Tavern Tales - The Chosen One(s) Ep. 05 - The Chosen One Ends It
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After solving several puzzles and traps, they discovered Smiley and the Guardians of Light, a brotherhood dedicated to keeping the world safe from the Shadow Mane. Smiley reveals that Asafi has been collecting the three keys for an unknown purpose. And just as our heroes realize they've been tricked, Asafi slips away with the final key. Now sit down and let's finish this tale before the tavern closes and we're kicked out. ♪

Anyway. Welcome, everyone. Awesome B. We're going to get him. Why did you go? Well, anyway. Switching voices. No, I know. No, that was more like he had nothing to do with what we were about to do. He was just telling us a fun little story at the top of our recording. Anyway. How are you guys doing? Time for D&D. D and or D. D and key. I'm...

Chris DiMaris and joining. I hate that you say that all the time. I'm just into intros. I love it. I'm Barbara Dunkelman. Hello. Gustavo Sorolla. We're still doing this? We're still doing this? Yeah, I'm John. That's Blaine. Let's go! Sorry, I just had a peanut butter sandwich and it's clogging up all the pipes. Let's get to the conclusion of this story. I'm so nervous. That was the last episode? Yeah. Oh, shucks. I really like Sawyer.

Do we shoot him at the end of the episode? We take him out back. I mean, that's up to you. All bets are off. Death saves the entire episode. John, did your mom make puppets for Sawyer? Euthygenia, Durin, Adeline, and Sawyer stand at the altar that once held the key to the Shadowmane. Surrounded by guardians of light, Smiley shakes his head.

You were a distraction. Well, this is your fault, Smiley. You're always supposed to be guarding it. I should have known better. We're very disappointed. Now, you see, he gave you one of his little portal potions, eh? He gave us a potion. I don't know what it's going to do. I also can't remember if we've used it or not. No, this one we have not. We have not, because we can't reference it. I'm just overwhelmed with all the potions we've been receiving. This is a blue one.

Would anybody be inclined to... I'll drink it! I'll do it! No, shush! No, shush! I didn't get to finish what I was saying. This crazy little man just screamed at me. You big, beautiful woman! No, I was going to ask if anybody is inclined to know what this is. Like an expert among us?

Well, I- You ate the potion? Yes! I assume it's like the last one he gave us to get back to him. Okay, so we don't have an X between this. I'll make a- can I make an arcana check to see if I know what it is? I was- without being mad, I was trying to suggest that. Yeah, go ahead and make an arcana check. If he fails his, then I will do mine as well. Seven, I know exactly what it is. Does anybody have a positive on arcana? I have plus three. I actually have a plus. Oh, you're our positive? No!

All right, let me take a look here see she pretends to put on glasses, but What is it? Oh come on? But they

But then sometimes you roll one! Let me see, let me see. You know what? Screw it. You said J'neia looks at it really thoughtfully. Sawyer, it looks delicious. Her negative one on intelligence, ten. I got better than you guys with a negative one. Alright, I'll drink it. I'll drink it. Here we go. I take it, I take it just a sip. And that's a nine. That's a nine. Wow. We're bad. So, a ten.

It looks like the same potion as the other one. It looks like the same potion as the other one. That one was blue raspberry, right? Look. You can tell us where I went to school. Yes. You give me the potion, all right? And then you four, you can go home. We can't just go home. We're the chosen ones. He was a con man, dearest sister. He does this. He lies. A charlatan.

Sorry. Every time you talk. This potion likely only have enough juice for four people. Oh, perfect. For you and your friends. Yes. Now, there's a chance you're going to be walking into trap. Oh, that's my specialty. Y'all are best just going home.

But he won't be expecting it. We'll go back and we'll act like we couldn't find the key and we don't know anything. As far as he knows, we're a bunch of bumbling fools. Yeah, we can work for you now. How much do you pay? We don't pay anything. That's not very good. I am a lawyer and I am not pro bono. You hate YouTube? What? I'm more of an edge guy myself. Blaine legitimately didn't get that right away. That's fantastic.

That was not a put on. Are you giving me the potion? No, I take the potion. No! We're taking the potion. Smash it. Let's go. Let's go. I take it. I take it. I take it and I hold it up high so Smiley can reach it. Will you at least let one of us go in and one of you stay behind? Somehow I don't think splitting the party is the way we should be going. Yeah. What if you... We're kind of a unit. Since you and Durin together make about a person, what

What if we just stack you on top of each other? Does anyone have a long coat? We stack you, and the magic won't even know the difference. What is it, a weight capacity? You are like the equivalent of one person. Perhaps if we go to an AT&T, we can get a Sinden Stone. And you know what? With your arcana rolls, you think that that's a great idea and that it would work. All right.

Even without my icon to roll, I think that's a great idea. Look, Smiley, we'll just hug real tight and close our eyes. And someone throw us in there. We could kill all of you right now. Oh, we could kill all of you. How many of them are there? There's like dozens. Oh, easy. Smiley glares.

That's not a smile. So hard it's almost a growl. Oh, growly. Then turns and huddles with the other guardians of light for a moment. Let's just smash it and go. They're distracted again. Roll stealth. 25! All right, he didn't hear you. But he turns around. Oh.

He holds out a flute. When you get to wherever you're going, you play a song on this flute and we'll know where you are. What song? Doesn't matter. Zane, you know how to play a flute? Africa by Toto. That's my favorite song. Yeah, I know how to play a flute. All right. Oh, sister, I'm tapping my feet. I love this song. She was just doing that with her mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I take it. All right. And wherever you end up, let's just hope it's not

I smash it. I smash it.

Do you jump in? Yes. All right. Does it all jump in? Yes. I'm hesitant, but I imagine someone pulls me in. No, no, no. I stick my toe in. I'm going. Those other two. It's late for them, but I'm gone. Smiley pulls out a large bottle full of glowing translucent liquid and flings it onto the two of you.

The instant the liquid touches you, you feel better, almost like you took a long rest. Yay! Both odds win again! I'm good. Now, go before we change our mind. He says to the two remaining people who haven't gone already. You're the genii, they haven't come out yet. Ready your weapons. Adelaide goes in. I fart, and then Sawyer jumps in.

You emerge on hard rock. Two of you, two of you a little sooner than the others. You're at the base of a large cliff. Your eyes follow a winding path upwards. You hear a familiar voice call out to you. What did I say? You can't be the chosen one if you don't show up. And here you are. Can I check to see if he's being, like, facetious? Or is he being, like, sincere? Yeah, roll an insight. 24. Ooh.

Yithijine is very insightful. He's being entirely genuine. Ooh. One of us is the chosen one. At the top of the ridge stands Asafi at a large stone door seemingly connected to nothing. Of the three locks on the door, two contain keys already inserted. The third key Asafi holds in his hand.

And here it is! The door to the Shadow Mane! The tip of the sausage that connects our worlds. He sounds a little unhinged, not gonna lie. He's far away. As opposed to his very centered and informed self-care. At least he's not a screaming woman ripping his skin off.

I kinda like that version of him. Can I rub Durin on my body to see if I can get any excess of the fluids onto him so he can heal? Uh oh, you're sharing what you gave. No touch. You can do that. Durin, come here! Let me baptize you with the excess fluids! You can't touch me! Well, while they're being weird, uh, how- Chase me! Did you say how high the cliff was that we were like the distance between us and- Yeah, so- I'm running around in circles around Thor here. Stop! Stop!

It's like a couple hundred feet of a winding path upwards, so it's a good ways away, and he's just kind of like up there. Once you're done rubbing yourself against each other, we will play our hand. What's the game?

It's this! He puts the third key into the lock and turns it and there's a blast of magic and the thunderous boom. The earth begins to shake and when your eyes adjust from the magical glow, you see the door vibrating with magical energy. But it closed? It's still closed, but it's like shaking. It's four keys, right? Three keys. Three keys.

Osofi sprints down the long, winding path towards you and approaches at the base. His arms are raised, signaling peace. Do we have any champagne, Osofi? Should we celebrate? Maybe pour some of that champagne into a flute? We shouldn't celebrate just yet, but hopefully soon. I'm winking. Legitimately, legitimately, confession, I forgot what the flute does. LAUGHTER

I remember, I think we were joking a little bit too much when he was going over that. Of like, I just remember Africa, Toto, and all that kind of things. And so now I don't remember. I remember. It's someone smiling in the... Barbara, do you remember? I think it's someone smiling, does it not? Yeah, and his... It lets him know where you're at. Yeah. Oh. Uh... I play the flute. In celebration of a song! Do we want to do that right now? What does it sound like? What is that? Uh...

Asaphi just stares at you. What? It's a celebration. I thought we agreed on Toto. I'll go around and grab Asaphi by the arm. We'll lock arms together and begin dancing like a hoedown. He's just confused and he grabs this. He's just like, stop playing your instrument, okay? We don't have much time. I rolled an 11 on my performance check for my dance with Asaphi.

Do you want to save the world or not? I mean with music. Well, how do you, how about you want to go saving the world? Because this is the Shadowmaid door and you want to open it? That doesn't seem cool. It's opening right now. We have a few minutes before it opens. Now, hopefully that's enough time to explain if you've finished performing your little ditty. Shall I give you the whole truth? Hey, please, dear. Nothing but the truth. I'm quite confused at this point.

Hundreds of years ago, when Vorgoth was preparing his army to cross from the Shadowmane into our world,

A group of heroes searched desperately for a way to stop him. And they discovered an ancient magic that made the creation of that door possible. That magic was exactly what they needed, but their plan was flawed. Oh, no. You see, the door stopped Vorgoth physically, but the invasion never stopped. Ooh. Every day since, Vorgoth has worked tirelessly to gain entry into our world. Remember how I said the Cult of Shadows was growing in number and influence? Mm-hmm. They're unfathomable.

Ooh. Okay. A few bad apples. Ooh.

Yuck. It starts with dreams. Strange dreams with a voice in your head. And the dreams become more frequent and harder to wake from. The voice louder. Until one day, they don't wake up at all. That's sad. Because they're no longer themselves. Because they went to bed. Is this by any chance what you've experienced, Asafi? Not firsthand. It was a good try. I feel like you've been through some stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

There's nothing you can do for the people who have been taken by Vorgoth. Has someone close to you been taken by Vorgoth? That's not particularly relevant at this moment. Oh, it actually is quite relevant right now. That's a yes. Was it Smiley, by any chance? No. Was it Marcel? No, I don't... What about Quincy? Is the person who was taken by Vorgoth in the room?

Blink twice, if it's a yes. There's no one... Just shut up. Okay. Thank you. I cared about Smiley. Great. Oh. But... Romance. Unfortunately, the Guardians of Light are fighting a losing war. They're following ancient orders from a plan that is doomed to fail. How do you know that? Because... Oh...

Every day. He didn't say why. Every day, Vorgoth's power and influence over our world grows. It's only a matter of time before someone opens this door. So why not you? Exactly. Objection. That's a dumb idea. Sustained. The only way, if we open the door first, we catch them off guard and it gives us a small window of time to fix everything.

Or hear us out. Why don't we hide the keys even better this time and no one opens the door? It feels like this should have been a discussion before the timer was going off now. It was like the door opening. That's exactly why I had to open the door. What if we gathered a bunch of chairs and stacked them against the door? Maybe a

Do not disturb sign. Did any of you have like grandparents that had that like steel bar that would go underneath the doorknob? Those things work really well. Yeah. I'm afraid that the door doesn't quite work like that. Quick, Sawyer, do what you did in college. Put your sock on the door. No one will come in there. There it is. The door. The problem with the plan was that there was only one door.

It's not up to fire code. How many doors do you think, Darius, that they should have done? The problem was that the door was accessible. There were locks that could be opened. And one day it would be opened. If not now, then another week or a month or a year. Doesn't matter. It was going to open. The only way to stop the Shadow Mane from entering our world is to use the magic to block out the Shadow Mane forever.

The magic of the door? Yes. That is currently keeping the door closed? No, the magic to create the door. Oh. Which was done how exactly? The ancestors did something? Yes, actually, exactly that. Do you possess that kind of magic? The magic to create the door, the keys, the lock, was imbued into a bloodline. Oh.

Thankfully, the head of that bloodline was a bard. What was his name? Or her name? Or their name? Look, let's just say the bard, thankfully, was very prolific.

And a few hundred years later... Are you really just talking to me? I was just watching Barbara, wondering why she hasn't reacted yet. At first I was like, oh, Bard, so I guess it's maybe something related to Sawyer. And then I'm like, la la la. Then your eyes just lit up. And then I was like, oh wait, the Infonites were a few years ago. SSR listening. A few hundred years later, after this...

very prolific bard and there are quite a few chosen ones to choose from. Was this bard real handsome and charming and smart? Undoubtedly. Oh, fantastic. As he was a distant relative to all of you. All of us? Inside each of you is the magic of this bard. But you said there was only one chosen one. I start looking through my pockets.

There is only one chosen one. Okay, but we're all related? Euthygenize my aunt? Second cousin? How far? The earth shakes and the magical darkness from the door begins to kind of spew open. When that door opens, we have a small window of time to shut off work off in the Shadowmane forever. The chosen one must enter the gateway and lock both doors from the inside. Good luck, Adelaide.

No one... That way, there's no way to open either door ever again. Wait, I'm sorry. We have one door right now, and he wants us to make a second door? On the other side. It's like a screen door outside of your regular door? No, as in... Think of it like this. There's a hallway.

With a sausage in it. You go in, lock one door, and then lock the other door. Oh, so like the door to the Shadow Man enters into a hallway that has another door on the other end, which is really the entrance to the Shadow Man. So this is just a passage. Right. So we're making a heroic sacrifice. One of us is going to go in and just not come out. They're going to just be the doorman forever. Are you ready, Adelaide? Yes. How do we know which one?

Well, that's for you to choose. Wait, what? That's not how the chosen one works. Yeah, well, you're going to be chosen. That's literally what it is. I think the chosen one is drawn straws. We had to choose one. So, well, I agree with Duran. I choose Adelaide as well. Are we rock, paper, scissors? I think we should play rock, paper, scissors. How do we determine this, Asafi? Who's going to go in? That's up for you. Oh. Oh.

We just sat amongst our sails. Well, I can say you won't ever be able to return as far as I know. I don't know if you'll live or die. I don't know what will happen, but you will save everyone. Well, I mean, well, you the Janiyah, you ain't got much of a life left to live. I mean, you are already on the, you know, twilight years of your life. Twilight years. We can flip a coin.

Oh yes! Flip a coin! Hence you go in, tails I go in. Oh, or Asafi goes in! Or maybe I flip my coin, heads I don't go in. We don't have much time. Asafi, do you want to go in? No. Okay. Why not? We'll make a statue of you. He's not part of the bloodline. Yuta Janaya steps up. Okay, I was gonna ask what skills are needed to maybe close this door.

It's in all of you. Okay. Vague. Euthygenia steps up. I will go, dears. Oh, I was joking. Oh, no. I will go. Oh, no. Please don't. Oh, so sad. Durin. It's definitely not a Durin thing to want to go. Mm-mm.

I'll also go if you don't want to. No, you're not. Avalon, I'm not letting you go, little sister. Oh, no, please don't. All right. And Asafi takes you and starts to walk up the pathway towards the gateway. Can I have, like, a goodbye hug or anything? Ysitina just keeps walking. Okay, goodbye. I'll call you. Remember, she might be related to you. Very conflicted. Asafi kind of...

Grits his teeth. All right, I'll go.

Alright, there was- I'm also a descendant. Plot twist! Wow! Alright, so I was rather fond of myself, but I'm also rather fond of the four of y'all. So, you're gonna make the sacrifice? Yes. Okay. You didn't need us at all, did you? I've been searching for a way to block the connection for the Shadowmane for years. As a member of the Bard's bloodline, I knew that the magic to do so may lie dormant within me, and I was correct.

But when I realized that a sacrifice would be necessary, I went in search of someone else who could do it on my behalf. And that's when I found the four of you. And I figured if I instilled a sense of duty and purpose, then you would make the sacrifice so that I didn't have to. And it all worked perfectly. Now that we're here, everything just feels rather distasteful. And to be honest, I don't know if I could live with myself, even if the alternative is potentially not living at all.

So, against my better judgment and sense of self-preservation, I'll do it.

I choose myself. And then he starts and walks up. Do we think this is a trick? Yitsunaya just stays with the group and watches as this little man runs to a door. As he's walking up, the door bursts open. He's like, thank you for all of your help. And it's been a pleasure. Remember, what happens in the shadow stays in the shadow. And then he bows and turns towards the door and

and then stops. His eyes go wide. He seems to almost shake in place for a moment. And then he turns and tumbles down the ridge. He chickens out. Wait, the path or just falls off the cliff? Falls off the cliff. Can I try to catch him? Yeah, you can. Where'd this heroism...

All of a sudden, Durn cares. Oh no, he's gonna have good loot on his body. I just made up a word, heroism. Heroism, yeah. That's a word now. I completely didn't notice that that wasn't a word. Heroism would have been the right word. Roll athletics. Oh, my finest skill. You get a plus. 13. You catch him and stop his fall, but his back is riddled with knives. Oh no, I go through his pockets.

Standing at the top of the ridge, two members of the Cult of Shadow and Mother Ella. Did he have anything good in his pockets? Yeah. Potions. That's so bad. It might help us. Okay. You find a note that is in a language that you don't understand.

Do I know what language it is? Uh, you don't recognize it. Hey guys, I got a note. Will you be my chosen one? Mark yes and or no. Asafi looks up at you and checks his back and pulls a finger from the wound. Let me guess, poison.

Yeah, yeah, it's definitely poison. How do we fix that the first time? Yeah. We got the antidote from inside the church. We might still have some. Seems I'm not the chosen one after all.

I really hope it's one of you. Well, I don't think that was the test of the chosen one. I think he just got, you know, stabbed. Yeah, it was unfortunate. Yeah. And then he gives you a weak smile and then lays down dead. Okay. Actually dead, then? Yes. I close his eyes dramatically. Sleep well,

Sweet prince. Oh, my brother, always such a wordsmith. Thank you. Mother Ella calls out to the cultists appearing at the ridge. The time for the shadows is now. Soon, Vorgoth will join us and take over this world. Wait, is it now or soon? Now! She points down to you. Kill them. I turn around. Yeah! Kill them! Let's get them!

Pleasant trees, my pungent pals. Go follow us at StinkyDragonPod. We're on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. Plus, if you post on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod, we might name an NPC in the show after you.

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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

So here's what you have. You're at the base of this cliff. There's a winding path to the left that's accessible walking. That's the one that Asafi came down. Yes. And then to the right is what you think is a path that some parts that can be walked, some parts that you can climb. And they both go up to the door. Yeah. And at the top is Mother Ella. And what you see is...

It's two cultists at the top with her. And is she at the door? Like, where is she? Yeah, she's basically at the front trying to keep you all from getting to it. I'm down to climb. I'm feeling feisty. I'll climb. Let's do it. And basically, one of you needs to get into the door. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'll climb and we'll figure it out. Quick team huddle. Yeah, let's go. Okay.

All right, team. Chris, take your headphones off. We got to do this for everyone. He's still in the room. Roll for initiative. Okay. We're going to do it. Let's do it for Asafi. I'm just going to say, whoever gets the door, you got to go in. I know it's not cool to sacrifice yourself, but we got to do it. It's not cool. No, it's pretty cool. It's not cool. We got to do it for Asafi. What if we get like a Charlie horse and we can't make it in there? All right.

Are you already anticipating getting a Charlie horse? My leg kind of hurts a little. You and I are ready as a healing spell. Oh, no. What if we just throw Asaphie's corpse into the room? Is that still a surprise? We still got to open the door. Oh, okay. The door's open. The door's open. He's just got to throw his body in there. Initiative rolls. I rolled a seven.

19. 4. 12. Durin, you are up first. I rush up the path to the right, the winding and climbing path. I begin making my way up. Despite my Charlie horse, my pending Charlie horse that's about to strike at any moment.

Okay, you make it up and you kind of have to like stop while you're still kind of holding on to the ledge. You're about like 10 feet from like a place to stop. Okay. And then Mother Ella is up next. She steps forward.

So like the 10 feet, like am I 10 feet away from her? No, no, no, no, no. You're like 10 feet from a ledge. Yeah, from a ledge. And then there's kind of like, there's that ledge and then another climbing spot and then up to the top. About how far from the top would you estimate I am? I'm just curious. Yeah, yeah. Maybe like a third-ish way. Double move? Yeah, I mean, like I assumed that I doubled if I didn't do anything else. Yeah. All right. A third of the way. Yeah, a little more than a third.

And then, yeah, Mother Ella, she steps forward, raises her hand, and a discharge of lightning shoots from it. And every creature in that line, which is just pointed now at Durin, has to make a DC 14 dexterity saving throw.

Dexterity saving throw. I rolled an 18. Nice. Oh, nice. And on that, you take half as much damage on your save, which is six points of damage. Wow. That's half? We small. Yeah. Only you have been baptized by Smiley. And then up next is one of the cultists on the, I guess, on the left. But I guess I'm going to do them both because they're both at the same time. And they're both going to throw...

daggers at Durin. This is a bad level of Donkey Kong. They step forward, rear back, and throw daggers. And let's see if they miss. Who are they throwing it at? Me. At Durin. Jesus, my little dude. You should not have gone first. Bring it on. One for each tiny butt cheek. Six and a 16. So one of them, I assume, six doesn't hit.

No. 16, I assume, does. I'll allow it. And it does two points of damage. And can you do a constitution save? Yeah, 10. You start to feel like something has gotten into your body, like a poison has gotten into your body.

Poison. Not feeling great. I remember who threw the dagger that hit me. I pointed at them. You're the one I'm going to kill first. And then Adeline, it's your turn. All right. I'm going to try shooting a guiding bolt at Mother Ella. And are you moving forward or are you staying where you're at? I'm going to stay down. You're going to stay down? Yeah. You want to go and roll for it? Mm-hmm.

19. Nice. I don't know how you're going to get through the door from way down there. Okay, and what's the damage for that? That is 12 damage. Okay. It's radiant damage. It probably hurts them. Take the head off the snake. It does, in fact, hit her in the head. Does not take her head off. It just, like, singes her hair and her hood and just, like, and you hear her scream out in pain and then she turns and glares at you.

Yeah, that's right. Take some of this bovon up in there. And then she does one of those like,

Like pumps to make yourself look intimidating. Barbara's trying to figure out how to describe what she's doing physically. It looks like you're... She's still just doing a silent leap. Like if someone's like, hold me back, hold me back. But no one's holding her back. There you go. I just wanted to see how long it gets you to make that motion over and over again. Do you stay where you are? I do use my movement to go up the climbing side.

So the right side. Okay. So I'm by Durin now? No, no, you're good. He's a good ways ahead. And I said a third earlier. I'd say you're probably closer than that, than a third, Gus. Okay. You'd like a half? Yeah. I like that a lot more. Two fifths? No, let's go with half. Two and a half fifths. Yuta, Janiyah, you're up next. Yuta, Janiyah. Oh, crud. Language. I was going to try to help the little Durin.

But my healing thing is a touch. But I was going to go a long way. He probably didn't climb that high because he's so little. You could just reach up there. He thinks he's halfway up. I'm kidding. I guess I have no choice if I want to help the party. I was going to try to split to give us a backup person. On the left. But Durin's already taken like... Go left. Don't worry about me. You've taken like 14 damage. Eight. Eight.

What's your max? More than eight.

I'm still climbing. I'm still fighting. Okay, if you think you got it, then Euthygenia takes her movement to the long route. Okay, and you're just gonna use the whole thing? Well, I guess I was gonna say, like, she goes the first way and then assesses if something's trying to get her. No, I mean, there's right now. Does she see anybody? No. Okay, then yeah, double motion, which would be 80 feet. Wow, speedy. She's got 40 feet speed. I thought she only had four hooves.

10 feet per hoof is what her speed is. I would say with you sprinting ears, you're probably equidistant as Durin, but just on the other path. Euthygenia, when you get up there, you should do a little shoulder intimidation move. Euthygenia pulls out her smart sending stone and starts playing Pokemon Go as she's walking up this path. I'm going to get my steps in here.

I want you to do the voice more often, whatever that was, I loved it. It's great. My neck stiffened up in this little bubble like this. It's your turn, Sawyer. Oh, okay.

And then I truncheon up

Trying to catch up with old Euthygenia. And then I cast Dissonant Whispers at Mother Ella. Oh, you went the long way? Yeah. What's the range? It's 60 feet. If he climbed first? I walked and then I cast. You originally said the cliff was about 60 feet.

Sorry, it's closer to 100. But I wouldn't be able to double move more than 60. Yeah. Like I couldn't be farther than that. Okay. Yeah. I don't know if 60 feet can quite reach where she is. Okay. Just double move. If anything else. Earth trimmer, but I feel like that's an area of effect around me. Yeah. All right. Well, I guess I double move.

- Ta-da! - Towards Yuthu Janai? - Yeah. - Okay. - What's your speed? - 30. - So yeah, so you're like 60 feet. You're like 80 feet. - Well now am I close to one of those? - Well, you double moved. - Right, but am I close enough for the next move? - Yeah, yeah, I would say at the end of this, you'd be close enough. - Okay, go Durrant. - I like all those nice things that Sawyer said about me. I'm not, I'm gonna take him off my murder list.

I like that your interpretation of nice things is him just being like, get your hiney up that wall. He was encouraging. So I'm going to keep climbing, keeping an eye on that jerk who threw a dagger at me. They both did. The one that hit me, I guess. Yeah, keeping an eye on that one. Okay, and you're just going to climb? Yeah, straight up. Just keep climbing. Imagine Durin took the knife out of his back and then put it in his teeth. Yeah. Yeah.

Gross. And then I cut my tongue and more poison gets on it. Yeah, it is a poison dagger. Yeah, is that it? They're like, what's the result? Yeah, you're able to climb up. You're getting closer to the pinnacle of the cliff. You're not quite to the top. You kind of make it to that first ledge and then keep climbing. So like on the next turn, I'd be at the top? On the next turn, you'd probably be able to be up at the top of the mountain. In that case, after my double move, I'm going to take, I'm going to hide as a bonus action.

Okay. Oh, where'd he go? And how does that work? I make a stealth roll, and the roll has to beat the passive perception of all creatures I'm trying to hide from. The roll's contested by perception rolls by any creature that's actively trying to search or focus on me. So basically, I make a stealth roll, and they make a perception roll if they're trying to look for me. Unless their passive perception already overdoes it. Well, if the passive perception would be like if they didn't know I was there if I was trying to sneak up on them. These people know I'm there, so they get an active perception check. So I'll make my stealth check to see if I can hide...

That's a six. That's pretty. That's pretty. I was about to ask, like, you're climbing up a cliff. How are you hiding? And I looked at the answer. He just got a little bit closer to the cliff. You can't see me. I closed my eyes. Just hide his face in the rock. Do you have inspiration or anything? Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let me add the bardic inspiration to that. Don't waste it on that. You're sorry. No, I'm going to use the bardic inspiration on that. I'll tell you it's not going to work.

But I wanna go ahead. - No, I'm using my bardic inspiration on this. - What is bardic inspiration? Is it just a plus? - That's a d6. - Yeah. - That's just a d6. - So, plus five. - So, plus five. 11, that's not bad. They're gonna have to roll a perception roll. - But you rolled a nat one. - That's true. - So, it doesn't matter.

- Well, I got an 11. - Yeah, so you try and hide, and I guess what your method is, is you kind of, you know how like babies and dogs, they hide by covering their, when they can't see, they assume that people can't see them, you do that. You stick your head into the thing. - You're like a baby and a dog. - Against the cliff and just close your eyes and you're like, "I'm hidden." - I like to think it's like Kronk in "The Emperor's New Groove," where it's like you just freeze up against the wall.

I'm just imagining you hugging that wall, trying to hide your face, and then a tiny little fart comes out and just lets everybody know where you are. No, he has to fart. He thinks it's going to be silent, but it's actually a doozy. Time out! The poison's getting to his stomach. All right, what happens next? Mother Ella steps forward, looks kind of at Durin, kind of confused, and then raises her hand, and grasping weeds and vines sprout from the ground around Durin.

around you, Durin. How does she know where I was? There's now difficult terrain in the area. Since you're in the area, you have to make a strength saving throw. Strength saving throw. One of my fortes. If only you had a bardic inspiration. Or you're going to be restrained. That's what he was trying to make him on. Five. Come on, Durin.

I still in my mind. He's like four feet off So I'm entangled yeah at least I have to worry about falling no

Now the two Kulfis, one charges off towards the direction of the winding walking path, and the other one starts climbing down towards Durin. Please tell me the one climbing down is the one that hit me with its dagger. Yeah. Okay, good. My plan's working. Climbs down and then gets kind of to the edge of that, like, difficult terrain and then throws a dagger at you. Not cool, dude.

Which cuts him free from the vines. That's a war crime. That's a three, so I'm going to... Yay! So it misses.

That's right. You're like facing the wall. Yeah, that's right. I dare you. In your mind, you're like, I hit so well. Now there's even these plants to hide. So much easier to hide. Yeah, he'd be that dumb. Just your little butt is exposed. And the other one. And it's farting. The other one moves towards to block the path of that.

Euthygenia is at and then throws a dagger her direction. Euthygenia, no! Euthygenia. 16. Nope. Doesn't hit? Nope. Oh, my God. That's impressive. Yeah, my armor class is 18. Wait, really? I have chain mail. Wow. Well, it also makes me bad in other areas, but it gave me 18. Okay. Well, then I'll be darned. Come at me, dearie. He wants more of this.

I'll give it to you, good. The cultist kind of just like sets up like he's blocking the path. Oh, I'm happy. And now it is Adeline's turn. So I'm on the right side. You went up further than Duren's first time? No. I only, I did one movement. Oh, that's right. Because you did a spell, got him bolt. It worked so well the first time.

And I enjoyed so much hitting Mother Ella with one of those garden bolts. I'm going to do it again. Okay. Do you want to roll for that? 12? That is not... This time, maybe it's because you're climbing and you're trying to shoot it off while you're climbing. It just kind of shoots off past her. It doesn't like...

Graze the side of her cheek a little bit. Give her just like a slight tanning, you know, like that little pre-tan you do before you go on vacation. It does kind of light up so she knows exactly where you're at now. Okay. So there's that. Well, that's happy. Fantastic. That's covering fire. That's what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah.

And then do you continue on your way? Yeah, I'll continue climbing then. Okay. Oh, shit. So you're now about like where Durin was the first time. Don't give away my position. Oh, the first time. She's at your original position. She can smell it. It is now Yutha Janiya's turn. How far is this dude from Yutha Janiya? Probably...

30 feet. Run him over. Actually, that's legitimately something I wanted to do. I have an action. One of my attacks is hooves. Uh-huh. Nice. And I think, yeah, it just gives me a little extra damage when I go for a melee attack. So I'm just going to charge this guy, so that's my walking speed to him. Uh-huh. Yeah, I think I just want to just pummel this guy with my hooves. Can you give me a roll for it? Yeah, I'll roll. This is 17. Decent. That's going to hit. Yay!

He has no chainmail. Yeah. Roll damage for it. Okay. It's not much. Four. Four? Cost nothing. What does she say? What does she do? She says, gird your loins, dearie. This one's for Asafi. I was waiting for that to come out at some point. Also, I, as a bonus action, cast Shield of Faith on...

Saw ya. Quick question about that charge with hooves you just did. Yeah. It seems like you can, when you charge 30 feet like that, you get your attack. And then if you want as a bonus action, you get an additional charging hooves attack. I thought there was something like that. Where'd you find that? If you scroll down under all of your actions, there's charge hooves. It says if you move at least 30 feet towards a target and hit it with a melee weapon attack in the same turn, you follow that attack with a bonus action, making one attack against that

target with your hooves. I knew it had that, but I couldn't find it, so I thought I was just crazy. So you can attack with your normal weapon and then the hooves. Or hooves and then hooves too. Let's see. What's my normal weapons damage? It's the exact same thing. You know what? For color, I'm just going to go with hooves both times. That's a 20. Not nat. That's a 20 though. Not nat. A dirty 20. All right. Roll damage for it. Six. Six.

So 10 damage. Nice. For freeze. And also Shield of Faith on Sawyer. Well, no, because you only get one bonus action. Right. Oh, that counts as a bonus action. Okay, cool. I had the Faith of the Shield. Yes! Thank you, my love! And then it goes away. Nothing. Yeah, I'm happy with that. It's kind of grazed over you. I'll say this. That cultist is not looking great.

I wouldn't look great either if I got attacked by a giant. Hooves are not part of a healthy breakfast. They're not. Now it is Sawyer, your turn. Delicious hooves. Okay. I'll take my hooves with a bowl full of milk. I make my way up. I keep going. I go my movement speed. How far away is Duren from me? We're on the other side. You're on the left side. Is he not even in sight? Not with him hiding like that.

How far are the two paths from one another? I would say they're not that far from each other. I would say probably like 30, 40 feet from where you're at. I give Durin bardic inspiration. How do you inspire him? Yeah, what are you telling me this time? Stop getting stabbed, you funny little man. You climb up that mountain and stab that...

Lady didn't have- in twain! Oh, he thinks I'm funny. Do you need me to translate for you? Spit everywhere, all over Sawyer's mouth. And then- I'm not done yet! Well then, continue. Dissonant whispers. On Mother Ella. Not the guy in our way? No. Take out the head. Okay, gotta take out the head. Okay. Take out the head. Take out the head. So then, you have to do a wisdom saving throw. Looking like a fool when you take out the head. It's not gonna work out.

Chris is smiling too much. This is a gnat one. Hey! Critical fail! What do you whisper to her? I say, I say, I say, I say... I sit on you. I do say, I do say, I say. I say... How about these shadows?

I'm workshopping it. She's really confused. She's so confused. Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?

Hey everybody, just a quick heads up. Thank you so much for telling people about how good our podcast is. My head hurts so bad. My face is red, I'm sweating. It's just improv at its greatest. And how much damage does that do? Those mean old words. What a charismatic bard we have here. 3d6, which comes out to 9. How much damage does it do to Sawyer? And all of us for having to experience this. Severe psychological damage.

She seems frazzled by it and confused. The most dissonant of whispers. It makes no sense. Was that even English? Befuddled. That's my turn. And she has to use her reaction to move as far away as speed allows. So she now, in her confusion at this strange voice, runs back down the other side of the mountain and disappears for a moment. You get back here!

Or go in through the door and close it behind you. That'd be cool. Never mind. That'd be cool.

It's now Durin's turn. I emerge from my hiding and I try to crawl through this difficult terrain to murder the bodyguard that's closest to me that previously attacked me. The cultist. There you go. That previously attacked me. Can you make a strength saving throw? You know I can. Get your bardic inspiration. Let's see how this goes. Nine. I will add a bardic inspiration to that. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Plus six. Fifteen. All right. I emerge triumphantly. Little did you know, Durin was here all along. And I charge at the cultist, ready to murder. All right. Surprise. He's like a little guy coming out of Fortnite.

What do you do to him? Oh, is he close enough to actually attack? Yeah. In that case, yeah, with a dagger, I'm going to... The dagger he threw at me that was impaled in me, I pull it out and I try to put it into him. All right. I stab at the... Ten. Come on. I'm trying. I'm doing my best. Yeah, no, that doesn't hit.

Sorry. But he is startled by you. Good. So do you have anything else to do? I'm thinking. Hold on. Loading. What are you loading? My thoughts. Loading thoughts.

I'm gonna try to hide in front of you. Yep, yep. That's what he's gonna do. That's what he's gonna do. That's the Dermot guarantee, y'all, okay? All right. I try to duck behind a rock. Roll that great roll right there, my dude. Here we go. Here it comes. It's gonna be great. 24. Really? Yeah. Wow. I got Dirty Little Rogue and World of Warcraft. You just hit vanish button on there. So he sees this little halfling hop out of some bushes.

Grab a dagger from his... From my own body. From his own body. And he smells really bad. And then... Misses. Whiffs completely. And then go, ha! And then disappear. There's rocks. There's rocks. And it's hard to see. Like a ghost. Just haunting this man. That's what he gets. Mess with the bull, get the horns.

Mother Ella, it's now her turn. She runs back and looks around, doesn't know where Durn is. Very confused. Nobody does. No one does. Do you, Adeline, do you know where Durn is? Are you watching all of this? Who's Durn? I've gotten to the shadow main. And she shoots a bolt at Euthygenia. Euthygenia! No!

It's a static

Discharge. She's going to shoot 60-foot line that is in front of you. You have to make a DC 14 dexterity saving throw. That's not good. Well, luckily your chainmail helps with your dexterity saving throws, right? Does not. That's a two. Yeah, that's going to hit. She does 10 points of damage. Okay. Ouch. That also would hit the cultist that's in the way, though.

Oh, yeah, we're right up on each other. So let me see if he makes his save. All right, he makes his save and takes half damage, but it's enough. The lightning just, like, incinerates him, and he falls to the ground. Ah, you killed your own dude! And then, yeah, she kind of, like, positions herself at the door.

Can everyone make a wisdom saving throw? Everyone? Yeah. That's my best one. I doubt it is. You keep saying everything's your specialty, but... Thirteen. Six. Oh, gosh. Eleven. Ah, seventeen. Dang. Smarty Pants went to law school over here. That's true. I'm still paying off my loans. He's book smart, not street smart. Oh, oh. Durin, you

You hear a dark voice in your head, and it's telling you to stop anyone from entering the gateway. Yes, master. And you feel, for some reason, compelled to do it. That was very much, I welcome my overlords. I mean, if that's the case, right? I imagine he succumbs to the voice, right? As you wish. Yeah. But unfortunately, it can't compete with all the other dark voices. That's why it pointed in. It's...

Oh, father. Do not let anyone enter there. And yeah, you don't know what it is, but you know that you need to follow that voice. And Mother Ella just went in the gateway, right? No, no. She went towards it and came back to incinerate it. So no one's in the gateway. No one has gone in. Yeah. Defense. Defense.

- Defense. - And it is now the remaining cultist, the one that didn't get killed. It is now that one's turn. - How's he feeling? He just saw his buddy get killed by that boss. - No, no, no, he didn't see that. He just, he saw a halfling swipe at him and then disappear into thin air. That's what he saw. - He's still like blinking and trying to- - We don't still have shrinking potion, do we? - Oh, I think we do. - No, no, you don't. - Oh no, we use that on him. - He's on Duran, yeah.

It doesn't see Durin, so it goes after Adeline. So does it leave melee range of me? Do you get attack opportunities like backstab? That is a attack of opportunity, it sounds like. Oh, yeah.

but also it's not going towards the portal. - Dang it, Durin! - Right, curses. - You pat him on the butt, you give him a nice, there you go. - He's not going towards the door though, right? He's going away. Okay, yeah, yeah. - Curses! - I was so excited to finally get a sneak attack. - And it goes towards Adeline and makes an attack on it against her. - Okay. - At least one of us got turned.

That could have gone bad. Yeah. It does not hit. It does not hit? Okay, perfect. No, it does- it goes at Stabia and then, uh, it drops its knife. I like the idea that Adeline didn't even notice anything. She's just, like, still working on climbing up this thing. Way to go, sister! Way to go for what? Uh, what? Never mind! Keep climbing!

I've been covering my eyes the whole time. Such a supportive family. It is. They are supportive. And another cultist comes over the mountain. He'll be coming down the mountain when he comes. A third one, yeah. Are they spawning for somewhere? That's their spawn point. Yeah, it's coming over the mountain and kind of joins up next to Mother Ella. And it is now Adeline, it's your turn. I am going to...

Climb. I'm going to keep climbing. Yeah. Okay. Just keep climbing. I've got to be getting so close. You will kind of... Are you just going to just climb the whole way? Will it take both movements? Yeah, will it take both of my, like, double movement to get to the top? Yeah, I mean, I would say if you double movement, you still wouldn't get quite...

quite near the top. You wouldn't be at the top, but you'd be, you know, pretty close. You would have to take an attack of opportunity from the... He's on your butt. Instead, could I do one movement? No, if you move, he attacks you. He's in melee range. Not during the other cultist. The one who just tried to stab you. So now you're like, you're in combat, so... Okay. I'm gonna then, instead of moving, use Toll the Dead, which is one of my cantrips. Uh-huh.

It sounds scary. I point at one creature I could see within range and the sound of a Dolores bell fills the air around it for a moment. The target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or take 1d8 of necrotic damage. That's dark. Is this a cantrip? If the target is missing any of its hit points, it instead takes 1d12 necrotic damage. It does not make that. Okay. Uh...

Yay! And so it does how much damage? This one hasn't been hit. Hasn't, so it's just a d8 then. Uh, d8, 6. 6 points of damage. Pretty good! Yeah, not bad. And then do you just stay where you are or do you continue up? Any bonus actions? I'm gonna try to move. Okay. I know he could take an attack opportunity, but I'm gonna try to move up. Gotta get close. While she's climbing though, she's kicking her legs out. Alright. You haven't been hit yet, I guess. Yeah, he's gonna take a swing at you. That's a 5. Yay! So that's a miss. Yep.

And so, yeah, you're able to make it past him. Agile Adeline. Yeah. It's because she's kicking her legs like little fishies as she's climbing up somehow. She's very strong in her upper body. You know, the legs, little fishies. More like Adel Climb. There you go. Euthygenias, now your turn. Yay! Before we go, just how far am I from the door at this point? You've gone three turns, right? Yeah, three movements. I mean, you're probably like...

I think 30 feet. Okay, cool. So, uh, you, Janiyah, how far would it take to get me to like wherever either that new cultist is or if they're both at the front, you could probably, you could pretty much get to them. Yeah. Not the best person. Hold your mood. No, it's fine. Uh,

Okay. For now, I will do bonus action Shield of Faith on Sawyer. Oh! So you get a plus two bonus to AC for the duration. Ooh. It's a little armor class bump. My love. How far am I from them? From Mother Ella? You'd be able to get to them, but not through the door. You know what I mean? If I have to move at all, I want to stay about 30 feet away, and I cast Guiding Bolt. Why not? I'll roll for that on...

The cultist. I'll do the cultist. I rolled a one. Yikes. I do nothing.

I know what it feels like. Yeah, you go to shoot this guiding bolt, and somehow it, like, backfires, almost, like, blasts you in the face, and you're kind of, like, a little disoriented. And you're right up on them, too. You, like, ran up to them. Yeah. So I'd say you're next. You're going to have, like, disadvantage on your next saving throw. Really? Yeah. All right. And it is now Sawyer's turn. Sawyer the lawyer. I walk my 30 feet.

Up the mountain! I love the actions you're doing. I wish the audience could see your walking motions. How far am I away now? Let's see. So you've done 90 feet? No, I think I double moved on the first one. You did? Okay. Yeah, so I think I'm 120 feet now. Because you didn't go up all the way. Yeah, you're pretty much up with...

You're the Janiyah right now. Okay. And then I'm going to give her my last bardic inspiration. You're the Janiyah. You go get them, girl. Girl power. Big horse woman. Lovely tail. I'm going to braid that tail. Go get them. Yeah. I'm going to keep going until someone cuts me off. Oh, yeah. Inspiration. You're inspiring. All right. Nobody cut him off. Oh.

My head hurts again. You need to learn how to do Sawyer's voice and breathe. I'm asking a lot. And then, yeah, what do you do now? And then Dissonant Whispers against Mother Ella. 13. She does not make that. Oh! So how much does that do? That's 36, but I have to do my whispers. Well, roll while you whisper. I'm going to pick up the bathroom. Hold on, I...

11. Ooh. That's good damage.

I think I got some saliva on me over here. Across.

across the table. Yeah. She screams in pain from whatever that was. And, mind you, runs again. Runs back the opposite direction. I need a stopper. Ha ha.

No, you don't. She doesn't run towards the gate. She runs back the opposite direction. Into the door? No, away from Sawyer. Towards the door. And then it is now Durin's turn. Well, I need to go up. I need to charge up there and position myself by the door to make sure nobody gets through it. Are you not going to do like a wisdom check? I think I get it at the end of my turn. So basically Adeline's pretty close to you. I will throw the dagger in my hand at Adeline.

Take this vile woman! Do I have to do something to catch it? What's your roll for that? 24. And now, now I hit. Now it rolls well. Durin! What are you doing? Protecting the door!

We must protect this house! And what does that do? How much damage? Uh, it does... You're the worst. Five points of damage. If you're the chosen one, I'm gonna vomit. I am not the chosen one. I've made it very clear. It is not me this entire time. So that hits. Could I cast shield? Is that a reaction? Yeah, it's one reaction, which you take when you are hit by an attack. Okay, yeah.

So an invisible barrier of magical force appears and protects me until the start of my next turn. I have a plus five bonus to AC, including against the triggering attack. And I take no damage. Well, but... From magic missiles. From how much? What was your attack, Gus? Take no damage from magic missiles. 24. 24. Yeah, but even still, your AC is still too low. But now, but doesn't this shield sustain after or just for the hit? No.

I mean, it might sustain afterwards, but you would still take the hit. Yeah, she still takes hit, but she still has plus five AC. That's what I mean. Until the start of her next turn. Okay. So, damage. Yeah, you can use it, but you'd still take the damage. Okay. Sorry. I guess I misread it. I didn't see the magic missile part. I thought it was just I just don't take damage on it. So, I would take five damage. Yes. Dang. I'm so squishy. And I hide. And then Durin hides. And then can you make a wisdom saving throw? Do I know where that came from? Yeah, you saw Durin pop out. You can. But now 21 is my hide.

- A wisdom saving throw? - Yeah. - It's my specialty. - It is not his specialty. - 14! - All right. - Not bad. - Your mind suddenly clears. - Oh, thank goodness. - What did I do? - Now your rolls will be bad again. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, you feel much better and you have no idea why you just threw a knife at Adeline. - I don't think I did.

It maybe didn't. Yeah, that was someone else. And it is now Mother Ella's turn. I guess she runs back towards where the gate is and shoots at Euthygenia. Euthygenia! No! What's your AC? 18. Okay, yeah.

That doesn't hit. Yeah, it doesn't. I love disappointing you every time it happens. It brings me too much joy. And then, yeah, she positions herself, and it is now the two cultists turn. One of them turns and attacks Adeline. I'm not having a good time up here. It hits. Even with the plus five? Oh, no, no, not with the plus five. So, yeah, it hits you, and then its dagger seems to, like, deflect in the air, like, against this invisible shield. Ooh.

Adeline does one of those really cool matrix moves where she bends. She's climbing and she's on the wall. Even though there's a shield, so she can bend, but then the knife just stops. Then the other one charges and attacks Euthygenia. Okay. And let's see. Euthygenia, no. That was a nat 20. Cool. So it hits, does eight points of damage. On Euthygenia? Yeah. Yeah.

You don't have anything that would help you do. Yeah. I can do something after this. That is now Adeline's turn. If I move, is there an attack of opportunity? Yeah. Against the one called this. Okay. In descriptors, how bad is he looking? It's hard to say. He's injured, but he's not, like, on the ground. Okay. That's about a 50 or something. 60. 60.

You're not looking good. I'm going to use my Toll the Dead on him again, so he has to make a Wisdom saving throw for 12, and because he's already hit,

If I do hit him, he'll take 1d12. There's some really handy cantrips. I have a lot of cantrips. It's nice being a sorcerer. He does not make that. Yeah. And now he takes 1d12. 1d12, which is going to be 12. Oh! You see his eyes cross? And he goes...

And then just what is the damage like? What does it do? It's necrotic. Yeah. And then all of a sudden he just ages. It's kind of like that scene from Indiana Jones. Last Crusade. Last Crusade. That game. And then just falls to dust. This is gross, but I haven't taken pleasure in it, though. He chose poorly. And Adeline, you have movement still. Yeah, I'm going to use that movement to go up. Okay. I spring out and attack.

Yeah, so you're pretty you're up there near Duran pretty much. I'll have words with you later young man. I'm hidden you don't see me I'm so embarrassed I'd so spend time. Wherever you are I would have words with you later. Oh no I'm gonna run to your feet. Sneak out of here. Yeah and you're pretty much at this point kind of up at the top. Okay.

within one movement of being at the gate. All right. Euthygenia, your turn. Basically, the cultist and Mother Ella are between us and the door at this point. And I would say, well, the cultist is between you. Mother Ella is the only one near the door. Does that make sense? Right, right, right. But like, as the cry flows. As the cry flows. You know what I mean. This is what it sounds like when cries flow. Yeah. Okay. Then what I shall do is, you know what? Let's charge this SOB. You are so low.

Oh, yeah. Thank you for the reminder. Instead of doing that, I'm going to do a cure wounds on myself and heal myself for just the maximum healing. Instead of charging, you're going to recharge. 12. Actually, 12 is pretty decent. Oh, that's not bad. 14 would have been max. That's really high. Yeah. I was going to do that if you didn't. And then.

No, I got this. And then, um... You don't need no man. Yeah, let me get... Let me just, um, get up right on this dude. Okay. So as close as possible to him, just within melee range. All right. And I attempt to get up on him, and with all of my sturdy stature, try to intimidate this cultist. All right. Beautiful. And you can roll for intimidation, I guess. Yeah, I'm going to. I rolled a 17. That's so scary.

How do you intimidate them? I feel like it's more of like a less of a verbal intimidation and more of like if I rolled that well, like the sun's behind me. So you just have this. It's just the cultist is like in my shadow. And since I'm so high and a large centaur,

that it's just like, you can just hear the rumbling, just, and like, as I put my hooves on the ground, that kind of thing, and just, Sawyer is immensely jealous of that cultist. All right, all right. Well, Sawyer, it's your turn to,

to do something. Okay. I really hope there's a shot at the end of this campaign of Sawyer just on Euthygenia's back, riding into the sunset. It'll never happen. It'll never be. Uh, did you ever use your bardic inspiration? No. Uh, that would have been for saves. Ability check, saves. I guess I'm out anyways. I still have it. I keep it. I keep it. I'm gonna cast Destiny Whispers on Mother Ella!

I told you once, I told you twice, now it's three times! Well, let's see. That's him whispering again. Lowest voice, this is why I sound like a library. He's not welcome at the library anymore. Wisdom 13, I mean 13. Once again. A third time? Misses her thing. What do you say to her? And roll for damage. I said, it's the third time I'm gonna do this and it's gonna be the last! You...

Get on outta here, you big ol' evil lady! I'm... um... fed up with your nonsense! And your cultist ways! I don't like you no more! Get, get, get! You run, run! RUN! Your neck veins are incredible when you're doing that! We have a whole 'nother episode to record after this, too. That's a... oh. And then I do...

12 points of damage! Mother Ella screams and turns to run, but then kind of collapses, just is out. Well, we did it, guys. Time to go home. We can leave, yeah. Time to go! So here, you still, and you have some movement. I still have movement. Get that cultist! And I walk up to the cultist that's in the shadow of Euthygenia, and I kind of step into a shadow.

And I say, "You- you- do you sell what I did to your leader? I'll do that to you! You can't- get on out of here! We killed your leader! You're over!" Are you gonna... intimidate? I'll get up in his face, get up in his grill, as the kids would say. Can I roll an intimidation? Sure. Okay.

You're gonna guffaw at him. That's a nat 20 plus 5. Wait, really? Yeah! Alright. Get, get off the stuff on the ground! I think it's because he just saw what happened to Mother Ella. And so, he is intimidated by you. He didn't know what happened. Yep.

And he seems to back away as if to like, he might let you through. And how much did he poop his pants? A lot. Okay. Strong arm. A lot. So he's the only one standing. He's the only one, yeah. I feel like he'd be too scared at this point. He backs away, opening himself up to attack if opportunity. And then, but you see. Chris, was that you? Huh? No. No.

So you can perhaps say you could walk if you want to. You shall pass. Yeah, I'm just, I'm spinning, screaming, and I say, Durin, you take good care of my sister. You're the Genial. It was lovely meeting you. You have a great rest of your life. Dearest sister Adeline, I love you so dearly. Say hello to mom and dad for me. Sorry, don't do it. Nope, I'm going. Don't go in there. Oh, I'm going. And then I go to that door. You go to the door. In the distance, you can see more cultists charging.

Get back! I'm going through this door and nothing's going to stop me! And you go through it? Yeah! Sawyer somewhat reluctantly jumps through the swirling dark... Where did you read reluctance from anything he just said? Confidence. Jumps through and pulls the door shut behind him.

Now, you're in this swirling black nothing. Uh-huh. And you feel in your mind the ability, this magic that is in you. And it's like an innate feeling of like you know what you need to do. Okay. And you see light from one open door and then light from another one. Okay. Oh.

Then I close the door behind me. Go up to that other door. And then, yeah, it's like this magical thing that's in you, and you feel it, and you know exactly what to do. Yeah. Pick four dark side of the moons playing while I do this. You see on the other side an army gathering, and you close the door. I said, you get back! No! No, this is my house! You stay in the shadow of Maine! And...

You lock the doors and now you're left in blackness. Yeah. Adeline is crying. She's crying outside. Don't worry. On the outside. You see Sawyer jump in and disappear. The door closes and there's just silence. Well, guys, we did it. And then the cultists look confused.

as to where he is and what he's doing. He got eaten by the shadow man. And then Mother Ella looks up and also has no idea where she's at. Oh, I thought she was dead. She's been accosted by this man. Yeah, I mean, she's barely alive. She's on the ground and it's like, What? Where am I? At this time, you see Smiley and the rest of his crew coming up. Oh, about time. Just in time? No, this is not just in time. Look who decided to show up.

Flash forward and you're back at the smoking barrel and the three of you are gathered there and you've not heard from Sawyer at all. Mother Ella is recovering and she's like, I just wanted to say thank you for stopping us.

I, uh, Asafi was very close to me. It's hard to remember it all, but when I lost myself, Asafi never gave up on me. To wake up from a nightmare, 20 years older, to find him. I wish I could have seen him, even just one more time. I know that he wasn't always honest, and his methods somewhat questionable, but he was a good man, and you brought that out of him. So, thank you.

Thank you for pulling us out of the shadows. For everything. Thank you for your sacrifice. Did he leave anything? Or say anything? Focus it on Asafi, not the sacrificial hero of this story. Asafi taught me something I'll never forget. He left me with wisdom beyond my years. That is, what happens in the shadow stays in the shadow. Very, very wise words. Any notes?

Oh, he did actually. Who had it? I think Durin had it. Durin stole it from that, not stole, yeah, stole it. Reappropriated. Pilfered, he was dead. Desecrated? Yes, we have a note. Adeline grabs it from Durin and hands it to Mother Ella. She is able to read it. There's something about, did one of you pick up a staff? I don't, I don't, oh, yeah, a flute. A staff. Who has the staff? I'll tell you, it was John.

When did you-- When you broke into the cult. Oh, okay, cool. "I-- Dearie, I have a staff right here. I've kept it with me the entire time." Yeah, when you got the key, there was a staff there as well. Oh, right, the one that was against the wall. Yeah, that you picked up and then completely forgot about. My lucky staff that I love. He said there's something magical about the staff.

The note reads: "In the event of my unfortunate demise, tell the chosen ones that the staff they picked up can help them pay off their debts?" I don't know what that means. Oh. You want me to keep that safe for you? No. Bopped you on the head with it. Ow. Well, that's very good to know. Uh, I don't have any debts or anything. No? Maybe we should go— Roll a history check.

Maybe we should go back and bring all those rock creatures back to life? Oh yeah, we should go bring that. Ten, which reminded me that there are rock creatures. Yes, oh, oh, this would be perfect to undo the damage we did when we took the key from the golems. We promised Elder Zaxxion we would be back. And I keep my promises.

Clearly. You never forget. Do you all go back? Do you want to come with me? Sure. I figured the three of us. Yeah, do we go back? We make our way back and return this as a way to, I don't know, I guess hopefully ignite the magic once again. You figure out where Rock Hollow is.

And it's empty at this point. Just like you're able to walk right through the walls. It's filled with rocks. Yeah. And you're at the shrine at the Garden of Life. Who picks up this? Who does? I had the staff. I'll just, yeah, I'd go up and just like anti-excalibur this thing. Put it back in with the fox den where the key was. You raise the staff. Thank you.

Thankfully. This staff, it's pretty user-friendly. You don't need... I look at the staff and reads in words. You don't know... Plot armor. Okay. Yeah, you don't know... It's almost like you don't really need to know how to use magic to use this. It's like USB-C. You hold it up. No matter what side you put in, it's fine. You chant something. It makes no sense. Yeah. Like USB-C. But it doesn't matter. You raise the staff and goes...

Help is on the way, dear! And shoves it into the table. From the staff, a flower grows. Oh, it's his flower thingy. A flower grows. Oh, is it Boomer? No, it's the thing that he makes flowers with. A flower grows from it, and then the staff disappears in your hand. Oh. The magic used from it forever. Show me the magic. But the flower blooms, and all of a sudden you hear the rocks start to rumble. And then...

Play us out, maestro. Quincy looks like, hi, y'all came back for us. Where's the, why is there only three? Um, you see, Sawyer needed some time to work on his cool combat moves so he could come back someday and show you his really cool combat. And shadow puppets. He's on a very important mission. He's on a long, he's getting smokes. Okay. Ha ha ha.

I'm glad y'all are back. And then he hugs you. His rocks pinch my skin. Yeah. And I groan in pain. Rock hug. And with that hug, we reach the end of your quest.

What do you imagine happened to each of your characters? What did they go on to do with their lives? Adeline decides to leave her job at the bar to go into combat training because she realizes that she really likes fighting. So she takes a kickboxing class and wants to become like a stunt person. Nice. Even though there's no such thing as movies or anything. For stage. Stage performers. Yeah. Yeah.

Durin will travel to a big city and try to fence any items he has of value and start a crew of street urchins. Like a gang? Yeah. Okay. Durin starts a gang. Yeah.

What does Euthygenia do? What Euthygenia does is inspired by her dear friend Sawyer. She goes back to where the gate is and she devotes her life to protecting that gate. And then Adeline, one night while you're sleeping, you hear a single sentence in your head. Why is he looking at me?

Are you back? Is that my brother right here? A single voice. Once in- Sawyer, is that you? IT BURNS! OH GOD HELP ME! I AM IN PAIN! AHHHH! MY IMMORTAL SOUL! I WILL NOT REST! I CANNOT DIE!

Forever in pain. Dear sister, why have you forsaken me? I miss you too, brother. I will see no peace. Thank you for joining us. Wow. For this fun little adventure. Yay. Yay.

Thank you, Chris. And everyone lived happily ever after. Absolutely. Every one of us. God bless us. Everyone. Thank you, Diomaris. Thank you, Diomaris. Yeah. Make sure that you set your watches and your clocks and your timers because next week is the beginning of our brand new campaign. Oh.

Chris can rest easy and stop DMing. Gus will go back to where we want him to be, away from us. - Oh, another table. - Another table, DMing. - Surrounded by screens. - Kids table, kids table. - And we have our next full campaign coming. But thank you for joining us for this miniature campaign. It was a delight. Hope you liked the characters. Hope you liked the story. - Chris, that was a lot of fun. - What can you do to show us that you liked it, Chris? - You can post on social media. You can tell your friends.

Someone was saying on the Reddit the other day, they made a post about how they do Uber sometimes for work and they'll play the podcast and tell people about it while they drive. Oh my gosh. Those kind of things. Oh, I like that. We should send that person something. Yeah. And then other D&D subreddits and communities and things post about it, tell people.

That really helps. Well, I mean, to congratulate y'all, we don't actually do any paid marketing, really. We don't really put any sort of like a big money behind trying to get our name out. There's a majority of our audience has been through word of mouth, through people seeing, you know, our puppet videos on the internet and that kind of thing, and then sharing those videos. So thank you, pat on the back for y'all for doing such a good job of making this such a... You all get an inspiration dot. Yeah, everybody does. If you mess up something today, roll again. Try it again.

All right. Thank you so much. Want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided VO for the characters in this episode, like Mother Ella, who was voiced by BK. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.