wayne. What? Count? Are you a battler? Count Twinty Wayne. Is he a battler? Make a perception check. Yeah, is he dressed? I'm going to check on this, too. You better check. I got a nine. I got a seven. I got a 12. Elga, you know this is a battler. This is not a

They're all messing with us. These little, these little. He's got a very dilapidated, like a very threadbare torn cloak on. I think, I think these battlers are from Scamsylvania. Can I, I can get Hoofer to help us carry the bodies. I,

Again, I say if we bump into the bestiary and we're just kind of, it's on our way, then yeah, let's do it. Let's go to the bestiary. Okay. Pennsylvania sounds great. So we'll have to backtrack then to go back to the bestiary? Yeah, just right over there. He points me to the west. I'm very insistent about this rat problem and it is involved in the bestiary. Maybe we should investigate. Okay. Two birds, one stone. Oh, sorry. That's a bad state of the scene. Miss Lofty Bottom would be your friend. Yeah.

We go. Miss Lofty Bottom. We know what channels you watched on TV. We go west and west, I guess, through the room that smells like copper into the beast here. Correct. Yeah. All right.

All right, let's go. What's your marching order? Elga first. Elga, when you get to the double doors, which one do you go through? The right one. You go through the right door and someone's coming through the other side at the exact same moment and you bump into each other. Garner! But if they're coming the other side, would I not bump into them? Yeah, he's saying that you passed. They came in on the same side Elga's trying to go out of. They tried to open the left door for them. Correct. Yeah, they bump right into you and you take... What?!

Were they just running around with swords forward? They're running in with food. You take three points of bludgeoning damage. Pretzel swords. Pretzel swords. Pretzel swords on a tray. The battler's holding their nose going... Do they take any points of damage? Yes. Oh, their nose is bloody. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Okay, no need to cry. Left, left. You left the room. Okay, okay, okay. Thank you. I'm sorry. I was just...

I did a little bit of spinning before and now just a little dizzy and I think I just went through the wrong door. You know, kid stuff. The battler continues on their way. Okay. Let's go to the bestiary, which was... Yeah, you walk to the west, which takes you back into the cellar. And then from there, that's the room that that battler was bringing creatures in. Yeah. From that room to the west of there. Yeah. Right. A ramp. A ramp.

Okay, let's go down the ramp to the bestiary. Yes, I'm safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can leave the code here. Yeah, you walk further west and it's a large cool chamber reeking of fecal fetidness with straw covering the floor stocked with stacked cages confining various creatures along the western wall. To the east on the side you entered from, there's chains and metal harnesses hanging on the wall, a steaming cauldron of topaz liquid, and this ramp leading to the cellar that you came from.

Are there any bodies? Like, because they said they wanted to dispose of bodies. That was a separate thing, I think. That was in the bestiary, though, right? Yeah, make a... Was it? Yeah, make a perception check. We had to go from bestiary to refusiary, is what you're saying. And the rats were a problem in the bestiary, too. Yeah, they're everywhere. 17. You notice that some of the cages have dead creatures in them. Poor thing. No.

Could I, like, looking at the way the floor's laid out, does it look like blood and bodies are dragged towards a particular place? Oh, that's really astute. Make an investigation check. Five. Yeah, it's hard to tell with all the straw on the floor. I'd like to look for holes that rats would be entering through. Yeah, you find, like, various missing stones. Oh, never mind. Make an investigation check. I already found it. You messed up. Yes.

Seven. No, there's no rats here. Oh, dang it. Are there any rats in the room with us? Are the rats in the room with us now? Are the rats in the room with us as we speak? You see one rat chewing on some straw. I shoot at it with my crossbow. Make an attack roll. Okay. Miss. 18. Yeah, it hits. Why do you want him to miss? We can see where it runs. Yeah, you skewer the rat and it falls over dead. Okay.

Very good folly. Do we see where the refusary entrance or whatever is? So, you know, you came from the east, so you know that the cellar's over there. You see a door to the north, and you know that that must be the other side of the door you saw previously that said bestiary on it. So those are the only two exits from this room. You can make an investigation check for me, Chip. So we have found a circle is what we have found. Yeah.

That's a 15. You think you see drag marks leading to that northern door. All right, gang, let's get our hands dirty. Drag marks? Like, as in bodies have been dragged. Yeah, so the refusory must be to the north. Okay, so maybe if we go down to that west path, it'll take us there. Maybe.

Or there's another, because there was another east path. Correct. Further down. What sort of bodies are in the cage? In one of the cages, you see a dead giant goat. And in another one, you see a dead elf. A dead elf? Yes. Bummer. Do we hear any squeakings or any mice noises? Make a perception check.

Ooh, 19. You don't hear any other scurrying or rat noises. Do we actually need to be disposing of these batteries or should we just be following this path? I think we should follow the path. Yeah, I feel like the battlers are just trying to do their work. Yeah, and we are supposed to be counts and we are not supposed to be doing slowly work. A count asked you to help. No, he did not. No, he did not. I had a bad vibe about that guy. All right, let's go to the refuse area then. All right, well, we don't know. We haven't seen a sign with the refuse area. Go to the drag mark place. Get the...

Bodies. You're going to gather the bodies? Yeah. With Hoofer. Yeah, he's going to put them on Hoofer. Okay. Yeah, you go up to the cage with... Which one do you pick first, the goat or the elf? Probably the elf. Yeah, you go up to the cage with the dead elf in it, and it's got a lock on it. Does our key open that lock? Can you try it? I try it because I think I'm in possession of it. Yeah, you take the key and try to open the lock. This seems more like a... It doesn't seem to fit. This seems more like an arcane lock. Hmm.

And are they both locked up? Yes. Are there any keys in the room, like hung up or anything? Barney, make me a wisdom check. 15. You think that there must be a password that can open these locks. And as you're staring at it, that dwarf battler is putting a bear back up into a cage. He sees what you're doing and whispers over to you, Barney. He motions for you to bend down, so he can whisper to you. Yeah.

Bram! Then he keeps walking. Bram! And it's open. Yeah, you say that and then the lock on the cage with the elf opens up. Okay, I see.

I load him up on Hoofer. Okay. Does he have anything on him or anything? No. Clothes that are very big, oversized. It seems like the elf is very emaciated. And I guess can I do the same with the other goat? Yeah. You go over and open up the lock with the goat in it as well. And I load him up with Hoofer. Okay. Make an animal handling check. 920. 25. Yeah. I was going to give you a hard time about it. Hoofer's playing along. Yeah. You load up the dead elf and the dead giant goat onto Hoofer's back. I'm sorry, Hoofer.

Okay, now we go to the... Follow the scratch marks. Scratch marks, blood marks. Drag. At the north. Yeah, who opens that door? Elega, why not?

- Shoba's the left side of the door. - This is not a double door, but that's good to know. Yeah, you open it up and it is that hallway you saw before. And then from your perspective now, it just goes straight ahead of you to the north. The passageway to the west, which leads to the workshop, you know, pass away just a little to the north and to the east, which you had already taken. Then further beyond that's another corridor that turns to the west. And then at the very end,

It turns to the east. So there's like two corridors we haven't explored down there. Correct. One to the west and one to the east. Could we tell where the drag marks are leading? Make a investigation check. Can I participate in this? Sure. Do I have advantage since I'm looking up close? Yes. Sorry, I ask every time and I rolled a four is my better roll. Really? Two and a four. Yeah. Ten. Seven. Yeah, it's unclear. It's hard to see. Maybe by this point, you know, a lot of the blood has dried up. So you really can't tell which direction it goes. Barney, question for you. Yeah.

Do you think Stinker would be jealous of Hoofer? No, I don't think so. Okay. Different animals, right? Yeah, different farm animals. Gotcha. Okay, just asking. I mean, by, I see. Yeah, make an animal handling check. 13? Yeah, Stinker seems very indifferent. Okay, see if Stinker can sniff towards the dead bodies, whatever you call it, room. Oh, like a guide dog. How are you going to try to get Stinker to do that? I point at the...

dead bodies and go and then point like forward like where like have him sniff them and be like go find them. Alright make an animal handling check. Lots of animal handling checks this episode. This is the animal handling episode. 14. Does he poop? Please. It's a skeleton. I don't think so. It does yes. I don't see it. Stinker just starts licking your foot and then he begins whimpering. Sorry. And then right at that moment one single straw tube walks around the corner from that furthest one that goes to the east and looks at you all. Totally.

Don't engage. Don't engage. I just keep walking towards where he came out of. I walk towards the op to the other door. I doubt the Sfratu would be heading towards the dead bodies. So what do you mean? So Chip's going in the direction the Sfratu came from. Which is the east. Right. The east. The place we haven't gone. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm going that way.

I guess I'm saying I would imagine the Sfratu wouldn't be going to where they dispose of bodies. They seem to be just patrolling. Yeah, I think they're just patrols. Because they keep going around and everywhere. Okay, what about Elga and Matide? Yeah, I'm following. I follow. Okay. The Sfratu looks at the carcasses on Hoofer's back, looks you all over, and then just seems to ignore you and keeps going on his way. Yeah, we just got to not engage and do suspicious stuff.

So what do we see? Do we find the... Yeah, you turn that corner to the east and it's a very long hallway that ends in a door at the far side on the east. Uh-huh. About halfway down the corridor to the north is a door and then as well on the right side to the south is another door. And this whole hallway kind of goes up a little bit. Elga, I hate your home. Ha ha ha.

I didn't make it. So there's three doors. You said one on the south wall, one on the north wall. And one on the east wall. And one on the east wall. Do any of these doors, could I look at them and see if any of them look significant? Well, they're all significant. But I mean, are there any like symbols or anything written on any of them? None. Like if you're asking if any of them are labeled, there aren't any really labels on any of them. They're just unmarked doors. No symbols or anything? No. Okay. Okay.

Are they all open? Like, could I just try the handles? The one thing that stands out is the one to the east and the south are wooden, whereas the one to the north is iron. I think we should check out that north door. Iron door. Iron door first. Yeah. Is it open? I bet that's the aviary and then the dumping bodies and the wooden doors. Either way, we get something accomplished because we got tasks. Yeah, you try to open it. It's got a lock on it. Does our key open that lock?

Yeah. And it's a very austere room with a red sigil on the northern wall just above a kneeling bench. And there's a bloodstone font in the center filled with swirling crimson ichor. It seems like from that room, there's another passage to the east. Oh my god.

Like a fountain? Yeah. Yeah. Filled with liquor. Or ichor. Ichor. What is ichor? Like a gore? Like a thick liquid? Okay. Is that like... A thick liquid. Like a thing you would dump bodies into? That's what you are. You don't think so. Okay. I will say, Barney, make me a religion check. Oh, this is like a... There's like a kneeling bench is what he said. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe like a full two. That's a three. Yeah, definitely no bodies here. I've been in church in a while. That's our cleric. I've been in church in a while. Hey, Barney. Could I go look at the fountain? Or the ichors? Yeah. You begin walking to the north to walk up to the fountain. And as you're doing that, Elga, you hear footsteps around the corner getting closer and closer. Are they coming from the east? Yes. As they quickly approach, you hear a voice speaking in hushed tones. Oh, this just isn't my day.

You know this voice. It's a young male dwarf with uneven, jittery hair that runs straight into you and spills a bottle of blood everywhere. Oh, my ma. Are you okay? Okay? Quiffly? Yeah, you found Quiffly the battler. Quiffly! Oh, gosh. She hugs him. Yeah, and he gives you a big hug back.

I joined the group hug. Icky, icky, icky, icky, icky, icky. These are my friends, Quiffly. Oh, I can't wait to meet them in the next episode of Tales from the City. Hoover, we're just going to... I don't know what's going to happen to you. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you guys next week. Icky, icky, icky, icky, icky, borble, gerble. Icky, icky, icky, icky. Borble, gerble is hello. Icky, icky is bye.

Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Did you know that you could directly support the show by subscribing at stinkydragonpod.com? First, we have some amazing little stinkers that we want to shout out this week, including Misfit Weird Girl, Ophelia, same. We got Vixie Soft Paws, Norse Ingram, Poke Inspired, and...

and sub Angeles. Thank you guys so much. You are directly supporting the show and you get access to more great content like second wind interact with us on subscriber only discord channels and events and so much more. Again, that's stinky dragon pod.com slash first. We cannot thank you guys enough for your support. It really truly helps us be able to make the show and hopefully do so much more in the future.

We also had some listeners who interacted with us on social media and Discord who had NPCs named after them in this week's episode. We had Graff the Painter,

At the Zero Photographer on First, voiced by Christian Young, who is X Chin Young on social media. Vin Von, the Stinky Fingered Halfling, named after Vin Culprit on First. Beowarg the Monster Slayer, user Von Beowulf on Reddit, voiced by Andrew Panton, at Andrew Panton on social media. Card Icon.

I now the aspiring bartender named after Tusked Centaur on first Mrs. Lofty Bottom the bird hater named after Jeremy Smurf on discord and voiced by Larry Madavina.

at Larry Matavina on social media. We also had Gally the Mumbling Animal Handler named after Unicorn Dookie on first. Twin T. Wayne the Count who's at BB on first. And finally Quiffly who is Elga's Butler named after Aaron the Ace on first and voiced by Ben Ernst at Halcyon underscore Ben on social media. The

Additionally, we had the Sviratu who are voiced by our very own David Saunier, who is at David underscore Saunier on social media. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Saunier. Head over to stinkydragonpod.com slash first for all things stinky and make sure to tune in next time for another thrilling episode.

Episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. That's me being spooky. I walk over to another cage and I whisper into the lock, Stephanie Meyer. The lock begins sparkling. I also understand this reference. Author of Twilight, which is another vampire. Bram Stoker is a vampire. Okay.