C02 - Ep. 32 - Passé in Perrish - In Case You Alchemist It
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Good evening all you eldritch liches. Hover your way into the stinky dragon, drink up our latest java, few and far realm between. It's a mixture of espressos, white chocolate whisper sauce, parasitic poison, topped with tentacle whipped cream. One swig of this will and you won't be able to legendary resist the rest.

Previously our adventurers arrived in the plain of Australia thanks to Jacques. Matide's mentor trained them in the monastic methods of self-defense, cultivation, and planar arts. Now the party returns to the material plain to ascertain alchemical secrets and conquer the coven. Grab a guzzler and let's get back to this gassy goss.

Hello, everyone. I'm Gustavus Rolla, dungeon master of our putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Putrid is mean. I send it back. Oh, ow. I take... You rolling dice? I take four points of damage. Ow. Guys, that means you should have to answer the arrow question, too.

Well, speaking of arrows, if you were in a rock band, which instrument would you play? I presume your characters. If your character was in a rock band, which instrument would they play? This is the most easy and obvious one for me, so I'll start. I'm curious. I am Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Elga von Brass, the half-elf. Hello, John.

I play the half-elf vampire barbarian, level six currently. Not quite at bat level yet. But I think if I was in a rock band, the obvious answer would be the drums because I'll get smashed.

The drums. Elga has animal energy. No, animal, like from the Muppets. Yeah. Like shredding an axe. Oh, she could do that too. I was just thinking smashing, smashing, smashing, just making lots of boom, boom noises and stuff like that, you know? That tracks. Although the visualization of Elga, tiny little Elga on like

A guitar. Just like. That's what I was thinking. Oh, Tiny Elga at a drum set is also great, though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I go both ways. She does both. Oh, that's a combo you rarely see in bands nowadays is the guitar guitarist slash drummer. She picks up where people need her the most. She's a regular Phil Collins.

I'll go next. Hey there, it's Chip Haney, Tiefling Rogue Six, standing by. I stole that joke from Barbara. Played by. I was kidding too, John. I just want to make sure people know that I want people to know who you are because I know who you are. They all know me. It's the best thing in my life. It's your good friend, Blaine. Oh.

Hi, Blaine. Hi, Blaine. Hey there. So I think it's obvious that Chip Haney, you know, he's just, he wears so many hats. So he'd play so many instruments. So I'd have one of them big old, you know, one man band outfits, you know, where I push my legs.

and it plays a drum and then I'm playing a banjo and I got a kazoo up in my mouth and then I'm, you know, bringing my abductors together or my adductors together and then it's making a cymbal clap.

I think that'd be real fun. Also, really quick, when I was looking for what the name of that instrument is called, because I thought that there would be a name for that, one of the Google searches is, what is the most masculine instrument? There's some really sad people out there. Oh, yeah. What is the most masculine? What's it listed as? Let me go back. I didn't even click on it because I was like, I just, that's so sad. Oh, it's the guitar or drums. It's the mandolin. Oh.

Mateed, inspiration die. Really? That was a very coordinated, oh. Masculinity are attributed to trumpets, trombones, and percussions. All right. They like to blow it. Typical man, am I right? It depends on who you ask. Choruses, electric guitar, and drums.

Barty's like, I play the electric guitar and drums. I think the contraption you're talking about, the chip play, I think that's just called one man band, isn't it? I assume so. Yeah. Is it because men are mostly known for having like better lung capacity or something? Like, is that why it's a lot of like those? Well, I think in the regards to like an orchestra or like a band, like a big band. Yeah. Like brass instruments, maybe. I don't know. Whereas like the violin is maybe more like feminine. Yeah.

I feel like it's like fingers. It's like, like a flute requires like more dexterity and like precision. And then a man's just like, push down this blow this trombone. It's a piccolo in my book. All right. Who's next? Let's keep this ball going. You want to go, Chris? Yeah. Yeah. I just found an instrument and it's ridiculous looking. I'm trying to find the name of the instrument.

What instrument? Wait, wait, wait. Now let's play a game here. Barbara, Blaine, Gus, what instrument is Chris looking at right now? I'm going to guess it's an accordion. He doesn't know what an accordion is? He doesn't know what an accordion is. I don't know what an accordion is. I'm going to guess it's one of those like 32 string like weird guitar things that are like beautiful sounding. Trixie Mattel, one of my favorite drag queens, plays one. Barbara? Barbara? I'm going to guess that it's like a harpsichord or something of that sort. Hmm.

I think he's looking at something really weird, like a theremin or something. I don't know what that is. I don't have anything to do with Scientology. I posted a picture of it in Slack. Oh, it's like a medieval instrument.

That's so cool. The Baroque The Orbo. Wait, say that all without pausing. Baroque The Orbo. Okay, so that's one word. Now say it as Barney because Barney plays it. Baroque The Orbo. I'm Chris Damaris and I play Barney Barney. He's doing it in the Barney voice. He's doing it in the Barney voice.

The level six human cleric. I'm Chris Damaris. The instrument looks like something that Bart would have bought if he was going through a midlife crisis. Yeah. Just trying to compensate a little bit. He's like eight feet long. I also just want to point out that the question was what instrument you would play in a rock band. Instrument that you envision being in a rock band. Well, they didn't say what era of rock music. True.

Classical rock. Yeah, Baroque rock music. It looks like it's like an eight foot guitar or acoustic guitar with like double strings. Like a giant lute. It looks like a giant sitar almost like upright. A bit sitar-ish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever heard of Bjork? That's a rock band. Okay. So Barney plays the Baroque guitar.

I don't think I don't even know what you said. They're there. Therobo the broke Therobo. I don't know what it is either. I don't know. I, I've, I just know visually. I'm like, that's, that's medieval. That's not a modern. This is a D and D podcast. Yeah. I think it's appropriate. Mateed. What would, what would Mateed play?

Oh, yeah. My name is John Reisinger and I play Mati Confissus, the Aarakocrian ghost monk. And as a musician, I actually, I've recently with the development of my new abilities, I have been able to learn a new instrument, actually. What I do is I cast Arms of the Astral Self and I play the organ and I play all the parts of the organ. I was going to say the organ for you. That's so appropriate for this podcast, too. Yeah. Yeah.

I love, big fan of Michael Crawford. I was going to say it was going to be a flute because flutes always remind me of birds. They're always like... This is a joke for Gus and Gus only. In the Garden of Eden. That's what I was thinking of. I feel like Gus's DM character would play like a theremin because this is like a spooky like...

Yeah. But Chris doesn't know what that is. Chris, you know the sound at the beginning of the old Star Trek theme song? Woo.

Or Doctor Who. Or what about, or Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys. Yeah. Okay. It's this weird instrument that it just, you actually just use your hands in the air and there's a little frequency rod that like registers where your hands are and it makes that weird sound. That's magic. A bit. You know what? You might be right there, Chris. Or science, but what is science that we can't explain but magic? Oh, that's beautiful. I'm the first person to say something like that ever. Yeah.

I'm having fun, guys. Let's just keep talking about this. Forget the MD.

Jack pulls out a sky trap from his robes and the plastic becomes sparkling dust and he blows the cloud towards you all. Wait, did we all- Too late. The shower of sparkles sizzles across your spiritual selves and soon your spirits soar back to the material plane straight into your bodies in the abandoned schoolhouse. I'm alive! As you all gather your bearings, you realize that your bodies have been revitalized, no doubt thanks to Jacques.

Or Jack. Everyone, you can now mark a long rest on your character sheets. Yes. Looks like we made it. Can we go up a level? No. Okay. The footsteps creak on the floorboards behind you and a disheveled alchemist steps forward, the weathered lines across his face sunken in more than ever. I believe it's time I told you the tale of me and my other personality.

Oh, you look sleepy. Good start. Okay, go ahead. We're waiting. Just a little peek behind the damn screen. Whenever we record at home, we're recording at home this episode. For some reason, I can't...

scroll down in Acrobat using the scroll wheel on my mouse because if I scroll down even once it goes to the end of the document. So if you hear me pause sometimes it's because I'm moving my mouse to the scroll bar at the edge and then going down one page and then continuing to read. That's where Chris fills in the blanks by going, you look tired. I was born with a condition and I possess two personalities, Robert and Lewis. Oh. That's all Barney needed. Yes.

Acting. Acting, everybody. That's how you do it. Chris wins today. Oh, I love it. You broke me, Chris. You broke me. Chris is over-caffeinated, everybody. Chris is over-caffeinated. Gird your loins. We're in for one today. While I'm in possession of my faculties as Robert...

I'm somewhat moderate and intellectual, while my alternate personality, Lewis, can be quite brute and fiendish with insatiable proclivities. However, due to my condition, it was difficult to maintain any type of regular job, so I ended up making a not-so-savory deal with an underground organization in exchange for the promise of a cure of my condition.

That organization, as you have figured out, is Talon. Oh, I guess we didn't figure it out. Now, Robert, is this condition something you were born with? Maybe it's Maybelline or words? Oh, okay. I didn't know if this is like chemically onset, like an experiment gone wrong. I was born with it and I've had to deal with it for a long time. The head of Talon is the Coven and the Coven deceived me.

Oh.

- Why would you want to do that? - That is beyond my understanding. I trusted that they would give me a cure, but perhaps they wanted to try to harness Lewis's power and energy for their ends. - Do Lewis and Robert, you have two different like directions in life? Like does Lewis actively want to like hamstring Robert? So like he would work with the coven willingly or do they have some sort of power over him? - Not necessarily.

It was even less possible to deal with Lewis after the curse was placed on May, so perhaps they sought to control him with his reduced faculties. I fled from Talon in search for a cure, not only for my condition, but for the curse as well, taking any odd jobs I could. Eventually, I found a janitorial position at Lofton College where I met Lorenza Wolfman. Wolfman took pity on May, and together we worked to develop the Ther Asylum.

There, I was able to brew a daily curative concoction that helped me keep my symptoms in check. However, despite all the care I took in trying to remain anonymous, Talon finally caught up with me, thanks to their newly formed alliance with Eddie. Ooh. Does Robert's wife, your wife, Francesca, do they know about Louis? What's their relationship like? Yes. Francesca is aware of Louis.

However, thanks to my daily brood concoctions, she does not typically have to deal with Lewis.

so I'm able to keep Louis, my condition, and the curse in check. How about your boy? His little baby... What was his name? Henry. Is it a little baby Henry? We dropped the H because of Medid. Does Henry know about Louis? Have they met? Henry is unaware. I've worked very diligently to keep him unaware of Louis's existence. If you were able to work with the Wolfman in order to create curative means to keep Louis at bay...

Why was Louis out and about in Paris as of recently? I've been away from the Therese Asylum, unable to brew my daily curative. I did have some curative with me. However, I have been having to ration it out more and more as we spend more time away from Atra City. I was on my way back to Atra City in order to procure more of that curative, but I don't remember what happened.

We must have been ambushed. Weren't you... You were on the train, weren't you? I remember I was traveling via camel with my family back to Atro City, but I don't recall how I ended up here in Parish. Everything is just kind of blank. Oh, he wasn't on the train. Weezer was on the train. Hey, Robert. Hey, Robert. Does Henry have your disease? Have you... Has Henry displayed any signs of having dual personalities, perhaps?

Henry is at an age where we would know if he had it by now, and he has not shown any symptoms. As far as we can tell, the condition is not hereditary. So we don't expect Henry will experience any symptoms like this. What a precocious young boy. Very precocious. I have a question for you, Mr. Alchemist.

Is the potion you use to keep Lois at bay maybe similar or the same potion that the Wolfman would take to keep her wolf look kind of at bay as well? That's a very astute question, Oga. It's not the same kind of potion, but they are similar in their goals and composition. They are not the same.

Alchemist, I got a real important question. This might be a real doorbuster here. I got a rash on my elbow. Can you prescribe me some sort of a cream? A little off topic, but it's still very relevant to you and your profession.

He looks at your elbow and says, that's not a rash. That's a laceration. You've been cut on your elbow. Oh, okay. Just wash it and keep it clean. Got it. Okie dokie. Sorry. I don't know why I did that. That's funny. That's D&D. That's improv. I like it. That's showbiz, baby. Well, so Robert, I mean, what are the next steps? Obviously, you're being sought after by Talon and

I don't know how much we can trust you because you could turn into Louis. I mean, what's the next mission? Do we got to get you some more of the drinky drink that stops you from becoming Louis or what? I think the most prudent step at this point is to head back to Parrish swiftly because I fear that Eddie and Talon may be looking to take over the city and expand the holdings of the covenants.

So when you turned into Lewis, you're a big troll. Giant. Frost giant. Giant troll. Frost giant. Yes. So that's the only time we've seen you like that? No.

That one time? I have no memory. Oh, that's right. You would have to tell me if you saw me as Lewis. It's only been the one time. I just have to appreciate the way that Chris incorporates information into what he's already saying. Like, you could say, like, oh, yeah, you know, the red thing. And someone says the blue thing. And he goes, the red blue thing. I'll tell you what, roll me a wisdom check, Barney.

He's a medical marvel, that Chris Damaris. I love him. 16. Not bad. So you remember that you have seen Louis more than once. You not only saw him outside of the tavern, but you were engaged in combat with him under the ice dome when you were at Talon HQ before you escaped with him. Where those hags were just staring at us being weird about it. Yeah. Well, I mean, at least one was staring. One was staring at us.

This might be less to Robert and more of just a, I guess, wisdom check for Chip. Is this a common affliction that happens in Grotesque? The dual personalities? Yeah, let's call it a wisdom check. Wisdom. That's a 10.

You don't think you've ever heard of anyone else having a condition like this throughout your life and experiences? My guard's up. You know, it could be any one of us. It could be Barney. It could be two personalities. I think I only have one. Yes, his one very alive personality. That's right. I'll give a knowing look. I don't know what you mean by that. Stinker begins licking his paws. His bones, you mean? Yeah, his little bony paws.

Hey, Mateed. Mateed, how are you doing? You know, you just ran in with Jacques. You doing okay? You know, Jacques skimpered off. And, you know, how are you? I go in for, like, the most, like, kind of scared embrace, right? I grab your shoulder, but I don't know if that's the vibe. Hey, hey, hey, pal. That's every hug for me. That's the hell I live with. Don't know the vibe.

I feel like Mateed would feel your tension and then do like the bird, just head turn around, look at you kind of thing. The reach out for the pat on the shoulder then becomes like a shoulder rub, but then a pet. And then I'm like, oh no, no, I've committed.

I'm quite all right. Yes, that was quite a lot to learn about in my past. But I feel like I came out a better person. You know, every experience is an opportunity for learning. I always appreciate that. Yeah, good. Good. Are you okay? You seem quite tense. I'm great. I'm good. We're good. You all right? Oh, yeah. Can I have a hug? Are you okay?

figure out what's going on here? Elga, I think Chip needs a hug. Okay. Are we doing hugs? I am not quite. I'm not quite an Elga. Okay, well, I'm going to roll for initiative. I'm going to do a hug with Elga, then I'm going to pull in Barney, and then I'm going to extend an arm just outreach to Mateed if they want it.

And then I'm gonna just bring a leg out and welcome in stinker. - Oh. - Elga's gonna counter your hug by letting you come in for the hug. She's gonna swoop around you and jump on your back and start strangling you. - Cool. - Like a wrestling move. - That's great. - Marnie is just gonna really slowly, just like go in for the hug, but at like a 10% speed. - Yeah.

So I'm just open arms waiting. Didn't I give you a hug last episode? Did you? I think I phased through you and then gave a hug, didn't I? Oh, you did. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Robert, you in on this? Robert looks kind of weak, kind of tired, but he hobbles over. He looks like he could use a good hug. You look like you could use some magic food. Restore some HP.

Do you need, do you need, do you need, uh, uh, some, I could do a cast sleep on you, make you go to sleep, take a nap. Or we could ask him if him turning into Louis affects his health at all or does anything each time it happens. Oh, that's a good question. Or he could, I just, I'll cast sleep. Or he could sleep. We have no time. We must make haste and get back to Paris and mourn them. Sleep! Ha ha ha!

I like how Chris was unhappy with his own decision there. He went sleep and then facepalmed himself. Yes, the curse is quite exhausting. It does take a lot of energy out of me. But like I said, we must return the parish. It is still unclear why Eddie is involved with Talon. With my interactions with Talon and the coven, I have learned that the coven is most strong when all three hags are together.

So when we face them, we need to do our best to split them apart. Wait, I'm actually confused because didn't one of the hags help us get out of the Talon headquarters? Yeah.

I have no memory of it. Oh, then this is information for you. One of them helped us. It seems to be a nice hag. It was quite lovely. They got us out of the ice dome. It was wonderful. Yeah. Did she come with us? Where is she? Well, she turned Louis to help us and then shooed us away. She had influence over Louis. So maybe she knows you. Hmm.

This is a very interesting development indeed. Okay. Oh, also real quick, what triggers the Louis, the transformation? What do we need? What are some warning signs so that we know when he's coming? Anger brings out the beast that is Louis. Oh.

Oh! So gang, whenever it gets a little tense for Robert, we're gonna go in, we're gonna get him a group hug. We're gonna whisper words of affirmation into Robert's ears, bombarding him with good vibes, okay? And I'm gonna give him the best shoulder massage you could ever imagine. We're just gonna surround him by love, suffocate him with love, so that he doesn't transform into Louis. Alright, gang? So we need to go to Paris?

Perhaps we should abscond as time is of the essence. Yes. Or take a nap. Fine, you can take a nap and then we are going to go to Paris. We will catch up with you later, Barney. Barney, if you want to take a nap... Oh, sorry, go ahead. I was going to offer the same thing as you, Chip. It looks like we have the same man. I said, if Barney wants to take a nap, I just hold him like a little baby in my arms. Two peas in a pod. We'll go back and forth. If your arms get tired, I'll carry them. They won't. Okay.

You could just piggyback him while he sleeps. Oh, that sounds lovely. Can Barney get a look at his arms?

You like put a blanket on top of you. He points at himself and goes, sleep. Oh, wouldn't that be nice? So yeah, you all are back inside that schoolhouse you were in previously. It's about 50 feet by 70 feet. It's, you know, it's still overrun with frost and ivy. There's two rows of toppled desks, wooden shelves along the east wall. And you all reappeared where you were previously by the large table and chalkboard at the northern end, which is kind of the back of the room.

And this is the position that the hag by the name of... Katrina. Nope. That's Katrina was the name of the lady and then turned into what hag? Yeah. She turned into a Chirac. Chirac. Chirac left with the headless horseman. Like, like, ported away. Yes. So...

feel like trying to read into why Gus was so descriptive of this room is there something we should be doing in this room it's I'm just resetting the scene okay okay now I was just gonna ask when we arrived in this room I don't know if we had time to even investigate anything or like look around at all Barney did detect magic which led us to checking out this part of the room the front of the room and that was where Francesca was behind the desk over Headless Horseman Katrina

Names are fun. Katrina was that. So, yes, we really didn't do a lot of investigation. If our little investigative barbarian wants to do some, that might be good. And it said something on the I remember it said something on the chalkboard that we had looked at. It was names of the boys. Correct. There were names on the chalkboard. And Ichabod was on there. It was Andreen, Bron, Hans, Knickerbobber and Ichabob Crane. Knickerbocker. Knickerbocker.

Knickerbocker. Knickerbocker, Baltus, and Ichabod Crane. Baltus. I don't remember any of that. It sounds like you guys are summoning some, like, ancient god. It was just names on the chalkboard. Yeah.

I don't know. Is there something we can do to just do a quick check of the room? Can we... Perhaps before we leave, we should all just see if we left anything around here. You know, when you're leaving a hotel room, you check to make sure you didn't leave anything there. Maybe we do that real quick. I'm going to check the teacher's desk to see if there's any Tamagotchis or Pokemans. You know, that's where they put them whenever they take them from the kiddos. Does that mean...

If you find anything else other than Tamagotchis or Pokemans, you're going to ignore it because you're only looking for those things. Yeah, I'm still looking for a first edition Charizard, you know? Likelihood is low, but these teachers, they don't know what gold they got on their hands, you know? Beyblades, you know? Other toys, yo-yos, Dunkin' Yo-Yos. My gosh.

Yeah. Misty Mountain Dice, please sponsor us. I will check the desk. They would know what gold they have on their hands if a teacher confiscated Misty Mountain Dice or a quality product that any teacher would want to pocket for themselves.

I'm sorry, John. Did you say I'll check the desk? You said there's rows of desks. I will check the desks. All right. Does anybody else want to do any investigative work? I checked the teacher desk. Yeah, yeah. I will look. I'll go if you want to carry. No, I'm asleep. I'll look around as well with Barney in my arms. Okay.

Okay. Is there a specific place you want to look? Well, that's the large table is the one that Blaine is looking at. And then Matida. Correct. Or sorry, Chip. And then Matida is looking at the rows of death. So I'll look at the shelves. Okay, great. I'm going to do Chip, Matida, Elga, because that's the order. Everyone set it in. Okay. Chip, go ahead.

and I guess make a... Let's call it an investigation check. Nat 20. Ooh. Oh, I better be finding some pogs, some yakbacks, you know, some homies with a Z.

So the large table's pretty cluttered. There's like some sand, rose petals, a dead cricket. It's just, I don't know, weird. It's just kind of all overrun. Okay. Make me an arcana check, Chip. All right. Any pog slammers? Anything good? 16. These look really familiar to you because you saw Barney use similar reagents not that long ago. This is the material components for a sleep spell.

So probably, okay, gang, I found stuff for sleep spell. If I had to take a guess, it was probably to put the headless horseman asleep from Katrina, whatever her name is. That's my guess. Maybe. So was the headless horseman asleep when we got here? I think they were incapacitated before they were turned. I don't know. That guy ain't no magic guy. I'm just a simple knife guy, you know? When you all first walked in, the headless horseman was laying down on the ground with Katrina over his body. Knife guy's finished last. Okay.

Mateed. Yeah, like I said, there's two rows of four desks, so there's eight total. Make me an investigation check. It's a 10. Yeah, it seems like it's mostly a lot of trash. You're able to find a broken jar of ink in one of the desks.

Okay. Maybe an old school supply? Okay. Nothing here. Elga. Hello. So there's four rows of wooden shelves that are lining the eastern wall. They're completely intact and thoroughly kempt. On each shelf are glass-bold cases housing decapitated humanoid heads of various species. There's about two on each shelf, more or less. Go ahead and make me an investigation check. With advantage. Yes.

Yes, because you can get up close on this. Okay, 17. You notice, you know, as you're kind of looking at it, you notice the third and last shelf are missing a head. And you also spot claw marks along the wooden shelving in that area. And on top of that, you notice a trail of broken glass along the floor leading toward the table at the back of the classroom over where Chip is. And that's where the Headless Horseman was. Correct.

So is this like a... where he got jumped, I guess? Or like they took a head from the shelf to put on him or something like that. You said two jars were missing, right? Correct. When we saw the Headless Horseman at the entrance of Parish...

Was the horseman headless or did they have like a pumpkin or anything like that? I don't remember the description. I like the idea of a horsewoman. Horsewoman. Horsewoman. Yeah, the horseman was in possession of a head at that time. What was the head? The head at that time was a pumpkin head. A pumpkin head. And then when we fought the horseman in this classroom...

What did he look like? It was an apple. It looked very strange. Not proportionate. Proportionate. Just a little apple. Instead of a full pumpkin, it was a gourd. It looked like a pumpkin, just like way too small. Not right at all. He's having a bad day. He's having a bad day.

So then when you encountered the horseman here in the classroom, Katrina slash Chirac had pulled out a humanoid head. It seemed like, I believe I said, was using it to maybe control him. They were holding that. They were palming that thing. It was like something that you were describing, I remember, during the encounter. The horseman himself, did he still have his pumpkin head at the time? Yes. Okay. So maybe that was his old head that

That she was somehow manipulating him? And took from the jar? Yeah, I don't know why it's in here. Could we recall if the hags have claws? Yes. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. Sorry. Sorry, I worded it in a weird way.

We can recall. Yes, they do. So I think that's a good theory that the hag, that Chirac took the head from the jar since the glass leads to the table where they were doing that spell on Ichabod and then did, took control of him. I would think. But there's two missing, which means there's another head in play here. Interesting. Can I wake up?

Okay, Chris wants to play. Okay, Barney, I'm putting you down now. Good morning, Barney. Wakey, wakey. What's Chris going to do? This place looks just like the place we left. We have not gone anywhere. We've been investigating this classroom. Oh. We're on the hunt for an ed. We are missing one. Oh, there's a bunch in those jars right over there. Let's go look at those. Oh, I'm so glad you were asleep this entire time. Okay.

Can I take a head? Did you say, can you take a head? Yeah, like one of the heads. A jars. Sure, why not? All right, which one? Well, you tell me. There's all different kinds of humanoid heads. Is there a specific kind of humanoid you're looking for? I mean, there's elves, tieflings, humans. What are you in the market for there, Barney? What kind of head? I don't know. Take a head. It looks nice. In case the headless horseman needs a new one. All right. Yeah, you can take a human head if you want. This one looks nice.

What's your weight for your inventory, I wonder? Human head weighs eight pounds. Yeah. I think it's more like 10 to 12, is it not? What movie is that from? Jerry Maguire? Jerry Maguire. I'm trying to weigh my own head, but it's hard because it's connected to my spine. Okay.

The average human head weighs 10 to 11 pounds. I'm pretty sure Chris is at least 30. I mean, look at that. Right.

Wrinkly brain up in there. Do we feel like we have exhausted this classroom and we might want to head to Parish? I'm just gonna look around one more time. Game Boy Colors, Mighty Max, Yu-Gi-Oh cards, anything. I don't think you're gonna find what you're looking for. I think we should probably head out. No pun intended. Okay, you're right. Okay, fine. We leave. We head to Parish. Ha!

I will say that again. We should head out. No pun intended. There you go. If you want, you can take the items from the desk that you did find. Chip, that's up to you. Barney, do you need any material components for sleep? Sure. Okay, there you go. I throw it out. Here you go. Here you go.

Yeah, while you're picking all that up and giving it to Barney, you know, the sand moves aside and you find a blue ice white dragon for some garbage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I slipped that into my bum bag of holding. It's an actual dragon, though. That's good, that's good. Yo, what's up, little stinkers? It's me, Barbara. Hello. Talking to you directly in your eardrums. January is a very, very important month for us because it's Stinkuary. Not just important for us, but also for you guys.

So this show, we talk about it all the time, it would not be possible without your patronage, which is why all month long we'll be raising awareness around our subscription service, which is called First. It puts you guys in the audience first, that's why it's called First, fun little fun fact for you guys.

Every time someone supports Tales from the Stinky Dragon with First, they contribute to keeping the podcast going and also the creation of new Stinky Dragon content. Who doesn't want new stuff, more stuff? It's awesome. We're also currently seeing how many subscribers and merch sales we could raise in the month of January so that we could do all the cool and fun stuff we want to make for you guys throughout the year. We'll be able to create some new awesome stuff in 2024, including exclusive adventures run by the players, John, Blaine, myself, maybe Chris again,

Don't know why anyone would want Chris to do that again. Definitely not us. So why don't you guys torture us and buy a first membership? Second win for our Infinite campaign, perhaps. If you guys are familiar with the Infinite campaign, doing second win for that. First only exclusive merch, perhaps. Maybe an Infinite campaign source book. Ooh, la la.

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We also have some exclusive limited merch offerings at stinkydragonpod.com. Right now we have a signed poster from either the Groteth or Infinite campaign that's signed by the cast and crew. We have personalized puppet videos and audio messages from the Infinite and Groteth party members, as well as a first only tote bag. That means you could only get the tote bag if you are a first member. You could also bundle that tote bag with a

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The more subs we start the stream with, the higher the player's starting level and magic items to attempt and survive a highly lethal dungeon will be. So please subscribe. We need all the help we could get. The show, as we say all the time, would not exist without you guys and your support. And the best way to support the show is by getting a first subscription through stinkydragonpod.com slash first or purchasing a gift sub for your friends at stinkydragonpod.com slash store. We look forward to celebrating Stinkyuary with you.

Did you know we also have new merchandise in our store? Some new stinky merch, but it doesn't actually smell bad, I promise. We have a Stinky Dragon dice tray. It's beautiful. It's green with some gold lettering. Beautiful design. Great for your dice rolling needs. As well as a Gum Gum shirt. Yes, Gum Gum has his own shirt. Don't let it get to Chris's head, but you should go check it out at stinkydragonpod.com slash store. Wear it well.

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Mom, Dad, you should shop Amazon for back-to-school and save some money. See, I'm currently obsessed with superheroes and need all the superhero stuff. Superhero lunchbox, superhero bag. But next year, it'll be something else. Maybe dinosaurs? I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller. But I can tell you not to spend a fortune and shop low prices for school on Amazon. Okay, good chat. Amazon. Spend less, smile more.

We head to Parish. You all leave the schoolhouse and, you know, make your way back to Kru-Ondormi, which was that kind of abandoned town you passed in order to perish on the way back through. Like I said, it's all abandoned buildings and ruins. A sleepy town. Yeah. Hey, give yourself an inspiration. I already got one. I'm just giving away these jokes. Everybody's getting inspiration dice. Good job, guys.

As you're walking through Kuondormi, the hag eye that was given to you by Shiby begins to glow again with green light until it suddenly flashes and blinds everyone. Everyone make an arcana check. This thing keeps going off. Is it trying to tell us something? Jesus. That's a one critical fail. Eleven. Twelve. Seven. Just stellar rolls. Thank you, Elga. The highest arcana check. What is going on? Our barbarian had the highest arcana check. The best.

It tracks. So Chip, even though you rolled a one, your roll is a five because it's a plus one. Yeah, I didn't know what the rules are with critical fail. Somebody was yelling at us for 20s and ones. The checks are independent of that. Like critical success or like that's more for like attack rolls. So for your check, you always give the number because sometimes...

checks could be incredibly high. Like a check might be a 30. However, however, if Chip decides to do a backflip and you roll a one. Yeah. Gus will punish you. Okay. Oh yeah, absolutely. I don't have my nerf gun with me today. All right. So we'll go from lowest to highest. Chip and Mateed, five and seven. Chipmunk. It's difficult to make out, but you, Chipmunk, you have, you give a vision while you're blinded. You have,

vague glimpses of an underground greenish river and caged animals. Okay. Barney and Elga, you all see a hideous green hag, severely mangled, and it seems to be locked in a cage with animals. Do we recognize this? It was the one that let us go in. Is it Shivy? Shivy was green? Yes. Barney and Elga, you do recognize it as Shivy. Hmm.

Do we get any feeling like this is currently happening or is it like a... Well, so a hag eye is a real eye-coded information often fitted to a pendant. A hag can freely use... We can freely use an eye-coded vision of this. Freely use an eye-coded vision to see what the eye sees. Because it went off before. Yeah. Yes. So there's a good chance you could be seeing something as it is.

The animals, are they attacking the hag? No. They're in cages. No, they're just hanging. It sounds like she was like locked up with the animals for like maybe a punishment at the hag's cave. What type of creature are hags? So, yeah, hags are all fae in Groteth. Thank you. So just to answer your question. Okay. Good to know. It would appear the hags are preparing to invade Parish.

We must make haste to their land and stop them. But be warned, the coven no doubt has spies all throughout the city, so we should tread carefully. So their headquarters is in Parish, or did we just escape their headquarters? You escaped their headquarters, which was that Talon HQ, which was in Coven Nord, which was like the northern part of Parish that the coven has taken over. Remember, it was like bordered by that river, and you all got there by going through the mausoleum. You were led there. Yeah, thinking about that they were helping us.

Correct. From that underground passage from the mausoleum. Should we get back up? Because we kind of got our butt kicked and you're not Louis no more. I have a question, though. You said that they're the strongest when all three of them are together, but it seems like one of the three is now in jail with animals. Indeed. But all that matters is proximity. Roughly how far? Like a Bluetooth connection kind of situation? It varies, but the closer, the more power.

All right, we just need to get a few walls between them and that hag. Well, you have that thing that, since people are other dimensions...

I do. Well, what an interesting and perfectly placed story device. How fortunate for us. We are not nearly as smart to navigate this story and all these little, like, abilities. We're doing fine. Let us go. So we need to make our way through Paris. We need to make sure we do not get seen or heard by one of their spies. And then we have to take down some eggs. We're totally fine. We can do this. Are they looking for us?

Oh yeah! I mean, we escaped them and we also fought lots of their agglings. I imagine they are looking for us. And we got like Lewis. Agglings. Agglings. There's probably like a weapon to them. While you all are talking about this, you hear a very faint... Jack!

I forgot to tell you, I got, when you guys left, uh, the, uh, the Australian plane, um, I had a final goodbye with, uh, Jacques, and, uh, he gifted me a new friend. What? What did this happen? Well, we, do you remember we left the room? Yes. At the end of the podcast when John and Gus had a moment with Mateed. I love that we do that, because now I am... No, no, yeah, we'll have to listen. Uh...

Oh, what was the color? Was it a little... God, make it orange. Are you kidding me? We have an orange puppet, so let's do... I don't remember. I don't remember. There was an actual description. I'm going to get it right this time. What was it? It's gray. It's gray. It's gray. Okay. And I did, I think I mispronounced the French pronunciation of his name, and so I'm going to try to get it correctly this time. Everyone, I would like you to meet Gigi. Gigi.

- Gigi. - Oh, Gigi. - Oh, Gigi.

be with us in Paris. That was Elga doing a Parisian accent. It was great. Can I hold out my hand daintily for Gigi to sniff to see if I pass the vibe test? Yeah, make an animal hand. Come on. It's a minus one, but I'm feeling it today. Feline it today. Eight. Gigi gives it a dainty sniff, but doesn't seem too enthusiastic about it. Fair enough.

Maybe it's because you just wiped your butt, Chip. A cat's love is earned. You got to take time. You got to trust the process, gang. Cats are animals all about consent. That's right.

So if your cat hates you, it's probably because you're not, you know, being nice to it. Anyways, go on. Sorry. Yes, I have a little kitty. This is Gigi. I love him already. Hey, Gigi, I would die for you. Interesting choice of words because the description that was read in the previous module when you all were out of the room was it's a small ghostly gray kitten.

Oh, wait. Is Gigi actually incorporeal? Can I check? Can we make it so? Because then I feel like it has a little bit of plot armor. No harm will come to this cat. Yeah, it is an incorporeal ghost Greek. That's awesome. That's great. Yes. So was he just mewing just to introduce himself? Yeah, just a reminder. Hey, there.

Thank you. Still here? I say, that's so cute. Welcome to the family. And I turn around and I walk away. My eyes get really big and I'm like, I'm surrounded by dead people. All of them are dead. I'm the only one alive. Am I dead? What is happening here? That's true. Chip is surrounded by... Potentially dead people. I am followed by death. I dealt death out throughout my work and now I am followed by the dead. Or undead. I mean, I'm not dead. I'm not dead.

Oh, you heard that? Yeah, she's got good hearing. She's got keen hearing. Keep that to yourself. I'm very alive. Just have lived for a long time. I mean, what seems like long because I'm a child and time feels like it goes on a very long time, you know. One year out of ten is the tenth of my life. It's crazy. Okay, so we are going to Paris. Paris.

and we need to be stealthy. Yeah, so y'all are going to have to try to travel stealthily, and we've done this before, like group stealth checks. But before we get to that, how do you all want to try to get back to the talent headquarters in Covenord?

Well, how far away is it? It's not terribly far. You all are, you know, just north of Parish, but you are, where you are, you are outside the city walls. Where is Covenord located in the Parish greater? It's between you and Parish. Covenord is the northern portion of Parish, so you can either go back

the mausoleum like you did before or you can go over the wall directly into Covenord from where you are. It's really up to you and I think one of you even mentioned about trying to find backup. I don't know if that's something you want to pursue or not. I was going to say, should we try to rally the troops? I mean, if this place is about to be invaded surely they'll want to bring some of the God, I can't remember what they're called but the Headless Horseman guys, they had the pumpkin patches or whatever. Oh yeah, they were like their enemies, right? Cavaliers, yeah. We should alert them.

Right, Robert? You said that right as Micah sent that to me as well in Slack. Like it was at the exact same moment. Yes. Perhaps the Cavalry could be of assistance to us in our dealings with the Coven. Okay. Let's go round up the Cavalry. Here, I'll call them. Help!

What you do, you yell fire if you need help because people not coming here yet. A bunch of firefighters are going to come our way. I'm already here. All right. I wouldn't. Hey, as a volunteer firefighter, I would not call for a false fire. People just they want to start a fire. No, you know, we don't start fires. We put out the fires. We didn't start the fire. Am I right, Gustavo? It was always burning. He just hates that song.

Okay, so if we want to find the cavalry, but Kavanord is between us and Berish, then we would need to somehow go around, or I guess we might be able to reach it through the mausoleum, right? Right. Because there's what? There's an entrance into the mausoleum that we exited out of that brought us out in front of that haggling town.

Correct. And so we'd have to go back in there and that could take us through to all the way to Parish. But then wasn't was the Talon headquarters underground through there? So the way that you all got there is when you went to Talon headquarters initially, you went into the mausoleum inside of Parish and then made your way up to Talon headquarters. And then the way you left there was you went back out and then you escaped Parish.

You came out of that tree in Covenord, and that's when the Haglings attacked you, and you fled and climbed over the wall to leave Covenord and then end up here at where you are now. That's right. We went over a wall, and then we found ourselves in Sleepy Hollow. Okay. Correct. I don't know. How do we find the Cavalry at this point in an expeditious manner?

Help! That's up to you guys. And there's not an easy... Well, you're outside of Parish. You're outside the wall. Let's go to Parish. I just say that because Chip keeps yelling help. You're probably less likely to find them by yelling help here because you're outside the wall. Gang, let's boogie down to Parish. Let's go. Which we'd have to do by going, like, what, around the exterior of the city? No, climb the wall. But if we climb the wall, we're in Covenord.

Good Lord. Okay, I'm so sorry. Yes, yes, yes. Let's go around the wall and then climb it once we're out of the Covenord part of Parish. Is that what we could do, Gus? Yeah, you can absolutely do that. Okay. Everyone make me a survival check to see what you're up to. Oh, I'm going to pass this one. To see if you survive. 15, 9, 16. 23.

Oh, okay. Everyone except for Mateed pretty much remembers this, but... Someone pointed this out last time we did a survival check and I got the lowest one. They thought it was funny that the ghost gets the lowest survival check. There was a river that kind of cut Parish into two parts and it was that river that divides...

parish the device Covenort I should say from the rest of Paris that's when you tried to go across that bridge correct that's where you first saw the cavalry and that's what separates Covenort from the rest of Paris so ostensibly if you wanted to get back into Paris you could walk around the wall until you see that river cross it you know you're on the parish side and then cross the wall into Paris that is exactly what I was going to suggest gotta afford the river nobody get dysentery all right

It's an Oregon Trail reference. Yeah, I got you.

One of those internal laughs we had. Bombing and bombing. I had a gust of air come out my nose. LOLOLOLOL. Yeah. LMAO. So you're essentially northeast of Parrish, right? Let's say you're looking at the wall. You're facing southwest looking at the wall where Covenort is. If you want to walk around the wall to get back into Parrish, you could either go to your right, which is to the west, or go to your left, which is to the east of Parrish.

Basically, which direction do you want to climb the wall and get into Parish from? We're on the eastern side, so shortest path is a straight line, so go down to the eastern side of Parish. Okay. For reference, that's how you all first entered Parish when you first got there a couple of episodes ago. We go that way. Yeah. Okay. You head, you know, kind of from where you are, kind of south-ish, and then, you know, before too long, you see...

the river emerging from the walls of Parish and you know that you've crossed the point where Covenord is on that wall. So, you know, you walk up to the wall again and once again, you're faced with a 60 foot tall wall with no seeming way to get into it. Two heads peek over from the top of the wall looking down at you all. It's like that Lonnie Python bit.

Can we see what the heads are, like who they are? Yeah, you recognize the badges of the cavalry. Seems to be two members of the cavalry. Our eyesight must be real good to be able to see that from 60 feet down. 60 feet? Yeah, they're big. Huge emblems. Huge emblems, yeah. I quickly stop my team from answering. Oh. We need to be very careful. They said that they govern as...

ears everywhere so we do not know if these are cavallaries that we can trust quite yet. How do we test if they're the cap-cap-capillaries? Larry, are you coming? You have to the truth! It's the rules! Zone of truth! I just casted zone of truth! You're in the zone of truth! I don't have zone of truth. I'm glad Mateed tried to stop you guys from saying anything and it did nothing.

So, Gus, what happened? So they look at each other confused and then look at you two and look at you guys again and says, and I'm sorry, Barbara, your audio kind of clipped. What was the question you asked them? I said, are you Kevin or are you Cavalier? You have to tell me.

Okay, I gotcha 17 Okay, yeah again. They look at each other and say we are the cavalry guys. I don't know zone true So they might be telling the truth they might be telling a lie But you know my instinct says they're telling the truth now you answer us. Who are you? That is true

Confirm that he is Barney. And you are? I am Elga Von Brathirl who's very innocent and young. It's true! Every word! We are but a group of wayward travelers who were once convicted for murder but are not the murderers. We are good people. So to truth!

- Oh, so, Elgar, you make me a deception check. You're not young. - They don't know that. - Yeah, but you got your, they're gonna see if they know or not. - 16. - 16, all right, that's good, that's good. - Mateed has their eyes closed and is just focusing on breath.

and blanking out everything else out and just centering themselves, grounding themselves, and just being in the moment. That's what Matisse is doing right now. - Mm. - Ooh, Sam. - Okay. The two cavalry look down and say, "Okay, well, good luck." - "Can we have some of your luck?" - Their head peeks back over. - "What do you mean? What brings you to Paris?"

We're here! We love the- we are big fans of Parisian cuisine. And we've come here to partake and imbibe in your luxuries. Not murderers! We're here to die for! You make a perception check, Matide. Perception? I'm sorry, not perception. Deception. I got my wrong perception. I'm rolling it again. I rolled an 8. Matide, zone of truth, zone of truth. 21. Oh, okay.

Why do you roll again? Do you have lucky? I use my inspiration dice. Oh, inspiration. I got you. Okay. Sorry, I didn't say that. They do. They kind of nod like, hmm, oui, oui. The secret scene is quite good. Okay, you are me and I are. Perfect. That was the plan the entire time. Nailed it, Gabe. That was exactly from front to back exactly what we should have done. We did. Yeah, exactly.

We're so good at this. Go team. Barbara, you did it. But I imagine Elga pops their collar as she's saying that. Yeah, that's right. That's what I meant. It's just a frilly little collar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cavalry heads disappear behind the wall again. Okay, we now need to get up the wall.

Do you have a rope or anything? Yes! I agree! Do they pop their heads out for a third time, Gus? Yeah, their heads pop back out. Can you not just go through the wall? Um, I did. Some of us are carpooling, some of us are not. Right then, sir, we'll help. They toss a rope over the wall. Oh, goodness. But it's the entire rope, it's not tied to anything. Ow!

I grab it and fly up and tie it to something. Oh my lord, we need to get into this city. He just thrown it around. I mean, that's exactly what we asked. I want to meet these jokers. I got to give credit to Micah. That was his idea.

Oh, okay. Yeah, Matide takes the rope, ties it for you all, and you all are able to, uh, heave yourselves up over the wall. Cool. These are, you know, we said about 60 foot tall. They're pretty thick. How do all of you, except for Matide, make an athletics check just to see, uh, how successful you are in this climbing? Three. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

A one. Oh my gosh. I rolled a one. Oh my gosh. I also rolled a one. I rolled a one plus two. So three, six, 22. Elga, you just like scamper and fly up that rope like no problem.

This is supposed to be just like a gimme roll. I was just like having you roll for the sake of having the roll. Chip and Barney, you two, like, it's like gym class in middle school all over again. You cannot get up the rope to save your life. You're just like flailing around, you know, swinging around at the end of the rope, not able to make any progress up at all. At least blame Barney being in front of me for why I can't go.

You look up and it's just straight old man boxers. Barney, please, God, why didn't you put pants on under your tunic? It's hot.

Oh, yeah, it does. He's right about that. Barney, Barney, you're slipping. Please. You're getting closer to my face. Barney, no. I'm sorry. Push with your head. Push with your head. I have horns, Barney. Oh, okay. I'm climbing faster. Barney, make another athletics check. Let's see if that gave you motivation to go. Elga, we could just cut the rope. Okay.

We could. We could just go on. And you know, it would be a release that we would immediately feel. In so many ways, Matid. 19. Mental, physical,

Emotional. It's just quite a taxing. Chip's horns give a little poke to Barney's butt and he realizes he's in danger and quickly begins scampering up the rope that makes it to the top, clearing the way for Chip to make another attempt at it. All right. Ah, 21. Yeah, now with the old man out of the way, you're able to easily climb up to the top of the wall and rejoin all your friends.

Barney wants to mend his underwear. Oh, okay. You've got mending, right? Yeah. I got two holes in it. Those were some holy underpants. I saw more than I cared to share with the class.

Alright, so y'all are over the wall and you've re-entered Parish on the eastern side. I think Barney and Chip's pairing should now just be called Holy Pants. Alright, so what's the plan at this point? We have to go talk to the Cavalry. Try to convince them to come with us, huh? There's two dudes right there that I guess we could talk to. Are they still there or did they walk off?

Yeah. Oh, they're still there. They're loving watching you guys. Hello, friends. I know we look a lot more intimidating up here than we did down there probably because we're a lot bigger up close. But you do not have to be afraid. You are quite petite, so... Okay. Well, there's no need for that.

Anyways... I pick up Elga and put Elga right face to face to them. What about now? Anyway, we need your help.

That's what we're here for. We've helped you so much already. That is very true. What restaurant would you recommend? No, Barty, Barty, Barty. I thought we were getting food. We are getting food. We are getting food. They start reclaiming their rope and putting it back up. Listen, we've uncovered a plot.

against Parrish by the coven. All right. They have your leader. They have the headless horseman and they might be approaching in trying to take over the rest of the city. So like, this is like, you know, danger, danger, subtle alarms, but

Bad stuff is happening. We need your help. But not fire. No fire, though. Not yet. Hey, Gus. Yeah. I want to say this before you respond. While they're saying all this, I'd like Mateed to ready an attack. Oh, smart. In case what? In case they do something that we don't want them to do. In case they're coming. Gotcha.

if they do something suspicious. That's a good word for it. Suspicious or hostile. Are you going to kick him off the wall? This is parish! The coven will never advance as long as we stand guard. That's what we're hoping. Your leader is gone. They have him.

So like you're, you know, not full force. And also he could like influence you, you know, like he's like your leader and you see him, you're like, oh, that's our, that's our dude. But you know, he could be under their mind control. Listen, it's bad stuff. Bad juju. Make a persuasion check. I was hoping you'd say that I have plus 10. Oh, wow. It's an 18 plus 10, 28.

Yeah, they seem... 28, wow! Yeah, they seem very concerned about what you said, one of them asks. What do you mean exactly by they have our leader? How do you know that? What did you see? Okay, so...

Mateed, take it away because- I don't know, I'm- Nope! Nope! Nope! Oh god! Gee whiz. Okay, so... Alright, do you remember a couple of days ago when there was an ice dude who had captured a lady and then your boss was there and he like saved the day, right? That was super cool, super heroic. Okay.

Yeah? Ah, oui. Outside the Torma tavern. That's right, the one without the door that you have to go through the window. Uh, okay, so... It was also, like, uh, hours ago, by the way. It wasn't a couple days ago. It was very recent. Right, so, uh, that lady happened to be a hag in disguise, alright? So then they seduced the headless horseman, and they were, like, you know, smooching and stuff like that. Well...

We like followed them to an outside location and bada bing bada boom it's a hag they reveal themselves and then they were mind controlling the headless horsemen. How so? Uh, they had like a- We don't know! They had a head. There was like a head. Oh yes! That's it! This head! Wee, that sounds very troubling. Big trouble. Where did you say they are? Where can we find them? Well...

I'm afraid of us. We are guessing that they are probably in Covenord. Yeah. Covenord. You know, at their headquarters in there. Yeah. Can you lead us there? Uh, I mean, yeah. Yes! This sounds like this requires the cavalry's full response. Yes, yes, I agree, I agree. We should send an entire squad of six riders with you to crush their farts. I cast Visitor to the Astral Self, and I check on the inside of what they just said.

Yeah, I want to roll for vibe check. I don't, this feels like they're like, oh yeah, just take us. Yeah, no, cool. So this itch of the astral self gives you wisdom of the spirit, which gives you advantage on insight checks. Yes, which is what I want to do. Okay, so yeah, then make an insight check with advantage. Yes.

Roll for a vibe check. And then after that, yeah, we'll do vibe check with Chip as well. Nat 20, 26. All right, nice. What do we get a vibe check from you as well, Chip? Okay, what am I doing? Perception? Insight, that's the one. 15. If Pee Wee Herman was here, we'd be going, ah!

He said the word. He said the word. Through the line, Bart. Mateed's like, it's like the mask appears over their face. It just kind of like pops down. Yeah. You know, the two cavalry look at you a little quizzically, but both of you think that they're being sincere with their concern and their offer to send assistance with you. So there's a sarcophagus. This is the sarcophagus?

What was this place called? Mausoleum. There's a mausoleum with a secret entrance underneath. We found this because we were also hoodwinked into helping Hag, but we got in a fight with him and escaped. So I'm just like laying it all out there. I really hope you guys are on our side because like this is bad juju. Bad stuff's about to happen. We're trying to help Parrish. We want to save Parrish.

and our friend the Headless Horseman. - Yeah, your leader. - You know, you all know that Parish in general is at strong contention with the Coven, and you think that they would be very concerned about this kind of very specific intel. And these two, you know, cavalry say, - We shall head to the Mausoleum of You, and you can show us how to get there. - Okay, yes. Should we get back up? - We will have the squad of riders join us.

Okay. So that's eight all together or are you part of the squad? We are a part of the squad. So four in addition to us. Six total. Are you tough dudes? They flex a little bit like, oi.

Not like the drinking kind, like a little, like, you know, like military. This isn't like a stolen valor thing.

Let's just go. Let's go to the mausoleum. You would actually salute is a way to say hi in French. That's what I meant the whole time. I think he means salute, which is health, which is also a toast in Spanish. There you go. We're so cultured here.

We're so cultured that we can't keep track of them. Yeah. As we do all of our non-offensive accents, not offending anyone who actually speaks with that accent. Duolingo hit us up. Oh, yeah. Please. We need money. Ooh. Could the owl be a big bad at one point? The Duolingo owl. Ooh. I guess we go ahead and head to the mausoleum.

So I was going to have you all do stealth checks to try to remain undetected, but if you found... Yeah, at this point, you found Cavalry instead, and essentially they're going to escort you, so you aren't going to obviously have to make those stealth checks to try to move stealthily through the city. I still can if you want. I have advantage. Okay.

No, no, it's fine. So you all re-enter the mausoleum. You know, it's a white alabaster building with column porticos and floating stone sign that reads Mausoleum milieu. And just like before, there's a set of stairs that lead underground into a tomb. Why doesn't everyone make me a survival check to see if you all remember how you actually went through here? Eighteen.

I rolled a 1, 4, 13, 21. I actually remember that episode, but I don't. Now I don't. Well, you can just phase through things if you really wanted to. I guess.

It's like falling tracks. Three of you rolled pretty well. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, so... I still keep failing on all the survival checks. What is going on? Also, if we need the legitimacy, we have those deputy badges from Weiser. Weiser. I don't think he deputized... Yeah, that's more of a... Yeah, he didn't deputize us as Cavalieri. Yeah, but, you know, it's like we're, you know, like, hey, you know, we're also kind of...

you know, you know, enforcement officers. Yeah. Well, wait, what are their badges? They're headless horsemen. They're horsemen. They're pumpkin heads. They were like a horseshoe. Right. On a pumpkin. On a pumpkin. Okay. Can we get ones that have like a little gourd and we're like trainees, you know, like little badges, little cute little badges. I'm just collecting badges, you know? No. He's a Pokemon trainer. Chip, make me a wisdom check. Uh-oh.

That's a zero. I drool. Yeah. No, there's a... This must be impossible to get something like that. Okay. What could have been? Blaze just sitting there with his mouth open. What could have been? All right. So you all are able to remember your way through the mausoleum to get there the way that you were led before. The team took a bunch of wrong turns, so we just had to correct.

Correct guiding them. Yeah. Keep just pulling them back and guiding them along the way. So once again, just like before, you enter Talon headquarters from the southern portion. And as you all are arriving, pulling into this area that you know as being Talon headquarters, you see that the coven is sending out what appears to be a horde of haglings via secret tunnels. The secret tunnels that you just came through. Secret tunnels! Heading back towards them is the mausoleum. While all this is going on, we'll say each of you

can take a turn to do whatever you want let's call it like a surprise round to get ready whether it's an action bonus action movement scouting ahead getting a position whatever you want you said that there's a horde coming like is it from one they're all entering from one spot and is it like from that one tunnel don't know if that accurately describes what gus described yeah

you all emerged from that tunnel that you entered from the mausoleum. And as you entered, like you're kind of hiding to survey the room, a horde of haglings leaves this big room you're in back out through the tunnel you just came from. Like they're heading into parish now. And we're trying to stop them, like ambush them.

That's up to you. Everyone can take a turn. You all tell me. How do they not see us if we came out of the tunnel that they're not going into? That's a very dark cavern. Remember, it's not above ground. You all are underground. And honestly, they might. I'm going to make some rules here in a bit. So this is your chance to either hide or, you know, figure out what it is that you're going to do. You all just kind of have like first jump here. Quick meta talk. If I'm wearing my cloak of displacement, can I also be wearing a robe of serpents or is it one or the other?

To one or the other. Copy, okay. I'm gonna go into hiding and just, uh, at a... at a... advantageous spot. Actually, do I see any of the... the... the mate... the leaders? Do I spot any senior hags? Why don't you make me a perception check from here? My favorite.

Yeah, so you, you know, look out back into this room and you see two of the hags in the center of the room close to that water and that river that runs through the middle of the headquarters. I'm just going to move forward and go into hiding. Okay, make a stealth check. Okay, this is at advantage. That's a 21 and a 21. Pretty good. All right, who else wants to go? How many is the horde, like, number-wise?

Are we trying to fight them? It's a lot. Oh, that's up to you. Are we trying to fight them? I don't know.

Because maybe the cavalry will come just in the right time and help fight them with us. Who knows? Yeah, they're also trying to stealthily take positions up. It looks like maybe they're trying to, you know, they're kind of coordinating, trying to figure out how to encapsulate as many as possible in here. Because I imagine we don't want them going through this tunnel. Is there like a 10-foot radius spot?

that would stop them, that they would have to go through in order to enter the city? A choke point? Yeah. It doesn't quite get that thin. It doesn't get all the way down to 10 feet. I'd say at its tightest...

It probably gets down to 15, 17 feet, somewhere in that area. Let's create a choke point. I have a magic circle. I create a 10-foot radius, 20-foot tall cylinder of magical energy centered on a point on the ground that you see. And then I can choose one or more of the following types of creatures. I can choose Fae, and it affects those creatures. They can't willingly enter the cylinder by non-magical means, so...

If the creature tries to use teleportation to enter, they have to make a charisma saving throw, and they have disadvantage on attack rolls against targets within the cylinder. Targets within the cylinder can't be charmed, frightened, or possessed. And when you cast a spell, you can elect to cause its magic to operate in the reverse direction, preventing a creature of the specific type from leaving the cylinder. So I could either capture a bunch of them in the cylinder or create like a...

a barrier where we can fight from yeah that's super useful did you describe a choke point those 15 feet gus

Yes, it's about 15 feet is the most narrow it gets to. Maybe place it in the center and then we have two people on either side. Or I could also cut off a bunch of them and split them up. Like the two that were trying to split them up, I could cast the spell and keep them from leaving. Yeah, I would say if that's the case, have that at the ready. But if we deploy it now... Well, it's a one-minute cast, so I need to do it.

So I need to, like, do it before we go in. Can I do that, Gus, where I split, like, the hags, the two that are bad into different groups? They're all bad. Well, you know, the two leaders. The two hags. I'll tell you what. Why don't you, Barney, you haven't rolled me one. Why don't you make me a perception check? Nat 20.

Before I get to that, just so we were all on the same page about the spell, you know, I see you have all the components for that spell. You would have to make sure you remove some of the ones that it says from your inventory. Okay. That is a very powerful spell, as you can tell. So that's why it takes time to cast. And it also has material components that are a little costly. So just to kind of keep it in check, if you do end up casting it, make sure you remove the necessary items from your inventory.

Okay. So, yes, you can totally do that and, you know, kind of create this choke point where we all just came through to stop these haglings. However, on top of that, there are the two hags in the room, which there's about five feet between them. If you wanted to, you could try to separate them, like put one inside the circle and the other one not in the circle.

In front of them, kind of in the middle of the room, is the Headless Horseman, who's looking at the hags as well. Off to the east is a cage filled with animals and Shivy the Hag. Shivy! Out to the west is like a pile of magical oddities.

and then out to the southeast appears to be a pile of corpses. And then walking around as well, besides the horde of Haglings, there's also various groups of Darklings wandering around, seeming to be getting ready for some type of battle. This is real boss battle energy. And I say all this because you rolled a really good perception check, and I don't want you to think these Haglings are the only thing in here that you're facing. Gotcha. The whole army...

Hey, I think that they should probably send back for more of the cavalry. I don't think six or eight dudes is going to do it. The horde, how spatially, how much space are they taking up? Like, if I was to do that 10-foot radius, how many...

what percentage of them would it encapsulate? The horde of haglings? Yeah. So there's quite a few of them with a 10, it was a 10 foot diameter circle? 10 foot radius. So I guess that would make 20 feet. Oh, that's even bigger. That'd make 20 feet. So I guess it could, yeah. You would probably get the majority of the horde of haglings in that. Can I have, I just kind of generally said, can I hide? Can I make movement towards Shivey and also still be hidden? Like max out my movement without being detected? Yeah.

Sure. Absolutely. You rolled so well. Absolutely. I have something that I want to do, but I want to give Barbara an opportunity as well. Yeah. Well, I want to finish up with Barney. I don't know if he's going to cast that or not. Yeah, I'm going to cast it. I'm just trying with the group. Like, is it better? You don't think it's better to trap off all the all the bad ones and we could just like,

group boom, boom, boom from afar or separate the two bosses, the two hags? I'm assuming that Matide is going to do that interdimensional thing to separate. I'm going to try to get Shivy out of the cage so that they could potentially run away

or help us in the battle. So maybe we coordinate with Mateed to see which one. I have a way to get Shivey away, but if you don't want me to do that, I can do something else. I mean, it's totally your call. I'm just saying if we're going to, if the goal is to separate them, maybe Barney focuses on capturing one and then Mateed try to teleport the other. I don't know.

We're capturing all the big hordes so we don't have to fight them and we just deal with the bosses. Yeah, that's... That works for me. I would say that I would lean towards, yeah, you would want to start casting that, like getting the jump. Because I think that this is like a tenuous lead on this whole thing. I don't think we're going to be... Yeah. Yeah. But I'm curious what Elga and Mateed are going to get into. Could I... I don't know what this necessarily does. I've never... I don't think I've ever readied a spell before, but could I ready the Cone of Cold spell? Yeah.

Oh, cold. You get that from Fangfrost. From my Fangfrost, yeah. Casting time. What do you have in mind? I was just going to target a bunch of the Haglings. It's a 60-foot cone, and they have to make a constitution saving throw. Otherwise, they take 88 of cold damage. So what would you wait for? Like for them to get close right up on you, and then you cast it? Or what's your plan here? Yeah, just to kind of see the majority of them group up to really make the most of that 60-foot cone.

Sure. So you're going to kind of position yourself and wait for them to get closer and then spring it on them. Tell me what. So it sounds like you're going to want to be hiding to do that. So why don't you make me a stealth check to see if you can try to make sure they get as close as possible before you spring that. Nice weapon. It's a beautiful, beautiful dagger you got there.

I don't hear anything. Chip is still hiding. What a nice knife. Beautiful knife. Wow. That's an 11. All right. Is that it for you, Elga? Am I also allowed to rage now? If you want to. Just hold on. But don't forget. Yeah. If you don't attack or take damage within the next round, it goes away. Okay. Hold on.

But yes, that's it for Elga. Okay, Mateed? How far is Shyvie from me? From where you all entered, Shyvie's kind of on the farthest east wall. I'm gonna do some quick counting. We're facing north, right? Yeah, I'd say roughly 100, 120 feet, something like that. Okay, and your movement speed is, that's the distance you can go in one turn, which is six seconds, 10 seconds? Correct.

Six seconds. Six seconds. Okay. I want to incorporeal move into the ground and then head towards Shivey. Okay. So would then, since you're giving us this opportunity to take a turn, basically, I can go my distance to Shivey. Yeah? Yeah.

So you would like, are you talking about like double move? Yeah, I guess. Let's say yes. I'm asking that. Yeah. Okay. You could totally do that. Then I can get all the way underneath Shivey. Okay.

Great. So to recap, are we going to say something? I'm going to double move if that's the case. So that's 80 feet plus I'm going to do the hide, which I, what God, what is that called? Cutting action? Yeah. Where are you moving to? I was also going to move towards Shivey, just kind of in that general back area. I want to get the jump on him. I want to like go around as much as I can. Okay. So if Matide ends their turn inside an object or creature, they take 1d10 force damage. Ooh. Yeah, I'll take it.

Okay. Should I just roll? Roll it. Four. I take four damage. That's not terrible. Okay. So to recap, Chip double moves while hiding, trying to close the distance to Shivey. Gets most of the way there with 80 feet. Barney is starting to cast that spell. We can say it goes off here pretty quick, right? Since you already started casting it. And you were casting it to create the choke point, right? Not to split the hags? I should probably split the hags, right? I'll split the hags. I need a decision. I'll split the hags. I'll split the hags.

and get as many of the other hags as possible, like trying to split...

Haglings in there as possible. So the Haglings are nowhere near the Hags currently. Okay, okay. Well then I'll just split the Hags. So you want to cast it basically on one Hag without the other one, right? So that they're... We can fight them separately. And then Elga is kind of hiding, waiting for the Haglings to get closer to use Kona Cold on them. Yes. And Mateed is underground under Shivey and at their turn there. Taking four damage.

You just hear a muffled... As you are sneaking over, Chip, the hag eye in your possession suddenly glows with a green light and you hear a shriek of laughter bellow from the purple and blue hags. The green hag cries out from the nearby cage. Chip! Shurak and Skitch begin chanting. We can't see you anymore.

You've got a beacon in your pocket. Shrek and Skitch join hands and their feeble figures rise into the air. Shivey's cage also rises into the air behind them. On each of their foreheads, a third green eye appears. Oh! One claw! Three talons! Our coven united! Three hags!

One sisterhood! Our power is ignited! All three hags erupt with sickly green flames and a shockwave booms throughout the cavern. For the first time since you've seen them, all three hags no longer appear as decrepit old crones, but instead a trio of fearsome and formidable witches. Everyone roll initiative. Oh my god. Oh my god.

I respond, purple skin, two horns, ten fingers, two middle fingers, one tail. Five. Five.

We can see you. I just love that. 19. 21 as well. All right. So when we come back next week, we're going to have Elgin Barney leading us off with Chip, then Mateed, and we'll see what happens in the next week's episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Oh, God, so much to remember. I want to fight. This is bad. This is bad. Mateed just has to hang out underground for a week. Yeah.

How much damage? Teed will be gone forever. I'm going to re-roll a new character when we come back. But Teed comes back up out of the ground. We have a gum gum shirt.

that just came out. Oh, yeah. When this episode comes out, the GumGum shirt will have just come out as well as our dice tray. So go check this out. Maybe make a purchase here to help us finish out our push in StinkyWary that we're going through right now. Yeah. GumGum shirt looks awesome. Looks like a...

80s, like, I don't know. Like a Led Zeppelin album cover or something. It's real groovy. Very classic D&D. Go check it out for yourself at stickydragonpod.com slash store. It looks great. Alright, thanks for listening, everybody. Goodbye! Bye-bye! Say goodbye, John. Au revoir.

Hey guys, did you know that you could directly support the show by subscribing at stinkydragonpaw.com slash first? We've got some amazing little stinkers this week we want to shout out who are supporting the show. Starting with Computator Jones. Love the name. We got Vincent Shadow. Voodoo Sock Monkey. These are all great names. I love them. The Vati Ken.

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We cannot thank you enough for supporting the show and for allowing us to make the show because that is what you do. Listeners that interacted with us this week on social media and Discord had NPCs named after them on this episode. We had Sergeant Leazard the Cavalry Rider named after at NPCs.

laser underscore lizard on Twitter, who is voiced by Micah Reisinger, at Micah Reisinger. We also have Lieutenant Oriana the Cavalry Rider, who is named after at Keruali or Kero on first. Sorry if I mispronounce your name. I'm usually terrible at it, so I'm parring the course. We also have Shivvy the Green Hag, named after user Shivvy, Shivvy, Shivvy, Shivvy?

I never get that right on Reddit. Voiced by the wonderful Laurel Rothamel at Laurel Rothamel on social media. We have Skitch the Blue Hag, who's named after at Jessica Sketches on Instagram. Voiced by also the wonderful Jessica Vasami at Jessica Vasami on social media.

And lastly, we have Chirac the Purple Hag, named after just Chiracumo on Twitter, voiced by Murphy Geschwind. Thank you, Murphy, who is at Sunny Shore City. Additionally, The Alchemist, voiced by BlizzBear at BlizzBear. We love you. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, composed by Micah Reisinger, with additional editing work by David Salazar.

Sonia. Head over to stinky dragon pod dot com slash first for all things stinky and tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. That's funny. My Google search expensive Yu-Gi-Oh cards because I've never played it. You didn't know that? No. I think there was a video. Yeah my blue eyes. My blue eyes. It's an RTAA about that. It might be the only Yu-Gi-Oh card I know. Still cracks me up.