C02 - Ep. 36 - Vengeance in Vainia - Speak Truth to Tower
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Jubilations to all you ginger brutes. Run, run, run into the stinky dragon. Lap up our latest libation. Hide and doe seek.

It's a mixture of co-cannot-catch-me milk, a slingshot of gumdrops, a forking of mapled molasses, a crumbling of ginger realms, and coffee brewed as fast as you can. One gulp of this gummy guzzler, you'll feel like one tough cookie.

Previously, our adventurers ventured into the village of Vania with fresh vows. After a trip to the Vladbank, they strolled through shops, spoke with citizens, but their townly tour was interrupted by the familiar face of Francesca. Round up a refreshment, and let's resume this rank recollection. Hello everyone, welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I'm Gustavo Stroll, the dungeon master of our putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Eh.

This week's role-playing warm-up question is... The energy is so different from last week. How does your character feel about receiving slash giving orders? Are they more of a leader or a follower? Hello. That's me saying, I'll go first. Speaking of leaders. I am the leader of this party, Barbara Dunkelman, Elga von Brass, the half-elf vampire barbarian. Elga, I think, is definitely a leader.

because she's been kind of been given orders her whole life and she's had to follow orders. And so whenever she is separate from that, she likes to really take charge and really show her strengths, which are many multitudes. So you're a leader if you're not being given orders. You know what, Gustavo? Why don't you get out of here? I just want to clarify, Olga, that's all. Get out of my booth. Get out of here.

now I'm leader. I'm empowered. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. I'm empowered. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. No, get out. Okay, sorry. I'll show myself out. Uh, hey there, it's Chip Haney, uh, played by Blaine Gibson. Chip Haney is a tiefling rogue level seven, recently widowed. Uh, and, uh, what,

What a terrible. Oh my God. Chip's built his whole personality on the fact that he was happily married. And look what you did to me, Micah. Look what you made me do. Is that how Chip's going to introduce himself now to everybody? Hey there, Chip. And he recently widowed. Yeah. It's, it's, he's still, he's still grieving. He's still processing. He should be. Uh,

I would say that chip, you know, back in the day, Oh, a heck of a guy. He'd take orders. You know, if he'd listened to the leader, if they deserved it, but you know, his days playing sports at Yampard, his days of being a volunteer firefighter, his days at dagger, he's known to lead a group of, you know, ne'er do wells. Oh, watch out for a bachelor party. Cause if chips,

planning it oh buddy there's something happening every 30 minutes on the dot it's gonna be a hoot it's gonna be a hoot and a hauler we call it like a bachelor party yeah there's there's like different names for else places there's also like hen parties what's the grotesque version the monster mash yeah battler party battler party yeah that's good

Ben says maybe Beelzebub parties. Beelzebub parties. Beelzebud parties. Like they're buds. They're all dudes hanging out and doing dude things. Okay, so Chip is professing that he's more of a leader as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that will not work well for us. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

I appreciate you, yes. Elga's got a gun. Where did she get that one? Why does half our party have firearms? Did you give it to her? I already have nine arrows in me from the last episode. Crossbow bolts in your brain.

You want me? Go ahead. Okay, I go. I'm John Reisinger and I play Matty Conficis, who's an air cochrane ghost monk. And, you know, this will come to no surprise to anybody, but I don't really subscribe to the binary very well of this conversation. And so it really is like, you know, a feel in the moment and whatever it is, I'll go with it. The turd option, yeah. One, two, three. The turd option. You have such a beautiful way with the words. Yanks. It's so beautiful.

Does Mateed find themselves doing one more than the other though?

Or is it pretty even in the moment? I would say Matid actually is more of a listener than a follower. I'm not necessarily going to be giving out orders, but I'm going to take into account what's going on around me. But if I'm getting impatient, I'm going to go do things. You successfully managed a bakery. That's leadership, right? You're going to lead all those croissants around? Did you have other work? No. You were the sole proprietor?

He's fire resistant

Hey, there you go. We're done. Two for two here. This is our second recording of the day. We're on fire. Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Blaine and I are drinking coffee. Oh, no. So, Barney, for the most, as you know, Barney, is a follower. Oh, I'm Chris Damaris. And I play Barney Farney, the human cleric. I think the personalities are merging between Chris and Barney. Like, the line's getting blurred. You're just realizing that now.

that now. I was just waving to Chris. Barney is for the most part a follower in that like, you know, he could be walking around town and

And then just start following someone and not remember why or who. And then be like, oh, I'm trying to be a catch. And then they finally catch up to them. And then they realize they've never met them. It's like when a kid gets lost at an amusement park and they see their dad. And then they just start following some random adult. You're just describing how we got Barney. That's how it was. How we got Barney. I think there's a lot to be said for Barney.

players who describe themselves as leaders or followers and the order with which you all did this. Can I also though,

I agree, guys. Yeah, I think it says a lot. Barbara is sitting up so upright. My posture has never been better. But that is Barney more so as you know him for the most part. But when it comes down to it, I don't think Barney's a leader or a follower. He's, I don't want to say lone wolf, but he does his own thing and kind of stubbornly sometimes.

Okay. Got a big thumbs up from John. Is that good for the arrows? Yeah, I'm happy. Gus, are you a follower or a leader? No more arrows. I'm a leader. I'm a leader, baby. I'm a leader, baby. Lead us, Dungeon Mister. That's right. As you all are walking over to the sign that says Uldenwyrs, you see a crowd forming near the middle of town in front of the vamp spire. In the center are a few people shouting at the top of their lungs. Yes.

Dracula? More like Draculaire! Uh oh. Your own so-called leader has broken the Vainian vows himself. And yet he refuses to answer for himself! The crowd begins to grumble and shuffle closer. You catch a glimpse of three protesters interlocking arms blocking the entrance to the Vanspire. They start shouting in unison: You can bite! We won't budge! Till we get some oversight! People in the crowd start to shout at the protesters. Where do you come off?

Yeah, Dracula would never break the vows. Who do you think you are anyway? The protester in the center steps onto a pedestal and you finally see it's a fetching woman with green eyes, fading long auburn hair, wearing a floral patterned blouse. She looks familiar. Our names aren't important, but our car is! The alchemist's jaw drops. That's... that's my wife! Francesca! The crowd becomes irate and starts charging straight for the three protesters. Francesca!

Everyone roll initiative. Whoa. I don't want to fight her. Wait, do you think we're in a fight with Francesca? We had to roll initiative, right? The protesters who are protesting Dracula.

Wait, yeah. Was Frank Eska trying to... Frank Eska's one of the protesters. Defending or against Dracula? We won't fight. They're fighting against Dracula. Yeah. So they were rising up. What's the ratio? Protesters to... There's three protesters. To a whole crowd of people. To a mob of people. This was not a popular protest. These odds are not in their favor. Do we know what side we're on? That's what we're going to figure out with these initiatives. Probably Frank Eska's side. I have a question. Yeah. Frank Eska.

I do not remember how we said goodbye to Francesca last time. They rode off into the desert with Henry. That's the last time you saw Francesca. Thank you. And Robert was with them. Thank you. I remember now. Appreciate it. I have an advantage on initiative, but it's a 15. 15? What did I roll? 22 for Barney. 18 for Mateed. Oh, thank you. 16.

Sorry, there was a leak in here. Surely we'll rest before we have to go into battle after visiting the bank. Time out! Peace! All right, you guys have won. I regret nothing. Let's go! They're going to go down. Barney, you're up first, followed by Mateed. So, can you give me...

the layout a little more like where are we in relation to the three protesters and also where's the alchemist? What's he doing? The alchemist is with you all currently. I rolled initiative for him as well. All of the protesters are outside of the VAMP Spire and you see the VAMP Spire is surrounded by a moat and there's like a bridge that connects it to the side that you are on and the protesters are kind of blocking that bridge to enter the VAMP Spire.

And it's kind of like a small semi-circle courtyard. You know, they're north of you. And then between you and them is a bunch of bystanders and the mob. Okay. The bystanders are between us and the mob? Yeah, they're kind of like two people. Bystanders are like people who are milling about. Maybe they're looking, you know, over at the protesters, but kind of like walking here to there. Here for the show. Yeah. And then, like, feet-wise, like how far away? You have two. Don't humor me.

bonus inspiration, I guess. You're about 60 feet away from the mob. I should say you're 60 feet away from the start of the mob. And then just beyond that, like they're kind of encircling the protesters. So the protesters are a few feet away further. Maybe let's say 70 feet away. Okay.

70 feet away from me, the protesters. Okay. Yeah, like the mob starts 60 feet away, and then the protesters are 70 feet away, like in the middle of the mob. All right, all right. And we haven't really determined of who we're fighting with or for, huh? Well, what Barney should do is just fire off a giant AOE attack just at everybody. Barney should just shoot his gun into the air to get everyone to stop.

I'm going to cast... Barney's going to move forward towards the group. That's what he's casting. And then he's going to cast Calm Emotions. Oh. Barney's going to give everybody melatonin. Yeah. So I got a 60-foot range on it, and it's a 20-foot radius sphere. So...

If the 20-foot radius sphere, then that would be a 40-foot. Yeah, that would encompass pretty much the entire mob and the protesters. I love this because he'd be like, Oh, hey, what are we doing here? What are we doing?

and they have to make a charisma saving throw. 17. I'll read the spell. Okay, thank you. You attempt to suppress strong emotions in a group of people. Each humanoid in a 20-foot radius sphere centered on a point you choose within range must make a charisma saving throw. Creature can choose to fail this saving throw if it wishes.

If a creature fails its saving throw, choose one of the following two effects. You can suppress any effect causing a target to be charmed or frightened when this spell ends. Any suppressed effect resumes provided that its duration has not expired in the meantime. Alternatively, you can make a target indifferent about a creature of your choice that it is hostile toward. This indifference ends if the target is attacked or harmed by a spell, or if it witnesses any of its friends being harmed. When the spell ends, the creature becomes hostile again until the DM rules otherwise.

It's a good, very timely spell to use. So your target is the mob. Yeah. And the creatures of your choice are the protesters. Is that correct? Yeah, yeah. Is there a limit to how many creatures you can choose? It's the radius. Yeah, and then as far as like, are you going to make a target indifferent about creatures of your choice? Yeah, so make them indifferent about the protesters, and I target the mob. Right. Okay. Roll 100.

Charisma checks. And I would also say... Tell me more. I would like to include the protesters about the mob to make them indifferent towards the mob so that they don't... I don't know if you can cover both. Chip's also feeling very emotional. Can he make a movement into the sphere? Chip rolls into it. Because you choose... With the spell, you choose targets and...

The creatures. I think you would need two spells to have it go both ways. All right. Well, I will do that. So it's DC 17 charisma. Is that correct? Yeah. Okay. I have plus three, so I need 14 or better. Let's see. What'd you roll? So I kind of broke the mob up into fractions and fragments to make it easier. So I don't have to roll a bunch of different saves. So I broke them up into quarters and I rolled four times. All four rolls failed. Yay.

Wow. Remember Boss Nass in Star Wars? Peace. I got a six, a 15, a 16, and a 12. Good job. And then... What's the duration on that spell? Concentration up to one minute. Okay, so you've got a minute. Shake party. Way to go. We have one minute, so then we need to get them...

out of there as quickly as possible. I guess as a bonus set. Set a timer for one minute. Oh my god! Whoa! Brutal. Do it, Gus. Let's go. You got 56 seconds. I like this. Alright, so I rush. We gotta get them out of here. I rush forward to the ladies' protester, Francesca. Oh my goodness. It's Francesca Hexel and the Mummy.

What? You got 30 seconds. Oh, no, no, that's not real time. And then, and then, and then, as a bonus act... But we're in combat. Yeah, I know, I know. That's your take a long time. Six seconds. And then...

20 I throw a healing word at that chip. Okay, I support this. Holy how much is that for? Well, I can't catch your spells to the wash. You're right. Never mind Nothing I do myself and I go as far as I can and then I use my psychic thing to push myself five foot forward. Don't attend. Don't attend

And that's time. I like how whenever Chris feels rushed, he just gets louder. As if that's kind of like... It's faster. So I went 35 feet forward. Okay. You are more than halfway up to them. And can I also have yelled like, hide, run, get out of here.

Hexel was from like the very beginning of the campaign, right? No, Hexel's the glurb. Yeah, correct. There's a whole snail village was attacked by the phoenix. Yes. His character. Correct. All right. So I would say that because you cast the spell and you, you know, you kind of placated everyone that the protesters recognize you. They see you, obviously, and they recognize you, Barney. And, you know, they kind of hunker down to try to back away from the mob as much as they can.

Okay. They don't like hide? There's so many bystanders and the mob is like everywhere. It would be really difficult for them to hide, especially because there are a lot of eyes on them. Even if they're indifferent eyes, there are still a lot of eyes on them. Usually when I'm indifferent, I just close my eyes. Take a nap. Yeah. I'm going to do that for the rest of this campaign. Oh, Barbara's so indifferent. What?

No one attack. Mateed, you're up after Mateed is Chip. John, stop. I said no one attack. And John gave me a look like. John's their own bird. They can do whatever they want. Attack yourself if you want. I can't. I'll die. That's why I healed Chip. Why couldn't? One HP.

Okay, so Francesca and Hexel and the mummy are the furthest from us. Yeah, they're like in the middle of the mob. They're at the bridge. Correct.

And is there something I can do? I think I have a mustache, hair in my mouth. Is there something I can do? Yeah, sorry. It helps your accent. Very good, Barbara. I want to try to determine if this is odd that the three of them are there and protesting. I don't understand what this protest is about. It seems like they're mad at Dracula and claiming that he has broken the Vania vows himself.

I don't know what those are. Probably because they're being subject to them. You read them. Oh. Ironic and hypocritical. So, Hexel, Mummy, and Francesca are mad that Dracula broke those vows, and the mob disagrees that Dracula hasn't broken those vows. It seems like they don't want to listen to anything. It's like a slander.

Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, thank you. Appreciate that. Can I check to see if like, I don't know, is this actually them? Are they being controlled? Is there, it just feels odd. Dark magic? Yeah, I don't have to detect magic. You do like insight. Yeah, I'll do a little bit of an insight. Do I get anything like advantage on that? We'll give you advantage because you know these three people.

I think I might have something, maybe. But yeah, I'll take it anyways, just because you're being so sweet. Just a sweet little dungeon mister. That one's a 10 and a 6. And an 8. So, two bad rolls. It doesn't seem like they're under any control or duress. They seem to be themselves. Okay. This mob, they're just regular humanoids? Yeah, various humanoids. People, you know, walking around. Nothing out of the ordinary. Okay. I'm going to take to the skies, and I'm going to...

I guess the farthest I could get to them. I can go 120 if I double? If you move 60, yeah. Yeah. Would that get me to them? Yeah, because 60 would be you'd get at the mob, but you'd be like 10 feet short of the protesters. Okay, I guess I will land with the protesters. Join them. Viva resistance. Dracula.

Petit has a guillotine. Parisians love a good protest. We're all about it. Just out of curiosity, side question, is Dracula spelled the normal way or how do we spell Dracula? D-R-A-C-U-L-A. Okay, sorry. I was going to say if you did like a K or something, I'd be like, get out of town. Just make it a G. Dragula? Dragula. Oh, I like that. Yeah.

And then I will, I'll cast Visage of the Astral Self. What that does is as a bonus action or as part of a bonus action, I can make my face glow with that visage. And that gives me Wisdom of the Spirit, which gives me advantage on intimidation checks. Could I actually cast that alongside Arms of the Astral Self so that it's all a big display?

Like, you know, it's very cool. Like, Mateed flies up and then lands, like, dramatically next to the protesters and then glows and bursts open with all these extra wings that are glowing and tells the mob, oh, what can I say to tell them, like, to intimidate them? The protesters? Yeah. Or the mob. You have garlic bread. There's something about Dracula being, like, you know, appreciates your support,

But once you get back to work. Back to work. Go back, you know, like go home. Go about your day. I'll just yell out, I advise you to disperse before this gets ugly. Ooh, intimidation. Don't throw a single rock, you die. They don't know that. Shut up, Joe. You just go, all right. Yeah, make your intimidation check.

Come on, you can do it. I am going to do it. I know you can do it. I got a plus two. I'm just saying you can. Elga gives Matita a thumbs up. Ooh. It's a hearty, venient thumbs up. You got this. 19. Ooh. That's really good. Let's see if they're moved by this or not. Guess it's my liege. It's the gender neutral term instead of king and queen. I love it. My liege. I love it. I did the four roll thing again. How'd you do?

11, 1, 3, 9. They're scared. Not very good. Not very good. Out of a 40, 20 as well. Yeah. The mob seems to like take a pause and like look around a little bit. You know, they know that they have way superior numbers on you, but this is actually very intimidating. Yeah, I know. Yeah. And then I'm not going to actually do any sort of attacks because

as much as I want to. But I am going to do, I'm going to use my unarmored defense. No, not unarmored defense. I'm going to use my patient defense and spend a ki point to take the dodge action. Okay. It'd be really funny if they called your bluff and you go down in one hit. That is why I'm using the patient defense. All right. You're the patient and this is the defense. I assume that's it for you, Mateed? Oui. Okay, Chip, you're up, then Elga, then the mob, then the alchemist.

Are they done? Are they dispersing or are they still? They seem like they're taking a moment to like reassess the situation. Okay. Then I'm going to use darkness and I'm going to center it kind of amongst the mob, but also encapsulate the three protesters. Ooh. Just to just make this like big, you can't see anything. And I feel like this is kind of like a, I do it.

so quickly after Mateed's threat that it almost seems like that's a part of it. Yeah, like lights out. Yeah. So I do that. So it's a, you have a 60 foot range and you make a 15 foot radius sphere, which I believe covers them all. The 20 foot radius thing did. Yeah, the 15 foot radius will also cover the entire mob. Creature with dark vision can't see through this darkness. No magical light can't illuminate it. Ooh. Okay. Yeah.

And then I'm going to move a little bit closer. And then I'm also going to use his singing voice. I have this. We're working to replace Micah's vocals. It's not going well. If you need some vocals, just let us know. We're here for you, bud. God, I have this thing. Is it Thaumaturgy? Thaumaturgy, right? I think it's pronounced Thaumaturgy. Thaumaturgy. Thaumaturgy. Thaumaturgy.

Manifest a minor wonder, a sign of supernatural power, then range. Create one of the following magical effects. I think your voice booms up to three times as loud as normal for one minute. Oh, yeah, I can do that, too. I should have done that. So I don't know that you can do both darkness and thaumaturgy. Is that not a bonus action? They're both listed as actions. I see.

Okay. You got a loud voice anyway. Yeah, I'm going to use my loud voice. And regardless of the thaumaturgy, I'll say like something very official sounding. I'm going to summon my volunteer firefighter days, you know, like conducting the citizenry and just be like, you know, disperse immediately. Oh. In a very intimidating way. Alarm, alarm, alarm. That's definitely an intimidation check. Okay. Let me roll that.

It's a 15. You have a plus 10 on that? I have a plus 10. Wow. He's our charisma person. I'm going to use my inspiration. Oh, okay. Go for it.

There you go. That's 22. 22. My rolls against it were 4, 10, 10, 15. Not a good day for rolls over here. Nope. Okay, yeah. You can't see what's happening as a result of that because it's dark. They're just bumping into each other. Even Chip can't see. Yeah, dark vision does not work inside of it. I just guess I'd imagine like if it was his spell. I think I can see in it. Can you? We keep talking about that where I have the eyes that can see through magical darkness. Ooh.

Oh, right. If I put on my scarf... You'll be very dapper. Well, I have a scarf that's like... I don't need to see... I can hear. Oh, right. But I don't have it equipped because I have to attune it. But is it a shadow shawl or what is it? It's a...

Astral sight. Astral sight, yeah. It's part of your visage of the astral self. Matide's so OP. You see normally in darkness, both magical and non-magical to a distance of 120 feet. Yeah. Thank you, Micah, for finding that. So could Matide essentially communicate with us what's happening if they wanted to? Yeah. Matide, you see that the crowd does appear to be, you know, stepping back and dispersing a bit.

Thanks for the information, Mateed. It's not working. I think you need to attack them. Call in artillery. Although if it's dark, they're just going to start. Elga, just run in and start swinging. Yeah, they're just going to start showing. She pulls her fists out and spins and just starts slugging this Tasmanian devil into the thing. I love that. Is that it for you, Chip? Yeah, I don't have any heals. Okay.

Elga, you're up, followed by the mob and the alchemist. Okay. Elga, in a surprising turn of events, does not want to use violence. What? In this situation. Could she get up on that platform where Francesca was? It's in darkness currently. Okay. It's in the magical darkness. Could she just try to get up high somewhere? Yeah, there's like various barrels and boxes. You know, this is like a kind of like, it seems like a trade center. Okay. So you could find like some boxes and climb up on it. Yeah, she'll move to a box where like she could get above the...

the people if possible. Yeah. And then she wants to project in her loudest voice. There is no need to fight me, Elga Van Brath, because I've never left here to die. We must. There's no, especially towards me.

But they are very weak right now. Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, Gus, I think that's a triple advantage on that. Well, that's definitely advantage on that for sure. That's not intimidation. That's persuasion. Okay. So you make it a persuasion check with advantage. What's your modifier for persuasion? Not great. Not great.

Plus one. That's not bad. I'm going to use my inspiration die. The barbarians doesn't have a high persuasion. Seven and a nine. Normally, I think the axe does the persuading. Okay. Well, I guess it's a nine is my highest role. That tracks. So I'm trying to think about this. If you have advantage and use an inspiration die, do you just re-roll one of the inspiration role? Do you just re-roll one of the advantage roles or do you re-roll both of them? Does the inspiration die cancel out the whole action? Let's see what one more role looks like.

14? It does. Yeah. You can't see them, Elga. Okay. You think you did a good job. Okay. That's just Elga's confidence. Yeah. Is that it for you, Elga? Yes. All right. It's the mob's turn. And you see them begin emerging from the darkness and trying to blend in with the bystanders and leave the area and go about their regular business. Success! Ha ha! Hello.

We'll never know who really truly convinced them. The alchemist starts running up, trying to get closer to Francesca. I stop concentration on darkness so that the darkness disperses. He jumps into the boat and just runs off the bridge. Francesca! Yeah, he runs straight up to Francesca.

I'll say, everyone, I'll give you everyone the choice. You can each have either an inspiration die or five temporary hit points. I'll take the inspiration die. I'll take the inspiration die. I'll take the hit. It's so desperately trying to give you guys HP. I'm not joking. I'm taking it.

What happens if we already, I'm sure we've talked about it at some point. What happens if Mateed dies? Because Mateed's already dead. You're still about to find out. You still go to saving throw. Yeah, death saves. I watched the, Chip watches the alchemist and Francesca unite. Francesca. And then he gets close to Mateed and he's like,

I need a hug. Be very careful with this hug. Don't squeeze too hard. No promises. It's just like that kind of a hug where like, yes, your arms are each other, but there's like clearly a distance between the body. So you're just kind of like tapping arms. That's a good hug. That's how I live my life. I mean, if that's what Mateed would go for, but Chip would go in for like one of those deep sobbing, heat,

heaving, you feel the moisture of my tears and snot collecting on your shoulder hugs. Come on. He needs this. He needs this. There, there, there. Well, this is one of my hugs. Yeah, what do you all want to do? I guess at this point, you know, the protesters are there. The alchemist is up there with Francesca. You guys are kind of standing in the courtyard. So, shall we just, shall we get the coffee?

Wanna go back shopping? We should probably. What are you doing here, Francesca and Hexel and Mummy? What are you doing? Mummy. What are you doing? Mummy. I just like saying Mummy. It's funny. Obviously, Hexel, Mummy, Francesca, they all know you. Your timing could not have been more perfect. Yeah, we know.

What's the beef with Dracula? Oh.

Oh, we gotta cancel Count Dracula then. Why would he want to smuggle Eddie in? And you know, of course, that Eddie has wronged all of us. And no doubt he is up to something again. There have been rumors and sightings from locals that a stranger entered Vania less than a week ago. And they describe him as a person being sinewy, yet muscular, with green features.

It laughs a lot. It sounds like Eddie, yeah. It fits the profile. There are also rumors that this stranger brought a gift and suddenly the village was flush with gems. And just like that, the sightings of the stranger went quiet. I mean, he did have the mold.

Oh, smart. You have a resident of the Vamspire with you. Perhaps you and your friends can infiltrate the Vamspire, find Count Dracula, and plead our case to him. Then we can find Eddie and take our revenge. Distract. That sounds fair to me. Elgo looks around and he goes, oh, right. Yes. I got a very important question for the three of you, okay? One, two, three. Do you have any healing?

Potions, some special spells. No, but that is a great point.

We'd also take payment for saving you, because you were about to get dunked into that moat down there. Just saying.

How much do volunteer firefighters make from the people whose houses they save? What's the going rate on that? I was also a professional assassin, don't forget. I'm a little emotionally unhinged right now.

This is all while Chip is still embracing Mateen, just turning his head around to say all this. And bleeding profusely. I like the idea too that Mateen is getting squeezed more and more and their head is getting like blue. Yeah. And don't forget that most residents in the Vamp Spire are vampires.

so it would behoove you, or most of you, to find some kind of disguise to blend in. They really like that word, behoove. It's a good word. You should just turn Chip into a vampire. What's the big deal? I'm trying. What? What? What?

What led you to believe that the protesting would convince the people to rise against Dracula? We thought that once the people realized that Dracula imposes all these rules on them, that he does not follow himself, that they would want to rise up and bring about change to make things more equal. And there's some cloaks.

Yeah, let's go. We should add to the village and we can find some supplies. We can find some information and maybe take a nap or four. It might be behoove the three of you to find a place to lie low because you've kind of

angered a lot of people. Yeah. I like how Chris said, it might be behoove. When you hear a word, but you're not quite sure. I know what the word means. I know what the word means. I just don't talk so good. I only write good. Right. The alchemist chimes in and says, if it's okay with you, I'll stay here with Francesca and make sure that she's okay. Oh yeah? You're staying with your wife?

That's nice. That must be nice. That must feel good, huh? Huh, Alchemist? It does. Yeah, I bet. But where's... Go find... Go somewhere not in the middle of town. Oh, yes. We're going. If you need a hut, I'll make you one. No. No. We're good.

This is good. Then we can stop forgetting that he's with us. Could Elga look at her cloak and see if there's like a tag on it of like where it's from? Other than your name written inside of it? Yeah, you take a look at it and there is no tag, but you know it's because that your clothing is made bespoke within Vamspire specifically for you. Is Elga a nepo baby?

What am I getting? I can't access my bank account. Nipple baby. Daddy canceled my cards, okay? Should we go to the mantle place and get you that sash, or should we go try something like the olden wear place? We were about to go to olden wear. I would say let's see what all we have available for purchase, and then decide from there. Okay. The one thing I don't want is to buy some stupid scarf and then find out...

this is the knife of whatever. And it's like the perfect thing. Knife of everyone dies. Before they leave, can I ask the, whatchamacallit, the protesters, do y'all have any currency that we could use to prepare for this quagmire?

Quest. No, we came straight here as soon as we entered Fania to engage in our protest. Name one of the protesters. It's the mummy. It's... No, no, no. He's talking to the protesters. Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought he was talking... My brain was like, is Barney talking to the mob, asking them for money? No, no, no, no, no. The protesters. I broke there. It's the mummy. It's Elise's character. And then Hexel. And then...

Francesca. Can we just tell you, Elise? Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. It's just how I connect sometimes is remembering the voices. Because we don't get to hear the voices while we're performing. Correct. It's always a nice surprise. Yeah. I'd say Chip would like to go to the Wares store if they don't have anything else to offer. I kind of try to shake them down for money or anything and heels and they wouldn't budge. Let's go. Everyone heads over to Alden Wares. Yeah.

You walk over and inside is a dusty shop with rows of glass cases housing rare trinkets and jewelry. A sign at the counter reads in small red lettering, now selling gems. There's a gray-haired dwarf with golden eyes wearing a silk gray suit standing there. Welcome. I'm Duffy Alden. Oh. Duffy? Yeah, Duffy Alden. This is Alden Wares. It's my place. Is this due to the acupar voices down, Duffy? It's the huge stuff between you and me, right? Oh, it is.

Or just to us. Yeah, just between us. You using me. Yeah. Yeah, we're using me. Duffy, what kind of stuff are you selling? Yeah, you know, gems. They're in stock. Yeah. Gems or gems? Yeah. We're trying a real fine line not to go down that road. Is it gems or gems? Gems. Gems. Gems. Huh. Yeah. Right here, he points at the sign. G-E-M-S. Gems. That's how I have always read it.

Any weapons or any of these gems have the powers? Oh, yeah, you know it. You know it. Here, here, here. Look, we got some stuff on sale. We got the Ring of Springtime here, a Necklace of Neck Saving, and then full price, not on sale, we got the Ring of Animal Influence, Ring of Evasion, Ring of Protection, and a Ring of Resistance. Do you have like a Necklace of Resurrecting Life?

Dead wife? Anything like that? He looks at his wares again. No, but I got some gems. And he holds like a handful of just like bulk gems in his hand. When did you get those gems? Oh, they're new. They're a recent acquisition. Interesting. You know, maybe if you cross my palm with a little HP, I can tell you where that came from.

How much HP? I don't know. What you got? Yeah, how much we got? I'm sorry. I just had a moment where I realized that it's HP is health points, but also it's the pieces. Oh.

That's funny. It works both ways. What are they called again? Hemopoints. Hemopoins? Hemopoins? Yeah. Hemopoins. That's funny because at first I thought you were like meta-ing it, but no. No, no, no. I think that's interesting. Let me ask you, how much is this, was it a ring of neck saving? Necklace of neck saving. How much was this necklace? 75 HP.

You see it. It's very ornate. It's a lavish necklace of ruby beads, each in the shape of a vital organ. It says you spend a charge on this thing and put it on the neck of a creature that died in the last minute and cast Revivify. Oh, that's why it's expensive. Could have used that about, you know, three episodes ago. Three episodes. Why don't you guys just combine? But be warned, casting the spell comes at a great cost. Yeah, 75, 80. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

What else do they have? You said you have some rings? A ring of springtime. That's on sale. And then full price, you got a ring of animal influence, ring of evasion, ring of protection, and ring of resistance. And gems. He holds up two hands filled with gems now. I find this interesting that your economy seems to be based around these HP things, but you also took gems as a payment. Is that something we could figure out here? Yeah.

You can give me HP for gems. I'm asking about, since gems clearly are valuable, would I be able to provide you a gem in order to exchange some currency? You can exchange currency at the Blood Bonk. Okay, I guess yours is going. He's a brick wall. Aren't gems pretty? Is that all they are to you? Why are they...

I feel like this is... They're so sparkly. Oh, God, Gus. I think he's saying no. I keep staring at them. I have one right here. Would you like this one? Ooh. But then he looks... He's got... Like I said, he has two handfuls of gems. Ooh. He gets distracted looking at his own hands. Where did you get all those gems? Give me a few HP and I'll let you know. Oh, good Lord. I give him...

It's a long walk between John and Blaine. To get some information. Start lower, start lower. I give him two. Just flick him one HP. You give him two HP. He says, oh, I'm much obliged. You see, a few counts from the Vamspire came in here in the last few days with some rare gems I've never seen before. Rumor is they've got a wand that creates gems out of nothing. Was one of those counts Count Von Brath? I can't say. I don't think so.

What's like the standing of account in this place? Is this, they're like, like government officials or what? Oh, very, very high in the, in the order of things. Very well to do.

- But this is, all this is too rich for my blood. - What does the ring of springtime do? - And you look at it and it's a ring crafted from igneous glass and looks like it has like running like little red rivulets throughout it. See this, you put this on and it can transform your body into a mature adult in their prime.

Barbra's face. Oh my gosh. So metagame-wise, you have to use an action to activate it. Okay. And while it's active, you have advantage on all ability checks, skill checks, and saving throws, but not attacks. Could you, is it just like a one-time use thing? It can be used once per long rest. Does it work both ways? I was going to say. I'm sure it does. Like it ages him down? Yeah, yeah. Barney, I think that actually sounds pretty good for you. I think it sounds pretty good for you too, Elika. I mean...

What are you guys going to pay with it for? Yeah, what's how much is it? Oh, that's only 50 HP. What are the other items that they have for sale? The Ring of Animal Influence, the Ring of Evasion, Ring of Protection, and Ring of Resistance. And, like, what are those? And, of course, the Necklace of Nixie. Those probably all cast those spells. Yeah, but I don't know what those spells do, John. Hold on, let me load them all up and I'll tell you. Do these require a toon myth? Some of them do. The Ring of Springtime does.

The Ring of Animal Influence. While wearing this ring, you can use an action to expend a charge to cast Animal Friendship, Fear, or Speak with Animals. Ring of Evasion has three charges. When you fail a dexterity saving throw while wearing it, you can use your reaction to expend one charge to succeed on that throw instead. Ring of Protection. You get +1 bonus to armor, class, and saving throws while wearing the ring. And a Ring of Resistance. You get resistance to one damage type while wearing the ring. Which ones require attunement? The Ring of Springtime.

The ring of evasion, the ring of protection, and the ring of resistance. How much for the ring of protection? Oh, I'll let that go for 100 HP. You're crazy. No, I'm a businessman. Could I put the ring of springtime on hold? Yeah, what kind of down payment you got? Layaway. Oh, I was just going to go swing by the bank. Oh, okay, okay, yeah. I'll be right here. Yeah, yeah. Can I try something? No.

I don't know if I could do this simultaneously just to speed it up. Could I go to the bank or bunk? Yeah, why don't you go ahead and do that, roll your damage, and then give us a summary while I deal with Chris here. Okay. And we can role play that on the side as soon as I'm done here. I wanted to cast Fast Friends on this guy. There's alarms are going to go off. So Fast Friends, you cast a spell, choose one humanoid within range. So it's a humanoid target. I got to double check and make sure Alden...

qualifies as a dwarf isn't he yeah yeah great dwarf you're right okay so you just make him friendly up to you for up to an hour yeah and it's when you need to make sure something gets done you can't rely on vague promises sworn oaths or binding you cast a spell choose one humanoid within range like you can see and hear you and that can understand you creature must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or become charmed by you for the duration while the creature is charmed in this way it undertakes to perform any service or activities you ask an

in a friendly manner to the best of its ability. Barney's gonna rob this guy. Wisdom saving throw. And I think an important thing is at the bottom, when the spell ends, the creature knows it was charmed by you. Okay. So yeah, I guess I'm making this wisdom saving throw. Okay, it's a DC 17 wisdom saving throw. Rolling. Rolling. You. I rolled a one. I rolled a one. This has not been a good day for me. So you cast fast friends on him.

Listen, my friend. I, I... Oh, friends. Yeah, friend. I mean, we're... What are you doing? How's the family? It's so good. And it's great to see you. And, you know, it's like we're in this place with vampires. Oh, yeah. Venia. Venia.

Why not? Why can't we just, you know, deal with things on like a non-blood manner, you know? So here, let me give you, let me give you, I'd happily give you some trades and gold for. What do you got, friend? Well, I got, I got gold and I got, have you seen the, I got this, what a scarf of the cyclist. Wow. What about that? And he points at your hide and seek doll.

I could happily let that go. Oh, I'll give you a little trade. I'll give you 10 HP for that. I was looking more for that spring ring. Oh, no, you're crazy. A friendly thing to say. That's not very friendly. That's not very... Yeah, it's like, ah, you're a crazy guy. Yeah, but, you know, for someone, for me? You know, if you want to trade that clothing, you can go over to Marin. He'll maybe trade you for some clothing. Who? Marin? For Marin's Mantlery? The third person...

I guess what do I need to get that ring the spring ring 50 HP No, but like just real fast I do think Elga has it on hold and Elga just finished up her damage rolls. I believe so. Do they only have one? Yes, they'll go into the Vlad bonk. How'd that go? Yeah 53 How you feeling

Not so great. Probably better than us, though. I use my ass to the scarab, and I just kind of let it go back and forth and back and forth, slicing me up. Does it give you a new appreciation when you attack people? A little bit. All right, we'll say here in a little while, Elgo will finish and come back. But for now, it's still you, Haggle and Barney. Yeah, I guess it was like, are there two of them? Because I wouldn't have cast this if there... No, there's only one. It was in Rings of the Springtime. It's Ring of Springtime. Well, out of gaming, I wouldn't...

Like, I started casting this. I mean, I did say I'm putting the ring on hold and going to go get the blood for it. Or HP for it. Yeah, and I didn't know that's what you were going after. You didn't say that from the beginning. Is there anything else you want? Go anywhere, friend. We trade. I'll take that guardian emblem from you, too. For what? 15 HP.

Well, I'm curious about the extent of the spell. Like, in terms of, like, if he's supposed to do stuff that, like, any of my wishes and stuff, would he not then trade for something other than the blood? Well, it undertakes to perform any service or activity you ask of it in a friendly manner to the best of its ability. The problem is that in this town of Vania, precious metals are... They're worthless. Like, he's trying to meet you in the middle here by making these trades. Like...

I think the intended spell isn't like you rob someone blind. It's like they're more pliable and willing to try to figure things out with you. Yeah, and I'm not trying to rob them. I'm just trying to... But they're like gold and platinum. That's like giving him a rock. You can't do anything with that here in Vania. Okay, well then what does he need? I'll tell you what. Hide and seek doll and guardian emblem, just because we're friends. Instead of 25 HP, I'll give you 40 HP for the two.

I dig that deal. It's pretty good. At this point, Elgo walks back in. Elgo seems a little more pale than normal. Yeah, gotta do what you gotta do. My father will tell her about this. Just lunges at Chip and takes his last HP. I'm sorry.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. The lady will be wearing it out. Thank you very much. Could you cut the tag off? Not to wear it out. He opens up the glass case and pulls it out. 50 HP. Okay, here you go. Yeah, there you go. And metagame-wise, if you look, you should be able to add it to your inventory. Ring of Springtime.

Okay. You know, if you have to lose something that, you know, was in tune to you, you know, that Fang Frost is pretty nice. Just saying. That's a very interesting perspective. I bet you she could get a lot of HP for it. What does he have that doesn't require attunement? The Necklace of Neck Saving, the Ring of Animal Influence, and that's it.

All right. I'll trade for the how much blood points? 40. Okay. HP, not blood. Amo pieces. We should have just dragged the goblin's butt here. Just go ahead and take the hide-and-seek doll and the guardian emblem out of your inventory, and I'll give you 40 HP for that. Okay. That's just endless money. Shopping spree. Okay. Are we done here? I am. Yeah. So we've been to the vineyard, the mantle place.

Oldenware. What's left, Gus? Two places? We have the Lowe's Hanging Fruit. Lowe's Hanging Fruit and... So I mentioned this in Second Wind and we might have to do some pickup for it. I kept saying vineyard. It should be vineyard. Vineyard. That makes more sense. When you see a word that's close to a word you're used to, my brain was just kind of broken. I think I was saying vineyard the whole time. Anyway, there was the Vlodbank, which you went to. Oh, okay. So is it just Lowe's Hanging Fruit? Lowe's Hanging Fruit, Oldenware's

Marin's Mantlery and Vineyard Valhalla. Okay, let's go to Low Hanging Fruit and see what's there. Can I say something to Elga? Yeah, go for it. Elga, I'd like to apologize. For what? This ring that would take you back to the prime of your life, the spring ring. I saw that and I thought how great it would be whenever I finally confront Elga.

the creature that took my family from me for them to see me as I once was and as I should have been whenever I and for me to want to have Barney I have no idea what you're trying to tell me for me to want to have taken to wish back my youth when it was robbed from you when I wasted away mine it's just I'm sorry

I think I accept your apology. But I'm not quite sure. It's okay. Thank you, Barney. Yeah. Let's go to Lowe's. I will drain you last.

Hey, little stinkers, want to give you a quick update as to what's going on in the stinky world. We've got our next live stream March 1st, 1 p.m. Central Time at StinkyDragonPod.com slash live. Come join the crew in the dungeon diving, monster fighting, loot collecting game of Munchkin. Chat will be enabled for first members only. So come hang out. And if you're a first member, you can help us decide who we should backstab and take all the treasure from. Only one Munchkin can be left standing.

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Elka has a list that she's constantly crossing out and realigning. Every day. It's a constant realignment. But Matito is not even on the list. It's just Marty and Chip swapping back and forth. Oh, so that means you're going to drain Chip first. Chip's just looking through the shop window waving. Smiling, waving. He doesn't have much blood left. MRCT!

Bonjour! Bonjour!

You speak Parish? Parish? Uh, no I don't. Oh. I think he just copied you. Oh, okay.

It's called code switching. Hello, we are here to see what you're wearing. We are new in town and we'd love to know what you sell. It seems you have some sort of interesting agricultural things happening here. Here? Yeah, yeah. I have some seasonal hanging fruit for sale. Could I interest you in some? I have vlawed orange, glareberry, and moretap.

I wonder, is it like Vlad the Impaler? Like a blood orange? Yeah, but like... Yeah. Vlad, yeah. That's what Dracula's based off of. Are you named Lowe's? What's your name? Name? Lowe. Yeah. Lowe. Hey, Lowe. God, Chip, any pleasure to meet you. Hi, Lowe. You can say Lowe. Hey, Lowe. Hey, Lowe. What are the effects of these tier three fruits, these hanging fruits? Fruits. The Vlad orange grants the effects of false death for one minute.

What if you seek real death, you know? That's dark. But every orifice on your body oozes scarlet juice for the duration. Oh. This glary berry metagame gives you advantage on perception intimidation checks, but you can't blink for the duration. They're my favorite judge on the British Bake Off. And then you're blinded for one minute. Oh. Because your eyes need a rest. And finally, this mort apple gives you the effects of feigned death, but only for five minutes.

So one's feigned death. The other one is false death. They're specific D&D spells, so they have different abilities. If you want, I can go over them, or you can read them.

How much are you charging for your fruits? Fruits? 5 HP each. I'm sorry. I can't have to call us out. You keep repeating when we say fruits. Do you sell something other than fruits here? Here? No, no, no. Just fruits. Is this town full of sketchy people? I'm not quite sure. Every shop owner seems to have a quirk to them.

I didn't mean to interrupt your transaction if you're trying to figure out something. Well, technically, I only have three left, so I can't afford it. I can donate to coin, to HP. What was the one that you said? He's been donating blood this entire campaign. Gives you advantage on, was it strength and perception? Perception and intimidation checks. It's the glary berry. You get blinded, though. It's a pretty bad trade-off. For one minute after. After, for one minute. Yeah, once you're done. I'd like to buy one of those.

How much? It was five. Five? I have three left. I'll chip. I've got two. You'll chip?

I miss my wife. Chip, your kindness will not be forgotten. I will put you now second on my list. Uh-oh. All right. The rankings got updated. It's just a dead pool. That first one, the feigned death one. The blood orange? Yeah, yeah. That's one minute. Appears like dead, right? False death. False death.

False death or faint death? False death. Mort Apple is faint death. Okay, and then you ooze red stuff. It's for one minute at last, right? Correct. Is it anyone who eats the berry? I guess what I'm saying in theory, could you give it to someone with them not realizing it, and then they fall dead and appear dead? Well, that's up to you. Interesting. Orange. An orange.

So you go to a little kid's soccer game, you see, and they're passing out the orange slices. Slip one of those little boogers, one of these. Puts them right to sleep. How? For how many? Five for all the fruits or just that, the berry? Berry. Yeah, five for all. I suppose I'll take that one, the blood orange. You have money left over? I didn't spend anything. Oh, you did. You just exchanged. You're right. 40 blood coin. Okay.

Oh, you know what? I'm not going to do it. Never mind. Sorry. That's the decisive leadership of Barney Farnham. No, no, I just realized I can do that spell, so I don't need it. Oh, gotcha. I have a question for Lo. Lo. Get Lo. Lo. Lo. What can you tell us? We're new in town. We're very interested in Mr. Dracula and wonder if you know anything about these...

Outrageous rumors about him breaking the oath of Vamspire. Vamspire? Yeah, there's protesters in town, right? Yes. Yes, troublemakers stirring up trouble for no reason. I would agree. You know, just so I understand, why would you think that there's no way that this could be something that he would be doing? Doing? Count Dracula's an upstanding beacon of righteousness for us all.

Oh, and have you had direct interaction with any of these counts of the area? Area. Yeah, sometimes. They'll send some of their battlers here to purchase some fruit. That's so good. Even if they did break his oath, who cares, right? Like, would you care? I mean, does it even matter? Matter? Yes, of course. The Valsavania matter quite a bit. So you would be upset if you found out they were true. True? Yeah, but that's impossible. Yeah, of course. Hello? Hello?

It seems like you have a bit of an echo. Echo. Echo. Echo. Echo. Echo. I'm missing something. He's just repeating the last word that everyone is saying. Oh. It's just funny. I was trying to think of something to make you say it. I was focused on discovery. Hello. Breakers of the vow say what? What? No. Oh.

We're gonna report you! Uh oh! Give yourself an inspiration die if you don't have one, that's funny. I'm so good. Well, Lo, uh, this has been wonderful, but I have nothing else to get from you. You, are you sure you don't, uh, have some HP you want to exchange for some, uh, inside information? You got information? Information, maybe. Would you give it to us for free?

Free? Yeah, okay, we'll take it. No. Oh, okay. Take it? No. I toss low to HP. He deftly picks it out of the air and pockets it and looks around, you know, with his red eyes and kind of like leans in. You know, there's reports coming from Harkus who can glib about earth tremors and water sources drying up. And I'll give you a little extra because your friend here purchased some fruit, you

You know, most folks know vampires only drink blood, but there's some whispers about vampires that thirst for other things. Things that you can't even see. Like what? What? I don't know. People coming in and out of the spire, they're like, what's the... Typically, how do they get in and out and, you know? No, the bridge, of course. Any other ways? Like the battlers, do they ever, do they fly in or anything? Anything. Typically, they walk in here. Yeah, but they don't ever fly in because they're battlers?

No? No? Okay. I like to think that when writing these NPCs, Mike, I just put, this NPC repeats the last word of anybody. 100%. That's what's in the modules. Lo, I think we're going to go unless you got anything else to say. But it's been a pleasure talking to you.

Yeah, okay. See you next time. I'm gonna head to Marin's. What it says is, Lo involuntarily repeats the last word you say before responding. That's so good. I love that. A funny gimmick. Okay, so we have visited all the establishments, and I feel like you might want to go back to the mantle place and get some sunshine. I love Marin. I just miss Marin, you know? I haven't seen a tiefling in so, so long, and we need disguises.

That's true. Oh, yeah, they did say that we should blend in, and by we, I mean only you guys. I'm going to head to Marin's. Me too. Yeah, what is the observationally the aesthetic of all the... So, like, mostly vampires, right? Yeah, so is it, like, cloaks and, like, I don't know, like, traditional vampire...

Well, yeah. Wait, I'm sorry. I don't understand the question. Okay. In Meryn's mantles, what's the aesthetic? Does everything feel like it looks like it would be the typical garb of a vampire? Gotcha, yeah. I'll reread the description that we said last episode because I think that'll answer your question.

Inside, the smell of fresh linens wafting from racks of cloaks, capes, scarves, mantles, and robes. And you see the male prepubescent tiefling with adorable dimples wearing a violet cashmere shawl that occasionally shimmers to a pastel turquoise. So yeah, lots of cloaks, capes, mantles, robes, things of that nature. And that would be disguise, essentially. Could be. Marin, Chip's back. Hey. Hey, Chip. Hey.

Baron's happy to see you. I do the tiefling handshake thing. Oh, yeah. Okay, so you had a cool scarf that seemed to do some sort of a smoky thing. What's it called again? That was called the vapors, the sash of shadows. Shadows. The sash of shadows. Shadow sash. There it is. The barber remembered. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Shadow sash.

Are you interested in that? 50 HP. Remind me really quick what else you got, because we're interested in looking like locals. You know, we're from out of town. We want to fit in. We don't want to look like a bunch of tourists. We got the neckerchief, which is also on sale. And what does that do? You look at it, and it's a velvet white neckerchief.

How much for that one? Marin charges 50 HP for that. Uh, Marin.

I see you have all these very magical items. Do you have any mundane items that would be of more cheaper scales that would still make us look like part of the local? Oh, of course. Marin's got you covered. That's my saying. I've heard of it. That's good, Marin. Whatever you want. Cape, cloak, anything mundane.

Marin can get that for you real quick. You know, I saw one of the counts traveling around here recently, and I loved how they looked. Do you have something that would make us look a little bit like them? Oh, absolutely. Marin caters to all of the counts. All of the fine merchandise here in Vania, Marin can get for you. How much for, let's say, like three sets of that? Marin can do that for three HP. One HP each. Oh.

There you go. Then I toss him an HP for mine. All right. As a clue for you guys to also do that. I think they're all reading. We might. I was going to get Shadow Sash. Oh, I'm saying for like a disguise. I was going to ask, hey, Marin, do you think if I got this here Shadow Sash, would this help me kind of like blend in with the locals meta game perspective? Is this a sufficient enough disguise?

Sure, we'll save. Why not? Just because if you're spending 50 HP on it, sure. Okay. Marin will do you a solid. Marin will throw in a local cloak free of charge. Marin, you're the guy. It's the tiefling hookup. I love it. Just because we did the tiefling handshake. That's the one. Which one are you going to be buying? Shadow sash. Okay. Could I get the necrochief? Absolutely. Marin's happy to sell. 50 HP for the shadow sash and 50 HP for the necrochief. I think I'm short. How much? Marin thinks you look very tall. No.

I think I'm like missing one in HP. I give you one. Okay. Okay. You know, Marin, I also got a, I got something that you might be interested in. A robe of serpents. You want to buy something like that? Marin could do a little trade. All right. With the tiefling hookup, Marin can do 20 HP for that. Okay. That's a deal. I think I have like 19 HP now.

Oh, okay. And I'm going to remove that and I'm going to add Shadow Sash. Okay. I have 20 left. There's no reason for me to hold on to this. I might need like a few. For what? For a cape thing. Are these all 50? The Necrichiff and Shadow Sash are 50. The other ones are, because they're on sale. The other ones are full price. Marin has not talked about pricing on the other ones yet. Mateed looks at Barney and goes, I see you still have blood. I still have one day of HP to play with. Uh,

so how much were those? Which one can Marin interest you in? Cape of Mont, I mean, I just, Cape of Mont, blank, Mantle, Spell Resistance, and Rogue, and probably not Rogue's Mantle. The Cape of the Mont Bonk? That'll be 100 HP, and the Mantle of Spell Resistance. Marin will do 100 HP for that as well. Can I, I'll just get a regular cloak, and can I just buy one of those other mundane items at the other store? The,

the like animal one or something like that animal one one of the ones that didn't require attunement one of those uh oh like well yeah yeah one of the other uh items you saw before yeah yeah absolutely just i just want to backtrack through it but yeah i'll just go oh you want to just like knock it out right now yeah yeah which one were you interested in there was the the animal one the ring of animal influence is that the one you want yeah i'll do the animal one all right that's uh 100 hp oh never mind yeah i was like i don't know where barney's good where chris is going with this

I don't know what I can do with this. You got plenty of blood, right? You can bleed. I mean, you have 40, right? From that trade? And then you still have full health? Yeah, but I don't think Barney wants to do that. Yeah. Marin can maybe unload something for you there. And what are you interested in? He kind of rummages through your bag and pulls out your scarf of the sightless. Marin's very interested in this. How much? Since you're a friend of Chip, Marin will hook you up and do 15 HP. Hey! 15 HP, but...

I don't know what I could buy with that. What was available for 50? I'm sorry. It's hard to keep track of the... For 50. Yeah, because I would have 55 at that point. Gotcha. The fruit, Barney? The fruit. Yeah, I think everything at this point is 75 or 100. Which one's 75? The necklace of neck saving. But it's got a deep price. Do you want another cloak? Is there another thing you could use?

Who are you asking? I'm asking Chip because he has like all those like rogue stuff. No, Shadow Stash is enough because I don't think I'd be able to put a cloak on. A hat on a hat? I already have something else. The three fruit were what? Really quick. They are Vlad Orange, Glary Berry, and Mort Apple. I took the Glary Berry, although I'm sure there's plenty. All right. Give me two Mort Apples.

More dapples. Two of them. Yeah. I'll not sell my cloak and then just grab with my 40 gold the...

40 HP. 40 HP. I guess... How many fruits will that get me? Eight. Yeah, I'll take, uh... Two of each of them. And, uh... Keep the extra ten for bribing. Good idea. Alright. I'm done. I'm done! And I just got a regular cloak too. Sure. I'm Elga. Bonjour.

All right, we are done shopping. We all have our disguises. We? Yeah. Yes, disguising. Maren, Chip, and the crew are going to take off. Pleasure to see you there, pal. Anytime, Chip. Come on back and see old Maren. No.

Okay. I throw my sash and go. I like to imagine you walk with more like pep in your step now. Yeah. Yeah. More hip shaking. Which is hard to do considering how you already power walks. Should we try to make our way into the vamp spire? Let's do that.

Oh, no, we should go. Yeah, we should rest. We should rest. I was about to say, I was like... I'm so tired. Oh, it's been a day, hasn't it? You guys ready to initiate the boss fight? I think it's important that we press on. Elga, you know a great place to rest up. Don't say the Vanspire. Yeah. You got a room there and everything. Oh, you guys good cred. Nice. Let's do that. I'm sure it won't be an issue at all and we'll be able to go right to...

when we get there. No questions. I'm sure the moment we meet your papa that everything's going to go smoothly. No one in our party is going to have any issues with him and everything's going to go great. We're going to take a big old team nap. He's probably at work right now, right? Uh, yeah. Is there like an inn or anything like that? Not in the VAMS bar? Like anything that we could sleep in not in there? There's no inn. There's no place that advertises lodgings. Party huddle!

Barney set up the tent. Set up the hut. I can. Should we hut? I don't know if we'll be able to. Yeah, what's our timeline like? Well, that's up to you guys. I was writing in the more table. Why can't we go into your family's house? I think we can. Let's go do that. That sounds fun. All right.

I would love to see where you are, where is what made you. All I'm saying is every time we've entered a city, we've had an encounter. What's the worst that could happen? We die. I've done that before. It's not that bad. Let's go. It's always the closer you get to death, the more drunk you get. I am Parisian, okay? Sorry, Olga. Please put your oxygen mask on before assisting others. That's what's happening.

Okay, so I guess we just crossed the bridge. Do we need pseudonyms? Uh, no? We're in disguise. Oh. Like, are we doing a disguise? Yeah, you can be Vampire Barney, and you're Vampire Mateed, and you're Vampire Chip. Bah! I wanna suck your blood! Is that good? That's very, uh, inappropriate. We don't outright tell people we want to suck their blood.

Okay. Yeah, that's why Barney has a problem with it. So sneaky about it. What is your marching order walking up to the Vam Spire? Me first. I'll be right behind her. I'll go next. Oh, yeah, I'll be behind Barney. Chip bringing up D'Rear. Yeah.

Okay, so Elga, Mateed, Barney, Chip. You begin walking back towards the Vamspire. You know, it's where the protesters were and where you encountered that mob earlier. And there's, like I said, there's a black stone bridge that sits over a moat of blood. And there's a large open arched entrance into the tower. And it appears to be flanked on either side by Ignis stone bat gargoyles. Do you guys hear organ music playing?

Ignis stone. Black gargoyles. Black gargoyles. Ignis stone is like the stone of this mountain. So that same black stone we saw on our way in. Correct. And it appears that the bridge is probably made of the same thing. Beautiful. So homey. Wow. I like this a lot, actually.

Okay, onwards and upwards. Yeah, as you walk through, Elga, you see that there are also two Sviratu in an antechamber right there behind the gargoyles. In an antechamber? A little antechamber. Well, how does that look? So it's like you walk up on the bridge and there's like a little alcove behind the gargoyles and that's where the two Sviratu are before you really enter the main part of the Vast Spire. A room before a room. Correct. Gotcha. Okay, gotcha. And it seems like they're concentrating on something.

I'm home! They don't seem to pay you any mind. What are you guys doing? What are you looking at? Could I follow their line of vision? Yeah, make me an arcana check.

It seems like they're concentrating on maintaining a spell. Oh, no. Some kind of warding spell. Am I going to have to turn into a dinosaur again? What kind of spell are you doing? You sometimes sound more Minnesota. Wisconsin. They don't.

seem to reply. Could I see what they're looking at at least? They're looking at each other. They're like on opposite sides of the antechamber. So they are a entryway barrier is what they are. And it's the entry for the spire? For the vamp spire. Vamp spire. And they're not the black obsidian gargoyles? No, these are Sferatu inside the antechamber. I don't know how we're going to team up.

I think that these are going to be checking via a spell, but we are. Yeah, they have like a staring contest going on that was going to out us. I have an idea. Oh, no. I also have an idea. I want to hear Elga. Unless Barney, I doubt our idea is the same one, but what is your idea? Say them at the same time in three. One, two, three. No, no, no. I can shape stone.

And I touch a stone object, medium size, smaller, and can shape the dimensions and form it in any shape that I want, so I could just, basically, we make our own way in and avoid the… As in make a door somewhere else in the building. There's a moat around this whole place. Correct. We are entering via the only bridge. We can't cross a moat. We can all… Everyone can fly!

Yes, everyone. No, this is not true. Anyway, go ahead. Could I jump on to one of the Svaratus and give him a hug? I miss you, Svaratu. I was gone for so long. To be home. Yeah, make a... I love it. Let's make a strength check. Yeah. Yes.

I have a follow-up on this. I'm going to let her resolve. No, I hope this cooks. 16. There's something here. And then I'm going to make the Sferatu make a concentration check. Good call. 17. Darn it. Yeah, the Sferatu, you know, doesn't shove you off or anything, but doesn't, you know, warmly return your hug and your embrace. It still seems to be maintaining whatever concentration it is that he has. My father will be very upset to see you.

Speaking of, you look hungry. Do you want a fruit?

The Sfratu does not acknowledge you. I got a flat orange. The Sfratu looks at you and then, you know, narrows its eyes. We do not need to eat. Yeah, but you don't need to, but it's certainly tasty. I mean, there's lots of things you don't need to do in life that you do for the pleasure. We do not eat fruit.

Always worse in Barney's voice. Good morning. Do you want to maybe like ask if you could come in and see like what happens? I think if you walk through, it's going to be fine. It's fine. But yeah, I wonder like if

Sirs, is it okay if I bring my friends up? We're going to, I was going to show them my room. As long as they have been invited by Count Dracula or delivered their password. Oh. Password, what's the password? Could you, I've been away for so long. Could you remind me what the password is? Just whisper it to her. Cannot do that.

Okay, the password is can't do that. Can I? Wait, we can figure this out. Wait, can I ask? I have a question to Helga. Helga? No, Helga. Helga. Is it only living creatures that can't pass through?

No, I think you just have to be invited. But like if we were dead for all intents and purposes. I don't know if it has anything to do with... She's not dead. She's undead. No, no, but like I guess we got these fruit that make you literally like you are dead. Not mine. I have them. So I was like, could we just like... Could we get in it and you carry us in like a suitcase? Like if I'm bringing in a corpse? Yeah, yeah. I think it...

Yeah, yeah, sorry. May not. Maybe we can ask, but I feel like it's more like in a world where there's like dead, undead, and living combined. I feel like these guys are just screening for people that may or may not trespass into the land. Or have been invited. Do you think any of the shopkeepers would have had the password? Were any of the people that we talked to in the shops, were they vampires? You said a lot of people in the area were vampires, but we never asked about any of the shopkeepers. Make a...

Wisdom check. I have a perfect recollection of things I see. Yeah, but you have to interpret what it is that you saw. Did I see fangs? No. I have an idea. I didn't see fangs. No. Okay, and what check was it again? Just so I can run it. Wisdom. Oh, sure. Why not? Let's see what Mr. I don't know what the password is. I have an idea. 19. No, you don't believe any of the shopkeepers you encountered were vampires. Okie dokie. I'm going to pull out the Carctus Day, the yonder letters.

And I'm just going to write, what's the password to Vania? The secret password to Vania. Oh. That's a good idea. Okay. So I think we've been thinking that the wrong person's been writing these notes to us. This could be a total shot in the dark, but we're just going to see how it goes. Yeah.

And just so I'm clear, where are you doing this? Are you still doing this in the antechamber up there by the gargoyles and the Sferatu? Or do you walk away from the Vamspire? Chip is one stealthy dude. He's going to kind of just like wander back maybe over to the drawbridge and just kind of yell, you know. You know kids these days at school and they're texting under their desks and it's kind of out of sight from the teacher and they get biotic because, oh, they're so stealthy. Okay, so you're at the other side of the moat, like away from the Vamspire, back kind of where the protesters were.

sure yeah I kind of wander back over that I think I think you should do that in case there's like alarms yeah so you send off the car to say yeah and you feel a tapping on your shoulder

I look at the tapping. You turn around and the alchemist is standing there. He says, I don't know. Yeah, it's the alchemist because he's the one who's been sending the messages. What do you need the password for? We got to get into the dark, the tampon, the tampon spire, whatever. Yep. Right, right. The tampon spire. We got to get in there to talk to Dracula. Do you know a better way to get in there? Just because it's a long...

Barbara trying to take a drink out of her flask. I have to make the joke. I have to make it. That's a good one. Well, it would seem to me that perhaps the password can be perceived or overheard somehow. Perhaps there's an alternate way to get into the Vanspire. We can use our rogue.

This is your moment. This is your moment. I was trying to do it, but yeah, okay, right? This is your moment. You just need to hide in the antechamber and listen for someone else to enter. Gus, I hide. Sounds like you said I hide. I hide. That should work, right? I don't know. It's a plan. Okay. You're very sneaky. I'll whistle for the gang.

And I have him huddle up around me near the alchemist. Okay, what are you doing? I think I'm going to try to hide. Maybe I can kind of linger off the drawbridge and then try to overhear the password as someone else passes through. That is a fantastic idea. Yeah? You came up with that all on your own, didn't you? Yeah. So proud of you. Thank you. I think it's a great idea. While you do that, we'll go take a rest. We won't. Yeah.

I don't know. It's worth a try. And also... Don't you have? I have a jar of the baboon. Do I still have that? I can't tell. I thought you used it. I think I had two climbing potions and I used one, but I don't know if I used the other. You just need to be able to hide, though. Yeah. So go do that. Yeah, I'm going to hide under the drawbridge and try to listen in to see. Oh, under it. Yeah. Okay. So you're from the far side of the drawbridge, or bridge.

You're going to get under it, climb across the bridge, and then listen from down there to try to figure out what the password is. Yeah, and they're just going to hide there. Can I give them a scroll of guidance so that I cast guidance on them? So are you going to cast guidance on them or give them a scroll of guidance? Yeah, just cast guidance on them. There you go. Okay, yeah. Now what does that do?

D4? Yeah, it's just a... You roll a D4 for... It's like additional... For an ability check. Is it one time or how long is it last? I think it's just a one-time use thing. Yeah, you touch one willing creature once before the spell ends. Target can roll a D4 and add the number. Roll to one ability check of its choice. It can roll to die before or after making the ability check. Spell then ends. Oh, useful. How do you touch him? I go in front. Okay.

We can do this. Okay, I accept. Okay. First of all, I'll say make a... Let's call it an athletics check to have you scamper around under the bridge. Okay. I'm excited. I'm here to watch. Use my inspiration. Yeah. Yeah.

That is a 13. 13? No. Might be better. Yeah. Sometimes it's just a 10. 13. Yeah. This isn't like the stealth check. This is just to see if you're able to... Keep you falling to the blood and die. To crawl around. Yeah, it's not easy. It's very smooth on the bottom of the bridge, but you're able to make your way to the far side. Okay. And make a stealth check.

I know how to do these. I'll give you advantage because you're also under the bridge, like out of sight. I already got advantage, but I'll take super advantage if you want. Nah. No, I mean, I could, you know, hey, just give it to me because, you know, those rolls might not have been that good. He rolled bad. What'd you get? A 10 and an 11. You don't have any, like, items or anything to help you out with that? You have a plus eight. How'd you end up with a 10 and an 11? A two and a three. A little out of my element. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I have some sort of reaction. Use your guidance. Oh, yeah. Damn it.

That's exactly what it's for. -Roll a d4 and get it. -That's plus one. -So 12.

Remember when I said this is our rogues moment? I remember those words. It's my moment. You're hanging under the bridge and after several minutes you hear footsteps approaching. Okay. Make a perception check. You gotta hear it. Here's my moment. That's a three. I'm gonna roll.

Like without modifiers, you rolled an 8 and 11 and then have then rolled a 2, 3, a 1, and a 4. I'm going to use a lucky. And I'm going to use perception again. Oh, thank God you have lucky. And that's a... Come on, dude. You have a negative 1. That's a 0. You rolled a 0. You rolled a 0. Do you have any more lucky? Yeah.

I'm going to roll another lucky. Oh, my gosh. We need this, dude. It's my moment. Can I try to listen from where I am because I have keen hearing? Yes. What's the point of me doing any of this? Let's get through this roll, Chip, and then we'll get to you.

That's a two. Oh my god. Do you have any more luckies? Don't worry, I got one more lucky. Turns out Chip's just underwater the whole time. He is drowning literally and like figuratively. You're using all your luck points. If you can hear me, honey bunny, give me the power. Come on, come on, come on. That's an eight. Let's just hear what he hears today.

Sa-sa. She's... She's... Maybe she's... Sha-sha? Sha-sha. Sha-sha.

And then you hear the footsteps receding away, going into the vamp spire. Okay. All right, then I'm going to wait until the next person comes by. Can you wait? Maybe. Elga, you have some kind of... I wanted to use my keen hearing ability. For one minute, I have advantage on perception checks that rely on hearing. Okay. Okay, so I would say normally at this distance, you would have... Advantage. Disadvantage, because it's so far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But...

Your keen hearing cancels that out. So you'll just roll a normal perception check. So you get to just roll a good perception. But Elgar rolls good perception. But there's two of us rolling perception, though. Yes. 17. Stoker.

Stoker. Like Bram Stoker. Stoker. Yeah, Bram Stoker. Mmm, they make good breakfast. Stofers. Yep. Since you are not under the bridge, Elga, you know, you're up where the protesters were earlier, you see that the people who walk up to give the password don't say it to the Sferatu. They whisper it to the gargoyle. Copy. Okay, okay. And then they walk into the vamp spider. Okay, so he has to get out from underneath this thing now. And climb back to the gang. What you hear, Chip?

Elga and I heard it together. I think I saw her perking her ear up, and between the two of us, we got it covered. Yeah. Okay. Two syllables. Stoker. I was going to say at the same time. You took the words right out of my mouth. I went faster than he was prepared. Stoker. Stoker. But you guys have to say it to the Gargoyles. Gargoyle. Right. Yes. Mess. Mess. Mess. Mess.

Matina's just shaking their head. Hold on. Skipper just brought me another letter. It says both of my parents just died. The alchemist says, Looks like you have this perfectly under control. I'm going back to Francesca. Okay. Oh my gosh. We'll be back, sir. All right. Yes.

Okay, everyone knows what to do? Yeah. Okay, I'll still lead the way. Okay, you all begin crossing the bridge with Elga leading the way. Could Elga just go through? Yeah, Elga, you walk straight through. No problem. Did Elga talk into the thing? No. Okay, Mateed goes to the gargoyle and goes, Stokja. Okay.

Oh, and I walk proudly through. Okay. You walk right through and join Elga. I do. Barney goes to the gargle, says, and then walks through. Okay. And then Chip walks up to the gargle. Gargle. The blurb gargle. I want to mess this up, but I'm not going to. Okay.

And then I pet the gargoyle, and then I walk through. Okay. It'd be real bad if you messed it up. What'd I say? Hey, sweet Chipainy. Hey there, it's me, Chipainy. Oh, no. You mean Count Chip. Yes. Yeah. Count Chipula. Chocula. All right, what happens? As you move through the open archway, you pass by two red-robed batfolk you recall as the Sfratu. They pay you no mind as they chant in unison and conjure clearly powerful magics.

Beyond them, ornate sconces of torchlight flicker across glossy black stone walls leading further into the belly of the tower.

Welcome home, sister. Welcome home, sister.

Oh, that gave me goosebumps in real life. Find out what happens in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Turns out it's just a mixed identity. Like they didn't know. It was the wrong sister. Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry. My bad. I thought you were still with us. Tales of Doc. How do you spell that? T-A-E-L-Z-A-D-O-K. Cods. Sorry, I'm going backwards.

All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you all next week. Oh, gosh. Bye-bye. Bye. Oh, dear. Did you know you can directly support the show by subscribing at StinkyDragonPod.com slash first. You can join the ranks of amazing little stinkers like Tusk Centaur, Scarlet Seven, Duffinator 56, Dino SA, and Know How. These people are directly supporting the show and they get access to more great content like Second Wind. They can access our subscriber-only Discord channels and events and more. Check out StinkyDragonPod.com slash first.

We can't thank you enough for your support and helping us to make this show. Listeners that interact with us on social media and Discord had NPCs named after them in this episode, like Marin the Shopkeeper, always named by Talaya, who's a first member, and is voiced by Carrie Shawcross, at Carrie Shawcross. The Alchemist is voiced by BlizzBear, at BlizzBear, with a three instead of an E. The Spiratus, voiced by David Sagnier, at David underscore Sagnier. Francesca Esteban is voiced by Jessica Vasami,

at Jessica Vasami, The Mummy, aka Ryder Rajad, voiced by Hannah McCarthy, at hihello underscore Hannah, and Hexel the Glurbian, voiced by Elise Willems, at Elise Willems. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger, with additional editing work by David Sanier. Head over to stinkydragonpod.com slash first for all things stinky. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

You can bite, we won't budge till we get some oversight. People in the crowd start to shout. You can use some workshopping on that. Bite and sight? Come on. Yeah, but like the rhythm, you know. Sorry, keep going. Keep protesting. You can bite, we won't budge till you give us some new fudge. That's what I was thinking. Micah, do you want to put, Micah, do you want to put it in there? New fudge for everyone. Is that a thumbs up? I saw a finger rising up into the sky. He said it was a big thumb. Long thumb.