C02 - Ep. 21 - Gems of Glrrb - Swept Under The Slug
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

This is a Rooster Teeth production.

Best wishes to all you Balors. Swoop into the Stinky Dragon, drink up our latest java, all fun and flames. It's a mixture of freshly peeled flesh, lemons and oranges work too, a claw full of cloves, lightly roasted cleric coffer topped with a dash of unholy water. One mouthful of this mug is enough to bring you back from the throes of an exploding death which would have caused 20d6 fire damage. Half if you saved.

Previously, our adventurers said farewell to a pharoic friend, found an entombed alchemist, sailed and shopped with Captain Kurg, and now finally have a good look at Glurb. Latch onto a libation. Let's leap into this leaky lore. Hello, everyone. I'm Gustavo Sorolla. I'm your dungeon master for our putrid party. Before we get started, I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Down the ground! Before you get to the arrow, blurb a garble. Mr. Professor Day!

This week's role-playing warm-up question is, what is one thing guaranteed to scare your character so terribly that their first instinct is to immediately run away? Hmm.

Their deepest, darkest fears. Student loans. You got fears? I have many fears. You have many fears? Actually, I only have this one. Hey there, it's Chip Haney. I know I make a lot of laughs. I make a lot of goofs. But I'm going to talk to you about something real serious. I've seen a lot of murder. I've seen a lot of killing. But the one thing I'll run away from is carbon monoxide. A silent killer.

So, hey, Chip Haney, volunteer firefighter, make sure you check all of your magical smoke detectors and fill those batteries. In D&D, smoke detectors are just Mifits that hover at the top of your picture. And whenever they die, you're like, oh, no. Or when they're hungry, they go, ah!

And then you can't find him in the house. At long intervals. What was your name? He said Chip Haney. What's his real name? No, you. What's your name? Oh, Blaine Gibson. Blaine looked at his phone. Well, I keep my ID in my phone to remember my name. And what level and class is Chip Haney in race? Tiefling Rogue Five. Rogue Five, standing by.

I feel like this is a good point to inform the audience. We have not recorded any episodes with us for a few weeks. It's been almost a month. It's less about that and it's more about Baldur's Gate. I'm so Coach Gibson, my Baldur's Gate character. I am him now. So I got to like pull Chip back from the darkness. Yeah. Particularly Barbara, Chris and Blaine have been neck deep.

in Stinky Dragon Adventures. And so we had to take a little bit of a recording break, but we're going to be recording nonstop a bunch of D&D today. So very excited about it. We're recording not only Stinky Dragon, but our bonus show, Second Wind. So if you're a first member on Rich Teeth, you can check that out for a little peek behind the scenes about what's going on with the show. We are D&D machines today. I'm going to be taking notes during these episodes of things to talk about in Second Wind. Dang it, I forgot my notebook.

You've got a tablet right in front of you. You have a thing that holds infinite notes right in front of you. Just stuff from previous episodes, though. I know. Who else is here? I'm here. I'm Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Elga Von Brass, the female half-elf vampire barbarian, also level five. What? Yeah. You got to be level five, too? Are we not all level five? We all level one. I was like, did we level up more than you? I'm sorry.

And I think, you know, Elka is really not afraid of a lot of things. You know, she's very brave, but I think if a school bus full of toddlers and little babies pull up, she's gonna run far away. Wait, why? She does not like little children. They're snotty, they smell bad, they poop poop in the diapers, and they cry a lot, they make

They make noise. They probably are too familiar with Elga as well. They probably think Elga is also one of them. Yeah. Elga's beyond that. She's just so over it. Yeah. Yeah. That's not what I expected. That's fun. I'm Chris Damaris and I play Farnie Farnie.

Oh, he's got a little puppet of stuff today. Is he going to sing a song for us? Level five human cleric. Guys, can you curse Barney today to have to sing everything? I feel like he's got one of those little like tuning things you blow to. He's like trying to find his correct pitch for his name. Yeah. His greatest fear are the things that make him want to run away from anything.

are his failures. Some wisdom from an old man. There's a lot of things that he's failed his failures and he's

People have been debating whether or not Chris is like a robot or an alien for years and I think the robot there is actually That actually makes me have a question here does Barney remember his failures better than other things I

depends he knows he's failed sometimes it's hard to remember how exactly he's failed no he just feels the disappointment that just sounds like my anxiety you can sense something's there I don't need to remember what I did wrong but I know I did at some point the trauma did its work I don't need to remember it it just did its job yeah yeah yeah okay

Okay. What about you, John? Bonjour. Je m'appelle John Reisinger. I play Matty Confucius, the air cockering ghost monk.

who is also level 5. Level 5! And it's hard to be afraid of anything when you have already faced most people's biggest fears, which is death. But if I had to think about it, my greatest fear is something that... You had a 5 about it? If I had to think about it? That was good. That was good. He's already got one. Okay. If I had to think about it, it is the worst thing in the world. It is mold. Mold.

Mold? Mold. They are a baker. If you turn over what you think is a perfect baguette and it is covered in mold, it is a failure. It is a loss. It is like a death in the family. I was thinking like, you know. Like in the ceiling? Yeah, like renovation, like a contractor. I do not want that detail. You know, I like my own. I also love how you said mold. Blaine and I went, oh. And then two seconds later, Chris went, oh. Well, I was like, why, why, why?

Because my brain went to mold in the house. Yeah, which is also a big fear. Yeah. Mateed is a small business owner. You don't want mold in your business. Yeah, I was thinking though as a ghost, you're like, I've already faced the greatest fear of death and so mold. I didn't see, why is Mateed scared of mold? You know what my favorite thing about John playing Mateed is? It's how small his mouth gets when he goes, Mateed, Mateed, Mateed.

Especially with the mustache, his mouth practically disappears. Gus, what's your greatest fear? My greatest fear is the party vanquishing my traps for them. His greatest fear is rolling like a two on an attack roll against us. It happened a lot recently. I know. It's nightmares. The kind of stuff you wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. The party just walked through the door. Yeah.

Speaking of the party, as the crescent sun reaches high noon, you notice a shift in scenery from the surrounding shores and beyond. What was once a desolate desert scape is now a countryside of grassy knolls and mushroom fields.

That's so cool. No!

Nooooo! Hello, this is, uh, Escargot Flambe. Good maw almighty. It looks like Glerg is on fire. I would go and help, but what of my ship? My livelihood? And let's not forget...

Oh, I forgot. Everyone around the circle of our party is like all nodding their heads like, oh yeah, this was Kurt. I remember him now. I know this is much to ask of strangers, but would you please go help my fellow Glurmias? Oh my god. Yes. Yes! Yes, we would really like to go help.

When there is a fire, Chipain, you will answer the call. Oh, right. Yeah, we just established that, too. Volunteer firefighters. That's right. How do we put out snails?

Usually I step on some. Well, how far away are we from the giant snail city? You know, you all were on a ship in the water. Right. And, you know, there's fields out stretching out between you and Glurb. So, I mean, it's several hundred feet of fields leading up to Glurb.

So we're in water that leads up to a beach that leads up to fields that leads up to the snail city. I would say a shore as opposed to a beach. It's not like an ocean. It's like a river. So we'd have to jump in the water to get to the town? Yeah, but I mean, you can get... The design of the ship allows it to get pretty close to the shore. You put down like a gangplank. Should we...

Do you want to do like an aerial like firefighter thing and like Mateed can grab Chip? I got a bunch of buckets. Chip just opens his mouth as Mateed drags him along the water and then we just drop water over the snail. Like I'm going to have like a seagull. Just a glottal like. I was going to say like make the problem come to us. What if we flag down Snail City?

And made it go into the water. So when you say it's on fire, and this is a city that's on top of a snail. Right. The city's on fire. The snail is on fire. The city is on fire. Oh, okay. Could the snail just, like, do, like, we say, like, roll over, roll over. He'd kill every citizen in the town. He'd just do a very quick whip. It's a quick way to put everyone out of the misery. Technically, the problem is solved. Well, not stay rolled over, but just a quick whip.

I think no matter what. Mateen would have a bunch of ghost friends at that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have this stuck in my head, so I need to say it. My snail's on fire. How about yours? It's been in my head nonstop all morning. Mine was, this glurb is on fire. Can I perceive if the snail notices even? That's an excellent question. It's just screaming. It's moving one mile an hour. How do snails scream? Very quietly. Ah!

Make a, let's call it investigation check. Ooh, that's a good one. 21. Nice. It seems like the giant slug is rather nonplussed about the entire thing. It just seems to be moving on its own. What's the scale of this? This is a city. Yeah, I mean, it's like the slug is like

A mountain. It's massive. It's huge. So this is big. Should we approach the city and try to get on the ground level to see what it is to do? Yeah. I do not have any solution for putting out an entire city, so I think we should... Uh-huh. This is not the time for a historical TED Talk about Glurb. I'm...

Normally, I would love to hear more information about the people around you, but time is of the essence. Oh, good lord. He's going. Okay. Oh, Mateed grabs Elga and flies off the ship. Kirk, tell me more about the history of your people. I think it's very interesting. Where were they before Glurb? Yeah. I like to think Elga's flying away. Where were they before Glurb? Where were they before Glurb? I want to know the rest of the story.

Yeah, I think we should probably just, like, get in there and see what we can do on the ground. I agree. Yeah. Kirk, were you going anywhere with that, or were you just, like, you just were all proud of... Stop addressing him. He has to talk back when you address him. Yeah, but he's telling us information. We need to know. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I acquiesce. Kirk, anything else? Please help the Glurbians. Oh, my God. Okay, let's go. The anomaly...

Do not get involved in worldly affairs. They may be hesitant when meeting you. Does that help, Chip? Was that worth our time? I'm sure five people died of fire burns while we were listening to that. Would they be hostile towards us when we try to help them? Great question, Elgar. Not hostile towards us.

Just shy. Oh, well, that is sweet. Maybe we'll just take the little blobs and throw them into the water. Do a little dunky dunk. Like little bao buns just kind of dropped in the lake. Captain Kuerger, do your people have any weaknesses? If we were to expose them to water or something? Fire. I'll be in fire, obviously. Well, we don't know. They might be fine. Well, no, Captain Kuerger's freaked out, so context clues. I guess that it's bad. None. None.

Jump to mind. Let's get it in. How do we get there? Are you sure you do not want to ask any more questions? No, I'm done with Captain Kirk. Like I said, the ship you're on is pretty close to shore. It'd be easy to just hop off and cross the fields to get up to where Glurb is and then figure out a way to climb or fly or whatever you want to do to get up there. Yeah, like what's the way to... Is there any way other than flight...

to get onto the snail at this scale. Do they have any cool elevators? It sounds like we're close enough to just hop on. Yeah, but I was just thinking like the scale of this giant snail and if the city's on top of it, like do we have to like do some climbing? Yeah. Or some stairs. All right, let's go. No, why don't you guys go ahead? I'm going to stay with Cap

and hear stories of his different escapades and I'll be here for about 25 years. You've got the time. You're immortal. All right. No, I'll hop off too. All right. I hop off the boat in the coolest way you can imagine. Which is? Oh, please tell us. Well, I was going to let the imagination run wild. This is D&D. You have to paint the picture. I do...

Remember that old snowboarding game 1080 snowboarding? Yeah, I do a 1080. I don't know what that means But I do a 1080. What do you think a 1080 is? Probably has to do with degrees so 360 times 4? Yep, 2, 3, 3 times 4 7 that's like 3 3 flips

So I do three front flips. 1080. Oh, three front flips. Okay. Make an athletics check. I remember the video game 1080 Snowboarding where the intro music was like, work your body, work your body, work your body, work your body.

21. Work your body, work your body. I guess I never played this game. Chip walks up to the edge of the ship and does a few calf stretches and then hops forward doing three front flips, 1080 as it were, and lands deftly with his feet under him on the shore of the river. It looks like he's landing like Spider-Man. No, like Black Widow. Like a three-point landing? Yeah, like a three-point landing. And then I go, ooh, it's like perfect sprinting stance. Yeah. Gus told me to preserve my energy. I'm doing standing like physical gags.

Yeah. Elga walks off the boat. Okay. Elga watches this and then sees a gangplank and then just moseys on over to it. Barney will follow Elga. Wow.

Come on, Barney. Watch your walker. Or do you have your walker? Yeah, I had it. I lost the cane. I don't know where it went. Where did my cane go? I think it went back to the alchemist. Yeah, the alchemist took it. I know Barney. Oh, Barney. Okay. Do you know what, Chris? I'm going to admit it's hard to see where the lines end, where Barney ends and Chris begins. Mateed watches this and does four front flips off of the ship. Oh.

Four. The 1440? Yeah, and lands on their toes and then dashes forward behind Chip. I welcome this. This is cool. We're like a unit. Do you have to do an athletics check? Yeah, I want to see an athletics check on that. With

With flight? Yeah. Do it, John, do it! It's still doing four front flips. Okay. You gotta keep your orientation. Flying and flipping is different. That's true. Why are you sweating, Matee? What's going on? Let's do the 1440! 13? Not as impressive. I'll tell you what, roll it again. I'll give you advantage because you do fly. What?

Matide hits their toes. Ooh, they don't want that. That was a four. Not quite as graceful. Maybe it's the addition of the extra front flip, but you still land it. You still stick it. Matide is not a coastal bird. So a little bit, you know, moist feathers is just not the best. In the future, we'll do acrobatics for chicks like that. It's a dexterity base. But anyway, you also stick it. Oh, yeah. That was not strength. Yeah. I just realized on my own. That's stupid. That's my fault.

Yes, you all are on the shore. There's a couple hundred feet worth of fields between you and Glurb up ahead. I assume you just start walking towards in that direction. Before we start walking, could Elga just cup her hands and go, Glurb! Fire! Do you hear me?

That's not a bad strategy. How does that pan out? Pretty far away, right? Yeah, you're pretty far. Make an investigation check. I'm guessing not with advantage. No. To use your glasses, you mean? That you have to be like an inch away from what you're investigating? But I rolled an 18, so. Yeah, it doesn't seem like there was any change to Glurb's movement. Did I not call you legal name? Me.

Maybe that is not Zepro nouns, maybe. So we run up or walk up? Yeah. Yes, yes. I'm climbing. So you all start making your way across the fields. You know, it's like vast fields, like, you know, grass and a little bit of mushrooms and stuff growing out here. It's very idyllic looking. Except for the snail fire. Except for that. I mean, if you look down, it's idyllic. If you look up.

Oh, horrific! Yeah, so you look down. Wow, look at the flowers. Uh, what's your marching order, just out of curiosity? I think Chip's in front. I'll lead the way! Volunteer fire brigade coming through! I'll go second. You're talking about a marching order to get up the snail? Like, to walk through the field. Oh, so we gotta traverse the field. Yes.

Okay. I guess I was behind. I'll go. Okay. I'll trail in the rear. Mateed in the rear. As you all are walking through, alternating, looking up at the horror of the snail on fire and looking down at the idyllic field. Screaming and then admiring, screaming and admiring. Chip, during one of the moments you're looking up and screaming, you don't realize it, but you walk near a patch of razor vine. Make a dexterity saving throw. That's why you wanted to nail it. Why you got to put a dangerous field between us and this snail? It's got to happen. Because it's D&D.

It's just a field. There's inherent danger in the world. So dexterity saving? This is just Gus's fear of the outside coming out in D&D. Stay inside, play D&D. Ha-cha! 25! Not only do I jump over it, I cut it for the passerbyers to follow. Do you have any ability where you are going to crash so hard in about 30 minutes? No, I'm not. I'm looking at your empty cold brew mason jar in front of you. My body hasn't processed it yet. What are you going to guess? Ha!

Do you have an ability where when you successfully make a dexterity saving throw, you don't take any damage even if you were supposed to take half? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I have that ability. Yeah, I'm looking right here. Yeah, I got it. Because he did roll a nat 20. Yeah. Yeah, no, I have that one. What is it called?

It's called a 1080. It's called work your body, work your body. All right, well, you rolled, so you only take two points of slashing damage from the razor vine. Does Matisse see this? Yeah, because you're behind. Okay, and the razor vine is just on the ground? Yeah.

Okay, Mateed, I guess, does their best and grabs Barney and flies over the razor vine. Whee! The look on Chris's face when you said Mateed grabs Barney was like pure joy. I also like the idea that Barney didn't see the razor vine. I don't know. And also did not see Mateed and is not aware and just thinks he is the flying boy. I'm flying! Barney's feet are still kicking like a dog when you pull them out of the water and they still swim. Where's Mateed? Mateed, look, I can fly too! I do.

Okay, yeah, so y'all continue making your way. Mateed and Barney airborne while Chip and Elga continue to plod along on the ground. Communicate to Elga that there's bush!

Bush, watch out for the razor, Bush! Vines. Not George W., the other! Bush? Razor vine! Okay, I see you. Thank you, Chip. You're right in front of me, so I did notice that you almost hurt yourself. He's just turning around. He's like, just yelling down at you. Fire! There's a fire! There's a fire! Goal! Okay.

Could Elga, like, I guess, jump over it or, like, try to get around it since she saw... Yeah, you can give it a pretty wide berth and get around it easily now that Chip's pointed it out. That's a good cadet firefighter. Vulture firefighter right there. Barney, you know, you're taking in the sights, really enjoying soaring through the air. Barney is just on his own soaring over California right from Disneyland. Yeah.

I'm trying to imagine, like, what would Barney focus on? Would he be looking at the ground? Would he be looking up? Would he be looking at Glurb? Like, since this is, like, a new perspective on the world, like, how would Barney take it all in? I think he'd be looking at the ground and then just let his arms out like he's about to sing, like, I Can Show You The War. I think looking at the ground, seeing it all fly by, then maybe up at the snail burning. Hmm.

And then getting a little scared to then going back to the ground. As you look up at the snail and the fire, something slimy falls from the sky and splats you right in the face. Oh, no. What is it? I don't know, but make me a constitution saving throw. We'll see if we can figure out what it is. Did a snail spit me? We're on the rear of it. Uh-oh. Oh! I think we know what that means. Ten? Snail doo-doo. The slime is, like, stinging your eyes a little bit. Luckily, your arms are free.

It used to take you like a minute or so to scoop it all out from your eyes. You think maybe it's just some errant slime from the snail's back. Snail storm!

Nice. Does Mateet see this? Yeah, you see that Barney's like pawing at his eyes. Okay, I want to look up and see if there's more of this. Is it like a flurry of this? Like a barrage. That's a good word. No, there's intermittent drops of slime falling. Okay, then I would do my best to avoid further splash damage. Sounds good. Back on the ground, did Chip get hit by this wire stuff? The razor vine? Yeah, he took two points of slashing damage. Is he bleeding at all?

It slashed at him. So yeah, he would have like, you know how when you're walking around like roses have thorns or like you're walking around in shorts in the outdoors and like some branch scratches up against you and draws a little bit of blood. Yeah, it's like that. Could I go up to him and hold my sippy cup of satiation by his cup and I go, here quick, your bleeding chip, bleed into this cup.

the ground and ruin the beautiful lands of Glurb. I'm imagining we're still running while this is happening so I'm like okay. Could I hold up my sippy cup and have him blade into it? Yeah I mean that's as long as Chip's down with it. Oh yeah we just gotta go cadet junior firefighter in training. Here let's make sure all the blood is really fully out the

And I squeeze the part of his arm or whatever. Yeah, that's good. Preserve the beautiful landscape. My blood might be flammable because I am a tiefling. A spicy drink for Elga. Yeah. Like a Bloody Mary. And then she puts her sippy cup away. Nice. So, Barney, you eventually scoop all the slime out of your eyes and you get really close to Glurb. And everyone roll me a perception check.

20. 6. Is there anything good about it? The stinging slime that hurts your eyes? Yeah, like do I recognize it as having any value to the area around your eyes? You can make a medicine check if you want to figure that out. I was actually thinking about that because this is a massive... Barney's got pretty good medicine. 10. I want to note, there was no editing there. That was not Micah getting rid of the pause. I have pretty good

Pretty good medicine test. Yeah. Because this is like a city of snail man size thing producing this. Anyways, what does it do? Wow. Was there a sentence in there? No. This is a city of snail size men. There were words. There were words. You don't think there's anything of value to it. You think it's just like regular snail goo or slug goo. I don't think that's true.

Big. I think everything has value. Barney is just arguing with God. Everything has value in its own way. Okay, what was everyone's perception check? 20 from Elgai heard, 6 from Chip, 21 Matin. What about perception? For Barney, I think it was 8. It was 8.

Sorry, I got so caught up with my medicine. So Chip and Barney are busy arguing over the value of slug goo while Matita and Elgar are surveying the situation. Matita and Elgar, you both notice there appear to be small flying creatures in the area around Glurb. What do they look like?

They're hard to see because they're so small and they're kind of a distance from you. If you didn't know any better, you'd say that they're flying cats. The little ones? Yeah. Can we tell if like that's where the goo came from? Or does it seem to have come from the snail? It seems like it's slug goo or snail goo. Hey Barney, there seems to be little flying creatures. They look to be maybe cats?

I think it's a bird. A bird? A plane? It's raining cats and dogs? Where is this going? Bird or her bird? My teeth are not a cat. Oh, no, I'm talking about way far away, Barney. Like, all the way in the distance. Not the person carrying you right now, currently. I'm yelling this, by the way, so that Barney could hear. Dude,

Do the birds... Do the cats look like they're glowing or anything? Could they be the source of fire? Glowing. Like, are they... Are they like methods? Yeah, yeah. Are they like... Well, this phoenix was a, like, a fiery cat, flying cat. That's true. Are they baby phoenixes? Oh. Phoenix. Phoenix. Not phoenixes. Try again, one more time. Are they baby phoenixes? Nope. Oh, my God. My head is in my hand. Everyone's head is in their hands. Oh, my God.

He was so sure. He was so sure he had it. I wish we could get metrics on when people pause this podcast because I bet a lot of people paused it right then because they were trying to stifle laughter at work. Holy crap. One more try. One more try. One, two, three. A phoenix with a sphinx. Phoenix. Phoenix. Try again. A phoenix with a sphinx. It's phoenix with an S at the beginning.

Sphenix? I can't do this. I'm going to end up saying sphincter. That's what I thought I said. It is that prefix. It is that prefix. Now, add that prefix to phoenix. Sphenix. Sphoenix. You're adding like an uh. You're saying like Sphoenix. Hooked on Sphoenix? Sphoenix.

Pleasantries, my pungent pals. I often get asked, what's the best way to support Tales from the Stinky Dragon? So to help explain, I brought my good friend, John, along to chat with me about it. Yeah, so the best way you can support us is by one, I mean, obviously just being yourself. That's what that would support me is just knowing that you're being your true self. Me too. And knowing that will help us. But beyond that,

It's by becoming a first member on roosterteeth.com, which is essentially our patron model for people who want to support the show in a financial way. And so if you go to roosterteeth.com and become a first member, it's only $5.99 a month. And basically, if you either become a first member or even just watch our content on roosterteeth.com, we get the most

value out of it, which we then can turn the most value possible into even more stinky content. And on top of just supporting us from an altruistic standpoint, you also get stuff out of it too, right? Like you can listen to our episodes ad free, for example. I hate ads. You could take up a hobby with all the time you save not listening to ads.

Maybe you could make your own dice for your own Dungeons & Dragons campaign. Your hobby could be that you join us on our official Discord, which is only for our first members on our Rooster Teeth Discord, where we're posting exclusive content. Today that we're recording this, I posted some behind the scenes photos from our Stinky Dragon Adventures production that just went into production this week.

Well, you know, it's... Man, you set me up for the perfect segue there, John. On top of that bonus stuff, you also get access to Second Wind, which is our bonus show for Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's pronounced Second Whind. Second Whind. Yep. Where, you know, we do a dive into that week's episode. We talk about things that...

what's going on, you know, maybe avenues that were left unexplored, where the party is, what the plans are, what you all messed up. Sometimes either myself or Michael will be there to help give more information. I've never messed up on this show before in my life. Everything has been strategically planned. Sure. We'll find out the rationale behind John when you listen to Second Wind. As a Rooster Teeth first member, again, just $5.99 a month, you get tons of bonus stuff. You get a discount on the Rooster Teeth store, get no ads in Tales from the Stinky Dragon, background play, offline viewing on mobile apps. Check it out.

It's pretty great. If you haven't checked recently, I'd recommend you head over to store.roosterteeth.com because we got brand new Stinky Dragon merch. All kinds of stuff is out there. Oh, John, you scared me. I didn't see you there. Blurble gerbil to you. Oh, and a blurble gerbil to you too. Did you know you can buy blurble gerbil merchandise at store.roosterteeth.com? Wait, I can get blurble gerbil on actual physical objects I can have in my home? What could I get that on? You could be living the blurble gerbil lifestyle, John.

Go check out all of the fine Blurble Gerbil merch again at store.roastfeeth.com. We've also got Rotet's player character apparel, all on mugs, shirts, posters, beach towel, you name it. We got a blanket. We have a blanket. I'm excited to get my blanket. I don't have the blanket yet. I know. I've got mine on the way right now. I'm excited to snuggle up with some stinky dragon blankets. They're not stinky. The blankets are not stinky. I want to make that very clear. What you do with them once you get them, that's your own business, but they're not stinky from the factory.

You, the community, can make whatever Stinky Dragon merch you want stinky after you get it, and we kind of encourage it, actually. But we can promise that it'll come to your house not pre-stunk. We'd also like to hear from you any ideas you have for merch that you want to see, whether it's a Yamford Yams College sweatshirt, a shouldy, an ethereal fanny pack...

or bum bag of holding, whatever we called it. Personally, I'm pushing for live, laugh, blurble, gerbil poster. That's what I want. You know, the sky's the limit with blurble, gerbil and our merch. And the community did such a good job of knocking it out of the park when we released our dice, which was like, we were trying to see if this would work out. And like that stuff sold out so quickly that we're like,

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All right, we'll accept it. Phoenix or alternatively, Suphenix. Yeah, that's fine. You know what? Close works. Yeah, we're close enough. We don't need to be perfect here. We're not professional D&D players. What was your question? I'm sorry, I got so derailed with the pronunciation here. Something about how, can we tell if like they're creating the fire? Are they small versions? It does not appear like

They are causing the fire. Like they're not on fire. They're not carrying fire. They're not like spitting fire. They seem to shimmer as the light hits them, but it doesn't, you don't think it's like fire. Shimmering flying cats. I think we should get closer. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so curious if they're related to this phoenix. Mateed just kind of makes a beeline with Barney towards the city. Okay. And then me and Chip as well. I'll go and Chip continue on, I imagine.

I can put you in my fanny pack. I'm just sorry. While we were flying, I was just imagining the never-ending story, like whenever he's on Falcor. Yeah! Yeah! Sphincter! Matee recognizes this and then swoops down to scare Chip and Elga like he did in the movie. Yeah, could I ride in Chip's...

Fanny pack of holding. I don't think you can get in. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Can you get in? Oh, yeah. Hold on tight. But I want to keep my hands and head out of it. Like a little baby. Like a little kangaroo baby. In that case, we'll make Chips make an athletics check to begin climbing up the side of Glurb. Oh, wait. I have good athletics. Could I add my athletics to this? You're up to assist. Go ahead and make an athletics check as well. 17. Like little T-Rex hands. Yeah, you're like the second set of hands coming out of Chips' stomach.

I help with a 10. You're good enough. It's not too difficult of a climb. Sometimes you have to go in a roundabout way to avoid globs of slime that are dripping down the side of Glur, but you make it up pretty quickly. As you all are climbing and Asmatid is flying up, you get closer to these flying cats, and they seem like small cat-like creatures that have shimmering fur and feathered wings. Shimmering in what way? Like scales? No, just like iridescent. Like magical. Like a 3D cassette. Oh.

Like a vampire in Twilight. Do they seem to fit in with the aesthetic of the city, or are these outside visitors? Can I make a nature check? I would imagine in a place named Glurb. Shiny, feathery cats are maybe not native. Ah, yes. Three. Cats, more like a house cat or more like a humanoid cat. Does that make sense? You mean like the Broadway musical cats? Yeah. You know what I mean? Is a cat humanoid?

What? Does it look like Mr. Mistoffelees? Yeah, yeah, like, you know, is it like a cat person? Or is it just little cats? Like Lionel from Thundercats. Yeah. Okay, so if you'd asked about... Also, it's a sexy cat. Yeah, well, isn't Mr. Mistoffelees a sexy cat? No, I say Lionel is. All the cats in Thundercats are way too sexy. Oh! I think Barbara's Googling Mr. Mistoffelees over here. It's like, one of these cats?

You know? It's more like a house cat. They're small. House cat sized. There's not three, by the way. Yeah, they totally fit in. What are they doing? Yeah, what's their activity? It seems like they're just flying around the perimeter of Glurb. Not, like, swooping down or anything? Well, at that point, they catch eyes and they spot you all climbing and flying. A few of them begin closing the distance, flying in quickly. We'll say four of them are flying towards you guys. Hello! Oh, jeez.

Can I do some sort of check to see if it is an aggressive approach? Yeah, make an insight check. I rolled a nat 20, so 26 on insight. It seems like they're approaching with hostility. Oh, no. Bonnie, get ready for the battle. No, okay. Okay.

Yeah, everyone go ahead and roll initiative. 19 for Elga. 12. I can't remember if I'd had my double initiative thing on if I had mentioned it. You had. 22. I rolled the same number twice. 13. Okay, Chip. You are, you know, on a little landing near the top of the snail with Elga in your, what do we call it? Your bum bag? Yeah. Bum bag of holding. Yes. And four of these winged cat-like creatures seem to be closing in very quickly. Okay. How?

How far away? Yeah, they're like flying, right? Yeah, they're flying in. We'll say 25 feet. Okay. I'm going to shoot at the one that's closest to any of my party members. Okay. With my crossbow. And then I also have this thing called assassinate. You have advantage on attack rolls against any creature that hasn't taken a turn in combat yet. And any hit you score against a creature that is surprised is a critical hit.

Okay, it is not taking a turn, but, you know, obviously it's not surprised. Okay. Well, then I'll roll for crossbow twice because I have vision. Didn't even need it. That was a 24. Nice. And that's a nat 20. Hey, baby. Hey. So that means you do crit damage, right? Yeah. Excellent. So, second. Hey, Mateed, watch this. Oh, my God. That's two sixes. Wow. 14. I'm playing. I just want to let you know, Mateed wasn't watching. Okay.

So you fire a crossbow bolt at it. You line up the shot, get the creature perfectly in your sights and squeeze the trigger. The bolt flies through, hitting the creature in the head and it begins falling to the ground below. And keep in mind, my stance was like that of Han Solo where I had one arm up, like for some reason. Back arm up over your head, one arm facing forward, shooting. And Elga is just a pair of eyes peeking out of your zipper. And two little hands. And two little hands. And that's the movie poster. Blanket.

Blaine continues his pattern of just mercilessly murdering small animals in our D&D campaigns. Oh, they're hostile. He was about to attack my friends. Okay, so now that I did that, I am going to then use cunning action. And then I guess I'm going to just hide. Okay.

It's what you're supposed to do, but the way you said it was humorous. So you're also going to hide. Go ahead and make a, just do so we have it on record, make a stealth check. Okay. Also, did the ones that fell, are they dead or are they just like hurt? It was one that fell and it appears to be unmoving. 18. And if it wasn't dead before, that long drop definitely took care of it. Oh, cool. 18 for your stealth check. I'm just going to write it down so I have it.

Also, anything I need to do since it's still my turn to like either help Elga out or whatever they want to do because I realize that I'm carrying them with me. So can you throw me out? Can I?

Yeah, if you want. Or just, we'll wait, we'll wait. Elga, I choose you. Well, one of the creatures goes before Elga. Elga, you'll go after this creature. How dare. It, you know, swoops in. Let's have it make a check to see if it sees you, Chip, even though you're hiding. Okay. It has a plus five on this. And you rolled an eight, so it needs a 13 or better. Okay.

So yeah, it does not see you. You've disappeared to it. And by proxy, I'll say Elga's also disappeared since she's in your bum bag. Okay. So this creature sees Mateed and Barney. It's going to swoop over towards them. And what will it do? It's going to get close and, you know, use its paws and lash out with some talons and trying to hit Mateed. So it swipes out with small talons that appear like they're like fiery, like...

You know, it swipes at you. Some fiery talons emerge. Devilish phoenix. It hits a phoenix. A C13. Does not hit. Does not hit. It swipes at you, misses, and then hisses. Oh. Misses and hisses. It's a little rhyme. Jacques hisses back. Ooh. It becomes a little shocked, and it arches its back in midair. That's cool. That's adorable.

Spicy kitty. That's all it does. Can I lean down to Elga real quick? Yeah. Be like, hey there, kiddo. Welcome to the stealth life. I don't know. I don't want to make decisions for you, but if you want a subclass as a rogue, this is what it feels like. There's a lot of... Elga's not hearing any of this. There's a lot of hiding. I'm imagining it's a soundproof bag. All she hears is... Your blank expression. Eyes just staring out. Elga's like, he must be hungry. I guess I should ask

A point of clarification. I thought your like head and arms were sticking out. Is your head in? Yeah, yeah. No, they're... She's just joking. Oh, okay. I should clarify. If your head is in, when you are in the bag holding, you would need to like hold your breath. Oh, yeah. No, my head is out. Just another rowdy teenager doesn't want to listen to their parent figure. I'm listening. I just... Yeah. If you need to breathe inside the bag, you can survive up to a number of minutes equal to 10 divided by the number of people inside. So you can spend up to 10 minutes in there. Okay. Dude.

That's pretty long. That's going to be our next aquatic naval battle attack thing. Yeah. You just put all of us in your bag? Yeah, I just stuff y'all in there and then I run through. But then it's less time with more people. Yeah, right. If there were three of you, it would be three minutes. Three minutes, yeah. I can make a little hut.

What? Yeah, come on in. Build a tent. I can make a hut. In the suburbs of Phoenix? No, I can make a hut that you can hide in. It's a spell I got. I don't really know how it works, but it makes a little hut. You could hide inside the thing you're hiding in. Hut, hut, hut, hut. We're hiding all the way down. What's the spell called? Hut maker. Leemon's tiny hut. Okay. All right. Use me as a matter of crime.

Helga, you're up. Then after you is another one of them and then Barney. Okay. Well, I want to get out of the bag. Okay. Is that an action or a bonus? You can just do it. We'll just say you can do it. I'm going to get out of the bag. It's your movement. And could I try to cast this scroll of blur? Yeah. So you can use the spell scroll. You just need to make an arcana check with a DC equal to 10 plus the spell's level. The spell's level is second level. So I would have to roll a what? An arcana check.

DC 12. Okay, I rolled a 19. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you pull it out. This is the first time you've... This is the first time my scroll has been successful. Yeah, you've done it. Yeah. You know, you pull it out and at first you're holding the scroll upside down. You're like, oh, wait, not the other way. You orient it correctly. You read it and you think at first that maybe it's not doing anything. Then you look down and you realize your body has become blurred and it's like shifting and wavering. Has it become blurb?

Borbald. Borbald. So metagame wise, any creature attacking you has disadvantage on attack rolls. Yeah. Cool. Like a flash. Yeah. Or one of those documentaries where they try to keep the identity of the person a secret. Oh, I'm elbow. I mean, shoot. Oh,

Yeah, that did not last long. In case it ever comes up in the future, any attacker that doesn't rely on sight, like if they have blindsight or if they can see through illusions, is immune to effects of blindsight. Am I, are these little cats able to see me without sight? It seems like it is effective against them. And then was using that scroll an action, bonus action? What's the, I don't think I have that. Since it was a custom thing, I don't think I have that. An action in Baldur's Gate, but I think Gus will give you a little break and just make it a bonus action, right Gus?

In Baldur's Gate, which is a bonus action, we do it a lot more. Yeah. God scrolls in Baldur's Gate rule. Yeah, I think normally it's an action. We'll just say, we'll homebrew it. We'll say it's a bonus action. Okay, cool. And then could I try throwing my axe of the scarab at the one closest to Matide? It's pronounced scarab. Scarab. Go for it. Okay.

Is there any sort of advantage to that? Because they're hiding, perhaps? Is it 12 hit? 12 actually does hit. Okay, sweet. And then that's going to do... Not heavily armored kids. 10 points of damage. And I want it to come back to me as well. Okay, so you toss your axe at the scarab out, impacts the cat, and begins falling to the ground along with the cat-like creature. But as, you know, it's falling past you, you reach your hand out, and the axe comes back to you. Ooh.

Good little axe. That's so cool. Elga petting her axe. Licks the blood. Is there anything else Elga can do? I think I'm going to end my turn right there. The way that Barbara phrases that, I'm deciding. I'm deciding to end my turn. I could do more. Cancel end turn? Yeah. Cancel end turn? Yeah. I give a stealth clap from the bush. All the little cats turn. The golf clap. Yeah. You could do ASL clap. Oh, there you go. Shaking hands. Shake my hands in the air.

You see the bush. Two purple hands. The bush is growing hands. One of the other creatures sees what you've done, Elga, and flies towards you, swooping at you, trying to, again, swipe at you, but it's going to have disadvantage because you are blur. Blurble. Blurble. There's two left? Correct.

With disadvantage, it rolls an 11, which I assume is a miss. Yeah, I'm an AC 15. That's pretty good for a barbarian. Heck yeah. That means it's Barney's turn, and then after Barney is Matide. I have a question. Of course. Can Matide toss me as part of my turn? Like, you could delay your action and let me do that. You two are back to back. You rolled a 13, Matide rolled a 12. I'll say we can kind of merge it here. Why not? Toss me.

When do you want me to toss to you? I don't know the kitties. I toss an old man at a cat. Do you think anyone's ever said that sentence in the history of the world? I don't know.

Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Tossed an old man out a cat. I'm claiming that one. Okay. Yeah, sure. You get tossed. We're not that high up, are we? I don't know. I should have asked. I described the slug as being mountain-sized. Oh. Okay. Well. You got this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll figure it out. You jumped out a window at a college. Do I hit the cat? Did I hit one of the cats? Oh, you wanted him to toss you out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Toss me out a cat. Like a... He saw. Yeah, he saw Elga throw the axe. I

I can do that. Okay, well, roll me, Mateed, roll me a 20-sided die. Let's just see. If it's a good roll, yes. If not, no.

No, you do not hit a cat. You get close to it. How close? Ten feet away. Throw a hut at it. You're ten feet away. You can do a lot from ten feet. I know, I know, I know. I build a tiny hut. I can't do that. It takes a minute. You have a long way to fall down. I cast Slow Fall on Barney. Let me think here. Think, Barney, think. Can you throw anything? I want to, within...

Five feet. Five feet. Is it moving towards me? No. Oh, man. Are you sure I can't be within five feet of it? Ten feet. I'm already giving you so much. On a seven. On a seven. I give an inch and Chris constantly tries to take a mile. I cast. You're falling, Chris. You're falling. I cast.

What are you gonna cast? Barney, what are you gonna cast? Oh my god, Barney's falling! I cast... What do you do, hotshot? What do you do? How far do I have a minute? If you fall at 32... What's terminal velocity? Just cast something. Yes, you'd have a minute. I'll say yes. Sure, why not? Nice! Alright, I cast... LeMond's Tiny Hut.

Oh man. A ten foot immobile dome of force springs into existence around me. Hey guys. And remains stationary for the duration. Barney's playing Fortnite. He's building. The spell ends if I leave the area. Anyone wanna- Y'all are welcome in my hut. Where's your hut? In the air. I imagine he just built a tent and then he completes it, goes inside, rises about to hit the ground, and then it just shatters. Just

Yeah, what happens? Does the tent float? Or does it then like... It says it remains stationary. Oh, like in a quantum state? Like a movable type object? My God. This is the dumbest thing that Chris has done in D&D. Barney's just floating in a hut in the middle of the sky. Now what? Could one of the cats have been in the hut with me? I don't know. What? It's a 10-foot radius. So yes.

So I trapped the cat. Yes, the cat is in the hut with you because the hut has a 10-foot radius, so... Oh, my God. She just made a falling thunderdome with him and his cat. No, it's... Two enter, one leave. Two enter, one leave. Wait, I need to catch up. You cast a hut midair around the cat...

And himself. And yourself. Yeah. So now you are stuck in a quantum state in the air. Wait, wait. I'm sorry. I just realized. It takes you a minute to cast, right? To cast. So no, the cat would not be stuck around you. Okay. Because I thought if it went out instantly, the cat would be there. Or the cat-like creature. Okay. You fell for a minute. Okay.

are most of the way down to the ground. And that's where the hut comes out. So Barney is now in a floating hut close to the ground. Yes. What's Barney doing? What in the Looney Tunes are you going to do, bro?

What was your end game here? He just forgets what he was doing and he's like, oh, this isn't my place. I want to paint a picture for the audience. Chris is not giving us a look like he has any plan. No plan. Okay, so. I love it. I'm going to rules lawyer a little more here. Really now? Yeah. Say it isn't so, Gus. It describes this hut as a dome. Uh-huh.

Which implies there's no floor. What if I cast it upside down? Oh, my God. Didn't think of that, did you, Gus? Didn't think of that. You're just in a bowl? He's in a little bowl. A bowl of Barney. So you're in a bowl. Part of a complete breakfast. Yeah. Okay. It's a bowl of Barney. Jesus. And I use my bonus action. Yeah, you do. To how far away is now the bird? Cat a mile. The cat? Yeah.

Several hundred feet. So there's no other cats nearby? No. Okay, bye. That's great. My headcanon is that he cast the dome upside down, fell into it, and now is going... I don't even know if the dome would stop. I don't know if you would fall through. I'm not going to think about it anymore. Barney's in a sky bowl. Captain Kirk's watching this from afar. Slowly turning the ship around. Oh, God.

Mateed, what do you want to follow that up with? I don't think I can. I don't think I can. There is Elga killed the cat that was in my direct, like directly in front of me. Correct. That one that attacked me. Correct. And so there are two more. Yes. One theoretically that I threw Barney at and then another one somewhere. Another one that had gotten close to Elga and tried to attack her. Okay. So one airborne and one down the ground. Yes. Okay.

I'm asking is that one airborne that we threw Barney at? Correct. Yeah, okay. Then how far is the one that is in the air? Not too far. I mean, you toss Barney at it. We'll say 20 feet. Okay, then I'm going to go at it, and I'm going to attack it with my Spear of the Superior Baker and do that as my first attack action. Okay. Do you have two actions now? I got two actions, and if I do that, I can do a third strike actually.

Okay, cool. I'm a monk. That's really cool. I'm a monk. I had a plan for how I could have killed the ground cat, but you go wild, Bunty. That's a 14, so that hits. That hits. It's D6 plus 6. That's only 7 damage. Okay. The cat-like creature is still flying. Let us do it again. Another. That's a 17. That hits. Wheeze. 8 damage. Yeah, that renders the cat immobile, and it begins falling to the ground.

Does it land in my bowl? Yeah, it's up, Barney. Dead cat lands in your bowl. As you strike at it with your spear, I should have mentioned this for Elga as well, but I will mention it for you. How dare you? As you get close and you attack these creatures within melee range, you feel like a tremendous amount of heat

radiating from them. Okay, so they are spinies. Fiery. Maybe. Well, they attacked with fiery claws. They are giving off heat. They're not on fire, but they're definitely... Okay, so they are thundercats. Got it. Ha ha ha!

Okay. Then how far did I... I'm sorry. How far did I go to get to this one? About 20 feet. Okay. Then how far is the last one? Let's say it's another 20 feet down. Then I go down and I attack. Is that one with my vinyl attack? Mm-hmm. Your vinyl attack. Yeah. I get to do... I don't do much at this point except for just do a lot of attacks in a row. That's the monk life. That's the monk life. We love it. We need it. I'm just going to go ahead and do another spear attack. That is a nat 20. 20. 20.

You're probably going to demolish this creature, but go ahead and roll damage anyway. I hope so. Let's keep tanking here. That's 13 damage? It's actually going to be more than that. We'll take your first one because it automatically rolls two dice. We homebrew that one of the dice does maximum damage, so it's actually 16 points of damage. Oh, okay. And sure enough, the creature falls to the ground, unmoving down. Oh.

to the ground below. Mateed turns to Chip and goes, I got two of them. I'm in the bush. I had my knife ready to stab that one. So instead of jumping out to stab, I jump out for a hug. So I guess three of you are together and Barney's dead somewhere. He fell an indeterminate amount of distance below you. I go and get the floating Barney. Well, you can't enter it until I, unless it's got no top. Or no bottom. I think it has, I think it's- I ruled it doesn't. Okay, I jump out and I go, hi! Hi!

From how high up? No, I jump up like, oh, for me to get. Oh, to be caught? Yeah, you said jump out. I was like, what is Barney doing? Look at that. That is a wonderful bubble. You did such a good job. I watched the whole time you were making it for that entire minute you were falling to the ground. We make a really good team. Yes, yes.

I would agree. Captain Kirk is watching. All he's seeing is a bowl in the sky, birds flying over, no chip, a blurry Elga. Yeah. Where are the rest of the cats? That was all of them. Oh, we got them. Good. They're all dead. That was real. That was real. Okay. You retrieve Barney and reconvene with your party. You're close to the top. I assume you just

Finish your final push and get up there. Oh yeah, gotta go to the city, gotta save the residents. You reach the top of Glurb's slimy shell and come upon a smoky alleyway walled in to your right and left. The ground is presumably made from the shell, some sort of slick calcified material. However, there seems to be a path made of wood planks built into the ground. They're currently smoldering and it's difficult to see past the smoke. See that there? That's against the fire code. Yeah. Yeah.

How so? Well, you know, it's made of a real... There's no anti-flammatory materials or paint or anything to prevent a blaze from happening. Now it's spreading uncontrolled. Isn't paint flammable? Depends. Everyone go ahead and roll me a perception check just because it's kind of difficult to see right now with all this smoke. Eee. Six.

That's a tree. Tree? What? One, two, three. Twelve. Fifteen. Okay. Elga and Chip, even though the town is moving at a slow pace, you start to feel really motion sick. Oh, no. It's taking all your energy not to gag. Okay. Am I still blurry? It lasts up to a minute, so I'm going to say it's probably dissipated by now. Okay, fine.

Barney and Mateed, the smoke clears for a moment. You see the path that winds between tent-like homes and businesses is set ablaze. They're people. Right now, it seems like the streets are overrun with little minions, like little cats, like you saw before, little cat-like creatures. And they seem to be, you know, running building to building, lighting buildings on fire. Oh, no.

We gotta kill the cats. And there are some residents also running and seemingly trying to hide. Yeah. They're like a resident we could approach? None seem to be coming out to you. They all seem to be either hiding or running away. But it seems like it's a pretty straight path for you, even though you, because you're, like I said, you're walled in on the left and the right. It seems like there's only one direction you can really head towards. Does anybody have like a thing they could do to like blast all these kitties?

You have a knife. Fang frost? Oh, I did actually. Our last episode, I got a cat blaster. God about that. Oh, good, good. Could I use my fang frost?

That's a good idea. To attack a particular cat or? Well, you said they're like over, like the streets are overrun with them. Yeah, they're just like everywhere. They're, you know, running around. They're also flying. So it's not like they're just on the ground. They're, you know, flying from rooftop to rooftop. And some of them are on the ground running. But I'm guessing we just can't even wrap our heads around trying to get all these. Right. This looks like so much. All right, fireman, what do we do? I can do a spirit guardian and you can pick me up and fly me around and anything that within 15 feet it.

of the guardian takes damage. Okay. I have a feeling we're maybe not supposed to try to kill all these things. Should we just try to like proceed forward with caution to find maybe help or a source of all this? Gotta find a government official, perhaps the fire marshal, the person in charge. I'm just thinking like this is clearly a very big catastrophe. Ha ha.

And I don't know if like stopping and just fighting every single cat is the way to do it. Probably not. Should we just continue forward? Yeah. Is there a way for us to do it without like drawing attention? You could try to like roll like a group stealth check. Yeah. Let's do that. Group stealth check. I got pretty good stealth. 19 for Elga. 17. 20. I have disadvantage to hold up. Oh, yeah. 17. Nice. Wow. So sneaky here. That's maybe our best group stealth check. Yeah.

That's really good. Not a single one of you failed. So, you know, you continue. You walk down the path a little ways. It's an interesting layout on this city because it seems like to your left and what you presume would be the center of the city, the elevation's higher, almost like the city's kind of built up along the shell and continues to be taller in the center. Anyway, you walk for a little bit and you see a smoldering sign that reads Visitor Center. Blurble gerble. Oh.

Oh. If you peek in the window inside, you see a few shelves of inventory in the front counter, all of which are on fire. Oh. Is there anybody in? Is there any water fountains? Making investigation check, Mateed. Once again, I need to stop asking for investigation checks.

Nine. Seems like it's empty. Does anybody have positive on it? Yeah. Could you go in? I mean, you're... You need to investigate more. You're fire resistant, right? So if you go in, you can... I'm pretty sure he's immune to it. I'm immune to fire. Yeah. I want to look around and see if there's any water sources, and I want to see if there's any people. Water sources. Yeah, you know. Fountains. Fountains.

Water hoses. None that you can see, but it is also difficult to see because of all the smoky, smoldering buildings and your motion sickness. You see, I am a tiefling, though, and I have resistance. It's a fire. Chip, do you perhaps see anybody inside of the visitor center? Let me take a look. Thank you. I'm just going to roll an investigation. You didn't ask, but I... 20. There we go. You see what you think might be a couple of offspring, like young pluribians, hiding behind the front counter. I get down the door and go save the children!

Come here my babies! Make an athletics check to kick down the door. Why'd you turn into Arnold there? Let's save all the children. *laughs* It's a six. Lucky! That's a- I rolled a six. Lucky! I gotta save the babies. That's a nine. You uh, kicked the door but that solid Glurbian construction just won't give. Those hinges hold. I- I- open the door! Matin! Matin! No wait! I try to open the door with a knob. Matin reaches out and opens the door and it sleeves open. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh. It's not that intensive a fire. It's like just a small little hot spot. Why? There's no such thing as not as intensive a fire. Fire spreads. That's where it gets its power. Why are you pitching for me to get damage? What? Oh. What?

We're trying to be realistic. Yeah, after the dome air situation, we're trying to be realistic with our D&D. All right, so Matit opens the door? Yeah, Matit opens the door for Chip. But I make a motion to let Chip in. And Chip, you spot six young Glurbians cowering behind the front counter. Hey there, kids, it's me, Chip Haney, your local volunteer firefighter. If you follow me, I will take you to safety and make sure that I can save what I can of your home.

Come along now! Stop drop and roll! Will you help us find our progenitors? I don't know what a progenitor is, but you betcha! Okay. Okay. They get up and, uh, they're all- all six of them are holding hands and they begin following you. That's adorable! That's the spirit! Go, go, go! And they, uh, they run outside.

All right. Marco! Marco! I don't think any of them are named Marco. Okay, wait. Hey, little children, what's a progenitor here? Our progenitors. The ones that create us. Yeah. They're like little blobby things, so they don't have like... They might have different terminology for like...

parental units. Okay, I start searching room to room. You begin searching around. Make, um... I'm in my element. Again, make an investigation check. Fire. We're just doing deja vu here. Blaine's character killed a small animal and now Blaine's character is in a fiery building trying to look around. Ten. You don't spot any other glurbs inside the building. However, you do see some pretty neat looking gloves. They're like...

Protective elbow-length orange gloves. Ooh. Do they have any, like, sort of benefits or anything? Fashions. I think they could maybe help protect you when you're investigating things. Ooh. I grab them. I put them on. Meta-game-wise, they offer resistance to acid damage. Okay. Yeah. That's handy. It's like a hazmat suit. Yeah, I'll take these. Yeah. And they're bright orange. You'd think a firefighter would like that, right? Yeah. It might not go with my costume, but, you know, whatever.

Well, it's very situational. Sure. Chip is turning into like when you are playing a video game and your character just has the best gear, but none of it matches. Or like me in Baldur's Gate where I've got tons of gear I can't use, but I refuse to put it in a chest. Yeah. Meanwhile, outside, the offspring run off in different directions following larger Glurbs, presumably their progenitors. They just...

Was this a fool's errand? No, you got gloves. You saved him. You also saved him out of the building. They were looking for the progenitors and then they just found him outside. They were scared to go outside. It was fiery. It was scary. It was fiery. Okay, all right. I come back out. You saved them and you got an item. What else do you want? It's like a win-win. It's like a win-win.

statue of me in the town square he wants a hug the the young glurbians all come up and hug you oh that's right children there you go oh yeah all of a sudden it looks like one of those jellos with chip inside it oh my goodness they're attacking him they all run away and you're left very slimy okay have we uh exhausted this and gone it should move on to other parts of the city to see if we can help is there anywhere else what's the next most fiery place

We're just going down the list. Barney, you look a little further down the way and you see a scorched sign that reads Fun Garden. Fun Garden? Yeah, and there's a Glurbian who appears to be struggling to put out a fire there. Can I run and help? Yeah. Barney detaches from the party and runs away. Throw me! You can walk. Okay. You got this, Barney!

Barney, have faith in yourself. He's trying to put out a fire? Like, what kind of... Yeah. Of where? You get close to the fun garden. You see it's an outdoor garden bed filled with mushrooms and fungi that's currently set ablaze. There's a Glurbian wearing jelly glasses who's struggling to put out the fire in the garden. She sees you, Barney, and says...

Okay, yes, I will. I'm looking for the correct way to save a fun garden, and I only have... Only one thing comes to mind. Garen. Leomund's tiny hut. That's what comes to mind! Oh, no! Because, I mean, it will... The oxygen... It needs oxygen. I control the environment. I can do it.

Do it, but it's like my last third level spell. It doesn't seem like the best thing to do, but it's the only way I know how to put out a fire quickly. You used it so well the first time. I did. I did. You're right.

That's the only... Is there any other... Is there a well nearby or any source of water? Yes, there's a well nearby, presumably, that's used to water the garden. Let's talk about the logistics of this here well, okay? Because we're on top of a snail, so does that well just dig into the snail's back and then pulls water from the snail? You think it might be more of a rain collection kind of thing, where it's maybe more like a cistern where water is funneled down into it and then drawn up when it's needed. Okay. I see. Okay, continue. Continue.

There's a bucket I assume? How much- is this a fire that can be put out with buckets of water? Yes. Okay. Is there more than one bucket? We'll say there's two.

All right. Barney starts getting a bucket from the well and splashing it on the water. Splashing it on the water? Splashing it on the fire. Okay. While also doing Mage Hand that's also picking up a bucket of water. And we're doing two buckets at once. And I'm saying, get the buckets of water. Okay, yeah. You work feverishly with your Mage Hand and you manage to get the fire in the fun garden under control. And I high five my Mage Hand. It's very important. This fun garden is...

Safely fun. And then I'm in the sign. Oh, look at you. Yeah. The sign, the little scorch marks go away and the sign writes itself. Wow. It's a fun garden. And then the building right next to it that is still on fire catches it on fire and just it all proceeds to crumble. Collapses on top of it. Thank you so much. My name is Valbel. How

She goes over and picks some mushrooms and hands them to you. Thank you. Don't trip. What do these do? They go good on a salad. Oh, for Minecraft. Be very careful.

If you ingest them and can stomach them, you will grow horns that you can attack your enemies with. Well, neato. But if you can't stomach them, some bad side effects. How long do they last? Should last

I eat a mushroom. Okay, make me a constitution saving throw. She's like, careful eating. Oh, he's eating them. He downs every single one. 16. Whoa. You feel like they start really upsetting your stomach and making you feel sick. And you bend over in pain for just like a split second. Then two horns pop out of your head. That's good Foley, Barb. Yeah, that was really good. Yeah, yeah. So now you've got horns on your head. Thank you. And she says, oh, you ate three? No, just one. Here, look.

Thank you. This is a clover cap. If you eat this, you become extra athletic.

Metagame-wise, you get advantage on your next attack roll. These mushrooms just turn him into Chip? What is going on? Horns and athleticism. And these ones give you a tail. And make you purple. Yeah, and fire resistant. Purple gerbil. Purple gerbil. So I got a Clovercap and two more mushrooms? Sure. Neato. And you currently have horns. Yes. Metagame-wise, they deal 1d6 plus 4 piercing damage as a bonus action. Headbutt. Thank you!

Stay fun! And then I- I run back! Mooing! Moo! Oh my god, Barney, what are those on your head? Mad cow disease! Put him down! Matide looks at Barney and Chip and goes, I cannot tell the two apart! Which one do I shoot? Now you can drop me headfirst! There you go. There you go. Nothing bad could happen from that.

We proceed to the next place that looks like it could use our help. Yeah, I don't know why Barney ran back because now he has to walk back past the fun garden with everyone. He needs his steps. Okay. Everyone, just since you're continuing, everyone make stealth checks again just to see. Okay. Stealth check. Stealth check 15. 23. 17. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it.

That's still good enough. The three rolls were good enough. You all continue your stealthy crawl through Glurb. And you come across a large marquee tent with stalls inside, and the wooden poles are on fire. In each stall is a slimy slug-looking creature roughly the size of a donkey. There's five stalls that are currently occupied who seem to be skittish from the fire. Is this Glurbian livestock? Make a nature check for me, Matilda. Sure, that'll go well. Okay.

I thought better that you're doing it. No, it's an intellectual. It should be Chip for 12, but he rolled a three on his last nature check. You think that these must be some kind of, like, used as, like, a beast of burden. Okay, so. Milk them quickly, Mateen. Stop. Am I wrong? Is that where you go first? Yeah. What do you think a beast of burden is? Oh, it's, like, a thing that carries weight and stuff, like a yoke and stuff. But also, I mean, like, milk is a burden. You got to get rid of it.

That's got all the cows and beast of burdens. Milk is a burden. You know, the classic saying. Both poor mothers.

Sorry, to bring it back to the picture you were painting, there are four stalls? There are currently five stalls occupied. It's on fire and these beasts of burden are seemingly trapped? Yeah, they're like really skittish because of the fire and they're all like tied into their stalls. Do they have horns? No. What was the end game of that? I was going to see if I could...

like coax them as one of their like they might trust me do you want to go help with me I would love to what should we do I don't know but I think we run in we free them from their little cages whatever they're in stalls stalls

And then pull them out. Yeah. Okay. Sounds like a reasonable plan. Are the stalls like a typical horse stall where there's a gated door? Yeah, exactly. Okay. Then, yeah. All right. You take the left. I'll take the right. And we should open the doors for you. Okay. Each of you, just for fun, make me animal handling checks. There's a 15. 17. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. Despite the fact that these creatures are very skittish from the fire, they seem to implicitly trust you. You're able to open the gates and coax them out.

and let them free from the tent that is ablaze. - And do we see anything in their stalls that they left behind or like anything in this area? - Make an investigation check for me, Elga. - I'll do one too, just 'cause I'm looking as well. - With advantage? - Yeah. - Okay. - That's a six. - Well, I rolled a 14 twice.

There's a lot of nothing in here, you know, stalls that need to be mucked. But, Elga, you find a jar that's labeled ooze ointment. Ooh, okay. And it appears to be an ointment that heals acid damage. Ooh. I feel like we're going to be running into some acid. It is.

Elga drinks it. No, I'm kidding. What is the save point with all these health potions? Okay, I put it in my backpack. Okay. Quick, Chip, there's so much milk here. We need help. It's such a burden. We gotta milk these things quick. I put on my gloves to milk them.

We save the beasts of Baden. Yeah, you've accomplished your task. All of the creatures are safe. Mateed winks at Elga. Elga blinks back with both eyes. That tracks. Ding. We did it. We freed the little creatures. We released them into the fire. We put Barney in one of these dolls. Put him out to pasture. Chip looks around to see if there's anybody else that needs to help.

Oh, nothing that pops out or nothing stands out, I should say. But you can continue along the path, continuing towards the center of the city. Let's do it. Come on, gang! You reach a wood plank ramp leading up into the center of town. Against fire code. The light of day has dimmed to a red and orange sunset. At the top of the ramp is a splintered gate sprawled across the ground in a smoky heap.

I said, where is it? Trembling doubt.

Aw. Please, there's no need for this.

As I said before, no one here has heard of the Mould of Underglobula, or where it might be. I beg of you, have mercy on us. We are a peaceful people. You peer past the crowd and spot a somewhat familiar face, so to speak. It's a massive amorphous mound of orange that's unmistakably known as the Blob.

What did the sign say? The blending ceremony. Yeah, blending ceremony of Hexel and Ogvel. Okay, it must mean some sort of a wedding. Do they just, like, become one when two become one? That'd be crazy. Like the Spice Girls, but, like, literally? You'll have to ask them. The blending ceremony. It's probably their, like, mating thing. Yeah. So, so, the... God, Chris. The Sphenix is...

The Sphoenix is the one that's interrogating the blob? Correct. Okay. Eddie's not around? Not that you see, no. Okay. Do we step in there? We gotta stop this. We gotta. These are bad guys. How far away is this...

The thing? The cat? Egyptian? You got it. Which is called? You got it. Sphinx. Sphinx. Sphinx. Sphinx. Sphynx. Sphynx. Sphynx. There you go. You got it. You got it. I do like Sphynx though. Now all Micah has to do is just get that little audio clip and use it every single time. Yes, we attack the Sphinx.

Sphoenix. With us cheering, too, every time he gets it right. I'd say it's maybe 30 feet away. And it's big, huh? Yes. Sphoenix is this campaign's prestidigitation. Guys, I think we need to talk to Sphoenix. Yeah, the Sphoenix is like a huge cat-like creature made purely of fiery feathers with four fiery paws, a blazing tail, two burning wings, and a flaming feline face with scorching eyes. That's cool. I'm sure you remember from one of our previous episodes that Sphoenix is the ruler of Pyroa, which is the elemental dimension of fire.

Yeah, of course. That's the refresher.

Is it a humanoid? Does it count as... No, it's cat. It's cat bird. It's a humanoid. It's cat bird. It's specifically Taylor Swift from the movie Cats. Yeah. With wings. With wings. Should we go talk to him or her or whatever? I'm torn between wanting to socialize with it and wanting to attack it with stealth. Can we continue to watch from afar and see what happens? Sure, if you want. Gus is like, no, I'm out of dialogue. The phoenix again says, the moon of underglobulus.

Bring it to me, or I will destroy all of Gloob and its citizens. The mold? Mold. Mold. Of Underglobula. That is Matide's worst nightmare. Not mold. Mold. Elga, make an intelligence check for me. Oh, but I appreciate you. I'm sorry, not intelligence, wisdom. I appreciate you were listening, Chris. Wisdom check? Yes. Wisdom.

16. Under Globula sounds familiar. It does sound familiar. You think you found something that had Under Globula on it. Isn't that the thing that's just in the back of your throat? Is it? Uvula. Maybe in the library you found something? I do remember, right? And my memory tells me. If you do a search on your inventory and type Under Globula, I think it'll pop up. Sky chart labeled gold of Under Globula.

You got it. You got it. Oh, no. Hi, welcome to Mudmouth, the podcast. I have the sky chart labeled gold of under globula. Got it. Got it.

Is this what I am remembering? Yeah. But this is, was I supposed to write mold or did I write gold as the appropriate thing? You think you wrote it correctly. Okay. Okay. And the upper half was ripped off. Yeah. Wait, where did we get this? This was probably in the library. Probably the library. This was from the library. So, okay. I feel like we should just really type it, chime up, chime, chime, I'm an addict. All right. It's bread. Yeah. Okay.

Ace Phoenix! You leave them alone! They're in a ceremony! Rude!

You talk to us. This phoenix drops the blob to the ground and another couple of glurps run out and seem to attend to the blob as this phoenix turns its attention to you. Yeah, it's me. Our very stealthy bro. I'm the problem. I am the problem. In like a velvety voice, this phoenix asks, And you are? And I say in a sandpapery voice, Chip Haney. And I'm here to protect the people of... Glurp. Yep. Glurp.

This Phoenix asks you chip Yeah, maybe but you gotta chill out dude because like you're lighting this place on fire and that is like so rude What that what you're looking for gold?

Mold and that's that's worth killing people for let's calm it down bring it down a notch Phoenix gosh Everyone will be spared if you can provide this food

Okay. You could have just said that from the beginning. And what do you want it for? Yeah, what's the mold? I want it so that I don't have to

Oh

And with that this Phoenix takes to the air. Oh, okay

That guy's a jerk. Let's go tend to the guy, the glob. Yeah, can we go check on the blob? Blob. Yeah, you run up to the blob and a couple of other glurbs are attending to the blob. The blob, you know, addresses them and says, Oh, don't worry, Hexel. I'm fine. You go look over Ogvel. Those are the two that were having their ceremony. Blending ceremony. Oh, and the blob was probably there to just be the... Officiant. Officiant, yeah. Celebrity guest. The blob sees you all approaching and says...

Thank you for running this phoenix off. No problem. We're on the case. What is this mood that you keep referring to? Did we promise a WMD to an already extremely powerful evil villain? We don't know. We have no idea what the mood of Underglobula is. We don't know why this phoenix came here looking for it. We Glurps don't like to get involved with the outside world. We just want to keep to ourselves and our nomadic lifestyles.

When, you know, the blob is saying this, Hexel seems to kind of like scoff. It seems like Hexel maybe disagrees. Hexel counterpoint? Hexel chimes in and says, I think we need to be more involved in the world. Isolationism versus... It's a Wakanda problem. It's a Rwandan. Exactly. Unlike my progenitor, the blob. Oh. I think that our place in the world needs to be defended. Oh.

It is very common to not agree with the boomer parents. Yeah. Opinions tend to be outdated. That's what the shell's for.

What is under globula? Is that a location? I don't know. You don't know anything about any of these words? No, not at all. There's got to be a reason that the Sphoenix came to you. I mean, it's got to be around here probably. Is there perhaps an elder or historian in this place that will be able to help us with this? Yeah, take us to an historian. Oh, we have a guy on the ship.

Kerg? Kerg! So Elga, you still have the sky chart. Yes. But does any, have you told any of your party about it or are you the only one who remembers about it right now, Elga? I think I'm probably the only one who remembers, but could I pull it out? Yeah. And show everyone? So the Sweenex mentioned something about the mood of Underglobula, but I found this sky chart that's labeled gold of Underglobula, but only the lower half. Mm-hmm.

Do you guys... And she holds it up for them and spins it around to everyone. Does this look familiar to any of you? Show and tell. Hexel says, perhaps we can ride some slugs out to the fields below and wait for the stars to come out. Then we can see if we can identify it. That's exactly what I was going to suggest. Was it sunrise or sunset? Sunset.

Next sunset. Okay. And I have a question. Whenever we were in the library, didn't we see the whole stars thing at some point? Correct. It was like that silver, the brass rings, right? Correct. It was more like planetary alignments. Because I saw, I know Barney saw it. Can I make like a history check or something to see if I recognize anything that's not? Well, it wasn't like a chart of stars though. That's the thing. It's fine. So it sounds like we're going to need to wait till nightfall and then we can glean some more information as to where to find this thing. Correct. And it is already sunset. Oh, lovely. I guess it's time to go. Oh.

I'll go with you. Perfect. Wait, what? Sorry, what did we walk? What was this ceremony? Were you guys getting hitched? Yes, it was supposed to be the blending ceremony between me and my fiance, Ogvel. Ogvel, how are you doing? Could be worse. Could be better. Wow, that's a real good approach to life, you know? Ogvel seems super chill. Like...

Like, Ogwul seems nonplussed about everything that's going on. Do you guys still want to have your blending ceremony so we could watch? Oh, we'll still absolutely have our blending day. I think we should wait until we get this Phoenix issue taken care of. The city's not on fire. You know, you can't expect everything to go perfect on your blending day. Yeah. Yeah, things go wrong. It's fine.

The important thing is we're going to be together. That's beautiful. Wow. You know, this reminds me of my wife, Carol. I was waiting for it. I was thinking about our blending day. And it was beautiful. My parents were there. Oh, my mama, she was crying. And, oh, that night. Love.

Like you wouldn't believe. Was that the first time you blended? Two bodies becoming one blended ooze. Mateed puts their hands over Elga's ears. Elga's already doing it. I miss my wife, Carol. So we can get little slurgs. Slurrg to the slurgs. To the slurgs.

That should allow us to get there fairly quickly. I've never taken a slurg before. It's my favorite soda. I'll tell you more about my blending day on the way. Sounds wonderful. Oh, yeah. Hexel leads you all back to that large tent where you all freeze the beasts of burden and the slurgs are out milling about. Oh, thank goodness they're all okay. I pat one.

And look, there's five of them. It's like Princess Bride. I found these horses. You all mount the slurgs, and it seems like they move really slowly at first. This is the worst. But once they get on, like, slimy and wet surfaces, they begin to move...

Super surprisingly quick. That's a fun game mechanic. We're back to Neverending Story with the racing snail. Yeah! I cannot wait to hear the foley that Micah does for this episode. It's just going to be mushing. It's going to literally be your brother playing with a thing of jello or something. I love it. There certainly has been foley in this one. Nice.

So you all travel back down the slimy side of Glurb and eventually reach the grassy knolls and fields of fungi once more. If you want to, at this point, you all can actually take a short rest. Can I ask the name of my Blurg? Slurg? Yeah, ask the Slurg what its name is. What's your name? Make an animal handling check. Okay, easy. Eight. I'll provide the voice for this character if you'd like. Thank you. Please do. I was going to, but you do it. Ah!

Wow. Yeah, that's the same. That's actually really good. Thanks. Its name is Black. Wait, do we do a short rest? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to pass on the short rest because I have temp HP and I want to keep it. I'm going to take a short rest just to get some stuff back and do my initiative thing. Got to get your tint back, dude. After an hour of waiting, you glance up to see a pitch black blanket of night sky speckled with stars. Hexel looks up and says, I never tire of seeing that.

There's so many of them. It reminds me that for all of Glurb's traveling, there's so much of this world I haven't seen. Anyway, we should probably take a look at that sky chart now. Perhaps we can find a clue as to what or where this mold is. Okay, here it is. Yeah, everyone make a survival check to try to look at the sky chart. 18. 21. 12. 16.

It was a five. For a bird, you don't see sky very well. I died. Oh. Oh. I love how Mati could just use that excuse whenever they want. Yeah. Pull it out. If I fail a survival check, I die. Elga, you instantly, maybe it's because you've been holding the sky chart, but you instantly pick out five stars in the sky that are an exact match to the sky chart. Oh.

And as you start pointing them out to everyone, each shines brightly for a moment and then just as quickly disappears. And one by one, each celestial body brightens and vanishes until there's an outline left in the negative space that looks like a diamond. And foosh! Bright specks start appearing in the grassy ground below you, surrounding you on every side with spots of light, until they all form a constellation in the soil, a jewel.

In the center of the consoylation, a hole opens up in the ground near your feet. The pit plumbs deeper than the eye can see into a dark void blacker than the night sky. And Hexel asks, So, who wants to go first? I think this is the underglobula. Well, we're going to have to find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. What? The stars at night are big and bright.

Deep in the heart of... All right, everyone. Thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with another episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. And don't forget to listen to a second win where we'll talk about this episode and all the behind the scenes of it for first members. Yay. Also a bunch of new merch. You can find all of that at stinkydragonpod.com. What? What?

We got our own website URL. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Saunier. Did you know you can directly support this show and interact with us by subscribing at stinkydragonpod.com slash first.

cool, talented, amazing first stinkers like Rain and Fire, Phoenix Flare, Unipants, Easy Possum 98, or Easy Opossum 98, and Sissy Law. They're directly supporting this show and they get more great content like Second Wind. They can interact with us on our subscriber-only Discord channels and more. Again, find out more information at stinkydragonpod.com slash first.

This week's arrow question was submitted by Caro on Discord. Here's a quick shout out to folks that interacted with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in this episode. CaptainKergTheGlerbian named after at CaptainKerg030 on Twitter. ValbleTheMushroomGardener named after user ValuableMath9969 on Reddit.

Pegzl, the blob's offspring, named after at eggs, the world destroyer on Instagram. Ogvul, the attachment, is named after at Nikki Agdi on Twitter. Also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided VO for characters in this episode. Captain Kirk, voiced by Ben Ernst, at Halcyon underscore Ben. Valbel, the mushroom gardener, voiced by Chelsea Atkinson, at Chad Ekinson. The Sphoenix, voiced by Christian Young, at X Chin Young. The blob, voiced by Kyla Cook.

at defined by Kai. Hexel, the Blob's offspring, voiced by Elise Willems at Elise Willems. And Ogvel, the attachment, voiced by James Willems at James Willems. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Metagaming, uh, Blaine is into collecting cassette tapes and sometimes the cassette tapes really suck. So I'm accustomed to this.