C01 - Ep. 82 - Lost Dianasty - Brink of Disaster
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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

This is a Rooster Teeth production. What's the word, all you dragon blood-oos? Dribble your way into the stinky dragon partake in our latest potable Don't Quit Your Day blob. It's a mixture of gelatinous gin, clementine slime juice, and a splash of pseudopod seltzer. One sip of this slush is just what you need after another stressful day at the office. Orifice.

Previously, our adventurers freed Gum-Gum from a terrifying trance, hedged their bets in a mystical maze, and finally arrived at Moro Meadow. There they met with Anarchs-possessed Taureans, but quickly overtook the chaotic creatures and summoned the mythical Woonicorn. They rode their way to their dynastic destination, but in the blink of an eye Brink Tussler blasted Boomba into bits. Draw yourself a dram, let's deliver some dank drama.

God, I forgot Bink betrayed us. Brink? I know. Brink. I forgot Bink betrayed us. I forget his name. Listen, Orifice and Office look very similar. And when you're expecting one, the other one looks just like it. Oh, they do. I just saw like Micah give Gus a look like, no, that's not it. I saw it out of the corner of my eye. I was like, what? Oh. I also, so last night on the RT podcast, this is also, I'm sure going to come out later than that podcast did because we're on a bit of a. We're lead. A lead.

A lead. I was talking to Gavin about how fun it is to listen to Gus do the intro every week because of all the word jumbles he gets and how like he messes it up sometimes. I get so frustrated. I just recorded that. Oh, did you? I did pretty good. You did pretty good. I only had one mess up. The titles of the drinks I've realized in the past few weeks, I haven't brought it up, but they are the exact same thing as the titles of the store next to Bob's Burgers in the opening sequence. Just got to leave some jokes.

dumb pun. Yeah, that and the names of the yogurt shops in the good place. Who's writing these anymore? Who is Mike every single time? Yeah, every single time. You're an alcoholic. Now we just looked up names of things that rhyme with other things.

It's our own mixologist and writer and composer, Micah. I like to imagine Micah has like a full like wet bar in his house and he's like actually trying these drinks out. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. Need something else. We've actually made a few of these that we've uploaded to the Stinky Dragon social channels. We've tried the drinks that have been introduced in the intro. They're actually all really good. They're not bad.

Did you know that, that they were good? I try to base them off real cocktails. Oh, you base them off real cocktails. That makes sense. They're very tasty. But there's obviously got to be some changes because there's, yeah. Yeah, I don't know how you get gelatinous gin or clementine slime juice. In people's wet bar. Yeah. Okay, recap time.

The horse whinnies and faster than you can blink, the Woonicorn takes off in blinding speed. And his surroundings whiz past you in a blur of vibrant colors and light. In a matter of seconds, the horse comes to a stop. And before any of you can blink, the horned horse whinnies hysterically and kicks high into the air. All four of you fall to the ground in a clattering heat. And the Woonicorn takes off, vanishing into thin air. Do we still have the horn? No, you don't have the horn of Woonique anymore. Okay.

Well...

Uh, how does that Saiyan go? Finders keepers, losers weepers! Brink hurls Boomba high into the air and launches a beam of crackling energy straight into it. Kaboom! The rock explodes into a shower of fragments crepering the ground all around you. His elven face twitches as he looks down at you and behind thin-framed spectacles you see his eyes are crimson red. Brink takes a few steps back and his hands start to glow with crackling energy.

Who dares approach the great and powerful Brink Tussler? I do. I want to stab. I want to stab. Well, in order to optimize your stab, why doesn't everyone make me a perception check to see what the best stabbing location might be? Also, really quick, I just noticed he said gloved hands. Perhaps it's Paralites gloves? It could be. Why would you do that? I rolled a 19. 21. 22. Dad?

When it comes to Brink Tussler, I'm the most perceptive. And Gum Gum? Mine was an eight. It was because there were tears in my eyes. Hard to see. From the boomba being broken? No, it's all the fragments of boomba's rock hitting you in the face. Pebbles in the eyes. What do we see? Gum Gum, you're having trouble breathing. You're overcome with what just happened. The air feels thin. You also notice that you're surrounded by red clouds.

Or maybe you're just really angry. The other three of you look around. You see you're standing on a small island floating hundreds and hundreds of feet in the air. All around you are similar islands of differing sizes amongst the clouds. Bart, well, I guess all of you, all of you except Gungam, you notice that some of the islands are connected by bridges. And to the northeast, you spot three islands connected by three rods forming a triangle surging with crackling red energy. This is Dianesti Islander.

That's where you asked to go. You're right. We're from the Unicorn. Mud and Kyborg, you two look far into the distance to see what looks like dilapidated stables, and even beyond that are more islands. Do we hear steel drums? No. Damn. Gum-Gum, you look down and see a few fragments of Boomba have landed on the ground near your feet. They seem to be flickering with a golden glow.

Hey, Infernut Sax! Looks like you're on the brink of disaster!

Ding, ding, ding. Round three, chomp.

I love it too that in this recording, Gus does the NPC voices and then we later bring in the cameos. I hear Eric Bedour so vividly doing this. Luckily, yeah, he has a very distinct voice and a very distinct delivery. Everyone, let's roll initiative. Let's have fun. So we're fighting Brink and a cloud version of Brink? That's up to you. I rolled a 22, Nat 20.

20 for Bart? 15. 29. How did you get a 29? What is your... What's covering, Jesse? I have a plus 10 on it. Yeah, I have a new thing. I think it's called Alert. Alert?

It just like it like gives me like plus way too much on initiatives. Yeah, you're right. It is way too much. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm ready to go. It sounded like Beetlejuice there. All right. I'm just getting everything organized. I'll say it two more times. And now I got Danny Elfman stuck in my head. There are worse things to have stuck in your head. Isn't Danny Elfman ripped? Is he? Oh, yeah. I think he is like dead. No, no, no, no. How does ripped mean dead? R.I.P. I hate you. I hate that it made sense.

Yeah, as an alert, you gain plus five bonus to initiative and I can't be surprised. Wow. Nothing surprises me. Try to surprise me. Go ahead. Go ahead, Mud. Try to surprise me. Mud turns Kyborg into a little snail. I am surprised. Okay, so with all of that being said, Kyborg, obviously you're up first in initiative. Then after that is... Somehow he's up second as well. After that's Gum Gum and then Barked.

So what's up, Kyborg? Okay, so we definitely have Brink and, like, Shadow Brink behind him. How many other enemies are we looking at and, like, what's, like, locations? There are several floating islands all around. And from your perspective, you're on one island, and then, like, across a small bridge to the northeast is where Brink

and this red cloud are. And then at some of the other islands around that, there's various Anarchs looking at you all and laughing. Oh, so we're not on the same island as Brink. No, he disappeared in like a silvery mist and went to the next island over to the north. Is it water that the bridges are across? Like what's the stuff between the islands? Air. Air. You all are hundreds of

feet up in the air. And what's the distance between us and the island? Other islands. Yeah. From where you're standing or across the bridge? Oh, so there's a bridge, but like how far is that bridge? That bridge is, let's

Should I destroy the bridge? The bridge is about 25 feet long, but you know, it's not just over the gap. You know, it does extend onto the ground as well. So even though the bridge is 25 feet long, the gap itself is maybe 10 to 15 feet. I can make that jump. You don't need to jump. It's a bridge. You have a place to walk. This is the point of a bridge. Then do it. Do it. I don't care. I don't care anymore. Jump now.

All the red glow-y guys, are they all with Brink on the other side? Or are they scattered around on all the different islands? Yeah, on all the different islands. How many are on the island with Brink? On the island with Brink, there are currently two. Current island. Huh? Water. Okay, all right. So I'm going to aim...

I have magical arrows. No, you're jumping. Stop it. I have magical arrows and multiple attacks. So I'm going to go ahead and just try hitting the shadow thing that's behind Brink and seeing if that actually does anything. They are magic arrows. Okay. All right. So I take aim with the longer bow of crystallina.

That's Kaiborg in canon yelling out as he shoots. These are magic arrows, okay? You have to tell us if you get hit. 18. Just make a really loud ouchy sound. You just like unlocked memories with that phrase, Gus. God.

I'm telling mom. Uh, 18. Yeah, that's a hit. Okay. All right. Gonna do damage with my magic arrows. What a poopy, poopy hit. That's an eight. Ah!

That's magic, right? That's a magic 8? It's a magic 8. Ball! I don't even- How do you get- So that's a 1. And that one, right? Cause you have +7 different. That's crazy. It's not a d20 though. Huh? Wait, was he- are you trying to- No, he's just crazy that your plus is a +7. Yeah, I'm just like, got it, got it. Why so sensitive? Sorry, sorry, I didn't know what the intent there was. No, I was just like, dang, your modifiers are- Yeah, my modifiers are broken. I'm a broken man.

- In many ways. - I must break you. - He needs it, he can't cast magic. - Do I have anything? I thought I had something like I can reroll damage. I'm pretty sure I have that. - Yeah, it's called Lucky. - I think Lucky only applies. - Okay, here we go, here we go. Piercer, whoa baby! You gain a bonus to strengthen her dexterity. Once per turn, you can reroll the piercing damage from an attack. On a critical hit, you can roll one additional damage die.

So you're re-rolling that damage? Yes, I am. All right. It's a good thing Gus can see our character sheets because at this point with how diverse our characters become, we could just lie. Like what you just said sounds like something you made up. Hold on. I'm sorry, John. After all of that, what was the re-roll? Nine. To two plus seven. Always ends up that way, doesn't it?

He's given so many chances and still ruined it. You went from a one to a two. I will make my turn last this entire episode. I will turn this car around. So your arrow, your magic arrow flies through the air, impacting the reddish shadow, piercing it for nine points of damage.

Okay, alright, uh, then I'm gonna just- I'm gonna declare that thing, uh, my enemy. So I'm gonna say, "Forever, Winter!" Is that a bonus action? Yeah. Wait, I'm just asking. Isn't it? Is that- does that conflict with piercing? Is that what you're asking? No.

You're not the DM, okay? Well, no, but, like, I don't think it does. You don't think? Okay, then say that. I don't think. I'm pretty sure. When you use this weapon to make a ranged attack, you can speak the command phrase forever winter. The target of your attack becomes your sworn enemy. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You can use a bonus action to call out a new one. Yes. Yeah, you can just do it. If you change it, that's the bonus action. Okay, so then now I have advantage against this guy. So, woo, baby. Why didn't you...

27. And a 16. I'm going to go with that 27. I seem to want to make sure that he could hit it. Yeah, 27 hits. Okay, so then I do 10, but I also do 46 cold damage. So I'm going to roll my 46s. Did everyone see this? That within plain sight of Brink Tussler, Kyborg, within plain sight of Brink Tussler, Kyborg called out someone else as a sworn enemy. He's not himself. He speaks volumes. 16.

So that's what a total of 26? Yeah. Quick question too, where in initiative is Brink? I'll let you go first. Okay, okay. He's after all four of you. See, he still stinks. Stink tussler. It took you 82 episodes to come up with stink tussler? Yes! All right. Okay, so that's that one. And then I'm going to go for stink tussler. Stink tussler. Even better. Ew. Ew.

All right. That's a 31 and a 31. I'll take the 31. You'll be shocked to know that hit. Okay. And then I'm going to roll that. That's 12 plus 46 cold. And that is a 16. So 28. 28. To the red mist. To the red mist. Okay. It howls in pain and looks at you with fiery red eyes. The mist does? Yes. Yeah.

There's a shape similar to bring tussler. Does it say anything to me? No. It doesn't want to egg me on? It starts to talk to you about the benefits of communism. Okay.

I'll hear him out. I'm glad that took like 10 seconds. I've taken far more time than I needed to. I'm going to move back a little bit. I'm going to do like a strategic retreat to get a little bit more distance. I'm doing a strategic retreat. Guys, strategy. Alright, that's it.

That's my turn. Strategery. Okay, that's a very eventful turn from Kyborg. Yeah, go ahead and pat yourself on the back. That was good. Gum-Gum, you're up. Then after Gum-Gum is Bart. Blaine has a hard time. This is a compliment to you, Blaine. You have a hard time patting yourself on the back. Oh, because his arms are so big? Your arms and chest are too big, and you've got the whole big guy problem where you're like, he can reach the top of his shoulder. That's about it. Sometimes after working out when I'm showering, I think I'm going to choke myself or have a heart attack because I can't reach over for the soap. Got it. I'm too strong. Cut.

You need like a shower claw. Or just a buddy. He gets one of those like those like the slappy stringy hands just to like fling around himself on the back. Wait till wiping gets hard. That's why he has a bidet. What's going on with Boomba? Like...

around me. There are pieces around your feet, like all around where you guys are, and they seem to be like flickering a little bit. Yeah, you think they're like shimmering gold, right? Yeah. Can I investigate that? See what happens if I pick one up or try and put it back together? Yeah. Put a piece in your mouth.

You pick a piece up and it does flicker like a slight golden glow and it smells funny. Make a perception check. He was carrying around a fossilized poop this entire time. 11. He pulled a Joe Dirt. It smells sweet like cotton candy. I told you, put it in your mouth. And it feels like petrified soil. Now that it's broken, it's kind of falling apart a little bit. It's Pop Rocks. Gum Gum reaches into his bat to

to pull out Boomba and go, "Mmm, shi-" Maybe it'll work with this piece. Do it. I guess he picks up the biggest piece or maybe scoops up several and then goes, "Mmm, show me the magic." While he's crying into it. "Show me the magic." Tears hit Boomba as GumGum says, "Show me the magic."

And that just like is detect magic, right? Within like 30 feet. Usual caveat. You, your party members, everything you're carrying. Oh, it works. Yeah. Oh, wait. He got me convinced that boom is the reason why you can do that. No, no, no.

And in addition to that, you sense magic emanating from the pieces of boomba in your hand as well. Like some kind of divine magic. Can I try and scoop up as much of it as I can? Sure, we'll call it a bonus action for you to scoop up whatever pieces are around your feet. Boomba fragments, let's call them. And as you're picking them up, they seem almost like they're, how can I put it? They're drawn to other pieces and they're drawn to magical items that you have in your possession. Almost like magnetism. Okay.

I roll around on the ground. We could use it as a move action if you want to roll around on the ground. As in, I'm trying to, or maybe I take my flower staff and I roll it around trying to pick all the pieces like a magnet. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, why not? You use your flower staff and it increases your reach a little bit. So it's not just what's around your feet. We'll say everything within like a five foot radius of you. So you're able to get quite a few boomba fragments. As you move your flower staff around, they're drawn to it. So they come closer to you.

Is casting my detect magic, is that my action? No, I think that was a... I don't know. What does it say on your character sheet? Well, I've never done it in combat, so... Mine is an action. Yeah, it's probably an action. I don't know if I can... I'm interpreting the way magic awareness is written as you can still move or attack because it's ambiguous in the wording here, just to be totally clear. I mean, that's generous. I'll take it. It's just the way that magic awareness works. He's not a spellcaster, but...

Sorry, Chris. He's not a spellcaster. Not an actual wizard. I mean... I'll take it. What are you going to do? Well, I can't rage because I used my bonus action. So I'm going to... Move towards Brink? Or did you want to gather all your stuff and stay here? Are there more pieces that I can see? Yeah. So you don't have everything yet. Yeah, there's still pieces like scattered all around the rest of the party. I'm going to use the rest of my turn trying to pick up as many pieces as I can. Okay. Okay.

You're able to collect quite a few pieces of boomba fragments. Yeah, I assume that's my... Sure, yeah. All right. Sorry, I wasn't more helpful. No, you just went through a traumatic event. Bart, you're up. Then we'll see what happens. Oh, stop. Well, depending on what happens, it may be an Anarch's turn or it may be Mud's turn. Got you.

Question about Brink and this like mist demon thing. Could we make any type of perception if one is controlling the other? Like if we could tell Brink is controlling the mist or the mist is controlling Brink. Make a wisdom check. I think you said earlier that it was like marionetting or something. The one, so I'm rerolling. God dang it. Oh, I only rolled an eight. You're not sure, but they seem to be moving in sync. And based on your perception check earlier, you do notice that Brink has very...

very piercing red eyes, which you're not used to him having. Okay. And then my second question, since we're on different, essentially islands in the sky, would you consider the island that Brink is standing on to be like a structure of some sort? A structure?

structure. It's not a building. I think structure normally implies building, but depending on whatever you're thinking of using, there may be wiggle room for interpretation. So I want to try using my drunk helmsman. And I was going to use this before Ben handed us all of our items because I remembered I had it. Yeah, for our audio listeners, Ben just came around. He's like one of our back

behind the scenes producers whatever they're called I don't know and then he handed us all these cards that say like our things that we can do inventory yeah John has like 52 I have 3

Oh, wow. I'm really good at gathering items and not using them. Because I'm thinking since this is like a floating island, that it would technically be able to be affected and shake. I would say normally no. Like if you were in the water and it was an island, I would say no. But it's an island floating in the sky, which makes me think of like a boat floating in water. Yeah. Makes me think of Dolly Parton. That is what we are. Island.

♪ I'm in the stream ♪ - I was trying to, you know, see if we would get to a point where we could make the joke if we just hadn't gotten there yet. Yeah, sure. I'll read the text on it since it is a custom item. - Yep. - Activating this rare device will play a boomingly loud sea shanty from the compass and will cause any structure, vehicle, or ship underneath it to shake.

list and seemingly spin for five minutes, bouncing around like a compass needle trying to find north. Enemies must make a DC 13 saving throw every minute, otherwise they are deafened and thrown prone. Wait, does it happen to whatever you're standing on? No, I think you could cast it at an enemy. It emanates from the compass. So the drunk helmsman itself is a compass and it

It causes any structure vehicle or ship underneath it to shake. So could I use my Mage Hand to take the compass to Brink's Island? Yeah.

You'd have to make an athletics check of some kind probably to throw it. Like a grenade. My athletics aren't so Gucci. But yeah, in some way you just have to get it over there. Yeah, I'll use my... I'll throw it. I'll use my athletics. I actually do have really good athletics. I've just never used them before. You're just very self-conscious about it? Yeah. I have a plus 10 to athletics. That's really good. I've just never used them. All right, so should I make an athletics check? Yeah, so just to be clear, just so we describe it appropriately, you're taking your drunk helmsman. You're going to...

and activate it and throw it to the other island, almost like a grenade. - Like a grenade. - Yeah. And it's about, you know, 25 feet or so. Just throw it. - Got a good arm. - Yeah, go ahead and make that athletics check. - 23. - Nice. - I was really hoping it was like a one and it was gonna fall at your feet. - I was like, oh, it was like a two. Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. And then it just activates and then I'm gone. - Yeah, you all have to make the saves.

Uh, yeah. So you toss it and this really loud sea shanty begins booming in every direction. And the island across the bridge from you starts to shake violently and bounce around and...

And we'll make a dexterity saving throw. Yep. And you have to do it every minute. Yes. So does that mean like... That's like every 10 rounds. Yeah. And this is Brink, right? Yeah. But dexterity is plus six. So we need a seven or better here. Two, two, two. 14. And I said there were a couple Anarchs there. Let's have them roll too. I don't know what their save is. I'll look it up right now. 14 and a four. Betting that four is not going to make it.

Oh, it's minus two. So it's a 12 and a two. So yeah, one of them fails. One of them makes it. So it begins spinning. Brink and one of the Anarchs are able to maintain their footing. However, one of the Anarchs is now laying prone on the ground and seems to be rolling around in some kind of discomfort. Good. And then it wasn't clear on the item whether that was an action or bonus action. So I'll say probably an action, I assume. Activating it is probably a bonus action. But throwing it.

- Yeah, then throwing it would probably be an action. - Okay. 20 feet might be a little too short to reach Brink from there. - You gonna go square up to him? - I'm gonna get a little closer. - Chest puffed out. What?

I'm gonna get a little close. Are you gonna cross the bridge or are you gonna go onto the bridge and stop? I'm gonna go like right to the front of the bridge. On your side or on their side? Our side. Okay, so you're not gonna actually get on it. You're just gonna be like, you're gonna step on it. Yeah. Like what? Like at the front of the thing. And then I'm gonna flex. You're gonna flex? Yeah. Ooh, okay. You move up there and make an intimidation check. Uh, so 10.

You let the gun show start. Brink maybe doesn't seem to notice. He's probably distracted because of the drunk helmsman. He probably didn't see it. He's trying not to look at my very beefy muscles. Right. I get it. Yeah. Anything else, Bart? Nope. Okay. This is why I said we'll see, John. It would have been that Anarch's turn, but it failed at safe. So it is laying prone, unable to move. You're welcome. Thank you. So it is now Mud's turn. Then after Mud is Brink.

How big is the island that Brink is on? It is. It's kind of an oval shape at its widest. It is, let's say, about 40 feet wide and maybe 35 feet tall. Okay. Gotcha. And then where Brink is on the island, the red mist Brink is next to him. Behind him. Behind him. And are there any Anarchs close to him? Yeah, there's one laying prone on the ground and another one that is still on its feet.

How far are they from the brink? We'll say they're flanking them, so on either side, within five feet. Okay, great. I can do this then. Some spells involve dimensions, and since we are doing this theater of the mind, I have to, like, make a map. 100% understand. I was just, like, waiting for you to summon, like, a flock of seagulls. It has nothing to do with my master. And then we all run so far away. I'm going to cast Erupting Earth on...

ground around them all. It casts a fountain of churned earth and stone erupts in a 20 foot cube. A character spot is a five by five area, right? Yes. So then I can get them all. Yes. Great. 20 foot cube. So then that's four by four. Yeah. Four spots by four spots. And I want to cast that at six level.

Which means they have to do a dex save or else take six d12 on a fail or damage or half. Do you want me to roll the saves first or do you want to roll the damage first? You roll the saves first. Okay.

All four of those people. 60, 12. That's quite a bit. Oh, yeah. I mean, we'll see if it's quite a bit. We'll do Brink first. It's a DC 18 save, right? DC 18. The high save. Mm-hmm. We'll see. What did I say Brink was? Plus six? Yeah. Okay. That is a fail. Take out Mist. Fan. Only fan.

All fails. Yay! Oops. All fails. So you're rolling like one group? Yep. Just rolling 60-12. And then I take care of the damage over here. That's a lot. Yeah. Well, we'll see if it's a lot. It's up to 72? Very good. Yeah. 36 points of damage. Oh, ha! Hey! All right. To all four of those individuals. Oh, 36 each? Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, it's pretty good. I just made the ground shake. Additionally, the ground in that area becomes difficult terrain until cleared. So they're on difficult terrain as well. And it's also spinning and bobbing wildly because of the drunk. It's not a fun one. You do not want to be over there. The Anarchs both blip out of existence and Brink takes 36 points of damage. Kind of

What kind of damage is that? Bludgeoning. Bludgeoning, okay. 36 points of damage. Yeah, the two Anarchs are now blinked out of existence and Brink is still there. Having not the best of times. Good. What about the worst of times? Maybe the worst of times. Okay. Does it look like the smoke monster is changing at all when we hurt Brink? They seem to move in unison. When one is hurt, the other seems to also recoil in pain at the same time. Does the smoke monster, like... We'll just call it the red mist. Smoke monster makes me think of Lost. Okay, yeah. Is the red mist, like...

responding as if it has some physical form on the island or is it just like floating above the shaking? It's moving in tandem with Brink so it's hard to say because if Brink is stumbling then it stumbles as well. I'm sorry John was there anything else for Mud? Yeah I'm gonna use a spell I always forget that I have

Called... That's a weird name. I knew that was coming. Hidden step. I was about to say, Gum Gum has a spell. As a bonus action, turn invisible until the start of your next turn. So I'm going to use that. So I am invisible. You're invisible. Well, I don't like that. So shoot someone else. Is that the end of your turn? Yes. Okay. At the end of your turn, you once again see...

Brink become engulfed in a silvery mist and it seems to spread. And then that same silvery mist appears on the island where you all are and Brink and that red mist step out. A misty step? Yes. And it is Brink's turn. He is no longer bobbing uncontrollably on that awful island over there. Time to make this island uncontrollably bobbing.

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Brink is gonna catch up with his old friend Kyborg. We don't need to do that. It's alright. Mechanized maidservant.

- Kyborg, you feel like your muscles and your body tense up. Like you're being pushed by an invisible force. - Okay. - Make a strength check. - Check, okay, got it. That's a nat 20, 24. You're challenging me to the strength competition, BrinkDestler. - Ooh, 24. Roll off, roll again. - Roll again? Come on! - Wow. - 19.

Are we just flexing at each other? No, it doesn't seem like Brink's exerting any physical force. He's just looking at you and you can feel like something pushing at your body. It almost knocks you off your feet, but you're able to stand your ground and you are unmoved by whatever was exerting itself on you. Never skip like day.

Then he pulls out a wand and points it at you. Tie you some tin can. Zap! And five beams of crackling energy streak towards you, Kyborg. Interesting. Just standing there waving.

All right, well, now it's my turn. What is your AC? My AC is 16. Let me make sure that my shield is not active because I think at one point I did activate it. Yeah, for half the game. At one point long ago for a brief window, it is no longer active. 16. Okay, fine.

- Okay. - Only 30 episodes. - 16, 21, 20, 27, 25. All right, so all five beams of crackling energy streak towards you and hit. - What if I did a lucky? Can I make him reroll all those? - If you have enough charges. - So it's one lucky. He is broken. - Per die. - Yeah, what do you want? What do you want?

- So he's telling you. - So are you telling me what do you want? - He's telling you roll the damage. - Yeah, roll the damage, what do you want? - He just can't say it because it hurts his brain. - Stop it. - All five beams hit you dealing 27 points of force damage. - That's not bad.

Force damage? Yeah. Okay. All right. That's not bad. I take your 27. And I give you. And I raise you. My pitiful scream. Well, Kyborg, it's your turn. What do you want to do about that? How far away is he?

He's pretty close. I'll say he's about... As a reminder, Kaivirk, the guy behind him is your sworn enemy. Right, so I have advantage against him. The island you're currently on is pretty small, so he's about 10 feet away from you. Okay. Well, as we've established, thank you for the reminder. Longerbow of Kristalina, I already declared them my mortal enemy, so does disadvantage take effect?

I have advantage on them so like- oh wait, hold on I think there's somewhere about range doesn't- You're talking about you're 10 feet away? I think 10 feet away is how far you have to be. Oh, okay. Well then let's just forget all the- Shoot! Almost like I picked that number for a reason, huh? Okay. I shoot- I shoot the bloody arrows! Take the shot! Oh god! Alright, I'm shooting at the red mist. With advantage! Mmhmm! That's 23 and... Nat 20! 34!

Oh, okay. Wow. That's definitely a hit then. All right. Boom. There's my attack with the added thing. 18. That's technical terms. Plus 46. I'm scrambled. I'm all over the place. 15. Woo-hoo!

So what we normally do as like a homebrew rule here is whenever you do the crit, the extra bonus damage die is at max damage. So it's eight. So yeah. So we'll take the six, which is the first one it did. And we'll add eight, which is 14 plus seven. So 21 points of damage from the arrow from the critical hit and then 15 points of damage from the cold. So it's 36 points of damage. I'm just like you, mod. 36, bros. High five.

Do you need me to shake the island again and play a little ditty? Yeah, Brink and the mist in tandem both kind of stumble back in apparent pain. Oh!

Oh, no. Oh, are you okay? Here comes another arrow. Boom. Longer bow of triumph. No, longer bow of crystallina. Crystallina. That's another net 20, ladies and gentlemen. 34. All right. Let's roll the damage. I'll do the same calculation on it again. All right. There you go. That's six. So that's six plus eight is 14 plus seven, 21 again. 46. Cold damage. Ooh, it's getting a little frigid. 14. That's 35. Okay.

All right, how's he looking? You almost got 36 exactly again. Yeah. That's really crazy. Okay, anyway. He meant to say impressive, but he just won't. He refuses. Yeah, Brink falls to the ground, like to his knees, seemingly in quite a bit of pain. It seems like it's very difficult for him to move right now. Okay. And a blur of vibrant light and color streak past you all, heading straight for what appears to be the dilapidated stables.

You hear a horse whinny and a glittering white horse with golden hair and horn materializes and comes to a halt. A unicorn? Mounted atop the stallion is a cloaked woman with deep black eyes and a marred pale face. She narrows her eyes and takes in her surroundings. See? I told you we would arrive right on time.

As always. A glossy orb hovers out from behind Paralite. What? Uh-huh, sure. Now, will you please go help them? Oh, it's Sordo. Sordo and Paralite? Paralite's helping us? Paralite's helping? Yeah, she jumps down off of the Woonicorn and goes over and begins examining Brink. And she asks you, what was going on with him? A big red mist was attacking him, so I shot an arrow just like this. Oh, it was controlling him.

Did you fire another arrow? For the listeners, he rolled an attack roll again. It seemed as though there was like a red mist controlling Brink Tussler. Oh.

I see. And he was wearing, I think it looked like your gloves? Or gloves. Paralite looks down. She still does have her gloves on. Oh, okay. Uh, I hope not. We've added to our mortal enemies from doors. We've added gloves now. Just untrusting of gloves. Brink weakly says, uh...

I'm sorry guys, it wasn't me, it was Entropa pulling the strings. I can see and feel everything, but it's like I wasn't- Brink looks up and stares at Paralight. What's she doing here? Yeah, that's what we're gonna say. She has a name, you witless oaf. And I'm here, once again, to save everyone's- As for why Paralight is here, well, I'm afraid that's because I asked her.

What? You see, repairs around Balderay were going great. Then suddenly the whole town was ambushed by a horde of those things. Is Smarsh okay? Points over at the Anarchs. You don't have to worry about Smarsh. He left a great deal of Anarchs dust in his wake before I finally convinced him that we needed help. Specifically, Kyborg needed help.

Oh, good boy. Yes, I leave for but a few moments and in your hands the world falls apart. Sounds about right. Yeah, Boulderay was invaded by Anox not long after y'all left. But not before I grab Perlite here and these little fellas. Perlite opens her satchel and out comes a flying snake that heads straight for Brink and coils around his arm. Hannibal. Then from the bag leaps a snow white fox who squeaks at the sight of Kyborg. Fred. Fred tries to tackle you, Kyborg, and begins licking you profusely. I lick him back.

Gross. Make an animal handling check. I'm gonna roll for constitution because I'm about to vomit as I see this. Got a plus zero modifier. 17. Oh, yeah, yeah. You begin grooming Fred in a way that he appreciates. Yeah. He's grooming him. One with nature.

Sordo turns to address you Bart Bart before you left Oof wanted me to give this to you Sordo nudges the satchel splap open and you see a small fuzzy creature with two nubby horns apparently Pox the Orox had a baby and Oof wanted you to have it Bart picks it up yeah what is it is it a boy Orox a girl Orox

You want to check? Yeah, let me check. What do I do? Animal handling? Yeah, sure. Why not? Let's see. Animal handling. It's a three. It's an eight. So I'm going to go. I'm going to need a little help here, guys. You guys tell me. I check. Bart like holds it up. I check. Sometimes it starts to dump. I have a plus 10 to animal handling. 22. Oh, yeah. I might as able to tell you easily. It's a...

What a cute little baby girl. Yeah. What do you want to name it?

Oh, I'm going to name her Sheila. Oh, Sheila the Aurox. Nice. That sort of turns to address Kyborg again. Not sure when Smarsh will arrive, but we don't need to be concerned with that. I'm more concerned as to how Ameya got mixed up in all this. Mayor Brink. Mayor Brink, yeah. Mayor Prowl's dead. I was like, he's dead. You see, I wanted to be an Infinite intern so bad, but I wasn't exactly dexterous with a sword and I didn't know nothing about no magic.

That's when I ran into this blotchy-skinned dwarf with red hair. He kept spouting something about knowing shortcuts to spellcasting and that I could be a wizard in no time. Said his name was Archie, and all he needed was a favor. He never said what it was. Is this Brink saying this? Yeah. I was desperate, so I shook the dwarf's hand, and he walked off, and I never saw him again.

Next things I know, I'm conjuring up all kinds of magic, so what do I do? I go into town looking for Prattle, the mayor, and show off to the crowd in the meantime.

There was even this one guy, a loudmouth rust bucket of an elf. Let's just say he didn't know what hit him. Wink. He gives you a wink, Kyborg. Anyway, it looks like Arch, I mean Entropa, finally came to collect on my favor. I'm just glad you guys showed up when you did. Otherwise, I might have turned into one of them. Sweet.

So where are we right now? You're floating still on that first island, the Dynasty Island. Dynasty. Okay, so we are. And Brink Tussler just admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs. So essentially he made a deal with Archie, who he didn't know was in Trova. Correct. And that was like before when Mayor Prattle was still alive? Yeah, that's how he beat me. That's the only way he was able to beat me, is cheating. And then when we just arrived and Brink destroyed Boomba,

He said something about taking a diagem, correct? He said something about like a tear-shaped thing? Oh, it was a tear-shaped rock. It was Boomba. Okay, sorry. Speaking of Gum-Gum. Why did you destroy my magic wand? Gum-Gum, you feel a wet nose nuzzling up against your arm. I turn and look around. I have a bit of a cold, sorry. The Woonicorn is sniffing you all over. And with its mouth, it bites at your hat and grabs it playfully and starts trying to like toss it away from you. Here you go. You can have it.

I can't do magic anymore. It seems like it's hopping around in front of you, trying to get your attention. Then begins walking into the distance, to the northerly direction. Can a unicorn bark and hit? Is it wearing the hat now? No, it has the hat in its mouth. Maybe she's bothering. I guess you took my hat.

Follow the bloody horse. You should follow him, Gum-Gum. I'm invisible still, by the way. And I kick Gum-Gum towards the horse. There's a boot in the back. I feel the magic. Yeah. There's magic pulling. I gotta go. Gum-Gum, you follow the Woonicorn into the rundown stables and immediately step into something that feels squishy.

Oh no, that's in stables. A pungent aroma of strawberries wafts up to your nose. You look down and see your foot is sullied in horse manure, but you notice it's flickering with a golden glow. Eat it. What are we doing right now? You look up to see the Woonicorn Winnie with glee near a stall with a sign. The faded lettering reads B-O-O-M-B-A. The stall says Boomba? Like there was a horse named Boomba kind of situation? Yeah.

Or something. And the dynasty islands. You gotta eat that stuff on the ground. It's magic. The Woonicorn looks at you and lets off a playful whinny and begins running circles around you. Are you Boomba? It nuzzles its head up under your hand. You have the exact same name as my magic wand. That's amazing. Oh, can they... I can talk to the horse. Yeah. Damn!

Hey, Arcee, is your name Boomba? Yes. Hey, it is. It is Boomba. Can you give Boomba just the most straight-laced, like, voice? Just like, yes, I am Boomba. I am a friend of Gum-Gum. Correct. My name is Boomba. Gum-Gum, you look at your hat and notice a golden glow flickering inside of it. Okay, look at that. It's more of the strawberry poop. You look inside your hat and find a long, thick piece of intertwined wood with tiny flowers and leaves at the tip.

Golden lettering flickers along the handle and appears to be in orcish. It reads, Wand of the Wisard. Wait, where did that come from? It was in your hat. It was in the hat. It came from magic. You can add it to your inventory now. It came from your heart, Gum Gum. Was this always in my hat? I can't believe I didn't see this. It's a big hat.

What's the wand do? A long, thick wand belonging to the wise art. Finely crafted from a blend of embryarch and elder pine tree wood fertilized from weenie corn manure. Orcish golden lettering is laid onto the handle. Tiny flower petals and leaves adorn the tip.

This wand has seven charges. While holding it, you can use an action to expend one of its charges and you choose a target within 120 feet of you. The target can be a creature, an object, or a point in space. Roll D100 and consult the following table to discover what happens. Oh no, not another thing we have to wait on Dagon to tell us what he rolled. If the effect causes you to cast a spell from the wand, the spell saved DC is 15. The spell normally has a range expressed in feet. Its range becomes 120 feet if it isn't already.

It's a new magic wand!

From Boomba. Boomba, you made me a new magic wand. You should call it Toomba. That's a good idea, Bart. Thank you. Sordo seems to peak up. Mud, speaking of embryo canel the pine trees. What's the status of your briarwood tree? Last time I checked, it's still growing, but we can check right now if you want me to. Yeah, why don't we check? Let's do that.

I use my thingy. What's my thingy? My cloak. Cloak of something. No. Cloak of the secluded garden. There it is. And I step in to check on the tree. Yeah. Sort of follows you. He went with you there last time too. He did. I tried to leave him there. Doesn't work. Yeah.

Yeah, inside you see your briarwood tree has grown. It's huge now, massive. It's a very mature looking tree. And four briar or roots have fallen off of the tree. Hey, I pick them up. You pick them up? Yeah, you can add them to your inventory. But make sure you are aware of the warning in the description. Wow, this is remarkable. Just be careful. I've heard that these orbs have a short shelf life.

A rare spherical fruit grown from the Briarwood Tree, these orbs are brown, thorny, and house self-contained demi-planes. As an action, you can throw the orb at a creature of any size and attempt to trap them in the orb's demi-plane. If the orb successfully hits the target, the creature is magically teleported into the sphere, which will turn red.

If the creature is weak, it may easily become trapped inside the orb, which will turn gray. But if the creature is strong, it may attempt to flee the orb and its demiplane. Once these orbicular fruits have fallen from their tree, they decay quickly. They've been known to stay ripe up to an hour. So when they go to a demiplane, they're trapped there. - Yes, they might be able to break out if they're still strong, but if they're weak, they may be trapped there, unable to escape. - Okay. - Like that's what happened to Sludge. - Right, exactly.

Kept in a demiplane as a prison. Copy that. I got four of these. Can I ask Boomba something? Yeah. Mr. Boomba. Did you know my dad and do you know where he is now? What did he say? I listen. What's he say? No, you're in the cloak of the secluded garden. Do you come out? Fine. I come out. He came out of

Mud and Sordo come out of the cloak of the secluded garden. Oh, cloak. Yeah, Mud's able to translate it for you. And he says that, yes, he knew your father, but he does not know where he is currently. Why did he leave me? Now I got to do this every time, Blaine. He doesn't know.

Should I say it like Mr. Ed? I don't know. I was stuck here in the stables. Did he leave you too? Yes. I've got the question. Can I hug the horse? Okay. Yeah. Go ahead. I have a question that I'm going to ask the horse. Why is the island in this state? I assume this hasn't always been like this, but if it has, has it?

No. What do you guys know? What do you know? I know the answer. Then tell me the answer. Y'all don't know anything. I know the answer. How did you phrase that? Why is the island like this? Is the island always like this? And if not, why is it like this? It was not always like this.

There was an explosion long ago. Okay. Everything changed. So a question, because I believe Omar and Simsoon said that they weren't aware of the island looking like this. Like when it was, when they were around, it was put together. When they were around, all of Faisal was one giant land. One giant land. I think that was like speaking in terms of like the continent before it broke up. But I wonder if this is the thing that split this island is also what split Faisal. Hmm.

Wow. Speculation. Gum gum. Boomba begins winning nervously and tugs at your sleeve. And in the distance, you can all hear the clanging of metal. Can we look around? What is it, doggie? I like this. Yeah, make a perception check. Do we hear it too? Yeah. Then I'm on a look. All of you hear it. I'll also make a perception check. That's a 20 for a 19. Is this perception? Yeah. One. Wow. Are we all doing it? Yeah. 20. Man. 11.

You're so sad. I'm used to rolling nice. Yeah, perception's normally Bart's bread and butter. Yeah. Yeah, Bart and... Well, Bart, you can kind of hear it vaguely. It's hard to make out. Kyborg, you have no idea what they're talking about. Mud and Gum-Gum, you feel like you hear the metal clanging sound. It seems like it's coming from off in the distance.

Like the sound of a... In the northerly direction. Armor? It's hard to tell. You're inside a barn right now, so it's kind of muffled, but it does sound like a clanking. We peek out the barn? Yeah, I go look as well. Come on, Booba, let's go. Okay, so you look out the window and you can see like clouds and more floating islands moving around. And it seems like in the distance, there's like a farmhouse. And it seems like the metal clanging sounds are coming from that farmhouse on an island to the north. Turn to the...

party that's not at the barn and tell them that it seems to be a sound coming from a farmhouse. Is that what it's called? Yeah. A farmhouse. If we all want to go investigate what's going on. Somebody's forging something. Yeah. Come on. Let's go boom. Could Bart use his disguise kit to dress himself up as a farmer? Yes, absolutely. A little bit piece of hay in his mouth. Make a, what is that, like a performance trick? Yeah, probably.

Yeah. We ought to let Bart infiltrate. Go ahead, Agent Bart. What does Farmer Bart sound like? Well, let's see here. There seems to be a little bit of disturbance here down on the farm. We're going to investigate here, make sure everyone's copacetic. That's a 20. That's pretty good. Wow. Wow. Before we go, quickly, we should get some of this magic material that Boomba has been guarding in his house. Yeah.

And I start gathering up the manure. Now why don't you put that here into Bart's bag of holding here? It's just going to spread to everything in the bag of holding. We don't really know how it works in the bag of holding, you know. You know what? You do your stuff with what you want to do. I can put it in a sack. I have a sack. Bart takes it and pretends to put it in the bag of holding, but just puts it right behind it.

I put it in a sack. Okay. Gum-Gum sacks up some boomba magic. Boomba boom boom. Oh, nasty. Brink has like a concerned look on his face. I don't think I can go with you. I'm not sure if Entropa still has any control over me. I might just stay behind. Paralite says, That should be fine, but perhaps I should go with you all to make sure you all do things correctly. Now let me get this straight. Ha ha ha.

We're going to leave Brink Tussler here by himself. The man who just tried to murder us. I can stay behind and keep an eye on him. You don't got no eyes, Sordo. Sordo just lowers his entire spherical body on top of Brink and pins him to the ground. All right. That'll do. That'll do, pig. I'm going to have Paralite walk in front of me. Okay. I'll lead the way.

You can follow me, Kyborg. I'll keep you safe. Yeah, yeah, sure. Let's think that. And I draw my bow secretly. If you promise you're nice, you can have my pillow. So he doesn't have to lay on the ground, so I give him a pillow to lay on. Oh, I thought you were offering it to Paralyte. Paralyte's coming to us. No, no, I was saying to Brink as he's laying down. It's that dirty, gross pillow, right? Yeah, it's in the cave. Yeah, Brink says, Uh, sure, thank you.

Beat him some of that magic. Okay. As you all exit the stables, Gum-Gum, you notice that with each step... There's a squishy sound. Gum-Gum, you notice that with each step, flowers sprout from the ground beneath you. You look up and you see more floating islands like before, and in the distance, you spot that farmhouse that they were talking about. There's flowers following me.

Crack! A crimson thundercloud surges out from the building. Two bloodshot eyes emerge from the haze and vapor moles into a smoky humanoid physique. He's wearing a long scarlet coat and a crooked smile comes across his face. Let me guess. You're here to stop me. Is that it? Ha ha ha ha ha!

Entropa looks at Gum-Gum's wand.

You mortals are all the same. You believe magic makes you powerful, right? Casting spells, conjuring creatures, enchanting this and that. But it's all an illusion. Without magic, you are

Nothing. Red Mist appears across the floating islands and three figures emerge. A four-armed automaton, a monstrous Monopoulos, and an elf draped in shadow. Magic blinds us from the truth and keeps reality at arm's length. People lose their minds if we're getting a taste of magic. But that hunger quickly consumes all. And without your precious magic, you all panic.

Too afraid to face even your own shadows. And then Bart says, and prepare for trouble, make it double. Entropa continues. But that is why we're here, to free you from this burden. Entropa holds up six diagems in his hand, and from the house you hear clang, clang, clang. A crooked smile comes across his face. Heavy hangs the head that wears true power.

he's gonna put him on his head i think he's forging a crown anybody think that someone might be in that barn playing in uh tied up maybe we might have to find out next episode let me shoot him once just let me do it guys that's it for this episode of tales from the stinky dragon find out what is that clanging what is going on will kyborg get to shoot quadrant i rolled a 33.

We'll save that for next time. We'll remember. We want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided voiceover for characters in this episode. Brink Tussler, voiced by Eric Badour. Paralite, voiced by Hannah McCarthy. Sordo, voiced by Jack Petillo. Entropa, voiced by Armando Torres. Quadrin, voiced by Blizzbear. Sludge, voiced by Michael Jones. And Inku, voiced by Raquel Lilly. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. ♪