C02 - Ep. 18 - Karcasuuk Coup - ... Delightful Assassins, Grifters, and Rogues!
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Jubilations, Jabberwocks. Flap your wings into the stinky dragon. Swallow our latest swill. Blah, blah, blah.

It's a mixture of ILLIDGE, DEAR AIRBOTS, DUNA, REVU, LUNAP, ZOOM, CLIMB, AND HEFAR. One drop of this draconic drink, you'll find your enemies doing nothing except use all their movement to move in a random direction.

Whatever that means. Previously, our adventurers met a manic mothman munching on the Book of Evenfall. But our party of professionals painlessly procured the ancient tome and left the library lickety-split. On the way to the Pyramid of Antique, they ran into a sizable stronghold, a surreptitious stranger, and are now swathed in shade. Draw yourself a drip. Let's dive into this dank drama. ♪

Micah came out right out of time to make up more alliteration poem stuff. So he just went Gus. He has two cats and they just jumped on his keyboard. Yeah, I like that. That's a good narrative. Play it backwards for a fun surprise. Hello, everyone. My name is Gustavo Sorolla. I'm your dungeon master. I'm going to hit our putrid party of four players with an arrow. This week's role playing warm up question is what's your character's

Perfect Ice Cream Sundae. I'll start. Hello, I'm Barbara Dunkelman. I voice Elga Von Brass, the half-elf vampire barbarian. Elga! Big fan, Elga! Thank you, Maiden! Thank you! And for Elga's Ice Cream Sundae... I think I would take two scoops of strawberry ice cream because actually Elga does like strawberries. Little known fact.

It is the one human flavor she actually enjoys. Being a human. Yes, of course. Very normal young human girl traits. And then, how private is this conversation to tell you the rest of what I like on my ice cream sundae? You're in a safe space there, Elga. Go ahead. All right. No one's listening. And then I like instead of drizzle of, you know, some people like chocolate syrup or banana and just like drizzle of warm blood. Hmm.

Obviously. It melts through the ice cream pretty quick. And then I just end up drinking the blood and then leaving the ice cream over. A nice bowl of blood and milk. Chip steps in front of Elga at the ice cream store and just kind of pushes past that one. Oh, for my ideal ice cream sundae, I got to go with, well, first of all, lactose-free ice cream. Vanilla, of course. Yes.

Let's top that off with some raisins. Maybe put some, you know, almonds for fiber. A little bit of sprinkle the whey powder. You know, just maybe plug a few of my vitamins in there. Vitamin C, vitamin D. Chip has to hide his own vitamins in the ice cream. Chip has to hide his own vitamins like a dog with cheese. And then some nice granola, you know, more fiber for the pooping.

I don't know if I've ever heard of anyone putting raisins on ice cream aside from rum raisin ice cream. No, no, no. I can't do rum. I don't hold my alcohol too well. You know what I mean? I don't know why, but my headcanon of Chip would be him being like a huge, like sweet tooth guy.

Kind of guy like loves all the sugar, all the candy and stuff like that. But can't anymore, though. He's in he's getting his later years. Got to watch that diabetes and stuff. Yeah, he does enjoy a tasty treat from time to time. But you got to watch the figure. And that's Blaine Gibson doing the voice of Chip Haney. He forgot to introduce himself. I'm Blaine Gibson doing the voice of Chip Haney. Did you see what Chip Haney is?

Kiefling Rogue, male. He was too much into character already. He was ready to go on the ice cream question. He was so into character, he had to lean into his screen to read his racing class.

I'm Chris Damaris and I play Barney Farney, the human cleric. And well, it's funny you mentioned raisins because I love them. Let's have some vanilla ice cream topped with raisins topped with prunes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Fiber. And then you mix them all in and they get kind of chewy.

You guys have such weird flavor preferences. Yeah. Sometimes Chip steps in and he's got to microwave the ice cream for Barney because it's a little too rough on his teeth, you know. Just ice cream soup. Here's your sugar milk. Raisin prune soup. Can't believe I'm saying this, but so far, Elga's is not the worst sounding sundae out of everyone here for some reason. Why would mine be the worst at all ever? Yeah.

Bonjour, everybody. My name is John Reisinger and I'm playing Mati Confissus, who's an era Cochrane ghost monk. My favorite ice cream flavor would actually be a dish called Vachon Glacé. It is essentially a French ice cream cake that uses a meringue base instead of cake and

often has vanilla ice cream and like I like a mix of strawberry and raspberry sorbet in there as well. It's wonderful. So yeah, Vachon Glacé. That sounds like that'd give Chip the runs. Sorbet, more like sword butt because I'd be pooping so much, you know? Nailed it. Can we take away an inspiration die? Please, no, I need it. I need to find my wife.

Negative inspiration die. Or that awful mental picture. It takes one away from Blaine and gives one to Gus. Oh, I'll take them. But to use against Blaine. Yes, absolutely. All right. Let's go ahead and do our quick little recap here. Wait, I want to.

I want to say something. You said we painlessly picked up the book of Twilight. Barney died twice. It's true. Or even fall. It wasn't painless. Let's clarify. Where did you get Twilight? You didn't die twice. Yeah. You were not conscious twice. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's painless. Yeah. Yeah, you didn't die. You just got probably permanent brain damage twice. And it scared Barney how much he enjoyed the process and how close he was to moving on to the beyond. It's just like naps, little naps. And let's be honest. I mean, Barney liked it. You hear the whistle of an arrow fly. And kaboom!

A deafening explosion erupts in the fortress. You look around to see the source of the inferno, blazing wooden shrapnel showering the ground all around. But you also notice the night sky is moving. It looks like shooting stars streaking across the sky. Oh, I wish for Carol. I wish for Carol. I wish for Carol. A shadowy figure rises, silhouetted by a pillar of flame and smoke. They toss something on the ground, and you hear the shattering of glass. And boom! Darkness swallows you whole.

Chip, you blink your eyes, but you see nothing but blackness. Amidst the chaos of crackling fire, you hear a voice whisper in your ear. Are you really him? The Chip Haney? I can't believe it.

I get to be part of a Chip Haney story? Oh, so good to meet you. I'm Nevlock, by the way. Oh, Nevlock. Hey, pleasure to meet you there, pal. I can't see you, but I'd shake your hand. You feel a hand grasp your outstretched hand and begin pumping it up and down, shaking it, pulling you off to the side. Here, this way. We can hide over here. Oh, firm grip. I like that. Oh, that's good. Oh, yeah. F.

After being pulled aside for what is used to be to be about 30 feet, you pop out from the darkness. And before you is someone wearing the trappings of a Horduum guard, but with a big smile on their face, still shaking your hand, pumping it up and down. Go ahead and make a perception check, Chip. Okay, not my strongest, though. And this is while he was like going up and killing all his guards, right? Right, right.

That's a one. Oh, I forgot to say you have advantage on this. It is written. You do have advantage on this check. Oh, okay. Because you rolled a one there. Sorry, just clearing the smoke out of my eyes there. That's a 10. Not much better. You see a tattooed sigil on Nevlock's arm. It's glowing yellow. It looks like a D-shaped dagger.

Oh, hey, that's some cool ink you got there. I got one of these fake tattoos. I believe it's henna and it's to help me blend into the locals here. Where'd you get yours? Oh, such a kidder. This Chip Haney. Your reputation precedes you, Chip. I see you've spotted my dagger tattoo. Surely you've got one too. Oh, dagger. Yes, the old assassination organization that we are both a part of and whose acronym I am failing to remember at the moment.

Yeah, definitely.

Delightful assassins, grifters, and rogues. That's the one! Oh, gee willikers. Look at us, just two old dagger pals. Where's your tattoo, by the way? Mine's right here on my forearm. You know, I had to find a spot that was kind of easily concealable so that, you know, if I'm out on the job in the field, you know, and people see my bare skin, they won't know, oh, that's an assassin coming to kill me. So, uh... Ooh, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, so I put it on my left buttock.

I'd ask you to show me, but I understand. No, it's two friends just showing each other tats and sharing war stories. Here you go, pal. Dude, it's hard for you to see, but your tattoo is also glowing a bit. Behind all the hair, you can see it's quite detailed and glowing. That's canon now. Chip has a hairy butt. Yeah, you know, it looks normal until two dagger members get too close to each other and then they start glowing. It's our secret recognition. So?

So, you know me, and I know you. Naturally, yeah. It's tough sometimes finding others in the field when I have to show them, you know. Of course. You can always fall back to the secret handshake, right? You want to do it right now? Let's do it. Here we go. Just for fun, let's both make dexterity checks. Okay. 10, 23. Wow. He's better.

I'm sure you're just a little out of practice, Chip. I'm so rusty. It's okay. I know it's you. What are you doing here? It's like fitting on an old shoe, huh? What am I doing here? Do you need help? What can I do to help the Chip Haney? Oh, heck, I'd take any help I can get. You know, it's my... Okay, quick aside, quick aside. Do they know that I'm married and that I'm out of the game? Like, what does Dagger know about me? I'll say Nevlock has indicated so far that he knows you're rusty. Okay. Okay.

Okay. You know, Nevlock? Still feeling him out, you know, because I don't know how much I can disclose. Yeah, yeah, of course. I haven't been in a field in a while, you know? And, like, you know, I'm starting to feel like my glory days are past me. And then look at me there. I just took out three, four guards. That was fun. Yeah. Oh, so cool. Thank you. Thank you. Big fan of your work, by the way. At least you get to do what you want. I've been stuck here in deep cover for 15 years. 15 years?

Can you believe it? My gosh, that's a lot. How about them blood fountains, though? That was crazy. That was crazy. Yeah, well, anyways, I'm looking for someone very important to me. And, you know, it's just kind of led me on a quest with a bunch of ne'er-do-wells, some real lovely chaps. And, you know, we just ended up here in Garkasook. Did you say it?

Stealth mission, Belga! Stealth mission! What are we seeing? Do we just see an explosion? You saw an explosion and then some darkness. I will say, I'm going to follow up with you guys in just a second once Chip's done with this conversation. I imagine we're not close by, so. That was just a joke. Oh, just a joke, okay.

So what are you doing right now? What can I help you with? Well, you see, Nevlock, we're trying to get into the Pyramid of Antique so that we can take... We got a mummy friend who's been usurped. Can you believe that? So we're trying to get them out there to their pyramids because, you know, someone took the headdress. And as you know, being in deep cover here in Karkasuk for 15 years, they follow the leader with the headdress. So we're trying to solve all that. Oh!

Oh, the mummy's with you? Wow. Yeah, that's going to be tough. I see you've already taken out a few guards, but there's several more in the fortress. If you want, I can help your friends get in here and try to make your way a little easier through here. Well, Nevlok, that...

That sounds about like one of the nicest things someone could have offered. I appreciate you, old dagger friend. It's good to see you, fellow companion dagger buddy. Dagger dudes. Dagger dudes. I was looking for a word that is like a synonym of... An alliteration. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll go raise the portcullis and let them in. Wait, what do they look like? How many are there?

Can I do a perception check and, like, see if this guy's really on my side? I know he's got the dagger thing. Insight. Yeah, insight check. Can I do an insight check? Yeah. Okay, that's a zero. Oh, my God.

We all know her. We all love her. You've been here for carcass for 15 years. All right. Then we're looking for a small fella. His name's Bernie. All right. He looks a little rough around the edges. Hard to get around. That guy is smart as a whip. And then we got a young lady, Elga, little

pale, little weird, alright? I feel like I keep seeing her with Kool-Aid on her mouth, but I don't see her drinking Kool-Aid, alright? She's got red all over. And then you're looking for the most gorgeous bird you've ever seen. Their name is Mateed. Don't get into it with them, but if you want to try to be nice, they really like baked goods, so... Goods. There you go. That's my whole party. Any other information I could give you...

Social security number, your credit card numbers. I'll go open the portcullis and distract the guard that's down there. Then you can rendezvous with your friends and figure out a stealthy way to get through here. Sounds like a plan, Nevlog. But before we go, let's exchange the sacred words of Dagger members. Okay, we're going to say them together. That's right. Here we go. We are Dagger. All right.

Wow. Can we just end the episode there? I'm good. Take an inspiration dog, Blaine. That was great. I loved it. That was fun. Okay. Nevlock, you know, enthusiastically grabs your hand and begins shaking it again. Wow. Can't believe it.

Believe it. The Chip Haney. And then begins, you know, making his way down to the portcullis where there was one guard on the outside. And Nevlock begins working to raise the portcullis and then, you know, calls out to the guard who's standing on the outside. Kuo, come here. Check.

Check this out. The mechanism's broken on this portcullis. And the guard who was on the outside turns around and begins looking at the mechanism that raised the portcullis, turning his back to the gate. The rest of the party, you know, the darkness clears for you guys on the other side of the bridge, and you see a guard come down, open the portcullis,

distract the guard who was on the outside, and then behind that guard's back begins like giving a waving motion. You're not sure if he's trying to disperse some gas that he passed or if he's motioning at you guys to walk in behind him. And did we see Chip somewhere? Chip? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to pop over to the team. Guys, I can't explain right now. We got to get moving. I got to do it on the inside, but don't worry. He's a trustworthy guy. Okay. Okay.

I'll go follows. Yeah, Barney follows. That's the enthusiasm I like. Mateed, that's the skepticism I anticipated. Yeah, can Mateed check to see if Mateed, like, believes what he's doing, what he's talking about, that this is a good idea? Yeah, make an insight check. Yeah, I just want to see if Mateed should trust Chip. 22. Chip seems to believe what he's saying. Okay. Mateed follows Chip.

towards the portcullis. And from like a meta perspective, that whole like figure silhouetted in fire and the explosion, was that Nev? Yeah, that was Nevlock. Okay. I appreciate that you started off by introducing the NPC by their name because I think I saw on the subreddit like someone got to be an NPC but we never said their name and they didn't know until you said it at the end of the episode. So they're like, I'm in Stinky Dragon but they never addressed me. Oh no.

That's also why right now I had Nevlock call out Kuh-Ho to the guard. There you go. I could very clearly say it. As we pass by, is Kuh-Ho, like, facing away from us? Yeah, he's, like, his back is turned to the portcullis, and they're looking at, like, the mechanism with the chains that raises the entire portcullis. And we're, like, passing behind them through the portcullis. Correct. Okay, as we pass by, I whispered into Kuh-Ho, thanks for listening, and I move on. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, I get it. I don't think Gus does. It's okay. You're saying it to the actual listener of our podcast. I was like, do I need to make a perception check? Okay, yeah, yeah. The guard turns around, slams you into the wall. Yeah, stabs my teeth.

Okay, so you all make your way into the fortress. You know, you all are on the lower level and you see, you know, towers facing out in the direction you all came from, presumably now with dead archers up there that Chip took out previously. There's an open courtyard in front of you and then on the far side, on the other side, is an exit heading on to the Pyramid of Antique. Atop one of the towers on the far side as well is a bonfire that is burning, illuminating the courtyard, sorry.

Oh, okay. Mummy should know this place, so maybe we should ask them. Go for it, Chip. I'm loving a Chip-centric episode. I'm here for it. All right. Miss Carol. Hey there, Mummy. All right, we're inside. What do we do now? Where do you want to go? Let's stealthily make our way through the Hordoon Fortress and exit on the far side. Then we'll make our way to the Pyramid of Antique.

So is this whole place just, like, inundated with the Hordom people? It appears so, yes. Oh, dear. Those are the bad... Good thing I'm stealthy. He says just swishing, and it's just, like, the sound of, like, cash and metal chains. What direction are we moving towards, towards the pyramid? North. So you entered from the southern gates of this fortress, and then the exit to continue on to the pyramids to the north.

So, and we're facing a courtyard. And so what is, is there something that is in the way of us in the courtyard? Are there like guards patrolling? So there was a bonfire. There are various guards walking around. Yeah. The bonfire is actually up on a tower on the Northern end of the fortress, but yeah, there is a pretty open courtyard with some stairs that lead up to higher levels and then eventually up to the tops of the towers. But the actual courtyard itself is pretty open. This fortress seems to be mainly fortified walls and really not

too much of substance in the middle. Hadoom people, how are they dressed? Are they dressed similar to us now that we have like all the wrappings and stuff? Yeah, very similar to that. But the one that Nevlock was talking to in the way that Nevlock is dressed is as a guard. So they're dressed the same. These guards do have additional armor that like normal run-of-the-mill citizens wouldn't have. Gotcha.

Got it. So to answer you, Barbara, we look like citizens, but not necessarily the military that is occupying this fortress. Correct. Do you know if there's like an, because we already have the wrappings of the citizens. Do you know if there's like an armory? Can I perceive if there's an armory in this fortress where we could like pick up the additional equipment to make us fit in more? Yeah, make an investigation check and see if you can find that.

All right, my rolls have been on fire today. Here we go. 15. You think you spot an armory in the northeast corner of the fortress under like where the bonfire is close to the exit on the far side going to the Pyramid of Antique? I mean, we can assume that the pyramid is occupied if they have a fortress here essentially probably protecting it. So do you think it's worth...

stopping there or do you think it's so close to the exit that we should just move on i think we can stop there but we gotta still make crosses make our way across this courtyard and it sounded like gus was describing that there's guards that are patrolling the courtyard yeah in fact everyone needs to make a stealth check because there are patrolling guards looking around oh how many only matter of time right now here in the courtyard there are four it's 20 for chip 19 for elga 11 for my deed 11 for barney that's pretty good i got disadvantaged and i still got 11.

It's pretty good. You have to smash because of your armor, right? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. You all are managing to stay quiet and in the shadows and so far are undiscovered by the patrols. So we can head up to the armory. If you want. Yeah. Or can we just go straight like towards the north? I'd say let's, if it gives us like advantage, if we're trying to get into the pyramid, I would say since we're already in that area, like let's go to the armory and get some additional costumes.

So there's a door to the armory, Gustavo? There's like an arched opening, but no like door that closes. But yeah, there is an opening. That's why you're able to see it from the courtyard that leads into the supply section. And you see a Horduum guard, presumably like some type of quartermaster milling about inside with the

You guys want me to take him out? No, I was going to suggest that perhaps Nevlock would like to help us. This is seeming to be blended in with their group. I'll do the sacred dagger call to summon him. Is that okay? Is that okay? He's with us. No, no. Nevlock was distracting Kuh-Ho at the portcullis. Right.

If you want to reveal what the secret dagger call is in front of everyone, you're more than welcome to, Blaine. Okay, you guys are going to be let in on a big secret, all right? Because this is the sacred call. How dagger members call dagger members. Are you ready? I want to be very clear. Mateed is not paying attention at all. Elga is standing mere inches away from Chip, so she could really... Just nose to nose. Okay, ready? Play it for me. Dagger!

That's the sound of a local bird. Local to every place in Grotev. And they also say dagger. Yeah. As you're standing there waiting, you hear a return call.

- Ah, dagger! - All right, he got this signal. Here comes Nevlock. - Nevlock comes, trotting over, goes, "Hey Chip, you still here? Thought you would be in the pyramid by now. Oh, it's your friends. Pleasure to meet y'all. I'm Nevlock." - Hi, I'm Barney. - "You all are so lucky to be traveling with Chip. I'm so envious. What's it like? Is it super cool?" - Very cool.

Very cool. Not in the slightest. Quite awkward, actually. What did I tell you about Mateen? What did I tell you? What did I tell you? All right, well, Niv-Lok, you know, I got inspired because you're under deep cover, and I was like, well, he's got all that armor. We already got the civilian garb, so we thought, let's cherry on top. Let's get the guard armor so we can blend in there in the pyramid, because I'm assuming it's occupied by the Hordoom. Smart, smart. Here, follow my lead.

I'll deal with D here. Nevlock straightens up, kind of dusts himself off and walks into the room with all of the armor, walks straight up to the quartermaster and says...

D, I need to requisition some armor. Where's the form? D hands him a piece of paper and Nevlock begins filling it out and loads up his arms with armor and then walks back out. Here, is this enough? He comes out with four suits of Horduum armor. We're going to need one more. Oh, right. Sorry. He comes out with five. Nevlock, you make me so proud of being a dagger member. You are so adept and good at stealth and ne'er-dwelling. It's

It's been 15 years here. I've had plenty of practice with these guys. Oh, of course. I have a question. Do you think that I will be able to wear this armor and they will not suspect me? I am a tiny little child girl and I don't see a lot of people here like me. True. Could raise some suspicions. Do you have any halflings? No, not really. Do you think maybe two of us do the whole kid in the trench coat thing? You know?

You know, I maybe just go underneath one of you so that I don't even be seen. So where are you going, Elga? I guess could I go under Barney and put him up on my shoulders? Yeah. Barney's okay with it.

Of course. Oh, I love this. They have some sort of like wrappings or a robe or something that kind of covers them. Yeah, Nevlock will grab you a robe as well. That way you can put it over yourself. It's like when you're playing Banjo-Kazooie and Kazooie is carrying the bear on their back. All right, you guys should be all set. I'm still in deep cover here. I can't leave. But just go through that exit to the north. You'll almost be at the entrance of the Pyramid of Antique. Can I do one of those cool gladiator handshakes where it's like hand to forearm? Yeah.

With Nevlock and be like, I hope our paths cross in the future, brother. He cuts himself on your arm blade. Yeah, sure. Nevlock reciprocates. Me too. Super honor. Huge pleasure to meet you. Okay. Wow. Chip Haney. Oh, Nevlock. All right. See you later, bud. All right. All right.

Were you, like, famous amongst your dagger crew, Chip? Oh, no. This guy seems to be a big fan of you. I don't want to brag, you know. I used to be a hotshot assassin, but those days are gone. My future is Carol. Speaking of, we need to find her. Okay. Presume you all continue along the pyramid entrance. Me with Barney on my shoulders underneath. Man, I love that mental image. Barney, are you safe?

I'm very good. Okay, here we go. Oh, this is fun. Okay.

Can we get like a performance check to see how well Barney is acting like a person on top? We may have to deal with that when we find someone. Just him like awkwardly putting his arms back and forth like he's walking. Yeah. Elga, your strength is 18. You can carry 270 pounds. Barney weighs 115 and his inventory. So he's a little over 200 pounds. So you're well within there. I know. Your inventory is fairly light. So yeah.

I mean, you laugh, it sounds funny, but you're actually well within your carrying capacity, even with Bargnut in your focus. - It's our barbarian. - It's very barbarian thinking. - Don't judge a book by its cover, Gus. - All right. You all gain some distance away from the fortress and tread uphill toward the towering pyramid of Antique. Overhead, you see stars streaking across the night sky and you realize something. These aren't shooting stars. The night sky is moving.

And sure enough, Barney, you notice the hands on your pocket watch are rotating faster than normal. Oh my goodness. This must be the work of Mishnomar and the other lectors. They seem to be hastening the coming of dawn. Hurry, we must get inside and stop them before it's too late. Just outside the entrance, the mummy pauses. The pyramid is fortified with all manner of perils to ward off plunderers and heathens. No matter what happens,

We must press on to stop the Lecters. The mummy races ahead of you all, leading the way into the pyramid. Wait for us. So, just to clarify, the Mishnommer is trying to make time move faster to get to Dawn faster. Presumably. Presumably.

That's what the mummy believes. And we need to find the lectures? Yes. I want to remember what those were. What is the problem with succumbing of dawn? It seems to be so far based on everything you've seen that the book of even fall derives power and is stronger at dusk and in the evening. Remember you saw it like glowing when the sun went down earlier. Okay. It probably has something to do with that. All right.

So we got a ticking clock. Yeah. Matide follows. And so does Elga. And Barney does nothing. Barney has no choice in the matter. Kindest regards, my rankly regulars. Good news. Our first exclusive bonus show, Second Wind, is officially live. Second Wind dives deeper into the episode with a chat between players and the DM. Check it out only at RoosterTeeth.com.

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Who has higher dexterity between me and Mateed? I'm assuming that you're not encumbered, Elga, but I'm assuming you're going to be a little bit slower with Barney. And it sounded like there's going to be traps ahead, so I feel like we need to have a dexterous lead. I figured we would be sneaking in here, and once we get past...

All the other people, I'd put them back down. Oh, okay. I don't know. I don't know what the situation is when we go inside here. Let's just go in. Do you all want to set a marching order for going in right now since Blaine brings it up? Yeah, I think Elga and Barney should probably go in second or third. Okay. Okay.

I'll lead. You take the lead. Unless you have a lot of dexterity there. Mateed brings up the rear. Okay. Okay, so we got Chip, Elga, Barney, and then Mateed. Yep. You all enter and you're greeted by a cavernous hall built with towering columns and angled mirrors, casting beams of firelight and harsh shadows across archaic wall art, depicting an unusual creature. Before you is a narrow bridge made of sandstone over a fathomless chasm.

The mummy's already on the other side of the bridge near a draped doorway. How did you get across so easily? From a metagaming perspective, the mummy was a little ahead earlier. She said she got ahead and went in the pyramid ahead of you. I just didn't know if there was anything special about the bridge. Can I perceive if there's anything? Like a trap? Investigate. Yeah, you could do an investigation check. Blaine knows perceive. That's all he knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blaine's for everything he wants to perceive.

We're doing an arm wrestling contest. Can I perceive if I win the arm wrestling contest? Can I perceive how big my muscles look in comparison to the others? 16. Chip, you take a look at the bridge and examine it, looking for anything out of the ordinary. And when you're doing that, you notice that there's gears along the corner of the bridge that seem to rotate.

- Hmm. - As you're looking at the gears, examining the bridge, a handful of Horduum begin shouting and grab the mummy. She begins trying to fight them off, but there's too many of them. They overpower her and drag her through the draped doorway at the end of the bridge. - Uh oh. - She waited for us. - That's what happens when you split the party. - So that's what happens when you split the party. - It's crazy mummy. Well, gang, there's a bunch of gears on this here bridge. I don't know if that was like a tip them off or if there's some sort of trap that lay ahead. - You think if there's too much weight on the bridge,

that it may begin rotating or sliding. Like it may become unstable if there's too much weight on any given time because of the gears. Gang, I think we should go one at a time. I'll lead, see how it is, and then we got to watch the weight limit. So I'll go ahead. You cross the bridge. It's about 60 feet long, five feet wide. It's pretty narrow. And you're able to traverse the 60 feet and you get to the other side, no problem. Well, Elga puts Barney down. I'm sorry, Barney. I hope you had a fun time on the piggyback ride.

or whatever they call it, Elgabek, but I think we need to go on this one by one. That's okay. You want to go first? Okay. And Barney goes. Barney, he probably saved up some energy from riding piggyback for a little while. Seems to have a little extra spring in his step. Yeah, he's able to successfully cross the bridge. No problem. I do also want to point out, this is a complete side note of like the funny juxtaposition between our first campaign

of Bart riding Gum-Gum, like, holding on to his hands. Aw. I hadn't thought about that. Now it's a little reverse. Mateed, should I go next while you watch from back here? Uh, yes. Okay, Elga very gently and safely goes across the bridge, and the whole time she's just going, It's alive, it's alive, alive. I forgot about that. You get across no problem as well. I wonder how Mateed is going to walk across this bridge. Mateed just floats across. There you go.

Mateed, you float across no problem as well. You all are standing at a doorway that's draped in golden wrappings that seems to lead to another chamber. A doorway draped in golden wrappings? Yeah. Can I investigate if there's any traps? Yeah. Just making sure. That's a 10. Not going to get much out of that. You don't perceive any traps. Why? I got it. Do I recognize anything from the golden...

things like writings or pictures or anything. Make me a history check, Barney. Seven. Ooh. No. There's golden curtains and some drawings on the wall. It makes Gus's life easier when we fail these checks because he doesn't have to read anything or like say... Nah, don't have to think. Nah, you don't see anything, dummy. Mike has spent an hour and 45 minutes writing the text on that golden curtain. The answer to the entire campaign is on that

Curtain. The location of... Drink more overall. I guess could I poke my head in just to check to see if, like, what's inside? Yeah. Always good to go head first into something that might have traps. Well, it's better than just bursting in with the whole body and party. Yeah, you poke your head in and you see a great hall that seems to have, like, partitioned passages in it. So you see, like, kind of a bit of a hallway that seems to fork off in a few different directions when you poke your head through. But no people? No. No.

Okay, let's walk in. Spooky. Okay, I'll follow. Yeah, me too. Yeah.

Okay. And so we're looking at like a fork? Yeah, before you lies a network of partitioned passages lit by hanging mirrors that are reflecting firelight. The partitions are about 10 feet tall and the chamber seems to be flanked by tall ramparts with curious small cavities at the top. At the very far end of the room seems to be a stairway. So you said the mirrors are all reflecting firelight. Right. Are we able to see where like the source of that is coming from? Or is it just like kind of magical? Make an investigation check for that.

- That's a six. - Man, magic or something, right? - Could Elga try to go to the mirror to look to see if she could see herself? - Maybe one of these mirrors will show me, maybe find my reflection, I mean. - Dust. - The mirrors are hanging up though, like kind of in the ceiling and reflecting light all around and then angling it down. Actually, you could try looking up from where you are, right? You can't get in front of it, but yeah, you could look up and see if you see yourself. How do you want to play it in this world? Do you want vampires to see the reflections or not? - Interesting.

No. You look up at the mirror and just like any other mirror you've experienced in your life, there is no reflection. But I do see the rest of my party, right? Yes. One of those trick mirrors. Are the mirrors reflecting like light to a specific spot or are they generally filling the room with light? It seems like it's directing it to different spots, but presumably the effect is to overall just illuminate this large room in general. We've all seen Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz in The Mummy, the hit classic adventure game.

movie show. With where you're describing the villains of the movie. What? In this world, if they watched The Mummy, they'd be cheering for The Mummy. Oh, those darn Brendan Fraser's and Rachel Weisz's.

So ahead of us, what's our options of movement? I know you're describing a bunch of different options, but what is it? Is there a left way, right way, middle way? Exactly. There's immediately to the left, straight ahead, or kind of to the right. Well, I don't think we should split the party. I think, I don't know, you want to go on one of the side passages first? Okay, let's go right. Sure. Yes. And we could just do something of the same marching order? Sure. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'll go second. Okay. Okay.

So Elga's ahead of Barney. Chip's leading the way. I got real camp counselor energy. I'm, like, hiking, and my arms are, like, being raised for no reason. Got two fingers on your neck. Oh, checking the pulse. Just testing your pulse. Eyes on the ground looking for the poison ivy. Three leaves.

You turn to the right and you enter, you know, kind of a large-ish room and the passage kind of continues from there, sneaking to the left. Around the corner there, when you turn to the left, is a pile of gold coins. Oh. Whoa. We should split this, but maybe first we should... What was the word I'm looking for? Perceive? Investigate? Yeah, we should perceive if it's trapped coins.

You can make an investigation check. I push Elga forward. 12. Get a nice good look at it. Let me look at this up close with my eyes. Up close. Within a foot. You doing it? Investigation check? Can I? Yeah, yeah. Go for it. Oh, yeah. Do it. Yeah. Yeah. I was waiting for you to roll it. Elga's getting like real close. Her face right up against the pile of gold coins. How'd that go? Big ol' 11.

That's with advantage. So 11 and 12. Elga, as you're, you know, you're really getting close to investigate them. A poof of glittering dust emerges from the pile of gold coins. She got glitter bombed. Getting all over both Elga and Chip since Chip was investigating as well. Oh.

Both of you seem to be glowing in a dim yellow light. Somehow I think this is not going to help us be very stealthy. I look like one of them awards that the big movie stars get. And then I strike a pose. And the chip goes to... And the chip...

Delay on that laugh. Yeah, sorry, I didn't hear it. So the dust shot out from the gold, does it look like it was a trap that went off and is done, or is it something that looks like it will happen again? I don't know. You want to make an investigation check? Can I toss something the direction of it? I mean, yeah. I don't know what you're saying. That's very vague. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. All right. Elgo wants to move out of the way. So does Chip. Okay. I got this meat hook.

I forgot you grabbed that. Oh, yeah, that's right. I'll toss the meat hook at the pile of gold. See what happens. Scorpion in Mortal Kombat. Get over here. Just

Just like make like an arm strike because you're tossing it just to see if you hit the pile of gold. 14. You toss the hook and it hits the pile of gold, but it begins moving. You know, of course, you expect if you threw like a hook at a pile of gold, you know, the gold coins would slide around. But these gold coins begin crawling around almost like a swarm of some kind. They begin swarming in your direction, Barney. Go ahead and roll initiative.

Oh, no. It's like in the classic movie, The Mummy, with the scarabs. They thought they were precious jewels. Did the meat hook do damage? That is a good question. Yes. Yes. Yes. Five. Should I roll for damage? Six. Yeah. What does a meat hook do? D4. Not much. That's the answer.

He just nonchalantly threw a blunt object. One! Yeah. It's not a blunt. It's got a hook. Well, if the very specific part of the meat hook landed on what you needed, yeah, the majority of the meat hook is blunt. Yeah. What was your initiative, Barney? Ten. We rolled low. Everyone rolled below ten. Yeah. Let me roll for the gold coins. Fourteen! I go first. Wow, the gold coins beat us all. Capitalism.

Yeah, we're fighting capitalism. The coins, now that they're moving, you see that they're actually scarabs that appear to be camouflaged and look like gold coins. And they're starting to swarm all over you, Barney. No. They've tried to warn you with the dust. They've been biting at you, hitting AC 23. Good Lord. That's going to hit.

It hits. So wait. What's the dust like secretion from them? I mean, yeah, it is, but it's dust. It's not like a liquid or anything. But yeah, they poofed out the dust. Kind of like a defense mechanism. Yeah. I was going to say like a stink bug. Yeah. Doesn't like do anything to us, right? Doesn't like exhaust us or...

No, it just from a metagame perspective, you're the source of dim light and you cannot become invisible. And if any creature attacks you, they have advantage because you're so easy to see. The scarabs bite at you, Barney, doing six points of piercing damage. Shucks. And you now have disadvantage on attack rolls until your next turn.

What? So Scarabs are just like beetles, but these, you know, are kind of roundish and look like gold coins. Isn't nature cool? No. Barney, it's your turn. It's my turn, huh? Then after Barney is Elga, then Chip, then Mateed. I have disadvantage on physical attacks or just all attacks? Attack rolls. That's all. That's everything.

It's up on me, right? The beetles? They're like swarming all around you now. Oh, I'm just gonna do total the debt on it. Has to make a wisdom saving throw of 14. Okay, their wisdom is minus one. So they need a 15 or better on this. Dumb bugs. Idiots. That's a two. So they fail. Cool.

So I'm going to roll a d12 because they're already damaged from my hook shot. Jeez. So that's a six of necrotic damage. Nice. So six points of necrotic damage from total to dead. Dang. No.

You had to do the sound effect in the voice? That's just what Barney says when he casts. The necrotic damage affects the scarabs and they all fall off of you onto their back, unmoving. Nice. Can I check and see if any of them are gold or there was any gold or are they all bugs? Yeah, how are you going to check? Are you going to put them in your mouth and bite it like Prospector style? I think just like, you know, tap them with my hook. Bite it. Yeah, make an investigation check. It'll be our catch all for now. 12. Yeah, they're all bugs. Oops.

Oops, all bugs. Are we still in combat or are they stunned? No, no, no. They're all done. They're all done. Okay. I was really looking forward to using my axe of the scarab on the scarab. Oh, missed opportunity. They're just all dying on the floor and everybody can tell the fight's over and Elga just runs over and just starts hitting them with the axe. Scarab, scarab, scarab. Yeah.

Okay, so this, um, we were walking along and what direction did we see these gold things? So you initially, when you entered, you went to the right. That took you into a large room and the only exit was to kind of wander around to the left, which is north. And then that's where you found this room with these scarabs. So we're at a dead end. Correct. Okay. Mateed heads back. Yeah, my head back. I guess Barney will go too. Yeah. Okay. Just

Just because it can be confusing because you're coming back in from a different direction than you initially entered, I'm going to reorient like you just entered the pyramid for the first time again. So you already went to the right, which is east. You can either go left, which is west, or straight up ahead, which is north. Where are we going, Camp Counselor? I say we waste more time and go to the left. All right. Mateed follows. Yep, I go to the left. Yep, me too. Okay.

Okay. I want to make sure we feel out every room and nook and cranny of this here castle because I know that someone lovingly spent the time to design it. Hours wasted, spent on crafting this beautiful tapestry. This is what you're going to investigate, but no one else could be bothered to make another history check outside when Barney clearly rolled a seven. No. Barney was one interested in tapestries. I'm not. This is what started the joke, and no one followed up at that point. Chip,

Chip doesn't have curtains. He doesn't notice them. He doesn't have curtains hung in his house even. Or blinds. So you all go to the left and you enter a small room, kind of like a little bigger than a hallway. It's a very small room. And there's a grid of tiled letters written in an ancient script on the floor. Seems to be at a four by four grid.

What's on the other side of the grid? Just a closed room or is there an exit out of this room? It's hard to see because it's kind of higher, but it appears that further on there is a source of light that seems to be coming from the other side. Okay, but no exit.

it beyond where we just came in? You'd have to go up to get there. There's an elevated loft kind of space? Correct, correct, yeah. So it's four by four letter grid. There's 16 letters. Is this in like Karkasukin? Yeah, what language is this in? It's some ancient script. Chip, I think you do understand it. Oh. Is it thieves can't? Yeah, Chip, it is written in primordial.

Ooh! Wow. I knew that that summer class wasn't a waste. Ha ha ha!

That exchange program that you did. And you learned a whole language in a summer. That's very impressive. It was an immersion. It was an immersion experience, you know? It was an exchange program at the primordial... Stayed with the primordial family for a time. Yeah. Their cooking was great. What's it say? I'm getting a word from it now. We've got, oh, a lot of letters.

EPUB I guess furthest from us EPUB XSAQ What is pew? What is pew? P E E Oh my god I'm so sorry I'm low on coffee EPUB

Wait, what was the next one? L-F-I-E. Sorry, sorry, sorry. X-S-A-Q. Some of us are trying to write these down. Stop it. Stop it. E-S. No, sorry, sorry. Starting over. From the top. E-P-U-B.

Next row X S A Q followed by L F I E Last but not least D Z V R

Excellent. And what are we supposed to do with these? We don't know. I'm assuming we take a step on one of the stones, and then on the next row, we take another step on a different stone, and it would probably spell out a word. So right now, just shooting my shot, looking at it. Wait, Gus, is this like the EPUB? Is that furthest from us, or is that closest to us? Correct. Correct. Okay.

I think I know what we do. I can say reap is one of them. What does Elga think we need to do? Well, if we are coming in from the bottom, I think if we start on the R and go diagonal, that will spell rise. Ooh. So maybe there's something to do with something in this room rising. I think that is a good idea. Would you like to try that out, little one? Sure. What could I do?

I'm gonna put rope around you all right, and then if you fall then I can just yank you back up, okay? All right, so Elga goes forward yep, and you have the rope around me yes I've tied it around her tiny little waist and put it around myself as well make a dexterity check see how good of a knot you made their chip

That not be sleight of hand? Uh, yeah, yeah, sleight of hand. Yeah, sleight of hand. Okay, wait, now I'm looking at my dexterity. If it's higher than sleight of hand. No, no, you're right. It's sleight of hand. It's sleight of hand. You're right. They're the same. It is a six. That's essentially a bow tie.

What a great knot. Wow. Such a good job. Elga's going to just in case hold the rope close together with her hand as well. Or like hold the knot that he made. I can either take primordial classes or not tie in sailing classes. I took primordial. My bad. Cool. So Elga steps on the R. Okay. It glows slightly.

Okay. Then Olga steps on the I that's diagonal from the R. It also begins glowing. And then steps on the S, diagonal from the I. It glows. And then steps on the E. Yeah, it glows and then raises you just a little bit to the lip that was on the other side. Oh. I think I'm onto something. What'd you see up there? The E. The E.

I see an E that I'm currently standing on. That's a capital E. What does Elga see now in the loft? The passageways seem to continue. There's a way to the left and a way to the right that continue on from here. Oh, great. But you can step off and get off right here if you want to, Elga. Okay.

Do they remain lit up? After she gets off of them and onto the next one, they go back down. So right now she's still standing on the E. Okay. Okay. Elga gets off and goes onto the platform. Okay. Yeah, the R-I-S-E go back down onto the ground. Can we try again, but maybe the rope onto someone else? But he just walks up the same steps. I do the same. Nothing happens? All right, yeah, you all get across just fine, just like Elga. All right, now Barney, spell rise with your feets. Oh.

Okay. And I do it, and I go across. That's rice! You all successfully cross, and you're now in another part of this network of rooms. Facing west, you can either go to the left, which is south, or to the right, which is to the north. We should go to the north. That is our direction.

direction that we're supposed to get to in the end. Yes. But I don't want to leave a... Last time we went down a path that, you know, we were just doing it just for the hay of it, we found some trinkets, so, you know, it could be cool. Might be some... I'm just going to poke my head south. Just what's over south? What's south? Can I glance over there? You take a quick look over there, and there's a small sandstone pedestal with a brass lamp onto

This seems to be maybe the source of the light that you all saw earlier. There's a glowing, probably haunted lamp in there. What are you thinking? Elga runs over. I guess, yeah, Barney will follow. Matee does not.

Split the party. I don't go anywhere. I just don't go with them. They're going off there, so I just stay where I am and I start petting Jacques. I'm hanging with the bird. I'm also going to try to sneak some pets in. You're the one who started this going south thing. Yeah, and I saw what I saw and I'm not super interested. All right, Elga and Barney, I guess, go to investigate the lamp. Yeah, and can I see if I recognize anything magical about it? Yeah, what do you perceive? Make an investigation check.

Gus is gonna murder you at the end of the letter. Hope you're ready for Chip's brother, Pip. Skip.

I was gonna skip or... Chip and dip is good though. Chip and dip. Chip and dip! Oh my god. My parents had a sense of humor and they loved guacamole. With an 11, nothing out of the ordinary here. It's just, you know, a small sandstone pedestal with a lit brass lamp on top of it. You don't perceive anything to be out of the ordinary.

Could I try to touch the lamp? Yeah. You touch the lamp and Barney, from where you see, Elga disappears. Oh no. Elga? Hello? You don't hear Barney. I don't hear Barney. What does Elga see? You're somewhere new. I'll deal with Elga in a second. Okay.

Oh, my goodness. Guys, I knew it. I felt like I might have been a vampire. I had my suspicions, but when they touched the sun lamp, you know, it just explodes. I knew it all along. I should have said something. What did Barney see? She just popped out from existence, right? You think you saw oil shoot out from the wall, cover Elga, and then she just blinked out of existence.

Oil. Can I go look where it shot out of? Yeah, there's just like a small nozzle in the wall that seems to have shot oil out. Since you're taking a second there, Chris, I'm going to jump over to Elga. Metagame-wise, you all don't know what's happening to Elga. Elga should only know this. Should I take my headphones off? No, no, no. It's fine. You can... I trust you all to...

to do the right thing. - Wave at me when you're done. I'm gonna take my headphones off. - He wants to immerse. - I'll do it too. - Elga, you got sprayed, covered in oil, and you were essentially what you think you were teleported to another room. You're in a small room with an exit to the south, and you hear some zombie-like groaning. - Can I tell if it's coming from the south? - This actually would be a perception check. Make a perception check.

Oops, I did performance. Ignore that one. It's good. That'll set them off the path. Confuse them. 19. It seems like it's coming from the wall, from the dead end itself. Like the north wall? Yeah. Have I heard this sound before? It sounds like the groaning of undead. Oh. Forgot to mention, there is also a sandstone pedestal with a lit brass lamp on it as well. It seems identical to the one you touched before. Okay. Could I go up to the wall and go, Hello, are you okay? Are you stuck? Do you need assistance?

Okay, well I don't know if that's a yes or no, but maybe I'll see you later? Could I touch the lamp again? Okay, yeah, and with that, I'll go back to them. I already got the wave, and I saw a perception roll from the beyond. Elgin's trying to communicate.

Okay, yeah. Y'all can, Barney and Chip or whoever, y'all can continue with whatever you want to do. Mateed's still with us near the lamp. Mateed did not go. Mateed was still waiting around the corner. But you're watching, right, Chip? I'm looking at the lamp. Yeah, I haven't gone in or nothing. Could I go, like, duck under where that nozzle was and then try and touch the lamp from, like, a way that wherever the oil sprayed, it wouldn't hit me? Yeah. Oil shoots out, hits you, covers you, and you disappear. What? Oh!

Oh, Barney, no, not another one. Barney was a vampire too. Wait, but how did it hit me? Because I thought I was. Oh, shucks. Mateed, it's just you and me now. We got to start a new party. Jacques, can Miss T start walking to the north?

Sure, we'll deal with that in a second. I just want to see what Chip's going to do. Okay. We can't just leave the lamp. The lamp has our friends. Mateed starts walking to the north. Oh, I follow Mateed. Chip is a mess. He's broken up. He follows Mateed. He doesn't know where to go. He can't lose another friend. You all go to the north instead, and the floor seems to be obstructed by a row of logs fastened to the surrounding walls. They each seem to, like,

they would spin around freely. How many logs? About six. So six logs stacked up vertically, blocking your path, but... Not vertically, like horizontally, like on the floor. Oh, and you're going to have to like, it's like a knockout or a mimicsy? Yeah, like an obstacle course or something. Yeah, yeah. Mateed looks at Chip. I'm in no state to do an obstacle course and go to the Chuck E. Cheese and have fun. I just lost two of my best friends. Can I...

Can I look to see if there is perhaps anything on the walls or ceiling to look like a projectile would come out? Make a investigation check. It's a two, my dude. No, it's totally fine. Fully safe. Yeah. How far are the logs from one another? They're like pretty close to each other, like butting up against each other. I'm just going to run head first and then just like, like it's a conveyor belt, like

just slide across all six logs. So slip and slide across these things. Yeah, like it's like a massage chair from the olden days. Yeah, go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw. Uh-oh. 18? Oh, yeah. You managed to keep your feet under you pretty quick. You build up the momentum and you're able to scramble across the logs and get to the other side.

Okay. I raise up. Snot is pouring out of my nose. Mateed, I just, I've lost so much. My wife, my friends. Mateed floats across like ghost floating. Ghost float real low to the ground? Yeah. Yeah. You're able to float across no problem. Okay. On that note, I'm going to take a cut with you guys and then I'm going to pick it up with Elga and then after Elga, I'm going to cut over to Barney. This is when the scene just spins and little song plays and they come back in. Love.

Should I take my headphones off? Again, that's up to you. If you want your immersion, yes. All right, so we're going to deal with Elga and metagame-wise, like you all would not know what is happening here. I'm going to take mine off again too. Okay. Oh, so Barney is not with Elga. No, because I touched the lamp and... Elga disappeared somewhere else. Okay. Elga, make me a dexterity saving throw. Oh gosh. 14?

Oh, okay, good. You reappear in a new room and you're immediately hit by a really violent, strong gust of wind blowing in from the west. It almost knocks you off your feet to the ground, but you manage to keep your feet under you and stabilize yourself. You're once again in a small room with another sandstone column and a lit brass lamp on top of it. And there is a door that exposes

exits out to the east. And actually, there's also an exit to the west as well. I have a feeling I'm in some type of a bunch of rooms that are connected. Could I try going out to the... Instead of touching the lamp, go to the exit to the west? Yeah, you look across to the...

and there's actually a bit of a gap. There's like a chasm. It's like 15 feet wide and 30 feet long. And there's like a floating stone halfway between in the chasm between you and the other side. - And there's an exit on the other side? - It appears to be. There's at least a place to stand and it looks like it turns off to a couple of different directions. - How far is the stone? Like if I were to jump? - It's halfway across. I'd say it's within five feet from the edge. It's in the middle and then there's another five feet beyond that.

Let me try. I'm going to try jumping across. It's not windy in that room, is it? The wind seems to have died down. It was initially like a big gust when you first arrived and then died down. Okay. Yeah, go ahead and make an athletics check for me, Elga. Ooh, 10. I like Barbara's like sales pitch. Ooh, 10. You're not seeing my face going. I know. I'll tell you what. I'll explain this in a second, Barbara, but roll me a D4 as well. Okay. So.

It's a two. Man. You lucked out. So you jump, but you don't have quite enough force to make it to the stone that's halfway through across the chasm. You're going to end up falling just short of it. But as you're in the air, the stone moves and comes a little closer to the side you were jumping from and moves so it's under you and you land right on top of it. Oh, thank you, little possessed stone. Thank you. But

But now I'm further away from the other eggs that I imagined. It's not too bad. You know, instead of five foot jump, it's maybe like a seven foot jump now. Okay. I'm going to try to do that. Okay. Yeah. Go ahead and make an athletics check. Are we like in a Mario level? What are we doing? 15? Yeah. You're able to make it across. No problem.

I will pause you there, Elga, and we'll come back to you. So we'll do Barney now. So I don't know if you want to hear this, Blaine, or not. God, I'm in control! Okay, Barney, you pop into a small room that also has a sandstone column on it with a lit brass lamp on it. It appears to be a dead end. However, there is an exit to the south, and you hear a groaning sound. Elga! Elga!

Where are they hearing that from? I don't know. Mateef, make a perception check. Sorry, you said what direction they were hearing that from, though? Could you mention that again, if I'm allowed to know? It's he's in the room you were originally in. Oh. Yeah. Perception check. That's only a nine. Okay. That's fine. Okay. Ooh.

I don't hear anything from Elga. No. I'm gonna do one thing here. Since Blaine's not here, I'm going to roll a perception check for him as well. 19. Let's get him back in here. I don't know how I know this, Madi, but I sense that Elga and Barney are doing two separate places, so maybe, like, one's in heaven and one's in hell? Dude!

You know, Chip, you had just finished running across those logs. Matide floated across with you, and you think you hear, not too far away, you hear Barney yelling. He seems to be coming from not too far to the north from where you are. Matide, am I going crazy? Am I stricken by grief, or do my eyes deceive me? I...

I do not know what you are talking about. I hear Barney. What about Zabani? I hear help, Helga. Helga, help. Barney must be the one in hell. I follow. I follow. I try to find Barney's voice. Yeah, there's a passage to the north from where you all were after you crossed the logs. And you walk for just a little bit and you see Barney in a small room with a sandstone column with a lit brass lamp on top of it. And you all hear...

You're alive! And your tummy hurts! You're hungry! She's gone. It's all my fault. The voice is coming from what? Like the north side of the room? That- that- Make a perception check. If we're entering the room from the south, you said there was- that we- that Barney was in there and there was a lamp in there. Is he- is like the lamp in the middle of the room and Barney is in front of it? Yeah, kinda. Okay.

But if you want to know where the sound's coming from, you can make a perception check. Sure, I'll do that too, just because I can. Yeah, me too. As a 13. I'll do it, but I'm at disadvantage because of the grief. You guys might not need to if Mateed did a good enough perception check. Eh, they still want to do it. I rolled a 20 and a 2, but I'm taking the 2. You rolled a what? Sorry, I rolled a nat 20 minus 1, and then I rolled a 3 minus 1. There you go. I'm taking the 2 because the grief. I can't.

Mateen and Barney, you can both tell that the moaning sounds seem to be coming from the eastern wall. Eastern wall in the dark. No, it's on the dead end. But we can't see what it is. No, you don't see what it is. It's not that it's dark. It's just you don't see the source of the sound. I'm going to try and see if...

Be quiet. So just to translate what you were saying, Gus, we can see the whole room, but there's a sound coming from the east, but we can't like it is a non-visible source. Correct. Oh, okay. Oh, I want to put on my echo location things.

What? I got it. I put my scarf up over my eyes, and then I don't see her, but I can use, like, echolocation. You just pardoned this from another campaign. No! That item, the scarf that he puts over his eyes. Yeah, he got this. It gives you tremor sense. You always know where Kevin Bacon is at all times. Oh.

You can detect or precisely locate vibrations, including that of other creatures. So what do I feel? You feel like the sound is originating from the wall itself. The wall's talking. Well, perhaps you should go answer it. I'm looking for Elga. Oh.

Okay, so it's sound making noises, right? And tremors and stuff. Does it look like it's coming through the wall in a, like, consistently, like a wave pattern? Or does it look like there's, like, openings or things that the sound and movements are coming through? Oh, like cracks? Yeah. It's originating from the wall. The wall itself has been... Hello, Mr. Wall. Are you okay? Do you know what happened to my friend? Are you hungry? No.

Is Chip close enough to Barney that he can interact with him, or is he only able to see this? Yeah, I mean, it's a small room, so y'all are pretty close to each other. Okay, first of all, I hug Barney. Second of all, I try to see, can I recognize, is this primordial? It is not. Okay. Okay.

Can I give the wall some food? How do you give a wall food? I don't know! I need you to paint this moment for us, Chris. We don't know what you mean. I have some rations, and I smush them into the wall. That's what we want to know. Is that a good- I don't speak wall, do you? What is happening? I touched the lamp. Bye! Alright, Barney disappears. We lost him again!

Mateen, what do we gotta do? Sir, I feel your sense of object permanence is quite broken. Perhaps we should work on that with you. Are there any cracks in this wall? Yeah, there appear to be some superficial cracks, you know, from the masonry and the way the wall was constructed. Okay, so I have this thing called Robe of Serpents. I can drop...

A snake. I think I have seven charges. They last an hour. They recognize friends and enemies. Am I able to communicate? It's kind of vague, and I don't want to be all, like, cheaty about it. Can I communicate with these snakes? Can they help me direction-wise figure something out? Or is this a total waste of everyone's time? I would say you would not be able to communicate with them. I think the point of them is...

combat based and that's why it says they can perceive friends and enemies right and there would not be any cracks big enough for a snake to get through no parcel tongue not today folks is that lamp still there yeah should we just okay amateed bonjour maybe maybe barney and elga didn't die

You do not say. Maybe they teleported because we just saw Barney again unless that was his ghost. But I think you know a thing or two about ghosts. You figure this out all on your own? Yeah, I've been

I've been thinking real hard. So maybe if we touch this lamp and it teleports us to wherever Barney was, theoretically, I'm getting Einstein here. Then we could like backtrack and find where Elga is. Cause I feel like whatever this moaning wall in, you know, friends dying thing is, if we were all together, maybe we'd be able to solve it better. It was a wonderful hypothesis. Would you like to test it? Um, can you hold my hand?

No, I cannot. This is on you. This is a you moment, my friend. You do you, okay? I touch the lamp. All right. Chip, disappear. Peace and quiet. Yeah, Mateed sits down and opens up a little lunch and has a little picnic in this room with Jacques and some bread. Oh, that's nice. That sounds lovely. Oh, my God.

Who doesn't want to take a picnic with a kitten? Come on. Character-wise, Matif wouldn't give a crap about this wall. Meta-wise, I feel bad. I feel bad. I'm going to leave this wall. This wall is a mystery. Sorry, everybody. It's going to be a mystery for forever. Maybe we can talk about what the wall was in our bonus show that we do after the recording. Yeah, in the bonus show, we can talk about some of this stuff without giving any spoilers to Matif.

the grander story. For those who don't know, we have an extra show, Stinky Dragons Second Wind, that is available on roosterteeth.com for our first members. We just started, so that's why we haven't mentioned it very much, but we wanted to give a little extra content for our first members who are like our patrons for the show. I'm glad you remembered to bring it up. Please swing on by, subscribe to First, say Blurble Gerbil to us, and we'll say Blurble back.

So anyways, we're out that wall. Okay, you disappear as well. I'm going to go back to Elga because some time would have passed. So I'm going to deal with Elga first and then I'll deal with the three of you who disappeared separately. I wonder what all my friends are doing. I wonder if they're thinking about me or miss me.

So I don't know, Blaine and Chris, if you want to take your headphones off, you can. If not, you don't have to. No big deal one way or another. Okay. All right, Elga, you went across the chasm and now you're standing and you can see a passage to the north and a passage to the south. So I hopped across and I went in through the exit to the west. Correct. And I'm in another room that's just like a normal room. You're kind of like in a hallway, like in a space between two rooms. So there's a kind of a room to the north and a room to the south. Okay, cut.

Could I just like peek my head into the north? Yeah, you peek to the north and the hall kind of turns to the left and then eventually appears to turn to the right again. So it's just hallway in that direction. And what about if I peek south? If you peek south, in that room you see scattered along the floor are skeletons that are pierced with darts. In the corner are a few corroded jars filled with some kind of green liquid.

Oh, are there any like rocks or anything on the floor or like things I could or could I grab a bone and like throw it into the room? Yeah, whichever you want. I'll say there's rocks and bone both. Okay, I'll take a bone and then toss it into the room and see what happens. You pick up a bone and throw it into the room. And when it lands on the floor, a volley of darts fire out and hit it. Oh, gosh.

Okay, probably don't want to do that, but I am taking a note. Could I tell what's in the jar from over here? Like, does it look familiar like I've seen this before? It's just a pretty generic jar, like a clay jar. It's like not specific to whatever's in it, just a generic vessel. Well, it seems like whatever was in there, people really wanted. A lot of people. Is it worth their life? I don't know. Probably not. I like the yoga commentary. She's going to go up to the north instead. Okay.

You go up to the north. The passage goes to the north a little bit, then turns around to the left, then eventually opens up to a small room to the north. Hanging on a nearby wall is a wooden mask with a feline face that has closed eyes and an open mouth. Just past the mask is an exit into the next passage. Could I go up to the mask? Yeah. Could I...

Pick it up? Yeah, you pick it up. It's a little heavier than you expect. Okay. Does anything happen? Mm-mm. Can I try putting it on? Yeah. Always the best move when you find a mysterious mask inside of a scary fortress. I fully support this. You put it on. You feel like meowing like a cat. But, like, does it change anything about me? No, not as far as you can tell. Okay. Cat now. I'm going to go find Jack so he can see my new mask. Maybe he'll think I'm one of him. Yes.

It's just Alga running around, cat, cat, cat.

I guess I continue on through that exit. Okay, you're going to continue to the east. You're taking the mask with you? Yeah. Okay, you continue to the east into the next passage. As you exit this room, the mask disappears in a puff. Oh. Leaving behind a cloud of poison. Make a constitution saving throw. Oh, God. Oh, poison mask. E, nine. You are now suffering from the effects of poison. So if you can add it to your conditions. Do I have any...

Is it a disease? Are you immune to poison? No. Disease is different than poison. Yeah. I could have sworn I had something against poison, but maybe I don't. If it helps you, Barbara, I'm immune to poison. So does that help you right now? I'm going to go ahead and pause you there, Barbara. Okay. The three of you, not Elka, appear in a room and all three of you need to make dexterity saving throws. Oh, holy geez. 19. Ugh.

That's a one, but it was a... It's five, but it was a one. Critical fail. I'm going to roll an inspiration. I'm going to re-roll. There's the other end of the spectrum. 24. You rolled a one and a two consecutively after each other. A one and a 20. That's the magic of Chipainy. Real ups and downs. Very polarizing. Just the worst and best. You know it. That's me.

You all appear in a small room once again with a sandstone column with the lit brass lamp on top of it. And as you appear, a really strong gust of wind hits all three of you, knocking Barney down to the ground prone. Well, that wasn't worth my inspiration, Dai. Wait, wait.

The room has a door exit to the east and then like an open exit to the west. Can I get up? Yeah. I helped the old man up. That's Chip Haney. This is way. That was very inspiring. Thank you very much, Chip. Put the elderly first. Elgar! Go! Elgar!

I like how you guys are like going through all this just trying to find me. With my blind scarf. Do I feel anything? You still have the scarf on? Yeah, I got the scarf on. Maybe that's why you fell down.

No. Didn't see the wind coming. Can I see tiny baby footprints in the sand or has the wind kind of blown away any tracks? Make a survival check. Oh my God, that's another 20 minus 119. I do like this situation of them not knowing, like having taken off their headphones during Elgo's parts and seeing what's happening. It's fun.

I think this is a really fun mechanic. You know, even though there is wind, you feel like you can see evidence of the fact that someone with very small feet, childlike feet, left this room going to the west. Hey there, gang. I think that Elga might have gone west. I can see her tiny little baby feet prancing here about. Do you think Elga is a baby? She's like a tiny little, like a little kid. How old is she? She's just so little and so cute. What, like four? She's four, right? Yeah.

Somewhere between 4 and 12. I don't know. She's very pale. She may be malnourished. She could be in her teens for all we know. Have you seen her eat? I haven't seen her eat. That wall certainly ate. I wouldn't stop.

Well, let's go get her. Okay, let's go west. You head to the west and beyond the exit in that direction, there's a chasm that's about 15 feet wide and 30 feet long. About halfway across in the middle of the chasm, there's a floating stepping stone that's about two feet in diameter. Okay, so earlier when we were getting into the fortress, how long ago would you say that was?

Oh, not that long. I'd say 20, 30 minutes, something like that. I currently have a potion of climbing active. Does that give me any sort of advantage? Can I climb on these walls? Can I do anything with that? No, I mean, it's just a wide chasm. There's really nothing to, like, climb on. Is there anything to tie the rope to? You could tie it to the sandstone column that the lamp is on. Hmm.

Okay. What about this? Take the rope. I'll use it as leverage around it and hold the other end. Okay. You put the rope over the column and then, like, tighten it up and use it for leverage? Oh, oh, oh. I see what you're saying. You put it around the side? Yeah. And that way, when you jump...

Oh, I'm going first. While they're doing this, can Mati just go across? Sure, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I just go across. You float right across, just like with the logs? I don't even wait for them. I just keep going. So have fun, boys. Barney, I do want you to make me a dexterity check to make sure you don't accidentally touch the rope to the lamp when you put it around the sandstone column. Oh, my God. LAUGHTER

This is the worst Zelda level ever. That's a 10. I'll give you that. 10 is probably the number I was looking for. Okay, okay. Yeah, you're able to get it across just fine. Although I kind of was hoping to see what would happen if you did. I know. You would just teleport back, right? But with a rope. Or maybe to another place. I don't know. Yeah, it's going to be Gus's reaction. Just the arms up. Mm-hmm.

Before I continue with them, Mateed, you see a passage to the north and a passage to the south. Because I went to the west, north, and south. You went to the west and now north and south. Mateed looks to the south and sees... To the south, scattered along the floor, are skeletons pierced with darts. In the corner are a few corroded jars filled with some kind of green liquid. And then Mateed looks to the north. To the north is a passageway that then curves to the west and then continues on in that direction.

Matisse goes to the north. Hey, Matisse, we'll see you later. Okay, great, bye. And the reason I asked Matisse that first is from Chip and Barney's perception. Matisse just kind of floats across the passageway, looks left and right, then turns right and disappears from your view behind another wall. You know, Barney, now that you and I are on our own, we really got to work with our interpersonal skills with Matisse, you know, because they could have easily helped us float across, but I think we ticked them off somehow because they do not want to help.

Well, sometimes it's best to let each people, you know, have their space. You're right. But it's not that I know anything about... I don't think Matit likes me. I'm starting to think the same.

All right. So Barney, you're bracing the rope around the column. I assume chip, are you going to jump across or what's your, what's your plan here? I don't even know. So, okay. So to clarify floating square in the middle of this chasm. So this is a Mario level. So I'm planning on jumping with the rope. Once I'm there attaching the rope to this floating column, then Barney would attach the rope. It's not a column. It's a,

Platform. Platform. And then I'd attach it or I'd hold on to it. Then Barney would attach it to himself and he'd jump across. And then if he didn't make it, then I'd pull him up. Well, there's two. You'd have to jump and then jump. Right. But then I'd have to. We just lead the leapfrog. So then I'd have to jump again. Or why don't you just go all the way across? I feel like I have to hit that middle part. And I want to make sure that Barney, you're OK, that you can make it. If you go across and then I can hold on to the rope. I'm like a third of your age, Barney.

I'll be the judge. Well, you're getting awfully close to it. Listen, I'm trying not to matide you here, but you're making it really hard not to, okay? I jumped to the thing. I like a little bit of matide. It's creeping into Chip. Make me an athletics check for that jump, Chip. Oh, my God. Five.

I like the speech led by that. Just for fun, roll me a D4. I'll explain this after you roll it. See how bad the wedgie hits from the rope?

That's a one. You jump out, you know, try to jump onto that tile that's floating halfway across the chasm. First of all, you don't get a good jump. You don't get your feet under you properly. Maybe it's because as you start jumping, you realize the tile moves all of a sudden. As you jump, it moves two feet to the west, further away from you in the direction you're jumping. And you just miss it and you begin falling into the chasm.

Okay, but I catch the rope. Barney, make a strength check. Of course. But I thought it was attached to the thing. No, he said he was just putting it around it for leverage. For leverage? So that's a six. I so need you both to fall into oblivion without being seen by Elga or Mateed.

And I have an inspiration die. Okay. He rolled a six and then a nine, by the way. I was going to give you advantage on that. Oh, I didn't mean to actually hit it twice. Yeah, no, no. You did have advantage on that, so you got a nine. Okay. All right. Inspiration die.

Oh no. Oh no! I'm so happy! You gotta read it! A six, a nine, and a seven. So with advantage and an inspiration die, you rolled a nine on your strength check. Yes! The rope begins burning your hands. Oh no! You lose your grip on it and Chip you begin falling. No, I'd go with it! I'd go with it! I wouldn't let go. It would drag me.

Okay, Barney, I guess your hand begins getting burned by the ropes, but then you grab back onto it, and it begins pulling you into the chasm along with Chip. Matty!

Elg and Mateed. Elg and Mateed. I have the potion of climbing. Is there any foothold or hand or thing that I can grab? You can try to make a check to grab onto the side of the chasm and see if you're able to stop yourself. What's the check? Without popping your shoulders out of their socket. Or tearing a bicep like I have done in the past while climbing. Make an athletics check. I'll give you...

advantage because of the potion of climbing. And I assume I'm like being dragged slowly so it's like he's got a little time. Slowly? Why is it slowly? I don't know because I'm heavier. You know how gravity works slowly. How like heavy things fall slower than light things of course. It's a 21. Yeah you're able to grab on. That's a really good roll. And secure yourself on the west side of the chasm. So on your target on your goal side. But then Barney's falling down so then he's going to

You need to make a strength check to see if you're able to hold on as Barney falls. You know what this is going to end up being? This is going to end up being a slinky of just over and over checks. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Right. 21. Oh, my God. Yeah. Maybe you knew it was coming. You figured Barney was going to do something dumb, like hold on to the rope. So you brace yourself onto the cliff and get a good grip as Barney goes screaming past you. And then he gets pulled taut by the rope. All right.

Okay. Barney, I'm barely holding on and you're dangling by a rope. Now, if we just had Mateen, they could come in here, fly and swoop us up, but I think we're on our own. Can I take my meat hook and wedge it into the wall to get some leverage? It's not a wall hook. It's a meat hook. This wall is not made of meat. Yeah, but it's still spiky.

Yeah, you can. I'm just being difficult. I'm just being difficult. Honestly, Chip, your rolls were so good for the athletics and the strength check. I'll say you're able to climb back up and make your way to the top of that side, the west side of the chasm.

Can I paint a further picture of a ship climbing his way and Barney is just dangling like his blood is in the air and he's kind of like when a cat goes limp and you lift it up. Dead weight. Barney's scrambling like a trapped animal. Barney's swinging so much he's gonna make a fall. Barney just let me do my thing. I got

I got the climbing done. Just stop moving. Just act dead. Just act dead, Barney. Oh.

You all emerge on the west side of the chasm where Mateed was not that long ago, and you saw they went to the north from here. I pull Barney up. I pop him by me, and I say, I'm sorry I raised my voice at you. It got a little stressful there. You just... Barney, you just... Sometimes... I think that was great. We did it. Great. Let's go find the bird.

Burn! Okay, Barney goes towards wherever Matide went. The west, I think? Yeah, it was to the north. There's like a passage to the north that then curves to the west. And you catch up to Matide as they are entering a room. Do you want to catch Matide up on what happened or anything? Or are you just going to act like nothing happened?

We made it across. No problems. I had the utmost confidence that you'd be fine. Great. Yeah, that's why they left without you. They knew that you could handle it. So the three of you enter the room here and you see hanging on a nearby wall is a wooden mask depicting a feline face with closed eyes and an open mouth. And just past the mask is an exit into the next passage to the east. Hey Jacques, it's you. Oh, it wants some food. What is Barney's obsession with feeding things this episode?

The other wall was hungry. Now this cat wall's hungry. An old man who goes to the park and... It's a wooden mask hanging from the ceiling. Do we put Jacques inside of the wooden cat head? You do not touch my cat. Oh, never. Can I take the mask? Yeah. You, like, pick it up off the wall? I want to perceive if something's around it that will kill me. You can investigate it.

Potato, potato. That's a critical fail. Yeah.

You've rolled so many 20s and 1s in this session. It's quite impressive. Min-Max. Potato, tomato. No, nothing seems out of the ordinary about it. Okay, I take the cat mask. Yeah, you pick it up. It's a little heavier than you expect. Can I wear it? Yeah, you put it on. Okay. I look at Mateed. Hey, do you like me now? It's me, Jacques. Wow.

Yeah, Chip's talking at you with a dumb mask on with closed eyes and open mouth. Mateed just stares back blankly. Wait, so can he see through the mask? No, because the eyes are closed on it. There's no eyes. Oh, the cat needs food. Can I feed the cat, Matt? Can I feed Chip? Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Here you go, kitty. I feel food against my mouth. Okay.

It's crackers. Thank you. Very dry and old, just like you. I'm going to take the mask and I'm going to loop it through my fanny pack so that the mouth kind of loops through the straps. I'm going to hold on to it just in case. Okay. And then go through the exit. And continue. Okay. Mateed as well? I guess I shouldn't take that for granted. Okay. You should not. What happens next?

Yeah, you exit the room and the mask disappears and leaves behind a poof, a cloud of poison. All three of you make constitution saving throws. I can't be poisoned. Oh. Well, not you then. The other two of you, the mortals, are...

The non-ghosts. Eight. Ten. Both of you are poisoned. You can put the poison status effect on your character sheet. Great. We're super duper. You guys are doing well on this adventure. You all are coughing and like waving away the cloud of poison. Not Matita, I guess. As you exit that room to the east and you turn a corner and you bump into a small girl. I see you guys might have tried to take the

Who all's poisoned is everyone poisoned I'm fine I feel wonderful I could do this and I used your book my book and I can do lesser restoration okay, and I'll cure the poison On everyone or just you know I'm chip. Oh

Okay, I want to go in for a hug, but I don't want to assume, so I'll just kind of give Elga a little ruffle of the hair. It's good to see you, kid. I knew you'd be okay. Elga hugs Chip. I was actually very afraid to be by myself. I missed you guys. Oh, my heart. Oh, my God.

Now we're all caught up. Oh, I'm so glad to see you. There was wall that was very hungry and then ship saved my life. Wow, we are all saving each other. Yes. All of us. Isn't that right, Elga? Okay, so now that you all are reunited, you see that there's a wide set of stairs leading up to a landing. The landing splits off into a pair of stairways leading to draped doorways.

In the center of the landing is a large boulder precariously hanging above the stairs. That boulder's fallen on one of us. Is anyone injured? Boulder, eh? There we go. Who said that? I am mildly injured. Is anyone more than mildly injured?

I'm like good on HP. Yeah, I would hold on until we need it. Okay. You know, TBD got a boulder. We've got stairways to these curtained passageways, but over the stairway is a boulder hanging by a rope. Correct. Okay. Maybe we should go try to get that cat mask again. If you want to explose it, I support that idea. No.

Could Mateed use incorporeal movement and fly across the stairs, up the stairs? Like float up them? Yes, but incorporeal movement makes me pass through objects for one minute.

So you want to go into the stairs then? Or you'd like up the stairs? I just want to make sure I... No, I would like to fly up the stairs, but imagine me like turning like phasing on and I'm now in phase mode and nothing can pass through me as I'm flying. Floating up the stairs. Got it. So if a boulder were to fall on me, it would just pass through Mateed. Understood. Yeah. You enable your incorporeal movement and float up the stairs and you get up.

I lean over to Elga. I think Mateed's a little OP. No, opaque. No. Not right now. It's the opposite of transparent. Mateed turns around and looks at their party. Well, that looked easy. I guess I'll follow. Gosh, I still can't, like...

Puzzle Barb wants to figure this out. Well, the stuff we saw before, too, like, I feel like I don't want to, like, leave that, like, because Elga saw a bunch of stuff, and I feel like the cat mask is going to have some type of importance or something. I feel like the cat mask might have just been a test to see if we would...

be stupid enough to take an object that we're not supposed to. Otherwise, I feel like we would have had rolls. Or we were supposed to do something with it. Like, the rock, is it... It's held up by a rope? I don't think I ever said it was held up by a rope. I think John said that, and I just said yeah. Oh, I thought you said that. It's just precariously hanging above the stairs, is all I said. Oh, you said hanging. You said hanging. So, like, it would roll down the stairs? Can we just, like, knock it, like, trigger it, and then move out of the way? Oh, you tell me. Is there no gandor cranny around that we could hide in while the boulder passes by? Make an investigation check. Okay. Perceiving...

16. You don't notice any nook or cranny nearby you could hide in. However, you do discover a thin trip wire at the bottom of the stairs. Let's cut it. You do also notice that the floor along the stairs is pristine without any cracks, grooves, or scuff marks. Okay. So I guess it means this never has fallen before. Hmm.

Well, there's a tripwire here. Notice at the tip of my finger, I am tracing where the tripwire is. So I'll step over it, follow Mateed's path, and then see how this goes. Maybe if in the event that this falls and it smooshes me, maybe you guys run to the lantern oil thing and then you teleport back. I'm just

I'm just going to follow you guys up the stairs, I think. Okie dokie. But I'm going to step over the tripwire. Cool. I make my way up to Mateed. I'll wait till they get up before I go. Okay. So Barney's waiting at the base of the stairs. Chip and Elga both step over the tripwire that Chip found, the chipwire, and climb the stairs. Chip and Elga, you're able to climb the stairs and you meet up with Mateed at the top.

I will follow. Barney, you proceed up the stairs, stepping over the tip wire. Over the tip wire! And you climb the stairs no problem, and the whole party is standing at the top with draped doorways leading beyond. You know, the mummy said this place would be treacherous with lots of traps and puzzles.

I think we're breezing through it, no problem. This is easy. This here, this here's scary maze. No problem. Mateed makes a motion to let Chip go ahead through the curtains. And I go through. And Barney will follow.

I give a little wink to Elga and walk in. Do you want to get out of here, Matthew? That's what that is. Elga follows as well. All right. You all step through the curtains and immediately feel a wave of sweltering heat sweep over you. You climb flight after flight of stairs, your palms and foreheads sweating with every step.

Cool. Rahat al-Yawmih.

Way at the far end of the room you see four people chanting in unison, each of them swathed in resplendent wrappings and wearing masks resembling felines.

Next to each masked figure is a mirror angled towards the throne, and the whole dais is glowing like a fiery forge, backdropped by a trifold of vanity mirrors and mounds of gold. Lazily sitting atop the throne is a skinless gray physique of brawny sinew wearing a golden headdress and a splintered smile of jagged teeth across his face. A fifth feline-faced figure steps out from the shadows, dragging a bounding gag mud. "Pharaoh Hadeen, we have recaptured the infidel falsely claiming to be queen."

Shall we dispose of this idolatress? The Grey Pharaoh rises from his throne and inspects the mummy closely, her hair hissing at his headdress. Hmm, she's clearly a bad copper piece. Who is turning up?

No, she can stay, Mishnomer. She can bear witness to the glorious festivities. Boom! A beam of sunlight streams in through the glass ceiling, strikes one of the angled mirrors below. The light reflects towards the throne, which illuminates even brighter. Well done, my lectors! But let's pick up the pace, shall we? Carpe that diem! Pulls up a glowing book. After all, it's not every day you meet a Sphoenix! Ha! Ha!

Find out what happens in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Oh. Phoenix. Well, we're still dressed as guards. So maybe we should all be laughing. Yes, this Phoenix. My sphincters. Ha ha ha.

Well, you can roll for laughter performance in the next episode. No, roll for laughter perception. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week. Bye.

Thank you. Become a first member to support our show. Don't touch the cat mask. Bye. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Sonier. This week's Arrow question was submitted by user Hezekal on Reddit. Here's a quick shout out to folks that interacted with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in this episode.

Thank you.

Also want to give a special thanks to friends who provided voiceover for characters in the episode. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

The two guys who don't take notes and don't remember anything, we're trying to piece together what the canonical objective is right now for our party. No, no, no. I know this because it's not technically a note, so I'm still not breaking my rule of no notes. You have a rule of no notes? Anywho, blazing past that.