C02 - Ep. 04 - Arrested in Attro City - Give It the Old College Spy
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This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or maybe therapy day.

When your schedule is packed with different things like kids activities, work projects, maybe listening to a podcast, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I think everyone agrees that therapy is beneficial for a whole host of things, whether that's learning coping skills or setting boundaries. I think it can help empower you

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This is a Rooster Teeth production. Best wishes to all you bronze scouts. Burrow your way into the stinky dragon. Knock back our latest Bev.

armored and dangerous. It's a mixture of peg yolk, creamed oil, a dash of brown sugar, underground dark rust coffee topped with nutmeg and boltmeg. One pour of this percolation is enough to leave you wide-eyed, stalked, and bushy-tailed. Previously our adventurers became felonious fugitives at large, fleeing from coughs on the showery streets of Atro City. But

But thanks to some newly found friends, the alchemist and Quill, the party was able to skedaddle safely in the sewers. Now on a quest to clear their names and uncover the true culprit of their crimes, they travel to Area 15 in search of Zuzu the Abralian Magician, but find a more abrasive alien obstructing their investigation, Limber Lizzy. Round up a refreshment, let's resume this rank recollection.

I like how you, we deepen your voice for in post during that. Do we deepen it or do we raise it? But you still are talking like this. I thought we raised his, we heightened his voice because he's the little dragon from the last episode.

adventure. Did you not listen to the episode? Yes, I did. No. Little peek behind the curtain. Episode one has just come out publicly. We're recording this the day after it's come out. I think he sounds like Fred Flintstone when he's recording what we hear. Hey, Barney! It's more like Yogi Bear. You said, hey, Barney, but it's hey, boo-boo. Well,

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm getting my hand up. What's in this? A picnic basket.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. My name is Gustavo Sorolla. I am your dungeon master. I'm joined by our four intrepid players who are going to introduce them with no issues at all. They are... I will start. Hello, my name is Elga Von Brass. And I'm Barbara Dunkelman, who plays precious little Elga. And Elga is a what class and species? Elga is a female half-elf vampire barbarian. And Blaine...

I'm do I say my name or do I say my character oh my god as fast as possible what we were trying to do every time Barbara said her character then her you are extending this further you are extending this further hold on hold on I gotta get the I get it hey there it's Chipaini I'm a tiefling rogue uh I'll voiced by I'm voiced by I'm Blaine Gibson hello I'm Blaine

Without a flaw. Just gets worse every week somehow. I'm not used to the introductions. It's our fourth time doing it. It is, and also, it's not the fourth time. It's also like our hundredth time doing it. If you count every single episode. Chris made us do it during the mini campaign as well. Oh, true, true. He did. I'm Chris Damaris, and I'm playing...

Bernie, Bernie. Changes every episode. Yeah, I'm working on it. A human cleric. An old man.

Pennywise. Pennywise. Very gum-gum today. No, I like this version. I like the... Pick behind the curtain. We're all still workshopping our voices. Barbara's perfected it. Let's not besmirch the perfect name of Barbara Dunckerman, okay? Consummate professional. Five more episodes and we'll have our voices locked in. John, please, can you introduce yourself? This is very unprofessional. We've all introduced ourselves.

My name is John Reisinger and I am playing Matty Confucius, who is an Eric Cochran ghost monk. Oh, incredible. Impeccable. Can anybody besides John spell Confucius? Yes. Confucius. No, I don't really want to try. C-O-N-F-I-S-E-U-S-E. That's it. Look at you. You get an inspiration die, Barbara. Yay!

I can't even spell Chris's last name in real life. I only know that because I just went into the Stinky Dragon Discord group that the fans made, which is incredible. And they were starting the Wikipedia pages for this campaign. And they had spelled a few of the names wrong. And I actually went in and corrected them. I've seen a few people make an attempt at

my character's name as a whole. It's just even Matide, I've seen some interesting spellings of it. I also love that something I did on purpose was my character's name is Elga, like E-L-L-G-A, but because of the accent, I wanted it to be up in the air whether or not it was Elga or Helga. Oh, yeah. People put the H in parenthesis being like, huh? Maybe. So where are we at in the story right now? Well, before we get into that, I'm going to hit you guys with an arrow. Oh,

A role playing warm up. Oh. What? Arrow. A-R-O-W. Arrow. A role playing warm up. Mateet, you rolled our D100 for us in an effort to keep us moving along. 17. We have a question here from ICLunch7483 on Reddit who asked, what would be your character's at bat music? I will start with mine.

Mine would be, I'm a big fan of Phantom of the Opera. And so I think it would be that very orchestra, you know, organ piano. But just that on repeat because it's very stupid. Just that, the melody of that just over and over again. Yeah.

I like that a lot. Chip Haney's would 100% be a playlist of yacht rock songs. So he'd come out to like,

Margaritaville or, you know, like what a fool believes. And he'd be doing that kind of like booty shuffle power walkout. You probably have like journey in there. Yeah. Again, just another version of Blaine. Yeah. So, so Chip Haney's looking for his lost shaker assault, right? Exactly. He's popped a, a,

Flip-flop, whatever that song's lyrics are. I don't get any of these references. I got the Phantom of the Opera reference, though. That I can get. Barney's... I just really quickly looked up some old music. Benny Goodman's Memories of You. Yeah!

That's a good one, yeah. As sung by cats? Matide.

If I were to have a song that would bring me out to this game of baseball, I've always been a big fan of these magical productions that I used to see where they use some magical spells like thaumaturgy and stuff like that in order to have this display of images move in motion with sound and light and everything in a dark room.

And there was a production of that called, I just got into like a different accent there. Yeah, you don't put German there. Yeah. French is hard. French is a hard one. There is a great show called Amelie and I love the soundtrack from that show. It's a great feature. So huge fan. Lots of accordion. Oh, God's gift to man's the accordion.

met Amelie in a couple of years into my vampirism. She's very nice lady. Yeah.

Still working on the accent, guys. Just bear with us. It's perfect. I felt like a little Borat came out there. I want Elga just every once in a while just kind of brush elbows up with Borat and then go right into Elga back in. That's all I want. Elga does like Borat a lot. She saw that film four times. My wife...

This show is silly. You climb the creaking wooden stairwell up until you reach the second floor, what appears to be a large attic with the same vat of glowing blue liquid coming through the floor. Barney, these stairs could use some work. Sorry, go ahead. A voice calls from the other side of the vat.

you can wallops into Area 51 and I wouldn't know? - You peer around the blue vat and find a long table surrounded by a few Abrelians. You recognize one at the head of the table, a slimy green Abrelian with spindly rubbery lips. - Let Lizzie explain something to you, Ortiz. We Abrelians look after our own, so you're never gonna find Zuzu. But guess you have something in common with him now. Nobody's gonna find you either.

Get 'em boys! Three Abrelians leap out from their chairs and charge after you. Everyone needs to roll initiative. Oh, come on. Well, if you want, my last one was the last Nat 20 when we recorded, but now I've rolled a one. So you take what you want, Gustavo. How come you didn't roll initiative, Mateed?

Oh, because I'm dumb and this is my first time playing D&D, so four. 16. I think I rolled a 17. You did, and I did a 15 for Elga. Yep. The vertical line and the little slanty guy, that's a one and a seven, Blake. You'll learn them. Well, okay. I'm going to let that one slide. Yeah.

You get that one, Gus, okay? You got me this time. Once you've got the initiative, I have a question about the setting that we're in. Yeah, go for it. I can talk and do this at the same time. We're in a room, and you said there's like a big vat in the middle of the room? Yeah, like a big vat with that glowing blue soda pop. You all talked about soda pop in the last episode. That comes through from the ground floor up through to the second floor.

Is it like an above ground vat that we're looking at that's like big and taking up part of the room? It's like, imagine going to a brewery and there's like a big tank, you know, with beer. Like similar, but see-through. You can see the liquid inside of the tank. Does this at all look like the liquid that we saw coming out of any of the pipes when we were underground? I'll tell you what, do me a favor and roll me a wisdom check and we'll see. I thought that was poopoos. Yeah. Yeah.

This is more blue blues. I rolled a three, so I'm guessing I'm not going to know. You think it might be. It's covering your eyes. So it's not. A few of them, they had a really good initiative rolls and a bunch of them are going before you guys. I think you should re-roll theirs.

Should I? And... Wait, and how many are there? There are three Abrelians plus Lizzie. The boss. A total of four. Who is also an Abrelian, correct? Correct. Okay. And...

Just to set the stage, remember if you all came up the stairs from downstairs where you're talking about the bar and you got those soda pops and you entered from a stairwell that's like at the northern end of this room and it's like a long rectangular room of which you're at the very top and it's longer than it is wide. And kind of a little south of you is where that vat is and then beyond that is the table where the Abrellians were and where Lizzie was with them.

So we had the vat in between us and the Abrellians. We'll say that I think the way we had stated it was you had kind of walked in a little bit. So we'll say you're standing next to the vat. And what is this place? Is this like a potion? The Fly-In Saucer Pub. It was the place that our friend Quill told us to go check out. Yes, because he was like, they won't like your kind here in Area 15. I will take my inspiration dice for remembering a character's name. Thank you.

Thank you, Gus. So proud of you. And the Abrellians are floating, right? They're like the brains, the floating brains with like tendrils. Not all of them. So that's how Quill looked.

Zuzu specifically looked more almost like a beholder, like a floating eye with eye stalks. Oh. Ew. So then they are kind of levitating. Yes. Not all of them. They can all be a little different. And so anyway, that's Zuzu. Yeah, what Quill looks like. Quill's more like a floating brain.

And these specific Abrelians that you're dealing with here look more like creature from the Black Lagoon meets with a, crossed with a like 50 sci-fi alien. Okay. Like webbed hands? Yeah, webbed hands, webbed feet, kind of green with long limbs, like a long, almost pointy head. Okay. And lots of nasty teeth.

Hey guys, thanks for that over 70 year old pop culture reference. That helped clear some things up for me. Did you have to look at how long of a reference that was? Three of them are gonna go in initiative order before Chip and believe it or not, they all advance on Chip. Wow. Oh no!

- Okay, so the first one, Lizzie's kind of ordered them to attack. So yeah, well, the first one we will say closes the distance, like I said, with Chip here and it moves in an unusual way, even though it's bipedal, it like kind of clambers on all four and very quickly is able to close the distance between you. And with one of its arms lashes out at you, Chip.

Ah, G. Hitting AC. That's a 14. Ooh, just made it. Oh, you got me. Oh, no. If it's equal to your AC, it does hit, right? Correct. Correct. That's the target number you want to hit. God. I'm just saying that for anybody who didn't know that. Not for me. No, we appreciate that. Thanks.

I'd give you another initiative die if I could, but you've already got one. Inspiration die. What did I say? Initiative die. Inspiration. It hits you, Chip, for two points of damage. Oh! And it wraps its tentacle around you, gripping you tight. Uh-oh. Watch out. I'm a bit of a hugger, too. Bring it in, big guy. Chris liked that. Chris liked that a lot. Yeah.

Another one decides to, I'm going to roll a die here to see who it goes after. If I hadn't made fun of you for being old, would you have still made him attack me specifically? No, I would have rolled randomly. Shoot.

Also, Barbara made a reference to Phantom of the Opera. It's been around for quite a bit as well. She's specifically talking about the one with, what's his name? Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler, yes. The second one closes the distance. Maybe it's attracted by Barney's walker. Closes in on Barney Farney and lashes out as well at him hitting AC8, which I assume is a miss. Whoopsie daisy. You missed.

And the third one goes after Matide, closing the distance, hitting AC7, which I assume is also a miss. Oui. Okay, Blaine, you're up. Then after you, it's going to be Chris, then Barbara. So what's Chip Haney going to do here? Am I in sort of any sort of encumbrance because these...

He's hugging me? Yeah, you are currently grappled. Okay. You can make a check to see if you're able to escape. Would that count as my action or my movement? I'll tell you what, I'll give you a break. We'll say you can do this and do an action as well. If you're able to escape, we'll say you can take an action. All right, what skill check do I need to do to get out of this loving embrace from my newest friend? You can make a strength check for that.

All right. Let's see. Let's see if Chip's a strong boy or not. Okay. Here we go. See if all them push-ups been doing me any favors. That's a 12. You feel like you nearly had the upper hand there or the upper tentacle, as it were. What if I used an inspiration die? You can. Oh, yeah. All right. We're going to give it another go. A little rusty here. Been a few days since I hit the old gym. And that's a seven. All right.

That is good on that attempt. Yeah, you're still being held tightly. But seven plus 12 is 19, so that's how it works, right? That would be good. So yeah, you're just being held super tight.

Okay. Hold me closer, tiny Braille, yeah. So then that's it then, I guess, unless I can do replace my action with another strength check. I would say the grapple essentially just keeps you from moving. Since that creature is grappling you and is...

- Therefore within melee range, if you wanted to, you could take a melee attack against it because it's like right up on you. But since you are grappled, I would say you would have disadvantage on the attack. - Okay, well, I'm gonna go for the attack.

with my, it's called an arm blade rapier. Do you know what that is? Is that like, I imagine a rapier being like a sword, but why is it considered an arm blade? Oh, does it, does it go shoot out? Yeah, does it come out of like a little wrist thing? Is it an assassin creed style? That'd be pretty cool. That's what I imagine, that it's like sheath in your arm. Oh, you're hugging him and then all of a sudden you go shoot out. Okay.

I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to stab you in the throat if you won't let me go. So I'm going to go for that advantage. Disadvantage. Oh, I know I didn't make this one. That's a darn shame. That's a nine. Oh, that's a six. And a six. Shucks. Nine and a six. Even without disadvantage, neither of those would have been good. I don't make that, do I?

No, no, a six, believe it or not, does not hit. All right, I call it to the team. Guys, I'm really letting y'all down. I just want you to know, very sorry. Oh, this is poor performance. I'm a little rusty. It's been, I've been out of the game for a little too long. Chris, you are up. Then after you is Barbara. How far away is this bat? It's pretty close. It's just to the left of where you all are standing. 10 feet to your left.

And is it like, do I need to like climb up to do it or do what? To do what? Like on the edge of it. I think it's enclosed, wouldn't it be? The top appears to be open and there are some stairs on the- That's not sanitary. That lead up to the top near the northern side of the vat from where you are 10, 15 feet to get to the stairs to climb up and be able to peer into the top of the vat. Can I go up to it? Wait, would that open him up for attack opportunity? Probably.

Yeah, one of them did charge up. Okay. He's bound and determined to climb these stairs. I'm going to roll that attack of opportunity on you. 16. Does not hit. Wow. Wait, 16 doesn't hit you? Barney got armor? Yeah. Barney's strong as an ox. Okay, so yeah, as you disengage and try to walk away from the Abrillian that's accosting you, it lashes out at you, but misses, fails to connect.

I forgot Barney's a cleric. Clerics have armor. Yeah, so I want to go up to the edge right where the thing is. Listen here, young men and women or whoever. You better calm yourself down or I'm going to be hopping in your stew.

Don't be a hero, Barney! Don't do it! I'll be hopping in your stew and you're gonna ruin your stew! Barney, no! It's soda pop, to be clear. You know, I kind of think it might be fun to watch to see what happens. Maybe his old man skin melt off with him in this. Barney, you got a heck of a lot of armor on there, pal. Are you gonna be able to swim? No. Okay! Bye!

We don't mean, you know, no, no, no, no harm. Everyone just calm down and stop fighting. It's a persuasion. Yeah, before we get to that, just as a point of clarification, I don't think I said this in the last episode, but on the menu, and just so the listeners know as well, it's spelled Soda Pop, P-A-W-P. It's not P-O-P. Before you roll that persuasion check, I'd like for you to roll me a perception check if you could.

Okay. Bubbling acid. 21. You see that there is a lot of like things floating in the soda pop, even though, you know, it's a drink and it was a beverage that was served downstairs. It's a little chunky. Maybe you are right to call it a stew. And you also feel like you hear something that catches your attention from the northeastern corner of the room, like a scuttling sound of some kind.

When you say chunky, can I discern what type of chunks or what they may be? You know, I know you rolled a really good perception check, but you've never seen anything like it. It's just weird chunks. The way I think of it, the way I visualize it is almost like, you know, how you get sometimes fruit inside of a jello, you know, like little chunks of fruit that are just like floating in it. It's kind of like that where it's like, oh, there's weird little textured chunky things. Not saying that it's fruit in there. I'm just saying that's what it makes me think of.

You might want to see if it's like animals, if it's paw. I don't know if it might be like... What if it's P-O-O-P? Poop. It's not. I think that's what Elka thinks based on her wisdom ruler. Okay. So you've given your speech. Give my... Oh, yeah. And make your persuasion roll now. Okay. 14...

Should I do better? I'll use my inspiration die! Why'd you spin that? Yeah. I don't know. Barney sounds different.

It's worse. It's 11. That is two die used up for bad times. Burned. Okay, yeah. Does the 14 do anything? Yeah, the Abrilians look at each other and all three of them look back at Lizzie who scowls at them and it seems like they're kind of stuck. They're kind of holding back a little bit and they don't have as aggressive of a stance and we'll say they let you go, Chip. The one that's constricting you lets you go.

Okay. I give him a pat on the back and be like, that was a good hug. Thank you for that. I miss my wife. He growls at you. Not that familiar. And I go. Are we out of initiative then? Or do they still find us? I have a question. You said I heard something in the northeast of the room? Yeah. Which is where we came from was the north side. Correct.

Correct. Like a scuttle? Like a mouse scuttle? Or like a something a little bigger than mouse. Yeah. Like the seagull from Little Mermaid. Or a cat? I got Barbara on that one. I got Barbara. You did. Don't forget, you have a cat. And I'll just say, okay, let's just talk this down and I'll get down. And then I kind of stay there and then

I ready, in case anyone makes any sudden movements, a guiding bolt. So you're going to cast guiding bolt if there's any sudden movement? If anyone, yeah, makes moves to attack. Okay. Well, let's keep going down the list here. Barbara, this all just happened. What do you think Elgo would do at this point? I guess like if Lizzie told all of her people to... People, I use the term people lately, to stand down. Are we... Do they still look...

Like they're fighting us? Lizzie didn't say stand down. No, Lizzie did not tell them to stand down. She just scowled at them. Oh, but they did stand down. Didn't they like back off Chip? Yeah. My new buddy stopped hugging me. They let go of Chip and they're kind of, it seems like there's some indecision on behalf of these three Abrelians that are accosting your friends.

Where am I right now in relation to Barney? He's up on the vat. Yeah, you are where Mateed and Chip are just next to the vat. Maybe 10, 15 feet away from the stairs where Barney went up to get to the top of the vat. Could I try, I don't know if this will be an action or not, taking some of the soda pop and splashing it on one of the Abrilians? Sure. So you want to like walk up there to where Barney is to the top of the vat and then splash it down? Yeah. Okay.

I'll say you can do it as a bonus action. Like you do, oh, you will take movement to get up there. I don't like it when you mess with my friends. And so, you know, maybe it's time to cool down. And then that's when she proceeds to splash it. Did you hear that, Chip? You're friends with Elga. Oh. Oh, dear. I don't know how to react. We'll spill a lot more. But I'll also be in it. Barney, it's okay. You shush. Yeah, we'll spill blood.

No, shush, let Elga do the talking right now. Okey dokey. I don't want you to ruin this for me. Okay. You go up there and, you know, climb to the top of the stairs next to Barney and splash some of the soda pop out in the direction of the Abrelion. And, you know, they look at it. You're not able to read, you know, they're...

Like I said, 10, 15 feet away. You're not able to splash all the way to them, but you splash in their direction and they just kind of, with a confused look, look down at it and look at you standing up at the top of the van. - Okay, so it didn't do anything to them? It didn't hurt them at all? - No, no. - Nothing? - It didn't reach all the way to them, but it doesn't seem like they're concerned about it. - Like they're afraid of it? And I'm guessing it didn't do anything to me either when I grabbed some. - No, you just stuck your hand in it? Nah. - Okay.

It's the equivalent of taking a sonic ocean water and splashing it on the person that served it to you. I was going to say like a Mountain Dew Baja Blast or something. Ooh, even better. With chunks. With chunks. Just the way I like it. Thank you, Taco Bell. Chunky Mountain Dew. Chunky Mountain Dew. Okay. I guess I'm up there now with Barney.

And as a bonus action, could I rage? Yeah. Against the machine? Yeah. I'm so mad that that did nothing and my plan didn't work that I just get really angry. Yeah. You don't roll anything for that, right? You just like rage? It's just, yeah, like something I have to for long rest. So,

So do you have to attack to maintain that? I don't believe so. It's a bonus action to enter Rage for a minute, which is 10 rounds. I have advantage on strength checks and saving throws, but not attacks. I get plus two melee damage with strength weapons, resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage.

And I can't cast or concentrate on spells while raging. Also, just a quick note to John's point. Your rage ends early if you're knocked unconscious or if your turn ends and you haven't attacked a hostile creature since your last turn or taken damage since then.

Okay. So, yeah, if you don't attack or take damage, then your rage is over. Got it. Yeah, this is... Next turn. First battle as a barbarian, so learning. And the attack procs it as well. Like taking damage, it procs it as well. Come and get it, little slimy creatures. Oh, and roll me, Elga, since you're standing up there precariously on the edge of the vat, getting really angry. Make me a dexterity check. Oh, no. 11? Mm.

Yeah, you get, you know, really angry, like shaking angrily and screaming at everyone. And the copper cup with the silver filigree drops out of your bag into the vat of soda pop.

Does anything happen to it? No, it just like bobs in the soda pop for a second and then slowly starts sinking down. As this happens, it's Lizzie's turn now. And after Lizzie, it's Matide. Lizzie's eyes narrow. Lizzie's going to very quickly close the distance and make a beeline for Elga. But in order to get there, she's going to take an attack of opportunity from...

Chip and Mateed, if each of you wants to take one as Lizzie barrels past you. 100%, yeah. Wait, is she attacking though? She's like... Charging. Moving in an aggressive manner, yeah, through their space. Yeah. I'll take a little swipe. Do we want to attack or do we want to like... Do we also want to do a combat hug like the guy did on me? Like try to grapple Lizzie? Yeah, I don't know. You do what you do, Barney. I'm going to do what Mateed does.

My name is Chip. Oh, Chip. If Mateed's just going to do like a standard attack, let's do that one first, and then we'll deal with the grapple from Barney. I'm from Chip, if that's okay with you. You said Barney, so it got stuck in my head. I will take my inspiration dice. Thank you. I will attack Barney.

And rolled a nat 20, so 25. Believe it or not, that hits. Damages, seven. Plus the bonus. Yeah, we're going to boost that. Your talents normally do... D4 plus three.

Yeah, they do D4 plus three. So we're going to take the first D4 that rolled and that second one, we're going to change it from a three to a four. So we're going to do, you actually did eight points of damage. Nice. Chip, did you want to do like a normal attack or grapple? How do you want to approach this? Oh, what the heck? I'm going to stab her. Let's do it. Yeah. I'm going to go for the old arm blade. To paint the picture a little bit, Matide's movements are very fluid. It's very like as Lizzie goes by just a swipe of the talons.

They're like the most graceful thing ever, being a monk, a ghost, and a bird. It's like the most like... Yeah. Meanwhile, Chip's going to hunker down a little, and then he's going to pop his blade out. He's going to jump on her and try to give her a couple of stabs. Here we go. Let's get it going. And that's a seven. Good God. That's a...

Do I get any advantage because she's passing me or anything? No, no. You just get the attack of opportunity. Shoot! Yeah, so Lizzie, you know, takes the Talon attack from Matide. Then maybe she's expecting Chip's follow-up attack and she pulls like a Matrix-style dodge and leans back in a kind of unnatural way to dodge your lunge with the rapier. Well...

After the total whiff, Chip says, guys, I promise I'm going to get better at this. This is a real rough show. It seems you may be having some difficulties, Chip. I've been out of the game for a bit. I'm still working on it. A little rusty. A little rusty.

Pleasantries, my pungent pals. With all the nail-biting narrations, unpredictable plot twists, and suspicious suspects, questions are bound to bake your noodle. Perhaps it's a query for the caster crew? Well, say no more. We invite you to post your question on Twitter or Instagram using hashtag StinkyDragonPod or post it on the Stinky Dragon subreddit. And who knows? Your question might end up on the show. We've got a brand new Stinky Dragon YouTube. Go over to YouTube, search for Tales from Stinky Dragon. We're uploading all the campaign too, as well as other stinky content.

like puppet videos and just things from the Stinky Universe. So go check it out. Give it a subscribe. Give it a like. Give it a thumbs up. Ring that bell. All those things that the YouTube people say. Go follow us at StinkyDragonPod. We're on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. Plus, if you post on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod, we might name an NPC in the show after you.

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Hey everyone, I wanted to take a moment to remind you RTX 2023 is happening this July 7th through July 9th. RTX is our favorite time of the year where we get to interact with all of the amazing people that give us the opportunity to make content. It's a celebration of all things Rooster Teeth with panels, special guests, community artists, cosplay, and more. There'll be exclusive reveals, meet and greets with Rooster Teeth talent, special merch available only during the event.

This year we're kind of changing up how the convention feels. It's going to be awesome. It's like a mini Epcot style convention show floor with different attractions and activations from your favorite received brands all wrapped up in a summer camp theme. It's like summer camp, you know, for kids who like to stay indoors. It's got face jams right in Graco Pub, a red web escape room, a bleep face museum, Achievement Hunter mini golf. And on top of that, we also have a tabletop RPG plans with a live show for Tales from Stinky Dragon, Must Be Dice,

Dungeons and Daddies. Who knows? Maybe the groups will see each other around the event. Possibly. Hint, hint. Wink, wink. So thanks for listening to us. Get excited about RTX. We're looking forward to meeting all of you there. Head over to rtxaustin.com to get more information about the event and buy your badge.

- It's time for dolls, drama, and death in "Barbie Didn't Do It," a six-episode true crime parody role-playing event from the hilarious cast over at Must Be Dice. Barbie's on the run, accused of murdering her new boyfriend Kenneth in cold blood. Now, her best friends, Georgette and Candy, must don their detective hats

and help clear Barbie's name before the real killer strikes again. This might mean tracking down and investigating Barbie's ex-boyfriends, the Kens, who know more than they let on. Kind of. Barbie Didn't Do It premieres June 27th.

So subscribe to the Must Be Dice podcast feed to listen or watch the full video versions on youtube.com slash at funhouse2. And make sure you head to roosterteeth.com and become a first member to watch episodes early and get access to the exclusive Barbie Didn't Do It post show. Barbie's fate depends on it.

This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

Rather than go up the stairs like you did, like Barney and Elga did, Lizzie approaches the vat and climbs straight up the side of the vat, balances on the ledge and attempts to shove Elga into the vat of soda pop.

This is like the final fight in Wolverine Origins when they're at the top and it's Deadpool versus Wolverine. That's what this is like, right? The best Deadpool appearance ever where he has no mouth, right? There's been others? I don't know if already that spell, when would it cast? Oh, you could at this point, yeah. Lizzie's obviously coming in with an intention to attack or hurt a friend of yours. I do have advantage on strength checks, which I imagine if she's trying to grapple me, that's...

Yeah, since she's trying to shove you, I think you'll have your option for strength or dexterity, but let's get Barney's Guiding Bolt, and then we'll make that check. Yeah, so Guiding Bolt, Flash of Light, Streaks toward the creature of my choice within range. That's an 18. That hits. And I say, well, I reached. I tried to board you, little missy. Yeah, that's right. This is Elga's house.

It is? And so that does 17 points of damage. That's so much damage. That's a lot. That's a lot.

Smoking up for all the chips misses. Dude, come on. I was just like, I miss being so strong. The little baby weakling rogue. Oh, yeah. Lizzie almost loses her footing a little bit. You know, it's obvious that's a tremendous amount of damage for her, but she is still standing. And, you know, with the momentum, she tries to make a shove at Elga. And Elga, you can either make a strength or dexterity check. Like, if you want to, like...

Strength would be like you want to brace yourself against getting pushed. Dexterity would be like you want to kind of like try to dodge out of the way. I'm going to do strength. Okay. I'll let you roll first and then I'll roll mine. Because I'm raging, I have advantage. So I just do two of those. Yep. Okay. So it's 21 for the first one and 15. So 21. 21. Okay. I have a plus three on this.

So let's roll mine. Not a chance. 14. So yeah, Lizzie runs up and tries to shove you, but you just like, you saw her coming. You knew what was going to happen. Elga just kind of digs her feet in and, you know, catches Lizzie's shove and just like, you know, stops her dead in her tracks right in front of you. You get out of here. Out of your pub. Yes. My personal space. You're my pub.

Mateed. Yeah. Then after Mateed, we go back to the top and it's the Abrelion. Oh, that's right. I haven't even taken a turn. Oh, yeah. Nope. Mateed would see that Chip is having a hard time with his Abrelion and would ignore that completely and go for one of the other Abrelions. Okay.

Okay, so that would be, you have two other options. Probably the one that tried to attack you, I presume? Actually, no. Actually, I think, I forget that I can do things like, could Mateed fly up and attack Lizzie? Sure, why not? Okay. I think you might suffer an attack of opportunity because there is one who tried to attack you who's in melee range. Okay.

I thought they backed up. They kind of stopped for a second. Like as if there was a... Metagame-wise, it's like a decision to be made whether or not to listen to you or to listen to Liz. Okay. Then if there's one in my close proximity, I'll attack that fool. Okay. Go for it. Thank you for reminding me of my proximity. Yeah, we're going to do another Talon Strike. That's going to be a 20, 15 plus 5. Nice. That hits. Good rolls. I'm going to...

Yeah. For everybody. Great rolls. Every single one of us. Chip, did you see that? No, I'm too busy trying to get my ding arm wrist thing to work. Ding dang arm wrist thing. It's not popping out. I swear this never happens. Six damage for that one. And I'm going to take another attack.

I have ink. Ooh. And when you use an action, attack action with an unarmed strike or a monk weapon on your turn, you can make one unarmed strike as a bonus action. Ooh. That's some monk fun.

Uh, gonna do that again. That one's only 13, so might miss. That hits. Okay. That one's only four damage. So 10 total. Okay. Uh, so yeah, you, uh, take a couple of swipes with your talons at the Abrelion that's in front of you. Doing a good amount of damage. 10 points is, uh, is really good. Is there anything else you can do or anything else you want to do? Nope. That would be it.

Okay, so that's your turn. Go back to the top to the Abrilians. And at this point, you all hear a voice. Stop, stop. Please stop fighting. I'm trying to. It appears to be coming from the northeast corner of the room. Zuzu Top reveals himself. He was hiding away behind some barrels and crates in that corner of the room. And he says, please leave Lizzie alone. She's hurt. Can't you see? Well, she tried to hurt us.

Yeah. It's not fair. Just come down. Everyone put your weapons away. There's no need for this. I talk to the brilliant that's next to me and I say, oh, you got lucky this time, pal.

Oh, you were gonna get it. Elga looks at Lizzie and does the pointing at the eyes and then pointing at her and then slitting the throat motion. Elga's a little unhinged. She's raging. Oh, right, right. What do you want? Can I go down to meet him and say, hi, I'm Barney. Nice to meet you.

Uh, we have met before. Thank you, though. I like this, though, is that Zuzi's like, what do you want? Barney's upstairs with a walker and so has to awkwardly come down the stairs. So we're all just waiting as Barney comes down the stairs. Just silence in the room and just Barney, hi. We met, I believe, on stage when the Wolfman was killed. Oh.

I'll approach Zuzu and say, hey there, Zuzu. So we got a bit of a misunderstanding on our hands. We got framed for murder. The Wolfman died and they think we did it. We got locked up. So we're trying to get to the bottom of this. Oh, I'm absolutely on your side. I want to help any way I can. When the Wolfman was killed, of course they would come after Abrilians.

They're going to think that we're involved somehow. So I'm just as eager to find the true culprits as you are. Why would they be so suspicious of your people? Hordes look down on us Abrilians. They think of us as second-class citizens. We're very much discriminated against here in Atro City.

Classic case of xenophobia. I know the feeling. I'm like a fifth-class citizen here. Oh, surely you know what we're talking about, then. I do. But, you know, Zuzu, you were on stage when all this happened, and you must have seen something or have some clue as to who might be responsible. Yeah, I don't know. It was so confusing. It all happened so quickly. I was facing away. I was performing my magic with you guys.

Not even looking in that direction when it happened. It just makes no sense. I have no hostility towards the Wolfmen, like most Abrelians.

She took great lengths to make space for us here in Atro City and fought for our rights. Now with Wolfman gone, who knows what'll happen to us? Do you happen to know who might take control of Atro City now that Wolfman is gone? Oh, this is unprecedented. I assume there's no plan in place. This was unforeseen entirely. So maybe it's more unprecedented because there's no one to lead, am I right, guys? Heh heh heh heh.

Thank you, Barney. All right, good. Maybe you should perform at the next parade. That's not a bad idea. And just a quick question, because you are a magician. Do you think my father used to do the got your nose trick to me? Can you do it to me too? That's the highest order of magic. I can attempt it. Zuzu seems to close their eye and focus for a bit.

and then makes an illusionary version of your nose float in front of them. Oh, got your nose. And then Elga goes to reach on her face to see if it's still there. Jeepers creepers, she's got his nose. This guy is innocent. I think he did nothing wrong.

He stole your nose. That's what I'm trying to say! Only a few days ago, Wolfman came here to Area 15 looking for an entertainer for the peace parade. She came across my name and offered me this job. I was super reluctant, but she reassured me that she would vouch for me and protect me as it would be a good way to see that Abrilians are like everyone else. So of course, I had to accept. Were you aware of any of Wolfman's enemies, or...

Have you had any kerfuffles with anybody that might not like you? Kerfuffles? Well, nobody likes Abrilians. Oh, I like you just fine. That's right. Me and Barney like you just fine. Thank you. Thank you. But I mean, I'm like saying like targeted, you know, like, I don't know. Real, real meanie weenies. Was there anybody who would have wanted to do this to the Wolfman that you have any prior knowledge of? Maybe something that could be a source of ill will or these feelings could be

be the arrival of Abraleon's natural city caused quite a stir in some religious communities. This led to a great debate between two religious sects. Which ones? The Mormons who practice Mormonism and the Popists who practice Popatism.

A brilliance have a hazy memory before our arrival here in Groteth. Our arrival was very sudden at the hands of the Great Paw. We believe the Great Paw is testing us to see how many we can win to our cause away from Mommins. One day, we hope the Great Paw will return to collect us. And of course, the Mommins are not fond of that. Sounds like the Mommins versus the Pappas. Classic tale. Is that what the, so the Pappas from? Is it spelled the same way? Yes. Okay.

I would imagine ma might be spelled the same way too. M-A-W. In fact, soda pop is one of the only relics we have found of our history and where we came from. One of the elderly Abrilians found a recipe for this drink amongst their belongings, and it's a cultural delicacy for us.

So where the heck did you come from? You came up from... in their stars or...? The Great Paul placed us here but we don't know from where. How long ago was that? So it was in the year 1215 that the Great Paul in the sky brought 15 Abraleans here to Atro City. So the number 15 is very important to us and why we live here in Area 15.

What's the year we're in? Yeah, what year are we in? I'm just asking, Gus. I don't need to ask this guy. It was 15 years ago. You're currently in 1230. Okay, 1230. I don't know how I got here either. So you're saying that your deity brought you here to this area that you were not in before? Yes. As far as we know, we believe that is correct. Yes.

These, these, uh, momists, do they have, uh, a, uh, place of operations that is around here somewhere? Oh, they're everywhere. Most residents of Atro City identify as a momin. What do momisms believe? They follow the Great Ma, which we don't really pay attention to, and

It's not really our thing. Yes, that sounds very absurd compared to a giant paw. The true zealots live far away. I do have a question. When the wolfman came to ask you to perform at her parade, which, again, very great honor, was she with anybody? Did she have any accompaniments?

It's funny you mention that. The Wolfman was here with her assistant. He was a young man dressed in a tweed vest. Was it grey by any chance? Is it grey dude? No, it was not grey. However, he did not seem to think that hiring me was a good idea and was trying to convince the Wolfman to not have an Abralion perform. However, the Wolfman of course would not hear of it.

And it made the man so angry, he slammed his fist on the table and stormed out of the pub. He had a weird name. What was it? My goodness. Do you remember? Hummingdinger? Hoffman? Himbo? I don't remember, but I can show you the table we sat at if you like. Yeah, let's see this here fist print. Maybe we can find clues. Yeah.

Is that how we're doing this? Maybe you left the blood and then, I don't know, we can do something. We can take it to the lab. Let's check the table. That would be great. Yeah, you said there might be blood and Elga seemed to have perked up there. Yes. We should definitely inspect this area very post-haste.

She's drooling a little bit. You follow Zuzu back downstairs into the gloomy pub. He leads you to a vacant picnic table by a can. All of you roll an investigation check. Nat 20.

Ooh, look at you. 10, 18. I got a nat 20, but I have a negative one, so it was a 19. Lots of good rolls here. We'll start from the lower and go up to the higher. Chris, you're continuing the gum gum tradition of bad investigation rolls, or let's say low investigation rolls. Barney tries to examine the table and you find Zuzu's words to be true. In one corner of the table,

is a rather distinct dent in the wood, roughly the size of a fist. Looks like a very solid table. It's a good table. Chip and Elga, something catches your eye buried in the fist-shaped dent, something that's twinkling blue. And Mateed, maybe you can't, like, squeeze in because everyone else is examining, but you take a step back from the table and notice something shiny on the ground near the table's leg. Hmm.

So there's something shiny in the fist print on the table and on the leg? There's something shiny, uh, the twinkling blue in the dent. And then there's something shiny on the ground near the table's legs. Look at the craftsmanship. Is that, is that oak? The walnut? It looks really good. Yeah. Oh yeah. Stained it and everything looks great. Can we maybe ask Zuzu if he, if he knows what these shiny, the shiny blue thing is in the dent? Yeah. Do you know where this table, where they got it?

Elka, please ask what you want to ask. Excuse me, Mr. Zuzu. I think I noticed something here on table where man in tweed vest slam his fist in anger. There seems to be a little blue, something shiny blue here. Do you see? Huh. Zuzu, you know, reaches out and picks at it and it comes up. It's like a small translucent white gemstone that has a pale blue glow about it. Zuzu looks it over and says, hmm.

Hmm. It appears to be a moonstone of some kind. Elka, why don't you make me an intelligence check? That's no good for me. It can involve a coffer if you find one. Who are you? I don't know. You rolled a three. It's pretty. You think it might be worth a little bit of money? Can Chip ask, like, what's the significance of a moonstone? Oh, it could be used in jewelry, maybe? Chip, why don't you make me an intelligence check?

16. You think that this was probably a gemstone from a ring. Maybe it fell out. And Elga, as your hand, as you take a look closer, you notice that it has two letters engraved in it. In the stone. Yeah, in the stone. L-C. L-C? L-C. Someone damaged their Super Bowl ring.

Darn shame. I wonder if this belonged to a corporation in the air that the first L is not shown. That's nice. Um,

Since Matit is back from everybody, can Matit check what's on the ground? Yeah. You know, you take a look near the leg of the table here, and you find a small gold ring hidden beneath the table near the legs. It's scuffed up a bit, and it's missing its jewel inset. And there's an inscription inside of the ring that says Hamlord. Hamlord? Yeah. L-C-H-O-L-D.

Hamlord. So this is from, we think it's from the same ring. Is there an LC? It does, yeah. Could be. I have found this ring. Does that stone fit in it? Let's try. Yeah, you try to put them together and it seems like they do fit together. He punched the table so hard, his ring both broke and then fell off his finger. He must have been very angry. Very angry. Mateet, make me a history check, please.

What did it say again? Ham? Ham Lord. Ham Lord. Like Lord of the Ham? 19. Yes, like Lord of the Ham. Mateed, you know that Moonstones are found in the Lofton Borough of Atro City near the college. Lofton Borough? Yeah, or you could say the Borough of Lofton. Hmm.

Okay. Moonstones are found in the... What do I know about the Lofton Borough? You know, the Lofton Borough is very hoity-toity. Can I say that? Is that allowed on this family podcast? Yeah.

Sure, is that a swear word somewhere that you come from? Which one, the hoity or the toity? It's very uptight and very upstanding part of the city. And you also know that there's a college there. Okay. You know, if we held this here moonstone up to a clefairy, I think it'd evolve into a clefable. So if this is assistant of... Nothing. Nothing. Hey, I... Get out of here. I smiled. Yeah.

I'm laughing because I made that joke a minute ago and no one heard it. So this assistant did not want you to be hired. Was there anything else you could describe about this person that we might be looking for now to invest? What else? A name. Well, you had a sort of name. Like it was a Hasselhoff or Himbo. Hamlord. Oh, was it Hamlord? Was that the name you were looking for? Oh!

Oh, Hamlord, that was it. - Oh, okay. - Ammo, bingo, ring-a-ding-ding. - Also, there was something else, actually. I think he left his jacket here.

Oh. This guy's just dropping everything. Oh, man. Was he naked as he left? He stormed out, and he was so angry. I believe he left his cloak at the door. I'm curious, what exactly, at what point did he become that angry at the situation? Was there something said? When the wolfman would not listen to him about hiring a brilliant to perform at the peace parade. Yeah, it's when they asked him to perform. I just don't know if there was like a specific...

He just seemed to be very upset about not being listened to for this. Can I go investigate the cloak? Could Barney go with him? Yeah, it's still hanging on a coat rack by the door. It's made from a fine blue chambray fabric with a pin attached to the breast.

And it's got a little inscription on it. What does it say? The inscription on the pin attached to the breast reads LC. We got another LC over here. Azuzu. Yeah, LZ is the ring of bell. Azuzu. Azuzu. And so the LC was on the gem itself, not the ring. Yeah. Correct. In this little... In the pin. Correct. The ring said Hamlord. Hmm.

Can't say I know that. Lieutenant Commander. That'd be a very convenient name for a lieutenant to have. Lego City. It's a really nice looking blanket.

I fear, though, that we should follow up on this new lead that we have of this Amlord who was not happy about the Zuzutop inclusion. Translation, we need to find Hamlord because he was not happy. Ha ha!

I'm an interpreter. I'm just helping. Matida kind of confusingly looks at Chip and doesn't understand why he did that. Hey, happy to help.

I know this might seem like a weird question, but when this individual was wearing the jacket, did it seem to fit them properly like it was their jacket? Yeah, it didn't seem out of place. It seemed to be his cloak. I'm just trying to figure out because, you know, if we have Hamlord and Elsie, those do not line up in terms of the right letters lining up. So I'm trying to decide if this individual's name is Hamlord or if it's Elsie.

That is puzzling. It might be like associated with like where they work, where they're from. Or their rank or something. Or, yeah. Wait, what's the, wait, hey, what is the name of the school in the Loftinburg? Why, Loftin College, of course. There it is. There it is. Oh, yeah.

Your intelligence is only matched second to your beauty. Give yourself an inspiration die for that one, Matisse. Finally! And Chip, roll me an investigation check. All right. Chip Painting, number one investigator. Just got to find the investigation die. There it is. Hey, that's a 15. That ain't bad. That's pretty good. The cloak feels like it might have something in the pockets.

Uh-oh. It's got a strange weight to it. Found something in the pocket. You guys picked up this cloak and didn't look in the pockets? Who are you? Aren't you a professional? I'm a little rusty. All right, I pull it out. What is it? In one of the pockets, there's a tiny brass key with the letter D etched into it. Guys, we got another letter.

I feel like we're in an escape room and we're like finding the little things like if you find the four other keys, you can open up this box in the room. So a brass key with a D and then what else? Yeah, there's also an envelope addressed to a Mr. Hamlord and it appears to be sent from Lofton College. Okay, and we got a letter addressed to a one Mr. Hamlord. It's a series. Hey guys, I found a series of letters on this piece of paper. Oh, Rita.

sequential order, but quickly sometimes. Interesting. Left to write up and down. Can I read it? Inside the envelope is a formal letter requesting Hamlord fill in for the Wolfman's teaching post at the college in light of recent events.

And it's signed by the signature on it is illegible. In light of recent events? What recent events? Wolfman dying, I assume? No, this would have been before. This was before. Right? Yeah, I don't know. Looks like we're on the hunt for a murderous substitute teacher with anger problems. Because this would have happened before the event. Right. What did Miss Wolf, what did she teach? Oh, okay.

I don't know. I've never been to Lofton College. Me neither. Ah, ah. Genies, huh? Who's the letter signed by? Illegible. The signature's illegible. That's a weird name. There's also a potion in the cloak.

There's a potion? What more is in this cloak? Three things. I'm going to pocket the potion. I don't know. It's a small glass vial half filled with a clear liquid with dark red flecks. Half filled. Can I, do I recognize it or anything? You can make an Arcana check if you want. Here it comes. Is it half filled as if someone had some?

Hard to say. Maybe half empty, right? If it was just a normal potion, I was going to hold on to it. But I say we got some mystery liquid. Anybody recognize what this is? It looks like someone drank it. Chip rolled an eight. He rolled an eight, by the way. I rolled an eight. I'm a little rusty, guys. Go for it, Elka. I'm going to take a look. I shotgun first. You both can look. You both can look. Don't drink it. It's Arcana, you said? Yeah.

I don't know what it is. It's seven and an eight. It looks so mysterious though. Mateed, do you want to take a go? I will take my best shot. All right. That's a 19. Oh. Thank goodness. Mateed, everyone's just kind of holding it and staring at it dumbly. You recognize it pretty quickly as the remnants of an anti-lycanthropy potion. Which has what properties? Werewolf potion? It stops you from turning into a werewolf, I think.

If you have lycanthropy? Yeah, it removes the curse of lycanthropy. Oh, so perma... Like entirely. Perma... With some asterisks. But yeah, essentially. Is it like a medicine that you need to take in order to stave it off? Or is it a one and done? Right, it would be like a temporary effect. Okay. It was wolf and turned into a werewolf before dying, right? You did see patches of fur spring out. But didn't fully form into a werewolf or into a wolf form and died later.

mid something. Correct. Is there any other stuff in this code? No, that's it. That's all that's in the cloak. Quick question. Is the cat still on my shoulder? Yeah, you still have the cat. Okay. Can I do a check to see if there's any... One of two things. Just check in the room for any scraps of meat or any signs of mice in the room. Make it an... We'll call it an investigation check. 15. Okay.

No, there are no signs of rodents or food. It seems like the only thing available here at the Flyin' Saucer Pub is soda pop. Okay. I'm actually quite curious. In this soda pop, what is in it? That is a cherished Abrelian recipe. To share it with you would be to betray my Abrelian origins. May I have a little taste? You can absolutely have some soda pop if you'd like.

Go for it, Barney. Do I just like... Yeah, you would get a glass from the bartender. I think we ordered some earlier. Yeah, and let's like... You did, yeah. I could grab that glass that fell into the vat. Oh, that's like in the vat. Like it slowly sank to the bottom. But yeah, you all did at the end of the last episode, you all did order some and those would still be on the bar if you want to go back to that. Drink it. Oh, yeah. Drink it. I'll go back. All right, so you... And in Chris's words, you wobble over and...

Wobble baby, wobble baby, wobble baby. Take a drink of soda pop. Roll me a constitution saving throw. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. He's going to turn into an alien. 18. It turns your stomach and you feel, or like your intestines and your stomach is turning inside out, but you keep it down and you have like a very strange feeling inside of you. Like you're not sure if it made you feel sick or if it made you feel super strong. Well, that's got to kick. Yeah.

What did it taste like? You don't know, Chris. Don't answer. If you want to make something up, I'll tell you if it's all right. I'm sure. Yeah, you tell me.

It tastes like if you had taken a bar rag at the end of a shift and wrung it out into a bucket that had been used to mop the floor. It was not pleasant at all. Oh, man. There's some salve that I put on my... Salve. Salve, that's what I say. I put it on my hands sometime when they get sore. Kind of tastes like that because I lick my fingers eating some peanuts and I get my mouth. It tastes like that.

Oh, you are very gross, old man. Horrifying. Mateet is delighted by Barney's musings. So I say, all right, Zuzu. Well, I think we're looking for a substitute teacher that may or may not be a wolf person who has anger problems, who works at the college.

Are you going to go with us to maybe investigate this? Or like, how best do you think we should go about trying to figure out what happened? Absolutely not. I need to stay here and hide. Please keep my whereabouts a secret, especially from the coughs. But please try to find this Hamlord. I'm sure they can provide guidance as to what happened. What would be the best way to get to Loftin Borough? Well, Loftin is the next borough due west of Area 15 and the college is at the south end of Loftin.

I would recommend that you sneak over there because you would want to hide from patrolling cops or any atrolytes that might recognize you. I got a question for you. Do you have a disguise that we could borrow? I'm afraid not. That's why I've been hiding here myself. I just have my top hat. What about the lost and found at the bar? You can look. Most of Brilliance probably wouldn't have things that look appropriate on you, but you're more than welcome to take a look. Barney, I got a cool cloak if you want it.

Slightly used. Yeah, okay. That looks, this is fine craftsmanship on this cook. It sure is. Look at that. They don't make them like that anymore, huh? I drape it over Barney. You look wonderful. What color hair did this tweed fellow hamlord have? I don't recall what color hair he specifically had. Do you remember what kind of creature? Was he a humanoid? What did he look like?

He was an ordi like you An ordi That spans a spectrum A non-Abrelian I think is what the Ordi Is ordi short for ordinary? Yes of course Okay It's actually short for ordinance That sounds like cock talk to me

Chip claps his hands together and says, it looks like we're going to college. Don't forget. Be very careful. Don't let the cops catch you and don't tell them where I am. Don't tell them where you are.

Don't let the cops catch us. What's an atrolite? What the heck is that? A citizen of Atro City. Oh. You. Me? Yeah, you're a citizen. Zuzu got some bad news for you. An atrolite knows where you live. Mateed takes this as a moment to step away and leave. Okay. Should we disguise ourselves?

I think we may worry about that when we are actually on our way. I don't have a disguise. I don't know if we have access to that, but... I think maybe we just try to be sneaky. Yeah, let's skulk our way through the sewers or whatever. What we'll do is we can have the entire party make stealth checks as a group check.

to see if you're able to successfully, stealthily make your way from Area 15 over to Lofton. I'm sure Barney's going to be great with those stealth checks. Everyone make a stealth check. 24! My stealth checks are at disadvantage. Yeah, because you're a cleric wearing chainmail armor. 23 for Mithy. Five. We step out. Immediately, a spotlight hits us. 16. I do have a cloak.

Don't worry. So Elgagada, 16. Matide, 23. And Chip, 24. And of course, Barney, a 5. That's good enough. You're able to navigate through Atro City, sneaking your way and reach the Lofton Burrow undetected. Lofton. Just as an afternoon crescent sun peeks through drizzling gray clouds, you two peek around the street corner and see a sign that reads Lofton Burrow.

The lettering is ornate and the sign itself appears to be planted amidst a flowerbed of blooming wolfsbane. You follow the sign and see that this part of the city is built atop a hill overlooking the rest. After a short climb along the cobblestone trail, you finally reach an avenue of posh houses and a few businesses populated by tall folk.

At the far southern end of the road, you spot a prestigious campus with a wrought iron archway that reads Lofton College. What are tall folk? Like humans, elves, orcs. Oh, not elkles. Correct.

Wait, no, Elk is half Elf. You managed to get half in your race again. Okay, so there's shops, and then there's a college at the end of the way. Correct. Do we want to take a chance at going to some of the shops, or do we want to just go and see if we can find a directory for where the college, like what buildings and offices belong to whom? What do some of the shops say? Yeah, what we got?

There's various shops that sell different things. There's a pub. There's lodgings. There are fine clothes establishments. There's a shop called Stacy's Stones. And that's about it. That's all you see right around here. I think we should probably look at Stacy's Stones if they maybe sell Moonstones and maybe have a record of who they might have sold this to.

No weapons, no weapons, sales, shops, places. Oh, God, no. Not in this part of town. Heavens, no. Heavens, heavens. Yeah, Matide notices the stone's place and heads that direction. Okay. Stealthily. Does anyone else follow? I think Elga, you said you wanted to as well. Yes, absolutely. Elga would like to get stoned immediately.

Barney's looking around, smiling. Barney, we are going this way. I'll guide Barney by the arm.

Stacy Stones is a modestly built shop compared to the surrounding buildings, but it has large spotless windows. Inside, there's a tall orc named Stacy Facet, wearing glasses over kind brown eyes that sometimes shift to hazel. You walk in, and she seems to be focused down with some scrolls and papers that are in front of her. It seems to be scribbling. Stacy? Are you the legendary Stacy of Stacy Stones? She looks up with a start. Oh, okay.

Hello. Welcome. Come in. Yes, I'm Stacy. And welcome to Stacy's Stones. Hi there, Chipaini. Pleasure to meet you. I want to shake her hand. Yeah, she's still a little startled by you all walking in without her noticing, but she sticks a hand out for you to shake. Okay. And there are several display cases around the shop. There was one main display case at the back of the shop where she was scribbling away. Can I go up to her and...

inquired if... Do you by any chance sell moonstones in your shop, Stacy? Oh, yes, absolutely. She points down at the display case under her, and there's many gold rings that have moonstones engraved with the letters LC in them. The whole case is filled with them. What does a LC stand for? Lofton College. I'm just double-checking. These are class rings for Lofton College. They're my bread and butter. I saw lots of these.

Is every ring different for every year? Usually no. They're pretty standard. People who attend Lofton College like to maintain tradition and a sense of continuity over the years. Do you happen to have a record of everyone who's purchased a ring from your shop?

Oh, that would be quite a bit. Seems like just about everyone from Lofton buys a ring because they attend Lofton College. I might have some records, but it would be pretty extensive. Are you familiar with maybe some of the faculty that is working at the college?

Yeah, I've passing knowledge of them. They stop in occasionally, or I hear the students talking about them. Fantastic. Does the name Amlord ring any bell? Ugh, Hamlord. I do not like that man. I went to Lofton College with him. He would always cheat off me during our alchemistry test.

Does Amlord work at the college, or is he just a frequenter of this area? He worked at the college for a while. He was a teacher's assistant for Professor Wolfman. Then after he graduated, he got an assistant job with the Wolfman at the parliamentary office. You know how that is. It's all about who you know. It's hard for anyone not in the inner circle to get ahead here. Oh, yeah. What did Mrs. Wolfman teach? Professor Wolfman taught law. Law. Hmm.

Say, this Hamlord, you know, where's his offices and stuff located? I think we came across a lost item of his, and we just wanted to make sure it got back to him safe and sound. I would imagine his office is probably at the Parliament, seeing as he works in the Parliamentary offices these days. He may still have an office here at Lofton College, but I don't know where that would be. I personally haven't stepped foot in Lofton College for a few years now. Hmm. Hmm.

Just out of curiosity as well, you know, I imagine you've heard of Wolfman's unfortunate untimely passing. So terrible. But did anything else happen to her, you know, in recent times other than her death? Any illnesses or tragedies? Illnesses or tragedies for the Wolfman? Not that I'm aware of.

Seemed like everyone loved her. I don't know of anything that had fallen on her recently. Mr. Ham, is he the only one that...

You're the only one that didn't care for him, or is he not a popular fellow? I can't answer that for certain. I don't really know the other people who run in his circle. All I know is that he was a jerk, and most people would probably agree with me, but I can't speak for them. You know, Stacey, I think I'd have to agree with you. You seem like a trustworthy person. Hey, just out of curiosity, what's your thoughts on the Abrellians in Area 15?

Oh, they're fine. They don't buy my wares, so I don't really have much interaction with them. They seem okay to me. Is that kind of the general vibe here around Lofton, or? Ugh, in Lofton? Don't get me started on the people here in Lofton. They're a snobby bunch around here.

I think the people of Lofton would most commonly turn their noses up at a brilliance. Not you, Stacey. You're a real salt-of-the-earth kind of gal, ain't ya? I'm just trying to make ends meet in this posh part of town, trying to pay back that crippling student loan debt. From Lofton College. From Lofton College, you got it.

And I don't have the connections Hamler does, apparently. Yeah, what did you study? I studied transmutation and alchemistry. Well, you don't say. You guys want a boogie? Stacey, you seem like you might be very connected to the goings-on of the Lofton area. Is there a...

What is the gossip of what is happening around you right now? Is there concerns of the community that are of particular interest or importance? A scuttlebutt! There it is. It's just typical, meaningless drivel around here.

The people of Lofton are worried about the other boroughs infringing upon Lofton and lowering the value of their homes. It's all very boring. Real nimby kind. I don't know what that means, but yeah, sounds about right. Not in my backyard. It's a bit of a problem. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's them. Well, thank you for your time and we appreciate it.

Stacey, we're going to boogie. We appreciate your help. We'll hopefully be back to buy some of your wares down the road. Sounds good. Her attention becomes refocused on her papers and what she's working on. Okay.

So team, I don't think we're as wanted as we figured. I don't think we're like public enemy number one. Cause Stacy was pretty cool. No, I mean, it's, uh, we are living in an era that, uh, you know, not necessarily going to be able to just put our faces up on TVs everywhere. So, you know, information right now. Yeah. Have we seen any like wanted posters with us on them or anything like that? Any sort of like thing that indicates that we're being sought after? Uh,

Make a, let's say, perception check. 14. 16. Yeah, you saw some wanted posters during your sneaking from Area 15 to Lofton. How much to turn Chip in? Chip, I think it was a vague promise of 100 gold for any information leading to any of you four. That's good to know.

I have an idea. Chip didn't do anything to you, bird person.

What if we pretend to be students at the college? I think you look... And we got to get to class. Yep. You look... Law class. Why don't you pretend to be a professor or the dean? I somehow think that all of us are just kind of scooting around the different college ages. You know, some of us too young. You're never too old to go back to college. You can do that anytime you want. But you can be too young to go. Well, thank you.

No, you're a... What do you call him? Yeah, a prodigy. Well, I mean, tell me something I don't know. You guys want to scoot down there to the college and see if we can find, like, a directory with Hamlord's office? Yeah, let's head. Yeah, I also really want to figure out, like, what happened... It said due to recent events. I'm wondering what...

happened there? That note in the pocket. What was the context? Oh, oh, oh. The letter. It said due to recent events. Oh, it could be him getting elected. Or just like someone who placed that. Her getting elected. Who made that letter as like a alibi that he already had access to somehow from somebody. Yeah, that's mysterious. That's a good call. Something to keep in mind. We head to the college. Yeah, we head to the college. I want to see if we can find like a map or something. Back to school. Back to school.

Yeah, Bonnie's like, where is my first class? I can't remember. Do you remember your locker combo? No. Did you have lockers in college? No.

Yeah, we head. What happens, Gus? Uh, yeah, so you all walk up to the entrance to Lofton College, and there's a wrought iron archway that reads, "Lofton College, that leads into a well-gardened courtyard made of stone tiles. Leaf trees line the sides of the courtyard, and a long planter box filled with blooming wolf's bane sits in the center. At the far end of the courtyard is a U-shaped gothic building made of stone, and it looks like there's two floors with numerous windows and one main entrance."

Do I know what their mascot is? Make a wisdom check. Ooh, that's a five. Yeah, you don't know. The wolf's spain? Can I? That's a flower. Can Barney go up and look at that? That's a flower? Yeah. Does it have any effect on wolf spain?

Like, it's Wolfsbane. Does it, like, hurt Wolfsbane or anything? That would be a rough thing to put around the college. That's what I was wondering. Or do they like it a lot? Why is it called Wolfsbane? That's a real flower, Chris. Yeah, that's a real flower. You'd think Gum-Gum's old owner would know. Well, I was just thinking, you know, like... You've fallen from grace, Gum-Gum, the flower wizard. Yeah.

Oh man, I figured all those times you were googling for different flowers, you would have come across wolf's bane. Make a wisdom check for me. 22. You don't think it has anything necessarily to do with wolves per se, but you do know that wolf's bane can be poisonous if ingested. Barney, don't eat that. Can I pick some? And then I'm going to press it in a book.

God, old people are so weird. Sure, yeah, you walk up to the planter and pick, what, like one or two? A handful, and I'll put them in my alms box to dry, and I'll give one to Helga. Here you go. Would you like a little flower? You can only give me a flower if you remember my name. Helga. Helga. No H. Drop the H. Helga. Drop the H.

I will save your blood for last. I shuffle Barney towards that U-shaped gothic building. Barney, make a constitution saving throw. Uh-oh. Is the soda pop coming back? 15. The wolf's bane left a tingling sensation on your hands. Oh. Yeah, so you shove Barney down to the gothic U-shaped building, and there's a set of wooden double doors that lead into the first floor corridor of this building.

Does it seem like an administrative kind of building? It's rather large. I guess, would you, do you open the door and look in? Yes, do things. You open the door and it's a rather large candlelit atrium inside that splits off three ways, east, west, and south. And there's wooden signs with arrows floating in midair that read Great Hall, and that's straight ahead, west stairs and classrooms A and B to the right,

East stairs in classroom C and D to the left. Are there any directories or any like welcome desk that has anything listed? I'm just going to quickly point out we have a key with a D on it. Hey, smart. We're really good at Dungeons and Dragons. Elga, you're one smart whippersnapper. One of you is maybe. Ha!

That's why we take notes. Yeah. Is there anybody in this entryway as we're coming in? Yeah, there's various students walking around, shuffling around, having conversations. And the students are, they seem rather young, mostly like teenagers. Okay. Yeah. Mateed follows Elga towards Classroom D because Elga thought of it.

Guys, remember we have a key that has a D on it, so maybe we go to D. I put two and two together. We don't want to be late for class. Barney, your first class is actually in classroom A if you want to head that way. Oh. Okay.

Okay, so Classroom D, if you follow the signs, would actually be at the far end of the hall to the left in what is the southeast corner of the room. So you're making your way down there. So you see a door labeled Classroom D, and around the corner from it are a set of stone steps leading up to the second floor.

Oh, so like the classroom entrance just goes upstairs? No, I'm trying to clarify. So there's a door labeled Classroom D, and then like around the corner from it, independently, there's a staircase that goes up to a second floor. Is Classroom D's door solid or have a window into it? Solid. I'll tell you what, all four of you make me a perception check. Six. 17. Chipped is not your day. I know. 21. 16.

Elga, maybe because you're closer to it than your compatriots, the handle on the door appears to be turning and twitching a little bit. Like without us touching it?

Correct. Yeah, as though someone on the other side of the door is trying to open it? Could I touch the handle and see if that does anything? Yeah. Like, you just touch it, or do you try to open it, or what do you mean you touch it? Like, are you trying to steady the motion or just feel it? Yeah, like hold on to it. Yeah, you hold on to it, and it's moving ever so slightly, like John suggested. Like, maybe it's being manipulated from the other side.

Could I put my mouth right up on the door crack and go "Hello if there is a person on the other side, we are about to come inside and we mean no harm I just want to tell you that we are friendly just doing some casual snooping" What?

You hear a voice come back through the same crack, say, "Okay." Oh, God. Barney, you want to get out of here? I don't know about this. Let's go find that cafeteria. Do you want to let us in the room? Just open the door on the other side? I can't. I'm stuck. Can you open the door and let me out? It just so happens that we can. Mateed puts their hand on the door

And goes, um, perhaps we should approach with caution. We do not know who this person is on the other side. My name is Henry. Please help. Why are you locked in the classroom, Henri? Let me out and I'll tell you. I just don't know how this is going to work. I'm sorry. Please, I've been here all morning. What? Are you a student? No. Why are you in the college stuck in a classroom? I'll tell you when you let me out. Ah!

By who, Henry? Who's gonna get you in trouble? How old are you, Henry? Henry, what are you doing out of college? You're an eight-year-old boy. Sorry, Olga. All right. Should we do it? Yeah, let's open it up.

I'm gonna run you my arm blade. Don't worry. Henry, I don't want to have to stab an eight-year-old today, so you better not be messing around, okay? Oh, what? Any day you gotta stab an eight-year-old's a bad day. Don't worry. We are very, again, very nice, not combative, not evil people, right, everybody?

That's right. Yes, of course. Unless Henry decides to mess around and then he will find out. Mess around and find out. Yeah. Yeah, open the door. You try to open the door and it's locked.

Use the... Can we use the key with the D on it? I feel like I'm playing like a Monkey Island game where I'm like, right, use key on door. Yeah, the key fits neatly into the lock and unlocks the door and you're able to open it.

The room appears to be, it's clearly a storage room full of boxes, desks, and benches. From behind one of the boxes, you see the eyes and the top of a little eight-year-old boy's head sticking over, looking at you all as you enter. What is he? Is he like a human? Yeah, it's a human boy. He says, Hello.

I'm Henry. We know Henry. Uh, we upheld our end of the deal, letting you out, so what's going on? Why are you in here? My dad recently went missing, so this morning I decided to sneak into the school looking for him, because I think he used to work here. I was looking around in this room when suddenly a man in a tweed vest bought rushed in, so I hid behind some boxes.

I think the man was hiding something in here, but before I could do anything, he quickly left and locked the door behind him. I've been trying to pick the lock since this morning. My mom doesn't know I'm here. She thinks I'm hanging out at a friend's house. But I had to go. I missed my dad.

I don't get to see him that much, as is. I wish we could spend more time together, but he's often working at his new job. Who's your papa, Henry? His name's Robert. Robert. Robert what? What's his last name, Henry? Um, I don't want to tell you, because you're going to get me in trouble.

Oh, stranger danger. That's smart, Henry. You're a smart boy. Anri, does your father, did he previously work here as a college? Or why are you here? He used to work here, but he got another job and now we don't spend as much time together. So you went to your dad's old place of work to find your dad? He wasn't at the new place, so I thought he would be here. I don't know very many places. What was his new job that he got?

I don't know. I don't even know what this place is. Now, Henry, I want you to take a good long look around this college, okay? Because it's the last time you'll see it because I don't think you're going to make it here, bud. He's an eight-year-old kid. He doesn't know much. I know, but I know he's just... He's not...

I don't think he has what it takes. Could Elga approach the little boy and go, you know, from one child to another? God. You know, you're safe with me. These all these, you know, older people, they are old and stinky. Don't know what they're doing.

So you say your dad worked here, doesn't anymore, and a man in a tweed vest came in here. Where did he hide this thing that you said he hid? He points into the southwest corner of the room. He was messing around over there. In a desk or something? It's like where there's some boxes.

Chip will go start opening boxes. What?

Can I ruffle his hair? Yeah, he scowls at you. He doesn't like that. He starts walking out towards the front door of the college. I have to wonder, the kid's been locked up here for a while. There's no bathroom in here, so I don't know what that little boy was doing, but he had to make business someplace, so watch your step, I guess. Did one of you say you were going to go look by those boxes? Yeah. I think Chip said he was, yeah. Matide goes too.

Both of you make an investigation check. That's a five. That's a 17. Oh, Chip, look at you. Decided to show up to play.

You know, this is the best thing. This is the best thing, is that at any point in any of this, as if Blade would make the choice just to go with the ribbing, it actually would probably stop. But because you keep getting irritated by it, Gus goes, yes, yes, more, more. It is so hard to play Chip who's very nice. Feed me.

And I'm just dying. And I think you're doing a great job of it. Hey, thanks. What's in the backs? You find, uh, some glass vials that are empty that have a residue of that same anti-lycanthropy, uh, potion. Oh, so they're not empty. Residue. Yeah, there's residue. Yeah. Okay. Is there a way to check for like little trap doors or secret switches or something? Yeah. Make a investigation check. 15. You search around the room, uh,

And you don't find any secret switches or trap doors or hidden rooms or anything. Can I try something? Barney, can I have one of them wolfbane flowers? Oh, yeah. I just need the one. Here you go. Can I like sprinkle a little bit of the anti-lycanthropy stuff on it?

on the flower just to like, see if it's like got poisonous things. Cause I'm here. I'm wondering if this isn't some sort of poison and maybe a ham Lord poisoned Wolfman. Sure. But you need to make me a constitution saving throw first. You touched it.

I know I'm touching the glass that's touching the poison. You touched the wolf's mane. The wolf's mane is the poison. Son of a gun, you're right. Oh, constitution. You would think Chip would have, like, rubber gloves or something like that. 18. It makes your hands tingle quite a bit when you touch the wolf's mane, but nothing other than that. I'm going to wash my hands before I take a pee-pee later. Could I do a quick investigation to see if there's any other, like,

like a desk with a locked drawer or like a locker or a cabinet or something yes let me answer uh chip's question real fast and then uh i'll i'll get to that so you tried to sprinkle the wolfsbane onto the vial no so try to put the the the anti-lycanthropy stuff onto the wolfsbane flower to see if it like kills it instantly or has like poison got acid it uh it makes it shimmer a little bit okay

All right. I wasted everyone's time. That's my bad. No, that's okay. You got to try. Yeah, got to investigate stuff. And Elga, you wanted to see if there were like locked drawers at any of the desks or anything? Anything that has like a lock on it, potentially cabinets, desks. Make an investigation check. There's not really any cabinets. It's mostly boxes, but there are some desks. Okay. So three.

No, you don't find anything, but it is mostly like desks like you would see at a school, not like office desks. So it's not like there's really any. With like drawers. Right. Right as you're looking through for that, a sandy haired half orc is walking by the open door to room D and says, what are you students doing in there? You're going to be late for class. Hurry up. Oh, do you know what the class will be late for in college? Everyone has different classes at different time.

You must be a freshman. You must be new here. Yes, very new. Head upstairs. Hurry up. Don't be late. You're going to be in big trouble. I'll head upstairs. We'll see you there, Professor. He furrows his brow a little bit at you. Yeah, I guess follow suit and go upstairs. We are late for Professor Hattie.

Hamlord's class. Do you happen to remember what room that is in? Professor Hamlord's class. Yeah, he's in the lecture hall. Is that the great hall? No, that's the great hall. Yeah, upstairs, the lecture hall. Okay. Yeah, we go upstairs, or I go upstairs. I head up there.

I don't want to be late. You all head upstairs. There's, again, floating signage indicating that you can visit the library, the garden, or the lecture hall. Lecture hall. Lecture hall. Oh, yeah. You all make your way to the lecture hall. You enter a tall, windowed classroom built like a theater. On either side of you are rows of tables, and in the center is a set of stairs leading down to the end of the room. At the front of the class is a desk with a plaque that reads, Professor Hamholtz.

Behind the desk turned away from everyone is a young man in a tweed vest inscribing something onto the chalkboard behind him that's in bright blue lettering. And he's reciting: Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night

may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the full moon is bruh and he stops at the sight of you his eyes widen and he begins backing up towards the chalkboard but but i i thought you were in jail not anymore well guess again wolf man hey you you've been dropping a lot of stuff around town you're very irresponsible

Right. See, the thing about that is... And without warning, he takes off running and dives through the nearest window. Oh, my goodness. Find out what happens to Hamlord on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. He seems pretty innocent. I don't know. Guess we got to find a new lead. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week.

with another episode. And if you enjoyed the podcast, give us a follow on social media at StinkyDragonPod at all the popular places where people use social media. I hope Hamlord didn't land on Henry. Oh, no. Oh, my goodness.

Don't forget to check out our new stinky YouTube. It's like regular YouTube, just, you know, a little stinky. We've got some Stinky Dragon content on there. We're uploading all of Campaign 2 on there, as well as puppet videos and other stinky content. Just search for Tales from the Stinky Dragon on YouTube.

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Saunier. Here's a quick shout out to folks that interacted with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in this episode. Limber Lizzie the Abrelian, named after at Lizzie Linlin on Instagram. Zuzu Top, the Abrelian Magician.

named after @theanimaloverlord on Instagram. Hamlord, the Wolfman's Assistant, named after user LordOfTheHam on Reddit. Stacey Fassett, the Orc Jeweler, named after @staceyface on Instagram. And CustodiumDustStorm, named after @mxduststorm on Instagram. Also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provide VO for characters in this episode. Zuzu Top, the Abrelian, voiced by Alfredo Diaz, @AlfredoPlays. Limber Lizzy, the Boneless Abrelian, voiced by Achievement Hunter's Lindsey Jones.

at IamLindsayJones. Hamlord, the Wolfman's assistant, voiced by Nick Schwartz. Stacey Fassett, the Orc Jeweler, voiced by Stacey Cabin, our very own broadcast intern. Henry, voiced by Ash Hildreth from the Team of Hunter post team. So tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. ♪