C02 - Ep. 06 - Arrested in Attro City - Alchemist the Mark
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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

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A beautiful morn to all you Zorn. Earth, glide your way into the stinky dragon. Partake in our latest potation, Claw and Hoarder. It's a mixture of boulder-bean bean coffee, a dash of peppermint mark bark, an unsweetened coke coal powder. One gulp of this guzzler, you'll feel right at home in your comfort stone. Previously, our adventurers literally chased a lead by the name of Hamlord that led them back to the scene of the crime at Parliament.

After some sneaky sleuthing onto the parliamentary premises, the party proceeded into the Wolfman's chambers and conducted a search for clues. While on the hunt for hints, they stumbled upon a secret sleeping chamber with a salacious love letter. Nab some nectar, Nesalyn, for a noxious narrative. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! ♪

It's a real laugh, by the way. Gus was smiling through that entire thing. That's how I laugh. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. My name is Gustavo Sorolla. I'm your Dungeon Master. I'm joined by our four players who are... Blaine Gibson. I play Chip Haney. He's a tiefling rogue. Yeah. I'm on it. I'm on it this week. Chris, go. Why don't you go? Chris, go. I'm Barney. I'm Chris Damaris, and I play Barney Farney, the human cleric. No, too long. Too long. Too long.

Blaine is the guy who's taking the tires off the race cars. I'm Barbara Dunkelman and I play Elga Von Brath, a female half-elf vampire barbarian. Perfect timing, Barbara. Great. John, go. I'm John Reisinger. I play Mati Confucius, who is an era Cochran monk ghost. And Blaine can eat my butt.

I think another addition you should add to your description of Elga is aspiring bat. That's good. I'm so excited for when that finally comes to fruition. What if you don't turn into a bat? What if it's a cat and you get into a fight with John's cat? Before we get started, I'm going to hit you guys with an arrow.

A little warm-up question that we have. Barbara, no need to punch myself. Someone, I guess, Chris, roll me a D100, please. Micah says, better be careful, Barbara. You might turn into a baseball bat. No. D100 is 80. 80. I feel like we've been rolling low lately. It's good to see an 80 on there. We have a question from MrLeBamf on Reddit.

Maybe is it Monsieur Le Bon? If your character had to choose a different or fallback profession in life, what would it be? That's a good question. I think it's a really good question. Does Elga have a profession? No.

Elga doesn't like to work. She doesn't like to get her hands dirty. Elga gets forced to do a job. What would Elga do then? I guess is the question. I think it's obvious answer. Don't you? She would work at the blood bank. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe some of the samples go missing time to time. One for me, one for the bank, one for me.

You know how like when you get a job at places, they're like free lunch on Monday or like whatever. Elga doesn't steal the pens. Elga steals bags of blood. I actually have this written down. Oh. This was something that I built into Chip's thing. If he hadn't been an assassin for Dagger, which is the association he used to be affiliated with before he met his wife Carol. D-A-G-R? D-A-G-R. I wanted like a cool acronym like Cobra. Yeah.

Um, he would have been a football coach, like his father, Mike Haney, who is, who is in fact a coach chip and Carol. They didn't have kids, but he does love the children. He, he loves, you know, you working with the youths. Yeah. Yeah.

You would have coached the Bears. Literally. Bernie, he would have been a carpenter. Wait, what was Bernie's profession? Jesus. What was... So cleric can be performed as a profession. Yeah, that makes sense. Why a carpenter?

Yeah, tell us, Barney. Chris is doing this thing where he's world building and he has all these secrets. He has this whole book written about Barney. No, what Chris is doing right now is we can see he's Googling things. Like this is the same Chris looking at flowers. Like, look, I can see on his face. His hands, you're absolutely right. He was typing.

I think he's always enjoyed working with his hands and it's something that he maybe in another life would have wanted to do. And Matid? I think if I was not a baker, I would have loved the quiet life of a librarian. Ooh.

I love reading. I'm a self-taught person. And I love the quiet. Hey! Mateen, how are you doing today?

Mateed must hate this team. Yeah. Last week, you all encountered a bookshelf and I don't think Mateed read the books. I think Barney looked at one of the books, maybe. Oh, yeah. I was going to say, I think one of you climbed the bookshelf. That was me. That was Chip. Yeah. Well, Chip wanted to look at the painting and it was on the bookshelves and I think I had to climb to get to it. Right. And Barney, I thought Barney was the person who investigated the books. Yeah, and I looked at the display case. Yeah. Yeah.

A narrow passage leads into a small bed chamber bathed in moonlight from a skylight above. Various garments are strewn about on the floor near a four-poster bed with untidy silk sheets and pillows. An opened letter lay on the bedside table. Uh, check the letter. The letter reads, "My dearest Lorenza, the moons with their shimmering light and gentle glow are an everlasting reminder of your beauty. They hang high above us, watching over our every move, much like how I am drawn to observe you from afar.

The moons may seem distant at times, but they are always there, lighting up the darkness just like your smile brightens my day. I yearn for the moment when I leave my Lester life behind and we can bask together under soft lunar radiance, hand in hand, lost in each other's gaze. And just as the moons circle Groteth, know that my love will revolve around you forevermore. Yours truly, Francesca.

And then you all had found a few things. You know, this was down the secret path, or yeah, the hidden passage behind the fireplace in the Wolfman's Chambers. You all, I believe Elga had invented or investigated the glass case that had the peace treaty in it. Chip, I believe, is the one who investigated the top drawer of the desk. Or was that Mateet? It was...

One of you investigate the top door of the desk. It was a Matisse. And you found the glass vials that said prescribed by Robert Esteban. And maybe it was Chip who found the receipt for mail delivery then. I believe the lower drawer. It was a letter sent to... To Freak. Right, to Freak. It was a receipt. And there was also a letter thanking the Wolfman for her endorsement of Henry for the foreign remote

exchange education cohorts program signed by Robert and Francesca. Chip is looking at the poem. He just goes, that's a beautiful poem. Reminds me of my wife. He must really love Frank Eska. Oh, Frank.

The letter was signed by Rob. The letter thanking Wolfman for her endorsement of Henry was signed by Robert and Francesca with a return address of 28 Leicester Square. You all are in here with Matisse cat on your shoulder. Does that cat have a name yet, Matisse? I don't think so. Give it a name. First thing that comes to your mind. Here we go. And his name is? His name is... Give me a second there, Blaine. I should call him Jacques. Jacques.

Jacques. Jacques. Just like Jack Patillo. Good name. Matide and Jacques. And of course, Inspector Weezer is in here with you as well. He was kind of letting you guys do a little bit of sleuthing here. And at this point, I guess he would pipe up and say, What a strange coincidence that you would find all these clues and know exactly where this secret room was.

You're coming with me back to the station. No, I think it sounds like we might be better detectives than you. So if you're just kind of feeling a little insecure about your ability to do your job being around us, that is for you to figure out in therapy, my friend. Oh, cold out. Oh, gee. Elga's like, you're coming back with me to the station, to my station. You're dead. You're dead.

We'll say at this point, Jacques becomes very agitated. Oh. And arches his back, making scary cat sounds, and takes a swipe at Inspector Weezer. Oh. Oh, dear. Oh, my goodness. Don't forget, he knows what he's doing. I rolled a 20. Really?

For the cat. For the cat to hit. The cat paws at Weezer and swipes at him, hitting him in the face. And as he does so, a ghostly skeletal hand appears in front of Weezer and grabs him by the throat. Weezer claws at it with his hands, trying to get it to release. My cat's got superpowers. Oh my goodness. That cat is a Sith. It's using the force. So wait, this is a skeletal hand attacking Weezer?

The commissioner? Weezer. Yeah, I'm talking Weezer. The cat. Sewer cats got superpowers. Yeah. Or like it's possessed by something maybe. Maybe. Could I try and...

help? Can I test, like, toll the dead on it? Who are you helping? The skeletal figure. Can I shoot it or something? The skeletal figure is strangling Weezer. Just to be clear, it's just a hand. It's not, like, an entire figure. It's just, like, a skeletal hand that's strangling Weezer. So is it, like, mage hand? Can I do, like, a perception to figure out, like, what, if this is, like, a ghost, if this is attached to Jacques? You can do arcana. We can make an arcana check. Or maybe we just wait and see how this plays out.

That there's an eight. Not my best. It's magic. Oh, spooky, spooky. Could Barney try and grab the hand? You know you'll need a license for that little cat. Good call. Yeah, that's good memory there. Try to grab it. Yeah, you can try to grab it. Pull the hand away, like off his throat. Okay.

Off of Weezer? Yeah, so it's not choking him. Okay, make like an unarmed strike. Mateed is looking at Jacques with surprise and a little delight. 14. Elga's doing that, what's it called, Jack Nicholson gif where it's like the slow smile. Anger management. Yeah, you reach out to try to pull the hand off of Weezer's throat, but your hands go right through it. It's incorporeal. Oh my goodness. Chip wants to make a spell. He wants to cast a spell. No.

wants to make a spell. You can tell who didn't wasn't a spellcaster in our last campaign. I know. I love it. The cracks show sometimes. I like it. And he tries to pet the cat and pet it and distract it. You know? I smack Chip's hand away.

Yeah, the cat just looks in your direction, Chip, very nonplussed. So it seems like what's happening is whoever the cat is, whatever the cat is, wants to help us with our investigation. And because Weezer is probably getting in the way of us moving forward, he lunged at him? Wasn't there... Someone remind John's bad memory. There's another instance where Jacques, like, was rearing up in the last episode and reaction. I think it was just the last episode. Blaine was playing a...

Oh, that's right. That's why I got my memory. Chip is very lucky. I did not roll well on that one. Is it clear that this is the cat doing this or is there something else? It seems like it's the cat.

Oh. I mean, do we just join along and stab Weezer? What do we do? Everyone make a perception check for me. I don't know. You got it. Mateed is making their choice by not doing that. Four. 22. 18. And an eight for Elga. Chip and Elga, you're just super fixated on the spectral hand and Jacques.

But Mateed and Barney, you hear in the distance like the howling of wolves and people shouting. - Hey Chip, do you have any popcorn by any chance that we could eat while we watch this play out? - Howling?

And people screaming from outside. People shouting, like, this way, they're in there. And it started the second that this cat start, like, lunged at him? No, it just started right now, like a little after. There's wolves, and they're coming in. Perhaps we could close the secret passageway. What about the poor man? He's getting choked out. Things happen. Oh, no.

Okay, here's the thing here, group. If we kill this cough, we are the monsters that they think we are. So I think we need to calm down, Jack. Perfect.

Perfect furry cute little Jack and then we just need to like maybe subdue Weezer so he doesn't die but he doesn't get in our way. Maybe if somebody wants to cast sleep on him and then I throw him over my shoulder we could continue on. Oh, I don't have any. I'm all I'm all pooped. Oh, is it because you kept trying to make noises in places that were unnecessary to make noises in? No.

I think that's a cantrip. At this point, Weezer slumps to the ground unconscious. Oh no. The hand disappears from his throat.

Good spell. Thank you. I catch Weezer's hand and I lower him down and I say, here you go, knight in knight. Hand me a throw pillow and a blankie. So we are, we're in a secret passageway to win down to a secret room. Is there any other exit out of this passageway other than where we came from? There's the skylight. The moonlight is currently coming through. Is it barred? Windowed?

No, I mean, it's a skylight. So yeah, it's like a window in the ceiling, essentially. A fancy window in the ceiling. But is it glass? Or is it like a shutter we can open? What's the opening situation? It looks like it's glass. I mean, I'm worried that we haven't found everything in this room yet, but...

But because it's such a secret passageway, I don't know if anyone else is going to easily find it. So should we just like close the door? I don't remember how we did it. What did we do? Did we blow the candle out? This is a fire. Yeah, you all manipulated the painting that had a candle in it and it caused the candle flame to extinguish, which caused the hearth to extinguish and then it moved. Well, the wolves have real good smelling powers. So...

Probably need to get, we not need to skedaddle, but Chip wants to quickly find some pen and paper and write a note to Weezer for when he wakes up. Oh, we're leaving Weezer, okay. I think we should leave Weezer. Yeah, you could find some in the Wolfman's office. You saw some on a desk out there. While Chip is doing that, could Mati take a peek out the door of the Wolfman's chambers to see what they might see out in that main hall?

Yeah, make a perception check. It's a 14. We should hurry. There's wolves. You see, you know, out past that big chamber with the giant chair. You believe you hear the sound of coughs gathering in the courtyard. In the courtyard, but not in the hall yet. Correct. And does the hall...

have any other well there's windows that was the ways that we got in you came in through like a service entrance on the west side shall we go out the way we came in or shall we find a new exit we go in the secret passage i would say the the window thing maybe skylight yeah just to get it because they they know they're coming for us through the old exit do you want to maybe throw me up and i smash the glass with my axe

Yeah. Okay. John just started smiling and nodding like that Jack Nicholson gif. Like, yes. I like this. Mitzi nods, likes the idea, and moves back over to the secret passageway and positions underneath the skylight with little two hands out ready to toss a vamp. The secret passageway, is that... Wait, that doesn't lead anywhere? That's like a dead end? Dead end with the skylight. In this room, right. Like the sleeping chambers. Yeah. You want to let him toss you up like that, Ilka? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I guess Mateed, make a, let's call it an athletics check to see if you're able to like heft her up there. 19? Oh yeah, that's easily, yeah. You're able to propel Elga up to the skylight. And Elga, what do you think? Would it be like a dexterity check or like an attack to see if you hit the sky? Like, are you trying to hit it and stay up there or are you just trying to hit it and come back down to the ground? Hit it and come back down. Okay, yeah, just make like an attack roll with your axe then. As Elga approaches to get launched up,

Matide would obviously say, allons-y. And I go, oui, as in like, yes, but also like, oui. It's a 23. Nice. Good hit. You get tossed up and you take a swing at the skylight with your axe and easily hit it and break it, opening up the potential escape route. I have a rope that if you like wanted to... Well, Matide is a Aarakocra, so maybe they could... with the rope...

They could whistle badly? What was that? Flap up there with their wings and... What if you turn into a bat? All right, listen, this is a very sore subject for me right now. Okay. Don't be mean. I'm sure if you try one more time, it'll work. I'm still working on hitting my bat's puberty. I hand Mateed my rope, but I continue to write my letter. Okay. Sure. I recognize that this is probably the best way for us to get out, so Mateed flies up.

And I guess... Do you want to look around just in case? I don't know if there's anything to loop it around on or do I just... I could just like pull back on it and counterweight it? There's like chimneys and vents that you could, you know, loop it around and hold on to it as well if you wanted to, you know, like you said, counterweight it so people could climb up. Yeah, I'll counterweight it that way. And I got to make sure to point out, I gave a little scritchy-scritchy to the kitty for doing such a good job.

Jacques does not paw at you. What are the other three of you want to do? Who wants to climb the rope? What's going on? What's Bart? What's Barty going to do? The secret passage with the way it opened would be such where if we relit the candle or wait, was it blew out the candle? Whichever cast thaumaturgy again. No, no thaumaturgy can't cast fire, but can I, can I light it and then run back in before it closed? Well, remember it wasn't a real candle. It was a candle in a painting. By the way, I think I was thinking prestidigitation. Well, you said that really well the first time you tried. Yeah.

Okay, so it doesn't look like something that... Yeah, it wasn't actual fire. You know what? I kind of like the idea of Barney thinking he can relight it by just lighting it with fire and it just burns the paint.

You could light the painting on fire. Not suspicious at all. Okay. Here we go. Do you give me a boost? Barney, you need some help there. Could Elga like help get Barney up on the rope, like lifting it up with his, I guess, walker in hand somehow? Sure. Yeah, I can help. I'm still trying to write the letter too, but yeah, I can help. I'll tie my walker down to the bottom and we'll pull it up afterwards. Smart. Okay, good.

And here we go. All right, and Barney scampers up the rope. Pretty spry for someone his age. You're surprised. Before Elgo goes up, could I just do a quick...

around the room just to make sure there's nothing else in here. Yeah, make an investigation check. Nat 20, but I 19 because I have a negative one. Nice. Yeah, you do another quick pass around the room and nothing really stands out. It's pretty Spartan aside from the bed, the nightstand, and of course the letter, which you already found. Okay, and I want to take that letter with me in case we just looked at it and didn't take it. Smart.

Sure. Yeah. Nobody said they were taking it, so I'm glad someone is. And then you go up the rope? Yeah. All right. Elga scampers up as well. Okay. Chip, do you plant your letter? I am finishing the final touches. Would you guys like to hear the letter that I wrote? What? I think we can skip it. Let's go.

We're all on the roof. It's literally on Google Docs. I wrote this beautiful letter. I've been watching you type that entire time, and I just want to completely usurp it and go move on. You're the worst. A real no-butt situation. Okay, here's the letter. Put up here, though, so you need to loudly. All right. Dear Chief Inspector Weezer.

How are you? I am fine. How did you spell Weezer? W-E-A-Z-R. Okay. How are you? I am fine. Thank you for wondering. Sorry about our cat, Jack. He is a sweet boy and is very protective of his giant bird owner. We want to reiterate that we mean you, nor the people of Atro City, any harm. We are invested in solving the murder of the Wolfsburgs.

of the Wolfman and hope to aid you in finding the culprit of this horrible crime. I hope you understand and have a nice nap.

With love, Chip. XOXO. P.S. Keep up the good work. Smiley face. And so, Gus, how many of the guards have surrounded Chip while he's been doing that? All of them. I put the final letter and I go, perfect. I'm just imagining Chip writing this letter on the bed in this room, like on his stomach with his feet kicking up behind him. All

All the better, all the better of an image if he's surrounded by these officers as well who have been listening to him. Yeah. Can you get, is this how you spell Weezer? Can someone spell check these for me? No, those cuffs really hurt.

I leave the letter on the bed and or no, I leave the letter on. Yeah, squeeze her and climb the rope. Okay, that got his chest. I saw you put your hand on your chest. Is that what you mean? Okay. Also, just want to say if the other coughs find him, they'll know it was us because you signed it. Nope, they'll just know it's Chip. That's true. Okay. Oh, shoot. I am halfway up this rope. Should I go back down? No.

I start pulling the rope up. Oh, gosh. You pull the rope up, including Chip, and right behind him, Barney's walker. You pull him up into the skylight. All right, so now you are on the roof of Parliament. Where do you all want to head next? What's your next move out of here? Obviously, we all should just fly away. So if everyone could just do what you do to fly. Yeah, the cops are streaming into Parliament below. 28 Leicester Square. I say we go. Oh, so

To Frank Eska's house? Yes. Either that or the Theracel, the medicine house. Oh, yeah, the medicine house. You mean the Theracel? Yes, the medicine house. I feel as though the best course of action would be to go to the medicine house first.

Okay. What's that? I don't know. Yes, and I don't think it'll be appropriate for us to tell this man, Robert, that his wife may have been cheating on him with another woman. I think that is neither our business nor information to share. Not our place. I agree. And I could really use a nice tub of icy hot, so let's go to the medicine house.

Do we know where this is? We should have taken that painting of the city, the map of the city. We should have taken that. Oh, was that in the office? Go back down? Yes. By all means, Chip, please go back down. So your question is whether you know where the medicine house is or not? Yeah. Yeah. Do we have like, we did look at that thing of the city. The what of the city? Map. The map of the city. Map? Map.

Yeah, you did. Make a wisdom check, Barney. Nine. Sounded so excited about that one.

You know, I know you looked at the thing of the city. You can't remember where it is, though. Oh, no. Shoot. Well, we know one address is 28 Leicester Square. I'm just going to start writing it as if Leicester. Yeah. I think I remember the medicine house location. Make a wisdom check, Chip. Okay. Oh, that's a two. Okay.

Chip starts telling you all, Chip's very confident he knows where the medicine house is, but he starts giving you all direction back to Lofton College and everyone knows that he's clearly wrong. That's literally where you just came from. I point one direction and my tail points to the other. I only rolled a six, so I do not know. But do not try to offer advice of where it is.

I recognize that I don't know things and I don't have to lie about possibilities of them. What you're going to do is go down Route 1 and you're going to take a left on Main Street and there's a gas station. You're going to go past four lights and then take a right at the stop sign near the Burger King. But Elga knows because Barb is about to roll a really good wisdom check. If everyone's trying to remember where this is, maybe Elga knows.

Nope. Here it comes. No clue. It's a three. We all wrote. Are you sure we're not correct?

there right now. That was single digits across the board for rolls. Yeah. Real dum-dum energy from the entire party there on those checks. The downside, the pessimist point of view is you don't know where the Therese Asylum is. However, if you want to be optimistic, you do know where Leicester Square is. Oh, we should go there then. Unless Jacques knows. I had

if we go to Leicester Square, if that's an area, we might just visually find it. Sure. Yeah. Let's go there. So just like you've been doing before, the whole party needs to move stealthily across the city, trying to hide from coughs and actualites who may turn you in. So everyone just go ahead and make me a stealth check. Nat 20, 25. Nat 20, 25. Stealth bomber up there. Oh, 16. 18. Good rolls across the board. 13. Wow. When it matters, we really need it. We

Even at disadvantage, Barney still pulled out a 13 there. You traverse the nightfall streets of Wolfram searching for two words under a moonlit sky. Then you finally lay your weary eyes on a faded sign that reads Leicester Square. You turn onto the road with excitement, but immediately find yourselves befuddled at trees. No homes, no businesses, no buildings at all. Just trees. Everyone roll a survival check. What are the kind of creatures that maybe live in trees? 17. 21. I was going to question...

Does it appear to be a park? No. Okay, no. So like... Like a forest. Yeah. Like a forest. This might be one of them Ripley's Believe It or Not's, you know? Where they're fooling your eyes. It's an illusion. Oh, I rolled a 12. I rolled a 4.

Elga, you're killing it today. I might need to show who's my inspiration though. No. I'd say roll with what's about to happen. Save that. Elga, did you read the street name wrong? Was it Lancaster? You know, in English, not my first language. Oh, yeah. True, true. Maybe it was like a lost in translation thing. Mateed, you desperately search amongst the oaken trees for any clues, but you find only leaves and trunks.

Oh. Ripley's believe it or not!

Wait, what do you mean? Describe how it disappears. It's like it just disappears. Like you reach out and the top half of your hand blends in with the forest in front of you. And then what happens if you try to pull it back out? Yeah. You pull your hand back out and your fingers are missing. I'm just kidding. It's not. You're fine. Oh, dear. You pull your hand back out and it's totally fine.

Wait, so the forest is... Or, like, the tracks is disappeared? I think there's probably a barrier that once you cross it, it, like... You know, like, what's that world in Wonder Woman where it's, like, you cross through, like, a... Oh, yeah, yeah. Themyscira. Yeah, that one. Chip walks up to the force field illusion thing, puts his tail through, and then covers his horns and say, "'Look at me! I'm a human!'

Bernie, I'm just like you in Elga. Life expectancy, 80 years. Elga pushes Chip through the force field. Mateed laughs and also was going to do that, so can we do it together? Yes. Both of you make an unarmed strike.

Just a gentle push, like tipping someone into the pool. I just wanted to make sure you touch them, you know? Ooh, I only rolled a six. I want to oppose this. Well, they're trying to see if they hit you, which means that if they touch you, this overclumbs your armor class. So, Elgar, you rolled a 19, which means that you do touch him. So, Chip, you can make, like,

a strength check to see if you hold your ground. Okay, all right. And then Elga, you also make a strength check as well to see if you can overcome his strength. Ooh, 15. Come on, Elga. 18. Ooh, she's strong. She's a barbarian. She's got leverage on you. You're coming from a lower angle. She hits you below your center of gravity. Chip stumbles a little bit and falls backwards, disappearing to everyone else's eyes. My groin! Do you hear us, Chip? Do you hear us?

across the plain. Do I hear them? Yeah, you do. You hear them. I stick my hand through with a thumbs up and I say, I hear ya! What a mystery. What do you see in there? What do I see? From everyone else's perspective, everyone else, when you got shoved through, everyone else sees the trees and landscape ripple a bit and warps. Chip, you see a quaint homestead surrounded by a white picket fence. Are there any, like, like,

tall leaves or tall grass or anything? No, it's very well manicured. Okay, but there's no, like, twigs or anything on the ground? On the porch of the house, there's, like, some potted plants. He's trying to hide. He's trying to hide. No, no, no. I just want to put something on my head that looks like tentacles and then pop my head back through, just my head, and be like, oh, I'm an Umbrella, and welcome to Air 50! Oh, yeah!

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It's Rooster Teeth's 20th anniversary, 20 years of Rooster Teeth. And to celebrate every Friday, we release new surprise episodes to celebrate and to thank all of you for 20 years of support. We've already had quite a few come out. I don't know how many were through, but there's still so many in front of us. We've had a new master and apprentice pop up. We had a rage quit. We kicked it all off with an awu. And there are more big videos to come. So head over to roosterteeth.com and check them out.

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After my Abrelian joke that totally lands, I want to say, it's just a home. It's just a nice little home. It's a secret home. Mateed walks through. Barney follows. Okay, here we go. Could I just look at the footprints and see what kind they are? Ooh. Yeah. Make a, let's see, would it be a nature? Survival. Make a survival check. What's your survival at? It's plus three. 13? Not bad. They appear to be humanoid. Okay.

Like normal size and everything? Yeah. All right. Elga comes through as well. So you all pass through the trees and, you know, the landscape ripples and warps into a quaint homestead surrounded by a white picket fence. The house is painted a soft gray with white trim and shutters. All across the porch are hanging potted plants full of vibrant flowers and lush greenery. You stop and listen for a moment and think you hear the faintest sound of weeping coming from inside the house. Um, can we tell if this is a female weeping? Make a...

Perception check. Can I join in as well on the perception? Go for it. You're going to have to because I rolled a five. Oh, that's a two. Okay. Man, you all are doing great today. No, you have no idea. It's just someone is crying. You're not sure what. I think there's a door that's squeaking somewhere inside that house. Maybe she should go put some WD-40 on it. Maybe it's a babbling brook. Huh? Huh?

I don't think we know anyone named Brooke. Nature. I approach the front door of the house. Barney does as well. Not too adamantly. A little saunteringly. Okay. You approach the door and the weeping seems to be getting louder. It appears like it's coming from inside the house.

Oh, no. Weeping willow. Is it nighttime? Yes, it is still nighttime. Is there like a window or anything? Yes. We'll say there are a couple of windows here on the front of the house. Could Barney kind of see? Is there any that he could kind of peek through? Yeah, Barney takes a peek and inside you see a human woman sitting on the floor of the room crying. Does she have a name tag? Probably.

No, she does not have a name tag. I always wear my name tag around my home. Just in case anyone's peeking in and wants to figure out if I'm somebody. Can Barney go knock unless anyone else has an issue? Do your thing, Barney. I'm going to go to see if someone's there and goes and knocks. Should we act like carolers? Okay.

Isn't that like a little too soon, Chip? What do you mean? Oh, my wife Carol! Oh, I miss her so much! That was good, guys. That was very good. You get an inspiration dice. That's great. That's good. You go and knock on the door and no one answers. I want to know what Barney's going to do. Matide is curious. Mrs. Francesca, we've got a delivery of news and a Carol.

Is it a Carol Haney? I like my Carols to be informative too. Yeah, you hear shuffling and footsteps inside the house. The door opens and the woman that you saw crying on the floor is standing before you. She's a fetching human. She has green eyes and fading long auburn hair wearing a floral patterned blouse. She says...

Yes? I'm Francesca. Can I help you? Yes. We're here for some, uh, to give you some news that, uh, well, we heard you had a, uh,

I hush chip. Buffalo gal, won't you come out tonight? Come out tonight. Come out tonight. Are you singing? Yes. I rolled a performance check because I'm dancing for him awkwardly. Barney, you make a performance check as well.

Gal, what have you got today? What a choice. 13. You just look up a list of old songs you can sing. That's why I was like, Chris was doing the look again where he's Googling something. And I was like, what are you Googling? He was Googling...

things that don't have royalty fees on them. Or he said, how to break news to... No, because I know producer Chris didn't want to sing something we couldn't do. Oh.

You also could have sang Camp Down Races. Remember, that was from the last campaign. Most Christmas carols are also perfectly fine. You begin singing and you're doing a decent job. Chip, meanwhile, is like butchering a dance next to you. And Francesca begins slowly closing the door.

Oh, wait, I'm sorry. You didn't like the song, but we found about you and the secret romance with Lorenzo, and we have an issue we need to find out. We're trying to solve a murder. She pulls out a dagger. Oh, no. Don't you ever say her name. I want to knock the dagger out of her hand. Make an unarmed strike. This poor woman is probably grieving the loss of someone she loved so much.

And we're like, hey, this person you love is dead and we need information. Smack the dagger out of her hand. Get that dagger out of here. Stop protecting your home. I rolled an eight. What's this woman's armor class in her floral blouse? She, you know, pulls it back before you're able to smack at it and closes the door.

Oh. Wait, we're afraid you might be a suspect in a murder. The door cracks open again. A murder? Of Wolfman. Why would I murder Wolfman? Who are you? Are you a cough? You have to tell me if you're a cough.

I don't think there's actually technically any laws for this. I think it is a myth. I don't think I'm a cough. Real quick, are you not Frankesca? You're not Frankesca, are you? Yes, I'm Francesca. Okay, Frankesca, we learned from a letter that you have a certain romantic lover, yeah? Her eyes narrow at you. And I smiled back. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Is this your plan? We just want to make sure that like we get ahead of the cops because we feel like there's an inside man that's pulling some strings and who wants people dead. And you might be one of those loose ends that they might try to silence. So we're trying to get ahead of that.

and protect you and find out information so that justice can be served. So that justice can be served. Do you think that they got to Robert? Is that why he hasn't been himself? He came by the house earlier today in such a rush. He wasn't acting like himself. He told me I needed to pack up and leave town. Then he just rushed off, saying he needed to tie up some loose ends at work. If he, like...

looks around inside the house. You can't see what she's looking at. We haven't seen Robert, have we? No. No, we saw our son. Have you seen, do you have a little boy or is there a man pretending to be a little boy? Yeah, does Henry, a little man, pretend to be a boy? You guys need to learn to ask one question, get the answer to that question, and then move on. No, no, Barbara. All questions, no answers. Jesus Christ. Do you have a little

Is he also pretending to be this guy? She says, yes, Henry is mine and Robert's son. He's a cute, curious little scamp. And where might he be? He's at school currently at the Foreign Remote Exchange Education Cohorts Program. Oh. Are you aware that your house is behind a...

glamour of some sort that it looks like a forest instead of a city oh yes that's for our protection we don't want anybody following Robert home from work at the Ther asylum and finding out where we live they might come after us people might be upset

Ripley's believe it or not. Did he go back to the Thera-sylum, the medicine house, when he ran off? I don't know where he went. He didn't tell me. You know how alchemists are. Always coming and going. Always busy with different things. Why might people be upset by Robert's work and want to find out where he lives? Is he not just helping people? What is, I guess, the nature of his work? Sometimes people think they don't need help and they get angry when you try to help them.

I have a question. Did Mr. Robert, did he know about your specials time with Lorenza? She becomes a little more defensive again. I met Lorenza years ago through my husband, but we only became close in the past few weeks. She was always working with Robert, but he had become so preoccupied with his work at the Therasylum, treating patients at all hours of the day and night, that Lorenza was really there for me in my time of need. Oh.

Hmm, time of need. Well, you know, Francesca, I'm so sorry for your loss. You know, the wolfman, she was murdered and we are trying to get to the bottom of it and really find out what happened. And it seemed like, you know...

You really cared for her? And Elga holds up the letter that they found in the room. Oh, yeah. Her eyes grow wide and she quickly snatches it. Where did you find this? I guess it doesn't matter that we tell you we found it in Lorenzo's secret place. That's not descriptive enough. That sounds weird. Sorry, I know we're the boys in the back, but...

Like their hidden bedroom. Not up like any weird bodily spaces. Not on her person, just in her possessions. Matita's starting to question whether any of these people can communicate like real humans or like real people at all. Well, Francesca actually opens the door wide and invites you in, Elika. I was just looking over letters like this.

You see that behind her where she was sitting on the floor crying is a pile of letters. From the Wolfman, I assume? Presumably. Okay.

Make a perception check, Elka, now that the door is wide open. I'm standing there too. Okay, you can make one too as well if you want, Mateed. I would like to, but I don't need to because... I rolled a 20. I rolled a five. You're good, Elka. You're just looking outside. You see that the pile of letters from where you can see it looks like shared correspondence with Lorenza. And you also notice that there are muddy footprints that lead down to the cellar in this house.

That was Robert when he was here earlier. He was in a hurry to get back to the Ther-asylum, so he went down to the cellar.

We have a passage that connects our house to the Thereseilum. I do not want to assume what you were doing, but it seems like maybe you were mourning the loss of the Wolfman. Is that what you were doing here in the room? I wonder why you would put yourself in that position to be so sad.

Lorenza and I were very close, and now she's no longer with us. Why wouldn't I be sad? Did you read the letter? Yeah, I know. I meant, like, I wanted to know if that was the reason why she was sitting there sad. Or if more events had occurred.

Because like so much is going on. Robert came in and out and that kind of thing. I didn't know if like that, because it just, to me, John, I'm curious as to why following Robert being so adamant about them getting out, her response was to pull out all these letters and have a good cry. It seems like my whole world has been upended lately.

With Robert acting strange, asking me to pack up quickly, Henry being sent off to boarding school, the death of Lorenza. It's all too much for me. I was trying to find comfort in past correspondence. Do you have any reason to suspect that your husband might have known about your relationship and might have had any reason to want to... Murder! Yes. Ha ha ha.

No, I don't think so. We were very careful. Can Matide do a quick search to see if there's any bags or anything, anything packed up? Yeah, make a perception check, I guess. Can ship distract? 22. No, you don't see anything packed up. Just these letters that have been taken out and they're on the floor of the room. Why have you not taken your Robert's advice and started to pack? I'm not sure if I want to go. This is a nice home. It's very lovely. Ha ha!

Who does your lawn care? It's just Chip going, oh, is that crown molding right there? Is this Kentucky bluegrass or St. Augustine or like a Bermuda? Who does your lawn? What's your square footage? If you want to try and track down Robert and ask him himself, you're more than welcome to follow him. Through the secret passage under your stairs? Yes. Okay. Shh.

So you're not going to like, so you're letting us in? You're inviting us in? Yeah, she already had opened the door when Elga presented the letter. Real quick, real quick meta talk. Does Elga have to be invited in as a vampire? Are we abiding by that law? Ha ha ha!

I forgot that was a whole thing. We haven't entered a home yet. It's true. I feel like a place of business is like an open. I mean, I feel like in a D&D campaign, it's going to be really hard for me to have to be invited into every place we go. I guess we should see. Maybe the rule is that we can go in and invite you in once we are in.

What if I have to break it? How about this? We all three walk in and see what happens. Well, Elga was invited in already. Elga. Okay. The door was open and she was asked to come in. Elga sticks her tongue out at everybody. Yeah. You all got invited in because of Elga. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you guys just stay out here and I just deal with this on my own. Okay. I'll keep admiring this lawn. That's okay.

I appreciate all this help and I am so sorry to impose further, but could we perhaps take a bit of a rest here? We have been going quite a bit trying to figure out the solution to this mystery. Yes, you can relax here for a short while. You can take a short rest here. Okay.

Would probably not want to stay, overstay their welcome. I would think that we could all just mosey on our way as quickly as we can after our rest. Chip didn't get anything back, so he was just, he's just chatting it up with Frank Eska. Am I right? Interior design. Is that West Elm? Living spaces. That's way more affordable. All right, let's go down to the basement now. Okey dokey.

You descend the steps into a cellar filled with casks of wine and barrels of dried food. As you turn the corner of the steps, you see a false wall leaning ajar just beneath the stairs. Beyond the false wall is a half-constructed tunnel dimly lit by glowing green gems hanging along the cavern walls.

You see a fresh set of footprints heading- no wait, there's two sets of footprints, almost identical, heading down the sneaking tunnel. You follow the tracks for a few minutes until you eventually see torchlight dancing just ahead, near a set of wooden stairs leading up. As you approach the stairs, you hear feet muffled, shuffling, and grunty coming from above. At the end of the stairwell is the back of a shelf lined with beakers and vials, and it seems to be blocking the exit.

Doomsday preppers. Am I right? You said the second set of footprints looks identical, like another humanoid? Yeah, pretty identical. Yeah.

Yeah, like as identical as like the exact same pair of shoes? No, almost identical. Not exactly the same, but very, very similar. Can I look at Frank Eska's shoes and see if they have any mud or if they've kind of matched the size? We've left her. Yeah, she stayed upstairs. She didn't go into the cellar with you guys. Well, heck. Could listen for what the grunting might be and then where it's coming from and then also check the bookshelf for the vials and see if there's anything of interest.

Make a perception check for the sounds. That was a one. For a five. No, it's very hard to make out. My hearing sometimes goes out. Do I see any interesting files? Oh, and then make an investigation check for that. That's five.

Can I help out and discern what the grunts are and what's going on down there? Party's falling asleep. Sure. Was it investigation or what? Perception for the sounds. He knew he was supposed to be doing something. What'd you roll, Blaine? I rolled a three. I got a lot of wax buildup in my ears. You can't hear anything over the sound of your own voice. Yeah. I don't hear anything. I don't know what's going on.

Yeah. And you can make an investigation check. Eight bad rolls today. So I will say, even with those low investigation checks, what you do realize is you're looking at the back of the shelf. Whatever, like the vials and everything are on the other side in the room that it exits to.

So probably this thing opens up as like another false wall. What if this is the medicine house and he's got a shortcut to the old home? I think that is exactly what Francesca just told us moments ago is that this is a tunnel to the Theracylum. I definitely didn't listen to that. I was so enraptured by this beautiful home. Shocks.

What did you think we were going down this tunnel for? Just to look around, maybe search for Robert. I don't know. Henry? Well, you are looking for Robert. Do we need to start checking in to see if you know what we're doing? Elga wants to try to listen in. Listen, I'm trying to make the jokes. I'm trying to write funny things to say to pop things up a bit. I did not get it. Do I have advantage, though? Because I have vampiric hearing. We'll say that has worn off by this point.

Okay. Yeah, it's just very muffled. I rolled a five, too. Very muffled. Just to clarify, you were rolling that to also check to see if you could tell what might be on the other side? Just to listen in to see if I could identify the voices. I'm going to push this thingy. Yeah, make a strength check. When Barney's pushing it, does Barney have to leave one hand on the walker and is only pushing with one hand, like leaning over his walker? You need to push with both hands leaning over the walker because then the shelf is supporting him and then puts his hands back down on the walker. Okay. Okay.

21. Barney got old man strength. Old man strength. Yeah, you clear the way and you enter a vast stone hall with vaulted ceilings and wooden floors. To the north and east are tall windows covered in chain link and gleaming with moonlight. In the center are several long tables covered in various tools and books. At

At the far northern end of the hall, you see a large purple tree dripping with sparkling sap. At the base of the trunk, you recognize a gray suited man being held upside down in the air by a large skinless humanoid made of bulging white muscles covered in green veins. The old man is seen in a very weary voice. I already told you, there is no notebook.

Come now, old man. Eddie can smell a filthy fib from a mile away. Surely you don't want to choke on your own lies like your pal Lorenzo, do you? The figure's hairless head and fleshless face turns toward you all with lime green eyes and a wide splintered smile of jagged teeth. Ha ha ha ha!

More friends to play with, Eddie. What a stupendous surprise. I hear a large crash. Look to your left and see shelves and shelves of glass vials, beakers, and bottles being looted by hooded figures in bloodhawk masks. Mind the merchandise, bird brains, or I'll have your beaks for breakfast. Make yourselves useful and entertain our new playmates over there. The three masked hoods leap high into the air and descend upon your position. Everyone go ahead and roll initiative.

Right before we get into it, could you, sorry, I might have missed this. You said there was someone named Eddie talking to three people. Eddie is talking to the old man who is tied upside down at the tree. The old man is gray suited. And of course he recognizes being the alchemist. And Eddie is the one who was giving the whole spiel and who was talking to the three hooded figures who are now jumping at you guys, causing you all to roll initiative. Same person. Eddie was referring to themselves in the third person. Correct. Correct.

- Copy that. - And we don't see Robert. - You see Eddie, the alchemist, and these three masked figures. - And Eddie, the skinless monster with green veins. Really quick, do I recognize them as being like Frankenstein or whatever from that parade? - No, it is not Frankenstein.

Frankenstein's got skin. You know, initiative. Different interpretations. We're on five. That's a 22. I have a 21. All right. So these three masked hooded figures, you know, jump in the air and are descending on you three. Chip, you're up first. And then after you is Elga. I am going to hold my attack until they are in closer range. You're not going to engage? No.

Nope. I wanna- I wanna hold until one of them is closer to a friend. I have something in mind. Okay. Like, this looks like something else!

Japani, pleasure to meet you. And then I just wait with a big smile. Elga, what about you? Oh, that was your whole turn? Yeah, he just belayed his whole turn. Yeah, after Elga is Barney. I want to try to... Could I go over to the alchemist to try to get him down? Yeah, he is, you know, tied up next to Eddie. So you'd be getting closer to Eddie as well if you do that. But from where you are, what's your movement? 30, yeah, walking speed 30. 30?

They're at the other end of the room. So if you double move, you'd be able to get to where Eddie and the alchemist are. Okay. I'll double move. Okay. Yeah. You double move and that puts you at the base of the tree that I mentioned as well. And that's what the alchemist is hanging from. And Eddie is standing there at the base of the tree. Excuse me. I would like to get my friend down if you don't mind. Just move aside a little bit. Thank you. I like the shuffling.

the sure confidence that Elga has. Barney, after Barney is one of the figures and then Mateed. -Can I hop in and do my action? -Oh, yeah. Yeah. If you're ready to go there, yeah. -I pop in and I say, "Hey, you better listen to the little lady there." That's a sneak attack because once per your turn, you can deal an extra 1d6 damage to a creature you hit with an attack. The finesse or ranged weapon, if you have advantage on the attack roll, you don't need advantage on the attack roll if another enemy of the target is within five feet.

So assuming that Elga is within five feet. That is how it works. Yep. Yeah. All right. This is, uh, I'm using my arm blade. I don't know how I feel about being essentially bathed in this position. Shoot. I rolled a one, but I got an inspiration. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Isn't your arm blade? That's a rapier. That's a melee weapon. You need to be within five feet to use that. Oh, shoot. Can I make my movement towards him and then continue the, or do I already have to be...

You would have to be within range. So what you could do... Oh, it's a double movement. Right. You could move 30 feet and then use your crossbow, which has a 30-foot range. Yeah, we'll do that. We'll do that. All right. So I move the half distance, and then I use my crossbow, which brings me closer to him. Yes. And it's a sneak attack. So that's a 10. Can I use my inspiration die to reroll that? You absolutely can. That's an 8. 10.

A little rusty. Does a tin do it? Does a tin do it? No, a tin does not do it. He's skinless. What's his armor? Dexterity also plays into armor. All right, well, stupid crossbow making me look like a dorkus. All right, Barney. I'll try and scoot forward a bit, and then Barney raises his hand, casts Toll of the Dead on the Eddie, I guess. Okay.

They need a wisdom 14 to save. Okay. Target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw. So I have a plus one on this, so I need a 13 or better. Two. That is a failure. That is not a 13 or better. Yeah, no kidding. So what happens, Chris? Seven points of damage. He wasn't previously damaged, right? No. No, because Chip fully missed him. Remember that? Yeah. Keep it going, John. Keep it going. Okay.

I only can keep it going now before I do actions and completely screw up my actions. I can do it now while I have a clean slate. I already know. I already know.

Barney extends a bony finger and points at Eddie, and you all hear the sound of a, like a Dolores bell filling the room. It's almost like unbearable. It seems like it affects Eddie directly, causing him to take seven points of necrotic damage. Ding dong. Ding dong. Pull my finger. Pull my finger. Pull my finger.

So is that it for your turn, Barney? Yeah, I guess I moved up like 15 feet maybe, I guess. I don't know. A little bit, but I'll be a little bit behind Chip. So let's say you moved up like 25 feet or so. Okay. And the range on Toll of the Dead is 60 anyway, so you're fine. Wow. All right, it's one of the hooded figures turns. One of them is going to attack either Chip,

- Chip or Barney. Even's Chip, odds Barney. Even, Chip, one of the hooded figures thinks you're so cool the way you shot that crossbow. - Just loves your outfit, the socks, everything. - It spins something in its hand and throws it at you. - Always love meeting a fan.

-Hitting a C18. -Yeah, that's gonna do it. I am very low on health because they have not let us rest in a while. -Well, we did. You just didn't have a hit dice. -Yeah. The creature throws bolas at you, which spin around and hit you, restraining you, doing a total of five points of damage and wrap around your body.

That's it for Chip, then. Wow. Bye-bye. Yeah, I'm down. Uh-oh. Chip's down. We so squishy. Luckily, the cleric is right next to you. I have no way to heal because we haven't taken a rest ever. We took a short rest. That doesn't re-heal...

Spell slots. Oh, God. This is why we shouldn't use things. Mateed, what do you want to do for the situation? Do you have a croissant or something? Just like a muffin? My special healing baguettes. You know the healing foods? I've heard tales.

I go and are the hooded figures, have they moved at all? Are they still in a clump? They've moved around a little bit. They're fanning out across the room. Okay. As a little action, that's not my action. Can I set Jacques down? Yeah. That's like a free action. Okay.

Free action. Thank you. Protect the cat. That's a good call. He's a lovely DM. He's a giving DM. I'll go and engage in one of them who hasn't attacked yet. Okay. There's still two who have not. Yeah. Pick a guy since I can't visualize it. Maybe the closest one that Matique could get to. Yeah. There is one that's heading down towards you. I'm marking it right here. Yeah.

And I'm going to just do a nice little Talon attack on that hooded figure. Okay. 14. That hits. Nice. Cool. Going to roll damage.

Seven points of talent damage. What's that, slashing? I think I believe that's slashing or piercing, it should say. Slashing. And then I'm going to do it again because I can. Well, I will say this. Before you do your second one, you hit it viciously with your talents, slashing at the hooded figure, and it falls to the ground. Oh, okay. Then what my team would do at this point would turn just slightly to look at Chip, who's on the floor, and give a little wink. Mm-hmm.

Go team. You did it. I'm so proud. And I'll go for the next person. If I have the move distance to get to the next person. Yeah. If you fly, you should easily have it. It flies like 60, right? No, 50. You keep saying 60. It's 50. I'm going to keep you honest. It's because your walk is 25. I was thinking 30, 60 instead of 25. Yeah. Anyways, another talent strike. I assume this is at the other one that is not attacked. Correct. Okay. You have two attacks. I can do two unarmed strikes. Wow.

When I don't wear armor. Yep, 22, that connects. So it's cool now. Well, unarmed strikes are cool. Yeah. 22 hits and I do four damage on that one. Okay, that's not quite enough. That one's still up and about. You know, you do slash at it with your talons and it looks at you with murder in its eyes. Chip braces his head and says, Mateed, you are so talented. That one was good. I like that one.

It's a good thing Blaine's here for the jokes and not to actually listen to the story. I like the joke. It's good. And that finishes Mateed's turn. Okay. So only one of the hooded figures is down. One's down. One's damaged. One is engaging or engaged with Chip. There it is. There you go. Eddie is with Elga. And he's next to you, his new best friend. Cool. Yeah.

I've already been spoken for. Her name's Carol. She's quite lovely. So it's that other one's turn that you just attacked, and it's going to turn around and attack you, Mateed. You are within melee range, so it's not going to throw bolas at you instead. It also has talons, and it lets out a taloned hand and takes a swipe at you with it. Hitting AC 16. That matches my AC. Oh, yeah, that's a hit then. Good lord, you have 16? Yep, monks are cool.

-Man. -So yeah, it slashes you doing six points of piercing damage. Ouch. -Are you okay? -Yeah. I mean, I'm not like brimming with health because we're all like barely over 10 HP, but I'm fine.

Yeah, barely over 10. What's your HP? What's your HP? Nine. Nine. He's a little rogue. He's a little rogue who's on the floor. It's Eddie's turn, and Elga is right next to him. But for some reason, he decides to attack. Oh, no.

It's just violently stomping this incapacitated man. Please stop. It's probably just a small child who wandered in here. Maybe she's not fighting. Maybe she's just looking. Barbara's doing the little fingers touching each other like, I'm just a little girl. Eddie is going to lash out at you, Elga, with some claws. I don't like this. Hitting AC 22. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that hits. Doing... Maybe you should have raged. 11 points of damage. I'm down. You should have raged. I should have. I guess I forgot I could do that as a bonus action after two movements. I did too. That's why I didn't say it before. I would have advised it. So we're all in that same boat. That's on Chris, the former barbarian. I didn't want to backseat. I didn't want to backseat. Drive. Like, I didn't want to be like...

He didn't want to backseat barbarian. No, I know. I was like, oh, I would imagine you might have raged and attacked or something, but you know, no one likes a BB. Eddie begins laughing maniacally after he strikes Elko. Please leave us alone. Chip, it's your turn. Do you want to make a death saving throw? You know it. That's a six. No, that's a six. So that's one in the failure column.

So, like, how much blood is he coughing up at this point? Well, he's not coughing because he's not breathing, so that's good. Oh, okay. He's so peaceful. I keep wasting all my breath on jokes. Okay.

- Those are just like the death rattles of Chip. - Elka, I should ask Blaine, did it allow you to put one in the failure column there? - Yeah, Gus, thanks for asking. - 'Cause I'm gonna have to tell Barbara. That's why, so Barbara rolled a d20. - Yeah, I'm also down. - And let's see. - Okay, just a d20? - Yeah. - I rolled a 10. - A 10, that's what you need.

Okay, cool. That is a success. By the skin of your fangs. Gee, I didn't even get a puppet made after me. This stinks. My mom's just got one foot made so we can stop her there. His chip brother, Dip.

Please, I want to do that. Kill him. Please, no. I really like me. I was trying to help you, but now I really do want to meet Dip Haney. That sounds great. It's not even his name. Who's Dip? Chip and Dip. What's the name of Dip's wife that's missing as well? Coral. Coral.

Cheryl. Yeah. Cheryl. That's a good one. Cheryl. Barney, what do you want to do? So there's how many of the three are down right now or what were their positions? One is down. One is injured. One is uninjured. One of them is a little away from you. The one that hit Chip with the bolus. One is further to the south. That's down that Matita attacked originally. And then a little closer to you also to the south is the second one that Matita attacked. I guess I'll ding dong toll the dead on the one that's injured. Okay.

And it needs to roll... Oh, is it a DC 14 wisdom saving throw? Yeah. Its wisdom save is not good. All right. It's a minus four. So I need to roll an 18 or better. That's a 10, which is a six. So that's a failure. All right. Here we go. Ding dong. 12. So yeah, just...

With this spell, if Barney targets a creature that's already damaged, he rolls more damage against it. You ding-dong that guy so hard, he falls over. A little X is on his eyes. He's really focusing on this. This is a real good fight. Very good show, boys. Barney, you are unbelievable. I can't tell if you're enjoying this or dying.

Hey, Barney, that Toll the Dead was for you. Chip, his name is Chip, you're Barney. Chip, that Toll the Dead was for you. Only six episodes. It makes sense you wouldn't remember my name. What a Barney move to call someone else Barney. His own name. I guess I'm... Was the one that I hit, is that the one that... Is there any within movement range or attack of opportunity range of Barney? Not attack of opportunity, but there is one you could move to who's a little west of you. The one that threw the bolus at Chip.

Maybe create a barrier between him and Chip. Yeah, move between me and Chip. Between Chip and that enemy? Chip comes back up.

Just don't invite any AOE attacks, please, Barney. All right, that's Barney. Oh, it's that one's turn. The one that you're standing before or you're between. It's also going to throw some bolas at you and try to hit you from range and try to get you tied up. Barney, watch out for the bolas. It hits AC 13. That misses. All right, yeah. You expected. You saw what happened to Chip. Arm her. Arm her.

It fails to wrap around you. Healing. Healing. Matid, you're up. I'm going to cut a fool. Let's get this other hooded figure down. All right. And make this an even fight. That one's only going to be a seven. That is not a hit. That does not connect. Yeah.

Number two is 16. That one does hit. That's a good one. Yay. Rolling six damage. Slashing damage. Six points of slashing damage. This one, also, he's pretty squishy. He falls down. No longer breathing. He joins his friends for a dirt nap. Jeez. Yay. That's two for Mateed. Mateed's all over it. Anything else? Yeah. Could I fly up over Eddie and the incapacitated Elka? Sure. Why not?

And do you continue like flying over them? You're not gonna land? Yeah, I'm holding my position. I'm at a vac. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm overwatch. Is that it for you? Yeah, because I'm not aware of anything other than healing potions or spells that can help someone who's incapacitated or abilities that have that, right?

There's nothing that just a general party member can do to like... I think you can do like a medicine check to try to stabilize them. Let me double check that. You use your action to administer first aid to an unconscious creature. You make a medicine check against a DC of 10. If you succeed, the creature is stabilized. If you have a healer's kit, you can use it to stabilize a creature without making an ability check. Okay, then I will... Instead of doing the fly, I will go over to Chip and do a medicine check. Well, you already used your action, didn't you? Oh, I did. Okay.

That would be an action, right? Yeah. You can just hold my hand. No, it's a good call. That's fine, too. Just your presence is enough. Come to wish old Chip Haney goodbye, eh? No, if that's the case, I'll do the fly action and float. Yeah, to stabilize is an action. Yeah, you got to clear it next to your fight. Okay, see you later. Bye.

Just don't forget, just walk to the light. You'll be fine. I'm going to power walk to that there light. That was Matide, which means we are now at Eddie's turn. Oh, great. Eddie thinks this is hilarious. He begins laughing maniacally. Hehehehe.

Barney and Mateed, each of you make a wisdom saving throw. 20. 24. Jesus. Yes. Barney and Mateed holding things down. You feel like fear bubble up and grow in the pit of your stomach and you want to drop everything you're holding and just run. But your commitment to your friends and the task at hand give you the strength to hold fast. And you do not let those feelings overcome you.

What's so funny? Why is he laughing? Chip, roll a d20. Okie dokie. Oh, thank the heavens. That's a 19. 19. You get to put a little notch in the success tab. Look at that. A little green X. Ain't that cute? Elga, do the same. Roll a d20. Let's see what you got. Can I get another one?

- 11. - Oh, that's good. That's another success. Things are looking good for you guys. - You would think as a vampire I cannot die again. - Hey, what's my AC on plot armor? - Barney, you're up after Barney is Matit. - Okay, Barney's gonna cast Toll the Dead on that Eddie. - Okay. - See how that goes. Ding dong.

I like how you focus like gum gum. Show me the magic. Ding dong.

- All right, now let me roll my save here, which is a plus one. I need a 13 or better on this. Ooh, I rolled a 20. That is a save. - Oh no. - And so what does that do? Does it do nothing on a save? - Yeah, it does nothing. - All right. Eddie's laughing so maniacally that he seems to almost enjoy the tolling of the bells. - Formidable opponent. Maybe we should save that magic guy. He might have heals. - The Elk missed. - Mateed, what do you want to do? - Okay, yeah.

You know, I'm not brimming with life, but might as well try to... If I stabilize someone who is doing death saves, does that mean they go up to just what? 1 HP? I believe they end up at 0. A stable creature doesn't make death saving throws, even though it has 0 hit points, but it does remain unconscious.

So it's like they don't have to make the death saving throws anymore, but they're still at zero. They're still unconscious. And the result of three successful deaths rolls is what? They stabilize. Like that's what they're hoping to hit. So best outcome is the same thing.

-Oh, so even if we do three saves, we still don't get to do any action or anything like that until we're healed? -I long for glorious battle. This is a humbling experience. -Once you stabilize, if you are not healed, you regain one hit point after a couple of hours. So it's like you're stable and if no one attends to you, you will eventually heal and wake up. -Eddie, if you want to go grab a coffee, you're just going to give us a minute. -I'll go in for an attack then.

Okay. He is already injured. Yeah, a little. Let's hope this guy's got... Oh, that's a seven. That's a decent... I don't know what his HP is. He's got like a plus eight on his attack. Total pushover. 24. Oh, yeah. That hits. I would hope so. Four damage. Okay. You know, you swipe at him with your talons and it connects doing four points of damage. He's still smiling and laughing like a lunatic. Uh-oh. Oh, no. So he's...

skinless and just showing muscle and bone? Is he wearing like armor or clothing? He's wearing very loose fitting clothing. Okay. Like pants. Pants him. Attack the genitals. Survive. And one other question. This tree, was there something special about it other than it was purple leaves? It had goo on it. Yeah, it had goo that it was dripping down. Okay. And I don't recognize the goo for what it is? No. Push him into the goo. Okay.

Go him. Go him. I'm probably going to go down with his next attack, but I'll just go ahead and try to do some damage, and this will be a Barney show. Oh, no. That's not a show. I'd buy admission to that show.

Okay, let's do another attack. That's a 20. That hits. Doing five points of damage. Slashing damage. Another five. Yeah, he's frowning at you now. His smile has faded and he looks upset with you, Matee. I have softened him for you, Bani. Is that it for your turn? Yeah, I don't think there's anything that allows me to disengage. So I think that might be it for me because I think I need to stay within. I have to stay next to him or else I'll get attacked. Yep, that's it. It's Eddie's turn.

I've grown tired of this game, but don't worry. I plan to have a frightfully fun time in Mascatton. Now if you'll excuse me... Eddie tosses a burning vial into the air and crack! A sprawling cloud of green smoke fills the room. I've got a train to catch! Hahaha, you are excused. Please leave! You're dead.

Shut up. After a moment, the smoke clears, but there's no trace of Eddie. And slam! The door to the south slams open and a handful of coughs barge into the room, led by Chief Inspector Weezer. Stop right there! You're all wanted for the murder of Lorenza Wolfman. Did you get my note? You misspelled my name!

Oh, no. While this is going on, the alchemist manages to free himself from his bindings and, you know, plops down to the ground behind you and says, We don't have time for this. The real culprit is getting away. The alchemist flings a ball at the southern shelves of potions and kaboom! The shelves detonate with a cacophony of sounds and smells. This way. Bring your friends. Hurry. Someone's going to have to carry me.

I'll pick up Elga because I'm next to her. I'll pick up Chip and kind of like... Wait, I need you to paint an image for me here, okay? So Barney flops Chip over to his walker. So he's leaned over, like, and he's kind of weakened at burning him. So he would never...

He's just kind of shuffling him along with the walker. Yeah, so he kind of has his hands over his, like he loops a little rope around Chip's hands and then has him leaned against the walker. So every time Barney takes a walk with the walker, Chip's like flopping around. All right. The alchemist dashes past the tree, grabbing something that was inside of it and leaps through the nearest window with a crash. I follow. So does Barney and Chip with also a crash.

Because so does Charney. Charney. Here, drink this. You'll feel better in no time. You all can receive a long rest and an inspiration die. Oh, goodness. Oh, thank goodness. Long rest and an inspiration die? Yeah. That means we're doing real bad. We don't deserve that. Yeah. You all follow suit out the window and land safely in some nearby bushes outside. You look up to see the alchemist hopping onto a horse-drawn wagon as a crescent sun rises to the east. Hop in.

Choo-choo! In the distance, you hear the whistle of a steam engine. I like trains. Let's get in the wagon. I don't know. I feel like the train will be more efficient. Is Elga miraculously conscious and able to move on her own at this point? Yeah, Elga is coming to as is Kip. I would say, though, Elga still wants to be in Mateed's arms.

Also, canonically speaking, I also picked up the cat. Yeah, if it was nothing else, Jacques would have jumped back on your shoulders as he saw what was going on. He knows what he's doing. So yeah, I carry Elga to the carriage. Yeah. The alchemist whips the reins and the wagon takes off with a jolt. You look back and see Chief Inspector Weezer jump out of the window, but he misses the bushes entirely and slams into the ground. In no time, the wagon reaches the edge of Atro City. You see a column of white smoke trailing from a train leaving the depot.

We're gonna have to make a jump for it. The wagon pulls up next to the caboose of the racing train. Everyone make an athletics check. I also imagine this is why he gave us an inspiration die for this jump. Yeah, oh boy, another opportunity to die. 18, thank God. 11. I did a nine, so I'm gonna do it again.

I rolled a six. I'm just gonna see what happens. A 15. Okay, and the alchemist needs to make a check too. Ooh, 18. Elga, 15. Chip, 18. Barney, 11. And the alchemist, 18 as well. Is that correct? Mm-hmm. Matit at six. Oh, Matit, six. All right, you did well enough. The party's able to jump on the train without too much trouble. The alchemist turns to you and says, We made it. And...

With this. And he holds up a notebook. Well done, everyone. Looks like our luck is finally taking a turn for the... With a squeak, the caboose door opens and a brawny blue-vested orc with ferocious eyebrows furrows them at you. May I see your tickets? Find out if the party has tickets or not in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Are we not on the top of the train? No, you jumped, like, onto the caboose, like, that little platform on the back. Got it.

This guy's getting thrown off the train for sure. Or you. No, no. I have incredible combat prowess. And we don't know what this notebook is, right? We've never heard about this before? No, that's what they were looking for. Yeah. Whenever. Yeah, correct. I think it's a pretty well-known book. Brian Gosling, Rachel McAdams hit. If you're a bird, I'm a bird. Very familiar. Me and Carol's first date. Yeah.

Hey, a reminder, make sure and check us out on YouTube. We're on there now posting our content, posting our puppet videos and plenty of other stuff. So, you know, cheese the system. Just watch an episode for a few seconds and give us a view. Subscribe there. Subscribe.

Oh, yeah. Just go, hey, your cats love puppets, and it's proven to extend their life expectancy by five years if you let them listen to D&D content. So just loop our stuff. Blaine, the puppet intro video you made was really funny. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. If you want to see it, you have to go to our YouTube page. Yeah. Which is YouTube.com slash at SneakyDragonPod. Go check it out now. Before we wrap, I just want to give a huge shout out to someone. First of all, all the...

the fan art that's been posted in our subreddit is amazing but there's someone by the name of NU in there yet who did a bunch of team names and they came up with a bunch of great ones but my favorite one was chip monk which is chip and uh matide that's a good one yeah there's also a team french canadian which would be chip and matide another option

So next week, it sounds like we're doing a Between the Tails. Is that correct, Gus? Yeah. Okay, we're going to be messing with the format on this campaign. So tune in because we're going to be doing something a little bit different, and I think it's going to make the Between the Tail episodes a lot of fun to listen to. So please tune in next week. What are we doing? I don't know yet.

You have to tune in to find out. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Saunier. Here's a quick shout out to some folks that interacted with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in this episode. Chief Inspector Weezer named after Commander Carl Weezer567 on Reddit and Discord. Also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided voiceover for characters in this episode. Chief Inspector Weezer voiced by Micah Reisinger at Micah Reisinger.

Francesca Esteban, voiced by Jessica Vasami, at Jessica Vasami. The Alchemist, voiced by BlizzBear, at BlizzBear. Eddie, voiced by Andrew Rosas, at Mr. Andrew Rosas. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.