C02 - Ep. 27 - Passé in Perrish - The Quick and the Undead
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

This is a Rooster Teeth production.

How do you do to all you hill giants? Blunder into the stinky dragon, sip on our latest libation, join the great club. It's a mixture of mashed milk, clobbered cocoa, smashed sugar, brewed forced espresso, whacked cream topped with freshly ground up game. One gulp of this gargantuan grog hits harder than getting clocked with a rock.

Previously, our adventurers had a heart-to-heart with the Headless Horsemen puttered into the city of Parish. There they found themselves in the fray with an unfriendly frost giant. After freeing a captive from their frosty foe, they traipsed into the Tomb Tavern and came across an incorporeal Karkasuken, the Mummy. Prepare yourself a potation, and let's proceed with this pungent podcast.

First try. Hello, everyone. I'm a professional. My name is Gustavo Serrola, dungeon master of our future party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. This week's role play and warm up question is, is there a type of monster your character would fight no matter what? Oh,

I could do that. Could you? I can do that. Introduce yourself and answer the question. I'm Chris Damaris and I play Barney Farney. And I would fight no matter what is the undead. Oh, very nice. I guess as a cleric that tracks? Yeah.

Barney, all the undead? All of them? Every single type of undead that there is? The ones that feed upon the living. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And kill the living. It's getting hot in here, right? Everyone's feeling a little uncomfortable. Hey, Barney, what's up?

Outside the window! That's a crazy distraction for you. It looks like just outside the window with the sky. Is Barney gonna have a turn like in what we do in the shadows where we find out he's like actually a descendant of like the Van Helsing family or something? I am, baby. What about you, Algot? Oh, hello! I'm Barbara Dunkelman and I play Elga Von Brath, the half-elf vampire barbarian.

And, you know, what type of monster would Elga always fight? Yeah, no matter what. No matter what, every single one of them, Gustavo. Elga makes no exception for anything trying to do evil or harm to her or her friends.

So you better watch out. Better not cry. You better find out. She's telling you why. What about a monster that's not harming any of your friends? Like an innocent monster walking down the street? No, no, no. Well, let me retcon my answer.

Any monster that wants to cause harm to me or my friends. The innocent ones, I have my eye on you. If it's not causing harm, it's not a monster. There you go. Well, in the lore, I don't know. What about a monster that's just like doing their job? It's just like a nine to five for them. They're not into it. They just clock in, do their monstering and clock out. I've seen that.

Well, I'll feel like incorporated is the, the head of the peace treaties, like all those people, they're all monsters, right? Technically we call them monsters. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, some of them are okay. I mean, it's kind of like a, you know, monsters and this stuff to be a negatory word in this world, you know, they've reclaimed it. Yeah.

Yeah, there's different kinds of monsters. Yeah. Oh, Blaine Gibson here. Another type of monster. You know, playing Chip Haney, level six tiefling rogue. You know, the kind of monster that I'd fight no matter what. I'd throw hands, I'd throw daggers.

kidnappers. The worst monster of all. You get your hands off those kids, monster. I'll stab your hands. I took off my headphones while Blaine was yelling into the mic and it was somehow louder. The headphones were protecting your ears. But it's not just like

Children cuz you said get your hands off this kids you like anyone who abscond with any purse. Yeah Wife I don't like them Carol kidnapped herself Can you do that Does a scream like he big fan of watching all the taken films, yeah, have you ever seen gung-ho I

That's how you kidnap yourself. Spoiler. Yeah. We're like, got it. A 10-year-old movie at this point? It's 10 years old. It's just, you know, whatever.

My name is John Reisinger and I play Matty Confucius, who's an Eric Cochran ghost monk. And monsters that I would fight no matter what would be any monster who would... Actually, there was a monster I almost thought I had to fight, but I just misheard the name of its thing. You called it the Mould and I thought it was mold. And that's the worst thing for a bakery. That's just...

Yeah, you got to call the fire inspection company. Is that how you deal with mold? Yes. Burn the place down. But as far as monsters that I would fight no matter what, I would fight, I guess I'm a little bit like you, Elgas, but it would be any monsters that would fight my cat. Oh.

Anything that I want to eat, a kitty or anything like that. The gray ginger. Yes. My amorphously chromatically colored. Can we talk about the peel behind the curtain there? I don't know what you're talking about. My cat has always been ginger or gray. Orange.

I love it. It's, it's, he's, you know, as, as, um, I've, I know some people like to change the color of their hair, you know, and, and, you know, Jacques is want to do that on occasion.

It was dark when we found him. It was dark. Yeah. Everything looks black and white. Yeah. Yeah. Dark vision. You can't make out soot in a sewer. It's cold death. It's spooky. There's fires. It's a dry sewer. You know, those hobo barrels where they got the fire coming out of the barrel and he's just, he's a, one of those cats and harmonica was playing in the background. Yeah.

You know, like a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Wait, were Tom and Jerry homeless in the cartoons you watched? I'm sure at some point he was. No, but there was a group of angry cats. I remember that. There was like mean Tom cats. Yeah. I don't want to look it up, but you guys get mad whenever I get on my phone. I thought you were talking about episode five of Stinky Dragon Adventures. Talking about angry cats. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's right. In which there were cameos from every cat.

We had a lot of cats in there, including Jacques. Yeah. Jacques was one of the cats. What else did we have in there? We just had like every cat ever made. Oh, yeah. And Jacques and then some other cats. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I know there's multiple cats. Cat heavy episode. Jacques was very heavily featured. He's there. As he should be. Jacques.

Yeah, that's a, I guess by the time this comes out, that'll have been out for a little while. But speaking of other things that we're working on, we have something big coming up here real soon. Yes. If you guys would allow me a moment to just address y'all listening right now. I'm talking to you, Steve. Yeah.

When this episode comes out, 2023 is coming to a close. We're getting to the end of the year. And we've had an awesome year, in my opinion, an amazing, magical, fun, and positive year with Tales of Sneaky Dragon. So thankful to you, the audience, for doing everything you guys have done to listen to and support the show. A lot of people don't know about where this show came from necessarily. It was just... I got...

a bug in my head of like, what if we create a D&D show back in 2019? I think that came from, I love D&D shows and I'm surrounded by creative powerhouses here that I was like, well, if I can just get them all to sit around the table, I'm sure we can make amazing stuff. Really quick, it sounds like the show's shutting down. It's not. It's not. It's not. I can be reflective and not be closing it out. You're scaring me. You're scaring me.

Maybe that's good. Maybe I'll keep listening if they're worried. No, it was just, you know, I want to like point out that like it was something that we pulled together and made it through the pandemic with doing this show remotely. We got to be able to do it together through, we garnered a pretty core and adamant, but you know, small audience at first, but then through the power of puppetry and animation and all that kind of stuff, we were able to grow this show to be so full of amazing people and,

We ourselves that make the show, we're fans of the shows ourselves. We're listeners ourselves. I think that speaks to how much I'm a big stinky. Yeah, I'm a big stinker and that kind of thing. And so since the year is coming to a close and it's the point where you get reflective on the next year and the next year is going to have more stinky dragon, Blaine Gibson. Oh, that's right. We wanted to start off the year on a high note.

And so basically the show is completely supported by our audience. That is where, how we make the show. That's how we were able to run the show. Especially you, Steve, especially Steve, Steve,

Put that cookie down. You've had enough. You're going to get crumbs all over your favorite red shirt. I hope. Let's get as specific as possible. Let's see if we can find Steve in Minnesota with a red shirt and a cookie. We are starting off the year on a high note, and we're starting a new tradition. This is a new tradition. Our first annual event of this. Inaugural. No, first annual. Got him.

The first month of next year, we are officially deeming Stinkuary. Ew. And guys, we talked to President Biden. He said it was cool. He signed it along. Stinkuary is not Stinkuary. It's official holiday. Official month-long holiday. We're going to spend all next month raising support for the show, raising community members, and specifically...

raising support to get more patrons for our show so that we can grow the show to be able to do even more amazing projects. Those patrons, we call them our first members and you can become a first member by going to our website at stinkydragonpod.com. And those are the people that directly support us with a monthly subscription fee. That's only $6 a month. But with that money, we're able to do everything you see and hear with the show. You're able to... For the low, low price of $6 a month, you could feed a Chris Damaris. Yeah. Look at this baby Chris.

this lonely well another thing to break the fourth wall just show it's expensive it's a lot of people put a lot of work into it and we want to keep making it and that's only possible through the support of people it's hard out there for professional D&D players nowadays

But yeah, we're going to spend the whole month asking for you guys to support, asking for you guys to join us on our website and become patrons. But we're going to be, as we raise support, we have projects that we're going to release. We have projects we're going to announce. We have even products that we want to announce. And we're going to have more details on that specificity about that

in the coming days. You can make sure to keep track of all that information of what milestones we're going to be unlocking, where you guys can be, you know, buying this stuff on our social, StinkyDragonPod on all the socials. You can join us on our Discord. Our Discord is so fun. People on there constantly talking about the show, sharing. And we're there hanging out.

Yeah, the fan art's on there, all that kind of stuff. So yes, next month is Stinkuary. All month long, we're going to be raising support for the show and we hope that you will join us in that effort. I also want to point out too, something we don't talk about much is being a first member gets you this podcast ad free. It does. But you don't have to watch it or listen to it on our website to get it ad free. You also get access to an RSS feed on whatever podcast platform you use. Yeah, you can use Spotify or Apple Podcasts. And that'll give you access to this podcast also ad free.

And second wind. Yeah, yeah. Really? I didn't know that. It's been like that for like two or three years, dude. Everyone in this company talks about RSS feed. What is RSS feed? I don't know. You get a special link. Once you're a first member, you click on it and then you can...

import that into whatever you listen to. Like it, it, it, it walks you through it. So like Spotify or Apple podcast or whatever. Yeah. The ad free episodes of the, uh, the podcast is what you subscribe to in order to get the episodes of any podcast you listen to. It is just a feed. It's great. I'm glad we're explaining this because people listening might not know why. Yeah. Some listeners who don't know. Thank you for being a surrogate for the audience. Yeah. That's why I did. That's why you did it. Yeah.

He's just pretending. He knew. Yes, yes. There's awesome perks from becoming a first member, but I consider the best perk is that you get to have the badge that you're an official Stinky member who is supporting the show. Chris is now showing Blaine on his phone. So see how on my podcast app, there's Tales from Stinky Dragon, and then there's also a premium Tales from Stinky Dragon. No ads on that one. That one doesn't have ads. No direct ads. And so it's like a separate...

Who's in that show? And then also, you also get like Second Wind. Oh, on the RSS. Oh! So it's on the normal, you can do it on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. What's a podcast? What's a podcast? Let's do an actual podcast. Thank you for letting me talk about that for far too long. I appreciate it. It's important. It's important. And I appreciate you guys giving me the time to do it. We get the word out there. We're going to be talking about it the rest of this month and all of Stinkuary.

You all climb in and inside is a frigid stone walled watering hole filled with spirits drinking gaseous spirits.

The horseman and the young lady find a small private table by themselves in the corner, but something else catches your eye, or rather someone. Someone floating at the bar calls out, "Hey barkeep, pour me another. I swear I'm good for it." Even though she's floating above the ground, she still manages to stumble in the air while reaching for the glass of gas. She turns her decaying face to see if anyone noticed and her hair hisses at the four of you. It's the mummy. - Whoa!

I can't believe it. She's drinking? My mommy? What's up? How are you doing? No, I want Barney to say what's up. Dear mother.

So, Barney, do you... I'm just curious. It seems like you're approaching. Yeah, approaching to say hi. I approach with Barney as well. Matide too or no? Matide leaves the tavern and goes and checks out the rest of the city and wants to see Parrish.

No, I follow. Okay. I don't know if you remember. I think this was a detail in the last episode that John, I think you really liked, was that there were no doors on the tavern. Oh, yes. I love that. Through the window. Matee just passes through walls constantly, back and forth, just going around, just pulling a full shadow cat everywhere. I'm sorry, Chris. I kind of derailed us there. What was the question you asked? What's up? There it is. You look familiar. Mommy, do you not remember?

We tried to save you! And failed! We have that part out. I think she knows. Yeah. Vaguely remember. It all seemed so fuzzy. So long ago. Well, a couple a week? Oh.

You know me, right? And she points at you, Barney. Yes, I do. Something's been bothering me. Maybe you can help me. What? What's my name? Mommy. Your name? Do you want me to tell you? Wait, wait, wait. I probably have this. It's been bothering me.

It's on the tip of my snakes. - This happens? - He's trying. Let him have it. Let him try. - Righto, Rashad! - Yeah, that's it. That's right, yes. - That's it! I remember now! - She seems to, like, kind of sober up and come to. Give yourself an inspiration die if you don't have one. - Oh, I had one, but... - That's right.

Pride of Rajad. Oh no, I can see this game now. I came back for revenge. Yes! Wait, you did? Oh, in improv it's always yes and with Barney it's guess what? Yes what? Yes what? That's because he says yes before he realizes he even should. That's funny.

That's full commitment. Revenge against Eddie. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Yes, yes. I need to restore balance to... What was that land called? The Force? Antique? Yeah, Carcasuk. That's right. Can you help me?

We're friends, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Barney. Yes. Yeah. I remember. Kind of. That's okay. You need to tell me out of all four of us, you remember Barney. She looks at you and goes. Well, it's just, he's been talking to me. You are Elga. You know what? That's close enough. Elga. Yeah.

Oh, yes. Elga. How could I forget? And Chip. And Mateed. Yeah. You had to struggle a lot less before. And your beautiful gray cat, Jack. He's sometimes gray. Yes, that's why it's a bit dim in here right now. If the light catches it right, it looks orange. It kind of shimmers in the light a little. We're trying to get you your headdress. Just like looking at Chris. He's looking at his notes. All right.

What's the name of that headdress again? A headdress of antique. Antique. Antique. Ah, yes. That's it. You have been listening. All of a sudden, we all look down and there's buzzers in front of us with our hands are hovering over. I'd like to phone a friend.

Can I lean over to the barkeep and say, how many has this one had? Well, your timing is actually impeccable. I was about to say that at this point, the barkeep's leaning forward to hand her her drink that she was asking for. And he says, oh, she's been here quite a while. I don't know. She was here when my shift started. So I don't know how many she got before I got here. When did your shift start? My shift started about an hour and a half ago.

barkeep, I'll take a warm milk. Warm milk. On the rocks. There's some inspiration there. That's great. I challenge anybody listening to this podcast to say that at any bar and to report back

on what happened. Like a warm milk on the rock. Just tell me what the barkeep does. Well, the barkeep actually points at a tombstone shaped menu suspended in midair hanging over the stone slab bar. That's fun. And says, well, here are the specials if you're interested.

Can you read them to us? Curses. Micah wrote a bunch of long French names. Yes! I get to try to say. I'm excited. Head in his hands. You created this. Here we go. Retrouve... Retrouve-moi en mi-chemine. Retrouvez-moi... What?

A michemin. Michemin. Okay. Yeah, that's exactly what I said. Gus is about to summon some undead demon. Or, alternatively, jus d'un phos. Jus d'un phos? Un phos. Un jus d'un phos. Mm-hmm. Phos. Phos? Like a Z? Yeah. Oh. Bean juice. Bean juice? I don't know. Incorrect.

Everyone make me wisdom checks. Oh. Well, you're the one reading them to us. Sponsored by Duolingo. I have one. 18. 18. Did you roll Matide? No, because I didn't have my app open. You would know anyway, actually. Yeah, what would I... I speak this language. What is it? Matide knows. And Elga and Chip, you two have probably spent enough time around Matide.

to pick up a little bit as well. The butchered first drink, courtesy of yours truly, translates to meet me halfway. Oh. And the second one is just a phase. Oh. Phase is not a French word. What is in these drinks? I'm not familiar with these names of beverages. Rapt explains that the... That's the name of the barkeep? Yeah. He's got a little name tag on. Oh, okay. Rapt, is that what's

or an R? It's R-A-P-T. Rapt? Rapt. Like raptor. Yeah, I guess. Or getting someone's attention. That's a real word? Like in rapture.

I'm saying Raptar. Is this last name RSS feed? He's going to do the thing where he learned a new word and so he's just going to use it as opposite. Oh, yeah, yeah, the RSS feed. All right, so we've got two drinks to pick from. So, you know, there's some example, like photos, not photos, but, you know, there's images of the drinks up on the menu as well. Yeah. And the first one, the glass looks half empty or half full. Yeah.

The bottom half is empty, but the top half is filled with purple fumes that smell of butterscotch and mountain air. Ooh, I like this. You know you're in a fancy joint when they got pictures of the items. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you saying that it's the opposite, in fact, like a TGI Friday's menu? No, I proposed to Carol in an establishment like this.

Chili's. What's the other one? That's the meet me halfway. Yeah. The second one is a murky green mist that gives off notes of sage and cheap aftershave. So these are all, they're not actually liquid. Right. They're gaseous. They're gaseous for the ghostly patrons. One of those new, like new cocktail experiences where you inhale the vodka. Yeah. Yeah. I would like to try one of these cocktails. I'd like the Jus Mufas.

Coming right up, Rapt gets to work putting together various gases and aromas into a drink and hands it to you. That'll be two silver. Oh, yeah. You have to pay for stuff. I hand over three silver. Ooh. No, two. We're in France. Oh. Oh. No need to tip. No, you're in Paris. We're in Paris. They're in Paris. Can I order a water there, Rapt? Mm-hmm.

Listen, I'll meet you in the middle and I'll pay for the mummy's tab as well. Ooh. Okay. I guess Raptor is going to have to figure out how many drinks the mummy's had. I'll take one of the others, I guess, with my warm milk.

I think Rapp should make sure that you know which one you're ordering and maybe say again what the drink is called. What was the first one? Do you remember at all? I don't. To be fair, I don't remember it at all. And what did it mean again? Meet me halfway. I like how Barbara said that and then turned around and gave me a sideways glance. Rapp gets to work figuring out the mummy's tab, making Barney a drink. You wanted the meet me halfway? Yes.

Sure. And then a water for our friend Chip over there. And a warm milk on ice. But I might do something with that water. I want to see. What? Yeah. I want to see if I can slide a hand, switch the water so that the mummy that is hydrating is drinking more alcohol. Interesting. I guess. This is the only situation where slide a hand works in a bar. I will point out.

Oh, I guess you could do your little sleight of hand. Okay, so, you know, Rapt has to think for a bit to try to figure out milk, but while he does so... Looking for cows. Humanoid cows. It's all dead in this city. He hands you a retuva amishamin to Barney. He hands a glass of steam to Chip, and

a bill for one gold, six silver pieces to chip. Bleeding money over here. Seven silver. There you go. Okay. You're going to resolve his sleight of hand? Yeah, make a sleight of hand check. Let's see how that goes. Okay. Did anyone drink these yet? I don't think anyone said they drank it yet. Because I want to see what the effects are before. I drink! Okay.

Barney suddenly exclaims that he drinks and as you do and downs his drink. Roll me a D20, Barney. Is this for the milk or the? The milk has not been resolved. The ref has no idea where that's coming from. 21 on sleight of hand. That's a three out of a D20. Uh-huh.

We'll resolve Barney first. You drink it, and it's weird because normally when we think of drinking liquids, it's a very distinct sensation. It goes down your throat and into your stomach, but since it's gaseous,

And, you know, this drink in particular, like I said, the bottom half is empty. It's the top half that has the fumes in it. It kind of like goes into your mouth and then goes up through your sinuses and kind of comes out through your nose. And you can still taste it, you know, and it does have, you know, it does taste like it smells, has that butterscotch kind of fresh mountain air feel. And you feel really invigorated until you look down and you realize that everything below your waist is now invisible. Oh my goodness.

Is he floating? It looks like the top part of his torso is just floating in midair. Barney, what happens when you try to walk around? I don't know. Can you jump? Maybe you should perhaps try to kick Chip. Why would I kick Chip? Why would you kick me?

I just want to see what happens. So wait. For science. For science. I can see the bottom half of my... No. No. No. You're like midsection down. Nothing's... Holy... You know that it's there because you can feel it and you're standing, but you can't see it. I try... Barney jumps. Yeah.

You jump. You give it an old man jump. Okay. Can Mateed go to try to see if Barney's legs are still there? How are you going to do that? It's like touch. Oh, yeah. Make a... You're not attacking him, but make like an unarmed strike at disadvantage because you can't see it. You can also make Jacques rub against his legs and then just leave. I seem to have lost myself in my drink. Is that the first time for you, Barney? From memory. That's a 20%.

20? Oh, at disadvantage because he's invisible. You're at disadvantage. 12. Yeah, you're able to feel his legs and his legs are still there. It's just an illusion. Okay. Then Chip, your sleight of hand, you had a 21? Yes. Yeah, how do you approach that? I mean, that's a really good roll, but like how, what is the actual mechanic of you trying to swap the glass of steam with the mummy's drink? I guess, you know, when you get like a bunch of glasses on the table at a restaurant, oh, let's rearrange the, okay, and I'm just kind of like, I move that one over to in front of the mummy and then I kind of bring this one over to

here. And then I... Is it like when you put a ball under a cup and you do the whole... It's just I move the things so much that you kind of lose track, but I know where's going what. Yeah, you're able to do that and, you know, the mummy's distracted by Barney's disappearing bottom half as well. So you're able to get in there and swap her drink out with a nice, refreshing glass of steam. I say, oh, cheers! To the Carcassouk!

Cheers. Cheers. Hi, cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers. cheers.

and you rolled me a d20 as well or à la vôtre what's that translate to to the to the vote no vôtre I got a chuckle out of my head two do you drink it and you know like I said with Barney it's unusual because it's a gas

So, well, you're a ghost too. So this is actually the perfect kind of drink for you. Yeah, I'm in my town. Yeah, you're in your town. It's a delicious drink. You've never in the corporeal world, everything's, I don't know, like it's not as good. It's not tailored for you. This is perfect. It's the most delicious drink you've had. And as you drink it, you know, you're already a ghost. You're already in corporeal, but you feel like this drink kind of heightens that effect for you.

and everything that you're carrying or wearing falls to the ground. Including Jacques, who was on your shoulder. Oh, no. He lands on his feet. Yeah, he does. And, yep, you're standing there, Matide, totally naked. I start, well, I'm an air copter, and so I'm always covered in my feathers. I'm still naked. Birds are naked all the time. The feathers all fall off. You know how Donald Duck doesn't wear any pants, but when he gets out of the shower, he puts a towel around his waist? Yeah.

You ever think about that? It's still wet. It's probably just drying off. Why would he do that? Mateed starts wildly kicking and punching towards Chip. Wait, what? What did I do? Mateed's punchy today against Chip. Make an unarmed strike.

I'm going to dodge this. I want to count. No, I thought I'm I thought I'm all phased. Well, yeah, make the roll anyway. See where this goes. Let's roll the net. Twenty twenty seven. Yeah, you you know, with your monk reflexes, you lash out a very quick punch at chip and it goes right through him. Yeah. Oh, you were a girlfriend. I was girlfriend. Look like it would hit you square in the jaw. You look like you had a lot behind that. Like you weren't sure that that was going to work out, but you didn't.

It's just almost like I could do this at any moment. Yeah, it's like you've been wanting to do it. It's like it's right there ready to be pulled. The bullet is loaded and I'm ready to fire. You're cocking that with my gun. I won't. I won't because I like you. You said you're a good one. I like you. I trust you. I think my friends are drunk. I trust my friends are drunk. You should keep trusting me. You guys need to stop drinking. I'm really sweaty right now.

Raph says, do you get used to it, little girl? If you all are looking for an item, perhaps, you know, you should make your way to the market. If any items of any value are coming through Parish, that's most likely where you'd, you know, be inclined to find it. Should we go talk to... The horseman's there, because he... Yeah, he's in the corner with the woman. Everyone make me a perception check right now. I feel like the horseman would recognize the mummy.

That's right. I forgot. Blaine, we figured out, was a horse girl now. Oh, right. Now. Perceptive. Yeah. Once a horse girl. Seven. Eight. Nineteen from Catherine. That's four for our English-speaking listeners. Or English-listening listeners. Um...

We actually have, you know what's funny? We have a lot of European listeners. Our like, below like America, England, and Australia is our top listeners. It's Germany. Yeah. When I was looking at people's Spotify reps, things that they were sending us, there's a lot of German ones. That's awesome. I love it. I bet they loved the Mud Cat episode of Stinky Dragon Adventures. Oh, yeah.

Sorry. We're so sorry. We here at Stinky Dragon do terrible accents for all people. For entertainment. Someone actually commented on your Italian accent and said it was good, Gus. Was there? Yeah. I think it was a Discord. They said it was actually... That person's lying. That person's never heard an Italian accent before. No, they said they were Italian. They said they approve it. Okay.

Gus is pinching all of his fingers together. I rolled a four. Yeah, let's resolve that. Elga, you know, while everyone's goofing around, acting like they're drunk, you can kind of make out a little bit of what the horseman and the woman are talking about. You know, they're kind of, you know,

They seem to be really into each other in the corner of the bar. And you hear them talking about how the horseman used to be a school teacher in a past life. And, you know, it turns out Katrina was too. And, you know, the horseman's telling Katrina about his old schoolhouse to the northeast just outside of the city. Katrina was the one that was being absconded by the frost giant? Yes. Okay. I wonder, what was the school that Hemlord was teaching at with Henry? That was...

Something college. It was... That was back in... Different land. Atro City, though. Okay. So it wouldn't be the same. Farther than what they... Definitely wasn't Yampard. I know that much. Yampard. Maybe it was. I forgot about Yampard. Maybe it was. Go Yamps. Really quick, before we head over to the horsemen, if we're going to do that or go to the market, I did want to ask the mummy... Actually, I asked my teammates and the mummy. Perhaps we should... Do you think we should ask the mummy about Zamaa?

since this seems to be what Eddie is quite adamantly trying to learn information about. I feel like we should, yeah, we should look over the mummy and maybe reconnect them with the horsemen.

They don't seem like they're in a good situation right now. So I feel like we need to help them out. Okay. God, I don't know what to ask about this because I'm still confused about the maw. But, uh, uh, mommy, do you, I know your memory seems to be a bit cloudy right now, but do you remember anything about the maw? Oh, she was very kind. Very kind.

I don't think that is what I'm referencing. It was a moment where you guys all came together and combined your lands into one of a peace treaty. But did something happen during that? Maybe it wasn't so good for some people? Elga!

That sounds like something that happened a long time ago. I'm not the first mummy. There have been many mummies. Oh, it is a title. Yes. Wait, is this our mummy? But this is Ryder. Yes. You were called. Right, the name. The name, and she did respond to that. That's not like Blaine, like in the mall, who's lost like his mom. He's like, is this my mummy? Dude, have you ever, when you were a kid, did you ever go up to the wrong mom? Most frightening thing in the world. And then you like tug on their shirt or something. Yeah, and then you look up and you're like...

Yeah. Primal fear. Yeah. It still happens today. I can't remember. A while ago, there was like a thing on a wall. It was like a map that had all the different sections. Did we take that or did we leave it? We took it. It's like the... Yeah. Like the signed...

treaty thing i think we took it did we take that i don't remember what you're talking about it was at the office where i locked up wiser yeah we locked up wiser it was the weezer yeah sorry i keep thinking of the band uh the werewolf what's your name wolfman wolfman the wolfman's office right and there was like a map that had like all different things and it was signed and then one of them had been like changed wolfman's name was in yeah maybe we should check inventories did we take that

Does anyone have that? I don't think we took it because I think it was behind glass. Oh, yeah. It was... You read it. It was in a frame and it was signed in blood. So you kept it in the frame on the wall. Dang. And I think just the Wolfman's name was in black.

Right. Sorry, sorry. It's been a while. I don't have that module right in front of me. Okay. So I'm going off my best recollection. Anyway, sorry. Yeah, it seems that the mummy is experiencing a bit of memory loss in a posthumous way. That's an interesting question, though, because I wonder if the mummy's name would also be... I wish we had taken it out. Oh, so like it's a peace treaty, but then someone's using it as like a hit list. A hit list, yeah. Yeah, I know what that's like. I got a big old notebook. Yeah.

So all those names marked out. So it seems like the mummy...

Doesn't remember much. Yeah, the mummy's memory is fuzzy. Okay. Hey, Matide. Oui? Not to single you out in this case, but you seem to maybe have a lot in common with the people in this pub. Is there anything you could do for people who are undead to bring their memories back? Oh, I thought it was because they're French. Dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. French.

Did Chip take the mummy's drink? You actually did, yeah. Yeah, there seems to be some memory loss involved when you become a ghost. Like I've said, I don't quite recall how I died. But I think that the mummy, that paired with the fact that they are inebriated in some sort of way right now. I don't think we're going to get many answers from them. Was there a process before?

Speaking to both the Dungeon Mister and Matisse. The Dungeon Mister? That's his new title. A process of recovering those memories. Because you don't fully know your past. Not everything. So like, okay. But I've also been the way I am for quite a while. But also, wasn't the thing about the Karkasukans is that they reanimated? So it's like, are they out of their corporeal form? They're just a spirit? No, they were corporeal.

In the bar. I'm sorry. In Carcassou. But the mummy isn't now. Correct. Is it because of this drink that I've been drinking? No. The mummy, he said, was floating and is ghost-like. Because we established at the other place that they reanimated. They came back to life. There are different kinds of undead. Yeah. I mean, even looking at your party. Yeah. From a metagame perspective. I see a little girl. I see a ghost. What am I looking for? Okay. Okay.

Should we go talk to maybe the horseman? Try to get some information from over there? Yeah. Yeah. Horseman! He kind of quickly looks up at you and then turns his attention back to the woman. Um...

Doesn't help but overhear your conversation so rudely of me that you used to work at the school? Uh, oui, oui. But then he very quickly turns around and begins looking at the woman again. Helga taps him on the shoulder. Yes, yes, yes. I don't like to be ignored when I ask you questions. Can you tell me more about the school you worked at? She taps him with her axe. No, it's not a good time. Let us talk about it later.

Okay, it's later now. I'm going to walk up on this. Hey, Mr. Horseman. Hello, Miss Katrina. Good. Are you guys enjoying your day? Good, good. That's good. My young friend here has some questions, and I also noticed that the mummy is over there. Mr. Horseman, you may be familiar. Are you not? Oh, oui. So she is. I'm going to have to catch up with her later. Oh.

I don't believe so. Do you mind if you leave me and Mr. Horseman to have a conversation? That's awfully rude, don't you think? We're in the middle of a conversation already. We saved your life, you know, so I think you owe the little lady a little bit of support here. Well, I'm enjoying the life that you saved. Isn't that...

the best thing to do? You know, in a video game, like, you're not supposed to do something and it's just like, you're not, you don't progress. It's blocking you off. You actually just give the same text over and over. No, thank you. We are busy right now. Please try again later. Maybe we should go where the, the, the market. Uh,

kept swept? Wrapped. You had the right suffix. It was like a PT. Yeah, that's an unusual ending to a word. They suggested we go look for items somewhere. Maybe we should go do that and let them finish their conversation. Really quick, you know, because I really am worried about the mummy. We have the cart to stay at

Yes, you had it. Yeah, is that right? Yeah. Should we... And that's connected to... Someone else who has a cartus deia. Not the alchemist. We don't know who it is. I don't know. You keep getting messages from all kinds of people. I know. It's like a...

Do you guys want to like write to them and see like, you know, hey, we found the mummy. Please advise. Sure. You wrote when you got off the train, didn't you? Yeah, you did write a long note. So it's refreshing. Yeah. Batteries got to recharge. Cool down. Still going. Okay. Never mind. Let's just go to the market. I have almost no money whatsoever. So this should be interesting. But let's just go. Wahoo. Whippy.

Maybe the headdress of Antique will be there. Maybe if we give that to the mummy. In the market? Yeah, who knows? He might be low on funds. They say they get a lot of stuff there. You never know. Okay, Chip, could I ask a favor of you? Eddie won against the bird, the Sphoenix, yeah? Eddie what? Eddie won against the Sphoenix. Eddie got burned up by the Sphoenix. Sphoenix. Sphoenix.

I'm not even going to go there. And then we beat the Sphoenix and then Eddie came back. I wish. Oh, God. This needs to be a video podcast because people need to see Chris's expression there. So Eddie probably still has the head. Where did Eddie come back from? Eddie came back from that, like, demiplane of fire. So I think when the Sphoenix...

Burned him up. It actually just sent him somewhere. And he came back, winter soldiered the Mould, and then left after killing the blob. I'm trying to keep track of, like, where are the weapons, the super weapons are. You had a favor? Take my hand. What do you need, friend-o? I am currently unable to carry all of my belongings. Would you mind, please? Yeah, at this point...

The effects wear off. You become your regular incorporeal self. I will hold on to Jacques, though. Barney, your legs reappear. There they are. I found myself. Mateed does another unarmed strike at Chip, but does the thing where it stops right before his face.

You should lean forward. Why? No, I pick up my belongings, but I say, oh, would you like to carry shop for a little bit?

Can I roll an animal handling check to see if that works out? Yeah, let's do this. Yeah, I don't know if Jacques would like to. We'll see. I go out and I say, come here, kitty, kitty. I rolled a two. Oh, no. Yeah, Jacques arches its back and hisses and, you know, does that thing like cats do where it, like, strikes out very quickly with its paw. Like a warning. No claws. Just a warning. A little bat. Yeah, a little bat right on your nose. Thank you.

It's even faster than the teed. You have a negative one on animal handling. Yeah. Okay. It just has that thing where it goes completely like, yeah, I put my hands in my pockets. It's so funny when they like arch their back and like do that hopping thing. Yeah. It's like when you put a cucumber down in front of a cat. Have you ever seen it? Yeah. Look that up. They're being spicy. Sometimes when my cat does that to me, they pat me or they try to claw. I'll just hold my hand out and I'll let them hold it.

And then we just both calm each other down. It's really nice. I let Jacques come back into my hood and I say, good kitty. And mommy, we are heading to the store. Do you need us to pick you up anything? A headdress of antique. We will keep our eyes out for that. On it. Do you want to come with us, mommy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, guys. Right. We want the mommy to come with us. Yeah, let's see.

of this. I've got nothing else to do here. Okay. Hey, little stinkers. January is a super important month for us and for you, the listeners. It's Stinkuary. The show wouldn't be possible without your patronage, which is why all month long we'll be raising awareness around our subscription service called First that puts you, the audience, first every

Every time someone supports Tales from the Stinky Dragon with First, they contribute to keeping the podcast going and the creation of new Stinky Dragon content. We'll be seeing how many subscribers and merch sales we can raise in the month of January so that we can do all the cool, fun stuff we want to make for you throughout the year. We'll be able to create some new awesome stuff in 2024. An exclusive mini-adventure run by John, Blaine, Barbara, or Chris. Second win for our Infinite campaign. First only exclusive merch, an Infinite campaign module. The sky is the limit.

That's just the future. First gets you immediate benefits like access to ad-free content and special subscriber content, like deep dives into the lore and player decisions of our campaign over on stinkydragonpod.com. Ad-free podcast RSS feeds at stinkydragonpod.com/rss. Exclusive Discord events at stinkydragonpod.com/discord. And merch discounts at stinkydragonpod.com/store. That's a ton, but there's still so much more.

It all culminates on a super stinky stream January 26th where we'll be playing a special 8 hour D&D adventure live as we make our final push for subscribers and to celebrate our stinky show. This show wouldn't exist without your support and the best way to support the show is by getting a first subscription through StinkyDragonPod.com/first or purchasing a gift sub for your friends at StinkyDragonPod.com/store starting January 1st. Looking forward to celebrating Stinkuary with you!

Welcome to Stinky Dragon Adventures.

Follow the adventures of Bart, a bard, Gum-Gum, a wizard, the archer Kyborg, and the druid Mud, who is not a prince in disguise as they try to become heroes of their own and save the captured superhero group the Infinites and the realm of Phasa from an unknown threat. Watch episodes of Stinky Dragon Adventures free at StinkyDragonPod.com. No dice or D&D experience is necessary. Support us and the show by signing up at StinkyDragonPod.com slash first and becoming a first patron. First patrons get ad-free episodes and access to exclusive bonus content

like puppet, director's commentary, and more, head over to stinkydragonpod.com to watch episodes of Stinky Dragon Adventures.

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Yeah, so, you know, based on the directions that Wrapped gives you, the market is like at the northwest corner of the city. And, you know, this tavern where you are is mostly easterly. So it's across the other side of Parrish. And a bitter wind whistles through the pale, misty streets of Parrish.

The journey northwest to the markets is uneventful apart from passing countless ghostly citizens every few feet. After 5-10 minutes, a floating stone sign comes into view that reads "Marché Memorial". A turn around the corner reveals a long stretch of colorful cobblestone road bustling with bodiless buyers and vaporous vendors.

Marche what? The Memorial. So the Memorial Walk? Market. Market. What kind of shops do we got here? You know, different kinds, all kinds of consumables. Make a wisdom check for me, Chip. Oh, I am the wisest of the group. Six. Yeah. You have a negative one on wisdom checks. That sleight of hand, though, was a good sleight of hand. Yeah. The first vendor you see immediately to your left is a, it's like a little stall selling candles.

He waves you over. Ooh, ooh. Come here. Okay. I power walk over. Welcome, welcome. My name's Wynall. Welcome to my little stall here. Wynall's Wax Poetic. That's good, that's good. Can I interest you all in some of my wares? And you look and there's like all little tea light candles. Oh.

These are all imbued with potions that can help you do different things. The candles? Yes. How do they consume? Yeah. Do you eat the candles? Do you light them and smell them? He looks at you like you're from another world, Barney. What do you normally do with candles?

You light the candle and speak an incantation. Then the effect infused into the candle takes over for the duration that it burns. Typically about an hour. What if the candle goes out? Then the effect is over. Don't blow it. Can you relight it? You can relight it, but the effect does not...

occur again. One time. Yes. What's like the price range here? Oh, well, we can make a deal. I think, you know, but these are all, you know, like I said, imbued with magic, imbued with potions that can do various very beneficial things. Like what? Each of these candles, you know, they're artisan, handmade, with, you know, fine magic. They're about 100 gold each.

What's the best you got? What's the coolest thing? Well, it depends what you're looking for. I've got four different ones available right now. What do they do? Do you have ones that could teach Bonnie how to do a kickflip? I don't want to do a kickflip. We have here a bloody nose bisque. Gross. It allows you to find traps, but you get a bloody nose. Oh. But if I do not have any blood. One of you

A mint julep mildew. You become resistant to necrotic damage, but you kind of reek of moldy mint leaves. Antiseptic train yard. This one's a favorite. It allows you to bite through metal, but you have to live with the taste of it.

And finally, we have Decayed Leaf Driftwood. It allows you to cast darkness in the form of dead leaves. Oh. Yeah. That metal one's actually pretty rad. The metal one sounds cool. That's like a mutant power. It's a favorite. The traps one is also pretty handy. It is. Hey, I'm...

Well, what do you say about a bike to get one free or a buy one get one 50 per it's like it's like Black Friday here and in Parish yeah the black plague has returned Is there any sales any coupons why don't you make an offer you got Riz I

Riz them up. I do. How about I buy two for 120 gold? Whoa. Heavily discounted, but you're guaranteed a sale. I don't let the markups a little high on these. Come on. Let's be real. Make a persuasion check. Let's see it. Can I help?

Which ones are you buying? 20. Can I assist? I really want Barney to help. I don't think you need to if he rolled a 20. Well, he rolled a 10. So it's 10 plus 10, 20. Yeah, if you want to, roll a persuasion check as well, Barney. I kind of want to know how Barney helps. 11. That was going to be my next question. I want to know. So Chip is up there trying to make a bargain. Barney, how do you chime in? Barney shows a little leg. I go, Chip, we should go. These are too expensive. Come on.

Maybe you're right, Barney. Maybe you're right. I think I saw another booth nearby. Now, that's a pretty significant discount. How about two for $175? I saw some other candles over there. We saw some other candles over there. What did you guys talk about? There's no other candles in there. There's just those candles in there.

Yes. I pat Elgo on the head. You're really twisting my arm here, pal. 150, that's my best offer. You gonna do persuasion? Yeah, do another persuasion. Shucks. Can I health again? 14.

if you want to barney arts a plus 10 and you rolled down oh 25 oh from that 20 sounded a bit like a chip there oh 25 there yeah he's emulating yeah yeah okay how about 160 and i'll owe you a favor another candle no a favor is not a candle can't put a price on favors

You got yourself a deal. What two are you going to get? I was going to say if somebody wanted... We could split and do 80-80. I want a metal one. I think Barney's hungry. We'll take the metal-eating one and...

The trap one. The trap one. Okay. One bloody nose bisque and one antiseptic train yard. So don't forget, you must light it and then speak an incantation, and then the effect will take over for the duration of the candle burning. Okay. Which is approximately one hour, and it affects everyone that can smell it within five feet. Oh, that's great. Didn't know that. So the incantation must be, and this is very important, it must be in the form of a haiku.

Oh, three, five, three, five, seven, five, seven, five, three. I love the confidence. I've been playing ghost of Tsushima. So I'm like, really like clearly not enough. Not enough. So that goes five, seven, five. Yeah. Do you want to, do you want to remove 80? Yes. Oh, about that favor. What do you get to offer?

I don't know. What do you need? Is there something I can help you with? It makes sense that Chip would be looking for his wife, but is there another more pertinent mission thing that we need to... Lean into it. Yeah, do what you want. Do what you gotta do.

I pull up a picture of Carol. This is my wife. Have you seen her? Her name's Carol. Oh, she's a fiery tiefling. Her blades as fast as lightning. Her tongue as sharp as those blades that are as fast as lightning. Her fighting prowess unmatched. Her beauty without question unmatched.

Shall I continue? Do you want to hear more about Carol? I'm loving the world building. Can't say I have. We don't get many... First of all, we don't get many corporeal people, and then secondly, not many tieflings either. So I feel like she would stand out. So I've not seen her, unfortunately. Okay, well, if you do see her, can you give her...

A note for me? A kiss from you, got it. No, no. I'll type, I'll write you a note real quick. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Actually, did you have pen and paper, sir?

Yes. Okay. All right. Quill and paper. All right. Here you go. You ready? I'm going to write you a letter. Okay. And I need you to give it to my wife, Carol, if you run across her. Okay. Okay. All right. To my dearest Carol. It is Chip. How are you? I miss you so, so, so, so, so, so, so much. It's seven so's. I got it. Uh,

I am still looking for you. I would like to go home. We have friends. Is there a question mark on that? That's an exclamation point. We should invite them over for dinner. I think one wants to drink my blood. I don't think he's writing anything about me.

Please come home or, you know, beat me. Beat me? He looks at you with concern. Yeah, no, it's fine. She'll get it. Okay. From your loving husband, Chip A. A-K-N-E-Y? Yes. All right, now read it back to me. So-so. So-so-so. So-so-so. Got it. If I...

If I see Carol, I'll be sure to give that to her. Okay, great. Full proof plan. When we run across Carol. I have this letter. I have this letter. Is her name Carol Haney? Did she take your name? There was a hyphen. Okay. What was it hyphenated with? Carol. Carol Haney-nee. No. What's Carol's last name? Burnett. Give me something. No. Is Carol Burnett a person? That's a real person. Oh, my God.

O'Connor? Stop. Carol. Oh, improvisation is hard. They can cut this all out. Carol Kino. I'm looking at a Kino light. That's all I got. Carol Kino. Carol Kino Haney. Carol Kino Haney. K-I-N-O or K-E-E-N-O? I used to...

K-I-N-O. You can spell it however you want. K-I-N-O. Keno. Okay, Keno. Sure. Okay, got it. I like it. I like it. I think it's K-I-N-O, isn't it? It's fine. This is not the light. This is Carol. I'm just answering his question because he was curious. Carol Keno, is that a cool name? I like it. That's kind of cool, yeah. If I met Carol Keno, it'd be Carol Keno Haney. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. It's lore now. Oh, also, by the way, don't cut any of that out. I want you to leave every moment of that in. The mummy stumbles up to Wynall and says, Yes, any headdresses for sale?

Wynall looks at her a little confused and goes, No, I just sell candles, but... Is there an abradashary somewhere? No, but Allahound knows someone who sold the headdress recently. Allahound? Yeah, he's right over there. Wynall points to another stall just a little down the way. I head over. Head over? Okay, Mommy, let's go this way.

And don't ask candle makers if they have your address anymore. All right. You all follow over to the next stall. And this has a little sign that says, A la Hounds, loot, loot. A la Hounds. Loot, loot. Loot, loot? Yeah. You like musical? Yeah. L-U-T-E-L-O-O-T. I'm on to you. Welcome. Welcome. Are you all interested in magical musical instruments? Okay. Anyone can play. Each casting a unique cantrip.

Okay. Cantrips are good. Before you tell us about them, do you know if there's a headdress floating around? Oh, I do. And in fact, I know who sold it. Yeah. Do tell. Pray tell. Well, you know, maybe if someone bought something, it would help me remember. Tell us more about these instruments and what they do. Oh, of course. Right away, sir. We have castanets of coolness. Harmonica of hotness. Recorder of rapping.

Ooh, and the triangle of toughness. Oh, what do they each do? These are all the instruments you hand out to five-year-olds in your garden. Yes, it makes sense. Your significant other wants to join your band, but they don't know how to play an instrument. Here's these. Anyone can play them. No barrier to entry. You see, I wish...

before that I had passed that I had attended more concerts. So I'm just trying to make sure that there's more music in the world for everyone to enjoy. - That's a lovely sentiment. What cantrips do these cast? - So the castanets of coolness.

Casts friends. But you have to make up a secret handshake with your new friend and describe it in detail. Okay. Friends is a good spell. The harmonica of hotness casts produce flame with blue fire. But all you can say while concentrating is, I've got the blues in a gravelly tone. I've got that blues. Just like that. Gravelly is the best. The recorder of rapping allows you to cast message, but the message has to be in the form of a rap.

If the recipient responds, the caster must beatbox to their response. These are great. These are so specific. And finally, the triangle of toughness casts resistance, but you have to do a chest bump with the nearest creature every round you're concentrating. Resistance to what? So resistance is just a spell in D&D, and what it does is you roll a d4, and at the number you roll to a saving throw of your choice. Oh. So...

It's just a way to like bolster some kind of saving throw that you have. So if you roll a four, you get four saving throws? You add four. So like let's say you roll a 10, then it becomes a 14. Okay. I like the castanets. The castanets are very cool. I think we would definitely want to buy some of your instruments in exchange for also information. How much for the castanets? We have a special today. Everything's half off. All of our instruments are 50 gold each. I want the whole instrument.

I get it. 50% off. Not half of it. Okay, that really got me. That was really good.

I thought he was pulling a Harry Potter on the Hogwarts Express. No. For you, you'll get the entire instrument at only the price of half an instrument. Oh, okay. That sounds great. Question. You get both cast nets. What? Is there any difference between, because you specified blue fire for the harmonica of hotness. Uh-huh. What's the significance of that versus like just blue fire? Because you got the blues. Oh.

But it has the same effect of normal. It's just blue fire instead of orange red. I think I want the harmonica. Harmonica. Globally. I think I want the harmonica. Ooh, it can be yours for only 50 gold. Okay.

Okay, here you go. Ooh, great. Is there ones that you guys wanted to get? I give you 50 gold. I was going to take the harmonica. That's... Oh. No, it was only because I was going to try to get it off the streets because fire is a danger. Don't worry. But in Elga's hands. I keep good handle on it. Yeah, she take good handle on it. So I'm good.

I don't know. There's nothing that really gets me. I like either the wrapping one or the friends one. I think they're fun. I don't think I need the castanets of cooling, but the wrapping one. The wrapping one just sounds fun. Yeah, it does. Okay, get those and I'll get the triangle. The benefit of the wrapping one is if you were sneaking, you could send messages. But then you have to beatbox. That's true. Do you want the triangle? I'm sure two orcs, someone was like, do you hear something? I swear I do.

I'll take the triangle. Yeah. All right. I guess I'll get the wrapping one just because I think it'll be funny. There you go. An entire recorder for a price of half a recorder. That's 25. Nope. 50 gold. You said 50. Normally it's 100. Oh. Your Chris is showing. I'll take the castanets of cooling, man. Castanets of coolness. That's... Sorry.

Like a refreshing shower. And I take the triangle of the toughness. Ola Hon makes all the transactions with everyone and says, oh, okay. Thank you. Thank you so much. If you're looking for a headdress, you don't want to go to the next all over to Savangelis. What was the thing I had to do with triangle of toughness to do it? You have to do a chest bump. A chest bump.

Lovely. Subangeles, here, right next door. She'll be able to help you out. Okay. I just take a sidestep to... What was it? Chevangelis? Subangeles. Subangeles. It's the underground part of Los Angeles. Yeah, Subangeles. There's a sign here that says, Subangeles' Sleepy Time Sands. That's fun. What do you sell here? Bienvenue. A distance is a sleepy time sand.

Uh-oh.

Chip already has your speaking snoring. So we're sorry. Just sleep for one minute and gain the benefit of a short rest and receive one spell slot or one feature charge. Oh, like a key point, child divinity, luck point, rage. How much for the sand? One dose is 100 gold.

Whoa. And she holds up a small pouch of sand. I mean, it is pretty useful. Sure. For when you don't have a lot of time, but you need a lot of rest. Yeah, this would be helpful. So it's like a short... It's a long rest. Short rest. Short rest. In one minute. In one minute. And often I find ourselves against the clock and...

wishing for a short or long rest. Be like good for like a get some HP. More luck. I feel like a lot of my stuff only like comes back after a long rest. Yeah. Yeah. You would get one rage back.

Oh, I would. Can't you get some hit dice with a short rest? Yeah. And you can get some hit dice. So it's like a heal as well. And you said it's 100 gold? Yes. I'll take a dose. I'll take a dose as well. There you go. I think I'm going to pass on this one because I don't know that other than HP, I get much. And we have so many healers on the team. Or we got Barney. Sorry, we got Barney. I was going to say. We have one. We need 25% of our team as healers. That's a lot. That's a significant amount. Yeah.

Oh, man. So who's taking on? Elga and Mateed? Yes, me. Can you get back a spell slot and a short rest? Correct. So you get short rest and spell slot or one feature charge. It would be like your channel divinity. Your channel divinity would be yours. You'd get that back. Lucky is also one. You'd get a lucky point back. I guess I'll get one. All right. So 100 gold. Okay. I end up as 100 gold. And none for you, Chip, right? Ah.

ah, no, I passed. I can't wait for the smash cut in three episodes when you regret not having one of these. I wish I had an extra lucky. No, lucky only resets after a long rest. That's why I'm like, no, this is in the thing. This will reset one. It gives you one back. One lucky for 100?

Don't do it. I need you not to buy it now. Now I need you not to buy it. I can't wait for the comedy later when this bites you in the butt. I want to plant the seed of frustration for later. Chip is always chipper, but right now he's like, no! I don't want it! I don't want to stand. No, thank you! And it's just a one-time use, yeah. Correct.

So yeah, Subangeles completes the transaction and says, The person who purchased the headdress is Ragnar, the owner of Artisan Arvois. Ragnar? He's on the other side of town, to the southeast. And is this the legit headdress of Antique, or is this like a knockoff? As far as I know, I am but a specialist in sand, and since I import most of my sand from Carcassouque,

It looked like ze addressed to me. It's everywhere. Did you let her in sand in school? How did you know? Ze let her was here. Do you know the spell Sling of the Sandstorms? Ah,

No, not familiar. So it makes that other shop is very close by? No, it's to the southeast, other side of town. I got it. Well, shall we? Let's go. Are there any other booths or anything of interest in this marketplace? Yeah, the market is quite expansive. I mean, it goes on quite a ways. It seems to like snake around, you know, corners and branch off in different directions. Let's spend three episodes here. We got so much money.

Is there any weapons? Like looking around, can I survey, are there any more like decent things that apply to our group? Decent is very subjective, don't you think? Like things that will improve our combat prowess in a significant way, or is it just like tchotchkes? Do you verbalize this, or is this something you're just thinking and talking about in metagame? I guess I'm just looking around and perceiving. Make a perception check. He's perceiving. I love it.

It's fun every time. I'm just going to mark that on my bingo card for this episode. Nothing stands out. It's a lot of...

incorporeal things and strange things that you don't know what they're for. Like consumables. You see a lot of consumables here. You want a gift shop? You want like a shot glass or a magnet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually. I buy them for, you know, Carol Kino. Put them in your bum bag? Yeah. I'm still collecting things from around the world on our travels. I can't wait till we learn Carol's middle name. Oh.

Karate. Carol Karate. Actually, no, because it's... Never mind. Danger. Danger. Danger. Her middle name is Danger. Mateed, would you be interested in translating the name of Artisan Au Revoir for your party? Artisan Au Revoir as in the goodbye artisan? Goodbye craftsman?

Craftsman? Artisan? Mm-hmm. Artisan. Mm-hmm. Goodbye, craftsman? Yeah. Let's go to the goodbye, craftsman. Goodbye, craftsman. Almost like someone who crafts things. What? It might be what you might be looking for, Chip. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The dungeon mistress is giving me a weird look. Gus needs to weep louder so that our audio listeners can... Yeah, there you go. Yeah, let's go to that. Really quick. Sorry, I don't want to waste your time. No, no. Let's do it. I grab Chip and we fly there immediately. Ah!

I'm T-posing. What is he called? Chipmunking? The chipmunk. Barney, are you flying after them? Barney runs. Chipmunk special. Elga skips behind them. La, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la. Oh.

Being in parish. Once again, bristling breeze slowly drifts along the hazy avenues. The journey southeast to the artisan takes a bit longer than before, passing by haunted homes and more notably the central mausoleum made of alabaster stone and columned porticos. After about, let's say 15-20 minutes, a tin-roofed forge almost materializes amidst the mist.

The building's seemingly a patchwork of various materials, and a floating armored sign reads, Artisan Au Revoir. You said it appeared. It made me think of, like, when you're playing a video game and it renders the building. Like the fog is in the distance to stop you from seeing everything, and then it pops in. Minus a half point for pop-up. Okay. I enter. Well, once again, there's no doors, only windows. Yeah, I enter. Okay. Mateed just frowns. I tuck my legs as I enter with Mateed.

The speed goes through and Barney and Chip doesn't. Yeah, Chip hits the bottom of the window still. Yeah, okay, great. Yeah, you go inside and you find a goblin ghost hammering away at a suit of armor that appears to be made of shiny glass or some kind of translucent material. He looks up as you enter. Bonjour. Oh, hello. I'm here for a headpiece.

Headdress. What is it? Headdress. Headdress. You want me to make a headdress? Okay. Nope. I would like to buy one that is already made. You procured it from the Sandman. Exit light. Oh. Oh, yeah. That's right. What was her name again?

I do not remember. Something says Sub-Sub-Sub-Sub-Angelus. Oh, that's right. I've got it. Sub-Sub-Sub-Angelus. I've got your number. That's right. I appreciate rare craftwork and fine materials. This address did cost me quite a bit. Perhaps I could be persuaded to bar with any of you and your friends hired me for some of my services. What do you do?

Well, I'm a perfectionist, and I like to take existing items, perfect the flaws, and make them even better. Oh. For example, for you, I could fix that armor of yours and make it even better.

My armor? That's right. I didn't know it was broken. Could you just fix Barney in general? What would you do to him? How much for that? He begins walking around and puts like a little loop up to his eye inspecting Barney's armor, you know, very finely. Hmm. I could.

Perhaps change this material, add some reinforcement, make it really sturdy and durable, and imbue it with some advantages for you. Perhaps it could give you some resistance to necrotic damage, some bonuses to your friends to any saving throws they may make, and maybe the ability to emit a burst of sun and moon beams? You had me at resistance to necrotic. How much?

What do you think something like that would be worth to you? This will be rich. What gold? What gold? 50 gold. That's a lot. What a deal. So good. Mr. Moneybags.

I don't know if that will cover the materials. How about we say 120? Oh, not bad. How about we meet in the middle at 100? At the middle? We'll just go with it. It's the middle of your favor. Don't ask. Closer to your... Sure, why not? We can make that work just because it would be such a joy to work on this armor. Just plate armor. What can you do to me? Let's see. Perhaps I could imbue some magics into your shawl. Okay, what kind of magics?

And I would call it more of a cape than a shawl, but, uh, tomato, tomato. Eh, to each their own. To me, it looks like a shawl, but to you, it might be a cape. We could imbue it with the ability to give you an advantage when you try to intimidate others. As if I need it. Perhaps when a foe hits you with an attack, you could use a reaction to cause them to take damage equal to the damage you took.

Oh, okay. That's pretty cool. I like that. And finally, if you're angry, in a bad mood, and you strike someone, you can expend a stored-up charge and strike fear right into them. That's good. That's also good. Can I get all three? Of course I could imbue all three of those. Okay. We'll call it 150 gold. You know, I think it's worth the price.

I'll give you that. Excellent. Your shawl will be the shawl of Sanguine. I put Jacques on the counter and say, what can you do to this cat? He's already perfect. We want battle cat. Have you seen He-Man? That. My specialty tends to be with inanimate objects. I put a muffin on the counter. All right, upgrade that. Okay. A muffin. Perhaps.

Yeah, we can imbue some special abilities into this muffin. Maybe if you eat the muffin, you can regain ki points since you are a monk, equal to your martial arts die. Can I do a consumable versus, like, armor? I'm seeing what he's got. We can also have it increase your constitution score. Permanently or temporarily? Permanently. Okay. Okay.

And after you successfully strike someone, you can choose to gain advantage on an attack roll, ability check, or saving throw before the end of your next turn. Ooh, I like this. It's a good muffin. And the muffin will magically reappear in your inventory at dawn every day. That's a very special muffin. I shall call it the Muffin Dardust. That's a good name.

I like this so much. I put eight muffins on the counter. I say, upgrade them all. I can do one, but it will come back every day. Okay. How much for this special muffin? 150 gold. Price is comparable to your bakery. Yeah, why not? I think this is fine. This is okay. Okay, great.

What about you, young tiefling? I look around. Oh. He's pointing at you. Oh, me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you got? Perhaps I can work on those shoes of yours. My sneakers? Yeah. What can you do? We can imbue them with the ability to give you an advantage on stealth checks. Oh, magic shoes.

Give you an extra 10 feet of movement speed. Wow. Go on. And we can give them charges so that when you fail a dexterity throw. Which is often. You can use a reaction to succeed on it instead. That sounds, that sounds. And the charges will come back daily. Much like the muffin. Ah. Special muffin shoes. Yeah, that sounds pretty cool. What's the damage there, pal? 150 golds.

What if I pay you $150 and you get me like a cute little trinket to bring home to the wife, huh? I could find something for that, sure. What do you got? I can put a little dagger trinket onto your sneakers. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I'll call it my croc charm. Croc charm.

Oh, I hate that. Who am I to question a great deal? 150, you said? Yeah. I'll call you new shoes. The sneakers of lost souls. Spooky. S-O-L-E-S. You get it? You see what I did there? Eh? Eh? Ooh.

My abilities are called Silent but Deadly, Swift Sneaking, and Sidesep of Second Chances. That's fun. That's all Micah. That's great. Mine are all S's too. I noticed too that I need to tell a joke to attune my shawl. Oh. Should I do that? A sucky joke? Oh, like a vampire joke? Yeah. Let's do it. Or just a sucky joke. So...

Do you know what kind of, what would you call a lotion that sucks at its job? A lotion that sucks at its job? A notion? A disappointment? Oh, that's good. Oh, that's good. Elga, you comedian. Is it a tune? It's a tune. Yay!

So pleased with herself. It doesn't tell me how to attune these. Touch it at the top. Mine is I got to do a perform an aerial dance routine. We're in for a treat. I do a dance right now. Make a performance check. Of course. My teeth, my teeth, my teeth. I am light on my wings. My teeth do it. Performance. I roll a five.

12. It's okay. It's nothing special. I use inspiration dice. This means something to me. What if you get something lower? I hope not. Please, come on. Give me good. 19. Oh.

It's beautiful it's a beautiful dance between bird and muffin or arocochran and muffin sneakers of lost souls require to meant by a rogue that most successfully sneaks up on three allies without their noticing

I'm going to attempt to do that. I guess three stealth checks. Oh, you got to do it to us? You got to call them out, though, first. Who's your first one on? Mateed, while they're distracted with their cool dance. Make a stealth check. With advantage, apparently, because I have an A next to it. Is that right? It's because the sneakers give you the advantage, so you don't have that advantage yet because they're not a team. What do I do to counter it? You make a perception check. That's 26. 26.

I can do this. Good luck, bird. 19. Oh, yeah. You successfully sneak up on Mateed while he's distracted playing with his muffin. Oh, sorry. While they are distracted playing with their muffin. And I deposit one silver into their pocket. One silver. I'll take it. All right. Who's next? Who's your next target? And then after that, I'm going to go for old Barney. And I do a...

And that's a 20. Barney, make a perception check. Nine. Barney doesn't know that he's in the same room with you. Suddenly, Barney gets one silver in their pocket. What a kind thief you are. And then I move on to Lil' Elga. Hello, Chip. No, you don't know I'm here. Hopefully you don't know. Da-da-da.

That's an AT. Elga, make a perception check. Are you going to break it? Break it. Do I have a vanish on this? Break it. Break it. Oh, 10. Oh. It all gets too slow. Whoa. You are now attuned with your sneakers of lost souls. Little fairy came to pay me a visit. I moonwalk. They're silent. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

And after, you know, giving you all your upgraded items, Ragnar says, oh, one moment. And, you know, he gets a ladder, climbs up to a very tall shelf in his workshop and pulls down an item covered with a piece of cloth and it takes the cloth off and reveals the headdress of Antique.

Could we ask the mummy if this is the real one? Yeah. Oh, actually, before you even have a chance to do that, the mummy reaches out and, you know, takes it into her hands. And then she puts it on top of her head. And it seems like you see a change in her face. You know, as soon as the headdress fits atop her head, the mummy's eyes flash like golden sand. Though still a ghost, her face seems to regain some color as well. And she looks at you all with a gentle smile. My friends, it is good to recognize your faces once more. Oh.

Uh oh. Where? Uh oh.

We should make haste northward to the river. The mummy nods to Ragnar and swiftly phases through the wall back outside. I do too. This is fun. I run full speed into that wall. How much damage do you take? Loose could a weekend too.

Is there a door outside of this place? No. I climb, jump through the window. I crawl through the hole, the Kool-Aid man hole that Chip leaves. Well, let's see if he leaves a hole. He does not leave a hole. Or else you're just running into the back of the ship. So the mummy rapidly leads the way northward past the alabaster mausoleum. After 15 minutes, the soft babbling of flowing water echoes down the street and braying of horses fills the air.

The mummy floats right past a fortified building with stables straight toward a dilapidated cobblestone bridge. The river below it flows with sickly green water. Two spectered horsemen dressed in gray uniforms swiftly gallop out from the stables and block the path. They give everyone a stern look. That is far enough. This bridge is off-limits to civilians. No one may go beyond the Rivière Vivante. It is for your own safety. What's why? What's...

Dangerous. On the other side is La Covenante. La what what? And why is that dangerous? It's an awful land ruled by the Coven. Oh, like witches? Yeah, maybe. We. And why are they so... Hags. Why are they... Awful. No need to call women this. They have waged a cold war over Parisian territory for years. Like what's some of the things that have happened? Give us a little history lesson. They left the bag of poop.

And then lit it on fire on our door. That's pretty fucking nice. And then we knocked on the door. Oh, I...

And then what happens? We tried to stomp it out. Yeah? And we got poop on our shoes. That's great. That's inexcusable. That's so juvenile. I don't know. That's obviously not in the model. I'm sorry, Micah. You can tell how long it's been since Gus, like, did pranks or anything. Great writing, Micah. That's awesome writing. Yeah, good job. Are y'all at war with him? Or just they're mean to you? A cold war.

I got real spit. Okay. What was the genesis of this? Was it the poop bag?

No, it is very dangerous. What if we did it for you? We're not Parisians. We got no skin in this game. So we could go and maybe... You know what? Chip here has...

Gross poops, and we can give them a big poop We could go as representatives a neutral third party in broker a piece, how does that sound? Barney and both of you make persuasion checks here 17 15

the two of them kind of whisper to each other a little bit, have a back and forth. Since I'll say Elga and Mateed, since you all didn't make persuasion checks, I want you two to make me perception checks. Okey dokey. It's 11. Six. Is that what you wanted, Gus? I mean, it's whatever you roll. It's not what I want or not. Elga, you know, while everyone else is talking, you know, you're kind of looking at the riders.

And you see that they're wearing gray uniforms and they have a sigil on the sleeve. It looks like a jack-o'-lantern carved with a U-shaped horseshoe. The two of them, after they whisper to each other for a little while... Are these the people who brought us here? No, they're blocking the road. Blocking the road. Yeah. They say...

Okay, you can go, but be warned. The coven cursed people and have taken over parts of Parish, so be very careful. Also, thank you for your help with the frost giant. We know you are very capable. I say you betcha. And remind me of your names again? I am Lieutenant Oriana. Ah, okay. How about you, little one? Je m'appelle Sergeant Leozard. Ah.

Oriana and Leozard, yay. We're going to do the best that we can to make sure that there's peace in this land, eh? Okay. Okay. So they step aside and let you all cross. Yeah, let's do it. And are we still with the mummy and anyone else? No, just the mummy. And the mummy says, Hurry, we must cross the river quickly in order to find the alchemist. Okay. Okay. Let's start crossing. Allons-y.

Can I actually ask the mummy a question now that they're back to their senses? Yeah. Mummy, when we ran into you, you were in the bar, you were going through a hard time, and we tried to get, like, the horseman to help us out. What's, like, your relationship like with the horseman?

You guys on good terms? It's fine. No animosity. Oh, okay. He's just enamored with Katrina. He was just on a date. He's just on a date. Okay, that's all. I don't blame him. Oh. What happened at Zama? I like the mummy. What happened? I want to know. You have your memories back. What happened at Zama? I wasn't there. Not her.

That happened long before my time. That was a mummy from the past. One of my ancestors. Great, great, grandmummy. As you all are crossing here, I want everyone to roll me a d20. Okay. That's not scary. That'll be fine. Highest roll gets to live. 19. Six. Five. Eight. I live! Please do a little dance. Yeah.

The lower the row, the better. Typically, that's the way D&D normally works. Everyone except for Chip

takes four points of force damage. What? And gets like knocked back a little bit. Can we tell like where it came from or what it is? Seems like some kind of maybe like a force field? Yeah, magical barrier here. As we cross the bridge? Right. It doesn't knock you back across the bridge. It kind of like knocks you down on your butt. You know, it's kind of like, you know, knocks you off your feet a little bit. Oh, Chip goes and helps everybody up. Chip is fine. Come here, Barney. Get to your feet. Come on, big man. Ouch. Thank you.

Try again to cross the bridge. Yeah, you try to cross over again, Mateed, and you feel once again like there's something there stopping you. It seems like only Chip is able to go back and forth right now. I just wait. What makes him so special? You know, as you all are looking at this and, you know, wondering, suddenly Jacques yells at something behind you.

On the corner street, you see a skeletal dog wagging its bony tail. Jacques hisses at the hound and lunges after it, and the two creatures take off down the street heading south.

The opposite direction of the bridge? Yeah. And the mummy... Not again. The mummy seems quite surprised and says, Well, what are we waiting for? We should follow the feline at once. As the ancient proverb denotes, cats know what they are doing. And the mummy speedily gives pursuit after the animals. So do I. Okay, let's go. I do too, but I get on all fours. It's like the animals. Okay.

The wintry wind whistles all around while rushing down the streets of Parish. Turn after turn, the mummy leads the way following Jacques and the dog down alleyways and zipping past the familiar mausoleum, all the time heading south. Without warning, a wall blocks the path, but the mummy phases right through it to the other side. It must be the southern border of the city.

A quick look around reveals a few loose pieces in the stonework to climb through. On the other side is the mummy floating stiffly in place, and beyond her are miles and miles of foggy fields overcrowded with graves and tombstones. Jacques has stopped chasing the skeletal hound, which is now sitting near one particular grave. The tombstone is covered with webs and lettering is faded, but the epitaph chills everyone to their core. R.I.P. Barnabas Farney. What?!

What? What'd you do? Is that you? Your whole name is Barnabas? That's the shock. That's the thing you're surprised about. Someone with the exact same name as me? That's crazy. Gross.

Doves a year on it? We'll find out. Thanks for listening, everybody. This was a fun one. There was a lot to digest. A lot going on in this one. Yeah. God, we're getting lots of Barney lore. We learned about Keno. Miss Keno. Yeah. What was that? Yeah. We forgot what that was. Carol Keno. Carol Danger Keno. I would go to a concert for Carol Keno. That's a cool name. That's a cool name.

K-E-N-O. Alright, well we'll be back next week with another episode and don't forget, next month in a couple weeks from now we're going to kick off Stinky Wary. Stinky Wary's coming! Look for more information on that at StinkyDragonPod on social media. Tell your mom, tell your dog, tell your neighbor, tell your mailman. It's a sacred month and everyone celebrates. We referenced several times the Cat Mud episode of Stinky Dragon Adventures that is out for free at StinkyDragonPod.com. So if you're wondering what that is, go check it out. Alright,

All right. Thanks for listening. Bye. Did you know you can directly support the show by subscribing at stinky dragon pod.com slash first. You could join the ranks of amazing little stinkers like Bevan B, Evelina, right? Bip 80 vibin, psilocybin and uncle cousin. Now it's a little confusing.

These people are directly supporting the show and getting access to more great content like Second Wind. They can interact with us on subscriber-only Discord channels and events and more. Again, that's stinkydragonpod.com slash first. We cannot thank you enough for the support that allows us to make this show. Listeners who interact with us on social media and Discord had NPC named after them in this episode.

Like Ryder Rajad, aka The Mummy, named after user Ryder7s, who's voiced by Hannah McCarthy, at HiHelloHannah. Ragnar, the Goblin Artisan, first patron Commander N7, voiced by Jeff Yetter. Wynol, the Candle Craftsman, named after first patron PokeInspired. Subangelus, the Sleepy Sand Cellar, first patron Subangelus.

I bet you couldn't have guessed that one. Voiced by Micah Reisinger. Alejon, the musical merchant, named after first patron Lon Soon. Lieutenant Oriana, the cavalry rider, named after first patron Kero Ali, or Kero. Sergeant Leozard, the cavalry rider, at Laser Lizard on Twitter, voiced by Micah Reisinger. Additionally, the headless horseman is voiced by Jacob Fullerton.

at underscore Jacob Fullerton. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger with additional editing work by David Sanier. Head on over to stinkydragonpod.com slash first for all things stinky and tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

It's one of those new cocktail experiences where you inhale the vodka. Yeah. You ever done something like that? No. I know they exist. You ever done something like that? Your Texas is showing. There's like...