Tavern Tales - The Chosen One(s) Ep. 02 - A Good Heist is Key
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This is a Rooster Teeth production. Oh, you're back, my friend. I never left. How about you grab me a mosquito margarita with extra merry blood and we'll continue our tale. Last time, Asafi the Wizard recruited four unlikely adventurers, one of whom is definitely the Chosen One who will save the world. He's just not sure who it is, so they're all going on an adventure together to stop the Cult of Shadows from collecting three magical keys that can open the doors to the Shadow Mane.

The cult already has one key, so their first task is to steal it back. But before they can even get started, Asafi is ambushed by two assassins who leave him poked up like a pincushion with poison daggers. Now, let's get to the good stuff. ♪

Was that you drinking the drink? Yeah, it didn't translate very well through your mic, so we just heard the beginning and the end of a slurp sound. Well, I was just staring directly into Chris's webcam as he went. Also, did you say Mary's blood? Yeah. Nice.

I also wanted to confirm that. Thank you, Barbara. Welcome to Tales of the Stinky Dragon. This is episode two of a little mini campaign. It's also a really good time, if you're listening, to introduce friends and family to the show. This is a quick little short campaign, so it's not too big of a commitment. And they also have a whole big long one to catch up on. So it's a really good time. Yeah, there's actually legitimate data that has been actually brought out through studies that if you play Stinky Dragon to your infants, they'll grow up to not be jerks.

That's right. We'll absorb one of our souls and they will be the next version of us. So you might get a Chris or you might get a Barbara, you know? You never know. And also, like, if you are playing it for your infants or children or whatever, whenever Kyborg talks, just go, see, that's how you're not supposed to

Outside voice. Hey, can we go around the room really quick and just like reintroduce our characters for the audience? Because they need to know who we are. Yeah, definitely. You didn't start off this recording going, I don't remember my voice. I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, I'm Chris Diemaris, the DM, naturally. I am playing Adeline Beauvant, a sorcerer who is also a barmaid and a human. My moniker is Sawyer Beauvant. I'm not sure if this is the same voice I used last week. How do you do? I am a mage, no, a bard. There you go. And I practice the law. Oh.

And we're siblings. That is right. My dearest sister. I'm Durin, halfling, rogue.

I like to garden. And also Gus previous DM is now playing with us as well. It's nice having only one window open. I'm going to say it every time we record. It's really nice. Are you like one of those like Korean like video game players where you got to click around the screen to keep your fingers loose because you're so used to the movement. My actions per minute is like only down to 60.

All right, John, who are you playing again? I'm John Reisinger and I'm Sawyer Beauvant's biggest fan. I'm here for just Sawyer Beauvant this entire campaign. We're bowheads if you want to join me. Oh my God, amazing. I am playing Euthygenia Feathburn, who is a centaur cleric. And again, Euthygenia. Euthygenia.

You said your name is Faith Burton. Which Chris won't mess up at any point in time during this entire episode. Never. Nope. All right. Well, without further ado, we shall get started.

It's the morning after the attack at the Smoking Barrel Inn. The Chosen Ones, all four of them, huddle around Asafi's bed, Durin nursing an ankle. After a night of troubled sleep, Asafi is finally awoken and laying in bed with his bandaged buttocks resting on several pillows. He doesn't look great. Pale, sweaty, and very clearly in pain.

Yes, it's rather unfortunate, being poisoned and not having any sort of antidote. I had not planned on dying just yet, but I suppose it's not entirely up to me. The good news is I was only stabbed by four of their poison blades, thanks to you. Though that might just mean a slow, drawn-out, more painful death.

I am in an excruciating amount of pain. Sir, do you need an injury lawyer? I would just like to remind you, I also have a boo-boo on my ankle. I could use some medical attention too. Not to take away from your poison death, but I'm also in severe pain. Yes, yes. Order it. I'll get right to that.

Well, before that, before the medical attention, I think the four of you will have to infiltrate the Church of Shadows, break into their vault, and retrieve the key to the Shadowmane without me. But do not worry, because one of you is the chosen one. So I have complete faith in at least one of you. I've personally never done any sort of thievery myself.

So I'm not quite sure I'm up to the challenge myself, actually. Well, you managed to get back down those stairs, so, you know, I believe you can do anything. LAUGHTER

The centaur did go down. And I would encourage you to think of it less as stealing and more as taking back. Matt, could you remind us where you said that key might be hidden? You said church or something? The Church of Shadows. Church of Shadows. I've never been to church myself. This would not be a church I would normally encourage you to go to. Hmm.

Euthygenia, you currently have my vote as the chosen one. No offense, Noreen. No offense, Adeline. I'm your blood. I'm your blood. I know it. I've seen you. I know what you are. You ain't no chosen one. Don't make me go home and tell Mama about this. Don't you tell our mother nothing. I appreciate the vote of confidence. It was very nice of you, Sawyer. Better get going. Oh, God.

I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

is planning to move the key to an unknown location in three days from the first of the month, which would be tomorrow. Very good intel. Now you must have a man on the inside. Well, not so much, but Smiley is very good at discovering things and getting places where he shouldn't be. So we have a bit of a time crunch on our hands, especially me. Oh.

I was going to ask about that poison that's in your blood right now. You said there was an antidote. You know, I've grown quite fond of you, Asafi, or whatever your name was. I apologize. My accent. I don't know if I can say that with my accent. I don't know.

Where might we find this antidote? I believe you misheard me. The problem was there was no antidote. Ah, so basically it's just a matter of time before you kick the bucket. That's right. Dearest sister, I do not know if you recall, I tried sucking the venom out of each of those cheeks.

and I just could not get it all. We are going to lose Asafi. It is only a matter of time. If I remember right, time is of the essence anyway. We shouldn't be bothered with such side quests. So what you're saying is we shouldn't try to heal your ankle either, Durin? Well, this is key to getting the key that we seek, though. My nimble fingers and my nimble feet. Asafi's already done all he can do. Euthygenia is looking at your feet now. You've drawn attention there.

Look, I'm pointing at my swollen ankle. It's a boo-boo. Can you sneak any longer? Are you still useful during this mission? Oh, I'll manage. I'll pull through for the greater good. For the chosen one. I hope you will, because I believe it's time for the four of you to get on with the good old-fashioned heist. Indeed. Now...

Here's what we know. The Church of Shadows compound is surrounded by a large wooden wall with only one entrance at the south. It's guarded at all times and civilians are never allowed in, except during recruitment activities.

And luckily, there's one at sundown, a ceremony to celebrate tonight's lunar eclipse. Civilians will be allowed to enter the courtyard for the festivities, which include a party of sorts, followed by an oration for Mother Ella. This is your opportunity to infiltrate the inner chambers of the compound, which will undoubtedly be locked, guarded, and likely booby-trapped. We believe the key will be in the living quarters of Mother Ella, which is located at the back of the compound.

Now, there will be over 100 members of the cult present, so if you're going to use force, better do it fast and stealthily. You do not want to pick a fight with all of them at once, or even like an eighth of them. It would need to be a very small percentage if you do decide to pick a fight, which I would advise against. Like 5%? That's even pushing it. 4. 4%. Got it. Maybe just 4. 4% of 100? Okay. Well, I'll just say 4. No more than 4. I never done math a day in my life.

It's true, I can attest. Euthygenia starts counting with her hooves on the ground. Stomping. Yeah. No, no, no, please, we've had enough complaints from the room down below. Now, we do have some supplies. Smiley, if you would get that out. A rope and a grapple and a lockpicking scent. Hopefully a rope from which we do not hang ourselves. Ha, ha, ha.

Yuzuru and I takes the rope. My brother's got a dark sense of humor. Yes, I do. Yuzuru and I takes the rope and hands the lockpicking stuff to the little nimble hand man. Oh, I'm covered. I'm good. You're good? We also have three sets of Church of Shadow cult robes, one uniform from the City Watch, and one potion of diminu... How do you say that? Diminu... Diminutive. One shrinking potion. Mm.

One potion of Alter Self, and this is important, for an accurate disguise, it must be combined with at least two hairs of the person you wish to transform into. Fortunately, we have three hairs that belong to Mother Ella, we think. Smiley, how did you procure hair? Don't want to talk about it. Okay, all right. I think what I've learned is don't ask Smiley questions. Smiley just does. That is correct. I bet they have an inside connection with someone named Hutch. Yeah.

So if I'm understanding this correctly, we're going to be joining them for a recruitment procedure event happening, which is open to the public? Yes. To celebrate the lunar eclipse. As I mentioned, they are growing in popularity, so they're always looking for more people to join them. Now, if I may, I do have Disguise Self, so I do not need any potions to change my appearance, my facade,

Uh, I would like to declare that I take a uniform from one of the church members and uh, being a lowly bard myself, I can go in under the guise of an entertainer. Thoughts?

Wait, that was a few layers. Wait, what? Yes, what? So you're going to take the uniform of an officer, but then also appear as an entertainer. No, no, no. A church member. He used the word uniform, but he meant robe. Cloak. We got the call for robes. Potato, potato. Oh, yes, I...

I forgot, there's also the items you obtained from the assassin that you exploded. Poison knives covered in blood? No, no, you see, here, uh, there is, uh, one bronze key, to which we do not know it opens, a picture of a man with a wife and eight children.

bloody pieces of a robe and a small red-stained book titled The Shadowmane's Blessing. Oh, how could we forget? Is it possible by any chance that the photo of the man with eight children is the person who might have exploded? I don't know. We weren't really able to put the pieces back together. Deary, do you often carry photos of other people's families around with you? Maybe he was one of the children. Who knows? Have we taken the life of a man who was raising eight children? No.

Possibly. Have we orphaned eight offspring who will now be unable to go to an orphanage because the orphanage closed down in town? Well, that was another town. We do have a wonderful orphanage here in Old Bouldery. Now, one other thing about the two potions, um...

I personally brewed them, so they will undoubtedly last for at least one hour. And here are the three hairs for the transformation potion. You only need two of them to properly transform into Mother Ella. What if we use all three? I don't know what happens. I mean, assuming they're all Mother Ellas, then nothing. And do we eat them?

Potion. When we take the potion? No, put them into the potion. And then you take the potion. Got to add them to the potion. I mean, they all look the same, at least to my eyes. But, you know, my vision is not the best. Can I make an investigation check to see if they're all the same? Yeah. Might I lend my investigation skills as well? 21. Never mind. Ooh.

You're able to determine that two of them, you believe, are Mother Ella's, and one of them, you're not sure. I say nothing to the party. Great. Hopefully these are all three of Mother Ella's hair, and we do not get in some sort of cat hijinks of sorts, where one of us turns into an animal. Now, I encourage you, time is short, so devise a plan as soon as possible, and get on with it, because you do have very little time.

Was that the end of your sentence? I didn't know you were done talking. Yeah, enunciation matters.

All right. Might I make a suggestion? Yes, you may use a denial. Why don't the three of you take the cloaks and you hold on to them? I don't feel showing up wearing the cloaks would be very good to show up at a recruitment event, seeing as how you're supposed to be recruited into it. Unless we're the ones trying to recruit people there. We can speak the ways of the Church of Shadows that I know so much about already. Okay.

I appreciate your confidence. Okay. Well, then you take the cloaks and I'll take the uniform. Who shall go in as Mother Ella? Dear Sister Adeline, I believe you did have a stint in community theater. Think you would be a great candidate? Aren't you a bard? I'm thinking the one that maybe checked the hairs out might want to become Mother Ella. Oh, Mr. Durin. I'm not sure if I trust this little fellow over here to give us the right hairs.

Uh, sure, I can do that. Remember, you don't have to take the potions immediately. You can use them whenever you need them or feel free to use them immediately. It's up to you. If this guy keeps telling me what to do, I'm just going to drink all the potions at once. Stop it, stop it, stop it. I don't know if he's telling us what to do or rather giving us the options of what all we could do.

Asafi, I tend to your butt wounds. We're going to make the plans here. Yes, yes, Euthygenia. Well, that's what I was going to try to get to. We clearly are banded together for this heist and are required to do it. So does anybody have an idea of a plan of how to get in and get to Ella once we participate in the recruitment activities? All right, huddle up, team. Here we go. And Adeline puts her arms around everybody and huddles them into a circle so that Asafi can't hear them.

Oh. Well, I tend to do a good job of shrinking away from attention and hiding from people's sight. One, because I'm small, and two, because I don't like it. So if you want to try something sneaky, I'm your man for that. So do you want to take the shrinking potion or the potion that turns you into one, a motherola? I'm a team player. I want to do whatever the chosen one thinks I should do.

I think getting the halfling to be even smaller is advantageous. It would only do so much to me as a larger creature. Go ahead, sister. I was just going to ask you, if once you're all shrunken little, little guy, do you mind if I put you in my little shirt pocket? I've always wanted to have a little thumbelina on me. That would be quite adorable. I don't know how much it shrinks. That sounds kind of fun.

It's just like, still like 40 pounds, but in my pocket, like weighing down. Now, Euthygenia, if I may, you are...

A large, bulky, strong woman. Are you sure you don't want to help with the efforts towards stealth to shrink yourself down and become smaller and less robust? I suppose that's an option. However, I feel like a small centaur would gather more attention than a normal-sized centaur. It'd be quite adorable, if I do say. If.

If Mother Ella is anything like me, you know, strong, independent woman, I think she would have people like you, Euthygenia, working for her. Strong, independent women type. So maybe you as a guard or part of the cult might not be so shocking to everyone. Well, that was my thought, is that a hooved individual being a member of the city guard would not be the worst thing to do. I want to pop my head out really quick and address Asafi. Oh, Asafi is there!

a history of xenophobia in the Church of Shadows? What a question. Will they not enjoy the presence of a beautiful, large, busty centaur woman? They do not have any prejudices in that respect. Quite progressive. I actually quite enjoy this church. I'm not aware of any current members who are centaurs. Okay, so it may look a little suspicious then. Interesting.

Could you say again, Sawyer, where we're going? Sawyer? Yeah. Where are we going? Oh, the Church of Shadows. Did I say it wrong? Is it Singular Shadow? The Church of Shadow? That was marvelous, dear. I appreciate that. Yes. Well, regardless, the Church of Shadow, especially Mother Ella, can be very convincing. It is a cult, after all.

Also, don't call it a cult in front of them. It's a church. It's a religion. What is their, like, main message in this cult? Like, what are they all working towards or fighting for? They're trying to reopen the gateway to the Shadowmane so that Vorgoth may return to our world. Excellent inting, Corey. Do they have any, like, sayings or anything like that? Like, hail Satan or anything, like, that they say to each other? Hail Vorgoth. You're welcome to peruse the book that you obtained.

Might I take a look at said book? I would like to skim it, if I may. That's it. They have a few sayings. What happens in the shadows stays in the shadows. Do they say what we do in the shadows stay in the shadows? Not too rushed, y'all, but I do think it's best for you to get on with it. Okay, so real quick recap. I'm going to go in and act as a member of the Choich.

We are going to give the potion of shrinking to Durin. Is that correct? Yes. Yes. And then Adeline, my dear, sweet, performative sister, will go in under the guise of Mother Ella. With the potion.

Yes. With the potion that I'm sure we'll use the exact right hairs for. Yes. And then, uh, Euthygenia, you're going to go in as just a regular choice member? As a member of the city guard. As a member of the city guard. Also, if I may, do have a suggestion. You know, I,

I don't know if going in right away as Mother Ella is in my best interest, because, well, if she's there, there might be some weird imposter syndrome going on. Let's save it for an opportune time. I can sneak in, take her out, then signal you, and you can come in. Oh, Durin, an interesting perspective. As a upkeeper of the law, I would prefer to keep murder down to a minimum. Oh, no, no, no, no, no murder. What do you propose, Durin? I think...

I think he wants to take her on a date. Why do you keep rubbing your finger across your neck like such? It's itchy. Old wound. No, no, I'll just take care of it. Just a light evisceration. So are y'all good to continue? I think Chris is trying to get us out of the hell of this tavern and go do our church thing now. Let's go. I feel prepared. Onward. Just FYI for Barbara, for a question you asked earlier. I guess if I drink this potion, I would weigh five pounds. Okay, cool.

After I drink the potion. And I'm going to do one of the cult robes for now. Yeah. Although I guess if we went in as ourself, it could also be like someone who wants to get recruited. Yeah. All right. Let's go. Let's go to this church. Wait, wait. I have a good idea. Yes? What if I go in as someone who's very interested in getting recruited and use my feminine charm to get a tour of the castle or the church? I like this. I like this. It's a good idea. I'm all for ideas. All right. Let's see what happens.

Nothing could go wrong. Hands slash hooves in the middle. Yes. The chosen one on three. One, two, three. The chosen one. The chosen one. So just to recap, y'all are all going in as civilians currently. I'm in uniform. You're going in as a city guard. I want to go in as a church member.

Okay, so church member, civilian, city guard, and... I'm going to take the potion and try to sneak in undetected. Okay. That was the plan, right? I'm not trying to call an audible. I thought that's what we were doing. Yeah. Oh, you know what you should do? Darren, you should take the potion, and if you hide under me, they won't see you enter the building. Oh, but...

But Adeline wanted me in her pocket. Oh, okay. Pocket works well. That's fine. Whichever. Whichever. Is there a world in which we could all take our cake and eat it? Perhaps we can do both. Maybe the escape plan is for you to go under the britches of one euthygenia.

I like that. I like the word bridges. That's fine with me, dearie. I like that. So y'all are all approaching together? I say we break up. We go in one at a time, give each other ample. Yeah, we don't want to be seen together. Yeah, subvoid the attention of the choich of shadows. He's just trying to say choich as much as possible, aren't you? I do not know what you mean. How about these marching orders? Adeline goes first and then Sawyer afterwards. Durin obviously being in the pocket.

of Adeline, and then myself last as the city guard. Perfect. All right. That sounds like a darn good plan if I do see myself. All right, moving on then. You approach the opposing walls of the Church of Shadow just as the sun dips below the horizon. Right above the entrance gate, there's a large sign that says, embrace the darkness for one day it will take us all. A bearded dwarf with an overenthusiastic smile watches as you draw closer. Behind him, two masked cultists wield large quarterstaffs. And who approaches first? Adeline. Me. Yeah.

My dear sweet sister with Durin in tow in her front breast pocket. Yeah, I guess at this point I would have drank the potion of diminution. And then once I'm small and I've got a real squeaky voice, I tell Adeline, only use those two hairs. Don't use that one. That's the bad one.

Could I tell which hairs he pointed to? Yeah, I'm like grabbing them. They're huge for me now. Okay, next one. Yeah, like lifting it over my head like Simba. This is the bad one. Cool, I'll put the bad hair in my other pocket. Just to hold on to for fun. Well, hello there. I don't seem to recognize you. Are you here for the festivities? I sure am here for the festivities. I'm so excited to be here. I just moved to the city and I heard so much about the Church of Shadows.

Well, here, take a pamphlet. It tells you a little about our loving community. Oh. Come on in. Let me show you around. Oh, I'd love that. And she, like, blinks her eyelashes a whole bunch and says, tee-hee-hee. Do you have something in your eye? No, I just blink a lot when I'm excited about, you know, new opportunities and meeting new attractive people such as yourself. Thank you. Thank you.

He awkwardly gestures to the entrance and you walk in. You enter a large courtyard lit with flickering candelabras, dozens of shadowing cultists and a handful of civilians socialize as they drink refreshments. Everyone looks really excited to be there. In the center of the courtyard, there's a large building, which you can infer is the inner chambers and where you need to be. You see three entrances, one on the east,

south and west of the building, but there's also a guard station at all of them. There's also a few windows, but they're too high up and small to serve as points of entry. How small are we talking? You could fit in them now.

Thank you. Tiny man. On the left side, there's a podium with a statue of a black humanoid with a crown. And on the right side of the courtyard, there's a small hut labeled outhouse. And against the wall of the entrance, there are several tables with drinks. Brother Quaylar, as he introduces himself, takes you immediately to the drink tables. Here, have a drink with me to celebrate. Uh-oh.

What's in this drink? Oh, it's called glom. It's a special recipe. It's a gift from Vorgoth himself. Well, you know, I often make myself a lot of drinks. You know, I've been one around the beverages from time to time. What exactly is it? It's a special recipe. A gift from Vorgoth himself. All right. She cheers. Cheers. And then as Kwhilar is drinking, she does the thing where she drinks it, but pours it behind her head.

Yeah, go ahead and do a sleight of hand to see if that works. That's a one. She pours it on her face. Do I just spill it all over my chair? Just showers herself in glom. She drowns durin. Mm, glom.

I love glom so much that I just like to shower myself in it. You pour it so enthusiastically out of the cup that it both spills all over you, but also into your mouth. Okay. And you swallow some. Delicious. Just like mom used to make. I mean, glom. Roll a constitution for me. Constitution saving throw? Yeah. My gosh. I rolled a one again. So five. Oh.

For the next hour, anytime anyone suggests something to you, you roll a D4. And if it's a one or two, you do it.

Barb, do you want to like throw some salt over your shoulder or something to get these rolls like better? Like, is there some sort of like a practice you can do to break the curse of your dice rolling? Let me refresh my D&D Beyond page. Open a different web browser to clear that cache. And Durin, while Adeline was showering herself with Glom, what were you doing? Because it was pouring down onto you. Oh, I tried to batten down the hatches.

And seal up all ports. Can you make a deck saving throw to see if he's one of Mother Ella's hairs as a pool noodle? You're a good deck. Seven. Good God. I do have good decks. That's a bad roll. You rolled a two. It's not just me. Let's say a little drips into your mouth as well. Make a constitution saving throw. 20. Thank you. Okay. You're unaffected, but you do feel a nice warm tingly in your tummy. Mm.

Let's jump back out to the gate where Sawyer and Euthygenia, who's approaching next? Me? Yeah. Okay. I walk up to the gate, but I got, oh, I'm stepping. I'm really feeling the Holy Vorgoth spirit.

There's another female dwarf this time. Well, hello. I don't recognize you. Oh, for God be praised, sister. I am just a weary traveler, a missionary for the choice of shadows. I come from pious paths, and I just could not miss the festivities today. Oh, well, come this way. Let us celebrate and have a drink together. Oh!

Oh, drinkable. My belly is quite full from drinking already as is. No, no, I insist. No, no, I insist. You double up on yours and I'll watch and pray to Vorgoth. Make a persuasion check. Okay. I'm scared. I'm exhausted. This is a character. You're putting your all into him. Persuasion. 24. 24. 24.

Praise, praise, praise the shadows. Praise Vorgoth. All right, and then she lets you in. If I may, sister, you see that big, bosomy, beautiful centaur woman over there? Can you just let her in? Just don't even bother. She's a good friend from pious past. Just let her on in. The one dressed as the city watch of bouldery.

She just got recruited to the City Watch and by Vorgoth, we're going to recruit her into the Choitra Shadows. You just let her on in. You want to roll for persuasion at disadvantage? I'm hoping the same effects happen to her because she has that persuasion juice. I love that we developed a plan. We went over it and then immediately Sawyer starts improv-ing it and just totally... There's a reason he doesn't keep any of his clients. Ha ha ha!

Sister, please. All right, you want to do persuasion? At disadvantage. What disadvantage? Because she's dressed as a city guard. 21. Uh-huh. 21. Oh, wow. She does seem lovely. That's right. The loveliest in all the land. Just let her on in. Do you approach Euthygenia? Yeah, I do. Well, hello there. What's your name? Oh, hello, dearie. My name is Euthygenia. Yeah.

You're a member of the City Watch. I am. Thank you for noticing my uniform. Is everything okay? Oh, yes. Do not worry about it. You see, I know that your church is such a big contributor to the community, and you're such a tentpole of this entire town. I knew you guys were having a very important recruitment festival tonight, and I wanted to lend my services to make sure nothing goes wrong, that you guys are kept to be able to proceed with your proceedings as needed. Mm-hmm.

Praise Vorgoth! I would make you roll a deception, but I'll say that the excellent persuasion from Sawyer will let you through with that. Hey, guys, turns out putting points towards charisma actually really is great. I kind of love this. It does a lot for a D&D interaction. Dude, Barbara, this rocks. Yeah.

So y'all are all inside now and you see Adeline talking with Brother Quayler, the dwarf from earlier. And he's like, here, come this way. We can begin praying together. And this is just Adeline? I feel like Adeline and I should have figured out a signal in case she's being pestered by dudes before we went in.

Do you want to roll and see if you're persuaded to follow him? Adeline? Yeah, was this for Adeline? Yeah, I guess. You said it's a D4, right? Sorry, I was trying to remember. Yeah, roll a D4, and if it's a one or two, then you follow. It is a four. All right. You keep your wits about you. No. The improvisational skills of Barbara Dunkelman, everyone. Thank you.

The line is a little nervous here. Yeah, yeah. She's never done a heist before. Okay, well, enjoy your time. I'm going to go back to the gate and welcome new people. Let me know if you need anything. And he walks off. All right. She blows him a kiss. Oh, oh, oh. It's magic. I nudge Euthygenia and says, there goes my sister breaking another man's heart. Euthygenia tries to step away from Sawyer to not be associated with him. Okay, see you later.

Felicitations, my foul-smelling friends. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the Stinky Dragon Tavern, we hope you're enjoying this tiny tale so far. We appreciate y'all helping us spread the word and inviting folks to follow us at StinkyDragonPod. We're on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. Plus, you can join the lovely Stinky Dragon subreddit or Discord. If you make a post on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod, we might name an NPC in the show after you. Forever immortalized in our tavern's tales.

All right. So to recap, there's this building in the center with three entrances, east, west, and south, and they're each guarded. If you want to walk around and see if there's anything else or... Adeline, throw me up

Throw me up the window. She looks down and says, hold on one second, little buddy. Okay. I'm just going to do some reconnaissance here. All right. You, I think, mentioned or Asafi mentioned that something about like the south entrance is where we needed to go. That's where we came in into the compound. There's one entrance into the compound. We're in there. The building that is ahead of us has three entrances. On the left is a stage. On the right is an outhouse.

house. Okay. And then the south is a entrance as well. Were there windows on both sides of the building? Uh, yes. Okay. Because I know we also have, like, a rope and stuff like that, too. Right. I guess if we can't fit through that window, there's no point in giving Durin the rope to, like, then throw down. FYI, I've got my own rope as well. Okay. Alright. I think I'm gonna try to toss you up to that window. Do you got good grip strength? Yay! Yay!

Happy. All right. Now, there are a lot of people around, so are you going to try and be discreet about this? Could I use my mage hand, actually, to carry him up to the window? He's five pounds? Yeah. I am five pounds. Hold on. Let me make a suggestion. Mm.

Mage hand is quite visible. It is not an invisible hand, right? Right. I think it is an invisible hand, isn't it? Oh, I thought it was glowing hand. A spectral floating hand appears at a point you choose. But maybe I could try to distract at the same time. Perhaps we can make a distraction elsewhere. Euthygenia tries to wink at Adeline to get Adeline's attention that she's going to help. Okay. Okay.

Yuta Janaya kind of meanders over to the refreshments table that they were at because those were against the wall near the entrance. Yeah? Yeah. And so they would be like in an opposite direction from the building. Mm-hmm. Okay. Can Yuta Janaya, in her best performance possible, accidentally kick back with her hind legs and upend the refreshments table to like cause a distraction? Yeah.

Yes. Now, are you trying to make it look like an accident? Yeah. Oh, dearie, a mouse! And then kicks the table. You kick over the table and it makes a loud noise and then several cultists run up.

And they're like, what are you doing? What just happened? I should ask the same thing of you. This is an establishment that has a vermin problem, and you haven't even dealt with it. And I myself was startled by it and could have hurt myself if I had not noticed that mouse in time. Where's the mouse? I don't know. They scurried off. They went somewhere else. It's what they do, mice things. All right. Make a deception check. 14. Okay, that'll pass. They're like, they eye you. Like, they're suspect. I am back. I'm a police officer. Try to.

contain yourself. Also, I guess while this is happening, Adeline uses her mage hand to hold Durin up and pull him up to the window. Yee!

I'll say that with all the commotion, you're able to do that successfully. So you drop them into the open window? Yeah. Or do you, like, lower them down or what? I'll put them right by, like, the opening of the window, the windowsill or something. Like on the sill? Yeah. Okay. What do I see inside? Which window did you go to? Are they all open? Yes. There's one on the south, east, and west. Let's say I put them on the south window. Okay. Guys, we got a song if we need any sort of distraction. Oh.

Later. When the time is right. You see a large room with various weapons and equipment lined along the walls and it's empty at this moment. I'll peek back out.

and look down at Adeline and give like a thumbs down motion. Hmm, all right. It seems like that was the wrong one. There is a hallway leading deeper into the chamber. Okay, so he doesn't have to like come back out and send him back up to the other window. He could just go himself? I guess so, with the hallway? Yeah, you could continue on by yourself. I would definitely recommend you not do it by yourself. You could drop down...

and try and unlock the door from the other side? Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to try to do. I'm going to try to make my way down and either unlock the door and possibly try to distract whoever's guarding it. Well, the guard is on the other side. Yeah, like when I open it, like try to...

distract them. Like if I'm going that far ahead right now, what I would do is like try to get down, open the door and then try to make like some kind of noise or something so the guard comes in to look so that my friends can sneak in the door. - Okay, gotcha. What do you do for distractions within the room? - I figure like I'll make sure the door's unlocked and then like not try to shove over like a piece of equipment or something.

so that it clatters on the ground and makes a noise. Like the weapons that were on the walls. Right, right. A bookshelf of sorts, make a rose such a clatter, the god went to dis… Sorry. Jesus Christ.

There's a large clatter. The guard looks over confused and opens the door to investigate and then starts grumbling and... Smiling? No, and looking around and then goes around the corner. There's a hallway leading out and he goes around looking for what made the noise and leaves. Okay, great. I'll try to like peek out from the door and...

Stealthily motion at my friends to come in. Wait, wait, not my friends. My travel partners. There you go. Which door? This is the south door. Okay. Sure would have loved to have gone the other door. Too late. You could still go, Yuta Janaya. Yeah, Yuta Janaya, we could split up. You and I could go that way. So you're all sneaking in now? Is that the best idea? Or should we still be kind of separated? I would say that everyone except for Yuta Janaya can sneak in.

Euthygenia, you'd need to do a deception check or something to get in because you were just causing the commotion that allowed them to do all that. You're both the city watch, you're also the largest, and you just knocked over a bunch of stuff. So you sneaking in wouldn't necessarily be the easiest thing to do right now. Okay, well then I'm going to take advantage of Euthygenia's crafty distractions and I'm going to follow my sister and that tiny little man, Doyer, and...

What was that name again? Doirin? Doirin? Doirin. I'm going to go in, but I'm going to still kind of pretend like I'm like, do-do-do-do-do, just kind of lost and wandering around. Not that I'm sneaking in, in case anyone does see me go in. So in Yuthu Janaya, are you going to stay out for the time being? You know what I'm going to do? Yuthu Janaya is going to head over to the outhouse on the, what was that, east side of the building? And drop a mighty toad. Going to go to the outhouse.

and act like Blaine's mic is off. And once I've made my way to the outhouse, people don't just watch people walk into an outhouse kind of thing. They kind of do a little meander towards the door. Oh, there's a guard there, isn't there? Dang it. But you walk towards the outhouse? Sure. I walk towards the outhouse. Let's just say I go over there to see what I see. You see people milling about, and there's actually one cultist walking

who is putting on a show and juggling daggers for his friends. On the side of where the outhouse is? Yeah, not right outside of the outhouse, just on that side that you hadn't seen previously. The smelliest part of the courtyard right by the back house. Do you say anything to him or like, what do you do, Euthygenia?

You see a man juggling and a woman crying. Where did this crying woman come from? Was she there before? There's just two people milling about in this area. She's very passionate about juggling, I guess. She's crying on her own. Oh, not because she's juggling? I approach the crying woman. That seems to be full of possibilities.

Oh, you're with the City Watch. Have you seen my husband? He did come home last night. He went out on a mission and he's been gone since then. Here, let me show you a picture of him. I think it's the guy we exploded. We definitely killed that man. She holds a picture and it's definitely a picture of the man from the other photo.

I take the photo and I kind of look at it and then quizzically examine it a little bit and go, I have not actually seen this man before, but that's quite alarming that he did not come home last night.

Did you perhaps inform any of his other compatriots here at the Church of the Shadows to maybe be looking for him? Yes, but they said he'd probably be back soon. Please keep an eye out for him, please. Could I try to lead her towards the guard at the door on the east side and say something along the lines of, excuse me, you're a member of the church, is that correctly? Perhaps a guard of the church? Yes.

Yeah. Is it smiley? Chris has three voices. Your member here is quite distraught, it seems, at not being able to find her husband. Has there been any work towards trying to find where he is, or are you all just allowing your members to go missing willy-nilly? Yeah. Yeah.

Excuse me. This is none of your business. It's a church business. He's been gone one night. Everything's perfectly fine. No one's missing. Excuse you. I am a member of the City Watch. This is an open investigation at this point. And now you're a suspect, frankly, okay? You're dodging my questions. Really brings up the question, where were you yesterday when he went missing? Really quick, Sawyer is just, he feels a tingle in the back of his neck because he knows there's a line of questioning happening.

somewhere else in the building. Someone said open investigation and he went, huh? Oh, someone needs a lawyer. You make an intimidation check. Sure. Again, 14. I'll say he like looks nervous, but he's like, we'll keep an eye out on him. And I'm going to pause for a bit and go inside with the others. Hmm.

Okay. So you make your way through the compound past the armory. And all three of us are together, right? Yes. They're in Adaline. Do you want to carry me in your pocket again or should I be walking on my own at this point? I kind of like the idea of you walking on your own because I want to hear those little footsteps. Tick, tick,

I could also offer you a lift if you prefer, Dorian. Ooh, yes. You just wanted to say his name. Maybe I did. You follow a hallway down. You see it branch off to the left where there's like some living quarters and to the right you find an office that is labeled Mother Ella. We're looking for

I'll take her out!

How much of this disguise potion do I have? Maybe I could pour it into another little vial, put that other mystery hair in there, and then shove it down her throat. Oh, you disguise her as someone else. So y'all are out here talking. You're making a fair amount of noise. Do you want to open this door? I mean, y'all are talking outside of the door. So if someone was there, can I sneak in?

Under the door to see what's in there? Are you that small? I'm technically tiny in D&D size. Yeah, we'll allow that. Look at that little critter go. Oh my goodness, that is adorable. Mike had called you Dinky Durant.

So you sneak under the door and inside you see a clean office that's completely empty except for a desk and a large ornate unlit candelabra in the corner with black candles. Unlit? So this is the office side? Yes. Okay. And on the desk it says Mother Ella. Okay. The back wall is made entirely of stone and you can see that the door is locked and you can try and climb up and unlock it. Yeah, I'll climb up and unlock it.

Okay, come up and lock it and you let your party in. Yeah, I'll wave everyone in. I want to go over to the desk and see if there's any drawers or any compartments that the key might be in. Okay, could you roll an investigation check? 17. Nice. You search the desk and find four notable things. A hidden button on the underside of the desk, a silver key, a figurine of a bat, and a picture of what appears to be young Asafi. And someone has drawn a circle repeatedly around him in black ink. Hmm.

Is there anyone else in the photo or is it just him? Just him. As if he is some sort of a target. Also, while this is going on, can I search for any like hidden or secret doors along that backstone wall? Yeah, you search the back wall. It's solid gray and perfectly smooth. Roll an investigation check. While he's doing this, I want to close and lock the door. Uh-huh.

Nine. You notice there's one section that's a little darker and blotchy, but you're not exactly sure what it is exactly. It's just like a discoloration. Sure. Is this silver key? Could I tell if this is the key we're looking for or is it a key to something else? It seems like a normal key. A normal key. Okay. Could I investigate and see if there's anything that has a lock on it in this room? You can investigate. Okay.

Push the button. Push the button. Push the button. With a 20, you see that dark blotchy spot that Durin didn't really pay much attention to. It appears to be the shape of a keyhole. Oh, okay. But it's completely flat, like still made of stone. It's like almost as if someone drew a keyhole on the wall, but it doesn't actually. So it's not actually a hole. Not actually a hole.

And then you also notice that candelabra in the corner has wheels on it. Wheels? Wheels on a candelabra? They go round and round.

Can I look at the floor and see if it looks like the candelabra has been rolled back and forth in a spot there? Perhaps wax droppings will indicate where the candelabra has been. Wax droppings. Not even like talking character, you're talking in that voice. The moment I drop it, I forget how he talks. Welcome to the mini campaign where Blaine does method, method D&D. Baby, we got to go to Lowe's and get lumber. You do see that there is like slugs

some scratches on the floor where it's been wheeled around almost like from A to B and back and forth. Perhaps the candles have a magic quality about them, and if we wheel them over to this

crude drawing of a keyhole, it will in fact turn into a keyhole. I'd also like to note that the candelabra is not lit. I will light it aflame. Black candles. Shall I light them aflame? Maybe, I don't know what's going to happen. Maybe it'll like transport us somewhere. Who knows? That would be pretty cool if you do ask me. Maybe the whole wall will move and the candelabra will move with it. Did you hear something? Oh,

Oh, Durin. I forgot about you. Durin, are you here? When did Mickey Mouse join our party? Do any of us have a light? Yeah, you could try and light it. Could I first, before we do that, take the silver key I found and just put it up against the wall where the keyhole is? Oh, like a fob at an apartment complex. I have no idea what that means. Nothing happens. Okay, well.

Well, I guess we should light these candles. I will attempt to light these candles then. They do not light. Can we tell how we would like, oh, the button. Ha ha ha.

John was just making a button motion. I'm trying to obey the rules. I'm like, I'm not there. So I'm truly trying not to go. But I've been just motioning, like, push the damn button. I feel a sensation in the force that tells us to push this button. I guess I was just worried that it was like a button you would typically see under a desk. Like, sound the alarm. There's intruders, you know. Valid concerns. Valid concerns. I felt the same. But, you know, I do like pushing people's buttons. Yeah.

You do indeed, sister. Perhaps if we lit a fart of flame and then tried to ignite these candles, perhaps that would do it. I do not know. I'm out of ideas. Let's push the button. Why not? Push the button. Durin, do you want to jump on the button? It'd be real cute. Yeah!

Durin jumps on the button and the black candles suddenly light up with an unnatural eerie shadows flickering from them. That's normal. Do we notice anything else in the room change when that happens? No, just the flickering of the shadows of the candelabra. Okay. I want to wheel the candelabra over to the keyhole then. All right. The

picture. Now you wheel it over and the shadows move across the wall, almost like you see everything silhouetted against the wall as you move the candelabras. Still flickering, the lights flickering, but they almost seem to be like highlighting that back wall. We kind of like maneuver in a way to like dial in what we're seeing. So like we keep kind of moving them, moving it around to see if it

if it shows anything. - Yeah, when you move it along the lines where it had been previously moved, it almost seems like, almost like a projector is being lined up against that back wall. Where it's like, as you move it in, the light like kind of narrows in and the shadows like flicker where they're like highlighting that back wall.

Like one Indiana Jones procuring the location of the Ark of the Covenant, perhaps. You're making all types of references to things I've never heard about before. That's just Blaine. That's not in character. You're such a cultured man, my brother. So wait, we get two versions of Blaine D&D. He either never does his voice or he only does the voice. Only does the voice, yeah. That's right. I get it. It's got to stay in character.

Yeah, you move it and it seems like it's like highlighting that back wall, really focusing in on that spot where like that discolored keyhole is. What do we see? Or should I just go over to where it's highlighted? Can I do an investigation to see if there's something we're missing or is there any other piece of this puzzle that we don't have? Yeah, as you approach it, you see that your shadow is perfectly like hitting that back wall where it's almost like there's a double of you with the light from the candelabras hitting that back wall. Use the shadow with a key!

Adeline goes over to essentially stand there and use the key to try to open it with the shadow. So she creates a shadow with the key that she's holding into the lock on the wall. And you hear it click.

You always were good at shadow puppets, my sister. She then makes the butterfly with her hand. Mesmerizing. When you do that, a giant butterfly the size of your hand appears and attacks you. It flies towards your face. Make a dexterity save. It's the gardener's worst enemy, the butterfly!

18. Okay, you dodge the butterfly and it flies off. It's a good thing I didn't make my hand puppets for something a little more vulgar, which I usually do.

Oh, God. The door clicks open and the back wall opens and you see a small room made of stone. It's completely empty except for a battered wooden staff leaned against the wall and a statue of a gargoyle with hands raised forming a sort of table. In the gargoyle's hand rests a black key with a diamond inlaid into the handle. Oh, that looks like a good key. That's it.

Let's steal it. Maybe we should try to approach slowly. You know, I see this battered...

uh stick i don't know if someone's trying to get at it and maybe it was putting up some type of defense but i don't trust this place there's like a lot of creepy things going on in here that i've never seen before can i make like an investigation check or a perception check to see if anything seems out of the ordinary yeah roll for investigation 14 you notice there's some runes on the gargoyle but it also looks like it could be just part of the statute

Of the gargoyle. What kind of runes? Do I know, like, does it, is it a specific language? And don't forget, I have draconic for dummies as well. No need, I speak draconic fluently. You can't recognize him. I point him out to the party. Look, there's runes there. And I'm going to say none of y'all recognize him. Okay. Probably not important. Ah, garbly gook. While that's going on...

Back outside, some music starts playing over by the stage and everyone starts gathering to the stage, moving that way. And you see Mother Ella exit from the west side of the building and get up on stage and starts talking. While that's going on, Yuta Janai, someone bumps into the man juggling the knives.

And he drops all the knives, and in the process, two of them stab into his arm. Whoa. In the commotion of, you know, everyone moving together. Unfortunate for that gentleman. Oh, oh, God. Oh, oh, oh, oh, God. Oh, God. It hurts. It hurts. Oh. I go over to the guy. Oh, jeez. How bad does it look? It looks real bad.

Okay, it looks real bad. No, he's asking you. Oh, this seems to be a very serious injury, and I motion over to the guard at the door and say, you, get off here right now. He comes over, the guard's like, don't tell me those are the poison knives.

Yeah, yeah, they're poison. Well, clearly this man needs medical attention immediately. You need to take him to the clinic right away or he will be in serious dismay. And then the guard's like, I don't know anything about medicine. Do you know anything about medicine? I'm not saying you have to heal him. I'm not saying you have to heal him. I'm saying take him somewhere where they can heal him. No, I don't know medicine. I'm part of the city. Watch. All right. Then he takes the man and it's like, come on, let's get the antidote. And the guard says,

Takes the man and leads him inside. I follow. You follow. You enter into the east side door and you discover the living quarters. It's rows and rows of beds and they walk past that and into a...

a smaller room where the guard unlocks it and starts going into shelves and pulling out vials. What are those exactly? I don't know. One of them's an antidote. Some of them are poisons. I feel your organizational skills are really showing how poorly they've been used. If you've got those things next to each other, not labeled.

He's like juggling through them. Do you want to investigate or do a medicine check? See if you can identify any of them. Why am I making the choice here? This is his. These are his poisons and his antidotes. Why am I involved in this? Well, are you there? I'm there and I'm watching this man about to kill another man with the wrong vial. Cool. You just maybe drink this one. Does this look right to you?

It looks precisely what you need to use. Roll a history check. Sure. What's it for? I guess you'll find out. History, everyone's favorite D&D check. Yep, 11. All right, do you remember that you need an antidote? Oh, I remember that, but I don't know what an antidote looks like, so I'm just going to let this man use whatever vial he uses on this guy, and if it works, that's the one I need. If it doesn't, I'll pick another one. Okay. He chose poorly. Yeah.

It ain't my skin. Nice. All right. It's a juggler, and we all hate jugglers. The guy sniffs one of them. He's like, I think this is the right one. It's either the yellow one or the red one. It feels like someone wants her to pick. So the yellow one.

Good choice. Alright, thank you. I don't know anything about medicine. He takes the yellow potion and he pours it onto the wound and the juggler's arm catches fire. It seems to be you should be putting your stuff in the right place. Oh god, oh god! Give me the other potion, give me the other potion! It's the other potion, the anti-fire potion. He pours the other potion on and... I think it feels less poison but it's definitely still on fire.

You need to take this man outside and douse his arm immediately. He runs into the bathroom for the building and dumps it into a tank of water. The man goes by himself or the man and the guard go? They both go. All right. I shut the door and put my entire weight behind it.

Into the bathroom? Yeah, shut the door and close them in there. Okay. And she's pretty strong. Yeah. Big old gal. Big, busty, buxomous woman. Why do you keep saying busty? I hate it. I think Sora's got a thing for euthygenia. Actually, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to flex a little magic. I cast Thaumaturgy and shut a door through magic.

Shut the front door. Yeah, and I proceed to get as many of the beds as I can stacked up against it. All right. So you push the beds up against the thing. Yep. You've got this alchemy room. Do you leave that? Do you take anything from it? Yeah, the one that he put on that made the burn feel less burny. I'll take that and I'll pocket it. Okay. In my horse pockets. Horse pockets. Don't like that.

What does that mean? You know, horses have special pockets. The horse pockets. While that's going on, meanwhile, in the creepy office, back in the other room with the gargoyle, you hear some screaming and caw-caw.

Commotion, you get the feeling you should hurry. Uh-oh. Let's grab the key and get out of here. I do agree. This isn't going to trigger any sort of alarm, do you think? No, I checked it. It's totally fine. Okay, should we try to pretend we're a mother Ella or is that part of the plan unnecessary at this time?

If things go sideways, that's our escape plan. Okay. Well, at this juncture, I am quite comfortable taking that key and getting out of here. Sawyer, you reach toward the key, and as your hand closes around it, the gargoyle suddenly comes alive. It's stony fingers grabbing hold of your arm. Adelie, let's run!

I like how you do that instead of using your GoXLR to just change your voice. This is way more fun. It's just Durin yelling out, She's at the fire, help me! I need help, babe. My long arm of the law! The Gargoyle comes alive. Hey, who the heck are you? You didn't say the magic word. Hey, everybody come here. Everybody! Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down now. Everybody get out of here! Hey, what happens in the shadow stays in the shadow. What do you do, Spidey?

Hey, everybody! And he just keeps screaming. And it is grasped very firmly around your hand. While the hands are wrapped around Sawyer, immobilizing him, can Durin grab the key? From his hand? I mean, he's got the key in his hand. Is it like a Russian doll of key, hand, gargoyle hand? Yeah, so it's like, imagine the gargoyle's hands are gripped around his forearm. So Sawyer has the key in his hand. Oh, so Sawyer could drop the key and let us escape, sacrificing himself nobly for our cause? Yes. Yes.

I could! Sawyer, drop the key! Sacrifice yourself nobly for the cause! Don't drop the key, don't drop the key!

Dear Adelon, dear sister, go on without me. Make a new life with Jorunn. While that's happening, could I cast Guiding Bolt at the Gargoyle? Nice. Yeah. Can you read that aloud? Yep. A flash of light streaks towards a creature of your choice within range. Make a ranged spell attack against the target. On a hit, the target takes 4d6 radiant damage, and the next attack roll made against this target before the end of your next turn has advantage.

thanks to the mystical dim light glittering on the target until then. Yeah, go ahead and roll for attacking that. 14. Yeah, you roll damage for it. Okay, so 14 damage. All right, you hit the gargoyle. Ow! And it topples over, and it takes Sawyer with it, and now they're both laying on the floor. Sawyer, you want to make a strength check? Oh, no.

I rolled a 17 on strength. Sawyer, as you fall to the ground, you kind of like take the weight of the gargoyle with you. You think you might be able to carry it.

Okay. Why would we want to do that? Before I do that, can I use Dissonant Whispers to see if I can further injure it to get it away from me? I feel like we got it on the ropes. Sure. Okay. I use Dissonant Whispers. What's the saving throw for it? The target must make a wisdom saving throw. Yeah, what's the number? 13. 13. So it fails.

I said, listen here, I'm going to let you black go of my arm, you son of a gun. Is that the whisper you're doing? That's right, I whisper right in his gargoyle, his stupid face in his dumb gargoyle. I like the idea that Sawyer's whispers are loud enough for all of us to hear.

Euthygenia hears it in the alchemy room. Yeah, you definitely do hear the screaming of the gargoyle. Then can I join my compatriots once again for the first time really in this entire heist? Yeah, so you could follow them in. Sure, I head in. You discover Sawyer laying on the ground whispering sweet nothings into the gargoyle that has gripped him. Roll damage for Dissonant Whispers. All right, show me the money. 14. All right. 10.

Take that, Gargoyle! Hey, hey! Gargoyle returns to stone. Oh, perfect. It goes lifeless. Still gripped around your hand. Oh.

Oh, God. Okay. But it's no longer screaming. Can I try to chop its hand off? Do we have any sort of like hammers or something like that? Or I guess that's what the plank was there doing, trying to... It's just a stone hand gripped around a... Yeah, it's just a stone hand. Yeah, you could try and knock it off at this point if you'd like. Yeah, I would like. Who's got a smashy weapon? I have a mace. There's a mace. There's also that wooden staff that was in the corner in the room. I have a light hammer. Oh.

I was going to use it as a gavel if I became a judge of the law. I feel like you should do it then, Sawyer. It's your own arm, so you could tell if it hurts. Okay. There you go. I chip away at this stupid gargoyle and his stupid hands. Wait, wait, wait. I cast Guidance on Sawyer and nudge him with a hoof. Strength or attack? Like a light hammer attack. Unarmed strike? Yeah. If you're attacking with a hammer, you can do an attack with it. That is a five. That was your attack? Yeah. Yeah.

Roll the D4 that you get. I'll tell you, even the D4, it's not going to come. I got a four. Are you sure? It seems like this gargoyle is pretty solid. Okay, folks, here's the thing. I am attached to this gargoyle. It's coming with us.

We're going to just have to improvise along the way. Let's bring the stick with us. It might help. Can you describe what the stick was? It looks like an old battered wooden staff. Hit Sawyer over the head with it. Nope, I grabbed the staff. Could I maybe take a swing at the hand to get this stupid gargoyle off of Sawyer? Now, here's the thing, my voluptuous friend. I think that we're going to have to... No, stop that.

I think we're gonna have to take this gargoyle with us. Fortunately, I have something called disguise self. So if I disguise myself as a pregnant woman and I put this gargoyle underneath my tunic of sorts and I present it as a big, big belly...

Just let me follow this little trick you're doing. Go ahead. You're going to disguise yourself as a woman. Yes. You're going to put the gargoyle underneath your shirt with your hand still attached. Yes. So your hand will be under your shirt as well, and you're going to exit this place as a pregnant woman. Bingo. You are as brilliant as you are bosomy.

I see no holes in his entire plan. Adeline is so uncomfortable hearing her brother talk about euthygenia this way. Did you cast the spell? Disguise self? Yeah. Yeah, sure. It's my last spell.

All right. You're disguised as a pregnant woman. You also hear screaming of the guards that were pushed into the bathroom. It sounds like they're finally breaking free and are screaming to sound the alarm. Oh, we should go. Yeah, exit stage right. Can we make an expedient exit out of the same door that we came in? Adeline, do you also want to maybe disguise yourself as Mother Ella on the way out, just in case? I don't know. Do you think that's the best idea right now? It's not the worst. What?

What if we run into Madurella? But you can tell them to go away as if the bad people went the other direction. You can disguise yourself. You hear people start to run into the building. Right now, you're still in the back chambers. Adeline drinks the potion.

With the two hairs, Dern identified as Mother Ella. You transform into Mother Ella, and it looks spot on. Who's in her office with a pregnant woman, a city guard, and a tiny little halfling. You can't see me!

to hold this run in and look and see the situation. Nothing to see here, gentlemen. Wait, wait, wait. I got this. Oh, so I loved all that information about your church. I'm actually quite interested. That was very, that was a great presentation, Mother Ella. You really laid out the benefits of this church quite well. Oh, yes, I absolutely did. Yes. Um...

Thank you. We are very pleased to be potentially having you here as members of our church. Hey, Mother Ella. Sorry to interrupt, but there seems to be some sort of a break-in nearby. Wait, weren't you giving your speech out there? What did I say about asking me questions without my permission? Oh.

Remember last time you spoke out of turn? Yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Everything is fine. Go about your business. And if you hear anything or see anything suspicious, it's just part of today's ceremonies. Make a performance check. Youth Genie does a little kick towards Mother Ellen and gives her guidance. Why? Why? What is today? What is today's rolls? That's a three. That's a three. I rolled a one.

You rolled a one! Don't you have an inspiration die? What old woman did you run over this morning? What did you do? I don't know. I don't know, man. Something doesn't seem right about all this. Could I cast charm person on this guy? There we go. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to charm them. He has to make a wisdom saving throw. Let me make that roll really quick. It's just one guard, right? There are two guards, but one of them seems to be in charge. The guy who talks like this. The wisdom saving throw.

Yes, Mother Ella. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. What can I do? Oh, very good. This pleases me greatly that you are following commands and you will be promoted to lead guard if you just allow things to happen that typically wouldn't today. If you hear something or see someone unrecognizable, don't worry. I have it all under control. Okay. What should I do now? Maybe go out to the courtyard and kiss. Yes.

Stop. Durin is making kissing motions with his hands. Okay, yes, Mother Ella, come on, yes. We gotta go kiss. What? You heard Mother Ella. And remember, what happens in the shadows stays in the shadows. Yes, Mother Ella.

And the one guard that you charmed pulls the very confused looking guard away and they run off to kiss. Yay! The start of a beautiful romance. You hear more people coming. What do you do now? Let's get out of here. We should probably get out of here quickly. I think we should use your entrance, Durin.

Mine's a bit complicated. Okay. As you walk out, you see the alarm goes off, so people are running into the building, and they all kind of look up at you as you exit as Mother Ella, and is, like, asking what to do. Oh. I give her bardic inspiration. I don't know what I'm supposed to tell them. Lie.

Make them kiss some more. Maybe I'm going into labor and then you need to take me to the hospital. I don't know. I will be right back. I need to attend to an important matter that you are all too low level to understand. I like Barbara who's like just not really spent a lot of time in churches trying to talk about church stuff in any sort of terminology she can come up with. It's great. Yes, go read verse

70 of Jebediah. And recite three Hail Vorgoths and go on your way. Yes.

Spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch. I guess make a performance check once again. There it is. Here's the roll. Here's the roll we needed. Baby dunks. This is it. It's all leading up to this. And you got bardic inspiration. Let's go. All right, it's a 12. And then if I have bardic inspiration, that's another D6. Give us a six. Give us a six. One. So 13. Okay. Not bad. Not bad. They look confused, but they seem to go along with it. And in the confusion of everyone running around, you're able to sneak out the south gate where you came in.

Yay! A perfectly executed heist. Without a hitch. You still have the gargoyle on you. Who's got the key? It's in my hand, which is in a gargoyle, which is under my blouse and is acting as my unborn child. I am a pregnant woman. Hello.

So I guess with a new friend, you make it back to the smoking barrel end where you find Asafi very much on the brink of death and Smiley, as much as you can make from his lack of emotion, he seems a little concerned. Asafi, let me introduce you to my new familiar. He is a gargoyle. What's his name?

Benoit. Gary the Gargoyle. Wow. The most original name for a gargoyle I ever did hear. Thank you, sister. I love it. How are you feeling, Asafi? Not very good. We must administer the potion to his buttocks. You all don't know I have this potion. Did anyone grab any potion while we were out at that choice? I have it. I give it to Asafi. There you go. You

Do you slap it on his bottom? Do you give it a good whap? Yeah, I cover my hooves in the potion and just kick him with the hooves with the kick of healing. Oh. No, I give him the potion to take. You see him start to almost recover immediately. Oh, thank you. That's the best feeling I've ever felt being this close to death. You're so articulate, Asafi. Oh!

I have to say, excellent work, all of you. I had many doubts about you, but I'm now beyond confident that one of you truly is the chosen one. Do you know, Adelaine, I saw a man's arm catch on fire, but that was the best burn I've seen all day. Now, maybe you need some rest before we set out. And he falls asleep. Oh, well, isn't he just precious? And you can take a long rest.

Yay. And we get to go up a level. Right, Chris? Level four. Level four.

You awake to Ossiphy packing supplies and packing up the room and a blueberry muffin by each of your beds. He seems much better as he did the day before. I mean, he's standing. I'm allergic to blueberries. Good morning. We must head out before daybreak. The Cult of Shadow will surely be hunting for us, as well as every artifact collector and bounty hunter looking for a quick paycheck.

The keys to the Shadowmane can be used for many things other than just opening the gateway. The key itself generates pure arcana and is highly coveted. So where is the key? It would, at this point, be best for me to keep watch over it while we travel. I raise my hand that has the gargoyle still attached to it.

Are we sure that we could trust this guy to hold on to the key? Absolutely not, sister. Hold on. I do have a question for you before we give you the key, Asap. So when we were in Mother Ella's study or her office, whatever it was, we saw a photo of you with a black circle around your face. Do you guys have some sort of feud? What's going on there? Yeah, perhaps a lover's crush. Well, if you do recall, they did try to assassinate me the night before.

I would say that that might constitute a feud, yes. That's, uh, pretty bad evidence.

you know, leaving that around, a big cycled target, you know, in your desk after you attempted assassination. Anyways, just ignore me. Do you want to roll for insight, Barb? Yes. Ooh, I have 14. Ooh, nice. It seems like he's being honest with you. Okay. So we probably could trust him to hold these. Now, where's the key? I raise my gargoyled hand. It's not in your hand anymore. Oh.

Is the gargoyle on my hand still? The gargoyle is still attached to you, but the key is missing. Do you want to roll a perception check? Sure. Should we all or just Sawyer? You can all roll. That's a six. 18. 16. You notice that someone is missing from the room. Smiley. Smiley is gone.

Good heavens. What about the beans? Smiley, his beans, his meal, all of his stuff is gone. Mother of God. Smiley. He's making me frowny. Before we end, Gus, can I get a small Durin voice really quick? Can I just get it quick? What happened? What happened?

and cut be sure to follow at stinky dragon pod where you can see all of our supplementary content where we do like puppets and they're all really great so be sure to follow and if you use hashtag stinky dragon pod or post on reddit or tiktok or anywhere about the show then you could be a chance to be an npc where we'll take your name and use it as a character

You have a chance. You can be a chance. You can be a chance. Be the chance you want to see in the world. You might even play a character in a choich. Here's a quick shout out to someone who left us a glowing review on Apple Podcasts. So we named them after an NPC in this episode. Brother Qualar, the dwarf at the gate, was named after G. Qualar. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.