C02 - Ep. 23 - Gems of Glrrb - The Plunder Of Underglobula
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This is a Rooster Teeth production. Good day to all you deep scion. Swim yourselves into the stinky dragon. Imbibe our latest brew. Hybrid you a do. It's a mixture of trench roast coffee, a bite of bitters, vanilla claw extract, psychic screech sugar,

shape-changing soda and topped with battle-axed orange slices. One pour of this percolation is enough to transfigure out the root of any problem. Previously, our adventurers were winding their way through the subterranean labyrinth of underglobula in search of a mysterious mold.

After some twisting turns, treacherous traps, and other tumultuous troubles, they now find their new friend Hexel in need of help from a cubicular conundrum. Pour yourself a potation, let's proceed with this pungent potboiler. Hello everyone, welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon, my name is Gustavo Sorolla, I'm the dungeon master of our putrid party, I'm gonna hit our four players with an arrow!

Yeah, there we go. Normally someone says Al. I was waiting for Barbara. I send it back with my special powers of monkness. And I'm in charge now. Hi, everybody. Matisse here, the DM of Grotem. Now I can be a player.

This week's role-playing warm-up question is, describe your character's current relationship with the character that is alphabetically after you. So Barney, describe your relationship with Chip. Chip to Elga, Elga to Mateed, and then Mateed back around to Barney.

What about Jacques? You can reply as Jacques if you want. Who would Jacques go with? Okay, so it'd be Elga's relationship to Jacques. No, we don't have to do that. So yeah, go ahead and kick us off. Barney, if that's okay with you. I'm Chris Damaris and I play Barney Farney, who is a human cleric. Barney Farney. Barney. Barney. Barney.

I think Chip is a good young man, and he's got a lot of Chip kick to his steps. Kick? Kick to his steps. What's Barney's relationship to Chip? That's a description of Chip. What's Barney's relationship to him? His relationship? Relationship? I like Chip. You know, I like him. I think of him like a...

You know, like a nephew. The nephew I never had. Or maybe I did have. I don't remember. Someone I can be nice to in small instances, but don't have to be around all the time. Get them nice gifts once a year. I think he takes care of me more than I take care of him. So I don't think it'd be fair to say he's like my son. There you go. So I guess I'm a crazy uncle. I think that's your relationship to all of us, to be fair.

All right, I'll go. Hey, been a bit. Who am I? Blaine Gibson. Hey there, Chipainy, also known as Blaine Gibson. I went in reverse order on that. Question mark. I'm Ron Burgundy. I'm a male tiefling rogue level five. Are we still level fives?

I like that you threw in mail. That's a new one. That's what it says on the list. I mean, that's how I remember it. I didn't just read that. But it's like you do it for the first time every week. Listen, okay, this one's legitimate, though, because we haven't recorded with these characters in like a month. It's true. It's been a hot second. Oh! Oh, Elga! Oh, where do I even start? At the beginning!

Oh goodness. She's like a, like a daughter to me, but you know how sometimes you get those dogs and you look into their eyes and it's like, wow, you've lived like hundreds, thousands of years. You, you might be a human trapped in the soul of a dog. I see that Nelga. So I, as much as I want to say, she's like a daughter to me. I feel like she's actually like, like a grandmama, like a Grammy. So I don't know. Oh,

All I know is I sure do like that, Elga. Oh, gee. That's a lot to write on a birthday card. It's just four lines of, oh. It's like a dog that's had lived a thousand lives.

Why couldn't it have been like a child that had like old soul eyes? Why was it a dog? Have you seen a child that has old soul eyes? Because if so, that's creepy as heck. Yeah. But I guess I'm just, I guess I just thought it was like, he would like a daughter to me, but no, when you have a dog, she's like my daughter, dog grandma. Yeah. Dog that likes to bite everyone with no explanation. Drink their blood. Yeah. Classic dog things.

Okay, thank you. Well, that's very sweet. She's also like a chihuahua that likes to bite you, but you still love her so much. For my form of the beast, can I turn into a chihuahua? Sure. Elga just starts shivering. Oh. Oh, hello. My name is Elga Von Brass. I'm Barbara Dunkelman, who plays Elga, and she's a half-elf vampire barbarian.

And, you know, Matide, I would say, is still very mysterious. And, you know, you can't spell mysterious without Matide. But, you know, it's kind of like when you have one of those neighbors who you don't know very well

But like they're really sweet and they like make sometimes goodies for the other neighbors, but they don't really talk a lot. So it's like you like them, but you're still wary of them. But you want to be friends with them, but you don't know if they want to be friends with you. And so you just kind of like do your thing together.

That's Matide. Okay. Hi, I'm John Reisinger. I play Mati Conficius, who's an air cochrane ghost monk. And Matide's relationship with Barney...

He's complicated. Um, Matide is interested and intrigued by Barney, but, um, Matide doesn't trust people very easily. And Barney is very mysterious. Barney is not very specific about his past. What is, what is there? And so Matide is not sure whether or not to, uh, trust this, uh,

oddly, wildly athletic man who can jump out of windows. It's still something that rings in Matisse's memory, that moment of watching a geriatric man with a walker leap out of a college window.

So yeah, it's just apprehension because of the mystery behind those eyes, those old eyes. Like when you see a dog that has the old eyes. That is what Matee thinks when Matee looks at bunnies. That is an old dog. Is that his leg on the floor? What's that on the...

I mean, Matisse, pretty sure Matisse might be the oldest one of the group. And so Matisse doesn't actually see Barney as like an elder to Matisse. Interesting. That's interesting. That makes sense. Well,

I was going to say, I imagine all this in front of a family therapist. Like we're all saying these things and someone's like, oh yeah. 100% in family, in group therapy, Mateed would be just blunt and just would say the truth and the honest. Dog that's lived a thousand years. I see. Needs to be put down. Yeah, that is interesting about the age dynamic. Even though

Barney is the old man. Mateed and Elga might both be older. I don't know that. I think Chip's probably the youngest. I'm the baby of the group. The baby. Where's my wife? It's just interesting. I'd never thought about the specifics of that age dynamic just because Barney's the only one who appears to have aged. Anyway, that's it for the arrow question. If you all remember, you collapsed into a square stone room with a raised stone catwalk skirting the perimeter above you.

To the north and south were two doors, and on the catwalk above you, you found a third exit. Unfortunately, while speaking with and striking on four stone statues at the corners, Elga became trapped inside a transparent gelatinous cube, and though she managed to find freedom, Barney succumbed to the slime's insides instead.

And as if that weren't enough, while your backs were turned, yet another gelatinous cube revealed itself and engulfed your companion, Hexel. We were in the thick of it, so we're just going to jump right back in. Elga, it was actually your turn. You are the one who is up. Oh my God. After is Barney.

Real quick, could we go ahead and just check the box for taking a long rest since we've been in this cave for four weeks? You've been like in suspended animation. It's not actually restful. You've been like frozen. It's like when you're playing a video game and you pause it and you go do like run an errand for a month and then you come back. You're like, oh, right. I was in the middle of something.

Like in the middle of combat. Yeah, if you could remind me like where I am in relation to Barney and Hexel. Yeah, you were near the, I think all of you actually were pretty much for the most part up near the northern part of the room engaged with a gelatinous cube. The one that you were aware of initially. Hexel and the other gelatinous cube are on the southern end of the room by the southern door. So that's pretty much how it's laid out. So the one in front of us in the north is like, that's taken damage. Yeah, you all have done a bit of damage to that one.

Okay, I'm going to try to just destroy that one so it doesn't keep creeping up on us. I'm going to use my great axe of gaining to give it a little slicey slice. Cut this into little jello cubes. It slices. It dices. What else does it do? There's always room for gelatinous cube. Elga, be careful with the slashing damage. We're not sure if the cubes were split into asia cubes.

be so cute like little baby jello cups just like moving around on the floor and then we could just squish them with our feet now matine would you want to fight 130 foot gelatinous cube or 31 foot cubes

I think Mateed would rather fight the tiny ones because Mateed would do unarmed kicks to all of them and just stopping them all out. Yeah, a little area of attack as well would work. Okay, I'm going to do my great acts of gaining. Get those gains, Elga. 15, does that hit? Yeah, that does hit. Nice. Excellent. They have low AC. Doing...

17 points of damage. All right. 17 points of slashing damage. Elga unleashes her great acts of gaining and puts some serious slashes into the gelatinous cube, which is starting to look a little ragged. It does also a plus two because I'm raging. So that would be 19 points. Yeah, the cube is worse for wear, but is still quivering with delight as it slowly digests Barney Farney. Well, that's the one on the south though, right? No, Barney's in the one in front of you. Hexel's in the one in the south of you. Got it.

Gotcha. Correct. Okay, well, I'm going to slash it again because I got two attacks. You have two attacks. Boo. I missed that. That is a 26. That does hit. And then I will do... That would be 11 points of damage with my rage. That's Elgo's new catchphrase. It's classic.

You hit it again. It looks like the gelatinous cube has a tentative hold on its strange life, but it is still alive. Okay. This thing's got a fair amount of health. Yeah. Because it took damage from Chip, it took damage from Barney, it took damage from me, and now Elga.

The trade-off is it has pretty terrible armor class. And Gus, again, is not telling us if any of these are resisted. Oh, yeah. When we first started fighting it, I bet it was, like, pristine jello, like, transparent and beautiful. And now it's like when you go to, like, CC's Pizza and then you, like, get one of those little sticky things and you've been hitting things with it all day and it's got

hair. Oh, like out of the gachapon? Like a little sticky hand? Yeah. Disgusting. Smells. No one wants to touch it. Do they smell? I wish I did this before. No, I'll hold on this. Okay. Sorry. I have a spell as a bonus action that I could have used to do some extra damage on it before I attacked, but I have Hunter's Mark. Oh, yeah. Next time. Alright, so that is my turn. Yes. Okay, that's it for Elga. Barney, you're up. Then Gelatinous Cube and then Mateed.

Barney, you're in the cube. You take acid damage. Okay. Can I do anything in the cube? Like, how does it work? After you take your acid damage. Okay. You can take damage. Oh, 25 points of acid damage on Barney. You got almost like perfect score on that. Oh, my God. I'm a high achiever. I'm out. That was fun. Oh, no.

Oh, you'll digest even better now that you're not wriggling in there. Sorry, I didn't... I should have taken you out. I thought I would be able to take this thing down. Barney goes limp. It's hard to tell, but he's floating in suspended animation inside of the gelatinous cube. Now, Barney, this might hurt, but think of the wonders for your skin. It's got exfoliating qualities, I'm sure. You're going to look clean as a whistle when you get out of there. I think he is unconscious in there. Jeep.

He might be dead, guys!

I don't know how this works. If I take poison damage at my turn, do I still get it? Do I do a death save? At the top of the turn? Yeah. Well, it's acid damage right at the top. And yeah, you asked about your death save? Yeah, do I do one or I wait for the next round? So it's when your character hits zero, they become unconscious, and that's when they begin making death saving throws. So you would make one right now. So that answers your question of what you can do, Chris. You can do a death save roll. Yep.

- 11. - Hey, that's good. - Yep. - Okay, that's it for Barney. It's time for the other gelatinous cube. He's pretty happy digesting Hexol. Let's roll some damage for that. - Oh, it's that one. - One on the south. - How far is it from like the closest member of our party? - 21. - We're all like between these two things. - It's about 40 feet away. - Okay.

The room is pretty big. They're pretty much on the other end. Yeah, on the other end of the room. To total, the room might be between 50 and 60 wide. So it's about 40 feet to the other side. And you just did 21 damages. Damages. Damage to Hexel.

Yeah. Are they still okay? Hexel's still moving, unlike Barney. Oh, I guess Hexel can try to make a save to get out of there. Oh, wait. It's the gelatinous cube's turn. It's not Hexel's turn. I'm getting ahead of myself. Mateed, it's your turn. Okay. After Mateed is Chip. Yahoo. Oh, Chip off the old block. Mateed's going to gamble that...

The cube that has Barney in it is close enough that Mateed could probably finish it off and then pull the cleric out. Try it.

He seems comfortable and fine in there while he does his death rolls. He doesn't seem to be struggling. Yeah, he's got all the time in the world to roll his little dice. Yeah, because pulling him out right now would be like what? Just pulling out just an unconscious body. He's got a couple more death save throws. Matide's very pragmatic. These are all things that goes in Matide's mind. Just trying to think of what they should do. He's just nodding. Yeah. Okay. Poor little guy. Poor little barmy.

We'll get you out there, little boy. I'm an old man. I can do two actions, two attacks per action. I get my one action. So I'm going to use my bonus action and I'm going to cast Arms of the Astral Self, which starts off with an AOE attack to anything within my sight that I choose. Within 10 feet, sorry, within 10 feet, which I am right by the cube.

because that was where I ended my last turn. So that starts off with 2d6 force damage on a deck saving throw. So DC 14 deck saving throw from the cube, please, Gustavo Sorolla. All right. FYI, whenever you use arms to the astral self, I picture like those gifts people make where they add like little stick arms to things that don't have arms. And it's like, hey, like going around like jazz hands and stuff.

That's what I always think in my mind. I thought it was cool when I added it to Mateed's, because it's like one of the paths you can take with a monk. And I think of it more like multiple wings. But that's just how I envisioned it. No, I envision it the same exact way that you did, Gus. Like to a T. When people just draw on the arms to like birds and stuff like that. Yeah.

I was thinking more like Angemon from Digimon. I'm sorry, what was the save that you asked me for? 14, deck saving throw. 14 decks. You'll be shocked to know the gelatinous cube has a negative four on its dexterity, so it needs an 18 or better in order to make this save. It'd be really cool if this damage could just end it and then I could do a lot of other...

Nice. Cool. Still a good roll, though, but... Still a good roll. If not, if it had a negative four. Yeah, I rolled two ones. It was two points of damage. Not quite enough. So it really was stick figures then. Yeah. Yeah.

I always imagine like in like Bollywood where they're doing like the multiple arms and then, you know, all that cool stuff. Oh, yeah. That'd be cool. Yeah. Okay. Then I'll go ahead and do a attack on this gelatinous cube with I think my spear of the superior baker is what I want to do. Okay. And I want to make sure not to pierce the little man inside of it. I mean, it's already down. What's worse that could happen?

You can do damage to them. So that's a, I'm going to roll for attack. That's a 22. That hits. That's 12 points of damage, piercing damage. Yeah, the cube shudders and shivers a little bit and then seems to lose its form and melt away into the ground. Oh. Leaving Arnie, resting him gently onto the stone floor. He's like a fresh baby just covered in placenta. I'm just imagining him.

Her little baby Bernie. You know like Han Solo coming out of the Carbonite? Uh-huh. Like that, but dead. Yeah. No breathing. It's funny. Everyone thinks of something different. I was thinking of Neo coming out of the pod in the Matrix. I was thinking about Neo coming out of the pod too. Me and Gus, same wavelength today. Slippery. And for some reason, nude. And Barney lost his clothes in there. The acid ate away his clothes. Yeah.

Except he somehow still has his briefs on, his tight whities. Which Barney wears tight whities, chaotically. Oh, absolutely. Okay, so Barney's good. Well, relatively. He's fine. So I'm going to turn my attention to the other cube and fly towards that cube. And I have another attack in my action. So I'll go ahead and do...

I guess it's that spear again. I stab it with an attack roll of 24. That hits. 13 points of piercing damage. 13 is the first bit of damage on this cube. Your spear pierces it. It's not as effective as the other one. It doesn't kill this one, but it does seem to hurt it a bit. Okay. And then...

I think that's everything I do because I did my bonus action, did my action, did my movement, and I blow a cheeky little kiss at the gelatinous cube. Oh! Did it blush? Two sides of it just become little red splotches. Nani? Nani? I don't know if a bird can blow a kiss because they can't make a kissing sound. It just clicks. Ah!

Gelatinous cubes are what Kawaii does. That's what Mateed does. Mateed does more like a drag queen click, like a, you know. And winks. The cube replies, ooh-ooh. Ooh-ooh.

Okay, I'm done. All right, that's it for Mateed. Back up to the top. Chip, who will be followed by Hexel. Hey there, Chip Haney here. What's my distance from the cube and what's my distance from Barney? You're pretty close to Barney. You all were, you know, pretty much right up on it. I'll say Barney's five feet away from where you are. Okay. And the other, you know, this cube at the northern end has been vanquished. The other one down to the south is probably about 40 feet away.

Okay, I run 10 feet away from Barney, away from the cube, and then I sprint 15 feet towards Barney so that I can slide in like a dude in a baseball game.

And I say, "Bernie, Bernie, stay with me!" "It's not your time to go!" And then I, um... Just for my mental picture, do you do like a leg first slide or like a head first slide? A leg first slide. Okay. Yeah, it's very cool, very dramatic. And I take a potion of healing out of my bum bag and I take the cork, I spit it out, and then I put it in my mouth.

And then I put it in his mouth and say, I'm going to bring you back to life. Do you baby bird it? Yeah. Are you baby birding him? Mateed, are you familiar with this? You said that with the potion in your mouth. I want you to take a gulp of water and then say the same, deliver the line with that liquid in your mouth. Here he goes. Oh, that's a lot.

That's where Blurble Grumble came from. He just spit water everywhere. He just spit all over himself. It's very cold up here, too. Oh, that's great. That's great. So I baby bird the potion into Barney's mouth hole. Okay. Oh, you're so slippery. You're so slimy. I can hardly keep my hands on you, my baby boy. All right. Go ahead and roll for that healing potion.

Barney, I guess. Okay. I do want to call back. Remember when we were talking about kind of our rule that we were thinking where if it's an action, they get the full effects of the health potion. Oh, yeah, yeah. Is that still a play? You want to do that? If that's cool with you. Oh, yeah. Because that'd be 2d4 plus 2, so that'd be 10. 10, yeah. So then you get 10 points of health back, Barney.

Where am I? I slapped his face a couple times. You're with me, Barney. It's your nephew, Chipaney. Why are we slowly sliding down the floor? You fell into a giant jello, just like Thanksgiving.

And then, I mean, that was my action. And I did a lot of movement already to do the dramatic entrance. Yeah, 25 feet of movement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got five feet to go. Oh. Right? Don't you have 30 feet? You have 30. Yeah, you have five more. Then I move two feet and then I slide back three feet again just to make sure we're all rounded out. That just looks like you slip. Yeah.

There is goo everywhere. Okay, so then outside of that, what's that stinking thing that I got there? You got a bonus action? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it? I'm working on it. It's...

Cunning action. You can take a bonus action on each of your turns to take the dash, disengage your hide action. So I'm going to hide. You can dash towards the other cube. What am I going to do? I'm going to dash out to it just to get swallowed myself? Sure, I guess. Sorry, that was very aggro. Thank you for your input, Matin. No, you do rogue things. You go hide. All right, I'm going to go hide. In this open arena we're in?

Can I hide? Yeah, I mean, you can always try to hide. It's your ability. You're a rogue. He's hiding behind the unmoving body of Barney at this point. I like the keyword there is you can try. You can always try. It's always a matter of what the role is. All right, so yeah, I'm going to hide. What if it's just Chip gathering up a bunch of like the gel from the dead one and just covers himself in it and now he looks like he's one of them. Camouflage. 14 points of acid damage.

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All right. Is that it for Chip? That's it for Chip. Good job, Chip. Oh, yeah. Oh, did Chip get medical training while he was a volunteer firefighter? Is that why he was so good at that? Oh, of course. You want to talk about my time at the volunteer fire brigade? I can spin you a yarn about it. It's one of my favorite things.

I also like how he was probably like a little, like a softball league, little league, whatever it's called. Yeah. Oh, did you know? Coach or player? Yeah, volunteer. Or both? Call him A, call him B.

That's my turn. All right. It's Hexel's turn. This time, Hexel is going to try to make that strength check. Get out of there. This should be pretty easy. Hexel needs a four or better. Don't roll a one, Hexel. 14. Good job. Yeah, Hexel is able to burst free from the gelatinous cube that's engulfing it currently. Then what are they going to do? Hexel got any attacks? Yeah.

Yeah, Hexel's got some stuff. Okay, Hexel seems to be, you know, vibrating and quivering a bit. And then it seems like Hexel reshapes itself and now looks also like it's taken on the form of Elga. Oh, that's fun. Wait a minute. But it's called Jelga. Jelga. You know, I do have a twin sister, so this is my twin sister.

Hexel also kind of moves a bit just to be out of attack range from the Gelatinous Cube. That was a cool trick. That was cool. I like Gelga. Welcome. It is now Elga's turn. I like the idea that it's just like the same size and shape as me. It's Gel with like a blonde wig on and like googly eyes that are just like swooping down. It's all stuff it found in the Gelatinous Cube. Like the remnants. It's not a wig. It's like someone's scalp. Like a previous victim's scalp in here. Gross.

So, Elga, it's your turn after Elga is Barney. Just FYI, Elga, because Jelga is there, the gelatinous cube will have difficulty attacking you. So, Jelga's, like, protecting me almost? Kind of like a distraction. Like, it's confusing. What do I do? You can attack it. Now that Jelga's there, does it also take on Jelga's voice qualities, you know? Ha ha ha!

- Ooh, I'm a little girl and I'm by the gelatinous cube. - Which one do I hug? - So I don't wanna attack Jelga because... - Well, Jelga's on your side. Jelga's Hexel just reformed. - Just reformed. Wow, that's so weird. Okay.

And how close am I to the cube now? You were still pretty much right up on it because you attacked. Oh, wait, did you attack it? No, you didn't. Mateed attacked it last time. I attacked the one in front of us. Yeah, you're up at the northern end of the room still. So you're about 40 feet away or so. Okay, well, first I'm going to cast Hunter's Mark as a bonus action. Oh!

And I'm going to choose that big old gelatinous cube. Smart. So for this, it's you choose a creature. You could see, is this considered a creature? Yeah. I imagine so. Okay. And then until the spell ends, you deal an extra 1d6 of damage to the target whenever you hit it with a weapon attack. But I have advantage on any wisdom or perception or wisdom survival check you make to find it as well. Okay. So cashed Hunter's Mark. First time casting that spell ever. Woo!

You're a wizard, Elka. I'm a wizard.

And then I would like to run up closer to it. My walking speed is 40, so I want to get, like, you know, five feet away from it. Melee range. Melee range. And then I would like to use, once again, my great axe of gaining to slash at it. Okay. 12. That hits. These things have terrible AC. Excellent. Okay. And that does... Oh, my God. 12.

- Technically nine points of damage with my rage. - Nine points of damage. - Rolled a one on damage. - But it's plus six, so it's seven, and then plus two for my rage is nine. And then for my hunter's mark, I do an extra d6. That's a six.

So it would be a total 15 points of damage. All right. That's a pretty good amount of damage. And I know just FYI, some listeners who are D&D players may know that barbarians cannot cast spells while they're raging. But Elgus Hunter's mark is a paranormal power that is part of her being a vampire. So it is okay. It's not casting a spell. It's a paranormal power, which is kind of like a little homebrew thing that we got going on. I was wondering what that paranormal powers meant under it. I was like, it feels like it's not...

Typical D&D. Okay. And then I want to attack again for my second attack. With that axe again, serving me so well. Doing a little slash nat 20. Oof. That's.

Critical hit. Yep. Go ahead and roll your damage. Whatever the second die is that if it shows two die, whatever the second die is. Yep. We'll just say is a 12. Okay. So it'd be one plus 12 plus six, 13, 19 plus two, 21. And then plus another D6 for Hunter's Mark. So it would be another four.

So 25 points of damage. Correct. That's not a bad little round. That's a lot of damage.

You'll get away from Jelga! Elga looks like she went to culinary school with those slashing skills, but the gelatinous cube is still up. It is pretty damaged after Elga's fearsome attacks, but it is still oozing around. A gelatinous cube with like little bandages on it. I don't feel so good. You know, when you're in culinary school and you're cutting Jell-O. Yeah, that's like the first lesson they teach you. Yeah.

Boil water and cut jello. Yeah. Make thin slices. That's my turn. All right. That's it for Elga, which means it's Barney's turn. Then the cube, then Mateed. Okay. How far away am I from that cube? About 40 feet. All right.

Well, that's good. I'll cast... Okay. No, no, I just want to make sure I was far away from it. Barney's a little scared of it. Oh, gotcha. Barney's going to cast Guiding Bolt. Level one like last time? Yeah. That's a crit for 30.

All right, yeah, that hits. Do spells crit like that? Does it change the damage? Let's see how it rolls this damage when you hit it. I'm curious to see what it does. That's 35 damage. Oh, my God. Well, it's going to be more than that because it made you roll twice, so some of those we're going to say are max. I don't know if I've ever dealt with this before. You sure that was a level one guiding bolt? It said crit when I rolled.

Yeah, it critted. So normally it's 4d6 for Guiding Bolt, but it threw 8 in there. I was seeing 8d6. I'm like, that is not a level one spell. Yeah, it's because it doubled the amount of dice. Yeah. God. I'm imagining Barney still prone and covered in like goo. And he just raises a finger like an uncle having you pull his finger. Yeah.

Nuked it from orbit. Yeah, Barney lifts a weary finger pointing at the gelatinous cube on the other side of the room and a guiding bolt that seems way bigger than normal, way faster than normal, shoots out straight to the cube and explodes it into many, many little chunks, spraying all over Elga and Jelga. You all got slimed. Blech!

Barney just did a Kamehame shot on this guy. But it's also like I loosened the can. Yeah, yeah. And then he just kind of popped it open. Your two slashes actually formed an X.

And he shot at that X, the target. The finishing move, yeah. Yeah, the cube explodes, and you all are safe from any gelatinous cube. You have vanquished both of them. Oh, we're done with the cave. Good job, everybody. Just kidding. We've only got two right paths. We need five. Oh, shoot. Yeah, that's right. That was just...

combat from a monster card. Yeah, just go ahead and shake it all off. You all are ready to continue your search for the mold of Underglobula. Does anyone perhaps have anything to bring this cleric to maybe a more formidable health level? I can do that. Uh,

I'm not very healy. Yeah, I'm, as a monk, there ain't nothing in my, I break things. I don't build them back up. I think Barney is our healer. So, since you all successfully vanquished the gelatinous cubes, you all can take one short rest and you earn one right path card. So you are actually a little closer to finding your right path. Oh yeah, we're still going through this place. Lovely.

All right. I'll take a short rest. Well, I have a temp HP, but I wonder if there's something that refills when I take a short rest. For a rogue? Yeah. Lucky. Is cunning action reset with the short rest? I don't think cunning action has, you know, lose cunning actions. Yeah, you can do that like every turn. Unlimited cunning? That's

That's right. Gang, I'm gonna opt out of this here short rest, but while you guys take a seat and rest your bones, I'm gonna show you my break dance routine. Ooh. Ah. Make a performance check. There it goes. Mateed's actually watching. Mateed doesn't actually sleep. Oh, yeah.

That's a nine. Oh, yeah. Mateed is doing the very much like just the nodding and eyebrows raised up like, yes. Some people might call that dancing. Yes. Here we go. All right. Now kick it. You, Mateed. It's more like broken dancing. Am I right? I'm not going to laugh at that. That's rude. All right. So.

So just a reminder sake, this room that you all were in with the gelatinous cupidices, I assume, where you take your short rest, had two doors, one to the north or on the lower level where you are, one door to the north, one door to the south. And I believe Matit had flown up to the catwalk and you had seen another third exit up there to the north as well. Yeah, because we fell, right? Correct. Correct.

Yeah. Should we take one of these doors or should we go up to the catwalk and take that door? Oh, well, how hard is it going to be to get all of us up to that tall door? How high up is it? Yeah. I mean, like you're the only one that can fly. So unless you're going to shuttle us back and forth. What? You guys cannot fly? I thought everybody could fly. No, actually. Why didn't you learn how to fly? That seems like a very helpful skill for you to have. Well, see, I learned how to sneak.

And that's where I put all my die in. You'd learned how to get lower to the ground, not higher off the ground. Let me try something. Not quite yet, Elga. No. You grow some hair in your ears.

It's like I'm slowly hitting puberty. Yeah. Not yet. The cat walks about 30 feet up above the ground floor. Yeah, I could get each of you upstairs. That's the way we want to go. Yeah, like just carrying us each one by one type thing. Yeah. Me first. Me first.

Chip reaches up. Elga pushes Chip away. Apparently we are going that way. So yeah, Mateed does a little bit of a taxi service of taking everybody up to the catwalk. You all are able to get up to the top and exit to the northern passage. Why not? All right, Chip, you are the one who drew the last card.

Which means after you, it is Elga's turn to draw a card. You have center and right. And what are the... Available to you currently, you have careful consideration and boost morale. And one of those is charisma and the other one is dex? Morale is charisma? Careful consideration is wisdom and boost morale is charisma. Um...

I love that confidence. I'll do the, I'll boost morale. You know, Elga's feeling really good after beating those Jellos. And so, you know, I think team, we're feeling better than ever. Am I right? Yeah. Am I right, Barney? Start breaking dance. Am I right, Matid? Matid gives a little pat on Elga's head. Okay, that

I like to think that I gotta wait to see how your roll goes and then that would determine the reaction. Yeah, so after exiting the cave, you all, you know, came across what appeared to be an unfinished junction, but you carve your way through the miry cave wall, making your way closer and closer to the destination. Elga begins cheering everyone on, making her charisma check.

Matine is very excited. Matine just pass, pass, pass, pass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big like wings going everywhere and everything like that. Helga's like a basketball. So

So boost morale allows you to remove a dead end card in the crossroads from the game. You draw a new card from the deck and place it face down in the crossroads. Is there a dead end in the river? There was one in there. It has been removed. So you have three options available to you, Alga. Left, center, or right. Let's go center. Because you guys sent her to pick a card.

Yeah, you go center through the cave system. And as you're walking along, you find a set of bone dice on the ground. Bone dice? Yeah, like dice made out of bones. Pick them up and roll them? Yeah. Let's say it's two six-sided dice. Okay, so it's two d6s? Yeah. You playing craps, Olga? I'm playing some. I rolled a one and a four. Yeah, the point is set at five.

What is that? I have a lot of like craps. Did a voice just like echo through the caves like that? Yeah. It's a craps joke. It's a gambling joke. Yep. Okay. They just appear to be. I'm going to put on the pass line. Hey, there you go. They appear to be just dice made out of knuckle bones. Okay. Could I like investigate them for like any sort of magic or something or? Sure. If you have that ability or you can just make like an arcana check. I'll do an arcana check.

They don't seem to be any kind of magic device you're aware of. They do seem, however, to be finely made bone dice. Could I pocket them? Yeah. All right.

Elka's got dice? No way those are haunted. Yeah. They're not totally not cursed dice. Could I show them to my party members? And be like, do you guys like these? Do you think we should take them with us? Or do... I don't know what they do, but maybe if we want to play a little game while we're bored traveling, we could play something. I don't know if there's any relation, but those are cubes. And there's two of them. And we just fought two big cubes.

I'm so proud of you, Chip. You know your shapes. That's wonderful. You are progressing quite well, my friend. Did you know he could do that, Elka? I did not know he did that. I'm very proud of you, Chip, you know? You learned, you know what the ball is. Now you know what the cube is. I go south to that door we just went up to to just walk off the cliff.

Is there anything else in this room other than these bone dice? No, that's it. From a metagame perspective, Barbara, that was a treasure card you turned over. So you got treasure. Okay, so I do pocket them. All right, that's it for Elga. Barney, you are up after Barney is Matide. Only one check left? Correct. You did boost morale, so all that's left is careful consideration, which is wisdom. Mm-hmm.

Careful consideration reveals two cards in the crossroads and you can choose one. Okay. So I rolled a 17. 17. Barney, despite his bumbling exterior, does actually have some wisdom here. I'm a goo-it. You're what? Mr. Magoo-it. I'm a goo-it. Yeah. Oh. I'm fluent in Chris. Oh, they said I'm a goo-it.

That's what I heard. Like you know goo really well? Or maybe like, maybe, what's his name? That one detective. Columbo? Columbo! I Columbo it. Again, I'm fluent in Chris. I thought I was. Wow. Because of your careful consideration, the wisdom you bring to the party, you're able to know that going left leads to treasure.

And going right is the right path. Oh, both seem good. Selfishness or progression? Well, I mean, we would end up doing both of them, right? Do they stay or reset after this? Reset. Oh. And then he says, eh, treasure. What do y'all think? Should we get some treasure? I mean, we do have a right path right there, right? Which we need.

Well, yeah. We need five of them. Perhaps the treasure was our time all along. Okay.

How many red paths do we have now? Three or four? I can be very clear. This is where Chris has a hard time making decisions because this is where Chris conflicts with character. Character should be that Barney would make an altruistic choice. Chris is a hoarder in video games and a hoarder in any of this stuff. And he's just like, I see shiny. Can I get shiny? I want shiny. It's always, it's like that gambling thing of like, well, what could we win?

Barbara just got a pair of dice. I got a pair of dice. Greatest stuff ever. I'm thinking, and this might be metagaming too much, I'm thinking these dice might be like a bonus I could add to a roll potentially down the line. Or they're like valuable. Yeah, which, you know, it's pretty good, but also we need five right paths.

So, yeah. Okay. Well, we'll just go to the right path if they reset. We just walked past Fantasy Lottery. Like, it's like, it was like all the money we could possibly imagine. All right. Well, let's keep going. All right. Barney, you spot two gemstone statues pointing down a corridor and you follow the path and discover another constellation carved into the cave ceiling. You feel like you're almost there.

We're almost there. All right. After Barney is Matide. What's my three checks now? And the river is fully reset too. So this is like fresh, fresh, fresh. Yeah. Don't talk about fresh. Look at these dance moves. Ah, kick it. Here we go. I'm going to roll for performance play. Performance. That's a, that's an eight. That's worse than last time. A wicket, wicket.

You have available to you Scout Ahead, which is Dexterity, Careful Consideration, which is Wisdom, and Boost Morale, which is Charisma. Scout Ahead does what? Scout Ahead reveals the top card of the deck in addition to a card in the Crossroads, and you choose one. Okay, I do that. I have good Dexterity.

And I roll, I do not have good dex debt. I roll an 11. You do your best to try to figure out and divine what the best path is, but you just can't quite seem to make sense of it. Ah, well. Ah, well. Better luck next time. I can still just pull a card. Yeah. You have a left center and right.

Let's go right. You head to the right and you hear a low rumbling that reverberates off of the wall and the ground shakes and vibrates. Suddenly rocks start falling from the ceiling of the cavern. It's a cave in. Oh no. Everyone needs to make a dexterity save. It's a trap card. It is a trap card. I rolled a nine. Nineteen. Fourteen. Seven. Those are not good rolls. Well, 19 and 14 for Chip and Mateed. That was pretty good. I was limbered up from all the dancing.

Kick it! Mike, I hope you put music every time I say kick it. Elga and Barney take some damage as rocks fall from the ceiling and hit them in the head. They take two points of bludgeoning damage. Ouchies. The passage collapses in a heap and blocks the path before you. Hmm.

Don't worry, everybody. I've diffused this trap card for you now. We can look at these other two directions next turn. Thank you for your sacrifice.

All right, that's it for Matide, which means it is Chip's turn. Chip, are you going to be able to do the impossible? Are you going to be able to find the correct route? 100% have total confidence that I am about to find the right path card. What are my options? You have careful consideration, which is wisdom, and boost morale, which is charisma, both available to you. Oh, how's that wisdom looking? It is not good. Uh,

But doesn't the Moose Morale just remove a dead end or something? Yeah. Yes. So not useful either way. Yeah. The Charisma one's not useful. I'll go for the careful consideration. What's your modifier for wisdom? Minus one. Minus one? Oh, okay. Yeah.

Big roll! Big roll! Keg it! That's a 20! 19! Yeah! Well, careful consideration allows you to reveal two cards in the crossroads this turn and choose one. So there's two available to look at, right? Or does the trap reset? The trap card stays in the river. So left and center is available for Chip to look at. Correct.

Let's look. You weigh the options in front of you, and you know that going to the left is a dead end, but going center is a trap. Oh. So then if I go to the dead end, it just resets and we'll... Yeah. Okay. In universe, how do I tell this to the team? I think in chip, it would just be full confidence. This way, guys, and just straight to a dead end. Follow me, gang. Put some pep in your step, and I power walk into a wall. I trust you, Chitto.

ends of the earth. You'll never lead us in the wrong direction, ever. Never, ever, Elga. You can count on that. You can put money down on that. Well, I'd rather not.

Okay, we follow him, I guess, right? Yep. You follow him. Rather than a wall that he walks into, you walk through the passage and end up on a cliff with a very wide river down far below. Impossible to pass on this side. It is, unfortunately, a dead end. Do we see anything down in the river or anything like that or, like, any visuals? It's too dark to really see at that far. You can barely make out a very wide river with...

various glints of light off of gemstones embedded in the walls. Chip would have run ahead to lead the group and then he would have used hide to make the group think that I fell off the cliff. That's good. And then I pop back up and I say, oh, I'm goofing. Psych. You thought I was dead. I am not. Gotcha. Gotcha.

All right. That's it for Chip's turn, which means it's Hexel's turn. Hexel's going to try to help someone. Could he? Oh, okay. I was like, Hexel doesn't pick a card, I don't think, right? Hexel's been just buffing someone. Buffing. Correct. Hexel will buff. Oh, Elka. Hexel will buff. Woo!

So you will get advantage on your next action. On my next action. Yeah. And oddly enough, you are next. It is Elga who is next to go. And then after Elga is Barney. Everything's coming up, Elga. I miss Jelga. I think she might still be Jelga. Me too. No, no, no. Hexel is back to their normal form. So then all you have available to you, Elga, is boost morale. Well, guess what, team?

Is there any benefit from a successful boost your morale at this point? So the rest of the river resets, but that dead end card does stay there and boost morale does remove a dead end card in the crossroads from the game. Nice. And that's charisma, right? Correct. Charisma. Ooh. My throat is so sore from all the cheering I've been doing.

So, is it four? Unfortunately, you're a little too worn out. Your enthusiasm is not infectious. Unfortunately. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh.

Uh, Chip. Nobody seems to be roused. So the path in front of you to the left is the dead end and center and right are both available. Okay. I'll do right this time. Oh, wait. Don't I have advantage on that check that I did? Oh, yeah. You could have advantage on that. That's right. If you want to do that, you're welcome to. Okay. Yeah. Let's do that again. I'll just roll again.

Oh, 20. Wow. You start talking, your voice cracks, and you think you're going to lose everyone. But, yeah, you clear your throat and pull it together. And you do indeed manage to lift everyone's spirit. E. E. Give me an L. L. Give me another L, which some people. L. Because some people forget it's in your name. There you go, my dear. All right. Now, G-A, like Georgia. Georgia.

Like the mythical land of Georgia. El Georgia. Georgia.

All right, team of brainiacs. You actually have two dead ends in front of you, the left, the center, and then the right is not visible. So you can remove either the left or the center dead end. I guess I'll remove the center dead end? Remove the center dead end and replace it with a new card,

from the deck and it is face down, which means you can either go center or you can go right. And center is a new card that just got placed. -I'll go center. -Did we win? Well, we need two more. Do I need to dance? -Well, no, I think we need one more because Barney got one. -Correct. You just need one more right now. -And we got awarded one for the fight. That's right. -Correct. Elga, you spot what looks to be a shortcut. You follow a trail that leads down to a rectangular tomb with three effigies and a stone door seals behind you.

Orange diamond?

And I'm in there alone? The whole party's there. We'll say y'all are traveling together. So we're looking at three effigies and how many tombs? Is there like coffins or anything or sarcophagi or? Yeah, there's three of them. Three effigies and three tombs. Mm-hmm. Do you remember when we were out there looking at the stars and it created a diamond shape? I think the diamond is important here. I want to clarify something, John, super fast. You're in one tomb. It's like a big tomb. Tomb, yeah, you're right. Yeah, our three effigies, sorry. Okay. Okay.

What are the effigies of? Kind of like big coffins. Think of it that way. Okay. But we can't... Do they have any, like, imagery on them or, like, heads or...

Yeah. I guess you go up to them and take a look at what goes without saying. They have etchings on them. The one to the north appears to have some kind of axe. The one in the center has some kind of hammer. And the one at the far south has what appears to be a shovel. Didn't we come across things at the beginning of this place that had...

There were... Pickaxes? When we were in that arena fighting the two gelatinous cubes, there were, like, not Glurbians. What are the other ones? What's the bad ones? Globulins. Well, not bad ones. We don't know. But those ones, and they were holding pickaxes, I think. That's right. Is it an axe axe or a pickaxe? A pickaxe. Pickaxe.

Hammer, shovel. Shovel. Gotcha. So it's just a recurring theme here, I guess. Maybe. What direction did we come in from? You came in from the eastern section. Okay. And they're lined up like in a vertical formation? Correct. Yeah, going from north to south. So we see the hammer probably right in front of us? Correct. Yes. Okay. We could goof around and look into... Sorry, I got that goof from the last fight in my mouth.

You could look around and like look at these coffins, you know, free loot crate. See what's inside. I just like how you pronounce, I just like how you pronounce coffins. Caffins. Axel, do you have any input on this? No, this is all very bizarre. I've never been down here or seen anything like this. Okay.

Wow. Wow. We were all thinking it. We were all thinking it. That was blame. That was blame. I just also want to point out, like, I think there's some connection here with the diamond shape.

There's an orange diamond on the door that we came in on. And when we were looking at the stars, it made like a diamond shape as well. Is it diamond? I think you described the constellation as a five-sided diamond or a four-sided diamond, Gustavo? I believe it was five. Yeah. So is the one behind us the same kind of thing? Yes. Okay. So that kind of diamond. I didn't know if it was like diamond gem or diamond like the thing on Mr. Sinister's forehead. Five-sided diamond gem.

It's like almost like a star. Like think of like when you like a cartoonish big old actual diamond like that they would be on a ring. Think of that shape. Like a Superman crest. Like you're looking at it from the side. Like it's cut down the middle. Yeah. Okay. Can I investigate the shovel tomb? The coffin? Yeah. What do you mean? Do you want like make an investigation check or like what do you mean? Uh...

Let's open her up. Let's see what's inside. That's where his plan ended right there. You open it up and this seems to be occupied by some kind of plasmoid creature bearing corroded armor and a shield. I close it.

What was in there, Chip? Nothing. Let's get out of here. There's nothing in this here tomb. Gee whiz. You guys want to see some more dance moves? Can Barney go to, I guess, the hammer? That was the one that Chip just went to. Oh, shovel. Oh, you went shovel. Yeah, he went shovel. So shovel, just for reference, is the one furthest to the south. Yeah, so that would have been to the left. Correct.

So you're going to hammer and you're doing what with it? It's hammer time. And open it. Are you going to hit it with the hammer? No. I've never heard that expression before. That is new. You should coin that. All right. You open it up.

And there is like some kind of plasmoid creature in there. However, coming out from the chest of the plasmoid creature is some kind of like almost like snake-like serpentine disgusting looking creature which strikes out at you. Everyone roll initiative. Oh no. Dang it. Oh, is it a monster? You should have closed it. 10 for Elga. I think I... Oh, shoot. I think...

I rolled a six. I rolled a five. So five for Chip, ten for Elga, six for Barney, five for Mateed? Yeah. My dex is plus four or is 18. What's yours, Blaine? It is plus two. Okay. So I go ahead. Mateed first.

All right. Well, the creature that Barney encountered rolled a 20 on its initiative, so it goes first. I wonder who it's going to attack. It slams out, trying to hit the elderly cleric in front of him. Okay. Hitting AC 24. That will hit. That will hit, yes. Indeed. Doing five points of bludgeoning damage. Okay. Bludgeoning damage? What does it do, headbutt him? It just, like, hit it with its body.

Oh. A body slam. Yeah, it's like a weird kind of semi-liquid snake-like creature. It's not like any kind of life form you've ever seen before. So it's not a humanoid? No.

That is it for its turn. Hexel is next. Hexel runs up to try to assist Barney and rips off a piece of its own ooze and attaches an extra pseudopod onto Barney's body. What? What? What? It's like a helping handopod, Barney. You'll gain advantage on an ability check or an attack roll. Wow.

- Wow. - Thank you. - That's cool. Just one. - Disgusting. - Yeah. All right, Elga, you're up. - Okay, this might be a bit of a waste of a turn, but I'm gonna do it anyways. I'm going to use True Strike.

So I point a finger at a target and my magic, which I imagine are my paranormal powers, grants me a brief insight into the target's defenses. On my next turn, I gain advantage on my first attack roll against the target, provided that this spell hasn't ended. So do I get to learn anything about like what it's resistant to, what it's vulnerable to or anything like that with this?

You feel like this kind of creature, like there's something, like it's a very strong creature. You think that normal attacks, like normal non-magical attacks might be not quite as effective as magic or as elemental attacks. And you learn his name is Chuck. Aw, Chuck. You can't hurt a Chuck. Aw. All right, cool. Well, that's my action, so I... Yeah.

Unfortunately, can't do anything else. I think that was worthwhile. No bonus action? Yeah, I'm not trying to tell you what to do or anything, but I'm just reminding you, like, if you wanted to, I think you could rage, right? Because raging is a bonus action. It is, and I guess because we did a short rest, I'm not alone. Obviously, it's been timed too, so I'm not raging. I am going to rage as well. Okay. So that's it for Elga? Yes. Okay. And so I will have advantage on my next attack on this creature as well. Correct. Help me remember that, please.

So Elga is analyzing. Barney's up there. I assume Chip and Mateed are kind of hanging back near where Elga was as well, right? Like you all are kind of near the door. Okay. As you all are standing there, a second one of these creatures drops from the ceiling above you near the party that's at the door.

-Eesh, this room sucks. -Let's see, which of you is it going to target? One and two is Chip, three and four is Elga, five and six is Mateed. -You don't want to touch her, Chip. -Three, that's Elga. -Oh. -Make me a dexterity saving throw, Elga. -Good thing you're aged. -Gah, nine. Well, I have advantage on dex against effects that you can see while I'm not blinded, deafened, or incapacitated, so I have advantage on that? -Yes.

Advantage. All right. The nine is better. I rolled a six for my second one. All right. This strange, almost semi-liquid creature lashes out at you and wraps itself around you. Uh-oh. Blech.

starting to constrict you. I don't like this at all. You find it's very difficult to breathe. Oh, no. But Elga doesn't have to breathe. Don't I? I'm a vampire. I need to breathe. Yeah. I think John's probing for weakness.

-Oh, I don't know. What's the vampire rules in our world? -I think I need to breathe. -Yes. -Okay. -Do I take any damage or conditions? -You'll take damage on your turn. Your only condition is restraint. Barney, you're up. Then after Barney is Mateed, then Chip. -How far away is the other snake that just-- There's one right up on me, right? -Right. There is one right up on you. The other one is back where the party is. We'll say 20 feet or so. -Well, I'm going to cast Channel Divinity. -Okay.

and I'll do Twilight Sanctuary, send around me a 30-foot radius, it's filled with dim light, just around me for one minute, and it gives 1d6 plus 5 temporary hit points to everyone in that group. And just for reference, it's like Channel Divinity's not like a spell you cast, it's just an ability you have. You have various, like, Twilight Sanctuary is a Channel Divinity. Like, it's just... Yeah, yeah. It's my... Just nitpicking. Yeah. Does it count as an action or bonus action? It's an action. It's an action, yeah.

Do we roll or does he roll for everybody the same number? It says you, Grant, so I'm going to say he rolls since everyone the same number. Okay. So three plus five, so eight. Eight temporary hit points for everybody. Oh, no, no. It's whenever you end your turn. I'll count that for me, so that'll be eight temporary. So that's the end of your turn. It's every time you end your turn. So it's like you can take advantage of it more than once.

You can proc it. And then... I'm using my little clock thing so it doesn't use up my channel divinity. Okay. And then...

So I have telekinetic shove. It can telekinetically shove a target five feet toward or away. Can I cast that on the little snake that's choking Elga? Yeah, you could. But since it's restraining her and grappled with her, I would say that it would move Elga as well. Like it would shove both of them. It's just Barney witnessing someone being strangled by a snake and just like, I'll push him. I'll push him and I'll fix him. And I'll call him a nerd and I'll kick him in the face.

Well, then I don't think that's going to be helpful. I'll shove the one that's in front of me. Okay, let's go with that one. They always say that. Shove the one you're with. Shove the one you're with.

And you want to try to just shove it away from you. All right. That's a 12 plus 315. It narrowly fails. So you shove it back away from you. Okay. And then I'll run back behind the one that's Alga to be ready to, I don't know, help next time. To do something. And then everyone can be near my little glow. Okay. I love being in Barney's glow. You get your temp HP and it's Mateed's turn after Mateed is chipped.

I'm really bothered when we're presented with puzzles. That's clearly like some sort of puzzle kind of thing. And I can't figure out what it is. Like, I've been trying to think about the axe, the hammer, and the shovel. There was that the hammer, either there was nothing in there or Chip...

closed it fast enough, but it didn't seem like Gus was waiting for him to delay. So I think there might have been nothing in there. But then something fell from the ceiling that was the same thing that was in the shovel box. I don't like this. And also before the giant cube of gelatinous stuff, we saw three statues that were like reaching out, running and crouching. Oh yeah. I forgot. Remember we were trying to make friends with them?

But I think that's just because I got frozen by the glob, maybe. Plus, as you know, the dice, they are also cubes. Oh! Because, like, I obviously just want to, like, I'm in attack mode. We're in initiative, and I'll fight these snakes. But I'm like, should we be smarter than this? Is there, like, a smarter path that, like, there's an unlock the key kind of thing we could do? I'm just a barbarian, Lalo.

I don't know. Ask Elga. No, Elga's being choked by a snake right now. A bit tied up, literally. I'm trying to think, is there anything I can do to investigate what's going on? I also have terrible investigation bonuses, so it'd be bad. I'm wasting so much time. I'll just do what I do best and attack these snakes. Why not? Woo-hoo!

I'm just here to kick stuff and have fun. Is there an attack against the one around Elga that would not attack Elga? Like if I were to do like an unarmed strike or something against that thing. You think that they are so entwined that any attack you do on one would affect the other. Okay, then I will do what? Some sort of strength check in order to try to pull the thing off of Elga? Sure, why not? Sure, let's do it. Squeaky, squeaky.

-What? A rolling strength check? Is that what I'm doing? -Yes, make a strength check and then I'll make an opposed one here. -That's a 13. -I'm fascinated by these things too. They're like liquidy, sneaky things. -I rolled a one. It was a 19, then it went over at the last second to a one. Yes, you've never seen anything like this before, Barbara. They're like-- They flow like liquid, but they're solid and snake-like and they slither around. It's really, really bizarre. -Would you call them solid snakes?

No, they're more like liquid snakes. You succeed on the strength check against it. So I assume you grab it and try to pull it off? Yeah. Yeah, we'll say you grab it and manage to pry it loose from Elga and toss it to the floor. Okay. Thank you, my mysterious neighbor, Matide. That quite... I...

Use flurry of blows. That was my action. Yeah. Doing that. Yeah. Okay. Then I use flurry of blows to do two unarmed strikes against this thing that I'm, I've just thrown to the ground. Okay. And they are with my feet, my thalans. It also, when I did my insight or like when I checked this thing, it's not as, as,

Oh, that's right. Vulnerable to physical blows. Well, I can't do anything magical in attacks with my bonus actions. With my actions, I could have. Unfortunately, all that I have left is bludgeoning. All right, let's do that. Roll for attack.

I rolled a 21. Ooh, that hits. And then I do nine points of damage. All right. Followed by something I'm going to re-roll with my inspiration dice because that was a one. Son of a bird. Ten. No, that does not hit, unfortunately. Aw, son of a bird. But you did manage to do nine points of, or you rolled nine points of flurry of blows damage, right? Yeah, it was a very specific way of phrasing that, Gustavo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

All right. Oh, your first Flurry of Blows connects with it, and it does seem to do some damage to the Liquid Snake in front of you. If I were to move, would it get an opportunity attack? I'm going to say yes, because you were in melee range to be able to hit it with your Flurry of Blows. I'm going to take the damage, and I want to investigate with my movement.

Would I be able to move to that effigy? Yeah, it's only 20 feet away. Okay, then I'm going to take the damage of whatever this little Metal Gear Solid character is going to do. Let's see if it even hits you. It lashes out, hitting AC 19, which I assume is a hit. Barely. Really? I actually have pretty high AC. How high is your AC? 17. Oh. Monks get AC bonuses. It lashes out, doing six points of bludgeoning damage to me.

Okay, I'll take that. It's weird that they're like liquid snakes, but they're doing bludgeoning damage. Because they're just hitting us. They're just like slamming against us. Right. Yeah. Okay, yeah. I want to look at that. I want to look at that effigy that Chip was at.

Okay, yeah, that's the one further to the south. Inside is a plasmoid creature bearing corroded armor and a shield. That was the one that was inside the hammer? Shovel. Shovel. Oh, he went to hammer. Barney. And he went to shovel. Chip.

Okay. So that's inside the effigy or that's on the effigy? It's inside. Inside the effigy is the plasmoid with the armor and the shield. You can make an investigation check. This will go so well. It will. 19. 19. Yeah. You just got to say that before every roll. Yeah. You notice that the shield bears an emblem of an orange diamond. Oh. Another. Another.

What does orange have to, like, do you guys remember orange in anything else? I'm just wondering if there's significance there.

Can we do a cheeky little like history check to see if we know what this... Can anybody do a cheeky little... Is that going to be an action though? Like if we're in combat? I'll say you can do it freely on your own turn if you want. So, Mateed, if you want to make like a history check. I think quickly. That's only a 12. You can't recall anything special about that color. But I mean, you are aware that the orange diamond on this shield does...

seem to very much match the orange diamond on the emblem of the door is it like a key like a big dorky key okay well that is the end of my turn there is an orange diamond on this shield and i am done doing things all right this shield you get 10 temp hp all right chip it's your turn here chip any oh i just remembered when i opened that sarcophagus

That sarcophagus. There was a diamond shield. So I'm going to run over to that. So how far away is that? And then how far away is the... Did you move away from it? I guess I didn't. I guess I had been there the entire time. Yeah, I don't think you moved. Because action commenced when Barney looked at the other guy. So I might still be by it. So you're there. Okay. Mateed showed up and shoved you out of the way. He was like, look at this. So then I move the thing back and I take the shield out.

Very good, Chip!

You press the two matching shapes together and you hear the door click and unlock and it opens. It seems to unseal. They kissed. I saved the day. Did the snake guys, did they go away or are they still around? They're still there. Algar, are they still there? I don't see.

The birdies slain me gross. I don't know if you guys want to try to escape or if we want to try to kill these guys, but if the door is open, we can maybe slip out like a snake. Disengage. Yeah, I think an hasty retreat would be wonderful. Okay. I mean, they're not grappling you, right? Because Mateed ripped it off, so... Yeah, she was freed. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I like...

Head out, but I have a hand crossbow so I could I can shoot that at one of them to cover the retreat I suppose sure that sounds fun. Sure. I'm gonna roll for that. That is a Seven you shot by me you shut my knee If you roll the one we could talk about that the bolt flies wide clattering off the far wall

You know when like people in movies are bad at shooting guns so they have like a hand in the air and they don't really know what they're doing with their bodies so they just go, "Ugh!" Yeah. Alright. That was my way of getting everyone's attention. I go, "Bang! Everyone, we're leaving!" Is that what-- Those crossbows that go "Bang!" Yeah, when I shot the arrow though, I went, "Bang! Everyone, we're leaving!"

And then I leave. All right. I assume that's the plan. Everyone's going to beat a hasty retreat out of here. Yeah, that's what Mateed will do. Yeah. Yeah, we'll say that you all are able to successfully navigate your way out of there. Run back down the corridor, turn a corner, and it dawns on you. You've reached the end of the labyrinth. We did it!

Also, I'm going to roll for everyone get temp HP. Well, who hasn't gotten it? Well, but before you do that, Barney, I do want to say reaching the end of the labyrinth gives everyone either an inspiration die or five temporary hit points. So temporary hit points don't stack. So if you give them the temp hit points, that'll affect their decision for what they get. Yeah, my temp HP will be better. I had an inspiration. What's your temp HP? He'll roll it. I'll have to roll for it, but it's plus five plus six. Roll. Ooh.

I'm taking the inspo die. All right. I already got an inspo die that I forgot about. I just rolled. So someone gets a 10 temp HP. I'm good on temp HP. I took inspo die. I'll take the 10. All right. Barbie gets a 10. Woohoo. Who is Baba? Elga. Wait, Blaine, did you already get some? I'll take your temp HP. Oh, 11. I'll take it. That overrides the one HP temp I already had. And do you already got some right? Yeah, I did. I'm giving some to Exile.

Yeah. They only got six. All right. That's fine. They have plot armor. Before you is an immense archway hewn of stone with a faint mark on the center. On either side of the archway are gemstone statues of plasmoid creatures, a jasper one holding a war pick and a garnet one holding a war hammer. But the way through the archway is blocked by a large mound of rocks like...

cave in. Okay. What is this three threes of the three statues and then the three effigies and these three dudes? Aren't there only two here? There's only two here. Oh, there's only two. There's one with a war pick and one with a war hammer.

-Correct. -And they're like giant statues, right? Or are they just normal size? -I don't know if I'd say giant. They're big. -And it's just a cave-in? -Yeah, it just seems like there's a large mound of rocks like a cave-in blocking the archway. -A citizen might be trapped under that rubble. Let's help. -Do the things that they're holding, could we take out the Warpick from its hand? -I was going to ask that, but it seemed like it was large.

They're big. It's all part of the statue. It's all, it's like carved into the same. So it's not like the same statue holding a thing you could take out. Correct. Okay. I'm just going to start moving rocks. Sure. Mateed will help as well. Oh, and I do my thing that gives me advantage on next fight. Oh, gotcha. Good call. If you want to start moving out rocks, you can make a strength check.

Okay. I'm also going to help as well. Now lift with your legs, not with your back. Nine. I forget. I could be imagining this or I could be misremembering from our other campaign. When we first got down here to under Globula, did one of you find like...

Digging tools? I think I had a pickaxe, yeah. I thought Elga did. So if you want to use that, that would also help you. Would that give me like advantage on my strength or something? Or what would that do? It lowers the check you need to make that I'm checking against. You know, I'm looking in my inventory and I do have a neat flag. Does that do anything for us? No.

No, it does not. Okay. My strength check is a 21. So it's a 21 for Elga, 21 for Chip, and a nine for Mateed. Is that correct? 17 for Barney. Nice. Barney's old man strength.

pop it in yeah you all begin digging out the rocks and it's hard work but you all you do make pretty good progress pretty quickly through here everyone make me a perception check oh you got it chief 14 14 9 whoa two of us rolled 14 two of us rolled nine that's wild Mateed and Chip both of you got 14s as you're digging you find a third gemstone statue made

Made of peridot hidden amongst the rocks, but this one's top half is in pieces. What's threes? I knew it. What's peridot? Peridot. Peridot. Sorry, I said it wrong. I only know that word because of Steven Universe. Steven Universe, heck yeah. So yeah, after a lot of backbreaking work, you manage to clear the pathway and you pass through the archway and enter a circular crystalline grotto.

From the ground to the ceiling, your eyes are filled by the scintillating light of gemstones ranging from pebbles of deep blue azurite to melon-sized deposits of fiery yellow sapphire. Dividing the center of the grotto is a 30-foot crumbling chasm flanked by pools of turquoise liquid. Hexel looks around, seemingly amazed. Have you ever seen so many gemstones? And so many colors? Green gems and blue gems?

I can't believe these gems have just been sitting here underground all this time. Have I been saying gems wrong my entire life? Gems? Are those different than gems? Holy mother of maw!

Hold on, I just got a beep.

From my beeper. You received mail in your cartas de allá. Oh, that's the letter thing. Yeah, you open the letter, but stare in confusion for a second. All it says is, I'm amongst the dead now. Oh dear. I'm amongst the dead now? Do I recognize the handwriting? We'll have to find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. That's the most genuine, like, how dare you? No.

Thanks for listening, everyone. I had a lot of fun. It's always fun when we do these mazes. I like doing these. I like them a lot, yeah. And I don't know if y'all have heard or not, but Stinky Dragon Adventures, our adaptation of the Infinite Campaign, is out, right? Yes, it's out at this point. At least the first episode is at ruchete.com. We're super proud of it. We want you to see it. But also, Micah made a...

- A banger of a theme song. - I've been singing it nonstop. - When we were like doing rough cuts on set, people were like, they're like humming it. It was great. - I haven't heard it yet. I'm excited. - I'm excited to get your live reaction. - All right, everyone. - Prepare your ear holes. - Here it is.

Heroes missing, the world needs fixing. Who will save the day? Guess we're stuck with these four interns. Who the heck are they? Mutt's friends are beasts. He's a prince. Rampart plays the lute. Water flirt. Cyborg shoots both. Action surge. Gum gum likes the magic boy. It's time for Stinky Dragon Adventures.

That's a banger. It's like an 80s cartoon theme song. It's so good. So good. It's very good. Well done, Micah. The claps are good. Maybe the best instrument on the entire song. Absolutely.

Excited to see those episodes. Yeah, that's awesome. Go, go check it out. It's really helps us also just, you know, just check out the website, support us and we appreciate it. Stinky dragon pod.com. Thank you very much. Hi, I'm gum gum and I'm a wizard, but I'm also an actor.

And recently the people at Rooster Teeth were like, wow, we really like your adventures. We want to make it into a TV show. And I said, okay, neat. And so they did. And it's called Stinky Dragon Adventures. And it's a brand new show, eight episodes, an adaptation of our real life adventures. So if you want to see it, it's the best thing ever. You go to stinkydragonpod.com and check out all of our brand

new adventures. There's familiar faces and names and brand new stories too. I really like it. And if you don't know who I am, go check out the Infinite Campaign. It's us talking about our adventures. Anyway, bye-bye. Hey, you, listener. Did you know the best way to support Tales from the Stinky Dragon is to support us through a first membership? You can directly support us and on top of that, you get something extra

You get ad-free episodes. Yeah, it's only $5.99 a month and you get access to all the Stinky Dragon stuff, including Second Win, our bonus show where we go deep dives into like the week's episode. You get like behind the DM information. You get insider knowledge from Micah, the world builder. It's great. If you want to find out more information, head over to StinkyDragonPod.com slash first. Get more information and hey, sign up today. Do it. Did you know you can directly support the show and interact with us by subscribing at StinkyDragonPod.com slash first.

cool, talented, amazing fur stinkers like Queso Blanco, Sleepy Shaman, Codeword,

Hey, I know that guy.

And here's a quick shout out to folks who are interacting with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in this episode. Hexel, the Blob's offspring, named after AtEggs, the world destroyer on Instagram. Go follow us at StinkyDragonPod. We're on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and YouTube. Interact with the community over on our subreddit at r slash StinkyDragonPodcast or on the Roost Teeth Discord. For access to the Discord, go to StinkyDragonPod.com. And on the left side of the page, click on the community, then Discord right underneath that.

And we'll see you there. Also want to give special thanks to some friends who write a voiceover for characters this episode, like Hexel, the Blob's offspring, voiced by Elise Willems, at Elise Willems. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. What's in the box? It's a Taco Bell reference. Um...

Think outside the box. David Fincher was a huge fan of Taco Bell. Think outside the box. What's in the box? I want to see that cut of The End of Seven. That's a product crossover. I didn't know I wanted it. Now I need it. It's shivering. It was burritos and tacos the whole time.