C02 - Ep. 24 - Gems of Glrrb - Break The Moold
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

Good evening to all you Eddertaps. Climb your way into the Sneaky Dragon and knock back our latest latte, Tarantulato Gelato. It's a mixture of your favorite ice cream flavors, Cookies and Scream, and

Poisonous prey line, sticky java jaws topped with a dollop of webbed cream. Mmm, one sip of this sauce is enough to see there's no reason to cry over spilt silk.

Previously our adventurers found their way to the finish line of the labyrinth, but what other subterrestrial secrets lie deep in the underglobula? And what is this mysterious mold? Round up a refreshment, let's resume this rank recollection.

That would have been our best intro yet. I was going to say two things about that intro. One, I think I could hear Gus's mouth watering as he was reading through the ice cream. And two, David, you'll have to censor it, but I feel like his first take on it should go at the end of the episode.

where you put the little Easter eggs. A little blooper. Yeah. Tarantula. Tarantula. Tarantula. There's some animated shows that sometimes at the end of the credits, they'll put like one line by a character from the episode that's really funny. Like King of the Hill would do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, at the end, there'd be like one line repeated from someone that they said in the episode. It would be funny to do something like that. Well, we've been doing that. David's been putting the little like stuff that's left on the cutting room floor at the end of episodes. So this is letting our audience know. That's where all my jokes have been going. Yeah, that's where all of it. Yeah.

That's where all of Blayton's greatest jokes are going. Oh, they're at the end. You're going to have to go back and listen to all the episodes to find all of Blayton's greatest jokes. But I also realized, because I listened to the episodes we put out, both of this campaign and our previous campaign, the Infinite campaign.

Michael also hides a lot of good stuff at the end, like songs, like good musical cues and stuff like that. He puts all the answers at the end of it. But he whispers them backwards. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. My name is Gustavo Sorolla. I'm the dungeon master of our putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.

Thank you. Thank you. This week's role play and warm up question is, if your character had to sacrifice someone or something they loved, what would it be?

For what, though? Like, what are we sacrificing this thing for? What's that? Steak. Yeah. Steak! As an empire. It's for a greater good. I don't want to get, like, too nitty gritty with the explanation. Just in general. Mateed's staring at me. I guess I'll go... I think you might be Mateed's answer. He sacrificed me. I swear to God.

Hey there, it's Blaine. Blaine Cipani. I like watching Blaine. I like watching you talk because it's like watching someone struggle with a stick shift in their car as they shift through things. You can hear my brain gears. Yeah. I'm a tiefling rogue and I'm level five.

And, uh, well, I've already been through this here process. Uh, God, um, I loved my career as a hired killer, as a murderer, as an assassin, as an ender of lives, as a defeater of living. Yeah. Uh,

And I met my wife, Carol, and we had to get out of the game, you know? Because sometimes you find something so important, you got to put other things to the side. And that's what I did. Jeff is a slave to capitalism. He had to give up his job. Listen, trickle down economics. There's something to this.

You're going to figure it out. You're going to make it work. Chip has a little bit of boomer energy, I would agree. No, no. I'm hip. I'm cool. I'm watching Blaine just shimmy his hips. My name is John Reisinger. I play Matty Confucius, who is an air-cocking ghost monk, and

to sacrifice something for the greater good. I'm proud of you, by the way. Unlike other players, you didn't have to look at your character sheet to remember your class and race. Yeah, actually Blaine did pretty good. He didn't have to look as much today. Ah, my rogue skills are paying off. He knew where to look. My stealth check.

No, I watched your, when you said your double 5T fling rogue, you weren't looking at your phone. You may have looked at it before, but you didn't have to read it. He looked before, right before, and then looked away. That's progress. He's not reading it straight from his phone. I hide the pin that's written in my hands. It's just on the inside of your eyelids.

Tattooed. I'm sorry. I distracted from Matisse's answer. No, that is fine because to sacrifice something for the greater good feels like an inconvenience upon me that I do not need to bother myself with. But I'd sacrifice, you know, some of my bad croissants, maybe. I mean, some of them aren't, you know. What makes a croissant bad? A lack of butter. Yeah. True. Barbara wants a croissant.

I don't know. Actually, I think that I'm still looking for something for sacrificing. I'm still on that journey. Jacques? No, he stays with me. You can take him from me when you've killed me for a second time. As Bono said, I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Oh, is he a citizen of Grotesque? He's a famous bard. Played for the U2. Come on.

Bardo. Yeah, that's Matisse's answer. Hello, I'm Elga Von Brath, played by Barbara Dunkelman. And Elga Von Brath is the half-elf vampire barbarian. Barbara's got her laptop an inch from her face. She's making fun of me. Just a little bit. That's what we do, Blaine. That's how we say we love you. And I think if I had to sacrifice something, I think I'd be willing to part with

One of my three X's. You know, if worse comes to worse, all humanity was really at risk here, I think I'd be maybe potentially 50% willing. That seems reasonable. I think that's a good answer. Do you think you could rank your three X's from most favorite to least favorite? Ugh.

Are they listening? No, no, they're not here right now. We probably put the axe of the scarab at the top. That's a good one. Great axe of gaining at the bottom. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Great axe of gaining. Start over, start over. Ignore everything I said. Erase. Great axe of gaining in the middle. And then at the bottom, just my normal great axe. Okay. And then your pickaxe.

So many axes. But that's not for combat. That's like more utilitarian. I just like the idea of Elga slowly just turning into the, like as she walks around, just the sound of axes clinging to axes.

No, they're all hidden very strategically. All right, Barney, what would you sacrifice? Well, I'm Chris Damaris and I'm Barney Farney, the human cleric. It does sound a little like Minecraft villager. I would, I would sacrifice just about anything. Oh,

For anything. But I just wish I had more to sacrifice. I don't really have much that's worth sacrificing. Barney, that's so sad. For only two gold a month, you could sponsor a Barney Barney. I could sacrifice myself, I suppose. That's what I was thinking in my head.

I don't know if I have much more. Do we know why Barney doesn't have very much that he's willing to sacrifice? Well, I'll sacrifice. I'm willing to sacrifice a lot. I just don't have much that's worth sacrificing. But why is that, Barney? Yeah. Well, I don't know. I wish I knew. If I knew, I would try and fix it.

I want to do an arcana check. An insight check? Is he some sort of magic, like, underspelled man? There's a better way of saying that, but I got there. First try. The most mysterious of the party, I would say. I feel like we have so much to learn about Barney. I agree. Yeah. Like whether or not he's a magic underspelled man. Well said, Gus.

That's going to be the big bad evil guy. I saw someone pitch for like a little one-off thing that we do. We do one episode where we each play each other's characters. Oh, it'd be crazy if that's going to be something that might happen in a live stream coming up soon. Wait, really? Maybe. But it'll be after this episode comes out. Okay. Well, I hope you guys watched, I assume, Extra Life. Maybe. I'm not saying that's what happened and what happened during that stream. Well, okay.

Okay. It's a possibility. Good luck to everyone who has to do this. It's a possibility. It's a possibility. If not, I agree. That'd be fun to do. Yeah. Maybe in this universe it happened. Maybe it didn't. Yeah. Oh my God.

So yeah, after a lot of backbreaking work, you manage to clear the pathway and you pass through the archway and enter a circular crystalline grotto. From the ground to the ceiling, your eyes are filled by the scintillating light of gemstones ranging from pebbles of deep blue azurite to melon-sized deposits of fiery yellow sapphire. Dividing the center of the grotto is a 30-foot crumbling chasm flanked by pools of turquoise liquid. Hexel looks around, seemingly amazed.

Have you ever seen so many gemstones? And so many colors? Green gems and blue gems? I can't believe these gems have just been sitting here underground all this time. Have I been saying gems wrong my entire life? Gems! Are those different than gems? Holy mother of maw! Look

Hold on, I just got a beep.

From my beeper. You received mail in your cartas de allá. Oh, that's the letter thing. Yeah, you opened the letter, but stare in confusion for a second. All it says is, I'm amongst the dead now. Oh. What does it mean? I was going to make a Jared's Jewelers joke, and then now I...

Who's this from? Jared's jeweler's joke. He went to Jared. He was to Jared. The diamonds. Oh, oh, oh, gotcha. Not sponsored. Does the note not say who it's from? No, the letter is not signed. Does it look like penmanship from Carol? Yeah, I was going to say, can I check and see if I recognize the penmanship? Make a, let's say an investigation check. Investigation. While he's doing that, can you remind me how that thing works?

"Cactus Deia or yonder letters are pairs of parchment that allow two creatures to communicate long distances via the written word. Any writing implement may be used to write a short letter of 25 or less, a sea-sending spell, or of a drawing." Oh, that's fun. "When the message is ready--" Emojis! "When the message is ready, put it in the envelope provided and the message is sent. The target is the bearer of the other parchment. If no creature bears the other parchment, your parchment will read 'Return to Cinder.'" Okay.

once sending his cast to the park they can't be used so when you received yours you don't know who has other ones mm-hmm what's the the freaky orb that sauron uses they shouldn't be using the palantir is that what's going on wow guys got that before i was i i thought they're called like the eyes of something or like i was yawning i don't know but the object is a palantir of which there are several maybe that specific one had a specific name okay back to his insight check you should draw a piece of poop on the parchment to send back

I think I only have it until once every long rest, though. So I feel like, well, does that, I wonder if that applies to them, too. So if I say, like, who the heck is this? Well, do you recognize the writing? Oh, yeah. I did a nine on investigation. I'm imagining I failed that. Should I roll again? You know, like I said, it's not signed. You don't recognize the handwriting. You do see that it appears to be scrawled rather haphazardly.

Like in a rush? In a hurry? Well, that's what haphazard would mean, right? I thought haphazard is like, I kind of do it lazily. Or happily hazardly. Yeah, that too. That's not how that works. Have you considered that? The room we're looking at, the chasm that you described, is it horizontally? Like which direction we enter from? You essentially entered from the

southern portion of Lexis Grotto. So we're coming from the southern portion and there's a chasm that is dividing the room horizontally. To the north. It's between you and the northern portion of the room. So it's like long and skinny? There's a chasm up and down and there's a chasm left and right. Left and right. Okay, that's what I was thinking. So it is splitting us from the top of the room. Correct. And there's pools of liquid. Are those pools of liquid spilling over into the chasm or are they held just kind of like...

They kind of like bookend the chasm. But they're not like a waterfall. Correct. Is this some sort of Lazarus pit like in the Batmans? Who is that? Never mind. Who is that? Is that like Dracula? Kind of, yeah, yeah. Ooh, if Dracula's like Batman. So the note says, I'm amongst the dead now. Yeah, like. Mati, did you write that? No, that would be from you or from these gentlemen would say that. Oh.

They are amongst the dead. Oh, I guess that's why we are among the dead. Hey, Hexel. Hexel has their back turned to you. They're staring like an amazement at the giant diamond. At the gems, you mean? At the giant gem. Hexel just responds without turning around. Yeah? Hexel has big gif energy. If someone were to say I am amongst the dead, what's your read on that? What's your interpretation? I feel like I'm right there with them. I

I feel like I've expired and returned to the great maw looking at this giant gem. I gotta kill you. The gem is across the chasm. Okay. Do you maybe want to write back on your notes? Yeah, what the heck. You should do something. I don't need healing.

No, I'm saying to Bonnie this is very... You actually inspired me to ask something here, Chris. What? You know, while you're here, you're not under immediate danger. If you want to, you're welcome to take a short rest if anybody needs that. I attack Chip. I think we didn't...

I have 10 points. I was just going to do a quick little spell. We're good. I'll take one if you want to. Okay. All right. All right. Lay it on me, Barney. All right. I'm going to do... Is Barney like the polka dot man where if he doesn't do a healing spell every once in a while, he'll explode? I just don't... I keep dying, John. So why do you want to heal us? Well, because it heals more than one person. Oh, shit.

Oh, yeah. I'll take some if you're healing yourself. I'll do an appeal of alleviation. I'll open wide. What's the spell? What's the spell? Appeal of alleviation. It can heal 1d6 plus spellcasting, and it can heal undead. So it's some sort of banana? And then I'm also going to cast a... Let Chris speak, y'all. I'm listening. I'm being a good listener. First, I'm healing 1d6 plus my spellcasting. That's going to be... What you doing there? Six.

For both of us. I have to paint the picture for those who don't get to watch what's going on. I just watched Chris mouth a bunch of stuff as though he was calculating a bunch of numbers. And then the result was six. The result was one plus five. That's what was going on. I was waiting.

All the seven-year-olds out there can relate And what does he do an aide and I'm aiding and a betting at second level so three creatures within range And two and then one I got one more I'm full I'm full This increases max hit points by five, but does that override HP? Uh

No, it's not Temp HP. It's different. Give it to the... All right. Yeah, it boosts your maximum and your current. So it's separate from Temp HP. What a rip, Barney. Five hit points all around. Well, for you three. Yes, not for you. So not all around. Thank you for your sacrifice. Mostly weight. Thank you, Barney. I feel so strong now. Barney, I could wrestle a ball. Thanks. What? A ball.

I thought you were going to say I could kiss you. I could. And then go ahead. Is that a term? Could wrestle like a bull. A bull. A bull. What do you think I say? Like a ball. You say like a ball. I'm a professional padcaster, all right? I say words good. And then? I just have never heard anybody say I could wrestle a ball. I'm finishing this up, turning my divine power into a spell slot.

Okay. And I'm done. I feel like I got a bad feeling about this. I'm prepping. You think we got like a boss fight ahead? It might be a good idea for us to be well rested right now. Is your wheel up to date, Bonnie? I will. You just seem like you're really prepping for the end. Have you applied for a reverse mortgage yet? I don't have a lot to give. Okay. To bequeath. Well...

Do you want to try writing something with it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anybody got a pen? I do, actually. A quill? Although mine is a... Oh, yeah, you do have a pen. That's right. I do. Mine is special, though. I have a...

Emerald pen. Cool. This pen is tipped with an emerald nib and requires no ink to write. While holding this pen, you could cast illusionary script at will, requiring no material components. But I imagine it also works as just a pen. Yeah. Okay. Like, while holding it, you can cast, but it doesn't mean you have to. And I have 25 words. So, here we go. Who's this? Two. If this is Carol, I miss you so, so much. Please...

Tell me you are okay. I love you, sweetheart. Kisses. Chip. Tell them I said hello. Shoot!

What if I spit like 14 words in my letter to my wife saying, By the way. My friend Bernie. You don't know him, but he's this guy who we met at the parade. What happens? I put it in the envelope. You put it in the envelope. And it vanishes. Okay.

Okay. Bye-bye. We'll find out what Voldemort has to say after this later. I'm sure there's a very cool noise that Michael will insert right here. Ooh. It actually screams when he sends it off. That's what it does. It's very painful. Yeah, it hurts. You're actually like, you're stabbing ink and everything into the paper each time. The letter becomes sentient just to feel pain for no other purpose. Oh, God.

It's very wonderfully dark. We'll probably be moving on here soon, but does anything happen immediately? No. You hear the whooshing sound as your letter disappears and goes on its way. Like an email sound? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we go look around and see if there's anything cool? I was going to ask if I wanted to go and... You know what? Actually, I don't want to go and investigate. I wanted to ask. Elga. Hello.

Would you like to maybe help me investigate these odd pools of colorful liquid? Are you sure you want me to help you investigate? I kind of do because you have the special spectacles that help with... Elga is on the case, Mateen.

Is Elk just T-posing? Yeah. Okay, yeah. Mateed looks confusedly, but he goes, okay, this is fine, and picks up the little barbarian. So the chasm in front of you is about 30 feet wide, you know, to get to the other side, to the north, and it also drops about 30 feet in the center. Okay.

And then on either side, you know, both to the west and to the east are those turquoise pools that I described. And the floor there drops like another 15 feet down to get to those pools. Okay. I bring Elga over to, let's say, the west pool. Okay. And fly down to the pool. And I want to just use Elga like a little, like almost like a little metal detector and just point Elga...

But are you holding? Yeah, I'm holding Elga, just like pointing Elga at the pool of liquid. And Elga's going beep, beep, beep. Lil' Barbarian sounds like a prequel to Conan, like a cartoon or something. It's the Lil' Barbarian. What do you see, Elga? Yeah, I guess, Elga, I guess you want to make like an investigation check? With advantage, because I'm close up.

Yeah. Mateed made it seem like you're getting a very close, up close view. I'm pushing those spectacles straight at what I want to investigate. I rolled a 17 and an 18. So 18. Good job. You know, you're getting a really good look at this turquoise liquid. And it's not like anything you've ever seen before. It's definitely not water. The way it flows, it seems to be like a little more viscous than water, like a little thicker. Yeah.

And as you, you know, you have to get really close to it to be able to get advantage. And as you get your face really close to it, you almost feel like warmth coming off of the liquid. Could I touch it? Yeah. Just like reach out a hand. Just like a finger. What does it smell like? Let me see. It smells like...

A combination of earth and sulfur. Ah, like toots. Like toots. Does it smell at all like blood? Maybe there's like some hints of iron as well, but I don't know if it would be blood explicitly. Okay. Does anything happen when I touch it? You're not like cupping it to like just like one single finger?

I'll cup some. I'll try to scoop some. Okay, you reach your right hand in to cup some of the liquid up. As you stick your hand into the liquid, you feel it is indeed warm to the touch. Not uncomfortably so, but it is definitely warm, which is unusual. And you pick it up out of the pool. And as you pick it up, you feel it very rapidly start to cool and harden.

and it hardens around your hand, encasing it in a solid piece of rock. Oh. Like a gem? No, like a turquoise stone, yeah. Like the way that lava would cool into a rock? Did you experience pain? Did you lose hit points? I don't know. No, but you can't move your hand now. You can't, like, close it into a fist or anything. What's that lady do?

Medusa? Medusa. That's not what happened. No? She got encased and it just cooled around her hand. Kind of like if you put your hand in like a wax, hot wax, and then took it out and it would like harden around your hand. Yeah, I love doing that. And it smells like earth and sulfur-ish, you said? And iron, sure. And iron? Okay. Matita, I made a boo-boo. I don't know what to do about this. Maybe take me to the bathroom.

Take me to something hard and I slam my hand on it to try to crack the rock. Okay. Is there anything hard nearby that I could, like, the ground or something? Barney's head. I mean, yeah, there's the ground. There's gems. There's, you know, a couple of large pieces of rock. Is there a gem? Can I take a gem and try to smash it? I'm in an alternate, right? That's not... Sorry, the way we were pronouncing gem is...

well, I think it's on purpose because these are like the globulins and glue, blah, blah, blah. So like, I think it's just, everything is just good.

Oh, I don't know what you're talking about, Chris. That's Gims? That's how we're saying it. What's your birth, Gim? Mine's Amethyst. It's really crappy. Mine's Jimeral. This is like a genuine moment of confusion for Chris. It's like he thinks we're messing with him. I think it's one of those purposefully different things that is cleverly tied into the lore of the story. I do not know what you're talking about, Gani.

How we pronounce this this entire time. Hi, Miss Geralt. Geralt. Yeah, I take a gem of some kind that looks sturdy, and I try to smash it against her hand. A lot of the gems that are here are still, like, embedded in the floor and in the wall. So if you wanted to, like, pull one out and try that, you'd have to try to remove it from the wall or the floor, or you could just take her hand and smash it up against there. You can do it, Monty. Don't close my eyes. Okay, I smash this little girl's hand against the wall. I can take it.

Oh, this is going to be fun. No, here's what I do. Okay. Because I want to use my most precise tool available to me to do this. I put Elga's hand up against the wall against a nice sturdy gem, and I rear back for a nice kick. Okay. Make an attack roll to see if you hit her hand. Okay. Someone better give me some blood after this. For all the blood I will be losing. I'm sorry. I cannot help. It's my turn. I'll do it. Unarmed strike plus... I tap you like a maple tree.

13? That's got to hit. You rear back and let a kick fly. And yeah, you connect solidly with the now cooled bit of turquoise, but your kick seems to bounce off of it. Oh. Would that meta-wise have to do with the roll was to strike? Meta-wise, it's not.

Not enough. It's not. My kick would not have enough force. Okay. Could I just try to slam my own hand into the gem? Sure. Make like an attack roll. What if we did it together? I'll tell you what. One of you can make an attack roll and the other one can like roll to assist. Okay. What would be? D20? So whoever makes the attack roll, make the normal attack roll. And whoever's assisting, roll a D20. I've got a crowbar. Give me the crowbar. Just an unarmed strike? Yeah. Why not? Okay. I hold the crowbar. I don't know if you need that. I rolled a nat 20. Okay. Okay.

Okay, I roll... Plus seven, 27. I'll just go ahead and roll a 20 to see whatever that assists. That's a three. No, that's not very much assisting. Thank you, Mati. Yeah, you're welcome. You're doing your part.

Yeah, before you're able to get over there and help Elga with her hand, she's already just so fed up with it, she's slamming it up against Gems on her own repeatedly. I also, I should have asked too, I can't move my hand at all, right? No, it's stuck in its formation. Yeah, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't like still malleable at all. Yeah, now you bash your hand a few times up against the wall and Gems and this hardened turquoise begins to crack and, you know, falls off of your hand. I rush up and I grab her hand and I say, Chip Haney, pleasure to meet you.

Sorry, forced to have it. I just saw that hand. Hello! Congratulations, we got your hand out of it. Yeah, so guys, just so you know, while that turquoise liquid looks very tasty, very nice to touch, don't. What if we dipped a weapon into it? Go ahead. I mean, I... You volunteer?

Sure. Let me see what I got. I got... I should just put my feet in it. You know what the heck? Let's get... Hey, science class, let's get crazy. I'm going to dip an arrow into it and then shoot it from my crossbow across the way and just see if it has any sort of like cool effect. I assume you just dip like the arrowhead. Yeah. Right into it and you fire. Anything in particular you want to aim at or... I'll aim at a gem across the way that's safely away from my friend group.

Sure. Roll me a d6. How much time did you budget for us to mess with this liquid? Let me see. Three. Enough. You had about 20 minutes. Okay, now make your attack roll. Okay. 22. Okay, yeah, you take aim at a distant gem and fire your crossbow with the turquoise-tipped bow.

bolt and it flies impacting the gem and the turquoise shatters off of the bolt as it as it strikes the wall but it doesn't hit the gem off the wall no nothing crazy interesting sciencey okay nothing that's that strikes your uh attention how tall is this room so from the bottom of the chasm to where you entered was 30 feet from where you entered to the top above make me a perception check i'm

Mateed. I just had an idea. After you wrap this up, Mateed, I'm on to something. Sherlock Haney's on the case. That's Helga's game. Ten. Moriarty Haney. It's kind of dim up there, and it's uneven, so it's hard to put a precise number on it. You would guess if you had to pick a number, it's another 50 feet above there. Okay. And we're down on the west in that little chasm area, right? Correct. And we haven't crossed the chasm. Not yet. Barney, are you there with them as well? I am. Okay. Okay.

Here's my crowbar. A little late. Is that offensive to Matide? Oh, crowbar? That is more offensive, you ask that? I am not a crow. Why would you say that? Is Barney offensive to Matide? Yes. Okay, gang. You know how we've been running into all these statues? Yes. What if there are people that have been dipped into this turquoise stuff? Could we... Yeah, could we...

if the statues and frozen people we've seen are the same color as this frozen stone? Yeah. Make a wisdom check. I'm doing one too. I'm going to do one. I will do one. It's a whole gang. So 13 for Elga. 20. God, bad rolls today. Five.

You're saving the good ones for the last. 13. 13? Why? So two 13s, a 5, and a 20. You don't... Well, Mateed's not sure one way or another, but the rest of you don't believe that those statues were a result of this turquoise pool. Oh, okay. So we haven't seen anything coded in this yet, as far as we recall? Not that you can recall. Not like a good theory. Maybe this is nothing. Maybe it'll come up later. I mean, I...

Maybe we should check out the other side of the chasm. Yeah. You were going to say maybe you should shut up. You know, Matilda, you and I looked at the chasm. You did have a startled look on your face when I started talking to you. I'm on guard today. Maybe Barney and Chip should go check the other side. Let's do it. I like that. We have done our experiment. It's time for them to put themselves together.

You guys are right next to me. We're standing two feet away from you. It'd be like really tight on Elga, and then the camera just turns, and you're just right there. She's screaming in your face. Okay, good! She's short. Everyone's far away, okay? What? Just to project. I pick up Elga and put her right at Chip's face. Oh, hello, you're back.

As we walk away. Yeah. So, is it chasm or chasm? Oh, God. It's actually chasm. What about peating? Oh, look at you. Comedy.

Gus hated that! I thought it was Python. Oh, if Elga dies in the next battle, you know why. They go after Elga. Yeah. It's just Gus rolling dice to see who gets the attack, but he's not even looking at the dice. He just says Elga every time. So then we go to the other end. And where's Hexel? Hexel? So before I answer that, Chris, what do you mean by you go to the other end, Blaine? Wait, where did you want to sit, Bessie? I'm just following Jon's lead here.

We're on the west side of the south part of the place. There's a chasm that is dividing it across the way, and so we want you to go to the north side across the chasm. Oh, across the chasm. I'll say it in Matisse. Just go across the chasm. Oh, okay. Easy. Simple. The reason I waited to answer your question, Chris, is if you're going to the north side over there, because that's closer to where the giant diamond is. Hmm.

Hexel would follow because Hexel is very transfixed by the giant diamond. How's Hexel going to get across a chasm? We don't know, Hexel. How are you going to get across this chasm? Yeah, can you do like make yourself into a bridge? Hexel just kind of, you know. She's not a ditto. She is. She turned into a gel. Right.

they when you all entered from the southern end you know and there's that 30 foot drop hexel just kind of oozes up to the ledge and then oozes straight down the side of the chasm right and then goes up to the northern grotto and then just attaches themselves to it and just starts climbing straight up i think that hexel uses goo powers to get across the thing and how far away it's pretty far it's like was it 20 or 40 feet the chasm is 30 feet wide 30 feet wide

We could do the ol' rope loop-de-loop across. I can... Well, y'all were down on the bottom of the chasm with them because that's where the turquoise pool was. So now you just have to climb back up. Okay, then we'll do that. We'll skirt around the edge of the pool and then we'll climb back up and I'll give ol' Barney a boost. So up, you're going to climb up? Yeah. All right, both of you, just for fun, make me athletics tricks. Oh, easy. I gave you all a pass on getting down here. So let's see what it's like going up.

Yeah, that's not great. Okay. And 14. Oh, Barney once again with his old man strength. Mateed is looking at this old man with squinted eyes like, I see you. I see you. He's not even using Pete. See how I did that right? Oh, yeah. Very good, Gus. I will roll my inspiration die. This seems like a good use of it. You think so? Okay. No, not at all. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Can I do something? It's okay. I whisper.

That was it? What? That was it? All right, trust fall. I'm going to go with the six. Okay, you begin climbing, but you just get a few feet off of the ground and the walls crumble beneath your hands and your feet and you're unable to really gain any traction to climb up. Meanwhile, Barney is scampering his way up the side. Okay, well...

Can I use my brain powers? Ah. I really wish you would. God, it's finally happening. My telekinetic thing, and I can move someone up to five feet. No way. I like that you're like, my telekinetic thing, it's called telekinesis.

Telekinetic thing. So I can move as bonus action and you can choose to fail it so that I can move you up to five feet toward or away from me. Yeah, I failed that. That's about five feet, right? What's about five feet? Going up. He's helping him up five feet of the wall. Yeah, it's 30 feet high. Okay, never mind. Yeah, I was wondering where this was going. Barney, can you do it six times in a row rapidly? Hey, can I? Can you make me fly?

I am just like you I'm imagining I'm just like no no like that is it that is offensive it would just be like chip just being smushed on the side of the wall like grinding against the wall all right you are five feet up a 30 foot wall now what do you do I did it six times so it's like uh it's I use it as a cantrip yeah okay

Then you could probably do it multiple times, right? Oh, you know what? Hey, don't even worry about it. Stop it, party. I got this. Thank you for the levitation. How much time did you budget us getting up this wall? Not enough. I, in my inventory, have...

Nice. Ooh. So you've gone five up, 20 more will go up for climbing, you got five more to go. Yeah, and I take a quick break, I go... And then I go...

What does the baboon sound like? Is that a baboon? That's a monkey. It works for me. Do it lower. I'm pretty sure they scream higher, actually. I think we heard enough of Blaine's monkey impression. I look around, and I pull down my pants to see if my butt's red. If you want to let us know if we heard enough of Blaine's monkey impressions, let us know in the Discord. Yeah, just more. Just tweet us at...

Yeah, the baboon blesses you and you're able to scamper up the wall and join Barney. Before the baboon goes, can I say, do you know where my wife is? What does the baboon say back? It scratches its head and looks at you blankly. Does it say anything? Talk to me, baboon. Tell me something. Oh! That was good. That's good. That's good. All right. I have no idea if that's what a baboon actually sounds like. What do you think of

I am watching some weird show in the world. You're just seeing Barney go, and me going, oh! Do they know they could just ask me and I could take them up there? Maybe we keep that between you and me. That was an option. Okay, then I join Barney then. I climb up that thing. We made it up!

You all get to the top on the other side of the chasm and you know you look around and you're really and Hexel is there with you and there's really this huge deposit of diamond ore before you. It's maybe 15 feet wide or so. It's just massive and then you see that beyond that there's actually a little alcove just to the north of that carved out in the side of the wall. Calling me a horse because that's that's a lot of carrots.

Oh, okay. I'm off my game today. I've got a lot of good diamond jokes. Actually, like unrelated to that thing, can I look around and see if there's any just loose gemstones? I want to keep up Chip's thing of... Gemstones. Gemstones. I want to keep up Chip's thing of collecting little forget-me-nots for Carol. Yeah, there's various gemstones deposited on the ground around here.

If you want to try to grab one, make a strength check to see if you're able to extract it from the surrounding rock. Okay. This is a side question, but are any of the gemstones orange? Yeah, sure. Yeah, there's orange ones. Hmm. Just saying. I saw orange diamond. Fifteen. Fif...

- 17, yeah, you start chipping away at it, pulling it, and it seems to be, you know, you have like a good grasp on it. Go ahead and make me a dexterity check now. - 17. - Yeah, you were able to pop out a really sizable gemstone. You know, you're not an expert in this field by any stretch of the imagination, but you would estimate that that gemstone is probably worth around 100 gold. - Wow. - Oh, that's a good one. - I didn't know that we could do that. We could just mine, literally mine. - Yeah, just make sure if you're gonna get that diamond or use a iron pickaxe.

So the alcove is where? It's just to the north beyond this giant diamond deposit. And it's a diamond deposit. You don't got nothing. Yeah, this is what Hexel's staring at. You think you hear Hexel muttering something about a wedding ring for their attachment. Hexel, now, now, this is too big for a ring. You're right.

Necklace. I like the way Axel thinks. Yes. Axel, we have no way of getting this out. We're losing sight of the gold. It's diamond. Okay, well, we're losing sight of the diamond of the...

Of the reason we're here. Here's the thing. There's no way that this thing is not cursed. So I'm gonna just activate the cutscene. I slap the diamond. You slap the diamond. Uh-huh. All right. You slap the diamond, and it begins to, like, shudder a little bit and move. Yeah, classic. But then it stops. Nope. Fit as a fiddle. Thanks for checking. It is cursed.

Let me see if we got... How do you know it is cast? It moved. You know, it's the... Yeah. It moved because you hit it? Uh...

Can I, can I perceive like, what was it like when it moved? Did I see limbs or anything? I love it. I love the Blaine phrases that way. Can I perceive that? That's like a thing you do constantly. I love it. It didn't seem like it. It just seemed like this giant diamond deposit just started shaking in the ground around it and, you know, moved a little bit too. If we got, if we, if we have a few minutes, I'll do a detect the magic. Yeah. Why do you need a few minutes? Because I can do it as a ritual.

and not use a spell slot. How long does it take you to use a ritual? It takes 10 minutes, right, Micah? Oh, God. 10 minutes. Oh, God. Oh, Lord. In game time, we don't actually have to sit here. No, no, we're going to set up a timer. Sit here for 10 minutes waiting as Chris makes up a ritual. Can we do that?

Ask your party. Can we do that? I mean, I'm down with Elga. So you guys are supposed to, you're on your own mission. It seems like there's nothing pressing that's happening or dangers that are present, but also like what is Hezkel going to do? Hezkel, you're just going to wait and see. You know what? I got enough stuff to occupy my time. And then I just stare at the letter waiting for a response. Unblinking for 10 minutes straight. As just like three dots appear every once in a while. Oh, they're doing something. No, no, they're deleting it.

Stinky Dragon Adventures Episode 2 is out now. New episodes are released every Thursday at 10 a.m. over at stinkydragonpod.com. This week's episode is a little near and dear to me. It features a villain called Catawampus, who I'm

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While Barney's spending 10 minutes to detect magic, Elga and I work on our dance routine. Ooh. But nowhere near the turquoise liquid. Yes. Bad. Bad. Not bad.

Not bat. Actually, that's what we do for 10 minutes since we're in a cave is we work on Elga's bat techniques. I try to teach her how to fly. That's a good use of time. Yeah. Okay, so I guess everyone's okay with it. Barney begins using a ritual for detect magic so you don't burn that precious level one spell slot. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I just never used a ritual before. I kind of wanted to try it out. All right. Let's give Chris just a moment to let us know how the ritual sounds. Mm-hmm. No, this is just him patting. Mm-hmm. He was humming earlier and sounding like, don't worry, be happy. Mm-hmm.

You focus for 10 minutes casting your ritual or using your ritual. I don't know what the proper term for that is. Encantering. Encantering a ritual, performing a ritual. Performing a ritual. For 10 minutes and then your detect magic finally is cast.

So you open your senses to detect any magic in the area, and you do feel some magic radiating from this giant diamond. And what kind of magic? You're going to make me look it up, aren't you? I think every time we've asked that, and he's told us what kind, I'd say about 90, 95% of the time, we don't know what that is. Yeah. And it doesn't aid us at all. But I love that we're spending 10 minutes for something that is just letting us know, yes,

The diamond ore that moved, it's magical. I feel like, what if it's a snail and we're not seeing... Oh my goodness. We're seeing just the top part of the shell and not the bottom. A diamond snail. Should we dig around it? We got pickaxes. We got one. We got hands. We got elbow grease. You got elga grease. I don't know what that is made of. Blood. Speaking of which...

Do you need blood? Is your sippy cup getting low? No, I think I still have some in there. Okay. Okay. Let me know when you need me to top you off. I do want to say I did take a sip of my sippy cup of satiation. All right. Yeah, you detect it is transmutation in its magic type.

Transmutation. It's been transformed. So it's something else that is not a diamond. How can we reverse this effect? The old slapper. Should we just... The old slap? Yeah, I started playing patty cakes on that thing. Or should we go check out the alcove? Bongo drums. We should probably commit an investigation investigating all this area, right? You begin playing the bongos on the giant diamond and the giant diamond begins...

shaking once again. And then, much to your surprise, it begins moving and rising up out of the ground. And you hear a low rumbling. Flurby, flubble, gerbil, gobb, flip, flip.

Ah, blurble-gurble to you. As you hear this sound, you realize that this is a giant diamond-skinned golem. Oh, cool. It's got crystallized gem shards sticking out from its back and small gooey tentacles oozing from its maw. From its maw? Yeah, it looks rather angrily at you, Chip.

Let's do that Riz. And I bow. You just swore at it. And I present that gemstone that I took from the ground earlier and I put it down at its feet and step back.

It looks at it, then it reaches over to a nearby rock and touches it, and that entire rock turns into a giant gem. I was suggesting far away from this thing. Plane was like, oh, at first, and then Barbara pointed it out, and it got longer. What are you going to do? I want to... Barney, you're there too, by the way. Yeah. What's the ground made out of? Oh, okay.

You? Oh! Away me! Okay bye bye! He said he asked who we are though. Who dares disturb my slumber? Oh who like awakes and- Oh awakes! I thought he said away from me. He did. Oh uh uh... Me! Chip! Who? Chip!

Sure. Uh. It looks at you, Barney. Who are you? Barney. Barney. Barney. Barney. I am a friend. I hope. Friend. I look at him and then I hug Barney and then I look at him and I like friend. Friend.

It reaches out its hands. Ah, more distant friendship. Pink pals. No touchy. What you want anything? Want sleep?

So sorry to be loud. Night night. Sorry for playing the bongo drums on your head. While he's standing up, I want to glance down and see if there's like anything that he's on top of, like a trigger for a door or something that we need to get him out of the way of. The hole that it was in is just like covered with gems all on the inside. Okay. Hmm.

Because he has, like, some sort of magic touch. I think anything he touches, yeah. Yeah. Is Hexel around? Maybe we could ask them what this is. Hexel's just kind of frozen, not moving at all. Oh, he touched him. I think we should stay down here for now, Elka. Good night! You go sleep. We leave. This giant creature's eyes shift back and forth between Bernie, Fernie, and Kip. Could I, like...

Slowly lower to the ground and start just kind of like, you know. Nestling? Yeah, just like I'm going to sleep. But being that Barney is an old man, he might just fall asleep. Sure. The giant creature looks at you, then looks back at the hole in which it was and kind of relaxes itself a little bit and...

And it begins like getting back into its little cubby, its little nest, and it's trying to get comfortable. I think I know what this is maybe. Yeah. Then it opens its eyes and looks at Bernie, Fernie, and Kip one more time and asks, Where are Globble Bobbles? Globble Bobbles? Who? Who? What is Globble Bobble? Globble Bobbles want gems. Many gems. Globble Bobbles want gems.

Mould. Oh, we need the mold of underglobula, right? Also, uh, what name?

You. That's what I thought it was. This is a gem-making creature. So they want this guy. They want this guy. I was like, this guy's a gem-making machine. This sounds like a very lucrative creature to have. Yeah, so this phoenix wants the mold of the underglobular. Or whatever its abilities are. So we're in the underglobular. Correct. Yes, and we found the mold. Whoa. Well, I don't want to bring this down.

He's such a nice feller. Yeah, so... And why do they want... Phoenix wants this? Don't know. I mean, it's a money printing machine. Also, don't these phoenixes eat something that they... I don't know. Maybe I'm making that up. I don't have my notebook with me today, and it's wracking my brain trying to remember. Welcome to my life. Every day. Yeah.

God, what do we do? We're supposed to... Our mission is to bring this thing back. How big is it? Oh, it's huge. Massive. Like, bigger than a covered wagon. I say, uh... You know Sphenix? Sphenix? Yeah. Sphenix. No. No. Oh. Okay. Only know Globble Bobbles. Globble Bobbles. And Bernie Ferny. And Kip. And Kip. What's a Globble Bobble? Do you like Globble Bobbles? No.

Oh, he wants to kill them. Oh, is it the Glurbians? Oh, Gobble Bobble's bad. Okay. They poop on the walls. No.

I would hate them too if they did that. Yeah, that's terrible. Matty, do you think we should go over there to help them? My worry is that we might startle the golem with our presence. What if you just very slowly fly us in? Swoop, swoop. Stealth bomber. Ah, parachute. What the?

I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. Sorry, listening to glob, glob, glob, and then blob, it makes my brain go mush, mush. So the mold, we can refer to this thing as the mold, yes? It's up to you. Okay. I think you're being so secretive. The mold has nestled back down, but is looking at...

Chip and Barney. Correct. And that is in our direction? It's hard for you to see because it's 30 feet above you on like a platform up there. Sure, sure. If I may. I think I can do something here. Mould, you want more friends? Friends, good. I bring you friends. And then I call out to you guys. Okay, then we come up and join. The alcove. Your name? Bonjour, my name is Matit. Matit. Mould.

I mean no harm unless you make me mad Oh

So, gang, it seems like he has enemies, and they are the Underglobillions, and he wants to turn them into Gims. Wait, why did he call me a Gim? He's a small Gim. Yeah, but does he think of living beings as Gims? Am I Gim? Mm-hmm.

A gimmish. A gimmish. A gimmish. I think it's just slang that Gus is messing around with. Is it in the module or is Gus just making it up? I think I see where the module's ending. I have a question. Behind what we're calling the mold is an alcove that we still have not investigated at all. Correct.

And that is separate from where the mold is laying on top of. Correct. Is the mold blocking the entrance to that alcove? No. Okay. I'd like to approach that alcove. Okay. Yeah. I feel like we're operating on not all the information possible in this room. Matthew, just make a wide berth, please. Yeah.

Yeah, there's an alcove carved out of the wall here and it's got stone shelves holding, you know, what appear to be some supplies and piles of half-cut gems. Is there anything interesting, out of place, odd on these shelves? Make an investigation check. Matide goes, like, makes a little whistle sound and, like, motions for Elga to come join because that has now been something Matide has learned is better for Elga to do.

Muldog be right back, okay? Don't go anywhere. Bye-bye gem. Yeah, this is why. I rolled a three. I rolled a three. Bad rolls all day. Don't want to play anymore. Bye-bye. Let me take a gander. Hello there. 16. There you go. Okay. Yeah, you see like five half-cut gems that are probably worth like 10 gold each. And you see some jeweler's tools and a few barrels of blasting powder, some flint, and a blank sky chart. These

Do you think Adam Sandler is in there? I was going to make that exact joke. Adam Sandler? Uncut Gims. Oh. We need a poster now called Uncut Gims with a D&D version of Adam Sandler. What was he calling under globulins? Globble Bobbles. Globble Bobbles. Monsieur Mule. Mule. Is there a chance that this here was where the Globble Bobbles were? Globble Bobbles. Yeah? Okay, so this was...

It's the global bubbles place that they were mining and it seems Mould has taken care of them. Yeah. Where go global bubbles?

Oh. Moolgem them. Where are gems? Mool just looks confused by the question and looks around the entire cavern. Maybe because I'm thinking he turned them into gems. Is every gem in this room globble bobbles? It is like a whole crystalline cave. I point at like a pile or the nearest gems and I say, that bobble gobble? Gem.

And now Gus is having fun. Gus is still loving this. Okay, so we seem to be at a crossroads here where our mission is to retrieve Moldia for what can only be assumed as nefarious reasons. I like Mold. I like Mold as well. I think Mold is a wonderful individual. But we have to figure out what we are going to do about it. The fact that we have now found what our mission is about and are still trying to save the Glurbians from this phoenix. Mold! Mold!

Stereo? You wanna go on a trip? Trip? What trip? Where? What? Outside. I point upwards. Outside. Upstairs. Mould looks up at the ceiling in the grotto that you're in. Everyone make a perception check, I guess. 22. Tree. 12. 8.

So Mateed and Barney, you know, you follow Mool's gaze upwards and the two of you notice that there's a mine shaft in the ceiling of this grotto that appears to just disappear far into the distance. As in like it's like a tunnel that just kind of goes up? Goes up. Correct. Someone dug down to here. Gim, you come with us up. We'll go up.

Mool begins jumping up and down excitedly and kind of like, yeah, and like slamming its fists on the ground. Mool go up! Mool go up! The ground begins cracking under the mighty fists of Mool and turquoise liquid begins seeping out from the ground. Oh no!

And Mould begins climbing up the wall, up into the mineshaft. That was easier than we thought. We'll go up. I would suggest that we try to get up as fast as possible unless you want to become a stone. It's not fun. No, I don't want to be stones. Chip ain't done two drugs. Matias will

I grab Elga and fly up. Do I still have the power of the baboon? It was only for a minute, wasn't it? Yeah, but you know it's T&D time. Why'd you turn into Barney there for a second? You know. How high up is it, and is there any way up that we see? From the...

ground where you are up to the top of this grotto. It's probably between 50 to 60 feet, but then the shaft goes up from there and it's impossible to tell how far up it goes from there. You need to get like a grappling hook or something. The turquoise liquid is very quickly beginning to fill the room. It's going to be around your ankles here very shortly. Let's go up. Can we start climbing? Matin, grab this rope. Can I throw it? Yeah.

I don't know what my carrying capacity is. Just a rope. Just a rope. Just hook it onto the rope. To the top. How long's a rope? How about we get to the top and throw down a rope? That's what I'm wondering. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, sure. Okay. I don't have rope. I do. And I have a hook. A meat hook. You could hook. I only have 50 feet of rope. That's enough, right? How much rope do you have, Bunny? Let me check.

Well, if it's 50 feet up. Well, no, 50 feet is the crystalline cave, but he said that the mineshaft goes up further. Goes up above there, correct. Do I have rope? I have rope. Yeah. He was bluffing the entire time. You are failing as a DM, Gus, if you're not calling crystal. Once the plan is in motion, that's when I love it. I'm like Dan Gamgee in the first half of Lord of the Rings. I have rope. Where's my rope? I have 50 feet of hempen rope.

In my inventory. So you got 50. Elga's got 50. I'm a big. Okay. So maybe before flying up, we tie. We can take both ropes up and tie and let it down. Okay. So I do that. 100, wherever we go up to the top, if you allow Elga and Mateed to go to the top of this chasm. I'm just making sure I'm clear here. You are going the full 100 or you're going to like the mouth of the mine shaft, like to the top of the grotto and then getting to that.

point and continuing. I'd like to go to the mouth, like, because you're talking this goes up to the ground level? Unknown. It disappears into the distance. I would say to where the mouth of the shaft is, and then assuming there's like some type of flat surface we could stand on. Oh, is there like a cliff or something? I'm pointing at Matide and Elga here. Since you two, you know, have the ability to get up there since you're flying. Yes, Elga has the ability to get up there. Well, Elga's being carried by...

You know, when you get up there, you see that this shaft has a wooden ledge here at the very bottom of it. And that you see there are further wooden ledges spiraling up the shaft. Okay. Oh, like stairs? So then I, yeah. No, not stairs. Like, they're not steps, but there's different platforms every so often going up the shaft. Okay. We're playing Rayman, and there's some platforms that we've got to jump up. Okay. Yeah. Mati flies up to the top of that and ties off a rope so that they can get to at least that part. And Elga helps hold it to help pull. Neat.

And we climb. We climb. We toss down the rope, yeah. But then we kind of like pull it up a little bit and mess with them. We are going to Mallet. Drop a little higher, just a little higher and you can get it. Mateed. Mateed and Elga, you two are waiting on that platform for the rest of your party to rejoin with you? Yeah, right next to the enemies you're about to have us fight. That's why I asked. Oh, no.

I speak Gus. As Barney and Chip get up onto the platform, Barney points in shock as he's the only one who notices that there's a sticky patch of spider webs nearby the platform. And you all hear squelching sounds coming from the dark.

as spider-shaped enemies come out and begin trying to bite at you. Everyone make wisdom saving throws. So this is in the shaft or just above the shaft? In the shaft, yeah. Wisdom saving throws. 26. 17. That is a 12. 14. The spider-like creatures begin trying to bite at you, but you all are able to ward them off and keep them at bay without taking any damage. We defeated your trap card. Yeah. So far. I have...

I have in my inventory an abomb bomb. You should climb. We could also bomb and cover our backs. We don't want boom booms. They're up there. Where are these things coming out that they were going after all four of us? They're like out of the cracks in the mine shaft, the cracks in the wall. We made it up the minecraft. We need to climb. Yeah, we made it up the minecraft.

You all are currently in the mineshaft. You're at the very bottom of it, which would be like at the very top of the grotto that you were in before. Let's just keep climbing, gang. Yeah, let's try to climb up.

But now they have little ledges that the terrestrial-based creatures can go up. Are they jumpable? I cast. Hold on. Are they jumpable? Yeah, you could jump between them. You know, it's not necessarily super easy, but, you know, you could find your way to traverse them. Should we try to just get up there, but just the old-fashioned way, or are you about to do something that takes 10 minutes, Barney? I cast.

I was gonna cast Bless, but I don't know if that's... Oh, bless this mess. It's only a minute that it lasts. I can cast it instantly, but it just helps with saving throws. Oh, gotcha. Do it. I cast Bless! Barney's really into that. There's a microphone in front of you. There's two nice gentlemen over to the left of us who are monitoring audio levels. Three creatures, so all three are blessed. Can you bless yourself? No. No.

Whenever you make an attack roll or saving throw for Force Bones, you get a d4. Thank you very much. Nice. And it lasts for a minute? Yeah. Is there any way to add that to our conditions? It'll probably last for the entire time we're here in the mineshaft. We'll just make sure to remember that. In the distance, in the dark, further up the mineshaft, you hear laughter. Ha ha ha ha!

Molds go up. Faster. Okay. Molds so good. What Mateed is going to do now that Mateed has seen that this mineshaft is not the most safest place is Mateed is going to be flying up alongside the team trying to do this traversal game, but stay with them and not go ahead. Yeah. Trying to keep pace with them. Yeah. You know, this kind of reminds me when a little kid is learning how to ride a bicycle and their parents are holding on to their sides and they're running alongside them as they're going. Like, they could help them, but they're just not. Yeah.

What I don't want to do is I don't want to... Zett is a very, very apt way of putting this. I am trying to avoid startling any more creatures in this shaft that might be attacking us. My father helped me learn to ride a bicycle. It was a unicycle, but it still counts.

It's not a bicycle by definition. That's true. So, Bonnie, you were saying words matter? A cycle. Well, it's a cycle. What do you feel about Minecraft? Okay, so Elga's going to try to jump the platforms. Okay, same. So three of you are, you know, are making your way from the first platform up to the next one with Matid providing air support. And just as a hall monitor. Yeah, the...

Three of you on the platform, make me perception checks. 18. 11. 9. Okay. Ilga, you're the first to notice it, but you hear a rumbling coming from the wall next to the platform, and you think you spot little fissures beginning to grow in the wall, and little sprays of that turquoise liquid begin spouting out from it.

No, guys, we need to go faster, I think. All three of you make dexterity saving throws. Must go faster. Must go faster. And then we have a plus what from Barney? Plus D4, I believe. Is that correct, Barney? I need that. Tell you what. That's an eight for Barney. Thirteen. So I would have a 12. 12.

Chip and Elga, you're able to jump fast enough, but Barney lags behind just a little bit, and some of the turquoise liquid gets on your left arm, causing you to have difficulty in moving that around. That's no different than normal. A little touch of the rheumatoid arthritis flaring up. Anything that's protecting his bones. Like little cats.

You look like you got one-armed. It's like a different kind of material than the rest of your body. It's like a cool look, you know? Like if that was like... That actually seems quite debilitating to have. Well, I mean, I think if they were, you know, if they embraced it and it became like an archer. Oh, like a Jim Gollum? Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Again, Skyborg.

Blaine looked at me like I didn't get the references. Up above in the darkness, you hear the mold cry out. And you hear some slamming up against the rock and giant fragments of gems begin falling straight down over on top of all of you. No. We shouldn't have made him so excited to go to the top. Who did that? It's easier than carrying him.

You all can... I don't know. It's up to you if you can make a dexterity save or if you have another way you want to try to avoid the falling gems. I'm open. How much more, like, uppies do we have to travel? Based on how much you've moved so far, you think you're getting close. If you had to take a guess, maybe halfway. Does it have to be a saving throw we do? No. Tell me what you have in mind. Could I do some maybe athletics of, like, avoiding the falling gems and, like... Sure. Athletics is, um...

Well, it's strength. Yeah, maybe instead you do something like an acrobatics, like dexterity based. Okay, yeah. We'll do acrobatics. Check. I'll try one of those as well. That's an 18. Ooh. Can I intimidate the gyms? I don't think they're...

You can intimidate him. Is there like a space that we're moving to or is it just like a dodge? It's either like dodging in place or jumping up to the next platform. Okay. Yeah, I guess I'll do that. One of those. Jump up to the next platform. He announces to the group. I'll just do a dex. All right. Is it safe? Sure, yeah. I'll do the same. 20. Ooh. 14. 16. What about chip? I don't know if I caught on to what chip was doing. Is dexterity saving throw suffice? Sure. Plus four.

Oh, I didn't even do plus four. That's a 13 plus... Plus a D4. D1. 14. And mine's a 22 with it. Mine's a 22. Everyone rolled really well. I hate to rain on your parade. Barney, because you have one partially petrified limb, go ahead and roll it one more time. We'll say you have disadvantage. Oh, no. Chris, I don't think Gus is actually sorry for raining on your parade. He's raining gemstones on my parade. Okay.

14. It's raining gems. Hallelujah. You all are able to dodge out of the way of the falling gems from above without anything bad happening. We're going to break people's brains. They're now just going to be saying gems for stuff now on. I understand the irony of me saying this, but I really think Mulch will control his temper. As you all land on this platform, dodging out of the way of the falling gems,

Out from the wall, which is partially excavated here, two gray oozes begin emerging, oozing out from the cracks. It's not the turquoise stuff. No, no. These are sentient. Correct. Are they, like, coming at us? Yes. They're lunging your way. Barney, you have metal armor, don't you? I do. No, they lunge straight for you. Okay. All right. I like metal.

Do you have time to react? Yeah, how would you deal with that? I could have motivational speech. I'll cast sleep. Again, the microphone's right in front of you.

I'll cast Sleep. There you go. Which makes more sense for the spell you're casting. Sleep. Gotta sleep! That's how I put my kids to bed. Can I cast Sleep? Yeah! Please? You told me you were doing it. You shouted it at me. He's asking for mission, that's good. I cast it.

Don't you have to roll like a... Let me see here. It's dice for HP. So roll that dice. I did it at second level. Oh, you can't do that. No? Just kidding. Oh. Ha ha! 33. Both oozes seem to stop moving and kind of lose their form a bit. Bye bye! Shh. As you know, you finish dealing with those, you can see kind of like a very faint orangish light not too far up above you. Can I start flexing my arm?

Your arm with the turquoise on it? Yeah, start loosening it. You can't flex it. It's totally covered, yeah. It's okay. When it's all out of that, you'll have a lucrative career as a rookie in the baseball league. Oh, yeah. I climb past the oozes quietly, and I whisper, twinkle, twinkle little ooze. We don't want to play with yous.

I like when other people sing songs. The orange light, is it orange light coming from what could be an exit to this place that we're ascending? Or is it something coming from like a wall? It's not coming from the wall. But it's coming directly from above us? Yes. Okay.

I also go up very gently and quietly. Yeah, you all get up to the top and realize that there's an exit up to the ground above. Cool. Okay. We get up. A faint glimmer of sunset slumps past the horizon, casting shadows across your surroundings. You find yourselves back in the vast fields of fungi and wild grass. The mountainous slug of Glurb is slogging away not but a hundred feet away. Okay.

About halfway between you and Glurby's spot to Mould, it immediately gives chase for the monumental slug bounding across the fields. We follow. Can I follow? Yeah. Yeah, we'll follow. I feel like we might have unleashed something we should not have unleashed. I feel kind of bad. I don't really want to give up this poor little fella to this phoenix. I mean, I'm hoping that he takes care of the phoenix. Yeah. Well, maybe not.

We'll see. I follow as well. We've got front row seats. As you all close in and approach Glurb, a flock of fowl lines once again appear and begin flying above you all. That's the things that we fought when we got off the ship? Flying cats. Yeah, basically like flying cats. Yeah. Why would they, but we were bringing what they need. They begin trying to grab at Barney as if to lift him up. Why? Is it helping?

They raise you up. I take it. They lift Barney into the air and begin carrying him. Don't cut that. I'll own my mistakes. Own up to it. They lift Barney and begin carrying him up to Glurb. I believe I can fly. Barney!

More circle around Chip and lift him up as well. Do you believe you can touch the sky? I believe I can touch the sky! The fowl lines begin circling you as well, Elga. Okay, take it! They lift you up and begin carrying you following Barney and Chip. The fowl lines don't seem that interested in you, Mateed.

I believe you can fly. I believe you can touch the sky. Mateed attacks the entire time. Mateed majestically ascends into the air in all of their glory. Can I...

somewhat subjective. Who is more majestic, Mateed or the three of us? Can I roll for a performance to see if I'm more majestic? I'm going to make a strong bet that it's Mateed. Just going with the sunset behind them. It's definitely going to be a Mateed because you, Barney, are not flying. You're being carried.

Majestically? I mean, yeah, but Matide powers their own flight. I'm just imagining all the, what are they called? Svats? Cats? Fowlines? Fowlines are just holding me. Not fowlines. The fowlines are just holding me by the tail. I'm like, just me. That's your dad.

Just rear end up. Yeah, Mateed does like circles and figure eights around them being carried. Just to remind people. Mateed, we're just like you for real. I start preparing a tiny hut. No. I'm a little dumb. I'm preparing a tiny hut.

Just in case. You and your tiny huts. They just drop. Tiny hut. What do we do? You all are carried up, and those of you who are being carried by foul lines are tossed into the center of the plurza. Magistically tossed.

Yeah, you reach the wood-planked ramp and follow it into the center of town. You spot the tree-sized translucent mushroom towering over the tent canopy for Hexel's blending ceremony, and it glints in the pale twilight. In fact, it looks somewhat shinier than before. And boom! A scorching sphoenix swoops down and lands atop the tent canopy, crushing it into the ground with a crunch. Oh, wow. Where is the... My patience wears...

Do you not hear and see this giant thing running through the town? Make a perception check. Actually, all of you make a perception check. Yeah, we got carried up. Or you guys got carried up. Mould was running towards the snail. I don't see anything. 15. Six.

18. Ball plus four? Oh, I don't get the plus four. I don't know. Is it still within a minute? No, probably not. 13. So we got a six for Elga, a 15 for Chip, an 18 for Barney, and a 13 for Mateed. Yeah. Elga, a soft breeze sweeps a haze of smoke into your eyes, which makes it really difficult to see.

Matin and Chip, you give the tree-sized mushroom a second look and notice not only that it's shinier than usual, it's also more jagged and glowing with light. Uh-oh. Barney, you look around and see that local Glurbians are inside their smoldering tent homes being guarded by flying, fiery felines. The blob is standing outside their home to the east, flanked by two more fiery beasts. Blob is outside. But the giant mushroom has been turned into a big gem. Mould touched it.

Assuming. Maybe. Does it look like something? It's shiny and jagged. It's shiny and jagged? Yeah. Sphoenix! Oh, Sphoenix. You there? Are you there, Sphoenix? It's me, Chip. It's me, Chip. It just landed on and crushed this tent. It's on its way. Just out of curiosity, what do you plan on doing with this here mold? What I do with the mold is of my concern. You're not...

Nice. I'm just going to put it out there. Get them, Chip. Yeah. Now, with the mold, now we're good friends. And now if you tell us what you need. Who's good friends? Us with the mold. Okay. We're good friends. Now, if you need something from the mold, we'd like to know. We maybe can help, you know, barter and build a relationship. The deal is an iceberg loop.

I feel you've already agreed. Well, and you don't think you're just gonna take the mold and go? I was spared. We did get mold. We found

And he is running around, he was so fast. And we tried to play hide and seek and so he's somewhere. Yeah. So it's maybe up to you to find him now because we don't know where he is. Well, I know where he is. Where? I'm not telling to tell Finks, you be nice. Finks? Finks? Finks? Phoenix. Phoenix? Phoenix. You gotta be nice. Finks? Finks?

Can I look around and see if I can, other than the hut that's been turned all jagged, can I open my senses and kind of just get a vibe for where the mold is? Can he perceive where the mold is? I didn't want to see it because you always get bullied. I said I liked it. Make an investigation check as you investigate your surroundings. Let the record show that I like it when Blaine says that. This is for a microphone, my microphone. Oh, I should have gotten that. Investigation. They were sharing a microphone. It was so beautiful.

16. Your investigation turns up something interesting. It appears that the mold has turned the giant mushroom into a giant gemstone and is eating it from within. What?

Uh, I call to it. Rawr! Mood hungry! Eat dinks! This is the famous mood of Underculture. Eat that! Uh, yeah, you'd think you'd know exactly what you were looking for so desperately, but... You must not be lying. Rawr! Mood, I am your master, and as such, I...

No

and your hats, you require a demonstration of my supremacy. As Phoenix raises its blazing talons and strikes at the bejeweled mold with a Okay, okay, you've had your fun with flames. A skinless gray figure of brawny sinew and green veins steps out from a nearby tent. Stand down, Phoenix. I have my own plans for the mold. Or are you forgetting who's truly in charge of this glib and get-together?

Uh oh. And with that, this phoenix opens the scorching maw and unleashes a tumultuous firestorm that consumes Eddie whole.

What? What happens, Eddie? Merci beaucoup. Do not say what you want to listen to. We're going to have to find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. He's fire resistant. Tune in next week for the next episode and find out what happens. Oh, man.

Oh, man. What do we do? Do we just stand there and watch them? Yeah. It's a show. Until next week. Until next week. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. Thank you. Want to shout out some listeners who signed up over at stinkydragonpod.com slash first. Thank you so much for directly supporting this show. CherryTree31, ExoticWasp94, MysticSmokeMaker, Travioli98,

and MercMonster. Thank you so much. You've done so much directly supporting the show. We hope you're enjoying access to more great content like Second Wind. Please interact with us on our subscriber-only Discord channel and more. Take advantage of all of those perks. Also want to give a thanks to listeners who interact with us on social media and Discord.

and had NPCs named after them in this episode, like Hexel, the blob's offspring, named after AtEggs, the world destroyer on Instagram. Additionally, this phoenix is voiced by Christian Young. Eddie is voiced by Andrew Rosas, at Mr. Andrew Rosas. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger, with additional editing work by David Sanier. Head over to stinkydragonpod.com slash first for all things stinky. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Good evening to all you Ethercaps. Climb your way into the stinky dragon, knock back our latest latte. Tarantualto. Tarantualto. I practiced it a few times earlier today. Tarantulato. Okay.