C01 BONUS - Ep. 02 - Infinight Infirms - Fighting Familiar Friends
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon, spend less, smile more. - Hey everyone, it's your friendly neighborhood Dungeon Master here. Just wanna give you a quick heads up. Due to some thematic elements in this episode, we used some unusual audio filtering. So I wanna give you a heads up about that. Can't spoil too much 'cause I don't wanna spoil what's happening in the episode. But if you hear audio that you think sounds a little unusual, it has to do with the setting and things going on in the story. Just a little bit of a FYI.

Good day to all you death tyrants! Hover on in to the stinky dragon make way for our latest mouth-watering mocktail, Tomorrow's Another Ray. It's a mixture of slowing soda, cone of negative cucumber energy, yuck, paralyzing lime juice topped with a sleepy syrup.

You just made Blaine yawn. You just made Blaine yawn. Guys, I'm an empath. Previously, our adventurers were invited to a birthday bash for our favorite Whizberry and Gum Gum. Little Jimmy hosted the Galendoric Gathering at his castle on Isla de Venganza.

After blowing out the birthday candles, little Jimmy was kidnapped by mysterious malefactors and the party plunged into a funhouse mirror to find their friend. Grab a guzzler. Let's get back to this gassy goss. What's a death tyrant? Tyrant who causes death? No pause. Ultimate confidence. It's a death tyrant is like a D&D enemy. That's kind of like you could say it's like a beholder. But if the beholder was just a skull.

Yes. Oh, those are in Doom. Oh, yeah. They're kind of like the monsters in Doom. Yeah. Those are cute. But it's got like its attacks are rays. That's why it was a lot of tomorrow's another ray. Get it?

I don't understand. Layered humor. Thank you, Micah. Oh, pun. Always with the levels of jokes, the levels of D&D references. You're familiar with puns, right, Barbara? Just a little bit, yeah. But there haven't been very many in this show, so I don't know. It just comes out of a... It's very surprising whenever there is one. No. No puns and no dated pop culture references. Never. I made 10 puns one time, and, like, no one understood them, so it was, like, no pun intended. Yeah.

All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. We're back. I can kick people from the Discord call, right? I can do this. I think. Before we get started diving back into this tale, let's remind everyone who you are and what character you play, please. I'm Barbara Dunkelman. Barbara was in the middle of a food bite. Oh, I wasn't looking. I'm sorry. She did that like she's trying to swallow a cracker without any liquid. Hello, everyone. I'm Barbara Dunkelman, and I don't play Mud Bramble Cracker. Oh.

But I do play Bartholomew Finn, the halfling bard, level 16. Yeah, little bard boy. Yeah, in this campaign, but Elgo Von Brath in our Grotech campaign. What? You'll have to check out if you haven't yet. Yeah. I'm Blaine Gibson. I play Kyborg the Mighty. He's a wood elf fighter at the 16th level. I'm surprised that none of us leveled up since our previous adventure. You know, I mean, like... You stopped adventuring.

That's not true. Cowboy never stops adventuring. From a metagame perspective, we didn't want you guys to have to look at and learn a bunch of new abilities. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Maybe we can dive into that a little more in Second Wind. But when you said, whoa, whoa, whoa, wood elf, I thought you were going to say, whoa, whoa, whoa, wizard. And I thought, does he know who he's playing? No, he doesn't. He reads it every single time. Where am I? Who am I? Where's my wife? Just kiss something. I'm...

Chris Damaris and I play Gum Gum. Gum Gum. The half-orc barbarian, level 15 barbarian, level 1 sorcerer. Mighty sorcerer. Yes. I am John Reissner and I play Mud Brumbo Crack who is a fear bog druid and whose companion is named Gumbo. He's a badger. We have never established what level badger Gumbo is.

He's actually level 30. Wow. He's been holding back this entire time. Level 30 badger. He's like Goku. Eventually, he's going to just take off that little piece of armor that I made for him, which actually weighs a ton. He'll take it off, and he's going to be faster than light.

Cool. It is funny when we're recording for Stinky Dragon Adventure and like we have like a lot of the audio recorded, but sometimes like the timing is not quite what we want. So like Chris or Blaine will do the voices of each character to get the actual timing of the voice. And so like they'll imitate our various characters. And it's always fun to try to hear them do the Scottish accent. Yeah.

It's bad every time and I love it. But it's the funniest when they try to do bark because they just go, ah, yeah, man, yeah. It's no problem. That's what I baked into these voices. If you make them hard enough, I can't be replaced easily. Very true. We'd have to hire a real Scotsman. Where are you going to find one of those? Where are you going to find one of those? That's from the magical land of Scotland.

What?

Just like my acting. What's the aspect ratio? Are we talking like a tube TV? One, one. Oh, no. Are we like pixelated? Are we like, like... Are we a Game Boy? Are we now like a JRPG? Like a Nintendo? Are we like Final Fantasy or Pokemon or something? Are we Tamagotchis? Wow. I poop, I poop, attack poop. Feed me, feed me. Feed me.

That's weird. Well... Now I want, like, a pixel art of our characters. Yeah. Me too. You look around, and there appear to be four doors made of crystal, one on each wall. Right, left, top, and bottom. Above each door is a silver-framed mosaic crafted with stained glass, but each door mosaic are rotated 90 degrees from the last.

So it's top down like original Zelda. I was going to say, we're like in a Zelda temple with doors. So are any of the paintings the right way up then? Since they do rotate on each one, which one's the right way up? Relative to the door, they're all right way. Actually, relative to the doors, they are right way up.

Wait, how are we seeing... Oh, I see what you mean. How are we seeing paintings if... So, like, since this is a two-dimensional... One more time. Since this is a two-dimensional space, is it like Pokemon where the... It's spreading. It's spreading. You've been around Chris too much. Where it looks like there's, like, a crease where the wall is and then the door is, like, laying flat to kind of, like...

I think we're like top down. I think we're top down view. Just to clarify, it's not exactly top down. Like top down is the way when you look at those old games like Zelda, that's a 3D world that you're looking top down on. Like there is no depth to look down on. This is totally flat, two dimensional. So it's like...

A side view is the better way to think about it. I'm drawing it on a paper plate I have in front of me. The paintings over the door. Paintings? Mosaics? Mosaics. So would it be like this where it's like, you know? Very similar. But yeah, the doors are. When you turn? Yes, but the doors are in the square. The way you drew it, the doors are out of the square. Okay, okay, okay. Okay.

Did you just draw that on a plate? Barbara drew a square. What are you? Yeah. It's a plate. It's like a paper plate. This is what I had my lunch on.

So there is only length and height, no depth. Gotcha. So that means you yourselves and all your belongings are now flat, just as well as like the doors, the mosaic. There is no depth. So that's why the top-down idea of looking at stuff doesn't quite work. What are the mosaics of exactly? Like what's on them? Same thing.

Same brain. So I can tie that into the question Barbara asked earlier. I think it was Barbara who asked it. From your perspective, there is one that is the correct, well, I don't even want to say correct. There is one that is the same orientation as you. This one appears to be a mosaic of a clock surrounded by rainy skies. A clock surrounded by rainy skies. Yes. And the mosaic is above a door made of crystal with a handle.

And the other mosaics are...

not in the same orientation as us, but can we see what they are? - From where you are, yes. I'll say yes, you can see them. Do you wanna know what they are? - Yeah, I'd love to know all of them. - To the right would be a ship sailing on an ocean. Above you, well, not above, but like... - Top. - Yeah, top would be a thick forest of trees. And then to the left would be a castle.

And do they all have crystal doors? Yeah, all the doors appear to be the same. They're all made of crystal with a handle. What time is it on the clock in the clouds? And to be clear, foggy. It's like...

You said rainy clouds. It's like foggy, cloudy, kind of like overcast kind of deal. The time on it currently reads 11 p.m. Okay, if I may, I think that these doors relate to our backgrounds. Mud was born as a bramble crack in Royalty Castle. I was born in the Everwinter Woods, thick forest. Bart had a background as a pirate ship sailing on an ocean, and Gum-Gum...

Rainy clock and clouds and fog. Well, Gum Gum was like... You were preserved in time because your mom... Yeah, like timed...

And remember, we need to look within. So I think we need to each go to our respective doors. Hold on. Hold on. Just want to just rewind back. Chris said, yeah, because gum gum time weirdly. That's what Chris just said. And I stand by that. Dude, it didn't even register that he said that thing because I just I speak Chris. Yeah, me neither. I totally missed that. It just totally was like, OK, yeah, got it.

That's why I fear, that's why I point these things out because I fear it is just becoming normalized and I, for some reason that concerns me. Maybe it shouldn't. - Especially with like us being on set for like hours and hours a day, we've developed a shorthand. If you just leave us in that room for a year, we're gonna come out with a different language. - Oh yeah. - Just sounds. - What do you speak now? We speak puppet. - We speak Chris and puppet. - I got Chris on my Duolingo.

I want to go to the thick forest of trees on the top. How are you going to get there? I go through the door of the thick forest of trees. Hold on. How are you going to get there? Oh, how am I going to get there? Yeah. I walk. I use my legs. From your perspective, it's like above you. I don't get this too, Ethan. This is breaking my brain. The clock surrounded by foggy, clouded skies is...

Bottom. Below us. So, correct. Okay. So, it is technically in a two-dimensional space is a vertical trajectory to that door. To the forest one. Yes. It's like if you were trying to get... If there was a mosaic and a door on your ceiling right now, how would you get up there? I'd jump real hard onto the doorknob. Well, are we on any sort of platform or anything like that? We're on the bottom, are we? Yeah, you're on the floor.

Like, the floor. All the wall... This, from another perspective, this could be a wall because the wall looks like the floor. It all looks the same. Could you remind me which was on the left and which was on the right? Left was castle. Right was ship sailing on the ocean. Correct. Oh, hey. Uh, Kyborg? Uh? What would happen if you were to just run straight...

at the wall to our left and then just keep running up the wall since we're in a two-dimensional space. We're about to find out. Let's do this. And I do exactly what Mud just said. The left wall, so that's the wall with the castle. Yep. Do you have to hop over the castle door? It's a door jutting out from the wall. Correct. As per Barbara's diagram. Correct. And Kyborg was running...

So from where you are, you know, you're kind of near the door with the clock over it. That wall is about 15 feet away. So do you take like, you start from where you are, get 15 feet worth of speed and then try to run and then transition from your floor to that wall? Yep. I don't know what this is. So I'm going to say yes. I roll for that.

Okay, yeah, go ahead and roll. Let's do, first of all, let's do athletics for the running. That should be like super easy for you. All right. Super easy. Yes, that was a one. That was a critical fail. Listen, I was working out with my wife this morning. We went on an extra long power walk. You have an inspiration dice. Don't forget, you all also have those age-related disadvantages that we talked about in the previous episode.

All right, I use my inspiration die to do another athletics. I kind of want to see what would happen with that one. I keep my inspiration die, and I fold my arms content with my work. All right, you're going to go with that? Yeah, you're kind of trying to gauge how you're going to transition from...

From here to the other one, like it's a 90 degree switch. How's their footing going to go? What's about your center of gravity? And you just, when the time comes, you just fail to execute and run full force into the wall. Taking two points of damage. I'm resistant to pain. I'm going to take half that. Sorry, go ahead. Do we like weigh the same amount in this?

area like is everything other than the fact that we're like 2d instead of 3d oh so like your two does your 2d body weigh the same amount as your 3d body it feels the same to you okay should i just look through the door in the bottom just go down yeah can i come stick his head into the

bottom door just the rainy clouds yeah yeah the door is closed you i assume you open it oh yes i open the door you open the door and you say you stick your head in or do you walk in or you just open it my head in open it and like you know look as best i can in this two-dimensional world

Does Gum-Gum need to push up to enter the door? You stick your head in and you see a wet cobblestone courtyard shrouded in shadows. With three dimensions or two? Two. There's cobblestones and shadows. I'm in a cool...

I guess I'll go in. Okay. Gum Gum steps in through the door. Uh, I'll follow. I'll come too. Yeah, I'll go. Yeah, let's not split the party. What the heck? All right. You all step onto a wet cobblestone courtyard shrouded in shadows and you hear a gong. A familiar bell chimes high in a tower to your right, piercing a gloomy gray sky. And crack! A flash of lightning illuminates the courtyard and four figures appear lurking beneath the tower. One of them has a large white cape person hanging over their shoulders.

You hear a voice asking, Do you remember? You were so careless. Lives were destroyed. And now... The four figures turn for the tower and walk in. Is this... The white cape is the one I think that's little Jimmy. Is this Airbloom? Erbloom? Yeah, it looks like Erbloom to you. The clocks with the clouds would make sense. That was a foggy...

It seems like you're back in a familiar setting. It seems like almost exactly like how you remember it the night after you went back in time. So we went down into this place. Which direction is the tower? Well, just to lay it out. So from where you are, kind of to your right, that's where you see the clock tower. Okay. And then nothing to our left or down? No. Can I run to the peak?

People that slunked away? Yeah, I'll tell you what. Go ahead and make me a perception check as well. I feel like I should have re-listened to our whole...

first campaign before doing this. All of the episodes. Because I'm just like, how did we get out of this? How do we fix this? I forget. My dumb memory is still helping out. Twelve. As you begin running, something catches your eye, Gum-Gum. Partway between you and the clock tower, you spy a wooden planter with three purple-petaled flowers. Uh-oh. Oh, I know these flowers. They make you do everything again, flowers. That's their Latin name. Yeah.

They're not amnesia flowers, are they? Yeah, that's what I assumed. No, I don't think so. Amnesias were different. Amnesias were the slime people. That's right. Well, yeah, but the remember-alls or something are like... Nope, that's a Harry Potter thing. No, time. They're time. They make you go back in time. Time flowers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just for fun, Gum-Gum goes and picks one up. The four figures turn for the tower and walk in. Gum-Gum runs...

Gum Gum runs past, goes to the flowers, this time casts Mage Hand, which he's got, and picks up a flower. Okay, yeah. You're holding one of the Deja Violets in your Mage Hand. I was looking for it. I was scrolling through my old notes. Now what? Are the figures still there? Can I throw the flower at them? No, they're gone. They walked in. I have a flower. I don't have Mage Hand or anything like that.

I think you nerds do. I think Gum Gum can just move the flower out of the way and we can go past it to the tower. That will work. He can clear a path, I guess, for all of us. I'll do that.

Is there a way I can put the flowers in a bag or something? Yeah, you remember that's what you did previously. I didn't do that, but that's what Bart did. That's what the party did previously. No, that's what Barty did. Old Barty boy. So I guess I'll put the three flowers in a bag. I can do magic. And let's go.

Yeah, and then beyond the planter, you see the tall clock tower with a door at its base. Okay, so if memory serves, this tower door was locked, I think, and we had to climb up the wall. Yeah, you turned into a spider, and you pooped everywhere. So can I perceive that there's poop on the ground?

Make a purse. Make an investigation check. Okay, investigation check. I'm the P-10. Am I right? Yay. That's a zero. You failed to find any poop. But while you're at it, make me a wisdom check, Kyborg. All right. My strongest roll. 18. Wow. Do you remember Spider Gum Gum happened at the Escalon? Yeah, that wasn't here. That was at the pyramid. This was Spider Mud. Spider Mud.

Yes. Going up. Which I think was the inspiration for Spider Gum Gum later. And do we see any spider mud poop? Spider Mud knows how to hold his duties. We shouldn't go in the door. Mud goes and checks on the door. The door appears to be unlocked. Mud goes in. Let's go in.

Is there anything above the door? The clock tower? A clock. What time is it on the clock tower? 11 p.m. 11 p.m. That's the same time that was on the clock on the picture on the door. It all makes sense now. Wow. It's almost like it's reading the time from inside.

Okay. Everyone goes in the door? Yeah. You walk through the door at the base of the clock tower and it closes behind you and you reappear inside the square room you were previously in. And it appears like you're walking out of that door and closing it. And now you're on the

other side of that door still on the floor. So do we have access to one of the other doors now? It's a great game door on the floor. Now that you've walked through that door, the second mosaic depicting a ship appears to light up with color. That is the next door mosaic to your right. To the right. And what happens if we try to walk along the floor and then jump to get to the other wall? Do we stay kind of level or is it like completely vertical? Like we have to scale it almost.

How do you try to do that? Do you like try to jump and reorient yourself so your feet are moved? Like, talk me through that. I kind of imagine it like we're in like a zero gravity situation where there's no real up or down. It's what we're going to do. We're going to do exactly what Joseph Gordon-Levitt did at Inception. And we're just going to walk and just make our way through this as though it's normal. We're going to get to the corner and just hit the wall. Yeah.

I think the mission is we go through the door, we do dumb puzzle, opens up next door, we do dumb puzzle. Rinse and repeat, baby. Let's go through that ship door. Don't call him dumb. I'll paint this picture. Easy, simple puzzles. Go ahead. Mud walks to that wall and then just puts one foot up flat up against the wall. So he's got one foot down and one foot to the right. And Bart supports his back. Ha ha ha ha.

I'll bite you, Mud. Don't worry. Go ahead. I got your full weight. Bart's always got your back. Yeah. I got your full weight, buddy. Doesn't matter. That Mud is like three times his size. No, trust fall. Do it. Come on. All right. Bart is a stout halfling. Okay. Let's test it. It's going to be a flat halfling in a second. Well, it already is. There you go.

I take my foot on the downward place and try to put my foot to the right. So both feet are to the right. Yeah, make an acrobatics check while Bart makes an athletics check. So Mudd's trying to be nimble and get onto the other wall while Bart's using brute strength to try to support Mudd. I hate to remind you, but I think I have disadvantage on athletics checks. Oh, that's correct. Your bad back. This isn't going to work out.

14. A disadvantage. That's still really good. I have a plus 10 on my athletics. I forgot Bart was so athletic. Athletic boy. 9 from Mud, 14 from Bart. Yeah, Mud, you try to shift your weight, but something about it is just breaking your brain, trying to move your perspective from one wall to another, and you just fall down. Oh, you would fall down, but Bart manages to prop you up and get you back on the floor.

Okay. What's to stop us just from trying it again? I have a question. How high up, like if we were on the ground where the door just, we just came out of, how high up is the next door? About 15 feet. 15 feet. Yeah. I feel like we could. Screw it. Mud turns into a spider. I'm tired of being mud. I'm going to be a spider now.

And I'm Spider-Mud. Spider-Mud, Spider-Mud does whatever a Spider-Mud does. I want to get to the next door. So I climb up and I shoot a web down to give them something to hold on to, to make

their checks to follow me easier. You just make a way you don't actually shoot them and pull them up. You just shoot a web so they can climb. They can pull their own butts up. What they can do is they can basically be like Adam West in the old Batman show and just basically be pulling themselves up.

Right, just turn the camera. Yeah. As a spider, you're able to easily adhere to the wall, climb up to the next door, which is 15 feet above you, and shoot a web back down for all of your friends. Not your friends, your party members to follow you. They're friends. It's fine. Are they? Okay, I didn't want to speak for you. Yeah, we're all best friends, right? No, we're friends. We're friends. Best friends.

One of my best friends is in this room. I will say that. Gumbo? We're going to have to roll off. All right. I follow the spider web up and then I go to the door. All right. Is he able to do that? Yeah.

Gum Gum does as well. So does Bart. Yeah, you just got to climb a little bit, but, you know, it's like riding a bike. Y'all never forgot how great it was to have Spider with to help you out. So y'all are standing at the door, and I assume you open it up. Yeah. I let Bart go through. Bart shoves his way through. It's my door. My door. You step onto the stern of a pirate ship in mid-battle. It seems to be anchored just offshore of an island where cannons are.

Pow, pow, pow. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. Oh. 19. That's a six. 21. 15. I feel like as a spider, I should have advantage. As a spider? Maybe it's been a minute. You've, over the past 82 years, you've experienced many more animals and transformed into many different animals. It's been a little while since you've been a spider, so maybe it's...

It's just taking a minute to come back to you, but maybe that's the reason you're caught off guard as a cannonball flies by and hits you, Mud, doing 19 points of bludgeoning damage.

Good lord. That would have taken us out in level one. Yeah. It was a 2d10. You got maybe the worst, almost the worst roll possible there. Good thing I'm a spider. You all seem to find yourself amidst a battle between several different pirates on a ship that's anchored offshore from a small island with a skull-shaped cave. Hey, do you guys think that this is the naval battle we were supposed to have? I don't know what you guys are going to say!

Don't know what you're talking about. Do we recognize any of the pirates? Make a perception check for me, Bart. Perceiving, 17. Your years of pirating have paid off. Yo-ho. Oh, yeah, it's like a second home for you, Bart. You realize that you're aboard a ship called the Howling Shark.

You've heard of this ship before, and as you look around on the shores of the island nearby, you see a rail-thin halfling standing there fighting a bunch of other creatures, and as you're looking in that direction, you turn towards the bow of the ship and see a brutish half-orc barbarian tearing through pirates, and he locks eyes with you and charges straight at you. Everyone roll initiative. Wow. Oh. Oh, no.

21. 21. 15. 22. I think I also have a thing that gives me advantage on initiative. I think 22 also, I mean, I guess depending on the enemies, but you have... Yeah, I want to make sure I'm out of this one of these guys. Let me roll them right now. I'm going to look for this thing. Six and one, great. Gum Gum or Mud, which one of you has the highest dexterity?

Mine's 14. Oh, okay. Me. You are up first, Kyborg. You're on the stern of this pirate ship as this battle is going on. That half-orc seems to be running at you from the bow, and then beyond that, a little further, is that island with the skull-shaped cape. So that half-orc's running at me right now? Yeah, it's running towards the stern of the ship, towards all of you. I'll tell you what. Since that half-orc...

Sorry, you guys. It's charge first. I'm actually going to skip ahead and give it a surprise round on you guys. How dare. What the heck? Yeah. Since he locked eyes with you.

Bart, yeah, it's going to go ahead and come at you and make an attack. There's a plesiosaurus when you need one. Am I right, everyone? It pulls out an axe and swings it at you, Bart. Whoa. Hey, whoa, hey, whoa, hey. No need for violence. Hitting AC-22.

doing 27 points of slashing damage. - That's a good hit. - That smarts my little 2D body. - 2D body?

The axe really smarts as it hits you. It appears to be made entirely out of thorns. It's really scratchy and pokey and ouchy. Ouchy, ouchy. Hooking all these holes in me. The half-orc shifts the axe into one arm, freeing up its other arm, and it reaches out and tries to grapple you, Bart. Make a strength check. Come on, Bart. The strongest of our party. The 11. Look at him go. Look at him go. Can't wait.

The half-orc grabs you, puts you in a headlock, and pulls you in tight to its chest.

Are you gonna give me a noogie? It would be, you would be in prime position to receive a noogie if its hand wasn't otherwise occupied with this thorny axe. Don't use your axe for that. Kaiborg, it's your turn. Okay, he's not using Bart as like cover, is he? No, but Bart, because of the grapple, Bart is right up against his body. Okay, I say, oh my God, you have something on your face. And I pointed his face and,

and then my wrist clicks down, revealing my hand cannon, and I shoot him in the head. It's not a called shot, but you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. It's cool. 17 plus 5, 22. Nice. That hits.

So then it's 46 bludgeoning damage and 46 fire damage. Ooh. 1, 2, 3, 4. Here's bludgeoning. That's a 16. And 1, 2, 3, 4. Here's fire. A little spice. 18. Combined total of 34.

Nice. Yeah. The half-orc howls in pain, looking at you with bloodlust in its eyes. I howl with laughter. Ha ha, you should have seen your face before I shot it. Ha ha ha.

We all miss Kaibark. Okay, all jokes aside, I'm going to shoot you with the bow and arrow now, and then I pull out the longbow of crystallina and I shoot him again. All right. Because I have two actions. Yeah? Yeah, go for it. Cool. All right, here we go. 16. That does not hit. Inspiration? Is that cool? That's up to you, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about your lucky? Lucky feet! I get my lucky feet. Here we go. Rolling it again, and that's a 26. That barely hits.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Way to go, Bart. Hey, I give a thumbs up to Bart before I shoot this guy in the face. Here we go. Fifteen.

15 points of damage. Okay. The half-orc is still standing at this point now, starting to wave Bart around kind of like a ragdoll. Oh, okay. When you make a ranged attack roll with this weapon against your sworn enemy, you have advantage on the roll. In addition, your target gains no defense from cover. Attack hits. Your sworn enemy takes an extra 46 cold damage, so then I got to roll the 46 cold damage now. Ooh. Obviously, right.

Forever winter. One, two, three, four. You have to say it. You have to say it. Forever winter! Here's the cold damage. That's 19. Ooh, chilly. I forget how much damage you guys used to be able to do. Lots. Yeah. Yeah, now, first, the half-orc was on fire with fire damage, but luckily you iced him down with the nice...

Cool attack. He's evening out, but he's taking a significant amount of damage, but he is still standing. That's what it's like to chew five gum. Action surge. Gonna do two more actions. I want to down this guy. I want him out of it, but I don't want, I want him to let go of my bark. I shoot the arrow again. Help me. 24. Yeah, that hits.

Alright, here's the piercing damage. That's 11. Alright. Here's the cold damage. That's 12. Nice, nice, nice. 23. How's he looking now? Still standing. I mean, taking significant damage, but still, I mean, this is a beefy enemy. Dude, just die already.

And I'm gonna shoot you. I'm gonna have to shoot him again. I like our first attack opportunity. It's just Kyborg, and he hasn't killed the guy. He's like, why isn't he dead? I had a turn. I took my turn. You should be dead. Look how much damage I've done. 29. 29 hits. Alright, here's the piercing. 11. Alright.

Here's the ice, 15, so that's an additional 26 points. I win. Why aren't you dead? The half-orc, you know, gets shot by your arrow, pulls the arrow out from its flesh, and spits a gob of blood on the deck and is still looking at you. Wow. I assume that's in character. Yeah, we shall. All right. And then I just kind of frump down and walk away. All right.

Hey there, it's Chip Haney, or am I Blaine Gibson, or am I Kyborg the Mighty, or am I Sawyer the Lawyer? Anyways, I just want to give you a quick heads up that Stinky Dragon Adventures is coming out November 9th. What's Stinky Dragon Adventures? Why, it's a puppet show. That's right, a puppet show. It's based off of the Infinite Campaign. It's got all your favorites, plus a bunch more, and it's a fun little puppet adventure, and there's eight episodes of it, and you can watch it on StinkyDragonPod.com when it drops.

And while you're at it, just check out the campaign. It's based off of the Infinite campaign. And then while you're at that, why don't you check out our other new campaigns and one shots and miniseries and much, much more. So I actually, I challenge you audience to see if you can listen to all of Stinky Dragon before it comes out in early November. And if I crunch the numbers correctly, you'll

You just need to listen on it at double speed night and day for three weeks and you'll be good to go. All right, I'll see you there. Hey, you, listener, did you know the best way to support Tales from the Stinky Dragon is to support us through a first membership? You can directly support us. And on top of that, you get something extra.

you get ad-free episodes. Yeah, it's only $5.99 a month and you get access to all the Stinky Dragon stuff, including Second Win, our bonus show where we go deep dives into like the week's episode. You get like behind the DM information. You get insider knowledge from Micah, the world builder. It's great. If you want to find out more information, head over to stinkydragonpod.com slash first. Get more information and hey, sign up today.

Do it. Want to get your hands on some Stinky Dragon merch? Head over to store.roosterteeth.com. Check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon merch, like our grotesque player character apparel, blurble gerbil mugs, and shirts, and much more. Again, store.roosterteeth.com. What's something that works so well it feels like magic? What comes to mind for me are things like air conditioning, noise-canceling headphones, Wi-Fi, and of course, selling with Shopify. Thank you.

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Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/dragon. That's all lowercase. Go to shopify.com/dragon now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com/dragon. Cool, that's my turn. Okay, Mud. Bart, do you still have your vest of slow falling? Yes, I do. Yes, right now. Mud turns back into Mud and casts Reverse Gravity.

on a space that encapsulates Bart in the half-orc, but not us. Whoa. That's so cool. Look at that.

which reverses gravity in a 100-foot cylinder, and everyone in the area that is there when I cast it goes to the top of that 100-foot cylinder and must deal with the fall damage. Okay, so it's a 50-foot radius, 100-foot high cylinder. Since we're in two dimensions, it looks like a weirdly shaped rectangle that is 50 feet wide and 100 feet tall, more or less. Yeah, and we're on a naval battle,

So there is no ceiling. Yeah. And we're also on a ship. The caveat is a creature can make a dexterity to grab onto a fixed object. It can reach. Can this guy reach anything? So that's exactly what I was going to get into. The only thing that it could reach would be either the mast or the sails as they are reversed in gravity, trying to grab onto anything. I'm trying to measure out how big 50 feet is here. Give me one moment. 50 feet, I would say, if my calculations are right, is 50 feet.

You're welcome. I would give you an inspiration dive, but you already have one. I thought you were going to take it away. So 50 feet wide is about just under half the ship's length. So it's, you know, most of the ship is affected by this. 100 feet is just beyond the top of the main mast of this ship. Would the ship go upside down then? No, I don't think so, because he cast it

Like, on the ground there, going up. Yeah, like, they're up. Yeah, we're not gonna deal with that. Yeah. What you could say is, like, the sails that are hanging from the mast are no longer, like, pulling down because of gravity. They're kind of pulling up instead. Okay, so what's the save on it? 18. Dex on this is plus 5, so I need a 13 or better for... Yay! Bye-bye! Whee!

It just looks like he's being abducted by aliens. Yeah. Bart puts his hands out. Bart, you go ahead and make a save as well since you're in the area. Might as well. Oh, that's a 28. Dang. So Bart grabs onto something. The enemy misses its saving throw, so it begins floating up. Bart manages to grab onto something, so I'm going to make a check to see if the creature loses its grip on Bart. Hmm.

Nine. Okay, yeah. So Bart, you grab onto something as the half-orc begins floating into the air, losing its grip on you. I like to imagine that he's trying to hold onto me as he's being lifted and is now holding onto my ankle and I'm just kicking my foot as I'm holding onto something. I'm like, get up. Get out of here. Get out of here.

All right. Is there anything else you do, Mud? No. Basically, he then falls. He goes up and then falls immediately? He goes upies, then he goes downies. Reach the top of the area when you cast a spell, and then they have to fall. At the end of the duration, affected object... Or the end of my concentration. I can choose to end it with end of concentration. Okay. So you stop your concentration once they head up there. All right. Kyborg toots to break Mud's concentration. Here, let me help with that. So that's a 100-foot fall. Mm-hmm.

That is 35 points of falling damage. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's got to be also, like, prone, right? Yeah, I'll say that the enemy falls and lands prone on the deck of the ship in front of you.

All right. Talk about second wind. Hey, I got to point out what a great use of that spell. Knowing that Bart had the Sylvester slow descent. That's like so cool. It's magnifique D&D playing right there. Thank you. It's also good because I have high dexterity, too. So, yeah. Yeah. Easy to save on that one. I'll end my turn there. I'll end my turn there. Okay. That's it for.

mud gum gum you're up after gum gum is bark so this guy fell on the ground is he still rocking and rolling or are they dead make a perception check five oh they're dead they're totally dead okay who else don't tell chris that he's gonna play in role and act like he's dead

- Exactly. - Because in character, Gum-Gum thinks he's dead. - All right, who else is out there and about? - You see various pirates. The pirates don't seem concerned with you. And then, like I said, out on the island, just beyond the ship,

is a halfling standing at the island that has the giant skull-shaped cave. Bart, do you recognize that halfling? Do I recognize that halfling? No, seems like a very rail-thin halfling. I don't remember there ever being. Yeah, super pale white dressed in rags. Gum-Gum, it's pretty messed up of you to assume that one halfling would recognize another halfling just because they're both halflings. Well, it's also on a ship. Bart has a background on a ship. Uh-huh.

I'm gonna go help that thing. Can I jump to it?

How far away is this? This is the arc where we learn that Gungam has face blindness. He actually can't, like, tell people apart from other people. He's like, is that Bart? Yeah. Bart's over there. Bye, Bart. From where you are, you're still kind of at the back of the ship. To get off the ship and over there, it's probably about, let's say, 160, 170 feet from the back of the ship. So you'd have to cross to the front of the ship, and then from the front of the ship, jump or try to find or make your way from the ship to the island. Okay.

I guess you could swim too. So that's a long way, 100 something feet, huh? 150, 160, somewhere around there. Oh wow. Okay. Okay. All right. Okay. I'm gonna rage. And I roll my thing twice. Your wild magic? Yeah, yeah. He wants us to guess what he's doing. I speak Chris. I roll my thing. And I can pick whichever of the two I want. So that's a three and a six.

which is a flump. Oh, the flump. Yeah, flump is back. Or I get protective lights of plus one AC. Man, I don't want either of those. I want the flump. We'll have no flump disparaging on this podcast. Okay, I'll choose the flump. Yes. The flump. And then I'm going to run and can I, can I, my immovable rod that takes me 40 feet. So I'll do that.

out to the ocean towards the halfling so when you say out to the ocean because you're at the back of the ship you have to traverse the entire ship and then there's a little bit of water and then the island yeah so i'll put my flump on top of that orc to guard its body then i got 40 feet i'll run jump as far as i can i don't know if i can use my ring of jump and the immovable rod that's

Probably not. Well, the ring of jump would be, it just helps you. Like it's not anything more than just jumping. The immovable rod, I believe was an action. Okay. Well then I'll do that. I'll use that as my action. I'll go 40 feet and then use my immovable rod to shoot me another 40 feet. One second. I'm sorry. I guess I misremembered something. The ring of jumping is casting the jump spell. Yeah. So

So that's what the action is. I don't think he wants you to go to that island. No, no, no, he can. I just want to make sure I'm...

I'm getting it correctly. And then casting the spell, the ring allows you to cast it as a bonus action at will. So you could use the Ring of Jumping as a bonus action, but you already used your bonus action to Rage. I shouldn't have Raged. Anyway, well, I'll still run. Get to Rage. Yeah, get some of that anger out. And then I'll use my immovable rod to shoot me 40 feet further than my walking speed, which is 40. Okay. Okay.

So you... You can double move as well. No, you can't. You can move and then... No, you can't because then you're using the action. So you're 80 feet total. I guess I don't need to use the immovable rod. I'll just double move 80 feet. Yeah. And save that...

And I'm on the... Am I in the ocean? I think you're at the bow of the ship. Because we said that the 50 feet from the reverse gravity was just about half the ship's length, and you're at the very back. So if you went 80, you're close to the bow of the ship. I didn't even get to the water? Mm-mm. Dang. All right, and that's it. You know in old video games, whenever your internet connection would mess up and you'd see your, like, friend just walk into a wall, just walk off and then into a wall? Yeah.

I'm coming! That was Gum Gum Bart. Alright, so we got this half-orc on the ground prone. Don't know if he's dead. And then Gum Gum running off into the distance. Oh, my fluff exploded. I forgot to mention.

It has 1d6 force damage unless they succeed a dexterity. Sorry. Is there anyone else around us right now other than this guy? A couple of pirates who are engaged with each other who seem to be paying you no mind. Okay. Congratulations. Roll that d6 and I'll just keep track of it. Thank you. Five. When's the wedding? What? The pirates, they're engaged with each other.

We make jokes here. Not funny. Comedy podcast. Can I see if the guy is still alive? Smart. Yeah, make a... Like, are you just going to look or are you going to approach? I'll just look. It depends on the check. If you're looking from a distance, perception. If you get up close, I would make you make a medicine check. From a distance, if you're just looking. Yeah, perception. I'm going to use my inspiration die. I hope you love it.

16. The half-orc is face down on the deck and very clearly still breathing. Still breathing? Okay. I'm going to cast Cloud of Daggers around him. Oh my god. Assuming that no one is close enough to get hit by this.

area of effect, but I don't think we're close enough. I think everyone's still pretty far away. Correct. You could position it in such a way, but just as a reminder, in a 2D world, there is no going around a cloud of daggers. If you put a cloud of daggers between yourself and Gum-Gum at the bow of the ship. Right. Okay. I'll do it. I could always stop my concentration. Yeah. In a 2D world, we'll call it a square of daggers. I'm going to cast my square of daggers. It's probably a circle if it's a cloud. A circle of daggers. Yeah.

I'm going to cast that. 13 points of damage. Okay. I think if I remember right, the way we had settled on it in the end was they take damage on their turn, but I will denote the 13 and mark it. I think it's whenever they, yeah, if you leave it. They start their turn. But if they like go and come back into that area, they get hit again. Correct. If they start their turn or if they enter it on their turn, then there is damage taken. The 13. Yep. I wrote it down.

And I think I reroll that every time someone moves into that spot. I don't think it's just a flat 13. Correct. So we're going to use 13 for the start of their turn. And then every time it procs in the future, you will roll that. And if it's a five foot cube, so what is that?

Five foot square. Five foot square, yeah. Square of daggers. See, I was right. Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. So five foot cube. Was it five foot cube? Yeah, it says the area is a five foot cube. For some reason in my mind, that spell was always bigger. I always thought it was a circle, a big circle. The range is 60 feet, but the area is a five foot cube. Okay, so it's a five foot square. All right. I don't know why I did it at the second level instead of much higher, considering...

Oh, you could have cast it at a higher level. I just did it at second level for some reason because I forgot how to play D&D. You should have a little shower. A little shower. I already rolled the damage and stuff. I'd feel bad for taking that. I wouldn't. You know me. Hey, live your best D&D life. Take up as much time as you want, Barbara. And then how's Kyborg's and Mud's health right now? Are you guys full? Yeah. I'm bueno.

I was spider when I got hit, so I'm good. Well, I'm still going to cast Bardic Inspiration as a bonus action. I'm going to give it to Mud as a thank you. Thank you. So you're going to gain an inspiration die for 1d12. Wait, what? You could add it to one ability check, attack roll, or saving throw. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you could add it after you see the roll, but before knowing the outcome. Yeah. Okay. So I have Bardic Inspiration. Thank you. All right. Thanks, Mud. All right. Is that it for Bart? Yes.

Okay, the half-orc enemy who had previously grabbed Bart stands up into a square of daggers, taking 13 points of damage, and then steps away from it towards the party. So it is now on the side of the daggers with the bulk of the party, Gum-Gum being the one exception on the other side. And he's going to step forward and growl at Kyborg. Kyborg's the one who did a lot of damage to him. Yeah!

I growl back. Does he pass by me? Oh, right. You would be there. So then it would be Kyborg, Mudd, Bart. Bart would be the closest one. So, oh, yeah, he's going to have to jump over Bart. Do I get an attack of opportunity? It's just going to go and attack Bart. Me!

Man. Okay. Actually, what it does is it growls at Kaiborg without needing to pass by Bart in a very scary manner. Make a wisdom saving throw, Kaiborg. Oh, okay. And then while this is happening, Bart goes... Nine. I want to reroll that. That was a nine. I'm using my inspiration die, and that's a 13. That growl and that enemy is still standing. This might be the scariest thing you've ever seen in your life. Thank goodness.

Thank goodness. From a metagame perspective, you have the frightened condition now. Okay. Just you've never seen anyone take that much damage from you. You fired your cannonball right into its face, took an action search, and it's still getting up and fighting. I'm impressed. And it swings its thorny axe around one more time at you, Bart. Hitting AC 23. Yeah, that hits me.

doing my little 2d body. Ooh, 61 points of damage. 61 points of slashing damage. Do I take all that, huh? 61. Yep. If you're raging, you can take half. Are you raging? Nope. Bart, you should have raged.

I'm a ranged little spellcaster boy. What am I doing up here? Okay. Then this half-orc reaches onto its back, and it seems like it breaks something off of its back, and in its hand is a thorn, and it hurls the thorn at Mud, hitting AC 29. Yeah, that is. Doing 13 points of piercing damage.

Mr. President! I don't know if I could get hit again, by the way. Now I'm sad I'm not playing Matit and don't have the missile. Oh, you take it and you snatch it out of the air. Oh, that's so cool. Such a dope move. I got shot! I've been shot! From the island, you hear a voice calling out. Grim Grim, I need your help!

The half-orc, it's like ears perk up and its head snaps and turns, looks at the island and it immediately begins bolting, running as fast as it can away from you all in the direction of the island, leaping huge bounds, closing lots of space, jumping off the bow of the ship towards the island. Do I not get an opportunity attack on him? Yeah, you can get an attack of opportunity, Bart. Heh heh heh.

I'm going to use my dagger. All right. And that hits for 25 or AC 25. That hits. Okay. Eight points of damage. Yeah. The half-orc seems to not even notice. Yeah. You clearly hit it, sink your dagger into it, but it's just entirely focused on what it's doing. It said grim, grim. Grim, grim. The creature off the island. The half-orc picks up the...

halfling on the shore of the island and runs into the skull shaped cave. Isn't this like alternative universe Barton Gum Gum? Grim Grim? Grim Grim. And the other one was a halfling. Whoa. Are we fighting ourselves? Are we looking in? I don't know, but this version of Gum Gum isn't very, it doesn't give nice hugs. Totally sucks. Painful hugs. Spiky hugs. Man, that's crazy. How far away are they? Can I shoot my longbow at it? That's

They've disappeared into the cave, the skull-shaped cave. Okay. Are we still in initiative? Y'all can break out of it now at this point. Am I still frightened? It would end at the end of your next turn, so since we're out of initiative, we'll say that that dropped. I wasn't afraid of it. I wasn't scared of Grim Grim. I think I figured it out. Yeah. That halfling, its grandmother is at half-orc.

Oh, Graham Graham. I think it's a Grim Grim. Yeah, it was definitely Graham Graham. I'm thinking Mud's on to something here. Nope. Gum Gum. Mud? While we're doing this, can I cast Cure Ruins on myself? Absolutely. Okay. I'm going to do it at a high level to get some 35 points of healing. That's a good amount of health. Can I take a short rest so I can get Action Surge back? I feel like I blew it on that Grim Grim.

No, no you we did this campaign for like forever and you never learned to stop blowing that stuff at the first battle We got into what? Use it You think we should go after them? I think that's all gave

I feel like we should check out the other rooms around here. I think we're getting just glimpses into something going on here and I want the full picture. Well, maybe if we go into that cave, we'll come back out in the rooms that we started in, just like what happened in that fake herbloom kind of place. Oh yeah, let's go to the cave. Go to the cave. I want to see how hot alternate dimension universe Kyborg is. Could I look around and see if there's any of those like little spiky things that that guy left behind on the ground?

Like the thorns? There's the one that it threw at Mud. I'd easily take that with you. Just rip it out of him. Too sharp. I put the thorn into my pack. Okay. So how far is it to get to the skull cave? You're a lot closer than the rest of the party from where you are, you know, maybe another 60 feet or so. Are we gonna go? I think we should. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Mud, can you give us some sort of, uh, up ease of some sort to get us there fast?

Okay. I jump off the boat and I start swimming. How far away is the ship from the shore? Well, it depends on whether you're talking about like the bow or the actual like hull. The bow itself, you know, from where if you were thinking about jumping, if you're asking for that reason, it's probably 40 feet. Okay. I cast Gust of Wind with my Rainbringer staff at the sail of the ship and push it

To shore. Wow. Master and commander. I cast Gust of Wind as well. I'm going to help. Oh, well, then I do not do it because I will save my target. No, I feel like it's fun for us to do it together. Yeah, yeah, the blow bros. One, two, three, let's break wind together. Thank you. So you cast Gust of Wind. Mud chimes in with a second wind and...

and you inflate the sails and promptly ground the ship on the sandbar that it was moored off of. It doesn't necessarily get too much closer, but it's definitely bottomed out and stuck now. We crashed Grim Grim's ship. Hey, Bart, what was the name of Marge's ship? The Jebediah. And yours is called the Dissonant Whisperer. Okay, this one's called the Howling Shark. I'm trying to see if there's anything there. Who wants to go to shore?

Yeah, I jump off and head to shore. Do you want to get... Do you want to go up east? Yeah, carry me, Gunga. My gold time shake.

Carry me in those old man arms. But I hop off and I can walk on water. Jesus Christ. So you all make your way and go into the skull-shaped cave on the island? Yep. Yeah, what's howling shark? Yeah, you all go through the cave opening and as you do so, a door closes behind you and you're back in the square room with all of the doors. Oh.

You immediately fall on your backs atop the door because of the orientation of everything. Not Bart. Bart falls on my stomach. Boing. The third mosaic depicting a forest lights up with color. So it's 15 feet above you and upside down and a little off to the side.

Can I shoot an arrow with a rope attached and we can climb up so that I can be of use for once? If only one of us was able to reverse gravity. I think the use of mud spell for that was way cooler on the ship than it was in this room. You could absolutely fire an arrow with a piece of rope attached to it. Just make an attack roll just to aim and see if you hit your target. 16. Yeah, you're able to easily hit the door with an arrow and secure a rope.

Okay, and then I climb up the arrow to the door. All right. I follow. Yeah, same. Same. Okay. Same as before, there's that mosaic and a door. I presume one or multiple of you open it and go through? All at once. Kyborg's going first? No, we all go at once. We all shove our way into the door. Kyborg tries to go in as Gum-Gum shoves his leg in and says, everyone together! I let this happen. As one...

You step onto a treetop overlooking a dense forest canopy blanketed in black smoke. Everyone roll a perception check.

I think that's fire. I have disadvantage. 15 26 13 18. Wait, now I have a question. Do I have disadvantage on all wisdom based checks or just wisdom? Just wisdom checks. Right? Yeah, because it's memory. Yeah, you feel the tree below you swaying in the wind gently mud amidst the smoke you make out another tree top maybe 40 feet to your right and 50 feet down.

and you hear like a whimpering sound, like a hurt animal coming from that tree. Kyborg, are you a 15? 15. Kyborg, yeah, you feel the same thing. Gum-Gum, you spot another treetop 30 feet past that, but it's difficult to make out in the black fumes and foliage.

Bart, you think you hear a twig snap in that far tree, but you can't see anything other than all of this vapor and vines. Okay, I tell the party that I heard a twig snap in the other tree, but I can't make it out. Theory, either this is our first encounter with little Jenny, which took place in the woods...

Or, especially with the smoke and stuff, this is the Everwinter Woods and this is the burning of Kyborg's village. My dark origin story. Could be. Could be. Does it smell like fire? Can we tell it is fire for sure? Yeah, it's like a black smoke. You're fairly confident it's some kind of fire.

Smells like gum gum. Can we maybe get closer to the tree where you heard the twig snap? Yeah. I mean, you gotta find a way to make your way there. First, you know, there's this tree that is closer that I think mud saw. And then beyond that is the other tree where you heard that twig snap from. Are they close enough to like jump between? This first tree is 40 feet to the right and 50 feet down. So it's far. Depends on how you could approach that. Give me a rope. You can make like an athletics check.

He's got the immovable rod and a jump. I can hand you the end of a rope if you want to go nuts. I take the rope and then I do a big jump and use the ring of jump to try and make it. Yeah, that should be pretty easy with the ring of jump. Just go ahead and roll me an athletics check anyway with advantage. 26.

Oh, yeah. You easily clear the distance and jump to that next tree over. Wee! That was the closer one that you all heard the whimpering sound coming from. Can I quickly tie the rope to the tree and check for the whimpering animal? Yeah, you tie the rope so everyone can come across if they want. You look around for the whimpering. Make an investigation check. I skitter across as he's doing that. I do the same. Oh, no.

Oh my god, what does that even mean? Negative two investigation. Negative three. How did, what do you? Wow. He rolled a one, so it was a critical fail, and then he had a negative three for modifier. There's nothing here. Must have been the wind. Okay.

-GumGum just goes back to the other tree. -Can I climb down and then also investigate with GumGum? -Yeah, make an investigation check. -All right. Let me show you how it's done. -There's nothing here, I promise. -That is a five. -I told you there's nothing here. -Yeah, it was just the wind, I guess. -Guys, let's move on. There's nothing here. Let's go. -To the next tree. -I investigate as well.

Make an investigation check. Gum Gum's already jumping to the next tree. Twelve. You find what appears to be a baby owl that has singed wings from fire. No! What kind of cruel god would write this? Can we save it? Is it a little baby owl? Yeah. Do you have healing? I do. I think we gotta put it out of its misery, guys. Stop! What? I pushed Kyborg out of the tree.

As you're trying to figure out what to do with this baby owl, it seems to transform in your hands. What? Into some kind of amorphous blob figure that begins laughing maniacally. It mutters something, and some twisted saplings appear in the area, kind of rising up from the ground surrounding you all. Everyone roll initiative. Oh, my gosh. I don't even have action surge anymore. 21, 11, 25, 26.

22. Dang it. I want to go first. Those rolls were all like a number off from your previous rolls. That was weird. Must be these weighted digital dice we're using. Bart, you would go first, but again, you all were kind of caught by surprise. God dang it. These creatures are going to go first. It's almost like twisted...

burned, grotesque saplings surround you all and lash out and make an attack against, let's say mud, because mud was holding the owl. How are we all positioned, by the way? Are we all kind of like in the same spot? Right, like a straight line, kind of all in the same area. On a tree, right? Yes.

That is an 11 plus... I told you we should have killed the owl. You actually called it. That's a 17. That hits. So it lashes out with like a branchy claw doing 11 points of damage. Okay, okay. And it lashes one more time at you. Ooh, that's probably a miss. AC 11. Yeah, that misses. It misses. Yay.

- So there's like this blob and like this kind of like twisted tree looking creature. - If I were to cast something out from me, would I hit any of my party members or are we all on the same kind of plane? Since it is 2D. - You could position yourself around them. I'll say you all could like swap positions if you needed to. - Okay, could I go to the front of the party and cast out Thunder Wave? - Yes.

So Thunder Wave, it's going to be a 15 foot square. Yes. That it goes out in front of me. Man, only 16, 16 points of damage.

Each creature that was in the 15-foot area in front of me. -But they also get pushed though or prone? -This is in addition unsecured objects that are completely within the area of effect are automatically pushed 10 feet away from you. -Okay. Yeah. So the blob and these sapling creatures, are they going to actually make a constitution? There's a save on it, right? It's a constitution save? -Yeah, of 17. -Way to go, Bart. The sapling gets pushed away, but the blob type creature still seems to hold its ground.

And then as a burnish action, I'm going to do my mantle of inspiration. So I use one of my bardic inspiration to grant 14 temp HP to four creatures I could see. Up to four creatures I could see. Thank you. So everyone gets 14 temp HP. And that's it.

After Bart is Gum-Gum, then after Gum-Gum, Kyborg. Where am I in relation to the saplings and the evil ones and the owl? You are... We'll say you're behind Bart and they're to the right from you. And the evil owl thing is... That turned into the blob, which did not get pushed back by the Thunder Wave. Okay. I will rage! Okay.

I'm rolling two. Let's see what happens. An eight and a six. That is a bolt of light shoots through my chest. And you can see it takes radiant or blind. Or I get the bonus AC. I want to do the bolt of light. Another creature of choice you can see within 30 feet of you must succeed on the constitution saving throw or take 1d6 radiant damage and be blind until the start of your next turn. What was the save on it again? Constitution saving throw.

what's the number one d6 plus my proficiency bonus plus my constitution modifier so that would be that's a 15. i'm just gonna say he he he did say constitution shaving this guy has a beard it's gone now i guess i'll shoot at the blob because she

Can I shoot at the blob? Do they have eyes? Yes, you do. However, the blob rolls a 20 on its save, like a nat 20 on the save. So seemingly unfazed. These characters are too strong. You see the rolls. I rolled a nat 20. That's just dumb luck. I will then instead. Do these blobs look like they are fire-based? Like, because they're all smoldered and burned and stuff. No, I said the baby owl was singed.

Oh, you said blobs. Do you mean the saplings? Saplings, yeah. No, they don't appear to be fire based, no. Okay. Well, I'm going to attack the blob with my recklessly with my axe, my balancing axe. Ha! I get advantage on that. That's a 27. That hits. And I go, ha! And that's...

Eight plus my rage bonus, which is three, so... Eleven? Yeah. Okay. You swing with your balancing axe doing 11 points of damage. Does it seem to impact the blob in a painful way? I mean, it seems to hurt it. Yeah, you know, you slash at it, but, I mean, it's still very much there. Very blobby. Yeah. Then I shall do it again once more. Someone said if I recklessly attack, is it both by attacks? I think it's not. Okay.

It says, giving you advantage on melee weapon attack rolls using strength during this turn. You make your first attack on your turn, you can decide to attack recklessly. But, make my first... Giving you advantage on melee weapon attack rolls using strength during this turn. During this turn.

So I have to decide on my first attack. Okay, so I guess you make the decision on your first attack, and then it affects all of them on that turn. Got it. We did that wrong the entire campaign. Someone called it out on social media. So that's 25 to hit. All right, that hits. Yeah. Yeah. 16 damage. All right. The blob is still there. It's a little sliced up, but still standing its ground. And that is it. All right. It would be Kyborg's turn, but one of the other ones acts in the intermediary. What? Hey, you're cutting line, pal. What?

What are you doing? It rolled well. You hear a voice from the far tree. Leave it to me, Muck. Muck. And you hear like a clicking sound and you hear a boom and a bullet seems to fly in a straight line at all of you. All of you make a dexterity saving throw. This is the mud version. No, this is fake kyborg. Both. He shot his arrow at the...

Cannon. 21. 22. Nat 20. 21. 14. Mine rolled over from an 18 to a 5, and so I got 14. Everyone ducks in time except for Bart, who gets a hit square in the chest. But I'm so short. I'm so short. They duck.

Everyone jumped at just the right moment except for Bart, who gets hit in the torso with a magical bullet. Bart takes... I'm getting beat up. I know. This is... It's not your day. This is the campaign of just beating up Bart. 26 points of damage. I think I healed up a little bit. Yeah, really? Yeesh. Then you hear another clicking sound and...

Another bullet comes flying out. You only get one, fake kyborg! Everyone make another dexterity saving throw. It's one spur short rest. You're cheating! I have such a good modifier on my dexterity saving throws, and I'm rolling so bad. I rolled an 11. 18. 19. I rolled a 5. Oh, I guess I can add a d12 to that. Why not? So I rolled a 14. That's gonna hit me still. Yeah, your total's 14. Yeah, you still get hit along with Bart. Bart, you had an 11 that time? Yeah, I did.

Well, this one actually only hits one person. So it's either going to be Mud or Fart. I'm going to roll. Evens, Mud, Odds, Fart. Odds, Fart. Odds, Fart. It's so good. It's so good. Ah!

A second bullet fires out, impacts you, Bart, and explodes into a huge burst of fire. You take 17 points of piercing damage, and then you explode into five points of fire damage. -That's 22? -Yeah. What I like to imagine is you guys jumped on the first one, Bart didn't try to duck, got hit, and then on the next one, he tried to jump, you guys ducked. We all jumped.

Everyone make a perception check. Okay. I have disadvantage. 21. 10. 9. 11. Everyone except for Gum-Gum sees this, but in the far tree, there appears to be an elf made almost entirely out of iron. It has two left arms made of firearms and no right arm. Oh. These are evil us's. If we had given in to the dark side...

Isn't that what I- I just thought I- No, it- What? Dwayne, you're the first one to bring that up. I did it! We had Grim Grim and the other- No, no, Barb, let him have this moment. He really figured something out, okay? Men are so smart. No, no, listen, you said earlier that these are alternate dimension us's. We all agreed on that. I'm saying this is like the Kyborg if he had gone to Claude. You didn't specify that. That's what I'm saying right now.

As you all are looking in the distance at the elf, the blob slinks away, retreating over towards the direction of that elf in the distance, and they both disappear into that third tree. Oh.

We head to the third tree, right? I don't know. Is a dumb door up here or something? What are we doing? Well, they went into the tree. Do you think we need to find these versions of ourselves and open them up and look inside them? And then... Yeah, I go to the next tree. I go to the tree that they were at. Yes, me too. You see that there's a tree hollow here atop this tree and you all cross through it.

and a door closes behind you, and you immediately fall to the ground. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. Oh, goodness. Saving throw's at the wazoo. No. 18. 15. 15. I rolled a 1.

Kyborg, you fall on your face, taking five points of bludgeoning damage. Okay, but I kissed the floor. Oh, it turns into Lin-Mir's face. Okay, hey, honey. A 2D Lin-Mir, weird. Yeah, you are now atop the fourth door, and the fourth mosaic depicting a castle lights up. Could I cast Cure Wounds on myself again? Yes. We're on top of the door that we haven't gone through yet? Yeah, you fell out of this one on top of the other door. Okay, and you're casting your healing. 34 points of healing.

you want to cast that like twice or something if you like we could put on my friendship bracelet and it would protect you okay i don't think i don't think we should handcuff each other right now i have a my bonding friendship bracelet it can cast like uh like 60 foot distance in it and it can do uh um warding bonds so that i absorb damage for part maybe for the next room yeah yeah yeah

Okay. All right, let's go to the next room. Hopefully there's a cloud room full of nice soft pillows and unicorns.

And we've burned it, friendship wise. I go in. Let's go in. Let's do this. I open the last door and we go in. You all pass through the door and you feel glass envelop you like a thick swirling soup of prismatic colors. Fragments of reflection spiral past you until your feet land on a dim mosaic tile floor. Your vision adjusts to a third dimension, depth. You and your surroundings are back to normal.

You find yourselves back in the ivory grand hall of Castle Espejo. A single beam of moonlight dimly lights the center of the hall. It's still decked with hanging floral banners, topiaries, a stage, a corral of beasts, and an archery range.

Standing atop the dim stage are the four figures you recognize from your previous two-dimensional bouts. A voice calls out, "D-d-don't hurt me! I would never want to do anything to hurt anyone!" I missed on purpose. It was a warning. A strapping silhouette steps out from behind the shadowy figures, his white mantle gleaming in the moonlight. Little Jimmy. You tackled me, berated me, shackled me, impugned my marksmanship, stole from me, and you think we can just be... friends?

It turns out I'm not the only person you left in the wake of your careless collateral damage. You tampered with time to save the day, discarded yourselves to a destiny of devastation. That is your past selves. Take a look in the mirror and say hello to the Infinite Externs. Four distorted, albeit younger versions of yourself step out from the shadows. A thorny barbarian, a gaunt bard, a defiled druid, and a metallic elf with two left arms.

Cool. Little Jimmy holds out his hands. His white mantle shifts to jet black. A bow made of silver dragon scales appears in his right hand, and a skull made of obsidian appears in his left. Hi, Little Jimmy. I met the externs in the Elder Pines after they'd been attacked and imprisoned by ruthless raiders. They showed me this place.

Isla de Venganza, where we found the skull of Ojo Porojo. It offers lasting life for those who seek vengeance. Holding up the obsidian skull. No more warning shots. Now you shall taste the wrath my arrows truly bring.

Everyone go ahead and roll initiative, and we'll find out how this concludes in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Will the interns be able to vanquish the externs and everyone that's been left in their wake, their wake of destruction? Who really is the bad guy? Don't worry, little Jimmy, we'll save you. We'll come come save little Jimmy. Let's find out. All right, thanks for listening, everyone. Bye.

man. All right. Bye. Hey everyone. It's me, Bart. Thank you so much for listening to that episode of tales from the sneaky dragon. In case you guys didn't know, we have something really cool coming up on Saturday, November 11th. We will be raising money for children's miracle network hospitals. It's our key extra life. We are back with a 24 hour stream with the whole crew.

crew, the whole Stinky Dragon crew, we're going to be doing a one-shot. It's going to be great with some characters you might know from a certain campaign called Grotesque. So yeah, come check it out. It's going to be a 24-hour stream starting Saturday, November 11th into Sunday, November 12th because that's how 24 hours works. Yep.

I also want to mention that this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger, and additional editing work by David Saunier. Did you know that you can directly support the show and interact with us by subscribing at stinkydragonpod.com slash first? Yeah, it's pretty cool. Only the coolest people of the club get to be a first member, so you should sign up, support the show. We'd really appreciate it.

And now I'm going to say thanks to some of our very cool, very amazing fur stinkers. I hope I pronounced your names right.

Not too very good at this, but we got Luzij99. We got Johan. We got Rodrigo Ledesma. Caboose4Prez420. Hell yeah. And, of course, we have Onamzu. Thank you guys so much for supporting the show. If you do choose to become a first member, of course, you directly support the show and get access to more great content like Second Wind, interact with us on our subscriber-only Discord channels, and...

a ton more. Again, go to stinkydragonpod.com slash first. And here's a quick shout out to those who interacted with us on social media. Some NPCs named after them on this episode were Little Jimmy, aka Jamie Espejo, at JimmyKing411 on Twitter, and EsquireErica,

On Reddit, user Erica Makes Things. Thank you guys so much for interacting with us. Make sure to use at StinkyDragonPod. Hashtag StinkyDragonPod. You know the drill. Maybe you'll be an NPC on future episodes. And speaking of special shout-outs, we want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided VO for the characters in this episode. First up, Little Jimmy. Some guy named Gustavo Sorolla. I've never heard of him. Uh...

He's at Sorolla on social media. And we also have Esquire Erica played by Kristen Bates, at Kristen K. Bates. Thank you guys so much for providing your lovely, lovely voices to the show. And last but not least, go follow us on at StinkyDragonPod. We're on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube.

Are there any other social media platforms? I don't know. Anyways, interact with the community over on our subreddit at r slash stinky dragon podcast or on the Rooster Teeth Discord. For access to the Discord, just go to stinkydragonpod.com and on the left side, you know, the way Kyborg always goes, just click on community and then Discord right underneath.

I don't really know how the internet works, but that's where you find it. Hope to see you there. Anyway, thanks again. And we hope to see you next time when you tune in for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Anytime I used action surge in Baldur's Gate 3, I imagined you saying action surge. Yeah, same, same. Action surge.