C02 - Ep. 19 - Karcasuuk Coup - Sphoenix From The Ashes
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

This is a Bruce Ganslet production. Felicitations to all you fire snakes. Slither on into the stinky dragon. Take a taste of our latest tonic. Never hurts to ask for it.

It's a mixture of Rattler Roast Coffee, Cindermonth Sticks, Ember Boa Berries, and a bite of lemon. One sip of the Serpentine Sauce is enough to satiate your inner salamander. Previously, our adventurers proceeded into the Pyramid of Antique, participated in precarious and perilous ploys and traps.

But they finally found Pharaoh Hadee and his lectors mid-ritual summoning us Phoenix. Can the party stop the summoning in time or will they fail in a fiery fallout? Grab a guzzler, let's get back to this gassy goss.

Don't you okay today? I got a nosebleed. Oh, you had a nosebleed, so you have a little piece of tissue paper in your nose. That sounded so soft, like you're on the verge of tears. Do we need to stop down? Are you okay? I'm trying to avoid swallowing too much blood. Oh, no! I feel like that's appropriate for this campaign, too. Do you want me to get you a tampon? No, I improvised one here. Hello, everyone. My name is Gustavo Sorolla. I'm the dungeon master of our putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Ah!

This week's Role Playing War Up question is, who is your character's personal hero? Besides me, obviously. Oh, that was going to be my answer. Start all of us. No free inspiration dice here. I can take this one first. Okay. Hey there, Chip Payne, played by Blaine Gibson, and I'm a...

Tiefling Road, stop laughing at me. Because you looked at your phone to remember what your character was. My hero, it's Mike Haney. It's my papa. Oh.

That's sweet. And even though I was afraid of him for the first, oh, 13, 14 years of my life and we don't align politically and I have very vivid memories of him screaming right in my face on the sporting fields. All right. Now who's chips? Yeah. I still love my papa. What's going on with Mike Haney these days? He went into retirement and then he got out of retirement and he's coaching the

ball again. He just can't get off the field. So going into retirement and coming out of retirement runs into the family then. Yeah. Sorry. I'm actually telling partly stories of my dad. He retired from football and he's like, I miss football. And now he's back in football.

Well, it's good to know. A little bit of Chip Haney lore there. A little bit of Blaine Gibson lore as well mixed in there. I can go next. I'm Chris Damaris, and I play Barney Farney, the human cleric. And my personal hero is also like Chip's. It's not his dad. It's my dad. Oh. Is your papa still alive? No. Oh. No, but he always kept me and my family safe, and he was brave. So he's my hero. All right. Who's next?

I will go next. For Elga, her personal hero is the one and only Elga. Yes, Elga is her own personal hero. She is brave. She is strong. She needs no man. But secondary hero would be Dracula. Oh, yeah. We did see a little bit of that earlier in the campaign. I need no man, but this one man. If there was one. And I guess my father is somewhere on the list. Who knows? Since...

Elga is Elga's hero. Is Elga named after another Elga? That's a good question. I don't know. Okay. I'm Barbara Dunkelman. I voice Elga von Brath, the half-elf female barbarian vampire. Oh, I didn't realize you're half-elf. Yeah. Half-elf. Elga didn't really get to, you know, be around her mother very much before her mother left her. So maybe her mother named her after someone else. Interesting. Elga lore. Elga's actually the first Elga ever. Yeah.

In this world. This world and our own human history. Yeah. No one named Elga. Kids listening. She's the first. What about Matide? Bonjour. I'm John Reisinger. I play Matide Confucius, who's an Eric Cochran ghost monk. Matide has never really subscribed to the idea of idolizing other people. Right.

having an ERO. Seems unnecessary. Just better yourself as much as possible and focus on that. With no like figure to aspire to, just personal improvement for the sake of personal improvement. That should be motivation enough in life. You do not need to compare yourself to other people. You do not need to put other people on a pedestal. It is unnecessary. You know, Matilda, if you're looking

If you're looking for a hero, Elga's available. I will keep you in mind. Is Elga going to start a cult? Are we doing a cult? Elga does strike me as like someone who'd fit in in Cult of the Lamb. All right. You all step through the curtains and immediately feel a wave of sweltering heat sweep over you. You climb flight after flight of stairs, your palms and foreheads sweating with every step.

Finally, you reach the last step and enter an extensive throne room of sandstone tiles that could easily be a few hundred feet long. Ornately carved alcoves of varying sizes line the sides of this candlelit corridor, flickering with fire and pulsing with veins of light.

You look up and realize you're in the top of the pyramid, and the peak is a triangle of glass revealing a starry sky streaking by in a blur. Cool. You hear chanting, "Rahat al-yameed! Rahat al-yameed!" Way at the far end of the room, you see four people chanting in unison. Each of them swathed in resplendent wrappings and wearing masks resembling felines.

Next to each masked figure is a mirror angled towards the throne, and the whole dais is glowing like a fiery forge, backdropped by a trifold of vanity mirrors and mounds of gold. Lazily sitting atop the throne is a skinless gray physique of brawny sinew wearing a golden headdress and a splintered smile of jagged teeth across his face. A fifth feline-faced figure steps out from the shadows, dragging a bounding gag mug. "Pharaoh Hadee, we have recaptured the infidel falsely claiming to be queen."

Shall we dispose of this idolatrous? The Grey Pharaoh rises from his throne and inspects the mummy closely, her hair hissing at his headdress. Hmm, she's clearly a bad copper piece. Always turning up. No, she can stay, Mishnomar. She can bear witness to the glorious festivities.

Boom! A beam of sunlight streams in through the glass ceiling, strikes one of the angled mirrors below. The light reflects toward the throne, which illuminates even brighter. Well done, my lectors! But let's pick up the pace, shall we? Carpe that diem! Pulls up a glowing book. After all, it's not every day you meet a... Phoenix! ♪

Just for everybody, if they went into my mind space, I'm imagining that Iron Maiden album cover. It's called Power Slave, and it's all like Egyptian themes. I was just imagining we were inside the Luxor Pyramid from Las Vegas.

Chris was imagining we're at the Cabela's in Arkansas or wherever. It's a Bass Pro Shop. It's a Bass Pro Shop. So sorry. And I was imagining exactly as you described it. Ironically, I believe that is in Memphis, Tennessee, if I remember correctly. Yeah. So Pharaoh Hadid. Yeah. And as Phoenix, is he referring to himself or...

the mummy or something that's gonna get summoned it's not every day you get to meet us phoenix i think that's what they might be summoning or did he mispronounce sphincter and he's got some bowel problems who's to say this

This guy's got no skin like what's-his-face, but he's not what's-his-face. Right. He's skinless gray. Yeah. You said, like, you didn't describe anything green, but I heard jagged teeth and no skin, so. It seems very familiar, doesn't it? Okay. Okay. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. John picked up on something. I think Eddie is Pharaoh Hadi. There it is. Also, Iron Maiden's, like, mascot guy is named Eddie. Oh, my God.

Micah, have you been listening to Iron Maiden? Micah's a big Iron Maiden fan. Can we do some type of check to see if we recognize him? I want to perceive if I recognize him. You want to perceive? Let's roll a round of intelligence checks. Oh, great.

The party to do it. My speciality. That's a two for Barney. That's a two for Chip. Critical fail. 14. I did a seven. Yes, Elka and Matide, you do recognize this as being Eddie. Darn tootin' I do. And new trappings, new clothing.

Barney and Chip, you have to struggle to focus to remember to breathe. And not swallowing your tongue, which apparently are very important things for you to remember. You ever done that thing where you start recognizing your breathing and you're controlling your breathing and it's hard to transition back to autonomic breathing? I'm going to do that the rest of the day. I hate you. There goes the comedy because I'm going to be thinking about N out.

I'll tell you what. For funsies, let's everyone go ahead and roll initiative just so we can get everything in order. Are you sure we can't be like, we'll be right back. Go take a little nap-ski. Yeah. I think that all the time. I think that all the time. Because we're old. Eight. Ten. Eight. Five. Wow. What's your dexterity? It's initiative off. My dex is 17. What's yours? Don't worry about it. I always, man, my initiative rolls are bad. So I have a 15. So then you would go first.

I feel like I'm the only one in this whole group that doesn't mind getting on a low initiative of just like, oh, wait. Well, actually, it's most beneficial for our party for you to actually go first. Probably, yeah. Because you are our tank. I would say for her to go second, for me to go first, because I have an ability that if no one else is attacked, then I have like, I think a crit. So.

- So no one else on the team or no one else in the battle? - Battle. - If they haven't like initiated combat or whatever, then I could like... - I like to go first 'cause I have like buffs and stuff I can do. - Yeah. - To get like before everyone else. - I'm just nervous 'cause I'm out of rages. - I'm out of hellish rebukes. - Barney, you had a 10, Mateed and Chip both with eight, Mateed going first and then Elga with a five. - La la la. - La la la. - So like I said, there's this long passageway. It's maybe a couple hundred feet long. You're at the southern end and you've just entered it.

And you see all these alcoves along the way leading up to and at the far end is where the dais is with the mirrors focusing the light and the lectors chanting at the far end, along with Pharaoh Hadee and Mishnomor and the Bound Mummy. So Pharaoh Ede is at the end of the whole way. Correct. At the far end on top of the dais. And between me and him are these individuals who are chanting. So one of the people's mirror got hit by light from the top and is pointing to Ede.

-Correct. Maybe not Hadith specifically, but the dais in general. -Yes, but that direction of the route. -Correct. Yes. -Okay. -I hate to point this out, but I think a few of us are poisoned still. -No, I cured-- Yes. -Okay. -I'm still poisoned. That means I have disadvantage on all my attack and ability checks. -I'll tell you what, the way that that poison works, make me a constitution saving throw, Elga. -Okay.

Also, sorry to interrupt you, John. No, you're being such a good little student. It got awkward, Barbara. So 13? Yeah, by this time, your body has processed it and it has run its course. So it has faded. Tiny child metabolism. He'd eat three buckets of ice cream. Yeah, that's how kids work. They process poison faster than adults. Metabolism. What side of the room is the light hitting the one mirror? It's all coming in from the...

Okay, which mirror? Which mirror? Oh, you're saying we should shroud ourselves in the darkness. Or break the mirrors. Now you're talking my language. Because we all have night vision. We all have dark vision. So they're laid out kind of like in a square. I'm going to refer to them by cardinal directions. The one that's illuminated currently is the one in the southeast. So it's the one closest to you to the right. I want to go southwest. Okay.

So you start making your way up in that direction. Yeah. How far? From where you are. I know we rolled initiative, but I'm kind of being a little loose here because they haven't noticed you yet. Oh, if they haven't noticed us, then maybe if only Elga had a missing ball. Oh, I'm happy to whip it out anytime. Wait, didn't we already do that with Eddie? Yeah. The missing ball. Oh, no.

I'm in his temple. And he's like, wait a minute. The mirrors are slightly over halfway up the hall. Okay. What's the distance on that? Could I make it to the person in 35 feet? 35? No. But your flying speed is faster, right? Isn't your flying speed like 60? Flying speed is, I think, 50. If you double move that, I'd say you'd be able to make it.

How tall is the room? The ceiling- How tall is it? Is pretty tall. I'd say 30 feet. Okay. If I were to fly my max distance, but go up a bit, would I theoretically be shrouded in darkness still? Are you going to make me do trigonometry? No, not distance. I just meant, like, is it dark enough? And, like, would you- Also, don't pretend you'd be sad about doing trigonometry. Yeah, no, you're good.

Oh, dog. You have a nosebleed. I'm tattooed on you somewhere. You have peak nerd vibe right now, my dude. Yeah. I'll say it's still kind of pre-dawn-ish. You do still see stars, so there would be some obscuration for black time.

I'm gonna do that. - I have a question real quick. Before any of us start acting, no one has seen this, can we have a huddle as a group before? - Sure. This is your time to huddle and I'll give you all one move or one action each, for example, what Jon wants to do, and then we can proceed. - Okay. Barney, it seemed like you got a plan. - I can make a cat noise.

and, and, and, and, and distract him. The disappointment in the age that he's in. I watched it. I watched his face melt from hope. I put my head in my hands when he said that. They, they, they like cats. I can make a cat noise and it'll distract. Elga has already left the group huddle. That was like, you know, everyone's always like at the wedding, they're watching the bride. I watched the groom and the groom was not happy. Well,

Well, okay, so based on your hovering there, Mateed, I can tell you that you want to fly. But if you drop me on somebody, I could get the bounce on them. We could do a little stab, stab. And then, Elga, you also have some abilities that you could whip out early on, too. So, like, maybe if we get them by surprise, we could really tip the, you know, scales in our favor. Normally, I like to work backhand.

by myself, but I love the idea of dropping you on someone. Oh, yeah. Apparently so do my parents. That sounds like a win-win. Yeah. No matter what happens. I love win-wins. Oui, oui. Yeah. Mati picks up Chip and you said if I double go, I could get right above one of the

Prophets? What are they called? Lecters. Do you want to bless this mess before we go, Barney? Is there any spells you can do? Before you get too deep into this, I also want to clarify something. I don't know if we've used this in the past. I just want to make sure, Blaine, you understand this ability that Chip has. If you want as a bonus action, you can hide. And if you make a successful stealth roll, you're hidden until your next turn and you get advantage on your next attack and disadvantage on any attacks made against you. So he could...

do that and then I could fly with him. Right. And if you have advantage on an attack, that's what opens you up for sneak attack bonus damage. But that's also a bonus action. Just FYI. Well, it seems like we're kind of going out of order of initiative if we do this. Like people would have to. I don't know. Elga, you haven't been. You got any ideas? Any ball? I will smash.

Okay. Should we break the mirrors? I only say that because Elga is pretty much out of any special abilities. Can't rage. Can't become a beast. Can't use her hunter's mark. Nice. It's got cone of cold. That's pretty cool. That's good. Cone of cold is a really good one. That's good. If we stay far enough away. Yeah. Yeah. Mateed picks up chip. So I hide. I'm in stealth mode. How do you do that? And then I pick you up. What do you do?

He becomes a ball. What do you do? Come on, big ball of purple skin. Just whisper hi. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. It's alive, it's alive, it's alive. Yeah, you would just make a stealth check. Plus six, it's gotta be...

Okay. Does everyone know what they're doing? Everyone's ready to get into this? Yeah. I guess so. Okay. All right. And break. I Amazon deliver chip over the elector. That's what I do. So I'm holding them up there. Gotcha. But I've dashed. So that's my action. Okay. I'm going to make a perception check to see if they realize that you're there. I'm going to do it at disadvantage because you are staying in the shadows. Yeah, you are.

Five. Okay. The enemies do not notice you taking flight, carrying a tucked up Chip Haney. It's very silent. You know, like how owls just have that special feather that they don't make noise. So then in that case, Barney, you would be the one acting first here.

Okay. Well. And they've not seen us yet. Correct. Not as far as you can tell. That means they've seen us. If I do my twilight sanctuary divinity, it creates a sphere of twilight around me. Would that alert them? Would they see that? Would they see the light change? It would do dim light centered around the 30 feet, but I don't know if it's bright enough where that would make a difference or. Normally I would say this is something they would notice, but twilight's a lot like dawn, isn't it?

and we're at dawn, so the lighting would be similar. Yeah. So I would say it wouldn't stand out too much. I'm going to say it would probably be a safe bet. The illumination would be similar to what you're already experiencing. Personally, I think I'd take note if Robert Pattinson was in the room with me. I don't know about you guys. Yeah. Get out. That should be your hero. No, he gives us a bad rep. Aw.

I mean them a bit. Saved it. So I guess I'll do that. So anyone who ends their turn within 30 feet of me gets bonus HP.

So y'all know. Okay. We're not that, we're farther away. I know y'all are. Yeah. If it comes up in the future. So I'll do that and be sneaky. Barney sneaky. Barney not sneaky. And then. Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk. Yeah. So they're up high above which side? I believe John said the Southwest. Yeah. The Southwest. And the light is currently on the Southeast. Correct. It's how far? Like 30 feet away? No, it's probably if I had to take a stab at it, I'd say a hundred feet or so. Well, that's pretty far. Yeah. That's why I had to dash. I will take a stab at it.

Also, is it possible at this point that you'd be able to drop me behind the throne? No, we're still far away. We are only at the first lectern, and Eddie is even further away. You all are just over halfway to the dais, so it would probably be another...

Let's call it 75, 80 feet or so. Wow. This is a big room. I also like considering how Eddie like killed you. I don't know if you'd want a 1v1 this guy. I'm also nervous about this Phoenix. Yeah, that's what I mean. If like Blaine's like drop me behind and I'll assassinate Eddie, it's like that's how Chip dies again. Reconsidering this is funny. Those are my favorite episodes. Yeah, yeah. There's so many to choose from. Chip dies, man. I'm going to...

I guess head towards the west side, the opposite one they went to, I guess. That's the east side or the opposite. They're heading to the west. I'm looking. Does that sound good to you? You do you. You do you. You can't talk to them. They flew away. You can talk to them. Hey, should I go to the? Yeah.

elga you can always trust her for a yes and so i'm gonna head that way and i can move 40 feet with my walking stick i was gonna joke that you were gonna hobble over there but look at you all of a sudden pops out wheelies was uh the twilight thing a bonus action or an action that was my action okay so you can't dash yeah yeah i still have a bonus action i could use you can make a cat meow but i could do without alerting any

Well, already just moving before you started thinking about your bonus action, I was going to ask you to make a stealth check for me. Okay. As you clang around going up there. And you said you were going to the east? That is what he said, yeah. And we came in from the south? Nine? Okay.

Do they hear me? Does anyone, do I see anyone turn? Yes. Meow. Okay, who do I see turn? You see the two lectors by the southern mirrors turn and look in your direction. So one of the ones that I'm walking towards? Yes. And how far away is that one? You moved 40, so we'll say it's probably another 55, 60 feet away. Okay, cool. Then I want to use my bonus action to do spiritual weapon, and it's going to make...

turn into a fist. Okay. No! It turns into a cat! You know that classic D&D weapon, cat? Yeah. Yeah. Well... Do you mean like a cat's head or a cat's paw? You create a floating spectral weapon within range that lasts for duration. I guess what I'm asking is, is it going to be a cat bite attack or a cat claw attack? Can I make just like, make it look like a full cat that will then swipe? I think the idea is that it should be a weapon. Yeah. Like, I think...

It's a weapon. Yeah, in the spirit of the spell, it should just be like a paw then that swipes or a cat mouth that bites. And I think even you saying that is being nice, Gus. I think I'm being very nice. It's just a weapon could take whatever form I choose. Right, but you're supposed to choose a weapon from the weapons table. If you're going to start rules lawyering me, I'm going to bust out the weapons table. I know, I was trying to clue him to not push further. Okay, and he still pushed further. Can I do cat head? Sure, I'm going to do cat mouth. It's not an illusion. Well, I was going to make a headbutt.

That's fine. Jesus. A headbutt is not a cat attack. Okay, all right. Then, yeah, I guess a cat. I'm going to kill these guys, Micah. These guys? I'll do a cat claw. Okay, a cat paw up here. And then the mirror that it's hitting, can it, like, punch them? Oh, so it's going to attack the mirror, not the... The mirror. Okay. Okay.

I'll tell you what, I'm gonna open this up for you all's input on this. Baldur's Gate 3 came out the other day. This is not an ad for Baldur's Gate 3. But playing the game made me think about the way Spiritual Weapon works and the way we've been using it, because I've been using it a lot in that game. In the game, which is a D&D game for people who don't know, if you cast Spiritual Weapon in the game, it rolls its own initiative, acts on its own initiative, and can be the target of attacks.

Like enemies can attack your spiritual weapon. What HP does it have? I don't remember off the top of my head. I'm sure I can read and find out. So do we want to use spiritual weapon and have it roll its own initiative? Or do we want to have it continuing the way we've done in the past? It would act on the caster's turn. So in this case, it would act on Barn's turn. We did that with like familiars and stuff. I think that's easier to go with. The way this works is I move it and stuff as a bonus action every time.

It acts using my bonus action. So I would just imagine that it would not have its own. I would have to, because it can't do anything unless I use my bonus action. That being said, Baldur's Gate 3, please sponsor us. We'll take it. Okay, so we'll continue having it act on the caster's turn. But

I may target it in the future because I like that mechanic. Okay. I don't know. It doesn't have health listed or anything like that. I'll look it up. Don't worry about it. Okay. And then, yeah, I want to attack the mirror and on a hit, the target takes force damage equal to 1d8 plus my spellcasting modifier. So that's a nine. Did it hit the mirror? No.

- I mean, so a nine is not enough to overcome the armor class. So in this case, the mirror's not moving. I would say the spiritual weapon hits the mirror, but does not hit it hard enough to cause enough damage. Like it hits it and then glances off.

It does not appear to cause any damage. Can we see if it actually like hit it or there's not like a force field or something around it or anything like that? No, it just seems like it was a weak attack by the spiritual weapon. Okay. Shoot. Well, then that's what I got. And I'm going to yell meow. Make a performance roll. Okay. I knew that would come into play at some point. 12. Pretty good. Oh, yeah. He tries to sell it. 12. Pretty good. 12.

You all think there might be an injured cat somewhere in the room with you. You are being cruel to Mateed's intelligence if you think that's what Mateed thinks right now. And I guess since I'm in my turn, I'll do the Twilight Sanctuary to get the bonus HP, which is 1d6 plus 3. Okay. That's 7 total.

The lector by the southwest mirror... Oh, that's the one under you guys. Seems to have turned and is looking in Barney's direction. This mirror is not illuminated. This lector has turned and looked, but is still continuing the chant. Like, almost like the lector is aware that there's someone there and is preparing, but...

but it's still focused on the chant and whatever this ritual is that is occurring here in front of you guys. After that one is the lector at the southeast, which is where Barney's heading. And it's kind of the same thing. This lector has turned and looked in Barney's direction, but it's continuing to chant. And oh, this one, this mirror is illuminated, but it is continuing to chant. And the chant is Rahat al-Yami, right? You're going to make me look it up, aren't you? Rahat al-Yami? Oh, look at you. Yeah. Okay.

They're saying yummy. It's whatever this is, is some sort of delicious. Yummy, yummy, yummy. That being said, it is Mishnomers turn who is up by the dais and has been clued in that there may be something going on because the lectors are distracted. So Mishnomers is going to start moving down to the south in the direction of the mirrors. There's not enough movement to get all the way there, but it started moving. It's kind of pretty close to you guys within 30 feet at this point.

The room is so big that it's like getting in the way of like, I'm going to get you. Yeah. Yeah.

Which means it is now Matide's turn, then after Matide is Chip. I actually want to defer my turn and drop Chip. So you're going to drop Chip and then hold your action? Yeah. Do you know when or just in general? That means that they go after Chip? That means I go when I want to defer my action. I'll go... Who's next in initiative order? Chip. I'll go after Chip. I do want to say I have this thing called the Robe of Serpents, and on a bonus action I get to drop a giant poisonous snake.

So we could just airdrop seven serpents. That's pretty funny. Oh, okay. So you don't want me to drop you? Well, you made a good point about me getting my butt handed to me by the lady there. So Chip wants to like take a stab at like long range fighting as a rogue. Long range serpent dropping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Serpent drops. Just real fast, just to backtrack. You would be using your reaction. That's what your hold action is.

So then it's like you aren't changing your initiative order. You're just going to wait and use a reaction at some future point. Yeah. Do you want me to hold on to you or drop you? I would say drop me on one of the mirror people that's like the furthest from like from Eddie and the others. That's this one. Yeah. Okay. Then yeah. Okay. Then I drop. Okay. So Mateed drops Chip over the mirror that's in the southwest corner. We. Chip. Okay.

Okay, so I have the assassinate thing, which is you have advantage on attack rolls rolled against any creature that you haven't taken turn in combat yet. For fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me a dexterity check. You just fell 30 feet. Yeah. But I'm, you know, like, I'm a rogue. I'm light on my feet. Dexterity? Yeah, dexterity, light on your feet. Cat, like Barney. Come on, Chip. Nine.

Don't you have advantage on that or anything since you're a rogue? He's not a very dexterous rogue. I don't know that I do. All right. You drop to the ground. Couldn't I land on him, though? Doesn't that give me any sort of cushion? Oh, you're trying to land on him? Yeah. Mm, Mateed, you make me a dexterity check as well to see if you drop him at the correct accuracy check. Right. Mateed's got, like, one of their eyes closed. He's trying to look down and see, like, how doing math in their head. Trigonometry. Doing bird math.

17. Okay, yeah. So you dropped Chip pretty accurately. Don't worry, I got the good dex checks. Thanks, bud. Chip does not stick the landing, but he does fall in a heap on top of the lector there.

Matin notes this and goes, that was fun. We should do that again. Elgar's just going, up he is, up he is. Chip only takes one point of damage from the fall. Okay, that's not bad. Did the bad guy take any damage? Yes, but I'm waiting to see how Chip resolves this. So I have assassinate, which is you have advantage on attack rolls against any creature that hasn't taken a turn in combat yet, and any hit you score against a creature that is surprised is...

is a critical hit. So I would say this creature has taken a turn in combat. Well, gee. But you still would get sneak damage. I have the sneak attack, which is once per turn, you can deal an extra 2d6 damage to one creature that you hit with an attack with a finesse or ranged weapon if you have advantage on the attack roll. Assuming you have advantage. You don't need advantage on the attack roll if another enemy of the target is within five feet of the enemy.

Yeah, you do have advantage because you were hidden. Okay. And they were unaware of you. So roll for attack with advantage. Yeah, so I'm going to use my arm blade. It's the real Assassin's Creed style. 22. Yeah, that actually easily hits. Okay, and then I rolled, oh my God, four...

Points of damage, but I also have... 2d6. Give me two sixes. Come on. Come on. Two sixes. Two sixes. Box cars. Six. Six. Oh, you got one box car. So 10. 10. Let's figure out how much damage a falling ship causes. I didn't say this. Mateed actually tried to drop him head first, so the horns would go in first. I didn't say that. Brilliant strategy. Yeah.

- Eight points of chip damage. - So 18 total. That's a good attack. - Oh, sorry about that, pal. - Yeah, which actually causes the lector to silently slump to the ground. - Wow. - Oh, okay. Well, while I'm at it, I believe, okay. I saw the bonus action, right? - Yeah, all you've done is you got dropped, which was not your action and you performed your attack. - Okay. - So you still technically have move and bonus.

Then, okay. Well, do I even need to use cunning action for dastish engage or hide? Like, can I just hide with my movement or is that like? No, hide would be an action. However, since you are a rogue, you can use your bonus action to hide. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to hide. Sneaky sneaky. Go ahead and make me a stealth roll. It's the roll that you should be good at. You keep like recoiling at stealth checks.

I just disappear. I like how you're like, oh no. It's like, that's your highest. Oh, perfect. Yeah. Yeah, he has plus six. 26. Yeah.

You should be excited every time you get to do a stealth check. Yeah. Okay, is that it for Chip? Yeah. I have an item, but it's this robe thing, but I think it requires a bonus action. Are you going to move anywhere, or are you happy there? I mean, maybe I'll make my way to another lector. Is that possible for me to stealthily move to another? You still had a move action. And now you are hidden. Well, I guess I'm not moving anywhere, then.

No, no, I'm saying you're hidden so you can move. Yeah, I'm saying you have a move action. I want to move by one of the other lecterns. So there's one to your north that is not yet illuminated, one to your east, which is the one that is illuminated, and then the one that's furthest from you is the one diagonal from you, which is northeast and not illuminated. I'll go east to the one that's illuminated currently. Okay. See if I can just like stop whatever they're even trying to start. What's your move, like 30? It is 30. You reach it. It takes all your move, but you get over there.

Why don't my feet get a little tippy toes? Is he within my twilight zone? I think you're still like 60 feet away. Yeah, you were still further away. Oh, that TV show. Also, good song. Golden Earring. Look him up. Okay. Let Barbara go. No, I think it's your turn. Well, you can go if you want. It's one of the lector's turns right now. Because Mateed said they were going to go after Chip. Oh, if you go after Chip? Yeah, you can go. Yeah. The one north of me? How far? 30. I can do that. Because you were right over the one that you dropped Chip on, right? Yeah. Yeah, so it's about 30.

We got to name this move that we do here. If you air dropping me into stuff. The chip bomb. We're just going. It's very cool. Yeah, yeah. I like that. Okay. Mateed would go and swoop down and do a unarmed strike on the. That's a seagull. Seagull. Yeah. I'm going to attack this. The lectern just north of me who's next to the mirror that has also not been illuminated. You're a seagull at the beach and someone.

on the beach is eating a delicious hot dog. Yeah. And you go down to swipe it. Dude, I had a seagull swipe for fries in my hand once, miss and like peck my hand. They are brave. It hurts. Terrifying. Yeah, I'm going to go in and do that. Yeah, go for it. And so I get to do, if I do an unarmed strike and if I do flurry of blows, I basically get to do three unarmed strikes. Wow. That counts as my bonus action.

Action and bonus action. So I'm going to swipe at this little nerd. Get a 20 on attack. I do five points of damage. I'm just going to do this two more times. That one's not going to work. That's an eight. Nope. That's a 15. That does not hit. 15 doesn't hit. Nope. Wow.

Who did you try to hit? The one with the lectern? The lectern right above me. No, to the north of me. Not above me. Beefy. Huh. Yeah, that counts as my bonus action. So that was five points of damage? Yep. You don't have inspiration, Kyrie? Yeah. You do? Yeah. You already rolled one? No. Okay. Okay.

I'm good. Cool. You hit the lector. Which one was this? The one in the northwest with, you know, such ferocity that it interrupts him mid-chat. Yeah. Like you hit him in the solar plexus and he struggles to catch his breath from such a surprise hit. Yummy! Yeah. Concentration spells. What is a lector? Kind of like a priest. Okay. Like a spiritual figure. Someone who's a lectern. Ha ha ha ha. Thank you, Barbara.

All right. Is that it for Matid? Oui. All right. So it is the lector's turn up in the northeast, which nobody is by. Do you want me to come

He definitely needs to keep chanting, but I'm going to see if he can do anything because this is concerning for him. No, the summoning is more important. Oh, man. That is good, Ben. Ben suggested the Chip-Mateed sneak attack combo name be Foul Play. F-O-W-L. That's pretty rad. What's the thing when Colossus throws Wolverine? What's that called? Fastball special. Fastball special. We need that. Foul Play.

Okay. That lector is nervous but needs to continue chanting. Elga, you are up. And then some NPCs. Okay.

I have been going through my inventory and my abilities and I'm like, I'm so lost on what to do here. Smash. I'm currently by Barney still, right? Barney moved up a bit. He's 40 feet in front of you. Okay. 40 feet in front of you and kind of to the right because he headed towards the east. Okay. I'm going to go to where Barney is. Okay. Or close to it since my walking speed is only 30. Okay.

And then I want to try to smash the mirror as well. Nice. So could I throw my axe of the scarab up at that miroir? Yeah, go ahead and make your attack roll. Now you do know this is seven years of bad luck. I'm going to use my inspiration die because I rolled a one. Go for it. Rolled a two. So that's a 10 total. Yeah, the axe of the scarab flies out, hits the mirror, but bounces off seemingly ineffectively. That is so... What a...

Stupid inspiration die. Gave me an extra one point. Well, one could have been like something bad happened. Yeah, that's true. That's very true. Yeah. This is a very, this is some good craftsmanship on these mirrors. I know. They're doing a really good job. I could put one of these above my armoire. And this ain't no Ikea mirror. Oh no. And it just went.

But you moved. I moved. Now I'm near Barney. Okay. You can, in your turn, you can get a roll for your bonus HP if you want. Yeah. Let's do that. Elga's move is 30, so you're about 10 feet behind Barney, but you're still within the influence. All is not lost. So you get six bonus. Is that temp HP? Temp. Thank you, Barney. I'm so embarrassed.

Please don't tell anybody what happened here. What happened? Yeah. At this point, it seems like, I just want to make sure I have everyone in my mind correctly. Three of you are converging on the southeast mirror. Chip is pretty much there. Barney is most of the way there and Elga's just a little further behind that. Mateed went up to the northwest mirror and is currently occupied over there. Okay. And is the mummy with Eddie? Currently restrained on the dais. Okay. Okay.

It's like right next to him, essentially. Yes. Or like next to a throne that Hadi is on. Get ready to meet your Hordoo. At this point, from one of the alcoves next to that mirror to the southeast, a Hordoo guard steps out. Oh.

who had been lurking in the shadows unseen up until this point. Fellow lurker. He does not appear to be aware of your presence, Chip, but is instead turning his attention down to Barney and Elka. He closes the distance with Barney and takes a swing at him with a rotting fist. Ew. Is this like separate from his own fist or is this his fist? Ha ha ha ha ha.

Excellent question, and it's his own fist. I don't get it. He's just holding a run fist. But he rolls a one. Oh, man. I know the feeling. His attack misses Barney, and he stumbles a bit and is off balance. At this point, that mirror in the northeast illuminates as well. Okay. As the lectors continue chanting. Elga would give a hiss or any sort to light. Okay.

No. Okay. Elga's okay with life. Just don't look in the mirror. Hello, everyone. I often get asked, what's the best way to support Tales from the Stinky Dragon? So to help explain, I brought my good friend, John, along to chat with me about it. Yeah. So the best way you can support us is by one, I mean, obviously just being yourself. That's what that would support me is just knowing that you're being your true self. Me too. And knowing that will help us. But beyond that,

It's by becoming a first member on roosterteeth.com, which is essentially our patron model for people who want to support the show in a financial way. And so if you go to roosterteeth.com and become a first member, it's only $5.99 a month. And basically, if you either become a first member or even just watch our content on roosterteeth.com,

We get the most value out of it, which we then can turn the most value possible into even more stinky content. And on top of just supporting us from an altruistic standpoint, you also get stuff out of it too, right? Like you can listen to our episodes ad-free, for example. I hate ads. You could take up a hobby with all the time you save not listening to ads.

Maybe you could make your own dice for your own Dungeons & Dragons campaign. Your hobby could be that you join us on our official Discord, which is only for our first members on our Rooster Teeth Discord, where we're posting exclusive content. Today that we're recording this, I posted some behind-the-scenes photos from our Stinky Dragon Adventures production that just went into production this week.

Well, you know, it's... Man, you set me up for the perfect segue there, John. On top of that bonus stuff, you also get access to Second Wind, which is our bonus show for Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's pronounced Second Wind. Second Wind. Yep. Where, you know, we do a dive into that week's episode. We talk about things that...

what's going on, you know, maybe avenues that were left unexplored, where the party is, what the plans are, what you all messed up. Sometimes either myself or Michael will be there to help give more information. I've never messed up on this show before in my life. Everything has been strategically planned. Sure. We'll find out the rationale behind John when you listen to Second Wind. As a Rooster Teeth first member, again, just $5.99 a month, you get tons of bonus stuff. You get a discount on the Rooster Teeth store, get no ads in Tales from the Stinky Dragon, background play, offline viewing on mobile apps. Check it out.

It's pretty great. If you haven't checked recently, I'd recommend you head over to store.roosterteeth.com because we got brand new Stinky Dragon merch. All kinds of stuff is out there. Oh, John, you scared me. I didn't see you there. Blurble gerbil to you. Oh, and a blurble gerbil to you too. Did you know you can buy blurble gerbil merchandise at store.roosterteeth.com? Wait, I can get blurble gerbil on actual physical objects I can have in my home? What could I get that on? You could be living the blurble gerbil lifestyle, John.

Go check out all of the fine Blurble Gerbil merch again at store.rocheteeth.com. We've also got Roteth player character apparel, all on mugs, shirts, posters, beach towel, you name it. We got a blanket. We have a blanket. I'm excited to get my blanket. I don't have the blanket yet. I know. I've got mine on the way right now. I'm excited to snuggle up with some stinky dragon blankets. They're not stinky. The blankets aren't stinky. I want to make that very clear. What you do with them once you get them, that's your own business, but they're not stinky from the factory.

You, the community, can make whatever Stinky Dragon merch you want stinky after you get it, and we kind of encourage it actually. But we can promise that it'll come to your house not pre-stunk. We'd also like to hear from you any ideas you have for merch that you want to see. Whether it's a Yamford Yams College sweatshirt, a shoo-dee, an ethereal fanny pack, or bum bag of holding, whatever we called it. Personally,

I'm pushing for live, laugh, blurble, gerbil poster. That's what I want. You know, the sky's the limit with blurble, gerbil and our merch. And the community did such a good job of knocking out of the park when we released our dice, which was like, we were trying to see if this would work out. And like that stuff sold out so quickly that we're like,

That's awesome. We'd love to get more stinky stuff out there and we'd love the community's involvement as far as deciding it. So if you want to go to socials and let us know what you think you'd love to see, or if you want to go to our exclusive discord, if you're our first member and you can go there and let us know, we want your input. We would love to know what you would love. We've got some ideas ourselves coming the way we might even have like more dice coming. Ooh, I'd like that. But beyond that, if you want to give us your ideas, we're open to them. Head on over to our socials or discord and let us know. Let us know.

Hey, Gus, I got a question for you. What happened to the puppets on our social channels? Where'd they go? Well, right now, puppets are taking a brief pause and will have animation instead, taking their place for a little while. Right now, the puppets are busy working on another project. They're working on Stinky Dragon Adventures right now. Yeah, that is going to be our long-form project.

series that we're actually going to be posting on roosterteeth.com later this year, starting in November. You guys were so good about tuning in for the puppet stuff on our socials like TikTok and Instagram that the powers that be said, "Hey, make a whole series about this." And so we, you know, Blaine and Chris and Barb, they're actually on set right now shooting the series. It's horizontal, not just vertical. We're using the whole screen now. We're using the whole screen if you turn it sideways.

And we appreciate you guys giving the puppets their time to go and work on that. And we also appreciate you guys tuning in for the animated stuff. Our animation team has been knocking it out of the park, turning some of our more complex moments from the shows. Difficult to puppet. Yeah. Like I just saw a version of our episode that's going to be of the moment where Kyborg jumped out of that tavern window naked. Oh, yeah. A harder thing for us to do with the puppets.

Now, we can do naked animation, okay? That's what we can do. You want to see Kyborg's butt? Check out our animation. But yeah, the puppets have gotten a promotion. That's why they're working on the new Stinky Dragon Adventures. We're going to make sure it doesn't get to their heads because if it gets to their heads too much, we're going to go ahead and replace them with new different puppets. Maybe even some grotesque puppets. We'll see. Anyway, go check it out.

Speaking of socials, Gus, where can people find us on the social networks? People can find us at StinkyDragonPod on all social platforms, even the YouTube URL included at StinkyDragonPod. Super easy to find. We believe in consistency. Yeah, and if you go to those social channels and you leave a comment or interact with us or just post anything about the show, that's how we pick our NPC names for characters in the show. So if you use the hashtag StinkyDragonPod,

Sneaky Dragon Pod, you could become, you know, someone that we buy merch from in the game. Or maybe someone that Blaine's character chip will kill. You know, maybe Blaine's character chip will kill your character. In every episode, you'll hear me highlight the inspiration for the names of our NPCs. And you could be one of those people, whether it's on social platforms, our fan run subreddit, our slash Sneaky Dragon Podcast, or the Rooster Teeth Discord, which is, of course, first only, or just whatever social platform at Sneaky Dragon Pod. We pull from all of those.

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Out from the western alcove, Chip, where you assassinated that other lector, there's another Horduum guard who steps out from that side. The Horduum guard sees combat to the north. This guard is going to head to the north where Matide is to try to support that lector because it sees the other Horduum guard is over there with Barney. So this one takes a left and heads up to close the distance with Matide and also exhales loudly

and dust and sand seem to come out of its lungs, swirling all around you. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw, Matide. Not this dust again.

There's a 12. Oh, it needs a Mentos. I think I can use inspiration on that one then. Yeah, why not? Okay. That's a 16. You see the sand coming. You've had enough experience with it. You close your eyes and hold your breath for just a moment as the sand... I don't breathe. ...and dust course over you, not having any effect on you. None gets in your eye. None. You don't inhale any. Way to go. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. It is now that Lector's turn there in the northwest. And he was the one who kept chanting, right? This is the one who stopped chanting. He got hit so hard by Matide that it took his breath away. Oh, my God. Have you ever had the wind knocked out of you? Oh, it's the worst. Oh, my God. Take my breath away.

The lector at the northwest Bayou Matide catches their breath and once again resumes their chanting. Barney, you're up, then your spiritual weapon, then some NPCs, then eventually Matide and Chip. So Barney. Cool. How far am I away from the mirror? The one to the southeast that you were closing the distance to, you are probably still 50 feet or so away. I don't know if I should go for the mirror or the man chanting. There is a Horduum guard. But next to me, yeah.

Now, you said he was thrown off balance. Does that mean he's like... What does that mean? He just seems like, you know, he took like a big swing and then put too much of his weight forward since it didn't connect, and he's like a little shaky. Metagame-wise, if you attacked him, you would probably have advantage. Okay, I guess I'll start by using my...

Bonus action to use my cat paw. Is the other guy still chanting? -Yes, the ones in the north at the northeast and northwest mirror are chanting. -Sorry, you said the one in the south? The one I'm near? -Oh, sorry, the one you're near? I'm sorry, yes, yes, that one is chanting. -Everyone's chanting but the one who is asleep at--

Chip got. Yeah, the deep sleep. You said that. You used that word. I guess I'll... I don't remember. Should I attack the mirror? I don't know. It's hard to tell because maybe there's just some source of power coming from the mirror. They're really strong. I'm going to attack the mirror with my thing. Okay. So your cat paw moves up to the mirror in the southeast, which is illuminated. It was the first one to be illuminated and takes an attack at it. Oh, naturally. Yeah. Hitting AC 20.

Which is a hit? If the mirror's AC was higher than that. The mirror's AC was 20? I didn't say that. No, you didn't say that. I said you hit AC 20, which is a hit. Okay, sorry. So that's a crit with my thing. So what's the damage on a cat paw? Well, the spiritual weapon is a 1d8 plus my spellcasting. So that'd be 4 plus 4. So that's 8 plus 8. So 16. 16.

The cat's paw, which is maybe the weirdest spiritual weapon I've ever heard of in D&D, rears up and bats at the mirror like it's a ball of yarn and smashes it, breaking it. The mirror falls to pieces, no longer illuminated. Did anything happen? That was the only one that was illuminated, so none of them are... Two of them are illuminated. The one at the northeast also illuminated a couple moves ago. But we're down to just one illumination. Correct. Unless it starts spreading to the other ones. And then I guess I will... I'm going to cast...

A deep breath? The guy that's up near me, he stumbled, right? Correct. Well, I don't care about him. I'm going to attack the guy that's chanting. The lector? Yeah, with Toll of the Dead. Wait, in what corner is he? I was about to ask. I assume the one there at the southeast by the mirror you just shattered? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm going to attack him with Toll of the Dead. He has to make a wisdom saving throw of 14.

You want to make sure he's not attacking my end. He is. Yeah, this is the one you're heading towards. That's the one you're heading towards. You're heading to the south-east. It's the only one I can hit. I thought it was the south-west. You killed the one in the south-west and then you moved east to the south-east. Get a napkin out and make a little diagram. Plus three on this, so I need an 11 or better. Six. Yes. All right, what does that do? It's 1d8 necrotic damage. Necrotic damage. Burn it.

I bet you they're resistant to necrotic damage because they're necrotic themselves. Possibly. I rolled a one. One point of necrotic damage against the lector. Okay. The damage seems to catch the lector off guard who stumbles a little bit in his chanting. Ha ha.

And then I know this guy's within opportunity range, but I know he's also stumbled. So I'm just going to move towards that guy or towards everyone else, like 30 feet, trying to get close to... North. He's talking to the north. To the southeast mirror and left. Yeah, towards that. Yeah. Move, I guess, 40 feet within it. Okay. Is that close? You'd be pretty close. You'd be within about 20 feet at that point. 20 feet of the guy? Yeah. Because I was about 100 feet from when you started. This would be your second 40 move. Yeah. So you'd be about 20 feet away. Okay. It's better if you're five feet away from him. I know. That's what I was trying to get, but...

Appreciate you. I'm going to make an attack of opportunity, but I'm going to give it disadvantage because he's off balance. My rotting fist. Oh. That's it. Eight plus three. Eleven? Nope. Yeah, it misses on its attack of opportunity against you. All right, and that is it. Meow. Make a performance check.

That's a nine. There's definitely someone who's pretending to be a cat out there. It's getting in their heads. Mind games, Barney. There's a cat attacking the mirror. There's a meowing. Now it's the lector at the southeast's turn. I don't think these guys are scared of cats. They're wearing cat masks. Don't they do that because they're afraid of them? Yeah, maybe they're like the Batman. They do think they're gods or something.

Okay, you connected for me, Blaine. I appreciate that. That makes sense now. All right, this lector had its chanting interrupted by your Toll of the Dead, Barney. So it's going to have an opportunity to do something. It is going to close the distance with you and swing a scimitar at you. At me? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

because you're the closest enemy it can see because Chip is there in the vicinity unseen because he rolled really well on his stealth check. Elga's further behind you and Matiz at the other one. So yeah, this one closes the distance with you and swings a scimitar at Barney hitting a C. Yeah.

I rolled a one. You did. We're excited. Gus is very upset at this. Taking glasses off. I just want to do some damage to you guys. I just want to hurt someone. We're so squishy. Leave us alone. You got plenty of opportunities, Gus. There's so much more in this fight. You're right. We haven't even gotten to like Mishnomer. We haven't gotten to Eddie. Or Hedy. Or the Sphincter, whatever it is. Shut up, big guy. Sphincter. Okay. Phoenix. Phoenix. Phoenix.

I thought you made that as a joke. I couldn't remember and that's all I could think of. Yeah, it is Mishnomer's turn who has made their way down between the mirrors, definitely sees the fight that's going on. I don't know what you're talking about. There's no fight here. I was just throwing my axe up in celebration. Matide is over there. Chip is invisible. Right here.

Chip is invisible. Immediately talks. Wallole, Chipaney. Mishnomor chants some arcane words and points at Barney. Hi. Meow. It seems like, you know, you were in this, this twilight, was it called Twilight Sanctuary? By the way, did everyone at the end of your turn, or as people have been ending turns, have they been getting their hit points? So far it's only been Elga. Okay. Okay.

But you feel like the twilight begins kind of fading away and instead replaced by blazing sunlight that just seems to really begin to focus and then illuminate out from near your feet. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw. All of us? Barney and...

And... Oh, Chip, you're by there too. Yeah, you too, Chip. What the heck? It's a good thing you said something, Blaine. You might have forgotten. That's a five. I was going to. Twelve. Okay. Radiant damage begins flowing out and overcoming you. Both of you take 18 points of radiant damage. Oh my goodness. 18? Yeah. And you're both blinded.

until the end of your next turn. And that was from Mishnomar? Yeah. 18. This isn't good because Elga's vulnerable to Radiant Dance. I have one health. You have one health. Well, lucky for you, Mishnomar has one more attack. Great. Am I still in stealth? Yeah, you are still hidden. Just quietly going, Ah!

That hurts. That stings real bad. Mishnomer points out their other hand and a... That's the Macarena. A ray of energy shoots out in Barney's direction, hitting a C22. Darn it. Man. All that meowing. Barney's going to be down. Yeah. For 15 points of fire damage. Ow. Wait, who is this against? Barney. Just Barney. This is a balanced fight. He has one, so... Barney's down.

Well, don't worry. Elga will dispatch of this guard and then pick up Barney. Yes.

One by one. All right. That's it for Mishnomor, Matit, and then Chip. I'm near Elector, who is chanting again. And then did you say a guard approached me as well? Yes. A Horduum guard is in your area as well. How far is the guard from me? It's like within melee range. Oh, yeah, it breathed on me. I take offense to that because I don't like breathing. And I cast with my bonus action, Arms of the Astral Self.

which I summon arms all around me, and each creature of my choice that I see within 10 feet must succeed on a deck saving throw of DC 13 or take some damage.

And that includes the mirror. Well, that only affects creatures. Oh, well, that's poopy. Are you saying the mirror's not a creature? It is not. I'm okay. That's mirrorism. Okay, I do that. So roll for the two for the lector and the guard. All right. Dexterity. The lector gets plus zero and the guard gets minus one. Great. So here's the plus zero. This is the lector. Seven. Cool.

And the guard gets? Give me another seven. Zero. One minus one. Wow. Key critical fails on that. Yeah. That's your damage. I don't know. You really get him. But I do get to roll for two D4 Jedi damage. Six. That's not bad. That's not bad. This is also your second attack on this lector who must make a roll. Come on.

Concentration. Once again, you knock the wind out of it and out of this lector. It's just, it's just, la, jab. La, jab. This lector stops chanting. Stop it. So sorry. Which, which was this? Northwest. I'm on northwest. Copy you. Now two or three lectors are down.

Well, no, he's just not chanting anymore, but he's not down. One is down, two are not chanting, only one is chanting. Anything you can do to make the last one stop chanting? I've got my own issues right now with a guard on my butt, and I just saw how much damage Mishnomar just did, so gonna be cautious, and I'm gonna disengage. Okay.

And go up. You have disengage as like a... Yeah. Something you can do? Okay. Step of the Wind lets me do it. It says it's a bonus action, but I can take a bonus action as an action. I mean, it's just a bonus action. But I already used my bonus action to do the arms as a spectral. I see. I see. So I'm just going to like... Yeah, well, I think we've allowed that in the past. We just like...

like burn an action for a bonus action. Then, man, because I can't really do this. This guard has had no damage done against them and they're up close on me. So yeah, actually, I want to go up. You did some damage with it right now. Oh yeah, but not much. Six points of Jedi damage, you said? Yeah, I go up all the way to as high as I can. Okay, so you go up 30 feet, presumably, because that's what we said the ceiling was. Okay. Okay.

Sure. Okay. Is that it for Mateed? Away. All right, Chip. Okay, real quick. Just as a question, you did that move with Mishnomer and it had the radiant damage. It seemed like an area of effect attack. We were surrounded the southeast dude. Did he take any of that damage? Oh, that's a good question. Smug smile on your face. You would have pushed up your glasses if you're wearing them. Yeah, sure. Why not? Let me make him make a roll as well.

A teacher. He didn't get homework. Um, actually... These have a good constitution. That's a 16. You all took 18 points of damage? Yep, they did, yeah. So it takes about half. So half and not blinded. So enough of correcting me. Okay, so sneak attack doesn't matter anymore even though I'm still in stealth because I have a disadvantage on the attack roll. Because you're blinded? Yes. If I were to do a bonus action, say use the...

Robe of Serpents. So let's step back for a second here. Okay. Because wouldn't that negate it? Right. That's what I'm going to ask. Like, since you're already stealth, you would have advantage. Blinded, you're at disadvantage. So then doesn't that just leave you neutral? Right. I mean, if we really want to tally it up like that, if we want to tally it up like that, Barney's also within five feet of the guy, which would be another thing that would proc the sneak attack.

Right. But Barney's also blinded, so he's not threatening. It says you don't gain advantage on the attack roll if another enemy of the target is within five feet of you. I'm incapacitated. Oh, yeah, he's down. So then that just does okay. All right. All right. Hmm. Chess. Yeah. The king's game.

I never understood, you know, during the whole like satanic panic of the 80s and 90s when like parents said that D&D was like devil worship and tried to stop the kids from playing D&D. Never understood. It's just math and improv. I mean, that's really all it is. Truly, it's Oprah's fault. So because I'm blinded...

Say I were to do the Robe of Serpents, which is a stylish silk garment that is popular among wealthy nobles and retired assassins. The robe is emblazoned with 1d4 plus three stylized serpents, all brightly colored. As a bonus action on your turn, you can transform one of the Robe of Serpents into a giant poisonous snake. The snake instantly falls from the robe, slithers into an unoccupied space next to you, and acts on your initiative count. Snake can tell friendly creatures from hostile ones. Yeah, it like auto attacks. And attacks the latter.

Snake disappeared in an hour or when it reaches zero HP. Yeah, do it. Would that take me out of stealth though? Or could I just be like, hey snake, and then it just like... Do your attack and then do that. Well, I don't think I want to attack because then that's going to take me out of stealth. Oh. I kind of want to like... I'm going to say it does not take you out of stealth.

But it does not necessarily convey that stealthiness onto the snake. Ah, it's fine. Snake appears, snake is seen. Yeah, yeah, we're out in the carcassouk and there's lots of snakes, you know? One slithered in. What the heck? Right. So I'm gonna poop out a snake. Please don't. Ah, snake! How does it sound? Pfft. Psss. How does the snake sound? Pfft.

It's a weird snake. The snake is farting somehow. Yeah. Snakes have to fart. So I'm going to lower the available charges of planning. Okay. That was my bonus attack. So if I were to get out of stealth and try to attack this guy, I wouldn't be able to go back into stealth. So I... Correct. Unless I guess the crossbow doesn't range. Does that keep me in stealth or anything like that? In the shadows? Well, you're just... Then, you know, they have an advantage or they have a better opportunity to detect you is how it boils down to. They have a...

a projectile that shows them where it came from, but it doesn't necessarily take me out of stealth and it would just be that guy. So say I kill that guy. Would he, you know, it might still continue. Don't believe Gus. Don't believe that. And a snake that could attack them. So, okay. Wait, is it a bonus action? The snake is like a spiritual weapon. It attacks on its own, right?

It's not blinded, too. Oh, there you go. There's something. Okay, I'm going to try to shoot with the crossbow. I know I'm blinded, but as you said, we're kind of negating the... So you're at just normal roll. I'm just at normal. And you're attacking, what, the southeast guy? I'm going to try to attack the southeast guy. Then to be clear, the southeast lector, not the guard. Yeah, yes. All right, we're just going to roll the crossbow thing and then hope between this and snake it does out.

21. That hits. Alright, here's the damage. Six. He's probably down. He's not looking good. Okay, not quite. Snake, go get him. We have one party member who yells bat all the time and another one who started yelling snake. Yes, all together now. All of us. Yell animals. Hard. Alright.

All right, so go ahead and roll the attack. It's a d20 plus six to bite. It's a 15 plus six. 21. The bite connects. Oh, the reach on this is 10 feet. That's interesting. Okay, the damage is 1d4 plus four piercing damage. Because snakes can like do a little jab. A little jab. Yeah.

That's one plus four or five. Is that enough? There's more. So it does 1d4 plus four piercing damage, and the target must make a DC 11 constitution saving throw, taking 3d6 poison damage on a fail save or half as much on a successful one. Nice. Snake's a little OP. I miss turning into snakes. This one's name's Todd. That's a good name for a snake. You're going to name each of them as they fall out of the robe? That's right. They're all going to have unique little voices. I want them all to have just like...

white dude names so you got todd you got like jeff i'm naming them after my old college buddies from yamford you know me and todd we ruined back freshman year in the co-op those were good days so the i hated todd at first the lector makes its saving throw but it still takes half damage and that's enough poison to uh cause it to keel over and fall down dead and no longer chanting of course

of course. So both lectors in the south, the one at the southwest and the southeast are now down. And seeing that two of their friends are down, they all disengage and think better on their actions. That's right. And then in stealth, who's the next lector that's close to me? The next one close to you would be the one to the northeast. It's about 30 feet away. And that's the one that you're dealing with? Mateed's dealing with the one to the northwest. Okay. Then I go to the northeast one and I stay in stealth. Okay. And is that the only one still chanting? The northeast? As of right now, yes. Okay. Okay.

I stay hidden. Make me another stealth check, because you're moving around again. Oh, shoot. Ten. Okay. Is that it for you, Chip? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It takes four yeses to confirm. I had to make sure. I had to let them all work their way out. Musically. Yeah. All right. This selector, let's see if it sees you. I'm going to bet it's going to see him. 13. Yeah, it sees you. Oh, hey there. Just, uh, uh, Chipainy. That's my name. So you moved up. You're pretty close to it because you had all your move, right? You had like 30. 30 was the amount of move you needed to get up to there. Okay. It turns and still while chanting swings a scimitar at you. Don't do that.

Seven. Steer right. It swings again. Eight. Oh, my God. Strike two. Oh, my God. Both Dustin and Michael look not happy, and I don't approve of this. Barney is down. I don't know what you guys think. That's like the one. No enemy has hit you except for Mishnomer. They all miss. Yeah.

Because we're really good at D&D. This lector continues chanting. Elga, it's your turn. Nerd. He goes, swipe, swipe. So what's the lay of the land for Elga right now? A lot of people have moved around. There is one Horduum guard about 10 feet away from you where Barney was when he finished his last turn. Then 40 feet beyond that, so 50 feet from you, is where Barney is now.

along with one of the lectors. 30 feet north of that is where Chip is at the other mirror. With the one still chanting. Yeah, kind of in the middle of all of it is Mishnomar. And then northwest from you, a good distance away is Matide at the other mirror. I guess I should probably just get...

Take care of this guard first. It's either that or get to Barney. Yeah. Just to set the stage, if you pass by this guard in an attempt to get to Barney, this guard will most likely take an attack of opportunity. Okay, then the guard is the priority. Yeah, I'm going to try to swing my axe at the scarab at him. Okay. So are you throwing it or are you closing the distance and attacking? I'm going to close the distance and attack. Okay. That's a 16. On this guard, that's a hit. Okay, cool. Goodness. And that does...

Nine points of damage. Okay. This guard falls to the ground, cleaved in twain by your mighty Axe of the Scarab. And then I have a question. Okay. Would using one of my scrolls be an action or is that like a bonus action? So reading the scroll requires the spell's normal casting time. So if the spell can be cast as a bonus action, it's a bonus action. But if the spell is cast as an action, it's an action.

I don't know if this is or not. It's the one for blur. It's one action. Oh, it is. Okay, cool. Sorry, I cannot use it. So you can move. I'll move closer to Barney. All right. So you move 30. You're 20 feet away from him then at this point. Okay. Is that it for Elga? Yes. Barney, you need to wake up now. Time or place for nappies.

As you close the distance to Barney, the mirror to the southwest suddenly illuminates as well. So now three of them are illuminated.

We've been taking these dudes out. Yeah, but one's still chanting. Man, I wish I had more. I really want to do something, but it's always a mix between like wanting to stop certain things that are happening, but also wanting to like kill all the enemies that are around you. Because there's something I want to try to do, but I can't do it for another probably 45 minutes. The Hordum to the west who tried to breathe sand on you, Matide, tries to strike at you with a rotting fist.

I'm 30 feet in the air. Oh, yeah, you're 30 feet in the air. That's why I did it. That's why I used my action to get away. Smart, you smart bird. It shakes its rotting fist at you angrily. I spit at it. I spit at it. Okay. And so does Jacques. I taught the cat how to spit.

This lector here in the northwest resumes its chanting as well. He's gotten the wind knocked at him twice and he's still going? Yeah. Barney, go ahead and roll your death save. You know, Barney's on the ground, you know, trying to maybe stabilize himself. As, you know, you're laying there, Barney, your vision is like watery and it's like you're fading in and out. You can hear a voice ask, When will it happen? I keep hearing these voices when we're about to die. When will it happen? When will it happen?

When will it happen? And that's a 19. Your spiritual weapon goes away when you go down, right? Yeah, I assume, yeah. Weird. It would still be there. It's not a concentration spell. But it doesn't act because normally it acts on Barney's turn. Does it have a big cat head floating above you? It's a paw.

It's just waiting. It's based on the spellcaster's bonus action. So it's there, but it's just not moving or doing anything. It's playing with one of the dead bodies. Mishnomers turns.

who's mission over gonna kill this round he's up there alice is over there chip let's see if body no body shield he's got a body shield you hit me you hit the dum-dum who oh the electric yeah you want him to keep chanting you don't hit me don't do it one two chip three four mccheese think about this mish nomer you don't want to hit your own guy come on four mateed

Mateed's flying up in the air. Okay, I know. Mishnomor chants something at you, drawing your attention, Mateed. And locks eyes with you. Make me a wisdom saving throw. 19. Wow. When Mishnomor looked at you and you locked eyes for that second, you felt compassion and sympathy for just a moment. And felt like maybe Mishnomor was on the right side of things. For the first time in Mateed's life.

You've shook it off and reverted to your normal Matide self. Disgusting. So instead, with fury, Mishnomor points at you and an arc of fire erupts from his outstretched finger and leaps towards you.

Does it say pull my finger? Counts as a missile, right? Ranged weapon. It's not a missile necessarily. It's magic. So it's not a... Okay. So missile is a physical object. Right. Do you have advantage against missiles or something? I have a deflection thing I can do. Oh. It's a spell though. So it's not like a weapon. Hitting. Ooh. That's a crit.

You get impacted with fire damage and take eight points of fire damage. Copy that. That's not bad. You've had worse. You can do this, Mateed. Yeah, that's it for Mishnomar. Mateed, it's your turn. And then after Mateed is checked. Mateed's going to use Sling of the Song that you guys keep singing. Do-do-do-do.

I will use... Do we take a short rest before this? You did take a short rest at one point. I don't remember if it was since you last used it. I don't think so. It's okay. It's still plus two bonus to attack rolls. So I'm going to go ahead and do the long range attack at the

The dude who will not quit singing. Can I be obnoxious? What? I think, aren't we still blinded? I'm not blinded. You were blinded. Okay, great. Good. They shot at you. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to roll for attack with the sling of sandstorms on the dude, the lector who is still chanting. The one... Below me. Below you to the northwest. And your blindness cleared after the end of your turn. Oh, I was going to ask about that in the next turn. Just checking. That's a 23. That hit.

Nine points of damage. Nice. That lector falls to the ground. So there is only one lector left. It is the one to the northeast. But they're all not singing anymore, right? The one to the northeast is still chanting. Oh, okay. I'm on that one. I don't think that one has been interrupted. Not yet. You'll have to get a knife to the throat and we'll see if there's an interruption there. Try singing without a throat. That's right. Loser. How far am I to that, the remaining guy in the northeast? Horizontally about 30 feet. Okay.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. So it's about 30 feet to the east. I'll dive at that guy. Okay. And since I used a monk weapon, I can make one unarmed strike as a bonus action. He's scheming over there. Little rogue schemes. Blaine is making little like hand motions of like just...

That's a 18? Yeah, that hits. Five points of damage. Okay. Ow. You punch him. Oh, he has to make a save. Yeah. I have failed every one of these. You know. Make it four. Don't break habits now. Hey, I did it. Okay. Now he continues chanting. Okay. This is northwest? Northeast? Northeast. This is the remaining guy. The last remaining lector. Remaining lector. All right. Is that it for you, Mateed? Yeah, that's it.

Okay, Chip, you are up in... Hey, Chip, there's someone within five feet of this guy that you're about to... That needs to go down. Oh, yeah, great. Okay, because I was also going to ask because my snake's near him, too. Technically, that's an enemy of this guy, too. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's two people that are within five feet. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to use a sneak attack. I didn't write your snake on here. Snake. His name's Todd. T-O-D-D. Todd. T-O-D-D. Todd. Three Ds. Oh, three Ds. Yeah, three Ds. Please get it right. Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd.

I'm going to use my arm blade to give him a good old walloping in the throat. Do I get advantage on this? Or is it just the 2d6? Well, he did his stealth check. Yeah, but you have advantage anyway because there are multiple enemies here. Oh, yeah, you get advantage. Okay, all right. So I'm going to roll that again. I take it.

Oh, 22. Believe it or not, that hits. All right. And then we're going to do a little stabby stab. That's a four plus the 2d6 because of sneak attack. Oh, five. So nine points of damage. Shucks.

And then my snake. Oh, yeah. Okay, how would this work? Because I want to hide then move. But is the snake like operating with me? Or would that like mess things up? No, the snake operates on your turn. It's in your initiative order, but it's not you. Right. It's like the spiritual weapon. Anything Barney does doesn't really affect it. It's like when Mud had conjure animals. Right. Okay. Then I'm going to take a bonus action to hide.

I need to get the name of that thing. Cunning action. I'm going to use cunning action to hide. So then you roll for what? Stealth? Yep.

Yes. And then I want to scurry away. 11. Okay. And then you try to move away? Yes. Okay. Yeah, the lector still does see you with an 11. Mm-hmm. And gets an attack of opportunity as you step away. Does snake do anything about that? I mean, your snake will act, but it hasn't gone yet. Okay. All right. All right. Do it. The lector slashes out. Should have killed him with the snake first. With a scimitar. Can I not? Is that what that was like part of it? Hitting AC 17. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, one of these finally hit. This is the first time a lector's actually hit. Oh, I'm so happy for you guys. Wow, congrats. Doing six points of slashing damage. Uh-oh. How you doing, Jip? Not too great. And three points of fire damage. Resistant.

So... One. One. Oh, I was hoping to sneak that in there and have that drop you. Gus is so sadistic this episode. When the scimitar makes contact, it briefly is engulfed with fire, doing a little bit of extra damage. Too bad I love fire. Yeah. All right. Fire! Big fan of them tamales. And then I want my snake to hit him. All right. Go ahead and roll your d20 for your bite attack, then add six to it. Todd, I choose you!

Go get them. Use bite. 15 plus 6, 21. Yeah, that hits. Plus, what was it? Roll for damage. Yeah, so roll D4 plus 4 for piercing damage. That's a 7. And then I have to make a constitution saving throw. He's still up, even with that 7? No, but I got him. Oh, okay.

for dramatic effect. Okay. See if he's poisoned for the last half a second of his life. Makes the save and then takes half of 3d6 poison damage. Go ahead and roll the poison damage just for fun. For those at home who are keeping track of how much damage each of our characters do. 7 divided by 2. I bet you someone is doing it. That lector falls to the ground with a snake attached.

That's way to go, Todd. Todd, you're, you're, oh, Brewski's on me, pal. What happens after that? Mission overkills us all. You all receive inspiration die and five temp hit points. I'll take it. But I'm still down, so I don't get the... You don't get the temp hit points. Someone will, I'm sure one of your party members will come stabilize you if they like you. Hadid stands up quickly from the throne.

Nooooo! The Book of Daybreak crumbles to dust and the Golden Throne withers to ash, drifting down the stairs of the dais. For a bunch of numbskull nobodies, the four of you really know how to spoil a pharaoh's fun. You know, this reminds me of some wise words I once read. "Meador, Astikaz, Alvajar, Nostadace, Phoenix!"

Never heard that one. Can you do it one more time slowly and spell every single word you're saying? The ashes rise from the floor, shimmering as bright as the sun. They catch fire and form into four fiery paws, followed by a blazing tail. Two burning wings stretch out from a feathered body that leads up to a flaming feline's face with scorching eyes. Who is this? It's the sphincter. It is I, oh great one, Featherback.

Hadee, a humble servant of the Antique and the people of Carcassouk. The incandescent cat surveys the room with scorching eyes and stares at Hadee. Eddie's jagged teeth split into an even wider smile. The destruction of globe. So it. But first, put an end to these unbelievers.

This phoenix turns to you all and smolders with firelight. It lunges after you with open jaws and an inferno of flames engulfs every last one of you. Resistant. Find out how that resistance plays out in the next episode of Tales from the Sneaky Dragon. Aw, we even have a cat. We didn't even have a chance to defend ourselves. Elga's open to conversion. She's down, you know, she's open-minded. I mean, if it saves my butt from it.

All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week to find out what happens. Before we go, I want to tell you about my new series that's coming out. A couple months ago, I went to New Zealand and attempted to walk from the set of Hobbiton to the Lonely Mountain, which is like 160 miles, and then climb it dressed in Hobbit outfits. It's a sequel to A Simple Walk in the Mordor, which I did like over 10 years ago. Oh, yeah. And it's coming out next.

next week on September 21st. Are you kidding me? And right now, the trailer is out for this new series. And if you want to watch the extended edition of the original series, you can now watch that on roosterteeth.com. I'm so curious if Chris and Carrie survived. But if you're a fan of Lord of the Rings or just honestly just documentaries and stuff, it was really crazy. It's a great little adventure.

Little Adventures. Yeah. I'll say this. It was supposed to be released in July and only just one episode. And it was so crazy. We made a full series. Oh, yeah. I'm looking forward to that. Yeah. Because it's coming out so soon.

Yeah. That's awesome. And check out my series, A Complicated March Into... Into Adult Life. Barbie Land. Barbie Land. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. Go check that out and we'll be back next week. See you later. Bye. Goodbye. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Saunier. This week's Arrow question was submitted by Josh Clay on Discord. And here's a quick shout out to folks that interacted with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in this episode. Right.

Ryder Rajad, aka The Mummy, named after user Ryda7s on Reddit. HiLectorMishNomer, named after at MrMishNomer on Twitter. Also want to give a special thanks to friends who provided voiceover for characters in this episode, like The Mummy, voiced by Hannah McCarthy, at HiHello underscore Hannah. Pharaoh Hadi, aka Eddie, voiced by Andrew Rosas, at MrAndrewRosas. And this Phoenix, voiced by Christian Young, at XChinYoung. I am also resistant to necrotic damage.

Why would you be resistant to necrotic damage? That was in Barbara's meta voice. I can't break character. That was the most honest thing you ever said to me. I can't break character. I will say, for like the first hour after we're done recording Stinky Dragon, I still thought

like this a little bit. Now we know the pain that Jared Leto must feel.