C02 - Ep. 33 - Passé in Perrish - All Your Hags in One Basket
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

This is a Rooster Teeth production.

Good day all you dark weavers! Skitter your way into the stinky dragon, guzzle our latest gulp, web and flow. It's a mixture of strongly brewed necro coffee, a bite of honey, murky almond milk, shaken with lots of eyes. One taste of this tarantulaic tonic is enough to give you eight legs to stand on.

Previously our adventurers were enlightened with the dualistic life of the alchemist. Next they plotted back into Parish and plotted their next move to handle the hags. But can they overcome the coven? Or will they become the coven's next victims? Latch onto a libation, let's leap into our lore.

Is this a Mandela effect moment or do you normally say good evening at the top? Good evening. No, it's Mandela effect for sure. Yeah. You've said either. You've said good day all the time. I feel like good day. Yeah, it is a Mandela. You said that. I was like, that's wrong. It should be evening or night because this is a spooky setting. That's what I thought. But you know what? But the podcast is released at 10 a.m. So what do we do? 6 a.m. for... 6 a.m.? 2 a.m. for audio. 2 a.m. on audio. Yeah. Yeah. Time.

It's Constra. There's got to be people listening to it right at 2 a.m., right? Doing the overnight shifts or something like that. I have listened to podcasts the moment that I get the notification from Spotify. Yeah. Shoot an arrow. Shoot an arrow. Shoot me. Shoot Sean. Micah says the greeting is usually alliterative based on the monster. What does he know?

Based on the monster? Yeah. What's the monster for today? This was good day, all you dark weavers. Okay, okay. Dark weaver day. I'm going to hit our players with an arrow. Thank you. My name is Gustavo Cerullo. I'm the dungeon master. And this week's role-playing warm-up question is, what does your character do to relax slash de-stress? Well...

Hello. I'm Barbara Dunkelman. What's up? Sup, bros? What's up? And I play Elga von Brath, the half-elf vampire barbarian, level six. And Elga, you know, she wants to really kick back and relax. She does a number of things. One of her favorite relaxing hobbies is hunting. Going out into the forest or into the city, finding unsuspecting person and giving them a little...

little taste hunting people for friends yeah for friends yeah definitely not blood definitely not

I thought this was a room I was alone in here. Confession booth. You said an unsuspecting person. Are these like, yeah, that's the question. Are the arrow questions answered together as a group or is it like a confessional? In the theater of my mind, this is a cutaway. They're in an interview setting akin to the office and they're just answering to the camera. So the interviewer who is Gus going, people? And I'll go, no. Yes, like reality show, like confessional style. Yeah, I like that. Yes.

So, yeah, that's what I do to relax and then lie and, you know, stretch my legs. Just some mild murder. Yeah. And that and bubble baths. So, hunting and bubble baths. Not correlated whatsoever. Coagulated. Coagulated.

Is that the word? Yeah, yeah, you got it. Type A bubble bath. Gross. Hi, I'm Barney Farney, played by Chris Damaris. He was like, mm-hmm. I'm a human cleric. And, you know, what I like to do to unwind is I go out to the market and I talk with people who pass by if they'll stop. And I like to unwind yarn. Oh.

You take a ball of yarn and you just kind of unwind it and then you wind it back up around. It's just, and you talk to people. That actually kind of does sound relaxing. I don't get the connection between the two activities. Unwinding. I know, but why are you unwinding the yarn while you go and talk to people? In my mind, Barney thought that that's what crocheting was. He saw someone doing it and he's like, I can do that. And that it's like a mobile activity. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. And I just like people have such interesting stories. Chris delivers the majority of Barney's lines directly at me. And I just go with it. That's great, Chris. I mean, Barney. So Barney, you like to listen to the stories as opposed to being the one who tells the stories is what I'm gathering. Or listen. Both. Hmm.

Sometimes talk and listen. He's just wandering up to people he doesn't know, unwinding yarn and listening. You know, sometimes... Well, he's doing something, so they're suspecting. It's just an old man just puttering up to y'all, not saying anything and pulling apart. I do like the idea that he's breathing really loud, though. I also think he also just starts mid-story. Like, you have no idea what he's...

Oh, when I went to the store. Is he talking to me? A completely believable story. I went to a craft fair and I got locked into a conversation with an old man for, I kid you not, minimum 15 to 20 minutes. So old people lonely. You know, you can talk to an old person if they're not problematic. We're practicing with Barney. Yeah. Hey, I'll go next. Hey there, it's me. It's Chip Haney. It's your best pal from Wisconsin.

Wisconsin. Where's that? Wisconsin. This is in my lore. You've established. Wiz. Wisconsin. It's all the way where the wizards are from. Oh, gotcha. I'm played by Blaine Gibson. Chip Hades of Tiefling Rogue, level six. And, you know, I have multiple activities for unwinding. You know, I do a little bit of yoga when we were taking a long rest and I got the time. If not, it's a short rest. I'll do. I'll practice my box breathing. And then when we have like a really long rest,

You know, go out into the city and follow some leads on my missing wife, Carol. Might pick up a few people, interrogate them. They don't give me the information I want or I think that they're suspicious. I'll also kill them. It's weird, though, because I keep running into Elga. I was going to say, Chip, we could combine our relaxation hobbies together. I just didn't know that that's how you blew off steam. That's how I blew off steam. We got so much in common. Also, sorry that I'm listening in.

So I know you you you gave a lot there to unpack ship what's box breathing Oh box breathing It's where you breathe in

For three seconds. Practice it with me, podcast listener. Three seconds. And then you hold on to it for three seconds. Uh-huh. And then you release for three seconds. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, and you just keep doing it. And you breathe. And it's like making a box. Why is it a box? It's two. You breathe in, out. Breathe in. Breathe out the Eucalyptus box. Breathe in. Breathe out. You forgot to hold. Yeah, that's somewhere in there, too. It might be a triangle or pentagon box.

It's just all about the breathing. Okay. Just curious why it was a, it was a box, but I guess that makes sense. Yeah.

To be honest, my real world doctor actually told me this and I still don't understand why it's called box breathing. It's because of the holding. She made the square. Yeah. I was like, okay, I'll just breathe more. It's more for a visual hold out. Yeah. Anyways, I hyperventilated and passed out. What the audio listeners can't see is Barbara tracing a square in the sky. A visual learner. Anyways, murder. That's my long and short of it. Okay. I'm sensing a common theme in some of these answers here. Yeah. Yeah. We all have almost the

Elga and Chip murder and Barney murders someone's brain. I'm John Reisinger and I play Matty Confucius. He's an Eric Cochran ghost monk. And what do I do to unwind? Oh, it's very simple what I do to unwind. I actually talk to my therapist. Oh.

Yes. That sounds healthy. Yeah. I mean, I'm all about bettering oneself and taking responsibility for one's own actions and thoughts and everything. And so, yeah, a therapist really helps with that. And so, yeah, that's what I do. You know, there's a non-zero chance that your therapist would talk to you, then encounter Barney out in the wild. Get out of my confessional booth. Then get kicked, beaten and interrogated by me and then murdered by Belga all in one day.

It hit the whole party. Do we get a group rate for family therapy? I like to think that we can all join in in the confessional, but then like that gets erased once we're back in the campaign. Ah, yes, yes. Non-canonical. No one remembers that. The confessional is after the fact. After all the events. We are talking to the barkeep. That's implying that we all survived this campaign, which is...

My goodness. Yeah. What are you talking about? Speaking of which, we're at a very pivotal moment. Yeah. In the campaign. Yeah. I'm in the ground. Big battle, but also a pivotal moment because we're getting to the end of Stinkuary. Oh, yeah. Is this the end of January? This is past Stinkuary, yeah. No. No. It's next week. The last episode of January? This episode comes out on the 23rd? The 23rd. Of January.

Jen, think you're worried. So we have our big live stream. No, I think it comes out the 30th. Oh, never mind. Forget this. 30th is after the live stream. Yeah, it comes out the 30th. You're right. Oh, Chris was actually so excited and he fully deflated right there. I was so sad to watch. Here's the thing about today's episode. We got to be extra nice to Chris because it's his birthday today. Is it? The release?

No, today. With real life. Wait, really? Today's Chris's birthday. I feel like a terrible friend. That's okay. I don't care. Your haircut looks great. Thank you. Bon anniversaire. I got you an inspiration die for your birthday. Oh, yeah. I already have one.

It's called triangle living. It could be a party favor. Let's fight. Yay.

- Yeah! - That's a big fight. - As you are sneaking over, Chip, the hag eye in your possession suddenly glows with a green light and you hear a shriek of laughter bellow from the purple and blue hags. The green hag cries out from the nearby cage. - Chip! - Chirac and Skitch begin chanting. - We can see you! - You've got a beacon in your pocket.

Shrek and Skitch join hands and their feeble figures rise into the air. Shiby's cage also rises into the air behind them. On each of their foreheads, a third green eye appears. Oh! One claw! Three talons! Our coven united! Three hags!

One sisterhood! Our power is ignited. All three hags erupt with sickly green flames and a shockwave booms throughout the cavern. For the first time since you've seen them, all three hags no longer appear as decrepit old crones, but instead a trio of fearsome and formidable witches. Everyone roll initiative. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Wait restart the math equation I got lost at three hacks One clock three talents to one forms three talent by United three hags square root one sisterhood our

Our power is ignited. All right, fine. Let's solve for pi. That equals everyone roll initiative. Yay!

Yay. I feel like in the audio design, David, just whatever Blaine says, just make it really quiet. So it seems like Blaine's in the other room. Whispering. No, that's hilarious. Did we roll initiative last time? Because I think I had a good roll. You all did. Do you want to use that? Does everyone want to use your initiative from last time? I'd be okay with it, but it's up to the room. I have no idea what it was. I got them all here. It was five for Mateed, 21 for Barney, 21 for Elga, 19 for Che. Party-wide, it was pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, except for Mateed. Except for Mateed.

And then Barney, what's your dexterity? Super fast. Two. Super fast. Or 15 plus two. Mine's 14, so you would go ahead of me. Your super fast was before you looked at it because I saw you scroll to it. That's just the confidence of Christopher Damaris. I knew it was like a plus. Barney would be ahead of Elga then because his dex is better. All right. That's where Minecraft Villager comes out when you make noises like that. Yeah.

All right. And just to reset the stage so you all remember, you all were in this. We'd all prepped to try to do an attack. Correct. You all had gotten into position. You're in this like the Talon HQ slash lair. And you had some cavalry who had come with you to assist you. He did so good. He's been pretty good about it ever since I gave him the tip. Just pronounce like capillary. Cut to Gus practicing in his mirror every night. Cavalry, cavalry.

I go to sleep in fear. It's the last thing I say before I fall asleep and the first thing I say when I wake up. That's good. It's concerning his wife. She's very worried. And I guess I'll re-describe the lair a little bit just so you have like a bit of a layout as to what's going on. It's like a standing army. There's a lot of people. Yeah, there's like people going through the tunnel. There's all the...

Yeah, that's kind of why I wanted to give a little bit of an overview, more so than normal, just because there was a lot going on. So in this big lair, this is where you all had been before, where you fought Louis in the Ice Dome. There is a body of water, kind of like a reed,

a river going from east to west, kind of in the northern portion of the room, along with a large tree at the northern end. On the western end, the northwestern corner of the room, there's a bunch of magical oddities surrounded by some darklings. In the center of the room, that's where Skitch, Shirok, and Shivy are, along with the Headless Horseman. I thought Shivy was in a cage. She was. She still is. But the cage has started floating in the air. So

And she's in the center of the room as well. Well, she's kind of off to the eastern side. That's kind of where Mateed, I believe, had gone off to. I was laughing because Mateed's in the ground trying to go into the cage. Oh, yeah. And the cage is not flying. And then in the southeastern corner of the room, there is a pile of corpses. Now...

Is Shivy floating or is Shivy's cage floating? Probably both. Because I'd imagine that she's floating, but the cage is still heavy. Like on her? She's going, ah! The gravitational power is coming from her, not the cage. Right. She's waiting down. So just to clarify, the cage began floating and it has also moved to the center of the room. Okay. So it was in the eastern portion, but now that it's floating, it's kind of like,

Joined with the other hags cool cool. Oh, I saw the hag eyes, so that's giving away my location even if I go into hide That's why they said we can see you I tried something different this time I tried to draw what you were describing As you said it was great it is a beautiful drawing it is a

blue line across the center of a... It is a river and then a tree. How accurate is that, Gus? I don't think you said river. I think you said body of water. I said a body of water, but I did say it was flowing. It is kind of a river. This is the water you all used when you escaped. This is unprecedented. Gus has left his DM station. He came to look at my... It looks like a child's drawing. Oh, we know what it looks like. We don't have to see it. But all I got is the tree, the river, and then a...

A cage? It looks more like a waffle iron. It does look like a waffle iron. Send that image to Ben. We can do that on social. Oh, that was the cage. That was the cage. I thought it was like a sewer grate. I didn't know what I was looking at. Okay. There's a new, there are new episodes of Bluey on Disney Plus. And one of them, the theme of it is not being able to understand what your kids are drawing. Uh-huh.

when they draw it and that whole, I guess you came and that you just gave me those vibes. - That looks like the worst country's flag. Like pirates took over a small island and that's the best they came up with. - There were no like graphic designer pirates.

Remember, be nice to Chris for his birthday. Chris does a very good job. He just turned six. Shock he's made it this far. Barb's version of be nice to Chris was pander Chris. Yeah, very good drawing. Good use of color. Well, speaking of Chris, Barney, you are up first. You have the highest initiative roll. What did Barney do to prep? I cast that really cool spell. That...

That stops the fae. What was it called? Parvac is wiping Chris's spit off her face. I was... Yeah, he was... You're in the beginnings of casting that spell that would capture a bunch into one spot. Yeah, but I was...

I was going to do the separate the witches. Right. From their crew. Oh, no. Separate the three witches. It sounds like they went over. Yeah. Yeah. So, so, so. Witch, witch. So. I know. Chris has a lot of intense energy, which is great. I really appreciate it. He's present here. But as he was like talking to Blaine there, your eyes were wide and your neck was clenching. Should we put Blaine and Chris next to each other so Chris can't look directly at Blaine anymore?

He just, I think he finds comfort in Blaine's presence and the connection that they have as friends. And I think that's there. And I think that's actually meaningful. Yeah, we're buddies. I was casting Leemon's tiny hut. No, it wasn't really. Not that one. I can't find the one I was casting. Gus, can I have the Dungeon Master screen? Magic Circle! That's right. And it's like a binding thing. Magic Circle. And it separates it from all the other types and it makes them weaker inside of it and they can't leave it. Why is he yelling so loud?

Why is he yelling? No, he's fine. He's fine. I'm ready for battle. I appreciate that Chris is really here for this moment. If I remember right, correct me if I'm wrong, Chris, you had tried to cast it in such a way that you were separating the hags from each other, right? Like it wasn't some outside hag. Yeah, I think he was making it as a spell. Yeah, the two outside hags. The two hags that aren't caged. And caged. Right. Right. You were trying to encircle both Skitch and Shirok in it. Was that? No. No.

No? Only one of them. Okay. That's what I thought, is that you were doing it to separate the outside one from... So you were separating Skitch and Shirok from each other. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And if I could get any of the other Haglings...

thrown in there. That's right. He asked if there's anybody close and you said nobody was. Unless they probably haven't moved yet. Correct. It like took a minute to cast it right. Yeah, we'll say he was prepping it ahead of time. It's 100% Chris's turn so you can avoid my questions on my turn but I do have a question that might help you. Gus, may I have the floor? The chair recognizes the Honorable Chip Haney from Wisconsin. Your Honor!

Can we tell if Shivey, if she was given the opportunity, would she be able to separate? Is she showing like signs? Is it the cage that's binding her? That would have to be some kind of insight check on your turn to try to ascertain that. Can Chip ascertain, is the cage stopping her from going or is it her? Yeah. You know, like she might be like magnetically. My guess is that they're all floating together. Yeah.

because they all have to be together. And like, it's just pulling like the cage essentially is like around. So can I separate them, your honor? So what you're asking is if your magic circle goes into effect. Yeah, can I do that? Yeah, we'll say sure. Your circle pops up. It's a 10 foot radius. Circle gets the square. 10 foot radius, 20 foot tall cylinder of magical energy centered on a point that would allow you to encapsulate

Skitch, but not Chirac. How high are they up in the air? Well, I'll answer that in a second here. I just want to finish going over this. I was just asking because of the cylinder. Because it has to be centered on a point on the ground that you can see within range. Yeah, so if they're higher than 20, it has no effect on them. But let's go over what effects you did choose first.

So you chose a fake creature and it would affect them. They would not be able to willingly enter the cylinder. The creature tries to use teleportation or interplanar travel and must first succeed on a charisma saving throw. Any creature inside of it has disadvantage on attack rolls against targets within the cylinder. Okay. Targets within the cylinder can't be charmed, frightened, or possessed by the creature.

When you cast this spell, you can elect to cause its magic to operate in the reverse direction, preventing a creature of the specified type from leaving the cylinder and protecting the targets outside of it. And that's what you wanted, right? Yeah, so that... Well, what I want to do is make it so that the one that's in it can't leave it. Okay. And then can the other Fae go into it? So I'm going to say they could enter because normally...

The normal operation is a creature can't willingly enter the cylinder. Then if you cast the reverse, a creature cannot willingly leave. Normally, they could not enter it, but they could leave it. But now since you're reversing it, they cannot leave it, but they can enter it. And I'll say that they're floating about 15 feet in the air. So the cylinder would be tall enough. Okay. But she does get a charisma save DC 17.

Did that answer all your questions? Wait, she gets a charisma save to be caught in it? Yeah. There's a save at the top. Charisma 17. Oh. I hope she misses it. Okay, let's see here. Did that answer all your questions? I do too, Chris. Did that answer all your questions, Chris? Yes, yes, yes. Sorry, I know that's a spell we never used before. It's very complicated. I want to make sure we understand all the ins and outs of it. It's always interesting to learn about. Okay, so charisma... Come on.

Saving throw. She has good charisma. Oh, no. She got a plus three on that. So she needs a 14 or better to make it. Too high. Yeah. I mean, it's still in your favor. That is a five. That's a failed save. She's trapped. For your birthday. Yeah.

Should Chris have advantage on all his roles? Let's not go crazy. We just need our birthdays to land on boss fights. Right. So they begin floating in the air about 15 feet. Your magic circle finally solidifies and, you know, finally takes effect and encapsulates Chirac. Did that surprise you, Barney? No, no, that was in like... That's Barney trying to become an air conqueror.

Speaking Matisse language. And then can Barney run into that circle? Run? Or hobble? Whatever, you know, like make his way. Imagine he gives a warrior cry that lasts like half an hour. Yeah. It's like that scene in Austin Powers when the... The ice...

I was thinking more like... No, it was like a steamroller. Steamroller, yeah. What's that politician in the... Who? Oh, yeah, the one that fell out of the presidential race car because he went... Oh.

You're about 80 feet away from where Chirac is. Okay. All right. Well, because he's at like where we all came in. Correct. Because he didn't move. I know. I believe Chip had started moving to the east and Matit had gone underground in the eastern direction as well. But I believe where we left it was Elga and Barney were both still near the entrance. Yeah. So since we had like precast that, was that my action or was that like...

I'll say it doesn't take an action that you had already started casting that previously. Okay. Well then what I will do now is I'm going to cast. Is the thing you just cast a concentration spell? I just wanted to bring it up in case you accidentally cast another concentration spell because I wanted to hold. No, it isn't. It's not a concentration spell? It is not. So is it a time? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's timed.

So I don't have concentration. And I cast... Spirit Guardians! This is loud as Chris has ever been. Chris is really bringing it today. How much coffee did you have? I call four spirits to protect me. They fit around you within distance of 15 feet for the duration. And they do... Are you doing Radiant or Necrotic? No, they do... Of course I do Radiant.

- On an affected creature, speed is halved in the area. I choose all my party members and the cavalry to be unaffected by it. And on a failed save, when they enter it, they take 3d8 radiant damage. - So I do have to give a quick point of clarity here. - Yeah. - So I wouldn't say that, you know, since your other spell, you started casting in a previous turn, you know, it activated here. I said it didn't take an action.

There is still a line there. You cannot cast two spells in one turn unless this one's like a cantrip or something. Because it's his birthday. I just didn't... So you can cast a spell that's a non-action, like a bonus or a reaction, or you can use a cantrip or attack, but...

Really, we're crossing a line if you cast two leveled spells in one turn. Let me step in as the loyal now. If he does the radiant thing on the next turn, can we do that thing where he walks back and forth to proc the effects like I do in Baldur's Gate? That's what he did the last time we were in this room. Did he really? Yes. Oh, that's great.

Hmm. I don't, my memory resets on each episode. Who am I playing? Chutes and Ladders. Is that a spell? I'm looking. I don't think it really affects you that negatively because you weren't going to be able to get close enough for it to take effect this turn anyway. Yeah. Oh.

To queue it up in case they enter your space. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good spell. Well, then here's what I can do, Gus. Is I can use my, as my action, I will do my, my rate, my, I'm a cleric and I do step. Is it still Chris's turn? Twilight sanctuary. As an action, you present your holy symbol and a twilight emanates from me.

30 foot radius to fill the dim light for one minute until I'm incarcerated or die and I grant 1d6 plus 6. Incapacitated. I grant 1d6 plus 6 temporary hit points.

Or I can end the charming or frightening. And I do the 1d6 plus six to myself at the end of my turn. I'm going to roll it now just preemptively. He's not even waiting for Gus's go ahead. He's just saying, I'm going to roll it. That is a 4d6.

That is 10 temporary hit points for Barney. And anyone within 30 feet of me will get it. I think probably just me. Yeah, I think it is just Elka. So you said 10 temporary hit points? Well, at your turn. At the end of your turn. As long as you're nearby him. So come to me. And then as my bonus action. Oh, my God.

That's my bonus action. He's really punching those consonants. Oh, yeah. Closest. Closest. If he just says it loud and empowers through the description, you're not going to stop him. I can't. You physically can't. This thing's happened. He's using the power of headphones to overwhelm you. I can't think because my ears are getting stabbed. Until you incarcerate him. I know. He said that.

This is the greatest flub ever. Quick, somebody arrest that old man. He's punching my eardrums. As my bonus action, I harness divine power. Whisper it. No, I don't do that. As a harness, I steps of night as a bonus action. When you're in dim light or darkness, you can magically give yourself a flying speed equal to your walking speed for one minute. You can do this three times.

So I use that. So now I'm flying. My phone just alerted me there's loud noise nearby. Did it really? No. Barney, now he goes, and then he, and he, he, he goes now into diagonal upwards, like soaring upwards towards, towards the, the, the fight.

Yeah, that's cool. If Mateen can do it, I don't see why Barney can't. When I was a young kid and I was too energetic, one of the things my parents would do in order to try to work that out is they would literally ask me to do laps around the house just to get my energy up. Do we need to do that with Chris? Chris, do you want to go take a lap?

I'll take a lap around this battle. Let's go. Chris, like, knew there was a spite today. I got pumped for it. Hey, Chris, I approve. This is great. Good. I like the synergy. All right, who's next? I'm done. Do you want to trade seats? I think he does.

Well, so Gus, you have the floor. What happens? The chair recognizes itself again. The honorable Judge Gustavo. Elga, you are up after Elga is Chip. Okay. So all that's cool? That's good? We're all good? Yeah, we're all good. Great. Okay, so Elga has readied the Fang Frost spell. Oh, right. You were... You had that proc'd? I had it, yeah. You were just ready for it once...

I'm sorry, Chris just shot his hand up. Once the Darklings got close. Yeah. Did you want to say something? I was just wondering, are they now in their turn? Since I moved 30 feet, are they within my proc? We'll determine that at the end of their turns. Sorry, Barb. Are you crying? Your eyes are watering. I might be from laughing at you.

Okay, so Elga has her Fang Frost ready, and I believe you were preparing it to go off when the Darklings got close to the choke point there in the passageway. Yes. Good move. Yeah, they are, at this point, I would say they're pretty close. Metagame-wise, they're going to move past you and continue their attack into Parish later in the initiative.

So they are as close as they're going to be to you right now. Okay. By the time it's your next turn, they'll have gone too far. I'm going to use it now then. Okay. Yeah. So I'd like to cast Cone of Cold. Yeah. I guess centered on the area that, like a 60-foot cone that I wouldn't hit myself, obviously, but that would try to get the most of them as possible. As far as the cone goes, you're the tip. Man. Right. If I control water, I'd like raise the river and then have her freeze it. Raise the roof. Make a wall. Party start. That'd be cool.

That was crit.

Good one, Christopher. Happy birthday. We're all really happy for you. All right. So a blast of cold air erupts from your hands and each creature in a 60-foot cone must make a constitution saving throw. They take cold damage. 8d8 cold damage. Whoa. A creature killed by the spell becomes a frozen statue until it thaws. Metal. Which is pretty cool. It is pretty awesome. Thank you, Chris. Thank you. Wow, he's hyping me up too. I think it's a good move. Thank you.

I'll be taking autographs after the show. Okay. So it's a constitution save.

Let's see here. I don't think you have a save in here typically, do you? Me? Or who are you talking to? Yeah, you. I don't think I have to do anything. Oh, I see. I see it's in here. DC 13 Constitution. I was just curious what the number was. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, it's 13. Okay. Their Constitution is not great. Plus one. So they need 12 or better. And how many are there? There are...

About 20. Whoa. So are you going to have to roll 20? Yeah. Sorry. That's good. This might be, this could be like one of the biggest attacks we've had so far in this campaign. As far as damage? Could be. I don't know. 88 is not bad. Yeah, but 88 across 20 players though. Sure. You could just like, this could be a fantasy nuclear bomb. A little Boppenheimer.

So basically anything that's like 12 or below. Yeah. Nine of them save. And I think they still take damage even if they save. I believe it's half. Yeah. So go ahead and roll your 8d8 damage. And I just do it once and they all take the same? Yeah. I assume you don't want to roll 160d8. 64. 64. Okay, come on. 8d8. 35. That's above half of what you could have potentially gotten. Yeah.

Do they have more than 35 life? If not, then you just killed 11. Yeah. Just doing some quick math here. They'll erect a statue here to commemorate all the lives lost. No, she erected her own statue. Yeah, 11 of them. How long does the statue last? I mean, I don't know. That's a good question because...

Until it thaws. Until it thaws, so... And I imagine it's pretty cold down here, right? Yeah, it's going to be a little while. And also... I wonder... Again, we're talking about an impasse. It's a bottleneck. It might slow them down. Yeah, a wall of people. A wall of frozen little kids. Plus, I mean, think of the psychic damage, the damage to their, you know...

Morale! There's the morale! Think about that! Sorry. Sorry. Ten hours later. I had a lot of coffee today. Or not enough. No, you didn't. I did. I can feel the coffee energy in this room. It smells like caffeine in here. I can taste it. It's in the air, palpable. Yeah, your cone of cold originates out and then radiates out from Fangfrost in a conical shape out in front of you, catching most of the Darklings by surprise.

freezing all 20 of them in place with looks of horror on their face. Heck yeah. Think about the morale. So they're all frozen. I'm sorry. Did I say darklings? I meant haglings. Haglings, okay. Yeah, it was a horde of haglings. So half that damage was enough to freeze...

The other nine? Okay, cool. What's the most embarrassing pose? Which one of them was the 20? What are they doing? One of them was picking its nose. Ah! I got you! So wait, did the cone hit where it blocked it?

They're still, I think I'm still between them and the choke point, right? Yeah, it wasn't totally the perfect position. It was pretty close, but not quite to where like it blocks everything in. That's pretty good though. Can we make this like a domino situation? We push one and then it kills all the other ones. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

And then how close am I now to Barney? Barney, did you fly your pole? I moved towards the witch. But you flew like at a diagonal up, right? Yeah, yeah. So he flew 30 feet on the hypotenuse. How many times are we going to do the Pythagorean theorem in this show? Oh my God. He's about...

He's up in the air 30 feet diagonally from you. 30 feet up in the air. Oh, okay. He's 30 feet away. Is that C? You solved for C? That is C. C is 30 in this case. So he's 30 feet away from me. Correct. So I'm within 30 feet of Barney, which means I would get the temp HP. Just get right below him, but don't look directly up. You could also advance if you wanted. I guess I'll go closer to the hags as well.

I just meant that you could advance and you'd still get the benefit. Yeah. Now, when Barney floats, does he, like, have, like, a flying motion? Or is this just, like, you're dragging a PNG in Photoshop and he's just still holding onto his walker in the exact same way you're standing? Holds the walker. Yeah. But legs kick.

Oh. It's kind of like a weird ET. Do you know how I genuinely picture the first time you did it? Do you guys remember in the old Disney, Peter Pan, when Tinkerbell drops pixie dust on Nana, the dog, but only gets her butt? Yeah. And so then she's just floating. That's how I imagine, as Barney's holding his walker. It's just his arms are turning. Yeah.

So yeah, I want to move a little closer to the hags, but still within 30 feet of Barney. So do you move your full movement or how far do you move? How, if I move my full movement of 40 feet, how close would that get me to them? You were probably in the same position Barney was initially. So, you know, I said he was about 80 feet away from them. Okay. I'll move the full 40. Oh my God.

I will move the full 40 feet. First try. Say that 10 times real fast. Yeah, that's good. And then I, could I also rage? Absolutely. Okay. I will also rage. I like the sequence of events. It's that you did all that and then move 40 feet and then you just start screaming in anger. It's good intimidation. I think Elga's at the top of the KD ladder. Yes. For this campaign. Anything else, Elga?

No, I will end my turn there. All right. So I get 10 temp HP. No, you get nine because I rolled a three. He rolls it every time for you. Yeah, I have to roll for everyone. Okay. Yeah, so it's fine. Thank you. All right. Chip, you're up. Then a bunch of NPCs and then Mateed. If I were to cover the Haggai to prevent it from seeing, do I perceive if they can like know the location? Because this is going to impact whether or not I can hide from them effectively. Make an Arcana check. Please. Come on.

You're like a plus on intelligence. I'm plus four, yeah. That is a 12. What if you stab the Haggai?

It's their third eye. Yeah, you're right. You think that the magics of the Haggai, it's like a medieval air tag that they can still, they know where it is. It's a sensory just knowing. If I stuffed it in my underoos, they're still going to know. They're going to see something, but they're also going to know where I'm at. Even if it's like in a sack or dark, they would know more or less where it is. They have a good idea of it.

So I'm assuming that if I do what Chris mentioned and I stab it, is that an action? You mean to attack it? Yeah, because it says Haggai has AC 10, 1 HP. What happens if Chip puts it in the bum bag? Oh. It still attracts my location. Yeah, it's an extra dimensional space, but it's still held within Chip's, like in his area. Can I perceive if there's airplane mode? No.

Do you have a lead box you can put it in? Is there a way that I can get rid of this thing without blowing my turn? Yeah, throw it. Drop it. Well, is he going to count that as a bonus action or something? No, I think that'd be like a... Just to throw the hat guy? Come on, Gus. Come on, Gus. Or stat it. That's a turn, though. You don't think it's worthy of an action? That's how little you think of it? Just drop it.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. I'm still gonna see so maybe if I drop it like face down or something drop it Drop it and then move in as you move you step on it. That's good call. I like that Because then he can't say that that's an attack. Yeah, I just happen to be there tripped over it. You just move forward Yeah, I'm just gonna be stomping and if you happen to get in the way, that's your own fault. Yeah, you haven't ever specified How do you step forward?

You know, are you tiptoeing? Are you walking? Are you a member of the Ministry of Funny Walks? How far am I from Shrivey's Cage? Let me take a look. Chip's a stomper. Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm actually a rogue, so I would be like a tiptoe or more than anything. You had moved a little bit. You hadn't double moved. You had done a normal move, right? Or a single move? I think I did a move. If I double moved, then I wouldn't have been able to hide. So I moved and hid. Okay, so you're about there. And my movement speed's, I think, 30. You're the worst person to have had that Haggai, huh?

For stomping, yeah. Because being secretive. Yeah, for hiding. I'm like, come look at me! I'm flying! Come find me! From where you are, the cage is probably, I'd say, between 40 to 50 feet away. Okay. So if I were to, like, unsheath my...

My arm blurbling onto the eye. Are we going to count that as an attack? Could I just stab this thing but not make it an attack? It's Chris's birthday. Unless it's something you need. You could do it at disadvantage.

Because how did you get the eye? He said you could do it at disadvantage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do that. I'll do that. You can do it normal. I just wanted to see if you would accept that. Did you accept it? Yeah. I'll take disadvantage indeed because I got lucky. How did we get that eye again? Could you remind me how we got that eye? I got it from... Did Shivey give it to me? It'll be your third eye blind if you blind it.

Chris, get out of the room. Leave the room. He is on the ball. Thanks for listening, everyone. I'm done. I'm done. Now, how did we get it? I want to say it was when we had Louis turn sides with us. Shivy might have given it to us then. Because I feel like Shivy is on our side. Right. Unless it was a ploy. Unless she's tricking us. Because they put her in the cage, but they know we could see.

Yeah. What? It was trick us.

Yeah. But what does her being in the cage have to do? It lures us. It makes us think that she was in trouble and that she was on our side. We need to go ahead. Oh, now we need to protect the eye. I still think I'm still opting for saving Shivy. You do you. So, okay. I want to kill the eye. I want to stab it. Okay. You said you want to attack at disadvantage. Yeah, and that's not going to be my main attack, is it? It's just because I'm just, you know. Yeah. Wait, so Shivy gave us the eye. So is she just shivy?

You get out with Chris. That was really good. That's an 18. Did you want me to do disadvantage? No, that's okay. Yeah, it hits. Okay, so I stabbed the eye. Oh, I guess I'll do damage even though it's like 1D. It's a 1 HP. That's a 7. That was good. Yeah, that was disgusting. You're welcome.

You have a bright career in foley ahead of you. Yeah, that and bra strap snapping. You deploy your arm blade of blurbling onto the hag eye and it shatters. And as it does so, each member of the coven yells out in pain and pulls their eyes. It also does two damage of poison because my arm blade of blurbling has poison damage. Do you think you can poison a stone? I don't know. Hey, I'm just giving you numbers. You do with them what you want.

I'm pretty sure a rock is immune to poison. Here's the thing. It's an eye, so I was thinking maybe it's like a voodoo doll where it transfers the damage. Anyway, so all of them just go out. Yeah. Is it their third eye that causes them pain? They put their hands to their face in the eye region. You're not exactly sure where. Okay. So this is a whole Three Stooges thing we got going here.

Hey, they weren't expecting that. All right, so that happens. I discard the stone. Because

And then Shivey's in the middle with them. No. No? Right? Yeah, she's not in the middle, but her cage has moved over. She's on the edge. She's with them, but she's on the edge of the room. Yeah, yeah. I guess I'm just trying to say, like, so she's already there. I was going to try to intercept her if she was still in transit. I wonder, so is she, like, floating at the top of the cage? Because the cage, that's what I was saying. I don't know if the cage is floating or Shivey's floating and the cage just happens to be with it. Why would she be on the top of the cage?

She's floating. She's carrying the cage. I see. I see. I didn't understand your question earlier. I understand it now. I think it's more of Magneto in the X-Men animated show. I think that's more like it. Because then I was like, maybe you could jump to the cage. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah. Okay. It's 15 feet in the air and a certain distance away from you. Correct. I have a... What's my jump?

Wait, what kind of jumps? What kind of ups do I got, huh? Is this a Space Jam situation? Am I a dunker? Is that half your movement? Are you trying to jump straight up? Because there's different rules depending on what you're trying to do. I think I want to make my way over to the cage, jump onto the cage, and then lockpick the cage.

Okay, so we would say that that's the high jump. So you're trying to jump up into the air. Yeah. The rules say you can jump into the air a number of feet equal to three plus your strength modifier. Three plus my strength modifier. My strength modifier being, is it 15? Yeah.

No, you're modifier. That's your modifier. Plus two. So five. Five feet. You do a five foot high jump if you move at least 10 feet on foot immediately before the jump. It's higher than you can jump, Blaine. Hold on. Oh. That's not. I have boots on. I have boots on. Five feet is really high. Five feet would be like clearing my shoulder. Right. I could do that. I don't think so. Yeah, if I had the right shoes on, I could do that. So how high is the cage?

It's about 15 feet. What's your carrying load right now? Can you do it with your carrying load? No, you're light because you're a rogue. So I will say it also says in some circumstances, your DM might allow you to make an athletics check to jump higher than you normally can. What about three times as high? So he jumps five feet, but that's what his feet clear.

You actually have your body and your arms extended above that. So you can reach above you a distance equal to the height of the jump plus one and a half times your height. So how tall is Chip? He's tall. He's like 5'10". Okay, so... I'm going to be honest with you. But then you think about his arm reach. So then, yeah. So let's say if that was six, he could reach nine plus five is 14. You're only a foot short.

What about my tail? Is it my tail? Can I hook up with my tail? Why don't you... If you describe it for me vividly, then you can make an athletics check to see if you can eke out that extra... Okay, first of all, it's not from in place. I'm getting a running jump. And if there's any terrain, I try to look for any sort of raised ground to get some extra distance up. How I imagine this is that this is...

You chip approaching the whole thing and then off screen a voice, the narrator talks. And so chip like pulls like a, what's his face saved by the bell. Everything pauses and he turns and he's explaining this to the, to the narrator. Yeah. So, so I'm looking for Ray's ground. Yeah. And, and I'm going to, because my, I also have my tail. I'm going to use that as like kind of an extra push, like a third leg. Okay. To push me off the ground. And yeah, I'm going to reach out with my arms and,

And, oh, I mean, I yell while I do it because that gives me extra distance. Oh, for sure. All right. Yeah. Go ahead and make an athletics check. Let's see if you're able to get that extra foot you need. I used to go bouldering with Blaine a lot and he would scream every time you approached. It's a 12. That's above average. But I have a lucky. But do I fail?

Actually, does lucky let you know? Does lucky let you know? You have three luck points per long rest. Whenever you make an attack roll, an ability check, or saving throw, you can spend one to roll an additional T20 and choose which die to use. You can choose to spend luck points after you roll the die, but before the outcome. He got to the bad part. So 12. It's worth it to me. Yeah, I'm going to reroll that, I guess. Okay. And then you get to choose because that's one of the things that's better. Sure. So what was it? Strength? Athletics. Athletics.

Six. How was it? So 12. So 12. 12's not bad. Do you want to use another lucky? I think 12. He might be baiting you. Yeah, 12's fine. I told you. I told you. In my head, since it's only a foot, I was like, if you get 11 or higher, I was going to give it to you. I know that smile. That's so funny. I know that smile. I wish you just wasted all his luck points and you were like, you're fine with a 12. No.

Gus wishes that too. Yeah. You extend just a little extra. Something gives you a little extra bounce in your step. And you're able to jump up into there and grab on firmly to the cage. I feel like you do the thing where barely the fingers from one arm are able to latch on. Yeah. And then you're able to pull your other arm up and make yourself a little more solid on it. Yeah, exactly how I tore my bicep in real life. And while this happened, Barney goes...

And it is like a maze while flying through the air. I'm below you. Barney, you watching from up there? What? Okay, so then I climb and then I want to use my thieves tools to try to pick the lock to get Shidey out. Okay, make a flight of hand check. Flight of hand, okay. Dun-dun.

Oh, 19 plus 8, 27. Oh, yeah. That's like nothing. Yeah, you're able to, you know, finagle the lock with your tools and get it open. Okay. What do I have left? Because I've done a lot. So I'm just going to let you tell me what, if I have a bonus action, if I have any remaining moving speed. So you moved, you did that, you jumped. I'll say you still have an action if you want it. Generous God, he is. He is, he is, he is. You've been doing really well. Okay. Okay.

I want something cool I could do. I mean, if I'm already up there, I want to jump from the cage onto one of the other hags if they're in distance and just give them a stab. What the heck? I mean, let's make this a real cinematic moment. I mean, what the heck? What the heck? Hey. Hey, why not? Duh. Before you make your leap and do all of that, I want you to make me a perception check.

Here we go. It's a one. Two minus one. Maybe now would be a good like... You're facing backwards. You think now's a good lucky? I mean... You do you, boo. It's totally up to you. It's whatever you want. I just can't believe... I feel like you always roll a one for perception. How does that always happen? Because I have negative modifiers. Because...

Blaine wants to perceive everything. So whenever he actually needs to roll for perception. When you perceive everything, you perceive nothing? Yeah. All right. I'm going to roll another perception with Lucky. Poop. I hate. It's a one! It's a one! You rolled a two again. You have one more Lucky. You have one more? Yeah, do it again. Dude, I never get to use Luckies in combat. It's always in stupid situations. He's going to tell me, your shoe's untied.

Last lucky. This one's going to be a 20. I feel like a dude in Vegas losing everything in slots. Chip needs a new pair of shoes.

19 minus one, 18. Yes. There you go. Yes. Sweaty. Why did I wear overalls? Gus is like, one was enough. Looks like long john silver. One was all you needed, actually. All you need is one. You know, you're preparing to make your jump, you know, over to the hags, but something catches your eye and something tells you that maybe you shouldn't jump.

Something in the cage catches your eye. Oh. What is in the cage? Shivy. Right. Okay. Shivy, get out of here, you big dumb idiot. We gotta go. The door's open. Go. What are you standing around for? Go. Go.

So, um, maybe it's like the dimly lit light or the way that the fire reflects off of Shybee's face, but she looks very familiar to you and you think you see the face of your missing wife. Are you kidding me?

And Shivy's facade in her face slowly dissolves and fades to the familiar face of Carol. What? Wait. I'm going to cry. Wait. Is this an illusion? What does this mean? Uh, okay. Oh, well, he's hanging on this cage. She holds up a finger to her mouth like a shh motion. Okay. Okay. Okay.

All right. Find out what that means in the next episode. No! I know based on our recording time that is not true. I was watching. You couldn't even say that without laughing. There's a Micah suggestion. That's a good one, Micah. Oh, man. Oh, man. I wish. I... Oh, this is heartbreaking. I give her a knowing nod. Very subtle. I'm like, I want to reach out. She's right there. I nod her like that.

No, I can't I doesn't blow like like yeah, no chip chip chip knows how to keep his cool He's been in but this is this might be a different situation They smell like onions Dory

Okay. Blaine just screamed like a banshee at rolling a one and then proceeded to say, Chip knows how to hold. Okay. I'm going to give a knowing nod and then I'm going to use cunning action to go into hide. Okay. And you're going to stay in the cage or what's your plan there? Actually, no. If I have an action remaining, I'm going to pull Shybee out of the cage. Okay.

Actually, like, while I'm disengaging from the cage, I'm going to pull her with my tail. And then I'm just to get her out of there. And then I'm going to go into hiding. This is like a very difficult moment for Chip. So you're pulling her out and then jumping back to the ground? Yes. Okay. Make an athletics check to see if you're able to land and keep your feet under you. Because I got nothing left. Oh, my God. It's 12. Yeah, that's fine. Okay. You pull Shybee slash Carol out with you and jump to the ground below. Okay.

And then, yeah. So is she not floating anymore? No, she is out of the cage. Okay. And not floating. And then I go into hiding. Okay. Then that's it for your turn? Yeah. I feel like I've used enough. I don't know. You tell me otherwise. Her initiative is actually right after yours. It's her turn. So as you're getting ready to hide, she hands you a bottle with some liquid in it. Here, take this. Okay. What is it? Can you perceive? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. One. It's a bottle of hidey and cure. I suspect you're going to need it. Hiding and cure? Hidey and cure. Hidey and cure. That sounds like a dragged queen. What does that do? A dragged queen? Dragged queen. Dragon queen, which is this universe's version. It's a restorative elixir that one of your friends might need later. Oh, she's telling me this. Uh, uh, uh.

I'm trying to keep the act up, you know, like not, not, you know. Yeah, she's like whispering it. Yeah. Like keeping it real, real quiet. Okay. Well, I'm still going to just keep it kind of cold and calculating because obviously I don't want to blow her cover and I don't know what their powers are and how much information she shares unknowingly to them. Yeah. So I take it and then, yeah, I guess I'm just going to run and hide. As you're hiding, I want you to make one more perception check for me. 13. Okay. Okay.

As you, you know, step away and you begin hiding, you feel like some shuffling around near your bag. All right, I checked my bag. It seems like Carol stashed something in there. God, she's quick. She's good. Oh, she's good.

What is it? Maybe you'll find out later. You're in a hurry. You're trying to play it cool. All right, all right, all right. Well, then, yeah, I've gone into hiding. That way I can, like, calculate my next attack. This is also just, like, me just, like, getting a lay of the battlefield. I'm following her lead at this point. So I feel like she'll communicate whatever she needs to us. So I'm just, like, going into hiding and calculating our next steps, my next steps. Okay. Okay.

See, what else is Shivey going to do on her turn? But also tearing up big time. Like, it was a big deal. Now you can hide and cry. I asked earlier if it was her. She's good. She's good. If that's really her. Does she smell like her? Shivey moves away from the other members of the coven, putting some distance between them. Ask about the smell. Does she smell like Carol?

Make a wisdom check. That's another sentence to isolate of just Chris saying... Ask about the smell. Stinky dragon. Chris DeMaris, who still whispers while we're all connected as though only Blaine was going to hear that whisper. It's a 10, but I could do advantage because, you know, smell is the strongest...

memory. It's hard to tell just because there are fires and there's a pile of corpses not too far away in the southeast corner of this cave. I also might have farted a little bit whenever I was surprised to see that my wife was there. So that might have also blended the smell. I do do that sometimes. Yeah, you do do. Yeah, Shiby moves to the southeast a bit trying to put distance between herself and the other hags.

Okay. I feel like that should have been more of an emotional beat, but because she was like, you're mid-battle. Yeah, you can't. That's the life I came. That's the life we chose. He went Italian? Yeah, it's the eternal monologue of Chip. He even brought his hand out into that little hand motion. Chip, what?

Why is the tip of your nose all red? Why are your eyes so shiny? I'm trying to hide. And Elga's just pointing at a bush saying, Chip! Chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip. And then Shivey also appears, you know, moves away a little bit of distance and appears to disappear before your eyes. Oh. And here she goes again.

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The alchemist's turn. Oh. Alchemist is there. Wait. But he's very tired. He's very weak. He can't do much. Was Chip within 30 feet? No, Chip would not have been within 30 feet of you. He's still very exhausted. He's going to do his best to try to help. He's going to give a help action to Mateed. Nice. So Mateed, you'll have advantage on a check or something during your turn. Oh my God, we left Mateed underground.

Oh no. My teeth are falling to the ground. My teeth, my teeth. It's just like clipped through and like, you know, when you play a video game and you just get stuck in a wall.

I'm glitched. Then it's the cavalry. They're positioning themselves to try to stop the advance of the invaders as they head to perish. Do any of them within 30 feet of me? A lot of them would be within 30 feet of you. Probably all of them would be within 30 feet of you. So roll at the end of their turn. Yeah, that's where they'll end their turn. Just roll once for them and I'll apply it to all of them. Shoot, that's a...

One plus six, so seven to all of them. And I guess the alchemist, if they're close enough. Yeah, I'll say they are. Okay. Or was I cavalry? All right, Skitch. Skitch is in the trap. Skitch looks at you, Barney. Yes. And points out like a finger at you and mutters some arcane words. You hurt yourself! Make me a wisdom saving throw. Well, it was 22. Nevermind. Maybe I shouldn't have targeted you.

Okay. You feel like your joints kind of like become stiff and difficult to move, but maybe it's like a little touch of the rheumatoid arthritis, but you're able to work it out. No, Icy Hot. We're very clear about that. We take the Icy Hot money here. Yeah. Well, please sponsor. Please sponsor. That'd be a weird podcast sponsor, but I'm for it. Yeah. Hey, if they get Shaq, they can get us, you know? All the big names in the industry. Shaq.

Barbara Dunkelman. I was going for Stinky Dragon. Can I try to get out of your spell? Can I like resave? No. I think you're trapped in it. Sucker. I hate you, Chris. Yes.

We always know it's something good if Gus says he hates us. Yeah, I'm really having to reread that. Okay, all right, fine. That's it for Skitch then. I just wish you had one of those little party hats right now just to add insult to injury. And a little kazoo. Mateed, you're up. Then some NPCs, and then we're going to go back to the top with Barney. And don't forget, you have advantage because of the help action from the alchemist. Yeah, I'm just curious. I'm not upset or anything. I'm actually just curious the number. How long have we been recording? A little over an hour.

Okay, hour 18 of recording. One of our party members hasn't done anything yet. That's not true. You've been in the ground. That's to say it. I haven't taken damage. No, I took damage last recording. You're meditating. You're preparing for battle. You should be so ready. I feel like that should be just noted as like a record of time. Like literally, I haven't talked to anybody as Mateed. I haven't moved. What will Mateed do? Find out in the next episode of Jail for the Mystical Dragon.

But Mateed is like the weapon, like has the weapon that is like supposed to be the crux of this battle. And Mateed's just in the ground. Yeah. They're waiting to spring. They just leave Chekhov's gun just in the ground for an hour and a half. It's great. I mean, you're going to have the coolest, scariest entrance. You should be proud of that. Okay. So I am in the ground, which also means did not see any of this. Okay.

You didn't come out and be like, whoa, what happened? It's also like someone who's like very mindful and probably took a very vivid mental image, you know, as they were about to do like this like underground maneuver. And I did like stop right underneath where Shivey was. And then that mental image is broken. So let's just say for starters, I pop my head out and just take a second. Wait, wouldn't you come out?

doing an action. No, what I thought was is like Matide would still be coming out cautiously because Matide was trying to be like...

Sneaky. Correct. I think Mateed's goal was to try to get under the cage and like pop a head up. Correct. Yeah. So peek out. And what I want to see now that I realize Shivey's not above me is where I, so Shivey's gone because Shivey seemingly disappeared. You can make a perception check to see if you can figure that out. I'd love to. Might as well. You? I know. 19. Do I see the sneaky? 19.

No, you can't quite seem to figure out where Shivey is. You can see that the cage has moved and the cage is open, but you cannot see where Shivey is. Okay. First question, how far is the closest hag? This would be the one that's probably not in Barney's magic circle. Correct. Which is Chirac. That is Chirac. From where you are, not that far, because you have a lot of movement. Yeah. So from where you are... He's got his fingers against the screen he's measuring. About 30 feet.

30 feet, that's fantastic. I know, that always cracks John up. That's the easiest quick story because sometimes it's like, it's at a diagonal, it's hard to see. I measure like an unknown quantity and then like, what is that called? Is that just called a compass? A compass, yeah. I'll show you a map, John. You can see it. That's not a waffle iron on it.

Just in case. Yeah, yeah. Are you floating by like... Also, that's a cage, not a waffle. Or a sewer grate. And a broccoli at the end of the river. Is that going to be our like Twitter header? We should print that out as a flag that we can sell in the store. Oh, no. Please don't spend your money on that. It's called mapofbattlefield.jpg. Okay.

The two hags, when they, oh gosh, I didn't see this. I want to still play this in character. Is there any way for Mati to tell, I guess I've done this. I want to know if like the hags need to be in proximity to each other in order to continue to be overpowered or doing what they're doing. Yeah, based on what you heard from, I believe it was the alchemist before. And also from Jacques, actually, when you were in Australia, was that they are most powerful when they are within close proximity to each other. Great.

Then, since they don't know where I am, I'm being sneaky. Would I be able to approach Shurok not in their line of sight? Yeah, you'd have to make like a sneak roll or something to try to do that. Could I do that? Yeah. Sure. Is that stealth? Stealth, stealth. Yeah, I said sneak. Stealth.

That's a nine. You don't want to give me advantage for being in the ground for the last hour and 20 minutes. You're so sneaky. Sure, why not? You also could, don't forget, you also have an assist action from the alchemist. Oh, I could, but you just said yes before you said it. So I'm going to keep all my little bonuses. Make Gus chuckle and you'll get an inspiration. I don't actually have one. 24. 24. I'm going to roll a perception check for Chirac to see. That's me and John to roll.

I can't hear you right now. Sorry, I'm concentrating on the world. We don't have inspiration dice. If you want to give us one. Chirac does not seem to be aware of you as you close the distance. Oh, look, it's my team! He just got on the team, good guy. He just did. He just did. Great. Then I would like to use the Tuning Fork of Banishment and cast Banishment on Chirac. Oh, interesting. That's smart, because then...

Yeah, why not? Yeah, they do. All three separated. Yeah. Hey, we're doing great, guys. Snapping? What are you doing? You know, it's like slam poetry. By the way, I just have to point this out. The tuning fork of banishment is in my inventory. It weighs 10 pounds. It's a 10-pound tuning fork. Is that one of those big, like... We made a joke when you suggested we add the crowbar to it, but I think it weighs as much as a crowbar. Well...

Hey, go figure. There you go. It's a trident. So in order to utilize the Tuning Fork, you concentrate and visualize on the attuned plane. Australia. Yeah. And once the attunement has been complete, the Tuning Fork grants the ability to cast banishment on one creature to that plane. Spell save DC is eight.

plus spellcasting ability modifier plus proficiency bonus. That should be pretty beefy. The proficiency bonus is three, so that's 11. Your spellcasting ability modifier is... So you're determining the role that they would have to beat? Correct. Got it. Hey, you're learning D&D. Yeah. So monks don't necessarily have a spellcasting DC. You use your key save DC in that case. Which is? I seem to think I remember it being a 20.

Plus 20. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that that's the number it goes. 14. Ah, good luck. Shirk or whatever her name was. Shirock. Shirock. Like the dinosaur hunter. Like someone, like a fancy Shrek.

It was almost a 19. And then it rolled over to a three. Ooh, so they get banished? That's a failure, yeah. Okay. Bye-bye. Say hello to Jacques. Is that what you say? Yeah. And then you're like... Yeah. Chirac disappears from existence. I like to imagine the astral plane. Jacques is there just...

Just ready to unload. Yeah. Like a monk with, like, all the astral arms extended and all of them, like... Six arms just all... Just a tense g'day, mate. Wow, okay. Let me make a note of that. Today's not gonna be a g'day, mate. How you going?

All right. Anything else for you, Mateed? Let's see. The way that my turn works is that that's my attack, but I get two attacks per turn. So you'd have another one. Mateed does a little finger crack and just goes, all right, let's get this started. And I'd like to, what's, how close am I to Skitch now? Oh, very close. Within 10 feet.

Wonderful. Then I would like to use a sling of sandstorms. Thank you. Blaine, you're fell off. We're off our game. I was even waiting for it. I almost did it before you said, let's get this started. I almost go... And I'd like to...

to... I want to use Ancient Sands on the Sling of Sandstorms, which is I can expend one to three charges before I make an attack roll on a successful attack. The damage is increased by 1d4 force damage for each charge you expend. I will use... Let's just... Let's...

Drive it like we stole it. I'm going to do a three. Whoa. Ooh. So this then is an attack with a sling of sandstorms. I'm going to roll for the attack right now. That is 26. Believe it or not, that hits. Do I have to use my advantage at the first attack that the what's-his-face gave me, or can I hold on to it when I want to use it? You can hold on to it. It will expire soon.

after this turn for you. Because every turn he designates someone new to help. I still got more things to do. I've been waiting. I've been just chilling underground. Great. So then first, this is going to proc a few things. One, we're going to proc damage. So I'm going to do that plus...

3d4. I'm going to roll my d4. 14 damage. Force damage. Nice. What that is also going to proc, and let me know if I'm stacking too many things, but since I use the Sling of Sandstorm, it uses the Sling Bullets of Walloping.

This is the episode where John remembers all of his inventory. If this was like, let's say a firearm, it's like you're strapping on like a scope and then a laser pointer and then a new magazine filled with special bullets. Onto a sling. Yeah, yeah. What's the gun in Fifth Element? The one that he's just showing off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what it's called. I just saw that scene the other day. I can't remember though. It's a great scene. This ammunition packs a wallop. A creature hit by the bullet must succeed in a DC 10 strength saving throw or be knocked prone.

Okay, that's not terrible. No, it's not. DC 10. I've only got a plus one, so I need a nine or better. I roll a one. That's wonderful. Yeah.

I just saw Gus's eyes die. I just saw what was remaining of your soul from this battle. It's gone. It's gone. So you are knocked prone. Yeah, Skitch is prone. Let me write that down. Okay, I'm going to use...

What should I do? John made up for not having a turn all episode and now is doing eight turns in one. There's a reason why I forget to use all the scenes. I have a lot of items and every single one of them has multiple things they do. And so I often just go, I'm not reading all these. I'm just going to kick everything. We...

We've all played many RPGs where that happens. Where you're carrying like seven swords and you're like, I need a fire creature. I'm going to use this one. And you just forget. It's like the same one all the time. Yeah. What's the modifiers that prone does to them? A prone creature's only movement option is to crawl unless it stands up. The creature has disadvantage on attack rolls and an attack roll against the creature has advantage if the attacker is within five feet of the creature. Otherwise, the attack roll has disadvantage. So this skivvy or whatever has double disadvantage now. Skitch. Skitch. Skitch.

on attack rolls. They're in the circle. Oh, yeah. Disadvantage. I forgot. I'm just beating down a hag that's already at disadvantage. Yeah. The one that went to the Australian plane got it easy. Okay, cool. Then, yeah, I'm going to use patient defense because it worked out so well in that fight we had a couple episodes ago. And I'm going to use one key point to take the dodge action as a bonus action. Okay. Okay.

I think Dodge is an underappreciated... Oh, listening to the episode is the only reason I was able to make it through that many rounds. Well, I think it's tough because you have to proactively on your turn think about getting attacked on the other turn. That's what I've learned about playing a monk is that I was like, oh yeah, I can use Flurry of Blows for bonus actions. You actually have a lot of things for bonus actions, so watch what you're going to do. So I'm going to do that and just say, c'est fini. Things are getting rough. It's a sandstorm.

Matisse take it all sorts forms. Don't look now. Here comes the swarm. It's starting to heat up. It's getting warm. It's a storm. It's a rhyming website up on this computer. Things are different. It's not the norm. You know, some might even say it's an art form. Anyways.

I want that. Can we extend that silence in post? I don't think you need to. Mom, spaghetti. Can we take a break? I need to go to the bathroom, maybe go for a walk. Let's just leave this in the edit. We're going to take a break. My entire life has led to this. All right. It is Shirok's turn, but you banished Shirok. So Shirok's not here, man. And I threw a rock at them. Did you? Yeah.

That's the slings of Sandstorm. It's just a... Oh, no, you... This Shrock you banished. Oh, yeah, yeah. With the tuning fork. Yeah, you threw a rock at Skitch. Skitch, thank you. It'd be cool if, like, while the portal was closing, though, just a rock just came in. Ow! I cast Banishment and just kicked him into the Banishment. This is grotesque. All right. It is the Horseman's turn after the Horseman will be Barney.

Oh, he's still around. Yeah, the horseman is still around. Wait, the headless horseman? Yeah, he's there. And the curse or whatever hasn't been broken now that one of them is missing and one of them's running? It does not appear so. Was Mateed within 30 feet of Barney? No, Mateed's far away. Okay.

The horseman's going to make a check to see if he can figure out where Chip is. He doesn't need to bother with that. He's going to try. He's not going to, he doesn't see Chip. So since Chip's not there, Mateed is the next closest person. About 15 feet in the sky. Oh, you're in the sky. Well, he's on a horse though. Okay. He looks at you with- Very tall horse. Yeah. Long legs. Giraffe. Giraffe.

He gazes at you with malice in his eyes, Mateed. Not the gaze. Make a wisdom saving throw. Is it malice or attraction? I thought you were going to go, is it malice or malice? I have a question about dodge. Is this something I can dodge? No. Okay. And so what was the saving throw you said? Wisdom. Oh, that's only a five.

Did you use the alchemist's assist? You can still use it because he has not reassigned it. Why not? So reroll one thing. It's a nine. Doesn't help me much. The glare from the horseman strikes at your very core, frightening you.

That's impossible. I can't be frightened. You're fearless. It gives you the frightened status, and you can make another saving throw at the end of your next turn. Okay. You have disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls while the source of fear is within sight, and you can't willingly move closer to the source of your fear. Okay. And a little bit of pee-pee came out. Or as we call it in Parish, wee-wee. All right.

Inspiration dodge. Is that because the French are European? Give her one, give her one. She's already got one. The horseman continues looking at you with anger. You know, you're just out of his reach, Matide. And the horse stomps at the ground a little bit and takes to the air, flying up in your direction. And as he gets closer, the horseman takes a swing at you with his flame blade. This I can dodge. Yes, you can dodge.

So I'm going to make an attack at you with disadvantage. You should do that. Oh, 10 both times. That's a 19. Okay. Yeah, that hits. Okay. The flame blade slashes out at you doing... Not like the French fried potatoes. Biscuits and mustard. That's an old one, man. Doing 10 points of slashing damage. Okay. And 5 points of necrotic damage. I see.

I'm resistant to necrotic damage. So you take half. Two. I'll take the two. I shall take your two. I shall take your two. And I shall remember it. I will remember it forever.

Or as you say in Japanese, me. All right, that's it for the horseman's turn. At this point, all the darklings around the cavern begin gathering up together and exiting the cavern, marching off towards the city of Parish. As they make their way out of the cavern, as they pass each of you, the party members, all you need to make a dexterity saving throw, except for Mati, you're in there. I'm in the air.

Oh, so I guess only Elga makes it. And I need to see if they see Chip. Yeah, I'm in hiding. Deck saving, you said? Yeah. How close is Elga to me? About 20 feet. Okay, never mind. 17 for Elga. Nice. Not bad. Roll me a stealth check, Chip. Okay. I'm going to roll at an advantage because the sneakers that I have on. That is a 14 and 25. Okay. Nice. They had a good roll on their perception, but you beat them with a 25. Yeah, of course I did. So,

As they are leaving the cavern, they take a few swipes at Yuelka with their daggers as they go by. Wait, who are the people swiping at? The Darklings. The Darklings, okay. I'm imagining it's like the line of kids at a soccer game after they're done. Good game, good game, good game.

I think they're angry because I froze their friends. Yeah, but you saved, so you only take half and you're raging. So you only take half of that. Half of the half? Yeah, so they would have done 12 piercing damage, but you saved, so you take half, which is six, but you're raging, so you take half of that. So you take three piercing damage. Three damage. And on top of that, six necrotic damage. I am resistant to necrotic. Three necrotic damage.

You quartered my damage! Which I still have 10 HP left because of... Yeah, all right. You barely even scratched the surface, dry-hearther.

Barney, you're up. Whatever happened to the cavalry? Oh, that's right. Actually, because you brought the cavalry, you do get some reduced damage on that Elga. What? Yeah. So we'll say you actually only take one in one points of damage. Are the cavalry not going to do a turn? Sorry.

So I would take two total? Yeah. Did they like mow them down like cavalry? Yeah. You're right. I actually skipped them. I'm the Cavalry Axe now. Oh, that was their... It was their turn and initiative all along. Yes. They weren't supposed to go after the Alchemist. They were supposed to go now. Yeah. The Cavalry is going... They're going to try to corral and...

dispatch the Darklings as they make their advance out of the cave to try to keep them from leaving and going on to attack Parish. They're trying to stop the invasion here before and contain it before it goes out. Yeah, that's cool. Barney, we're back up to you. Wait, did they do that? Yes. Yes. So I'm how far am I from the cage? But not the magic circle. The magic circle is

that I made that is like a cage. Why are you yelling? To catch you up those shivies out of the cage and just disappeared. No, I know. I think he means the magic circle. That is like a cage. Even though there's a cage in this room, he's calling something else the cage. Yes, I got it. That makes perfect sense. There's a whole language with different words you can use.

Why use those? Hold up one second. Why make it easier for everyone? Let me find words that rhyme with cage. Stop. Stop. No more rapping. How far are you from that cage? You are about... He has trouble gauging it. Stop. So you're about 30 feet away. 30 feet away? Yeah. All right, cage. All right. Please. I... Barney does...

Couldn't think of a third freaking word. You couldn't. Wage. Wage. Spirit Guardians. Sage. His wisdom is sage. And you know what that does. Yep. The Spirit Guardians pop out and circle you. I assume they're doing radiant damage. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know. There's no one else. Who's around me? Does anyone in around me that hits? Just...

Off the 50, because then I'm going to move towards the cage. No, from where you are, where you start from, no. Okay. And you're also in the air, right? Yeah. Okay. I didn't know if like any of the little guys were below me. Anyway, I go towards the cage. Gus is going to actually make you go towards the cage if you do not call it the proper thing. The magic circle. Sorry, I go towards the magic circle that is like a cage. There you go.

I was actually saying that to help you, Chris. I get confused. I don't know what you're talking about. Gus is going to get so confused. He's like, fine, go to the empty cage. What are you going to do there? Okay, so you go to Skitch, who is in the magic circle. Yes, but can I do that and pass by the Headless Horseman? Yeah, I was going to point that out, that you would go by the Headless Horseman. They get hit with the spirit...

guardians and what's the save on that wisdom saving 17 wisdom 17 so we'll do the headless horseman first here who has a wisdom plus one so he needs a 16 or better it's not very wise he's got pumpkin for a head what do you expect he rolled a 10 he failed and then and then I'll go into the cage no no

Sorry, into the circle. The mid magic circle. No, wait. This is an audio podcast. People can't see the severe confusion Chris had when both Gus and Blaine said no. He was like, what? So great. My head is always like, it's like a cage. Stop saying it then. I go into the magic circle.

And I presume, by the way, that your path, the way you get there... Bar, give Chris a treat. Positive reinforcement is how we get this. I don't have any food. I don't have any sweets for him. You kind of, like, skirt the edge of the spirit guardian with the headless horseman, right? Yeah. Okay. That's what I assumed. I just realized I was assuming that, and I wanted to clarify. Yeah. And then I go in, and I'm like, man, now it's a cage match. Oh, my God.

I'm losing it. I think we're all losing it. So now she has to make a wisdom saving throw at this double disadvantage. Double D. I don't know if that affects bone and in the magic circle. Okay. So a wisdom saving throw. Yeah. 17. She has to beat, but she can't because she's not on her feet. Hopefully she's got enough food to eat.

She has a plus four on her wisdom, so she needs a 13 or better. You're going to play soccer. You need a cleat. That's a two, so she rolls a six. So she fails the save. Cool. So I'll roll that now. Okay. 3d8. I gotta say, your skills are elite. There it is. Where was this when I had to rhyme? You did. You actually had a spell on you.

Ten points of radiant damage. Strike, sketch. You rolled 8d8? 3d8. Okay, the cone of cold. I thought you rolled 8d8 and got ten. That means you rolled six or all... All ones and then a two? It's not even mathematically possible, is it? Three, yeah. Six ones and two twos. Sorry, I had to do math real quick. Two twos.

Sometimes I wonder, like, we're just talking over each other, and it's like, how does Micah edit this? So what's next, Barney? How's the lady in the magic circle looking? She's pretty beat up, and she's still prone and kind of, like, reaching around at the ground. The headless horseman. Yeah. Are they within 15 feet of me? Can I position myself so that he'll be within 15 feet of me and I can be in the...

Magic circle? Yeah, we'll set it. If you listen back, you're a little... Right before he changed it. I would say no because your movement's only 30. Okay. And you use most of that already to get here. How far away then is the headless horseman? From where you are, probably just over 15 feet. It's like, I'm not doing this to be mean to you. It's like 17 to 20 feet, something like that. It's just beyond 15. That's okay. For my bonus action...

You know when you're like listening to the radio and it's not quite on the station and it just kind of like dips in and out and you kind of dip and dip. It's kind of like Chris today. What you gonna do, Chris? I can't do two spells. Correct. But you know what I can do? I use my dust plate armor radiance of radius of radiance. When Chris said, you know what I can do, Barbara immediately put her fingers in her ears. She did. I knew it was coming.

So that's my armor. It does 1d8 radiant damage. You strike your translucent armor and it flares with a bright light in 30 foot radius. All enemy targets in the area must make a constitution saving throw equal to your spellcasting DC. On a failure, the target takes 1d8 radiant damage and is blinded until the start of your next turn. Did you get all that, Gus? Yeah, I think so. So the horseman and Skitch are within range and they need to make...

Saving throws on that. Constitution 17. Constitution 17. I'll do the horseman first. His constitution modifier is plus four, so he needs a 13 or better. He rolls an eight, so that is not sufficient. He fails his save. Try and look at people now when you're blind. Can't do that.

Why are you pointing at me? Because the Headless Horseman looked at you and made you afraid. Oh, okay. I just want to know. It was just a man across the table screaming at me as he points. You can't look at people. I get it now. Thank you. Skitch's constitution is plus two, so I need a 15 or better. Okay. Roll bad.

i rolled a 13. which is not quite good enough yeah that's good so both the horsemen and skitch are blinded by this and do they take damage yes they take three radiant damage by the cleric oh because they failed the thing this is an addition to the 3d8 yeah got it got it or 1d it's 1d1d8 plus three

3d8 is the spirit guardian. 1d8 is from his armor. 8d8 is the god of cold. Yes. Sorry, there's things stacking on top of stacking on top of stacking. Welcome to my world. Yeah. All right, Barney. What else? What a simple rogue. I shall complete my turn. Excellent job. Elga. Hey, I want to bite.

I want to bite one of the hags. Whoa. Who's closest to me? There's only one available. Oh, there's only, yeah, I guess there's only one left. Well, you don't know that Carol's

We didn't perceive Carol. But she disappeared. Shivey dipped. Shivey dabbed and dipped. No, but the one that's Carol. Yeah, that's Shivey. Shivey. She left? No. She disappeared. She disappeared. Nobody's rolled a perception check that's been able to notice her yet. And so who's the one left? So all you're left with at this point is Skitch. And Heather Forrest in the Australian point. I want to go up to Skitch and bite her. Can you get up to where the... I think so...

I have 40 feet speed. Oh, she would have been floating in the air, but we'll say at this point she's actually probably prone. Yeah, so she's on the ground. And I want to use my bite of sucking, which could use your action to drain the life force of a creature. Target takes 1d4 piercing damage and must make a constitution saving throw on a failure. You could do this a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus.

This ability recharges after a long rest. Target must have blood and exposed skin or flesh to be eligible for this ability, which I assume they do. That's a good question. Skitch is the sibling that's getting all of the punishment from the parents while the other is dipped. I want to say this. Skitch or whatever is blinded. Prone. Prone.

And in the magic circle. Right. Thank you for not saying that. So that is like so many disadvantages. Yeah. They're like triple disadvantages. Yeah. The Skitch does meet all of those qualifiers. Okay. What's the spell save DC on that? It is a constitution saving for 15. 15. Hey, Gus, good luck. Good luck on this. Constitution is plus two. I need a 13 or better. Okay.

Okay. Should I? Well, I have an attack roll. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, make your attack roll. I'm pretty sure you're going to hit it. 14. You also have advantage on it. Like double advantage. Oh, I do. Yeah, because. Okay. So that would be 17. Wait, would it not stack? Do you get? No. There's only advantage or disadvantage. There's no like double or triple. Really? Yeah, so it's 17 to hit. Yeah, that hits. Okay. So then I failed to save. And that would be nine points of piercing damage. Okay.

Okay. And then I think I also, I feel like I get something back from that too. On a failed constitution save, the creature takes 1d4 necrotic damage and you regain half of the damage dealt as HP. Gotcha. Okay. So in addition, you do 1d4 necrotic damage and then half of that total damage you get back. So I roll a 1d4. Okay. So that's an additional one. Hey, it's good. He'll take it. Yeah.

Necrotic. What does it taste like? What year? Vintage? Oh, very vintage. A nice cab. Notes of? Notes of cigarette smoke, bitterness, anger. Oh, so it's a California wine. Shots fired at California. Right, I know. Thank you. Hello. And then I'm going to...

slash at her for my second attack with my great axe of gaining. Cool. If that is alright. I would say do it recklessly but you don't need to. I don't need to. 25. And believe it or not, that's a hit. And then that does... Maybe you'll get a crit. 9 points of damage. Alright.

I got greedy Chris over here. Do you want me to roll again? Yeah, do it. I guess I could. He sounds like when Voldemort was still on the back of that guy's head. Hurry! Hurry! Turn me around so I can see him.

Although I am raging as well. So does that do plus two? So I guess it'd be 11 points of damage. To both of them. Would this suck with the bite? No, I think you have to have a weapon. I think it's a weapon attack, yeah. Although some may argue my teeth are my weapon. Don't let my axe know that. Don't tell my axe. Don't tell my axe. Okay.

That's it for Elgar! Wait, I... What? I rolled temporary hit points again. It doesn't matter. It does! Nine. He's in a right mood. You're back up to nine. You know what I realized is that Chris can't see you guys. I can't. It doesn't matter because that's pretty much it for Skitch. Oh, Skitch is dead. Yeah, that's pretty much it. You've dealt with Skitch. You've banished Shirok.

Shyvie is invisible, but at that point, Shyvie reappears next to you, Chip. There she is! And, uh... Do I get the hint that it's okay to engage now? Yeah, she no longer looks like Shyvie, but rather everyone else sees her as Carol. I think, Chip, you're the only one who saw her transform from Shyvie to Carol, but from everyone else's perception, Carol appears out of nowhere next to you, Chip. Big long hug. Big long... Thousands of years of yearning have led to this hug. Yeah, she embraces you in a passionate, albeit warty, kiss.

I'll explain everything, but my mission is not over yet. I need to report back immediately to my handler at Sheath. Sheath? Wait, hold on a minute. How long do we have? Sheath, at that point... How long do we have, honey? You hear her slurp. Chip. And she collapses into your arms, unmoving. A what?!

Find out what happens on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Why? My wife! She gave you something. We'll have to find out what that is next time, too. Why did that hag kiss you? What? You are cheating on Carol! All right. Thanks for listening, everyone. This was fun. Let's do it again next week. Yeah!

new gum gum shirt and dice box dice tray get them you know you have to get chris yelling at you and all of us check out stinky dragon pod on social media we'll post chris's beautiful map i'm looking at it again right now all right bye

Bye. Did you know you can directly support the show by subscribing at stinky dragon pod.com slash first. You can join amazing little stinkers like spaghetti JPEG. I would download that JPEG. Krillic, cry X, cry, cry X, cry X ghost riddle with a bunch of numbers in there.

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Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Can I take a moment to commend Chris for unwrapping his candy cane off microphone this time? He's learning. That's amazing. I cannot see Chris and I did not hear it. Exactly. It's super quiet. It's a candy cane. Yeah, I'm sucking it, not just chewing it up. That's good, Chris. Chewing? Very good. He just caught himself midway through talking. Never mind. How old are you today?