C02 - Ep. 22 - Gems of Glrrb - Honest Maze Work
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

This is a Rooster Teeth production.

Compliments to all you cloud giants! Stomp on into the stinky dragon, guzzle our latest gulp, any way, shape, or storm. It's a mixture of crushed telekinesis, storm-brewed coffee clouds, simply soaring syrup, topped with a mound of Morningstar soda. One nip of this 'noff is enough to turn any losing situation into a win-win.

Previously, our adventurers arrived in a Glurb glowing by the firelight and were reunited with their inferno foe, the Sphynix. The blazing beast demanded one thing: the Mould of Underglobula. The party teamed up with local Glurbian Hexel, searched the stars for clues, came upon a concealed entrance leading underground. Cobble a cup of coffee, let's continue our Christentious Chronicle.

Wait, how did you know that was going to happen? Did you write that during lunch? Do I know what?

The recap. Did Micah write that? Micah wrote it. How did he know it was going to happen? He's been listening this whole time. Micah, I'm confused. You gave us like a beautifully rhyming, like with all the alliteration. It's almost like they plan like the general gist of our episodes to a degree. Then we as a party are failing right now because we're becoming predictable. Do we need to derail? We need to derail. Matty kicks Chip into the hole. Oh no!

And then picks up Elga and flies off to a new land. Goodbye, everybody! Where did everyone go? Let's go live in Barney's bowl in the sky! Hello, everyone. I'm Gustavo Sorolla, the dungeon master of our putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. This week's role-playing warm-up question is, if podcasts existed in Groteth, which ones would your character listen to? Hmm.

Obviously, this does not include Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Oh, that was my answer. No, I'm kidding. Present company excluded. They would listen to the Infinite Campaign. They like that. I'll go. Hi, I'm Chris Damaris and I play the human cleric named Barney Farney. Barney Farney. It's going to tick me off because it's my answer.

Go ahead. Take my answer. Take his answer. Just do it. Well, there's this Grotethian death. That's not bad. That's really good. I like it. It's a thinker. Also, today explained...

which would just be explaining what happened today. In Marty's life. Yeah. And then probably just good morning from hell because I think that would exist in this play. Multidimensional. That would for sure. Which by the way is a real podcast that Blaine and Chris produced for many years. Very entertaining. Blaine loved every second of it.

It didn't do any lasting damage to his vocal cords. Nope. I don't even know. Can I do Clayton voice anymore? Yeah. This is what it sounds like. You totally can. All right, it's back. Oh, I'm getting deja vu. Chris, Chris, wake up. We're in the middle of recording. Come on, Chris. You never really did good voice from out. You're really collecting a library of voices that you've done. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, they're all annoying. According to the internet. It's a library that's been burned. You're doing it right. Wouldn't you be annoying and answer the question? Oh, uh, hey there, it's me, Chip Haney. He doesn't have his phone out. Tiefling Rogue. What level? Five.

Take five. And, uh, Oh, you know, I listened to a lot of the podcasts when I'm on the treadmill doing my jazzercises working out in the weight room. Uh, I love that Dan Carlin though. He's a, he's a little history Hobbit and he just tells me all of the mighty battles that have happened in phase. Uh,

And let me see. Faiza or Grotte? Faiza. It's a different land. You wouldn't know. Don't be fazed by it. And then I also love Mabim Bam. Oh, I love Mabim Bam. But it's just Mabim Bam's in. Bonjour. My name is John Reisinger. I play Matty Confucius, who's an air-croaking ghost monk. I think Matty would find it very fun to listen to ghost podcasts just because they would be like comedic to them. Yeah.

Because these people trying to find like. Oh, like paranormal. Yeah, paranormal. I was like, podcast hosted by ghosts? No. Or like, what's the one? Ghost hunters? Ghost hunters are like lore, that kind of stuff. Yeah. Actually, no. I got a better answer. Matide would love 30 Morbid Minutes. Oh.

That's a good podcast. Also a real podcast. A real podcast. But it's all a podcast about the macabre and morbid. Yeah. And I think Mateed would think that would be great. As well as obviously listening to the podcast version of The Great Glur Bake Off. Oh. Oh. It's all just like oozy cupcakes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yucky.

Yummy. I mean, mmm, tasty. Chicken, yummy. Chicken, yum. Oh, that's juicy, guys. That's a throwback. Well, hello, I'm Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Elga Von Brath, the female half-elf vampire barbarian, level five as well, still. And I think, you know, Elga, she's listening.

to a lot of podcasts in her time because she's had so much time. But, you know, surprisingly, you would think it would be like true crime or anything like this. But Elka really likes to listen to finance podcasts. Because she, you know, she's lived a long time and she wants to make sure her investments are working

working for her, save in the long run, take care of her future. That makes sense. Yeah. I like that. Elga, you instantly, maybe it's because you've been holding the sky chart, but you instantly pick out five stars in the sky that are an exact match to the sky chart. And as you start pointing them out to everyone, each shines brightly for a moment and then just as quickly disappears. And one by one, each celestial body brightens and vanishes until there's an outline left in the negative space that looks like a diamond. And fluently...

And foosh! Bright specks start appearing in the grassy ground below you, surrounding you on every side with spots of light, until they all form a constellation in the soil, a jewel. In the center of the consoylation, a hole opens up in the ground near your feet. The pit plumbs deeper than the eye can see into a dark void blacker than the night sky. And Hexel asks, "So, who wants to go first?"

Chip! Dive, dive, dive! I jump in. You jump in, okay? Chip has jumped in. That's fine. That's very Chip. We have someone on the team who can fly. Dive, dive! You hear my voice going further. Dive, dive! You also can write the slurs down. Oh! That's how you were able to come down from... I climb back up. Guys, I forgot my horse thing. I think that's good. That's very good. So does Chip come back up?

No, no. Chip's about to die. We'll deal with Chip's death, pending death in a moment. I just don't want God telling us what we're going to do. It's like, it's no fate but what we make. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Chase your bliss. I let you jump into the hole, dude. Yeah. You did it. Chase your chips. You did it. It's just one big slippery slide. Okay, so Chip has fallen to his death. You're living your best life for the next minute. Minute.

Mateed will help and will kind of smack the butt of Chip's slurg to send the slurg down. Can Mateed do that? Yeah, the slurg begins riding down the wall after Chip. I wonder if it can go faster than Chip falls. What's the velocity of a falling chip? I don't think a slurg traveling slowly down via its slime is going to beat Mateed.

Just a falling tiefling? Well, no, no, because they said that it, like, they zoom once they hit, like, slippery. The terminal velocity of a person falling is about 120 miles an hour. What about a tiefling? A humanoid falling is about 120 miles an hour. Are you, like, pencil diving? Do you have your arms out for a little bit of wind resistance? I'm like, you know, I'm like the luge or whatever, where it's like I have my feet down. He's going feet first. In that case, that's actually faster. You go about 150.

180 miles an hour that way. Yeah, yeah, I'm making myself perfectly aerodynamic. My horns are helping. Did Blaine just admit that he's a loser?

So good. Perfect chef's kiss. Mateed takes their slur down. Okay. Elga does the same where she does the thing where she kicks both sides and goes, yeah, push, push. And the slur kicks her off. But when she does it, her feet just stick to it. Just go in. Barney goes, hi. Can we go down? Is that what you've named him? No, that's what his name was. I'll give you another taste if you want. Rawr.

Gorgeous, beautiful. That's his name. Good foley work. All right, so we have Chip leading the way, feet first. Yep. Behind Chip is Mateed, then Elga, then Barney, then bringing up the rear, we'll have Hexel. Hexel. Hexel. Hexel.

Do you have any way to stop your fall, by the way, Blaine? Yeah, I've got knives. It's called landing. I've got knives, and I can just stab into the walls to just slow my descent. I can see Gus trying to figure out what checks to make you do this. Yeah, that's exactly what it was. I am an assassin. I've done dangerous things. Fast things. Do you have any kind of dark vision? Yeah, I've got dark vision.

Yeah, he does. I think we all have. 100% dark vision. Yeah, no, some of Tiefling. You do. Actually, I think everybody. I think we all have dark vision. We're the dark vision crew. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, it's dark. So, but since you have dark vision, it's pretty dimly lit. So you can see a little bit, but it's not, you know, there's no, there is no illumination source. Go ahead and just, just for fun, roll me, we'll call it an athletics check. So you can be using your strength to try to stop yourself. Okay. Fine. I will. 19. Oh.

Look at you, pretty good. Why are you provoking Gus further by being so cocky about it?

You use your dagger to, like, stick it into the side of the wall and slow yourself down? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Much to my surprise, and probably to everyone's surprise, it actually works, and you managed to slow yourself down. You fell for quite a while. You're not sure exactly how long you fell, but you're all alone down at the bottom of this... Oh, question mark. Everyone else, you know, it takes you a little while to get down riding your slugs, but it's not too far. Do you guys think Chip will be alive when we get down there? What do you think it's going to look like? Now I know what it's like.

Being a burrito in my stomach just going straight there. I imagine it would be something like a bunch of mush with some horns. I have horns. You do have horns still? Yeah, probably. How long those horns? They last a long time. Okay, well, how long? I don't know. Did you not take note of how long the thing that you got? I heard long time.

Moosh caps. Moosh rooms. He told you the exact time. One hour. One hour. Only one hour? That's not... Do they still have them? No. Because the night fell. You took a short rest. Time has passed. But you have more moosh rooms you can eat if you want to. So everyone, you eventually reach the bottom. You find Chip down there. And to see what else you find, everyone go ahead and roll a perception check. So unless you all provide a light source of some kind, you do have disadvantage on your perception check. Well, can I do something? Yeah. Even though we have dark vision? Yeah. It still allows you to see, but it's not as...

I want to do eyes of night. You have dark vision out to a range of 300 feet. And as an action, I can share this dark vision with up to five willing creatures within 10 feet of me lasting for one hour. And that's like, no, no, this is like super, super dark vision. Like normal dark visions, like

something like 30 or 50 feet. This is like... It's further. Yeah. So would you say, Gus, this would negate the need to do a disadvantage? I believe even with that extended distance, I think dark vision in low illumination like this, you still do have a disadvantage. You can just see further. So you still would have disadvantage, but you can't see further. Okay, well, with disadvantage, I rolled a six. Ten. Twelve for Elga with disadvantage. Fourteen. Wow. Not bad. So six Matide. Was that you? Yeah.

Yeah. Man, it's so claustrophobic here. It feels like the walls are closing in all around. I don't like this. I fly. Then the other three were 10, 12, 14. The rushing of a subterranean river echoes off slimy cavern walls, and every now and then patches of fungi faintly glow dimly, revealing deep chasms in the cave floor and shimmering gemstones embedded in the cave walls. Ooh. It's like there's elderlies. Can I go touch one of the gemstones? Yes.

Yeah. You walk up to it and yeah, it's like a sparkling gemstone gleaming with what little light exists in this chamber. You're wondering if it's like the other gems we found? Yeah. Does anything happen when I touch it? No. Okay.

Could I take it off the wall? Yeah, you can try to pull it out. Make a strength check just to see if you can pull it out with your brute force. 13? No, you give it a really strong pull, but it doesn't seem to come out. Then Hexel says, Oh, perhaps this can help. Then they reach down and pick up a miner's pick that's laying on the cave floor, partially buried. A miner's pick for me. A miner's pick.

You're very pleased with that, aren't you? No. Hex will hand you a miner's pick, Elga. Can I use it to try to get the gemstone off the wall? Yeah. Can I have a senior's pick? Go ahead and make a strength check. With advantage? With advantage.

No. Well, I have the pick now. Well, it changes the difficulty of the roll you have to make. Oh, it's a 12 now. Yeah, you start chipping away, but it seems like the wall is incredibly tough rock. You struggle to free the gemstone. Okay, well, I'm going to keep this pick if that's okay with you, Hexel. By all means. Okay. Hey, Hexel, is this some sort of like mine that your Glurb people have gone to? I mean, there's like a pick down here already. What?

No, there are legends and myths that speak of subterranean creatures called globulins. Perhaps the globulins crafted this mine. But like I said, that's just a myth. Wait, they're called glurbians? Glurbians and globulins? Glurbians and globulins. Okay. Globulins from another snail creature called glob. What's a globulin?

What is GLURB? It's like children's stories that we tell of Glurbians who went their own separate way and instead of embracing the nomadic lifestyle above ground, they went underground.

And those are the globs? Globulins. How long ago was this? Oh, I don't know that it really even happened. Well, all right, it's a children's story, but, like, when did they start telling these children stories? Many generations ago. I couldn't even tell you. Yeah, it's crazy. It could never happen in real life. Yeah. I mean, I think this would probably constitute as being under globula, right? The place we fell down?

Unless this is Glopula and there's a place even lower than this called Underglopula. Sub-subterranean. Lots to think about. Lots to think about. Perhaps we should explore a little bit and see what we find. That's a great idea. Yeah. Then we do that. Okay. You know, you continue walking and as you begin moving off in the direction, you begin to see silhouetted figures standing perfectly still. Draw closer or you draw closer to them.

And once you get up close, you see that there's three still figures that are statues made of gemstones. Ooh. Are they statues made of gemstones on the walls? Yeah, there's just a variety of gemstones. It's not like it's one specific gemstone. It's just various gemstones. Okay.

each of the statues seems to be posed in a different position. What are the statues of? Like humanoids, globs, glurbians? They seem very similar to glurbians, but not quite the same. Oh, maybe these are globulins. Yeah, I think so. They're very similar to glurbians, but slightly different. Could be assumed that they separated and then, you know, not natural selection. Evolution took place in...

and their bodies adapted to the underworld. What are the poses that they're in? One of them's reaching out, one of them appears to be running, and another one is crouched. Ooh, okay. This seems like these could be people that were transformed into this. I'm thinking, like, Medusa stone statues. Oh.

Oh, that'd be bad. Unless they're like doing the positions of what we might need to do. Possibly. It could be that. Like, yeah, I just, it sounds like they're all in positions that someone would be in if they were like running away or trying to avoid something. Like something you'd find a pumping out. Yeah. Yeah. I'm crouching by the crouching one. And I'm like, I don't know. That seems silly. Could I reach out to the one reaching out and touch my hand on the hand? And I'll run. Yeah.

Barney just disappears into the darkness. Yeah, Elga, you reach out and touch it, and the gemstones feel cool to the touch. When we approach them, are they facing us or facing away from us? Towards you. Okay.

Okay, so what if we try to see what they might have been trying to get away from? It's hard to see down in that direction, but it does seem like the path continues further on in the other direction where they're backwards towards. Perhaps there is something down here that was like a monster. I disrespectfully leapfrog over the crouching one and continue on.

All right, so let's see. You guys want to keep going down this path? I think so. Sure. I look into the eyes of one of them and, like, wave and see if I see anything. Can I see? He waves back. Whoa! But then you realize it's just your reflection. Oh. Wait, are their faces, like, contorted in, like, horror? Or is this, like, more...

hand craftsmanship. It's hard to tell because they're not humanoid creatures necessarily, they're globulins. Because we already kind of encountered a Medusa-like person at Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk- Kirk-

Like they solidified and got dried out. That's pretty cool. Should we just stab one? The only way to find out is onward. Onward. Onward. Is Elga still on her little slurred? If you want to be. Yeah, I do. Okay. I'm going to try something really quick, guys. Chip yells.

Echo! Echo, echo, echo. Gut sucks! Gut sucks. Got 'em. Yeah! Inspiration die to me. Suddenly a cave in economies. Give Chris an inspiration die! Make me a constitution saving throw, Chip. Die, die, die.

DC 50. So, three. Chip falls down dead. Chip dies of diarrhea. His brother Dip appears. Yeah. Hey there.

It's me. So you all continue in a 20 foot long passage of slimy rocks leads into an octagonal chamber that branches off in eight directions. Above each passage are jewel encrusted signs written in a language that you can't understand. Oh, I actually can understand it, guys. What did they say? What?

You know, you're painting the picture. I've never seen this language before, but I suppose it doesn't matter in the end. Our goal is to find this so-called Mould of the Underglobula, and the only way to do that is by exploring these passages. Perhaps the sky chart will prove helpful down here. Everyone, go ahead and roll initiative. We're not in combat. I just want to get everything organized here. Just imagine looking up in a cave trying to look at the stars. No.

19. Faith. I rolled a 13. Since we're on it, I don't need to use my double initiative thing. This is just an order thing. That's up to you. I'll save it. It's not like a one use, whatever, you can do whatever you want. Okay, I'll do it twice. It was still 12. I reroute it so I have it again. You reroute it? Reroute it? Redo it. Redo my double initiative thing. Reroll? I have 12 initiative.

All right. So just to make sure I have it right, Chip has 19, Elga has 13, Barney has 12, and Mateed has five. Yes. Correct. All right. So we've done this in the past, but I'm going to go ahead and do a quick refresher for any new listeners. Oh!

Oh, the card game! Yeah, I have a deck of cards that represents the progress and perils waiting for you in the cavernous passages that lie ahead. Gameplay is based on the initiative that we just rolled. Each of you will take one turn per round. On each turn, I'll deal out three cards face down in the crossroads before you, left, center, and right. And this represents the different paths you can take along the way. On your turn, you may take an action and pick a card.

or just pick a card from the crossroads to be revealed. There's only going to be three types of actions available for the party, and once an action is used, it cannot be used again until all the actions have been used.

Once all the actions have been used, then three different actions will be unlocked again. And the actions are: Forge a Path, which is strength-based, and that allows you to add two additional right path cards to the discard pile from outside the game. Scout Ahead, which is Dexterity, reveals the top card of the deck in addition to the card in the crossroads, and you can choose one. It's Elementary, which is Intelligence. You draw three cards from the deck, choose one, put it on the bottom of the deck, shuffle the remaining cards, and place them on top of the deck.

and careful consideration, which is wisdom based. Reveal two cards in the crossroads this turn and choose one. Oh, and of course, boost morale, which is charisma. Remove a dead end card in the crossroads from the game. Draw a new card from the deck and place it face down in the crossroads.

There's five different cards: right path cards, dead end cards, trap cards, monster cards, and treasure cards. Right path cards represent making the correct choice when approaching an intersection, moving you closer to your goal of finding the Mould of Underglobula. When you reveal a right path card, the party scores one point towards reaching your destination. That's very important. Yeah, the goal of this game is to reveal or earn five right path cards. If you do that, you reach the destination. Okay.

- Ooh.

The monster cards represent monsters lurking in the caverns, drawing closer to the party. When revealed, you earn one point towards encountering a monster, and when you've revealed two monster cards, you encounter a monster, at which point you enter combat using this initiative that you've rolled, and I'll roll for the monster's initiative and slot it in. Two monster cards means fight. Yes. If the party successfully defeats a monster, one monster card is removed from the deck, lowering the chance of an encounter once again. The trap cards represent traps.

You'll use your skills and abilities to avoid the hazards laid throughout the caves, each with varying degrees of difficulty and effect. If it's your first time listening, it may sound really confusing. There's a lot. I know I just like said a whole bunch of words. It makes it's actually pretty simple. It makes a lot of sense once we get into it. Basically, we're picking cards out of three options to be able to proceed through this cave. Certain things can happen depending on what cards turn over and certain actions we can take can affect the better benefits like the charisma checks and strength checks and stuff.

Exactly. Our old infinite friends will remember this. We're all old hands. We're veterans. Chip, you're up. It's time for you to figure it out. Okay, so if you recall at the top of the episode, I was talking about how we need to stay unpredictable. Oh, God. So I stacked...

dab hex goal or whatever his name is. No! He'll never expect it. Watch Gus scramble to come up with a story. Your hand goes just straight through and absorbed by the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the

A dead-end card. Are you able to do that? Can I boost morale? So there are... Nothing turned over yet. Yeah, nothing has been turned over. Got it. You've got three face-down cards in front of you. You could do turn over a card and then your action. Forge a path! Okay. No. Never mind. Why? Nah.

It's elementary. It's elementary. We're going to go with it's elementary. My dear Watson. All right. So if you want to use it's elementary, you're going to make a intelligence check. Go ahead and make that there, Chip. Intelligente. 17. 17. Okay. So you get to draw three cards from the deck. Choose one. Put it in the bottom of the deck. Shuffle the remaining cards and place them on top of the deck. So you draw three from the deck. You get dead end, trap,

Ooh, and treasure. The way that you said intelligence that way is very much speaking volumes to I think Chip would be the kind of person to be like, hey, you guys want some tacos? Yeah. I also love how it's like draw three cards, put one on the bottom and shuffle the other two. Yeah. And then it's like, trap card, I choose you. What? To go to the bottom. To go to the bottom. Oh. And then I'll shuffle these other two cards. Shuffle them up. Shuffle them up.

Draw it. All right. Draw. So now a treasure card and a dead end card is at the top. Yep. You're welcome. Thank you. Okay. So we got three cards face down in the crossroad. So turn over card. Left, center, or right? Carol, speak to me. Left. Choose right. Why didn't you rescue me? Quiet down, Carol. I like your woman voice, Chris.

Didn't you rescue me? So you go down the left path, leading the way confidently since Carol spoke to you in your tower of need. Uh-huh. And you think you hear a rustling sound behind you. And as you turn to check it out, you accidentally stumble into a nest of black splodges. Ah!

Everyone go and make a constitution save. Everyone? Yeah. Oh, I guess we're all together. Right. 14. 11. 23. 13. All right. Barney is the only one who failed with that 11. Barney, you're going to take a little bit of necrotic damage from these black splodges. No. I had five tip hit points. I imagine those are gone now.

Yeah, your short rest negated those. So four points of necrotic damage. And from the ickiness of it all, you have disadvantage on your next ability check or saving throw. From the ickiness? Yeah. Okay. Barney just angers the swarm of splodges and they immediately discharge inky dribble all over him. And it just kind of, ow, it stings. Guys, I don't think Carol likes Barney. You got the inky done.

Actually, those of you who did make the save, you just take half damage. So the rest of you take two points of necrotic damage. I take one because I have the wrappings of antique, which give me resistance to necrotic. I am also resistance against necrotic damage. So you only take one as well. I'm going to hellish rebuke the cave. No, I'm just kidding.

I take two points of damage. We're off to a great start. Next up is Hexel. By the way, do we know pronouns of Hexel and Ogville? Oh, that's actually an excellent question. I do have that. If you ask Hexel, Hexel will be happy to reply to you. Uh, Hexel, what are your pronouns, just out of curiosity?

Thank you for asking. They, them. And what about your future blended partner? Ogvel is also they, them. Okay, thank you. Gus just closed. I just watched this Gus hit close on stuff and you saw him explode a little bit. No. I had all my windows open correctly. I opened that other window to double check the pronouns and then I quit instead of closing that window. I'm sorry.

Hey, you, listener. Did you know the best way to support Tales from the Stinky Dragon is to support us through a first membership? You can directly support us and on top of that, you get something. You get ad-free episodes. Yeah, it's only $5.99 a month and you get access to all the Stinky Dragon stuff including Second Win, our bonus show where we go deep dives into like the week's episode. You get like

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is going to assist Elga on her next turn. Thank you, Hexel. And Elga tries to hold their hand, but doesn't know where it is. Yeah, it just kind of absorbs. You end up grabbing their, like, derriere. I'm spoken for. All right, Elga, it's actually your turn. So you'll be able to get advantage because of Hexel's assistance. So what do you want to do? I'm going to forge a path. Forge a path. And do a strength check.

Yeah, go ahead and make me a strength check. With advantage, because you have Hexel's help. Sweet. Thank you, Hexel. I needed that. Now 20. Oh, yeah. All right. 20. So you successfully do it. That allows you to add two additional right path cards to the discard pile from outside the game. Oh, wasn't it supposed to be that only three of the actions are available at a time? That is correct. Yes. We'll say it was those two. Two of those for now. And the other one is boost morale. Okay, so.

So forge a path. Add two additional right path cards to discard pile from outside the game. So what does that mean? So more right path cards are inserted into play, essentially. Gotcha. Okay. And then I choose a direction? Yes. Let's go center. So Elga, you begin leading the way. You're fed up with Chip's lousy direction sense down here. All right. Okay.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow.

- Ooh. - Can I take a look at it? - Down in one, down in one. Make me an investigation check. - Up close? - Yes. - Vitamin C. - That's a 17 and a-- - It's called Tane. - So 17. - You stave off scurvy.

It appears to be some type of magical elixir that can restore spell slots or key points. That's great for you. What are key points again? Okay, well, I think...

I'm going to give this to Matid. Matid, don't drink this right away, but it restores your spell slots or key points. Thank you. Which I know very much about. So it's a potion of spell slots, and this specific one restores one key point. Lovely. While we're exchanging gifts, if you want to give me that ice snifle. Really? Still? Still?

Over her cold, dead hands. Oh, you know, Blaine's really been wanting to do, like, crazy things, like just stab him with the ice knife. No, no, no, no, no. You know, Chip, if you find something that I have used for it, I would be willing to make a treat. I like that. Noted.

I like that. Yeah. Looking for blood. You know, if you just provide a continuous supply of blood for me anytime I ask, then maybe I can... Asking for a little blood pact is what you're saying? Yeah. Just Chip biting his own lip? No. You must use the knife to draw the blood for me every time. No, I'm kidding. Elga, that was your turn. So, Barney, you're up. And so what...

We have. All that's left is boost morale, which is charisma based. You're a charismatic old man, aren't you? Let us do it. Charismatic old man. Oh, I thought you said charismatic old man. No, no, no. That's a cool like radical. Charismatic old man. Amalgamation of a few words. You know what they say about caves. What do they say about caves?

They always go somewhere. Not... Okay, yes. Well, sometimes they go to dead ends, and sometimes they go to death, but sometimes they go out. Just a lot of dead hikers that would beg to differ. That was a 20. Wow. Excellent. So, boost morale allows you to remove a dead end card in the crossroads from the game, draw a new card from the deck, and place it face down in the crossroads. Okay. Okay, no Riz on this old man. Done.

All right. So which direction do you want to go? Let's go right. Okay. Right is dead end. That is a dead end car. See, it led us right to a dead end. So that one does stay in the crossroads in front of us. Okay. Is that it for you, Barney? What else can I do? I'm asking genuinely. Nothing. Nothing. You took your action. I'm done.

Good work, Barney. Mateed. You found that dead end. You told them who's boss. That's three turns, so we need new actions. Oh, correct. Let me take care of that. I'm going to roll some dice just to eliminate some. So this time we have it's elementary, careful consideration, and boost morale. Okay. I will do

Careful consideration. Careful consideration. I don't have terrible wisdom. Wisdom based. It allows you to reveal two cards in the crossroads this turn and choose one. That's a good one. Just a 21. Oh. Excellent. Magnificent. So we have left and center. Yeah.

Which are both dead ends. So then what happens now? So with careful consideration, you choose one. You know that they're both dead ends. Okay, so I just have to go ahead and reveal a second dead end, so I'll reveal the middle dead end. Yeah, exactly. Why'd you walk down there? It's a dead end! I stab Chip. I stab Chip.

With my spear of harvest, whatever, I stab him. Do you want to use my Fang Frost? Yes, I take the Fang Frost and I stab him a second time. Don't you have a sling you want to use? I then hit him with the sling. And then with my feet and then Jacques bites his face. And Haskell is like stunned by this. He's like, trust me, it would have been you if you... I cast Fury of Blows as well and I hit him again.

I feel like we should be keeping track of how many extra syllables Chris adds to any name or word. Hexical. Hexical? Yeah, when he said hexical, I was like, what? Hexal? Hexal. Hexal. All right. Phoenix. Phoenix.

Sup, Phoenix? Any more attacks? No. Is that it for you, Mateed? What this was was like that moment where like someone does all that stuff and then we do a time warp back and this was just all in Mateed's mind. You're just like, me screaming.

And Mati just turns to Chip and goes, you know. I love that. Chip wonders for a second, what's behind those eyes?

Oh, man. All right. That's it for Mateed. Chip, you're up. Left available to you, It's Elementary and Boost Morale. What are the cards that are revealed right now? Is it just two? It's two dead ends, center and right. And then the other one that I revealed, is that a new card now? Yes, yes, yes, it is. Sorry, just to clarify. So it's not necessarily a dead end that we already know about. Got it. Thank you. I'm going to do It's Elementary. My dear Watson. IntelliHentip. Oh.

All right. Make your intelligence check. That's a save. We'll say it's the same. You rolled bad regardless. I can do a lucky. You rolled a six for our listeners. Yeah, I sure did. Two plus four. Let me make sure that I have luckies left over. Make sure it's a check, not a save. There's a 20 with my lucky feat. Okay, well, that's successful. We draw three cards from the deck. You're going to go ahead and choose one, put it on the bottom of the deck, and then shuffle the remaining cards, place them on top. What do we got? We got two monsters and a trap. Perfect. I'm looking at it like, hmm.

I'm going to lose a monster card. Smart. Shuffle these two. Boop, boop.

What could they be? No one knows. All right. And then as far as direction, hold on, hold on. Carol, guide me, Carol. Come on. Please save me. Turn back around and leave. You should be nicer to that bird. All right, everyone. Carol says center. No. All you have available is left. Carol says left. I love it. I was like, I'm going to let him go. I'm going to see where this goes. All right.

All right, left. So you focus again trying to contact Carol through the otherworldly channels.

psychic connection, whatever you may have. And in doing so, you come across a passage and notice that the clammy cave ceiling bears a symbol that matches a constellation in the sky chart. Ooh, perhaps you're one step closer to finding the moon. Sky chart. Way to go, Carol! So, right path? Right path. Yay, that's one! I still don't know why I had a thing that said gold of underglobula. There might be gold! Make an intelligence check, Elga. Oh, okay. G-8. Yeah, maybe some dum-dum just...

just didn't know what they were talking about. Yeah. Crazy. All right. Hexel. Hexel's going to choose to help someone. Shoot. That's Chip.

Next time you go, you're going to have advantage. Hexel, I don't need your help. I got my debt. My wife, Carol. My missing wife, Carol. It's like when the police interview someone and they refer to the person in the past tense. Elga, you're up. So what do we have left right now? All you have left is boost morale. All right, let's do it. All right, so this is a charisma check. Come on, squads.

I like the role playing there. That's the spirit, yeah. That's the spirit, we can find our way. Wahoo, come on, Mateed. Yeah. I'm waiting for the roll. The roll will determine. Here we go. You all have been rolling pretty well so far. You can just hear from within Mateed's like rappings, just the sound of a little cat going, boo.

It's payback from Bart from another life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, eight is not sufficient, unfortunately. Do I still get to pick a direction? Yeah. There's only one direction left, though. It is to the left. Let's go left. As you lead the way to the left, Elga, an unusual gemstone statue blocks your path. It has mesmerizing amethyst eyes that seem to be piercing down to your very soul. Elga, specifically, you need to make me a wisdom saving throw. Oh, perfect. Okay.

Elgus stares back at it intensely unblinking rolls a 13 that might do it you hear a voice bellow in your mind you may only speak in rhyme both now and for all time how long is the time that you refer to for I am scared to get stuck here fool fool with virtue yes

Why would you sustainable she's got it don't think I will be I

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. So metagame-wise, that means one monster card is added to the discard pile, and the current trap card stays in the crossroads until it's disabled by a player. This was a trap card that you flipped over. Okay. So, yeah, Elga's kind of... So I failed that? Yeah, kind of dealing with this. If anybody wants to help her, they can make a wisdom check to try to, like, shake her out of it. Can I try and do that? Yeah. A wisdom check. Barney just slaps Elga. 11. Oh.

You kind of like this, Barney. Make him do it, too. Make him run. It doesn't affect him, unfortunately. It's just affecting Elga. I'm afraid I was not smart enough to come up with a way to...

Barney just died. Did you guys see that? Barney just died. Barney, it's not so easy, is it? After we fell in this deep, dark pit. There's a demon in DC Comics named Etrigan, and he's actually a kind of demon that is called a rhyming demon. So every time you read him in the comics, he rhymes everything. I keep getting lost with all the twists and turns, but at least I'm here with a friend. With my friends. Ah!

How much psychic damage does Barney take? None, because he's not affected by the curse. He's just trying to fit in. Okay, Barney, it's your turn. The river is now three new cards? The trap stays, but the other two dead-end cards are reset. Two new cards in the river. And the three actions available are forge a path, scout ahead, and careful consideration. Okay, so strength, dex, or wisdom. If anybody wants to try

Try assisting Elga, knocking her out of this rhyming. What happens if no one does? Then for the rest of the campaign, you have to rhyme. No one do it. No one do it. So there's two cards left to be picked? Correct. Center and right. I will try and carefully consider which one to pick. Oh, so make a wisdom check. If he had an ice cream cone, he'd give it a lick.

Man, 12? I got good wisdom, man. Man, man. You went down to Mexico and ate some flan. Why can't I get this cool curse? 12. That's not going to cut it, Barney. No further insight. You can still reveal cards. Yes. Center, right? You could join the circus and become a carny. I'll go center. Do you want to trade and be the leader of this parade?

That is a monster card. That does not mean you have an encounter. It just means you're one step closer to the monsters are drawing ever closer. Isn't this fun? I will slit your throat before the game is done.

that's not a rhyme elga seems to be having fun oh there you go my turn yes okay all that's left is scout ahead or is forge a path or to path and scout ahead copy that i'm better at decks so i'm gonna go ahead and reveal the top card of the deck

with Scout Ahead by rolling an awesome roll 22. Thank you. That's pretty good. That is an awesome roll. So you reveal the top card of the deck in addition to a card in the crossroads, and you can choose one. So the top card in the deck is right path, and then you can also reveal one in the crossroads. Is center down? Center is face down. Yeah, let's go center. That is a monster card. I'm going to go with the right path. That's two. Are you sure? Shut it. Shut it.

Monster! Chaos! Let's go! With a sharp eye, you uncover a secret passage that avoids some treacherous chasms. Ooh. Yeah, dude. One step closer. That's it for Mateed. Chip, you are up. With advantage. Anyone want to... Oh, I have good wisdom. Let me see if I can help. Sorry, guys. It's my turn. Let's continue on, shall we? Elga, did you have something to say? I rolled a 10. Sorry, I'm trying. Elga, what's the matter? Nothing is the matter, Chip.

That's adorable. All right. What do I have left over? Best person to get this curse. There's an inside contact on me right now. All that's left is forge, right? Correct. All that's left is forge a path. Okay. Elgo, what do you think I should do?

I've been talking to Carol a lot. Now what's your opinion? I don't think Elka could hear you. Or maybe Elka's choosing to ignore. Okay, I'll forge a path and I'll do a strength check. Ten. Not quite good enough. Unless... Yeah, I've been unlucky. What the heck? All right. Let's do that strength check again. Watch out!

What a waste of a lucky. Advantage? What do you mean? Hexal. Oh, right. You have advantage. Can I take my lucky back? Yeah, roll it. You have your lucky back and you make the extra roll right now. These two would be your rolls with advantage. Now you would be using a lot. This is my lucky. Come on.

Come on, Carol. That's gonna be bad. Give me your strength. Come on. That's 20. Hey. Oh, yeah. The luck you work. So you add two additional right path cards to the discard pile from outside the game. Woohoo. Okay, so that's done. So now what cards will have to be revealed in the river? Looks like we got center and right. Okay. Carol, which path do I go down? Come on, honey bunny. Go help your friend, Helga. That's all right.

Jesus, go right. Chip, you choose the right path and make your way down there, and you come upon a subterranean river flanked by porous mushrooms that immediately begin to shriek loudly at your presence. Make a charisma save. Okay. No, just Chip. That's a 13. You fail to silence the mushrooms in time, and you feel a lurking presence honing in on your location. That means you're more likely to encounter a monster. More monsters were added to the deck. Okay. And I'm going to do a wisdom check to relieve Elga. Okay. Okay.

Her curse. That's a nice one. I don't know if I'm gonna get it Barbara. I'm so sorry All three tried what do you have to say? Please I can't even Mustard, yeah It adorable can Jacques try

Or could I, like, maybe retry? I have an Inspiration Die. Yeah, I was going to say, on your turn, I was going to give you another opportunity to. I like this new Elga, though. Yeah. She's spunky. That's right. Actually, it's Hexel's turn, and Hexel feels bad for you, Elga, and Hexel's going to try to assist you and give you advantage on your check to try to clear this curse. So roll Wisdom with advantage. And then now it is Elga's turn, so you can make your Wisdom check with advantage. Let's go! Oh!

not going to do that one. It's an 11. Oh, and a 20! I am

She just goes around and says, screw you, screw you, screw you. Just die. I think Elga, you know, just enjoyed speaking in rhyme. Even though she's not Kirk, she's going to continue speaking in rhyme. Well, maybe I'll whip it out once in a while. I don't know. We've got to come up with three new options here. So we have Forge a Path, Scout Ahead, and Boost Morale available. Elga, you're up. I will do Forge a Path, please.

Forge a path. Go ahead and make strength check. That's a weird one for Elga. Really? 15. 15. Excellent. So you get to add two additional right path cards to the discard pile from outside the game. Let's do it. Pew, pew, pew. All right. So it looks like you have all directions available to you. Let's go center again. I'm sure you don't want to ask my wife.

She has never loved me astray once. I can't hear her. I can't hear her either. I got dark. I'll do center. You go center, and it is a dead end. So you go the wrong way, and unfortunately, that's it. Elga proceeds to take out her pickaxe and hammers through that dead end. I don't care. I make my own right path. No fate, no fate. Ain't no man going to tell me what to do.

Who's next? Barney? After Elga? Yeah, Barney. Okay, so what do we got? We have Scout ahead and boost morale. So Dex or Charisma? He's thinking. It's just like, leave that silence in there. That was just us all watching Chris think. I believe in miracles. Oh my god. Wow. What kind of miracles? The everyday miracles. Like us getting out of this cave. I think he's trying to boost morale. Oh.

I'm boosting Mrap. Oh, God. You cut onto that, Mateed. Gotcha. Oh, God. Is Mateed the one who understands Barney? The shift. The tides have turned. 16. 16. That works. So you remove a dead-end card in the crossroads from the game. And there's one in the crossroads right now. Get rid of it. Draw a new card from the deck and place it face down in the crossroads. Get out of here.

You got rid of it. All right. So three possible places. Three fresh directions. Yum. Middle. Yum. God. So that's the one you just replaced. You give everyone a rousing speech and bravely walk off into the center direction where you find a giant wheelbarrow. Oh. Oh. That'd be a trap. I don't know. Can I... Or a treasure.

inspect this giant wheelbarrow and look around for like monsters or traps or... Yeah, make an investigation check. Hold the torch close to it.

Nitroglycerin. Nitroglycerin? Two. Oh, God, John did a spit take. I was in the middle of taking a drink. Well, luckily, it's very obvious that there are things in the wheelbarrow. You don't see anything else besides that, but in the wheelbarrow, there are four gemstones. Are they all the same color? Variety of colors. Two red, one green, one blue.

Can I use my Mage Hand to grab them? Yeah, you Mage Hand and pull the four gemstones here. They're well within the weight limit of a Mage Hand. Okay, and they seem normal gemstones? Yeah, they're worth about 50 gold each. Oh, Mage Hand a cantrip. Yeah. Telekinesis is a cantrip. Telekinesis is like a feat. That's right, that's right. It's like a special... Yeah. One, two, three, four.

And I hand him out. I declare a thumb war. To the party. Okay. And Hexel. Yeah? You can have mine if you want. Oh, is this a gift for me and my fiance? It can be if you don't. Oh, hell is it? I'm asking you. I guess it is.

It was still a non-committal answer. So I guess Hexel. I'll take the green one. Thanks, Bernie. As is tradition, I give you a gift and you give me one back. Yeah, that's how weddings work. I'm just kidding. I'll hand out a gemstone to everyone. Do you know what color you're giving each person? No, y'all can pick. I'll take a red. I'll take a red. I guess that leaves... You said you took green. So blue to Hexel. Oh, blue.

- Blue, what an auspicious color for the blending ceremony. Thank you. - Metagame, what did we get? - A gem worth 50 gold. - Oh, cool. - Barney may get some good karma. Mateed, it's your turn. - Oui. - So all that's left is scout ahead. - Yeah, that's fine, do that. - Scout ahead, dexterity check. - Actually, that's good. That's my stronger. - Got good dex. - Only 13. - Not quite there. Pretty close, not quite there. - Bright. Which directions are available, sorry? - All of them. - All of them.

Let's just go right. Interesting. Interesting. That's the direction Carol also said in my mind. You lead the party to the right, and as you're walking along, you find a flask partially buried in the ground. Oh. I inspect the flask for a trap. Make an investigation check. Roll to 15. 15. Does not seem to be trapped. I blast.

Pull it out. You pull it up and it's a flask and you take a look at it and it seems to contain a sticky black grease. It feels thick and heavy in the container, but it seems like it sloshes around and pours quickly. Metagame wise, it is the oil of slipperiness.

Oh, fine. If I recall, that's like you can like apply it to yourself? Right. You can apply. It takes about 10 minutes to apply and you get the essentially the effect of freedom of movement spell for eight hours. Oh. Or you can pour it on the ground and it covers a 10 foot square and it's like grease. Difficult terrain. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for as a potion you gave me earlier. Here is a flash that might help you with moving around. Ooh, slime! All right. Those kids and their TikToks. So yeah, I give it to Elga. Ooh.

Thank you. Such a kind party. So it's oil of slipperiness? Yes. Okay, that was Mateed. You did scout ahead, right? So I got to come up with three new ones. Yeah. So we have forge a path, careful consideration, and boost morale. So Chip, it's up to you. I am going to do...

Sounds like he's reading. I'm looking back and forth between my stats. This is the strongest one I'm going to have. I'm going to forge a path. Forge a path. Here we go. Strength check. Here I am. Nat 20. Ooh, look at you. So two additional right path cards are added to the discard pile from outside the game. Does anything happen with a critical success? No. It just succeeds extra good. Oh, okay. Okay. And then all the paths are opened up to me? Yes. Okay. Okay.

Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol left! Carol left you. Just break down and start crying in the cave. Your tears and your sobbing seem to attract the attention of some nearby monsters. Oh, monster card! Oh dear. We got a bite on our hands. Maybe. Don't we have to draw two to actually get into it? This was the second one. Yep. And the first one was drawn by...

Chip Haney. You're welcome. Your wife Carol wants us to fight, doesn't she? You begin going down the path and CRAP! The ground beneath you gives way and you collapse into a square chamber below. Wee! The walls are made of finely hewn stone and a raised stone catwalk skirts the edge of the room 30 feet above you. Scattered along the floor are corroded pieces of armor and weapons. In each corner of the room are stone statues depicting armored plasmoid creatures wielding pickaxes.

Each of them stands 10 feet tall. To the north is a pair of double doors made of wood with iron bands, and to the south is another exit sealed by metal bars. So we're in a pit with these four plasmoids. There is a catapult.

a catwalk above us? Yeah, kind of like around the edge of the room. Oh, like a perimeter catwalk. Exactly. They're not up there, are they? No, they're on the floor with us in four different spots and then there's two doors. One to the north and one to the south. Are these plasmids globians? Perhaps. Yeah, it looks very similar to the figures you saw before. Interesting. And they immediately attack us. Can I try talking to them?

Yeah, which one? There's four. There's one in each corner. So northwest, northeast, southwest, southeast. How are you going to talk to him? Hey, southwest. I don't know. We're going to try it out, though. You are globulins. This is a glurbulin.

And we're friends to all creatures, huh? Huh? You looking at the party? Yes. Friends to all creatures. Okay. So we don't need to... Matisse is a hard exterior, soft interior. Soft, like a jelly donut. Like a baguette. Like a baguette. Yes, they take a while to open up the piece. We don't need to fight to bear arms against one another.

So like, let's just like uh, what are you guys doing down here? You guys left Glurb. That's nice. How did that go? What's the society like down here? Please answer my questions. I think you have to give them a chance. I just like filling air.

That's the way Chip has a conversation. No pause for someone to reply. I was like one step away from Mati, just kind of like giving a little tap on the back of the head just to like reset him. He's got a ring over my mouth. And you said you talked to the one in the southwest? That's right. Make a charisma check. I got that wrist for days. Here we go. 18. That's not bad. That's not bad, guys. You got to admit. It does not seem to reply. Is there anything we can help you with?

We love help. We're here to help. Do anything with help? Help with anything. Are you also trying to talk to them in the Southwest or are you talking to a different one? Can I just talk to them generally? Oh, okay. Addressing the whole room? Yeah. We're traveling through and are looking for safe passes, but also enjoy helping out new friends. If you have anything broken, I can mend it. Oh. Yeah. While they're talking, can Matee, like,

close to Elga? Yeah, sure. Okay. What does it? Fatigue just, while they're talking, reaches out a hand and grabs the back of Elga's cloak. Cloak? It's just ready. Okay. I'm ready for retirement. Make a charisma check, Barney. Yeah.

*laughs* 20! Oh! Oh, we got the Riz! We? Yeah, I had an 18, he had a 20.

That's pretty high-rise. You did roll well, yeah. The statues do not seem moved by your words. Oh, these are statues? Oh, well, we just continue on then. Well, there's statues that are armored, right? Yeah, these are stone statues depicting armored plasmoid creatures wielding pickaxes. Globulins. Do you think they're going to attack us? They're going to attack us. Probably. I think they're sentient statues of globulins. I don't know if they are globulins. You know what? In the name of what you've been proposing, Blaine? Yes? Mateed, having grabbed Elga, flies up. Okay. Okay.

Like just straight up or where to? Straight up. Back up to the ground you fell down from or just like hovering in the air? Hovering in the air. Okay.

Okay, Matide has entered helicopter mode. Yeah. We are not here to harm you! Whee! So good. It's like a drone. Just typing furiously. He's like, do I kill them? Yeah, the statues still seem unmoved by your words. Okay.

What poses are they in? They're holding pickaxes. One of them has like the pickaxe over their shoulder. Another one has it resting on the ground between their legs. Another one has it like hefted across their chest. And the other one is like grabbing for it as it's hanging on their belt. Could I go up to one of them and try to use my pickaxe on them? You have to have that. I'm going to take you over there. Wait. Okay. I drop. Yeah.

You drop, and then what do you want to do? You want to hit it with your pickaxe? Yeah. Okay. Which, like... We mean you no harm! Just gently, like a little, like... Which one? The northwest, northeast, southeast, southwest? Northwest. Northwest, okay. So Chip was addressing the one in the southwest. You're going up to the one in the northwest. Barney was kind of addressing all of them in general. Yeah, you go up, and you just kind of, like, kind of gently pick at it with the pickaxe. Yeah, as if I'm, like, tapping them on the shoulder with the pickaxe, though.

Hey, buddy. Make me a perception check, Elga. Uh-oh. 13? Mm-hmm. Nothing seems to happen as you gently tap at it with the pickaxe. Okay. Are these threats? Out of curiosity, if I'm at the catwalk level, do I see anything on the catwalk? You see Jacques. He feels at home. On the catwalk, babe. At that northern edge up there at the top of the catwalk, there appears to be an exit out of this room.

Oh. In addition to the two that are at the floor. The two others were barred with iron, though. Is this one? The one to the north is a pair of double doors made of wood with iron bands.

And the one to the south is another exit, and that one's sealed by metal bars. Wait, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm picturing this wrong. The one in the north is a wooden door, but it's held together with metal bands. And it's on the catwalk? No, that's the one on the ground. Oh. The one up there on the catwalk is just an exit. That's what I was asking. So that one's just open? There appears to be a way out if we just get up to the catwalk. I think we've been talking to the statues here. It was lovely meeting you. Elga, you feel really weird. Oh.

Is it because I just got choked and then dropped? You feel like your skin and all your body is starting to tingle. Oh, no. Good tingle? Bad tingle. Uh-oh. Could I drop the pig axe? You drop it and you realize it doesn't fall to the ground. Oh, no. It just kind of suspended midair as you're being slowly engulfed by a gelatinous cube. Wait, eaten? Engulfed. Oh.

Where's the cube coming from? Make a perception check. And only I'm getting? Yes. Okay. Is it due to proximity or the fact that I touched one of them? Who's to say? That's not a good one. That's a seven. You can't see it. Do you need a perception as well? Is that okay? Yeah, if you wanted to try to see it, you'd make a perception check. One. I would like to proceed. Yeah, you don't know what's going on. Elga, like, dropped her pickaxe and is just kind of suspended in midair, and she's starting to complain that her skin feels like it's tingling. Weird. Six. So I didn't see it, huh? No. Oh.

Good rolls, everybody. Did I perceive myself where it's coming from? I'll tell you what, we're going to go down the initiative order here. Chip, you were, you had the best initiative. We already rolled initiative. So Chip, you can go first if you want. I don't know what's happening. Do you guys know what's happening? She's in a cube. A cube of what? I'm getting consumed. She's in a cube of gel. Okay. Gelatinous cube. Get the barbarian out of the cube. Okay, I have, I have, I have from the fireplace...

Not like a chimney fireplace, but the, uh... The fire dimension. Chris just waved at Blaine. Chris just waved at Blaine. So, uh, really quick. I think I have a picture of this. During that whole rescue thing, I got these gloves, right? Mm-hmm.

That are like acid resistant. So I'm gonna slip those bad boys on visitor center You got those gloves right? Well saving all those children and becoming a town hero local legend and then I'm gonna use those gloves to reach into the gelatinous stuff glad him And then I'm gonna pull the Elga out

Okay, so you get up close. I'll tell you what. Yes? Make me another perception check. Another perception check coming your way. I'll tell you why. You don't know where this cube starts. Tell me why. So this is to make sure you don't enter it as well. Nine.

Okay, I'll say you do this. Since you have the gloves on, I assume you're walking with like your hands out. Yeah. And your hands slowly begin to feel resistance as you find the edge of the cube. And you try to reach in to pull Elga out. Make a strength check to see if you're able to pull her out. I'm so light. I'm so, so very light. So baby, so tiny, so tiny baby light. That is a 11. That's how old I am. Perfect.

It matches! You begin pulling on her, but you can't quite muster the strength to get her out of the cube. She's really stuck in there. Okay. Climbing. Uh, is it still my turn, or was that the... I mean, what did you do? You moved and tried to pull? Yeah, we'll say that's an action. Yeah. Got a bonus action? I can hide.

My friendship. So helpful. That's my time of need. Does Barney have an idea? I have an idea. It's still Chip's turn. Wait, really quick. I do have assassinate, which is attack roll. Have advantage on attack rolls against any creature that hasn't taken a turn in combat yet. What are you attacking? I guess I don't know if it's a card.

Well, you've also kind of moved and taken an action. I've taken too much time up. I'm done with my thing. Elga, it's your turn. You're going to take a little bit of ouchie here just because you didn't take it before. What kind of ouchie? Some people call that damage. Acid damage. Oh, I'm going to take acid damage? Yeah. Six points of acid damage as the gelatinous cube begins slowly digesting and absorbing you. Okay.

Am I allowed to rage? Do you have to move to rage or you just have to like get angry? I think it's just a get angry thing. Yeah, you can absolutely rage. What do you think about? Okay, and I'm going to take the form of... I'm going to take claws. Form of? The beast with claws. I'm going to take the claws. Could I try to like claw my way out essentially? So you can take an action and make a strength check to try to escape. Okay.

I'm going to use my inspiration die. That was an eight. We've had some bad rolls all in a row. Yeah. Okay. 21. 21. Yeah. You just absolutely Hulk out and get so mad about the whole thing and burst your way out towards Chip, freeing yourself from the cube. And then could I turn around and try to like see where it's coming from? Yeah. Make me a perception check.

I will say also when you bust out, you take a deep breath because you couldn't breathe while it was engulfing you. I rolled a 17. 17. Yeah. Now that you've been in it and now that you can see your axe floating, you can very clearly see the outline of this gelatinous cube right in front of you. It's rather large. You don't know how you missed it before. Maybe it's because it's so slow. It's easy to miss, easy to see through.

Is it coming out from somewhere or is it just like a wall? It's just like a big cube. Imagine like a big six-sided die that's huge in the room and just like slithering around. Gotcha. So this is a creature? Yes. Okay. And she just like, she didn't notice it coming upon her? Correct. Remember I had her make a perception check before it all started. Okay, now I understand what happened. It's kind of like Dalien in the Abyss. It's intended to be kind of a weird, hard to see creature. A little trappy trap. The slime has my axe.

I forgot to take it with me. It's your pickaxe, though, right? Oh, yeah. You said you were tapping it with the miner's pickaxe. Are we out of combat? No. It's still there. She escaped from it, but this thing is still a monster. Yes. Okay. Could I...

attack it? Yeah. Oh, I forgot to mention before your turn, it was Hexel's turn. Hexel is just going to step back like, and, you know, kind of take a few steps away from this monster to put some space between it and itself. That's a spirit, Hexel. And what'd you say you were going to do there, Elka? Nothing.

I want to try to attack it, but I'm also worried that if I try to, like, slash at it, it's just going to take... Got any bludgeoning? Well, also, you used your action to escape. Okay. I do have two attack... Well, I have attack. Yeah, that allows you to do two attacks per attack action. Well, I'm just going to back up a little bit. Okay. And then I'll be done. All right. Barney. Well, I had a good solution for getting Hugga out. He's going to build a tent, but... No! No!

Now that we've discovered this cube and we're looking for him. Look at D20, guys. Do we see any others? Well, Elga saw the cube. You still don't see it. I like this now that we know where it is. Elga, our eyes are all together. You can make a perception check to see if you see it. Are you okay, Elga? Can she use your, like, daredevil sense? No. 18, because I had to unequip that. Oh, yeah, you very clearly see this gelatinous cube that had absorbed Elga. Now that she's burst out of it, you can, your eyes lock onto it. And it's the only one I see, or there are, like...

That was for this one. Make another perception check. Okay. 17. There is another one. Where? To the south, at the south end of the room. And are these like minor things? Are they in them? What? Like the minor statues. The minor statues. No, no, no. Oh. I thought you meant the minor's pick. That's why I was confused. Oh.

There's one on the southwest, and there's one right by Hoga. I wonder if we're supposed to pickaxe our way out of here or something like that, because the four statues have pickaxes. Yeah, so there's the four statues. Two doors. Two doors, and there's two... It seems like the cubes were probably in front of the doors, intending to trap you if you went out. Oh. So we have to kill them to get through the doors. Maybe. Or at least have a chance to even go out the doors. I cast a spell. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Wow! D&Ding! How strong of a spell do we want this to be? I will cast... There's a microphone in front of you. Guiding Bolt! Barney, we're all standing... Guiding Bolt! We're standing right here next to you, Barney. He's just right up against the slime going, Guiding Bolt! At the gelatinous cube. Yeah. Which one? The closest one that was after Alga. Mm-hmm. What level are you casting that at? Oh. You already cast it. I just did it first level. Okay. That was a 14.

Yeah, the 14 that hits. And it's illuminated. Yeah. Now we have advantage on it, I believe. Next attack. 11 points. 11 radiant damage. Ooh. And it's, yeah, next attack roll against it has advantage thanks to the mystical dim light glittering on the target. So now no one steps into it.

Nice. You outlined it. Yeah, 11 points of damage. It doesn't really react. Maybe it's because it's a giant cube. A giant sentient gelatinous cube. But yeah, 11 points of damage is pretty significant. Does it do anything? Like, does it shrink at all or anything? And then...

with my bonus action. He's still yelling. He's still yelling. Bonus action. It's because he had this. Yeah, I'm looking at his like 80% empty coffee. If I only had my horns. Don't think you would want to head back into that thing. Yeah, I know. You'd get stuck. His head just immediately disintegrates. For my bonus action, I'm going to do... I'm going to shove it. Where the sun don't shine. I'm going to try and...

shove it with my psychic thing where I push it and try and pull the Elga's weapon out. Telekinesis? Telekinesis. I push it. It's just my little pickaxe. Well, I do it anyway. I push it backwards. Thank you, Barney. Well... Away from Elga and try and pull the pickaxe out. So you use telekinesis to try to

push the gelatinous cube back? Is that what's going on? Yeah. Would it not just take the pickaxe with it? Well, you can try to genetically shove one creature. I guess what I'm saying is like, I shove the creature. Oh! And like, shove the creature, relieve the pickaxe. I don't know. Can I do that? Probably not.

I think it's inside of it. It is inside of it. Well, I want to shove it away from the door. So you try to shove it. The target must succeed on a strength saving throw. DC eight plus your proficiency bonus plus the ability modifier score increased by this feat. So eight plus your... My wisdom. ...proficiency bonus...

which is 3 plus 5. 11 plus 5, so 16. DC 16 strength saving throw. All right, this thing has plus 2, so it needs a 14 or better. I think this is kind of broken. I think you should not be able to shovel the gelatinous cube. Whatever. I rolled a 20. 22. Yeah, you try to shove the cube, but it does not move. Wouldn't weight class come into play? Yeah, that's what I think. It should have advantage on this, but it doesn't matter. The roll played out, and you're unable to shove it.

Just imagining us trying to show the giant cube of jello. With my mind. Like all four of you could fit inside of it. That's how massive it is. Oh, it big. It's big boy. Is that it for you, Barney? Yeah, that's it. Okay, it's actually the cube's turn before Mati goes. Oh, great. It continues slowly moving towards Elga. Oh, no. I say it's actually towards Elga and Barney. You're both in the same general direction. Oh, so you have two dancing

again little boy. It has a taste. You're provoking it? Alright. As it slowly comes towards you, a pseudopod of gelatin lashes out at you, Elka, and tries to smack at you. Uh-huh. Hitting AC. Ooh, that's a crit. He's hitting AC 24. Yeah, that hits.

So you get hit with... But I am raging. Yep. 30 points of acid damage. So would that be 15? No, because it's acid. So your rage stops like bludgeoning, slashing, and piercing. Yeah, it's like melee stuff. Right. So 30 points? 30 points of acid damage because it was a crit. Ouch.

Merry Christmas. How you doing, Yelka? I'm okay. Okay. As long as that doesn't happen again. It happens again. Makes a quick movement and tries to engulf Barney. Barney make a dexterity saving throw to try to get out of the way. So brittle bones. I didn't know it was coming so fast. You feel like now that maybe now that it knows it's been seen, it's not moving quite as slowly. You know what to do, Barney. You know what to do. Dexterity saving. No, no, no. Think harder. A tent. A tent.

It's a hut. I'm 10. Oh, the... Not a tent, a 10. A 10. Yeah, the cube has entered your space and begins slowly starting to engulf you. Oh, no. You take... I got an idea, Chippini. 10 points of acid damage, Barney. Chippini's good. Mateed, it is your turn. Okay, so I can see the one that is engulfed Barney is the one that's glowing? Yes, correct. Okay, so I can see it. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Then Mateed is going to leap into action from on high and use their sling of sandstorms. Thank you. To do a ranged weapon attack with bludgeoning damage, because I figure, I think that's what gelatinous things are not going to like split into pieces with. So I'm going to go ahead and do my...

first attack with that. And I believe you have advantage with this because of the Guiding Bolt. Okay, that was a 16 or a 26. Nice, nice, nice, nice. Yep, that hits. Nice.

I'll roll damage. It's 10 damage. Is it still standing? Yes. Okay, I do a second attack. Standing in air quotes, it's a cube. That's a 21. That hits. I roll damage. It's 10. Still around. Then I cast flurry of blows and I can do two unarmed strikes on it. How are you able to do all these things? It's just what I do. Just what I do. Unarmed strike. I will warn you. Is that going to cost some kind of...

damage since you're unarmed striking on this acidic cube. You'd have to like physically touch it. Aren't your astral punches, right? Aren't they astral? I'd have to cast arms of the astral self, which I can't do. Unarmed strikes are a punch, kick, headbutt, or use a similar forceful blow and deal bludgeoning damage. I think the general rule that I see online is it's supposed to hurt you, but that's too punitive against the monk class, which relies on unarmed strikes. So typically people say that

The strike is so quick that it doesn't actually cause any kind of a sick damage. Also imagine too, like, you know, Kill Bill where the bride punches the log a bunch. So their fist is all. Yeah. Yeah. That's like, that's like your debride. Log acid. It's all the same. Yeah. So splinters. I'll do an unarmed strike on that. Matide train punching car batteries. That's a 23. That hits. That does five damage. Okay.

And I guess I'll do another one since Gus didn't say it fell over. That's a 15. That hits. And I do eight damage. It is still up. This thing got HP. They've got a lot of HP. You're doing well. It's closer to empty than to full. Okay. Well, that was action. That was bonus action. If I were to move away from it, would that be an opportunity attack with this thing? Yes, that would provoke an attack of opportunity.

Well, then I'm here to support Barney being engulfed in. What do you say? He is not good at this. I'm sure this will work out somehow. Yes. The bedside manner.

It's like that one scene where Spock and Captain Kirk put their hands up. Thoughts and prayers. One way or another, this will resolve itself. It's gonna dissolve me! Barney, it's okay to not be okay. Chip, you're up. Okay. Mmm.

I softened it for you. Thank you. Say I were to use something that has like a lightning damage or something. Would that then extend to anybody that's touching and in contact with the big ol'

That's an interesting question. I'm going to say probably not unless there's some kind of asterisk or caveat in the spell itself. I ain't got no spells. I'm just a lowly, simple rogue myself. Rogue. I'm going to go ahead and... Unless like whatever ability says every creature within X feet or something like that, then of course it will. I wouldn't say it's going to conduct any electricity. Okay.

Okay. This is pretty vague, so I'm just going to go ahead and hope that Gus will take pity on me. I'm going to use the Kopesh of the Desert Tempest. It doesn't quite work as well. No, it does not. It's like that lightning blade that I got from Carcassouk. So I'm going to take a slash at it. 21. 21. That is a hit. Okay. So that does seven points of what kind of damage is that? Slashing, I think. Slashing? Yeah. Yeah.

And then I believe I roll an additional 1d4 for lightning. Yep. But I feel like you'd take like more than that. Yeah. Because it's like a big old glob of liquid. Nah. You sure about that? Yeah. Oh, but guys, Blaine feels like it should. What does Carol say? Carol was saying yeah. Carol says no. Carol was saying yeah. I just talked to her. Yeah.

Where is she? Can you tell her I miss her and I love her so, so much? Four. And I stand back and I watch the ooze fall apart. No. And birth my friend Barty. It's still there. Born again. With placenta and all. Parn again. Parn again. All right. It's Hexel who's trying to stay away from this encounter you all are having up here up north. I was also going to disengage and just get away from this thing. Oh, do you want to do that? I mean, I have.

cutting action so I'm gonna yeah why not disengage yeah

Okay. So everyone, for fun, make me a perception check. Where's the other cube? That's what the perception check's for. I know. That's what I knew you were doing. You said this was for fun. 17. 6. That's an 11. 19. Chip and Elga, you do start to wonder where that other gelatinous cube is, and you turn around to check on it, and when you turn to look, you see Hexel frozen in place, being absorbed by a gelatinous cube at the southern end of the room. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah

Will Hex will be saved? Will the party be vanquished? You're going to have to find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Will Barney become a novelty trinket? A collectible inside of a cube. Get yours today at Glurbula.com. It's like whenever you see those things frozen in... What's that stuff called? Jurassic Park. Resin. Yeah, the mosquito. Oh, yeah, and then they can pull me and make...

Future Barneys. Yeah. Future Grotef. Science, you decided you could, but you didn't think about if you should. Let's continue this conversation in our bonus show that we're going to record after this called Second Wind. That is available at stinkydragonpod.com for our first members. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys.

Thank you. See you next time. Did you know you can directly support this show and interact with us by subscribing at stinky dragon pod.com slash first cool, talented, amazing first thinkers like Titania, the terror Kerberos, Joe man, 20 XX Gordanius crunch, which sounds like a doubt. Honestly, that would be a great NPC name and Racco lie. These people are directly supporting the show and they get access to more great content like second wind interact with us on our subscriber only discord channels and more.

Again, that's stinkydragonpod.com slash first. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Saunier. This week's arrow question was submitted by Jack Charbin on Discord. Here's a quick shout out to folks that interacted with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in this episode. Hexel, the blob's offspring, named after AtEggs, the world destroyer on Instagram.

Also want to give special thanks to some friends who provided video for characters in this episode. Hexel, the Blobs offspring, voiced by Elise Willems at Elise Willems. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I also like that Barbara said that Mike is here in spirit. I always imagine that like wherever they are, they just like, they like zone out and then he's like in Big Bend or wherever he is. And then now he's like here. Guys, I want to go back to my vacation. He's like Mufasa's head in the clouds. Let me out of here. Stop summoning me.