C02 - Ep. 10 - Menace of Maschatten - Smell the Fresh Snare
01:24:18 Share

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or maybe therapy day.

When your schedule is packed with different things like kids activities, work projects, maybe listening to a podcast, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I think everyone agrees that therapy is beneficial for a whole host of things, whether that's learning coping skills or setting boundaries. I think it can help empower you

and help you figure out how to be the best version of yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy, you can give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if you want, you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash stinky dragon today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash stinky dragon.

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Good evening, all you assassins. Sneak attack into the stinky dragon. Throw back our latest thirst quencher. Wait, where did you come from? No, please don't. I'm okay. Okay. I'm okay. What happened, man?

That actually wasn't in the script. Gus just got attacked by the studio. Previously, our adventurers reached the top of the windmule and wound up face to face to face to face with a giant three-headed warg and a vengeful Uyghur. After a harrowing hunchback hashout, the party escaped the tower with Crystal in tow. Next, they scrambled up some steeders, trekked

through tunneling terrain and arrived at the smoggy Snarelands. Cobble up a cup of coffee and let's continue this crancidoshious chronicle.

Blaine Gibson and I am playing Chip Haney, a tiefling rogue. Hey,

Or does he possess me? Who's playing who? I don't know anymore. And I play Chris Damaris. You're playing Chris Damaris? Every day. Who's being controlled by Farnie? Farnie, the human cleric.

Oh man, I play, my name is John Reisinger and I play Matide Confucius. It's an Aarakocran monk ghost. A weird energy today. And there is a weird energy in here today. I'm taking a sleepover. I'm going to shoot you guys down with an arrow right now. We got a list of 100 questions that were submitted online via the Stinky Dragon subreddit, Discord, and some written by our writer, Micah Reisinger. So this question is submitted by Micah. What does your character want to be remembered for? A great question, little Micah.

wherever you might be, little boy. I'd like to picture little Mike writing in. What does our character want to be remembered for? Yeah.

What will your character's legacy be? Chip has had a history of being an assassin, but he doesn't want that as his legacy. I think his love for Carol, yeah, maybe a family, who knows? But he just wants to be remembered for being a good husband. And he lost his wife, so he's off to a bad start.

Did we ever clarify how long were Chip and Carol married for? Who's to say? Okay. I actually, I don't know. No, no. Time flies when you're having fun. Yes. Is that why Chip and Elga have such like a sweet relationship? Because like, it's like father daughter, like the daughter he never had. Oh, I feel like it. Yeah. Yeah. That's mostly because you both like to steal money and keep it. You don't know that. She keeps my secrets. I keep hers. I don't.

I don't think Elga really cares to be remembered for anything. She's already lived so long that it's like she kind of realizes that life is somewhat meaningless. Elga needs her victims not to remember her. That's what she needs to not be remembered as someone who goes around sucking the blood out of everybody she meets. Imagine whenever Elga meets someone that she turned into a vampire. It's like running into an egg.

It's awkward. I think like maybe nowadays with this team, she has a little bit more purpose, but I don't really think that she has a legacy of any sort. I like that. What'd you say, Barney? Barney, he wants to be remembered.

Barney wants to remember. I'm staring at Chris and he just went neutral. The sound of white noise was facing you. He just wants to be remembered. But also, he wants to be remembered for finishing

His legacy, his great quest. Which is? He's still trying to remember it. He's a U2 song. I was really hoping you were going to say Barney just wants to remember. He just doesn't have good memory. Matty wants to just simply be remembered for accomplishing the perfect croissant. Oh, oui, oui.

Which I am still seeking the perfect recipe. So actually creating the percrescent, not like creating your own signature pastry yourself. No, no, no. Just the perfect of that idea.

That's a good goal. You know, you kind of go through this passageway into the side of the mountain that kind of leads you through the trail to get to the snare lands. And as you are going through, the smell of fresh air begins to fill the tunnel before you. You press on and eventually find an exit out of the trail. It's difficult to know exactly how long it took to traverse this passageway, but it wouldn't be a stretch to say the better part of the night. The starless night sky is blanketed with clouds overhead. The air is thick with a smoggy haze and the ground is dried and cracked.

Every now and then you hear a pop nearby like some kind of bubble bursting. I'm afraid I have no experience with the Snail Ends, only tall tales. Well I can't be sure, but I imagine it will be dawn soon. We should probably dismount and tie our steeders up near the cave. If they were to get spooked in this heist, we would be left to walk all the way back to Maskhattan.

The alchemist dismounts, but then stops abruptly. I... I can't move? Oh no. A muddy bubble bursts from the ground below you all, filling the air with a sickening stench. The ground shifts and you feel the foul dirt swallowing you into the earth. This is... Stinking Sand! Stinking Sand!

Gasp! And... As a kid, one of your core fears you're taught to have through media is the eventuality of you finding... Quicksand. Quicksand and dying there. No, no, your horse getting stuck in it. Well, both. Atreyu! But Atreyus. Atreyu? Atreyus. Atreyu's the band that was...

Shoot. But it was the biggest shock to find out it's not a thing. Yeah. It seemed like it's something you had to know about. Yeah. Well, it's a thing. It's just it's very uncommon to come across. Is that the case? I thought it was like it's not even like a thing. I think it is a thing. Okay. A little help, friends? Oh, yeah.

Only he's in it? So the alchemist is the only one standing in it. All of you, your steeders are in it. So are the steeders sinking? Yes. Oh no. Obi, no. This isn't combat or anything, but I would like to roll initiative just to kind of like keep track of everyone and how this is all going to go. Six. Thirteen. I rolled a one. Eighteen. And this...

Stinking, stinking, stinking sand? Stinking sand. Well, like, what is the consistency of it? Is it like wet? I feel like it's just stinking sand or whatever. Quick sand. Quick sand. Like aromatics quick sand. Correct. Yeah, it's just like a sand, but it...

It smells bad. Mateed, you had an 18. You go first. What do you want to do? Mateed's a little bothered to have to like save this walking person. At this point, you've sank about two feet into the ground or your steed has sunk about two feet. Okay. Well, I fly up in the sky. Okay. Later. And I guess I...

- I think Mati would actually go and get Elga off of her spider. - Cedar. - Cedar. What's my carrying capacity flying? - It would probably be the same as your typical carrying capacity 'cause it's based on your strength. Your strength is a 17. - Oh, strength. How do I calculate that?

So normally, this is dealing with encumbrance, right? So with a strength score of 17, a medium load for you is between 87 to 173 pounds. 174 to 260 is heavy. Okay. And you're saying that I can, what, carry a medium load? Yeah, because I would say you wouldn't probably be able to fly very well with a heavy load. Yeah. And the Alchemist is like a...

A larger fellow? I mean, it's a human. We'll say that he fits in that 87 to 173 range. Let's still go for Elga. Okay.

I'm not attached to this alchemist. I'm 75 pounds. Yeah. So yeah, I pick up Elga and Elga and I are... Well, you have to actually make a strength check to try to pull Elga out. So roll a strength check for me, please. Oh man. 11. It's a real struggle, but you do manage to pull Elga out. Mateed and Elga are off on their adventure now. Goodbye, everybody. Avenge me!

Elga's steeder is still sinking in, as is Mateed's. I know we need these steeders because we don't want to walk back. I mean, that's subjective, right? It's up to you guys. I have a feeling we're going to be left without our steeders. I'm so attached to them. I don't know how to save a steeder. All I can do is save a small girl. Is that all for you, Mateed? Yeah. Okay, Elga, what do you want to do? So, Alchemist...

is on the ground being sunken in. Oh, yeah. Let's see how far the alchemist is sunken. I thought you already did that. No. Oh, the alchemist is four feet in. That's a three. Yeah, but it's plus one. How tall is the alchemist? He's actually nine feet tall. I guess we never mentioned it. We'll say like 5'10", 5'9", somewhere in there. What a short king, am I right?

So I'm currently in Mateed's arms up in the sky. Talon's. Talon. Did Mateed say they put Elga down? No, just up in the sky. Okay, yeah. Just up in the sky. Drone. Rescues down under style. How would it work if I threw a rope down? Because I could probably lift him up. That's not how physics works. I know, but it's not how physics works because Mateed's holding me. You could throw a rope down and someone could grab it. Then if Mateed...

dropped you off somewhere, you could try to like pull them. Yeah, maybe Matisse should be dropping me. But we're doing helicopter like evac style right now and you're dropping a ladder. Drone strike ready. But then you'd have to carry both of us. No, I'm saying yeah, but to get them to have the rope and then we can land. Okay. Matisse, do you think I should go for the MS or for it? I'm just yelling it into your ear directly as you're holding me. Yeah. Sounds like a plan to me. I said... Oh, sorry. Okay.

- Vipatid couldn't hear you. - Well, considering that the Alchemist is like off his steed and in the sand, I'll go for the Alchemist. - Yes. - Probably smart. - So could I drop a rope down to him? - Just 'cause I wanna be a little difficult today, I'm gonna make him make like a dexterity check to see if he grabs it. Oh, he rolled a two. Let's see, what's his modifier? - Maybe you need this guy anymore. - You drop it, maybe he's panicking, but he can't quite seem to get a grip on the rope. It's like that when that panic sets in and you're like frantically trying to grab something, but not really making any progress. - Could I tell how, like what the,

of the stinking sand is from where I am. You can make like a perception check if you want. Okay. I will too because I'm looking. Only a 10. Don't worry. I'll roll a

23. Nat 20. I'll say since you both were in it at this point, you can kind of roughly make out the edge of where it is. And you would definitely have to if you were setting down Elga outside of it. So yeah, you both can see the edge of it. Is he close to the edge? Like to a point I could reach him? Yeah, he's really close to the edge. Let's say within like, I don't know, two or three feet. Matid, if you drop me near the edge, near the alchemist, I could maybe use one of my tools to pull him.

Like my axe or something. Oh, okay. Yeah, Matide just gives a nod and swoops down and drops the Elga off at the edge of it. But then could I go back to like being up above everything? What's he having a movement? I'm going to do that. I have a javelin. Okay. Could I use that to kind of reach out to him and try to pull him? Oh, I thought you were going to off him and like put him out of his misery. Just like in the neck.

This is a better death. So dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, why not? You reach it out there. I'm going to make him make a dexterity check again because I set the precedent by doing that earlier. We don't have to catch anything. He's got to grab it, though. No, she's aiming to impale him. What'd he roll? He rolled a two again. That's not fair! I'm right there! Yeah, he's just panicking. He's four feet in. He can't get a grip on it. Could I reach him? Like, reach.

Like reach out? Like with my hand? How tall are you? You're small. I'm very small. I'm four foot seven. Someone who's listening to this and they're four foot six, they're like, wow, what the heck? Yeah. Say, sure, why not? We'll say make a strength check. With frustration, let's say you just reach out and try to grab him by his cloak. Gosh dang it. It's only on the 11. I'm real low today. It's all right. You managed to grab him, but he's just sunk in a little too much for you to be able to pull him out.

That's probably all I can do at this point. Yeah, I would say at that point, your actions are probably pretty much up. Barney, are you casting Toll the Dead? No. That was an accident. What's everyone's level at right now? I'm in the sky. Elga's on the edge. I'm right by the edge near the alchemist. Yeah, so it's you three, essentially. And then you two are in Cedars. Four feet deep.

Correct. Oh, wait, I got to see how deep you are, Barney. Okay. Don't worry about me, Barney. Well, his steedert, not him, right? Right. Your steedert has sunk three feet in. And how big is the steedert? Yeah. There's like a pretty big spider. I mean, you're able to ride them as mounts, so they're a good size. And the alchemist is four feet in. And how far away is like the safe area from us? You're about four feet from the edge. Oh, wait, actually, you have to roll a perception check to see if you can tell where the edge of it is because you don't know necessarily. Okay.

19. You're pretty sure you're about four feet from safety.

and I don't have any rope. So the steed, is there something attached to it that's like longer than that distance that I can hold on to and try and jump across so I can still hold on to my steed? Something on the steeder? Yeah, like the saddle or like a rope tied to it, you know? What's the thing that you like? Reins? Reins. Those typically aren't very long, you know? They just have to go from like the bridle to your hands. So how long is it?

If it was from one end to the other. It would probably be roughly 18 inches for one. And then you double X to go into the other one. So if it's a one big loop, we'll say it's about three feet. Dang. Well, can I hop the four feet? Like get up on top of the steed or like on the saddle, balance on it standing and then try to make a four foot jump. Yeah, sure. Why not? It's D&D. You can try to do whatever you want. Okay. I'm going to try and hop. I'm going to try and hop.

So you stand up on top of the steed or first of all, just make a dexterity check to see if you can hold your balance while standing on it. Mateed is watching with like eager anticipation to see how this turns out. After seeing Barney jump out of a window, Mateed is very curious about this old man.

Yeah. Maybe you forgot. Maybe in your past you've done this before, Barney. Have you ever stood on a mount like this? I don't recall. You got a background in rodeo? I don't recall. You're pretty good at it. So maybe you have at some point. You're able to easily maintain your balance while standing on the saddle. Go ahead and make it a athletics check to make this jump. That was a six. Six.

I guess I could use my inspiration die. So just so you know, the rules for like a standing long jump like this is typically if you like do a running jump, you can move a number of feet up to your strength score. However, if you do a standing long jump, you can only leap half that distance. So your strength score is...

15 so you can do a standing long jump of like seven or eight feet so you'd be able to do it just got it You got to make an athletics check. Yeah, I just did it. I rolled a six now Are you happy with that? Well, you know, I think a four-foot jump shouldn't be that hard because I've already stabilized So it's just a four-foot jump Right, yeah, but also six kind of low. Yeah. No, no, you're fine. Really? Yeah Really John you're not you're not messing with me. You're kind of smiling. No, I

Okay. Just a happy guy today. John's just, yeah, he's just pleasant today. John's never pleasant. That's why we're saying today. Um...

There's a first time for everything. I like this version of Chris. I like this. Do you really think like a four foot standing jump is no big deal, Chris? From a height? Mind you, Barney's carrying 98 pounds. All right, I'll use my inspiration die. Dang it, Gus. You're wearing chain mail if I remember right. Yeah, he is. I use my inspiration die. Here it comes. Come on. Low roll. Low roll. Let's go, baby. Come on. Come on. Give me two.

Two. Nine. Hey, that's more than six. Correct. Okay, you stabilize yourself and very confidently take a leap towards safety. But you fall just short and you're still in the stinking sand. You're closer to the edge than you were before. You hit the sand and you sink two feet in. Dope marbles. How close am I to the alchemist now in the sand? Are we near each other? The alchemist is a little closer to safety than you are. But yeah, you're within arm's reach of each other. I want to try...

something i don't know if this would work can i create water underneath us to push us up like float us up would that like loosen the sand make a nature check now water always makes sand more more sturdy well it might like make it less sticky that's an eight it's by the way it's stinking sand not sticky sand just for clarity so you made an eight yeah you think uh if you make some water under yourself you'd be able to like tread it and swim through it a little easier i don't believe you

It's not alive

You know what? Because it's just the right mix of wet and dry that makes it stick. Chris, I feel like you're just not staying in character and you're making too many Chris decisions and you're making Barney decisions. Okay? This is all about staying in character. All right. Barney gets sleep. On himself. I think I've gone and fumbled up. You guys are going to have to save me. Shoot. Trust us. Grab hold of my blanket. What? What? What?

Or I guess I could use my walker. That's within close enough. If I fling my walker forward, is that something that me and the alchemist could both hold on to? Ooh, ooh! And maybe, like, whack it into the sand in front of me and then pull down and forward so you kind of pull yourself up with it? Wouldn't your thing just sink itself? He's on the edge. I'm on the edge. So if I stuck it into the good stuff, like into a... Say there's a tree root or something, I could wet it, you know, and then pull.

And with Alchemist's help. I like watching Gus while Chris does this because I like to watch him. He is desperately, like, gears are grinding to figure out what to do. Also, when Gus said that the water would help you get out, he shook his head behind your back. Chris is the only one who could not see my face. I looked at Blaine and John and just gave the no.

Alright, he uses his walker to slam into the ground and pull his chainmailed body out. What happens, Gus? Stop making puddles over there. I do have a side question that will somewhat influence this. Is your walker a weapon? I don't remember. It is my weapon. It's his weapon. So it does have like spikes on the end or something, right? I think in the art that we have, yeah. It's like morning stars. But isn't it covered in like little tennis balls? No. Make an attack with your walker. Hmm.

He attacks the ground. 16. Wow. What's the ground's AC? The ground's AC is... Ooh, 17. Oh! Yeah, you're able to strike out and hit solid ground with your walker. You start to try to pull yourself in. Make a strength check to see if you can pull yourself.

Since you aren't that far and you aren't that deep in the sand either, you're able to pull yourself to safety. Elga sees this happening. She goes, oh, so that is what old man strength is. And is it in such a place where the alchemist can also grab it? I don't think so. That seems like that would be weird for two people to try to grab it like that. I feel like that mechanically wouldn't work. Okay. Maybe you could try to reach for him. Normally it's a walker. Now it's a crawler. Yes.

Get out of here. Get out of here. All right, Chip. Party's out? Yeah. Everybody's out, but the alchemist. Okay, how far am I from the alchemist, and how far is the alchemist from land? The alchemist is only a foot or two from the side. You from the alchemist, you're maybe like another four feet away from the alchemist. I give Obi a pat on the head and say, have fun in spider heaven. And then I forgot you named yours.

Yeah, we were after King Obi, the true king. That's right. His alternate name was Peter the Steeder. That's good, too. Thank you. I jump off of Obi.

And then I just use the alchemist's head as a stepping stone. Oh, no! And then I jump onto safety land. You're probably going to sink him down deeper. He'll be fine. Plot armor! Come on, Elga! Make a... I assume you have to stand on your steed, so you need to make a dexterity check like Barney did. Okay, 16. 16, yeah, you're able to balance yourself fine on the steed. Time!

Make an athletics check to see if you're able to make the jump. Oh, that's a poor head. And alley-oop. 15. You're able to jump and land on the alchemist's head, pushing him down further another... He's going to be under. Four feet. Ah!

So that means he's what two feet into the scene? He pushes him but then like jumps off so you have to make a second athletics check for your second jump You probably could have made the jump without jumping on his head. Yeah, but where's the fun in that Elga? All right, and then my other athletics check. Oh, that's a 19. Oh, yeah, you land no problem. Good cushy platform to jump off of. You land with a flourish on

on the solid ground. So is Alchemist fully under the sand? Yeah. Yes. Barney looks around. Hmm, we all made it. I have a hempen rope, 50 feet of it. How else are you going to grab it? I'm looking for like, is there a tree branch or trees or...

I'm just trying to find any sort of like large like a spear or something. Didn't somebody have a spear? Javelin. Elga's got a javelin in her hand. Hey, Elga, can I borrow that there javelin from you? What are we gonna do with it? I'm going to put rope on it and then submerge, not pointy side, down into the stinking sand and save the elk. But you don't know where he is. Maybe you're gonna stab him in the eye. He's one feet away from me and the pokey end is gonna go towards me. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Can I take her javelin? First, we need to make a blood pact before you take it. Okay. Wait, with Chip? Yes. Okay. Break your finger with the end of my javelin and place your finger in my mouth.

I will- That is the blood type from my place of residence. The subtlety is going out the window. Can I prick the palm of my hand and you just give like a, like a face mush? Yes. Okay, that sounds less awkward. There you go. Ow!

Blood pact has been received. Thank you for your service. Does you have to do the same in return, Elga? No. Wait, does not the pact, you know... Well, it's because it belongs to me, so it's like you're borrowing it. So in exchange, I take a little of your blood.

Okay, like a down payment. A blood down payment, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Absolutely. There's interest on it as well if you don't return it. I hate banks. All right. I want to take the javelin. I want to, on the pointy end, I want that facing me, and that's where I want to, like, use the spear's head as kind of, like, a place that I could, like, put the knot.

Right? Gotcha. So that it doesn't like slip off. Gotcha. Honestly, the javelin might be long enough I might not even need the rope. But I go ahead and tie it on just for safety reasons. Sure. You don't want to pay that interest or that lost javelin. It's a very valuable javelin. You know, Elga values it deeply. You might have to pay like a pint or two. Okay, well, don't want to do that. That's nice. So I take the javelin

And then I just start poking around with the dull ends. Oh my god. I find something lumpy and I... How far does he push him down further by pushing down with a javelin? Man, what kind of check is that? Make a perception check because you're trying to see if you paid attention to where he was when you killed him. Eighteen. On your first attempt, you stick the javelin pretty close to the alchemist. Please grab this. Okay, finally he has a good roll. He's able to grab onto the javelin. You feel like resistance on it. Okay. Okay.

And then I just start lifting him out. Yeah, make a strength check. Can I help? Sure. Appreciate it, Barney. All right. Strength check. That's a six. Plus. Barney, help! Plus A. Shoots me. There's so much sand on top of the alchemist. Maybe it's making him super heavy. Give it another yank. Okay. I'll give you that. How about this? Heave ho! Mateed notices that the sad little mortals on the ground are having a hard time.

swoops down and like feet on on Chip's shoulder just starts pulling with like a big ol' swoop. Ah, more blood drawn! Yay! I rolled a 14 just now. Go ahead, you roll a strength check as well, Mateed. I'm bleeding from my palm, bleeding from my shoulders. Is Barney able to? Sure. 22. Nat 20. Wow.

Yeah, the three of you really try, and this time it's almost like too much effort. You know, you stumble a bit because it's so easy to pull the alchemist out. You pull him out from the stinking sand and you see he's got the javelin firmly in his mouth. In his mouth. That's exactly what we were going to say. He was biting onto the javelin. You pull him out. I thought you were going to say firmly in his left shoulder. I walk over to Al. Oh, we thought we lost you there, Al. Give him a

Couple pats on the back to get that stinking sand out of his mouth. Yeah, as you pat him on the back, like sand is, you know, coming out of his nose and his mouth, which was open. Is this guy a werewolf? I don't think y'all have talked about that, but you don't have any reason to suspect that. Why do you think he's a werewolf? It's just he grabbed it with his mouth, kind of like a dog would. I think that was just funny. While they're doing that...

Got my eye on you. Where are the spiders at? Steeders. They're dead. Barney, they're in the great web in the sky. Do they react to stuff? Can they, like, if I toss my blanket, would it be able to grab it or something? Like, what do you mean? Like, with its mouth. Oh, oh, oh. I thought you meant, like, with its legs. With its thumbs. Yeah, spider thumbs. Sure. Yeah, why not? Grab hold of my blanket. Make a dexterity check. Yeah. Why not?

It's a nine. You toss it out there, but as your blanket gets close, the steedr sinks a little more and the blanket falls just short. It would have caught it, but it sank just at the wrong moment. At that point, we'll say all the steedr's begin slowly dipping beneath the surface of the sinking sand. I salute you, Obi! You are the best steedr strider I've ever had!

They all raise four arms and shake four angry fists each other. Artex! Artex! I salute you. Obi gives you a thumbs up as it sinks slowly below the skin. Please don't give it a thumb or put something else. And a Terminator reference. Oh, gosh. Well, they've gone on to a better place. Yeah. Underground. What does the alchemist smell like? Sulfur. Rotten eggs. Yucky, yucky, yucky.

Do we all smell like that since we all, I guess, were in it? Yeah. None of you as bad as the alchemist since he was fully submerged. Hey, alchemist, you should have just gotten out of that there stinking sand. I don't know what you're doing goofing around. It's not a kiddie pool. Gosh. Can, um, I, I, Mateed would like to actually stay above ground and just kind of flying for a bit. Sure.

Eye in the sky so that we don't walk into more stinking sand. Matijas doesn't want to walk in more sand. Barney, look around and see what's around. Around this stinking sand, there's kind of like a forest and some trees. And you realize as you look to the north, it's almost like the land starts to turn into a bog. Like there's stagnant water everywhere.

and the land kind of begins to narrow to a point. And now kind of to the northeast, you see like a small wall. Do you guys want to head to that there wall? No.

man-made structure. Is it a man-made wall structure? Maybe before we start venturing on, maybe Matit should do some like looking ahead to see if there's any other pockets of stinking sand. Reconisance! Reconisance, that's the one. Yeah, Matit does just some circling around just to make sure there's nothing of a... Looks like the stinking sand. Make a perception check. Love it.

Love to. 17. Here in the immediate area, you don't see any more stinking sand. Now that you have kind of an aerial view, you see that, you know, you're really beginning to enter like a pretty serious bog. Like there's lots of areas that you have to kind of wade through water to get across and like little bits of dry land between them, pocketed with trees, small islands, and various other small walls built in the distance.

But does anything look like a structure worth heading to? Nothing stands out particularly. So are these walls just kind of like the edge of a town-type wall, like a border? They look like old relics. Ruins, yeah. Gotcha. Hmm.

I wonder, because we're heading towards the snare lands. We're in the snare lands? Correct. I wonder if like maybe the people who live here live like not in typical structures. What he's saying is like ruins, like not an actual like enclosed structure. Correct. It's just like one wall. Mr. Owl, do you recall where the dragon said he lived? Dragon? Or where he should be heading? Or know of any places where Skelegon might live? Maybe a place where you can get a burger? No.

We should continue to the northeast past this bog to find our destination. Maybe we should create a bit of a mountaineering rope tether so if one of us falls in, we can all pull the other out. We all fall in. I was going to say, if one of us falls in, we all fall in. So, Elka had rope? I had rope. I think a bunch of us have rope. Okay. Yeah. You guys going to do that? Uh,

Barney, if it makes you feel safe, I'll tie a rope around you and then tie one around me. All right. I'll go first. Okay. I'll use my walker. And if I hit some squishy stinky stand. Or like a landmine. You'll all just blow up. D&D Landmine.

So to clarify, Mateed is in the air on Overwatch. Barney is taking point. Chip is immediately behind Barney and then Elga I assume is behind Chip. Actually, I think Elga's playing jump rope between me and Barney. Do you tie the alchemist to you? The alchemist declines.

Oh, okay. So it's just a chip and party party. Alchemist, if you remember, I saved you from the stinking sand. Hmm, I have some other memories as well. Do not forget, he dropped you in the sand feather. Okay, you're flying away now. They're just screaming from the sky. Okay, well it's- Mr. Bird, can you show us the path forward? Mr. Bird.

Mr. Bird. Mateed doesn't respond at all because Mateed has no idea who the hell you're referring to. A giant white liquid comes from the sky. Yes. It's some kind of air stinking sand. Barney pulls on the rope. Help me. Uh...

Mateed just heads northeast. Okay. And then Barney, like, uses Walker to help look for soft patches of sand. Yes, but if you remember, Mateed did look for stinking sand and did not find anything else in this immediate area. I didn't share that information. Oh, okay. Never mind. So, yes, you can do that, Barney. Could I walk with the alchemist so I could ask him a question as we're going? Sure, why not? Have you ever heard of a blood pact? No.

I have a question for you as we walk to our, you know, impending doom. So your son, Henry, correct? That's his name? Yes. How long has he been at this school for? It's been something I've been thinking about for a while. Freak. Oh, is that his name? Sorry. His son's Henry. The academy's name is Freak, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just started. Just started. How long ago? Just about a week ago. A week. How long ago?

How long ago were we in this school? Not too long ago. You all were in the school two days ago, maybe? Oh. No, wait, that is a different school, though. You were in Lofton College. Yeah, Lofton College. Right. Henry was sent to Freak, which is a different school. Just because we saw him walking around and he was trapped in your office. So I'm wondering how he got there, if he was supposed to be at Freak. He's a little scamp, always up to something. He takes place after his old man.

Reminds me of me back in my day. Where did you come from? Aren't you supposed to be leading? Sorry. Did you have any more questions? No, it's just been something I've been thinking about because I'm wondering how I could potentially be in two places at once. It just seems very strange. Suspicious minds.

Salutations, my stinky supporters. If you love this show and want to support us, then check out the Stinky Dragon soundtracks wherever you stream music, or you can pick out some Stinky Dragon merch at store.roosterteeth.com. On top of that, we've got Stinky Dragon puppet videos you can watch on social media, including a new series called Dungeon Dive you can find over on TikTok.

Hey everyone, I want to take a moment to remind you RTX 2023 is happening this July 7th through 9th. Join us this summer for a memorable weekend at our Camp for Indoor Kids featuring 15 plus live shows, special meet and greets, exclusive parties, fun panels, and much more with guests ranging from your favorite RT groups like Funhausen Achievement Hunter to friends like Therapy Gecko, Super Carlin Brothers, and new rock stars. RTX 2023 is an event you won't want to miss. Badges for this three-day fun fest are available now for as low as $55. I'm

I'm super excited about RTX. I'm looking forward to meeting all of you there. Head over to RTXAustin.com, get more information about the event, and buy your badge. It's time for Dolls, Drama, and Death in Barbie Didn't Do It, a six-episode true crime parody role-playing event from the hilarious cast over at Must Be Dice. Barbie's on the run, accused of murdering her new boyfriend Kenneth in cold blood. Now, her best friends Georgette and Candy must don their detective hats and

and help clear Barbie's name before the real killer strikes again. This might mean tracking down and investigating Barbie's ex-boyfriends, the Kens, who know more than they let on. Kind of.

So subscribe to the Must Be Dice podcast feed to listen to Barbie Didn't Do It right now or watch the full video versions on youtube.com slash at funhouse2. And make sure you head to roosterteeth.com and become a first member to watch episodes early and get access to the exclusive Barbie Didn't Do It post show. Barbie's fate depends on it.

This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

So you all proceed to the northeast, taking a wide berth around the stinking sand. And you come up to that kind of like old ruined wall to the northeast, kind of blocking the path. The ground kind of funnels to a choke point here with water on either side of you to the left and the right. And this small wall in front of you blocking the path to further land. So a wall...

How tall is it? It's not very tall. It's like two and a half feet tall, maybe. That's not a wall. That's like a fence. Fine. Like a ruined fence. What do you do, Barney? The water, it's like a little choke point and then it opens up afterwards. It's like an isthmus. Do you know what an isthmus is? Ah!

It's my favorite holiday. Merry Isthmus. I don't know what an Isthmus is. It's like a narrowing line. Think about Florida. How Florida connects up to the rest of the United States. It's that narrow strip of land with water on either side. Much smaller. Like Panama. So like a tiny little island. But it's connected. Can I do...

Two things. I have this ability I haven't been using called Vigilant Blessing, where I just give one creature I touch advantage on the next initiative roll. Can I just give that to myself? That's a spell? No, it's an ability. As an action, you give one creature you touch, including possibly yourself, advantage on the next initiative roll the creature makes. The benefit ends immediately after the roll or if you use this feature again. Oh, that's a cool one. Yeah, and I can use it for like forever. Yeah? You could just always just have it on. Yeah. Yeah.

In fact, from this point, can I just, so I don't have to continually call it out. Can I just keep that? You got to call it out. That's how D&D works. Just remind me after combat. So I'll do that. And then could I also like look around and kind of like poke the sides of the water near the isthmus? Yeah. Like he's just testing the water. It's like whenever I took Skipper out to go potty. See, it's just, it's suspicious.

Okay. Yeah. You poke at the water. This narrow strip of land is probably 10 to 15 feet across. So it's pretty easy for you to get to one side and the other. And you stick your walker into the water on both sides. Make a perception check, I guess. Investigation. Investigation. There you go. That's better. Make an investigation check. No, it wasn't better. John. John.

One's in, one's wisdom. Nat 20. There you go. You didn't need it, big boy. Y'all. You pull your walker out and it doesn't seem anything out of the ordinary. Your walker's maybe a little hotter, like a little warmer to the touch than it was before. Your walker's hot. There's something hot in the water. Could it be like a natural spring underneath the ground? It was bubbling and popping. Oh, and I thought those were Barney's toots. They might have been. They could have.

Can I do like the classic tracker, like I get down on a knee and I feel the ground thing? Yeah. Make a survival check. What's that do? Tells me what I need to know. How's your wisdom? Negative. Survival's a wisdom check. A six. What does he sense, Dungeon Master? It's definitely terra firma. Just as I suspect. I put some in my mouth and go...

I see Chip doing this and I go, what did you discover, Chip? Tell the group. I am not a cow. What? Yeah. Oh. I don't like the taste of grass. Oh, is that what you just eat? That's about it.

Okay, that's my hands off. Okay, so they did this the party has been faced with a two and a half tall stone wall and thus far No one's gone. Oh well, you're welcome to fly over. Yeah, I cannot leave a teed honesty would have been like miles away Wow, let's proceed cautiously you you get maybe behind a tree So we get some tension on the rope in case something you know

Yanks at me. This might be some sort of illusionary magic. We've encountered this before. Elga tried to hop the wall. I can't wait to read the module and see the party approaches a plain wall. There's nothing here. At least it's not a door. That's our new thing, fences. Elga wants to hop the wall. Make an athletics check because it is a little tall. 24. Oh, you show off.

Yeah. Elga easily hops over the wall with no issue and lands on the other side. Do I see any like loose stones or anything on the ground from the wall? Oh, definitely. Definitely. Can I go pick one up? Yeah. I want to investigate it. It's a nine. You go over and grab one of the stones that has, I assume you're looking specifically for like one that's fallen out of the wall and not just like some random rock. Yeah. You go over and grab the stone. And as you touch it,

an earthquake starts shaking the area. I was setting up for a Pink Floyd joke. I was gonna say, all in all, it's just another brick in the wall. All three of you make dexterity saving throws. I am so sorry! I am so sorry! The three of you that are on the ground.

You're still close. Even though I'm on the other side of the wall? Yeah, you're close by. Lemon? Is this something I could have seen? It's not like a trap per se. Like, I think that's normally what that works for. So I would say no. So I don't get advantage. Okay. Nine. Ten. Well, lucky for you, ten was the number. So you're fine. However, Chip...

Maybe since you're bending over, your center of gravity is tossed over. You fall to the ground and the ground slams into your face a couple times. You take two points of bludgeoning damage and you're laying prone on the ground. The ground slams him?

Yeah, it's like an earthquake. A very localized earthquake shakes an area. Oh, so he just kind of slams into the ground? Yeah. Okay. Okay. And you realize that as this earthquake is happening, the wall is like popping up out of the ground to a greater height and then back under the ground. Oh, a subterranean structure. Wait, so it goes up and goes back down? Yeah. Like there was more of the wall that was beneath the surface that has been exposed for a moment. I say we dig. And that was triggered by you picking up a brick that had fallen off already. Yeah, and then slamming my face in the ground multiple times because of the earthquake.

Do I see anything on the other side of the wall? Yeah, on your side, this bit of land extends for a little while. To your north, there's a small island that's overgrown with trees. To your northeast is more land with one big tree on it and some more small walls. And then to your southeast is another island with a tree. Yeah.

Just a tree. Yeah, and it's a land. The one to the northeast sounds interesting. One big tree and a bunch of walls. Does the wall look different on this side that I'm at? No. Okay. Are there any loose bricks around? Sure, yeah. Should I pick one up and send? I don't think so. Are you sure? Can I? Should I put one on the, maybe pick one up and put it down the wall? No. Oh, there's an idea. I didn't do that. Before you do that, could Barney help pick up Chip from the ground? Sure.

Aw, thank you, Barney. All right, brace yourself. I'm going to try it again. Can we find a tree to hold on to? Just hold on to me, Barney. There's like some small shrubs on your side, but no like big trees. Okay. Can I try to pick up a brick and put it on top of the wall? Yeah, but the second you touch the brick, everything begins shaking violently once again. All three of you make dexterity saving throws. Shoot. Since you were anticipating this time, Elga, I will say your danger sense works. Okay, cool. So I get an advantage on it? Yeah. I won't need it. I rolled an 18, but I'll roll it again. 15. 18 for Elga.

Yeah, maybe you all were kind of bracing yourselves this time, but the earth begins shaking again. The wall shoots up and down a few times, but you all managed to hold yourselves standing. Do we notice anything on the wall? Is it just like flat wall? There's no like door or any other... Are symbols? Yeah, things. Make an investigation check. A 15. Nothing stands out. It's just an ancient dilapidated... And it's just a series of these bricks that have fallen out, right? Like it seems like...

These bricks used to be on the wall, maybe? It seems like it's the same kind of material, same kind of stone. Just for clarity, I don't know if we ever said bricks. I've said, like, rocks. I don't know that, like...

They would have used bricks necessarily. Could be just like a stone wall. Okay. I just want to make sure what we're picking up is what the wall's made out of. Yeah. Same kind of material. What land are we in? What's this called? Snarelands. Snarelands. Okay. Well. Lots of traps. Elga did see these other three locations that we could try to venture towards. Yeah. Let's do that. This wall might not be normal. I think we should go to the northeast. I agree. I mean, I think we should go to the northeast. I agree. I like the way Elga says nor-east. Nor-east. Nor-east.

Still learning the accent. Northeast from this place? From where El goes. There's an island with a single tree. There's a single tree and a bunch of walls, I believe. Yeah, a couple of small walls similar to this one. Okay, Barney, how are you going to cross this wall? Can I wave at Mateed?

Sure. Can I wave and see if Mateed sees me? Mateed is just nonchalantly circling and humming a Parisian tune to themselves and has not noticed Barney. Well, it looks like it's just me and you, Mr. Chip. Yeah. Looks like Mateed is disassociating once again.

Mateed is just like, has very much recognized that you guys are going to continue to be doing absurd things on the ground and has no desire to be a part of it. These are ground problems. These are ground problems. Good teamwork, Mateed. Keep an eye out. You're doing great. Could Barney get a running start?

And try and hop the wall. I guess we should do it together. Or should we untie? Let's untie. Okay. Yeah. I'm just going to hurdle the fence. Try not to touch it. Y'all are cowards. Thank you. I just jumped right over it. You two should do it tied. I think you should. Yeah. I think you should.

Okay. Alright. What the heck? Synchronize your watches, Bernie! I was more thinking of us holding hands and driving off the cliff. Thelma and Louise! Alright, go, Thelma. Classic. See, that one doesn't end well. I don't know if you've seen that movie.

My hand is hovering over the athletics track. Well, let's think about this you two need to kind of do this in sync Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out how to mix like an intelligence role of some kind Maddox. I'll say let's keep it simple. Let's both of you make a dexterity check you ready?

And a one and a two and a three. He already rolled it. Oh, you all didn't even roll it at the same time. Chip, I guess, starts counting out. All right. On the count of three. And as he says that, Barney just takes off running. And Barney clears the wall easily. But this startles Chip, who doesn't realize that they're supposed to be going. He starts running as well. But the line becomes taut and pulls him smack dab into the wall. Oh.

All three of you make a dexterity saving throw. Elga, you have advantage on it. Okay. 12.

Oh no. I won't need it. It's an 18. Barney, you think everything's fine. This all happens behind you so you don't see it. We did it! The ground begins shaking and it knocks you to the ground and you take two points of bludgeoning damage. Chip, you're still on the other side of the wall. Where everyone started from. Okay, so I'm good? You need to get over the wall. You still need to get over the wall. Oh, right. The last earthquake. You made your dexterity save. You knew what was coming. Alright, I'm going to hurdle to this wall. I'm going to limber up.

Think of my old high school days and the track in the fields. Go roll something. Okay, you told me what to roll then. Yeah, make the dexterity check. Yeah. I appreciate you waiting. Yeah. It's just waiting. It's being nice. That's a...

Oh, 22. Oh, yeah. This time, you don't have to wait for bar. You're not trying to synchronize or anything. So you're able to easily hop over the wall. Maybe I did a bit of a flip in the air. Sure. Why not? You got a good roll. Okay. What kind of flip? Forward flip? Forward flip. Yeah, this probably makes the most sense. And then I land and I pop up and I go, hop up. You put your arms out. And then I look to the judges. Elga, what do you rate that? Elga is wildly impressed with this. Oh. She goes, 10 out of 15.

And she holds up both of her hands. The judge from whatever country that is gave you a 10. I got a question mark. Wow, that wall. Okay. Long rest. Now for the next 90 minutes of this module. Now for the next 90 minutes of this module. You all have bested the wall. The fence. No, we have to clear our minds. This is a fence. Two feet. And we head northeast to the sea island. You kind of caught me when I said it was a wall because I knew there was more underground that was going to come out.

So a little peek behind the DM screen there. The three land lovers are now past the wall and Mateed is flying overhead, providing overwatch. You know, now as you're, you know, progressing a little further into the bog, it's getting really hazy. It's getting a little more difficult to see. Maybe it's because of the bog. There's like smoke and haze permeating the atmosphere, kind of obscuring things a little bit. Mm-hmm.

As Elga said to the party, there is a small gap, a little bit of water, and then on the other side, more land to the northeast. Kind of like a peninsula, it looks like, with a tree and a couple of similarly looking relic walls. Okay, well, I want to head to the water. Yeah, you walk up to the shore, and you can see the land is maybe 10 feet across. Like, this stretch of water is between 5 and 10. Like, say, 7 to 10 feet across. How deep? Make a... Let's call it a nature check. Ah.

Ah, a two. Must be two feet. Yeah, you think it's about two feet. Two feet. And this is like, there's no way to go around it very easily? No, you're on like the end of the sismos, almost like it's a peninsula and there's just water on all the sides of it. To get to the island, you'd have to go through the water. You know... Matej just calls that... Deer dive!

After all that stinking sand I could use a good wash and I want to just jump in there and use my tail as a little propeller and just go across Doggy paddle with my motor tail. Let's see what happens here

Yeah, you dive into the water. Can I brace in case something grabs him? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Oh, okay, because you're attacked. Oh, you're still attacked. You dive into the water and as your head pops up from the water, it's not very deep. It's three feet maybe. Oh. You immediately begin screaming in pain as the water scalds you. Oh, no.

I mean, I'm tiefling, so I have fire resistance. I feel like that's a temperature resistance thing as well. Does that help me at all, Gus? Please, God. Fire? Fire's the opposite of water. Yeah, but this is like hot water. So you're weak to this. But like, no, it's hot. It's hot water. Gus is smiling. So I got heat resistance. Four points of damage. Yeah, fire resistance. Okay, so two points of damage because I'm resistant. But does he still get to the other side? Yeah. You make it across, but you...

Four points of damage. Four points of damage. So you're on the other side. I just, I like, if he's on the other side, that means that he got in the water and he's just screaming as he goes through. And then he gets to the side, he's just like, come on guys, the water's fine. It wasn't very far. It was only between seven and ten feet across. Does he still smell? Does he still, you can't tell, you're too far. So, okay, I turn around and I say...

Hey, Elga and Barney, the water is a little warm. So like, if you want like a day spa treatment thing, hop right in. But you might kind of go through like, like a Pierce Brosnan in that volcano movie. Dante's Peak. Dante's Peak. Thank you, Matide. It was Dante's Peak. Yeah. It's a masterpiece. Oui. So,

Just be careful as you cross. Maybe make a boat. I am a huge fan of Pierce Brosnan. Oh, yeah, yeah. He got robbed during James Bond. Goldeneye was a masterpiece. I would agree with that whole harsly. Yeah, yeah. Why don't you swing the rope over that tree, and then we can... So I can drag you through the water. No, no, and then you pull it up, and then maybe we swing across. Oh, Georgia the Jungle style. Brendan Fraser, also a great and underappreciated actor until recently.

No, Matisse. In there, you said there's trees on this side? There's one big tree, but it's probably not for a bit, right? Correct. It's not too far away. It's maybe another 10, 15 feet away. You know, I feel like this tree is going to be a trap, but I want to honor Bernie's fun. Yes, and...

So then I'm going to go and see if I can tie this here rope to this here tree and pull my friends across. Wait, so I think you two said two different things. I want to clarify what's going on. Barney said like toss the rope over a branch. You said tie it around. Like, do you want to tie it around the trunk? No, no, no. Toss it over a branch. And then give it a go to yanking so that there's like leverage to swing.

Or if I like use myself as a counterweight, then I could just like bring, you know, and then you guys all over. So you untie the rope that's on you and then toss that rope over the branch. Yeah. Okay. And you're holding on to it being a counterweight. I guess he's already tied to you. So that's convenient. Yeah. Yeah. You toss the rope over the branch, but it doesn't come all the way down. Like the part of the rope that impacts the tree or that touches the tree appears to just like get stuck there.

So I'm going to climb up this here tree. Be careful. Chip goes over and begins climbing the tree. Make a strength saving throw, Chip. This is going to be an end. It's a living creature. I should know better by now. You know, I'm running real low on health and that was only a seven. You go over to climb the tree, you know, and you put your hands on it and get real close to it. But you immediately become adhered and stuck to the tree as well. All right. So we had stinky sand and probably sticky trees. Bit of a situation here, gang. Okay.

Uh, the tree is sticky. Could Elga attempt to run and jump over the water? Yeah. Make, uh, let's call it an athletics check. 21. You take, uh, like a good 10 feet of a running start and you're able to jump the seven feet across. I guess Barney will do the same. Make an athletics check, Barney. Elga continuing her streak of not showering.

Barney takes a running start and begins trying to hop over the water. It looks super easy the way Elga did it. I'm coming. But you misjudged the jump and you fall into the water in the middle. Barney, you need

Two points of scalding damage. Can I am I get across? Yeah, you can get across. No, that's cheating. So in D&D you roll a dice off and for damage to be... I'm a super kind DM by the way. I show you all the rules. I don't like them. That's very nice. I'm gonna untie the rope from me.

Okay, well actually can't cut the rope so it's not attached to the tree or it's attached to the tree Cut the rope so there's no longer an attachment. Yeah, right the tree. No no to the tree You're not that close to the tree. Well, I guess could I approach the tree and then cut? Yeah Oh you went through the water? Yeah, yeah, he fell in then cross and then like cut things and then like if the tree sticky I don't want to be attached to it. Here you go. Good call. Yeah

So, you know, I do love nature. I do love the wilderness. Some may call me a tree hugger, but in this particular case... I like to picture Chip as, like, stuck face first into the tree and, like, addressing everyone behind him. So, I'm just a little stuck here and...

I do love trees, but I do not love this tree so much as to stay stuck to it. So please help. Could Elga try to pull Chip off the tree? Yeah, make a strength check. Can Barney help? Yeah, sure. You can roll. You won't need to. I rolled a nat 20. Ooh. Or 24.

Elga puts a hand up as Barney approaches and goes, I got this. Barney starts walking forward and it's already happened. Elga pulls Chip off so strongly that like pieces of bark are adhered to Chip's face still. That's funny. You ripped part of the tree off and it's now just attached to Chip as well. Ah, camouflage. Ah!

Very good. You know, there are moisturizers that take care of that. Your skin looking a little rough. Yeah, yeah. Can I take a little taste of the tree sap? Is it like a, what was it called? You know, up in Canada. Syrup! Yeah. Maple. Yeah. I guess you probably get something like that sometimes.

Yeah, I just probably just need to reach out with my tongue and just go like that. Yeah, make a strength saving throw. On your leg? Oh no! If his tongue gets stuck to his own face, does that mean he can't talk anymore? It's a crime one. Yeah, your tongue temporarily gets stuck to your face for just a moment, but you rolled a 21 on your strength save. You're able to pull your tongue away from the sap. Yeah, it's kind of sweet. It's not, you know, as sweet as syrup you've had in the past. Maybe it's not refined, but yeah, it's got a slight sweet taste to it.

So basically this tree is ultra, ultra sticky. If our community ever gets around to updating Wikipedia pages for the new characters, I need under chips that he has a strong tongue. The alchemist walks up. Oh, I think I've read about these before. I believe those are called treacles. Nerd.

Tree coals? Tree coals, yes. Trees that have a very sticky yellow viscous sap that prevents insects from boring into them. You know, I've got some, like, potions of healings that I've taken, so I assume I have those bottles still. Can I, like, bottle up a little bit of this ooze? Sure, why not? Like a sticky bomb? Yeah. Mr. Owl. Is the sap good for anything in particular besides being yummy? As far as I'm aware, tree coals sap has not been refined for any other use.

Well, I'd like some. Can I also put some in a container? Sure, why not? Now what do we see now that we're on the other side of this water? We see we're obviously next to the big tree. Yeah, it's still pretty hazy, but you think you can see a little further to the east, some solid land. It looks like, you know, not islands anymore, but actual solid land that proceeds. The alchemist sees you looking and says, I believe that is the route to our destination. Oh, how convenient. Let's go that way. Hey guys, stop licking trees and stuff like that.

You said this is an island so is the land is to the east not connected correct It's another like small gap another seven feet or so. Okay. How are you guys gonna get over this? Yeah, you know, I think I'll just got this one She's gonna go ahead and go go go first. Not me her

So I guess we start walking that way. Well, it's water. Well, we have to go there and then get to the water. Oh, yeah. The edge of the island. Yeah. This island that you're on isn't very thick. That tree was kind of in the middle. It's at most 40 feet across, maybe. And you said there's other walls around it, too. Yeah. On the northeast side, it looks like there's another wall similar to the one you passed already. A fence. I have a feeling there's going to be something that triggers these things to go up and stay up. Yeah. But let me, I guess.

To the edge of the island and try another jump. Yeah, you make another running long jump make a what do we call it athletics check there? Yeah, it's it's not very far your strength is pretty high you're able to definitely jump across the gap and land on Terra firma on the other side Okay

Why would you assume? Nothing to be suspicious about. Yeah, sure. You just keep saying that and I, okay. Did Chip give you back your javelin? No, I think he still has it. Oh, here you go. Those interest payments are still accruing, aren't they? It's got a little sticky sap on it. There you go. Drip, drip. All the blood. Oh, she's on the other side of the water. Oh, let me throw it to you then. Or you can use it as like a stick to jump. Oh.

Oh, yeah. I want to pole vault with her javelin. Don't you get it stuck? I've done long jump. I've done hurdles. But if you pole vault, won't you leave it behind? Unless he doesn't use the spiky side. You carry it with you. Carry it with you. Yeah, yeah. I'll like pull it across. I'll just use. Like a sink animal crossing. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for contextualizing. Animal crossing New Horizons. I also want to point out, I don't know why or how, I have four of these.

in my inventory. You're like a porcupine. I think the way you can describe this is they're like the magician little thing where it's like a pen-sized thing that expands out. Very cool. Yeah, go and make an athletics chair. Oga loves close-hand magic.

Oh, that's a 22. Oh, yeah. You pole vault easily. Maybe you spent some time when you were younger in track and field doing some pole vaulting. You dress like that. I'm getting gold medals all around. Dad would be so proud. Mike Haney. That's my papa. Mike Haney. Barney, everyone's left you. Well, the alchemist is still. Oh, the alchemist. Yeah, the alchemist. Trips and falls and drowns. Without Chip stepping on his head, he's able to move a lot more freely. And he makes the running jump and clears the water and lands on the other side as well. What were his rolls?

His roll was a 17. Why are you pressing? Stop being combative with the dungeon master. We want him to succeed. We want him to come. I guess I'll try and make the jump. Alright, make an athletics check. Nine. You make a running start but stumble. You stub your toe on a rock and you splash into the water. A nine is better than a one. Four points of scalding damage. Four.

But you're able to regain your composure quickly and scamper across the water and rejoin your party on the other side. You're probably pretty worse for wear now. What if we did like a, anybody got any heals? Like a, not a potion, but like a spell that they could burn and not take a slot or anything. Don't look at me. I refuse to look at you. I look away. Don't look at me. Okay, I'm sorry, Helga. We could take a short rest.

Do we have time for that, alchemist? We must hurry. We're running short on time to free Frankenstein. Y'all have reached the other side of the boiling bogs and amidst the smog you see two things. A bleary sun peeking past a hazy horizon and a huge reptilian skeleton with immense jaws and bony wings. Oh. It's the Skelegon. Is that the Skelegon? I think it's the remains of one maybe, right? Yeah, is it alive? Like, are... All four of you make investigation checks because everyone's kind of asking questions here. I'd say at this point Matita's claustrophobic

close to the party but still hovering. 16. 18. Elga's still looking the opposite direction. 14. Hands on hips, proud. So everyone except for Elga notices this. This is not Skelegon. This is like, this appears to be the corpse of a different dragon. Hmm.

And it seems like the smoky haze that's permeating the bog seems to be flowing out of the orifices on the skull. And you can tell it seems like there's some kind of light coming from beneath the skeleton. Oh, like a domicile? Like someone is in there with a fire? It's hard to tell. Just some light source. Like a magical light. Oh, okay. Like what color is the light coming out of there?

It's obscured with the hay, so it's hard to tell. It seems kind of somewhere between white and yellow. Okay. You know, that giant skeleton dragon skull looks pretty inviting. You guys want to go investigate? What dragon skull?

I turn her around. Chip grabs Elga by the shoulders and turns her 180 degrees so she's facing the correct direction. That's pretty. Do we see any other signs of life in this area? Like trails where feet have walked repetitively? Make a survival check.

Ooh, 24, Nat 20. Yeah, you'd think you'd see, like, some drag marks, some dragging marks. I was going to say drag on, or leading up to the skull. Dragging marks, as in, like, can I, with a 24, do I recognize, like, what size the creature might have been and where it was coming from? You don't know that it was a creature necessarily. It's like something was dragged, so there's no footprints, you know? It's just like, you can tell. You can give it in the dirt. So it's not like you can discern any further information there. Okay, yeah.

Mateed approaches the skull. Okay. And looks in one of the orifices. Which one? Probably the closest, like a nostril. Yeah, you look in one of the nostrils and...

Inside, you can see that light appears to be emanating from somewhere inside the skull. So it makes it kind of hard to see. It blinds you a little bit. In addition to the light, you see like shadows and maybe some further depth into the skull. But it's a little hard to see. I can't see. Like, is it so illuminated? You can't even see the source of what is emanating the light? Make a...

Let's call it a nature check. That's only a six. You're really not sure what the source of this slide is. It's a little blinding. Matide motions for the party to come join. Okay. I look in the other nostril, and then we're like two people at like a state fair where they have the cutouts of like the big buff guy and then the lady in the bikini, and they're doing the poses. Make a nature check as well, Chip. Oh, I got a plus one on this. This is going to be a good one. Nine. Nine.

It's really hard to tell much. It's kind of bright and blinding you. Okay, I'll go come look over. Yeah. Do you want to look in one of the nostrils? If you want to look at a nostril, which of these dum-dums do you push aside? Or do you want to look in? Excuse me. Mr. Rolls a six? Or do you want to look in an eye or something else? I'll look in an eye. Okay, yeah. You kind of boost yourself up and look into an eye. Make me a nature check. See anything?

It looks like a light. You rolled a six. Sure did. What is this who's on first thing that we're doing here? We're all just failing. All right, Barney, your turn. Yeah, I guess I'll go look. Do you look in the other eye or do you push one of these people away? I'll look in the other eye. All right. So we got all the main holes covered. There's the thumbnail. Make a nature check. 16. There you go. As you're approaching to look into the eye, do you realize that the dragon's bones are made of some kind of crystal? Oh.

Oh. Does it look to be the same crystal that is the one we have? Not quite. Okay. And you notice that the heart is missing from this dragon. Oh, that's sad. Also, while you look through, you realize when you're looking into the skull, you're not quite as blinded as everyone else. The cataracts are helping you here. And you see that there's a path through the jaws leading down to a tunnel that heads underground. Oh. Like a throat. What do you see, Barney? Nothing.

There's a secret passage in the head. Of the dragon? Yeah. It goes down into a basement. Can I pull up that scroll that had the autonomy of the dragon and stuff and see if there's anything I can discern from that? Just like... Anatomy?

Yeah, autonomy. I was like, what? Anatomy is what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You pull it out and you can clearly tell that the heart is indeed missing. Shall we go down in here? Is Barney going in the eye socket? Yeah, is it like a thing that we go into or is there like an opening that we open? Do we open the mouth? Oh, yeah.

You can try opening the mouth if you want. Okay. Here's the thing. Now, if we fail this, the jaws are going to clamp down on us. Well, we're all going to do it together. I hate this, but okay. I'm going to help lift this. I'm going to deadlift this jaw. Matisse shoves Chip towards the mouth to help. Anyone who wants to try to open the jaws, make a strength check. Okay. I want to help. Oh, if Elka's doing it, you got it. No problem. Hopefully.

That's a 20. I only rolled a 10. 11. 12. Come on, gang. Put your backs into it. Yeah, luckily for everyone, Mateed is feeling really buff. Maybe all the flying helped you get... Or the lack of doing anything else.

Are you just referring to the lack of damage that I've taken? Just the fact that you've just been up flying around singing. Lovely. It's a lovely day. Yeah, you're able to prop open the jaws and you can clearly see the tunnel heading underground. I told you. A basement. And there's no reason for me not to believe you, Barney. I go in. Me too.

Okay, I let the whole party go in. It sounds like Chip, Elga, Barney, Mateed. Yeah. In that order. Okay, yeah. You make your way down through the tunnel for a bit. It's kind of claustrophobic. But then after proceeding for a little while, the tunnel opens up into a giant cave that's shimmering with natural crystals forming on the walls, the ground, and the ceiling. To the south is a large pool with purple fluid, and then to the east, the cave branches off into some narrow tunnels. Echo! Echo!

Echo! Like a purple fluid you said, right? Yes. Okay. Gus stinks butts! Gus stinks butts! *laughs* Stupid. Such a child. Such a child! I'm sorry! What does that even mean? What does that even mean? *laughs*

Okay, so we came in and we're sort of facing the east. The east is more cave. I bet that pool is probably like stomach acid. Stomach acid. So we should watch out. Could we go look at it? Or could I go look at the purple liquid?

Yeah. I'll go with you. Was the illumination from these crystals as we have entered, I assume we'd be able to see? Yeah, it seems like it. But is it dark at all, like, to the point that would limit our view? No, I wouldn't say so. How big are these dragons? Huge. Pretty big. So we're inside the dragon. Well, you went in through the jaws and then went through a tunnel that went down underground. So we're not in its belly. No, no, no. Okay. No.

This isn't technically dragon. This is a dragon. Wait, what is it? Skelegon. Skelegon was the name. I'm so sorry. You're right. Who checked the purple? I think Elga. And Barney went with me too. Can I skip a stone? Yeah.

Yeah, let me talk to them and you can skip a stone if you want. So it's a pretty sprawling pool of sparkling purple fluid. And there's a few like small islands of rock and crystal. Then you can see to the southwest here is a pile of smoldering bones and skulls. To the southeast, it looks like the pool flows into another chamber. The bones are not in the liquid. They're just like next to it. Yeah, they're like on little bits of outcropping of land.

Could I pick up a bone and dip it into the purple? Oh, they're kind of like across the way. They're like on the other side of the pool down to the southwest. Is there anything that I could grab to dip into the purple ooze? Barney's got a walker you could test with. No.

Elga, did your parents ever teach you how to skip rocks? I know how to skip, and I know how to rock. That's awesome. Are you ready to rock? Elga Von Rock. Yeah. There's nothing immediately nearby. I mean, there's crystals growing out of the walls. You can maybe, like, try to break off a piece of crystal. Javelin? Your javelin? I'm trying to break off a piece of... You got four of them? Well, they're very precious to me. Claire.

Clearly, if I make people to bloodsack. You name all four of your javelins. Yeah. Could I break off a piece of the crystal on the wall? Yeah. There's multiple colors. There's like red ones, green ones, blue ones, yellow ones. Do you have any preference or just do you care? Kyber crystals. Let's go with red. You, you know, reach out to break off a piece of a red crystal. Then the next thing you know, you're not standing where you were. I saw this coming. You're back by the cave entrance again behind the party. But still inside. Yeah.

Just teleported? Yeah. From our perspective? Yes. Did I become a bat just now? Did it work?

Oh, I love it. Mati just goes, "Oui." It was beautiful. Finally. Could I run back to where I was and try to grab a green crystal? Yeah, you run back over very excitedly and grab onto a green crystal. Roll me a four-sided die. And was it... The red crystal, when I touched it, did I transport? Or when I broke it? When you touched it. Touched it, okay. Three.

It like stings your hand and you recoil away and you lose a one hit point. Lose a hit point? Yeah. It's like one point of damage. Okay. You phrase that weird. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Do I lose my max HP? No, no, no. You take one point of damage. Okay. Green is spicy. Don't touch the green. Ouchie, ouchie. Poison. What was the other one you hit? Red. Red. They're going to make me teleport back to the front. Is there a purple crystal? No.

No, but you could touch red and blue at the same time. What? Oh, to make purple. Why did that break your brain, Blaine? Why did that? That was like, that's simple colors. What does yellow do? You reach out and grab onto a yellow crystal. Roll me a constitution saving throw. Oh, dear. I have a feeling you shouldn't touch this one either. Oh, thank God. 24. Oh, okay. You felt like really sick, like you were going to throw up, but you managed to like subdue it and keep it in.

And then I guess last but not least, let me touch that blue. It's just Elga just touching the crystal. You reach out and touch the blue one. Make me a strength saving throw. Elga's just throwing herself into this. Nat 20, 26. You felt like some kind of force tried to push you back, but you're so strong, you're able to hold your ground and not get pushed.

Okay, so none of these crystals you should really mess with. Red one is probably safest, but I don't know where it takes us. Like, sometimes you really venture into, like, a Gru voice from Despicable Me. It's great. I did not. Do you just touch them with your hand? I touch them with my hand, yeah. Can I, like...

try and go to the, like the... Still haven't tested the purple water. Yeah, we still haven't touched it. I was just going to try and chip off one of the things. We already know what the crystals do if you touch them. Yeah, not to touch them, like touch with a stick to try and like... You're trying to chip more crystal. Yeah. To make like a portable teleporter. No, you're Barney.

I'm Chip. Chip Crystal. Who's on first? If I get a red one or something, can I like take a, hit it with your walker, Barney. Yeah, I can do that. I guess hit it with my walker or I have a kit. I have a kit. I have a kit. Carpenter tool. Like a knife or something from it. Sure. You, you know, you approach it with your tools and try to break off little pieces. Make a dexterity check.

I wonder what's going to happen to Barney. You try to very carefully extract the crystal, but it shatters and falls apart. Okay. Mateed goes and smells the purple water. It smells delicious. Fresh baked goods. It doesn't look like anything we've seen before, correct? No. Just to be clear, it's not water. It's some kind of purple fluid. Yeah, sorry. I have cooking utensils, and so I kind of dip like a spoon, let's say, a ladle.

Imagine you dip it in, you pull it out, and there's nothing there. That's what I'm doing is I'm testing. Yeah, you dip it in and you pull some out, I presume? Yeah. It's a very viscous fluid, much thicker than water, but not like it would encumber you or anything. Yeah, you ladle some out.

Drink it, drink it, drink it. While-while Chip is chanting "drink it" Drink it! Mateed flicks the spoon at him. My mouth is wide open too. And aims for his mouth. Drink it! Do you try to move out of the way or are you trying to catch us with your mouth? I accept my fate with open arms. I trust Mateed with my life. Make a wisdom saving throw. Okay. There are worse saving throws to make. For you, no. No, but- 17.

The purple fluid hits you in the face. You don't see this, Chip, but from everyone else's perspective, Chip falls to the ground unconscious. So he's snoring on the ground, and the three of you are looking at him, and it seems like there's sparkling, simple shapes rising up from his body. He's gleaming. Floating up into the ceiling above him, and you see an image of a female tiefling crying. Oh!

So are we seeing his thoughts or his dreams or something? Carol. Well, this stuff looks neat. Do I have any control of this? No, you're fast asleep. So I think we're seeing his dreams. Yeah, that's cool. We could upset people. Quick, somebody get a cup of that hot liquid out there and let's put fingers in it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Oh, my God. I feel like you would do that. Mateed, if I set this bottle down, would you fill up some of that stuff with your ladle? You don't want to just, like, fill the bottle? No. Wee, come here. I will help you. Can I do that? Like, set, like, a container down and Mateed, like, ladle it into the bottle? Sure. Mateed flicks some in Barney's face. Oh.

Barney, if you want to try to dodge, make a dexterity saving throw. I'm going to try and dodge. It's a nine. The purple liquid hits you. You fall down to the ground unconscious. Barney also begins snoring. A really disgusting old man snore. What do we see? What do we see? You see from his body sparkling simple shapes rising, and it looks like a scruffy dog wagging its tail.

Oh no, Barney's got a sad backstory. Scruffy dog? Yeah, just wagging its tail. Oh. Maybe it's not him. Maybe he's just thinking about dogs. You know? Well. I feel like this is like the good, the bad, and the ugly now. Elga and Mateed are just looking at each other. They're flicking. No, no, no. Mateed doesn't make any motion to flick anything yet. Could Elga try to wake Chip? Yeah. What do you do? Just a gentle slap.

Oh, like a tap, like a tap. You give him a gentle tap on the face and Chip, your eyes pop open. Ah, good morning. Were you dreaming? You're lying on the ground and you open your eyes and the first thing you notice is you're looking at the ceiling. See that the ceiling is...

covered in what seems to be like glittering constellations embedded in the rocks overhead. Oh, beautiful. She's so pretty. Yeah. I saw my wife. She was crying. And now I'm going to cry. Does he see? Are the images of Carol or the tiefling still there? No, when he wakes up, they disappear. Oh, God.

Okay, Mati does the same thing for Barney. Shakes him up a little bit. A gentle slap. Yeah. A gentle, yeah. Give him a loving slap, Barney. You got a cute dog. I got my wife who is possibly dead. This isn't fair. Barney, you wake up. There's a nightmare! Oh, I'm sorry. I seem to have dozed off. I'm sorry. That's okay. Were you dreaming about anything, Barney? I don't remember. I have a hard time remembering my dreams.

Matin flicks it again and Barney spits it out

Make a dexterity saving throw, Barney. I don't think I was trying. I don't think I tried. He's too sleepy now. If you wouldn't try to dodge, then yeah, don't. The purple liquid hits you in the face and you fall to the ground again unconscious. I'm going for a short rest. And what do we see? Nice. Two short rests. Yeah, it seems like the dream picks up where it left off. The dog wagging its tail lets out one excited, happy bark.

And nothing else is manifesting? No. Okay. Mateed shakes Barney again. Oh, I'm sorry. It's just I didn't have my afternoon nap. I guess I have now. This is very cave-like down here. Very dreamy. Oh, oh, yeah. Let's finish this bottle. Yeah, Mateed helps in Scrooge's Summit. Okay, yeah. We have to work on getting you back to sleep at night. Yeah, I agree. Baby's got apnea. That snore was not good. Yeah. I know this is a long shot, but are there any, like, I don't know,

I don't know. Loose ribs or wooden pallets or something that we could float on with this. We're not in the skeleton, by the way. We're in a cave. Correct. Did that count as a short rest? Got it. I think a short rest is supposed to be an hour. Not an hour. No. To be clear, though, this liquid purple pond is separating us from the next. No, it's just to the south. Okay. We have caves to the east that we can reach. Let's go to those caves. Okay, yeah. Yeah, there's further tunnels and stuff. Okay.

Matidi, hey, stop splishing and splashing. You're gonna get us in trouble, alright? You're asleep. Lifeguard on duty here, Chip Haney. Hey, pleasure to meet you. Are you back awake now? Yeah. I wish I had my whistle, because I'd blow it at you. Alright, team, everybody, up and ready. Let's go. Look alive, look alive.

I look alive. Except you, Matid. The rocks on the ceiling, you said they look like stars? Yeah, it's like glittering constellations embedded in the rocks. You would have seen this too, Barney. I didn't say it, but you were laying down. Oh, yeah, because he was there. That's right. Is there like stars, constellations that we recognize? Do there's anything we can discern from them? Make an investigation check. 16. One in particular looks like you can pick something out. It looks like a group of dragons coming out of a mouth.

What's the constellation sign? Significant. A group of dragons coming out of a mouth? Yeah. Mateed notices Barney just looking straight up at the ceiling, looks up as well. Make an investigation check. Love to. I look up as well. That's only a two. You have no idea what Barney's talking about. He's crazy. Nine. Nine.

It's like looking at one of those old 3D posters. You're trying to cross your eyes and trying to adjust your focus. You can't really pick anything out. All right. I guess I'll look. Look right there. Can I help and point? Yeah, make an investigation check, Elga. Do you see it right there? Let me see if I see anything. Maybe 11. You don't see what Barney's talking about. Instead, you see what you think is like a humanoid holding a heart.

Maybe the heart of the dragon. Do I recognize the humanoid? No, since it's like a constellation, it's very broad. There's no specific features that are easy to pick out. Is he handsome and purple with a big tail? That's me. So it's an image...

Dragons coming out of a mouth. And then something holding a heart. A humanoid. Can I take another gander at mine? Sure, why not? The heart is the crystal? Or is it like a heart? It's hard to tell. Again, it's just like stars and a constellation. I rolled a five.

Some people just can't see them, Chip. I don't know. Personally, I always had trouble seeing those things. Yeah, I never saw them. Yeah. I hate it. I thought people were messing with me. I hate it. Yeah, no, I truly thought it was like a prank. Okay, not seeing anything of interest, Mateed heads to the east. You walk to the narrow winding passages to the east. There's a few shimmering crystals on the wall and the caves seem to kind of...

wind and split up and reconvene and make their way down to the south. You enter a wide grotto with an open skylight in the cave ceiling, a beam of morning light pouring into the cavern. To the south is a pond trickling with sparkling purple fluid, and to the north is a treasure trove of valuables. In the center, you see Frankenstein chained to a pedestal of rock, flanked by a massive winged creature of barbed black bones blazing with purple flames who you recognize as Skelegon. Yo!

Your time is almost up, you seditious spawn. Perhaps I should slay you for your sins now and pay another visit to your village to sprinkle your ashes. Stein not afraid of Big Lizard? Stein save Frank Frank! No! Please, ignore him. He doesn't know what he's saying. I beg you, don't harm anyone else. Then tell me where the crystal is! It's...

You said he was the thief that stole the crystal. Where is your proof? And out from the shadow steps a large skinless person with bulging white muscles and green veins. Cool your blazing bones, Skelegon. This is the fun part. You just gotta know how to play the game.

Eddie's lime green eyes glow and a wide splintered smile of jagged teeth comes across his face. He slowly drives a claw through the sutures holding Frankenstein's face together and the stitches start to rip one by one. Please, somebody help me!

Will they be helped? We're going to have to find out next week. I don't like this, Eddie. Yeah, Eddie's no good. He's ripping Frankenstein? Yeah, ripping the stitches. Ouch. That's not nice. That's not sanitary. What's going to happen? We'll have to find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I'm going to dive right into that purple bath. That's what I'm going to do. Give me the purple juice. I can't wait for you all to throw it on the rest of your party members.

I know. I kind of want to figure out what we're dreaming of. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Saunier. I also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provide voiceover for characters in this episode. The Alchemist, voiced by BlizzBear, at BlizzBear. Frankenstein, voiced by Ben Ernst, at Halcyon underscore Ben. Skelegon, voiced by Quentin Smith, at

at Quix underscore 18 and Eddie voiced by Andrew Rosas at Mr. Andrew Rosas. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.