C02 - Ep. 05 - Arrested in Attro City - Parliament to Be
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It's been a while, all you ancient dragon turtles. Plod your way into the stinky dragon, lap up our latest latte, come shell or high water. It's a mixture of sliced armored almonds, boiling clombian coffee, steaming hightalian roast coffee topped with typhoon extract. One slurp of this strong stuff, you'll be up on a fence post without anyone's help.

Previously, our adventurers finally found Zuzu in Area 15, acquired info about Abrallions, and left for Lofton College in search of a new suspect: the Wolfman's assistant. After entering the campus, they encountered a young boy named Henry searching for his dad, and discovered they were late for a class lecture with Professor Hamlord. Pour yourself a potation, let's proceed with this puzzling, pungent potboiler.

You almost ran out of air in that last one. I did. I did. Sometimes I really have to extend it. I'm embarrassed that it came across. It didn't come quite out as loud as everything else. Boiler. Boiler. I didn't catch a word of that recap because you started with, it's been a while. So I was just like, it's been a while since I could hold my

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I am your dungeon master, Gustavo Sorolla, and I'm joined by our four players today, who are... It's me, Barbara Dunkelman, and I play... Elga Von Brath. What is Elga again? Remind me. Elga is a vampire half-elf barbarian, and she's very precious and cute and sweet until she's not. Aww. Aww.

We are also joined by Blaine. This is my turn? Are you about to sneeze? I'm Blaine Gibson. I play Chip Haney, a tiefling rogue. Did I forget anything? I'm Chris Demers, who plays Bangy. Bangy. The human cleric.

Who's an old man? And I'm John Reiser. I play Mati Conficius, who is a Eric Cochran monk ghost. Before we get started, I want to hit you guys with an arrow.

A role-playing warm-up question. We have 100 questions that were submitted online via the Stinky Dragon subreddit and Discord. And kind of like a little warm-up, learn a little bit about our characters. I'm going to roll. You all have all rolled a D100. I have not yet. So I'm going to roll the D100 and see what the question is this time. Best getting in on the action. I get to roll dice too. You roll more than us. Yeah, that's true. Okay.

True, true, true. Four. This comes from Jahardin on Discord. Hey, Jahardin. Yeah. How'd you get out of your cell? Ha ha ha.

The question is, what's your favorite vacation destination and why? But I'm going to modify that a little bit. What would be your character's ideal kind of vacation if they want to get away and have a little bit of relaxation time? I feel like Chip would like to go to the fantasy equivalent of what's that place in Disney World with the big ball? Epcot. And you travel the world and there's a lot of food and...

Is it Epcot? Yes. We said it twice. Oh, just making sure. What's... Okay, quickly, improvise. What's the fantasy Epcot? Lep-cot? Like a leprechaun? No notes. Chip Haney likes to go to Lepcot. He likes to travel the world, eat all the food, get a little drunk, get a little boozy.

I don't know. I don't know what else. No, that's good. I was actually in my mind. I was thinking Chip Haney might think like fantasy Branson, Missouri kind of place, like lots of singers from the past, you know, good old family fun. Yeah. Or whatever the fantasy equivalent of Graceland would be. Oh, that's a good one. Something like that. Yeah. Chris, what about Barney Farney? Barney...

He would, uh, he likes to travel to new places to talk to everyone, to figure out what his

what his golden knife is. Why do I feel like that's... That to him means like going to a new post office in town and just talking to every person there. Yeah, I feel like that was more like what does Barney like to do? Where does Barney like to go for a vacation? I don't think there's a difference between the two for him. He's already like retired. He's older, so everything's a vacation. Yeah, everything... Everywhere he goes to him is like a vacation. Like he's just like...

running around and everything is uh is exciting i'll go next you know elga she is very uh since she's a child you know you think she'd want to go to epcot or whatever uh chip said lepcots but elga always dream about going to transylvania uh she never been before um

And she heard that there's lots of people like the Draculas from there, big fans. She never goes, but you know, maybe someday. And then I think his secondary choice would be Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Wait, why? Just for clarity, in this world, Dracula's from Vania. So you would want to go to Vania. Yes, I know that. But I've heard tales of Transylvania as well from the outside. Whenever Elga's car breaks down, she likes Sylvania bulbs.

totally understood that Pennsylvania is a brand why Philadelphia Pennsylvania Pennsylvania why there

Because it rhymes. Because it's Slovenia. Okay, I went right over my head. I'm sorry. Oh, you're good. It's a legit question. What about Matit? Matit has not taken a vacation in a very long time, working very hard at the bakery every day.

If I were to take a vacation, I guess I would be inclined to go to... I love the countryside. I love where there is open space, open air, plenty of flowers to smell and no people.

Oh, no people. I am a big fan of that as well. I would suspect that Matide would want to go on like food tours like like France and other places to like find new things to bake. Maybe. Yeah.

You all head upstairs. There's, again, floating signage indicating that you can visit the library, the garden, or the lecture hall. Lecture hall. Lecture hall. Oh, yeah. You all make your way to the lecture hall. You enter a tall, windowed classroom built like a theater. On either side of you are rows of tables, and in the center is a set of stairs leading down to the end of the room. At the front of the class is a desk with a plaque that reads, Professor Hamholtz.

Behind the desk turned away from everyone is a young man in a tweed vest inscribing something onto the chalkboard behind him that's in bright blue lettering. And he's reciting. Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night...

may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the full moon is bruh and he stops at the sight of you his eyes widen and he begins backing up towards the chalkboard but but i i thought you were in jail not anymore well guess again wolf man hey you you've been dropping a lot of stuff around town you're very irresponsible

Right. See, the thing about that is... And without warning, he takes off running and dives through the nearest window. Oh, my goodness. That was unexpected. What do you want to do here? Could Elga go up and read the board again? And slow enough that she could write it down in a notepad?

Yes, but don't forget, every second Hamlord is getting away. While Elga's doing that, what is other people doing simultaneously? I guess would be a good use of, like, the time. How high up are we? You're on the second floor. Oh, my goodness. I want to give chase. I'll jump through the window. I figured. I was like, Chip's got to be wanting to go for a leap out the window. Barney follows. Out the window? Yes. With or without the walker? With it. Yes.

So it's like Gandalf with the sword going after the Balrog, except it's Barney diving headfirst with a walker in front of him chasing Hamilord. Chris is the one laughing the most at this because he knows exactly what I'm saying. It would seem the boys have this handled, so I will stay with Elga. Once again, Elga, to recap, it's even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the full moon is bright. Ah. Okay, so we have...

Chip and Barney diving out the window, Elga taking notes, and Mateed waiting with Elga. While Elga is writing that down, could I just start ruffling through his desk to see if I see anything of interest? Make me uninvestigated. That's only a six. Not a good one. It just seems like there's some neatly stacked papers on top of the desk. There are no drawers on this desk, however. Okay. So I guess Barney and Chip, you jump out the window. Do you have any plan to slow yourself down, or are you just going to try to, like...

Gracefully land. Chip, you know, he's agile and can hop around. Maybe he'll try to find like a tree or a lamppost to kind of like catch a little bit. Maybe just slide down or to like kind of break some of the momentum. One of those big spinny eyes. Yeah.

Something real neat. There's a tree not too far away. Let's say less than 10 feet away, about 10 feet away from the window you jumped out of. Make a, let's call it an athletics check. See if you make it out there. Okie dokie. Here we go. Oh God, that's a 22. Sorry, the dice appeared in a way that it just went, it just landed on it.

You got scared by your good roll. I'm getting used to this screen. It's very scary. Nat 20 as well. Yeah, Nat 20, that's pretty good. You rather stylishly jump out, catch one of the limbs, and do like a little gymnast twirl around it and remove all of that momentum so you land gracefully on the courtyard below. I want to do one of those Olympian, like, where I, like, land and my arms are out, and then I turn to the judges...

And then I continue chase. Okay. Barney, are you as graceful as Chip? I don't remember. Well, we'll see. You know what makes me do better backflips is wearing chainmail armor. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Barney wants to jump out but go walker first and kind of like use his walker and land with it so it kind of like bends and bounces and then flip over it and land. Does that make sense? Kind of like use his walker as like a...

Pommel horse. Well, I was going to say like a spring, you know, like... Is your walker a spring? Well, you know, it could be. I think the spring function of that would be your elbows and your shoulders absorbing that impact. Yeah, I thought your walker was made out of metal. Yeah, metal can, like, you know, bend some, you know? Why not? Okay.

Yeah, metal, bone, you know, it all brands. Very convenient. You know, that really well-known malleable material, metal. If it's very thin and hollow inside, maybe you could get like... Yeah, but that's like if you smash it into something. I thought Barney's Walker was like his weapon, so I figured it was sturdy. It is. Oh, okay. So wait, is it flimsy and malleable or sturdy and powerful? No, no, it's sturdy overall. I think it would give a little, you know, like...

You know Gus, go for it. A little. It's springy top to bottom, but very sturdy left to right, like from the sides. I'm really scared for the day that Chris is an old man and he's going to attempt something like this in real life.

What say you, Dungeon Master? Micah says, go, go, Gadget Walker Springs. Yeah, I've seen the key art of your character that we've drawn, and it looks like your walker is your morning star mace kind of thing. Yeah. And I just didn't think that was going to be very bouncy for you to land on. Go.

Go ahead and make me an athletics check. Let's see how this goes, Barney. Athletics coming up. Can't wait. He's so confident. Oh, my God. You have a plus four to athletics. Wow. I thought you would have a negative modifier on that. That's why I was feeling kind of smug about this. He's got that old man strength, you know, where, like, he used to be an athlete back in the day. I was going to ask if Barney was secretly two young boys in a trench coat. Ha!

He's pulling a prestige. Oh my God. Henry dashes out from under the trench coat and then goes back in. Knew it. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Metal shouldn't bend that way, but Barney's walker does act as a little spring and he manages to absorb the impact and not harm himself and lands deftly next to Chip who is turning and preening for the judges.

Come on, young whipper-stepper. Seeing as we're in a college campus and papers probably flew out of the window, I'm gonna get a piece of paper, scribble a 10 on it, and hold it up for Barney. Can I also say that whenever I hit... When he's upside down bracing, his armor comes, like, over his balls down, so you see his, like, old man underwear. Oh, God.

Gus, when you had this guy jump out the window, did you expect it to take this long to resolve what happens next? No, and in fact, in the module, Micah wrote a note that says, let's just start the chase in the courtyard to save time. And...

And here we are still dealing with it. Elka and Mateed, what about you two? Now that I've written down what was on the board, I want to jump out as well. Okay. And what's your plan to slow yourself down or are you just going to land on the ground below? She's going to land on her very bendable axe. Yeah. All right.

I guess this is a question I probably should have asked earlier. I can't turn into a bat, right? Try it. Just yell it out. I turn into a bat. Bat? Bat. Oh, right. Yeah. That's all I want from you, Barb. I just go, I am bat. You jump out the window and yell bat. I heard you say it as Elka. And roll a d20. Okay. Okay.

This either is a D20 that matters or a D20 that Gus is just making you do for the fun of it. It's a D20, and each thing is assigned to a bone she might break. But you rolled a two, which means I barely damaged myself, right? Since it's so low. You jump out the window, yell bat, and your eyebrows grow a little bit and get a little furry, but you fail to fully materialize into a bat. You hit...

the ground below. Taking... But I'm so little in light. Yeah, I've seen Underworld. She jumped off a whole building and landed in London fine. I feel like my skirt would poof out and be like a little umbrella. It does. That's why you only take two points of damage from it. Okay.

Mateed doesn't exactly jump out the window. Mateed's taking their time, seeing these weird land creatures just jumping out of windows and wondering what are they doing. Gets to the window, surveys where Hamlord is heading to get a good idea, and then gracefully takes to the sky. Okay. Uh.

Yes, Mateed can fly. You do that? Yeah. It appears Hamlord is heading back to the north out of the gates that you all initially walked into to get to the courtyard to get to Loft and Columns. He's making pretty good time in that direction. Okay. I follow pursuit. And just to remind everyone, I believe your walking speed is 30 and your flying speed is 60, if I remember right, Mateed? I can go 50 flying. 50. Oh, is it 50 flying? Okay. Your walking speed is 25, it looks like. And, oh, and...

At first, it seemed like the cat on your shoulder did not like taking to the air, but it seems like the more often you've been doing it, the cat's becoming more comfortable with it and starting to trust you more and more. I got to start writing a note at the top of my notes. You have a cat on your shoulder. I keep forgetting. And it knows what it's doing. It's been two weeks, too. It knows what it's doing. Hamlord, you know, is pretty much at the...

at the gate and, you know, sees that you all are in pursuit and turns around and points a finger at Mateed who is in the air. Mateed, make a wisdom saving throw for me. Saving throw wisdom. That's a 13. Okay. A bit of arcane energy shoots out at you and connects

and you feel like your body's starting to change and transform, but you're able to resist it. He follows that up by touching himself on the forehead, and you see a glow surround his body, and he makes his way out the gate into the loft. So his body is just glowing in color? Yeah, it seemed like it glowed for a second, and then it disappeared. It's more like a glow shimmered over him and then disappeared. What's happening?

What time of day is it, by the way? The time of day, it is currently evening has fallen at this point. The sun has dipped below the horizon and there's street lamps that are dimly lighting the Lofton City streets. And is it a full moon tonight? There was a double full moon yesterday. Yesterday. So no double full moon tonight. Correct.

That's no more. At this point, the person you're pursuing has run beyond the gates. What are you guys going to do? Still chasing. Follow. You all follow and you exit the entrance to Lofton College. You exit that courtyard and find yourself back in the Lofton streets where you were previously. The streetlights are on. The sun has set. It's dim. And there are multiple buildings and some alleyways. Everyone roll a perception check.

Not my strongest one. 19. 14. 19 as well. 18 for Elga. Oh, Elgar won really good rolls. You spot Hamlord not too far away from you. He's gone up a little bit into Lofton and then immediately taken a right into an alleyway. We go to the right to follow him? Yeah, can I like, as the Aarakarpon flies, go straight towards where he's going into the alley? Like, can I, since I got 50...

flight speed can I catch up at all? I imagine I've got it. Yeah, it's not like you can go straight since there is a building in the way, but you can kind of like minimize the distance so you don't have to go as far as someone walking, plus you have additional flying speed so you can close that gap pretty quickly. Maybe that's why he targeted you with a spell. Yeah, and you're able to catch up to where Hamlord is. Mateed specifically, everyone else will be catching up here very shortly. If someone were in an alleyway, like a narrow alleyway,

Can I put myself in front of him? Sure. I land in front of him and I say, what is the hurry?

Where are you going, Lich Muban? I guess around that point, everyone else would catch up from behind. Does anyone else want to do anything? Just catch up. I mean, I would stick to shadows and maybe, like, sneak my way up so that on our end, it looks like Elga and Barney a little bit more visible. I just want to approach him in case something happens. Okay. Yeah, he stops and says, Oh, uh...

And he looks back and forth between the party members behind him and Mateed, who's standing in front of him with the cat. I have an urgent appointment that requires my attention. So if you'd excuse me. No, you are not going anywhere, you murderer. Murderer? We know what you did. We know what you did to the wolfman. The wolfman? Nothing. I did nothing. I have no idea what you're talking about. Now again, if you'd excuse me. Hamlor tries to inch past you, Mateed.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Can I put actually one of my... How tall is Hamlord? Not terribly tall. We'll say like an average human height. Okay. I want to... We're in the alleyway. If this dude is trying to pass by me, I want to pin him against the wall with my talent for...

A little bit of a little kick here. Just make sure you touch him. Just make like a roll of D20 and add your proficiency and strength modifier, I guess, just to see. Yeah, there you go. An arm strike. 18. I can't remember the word. 18, yeah. You very deftly stick out a talent foot and pin Hamler to the ground. Whoa!

Okay, okay. No need to be so rough. Sir, you have already attempted to use magic on me. I do not appreciate that at all. And so what I need in return is for you to answer our questions ever so quick. Can I approach Mateed and be like, hey, hey, Mateed, let's play good cough, bad cough, eh? Huh?

Matide looks at Chip a bit confused. And then I go up to him and I say, yeah, you listen to my feathered friend here or else you're going to be a stuffed turkey. And then I wink at Matide. Don't forget to ask him to take a survey. Just like the, just like the cops did for us. They asked us to take a survey after we are interrogated. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you really want to get into character, we have to be just like the cops. Exactly. Yeah. Hey,

And after this, we're going to ask for your feedback so we can improve our customer service. Exactly. If it's at all possible, Mateed looks somehow more confused now. He's just bewildered by these people that they have found themselves traveling with. Let's get an intimidation check out of Chipaini. Okay. 24. Nice. There you go. Okay. Okay. I'll answer your questions.

Let's hurry through this and get through your survey and we'll be on our way. What's the rush, little man? Where are you going off so fast, eh? There, he found it. He found it. He said A to the end of things and you're good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's finding it. That's finding it.

An A, a don't you know, something like that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Why were you so surprised that we are not in jail? Because we all saw you get arrested for murdering the Wolfman. Right. But it seems that you particularly needed us to be in jail. Oh, not at all. I'm just afraid of what you're going to do to me after what you did to the Wolfman. You better.

be afraid little Mr. Man. We're going to get you. If you don't answer my teens questions.

And I looked at Barney and Elga like, thumbs up? Like, yeah? Oh, yeah. Barney gets a thumbs up. Maybe you should ask what he was doing in that office, what he was looking for. Hey, you. What's, what was up with that office? You writing poetry, huh? I'm a bit of a poet myself. Roses are red. Violets are blue. You better ask your, answer our questions or I'm coming for you.

I'm very lightheaded. I'm sweating really bad. Mateed pats Chip on the back a little bit like a condescending parent to a child trying their best. This hurts my head. Just to be clear, y'all are asking about the classroom he was just in where y'all saw him with the chalkboard? Well, I was also wondering why he was in that office. The office that belonged to the Wolfman. Wasn't he in an office looking for stuff where we found Henry? Oh, I thought you were just talking about his classroom. Yeah.

Oh, oh, oh, right, right. The storage closet. Yeah. Okay, yeah, that's why I was asking the clarifying question. Office D or whatever it was. Get in here. Get in here, Olga. Good cop, bad cop, bad, no, vampire cop. Rad cop. No, thank you. All cops are bad. I do not want to pretend to be one.

I was having to store some things, obviously. Putting things away in the storage closet. Mateed squeezes their talons a bit as though they're not appreciating these answers. Ow! Okay, okay. I was just cleaning up. I was having to put away some vials that belonged to the wolfmen. That's all. Well, if you want to see vial, watch out for my behavior because I'm about to get vial. I'm

I'm angry. Violent. Matisse puts a wing up, like, kind of to, like, kind of shush Chip a little bit. No, no, no, I don't shush. What was so important about those violets? I've worked for the Wolfman for a while now, and not many people know this, but she had trouble controlling her transformations during the double full moons. So she had a concoction that she would take during double full moons to mitigate the transformations.

She kept the stash in her office and I was just putting them away in storage because she doesn't need them anymore. Well, it seems very interesting that she died probably soon after taking this concoction which might have been poisoned. Oh! Oh! And that you conveniently had access to somehow. Hmm. Very interesting. You want to eat to try it yourself? Mr. Uh... Uh... Handlord?

Well, no, I wouldn't. I don't suffer from lycanthropy, so it wouldn't be good for me. Of course, nobody knew about this, but I'm not the only one who has access to them. I would never do anything to hurt the Wolfman. Who else has access? Yes, probably other people on her staff at Parliament. I worked there as an assistant for the Wolfman. You know, ran errands, delivered messages and whatnot. There were plenty of people on her staff there. Do you happen to have a list?

A list. Not on me, but that may exist in Wolfman's office at Parliament.

I'm sure she must have some kind of record of everybody that worked for her. Yeah, we here, we got sources that say you got a real stinky reputation around town. You got a bad attitude. What were you doing at Area 15 having such a ruckus? Ugh, Area 15. I was trying to convince Wolfman not to hire an Abralion. It already cost her so much.

her teaching position at Lofton College, I bet it had a hand in whoever is responsible for her murder. But you blamed us for the murder. I didn't blame you. I didn't do anything. How did it cost her position? Good cop granddad cop. Yeah. The issue of Abralians is very divisive, as I'm sure you know.

And some people didn't like her support of Abraleans, and she was forced to resign from Lofton College as a result. That's why she's been spending more time working over in Parliament. Before working for her in Parliament, I was her teacher's assistant here at the college. After she lost her position and began focusing more of her time on other pursuits, I

I began spending more time here trying to get myself a full-time position at the college. And didn't you get a full-time job at the college after Wolfman died? Yeah, seems like you had some skin in the game. Like you would benefit from Wolfman getting taken out of the picture, huh? Oh no, she had already lost her job before this. Her murder had no effect on me getting a teaching position or not. I don't have a question about that because, you know, in other

you were over in Area 15 and talking to the Abrelians, which for some reason you do not like them, which maybe we unpack later. Yeah, they're lovely people. But we found your jacket with a note saying, due to recent events...

that you will be filling in for a wolfman. What are those recent events? Aha! Oh, well, the wolfman had been receiving anonymous threats lately. When working for her, I would handle her messages, and she received one just the other day saying that she was a hypocrite, she wasn't the moral leader that people thought her to be, and that she would choke on her so-called words of peace. We get messages like that frequently, and we didn't think too much of it until something bad actually happened. Did you turn it into the authorities? Yes.

It seems like evidence. Well, I haven't been back to the office since then. I imagine they're still in the office. Well, why didn't you say that before we jumped out the window? Marty could have broken a hip. Do you know how old this man is? He could have really hurt himself. I could have. Yes, everyone here is very old. We've already established this. Everyone here is very old. But why would you run from us? Listen, why would you run if you're innocent? Because.

Because you all were jailed and accused of murder. I thought you were here to murder me. Well, just like the Abrilians, you misjudged us. We're not bad. We're trying to solve the mystery of the Wolfman's murder instead of profiting from it like you are.

Hey, I'm just trying to meet people. He looks down at Matisse talons that are squeezing him and wrapped around his throat. Yes, you all seem very congenial. Matisse not shaken by his comment at all. The talons around his throat, because they're sharp, has any blood been drawn? I'll roll a die. Evens yes, odds no. No, odd no.

very very controlled squeeze okay maybe maybe gives matita a little bit of a nudge to it probably comes from all working the dough all that experience matita has it's uh they have very precise control gentle but strong hands you keep a keep a talent on this guy and gather gather around everyone and then i say uh

I guess this guy's out of all of the useful information. I guess we got to end his life right here in this here alleyway unless he gives us something we can use. Yes, yes. I can give you survey answers. I can answer your survey for customer service. One more question before we take you to the final survey, which we appreciate you taking. Which...

And then I cut my neck with my thumb and the final survey. Go ahead. Thank you. I actually am very hungry now that you mentioned it. Do you happen to know a man named Robert who works at this school? He's a father of Henry. Robert with a child Henry. No, I can't say I do. Wait.

Was Henry, maybe Henry was someone who was in disguise or something? He was a little boy. I know he was, but like if he's a nice young man. Okay, but like what if he was not a real little boy? What if he was a fake little boy and he was pretending to be a little boy to get back information? Wait, are you saying that there could be people around us that look like

but aren't children. Listen, I know it's crazy, Mateed, but there could be the possibility that there is a child who is not, in fact, a child who is old. Am I right, Barney and Elga? Oh, that sounds impossible. Yes. Very, I mean, I don't know. It's pretty far-fetched. Uh,

To believe usually children who are children are children, you know? No, I don't know about this particular case. Could be like, they could be 50, 100, a couple hundred years old. Matita winks at Elka. Elka smiles back and just nods.

But like in all serious bits aside, I think that that's a possibility. What if Robert isn't a real person and then this person, Henry, faked it to where they were like actually collecting information and they're like some sort of agent. And got trapped in the office. Maybe. It's a possibility. Yeah. We should not outrule it. Okay. Well, let's ask everybody about...

Henry. Robert? Henry's the kid. Robert was his dad. Henry's the kid. Robert was the name of the dad he gave. Yeah. So will you go back up with us to your office and show us what we need to know? What do we need to know from his office? Yeah, didn't he leave something that... He left something. The note. The note. Yeah. Oh, that's the Wolfman's office. Yeah. Yeah.

Will you take us to the Wolfman's office, eh? I don't think that would be good for me. But you guys are more than welcome to go and check out the Wolfman's office at Parliament. Obviously, you know where that is. Well, we don't! If you want to just remind someone who might not know, just, you know, we like to hear the directions again. All you have to do is head over to the Civic Center in the Wolfman Borough, and it's right there. It's where the stage was for the festival.

And which is her office in the parliament? If you go into parliament, it's on the first floor. Go straight in through the front door and then all the way back to the right. Okay. We know this. Yes. Okay. So if we go there and we're going to let you go, we need to know you're not going to report us. All right? And we have your vest or...

Or was the thing a cloak, coat, and a ring? And we're going to hold on to it, eh? And if they catch us, we've got your stuff, and we'll use it as... Shoot. Oh, God. We'll use it as evidence, putting you at the scene of the crime, all right? So you and me, we're thick as thieves. Oh, my goodness. That's two Cs, very thick. So don't you report us. Ha, ha, ha.

I'm trying to keep a low profile myself, so I totally understand. Should we have like a blood agreement on this?

Matee takes their talons off of him. Make a persuasion check, Elga. That's an 18. Okay, sure. Of course. Whatever you say. Okay. If you want to just, you know, however you prefer to do this blood sacrifice, I mean, agreement, you just need to maybe cut a little bit in your hand or maybe I cut a little bit on your neck. Okay.

I share a long, awkward look with Barney. Hemlord takes off a brooch that he has on and pricks his thumb and some blood starts coming out from it. And he extends his hand to shake hands with you. Thank you very much. Yes, it's pleasure doing business with you. And then she sticks her whole hand over her mouth and just licks her hand.

Did you prick your hand for the blood? No, it's just his blood giving packs to me. Elgo, we need to talk about that. That's not sanitary. Your

You're not my real dad. Okay. So when you do feed, you have an ability that's called Vampiric Vitality. It gives you advantage against necrotic damage. You are vulnerable to radiant damage. You're immune to disease, so you don't have to worry about it. You don't need to eat, drink, or breathe. However, you would need to consume fresh blood once a day. If you neglect to feast on blood, it'll cause you to suffer a level of exhaustion.

The final effect of exhaustion instead renders you paralyzed, your vampiric nature clearly visible to whomever may find you. Immunity to the paralyzed condition doesn't stop that effect. Then if you do bite someone, like let's say you do, you know, a classic vampire bite the neck and, you know, you feed on them, it's a melee attack that deals piercing damage

And the target needs to roll a constitution save where they take necrotic damage and you regain half of that damage back as health for yourself. That's so cool. That's cool. And if you don't need to breathe, I look forward to the water temple. So yeah, you greedily take the blood from his hand. And you said it has to be fresh blood. So this can't be like blood that I've collected or like that's in a vial or something? Right.

Right. Right. It's exactly it. You want it fresh anyways. It gets cold fast. It's stale. It's like an avocado. Yeah. Now that the blood has been taken, do we want to go to Wolfman's office at Parliament? Sure. Matide kind of politely brushes off Hamlord's shoulders as they help them up and whispers into Hamlord's ears, just a quick reminder, you tell anybody about this and I will kill you immediately. Oh my goodness. Yes.

And then the next year and his other year, I go on a scale from one to 10. How was your interrogation today, sir? I'm more nervously looks back and forth between Mateed and chip and says 10 absolute 10. I would recommend all my friends. I pull out a bandaid from my fanny pack and say, thank you for your participation. Have a nice day.

Well, howdy, my unhygienic hearers. Did you know you can check out some Tales from the Stinky Dragon merch over at store.roosterteeth.com? Go check it out. We got a bunch of goodies. I think most of it's with our previous campaign, Campaign 1, but we do have some new stuff on the way soon for Campaign 2. But in the meantime, plenty of goodies to go check out over at store.roosterteeth.com. Did you know we have a YouTube page? Go check it out at youtube.com slash at StinkyDragonPod.com.

It'll be the home for all things Stinky, including our Campaign 2 episodes and puppet videos, as well as other things in the Stinky universe. Again, just head over to youtube.com slash at StinkyDragonPod.

Hey everyone, I wanted to take a moment to remind you RTX 2023 is happening this July 7th through July 9th. RTX is our favorite time of the year where we get to interact with all of the amazing people that give us the opportunity to make content. It's a celebration of all things Rooster Teeth with panels, special guests, community artists, cosplay, and more. There'll be exclusive reveals, meet and greets with Rooster Teeth talent, special merch available only during the event,

This year, we're kind of changing up how the convention feels. It's going to be awesome. It's like a mini Epcot-style convention show floor with different attractions and activations from your favorite received brands, all wrapped up in a summer camp theme. It's like summer camp, you know, for kids who like to stay indoors. It's got face jams right in Grackle Pub, a Red Web Escape Room, a Bleep Face Museum, Achievement Hunter mini golf. And on top of that, we also have tabletop RPG plans with a live show for Tales from the Stinky Dragon, Must Be Dice,

Dungeons and Daddies. Who knows? Maybe the groups will see each other around the event. Possibly. Hint, hint. Wink, wink. So thanks for listening to us. Get excited about RTX. We're looking forward to meeting all of you there. Head over to rtxaustin.com to get more information about the event and buy your badge.

It's Rooster Teeth's 20th anniversary, 20 years of Rooster Teeth. And to celebrate every Friday, we release new surprise episodes to celebrate and to thank all of you for 20 years of support. We've already had quite a few come out. I don't know how many were through, but there's still so many in front of us. We've had a new master and apprentice pop up. We had a rage quit. We kicked it all off with an awu. And there are more big videos to come. So head over to roosterteeth.com and check them out.

This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

Hamlord very quickly proceeds to continue walking down the alley. Yeah, you better run. Guys, that was hard. I didn't like that. That was a... You should work on your breathing a little bit. It seems that you exhale more than you take in. I kept it all up in my shoulders, you know, Mateed? Like, it was all shoulders that entire time, and I just need to relax. I have a petite concern about going to the parliament, seeing as how we are wanted people. Hmm.

It is the dead of the night, though, so perhaps we could break in because I don't think Parliament, you know, these government entities, they don't like to work after hours. They like to take their time off. Gus, could we make it there by the end of the night? Yeah, absolutely. You will have to, of course, try to travel online.

stealthily undetected to avoid any patrolling coughs or acrolytes that might recognize you. But you did that to get to Lofton, so that's something you've done before. Because this is the scene of the crime, right? Pretty much. Pretty much. Heading back towards where it was, yeah. Yeah, then I guess we would head that way. They always say that criminals return to the scene of the crime, so maybe we'll see the person who really did this.

Or counterpoint, people will say the same thing about us. So it's a toss up. If we head, if we travel stealthily, what do we need to do to make sure we travel stealthily? We're going to make a group stealth check. So if everyone wants to roll me a stealth check. Ooh, not good. That's a 10. That's a nine. 14. That's a five. And Barney's at disadvantage. There it is. Shit.

Oh, that's troublesome. All right. That's not the best role for all of us as a group. You all had made your way to Lofton College without too much difficulty. Maybe this made you a little too cocky and a little overconfident. But along the way as you're navigating through Atro City, it seems like

Every turn you make, you run into coughs. Maybe they're out more in force now looking for you. At one point, you run into a squad of three coughs who corner you and are approaching menacingly. How do you all want to try to get out of it? Could I try to bite one of them? So we're doing a combat? Sure, we're doing a combat.

We don't have to go like a whole initiative thing. But yeah, if that's how you want to approach it, sure. Well, maybe not. If we want to try to get out of this a different way, I'm open to it. Are we in any sort of setting in which we could try to lose them by going through houses, windows, alleys, you know, give them the slip? Yeah, like a quick little chase scene. Yeah, everyone, I guess, roll like a...

Dexterity checks and describe how you would try to do it. Like, give me a little bit of flavor text. 14 on dexterity check. 11. 15. You know what? I'm using my inspiration. Good Lord. I got one. Oh, man. So I got four. I have an idea if we fail this.

All right, let's see what happens when we fail. So, Mateed, you already kind of described like going through houses and trying to throw them off your trail. What about everyone else? Do they have fire escapes in Atro City? Sure. Okay, I want to do some acrobatics around the fire escapes to like get higher ground and...

get past them. Like kind of like running up and then jumping down, getting behind them, that kind of stuff? Yeah, I am the knight. What about Elgar or Barney? Any cool things y'all want to try? I'm going to try this one more time. Bet! Yes! Bet! One more time. One more time. Turn bat into like a seven syllable word. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-

Are you like on the ground, like trying to jump into the air and saying this? The higher the tone, the higher she flies. You just hear my little heels click on the stone ground as I keep trying to jump. Roll me a D20. Big roll, big roll. 17? You feel like your senses sharpen and you can hear everything way better than normal, but you just can't quite seem to manifest a bat form. Somehow I think I need to roll a nat one in to do this.

Dang, that's a hard one. 17 made you daredevil. From a metagame perspective, I think you get a bad transformation ability in a couple of levels. I don't think you have it yet. Yeah, I think it's at a higher level. Yeah. So because she can't do this, she picks up a cluster of like dirt that's on the ground and she goes, uh, abracadabra!

Abracadabra! And she like throws it on the ground in front of them and then skitters off the opposite direction. Barney, he does the same, but then also cast Dometurgy. Abracadabra! He throws the dirt on the ground and he goes, boom! And he makes the ground shake as he runs off using Dometurgy. So you also throw dirt, but you make the ground shake with Dometurgy. Yeah.

Okay. Through a baffling series of decisions, you do manage to shake the cops. But at a somewhat small price, you do take a little bit of damage in the scurrying and the fray. Everyone's going to take three points of damage. Everyone? Yeah. Dang. I feel like that was my fault.

No, no, no. That's more like the failure of the group stealth check leads to not making it through. Yeah, we all roll kind of bad on that. Yeah, you all have this stuff. Yeah, it's more on that. The night sky begins to clear up as you reach the fringes of the Wolfham Borough. The moonlit streets are eerily still until you peek around a familiar corner and spot the Civic Center Courtyard, home of the Column Parliament Building.

Everyone roll a perception check. Two. 18. Nine. 22. Chip mistakenly looks in the wrong direction, looking back the way you came from. And that must confuse Elga because instead of looking around the correct corner, she follows Chip's eyeline and also turns and looks in the wrong direction. What are you looking at? I didn't think Parliament was a Burger King, but okay. A Boo-rger King. Ooh.

Both Mateed and Barney, when you peek around the corner, you notice the courtyard is cordoned off by chains with signs that read, Crime Scene, Do Not Enter. Both of you are also able to sneak a glance past the ropes and pick out a pair of coughs standing guard outside Parliament and a few more patrolling the courtyard, which seems to be in similar condition to when you last saw it. And Barney, you're the only one who's able to notice this, but as you're surveying the courtyard, you spot one cough enter the doors of Parliament.

It's a plump mustachioed man that you recognize, uh, Chief Inspector Weezer. Can I share this with the others?

Yeah. You said how many were in the courtyard? Five. Five? Hmm. What do you see? There's five cops patrolling the courtyard and the inspector's there too. He just went into the parliament. Great reconnaissance, Barn. Oh, yeah. Is the courtyard a very open and clear courtyard or is there anything like walls, archways, trees, walls?

anything that could be. It is pretty open. However, it's still in a very similar conditions when you were last here. So the stand that was selling popcorn and the one that was selling T-Nicks are still out there as well as a couple of other vendor tents, you know, sewer grates and, you know, buildings, of course, lie in the courtyard that looks like you could probably hoist yourself up on top of if you wanted to. So, yeah, there is. So to answer your question, yes, there is cover and there are buildings around the courtyard as well.

Okay. Side window or something. The sewer grates, do they like... Do we know anything about like could they lead into the building?

in some way. Make me a wisdom check, Barney. You're old. You should be wise. Yeah. 14. You remember that someone was dropping plop corn into the sewer grates when you were here last. Does that lead down to the prison? Ding, ding, ding. Because we had those two guys, Jack and Jahan, were eating popcorn, right? Yeah. Plop corn. Yeah. Plop corn. I have a disguise kit so I could disguise myself as a cough and then maybe like go find an entrance and

Do you think while we're out here, we'd want to maybe investigate the crime scene to see if we could find anything? Is it, it's in the courtyard that's being patrolled by the cops? Yeah, this was where the stage was and everything. Yeah, I don't know how to do this without having to get into a confrontation, without trying to maybe use those buildings to get closer and then...

causing some sort of commotion that gets them out of the way? Maybe we do a distraction. I think that is a wonderful idea. Can we try and get up? Is there buildings that would get us close to the entrance that we could walk across the top of? Yeah.

The Parliament building itself is on the north side of the courtyard, and where you all enter is from the southern side. So it's, you know, directly across the entire courtyard. However, going along to your left and all along the west side of the courtyard seems to be buildings that are right up against each other. So it's almost like uninterrupted roof the entire way. Whereas on your right, on the east side, there are...

buildings but there's also a separate almost like an alleyway in that direction so there's a gap in the buildings that you would have to traverse uh if you went that way i think we should go to the left if anybody doesn't have any unless anybody has another idea other than trying to sneak in i think going to the left is probably the best yeah i could cause a distraction but it would split the party so i feel like if we all stick together that'd be the ideal okay well let's uh in that case let's try this again and everyone roll a stealth check

Oh, goodness. No whammies this time. 19. 10. 7. Oh!

Oh, yes. 16. That was Barney. That was in Barney character. That's pretty good. And also, just because you're trying to clamber up under the roof, everyone also make me a... Again, a lot of athletics checks this episode. Everyone make an athletics check just to be fun. Can I just fly? Oh, yeah. You can just fly. Mateed, you can just get up there. Yeah, I'm not doing that. 15. 15. It's a little more difficult for Chip.

Maybe he gets a little discouraged as he sees an old man and a little girl scamper up the building with no problem. But yeah, you all managed to quietly climb or fly up to the buildings to the west side of the courtyard and begin making your way around to get over to the entrance to Parliament. You know, so there were five coffs in the courtyard. Three of them were kind of milling about in the open part of the courtyard, but two of them are...

by the door that you need to get into to get into the Parliament building. Are there any, like, windows? Or, like, can we get to the roof? The windows all seem to be secured and hardened with, like, bars and measures in order to keep people from entering through this way. I pass through them. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Is there something you need to roll for that? Or is that an ability? Or how does that work? Just remind me. No, it's like a once per short rest. And you all did take a rest at one point, I remember. We did. Yeah, that's your incorporeal movement, which you're allowed to do as a bonus action. Yeah, so you did this on the second floor, I assume? Yeah. Because you all are still on the roofs. Yeah. You're able to enter into Parliament. Is it a kind of window that if I got on the inside, I could...

open it or is there bars that are there permanent? Yeah, it's like permanent bars that are fixed on. Are there any doors perhaps? Or like a chimney or anything?

Yeah, so you entered into Parliament and you're looking at it from, you know, up high. You're not on the ground floor. And in here, this is a vast hall with towering columns and windows. And there's two large set of steps draped with red carpet that seem to be below you in like the central chamber that has long tables and chairs bathed in moonlight and disheveled with papers. Anybody in here? No, there is no one currently in here.

Chip saw Mateed go through that window door thing, and he also tries to walk through. Okay. Oh, come on. Make a dexterity check. What? How many of our characters get to just be big idiots? What are you talking about? Mateed went through, I guess I will too. Number seven. You try to walk through the bars like Mateed did, but it doesn't quite work as well for you. You bang your head on the bar with a loud thump. Make a stealth check at disadvantage. Uh-oh.

22 and an 11. You let out a loud, ow, but you very quickly put your hand over your mouth and stifle it. No, it didn't work for you. You don't know why. Maybe you should try again. Maybe you didn't roll good enough. Okay, here we go.

All right, make a dexterity check. No, I'm not doing that. Could I, am I strong enough to bend these bars open? Yeah. Yeah, give it a shot. Make a, let's call it a strength check. Oh man. Seven. You really, you know, put your back into it and give it your all and try to bend those bars, but they're, it's high quality craftsmanship. They're mortared into the window frame very well and they just don't seem to move at all. These must be adamantium, so.

So unbendable. Could Barney try it? Barney, you can give it a try. I think I heard you say that if you want. Okay. Now give it a roll. One, two. And a roll strength. Is that what you said? Strength check. Strength check.

Barney poops his pants. Elga was right. These are well-crafted bars. They're very sturdy. Don't seem to want to move. My goodness. I think we might have to go on sneaky again. Well, can Mateed find any sort of way of letting us in before the investigation begins? That's what I was asking, like, if I can open a window. But is there, are there any other doors into this chamber or is it that southern entrance? Make a perception check.

You got it. Knight? No, 22. Ooh, look at you. We'll say that there is a service entrance off on the west side. It's a simple wooden door that's barred from the inside. Barred from the inside? So I should be able to lift the bar? Yeah. Okay, I do that and I poke my head out. Can I see them? Yeah, they're on a roof just above where you are. I go this way.

Okay, we go over there. I was like, is anyone else going to start or should I? What was that pause? I think we were all just waiting for one person to be like, okay, we go. Please do not edit that pause out. I want that. Is it like, what's the best way down there? Is there...

I thought I lost connection to the call. I thought I did too. Somehow I just broke the connection. You can kind of lower yourself. The roof's not very high where you are here. You can lower yourself down and then just kind of gently land on the ground below. Okay. Could I do that while casting Thaumaturgy to make a noise that sounds like a woman screaming or something?

in the distance 30 feet away we're stealthily moving throughout this place we haven't alerted anybody that we're even here no one's on us we could have just done this to distract them and then got in the door

This is just creating... I'm sorry, guys. This is what we get. It's Barney. We're dealing with Barney. Is Barney not smart? Well, no. Barney's not very stealthy. The last time he tried to be stealthy, he makes a lot of noise, so he's trying to make a distraction. Gus never... He was going to let you just climb down. He wasn't even going to make you roll. You were just going to be able to do it. It was a freebie, but I mean, if you want to cast the Amateur, do it. I guess I won't. I guess I won't.

You're just unnecessarily making a noise to distract nobody and you're just going to call attention to being inside. I love it. I love it. Guys, don't ever change. You guys are the best to play D&D with. I mean that. So Thaumaturgy or no Thaumaturgy? No Thaumaturgy. He starts to do it and he goes, I'll make a distraction.

And then Elga slaps his hand down. Elga slowly lowers his hand. Yeah. Okay. He puts his hand over his mouth. What's funny is I thought you were going to cast Thaumaturgy to distract everyone, and then you were just going to go in the door. And then John came up, or Mateed came up with this alternate plan. Okay, this is what we're doing instead. And then Thaumaturgy came back around. It still happened. It just still happened. All right. Yeah. You guys definitely let yourselves off of the roof. This is what happened.

I don't

I remember when I was young and dumb. Let yourself down onto the ground below and quickly enter into the service entrance into Parliament. I'm going to reread it for everyone now that everyone's inside. You enter a vast hall lined with towering columns and windows. Two large set of steps draped with red carpet lead down into a central chamber of long tables and chairs bathed in moonlight and disheveled with paper.

Past the central chamber is a small balcony of ornamental chairs, each chair labeled with the names of the clan leaders, Dracula, Mummy, you know, etc. And a central chair that says Wolfman. And then beneath that balcony on the opposite side is a door labeled Wolfman's Chambers, and the door is slightly ajar.

jar. Ooh, slightly ajar. Mati lands by the wolfman door and I want to listen into this door that's ajar. See if anyone's in there. Yeah, make a perception check, we'll say.

Yeah, you do hear some very quiet muttering coming from the Wolfman's chambers. Oh. While this is happening, could Elga go look at the papers? Yeah, make an investigation check for me, Elga. While Elga's doing that, Mateed snaps their head back, glaring directly at Chip and Barney, and he gives a very, like, forceful...

like motion in front of their beak. Elga, what you got on your roll? I rolled a two. Okay. Yeah, this is definitely paper. It's a lot of like proposal drafts, a lot of potential legislation, nothing that makes much sense to you. And the paper lights on fire? Oh. At the same time, while Elga is looking through those papers, Mateed, you motion at Barney and Chip? Yeah, like with the fervor of like a nun trying to tell Elga

kids in church to shut their trap. Can Aarakocas do the thing that owls do where they flip their head back 180? Let's say Mateed can. Mateed has developed that skill. Yeah. I just instinctively cover Barney's mouth and I... You hear a muffled...

Yeah, Mateed's going to wait. I want these people that I'm with to join me. I wouldn't use that word. Chip walks up and puts his arm around Mateed. He'll be like, oh, what are we doing? What are we looking at? Barney follows. Could I also look at the different chairs? See if there's anything like in the chairs? Yeah, make me another investigation check.

Elga's taking selfies on the Dracula chair. Barbara has a negative one on investigation. Oh, 16. On one of the chairs, you find a pen. Which chair? We'll say it's the one that says Nessie. And it has like, it's tipped with like a little emerald nib on it. Bet you that works underwater. That'd be cool. An emerald nib? Yeah, like a little emerald point on it. Where the, like the writing point is? Right, exactly. Interesting. Okay. Magic ink? I pocket it.

Yeah. Okay. If you just want to write Emerald Pen. Okay. Cool. So have the other boys joined Mateed? It sounded like they both went over there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They both have caught up with you and Elga's looking for loot. I'm looking for clues.

Not loot. All right. I'm trying to help the process of the investigation. Nothing but personal gain. I motion for the two gentlemen to listen in as well and see if they might be able to discern what it is we're hearing. Barney does exactly as motioned.

All right, make a perception check. Does he have his hearing aid in? Is it turned up? No, he does not. Seven. Oh, wait, that's Chip. Nine. Come on, guys. Yeah, all three of you are nodding at each other. You definitely hear someone muttering in there.

I motion for Elga to come and help. Elga goes over, and I think she has good hearing. Elga's got, yeah, sonic hearing now. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so is it, you said perception? Yeah, and we'll give you advantage because your ears are extra sensitive right now. Big Elga dice. Yes, I love the first one. All right, 19. I love the first one. Yeah.

You hear a voice that you do recognize as being Inspector Weezer. It seems like he's maybe muttering to himself under his breath. So we only hear one voice? Yeah, there is only one voice you can hear. You hear him muttering. But why was the Walkman choking? It doesn't make any sense. There has to be something in here to explain it.

Wait a minute. Go ahead. I remember something. Guys, I hear Inspector Weezer in there, and he said something about the wolfman choking. And didn't the letter that the wolfman received by that threat say she would choke on her words? That's right. Ooh. Oh.

Matide looks at Elga with just absolute delight that there is one person in this party who has their head on straight. And I look at Matide with crossed eyes.

Barney knew that. He remembers the letter. I remember. Chris, Chris, Chris, the perpetual person who plays dumb people is insulted that I didn't compliment him. Well, we're actually, never mind. Gus, check Slack in a second. Oh, no. What'd you do? Nothing. Nothing. You guys can...

You can keep going. Well, now we want to know what the slack was. No, no, don't worry about it. Mateed goes for the aggressive approach and kicks the door open. Oh, my goodness. And lunges at...

Inspector Weezer. So surprise attack. Okay. You kick open the door, lunge at Inspector Weezer. And as you're kicking open the door, the cat on your shoulder hisses and swipes at something behind you. You're not sure what's going on. Oh. Paint me the picture. So I'm in the room and I have lunged at...

It's like as you're kicking the door and going in, the cat makes those guttural, weird, scary cat sounds. Could you maybe do that for me, Gus? Could you maybe just help? Yeah.

You've never owned a cat. So the cat is hissing at something like outside of the Wolfman's office? Yeah. Like where we're standing? Yeah. Elga, make a perception check. 20. The

The cat is attacking Chip Haney's tail. I wanted to tap you on the shoulder. I thought it'd be a funny goof. I didn't expect you to kick the door down. Wait, Chip has a tail? Yeah, I'm a tiefling. It's a big old blue tail.

So that was what that all was for. That's what that all was for. You didn't say one, two, three, go. You just said, I'm going to kick the door down. You definitely catch Inspector Weezer and your party off guard, Mateed. Okay. The chamber itself is like a quaint study made of brick walls and wooden floors. It's decorated with bookshelves, paintings. There's a display case, a fireplace, and a desk. And of course, Inspector Weezer is in the office. He was standing by the desk.

kind of opposite from where the door was where you entered. So you entered and very quickly charged at him. And what did you do to him? He's behind the desk. No, he's in front of the desk. So he's out kind of in the middle of the room. His back was to the door when you came in. Yeah, I pushed him down on the desk. Oh, okay. Hot.

Make a... Well, first make like a touch attack or an unarmed strike, I should say, to see if you're able to make contact with him. You got it second try there this time. Yeah, I did. My mind is stuck in old D&D. 17. Yeah, if you're able to get your talons on him. And he's going to resist and try to escape. So just make me either... I guess make me a strength check to see if you're able to hold him down. Sure. All right.

That's only an 11. He's going to try to wrestle out by opposing your strength check. I rolled an eight. So yeah, we'll say you have him pinned and are successfully holding him on the desk. What is the meaning of this? This is highly irregular. I need you to listen very closely. We are not to blame for the Wolfman's murder, but it seems we may be trying to accomplish the same thing.

Do you think we could slow down for one second to talk this through? Talk? Where are my men? What have you done to them? They're fine. We have not touched anybody. I just want to have a conversation. They're dead.

Don't. Don't do that. You're not dead. Oh, Barney, Barney. He's a very old man. His memory is very hazy. Like maybe, you know, he's watching a movie and there's people dying and he thinks that's real life, you know. Barney whispers to Chip, I'm sorry. I thought we were doing good cough. Good cough, bad cough. Yeah.

Fine. Unhound me. I let him untalent me. That's true. You all are in serious trouble. You broke out of jail. And not only that, you've let others out of our custody as well. Can I approach and say, Hey, Officer Weezer, it's Chip again. We had a nice interaction. That's Chief Inspector Weezer to you. Chief Inspector Weezer, my apologies, sir. Hey,

We really mean you no harm. We just didn't want to get, you know, uh, executed for a crime we didn't commit. We're acting out of our self-interest, and we're also trying to do you a service by helping you solve the crime. And we might have a couple of leads so we could really help each other out here, you know? I didn't earn this position of Chief Inspector by needing the help of amateurs. Oh, for sure, but...

but we're just four law abiding citizens minus the, uh, escaping from prison. And we're, we're just trying to find justice for, uh,

the Wolfman and just the people of Atro City. Cause the last thing we need is an assassination that leads to like a civil war. Nobody wants that. Am I right? No. Right. Barney make a persuasion check chip. I mean, it could be kind of fun to watch. That's a 26.

Oh my god. Yeah, my persuasion's my strong suit. I put a hand on his shoulder and say, hey, we're all here, pal. It's no... We're friends. I see you rolled a 19. It's not gonna... It's not gonna beat me. I gotta... I gotta see what my modifier is. It's probably not a plus not a seven. Plus eight. It is not. It is not. Still rolled really good. Very close. Chief Inspector Weezer, may I give you a hug? No, you may not. But...

Perhaps I can listen to what you have to say. Okay. All right. Elga, take it away because you've been our most studious. I was waiting. I was waiting for you to bow out of this moment because I was like, oh, he actually has to follow through with like recalling things. No way. Blaine is going to want to take up the spotlight. All right. I'm just here to make the piece.

It sounds like maybe Nelga has the best notes out of everyone in the group. Perhaps. You know, Barbara, I've been taking a lot more notes, but I doubt they're still as good as yours. Oh, no, I'm sure they're fantastic. It is funny, though, just a metagame moment here is like,

I'm playing a barbarian, so my intelligence is not good. But me, Barbara, likes to take notes and know what's going on. So I'm like, how do I balance this? Yeah, it's a barbarian being steered by a studious, attentive individual. I'm not wise, but I'm cunning.

All right. Chip, maybe you should tell him about how the Wolfman was receiving threats about wanting her to choke or saying she would choke on her words. And then remember how I told you I heard him say something about choking? Maybe they are related. Okay. So, all right.

We didn't find a note.

We have... Heard of a note. We have on good authority that there was a note that the Wolfman got that said she was going to choke on her words. We also seem to have some suspicions that the Wolfman's medicine may have been tampered with.

um, which may have led to the reaction we saw on the stage. Right. Madison, I saw that in the top drawer of her desk. Right in here, in this room? Yes, right over there. Chief Inspector Weezer, can I go check on that and just see if it's in there still? I don't want to make any moves and freak you out. Very well. You may investigate.

Okay. Do I detect any traps? Can I see if there's anything? Check for traps. That's an action. Can I check for traps? Yeah. Where, like in the desk or what do you, like where? What do you mean? Just in general. Yeah, the desk. He's testing the air for traps. Is there traps in the air, Gus? I can feel the traps in the air tonight. Yeah. Make a perception check, I guess. Oh, no. Investigation check because you're like looking at the desk. All right, here we go.

Ten. I mean, it just seems like a standard desk. The surface of the wooden desk appears to be well organized. There's two drawers on it. And Chief Inspector Weezer mentioned that he saw it in the top drawer. I slowly open the top drawer with a napkin on my hand as to not leave fingerprints. Where'd you get the napkin? It's in my fanny pack. I carry a lot of things in here. What did you say about your inner monologue? Ha ha ha!

Barney, not now. You slowly open the top drawer on the desk. And indeed, inside there are a few glass vials filled with clear liquid with dark red flecks. Do any of them look different? You can make an investigation check, Elga.

Oh, great. Mateed looks as well. You want me to pick you up and put you on the desk so you can look inside the drawer? Yeah. I rolled a nat 20, but it's a minus one, so it's a 19. Still good. Elka, you do notice that there's a small label on the bottom of the vials. All of them? Yeah. And they read prescribed by Robert Esteban. Robert Esteban. So. Henry's dad. Barney. I mean, there could be more than one Robert, but.

I like the idea that Robert, while being like a very like mundane and common name in our world, is like a very rare and weird name in like Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah.

So, Chief Inspector Weezer, to catch you up, we went to the college campus where the Wolfman used to work before they were fired because they wanted to make peace with the Area 15 residents, the Abrillions. Abrillions? Abrillions. And while we were there, we found a little boy hiding in a closet, and his name was Henry. And he said his father, Robert, worked at the offices. All right? So, this...

This vial says that it was administered or prescribed by Robert Esteban. So that could be a connection, a clue. We could also go back and check the other medicine that is in storage and see which of these might be different or poisoned. Also, Henry might be a man in boys' clothing. Yes, he might. Ha ha ha!

If this medicine was prescribed to the Wolfman, then it most likely came from their asylum. I feel like Inspector Weezer, upon hearing that last little tidbit, probably wouldn't have jumped right into that explanation. Maybe not, but I got to get important information across. I gotcha, I gotcha.

Sometimes we have to push past Blaine's words. So the Thera-asylum, that's like just like a medicine house. Oh, God. Come on, try again. Try again. Medicine house? No, let him have another chance. Blaine can do this. I'm trying to think of what the name of the thing was.

Come on, you got it. There was like a pun from the last campaign that we made, and it was like animals there. Shoot. You got it. Just go through. Pharmacy. I don't know. Pharmacy. Yeah, pharmacy would work. Yeah. It'd be an apothecary. Apothecary.

Apothecary. I prefer Medicine House. I think we should start a petition to change this name. She's a medicine house. House. House. House. Hey, mighty, mighty. Yes, is this place a medicine house? It is a facility for treating people with various illnesses, so...

I suppose, yes. You can call it a medicine house. So there's a very real possibility that Robert from this medicine house poisoned the Wolfman. Gus, again, what was the actual name before we keep using medicine house in perpetuity? Ther-asylum. Ther-asylum. Ther-asylum. Wait, so is it like Ther-space-asylum? Oh. One word. All one. Ther-asylum. Yep.

I'm putting, I'm reading on my notes. Their asylum equals medicine house. Medicine. Could I, could I talk to inspector Weezer? Sure. Of course. You're going to pull them aside a little bit. Well, you guys could probably hear me anyways. Cause I thought you're having an aside with him. I was excited. Keep in mind. You're standing on the desk right now.

Oh, I can see everything. Wow. Inspector Weezer, do you happen to know Dr. Esteban, Robert Esteban? Do you know someone who worked with the Wolfman? I can't say I do. The name is not familiar. Besides, you arresting us, did you have any other suspects?

I can't reveal too many details of an ongoing investigation, now can I? We're still in the very early stages of the case determining how you killed the- I mean, how the Wolfman was murdered. But we're partners.

Yes, of course. Can Chip subtly go over to the door and just bar it, like put a door or like a chair in front of it or something to block it? Bit sketchy. No, I know, but I can explain to the chief inspector. I just want to make sure that none of his men come in and then we just got a fight on our hands. Sure, why not? Okay, I do that. Yeah.

Yeah, he's distracted looking at the vials and the name Robert Esteban. Could Matide look specifically for this note that we are referencing? Because I believe Hamlord said it's in the office. Yeah. Where do you want to look? Do you want to continue looking in the desk? Do you want to look somewhere else in the office?

I was trying to write down all the things you said in the office. You said a display case, a desk, a fireplace. Bookshelves, paintings. I guess you wouldn't look in paintings for that. That's about it. Yeah, I mean, I'd check the desk. That'd be the first place I'd find it. Barney will check the bookcase. Okay. Okay, there is another drawer, a lower drawer on the desk that has not been checked yet. You open it up and inside there are two documents, Mateed. One appears to be like a receipt of mail delivery.

And second appears to be a letter addressed to the Wolfman. What's in the receipt? It's the receipt for mail that was delivered. It was a letter sent to Freak, F-R-E-E-C. They're initials. Wait, it's a receipt...

For something that was sent to a person in freak? Yeah, like all it says is freak. F period, R period, E period, E period, C period. Jesus, super freak. Super freak. Oh, like an acronym? Yeah. Ow. I mean, there could be a Robert Esteban within those R and E's.

Possibly. Is there anything else on the receipt that would show what it was that was delivered? No. That's a bad receipt. It's not. Just a letter. It's not really a receipt if it doesn't have the item. Does it have a date? It appears it was dated several days ago. Okay. Not way in the past or anything. I assume before Wolfman's death? Yes. The second item is a letter thanking the Wolfman for her endorsement of Henry for the Foreign Remote Exchange Education Cohorts Program. Okay.

The letter is signed by Robert and Francesca in a return address of 28 Leicester Square. No last name? No. Endorcenary for what? The Foreign Remote Exchange Education Cohorts. That's freak. Yeah. And they're at Leicester Lane. Do we know what... Leicester Square. Leicester Square. Does that...

Does Leicester Square ring a bell to anybody? Does anybody from the party know maybe what district that's in? That does sound familiar. I don't believe we've discussed Leicester Square before. Okay.

Robert and Francesca? Yes. Okay, so let's get this straight. Robert is Henry's father. Henry was snooping around Classroom D, which was the old campus that Wolfman worked at, but is now the campus that, oh, what's his face? Hamlord. Hamlord, yeah. Why was Henry snooping around? Do you remember? He was looking for his father. He was stuck in there, wasn't he?

He said he couldn't find his father. He was looking for his father who went missing? Well, no, because he was hiding because Hamlord went in there and I think he got scared so then he hid behind a bunch of boxes or something. What about the way that we played our last campaign made you think that we were going to be able to figure out a mystery with who spread out through multiple episodes? Well, here we are and we're doing it. So buckle up, buttercup. All right, so...

Let's get this straight. Wolfman gets Henry into a foreign exchange program, aka freak, for Robert, who is his- her-

Doctor. At the medicine house. Yeah. Yeah. So, Weezer, do you think that there's some sort of, I don't know, a little handshake deal? Is this illegal, do you think, in your expertise? Hmm. It doesn't seem to violate the law, but it is an unusual coincidence. Hmm.

There does appear to be some kind of connection here. Indeed. It's very strange how, you know, he doesn't seem to be able to find his father, the man who prescribed this medicine to Wolfman. He would want to harm the Wolfman if she did something like this endorsement for the young little Henry. Probably because he's actually an old man disguised as a little boy.

The old man theory. An old man, a wolf in sheep's clothing. Where are the vials of medicine? They were in the top drawer at the desk. I want to make sure we don't forget them. So are they small, like travel friendly? Yeah, absolutely. I give them to Chip to put in his fanny pack. Hey, that's what it's there for.

And I believe at one point Barney said he wanted to look at the books and Chip said he wanted to look at the paintings. Am I remembering that right? Search the bookcase. And I want to look at the display case. There you go. Okay. We'll do books first, then painting, then display case. Barney, you walk over to the bookshelves and it's a few dusty shelves of books built high into the brick wall. There's a nearby ladder that provides access to the top shelves. Can I climb up and look around? See if there's anything...

Can I look at the dust and see if there's anything that's been touched recently? Yeah, make a perception check. Ten. The dust doesn't seem disturbed by any of the books in particular.

I don't see anything else noteworthy. No, I mean, just the books. They got titles like Beginner's Guide to a Bygone Groteth, How to Spot a Mimic, Magic Manuals Volume 1, I Beg Your Garden, To Kill a Manticore, and Cockatree Soup for the Soul. Did you guys have those prepared or did you just figure them out right now? Oh, I've got them all. Yeah, I figured it out.

The attention to detail is always very impressive. Yeah, I really have to commend Micah. He does a really good job of filling out those little details. He always predicts what we're going to do.

I feel bad when we don't get to get to him sometimes. So I'm happy we're going to him now. What does page one of the first one? Flip to page 85. So would that summarize searching the bookshelf? I don't know. I don't know if there's anything else Barney wants to do. I don't see anything. Can I check behind the bookshelf?

What do you mean? You're going to make... Like, this is built high into the brick wall. Never mind then. Okay. Well, it looks like a bookshelf. How about those paintings? The paintings are actually hung even higher above the bookshelves. There's a few paintings set in gilded frames. There's a wispy depiction of a ship sailing through a desert, a detailed map of Atro City, and a still-life image of a lit candle. Uh...

It seems like it's painted in a unique way that the flames seem to move with your eyes. Hey, gang, the Wolfman's got a painting by Vincent Van Gore.

And Claude Monet. Like the mummy. Oh, mummy. One more. One more. World building. One more. Give me one more. Pablo. Escobar. Escobar. Come on, you can do it. Give me one more. Freedia. Andy Warhol. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. That's really good. Oh.

Oh, I'm so satisfied. I'm so satisfied. Thank you. Do you have a... Do you have a... Do you have an inspiration? Give yourself an inspiration diet chip. That's pretty good. Oh, okay.

Not Barney. Yeah, Barney's the one who said it. Oh, Chip started it. Gotcha. The interesting-looking painting of the candle. Can I, like, look and inspect that for you? You gonna climb up there to it? Oh, yeah. Make a perception check, I guess. Not my strongest. 11. It's weird. It almost feels like you feel warmth coming off of the candle. Whoa. Magic painting. Are you saying that to us, or are you addressing the magic painting? Yeah, no, no, like...

Both? Like, are you telling us there's a magic painting? Yeah, was that the beginning of, like, a question to the magic painting? Or were you like, oh, dear magic painting. I mostly called.

calling it out to you guys. Okay. But now I'm also looking at the magic painting as if it could respond. I don't know. It does not respond. Can I like take it down? Can I pull it off the wall or anything? Yeah. You reach up to pull it down and as soon as you touch it, the candle becomes doused in the painting. The fire in the fireplace also becomes doused and goes out. And the hearth slowly begins grinding and shifting to the right, revealing a secret passage.

Whoa! My goodness. Look! Well, I don't know if I should even bother checking the display case anymore. So

So there's a secret entrance. It seems like it. Should we go or should we continue? Do we need to look? Elga's looking at the display case. What's the display case? I am going to tell Elga what she saw because that would have been going on at the same time. The display case is a locked glass case and inside of it is a weathered piece of parchment with bold blood red ink and it's entitled The Peace Treaty of 1130. Oh, nice.

Nicholas Cage would like this. It seems to detail an agreement made to divide the land of Groteth evenly amongst the clans, ending the clan wars and establishing settlements, borders, and trade amongst the lands. It's signed by the seven clan heads, but it appears Wolfman's name has faded to black. Huh. Wait, what? But like it's,

It's like everything and everything else seems to be like written in blood or like some red. Yeah. But Wolfman's name is. Oh, because she's dead. Maybe it's like some magical thing. I don't know. You know, you need to call it out. You need to call it out, Elga.

I don't know if maybe I'm colorblind, but this is the peace treaty signed by all the seven members of the treaty and Wolfman's name is Black. I appreciate you actually being helpful. I was thinking you were going to do like a chip and just yell out, magic parchment. Oh, magic parchment. Give me your wisdom. If only we had some sort of a blood expert that could like figure out if that's blood or ink or I don't know. Could I tell? No.

Make a, let's say an investigation check. You know I'm not good at those, Gus. Seven. It's hard to tell without, you know, like directly examining it. From your perspective, looking at it through the case, it looks like it's just ink, but you're not sure. Interesting. Okay.

Okay. So does that mean the Wolfman didn't sincerely sign it? Like they didn't... I think it might mean that she's dead because all the other members are alive still, right? There's no indication that any of them are... Yeah. Well, alive is a loose term in the land of Atro City slash Grotath, you know? True. Got mummies and ghosts. Can Matej head towards the hearth? Yeah. So the hearth did open and slide to the side. You see like a narrow, dimly lit passage that seems to proceed in...

in the direction beyond the fireplace. It would seem we have somewhere to go. Chief Inspector Weezer, where should we go from here? This is most intriguing. I should call my men to investigate. Oh, maybe not yet. No, I really do think they should be apprised of the situation. That might complicate things, because, like, I know we're cool, but you're still low-key calling us murderers. So, like...

I look at Mateed and I say, like, bonk him on the head, like, knock him out, like, cut him, cut him. Why are you looking at Mateed to do that? Because you are, like, aggro and seem to have the powers to do this, you know. Don't you mind if you come with us real quiet? Like, we're afraid to go alone. Hmm. This is most peculiar. Yeah.

But I must admit my curiosity is piqued as well. Fine, we can proceed inside. Who invited this guy? He's gonna be a total buzzkill. Can, uh, Matee take point in heading down this passageway? Yeah, it's a narrow passage. It leads into a small bedchamber bathed in moonlight from a skylight above.

Various garments are strewn about on the floor near a four-poster bed with untidy silk sheets and pillows. An opened letter lay on the bedside table. Uh, check the letter. The letter reads: "My dearest Lorenza, the moons with their shimmering light and gentle glow are an everlasting reminder of your beauty. They hang high above us, watching over our every move, much like how I am drawn to observe you from afar.

The moons may seem distant at times, but they are always there, lighting up the darkness just like your smile brightens my day. I yearn for the moment when I leave my Lester life behind and we can bask together under soft lunar radiance, hand in hand, lost in each other's gaze. And just as the moons circle Groteth, know that my love will revolve around you forevermore. Yours truly, Francesca.

So there's a bit of a, what are they called? A love triangle. Yeah. Well, more like a. An affair. Yeah. So this is really, this is really putting a lot of, there's cause for murder in Roberts. What is that called? Shoot. Hold on. No, don't wrap the episode up. There's a word for it.

Caught not causation. Motive! He got it. He got it. Go ahead and get rid of that inspiration die. All right. To find out what happens, you have to tune in next week for another episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. This was fun. I had a lot of fun, guys. Before we go, I just want to let you know, you go check out our Stinky Dragon YouTube channel.

We are uploading all of our new Groteth campaign episodes there for you to enjoy. And you'll find some other Stinky Dragon related things there. Just go search for Tales from the Stinky Dragon over on YouTube. Give us a subscription, please. We mean a lot. That whole thing. The lifeblood of any content creator. Subscriptions and likes. It's blood to Elga. Yes, I'm going to drink it all. Thank you. And then I will need to supply the next day and the next day. So comment every day.

Here's a quick shout out for some folks that interacted with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in this very episode. Hamlord, the Wolfman's assistant, named after user Lord of the Ham on Reddit. And Chief Inspector Weezer, named after Commander Carl Weezer567 on Discord. Also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided VO for characters in this episode. Hamlord, voiced by Nick Shorts at Shortsanicker. And

and Chief Inspector Weezer, Micah Reisinger, at Micah Reisinger. Tune in next time for a thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dread.