C01 - Ep. 79 - Lost Dianasty - Who’s Your Daddy?
01:23:03 Share

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or maybe therapy day.

When your schedule is packed with different things like kids activities, work projects, maybe listening to a podcast, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I think everyone agrees that therapy is beneficial for a whole host of things, whether that's learning coping skills or setting boundaries. I think it can help empower you

and help you figure out how to be the best version of yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy, you can give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if you want, you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash stinky dragon today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash stinky dragon.

Howdy to all you half-ogres. Wander on in to the stinky dragon, throw back our latest thirst quencher, Donkey Drunky. It's a mixture of quick temper tequila, snap neck schnapps, giant gin, triple speck, sour grapple pucker, empty melon liqueur, javelin juice, battleaxe body spray topped with a lemon tree. This gluttonous grog will gratify even the greediest gut.

Probably. Previously, our adventurers battled in the pitch black bowels of the Shadowmaid against Enku and her swarms of Shadrow. They were able to best Bolink, aka the fancy looking Shadrow, but blindly fell victim to the intoxicating attacks of Queen Enku. In the end, the Infinites lost the battle and all three Diagems, but gained two dads. Round up a refreshment and I'll regale you with our next rank recollection.

Did that drink have Axe body spray on it? No, no, no, no, no. Battle Axe body spray. Totally different. Totally different. In high school when, wait, no, middle school when Axe came out, we used to do Axe bombs where we'd take down the little sprayer and we'd throw it. You're the worst. You're the worst person ever. You're the worst. Roll every saving throw. I would have hated you in high school. Yeah, I like ruined my friend's sister's room with one of those.

I had a really tough relationship with Axe Body Spray because I'm totally prone to wanting to do the trends and stuff, but I can't smell. I had heard that Axe is very potent if you don't know how much to put on. So I was like, I don't know how much is how much.

I hated it. You just gotta do the X across the body. I know, but that's even a different thing. How far away do you hold it? I think the answer is owning it is too much X body spray. And that's what I thought. I got both signals. I got people saying it's too much and then all the boys had it. Or as it's known in the UK, lynx. Oh.

Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. Yes. No head-butting. Harry Potter and the... Philosopher's Stone. God, UK's like alternate dimension crappy America. Am I right? USA! USA! Getting a lot of looks. Blaine was shot out of a cannon this morning. The copy must have been extra strong. Also back from the holidays. Oh, yeah.

Peek behind the curtain. Of 2023. Wait, this is my first piece of content, yeah. New year. New me. There you go. Chris has been saying that all morning. New year, new me. I didn't like how my ability score improvements went on the last episode. Improvements. Improvements, so I changed things up. Kyborg's back. He's dumb again. No wisdom. Excellent. No charisma. A lot of cheaty moves. You guys are going to hate me.

Let's get going. Somehow Kyber's becoming more like Blaine by the day. Yeah. Just like someone who would throw an axe bomb. I can't stop finger gunning right now. Tom Cruise.

You exit the cave and the radiant rays of the sun never felt warmer on your weary skin. You look out all across the provinces of Chatora and you see countless dragonborn defeating what's left of the Shadrow as they recoil in the sunlight. At the base of the mountain, you see all four ancient dragons surrounding Ladoria, each exhaling their elemental breath in a cone around her. Her scaly body is consumed and dissolves in a mist of shadow. Bart? It really is you, isn't it?

But you're so grown up. Am I not dreaming? The dragonborn that's with him says, I'm afraid we've been tortured with the worst fears and nightmares imaginable for what can only be described as an eternity. It is difficult to believe that this is all truly happening. Dad? Forgive us, Bart. We weren't there for you. For years, it seems. And well...

We never stopped loving you, son. It seems Dia has given our family a second chance. A new day to finally make things... I feel as if I know you. Hi, I'm Gum-Gum. Sim-Soon, look.

Surely it couldn't be him, right, Omar? After all these years. I'm a flower wizard. But his eyes does have the same eyes. I have eyes? They're crossed. Dear boy, I believe we're your godparents. You're a god? Oh. Got it. A new year, same gum gum. Yep. The two men look...

To be confused as you know They're looking out around the land They ask where are we exactly That's a great question I don't remember Mount Sayamoto I just said it Oh Gus that don't matter Tatora We've been in a lot of places recently That would require my brain to actually Hold on to names of things when people say it So what are these gentlemen's names again

Omar. Omar. Omar and Simpson. Omar and Simpson. Omar. Okay. Omar. Omar Simpson. Appears to be a halfling with a ginger mohawk. I see where I get my good looks. Simpson is a gold dragonborn with golden scales and brown eyes. Omar and Simpson. I see where I get my good looks. That's it. Wow. Beautiful. Omar and Simpson, how long have you guys perceived to have been locked up? We don't know. No.

What? What do you mean? What? What was it? Oh, like a detached. Oh.

And what did you say about my dad? Before they can answer, Duncan interrupts and says, Everyone must be tired. Why don't you all have a seat and I'll get you any beverage you want. While you talk, you can enjoy a warm or cold beverage courtesy of your good old friend, Duncan. Okay. Okay.

I'll take a coffee, Duncan. I'll take information about my dad. I don't know why. What's he doing? Why is he like rushing to get us drinks? We've been through some trauma. Nice cup of Joe might solve some worries. I just, after what we went through with Mudd's family and his fake brother, I just don't, I just don't trust. I'm just scared. Like,

Like, are these Omar and Simpson? Better be your real dads, Russ. They're going to see some hands. Kyborg's afraid to love again. He's been hurt too many times. Do I, like, I know I don't know everything about what's going on. Do I recognize them as my fathers? Well, you could definitely see an influence.

How about that? Not a resemblance? Yeah, a resemblance, sure. He said influence. Well, because there's additional things we haven't gotten to. A resemblance, yeah. But if Bart is part dragon, and Simsoon is his dad, Simsoon is a dragon guy, does that mean you were born out of an egg?

Was Bart born out of an egg, Simpsoon? Oh, that's a great story. Many years ago. When two people love each other very much. Two daddies love each other very much. Many years ago, we wanted to have a child, but we had trouble bearing one ourselves. So a wise friend led us to a magical place called the Embryoak Woods and the magics there granted us our own child. Wow. And that's little Bart. And that was me. So I'm magic. Everyone make a perception check.

Not me forgetting where perception is. It's been a year. 12 for Bart. Oh, well, weird low roll for Bart. I rolled a four. 17. 17. 16. Wow, Bart, you're normally at the top of the list. Well, you should let me roll again. They are my dads. You all notice that as they're talking and, you know, telling these stories about the past, that they seem to be aging in front of your eyes. Oh, no. Quick. Gosh.

Quick, what? What do we do? What happened? How do you know my parents? The most selfish thing possible. I know. You see, we were led to the Embryo Woods by our wise friend, Geridor Ard. And Geridor helped us channel the magics. And after the birth of Bart, he made the strange request to us that if he should ever have a child of his own, that we would be that child's godparents.

Wait, so you're saying he's Gum-Gum's dad? Well, we see the resemblance in the eyes. He said something else as well. What was it? I dropped this kid a lot. He said he was gonna hide. Hide. And if we needed him, we could find him somewhere. Where? Where was it? I don't know. It was...

Somewhere? Is the place called somewhere? Like, is this like a who's on first kind of situation? No, that's Simpsons type of humor there. Oh, Dianesty. It was an island. Dianesty? Wait, Daya? Like, yeah, like Daya gyms? Yeah, and like the nice sugary beverage. And then what happened? Oh.

It took me a second. They seem to be really getting wrinkled. Omar and Simpson, like very wrinkled, like gray hairs sprouting out of their heads. I have a question. Actually, I have a question out of mud voice. Is there a version in D&D of like a calendar, a year? Yeah.

What year is it? And what's like, where is it right now? What's the BCAD split? What's that? Well, I mean, it would be different, uh, world per world in this world. There would be several different calendars. Before BD, 80, there's different calendars depending on where you are in the world. And,

whose rule it is typically the way it works is a calendar would be set by the years of a specific ruler's rule like in new valros it might be the third year of king knives rule for example there's like common is like english what's the common calendar at this point communication is so difficult there would not be a common calendar there's kingdom where we're in my kingdom you're in to torah oh my kingdom okay yeah right you

You guys are aging really quick. What's going on? We are. You guys should really moisturize more. Do you feel weird? They look at their hands and they take note of age spots that seem to have rapidly spread on their hands. This is scary. Are we aging? Make a perception check. Oh, gosh. Just me or everyone? Can I make one as well? Just you. Okay. 24. Oh, great.

You don't appear to be aging any more than normal. Wait, so is this like Indiana Jones, like their skulls are about to pop out and stuff? Yeah, I would say kind of like the one with Sean Connery. I can't remember the name right now. Last Crusade. Last Crusade. Bart, you might not have a lot of time with these two. At this point, Duncan chimes in and says, I've heard tale that in times long ago,

This world, Faiza, was one giant piece of land that then became fractured into the continents we know today. Perhaps they're talking about that time because they don't know of Tatora as being an area that's separated from the rest of the continent. Tectonic plates. Could I cast Detect Magic on them? Sure. I cast Detect Magic. Yeah, you detect strong magic coming from Omar and Simsoon from the School of Necromancy. Oh. Could I try...

I was going to say I could try a dispel. Sixth level. Sixth level. I don't know if I have. We haven't. On the fifth. Fifth. I do have it on sixth level. Okay. I got seventh. Seventh level. Whoa. So I'll just go ahead and do that. Yeah, do that. Let's see. Anything when it's at that high, you automatically end the effects of a spell on the target if the spell's level is equal to or less than the level the spell's level is.

Wow. So seventh level or lower, it's gone. So who do you cast this on? Because it says choose one creature. Which dad do you like best? Bart closes his eyes and goes eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Do it to the halfling one. I don't know how long dragonborn live, but I'm going to say that they have longer lives than a halfling. Although halflings live a long time in like Tolkien era. You could do like three and a half levels. Yeah.

I have two of them. Well, I have a sixth level I could cast. Fine. Seventh on the halfling, sixth level on the dragonborn. Okay. The halfling is Omar and the dragonborn is Simsoon. Let me cast the seventh first. Okay. So you cast the seventh level dispel magic on Omar. And he just looks at his hands. It seems like the aging has stopped. But not reversed. Correct.

Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo on Simpsons. He also looks at his hands. It seems to have stopped. All right. I feel fine. Maybe my memory is just a little foggy. Well, that happens to the best of us. You're welcome. It just saves your daddies. Thank you. Bart takes Mutt's hands and kisses them. You are a generous God. I reach for Simpsons and Omar's hands, and then I realize that they're all old and wrinkly, and then I don't kiss them.

Simpsons says that we lived here in Tatora

And after we were blessed with Bart, we returned home here. But we were ambushed by someone who overpowered us in one fell swoop of darkness. You remember who? It was that woman, Inku, who was torturing us. Why did she ambush you? She wanted to find Gerador. Who evolves from Magikarp. Who's your dad? Who's the guy who led you guys to the, uh...

Embryo. Yeah, I was like, I know the embryo was in there. Yeah, that's right. She was searching for Geridor and he resisted as long as we could. But she promised to free Bart from the shadow mane if we gave her information. Her information? We couldn't stand the thought of you being trapped here with us, Bart. So we told Inku about the moving island.

Dianasty. Moving. Is it like floating in the sky? We have never been there ourselves. In your time, did you guys have things called diagems? Diagems.

Are those related to Daya? Yeah. One would assume. There's all different colors. It's like a rainbow. I haven't heard of that. Have you heard of that? I haven't heard of that. No. Have you ever spoken to Daya? No, we've never had a chance to encounter her. Did Inku say what she wanted my dad for? No.

We don't know what happened or why she was searching for Geridor. Hey, my mom. We don't know. We didn't know you existed until a little while ago. Well, the Inku released Bart but left him all alone and abandoned in the Material Plane while we remained in the Shadowmane being tortured. Oh, my papas. I'm so sorry for this.

You didn't deserve it. We're just happy that you were able to get out and have done so well for yourself. I feel like Duncan's been standing there with drinks in his hands the entire time, so I go over and take one of the drinks. Well, Duncan, you put the coffee in front of Kyborg. Nobody else asked for a drink. I'd like a drink. Extra dirt? Yes. They'll get a little mud. Well, so you guys resisted torture, essentially, for what seems like decades, if not centuries. Ages. Yeah, that's... Hey...

Inspiration died of both you guys Was there anyone there with you in the shadow realm or whatever? Shadowmane It was just us We were isolated Just ourselves and in cool So one can assume they did not find Gyarador Not as far as we know Gyarador didn't get taken to the shadow We never saw him

Got it. Duncan, you know, after handing Mud his coffee says, I don't think that the Finns here are in any state to travel. I can look after them here at Tatora while you guys try to figure out what's going on. Please take good care of them. Oh, absolutely. I feel like we should be taking care of two for a little bit because we just came out of a fight that we almost died. So can we head somewhere for rest? Yeah.

Yeah, you can rest here in Tatora if you like. Yeah, I'm going to need that. How is our standing with the Tatorans? As you know, they don't typically like outsiders, but they are appreciative of all the help that you've given them. And they know of Bart as being the quarterling. So you are...

Barbara's flexing. You are okay to stay. Cool. Bart goes up to Omar and Simsoon and he goes, if it's okay with you guys, could I sleep in your bed tonight? Absolutely, Bart. If it's okay with you guys.

Can I sleep on the floor next to you? Sleep on the foot of the bed like a dog. If it's okay with you guys, I'm going to sleep in my own room and double lock the doors. I'm going to go have a trance across the island trying not to think about these four grown men. They're my

dad. I know. You're my dad. That makes it weirder, Bart. Perhaps while you rest, we can play a song. And Omar pulls out a bass guitar. From where? Uh...

From his belonging. Where do any of us keep them, really? I feel like a bass guitar was really noticeable. Simsoon, do you play anything? Well, the bass guitars also may have a more practical use. It's an axe. Kind of like how I have a lute of laughable levity. If Simsoon doesn't play the bassoon, it's a waste. Simsoon pulls out a cello. No, no. Okay.

So yeah, the musical family, this tracks. Out of his mouth. SimSoon has like an amplifying device that he uses to amplify his voice. Omar begins playing his musical instrument and SimSoon begins singing a song for all of you. I feel like an amplifying device in like a magic based world would just be some sort of magical creature that you're yelling into that then yells it out loud. It's not the Flintstones. What?

Bart sits down cross-legged in front of them to listen. Aw. Give us a taste of that music. Let's hear it. All right, here you go. That'll get added in post. But Gus has got to give the basis of the song. Yeah, can you give us the lyrics at least, Gus? Come on. Come on. It's an old tale that's sung in a language that you all no longer understand that has been lost to the ages. I say boo.

Cudula fools back to foe for scrum crumbly don't glow clove for

Hail as old as time, one might say. Gibberish. Amazing. It's just going to be Micah singing in like Simlish or something. Or like sounding like the Animal Crossing dialogue. Well, I'm kind of hoping that whoever they got to play, Omar and Simsoon are the ones singing. I know. I know who it is. One is Blizz. Oh. Remember? I don't remember who the other is. I'm sure it'll be a lovely song and I can't wait to hear it.

I want to perceive if one of these have been a squadron. Are they still singing? No, we're done. Well, yeah. Yay. What did my dad look like besides my eyes? I keep asking about it. He was an orc. He was a dear friend of ours who was renowned for his knowledge of magical places in the world. He was very well traveled. Now we know where you get your handsome good looks from. I mean, gum gum. Ha ha.

One or the other. Sorry, we met your parents. Your mom was hot. Anyways. Gross. Are we heading to some place? Yeah, it's weird to sleep in the same bed as my parents, but you can call someone else's mom hot. I got a lot of parent issues right now.

Duncan asks. Maybe it's time to check in with Dr. Ahem. We got the stone. You know what? Wait, where did we? We were with him at one point. He had that mech suit. Yeah. You parted ways. He was going to go check on Hugh Manor and his escape. Okay. So we're not with him currently, right? Correct. Yeah, we have the sending stone, but we could only speak so many words. And it's only one message back and forth.

Yeah, so then I would just probably just ask for like a sit rep kind of thing. Or give him our location because he's still on the island with us. Every time we do this, it's like that phone commercial of we had a baby, it's a boy. Just to clarify, Dr. Him is not on the island. Remember, he went to go check on Hugh Manor.

Yeah. Was he not on the ship with us either? He was. You all got dropped off and then they continued on for their part. So he's all owls. Yeah. And you have 25 words? Yes. 25 words. On Tatora, what is your status? Okay. We have my parents. It's 10. Looking for... Girador. Girador. Dad. That's one word, right? Yeah. Okay. All right. Uh...

Possibly on 15. Dianasty. Embryonic. Embryoak Woods. Yeah, that's two. 17. Inku, very bad. Yep. Q Manor, still out. Q Manor, still out.

That's 25, but you can, you said earlier, what is, you can say what. And then we get one more word. Poop. I'm going to throw that one in for you guys. 26. Okay. On to Tora, what is your status? We have my parents looking for Geridor, possibly on Embryoak Woods. Inku very bad. Human are still out there? Well, he was on Dynasties Island. Embryoak Woods is where you were born. Too late.

Okay. I guess. Could I retcon that? Yeah, we can edit that. Does this app have an unsend feature? Maybe you can correct it tomorrow. Okay. You send it, then after a few seconds, there is a response. Please, stop. It's over. Mailed it.

It's over build it? It's over build it. Build it. Like if you call somebody who's on the toilet having a situation. It sounds more like. Time to bust out the poop knife. Maybe he's at a restaurant and he's like, he's saying he paid for the bill already. Build it. Somehow I don't think that's the case.

So maybe someone's trying to build something. Let's stop. Let's overbuild it. It sounds like we caught him like this is like a butt dial situation and he's in the middle of a fight. He's clearly in trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I guess we got to go find Dr. Ahim. Duncan, do you know where he is? Well, he last said he was searching for Hugh Manor. He was headed towards Urbloom to begin tracking him. I'm not sure if he would still be there.

I have a map here that perhaps could help you figure out where you want to go. And he pulls out a rolled up scroll and offers it up to the party. Okay, I grab it. Hey, we should probably show Omar and Simsoon this is what the world looks like now. I open the scroll. That's disturbing. Yeah, play Tectonics, dude. Visa was just one mass in our time. Yeah, Pangea, that's what they called it. So how is Bart not real? We don't know.

Maybe because he wasn't in the shadow main with us. Yeah, I don't think it was years that was aged them. If I dispelled it with that thing, I think it was like a bad spell. Wait, no, no, no. Because if they existed way in the past before the continent had broken up into several islands, that means that technically Bart and Gum-Gum might be ancients. Yeah, but it also like...

we're in D&D doesn't need to be that like a thousand years past or a million years past. It could be like some angry gods separated all. Duncan, when did the islands get all split up from the main con? There you go. Oh, the fracture of phaser was many ages ago. See, they're ancients. You didn't know until you asked and me questioning made you ask. I know like tectonics. I went to biology

or whatever. You went to biology. You almost convinced me you were playing Kyberg Smart. Ages, ages you say. What do you know about the splitting? The splitting, I mean, it's all that we've ever known in our life, but from what I've been taught, the world was all once

one giant body of land but through some calamity and divine power it was split into separate lands that we know them today okay so then by that logic then bart and gum gum i think you guys are from the past would you have to be because if you were born from the embryo woods back when uh your dad's omar and simsoon were running around and the land was whole that's when you were born

So then does that mean you guys were teleported into the future? Is there a spell that lets me cast carbon dating? I can figure this out right now. Duncan DM, tell me if I'm wrong. Does this turn logic track?

It's possible. People do not age in the Shadowmane. I know Inku mentioned that at one point. So it could be that while they were in the Shadowmane, they were frozen in time until they re-emerged back into the material plane. Right. How old was Pirate whenever Inku got you? I guess you're asking his parents? Yeah.

Bart was still just a tiny baby. We barely knew him. So then Bart and Gum-Gum, I guess you guys don't know, but like, were you guys ever frozen in time? Or did you... Was I ever frozen in time? Was there a memory of a flash forward? Do I have a... Could I do a check or anything like that to have any recollection of that? You wouldn't know you were... Young? So young, like a baby? A baby. Bart had perfect memories since he was shot out of the egg. Or whatever. So...

Whatever. It looks like with the map being as it is, Tatora is actually pretty close to Erbloom. If we wanted to start looking for some clues of where that good old doctor is. A little hop, skip and a jump. Duncan also chimes in and says, It might also be worth checking out the Embryoak Woods to see if you can find any clues there about Dianasty Island as well. Probably. Those aren't too far away either. Feels like we could do both, maybe. Should we start in Erbloom?

Yeah, I feel like you start with what's closest and you head there. Because we, I mean, Dr. Ahem is clearly in trouble currently. Wait a second. I'm looking at our DMs to see if like... I'm waiting. I'm just, I know, I figure you all were still trying to figure it out. So we need to, here's the plan. We need to go have an ice kip to get our...

Strength bag. Strength bag, spell slots. And then we can use, we can leave the Finns, that's their name? Yes. The Finns here with Duncan, and then we can go use the Hemmobile to head to Erebloom. Can I give marching orders to Omar and Sim soon, Bart? Please. Can you guys go to a library and kind of get caught up and then maybe figure out what happened? Because you guys have been gone for a while. We need you guys. This can't be a man out of time. Do you want to come with us?

I don't think we should bring them. We're going to go into some dangerous stuff. We're way too weary. We need to rest. Yeah, I agree. All right. Off to someplace to rest. Okay. Yeah. You can rest anywhere on Tatora that you like. I assume you'll find a spot probably close to where you first entered Tatora, probably over by Geo and just rest at the village there. Okay. I want to hit one of those famous Tatora gyms. The long rest, I assume? Yeah. Long rest. Long rest.

Felicitations, my foul-smelling friends. Just want to thank you all for listening to our show. Week after week, we really do appreciate your support. Want to invite more folks along with us on the journey. So help us out by telling people you know, or maybe folks you don't know. We know just people on the street. Tell them to follow us at StinkyDragonPod, either on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, or all of them. Plus, you can join us on the lovely StinkyDragon subreddit if you make a post on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod. We might even name an NPC in the show after you forever, canonically, chronically, forever.

in the Tales of the Stinky Dragon. Or Tales from the Stinky Dragon, you know, the actual name of our show. Speaking of which, we just dropped the third Stinky Dragon soundtrack, White Winter. It's available on all your favorite music streaming platforms. Delve into the icy depths of Kaltberg, explore the enigmatic mysteries of the Ethereal Plane, and be bewildered by the beauty of Bartholomew the Bard. Plus, we've included encounter music using your own sessions of D&D with your friends. Check it out wherever you stream music. Stay stinky!

This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

I feel like as a magic-based person, I would totally just fire off a bunch of spells before bed just to do it. You never know. What if you get attacked in the middle of the night? Yeah. Before your long rest is completed. When does the long rest happen? It's like, when does the... After eight hours. Yeah, it has to clock out that. As you guys are going to bed, you hear across the island...

Just the sound of arrows hitting walls, exploding hard to get a good night's rest. It's like new year's Eve all over again. Inside of my room, you just hear like every animal and dragon. And yeah,

Cool. Rest done. Rest done. All right. So you guys are going to get in the hem mobile and head on your way. Oh, Bunga, dude. Let's do it. Let's go via sea. Yeah, because it's just a short little jaunt. Not flying. Let's just switch it up. Let's just switch it up. You know, I get tired turning into the same thing over and over again. If we set sail from Tsunam, Erlum is like, you can swim that gum gum. In fact, do you want to?

But would we be able to better look for islands from high up?

We got a map coming. We'll be okay. We're going to, let's take ocean. I'm tired of flying. Okay. Boy, are my arms tired. That must be tough flying and having two arms. What can I turn into? Oh, I'll turn into a giant octopus. It's just a flaunt arms in front of Kaifor. That's how you're going to pull our vessel? No, actually I can't because I haven't seen one. Actually, I have only...

I can cast. But I turn into Plesiosaurus and pull this thing. My old enemy. Yeah. All right. Yeah. You transform into a Plesiosaurus. And I heard Bart say the magic word. Yep.

Yep. Cowabunga! And the Ammobile turns into a boat. Could it actually turn into a submersible? I don't believe so. The options are boat, wagon, saddle, and flying device. Oh, we could be like one of those, like, you could turn into an elephant, and we could put it on, like, a big saddle, like a 300. Yeah, and then we'll swim across the place with no elephant. Yeah.

Okay, please, Isaris. Bye. Okay, go ahead and roll me a d6. E6 coming in. I rolled a one. All right, yeah. The seas are very calm, and it's a very beautiful day to sail across the sea. You find it to be a very pleasant experience. That's cool. You make the short trip across a very narrow sea from Tatora over to Urbloom, and as you begin to get...

As you begin to see land appearing and rising over the horizon, you can very quickly after that start to see smoke rising off the land as well. It'd be so nice to just arrive anywhere that has its crap together for once. Can you ever hear about those lands where they meet you and they put flowers around your neck? Maybe it's good smell. Oh yeah? Alright. They're having a big bar.

barbecue oh wow in our honor or maybe uh who's that guy we met who sold the uh flower what was his name oh he's franchising wouldn't love for that to happen making a lot of drug jokes yeah yeah on the during my uh campaign i forgot what his name was my art okay last time we came up to a place and there was like smoke on the horizon bad stuff

It was to Tora, and that was a heck of a fight. Can we perceive from afar what's going on? Do you have any kind of, like, spyglass or looking glass or anything? I've got LV-9s. Hold on, hold on. That's not what I'm asking for. I've got LV-9s. Yeah. My special eye. I mean, is there, like, fog in the way? Because then Bart's got goggles. No. Okay. All right. Just smoke rising. Do you know what?

What I can do to help us do that is... So I turn back into normal fear bog, and I cast... You get in the boat too? Yeah, because we're stopping from... We're like still a distance off, right? Okay, you tell me. Cast conjure animals, and I just cast a bunch of birds. 800 birds. Let's say eight. Name a bird in D&D that I haven't done yet. That you haven't done yet? A falcon. Yeah. Grackle. Grackle. Eight grackle.

Pigeons! I cast, I cast for falcons and I'll send actually 16 falcons. No, because I cast on low level, so eight. Real Saruman movie you hear. Yeah, and they just do some recon. Okay. And then they can come back and I can understand them. Yeah, you dispatch the falcons out to the distance and they come back a short time later and you can talk to them, right? Yeah. Is it just like total clear communication? Yeah, I believe so. Oh, Gus gets to use his falcon voice.

Falcon Punch. Falcon Punch. Yeah, it's because I can understand animals. Okay. Look at all those chickens.

Uh, they say that the city is in ruins. It appears to be destroyed. That's not how they'd sound. Go ahead, Gus. Do that again. All right, well, I'm killing Tyeborg. I'm making a note of it right here. A giant kraken takes out just the part of the boat that Tyeborg's in. All right, so it's not the barbecue, and it's not people having just a good old time? No, there appear to be strange beings we've never seen before there laying waste to the city. Hmm.

Also, Dr. Hammond, his message said build it, right? Correct. He said stop and then something, something, build it. Do we notice any, I know we might not have like perfect recollection, but like any new structures or new things that weren't there before? You're still too far away to see. The only way you can get information is from the falcons. You can ask Mud to ask the falcons. Can you ask your falcons if any new structures are

around yeah they said no no nothing new it appears to all be destroyed and those strange red creatures lighting fire to stuff and attacking everything any other defining features of them in the red I feel like there should be more they're very difficult to describe it's like they're constantly changing and shifting all right

Sludges? Maybe. They were not red. When he said build it, was it a build it as in like a command or build it as in he was like reluctantly saying it? Like, okay, fine, build it. Like being tortured. Hard to say. That's open to interpretation. He's probably just at a Build-A-Bear workshop. Wait, stop. Having a hard time. Build it. Okay. Can we like paddle in? Yeah.

Okay. Like with what, your arms or... I don't know, are there oars in the hemobile when it turns into a boat? No, it's intended for mud to pull it. I have a shield. I'll just use that. Okay, yeah. But that's just for you on the side. I'll use gum gum. Okay, yeah. You all begin paddling and getting closer, and then everyone make a perception check. Perception coming up. Three. You said that so proudly.

30. Whoa. 14. First nat 20 of 2023. You have plus 10%? I do. Mud, you're the first to notice, but you see what almost appears to be like a wall of red energy heading to you from Urblu. No, that's not good. Like we're approaching it, so it looks like it's heading towards us or it's actually coming towards us. It's coming towards you. Is it in the water? It's kind of everywhere. In the water? It's going all the way down into the water? Yeah, like there's some in the water. It's not like a solid mass, but like

tons of almost like weird red lights and energy. Right. It's just pulsing and moving in erratic paths. As it gets closer, you can see it's lots of individual small red, for lack of a better word, almost like lightning. It appears to be just constantly morphing into different shapes and sizes.

Oh, Rotoms. I put up a shield. Yeah, I don't know what to do. And I shield Bart. Is it fire? They're coming at us. Almost like lightning. We see it like it touched anything else or anyone else. Nothing else in its path. It's just ocean between you and me. Should we dive? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. All right. I jump out of the boat and dive. Same. Yeah. I don't know. I'll grab hold of mud.

You dive overboard and you can see in the distance underwater there's also just uncountable numbers of these. I get back in the boat. Yeah, Bart gets back in the boat. Rapidly moving towards you, closing the distance. Figuring it would be underwater too. I don't have any, anybody got anything to deal with this? I'm looking. Kind of. What? Gift of the chromatic dragon. I do, I do.

I can protect myself and that's about it. Okay. Oh, Bart, do your teleport door on the other side when it comes to it. That would just help me. No, you could take mud. No, it has to be a creature my size or smaller. Mud gets small. Oh, yeah. And I'll teleport. And then you use Chromatic Dragon. Chromatic Dragon? Yes, General Gum Gum. Use Chromatic Grackle. Yeah, okay. Hold on a second. I don't know. Bart? Could I cast...

Horse cage around it. What the hell is horse cage? Oh, I said horse cage. You know, there's a lot of weird names for D&D stuff. I was prepared to hear what horse cage was.

Oh, wait. I don't know if I want to do it. It lasts one hour. You can just spell it, though, once it's done. What's it do? An immobile, invisible, cube-shaped prison composed of magical force springs into existence around an area you choose within range. The prison can be a cage or a solid box if you choose. A prison in the shape of a cage can be up to 20 feet on the side and is made from half-inch diameter bars spaced half an inch apart, but I'd probably choose a box.

A prison in the shape of a box can be 10 feet on a side, creating a solid barrier that prevents any matter from passing through it and blocking any specific cast into or out of the area. That's pretty cool. When you cast a spell, any creature that is completely inside the cage's area is trapped.

creatures only partially within the area or those too large to fit inside the area are pushed away from the center of the area until they are completely outside the area is it a concentration spell it is no not is there a way to end spells once you've cast them like that Gus no yeah so it would last one hour so we'd be we'd be trapped in here and the spell cannot be dispelled by dispel magic it clearly says that so it's more to do on someone else versus our own team but

Yeah, but it also sounds like kind of a... We are in the water. I don't know if it's... Oh, no, I jumped back in the boat. We're in the boat. Yeah, yeah. You know what? Do it. It sounds like a safe room. What if we do it? Just have a nice little hour break. Yeah, I could take a short rest. I don't know if we'll all fit in, though, because a box is only 10 feet. A 10-foot cube. If we lay on top of each other. Because we can fit in a 5x5. Okay. Okay.

You can? Isn't that one square in D&D? Yeah, normally. Oh, I see. Each one of you can fit in a five by five. I thought you meant all four of you could fit in a five by five. So technically that's four D&D squares, which we can all fit in. Do it. I don't care. I'm okay with it if you are, Bart. It sounds like you're not comfortable with it. I would say that or try and teleport the other side of it.

As it comes. Well, is this stuff like, do we see it as far as we could see? Or is it like something that's like moving? It's not like. Yeah, is it a wall or is it a mass? It's neither. It's like many individual things. There's so many of them. It almost appears like a wall. It's like a nuclear bomb. Oh, scary. What do you think, guys? Do it. Yeah. I cast force cage on us.

Didn't see that coming, did you guys? No. Or is it John wants Force Cage? So the one thing about Force Cage and the thing to remember now with these higher level spells is that they do have material components that we do need to keep track of. Specifically, Force Cage requires ruby dust worth 1,500 gold pieces. Oh, dang. Wait, what?

Why didn't it let me pick it then? Yeah, well, no, it's just there are components. Remember how I had to buy the dragon thing? Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is. Okay, so I can't cast it. Right. With these really powerful spells, in order to kind of act as a limit to them, we do need to keep track of these material components. How does one get ruby dust? Did we get any money from saving that tutorial?

With the two too late now to buy. I think we go with Gungum's plan. Maybe Bart dimension doors. You turn into a small animal going after you do the immovable rod. And then I chromatic can make, can you make Bart really big? Yeah. I mean, I can make Bart like a giant animal. I also have polymorph. That's what you say. So I could take someone with me as well. No, you're going to take, you're going to take one. Yeah.

So, all right, let's do it. Let's do something. I will ask. You all are working on step one. What's step two? Of what? Once we get through the other side? Right, because it seems like there's thousands of individual entities. Oh, so is... But is it, like, is the wall...

Like just a wave of them, like something that we would pass through, or is it just an ongoing mass of them? It seems like they're heading towards you. Like they follow the falcons. Like imagine, is it just a sheet of them, or is there a bunch behind the sheet of them that are also advancing? It's surrounding like everywhere. It's not just like a single one. It's like there is depth to it.

Okay. That's why I don't know what teleporting is going to do here. Because I think it's just going to teleport us to more of them. That's kind of what I was getting at. Like, you've got a step one, but there is no... And then... Can we go to your secret garden place? But that doesn't solve them still attacking us. Just hide in there. Well, should we try to cast some spells on them to hurt them at least? I don't know. Try it. Shoot a bursting arrow. Do it. Yeah. I'll also try... I could use

Do you thunder wave? Yeah. Why not? There's no wrong answers right now. How close are they to us right now? There's still a significant distance. If I had to put a number, I'd say at least a mile away at this point. How higher is the wall? Good question. Hard to tell. A couple hundred feet. Dang. Why are there so many of these things? It's too many. It

Could you turn into a different type of, could you turn into a plane, take us up? I mean, that's what I was asking, but if it's a couple hundred, I can't make, like, I mean, it would seem like that's super high. It's so much for your flying abilities. And they're not. I'd push Kyborg off the boat. They're not impacted by the water at all.

Now that you can tell, yeah, you saw them underwater. So if they're a mile away, maybe as they get closer, I can shoot a bursting arrow right at the wall in front of us, and maybe that'll disperse them. But, like, until then, I'm kind of useless. Yeah, let's just see. I'm saving that one.

Yeah, let's... Can we just try like a bunch of these things at them as they get close? Like I can cast Gust and see if blowing them does anything. Child. Oh, I didn't even get it. He's a child. I push Kyborg into the water again and I cast Shape Water and just rush him down. You have 1500 gold piece worth of ruby dust if you want to force cage Kyborg right now and leave him under the ocean.

That's a cool spell. I have another one that I really want to use, but I just found out that I need a statuette of a dragon worth at least 500 gold pieces. Like me. So if you guys want to make that available to purchase at any point very soon. Coming soon to the store near you.

I bet I could carve one and we could appraise it for 500. Yeah. Yeah. I want to do something. Okay. They're getting closer and it seems like they're surrounding you. They're within range if you want to begin executing whatever your plan is. Execute plan, shoot at them. Can we tell what material they're made of now that they're closer? Like they keep shifting. Like even the way that they look sometimes, you know, now that they're closer, you can see sometimes it almost appears like they're humanoid. Sometimes they look like

animals or plants and it's just like they're constantly cycling and changing between different forms. So they're not like weapons of some sort. Show me the magic. What'd you say?

Show me the magic. You got to wait till they're within 30 feet of you, right? Yeah. Okay. I'm giving you like attack range first. So anything a little further? Yeah. I'm going to have to wait until they're right. Okay. So I think maybe the plan is once we hit this wall and I could potentially cause a hole, we're going to have to make a run for the island. So then that means that mud, we're probably going to need you to be our engine again. If you want to transform back into that. So then ideally like cause a hole, we go through the hole and then we'd like make a run for it. All right.

Sounds like Bard's going to be some similar to the Tide. I was just going to try a spell here on them. How far away? Did you say there? We'll say they're within about 60 feet at this point. Cool.

Cool. I want to try a new spell, Crown of Stars. Seven star-like motes of light appear and orbit your head until the spell ends. You can use a bonus action to send one of the motes streaking towards one creature or object within 120 feet of you. When you do so, make a ranged spell attack. On a hit, the target takes 4d12 radiant damage. Whether you hit or miss, the mote is expended. The spell ends early if you expend the last mote.

If you have four or more motes remaining, they shed bright light in a 30-foot radius and dim light for an additional 30 feet. If you have one to three motes remaining, they shed dim light in a 30-foot radius. That spells kind of crazy. Yeah. So I don't know exactly how it works. So what is... You're going to shoot that at them? Yeah. Okay. Well, how about...

I'm also, I'm fine with what Kyber suggested. I'm going to use a piece of my inventory. I'm actually going to use something in my inventory. Whoa. A potion of thunder resistance? Okay. They're made of lightning. Would mud be like, hey, they probably are going to cause that kind of damage to me. You have not heard any thunder. They just look like lightning. Then that's a D&D question for me. Yeah. Thunder would be a distinct damage type. So the lightning is a different? Lightning's the best description to give thunder.

It appears they're made of some kind of chaotic... But that's what I'm asking is like on a... Jon's asking on a meta level. Lightning and thunder are two separate... Like thunder wave is totally separate than lightning. Sorry guys, Jon's not gonna use a piece of inventory. So you're gonna cast crown of stars? Yes. All right, so seven stars begin circling Bart's head. It looks almost celestial and like otherworldly. That's cool. Um...

Cool. And, uh, what are we gonna do with that, Bart? I guess I would use a bonus action to send one of the motes streaking towards one of these things. Sure. Go ahead and make a ranged spell attack. Uh, well, the one, so I'm doing that again. Oh, no, it's a seven. Hold on. So, 16. 16. That hits and seems to, like, temporarily punch a small hole in the wall, which is then filled in with more creatures from behind it. So it replenished itself? Yes. What's the immediacy of... Instantly. Okay. Okay.

So basically nothing happened. I think we're going to have to just eat this wall. It's like chopping off a head of one of those. But it created some sort of constant thing. Can we retreat? We never do that. Can we retreat? We're going to have to get into that island one way or another. Do you have to retreat in order to advance? Do we know what happens when these things touch us? No, we don't. We should throw them in. Is there one close enough to touch? Not yet. Everyone make a perception check. Okay. Then 28. No.

Nine. 22. Oh, lots of good rolls except for Gumgoat. Sorry, I don't know why I called you out like that. Dang. You all notice what seems to be a vision. You can see something on the other side of all of these creatures off in the distance. What does it look like? It appears to be a half-elf. Oh. A female half-elf who's like raising her arms and making like an X. I do it too. She begins like waving and pointing away. Holy cow.

Oh, okay, so retreat. Oh. Oh, she's saying don't come here. I turn into a plesiosaurus again. We go reverse. All right. You're saying to go away? She's like saying don't come. Don't come. And she's going like this? Yeah, pointing away. Pointing away. All right. You, who was it, Mud? Your perception was 28? Yeah. She looked familiar. Oh, like who? You think it resembled Mel? Yeah, I was going to say Hugh Manor's daughter. Oh.

I'm glad Blaine said that. I could not remember who Mildred was. All right, you turn into a plesiosaurus and begin swimming away. It seems like all these creatures are closing the distance, but once you get to full speed, you begin putting a little distance between yourself and them. Hey, just for the heck of it, because we're probably going to face these things later, can I just take a shot at one? I mean, we just saw what happened. Yeah, you can take a shot.

I just like magic physical damage I just want to see like if I were to shoot them later I don't want to get caught off guard so I'm gonna just go ahead and take a pot shot he wants to contribute okay kyborg needs to attack something every 15 minutes or he dies 31 uh yeah you connect with one okay doing damage 15 what do I see 15 points you fire an arrow and it hits one of these beings and it seems like once the arrow impacts with it it splits and forms two different beings

I'm glad I know that now, huh? Huh? This is worth the time. That arrow will never come back. Alright, we keep swimming away. Yeah, eventually, after a while, you're not sure if you're just that much faster or if whatever this is gives up the chase, but seems to recede off into the distance. Okay. So is Erblum not an option right now? Oh, is this like the... Don't say meta stuff. Never mind. I was gonna say, is this like an invisible wall? You said it anyway.

We go to the baby forest. We don't have any way of communicating with Mel, do we? No. We could augury. What?

That's a spell that we got. We all have incense and cast augury or something. Communicates with gods. Are you saying English? I think that's how it's pronounced. Yeah, A-U-G-U-R-Y. Augury. We have augury? Yeah, we all have incense. You went to the Temple of Dia. Right. And you were given incense that would allow you to cast augury. Which is like a communicate with god, ask for advice type thing. Oh, but that doesn't communicate us to meld. No. Correct.

And it's also very vague. That's what we can do with meld is it seems like your birds live through that situation. So we could do carrier pigeon to send messages back and forth. I'm a plesiosaurus right now. I want to check something out. I'm just a simple plesiosaurus. I'm just a simple plesiosaurus. Can I...

Can I dive and see how deep they go? All the way to the ocean floor. All right. Through the ocean floor. Do we go through the ocean floor? No, no, no. Listen, we get Smarsh. He makes it. He bores a tunnel from Totora. Yeah, the tunnel. So should we take the hint from these red things and head to instead Embryoak Island? Babywoods. Babywoods. Damn, I don't know what I was saying. Embryo. I don't know.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right. I mean, Dr. Ahem's in trouble, though, but okay. Well, okay, really quick. Okay, Hugh Manor. Dr. Ahem is after Hugh Manor, but we know that Hugh Manor's not there, right? He's in the floating island. No, I think that's where Gum-Gum's dad potentially might be. That's where they're trying to find. I think we should also need to ascertain the location of that place. Do we get anything by going to the Embryoak Woods? I mean, look.

and find out more about... Maybe make some babies? Find out more about Bart's past and what could have happened. I guess, yeah, let's go. I'm grasping at straws. Bart, what do you think? I mean, this is kind of your thing. I think we should go to the Embryoak Woods. Okay. Let's try a new place. The Embryoak Woods is a little bit northeast of...

It's to the east of Kaltberg. Are you still going to use the Pleasersaur ship to get there? Or are you going to fly or something different? Yeah, I think actually be fastest would be a ocean. You know, you got the map. So you set out and it's pretty, it's a pretty straightforward shot there to the northeast to get to the Embryoak Woods. As you draw close, you can begin to see it in the distance. And Gum-Gum, your vision goes a little strange.

uh everything to you looks like it's a little bit hazy and muted almost like you're seeing something that's not there go and make me a wisdom check gum gum one sepia town that's a three i don't know what you're trying to get out of me yeah i don't know it's quite interesting throw roll to ask him it seems like you're seeing something through someone else's eyes

John Malkovich? Oh, no, no, no. They kept saying that he has his dad's eyes. Gyrador's eyes. I feel like my eyes are in my eyes. Almost like you're looking through some kind of magnification, like things are warped and you can see things a little closer than they should be, but it's all difficult to see. And if you look around, you see you have red scales and you're sitting in a chair.

And you're shackled to a table, sprawling with tools, and you're drenched in sweat and out of breath. You're Dr. Ahem. And in the distance, you hear pained screams. It's your Dr. Ahem.

Why is Gum-Gum seeing Dr. M? I think I'm Dr. M, and he's being tortured. Where? Give us details of the surroundings. As you say this, the vision fades and disappears. I smack his head. I like how that quick reaction. Everyone roll a perception check. That's a nat 24 and 19. 28. Nat 24 and 19. 16. 19. Oh.

All good rolls. So all of you, you see and you feel the warmth of the sun on your skin and beyond the shores you see a heavily wooded area flush with a rainbow of colored trees, bushes, fruits, pinks and blues and oranges and some colors you're not even sure how to describe. A wall of red lightning thing starts approaching you. There's just an army of babies. You notice small flickering lights floating between the trees and the occasional silhouette of a beast or a creature roaming the woodlands.

I like this. Mud, you're the only one who notices that every now and again in the distance you hear a faint crackling noise. Like the crackle like what? Like a water bottle getting scrunched up? Yeah. Or like lightning? Or like a fire. Something like that. Something material and like that material sounding crackle? Maybe like woods cracking? I'm trying to...

Yeah, like wood, a giant beast stepping. What would the difference in those sounds be? You're not sure. It's just a crackling noise of some kind. It's one of the Rice Krispie guys. It is. They're in charge of embryo. Snap and popper, closely behind. Yeah, you pull up onto the shore from the south and...

There's woods all in front of you, either to the north, the east, and the west. Alright. I take some of the dirt and put it in my pocket. I claim this land. Kyborgia. Well, you know what this land is called. It's on your map. No, no, no. I scribble that out and put Kyborgia. Alright, everyone, welcome to Kyborgia. Welcome, my friends! Alright. Well, I defer to Bart. Anything seem familiar at all? Mmm.

Let's see. I haven't been here since I was born. Yeah, I didn't know if anything, like, might spark. Or conceived. I don't know. One of the two. Both. Could I see if I recognize anything? I heard a crackle. We could head that direction. What does that crackle sound like, Bart? Mud? Mud.

I don't know. I'm sorry, what did you say there? If I recognize anything. No, nothing seems to trigger any memories. It's a beautiful forest. It's very colorful, but nothing that strikes any memories. The vision that I saw, was that like in relation to what we were looking at or did it just overtake me? You have no idea. I'm worried about Dr. Hed. Why would he have that vision? Come, come.

Yeah. They implanted Gyrador's eyes into Doctor Ahim. Doesn't work. Okay, so I did hear a crackle, and I feel like we could head that direction to see if that might be a creature that might help us. Can I look for tracks or anything human or any? Make an investigation check. Not survival? You're not surviving. Well, yeah, you're looking for. Let's check to follow tracks. Right, but you're looking for the tracks. You're not following tracks.

Find tracks. Guy smacked his butt. By the way, I'm a fear bug now. That's a one. I take my butt slap back. I don't want to waste that. You don't want to be associated with that. It's a cantrip. I can cast as many times as I want. Not gonna do it. That made me spit. I spit on my laptop. C rolled a one. You found tracks. Oh. No, you didn't. They lead to the ocean. It's like someone from where you are walked backwards into the water. It's going this way. There's life forms this way. It's over here.

You can make a survival check to follow those if you want. I put...

I pull out my keys and jingle in to get his attention and I start marching towards the woods. I follow. Yeah, and from where you are, from the woods, since you kind of approached and beached the boat from the south, you can either head to the north, the east, or the west from here. Which way did the crackle come from? It was hard to tell because the trees kind of muffle it with all the leaves. It was somewhere. Okay, everybody. Let's all have a quiet moment and everybody listen to see if they can hear anything to give us directions.

That could have been anybody. Can we like try to listen? Yeah, everyone make a perception check. Not going to help there. 11. 7. Critical fail. 1. Not 20. 28. Yeah, that's what I needed. One of you is going to have the role. That's how good let's help Clark Tarlane. Oh, I'm just a baby. Just a baby. Cardboard takes a stick, piece of cloth, scrawls a metal arm onto it. Don't make any noise. And he sticks it in the ground. He says, Cardboard, we need to listen.

It seems like it's coming from the east somewhere. Shall we? Let's go to the east then. East. Or it's not left. Kyber has to do like a full 270. If you're facing the beach, then it's to the left. Yeah. Oh, there you go. So you begin heading that way. And after a few minutes of journeying, you encounter a swarm of beetles. They playing a song? They are. Hey, how's it going? They are? Yeah. Okay.

Stop. What? Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz,

The Beatles speak up saying, oh, that was great. How do you all know that song? We're Buzzy and the Jets. Oh, well, I... What are your names? I'm Bart. Hi, I'm John Reisinger, supervising producer of Squatting Force, and I'm ending this podcast right now. Goodbye, everybody. Thanks for listening to Tales of Sneaky Dragon. Dude, you want to sing another song? Yeah. What you got? Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.

I've heard of these Beatles. They only play music that's in public domain. What are your names? Introduce yourself. I'm Bartholomew.

Oh, you have a lovely voice, Bart. Thank you. Well, I was born here. Oh, were you? I think so. I'm 90% sure. How many of them are there? Oh, it's just a swarm. It's just like a mass of them. I'm Kyborg the Mighty. Oh, good to meet you, Kyborg. You also have a great voice. Can I stick my arm into the swarm to shake their hand? Yeah, they make a giant hand. Well, no, they just like swarm all over your hand. Yeah. I was hoping it'd be like that.

like motion stuff that like they form into a hand and shake. No, no, just they just swarm all over his hand. I'm Gum-Gum the Wizard. Oh, the mighty Gum-Gum Wizard. Yeah. Pleasure to meet you.

Do you want to give your full name? Galindor. Galindor. Ooh, that's a great name. Does it ring any bells? No, have we met? I don't think so. I don't know, have we? I don't think so. I don't think we ever met. Do I look familiar? No. His eyes. His special eyes. Look at my eyes. Do you happen to know the name Galindor? Can't say I do. Okay. Can't say.

We do. Is that your name? 'Cause you haven't introduced yourself to our host. My name's Mud, and we're trying to find any clues about our friend Dr. Ahem. We don't know any Dr. Ahem, but because you all sing so beautifully, we can tell you what we do know. What do you know? We know that you all should be careful out there. Not everyone's as friendly as us, as Buzzy and the Jets. There's red creatures wreaking havoc in the woods. Oh, they're here too? Oh no. Yeah, be careful. They're, uh, they're awful.

We've encountered these creatures. What kind of like, what do they do? What are they? We don't know. We've never seen anything like it. They're just constantly shifting and destroying things.

Do they remind us of Entropa at all? Make an intelligence check. Can I also do it? I'm not even going to try. That was a three. That was a three minus one. High five. You got those up. It's a high five. It's up to Gum Gum. That's a nine. I like how you didn't want to roll, but you saw how bad theirs were. They were like, I can take part in this. Nine. You're unsure. Does Bart want to do something? No.

No. You're unsure. Something about it maybe makes you think of Entropa, but I mean, you really don't know. Buzzy and the Jets, do people live in this land, or is it primarily just like people like you? Like, you know, groups of beings? Yeah, of course. There are people who live here. The biggest element you would probably find is Pip Orchard. Pip Orchard. Where's that? If you go a little further to the east and then make a left up to the north. Okay.

Buzzy and the Jets, are there any customs that we should be aware of on this land? Any customs you should be aware of? Or immigrations. Just wherever you go, go with a song in your step. Ah, can do. Do you have any advice for if we encounter the red stuff? Run away. Okay. They're awful. They're terrible. Have you found any success in attacking, or have you seen anything that may have damaged them in any way? Oh, no. We don't do anything violent. We see things that are awful like that, we run away while singing a song.

Boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss,

Alright, well we're gonna keep going. It was a pleasure meeting you all. Well, I think I'm just gonna stay with you guys. Alright, let's go! I'll see you guys later. It was fun adventuring with you. Let's get this band on the road. They begin continuing to the west. Buzzing the jets is a pleasure. I hope you guys are running to little Jimmy. Buz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz

Martin fades out his voice even though he's not walking away. If you look in Micah's recent search history, you'll find public domain songs. For the record, just a metagame perspective, I had no idea how to buzz House of the Rising Sun. I was like, I know that song. There's no way I'm going to buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz.

Go ahead and give yourself an inspiration die, Mark. That was a great rendition. All right, so we should head east, and then they said we head east, and then to the left is the town that I've already forgotten the name of. It was North... Pip Orchard. Pip Orchard. In the northeast. So we're going northeast? Yes. I'm going to use survival. Can I look for... I'm going to do a survival check. You're not even like... I didn't mean to roll it. Yeah.

It's a wisdom check too. Why are you so... Because I have... I haven't used it all the whole time. You just want to push the button. I look for like a safe path through there and to avoid the... Yeah, so you know you head east like they said, but you're not sure where to make the turn off to the left to go north. Make a survival check, GumGum, to see if you can find the path to the north. Eleven. Eleven.

It's a seven plus, I have a plus four in it. Okay. That's not bad. Oh yeah, it's hidden behind some bushes that are overgrown. Beetles can probably see the turn, no problem. But from your perspective, it's hard to see. Are you proficient in survival checks? I guess so, I don't know. Is there a dot in the- It's a wisdom, which isn't my worst thing. Okay. Intelligence is where are you? Okay. So you're able to move some shrubs aside and find the path that you turned to the north. It was hidden behind shrubs. In the distance, you start hearing a crack followed by a pop.

And as you follow the noises, you eventually push past the thaumaturgical thickets and come upon a village of tiny homes built amidst an orchard of fruit trees and a trickling pond. Are they tiny little blue people? Crack! A bolt of energy blasts past you and collides with a pocket-sized, sparkling humanoid creature with wings. As soon as the bolt strikes the creature, you hear the tiniest scream and see it pop.

Oh my gosh. Are they called Anarchs?

That's how they addressed each other. I think collectively they are Anarchs. Anarchs. Yeah. It would make sense because they're causing anarchy. Yeah, it seems like a hive mind. How many of them are there? Right now you see two of them that are talking to each other.

So we know that my arrows will make them difficult to fly. How big are they? They keep shifting. Right now, one of them looks kind of humanoid-ish. I'd say like average human size. Five foot something. Yeah, the other one that it's talking appears to be almost like a wolf. We try and freeze them. I don't know, can we? We should probably not try to provoke them, if I had to guess. We should see these little fairy creatures. The beetle told us to run. Yeah.

We're stronger than beetles. You hear another crack and see a lightning bolt shoot out and hit another little fairy that screams. No, no. It's really pretty, all the glitter dust that flies everywhere. It's still really sad, though. Should we attack? Bart steps out and goes, leave them alone. Roll initiative. Oh.

21. How far away are they? They're pretty close. Let's say within 30 feet, because they're in the clearing you were right by. Seven. Nine. Eleven. So we got Gum Gum, then Anarchs, then Kyborg. Gum Gum, your friend Bart has stepped into the clearing and accosted the two creatures referring to themselves as Anarchs. What do you want to do? Okay.

I want to go forward as much as I can while still keeping my action. So I guess that's 20 feet, right? You can go like 40, can't you? Yeah, 40. Okay. I'll go up to them. Now that I'm closer, what do they look like? Lightning. One's humanoid, one's wolf-like. Yep. They're like red, chaotic lightning. And they're just like constantly shifting. Does it seem like ice would do anything to them? You don't know. You've never seen anything like this before.

All right. Well, I'm going to ice storm then. Ice storm them. Yeah. A hail of rock-hard ice pounds the ground in 20-foot radius, 40-foot high cylinder, centered on a point within range. Each creature in the cylinder must make a dexterity saving throw. A creature takes 2d8 bludgeoning damage and 4d6 cold damage on a failed save or half as much on a successful one. All right. What is the save they need to make? It is 13. All right. 13. Here I go. I'm rolling for, I'd say both of them are within 20 feet of each other. Mm-hmm.

- That is a 20 and a two. So one of them makes it, one of them fails. - Okay. - So roll your damage. - That's six plus four to six cold. Six plus six, so 12. - I like how you say every number as a question. - And it's difficult terrain until the end of my next turn in that area that they were hit.

Making that note on them right here. So one of them took 12. The other one took six. Yeah. Let's see if ice does anything. Okay. Yeah. It seems like it hurts them. They shout in pain. They seem like they're hurt more by the physical hitting of the stones or the ice. You can't tell. Yeah. It's hard to say. Really can't tell. And now I'll go ahead and rage as my boss action.

Okay. Gumgoo's going to approach and ask for feedback on that attack. So how did that make you feel? Gumgoo's 1d6. Can you steal this out for me? 8 and a 2. I can pick now. A bolt of light shoots from my chest. Another creature of your choice. You can see within 30 feet, you must succeed on a constitution saving throw or take 1d6 radiant damage and be blinded.

Okay, which one would you pick? The one that took full damage or the one that took half damage? Which one was the wolf and which one was the... Full damage was the humanoid. Half damage was the wolf. I'm going to go half damage with the wolf. So you target that one and hit it with your radiant damage. Go ahead and roll that radiant damage. Roll that beautiful bean footage.

- Five. - Oh, and it needs to make a constitution save, right? - Yeah. - The save is DC eight plus your proficiency bonus plus your constitution modifier. So it's eight plus five is 13. - Plus five. - Plus five is 18. And I rolled a 17, so that's a fail. - Yes. - So it takes five points of damage. - And is blinded. - And is blinded, okay. Anything else, Gum-Gum? - Nope. - Okay, then it is the humanoid red energy's turn. - What a phrase.

- The humanoid Rennergy dude's turn. - Humanoid Anarchs' turn. It looks at you, Gum Gum. It knows that you attacked it and it hurls something at you. It's like a massive, like some kind of energy. - Okay. - It hits AC.

Nope. You said it's so sad. Imagine it just pinging off of Gum-Gum and Gum-Gum just not flinching. Yeah, yeah. It seemingly has no effect. It just clearly misses you by a wide margin. As it went by, Yumi, you got a closer look at it and it's just difficult to tell what it is. It's just like a pulsing red energy ball that went by you. Plasma. But even a ball makes it sound too defined. It's like constantly shifting in shape. All right. Kyborg. After Kyborg is barked.

Okay, the guy that just attacked Gungum, I say, "You attack my friend, I attack you! FOREVER WINTER!"

So now he's my sworn enemy. Okay. It's really loud. And that's the humanoid one? Yeah. So then I attack with the longbow of crystallina. That's a 33. Believe it or not, that hits. Interesting. Whoa. All right. So I do nine piercing, but the primary reason I wanted to do this is because the longerbow of crystallina against my sworn enemy does 46 cold damage.

which I feel like that's like what we're looking for here. No, no, no. So I roll 46s. Here's hoping. We've done radiant. We've done piercing. That's nine points of cold damage. So nine points of piercing damage and then another nine points of cold damage? Yes. Okay. We'll see if we'll have three combatants soon. Yeah, it impacts doing significant damage and as it hits the Anarchs, it splits into two.

Y'all, I don't know what to do. And you hear it laugh. It says, ah, we are Anarchs. So what did you do differently? I have like physical attacks, I guess. There's got to be some type of damage to do that would hurt them. Mine is magic arrows, though. It's not like it's like physical arrows. Does that make any difference? No, yeah, I know. All your attacks are always magical because of your feats. It's hard to tell like what has done anything to it because at this point it could have all just been damaging it and they could just split no matter what. Yeah. But it didn't do it when the ice storm hit them.

Or when might we had not have not they didn't lower enough HP like they didn't get to that point of splitting like it could be like once they're dead then they split into two you know. Can I perceive like is this like an identical copy in terms of like how worn they seem you know how sometimes I can tell like roughly where they are at health wise. Yeah they both seem very weak. Okay.

Okay. Maybe they get weaker as they split. That's my hope. What's the status of my called, like, sworn enemy thing? Oh, that's a good question. It's on one of them. One of them would be your sworn enemy. Okay. Well, then that one, I'm going to take another hit with the longer bow of Kristalina. Okay. So once again, I'm going to roll. Okay. That was a one, but it made a 15, but that's a critical fail. Yeah, it's always going to miss. So then I'm going to do a lucky. Plus 14? Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to do a lucky feat and reroll that. Yep. He just got a 33 on the last attack roll. You shouldn't be surprised. Yeah, 18. Yeah, 18. That hits. Okay. And then I'm going to do...

piercing, so that's a 12. And then I'm going to do 46 cold, and that's going to be 10. Yeah, your bow hits that original one, that's your sworn enemy, and it falls to the ground, unmoved. Okay, no splitties? No. And as it falls to the ground, its form changes yet again, and it transforms and it looks like a red lightning version of you, Kyborg. A red lightning? Is it dead, though? Yes, you think so. Okay, well then I'm going to...

Uh, use my bonus action, right? To switch over the- my sworn enemy status. So I say, "You are my sworn enemy for every winter!" Which one? Uh, the other one that split off of him. Got it. And then now I'm gonna take another shot with the long- longer bow for Selena. This is my third attack. This is a 16. That hits.

Alright, and then I do... 15 points piercing and... 11 points cold. It falls to the ground dead. And as it falls to the ground, it transforms and it looks like a tree. Okay. Uh...

And then I'm going to distance myself from the other Anarchs. There's only one. It's the wolf one. Yes. And it's blinded. I just want to distance myself. And it's still only one. Yes. Anything else, Kyward? Nope. That was my third attack. Okay. I'm just going to distance myself, so that'll be my movement. Bart, you're up. Then the Anarchs, and then Mud. Okay. Bart. I am going to attempt to do something new. As a bonus action first, I'm going to cast Banishing Smite.

So for that, the next time I hit a creature with a weapon attack before the spell ends, my weapon crackles with force and the attack deals an extra 5d10 force damage to the target. Wow. I'm going to cast that and then I'm going to try to run at the wolf and actually do a melee attack. Is this the first time you do a melee attack? No. Not the first, but it's been a while. It's been a while. Definitely has used his, like a sword, I think is what you have. Yeah. I have a dagger, a long sword, a spear. Yeah, you've used that.

But sparingly. Since I still have Crown of Stars as well, then it might still be around my head. It lasts for an hour. I think it's kind of like a weapon. Yeah, but I would say it would have taken you longer than an hour because you cast it when you were still off of Urbloom. It would have taken you longer than an hour to cross via boat to get here. Normally, yeah, if you were to cast it at the beginning of combat, it would stay for an hour and you would continue to use it. But in this particular instance, no. I'm going to use my dagger. Okay. So I get up close enough to the wolf. Oh, no, no.

13? 13. That actually does hit. Okay, cool. So then I think I do my normal dagger damage and then another 5d10? Yes. Okay, so my normal dagger damage. 5d10 is that smite thing you- Yeah. There's also a lot more to it that we're going to get to in a second. Yeah, so that's just a 5 from the dagger. Okay, you strike it with your dagger or you stab it and then it yells, We are Anarchs! And it splits into two.

I think that's not just me. We are anox. And then do I do my vanishing smite? Yeah, you would roll your 5d10. Guess you got to pick who you do that to.

26. And just to continue reading this vanishing smite, just because it's a crazy spell. So if this attack reduces the target to 50 hit points or fewer, you banish it. If the target is native to a different plane of existence than the one you're on, the target disappears, returning to its home plane. Whoa. If the target is native to the plane you're on, the creature vanishes into a harmless demiplane. Oh my God. While there, the target is incapacitated. It remains there until the spell ends, at which point the target reappears in the space that left. Bart, I'm sorry for all this time to upset you.

Don't make me banish smite you. It's insane. It's so much. All right. So the energy from the banishing smite like coalesces and focuses down onto the Anarchs and it screams and disappears.

One of them or both of them? One of them. Bart just sent that thing to hell. Yeah, that's really cool. I love that. I've been waiting to use it because I'm always afraid to do like up close attacks. I'm so delicate. The other one like looks around nervously. I am Anarchs. Could I use a bonus action to go, you want some of this? Make an intimidation roll. This has to succeed. Fine colors.

13. Yeah, it seems very nervous. It like backs away a little bit. It like shrinks away from you. Anything else, Bart? No. Okay, it's Anarch's turn. Man, it just saw you banish that Anarch. It runs away. Is it within? Does it? It's within attack of opportunity from Bart. Could I take the attack of opportunity? No, because you slinked back. No, I didn't. I thought you did. I did. Oh, he did. But no, but it is immediately right next to Bart. So it would be Bart's attack of opportunity. Okay, so how do I do that? Oh.

Just make an attack roll with like your dagger again. 14. That hits. Eight points of damage. You stab it and it screams, Anarchs! And it falls to the ground dead. And it transforms into like a red chaotic flower.

Cool. Gum, gum, don't touch. Actually, should we touch? Yeah, can I go investigate it and pick it up? Not a bad idea. Yeah, you begin walking over. The terrain is still difficult. I don't know if that applies to you or not. I think it does. It just means you're kind of slow moving over it. But the fight's over. Yeah. And out from the tree line, you see one of those little pixies emerge. Oh, thank you all so much. Thank you. We didn't know what we were going to do. Everyone gets an inspiration die and five temporary hit points. Wow.

I'm Echesdy. I live here at Pip Orchard. We were under attack by these creatures we've never seen before. Oh, well, they're apparently called Anarchs. Hmm, we definitely knew that. Awful. They're terrible. Why'd they attack you? Oh, we have no idea. They just showed up. And as Echesdy is saying this, a horde of Anarchs emerges from a tunnel to the north and charges towards you all. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Out from the treetops leaps a hulking punchback wielding a tree trunk hammer and a glistening goblet. Ooh.

The towering colossus lands on the ground with a boom, quaking the earth beneath you and wham! Her hammer pummels the handful of Anarchs into sizzling red dust. Oh, she's on her side. Oh, yeah. Wham! Wham! Wham! She batters the red dust into the ground a few more times. The remaining Anarchs stop in their tracks and scatter back into the tunnel. The Herculean hunchback screams into the air. Nothing can stop Grizzlies! No! Stop!

Just stop. They're already gone. You leave? Come on. We gotta have a catchphrase. We used to do it all the time back when we were... The two heads turn and face you with a raised eyebrow. In the night... Grizzly! Oh, dear. After all this time... Find out what Grizzly has been up to or what's going on in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Whoa, that's so cool.

This is the farm that they retired. I felt so bad that they'd gone. That they'd gone? Yeah, now they're back. Now they back. They back. Guess who's back? Hopefully not Slake.

Grizzly's back. Death to Sleek. Speaking of tell a friend, tell a friend about this podcast. No, no, no. Sleek's not my friend. But yes, you should tell a friend. And here's a quick shout out to folks that interacted with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in the episode. Buzzy and the Jets, the singing swarm of beetles named after user JetGirl187.

HSD the pepixie named after uh H S S D like the letters get it HSD HSD we also want to give special thanks to some friends who provided voiceover in this for characters in this episode such as Omar Finn voiced by Jacob Fullerton Simpson Finn voiced by Blizzbear Grizzly voiced by Issa Badiola Aleve voiced by Jessica Basami and Dr. Ahem voiced by Micah Reisinger tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon