C02 - Ep. 28 - Passé in Perrish - Rest in Priest
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

This is a Rooster Teeth production.

Good evening, Toilu Enchanter Wizards. Stride into the Stinky Dragon Swallow our latest swill, Bewitched Switcheroo. Needs a mixture of espresso that you brew just for me, a suggestion of sugar, some chopped charming chocolate, a mage handful of ice, heavy-holed person cream topped with a trimming of tongues.

One mouthful of this mug and we'll be friends for at least one minute of concentration. Previously, our adventurers met with a memoryless mummy in search of answers, so naturally they marched over to the markets of Martian Memorial. After some bargains to die for and upgrades with an artisan, they roamed over to the Riviera Viviana.

and were besieged by a bridge. Next, Jacques pursued a peculiar pooch where they tracked down a tombstone they weren't expecting. Barney's. Roundup refreshment and let's resume this rank recollection. ♪

I don't want to make it a habit of dissecting your concoctions at the top of the show, but you did say a mage hand of ice and mage hand, you know, 10 pounds of ice. That's a little too much ice for your drink. Up to 10 pounds. This is a mage handful, not a mage hand of ice. Actually, it is up to 10 pounds.

I asked for any amount less than that. Wait, with the stinky dragon guy, he's at the bar, he's serving coffee, but he's, it's late, Duncan, but it's late night and he's serving coffee. It could be decaf. You never had a late night coffee? You know, you never had an after dinner coffee? The graveyard shift, get it? I drink coffee at all hours of the day, but I'm just saying like, get out of here. You're not on the show anymore. I'm just like, who's, who's, who's listening?

Who's listening? Are you concerned? Who's listening? Like I said, doing the graveyard shift. In-universe, who's listening? I'm just like imagining like, I like figuring out the place beyond the place. It's, you know, it's people. Carol. Carol's listening. Spoiler if we find out. It's not necessarily that it's just a coffee shop. It's the same tavern. Yeah. Now this is the barista versus the bartender. Got it.

That didn't answer my questions, but we got to keep going. You know what's great is recording an episode right after we've recorded an episode because everything's so fresh. But Blaine, I had the same reaction as you when you brought up Barney's tombstone. I was like, oh yeah. Literally the last thing that we recorded. We stopped to have lunch. I gasped. My memory just went shoot. Barney's body. Barnabas. Maybe your memory will be jogged when I hit you with this arrow. Shoot it. Do it. Do it.

Hello, my name is Gustavus Roll. I'm the dungeon master of our putrid party. Dungeon mister. This week's roleplay and warm-up question is, describe your character's favorite childhood toy. You already know mine. The teddy bear. Hello. I'm Barbara. I play Elga Von Brath, the half-elf vampire barbarian.

And Elga's brought this up before, so everybody knows. Her favorite childhood toy, he's more than just a toy. His name Boris. He was her teddy bear growing up. And by growing up, I mean hundreds of years ago. Boris, very special, very worse for wear at this point. But very special still always to Elga. Is Boris, like, has there been, have you had to make repairs on Boris over the years? Like, has he stitched up? Like, does he have mismatched eyes? No.

No, he just lives his beautiful life the way he is. No changes. He's perfect. He just keeps like hustling down like clerics and sorcerers to cast a mend. Yeah. Do it. Do it now. Mend this bear. He somehow still has both of his eyes. He's just a little, you know when like you've had a stuffed animal for a long time and the stuffing kind of gets flat.

Flat? Yeah. He's a little flat. He's a little clumpy. What color are Boris's eyes? Are they black? They're black eyes. Okay. And he's kind of like a grayish tan color. Are there any bloodstains on him? No. I would never bring him by my meal. I mean... Around injuries. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. He stays safe and sound in my bedroom. Hmm.

Have we met Boris? Do you have Boris on your person now or are they at home? He's at home. Okay. Okay. Just making sure. He's under a glass case. Like the rose from Beauty and the Beast. Yeah. Hey there. It's Blaine Gibson. Blaine Chipaney. Hey there. T-Fling Rogue. Level six. Don't comment on that, John. Last episode you were so good at subtly looking at it.

You did a full like lean forward. I panic and then I forget. And then I just have to just. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love all your quirks. Thank you. I'm a big fan of Blaine. I'm a Blaine fan. When Chippy was a little boy, his parents put him in the boy scouts and he got all the badges and worked super hard because at the end of the year, if you got enough badges, you got a pocket knife.

And Chip worked so hard and he got that pocket knife. He loved that Swiss Army pocket knife. Actually, what's the more fantasy version in Swiss? Vania Army. Vania Army? Glurby and Army. Oh, that Glurby and Army knife. And he got it and he whittled a little Pinewood Derby car with it and all that. But then he also scored his very first kill with that knife. And oh, that's his favorite toy. He used to stab and carve and whittle and...

All sorts of things. Carp wood, people. People. Real serial killer vibes. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. He's very Dexter. He was like, he was sent towards the direction to use these skills. Yeah. I love that knife.

That's a good knife. Do you still have it? It's in a picture frame back at home, back at me and Carol's place. The blade got chipped off because in a moment of panic, when I was on a mission, I didn't know what to do. And I lost my other blade and I pulled out my trusty Glurby and army knife and

And a person died and I said, oh, thank you. And I started kissing that knife. Glenn just started sweating profusely. He started kissing it right on the inscription on the side of the knife, right? I forget what that inscription says. The inscription says... It's in Urbian. Which translates to... Made in China. How fitting it got chipped. Is that where you got your name?

No, he got named before the knife. We don't know. Maybe Chip's just a nickname he's picked up. We just learned about Barnabas. Barnabas, yeah. I am Chris Damaris and I play Barney Farney, the human cleric. Barnabas, Barnabas. Barnabas, Barnabas. And favorite toy growing up? Well, when I was younger, I did not come from a rich family.

The family did not have a lot of money. So my favorite toy was this. I found a rock. I was going to say a rock. I was going to say a rock. That resembled a face.

Did you draw little eyeballs on it? I had in caves that looked a lot like eyeballs and used some berries to add a smile. Rocks were a really new thing when Barney was young. Barney, did you score your first kill with this rock as well? No. It's my first friend. What was his name? What was the name? Uh...

Wilson. No, you can't do that. Wilson. Wilson the rock. Wilson's a name. No, but it's Castaway. I know. It's also a name. It could be called Wilson. Yeah.

Wilson the Rock. You know what? I appreciate that, Barb. You're defending him using that because of your use of like Simpsons and stuff. References are always fun. So we know where Boris is. We know where my pocket knife is. Where's Wilson? Pay, pay, pay. Wilson's back.

At my home. Oh. Oh. And where's your home? I don't remember. Oh. Hopefully we'll find out. Hopefully we'll find out. Well, I think your home might be right here in the dirt. Get in there, old man. Plenty of rocks in there. Plenty of rocks in there. All right, Matide. Yes, my name is John Reisinger. I play Matide Confucius, the Eric Cochran ghost monk. And my favorite toy growing up. What was my favorite toy growing up?

I remember liking string a lot. Rock and string. No, I did. I grew up with a little play bakery set. I was an early adopter. Easy bake oven? Yeah, but it was a simple bake stove. There's someone I know named Barbara who actually burnt herself as a child on the easy bake oven and said, this is not so easy bake oven. Yeah.

I used to make those little bugs, the creepy crawlers. Creepy crawlers. I had the boy, the little, you know, because everything's gendered. I had a little boy army man baker machine. A little boy army man baker machine? Yeah, I was obsessed with the little green army men. It sounds like an Amazon product. You can make army men out of this thing and they, oh, they were terrible.

That feels like a fumes, like, danger problem. I turn out normal? What are you talking about? Pocket knife. There were fireworks. So you would make, like, little soldier, like, the little plastic soldiers in this thing? Like, you would melt down plastic and put them into a mold? That was, like, a genre of toys in the 90s. Are you pulling it up right now? I'm trying to look for it. I can't find it. The creepy crawlers, I do specifically, like, remember, great commercial. Mm-hmm.

And a very fun toy. And we had an easy bake oven in our house too. Me and my brother were using it in the morning when my parents were still in bed. And we like pulled out the little tray with a little cake on it and the little tin thing. And it fell down. And I was like, I'll pick it up. And I went to go grab the tin with my fingers and just like,

burned the heck out of my hand. If you look at Barbara's hand, there's still the... Yeah, you can still make out the imprint. You can still see the little tin pan. Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark with the Nazi guy. The only burns on my hands are from when I worked at Burger King. Let's be real here, guys. I love that. It's so good. Yes. That is my answer. Well, good answer. Dungeon Mister, what's your favorite toy? My favorite toy when I was a little boy was

my Atari 2600. This is just a way for us to get to know Gus better. Yeah.

Isn't that great? What a great excuse. To say like an abacus or something. We trapped him into a pool. That's the only reason we want Stinky Dragon to perform well, so we could trap Gus with us. Gus lore. We want Gus lore. Before we dive into the episode, it's really important, I think, to remind everyone we have a special event coming up next month in a couple of weeks, actually, or next week. I think a week from this podcast. We're going to be starting Stinkuary, which we mentioned last episode. Happy Stinkuary. Happy Stinkuary.

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It really does. That takes way more than $6 a month. That's all we can ask for people to Barbara. Okay, baby steps. You know, it's like PBS, like it's made by viewers like you. It really is. Made possible. Made possible, yeah. And you get ad-free content. And just like PBS, we have puppets. Yep. Oh my God. Speaking of puppets, one of the benefits you get is access to first shows like Show Me the Magic.

And also, of course, Second Wind, which is our bonus show for... We got more. We got more things we want to do. And you have access to it. It's called an RSS feed. I can tell you all about it. Could I give a little shout out before we get going on the episode? Yeah. So... To whom? I was at a convention recently in Birmingham, the UK. Not Birmingham, Alabama. Yeah.

And I had the pleasure of meeting some of the voice cast on Baldur's Gate 3. The voices of both Asterion and Lysel. Lovely human beings. And actually Neil Newbon, who voices Asterion, is a big Rooster Teeth fan.

And actually quite enjoy Stinky Dragon Pod. So I want to give a shout out to Neil. He's lovely. So is Devorah, who voices Laizel, but both of them lovely people. So shout out to Neil if you're listening. We'd love to have you come visit the studio. Oh my gosh. Maybe if we get a little NPC going. Who knows?

I think we've, I think our love of Baldur's Gate 3 and some of these characters has been well documented over the past couple of months when we record these episodes. Absolutely. That's so cool. Shout out to those guys. And yeah, they're just, they're just great human beings. So wonderful. So friendly. So sweet, supportive, great humans. Come play D&D with us. Yeah. Yeah. Be nerds with us. Let's nerd out.

Suddenly, Jacques yowls at something behind you. On the corner street, you see a skeletal dog wagging its bony tail. Jacques hisses at the hound and lunges after it, and the two creatures take off down the street heading south.

The opposite direction of the bridge? Yeah. And the mummy... Not again. The mummy seems quite surprised and says, Well, what are we waiting for? We should follow the feline at once. As the ancient proverb denotes, cats know what they are doing. And the mummy speedily gives pursuit after the animals. So do I. Okay, let's go. I do too, but I get on all fours. It's like the animals. Okay.

The wintry wind whistles all around while rushing down the streets of Parish. Turn after turn, the mummy leads the way following Jacques and the dog down alleyways and zipping past the familiar mausoleum, all the time heading south.

Without warning, a wall blocks the path, but the mummy phases right through it to the other side. It must be the southern border of the city. A quick look around reveals a few loose pieces in the stonework to climb through. On the other side is the mummy floating stiffly in place, and beyond her are miles and miles of foggy fields overcrowded with graves and tombstones. Jacques has stopped chasing the skeletal hound, which is now sitting near one particular grave. The tombstone is covered with webs and lettering is faded, but the epitaph chills everyone to their core.

RIP Barnabas Farney. What?!

Barnabas. That's so funny. I can't believe that there's someone with the exact same name as me. Did you have a dog, Barney? The skeletal dog jumps up into Barney's arms and begins to lick him. With what? With what? What do you think tongues are made of? The tongue bone. Oh. Yeah, obviously. I think I broke one the other day. Help! Help!

The dog is giving you dry tongue bone licks Wow that's a sentence I hate And now that it's up close Barney You can see the dog's tag It says stinker Stinker Is this your little stinker Oh I had a I did have a dog Named stinker This can't be Well you know what they say All dogs go to parish

It's just stacking up here, Barn. I think you might be dead. That's impossible. The dog's wagging its skeletal tail very intently, looking up at your face, Barney. You know what? I think he clearly loves you. No. I'm going to take a... I'm going to do something. Mateed phases down into the ground. Oh!

I wanted to dig up the coffin. Shoot, that's way smarter, but not as spooky and fun. Yeah. You phase down. How far? Let's say 60 feet. Seems like a good number. I feel like they would learn in parish to put them a little deeper. Oh.

Yeah. Or maybe it's like Louisiana and it's like they have to bury them above ground. Why do they do that? Is it because there's water? Is it limestone? Because they're below sea level. And so they actually basically cremate everybody. If you go to like New Orleans graveyards. Yeah, nothing like seeing... Right, David? Meemaw float down the...

street. I mean, that's what happened. It's like, it's, it's, it's they, so they're like, okay, everybody's above ground. That's horrifying. All right. Well, the dog begins pawing at you with its front paws, Barney in your arms. Okay.

What do you see? I'm so curious. What's down there? I start banging on the ground. Matee! What do you see? So you, you know, you, what's the correct word? Phase down? Yeah. You phase down about six feet into the ground. And at first you can only see dirt. You know, you begin moving. I presume you begin moving around trying to find something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to see what you can find down there. Roll me a d6, please, John.

Well, a D6 for the DCs. I'm kind of suspicious of Bernie now. Can I trust you, Bernie, Chris? Well, I'm suspicious of you now. You don't see my tomb here. I don't see mine either. This isn't me. I'm your dog, and that's your tomb. We don't know. This is a lot of speculation. I'm telling you, there's no way I'm dead.

This is ridiculous! Mateed. What did you find? You're still moving around looking, uh... To find out whatever you can. Still finding dirt for now. I need... I'm leaving.

I've got to get back to my quest. There's no way I could be dead. I haven't finished my quest. Did we give Barney his meds this morning? I don't think he took his meds. No. I don't think so. The dog yaps at you, Barney. You don't need to address the dog. Stinker needs you. Why don't you figure stuff out? I haven't finished. Right. Hey, none of us have figured out our quest yet. I still look for Carol. Is there something

about unfinished business with ghosts yeah you know that rings a bell there keeps talking about something that's unfinished so barney we're here to help you finish your quest all right and we're gonna get that done but we found a lead i know but we found a leader we need to investigate that lead so that we can help you finish your quest how's that sound say i'm alive let's say you're alive

Okay. Matide, are you still there? Roll me a d6, Matide. Another one? Yeah. Okay. I'm just trying to randomize you looking around because it's all dirt. It's hard to find. Question. Since Matide is a ghost, is Matide able to tell when other people are ghosts? One. I would say there's no extra knowledge about it or extra way to divine that. It's just from the way normally someone presents themselves. Okay.

Yeah, you find a coffin, Mateed. I knock on it.

You knock on it and there's no response. Well, they saw everything they needed to see. Could you open it up? I phase through the coffin. You phase through the coffin to look inside. You're met face to face with? You're met face to face with a body. Okay. Is there anything of note on this body? Anything not decomposed? Grab some glasses. Glasses? Didn't Barney wear glasses? Do you wear glasses, Barney? He does.

In our art, yeah. Oh, right. Yeah, in the art. What do I find? Yeah, you find a body wearing glasses. Is it decomposed? It looks like it's been there for a while. Okay. It's like skeleton. I wouldn't go that far. Okay. But yeah, definitely more. I want to see if it looks like Barney. Some decomposition. Yeah. Can I look at the face? Is there anything recognizable about the face? It would be tough to tell. It's been a while. All right.

Chip, I need to talk to you for a second. Oh, yeah. The dog once again begins yapping at you, Barney. What is it? It begins like panting and wagging its tail. So, you know, sometimes when there are little kids who say they could see dead people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I have a feeling that maybe our friend Barney is actually dead.

But I can see him too, and I'm not a little kid. I'm a big man. But you know, well, you know how we could see my teeth? Yeah. Maybe it's a similar situation. What are you whispering about? We're whispering about the weather in Paris. It's awfully hot. Barney, when you yell at them, the dog turns and looks at them and growls. Hello, nice bones. Good stinker. Stinker. Do you want the bone? Is that insensitive? Yeah.

I can finish up what I'm doing in the coffin. Is there anything else I can do to check to see if anything of note, anything in the coffin, anything written in the coffin, anything other than an indescribable body? Make an investigation check, we'll say. Let's say I do. 14? You investigate it, and you see that the body doesn't have any mortal wounds or any signs of, like,

or anything obviously wrong with it. It looks like a body that has died of old age. Okay, okay. I'm going to look up something really quick. Gross. Stinker once again begins wagging its tail and pawing at you and whimpering a little bit, Barney. What would you like? It kind of cocks its head, does that thing, you know, where dogs do when you talk to it and it kind of turns its head to the side.

Maybe you'll give it some pets. Yeah, I think that puppy likes you. Yeah, if you own the dog at some point in your life, what do you think he would like? It's a skeleton dog. That's right. And you live and grow tough. I'm just not comfortable with skeletons. Is it because you don't like undead things?

Or you don't like dogs? I love dogs. But you don't like moms. I don't care for a lot of the undead. Hmm. The dog makes a whimpering sound. Now, Barney, let's wait till Mateed comes back up, and we need to have a group chat, huh? A little powwow, if you will. Mateed, as you're stomping on the ground, get your butt up here, Mateed.

The dog jumps to the ground and begins running circles around you, Barney, then kind of like stands on its back legs and puts its front paws on your leg. I come out with my head. Bonjour. As the dog does this, and as Mateed returns, Barney, your surroundings swirl into a shower of light, and in a flash, you feel as if you're somewhere else, somewhere warmer. I'm coming back!

Do we see him? From everyone else's perspective, the other three of you, you see Barney glow white and it seems like his body begins floating in the air. Barney, roll me a perception check with advantage. I've seen the end of Beauty and the Beast. I'm going to turn into a toad.

A toad? And then I'll have to kiss it. I don't think Blaine has seen Beauty and the Beast. No, no, no. I know how these fairy tales go. 21. 21. I'm going to have to open mouth kiss that frog. Tale as old as time. You look around Barney and you look down and you see your body appears to be less wizened.

And in fact, when you look down, instead of a walker in your hands, you're holding onto a plow, tilling the soil near the bank of a river. In the distance, you see a dog barking excitedly, running around the alder tree. The trees on the other side of the farm where you see three children, two strapping boys wrestling with each other and a little girl reading a book on a tree swing. And then the other side of the tree is a woman chopping up a pile of wood.

and a flight of dragons are elegantly soaring through a dusky sky of stars. That's pretty. And only Barney sees this. Only Barney sees this. The furrows beneath your feet begin to rumble violently. Roll a dexterity saving throw.

Twelve. The rumbling knocks you to the ground. And as you're on the ground, you see the water in the nearby river dry up completely. The blanket of stars above turns green with no dragons in sight. Stinker runs up to you and begins barking at you, trying to get your attention. Without warning, there's a group of monstrous humanoids with fangs, claws, and other deformities overtaking the people near the tree. The woman fights back with her axe, but the monsters are stronger than she is.

They're shouting in some language you don't understand, but they seem to be asking a question. Barney, you feel a blood-curdling coldness trickle down your spine, your body frozen in place, and the last thing you see is your family being taken away by the monsters, leaving you paralyzed next to Stinker. Your surroundings swirl once again with a shower of light, and you're suddenly back in the cemetery with your friends. You drop to the ground with your grave in front of you.

I can't be dead because I never saved my family. Is that your mission there, Barney? Yes. Saving his family. Oh, this is really tragic. Yeah, this is a bit of a bummer. It's impossible. Do you know how long ago you got separated from them? A long time ago. So, like, so long, like, they would also be maybe not alive anymore? No. Even if time ravaged them? That's not possible. Okay. Okay.

How do we talk to Barney about that? I don't... I do... I've never... There's not a book for this. No. On how to teach someone that they are a ghost. No, there's a book on it. It's how to kill the undead. That sounds like a wonderful book. Barney, maybe if they did die, maybe they're like you and still living on as ghosts. That's impossible because I'm not a ghost. Is it?

Is there anything else on the tombstone? I know we saw that there's a name, but was there anything else? Like dates or... An inscription, a date? It was very worn. Okay, that's right. Yeah, it was covered in webs and leaves. And, you know, that's pretty much all you could see, all that's left on the tombstone. Hey, Barney, we got a pretty good lead here, all right? And this could help us find your family so you can save them. Why don't you cast Meld on that tombstone and maybe we can... Mend. Mend, and we can find some more information, perhaps.

Barney. Yes? Can you share with us what just happened? You just turned white and very bright. Yes. It was quite a thing. Okay, so you say. Yes, that's what I do say. That's what I saw. That's what I saw. Is there any chance that while that was happening, you might have experienced something, a moment of enlightenment? I saw my family. I saw me back whenever I was younger, where my family was taken from me by the monsters...

The undead. Ah. With fangs. Fangs. And they stole them from me. And I didn't do anything. That is very unfortunate. And I'm going to fix it. Well. I have to fix it before I die.

So we might be able to do a part of that statement. I'm still young. I believe that full and well. Where do you, when you just had your little, as a memory that you were experiencing, do you recall where that took place? It's on my farm. Where was your farm? I don't remember that part. Okay, well then I feel like maybe that's our first steps. Maybe we find your farm. Maybe there's like a log of...

you know, the body. I mean, if he's buried in Parish, then maybe something close by. Just a possibility. Do we see any other graves? We're not saying this is your grave. Good. We're not saying that. Right, group? We are not saying that? Maybe I'm not saying that. Right. Okay.

We're not saying that? I believe it is. To answer your question, yes, there are miles and miles of graves. Okay. Are there any other Farnie graves nearby? Yeah, like, is this alphabetical or what are we looking at? I guess you all could begin, everyone who wants to look, you can make an investigation check to, like, look around at the different tombstones. Okay, I'm going to do that. Do I get advantage just since it's close up? Yeah. Farnie sits down.

Oh, I don't need it. Where are we? We're in a tomb? No. You're in a grave. Like a big graveyard. Graveyard. Yeah, you sit down and Stinker jumps up into your lap and like curls up like a dog. 11. Barney sits with his arms crossed. Okay. Nat 20 for...

All right. Yeah, you begin, you know, fanning out. You divide it up and, you know, begin looking around at all the different graves. And you do not find any other Farnie graves in the area. I found Jonas T. Fart. That's the one next to Farnie. Farnie, what was your wife's name? Ah, do you recall that? Farnie, it's me. You're from Elka. Hello.

I just want to know what your wife's name is. Marnie. Marnie. Marnie. Was it also last name Farnie or did she have a... Yeah, she took my name. Marnie Farnie. Marnie Farnie. You two are destined for each other. Yeah. I must say. Was there any notable landmarks on your farm that you recall? Maybe a special...

Tree. Or do you remember where you were from? Maybe. Like a... Help us help you. Like a neon sign that said, like, welcome to... I don't know. Farney Farmy? Farney Farmy. Oh, God. What were you farming? Farney Farmy.

Barley? Barley the Barley. I'm sorry. Barley the Barley. It was too much. I'm trying not to interrupt. No, it's good. It's good. You get inspiration dice. Does Barney recall? I don't. Okay. Okay. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Did you find any other graves? I bet you did not. We did not. Okay. Barney. That probably means there's still

It is a cold case it remains unsolved we are gonna solve it for you hot case hot case it's on fire No pick cast cast mind on that that tombstone. Let's see if we could find anything else yeah, I

Maybe. Maybe. I don't know who this Barnabas is. I don't want to be desecrating their grave. You know what? You know what? There's a chance. Maybe this fellow is related to you. That's true. And that might lead us to information about your family. Yeah. Chip, roll me a perception check. I'm sorry. There's a lot of lore going on. I'm trying not to, like, step in and interrupt it or anything. I got a zero. Okay.

Aren't you a perceptive character? He has a negative one of perception. Do you? Yeah, he doesn't have high wisdom. I mean, I'm a wisdom. I roll an inspiration. What are you going to do about that, Gus? No, I mean, he doesn't notice anything. All right, rolling it again. How am I more perceptive than our rogue? Five. You, Chip, I will say something now that it's not a zero. Okay. You feel like you're being watched, but you don't know by who or where.

There's some pantomiming going on. I don't know what John is trying to do. You want a hug there, Madi? Tell one of us that, and then we can help. Hey, okay, all right. I put an arm on Barney, and I just kind of say, nobody panic. And I have my smile as big as can be, and I say, we are currently being watched, and I do not know by who, but we should probably find out. I mean, I'm watching you guys. We're being watched? Holy Lord. Oh, good God. Can I do a check?

Yeah, roll a perception check. Okay, I would like to look around. Well, since you told all of us, we all do perception. If you want to. Yeah, can I roll another to just get more aware? I'll say no to Chip. Okay.

Don't worry. 22. And 15 for Elga. I rolled a 10. Yeah, you're not able to discern it, Barney. Maybe it's because Stinker's distracting you with his incessant need for your attention. But Elga and Mateed, you feel like you're being watched by a hooded person about 20 feet away, hiding behind a large gravestone. Can I dash over? Yeah, you're fast, right? Yeah, I'm fast. I'm a monk. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll follow. You dash over and you find a hooded person with withered dark gray skin, glazed eyes, and a crowish face. He seems startled because how quickly you approached him. Bonjour. I mean you no harm. Bonjour. Tell me who you are and you won't die. Die? My name's Juzzy. I saw you get past the watch on the bridge. Well, one of us did. I know how to get past the river without crossing it.

I was just wondering if you could help me. I need help sneaking past the cavalry patrolling the city. Is, uh... Is this guy a human ghost?

Humanoid, not a ghost. Okay, humanoid, not a ghost, cloaked, old dude. Old? Gray skin, with a crowed face. Withered, dark gray skin, definitely not young. Okay, okay. He's not like me. Monsieur, why do you need to get past the cavalry? I need you to get to the other side of the river, and they make it impossible. They block everything off. Are you trying to approach the witches?

Well, I need to get through there. I'm trying to go beyond where the coven is. Are you part of the coven? No. Why would I be? I don't know. You want to go that way. Do I look like an old hag? Well, you look old. Let's not talk about women this way. Do you have issues with the coven? Do you mean them any harm? No, I just mean to get past. Where are you going? You know, Chip's near next to me. Yeah, I caught up. Sorry. Yeah.

Chip, I think this might be a good distraction right now for Barney to maybe de-escalate the situation. Something's up with Barney? I feel like things are a little off with Barney. I didn't notice. He doesn't seem like his normal self. He seems a little bit more angry than he usually is. I'm not one to pick up on this stuff very easily. Dogs normally calm people down. Yeah, it's enough working on this one. That dog has upset that man so much. Yeah.

So maybe we use this as a little distraction and then we figure out the whole DEA dead thing. It does remind me of when I used to ask my old grandpappy Skip about the war. And he'd all, he'd all, Papa told me not to do that and I did it. Let's give him something to, some things to do and we'll figure this out as we go. Distractions are good. I like this. I stayed back with Barney for what it's worth. Okay. I turned back to him. Good news. We have something to do.

We gotta lead! We gotta lead to go do something for our quest. Doesn't that sound wonderful? But who's gonna tell Barney that he's probably dead? I grab Elga and fly off 60 feet in here. Knife to the throat. The fastest you've ever seen this Eric Cochran monk move. I grab this little barbarian and bring her up into the sky. Mateus, now there's just you and me up here.

Are you gonna tell Barney he's dead? Do you know if he's dead? Could you tell us like a ghost to ghost connection? You know, I'm a perceptive bird and I think I have an idea of what's going on, but sometimes people don't want to hear the truth yet and you can't force it. You have to wait till they can accept it. Okay, I'll try to keep it the best secret kept possible. While Elga and Mateed are having that conversation up in the sky, can I have a quick side with Barney? I'd love it. Barney? Yeah. Yeah.

It's Chris's method. His arms crossed. Barney, I can tell you seem upset. Yes. You're very perceptive. Thank you. Well, there's no need for that. Hey, it's me. It's Chip A. It's your old buddy.

Now, I know that things are left open-ended for you, and I can relate. I can't find my wife, and it's really upsetting me having trouble sleeping at night. It really bothers me. We have to find our families together, and we can save them. Yes, absolutely. Now,

Now, the rest of the group, they're here to help you. And we're all on the same mission. We're all a team. So let's try to compose ourselves because losing our cool, that's not going to get us any closer to solving this mystery. All right. Okay. But I please ask that I be treated with respect and that I'm tired. I'm tired of hearing this lunacy. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's, hey, loud and clear. 10-4, good buddy. We're going to be very sensitive, and we're going to figure out what's going on with your family. But in the meantime, I know that this dog might bug you, but it means you no harm. Let's treat that dog nice. Yeah, I think that this dog could help us somehow. Seems like a good dog, aren't you, stinker?

Yeah, the dog begins wagging its tail enthusiastically. You know that thing like the small dogs, or I guess most dogs do, like when they wag their tails so enthusiastically, like their whole butt moves around like left and right. Yeah, I own one of those. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, hey, Barney, we're in this together, pal. We're going to get this figured out. All right. Thank you. Cool. Are we back down on the ground now? Is there anything else you want to talk about while we have a moment? No, let's go back down and keep secret. There was a brief moment where Juzzy was just left standing by themselves. Yeah. Yeah.

Because Barney and Chip were off in one side, then Mateed and Elga flew up in the air. Jazzy, you walked into a bit of a situation here. So it seems. Jazzy? Jazzy? Yeah. Jazzy. Jazzy was a bear. Oh, yeah, we bring back down. All right. We have our ending. Let's recompose ourselves and head back to that bridge. Come on, Barney. You can walk with me. Hold my hand. Okay. Okay.

Come along. How much is Elga squeezing Barney? Do I feel a squeeze? Elga's just constantly, like, touching Barney and, like, pushing into him. Your hands are awfully cold. You should button up. Your hands are awfully cold.

And somehow still intact. Well, if you do, I'm not trying to meta this, but Mateed does have, like, solidity to them. Yeah, in fact, we even addressed that when Mateed drank that drink, and you kind of lost that. Yeah. I guess we head? Yes. Can I leave a flower for Jonah's tea fart before we go? No.

Yeah, why not? If only we had a wizard who could conjure a flower for you. Ah, if only. That sounds like a great guy. Totally sidebar. I love the sound effect.

Yeah. Every time. Gum gum's flowers. Oh, the little... Yeah. Stinky dragon adventures. Yeah. At this point, I guess the mummy would chime in. The mummy's here. I forgot. The mummy's been very quiet about this. You all have some very personal business to deal with that the mummy is... We got your headdress back. We have been through a lot, okay? Yeah, it's like Thanksgiving dinner. One day it's bacon croissants, the next day I'm in a...

in a graveyard with a bunch of people. Well, since it seems like you have a way to cross the river, I'll leave you in Jazzy's hands. I have to get back to Carcasook immediately to make preparations.

For what? For my revenge, of course. On Eddie. Okay, that sounds like a good use of your time. Okay, let's say I'm in the mirror. I like it. Before we leave this area, hello. Mati, do you want to check if your grave's around here? You might be buried out here. I don't know if you care to check. That's fine. I don't care about that body. I like this body. Groovy. I'm happy about it. Let's get out of here. Look how cool I look. You look great. Did you see me go down into the ground? That's fantastic. I couldn't do that. You flew that little girl straight up this time. Yes, it's wonderful.

I like Tuesdays. Good times. John kind of teeters on German a little bit. You'll see, amigos.

It's almost like I don't speak either language. It's almost like I'm floundering in these voices at all times. Doing a great job. French is the hardest accent. And I think your German is great, too. German would actually be easier for me. French is hard. Or whatever this is. Yeah. Who knows? Let's follow the jazzy line. Great. Let's head back into the city.

I need your help to move stealthily through the city. Oh, we are so good at that, or most of us are. So if everyone can make a stealth check, we'll do this as a group stealth check. We'll make it with advantage. Are there any special things you want to do to try to get through unseen? I mean, yeah, totally.

Do you guys have things to do to be unseen? Well, I have my shoes of the... Oh, you got sneakers. What are they called again? They are called the sneakers of lost souls. I have advantage on checks, and I think I just rolled a 27. Wow. That's pretty good. This is not about sneaking, but I want to do vigilant blessing, and then... Is that the one that gives you advantage on... Yeah, initiative. Initiative, got it. Can I use a little something a little oddly, but maybe this is something that would give you...

maybe give me advantage if I do it right. I have word of the spirit. When I speak, I can direct my words to a creature of my choice that I can see within 60 feet, making it so only that creature can hear me. Could I use it as a way to like, if someone were to look at us, I'd be like, oops, oh yeah. Yeah. And distract them. Sure. Maybe an unconventional use of that. I'm glad I brought that up.

Yeah. So let me look. What can I, what does that give me? We'll deal with that if people roll poorly and we need to do like, we need to address you all getting found.

I rolled a one. Do you have your inspiration dice? Which is an eight. I do not have an inspiration dice unless Gus decides to retroact. I rolled a 15 and that's with disadvantage. I think we're going to make some noise this time, guys. 27, 15, 8, and 5. That's not bad. I could also... I could use my inspiration die. I think we're...

bad enough, we should just kind of roll with how bad this is. Yeah, he rolled a one. I did. So that's like... That's a critical fail. Oh, FYI, Micah, just let me know. Players can gift inspiration die to each other. Does anybody have one? You could have mine. I blew mine on that perception check. You could take mine. Well, you might as well use your five. Yeah, but if you rolled a one, if you had a critical fail, wouldn't that...

Okay, I'll take it. Yes. Okay. I'm sure you'll please, Gus. And I rolled a 27, so I'll take seven off mine, donate it to Elga. So that's 12. What did I roll, Elga? You rolled a nat 20. 27. I'm just, I'm a creature of extremes. Quick metagame question. I've seen this a lot in the discourse of our community. In the discord? No, like just like online.

in the discord as well, but the discourse as well of people talking about the podcast. Wait, people argue about rules about D&D? Crazy. We're still, even though we're two campaigns in, fairly new to D&D. And I've seen a lot of people say like, if you critical fail or critical success something, you don't have to add the modifier. Yeah, yeah.

That's what the like you critical 20. Right. Normally a 20 is an automatic success and a one is an automatic failure. That way there's always like a wild card aspect. So do we have to like if, for example, John rolled a 20, a nat 20, does he have to say it's a 27 or could he just say I rolled a nat 20? It doesn't hurt to say it because there are situations where that the number may come into effect for certain things. If you're being rolled against by an enemy.

Yeah. Okay. So Ben just chimed in and informed us that a common way of explaining it is that in combat, nat 20 is automatic hit and a one is automatic miss. But in these kinds of situations that are not combat, it's skill checks. You can actually have whatever number you're rolling. Right, because sometimes a skill check might be a 30 or 35. Then my skill check, I rolled a 27. So two 27s, a 15, and a five. What does Stinky roll? Stinker. Stinker. Stinker.

11. He rolls for the dog. Not bad. Yeah, so you all are able to sneak quietly into the center of town. Juzzy leads you to the mausoleum milieu, central mausoleum. When you reach the mausoleum, Juzzy says, There's a secret passage within the mausoleum. We're going to have to go in and find our way. I'm pretty sure I remember where it is.

But it might take a minute or two to find it. Jesse, we're not helping you, you know, do something bad, are you? You're not stealing or planning on killing or nothing? No. Whoa, me?

Never! I can't zone of truth! I was waiting for someone to do something. Barney scares everyone with his sudden outburst. While we're trying to be stealthy. What does that do? Maybe you should cast it on yourself to see if you're lying to yourself. Well, according to his truth. Zone of truth.

You create a magical zone that guards against deception on a 15-foot radius sphere centered on a point of your choice within range. Until the spell ends, a creature that enters the spell's area for the first time or starts its turn there must make a charisma saving throw. On a failed save, a creature can't speak a deliberate lie while in the radius. You know whether each creature succeeds or fails on its saving throw. An effective creature is aware of the spell and can thus avoid answering questions to which it would normally respond with a lie.

Such a creature can be evasive in its answers as long as it remains within the boundaries of truth. Why does this sound like you're reading like a wiki how? Can I also stack onto this too? Oh. Because we did that shopping in the last episode and then I got the castanets of coolness which I can use to cast friends. Do you want to see if this works first?

Yeah, that's up to you guys. I just, I feel like we've had people subvert Zone of Truth. Is that not a one-time use though, the castanets? According to John, it's a cantrip, so it would be recharged. Right, the instruments for cantrips? Yeah. Okay, cool. Then yeah, that's unlimited, basically. And then friends would give you advantage on charisma checks.

directed at one creature of your choice that isn't hostile towards you. You're not trying to persuade them anything. Yeah, maybe not. Never mind, never mind. So yeah, it's under truth. Let's resolve that. Chris, what about a saving throw of 17? Just to avoid any, like, metagaming about who's answering what, everyone should make the saving throw. Okay. 22. Five. Nine. Which, that means I can still lie. Yes. Yes.

And Barney? Oh, yeah, I guess I do it too. Hey, Medeed, I don't like you. Does Barney want to do it? Yeah, because he would be in the zone as well. Are you sure you want to play that game? No, I do not. Six. Okay. It's a saving throw, not a trick.

And a four for Juzzy. Juzzy failed. My saving throw was 22. I don't know if you want to take the other roll. We'll just take the first roll and add five to it instead of two. So that's a nine. Still failed. Yeah. So there's a zone of truth. What were you saying? Asking him? Juzzy.

You're not doing anything like illicit, are you? You're not stealing nothing. You're not trying to kill no one. What's going on here? What are we getting you into this place for? I'm just trying to get through the city and avoid the cavalry. That's great.

Why? Because the Cavalry is prejudiced against Darklings like me. Darklings? And like, what's your mission? Like, as a Darkling, like, what do you, what's the end game here? Darklings are a kind of people, a kind of creature. They think that because we typically don't live in parishes,

They were always scheming to subvert them and take over the city. I wonder what makes them think that as you stand in the shadows of the graveyard in the hood. Dodging questions. Because the cavalry will attack me if they see me. Oh, that's fair. So the cavalry are the... They were the people with the pumpkin and the horseshoe on their seats. Correct, correct. On the horses. Okay. So they're the local law enforcement. Constables. So they'll attack...

The cavalry don't trust Darklings, but the coven do? He wants to get past the coven. So the coven don't trust you, and the cavalry don't trust you. Who trusts you? The coven in general wants to encroach on Parrish. Because of the poop bags. They want to spread the doo-doo. Oh, yeah, we heard of those. Very dirty. The coven typically curses people and takes control of sections of Parrish. Okay. You go, girls. And...

All right, and you just want to get out of here. You going home? You taking something out of the city? I'm not taking anything out of the city. What's your end goal here? Like what? You think I'm stealing something? No, maybe some intel. Maybe you're in here looking for something that the cavalry don't want you to know. No.

You're in a friendly place. Come on. You can rely on me. Why were you spying on us? I wasn't spying on you. I'm just an explorer who was trying to get past the river. And I saw you all get past the cavalry. And I knew that you could help me get past them. Okay. I have a question. If we got past the cavalry, why are we going through the mausoleum? There was a barrier that stopped you from crossing all the way. Right. I got through it, but everybody else got stopped. And I know how to get past the barrier.

I just can't get past the Cavalieri. You all can get past the Cavalieri, but can't get past the barrier. You got your chocolate in my peanut butter. We each know half of this puzzle, and we can help each other get past to the other side of the river. Okay. And break. How do you, now that you're in the, I mean, now that you're sharing information with us, how do you get past the barrier? We're going to cross under it. That's why we're here at the mausoleum. We're going to go under. Okay.

Do you have ill intent for anyone? What? Ill intent for anyone? I thought you said intelligent. Sure. Yes. Who? Not us. No one you know. Okay. Let's go look at the mausoleum. It might be fun. Okay. Hi, guys. Bernie, when we go downstairs, do you want to just float down or do you want to walk down? I mean, Matty, do you want

You're being a ghost. You're in a zone of truth. If you recall, Bonnie is able to float now in dim lights anyway. Yes, I can. Right. So it wouldn't improve anything. I'd elbow the little girl. Do you know anybody named Casper?

Hey, stinkers! Barney Farney here! We sure do love sharing our adventures here at Stinky Dragon, but we can only do it with the support of our first members. So, next month, we're celebrating Stinkuary!

We're going to see how many subscribers and merch sales we can raise in the month of January. So we can do all kinds of fun stuff for the rest of the year. Like an exclusive mini adventure run by John, Blaine, Barbara. Oh, and this nice guy named Chris.

You all want second wind episodes for our Infinite campaign? Well, what about exclusive merch just for first members? The sky's the limit.

All of this is going to culminate on a super stinky stream on January 26th, where we'll be playing a special eight-hour D&D adventure live as we make our final push for subscribers and to celebrate our stinky show.

This show wouldn't exist without your support. And the best way to support this show is by getting a first subscription. You can do that at stinky dragon pod.com slash first or purchasing a gift sub for your friends at stinky dragon pod.com slash store starting January 1st. I'm looking forward to celebrating stinky area with you.

Oh, you were in the zone of truth and all? Yeah. I have something to confess. You don't say anything. We didn't find any gold when you found shot. We never found nothing. We never once did find nothing. Those early days...

Nothing. Oh, man, that's been weighing on my heart for so long. It's so wonderful to know that. Just looking at you. It's so wonderful to know that we have built so much trust now and that you would never break that trust at this point because if you did, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Just, oh, you everywhere. Almost as bad as Barney not telling his friend.

and party members are very important for the future of himself. I'm just one of those people that when you break my trust, you just don't get it back. Ever, ever. It is permanent. Crazy. Okay. We need a group therapist. So wait, did Matide fly off with... I think Juzzy started going into the... Yeah, Juzzy started going into the mausoleum.

I head down. I head down. The mausoleum. And I hustle the little barbarian down with me. And I go to Chip. I go, they sure are acting strangely. It's just something in this Parisian air, you know? Been acting so weird. Maybe it's love. Maybe it's...

Drugs. That's the only two options? Let's go to the mausoleum. The mausoleum itself is a white alabaster open building of column porticos, and it does have a floating sign that reads Mausoleum Milieu. And there's a set of stairs leading underground, and that's where Juzzy began walking into. The bottom of the stairs is a rectangular room made of stone tiles with four support columns. Surrounding the edge of the room is a stone shelf holding about 20 urns.

Hanging on each wall is a decorative axe, and to the north is another set of stairs that seems to descend further underground. Barbara was building this place in her mindscape. She just closed her eyes, looked at the stairs, and then when he said axe, she kind of perked up. She zoned out. Sometimes I need to close my eyes to fully immerse myself in the description. I do that too. If you're listening to this while driving, don't do that. Yeah, I was going to say the same thing. Who painted the picture?

Is there anything of interest in these, like, the urns or anything like that? Any names? Please don't say Barney. Just Marnie. Let's just go this way. Look over there. You walk up to look at them, and each, you know, upon closer investigation, you see that each urn is marked with the same symbol of the Cavalry.

Cavalry. Think of capillary. Thank you. Each urn is marked with the sigil of the cavalry. It's a jack-o'-lantern carved with a U-shaped horseshoe. Okay, so this is where... U-shaped horseshoe. Aren't all horseshoes shaped like a U? I guess that could give you an idea of the orientation of the horseshoe. It's not an N-shaped horseshoe. It's like a C-shaped horseshoe. Correct.

Okay. On my notes, I put sigil with jack-o'-lantern and a horse feet shape. Technically not. Why don't you, since you're looking at them, why don't you make me an investigation check there, Chip? Okay. Okay. Okay. That's a 17. Yeah, as you're, you know, looking at them and walking around, you find a few loose pieces of silver on the shelving under some dust.

I'm going to leave them. They seem like offerings or something like that. Silver can be used to ward off and kill the undead. We have a lot of silver. You can do that if you'd like. There's silver here. We might want to leave it because of that.

There we go. There's a bunch of old dusty silver. That sounds suspicious. I'm going to leave it right there. Elga comes behind them and picks up the silver pieces. Elga's entering her full chaos mode. Why is Elga in full chaos mode and now Mateen is keeping the team together? What is in the air in Parish? You get about 15 silver pieces total there, Elga. Are they cursed? I guess we're going to have to find out. Wait until the full moon and we'll see. Yeah, can we just...

I don't have anything else I want to investigate here. Now, Jazzy, is there anything significant about this place? No. Is this just like where they bury the dead members of the Calvary? Yeah, exactly. Our path leads us further down. Okay. Let us go. Lead the way. Yeah, Jazzy takes the stairs that proceed further down. Remember, if you stab us in the back, I'll stab you in the back. Literally. So stabbing in the front is good. Got it.

At the bottom of the stairs is another rectangular room that's even bigger than the last one. Okay. Made of stone tiles with four supporting columns.

Along the east and west walls are four stone sarcophagi, so eight total. And to the north is a ninth stone sarcophagus larger than the others with a sculpture on top and an inscription. Hold on. Which one of us got that trap thing? You do, I think. I'm going to use it. The nosebleed one? Yes. I'm going to use the... Oh, man, I just perked up, finally. The bloody nose bisque. Yeah, do it. Cast fine traps, but you get a bloody nose. Okay.

Let me help you with that chip. Oh dear. I just used this candle. I lit it. You lit it? Look at my... Yeah, it's because of the candle, right? No, it's the... There's steps for this. Oh, is that... Oh, it is. Oh, it is. What are the steps? For the bloody nose one? Yeah. For the candle in order to use it. A haiku. A haiku. Number 353. No. Okay.

You can't just light a magic candle. And while he's doing this, Elga is also twisting the lid off her sippy cup of satiation to hold it up by a chip. And let me catch your blood because we don't want any evidence, obviously, in this room. So I will collect it for you once you figure out your haiku. Yeah. He's crafting his poem. It's going to be amazing. People are going to want to write this down and stitch it onto pillows. Okay, here we go, here we go. He's trying to remember how to count. Is it going to rhyme? Is it going to rhyme?

They don't have to rhyme. No, no, no, sure, sure, sure. But I mean, for like bonus points, maybe the candle will last longer.

Yeah, no, I don't like that. I'm trying to actually make it like eloquent, but it's just poop. So I wish I see. Here we go. But I wish everyone could see how he's constantly counting on his fingers. It's actually a little too much counting. It's a lot of counting. It's only up to five and seven. It's going to knock your socks off. All right, here it comes. I search for the traps to protect my dearest friends.

Man, I miss Carol. That was a haiku. Haiku by Chip Haney. Oh, yeah. Groovy. Ha, ha, ha.

I actually did slam poetry once in college. I don't doubt that at all. Yeah. It's pretty good. Yeah. I got a good response. Your nose is bleeding. Chip your nose! Elgo runs over with her sippy cup and holds it by his nose. Very, very good. You're right, Elgo. This is a sacred place. We need to protect it from my blood. I don't want to get it on the floor. Or if anybody comes

it comes to investigate they don't want our physical evidence yeah let me let me squeeze it out my sinuses you know because of uh paris they're a little active so you might get a little bit of the green goops in there but let me just squeeze all it out got some batons in the cave jazzy leans over to you barney and asks uh what's happening i don't know don't worry just clearing out my nosebleed and the boogers

Thank you, Elga. Thank you, too. So your Find Traps activates, and the Find Traps spell allows you to sense the presence of any trap within range, which is 120 feet, that is within line of sight.

A trap for the purpose of this spell includes anything that would inflict a sudden or unexpected effect you consider harmful or undesirable, which was specifically intended as such by its creator. Thus, the spell would sense an area affected by the alarm spell, a glyph of warding, or a mechanical pit trap, but it would not reveal a natural weakness in the floor, an unstable ceiling, or a hidden sinkhole. Okay. Not like traps to me, though.

The spell merely reveals that a trap is present. You don't learn the location of each trap, but you do learn the general nature of the danger posed by the trap you sense. Okay. So yeah, you recite your haiku, you light your candle, and you know, magic emanates from the candle. You do not get ripped off. It actually does work. Nice. And you do get a sense for some traps. Aha! There's traps. Generally speaking, there is one...

Somewhere along with the larger sarcophagus in that area. And there's one along with the door leading out to the northeast somewhere in that area. With hands on hip, I say, there's a trap over there. And I point at it with my tail at the large sarcophagus. And there's a trap over to that exit over there. And then I point to the southeast with my tail. Northeast. Northeast with my tail.

The northeast would be the opposite of where we came in? Correct. Yeah. We came in from what, south? Yes. How do we go about disarming said traps? Is that a possibility? Because I have pretty good amount of hand, but I don't know. Trap disarmament kits, which is the thing, I guess, in Baldur's Gate. Maybe we just open the other sarcophagus until we reach that one. I guess if these other ones, if I don't get a bad vibe, we could open them if we wanted to. Yeah.

Or could we... Could I go up and look at them and see if there's, like, names or anything, markings on them? The, uh...

Eight smaller ones? Yeah. Yeah, there's four on the west wall and four on the east wall. Do you have a preference which one you go to? I'll go to the west first. And I want to make sure that's not the large one. That's not the one. The large one's straight ahead, yeah? Correct. The large one is up at the northern end. Think of like a menorah. Yeah. Got the four candles on each side and then the big tall one in the middle. Yeah. Elga, you head over to the western sarcophagus or the western wall with the sarcophagus and what you just like.

Open up. Like, tell me what you're doing. Could I look at them to see if there's any markings or names or anything like that on them? No, that's good. Yeah. They're, you know, it seems like they're fairly dusty, covered in cobwebs. It seems like this area might not be very trafficked. And, you know, you look around a bit. Make me a investigation check. Advantage? Question mark? Yeah. All right. Eight with advantage. You don't find any...

or any inscription. Okay. Could I open one of them? Yeah. I guess where you want to start from. The one furthest south or furthest north? Furthest south. Furthest south. Yeah. You open it up. It's a pretty heavy lid on top of the sarcophagus. And, you know, a bunch of dust flies up. And inside, there's skeletal remains of a humanoid without a head.

Oh. I'm going to, can I open up the one next to that one? That is not one of the trapped ones. Yeah. So on the same, on the west side, the one next to the one Elga opened, you open it up. It's also, you know, very dusty. Seems to be kind of neglected. You lift the lid off and inside is a larger humanoid skeleton. Again, without a head. Hmm.

They're all like the headless horsemen. This is the Cavalry's burial grounds. In remembering back to the Cavalry dudes that we met on the bridge, were they missing heads? Is that a common thing? Oh, yeah. Actually, maybe I'm assuming. Was there a revolution at any point in Paris? Yeah.

It seemed like they had their heads on their shoulders. Oh, okay. Maybe this is like a kind of like, you know, Viking funeral type thing where like when they pass, they remove their heads. Maybe. Yeah. As a fallen brother. Before or after they pass. Yeah. Yeah. Is the pumpkin horseshoe thing anywhere in here? Make an investigation check. It's only a five. No, you don't see it anywhere else. Okay. Jeff.

Jesse and or mummy. What's this room? You guys know? Mummy's not here. The mummy's not here. But Jesse says, this is the Grand Crypt. It's another burial place for cavalry officers. It's... Have you been through here before? I've passed through here to cross the barrier in the past, but it's been a while since I've been through here. And do they remove their head before or after they bury them? I'm more familiar with the them yelling at me side of things. Interesting. Okay. Okay.

I don't know if we need to check the other ones. If I... Okay, so the big one, the head of the menorah, that was one that had trap. Trap, yes. And you don't know what kind of trap it was, right? No, and I was kind of asking Gus if we could disarm it, but I don't know if we were right. Yeah, you don't even know specifically where it is. You're just aware that there is one somewhere over there. Maybe... If it's a barbarian with their investigation skills, might be able to figure it out. Or maybe I just...

just open it and to heck with it. I spent a lot of money on that candle. But now you're prepared. Sure. Then what if we just prepare ourselves and send the barbarian in? That sounds like a typical D&D strategy. Okay, you guys get behind somewhere safe and I'll go take care of it, okay? Okay. She gives every member of her party a forehead kiss. Okay.

Why do you like my nose? But we all have to come down to your height? Yeah. Okay. This is unrelated to what you're about to do. I just had a thought. I'm going to throw it there. I should have asked this earlier. Barney, would you be interested in having Stinker follow you? Or if he tried to follow you when you all left the graveyard, would you shoo him away? I wouldn't have shooed him away at that point. Okay, I'll say that he's still following you then. So he's with us. Yeah. Maybe he's like not fully integrated to the party. He's not like Jacques level or anything, but he's still like...

Eagerly following. I think Barney would let him follow him, but not necessarily be entirely receptive. Gotcha. But, like, not also be, like, mean-spirited. Yeah, or, like, yeah, just kind of...

Yeah. I just need, because of the way everyone reacted, I just needed to get that straight in my head to know whether or not stinker was there. And I just, like, it just came to me right then. It's totally unrelated to what you're doing. I swear. There's just a random thought that popped into my head. I think secretly he's got a charm to that. He's shining to that dog. Elga, you're going to go ahead and approach the larger sarcophagus? Yeah.

All right. So like I said earlier, you know, this one is larger than the others and it's got a sculpture on top and an inscription. What's the sculpture? The sculpture, it's a small statue that appears to be made of silver. It looks like it's the headless horseman atop his steed kicking high into the air. Okay. And what's the inscription? The inscription below reads, Une vie honorably, honorable. Honorable. Yes. Une vie éternelle.

So an honorable life and what was the second part? An honorable life is an eternal life. Is an eternal life. Do you think that the Headless Horseman's like a position? I don't know. These are past generations of Headless Horseman. It's hard to know.

Okay, so they're talking about being honorable, so I'm going to go ahead and rob this grave. Oh, my God. Can I ready, like, a spell? Yeah, what do you have in mind? I'll ready a guiding bolt. In case what? In case a monster... Something pops out? Yeah, a creature pops out. Okay.

Okay, so Elga lifts the lid. Yeah, you open up the larger sarcophagus and it's empty. Ah. What the? There's a small spider inside. That's a trap, I think. There's a spider. What is this? A sarcophagus. There's nothing to spider. Do you think maybe this little silver statue on the top? Oh.

How small is it? It's, let's say, it's 10 inches. Oh. I can cast detect magic? I think we already know this place is rigged. Yeah, yeah, do it. You only live once. Ha ha ha. Yeah.

Elga takes the silver statue. Yeah, you pick it up. It's, you know, it's silver. It's probably worth it if you had to estimate maybe like 100 gold pieces. How many curses can one person have on there? Yeah, right. So I don't notice any change when I take it? Well, everyone notices a change when you pick up the statue. Hidden pipes jut out from the walls and begin shooting fire from all sides. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. Shh.

Good thing I'm resistant. I think we found the trap. 15. 19. 17. 18. Nice. And I'm going to roll for Juzzy as well. I hope I don't accidentally burn Juzzy alive.

I mean, it'd be kind of funny. Oh, Jesse got a three. Uh-oh. Hey, you burned Jesse alive. I'm not going to roll for stinker. He's below. He's too low. Only Elga failed. What? Okay. So I'm going to roll some damage. Everyone takes a little bit of fire damage here. Two. I rolled 2d10, and I got a two. So we take half that? Yeah. If you made it, you take one point of damage. Elga, you take two. Hey, I'm a fire- How did I roll a two? I'm fire resistant. What does that mean? You take zero. You rolled a one and a one.

I'm going to pout. I don't want to play anymore. Okay, so is the fire persistent or stop? No, it just like shoots out very quickly and then stops and the pipes retract back into the walls. Okay. Is everyone happy? So then the exit is also trapped.

There was a door to the northeast that appears to have a trap in it. That's the exit I was referencing. What did you think I was referencing? Because I'm going to continue. There's also a northwestern hallway that continues out. There's also the other row of sarcophagus that we didn't... Correct. Should we... How many of those... Were any of those trapped? I'm sorry, I can't recall. No. Okay. Should we just work through those really quick? Yeah, let's just maybe take a peek in case. Okay. I'll take like two of the ones on the east. Okay.

All right, Elgar, are we going to do the other ones? Yeah, I'll do the other ones. Yeah, very similar to the ones on the west. They're just skeletal remains, various size humanoids, all without heads. Okay. Nothing in any of the... Mm-mm. Okay. And, like, can I perceive if these are... They died at similar times, or are these, like, generations of undead? That's a... You got forensics background? Yeah. I can tell from decomposition and such. Listen, I got a lot of training in that area. Make a wisdom check.

I'll show you what was in church. Will you? Minus one. Seven. Yeah, you're really not sure.

Okay. I feel like it might be the same thing as the mummy. Where the mummy, there's multiple generations of the mummy. There might be multiple generations. I mean, yeah. I think that's actually a very plausible theory. But the remaining thing we're looking at is we have a door to the northeast, is what you're saying, guys. Yes. And then an open hallway to the northwest. Correct. Okay. I wonder if the big one is for the current headless horseman. Oh, that's why it's empty. Oh. Oh.

Because he's out doing things and running around talking to Christina. Flirting with Katrina. Katrina. Katrina. Do we want to check this door? I'd say let's go through the hallway. Just not even curious? I'm curious about what's in the hallway. I fear doors. Why? Well, I can see if something's wrong with the hallway. No, but why do you fear doors? Hmm? Just a weird history. She's not a fan of that music.

Actually, I love the door. Blaine, you got to break on through. Jim Morrison. What a terrible movie. People are strange. Yeah, fine. We can leave the door. Let's take us through to the other side. Yeah, we head to the hallway? Yeah. Let's go. Let's move forward. Sure. The northwestern hallway, you follow it and it leads to a smaller room with a furnace on the western wall and some potter's tools on the eastern wall. Still looking for traps.

Yeah, you got an hour. I guess are you carrying it with you? Yeah. Yeah, I would think so. Yeah, okay. I was trying to think like metagame-wise how it would work. Yeah, sure, why not. Maybe like wrap his little tail around it. Is he still bleeding? Yeah, as long as it's going, he's got a nosebleed. Oh, yeah. I'll save you.

That's so nice of you to help take care of it. Gross, gross, gross. Thank you, Elga. Wow. What an assist. So are we in a room with no other exits? Yes. Okay. So there's a furnace and potter's tools. Yes. That's weird. At this point, Juzzy peeks up. I think this is the way. Oh. I can't remember, but there's something in here. Right before we do that, can I just take a sip of my sippy cup? Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

I regain 4d4 plus 4. She does it like to her back turn and just like a little feral child in the corner not showing us what she's doing. I get 14 health points back. Unusually salty and viscous. So Juzzy can't recall exactly? It'll come to me. We have to do something in here. Maybe we make a pot.

Is that fine? Why not? So there's pot, is there pottery like supplies? There's just the, the tools here. Like there's no clay. It's essentially like, like potter's needles, ribs, scrapers, a knife, calipers, things like that. But there's no like dirt around them? Like nothing, not like any clay set aside specifically for pottery. Okay. Uh, the furnace, is it lit? Yes. It's burning with a fire. That's weird. Currently.

Is there something beyond a fire? Oh, that's it. Thank you, kind T-thing. Mm-hmm. What is it? Jussie walks up to the furnace and begins like,

touching around it. It's here somewhere. And you see him trigger something. The scorched limestone wall opens and a draft of air rushes past revealing an underground tunnel and the air smells dank and the soil feels moist and humid. Cool. Ah, this is it. Any traps? Uh, no. Okay. Just realized something. What is that? This might be one of the first people in this entire campaign that Chip did introduce himself to.

I guess he gave me the bad vibes. He's doing spooking on us when we're having real talk with the gang. That's why he hadn't jumped in. He was waiting for an opportune moment. You guys were having a very serious conversation. He's a nice guy. Jussie, before we go on, how you doing? Chip Haney. Pleasure to meet you. I go in for the handshake. Pleasure to meet you. Yeah. Yeah.

Had to do it. Thank you, Matin. You keep me honest. Are you showing us the way right now? Josie? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, this way. Sure. Let's keep going. You all go through, and then as you walk through, the secret door resets itself and reseals and flux with the wall. Dark vision activate.

Before you is a passage with twists and turns. Seems like it turns, you know, very sharply every so often. Oh, good. We're most of the way there. Do you, Jazzy, is there anything else we should be aware of in this little cramped space? No. Once we're clear of here, we'll begin climbing back out, and we'll reemerge on the other side. I don't think we're going to encounter any more rooms. It's just going to be dirt paths like this the entire way. And you don't suspect any surprises? Suspect any surprises? No.

No. I mean, I got a trap candle. You don't suspect a surprise by definition. Do we suspect any surprises? No. I think what Jesse is trying to say is you can't suspect a surprise. Otherwise, it's not really a surprise. Well, unless someone else is planning a surprise for other people. They would be a surprise that they would be suspecting. Is it your birthday, Barney? No. When is your birthday?

Because maybe we play a not-so-surprise-surprise party for you. Matee just proceeds down the hallway. Yeah, Juzzy also takes point with you and begins, you know, walking down the hall. About every 10 feet or so, it seems like the tunnel twists and turns in a different direction. It seems like it doubles back on itself sometimes and goes in another direction. It's all really disorienting, especially without any real visual reference. Everyone make me a perception check. Okay.

My favorite. Seven. 23. 16. 17. I guess everyone except Barney, you know, at one point as you're walking through the tunnel, you feel like you hear a fluttering further down in the tunnel, almost like a bird flying. Matias?

Is that you? Wait a minute, but he's right here. Is there maybe another nocturnal flying creature we should be aware of? Squeak, squeak. Is somebody possessed by an owl? Ho! Is it...

Is it the bat? Is it the bat I hear? It's a fluttering sound, maybe? Find out next week on... Elga pushes past everyone and goes ahead. Okay, Elga's very keen. Bat? I can hear something. It's a little girl saying a word over and over again. So you're looking for a bat? I'm looking for whatever's making the fluttering sound. Make me an investigation check.

With advantage? No. Perfect. 19. You know, the sound has really piqued your interest, so you begin looking around very intently, trying to find whatever the source of it is. You don't think you find the source. It sounds like it's further away. However, you really take a close look at the walls of this tunnel, and you realize the walls are made of decayed bodies and faces blending into the moist, greenish dirt. Oh, my. Oh.

That's icky. This is gross. It's better if you don't look too close. I'm not even looking that close, but I'm just now mid-aware of it. I look very closely. Yeah, it's yuck. Cool. Guys, whatever you do, do not look...

of the tunnel. Come on, let's hurry up. He begins, you know, walking off into the further ahead into the tunnel. So this is like, what's that real life thing in Paris? The catacombs. The catacombs. So do I not find anything that's fluttering? No, you think that it might be further up ahead. It's not here. We're in this immediate area. Onward. Onward. I send a greeting to all the dead people.

Howdy doody. Hey folks. Just passing through. Chip Haney. Pleasure to meet you. Why the long face? Can I ready something? Yeah, what do you want to ready? I want to ready Destroy Undead. Destroy Undead? I'm going to take a guess as to what that does. Yeah. Undead fails a saving throw against your turn Undead feature. That's good. I'm going to ready my spell called Destroy Barney before he casts Destroy Dead. Yeah.

Which is just me holding my spear at his head at all times. Walking behind him. Yeah, just ready to jab that down. You know, you all proceed as well, trying to catch up to Juzzy. Eventually, you turn a corner and the tunnel opens up into a wider, taller cavern. The dull roar of rushing water echoes throughout the cave, but no water's visible. The floor's covered in a soft meadow of grass, and lying in the center is an unconscious little girl in a white dress.

That's creepy. Well, let's keep going. The passage continues on the other side of the meadow and cavern. Could I go up to the little girl? As you begin doing that, Chip, I'm going to speak for you, Chip, you put an arm out and stop her. Oh. I think that... Why are you stopping me? That might be that little girl. She's probably a trap. Yeah, you'd think there's a trap somewhere in here. Something's going on. Something's amiss. Can I kind of generally locate where it is?

Yeah, it seems like it's everywhere in the room. Okay. Well... Little girl! Do you hear me? There's no movement. So... Okay, I tried. Everything is trapped. It's just either one big trap or lots of little traps in this room. Is it... Can I see the ceiling? Or is it just dark in here? It's dark. I have dark vision. Is there a bunch of bats up there? Ha ha ha ha!

The ceiling, like I said, got higher here. It's beyond the range of your dark vision. How far? You can't tell because it's dark. Well, I need you to tell me. Is it shorter than 120 feet or farther than 120 feet? You don't know. You can fly up there and try to... No, I have vision. Oh, you have vision up to 120? I have dark vision up to that. Better than a bed box? It's around there. You can start to make out what you think might be the beginnings of a ceiling at that point. Okay. So what do I see? No bats. Okay. I do my eyes of night.

Dark vision range of 300 feet. Oh, yeah. And I did it for everyone in the party. Oh, oh, my eyes.

Everyone make a perception check. My favorite. 14, 12, 23. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20. 20

What do they look like? It's hard to make them out. They're cloaked humanoid figures. Everyone go and roll initiative. Oh, man. Wait, wait. Barney, do these guys look familiar? Do I recognize them as undead? They are not undead. I'm lucky this time. 18. You have advantage. Thank you. Seven. Eight. You might go first. 21. Nope, you are not. Is it good for you to go first? It is. Yeah.

Yes and no. Either like first is good or last is good because I have a thing where if someone has an attack and I can get the jump on them, I get advantage. Or if one of my party is near someone. So if I'm later than that. Still has to roll the baddies though. Right. I can give my advantage on attack to you.

Next time. Yeah. Sorry. None of them beat 21, though. Okay. Well, no, but some beat 18. Yeah. All right. Barney, you're at the top. You go first. There are eight figures. It seems like they've kind of split up and there's like two of them on each of you.

I like those odds. Eight total? Yeah. Okay, how many are around me? You know, in general, there's eight all around, but two seem to be focusing their attention on you. How, when you say all around me, like 15 feet around me? Yeah, since you all are still kind of at the entrance, everyone's pretty bunched up. All right, I cast Spirit Guardian, which call for spirits around me and distance 15 feet. You guys are all safe, but if they enter or start their turn in it, then they take 3d8 radiant damage.

That's good. Is the little girl in the white dress on the ground still? That disappeared. It's a trap. Going to lure us out. And then... Curses, you and your candle. And then for my bonus action, I shove, I use my whatever telekinetic shove. Are any of them not within 50 feet of me? I'm going to say they all are. Okay. Okay.

Then I use my telekinetic shove to push one into another one. All right. It's one of their turns. You want to roll that radiant damage? They actually have to make a wisdom save of 17. How wise are these clothes boys? Let's see. Yeah.

Plus zero. Rolling 15. That's a fail. Okay. So this one takes damage. 10. Good start. Okay. It takes this damage and it does not like that. It begins trying to withdraw the...

What? But it was then attack of opportunity, right? Yeah, that's what I'm trying to figure out if I can get around that. It tries to run away, but it cannot avoid an attack of opportunity from you, Barney. Okay, I cast Sacred Flame.

Which is 2d8 damage. I can do that because I'm a Warcaster. Okay, I was just looking that up. You read my mind. Yeah, so that's 2d8 of radiant damage. And it must make a dexterity saving throw. Of 17, yeah. Five. All right. And that's nine radiant damage. Okay, it tries to run away, but your sacred flame stops it and it falls to the ground. Is it like dead? Not moving. Not moving. Wow. So it's another one's turn.

I'm going to roll my save for Spirit Guardian. That's a one. Great. Micah, don't laugh at me. I'm having a hard day. 16. Micah's on our side this time. It falls to the ground. Oh, neat. These are weak. I think I'm getting a sense that they are vulnerable to radium. Chip, you're up. Does Chip have to roll a save? No, because I said he didn't have to. Oh. Oh.

I don't have advantage on any of these guys currently, right? The two that are attacking. Correct. Okay. All right. If I were to use cunning action to hide...

as my bonus action at the top. Could then I re-engage and then use something like sneak attack because then I would have advantage on that attack. So for sneak attack to work, doesn't another one of your allies just need to be within five feet of an enemy? That or if another enemy of the target is within five feet of it. Yeah, so that's the case we're in.

Your party members are enemies of that target. Okay. I'll take a swipe at one of those dudes then with my arm blade of blurbling. Blurble, blurble. Blurble, go, everyone. I also get an extra 1d4 acid damage, which I think I've been forgetting in the past. And Barney took care of two of them, right? Yes. Yes.

Maybe more. We'll see. Shoot. That was a one. A critical fail. I'm going to do a lucky. Reroll that. That's better. 13. 13. Just misses. I'm going to roll another. My last lucky. He's so lucky. He's a star. That's a frigging one. He's not very lucky. Shoot. Okay. And I don't have inspiration.

I'm just so embarrassed. I'm gonna hide. The saddest hide ever. Yeah, I'm gonna use that thing, that ability that I have to hide. Okay.

Anything else? Nope. I'm going to gently set down that candle that I had so that it's still going and then I'm going to get out of there. I hear gentle sobbing coming from a hidden place. Carol can see me now. It's another one of the creature's turns. It's going to make it save. Five. That's a failure. Do you want to roll damage, Barney? Yeah. Raise the roof. Let's go. Twelve. Twelve's down.

Wow. How many of them have fallen down at this point? Three. Okay. It's another one's turn. Making my save. 17. Whoa. All right. He still takes half damage. He falls down. So that'd be four.

It's still alive. However, seeing the carnage unfolding, it disengages and makes a hasty retreat for the exit out of the room. Okay. Disengages from who? Like use a disengage option. Yeah. That's to avoid the attack of opportunity. How does it start leaving the room? Is it flying? Is it walking? Is it running? Running. All right, Elga, it's your turn. Okay. Could I tell if these are vampires? They are not. Okay. Just...

All right. I'm going to use my axe of the scarab. All right. But I am going to... No, I'll just use it right up on them because they're right up on me, right? Yes. Okay. So I'm going to... Actually, first, just in case, I'm going to rage. Just in case. Always good. Just in case. Axe of the scarab. ABR. Always be raging. Always be raging. That is a 24. That hits.

doing 12 points of damage plus two because it falls to the ground. And then I'm going to hit the second one that's near me with the same weapon. That is a 21. That's a hit. Doing 14 points of damage. All right, that one falls down. These are not going as well as I expected. They lost their element of surprise, which is not great. Now is there one left? Two left. Two left. Okay.

Well, that's all I could do. So now I'm going to end my turn. Okay. And with that, it's Mateed's turn. This feels fishy. It does feel very fishy. This feels fishy. They feel too squishy. This feels fishy. There's two left in front of Mateed? Yes. And then one is running away? Yes. Okay. Mateed goes at whatever dude is next to Mateed that Mateed can attack. All right. There you have the two in front of you. I guess I'll just stab them with my Spear of Superior Baker. Ow. Ow.

Actually, wait. Does my new fangled thing require me to do, after you make a successful unarmed strike? Yeah, let's just do unarmed strikes. All right. It's not much of a big difference. So I'm going to kick them with my talons. Ow. I rolled a, ooh, that's only a 10. That does not hit. I'm going to do it again. Oh. That one's a 21. All right, that does hit. Doing eight points of damage. Okay, it's still up.

But now that I've hit it, I'm going to use my new thing, which is called the Muffin of Stardust. Muffin! Which gives me stellar success. After making a successful unarmed strike, you can choose to gain advantage on one attack roll. Ability check or saving throw you make for the end of your next turn. Okay. And I'm going to do this right now. So I'm going to attack with advantage.

by using flurry of blows. The same one you hit or the other one? Same one. I want this guy to drop like a bad habit. So I'm just going to do a goldy oldy unarmed strike, which is a 20. That's a hit. Yep. That'll do seven. That's enough. It drops. Then I go for the other guy next time. Oh my gosh. So many attacks with a monk.

Wish I could borrow one of those. 17. That hits. Seven. Okay, it's still up. Okay. I'm going to... The guy who's leaving is heading to the exit. Yes. How far is he and how far is the exit? He's most of the way to the exit at this point. It's probably from where you are 30 feet away. Would I be able to put myself between him and the exit? Like if I flew, if I didn't block? Body block.

You could try. Yeah. I don't see why not. But I'll take a... The guy that I just attacked would get an attack of opportunity. I'll take it. Okay. And I'm going to do that. Ooh, I get to attack. Yeah. This is my gift to you. All right. It lashes out with a dagger, hitting a C13. Nope. Ah. Ah.

Okay, so you take to the air and try to block the exit. Yeah, I at least, at the very least, put myself directly, like, let's say, I land right in front of this guy trying to exit. Okay, then that's it for your turn? Yeah. It's the other one's turn, and it also, so it's going to run up, it's trying to run to the exit, it disengages, since it disengages to avoid attacks of opportunity, it can't make an attack against you. But it can take radiant damage.

Oh yeah, I gotta roll my save. That is correct. I have a theory who these people are. I'm curious. Maybe it's nothing. Failed. Oh wait, there's eight sarcophagus. Oh yeah. So, roll your damage. Do they have heads? Yes, they have heads. I have another theory. Yeah. We just keep asking questions. Are they vampires? Do they have heads? What do they smell like? Eight radiant damage. But they attacked us.

All right. So all that's left is the guy that I'm standing in front of. Yeah. And whose turn is it right now? It's back up to the top. It's Barney. I want to... Snipe him with that finger. Yeah, I want to cast Sacred Flame. Okay. I did four radiant damage. Don't you have to do an attack roll? No, they have to make a dexterity save of 17. Gotcha. Three-eye roll. Can he make it? Can Gus make it? 17. Okay. Does he really? Yeah.

-Rolled again. -Half? -Shoot. -Okay. -My lucky's are out. -Then I also want to-- -What does that mean? I take two? -I think it just misses. -Okay. -Then I want to move towards the creature so that it starts its turn near me. -Okay. -Then I'll also use my bonus action to yank it back towards me. -Okay. -It has to make a strength saving throw or be moved five foot towards me. -Four.

So it moves five feet closer to you. And then, yeah, I get up next to it. All right. Chip? I'm going to take a... Well, how far away is it? From where you are, 20 feet. Okay. Yeah, I'll run over. I come out of hiding. So I think that that... Would that give me disadvantage or advantage because I... Wait, shoot. Did we mess up the advantage thing? What? No. You're within five feet. That's exactly what it said. Coming out of hiding, do I have advantage if it's a sneak attack type of thing?

Well, you're hiding, so your attack would be sneak attack. Yes. Yes. Okay. Well, anyways, I'm going to try to stab it with the arm blade of blurbling. I guess what I'm asking is, do I get advantage on that attack? On this one? Yes. Were you hiding? Yes. So, yes. Okay. Sneaky, sneaky. There's no way I can miss. Oh, that's great. A nat 20. That hits. Great. God. I really thought you were going to screw yourself by saying that before. I thought so, too. I always do. That's an 11. Yeah, you murder it. Okay.

and falls to the ground. Well, no, hold on now. I'm not done. You get a 1d4 acid damage. It's dead. It's time to desecrate. It's dead. It's dead. You get to kill lots of things. I don't get to kill nothing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It's just Chip stabbing into this unconscious body. Just like my pocket knife. You successfully dispatched the hooded creatures. 36 extra damage. Everyone can either receive an inspiration die or five temporary hit points. Inspiration die. I'll take those hit points. Can we now see them up close to see what they are? We just killed a bunch of children. You begin looking at them and one of them suddenly rises and then begins darting out the dark passage. Now wait. It's Juzzy. Hurry.

Hurry! Secure the gate and the prisoners! They're right behind me! What? I'm sorry. What? Wait, I thought we could trust Juzzy. So wait, Juzzy has headed to the exit that they were running towards? Yes. And is yelling to someone ahead of us? Presumably, someone you can't see. What? I rushed forward. And they said secure the gates so the prisoners don't get away? Yeah, us being the prisoners. You rushed forward. What the heck?

Welcome, my friends, to the headquarters of Talon!

Oh, lore! No! I knew they were assassins. I picked up their assassin from a while away. Talon, huh? Yeah, Talon's the other guys from the opposite dagger. No!

Find out what that means on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I want to go back and review that Zone of Truth conversation. I was so cagey and I walked such a fine line through that conversation. I was sweating it, but I did it. You want to prepare for Zone of Truth? I was not, but I navigated it. All right. Find out what happens on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Dang. Bye.

Barney Farney here again. I hope you know at this point that you can directly support the show by subscribing at StinkyDragonPod.com slash first. We've got amazing little stinkers like DV Ravenworth,

Vixie, Jadebar, WickedNorEaster, and JJO. They're all directly supporting the show and they get access to more great content like Second Wind. They also get to interact with us on our subscriber-only Discord channels and they get to attend exclusive events.

Again, that's all at StinkyDragonPod.com slash first. Can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show. We've also got listeners that interacted with us on social media and Discord, so we named some NPCs after them, like Raida Rajad, a.k.a. The Mummy from Raida 7-S, voiced by Hannah McCarthy.

Jussie the Darkling from Lemon Curd Lily's friend Justin on Instagram, voiced by Patrick Brown. And Mysterious Voice, voiced by Jessica Vasami. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written and edited by Micah Reisinger, with additional editing work by David Saunier.

head on over to stinky dragon pod.com slash first for all things stinky tune in next time for another thrilling episode of tales from the stinky dragon he uh i need help sneaking past the cavalry why do you need to sneak back to the cavalry i need help sneaking past the cavalry cavalry

Thank you, thank you keep all of those in put them out for our first members Let them see unable to read But in English