C01 - Ep. 78 - Of Life & Breath - The Quarterling Vs. The Shaddo Queen
01:26:30 Share

This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Salutations, all you spine devils. Fly into the stinky dragon. Sip our latest libation. Zero forks given. It's a mixture of tail spine tequila, devil cider, porcupinian pulp topped with nectar from the nine hells. One of which is saying porcupinian. One mouthful of this fiendish reflux.

and you'll be brimming with brimstone. Previously, our adventurers absconded away in the Ahem-mobile to seek aid from ancient dragons. While making their way up Mount Sayomoto, the party shielded themselves from shards of shadow, deftly defied a draconic draft, and kept a lethal landslide at arm's length.

Eventually they and the elders summoned dragons of old breathing fire and cold. They learned of a long forgotten legend finally fulfilled by none other than Bart the Quarterling. After Bart finally caught his draconic breath, the party splashed into the Shadow Mane where they encountered Inku, Hugh Manor, and Bart's imprisoned parents. Cobble a cocktail, let's stink up a smelly saga.

I told Trevor about what happened on the last episode. And he was so confused because he's not caught up at all on the show. He was just like, wait, your parents are what? He's like, are you half...

halfling yeah he's kind of like quarterling quarterling yeah it's math that's the best things about dnd improv and math yeah it was very funny i had a nightmare the other day about recording tales from the stinky dragon where i was reading the intro and like halfway through i realized i wasn't doing a good job at doing the voice and i wasn't very enthusiastic about it and i was like oh this sucks like it's not going well i'm not doing a good job you do a great job you are

I don't think we praise Gus enough. No, hold on. Legitimately. He is uncomfortable. He is fidgeting more. He is shrinking in his chair. I just think like we don't give enough praise for how good of a DM Gus is. Like he's great at letting us kind of go with things, but also keeping us on track and like keeping to the story. There's a lot to juggle as a DM. And it's like, man, I have a lot of appreciation. There's a lot to juggle, but I have Micah and Ben helping me. I cannot take all the praise for that.

Stuck in that nightmare for a while. I know it was very quick I forgot about it until I was reading this right now Dream PTSD I had a dream about making puppets the other day We're trying to make up one of the puppets like do some sort of elaborate move stunt is similar I forgot about till you just mentioned it and we

And we were doing it over and over and I was stressing out about it. Trying to get the puppets to move correctly. That is my nightmare. My living nightmare. It's funny when you get so invested in D&D, but it's work. It's such a weird thing to have.

You dive into the black abyss, splash, and everything goes dark. In the distance you hear the rumbling of thunder and the rustling of wind as a cold sweat comes over you. After a moment your eyes adjust to the darkness. Before you is a black igneous rock path dimly lit by a swirling portal behind you. The path quickly crumbles to an end and drops into a murky pool of purple fluid with several jagged rocks protruding the surface.

One sizable crag of black rock stands in the center of the pool, with a set of stairs leading up to a spiked throne of black spires.

A shadowy and slender long-haired woman with pointed ears and indigo eyes sits on the throne. You instinctively look around and spot two details amidst the darkness. First, to the north, your left, you spot a small box made of bones precariously sitting on the edge of a craggy rock overlooking a waterfall of purple fluid falling into blackness. Second, you look past Inku on her throne and spot three obscured shadowy figures,

She looks like a halfling, a dragonborn, and a human. Welcome, Bartholomew. You're right on time. Inku stands up from a spiny throne in the center of the pool. A veil of darkness drapes her gaunt figure. A thin smile curls along her black lips as she waves her spindly fingers at you. I'm waiting. Her eyes narrow. Hmm.

I thought you would have learned some manners by now. A mysterious voice chimes in. I agree. Manners are everything, my dear. But I suppose we can simply chalk that one up to bad parenting. Ha ha ha.

All the way across the purple pool, you spot a middle-aged man in a tattered top hat slink out from the shadows. He's wearing a black suit, a red ascot, sporting a well-groomed Van Dyke beard. Hugh Manor. There's no way they didn't script that encounter. They're like, all right, first I'm going to say Manor's and then Hugh Manor's, you come in and you say things about Manor's.

Nerds! Is this in character? Yes, absolutely. I don't get it. It feels like it's been ages since I've seen the four of you, doesn't it? Oh, yes, dear Infinites. I remember you. I will admit, you may have found success in the past, but my eyes were always on the future. Quack!

Quite right, my dear. But in this place? She waves her skeletal hand around. Time stands still. And without the light of day, it can feel like an eternity. Can it, Bart? Inku snaps her fingers and two shadowy figures are unveiled beside Hugh Manor. They're bound and gagged by inky black vines, a ginger-haired halfling, and a golden dragonborn. Looks like I'll finally have the full set of the Finn family! Ha ha!

Inku snaps her fingers again, and this time you notice an indigo ring shimmer on her left hand. A familiar Shadrow appears next to her. Bolink! Retrieve the halfling and the die gems. Yes, my queen. And what of the others? What Entropa doesn't know won't hurt him. Ha ha ha.

With pleasure, my queen. Bolink vanishes into a veil of shadows and a handful of shajar emerge flanking your positions. Everyone roll initiative. I try snapping my fingers. It seems to do something. Is this the first time Bart is finding out that he's half dragonborn? I don't know. Is it?

I think it might be. Which one's the, is the... Like which one's the mom, which one's the dad? Or which one, yeah. Which one's the mom is what I'm asking. You would have to ask them. They both appear to be male. Oh. Oh. You said parents, yeah? Yes. Okay. Okay, I got questions. I thought there were three. I like this, but I got questions. Yeah, roll initiative. 17. 23. What a good roll from Bart. Bart, you've been really killing the initiative rolls lately. What's your secret?

I don't know, because I never like going first. That's why I noticed that you're going first frequently. I like everyone else setting things up and maybe taking some damage off some people so I could come in and just go, yeah. Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's modifiers. 17. 17.

11. Gum Gum and Kyborg, which of you has the higher dexterity? I have plus 5. Wait, no, 20. Mine's 14. Okay. What can I roll to figure out if Mud knows if Dragonborns are born out of eggs? I want to know if Bart was born out of an egg. That would be nature. That's weird. Can I roll for that? Yeah, go for it. Okay. What came first, the egg or the Bart?

- Count seven. - You're the worst druid. - Yes, I've said this from the beginning that I'm not nature-based, it's intelligence, and I'm not high in intelligence. For some reason, druids, the most valuable modifier is wisdom, but nature is where that comes, is intelligence. - You know 100% for a fact, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Bart came from an egg.

I knew it. Hey guys, I don't know if you know this, but Bart was born out of an egg. Is it because my yolks are so good? No. I crush you guys up. It's clearly because you are yoked.

- Bart flexes. - As you flex Bart, you realize that you have many enemies in front of you and around you. - Could I roll for intimidation since I'm already flexing? - Yeah, we can intimidation roll. I'll give you advantage. - I already have advantage on those. - Oh. - Is it because of the gem? - I think so. So a 19 and then a rolling again, 'cause that was a one.

All right, so 19 is the higher one. Oh, Bart, you look really scary. The ferocious quarterling. Maybe it's the new, like the new found powers you have that have been unlocked in you, but you're feeling extra ripped today. Extra, extra beefy. As if that was possible. Now roll for deception on that. Kyborg subtly holds one of his biceps. Oh my God.

That's pretty big. You only have one bicep. Yeah. What do you want to do about all these baddies? All right. So we have Enku, E-Manor, and then how many Shadrows? You rolled a pretty good perception check. Three. Three Shadrows. Okay. So we're fighting them. Oh, and don't forget Bolink disappeared.

Disappeared. Okay. You recognize him. He was the one that was... He kept going after the other Dragon Ball. Correct. Yeah. And he voiced by our friend Joe Lee. Oh, Joe does it? Yeah. That's fun. All right. Well, let me start things off by casting...

a cloud of daggers. - Ooh. - Are any of the Shadrows like bunched up anywhere? - They're kind of spaced out. So remember, Inku's on a throne, kind of in the distance in front of you. Then you can see one Shadrow off to your left perched on some craggy rocks, one in the path in front of you, and then the other one is off to the right, perched on some other rocks. - I'm gonna put this cloud of daggers right over Inku's head. - Okay. What's the range on cloud of daggers, just to verify? - 60 feet. - Yeah, sure.

I have to zoom out to see all the maps. I have to really get close to see the grid. I'm double laughing because I'm watching you guys get within four inches of your screen to read something, while also to my left, Blaine is getting within four inches of his screen to try to read something in one of his spells because you both are blind. It's not that I'm trying to read it. The grids are so small at this magnification level, I can't see them. So you're just trying to see if we actually... I'm just trying to make sure you're 12 squares away from Inku, and yes.

Okay, so that reaches. I'm gonna cast it at the fourth level, just why not? Yes. So that does 28 points of damage.

if I looked up Inku's stats, huh? There it is. Maybe a little bit. 28 points of damage? Okay, so you conjure mystical blades of stabbing, and they appear over Inku, doing 28 points of damage. Let me guess. She grabs each dagger out of the sky. Throws them at you. Yeah, right? I'm getting clarification on clouded daggers, which is a

a spell we've always gone back and forth on, the damage occurs on Inku's turn. So I'll save that 28. Well, I thought it happened immediately. I think we've been doing that. We've been giving Bart double damage. Oh, wow. Okay. It says a creature takes the slashing damage when it enters the spell's area for the first time. Oh, first time on a turn or starts its turn there. Yeah. So when it starts its turn. Okay. Oh. So now that anyone's getting around it, it's just we've been doubling up on damage the first time in procs. But I made a note here, 28 damage from...

cloud of got it anything else part and then I also just because I know this might get a little dicey hey hey yo uh could I cast uh

That's your theme song? Da-da-da-da-da. Mantle of Inspiration, which would give 11 temp HP to five creatures that I could see. This is a bonus action. So, yeah, you can absolutely do that. Num-nums, how many? 11. So you guys get 11 temp HP to add. Oh, temp HP. Is anyone with us? Is it just... I think we do, don't we? Duncan? Is Duncan with us? Duncan, yeah. No.

No. Let's say Duncan left. Okay. He did not come through this portal. Yeah. Okay. Duncan was with us, but didn't come to the portal. Correct. Okay. So I would just give it to our party. Yes. Do you want to give it to Inku as well? Absolutely not. No, you give it to Gumbo, right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Gumbo's a target? Let me add him on here. No! No! John's laughing nervously. And does that give us our reaction or something? Yes. So each creature can immediately use its reaction to move up to its speed without provoking opportunity attacks. Okay.

part of the mantle of inspiration. Sweet. So if you guys did want to move, I think you could do it now. I have an idea on move, but I think I'm next, so I'll maybe wait and then loop that in with my turn. No, you can immediately use your reaction. I'm just saying I don't want to talk over Barbara's rest of their turn. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. I think I'm done. Okay. Yeah, I can't.

I can't do much. I don't have, like, multiple attacks or anything like that. So who's next in your ship? Well, is anybody going to use their reaction? Yeah. Yeah, I'll use mine to move, I guess, towards... Are we surrounded? Uh, very loosely. It's not like anyone's right up on you. The closest Shadrow directly in front of you is probably 20 feet away. Okay. Portal's behind us. Portal behind you. The two other Shadrow off to the left, off to the right. Inku was probably barely in the 60-foot range in the distance beyond the Shadrow in front of you. I guess I...

If I use my reaction, do I just use my walking speed or can I run to make it? You can move your speed, so you cannot double move. It's just whatever your base speed is. I'll move 40 feet towards her. You would pass by a Shadrow who's about 20 feet in front of you. And so if you walk past it, you would provoke an attack of opportunity. I walk.

Can I walk around him? I have 40 feet of range. You can, but it wouldn't necessarily get you any closer to Inku because now you're not taking a direct route. Yeah, but I'll be on the other side of him, right? Yes. Do you want to go to the left, which is north, or to the right, which is south? I guess left. So just to clarify, reclarify the way that it is, there is like a...

purple liquid pool kind of on the floor beyond the first shadrach in front of you and that's where the throne is sticking up out of and that's where those rocky cracks are sticking out of the shadrach so you can move those 40 you will end this reaction turn wading through this purpley liquid

- Don't do it, Capcom, don't do it. - Then I guess I'll get to the edge of the purple liquid. Yeah, I guess move me however close I can get without getting my purple good. - So it would be... So, okay, the reason I'm kind of saying all this is

that would end up putting you right next to the shad draw that's in front of you i know you're trying to get around it the best move you have would put you right next to it without ending your turn in the liquid you have abilities like jump and all your other stuff but since you can only move right now you're gonna end up next to this thing all right i'll move right to it but without being within uh opportunity attacks so like 10 feet away or so just that way you're not within well five is melee so 10 feet away gus has played this interaction out a million ways in each one you've done

you die. Except one. Okay, we'll say you're kind of just a little to the north of it. Okay. Alright, anybody else want to use their reaction to move? Yeah, so I want to line up two people, but is it possible to line up two targets in a way that they are within 30 feet of one another? Mike and I both immediately start pointing to the map. Yeah, it's a count. You can pull out your protractors, yeah, yeah, and compasses and such. Yeah, I think you could probably line up that

First, Shadra, who's on the path in front of you that Gum-Gum was kind of by, and Inku, who's further behind. That's probably about 30 feet away, and you can line those up. Okay, and then with going that distance, is that going to put me at disadvantage for ranged attacks with that person?

No, no, no. You can move a little bit to the east from your position. Not much, like 10 feet maybe, and line that up pretty easily. All right, then I want to do that. Okay, so you just make a small move a little to the east away from the party for that. Mud, you want to move, or are you good? No. Mud wants to move.

And that was it for you, right Bart? Yes. I did my bonus action so I can't move, right? You can move. I can? Yeah, because you cast a spell, you did a bonus action, you still have a move action. So you mentioned there's like a chest of bones or like something made out of bones? Yeah, it's kind of like precariously on a little outcropping by a waterfall to the northeast.

Kind of, you know how I mentioned there's one Shadrow to the left on a rocky outcrogging to the north? Croggy? Craggy. It's kind of behind that, maybe another 25, 30 feet behind it. Could I like move towards that without getting too close to someone so they would attack me? Yeah, you can actually kind of north, kind of like a little further north of where Gum-Gum was before he ended his turn. There's like a little more of an outcrop and it would put you closer to that Shadrow to the north, but you'd still like 15 feet away and then the box is a little further behind.

Okay, I want to move over there. Okay, so all of you kind of, except for Mud, kind of shift a little bit to the north, northeast position-wise. Cool. Okay, it is one of the Shadrows' turn, the one to the north, actually. The one that you all moved kind of towards. Okay. Sorry, quick question, but also where are the, my quote-unquote parents tied up? They are past Inku, kind of to the southeast. Okay. Where are they? And Bart, so sorry.

They should be sorry. They abandoned me. Did they? Well, I don't know. Your parents would never abandon you. I guess I just like, I don't know if these are like my actual biological parents who put me up for adoption or people who adopted me. There's a lot of questions, aren't there? You guys just stay together for the kids. No, that's been 22 something.

The start by Gum-Gum and the finish up by Chris. Chris's finger guns to me were great too. Okay, so it's that Shadrow that y'all kind of moved to. It's going to... Well, it's going to make an attack on... Who should we do? Mud is not close. So Kyborg, Gum-Gum, and Bart are all close. It's going to make an attack...

- Make a roll to see. - I make roll, that sounds yummy. - Or just the thing where he doesn't want to get called on on class. So he kind of like looks down and like scratches his head. - Well, it must work because the Shadrow decides to make an attack on Gum-Gum. - Hey. - You shouldn't be that enthusiastic about it. - What's your name? I'm Gum-Gum. - Well, you're not quite close enough. It's gonna make a ranged attack. It decides to fire on you hitting a C. - What's it firing?

It's a shard of blackness. If you all actually had some of these fired at you before. Just like from its hand? Yeah. Okay. Hitting a C20. So that's going to hit. I do have a question. That shield, the dragon scale, do we need to have that equipped in order? Okay. I saw Micah just responded. We don't have to have it equipped. Equipped? Equipped. I like equipped. Equipped. No. No.

He's saying that as GumGum. So you got clarification on what you need? Yeah. Okay. So AC 20, you said that is a hit? Yes. You take 17 points of piercing damage. Okay. And I need you to make me a, God, a wisdom saving throw. This'll go well. Bye, GumGum. You're gonna lose this sanity. Ha! Ugh.

14. I guess you're not used to taking damage when you're not raging, so it's really ouchy. It really hurts. And Gum-Gum falls down, is knocked prone.

You slipped. Sensing weakness, the Shadrow decides to make a second attack at you, Gum-Gum. Hitting AC 18. That doesn't hit. Whoa. Because I have that shield equipped currently. If I use it as a shield, it gives me plus two AC. No, it's not a regular shield. It's just a one-time use magic item you can use as a reaction to being attacked or frightened.

Okay. Okay, that's what I was... Yeah, I was saying, because if we needed to equip it as a shield at all, like, or could we use it just as a shield? No, it's just got those abilities you're talking about. Okay, well, then it would hit. What if I use Mom Arm on Gum Gum? Mom Arm? You know, when, like, you're driving in a car and you come to a really abrupt stop and your mom puts her arm out in front of you as if that's going to stop you from getting hurt.

Demonstrate it on John. Gum Gum, Bart's stopping short. Okay, that hits. So, Bart, does your mom arm take the damage instead? No, no. That's where the care ends. Yeah. You take an additional 19 points of piercing damage. Make another wisdom saving throw.

the wisest of the wizards. You know what? Gus has been having such a hard time with battles and stuff. I'm kind of glad Gus is getting some hits this time, okay? He needed some. Talk to me again in about 30 minutes. 10. Yeah, we'll see how you feel later. Yeah, we'll see. Oh my God, Gum-Gum, you're blind.

Again? Is his hat down? So blind and prone. Yes. And just took a good amount of damage. Only 19 plus. 19 plus the first one. Yeah, it was a bit. Yeah.

But on the bright side, that's it for that Shadrow. Kaiborg, what do you want to do? Your friend, in air quotes, is prone and reaching around blindly. Is this the Shadrow that is in line with Inku? No. No, this is a different Shadrow. No, the one that currently fired is the one most to the north. The one that's in line with Inku is the one kind of in the center that was in front of you to begin with. Okay.

I wonder if I should just start dealing damage to the boss. I mean, we plan... From a meta perspective, the one that attacked Gum-Gum has already had its turn. So we'll not be attacking again for another round. Okay. Just go with what you wanted to go with. You had a plan. Execute plan, Kaibor. All right. So I pull out the long bow of Chris... Longer bow of Kristalina. And I fire. But I also want to do a... Arcane Shard?

Arcane shot. Piercing arrow creates a line one foot wide and 30 foot long, and each creature in that line must make a deck saving throw. On failure, a creature takes damage from the arrow plus 1d6 extra piercing damage. Cool. Okay, let's take care of the regular damage first, and then we'll take care of that save and the extra stuff. Okay.

Okay. What do you say when you shoot it? Oh, do I have to say something? Just me being curious. Since it's a railgun, do you have a good eraser line? Or another Blink-182 song reference. I say, watch your manners! And then I stick my tongue out at Hugh Manor, despite his... Mind your manners. We've probably been better, but...

No, watch your manners. That's kyborg. I can't see. All right, so far the longer bow. Oh, no. That's okay. Do you have luckies? Yeah, I got an inspiration. I'll roll that. Man, do you have a plus 13 on your attack roll? Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, I know. How? Because I'm the best there ever was.

20. Just for clarification, that was a 7 plus 13, 20. Yes. I don't want people thinking it's a critical. Okay, sure. Not a natural 20. Yes, that hits. If it wasn't a 20, it'd be a 33. Cardboard isn't natural. All right, so I roll that. It's 1d8 plus 7. That's 14. And this is on the Shadrach, correct? Well, I'm trying to figure out whether or not that arrow carries...

that damage to the next person as well. I'm pretty sure it does. I see what you're saying. Let's take a look. Does the piercing arrow take all the damage through or just specific piercing arrow damage? I'm going to make an executive decision and say it takes all the damage through.

On a failure, the creature takes damage from the arrow plus 1d6 extra piercing damage, half damage on success. So we're going to tally the damage. We're going to treat it first on this Shadrach and then we'll do the saves and then determine how much carries on to Inku. Okay. So 14. Plus. And that's piercing damage, correct? Yeah. It's Kiss's damage. Yeah, it's going...

And then I'm rolling a d6. You need an arrow that kisses so that you can send your wife over to people and just attack them. I forgot about kissy kiss. Wait. Dang it. Two for the additional damage. So that's plus two. That's not worth it. Who knows? Maybe that was the final damage you needed for something to be triggered. Yeah. Listen, sometimes Bart and I, casting our spells, just completely miss our spells. So you did something. Speak for yourself, Bart. I said sometimes. Bart.

Bart's perfect Bart's never tried to put someone to sleep and they haven't gone to sleep Hey, you know sometimes people just have a lot of caffeine during the day and they're not ready to go night night Okay, so 16 points of total damage. Okay, so first I'll make the dexterity saving throw for the shadrow Okay, what save do they need to make? Uh, dc12. Okay, they have plus eight. Oh my god. DC12 is low Yeah, it sure is. That is a nat 20

So only ends up taking one point of damage from the extra D6. Okay. Really? I would roll lucky, but it's just not worth it. No, no, no, no, no. All right. And now Inku's dexterity save. Plus 45. Yeah. Inku's not very dexterous.

He's just trying to get my hopes up so I can break him. Rolled a 16. That's an 18, which makes... So half damage. Okay. So you rolled a total of 16 damage, so half of it goes through. Okay. So they get eight points. First person takes the full. First person takes the full half from the D6, and then Inku takes half overall. So in total, you did a fair amount of damage. Okay. They're trying to make you feel better. Yeah. Well, you got like five more attacks, so do them. Okay. I'm just going to do a longer bow shot attack.

at the Shadrow that's in front of me. Okay. We just put out a skit on social media. I think it was a week or two ago of us making fun of the whole, like, when you're last in initiative and it feels like it takes a lifetime. Yeah. And that was... Until it's your turn. 100% born out of playing with Kaiba. A 20 does hit the Shadrow. Okay. Do we...

13 points damage. I hate you. All right. It takes 13 points of piercing damage from your magical arrow fired by the longer bow of Kristalina. Woohoo. All right. And then I'm going to take another shot. Right in the kisser. How many do you get? Three. I hate this. 22. That hits. Do it. 10 points damage. You're hurting my guys. Bart yells across the room and goes, it's

really build up to make a big difference, Kyborg. She called your thing small. Or he called your thing small. Anything else, Kyborg?

No, I'm good. Wow, okay. Yeah, I'm gonna hold. I think what I need to do is I need to find what this, like, what the weakness is before I really start blowing the stupid amounts of damage. I imagine you just powering up right now and then it fading back in because you decided not to. That's exactly right. This is only a percentage of my, fraction of my power.

- Gum Gum, where did the world go? - I don't know. And then I'll, Gum Gum will enter his rage. I'll roll my rage die for eight, which is a bolt of light shoots from your chest. Another creature of your choice that you can see within 30 feet of you must succeed on its constitution saving throw or take one to six radiant damage.

And I can use it as a bonus action until then. So what happens when I'm blind? Or prone. You can't see anything, so. We determined. I knew he was going to argue with you. Yeah. At the last one, it just shot out whenever we were in that darkness. I think you aimed it yourself, if I recall. It just shot in front of me. Yeah, because wouldn't that, that might hit some of us. So if that's how we handled it before, I will say, since you're prone, there's nothing in front of you for it to shoot out and hit. Okay.

Set up a flare, Gum-Gum. No, if he's prone, he just shoots it into the ground and kind of bumps up a little bit. Maybe that's enough power to lift him, Gus. Or if he's on his back, he shoots it to the ceiling and unlodges a stalactite that comes down and assails you. Oh, God.

What a way to go. Well, I'll use half my movement to stand up. Okay. Ooh, I like it when the players do their research. And then... All right, nerd. And then... Get my research.

Okay, the thing that attacked me, am I aware of where it is? It was a ranged attack. Yeah, it was a ranged attack. Roughly, you do. So if I went after it? You could try, like, what were you thinking? Like trying to close the distance? Yeah, close the distance and attack it. So if you were to try to attack from range, I would say you have disadvantage because you're blind. Yeah, I do have, yeah. Or blinded. Thank you for agreeing with me. Sam, you're trying to close the distance. I would say you could try, and I would roll a die and give you, like,

50-50 as to whether or not you end up in the right place you think you do. Okay. And then even if you do close to melee, then it's still disadvantage. Okay. Well, I guess I'll do that and try and close the distance. I feel like I have a pretty good idea of where it was because I just fell back. I don't know. Do you want... I'm going to roll a d4. Which do you want to be good? Evens or odds? Evens. Evens, good. I rolled a four. Yes. Yay.

You closed the distance correctly. If you'd rolled a three, you would have killed me. And yeah, you know, you have, I guess, all your time training and fighting, you've really honed your skills. And you know, you remember, you have a mental image of the entire layout of the battlefield. And you charge at the Shadrow who fired at you. A mental image of the entire layout of the battlefield, but like a five-year-old's crown drawing. Yeah, like that. I can see everything. Uh...

And then I will attack. Do you know Kung Fu as well? I know Fu. I know Fu. I will recklessly attack that thing that shot me. Okay. So recklessly attacking gives you advantage on your attack, but gives them advantage when attacking you. So since you have disadvantage because of blindness and advantage with reckless attack, you just roll a normal attack. Yeah. To try to hit the Shadrow that messed you up.

What's up with them bones? I'm about to find out. Them dry bones? 24. I'm going to try to get over there. That hits. Okay. And I have my new axe equipped. What them bones? Equipped. Too bad there's no skellingtons here. That's why I was asking about them bones. Skellingtons. On a hit, the builder can choose one of the following as a bonus action. Well, if I use my rage, is that a bonus action? That's a bonus action, yes. So yeah, you have already used your bonus action. Yeah, yeah. To rage. Okay, well then...

Roll for damage. Roll that beautiful bean damage. Get out of the way, stupid window. It's me, Clippy. I hear you're trying to kill a Shadrach. Do you think that Shadrach's like, don't waste your time on me. I wish I knew more Blink-182 songs. I just don't know.

What's my age again? That's 17. 17 points. Plus my rage, so 20. 20 points of slashing damage. It's an axe, right? Yeah. Okay. 20 points of damage to this Shadrach. Ouch. Do I hear him die? Oh, right. Die? No, this is the first time he's been attacked. Okay.

Okay, well then I will do it again Recklessly so sorry seeing if you heard that guy'd fake his own death Hit the ground what if we all play dead well, they stopped attacking You just become like That's another

22. That hits. Oh, only your first attack is reckless? Oh, well. When you make your first attack on your turn. I only rolled once. So yeah, just let's do a second roll to see if that second attack hits. Oh, okay. Yeah, because I'm at disadvantage. Would you say he's feeling this? Oh.

Well, that was a crit. So since you have disadvantage, we take the worst one, which is not the crit, which would still hit. I just have a list of Blink-182 songs open that I'm going to keep referencing the titles of during the episode. And that's eight points. Plus three, so 11. 11 points of damage. Nice. Ouch. You hear the Shadrow's raggedy breath, so you know it's still alive. It was taste that good.

And I'm blinded and I'm trying to, hey, hey, hey, Bart, what's my age again? Stop. 15, right? I think it's 16. Oh, happy birthday. Thank you. It was a while ago. It was a year ago. It was at least two years ago. Anything else, GumGum? No. All right. Why don't you go ahead and make me another wisdom throw to see if your sight is back.

Saving throw? Yes. Show me the vision. Three. Three. Show me the everything. You've also lost your sense of smell now. Did we get an inspo or anything? Didn't we get inspiration dice? I do have an inspiration die. I used mine already. I guess. Use it. All right. I will use it. Show me everything. Not going to happen. Two. No! I'm so sorry. No.

- How does that happen? - I predicted that happening in my head. I was like, he's gonna roll a three or lower at this one. - I still wanted it to happen. - What a waste of an inspiration die.

Pleasant trees, patrons of the Stinky Dragon. Start the new year off by telling someone about the show. Make sure they follow us at Stinky Dragon Pod. We're on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. Plus, don't miss out on joining the lovely Stinky Dragon subreddit. Do you want to be part of the show? Then make a post on social media using hashtag Stinky Dragon Pod. We might name an NPC in the show after you.

Oh my god, alright, is that it for you GumGum? Yeah, I can't see myself doing anything else. Oh god. He says "Who's that?" Well what happens that he failed that? That was us. He's still blind, he's like just trying to break the blindness. I don't know, like something else bad happened. No. Okay, it's the Shadrach in the center's turn, the one that you lined up, that Kyberg lined up the shot with Inku. That was a saving throw? Yeah.

Why? Get like advantage. I could use my unstable backlash because if I fail a saving throw, I can use my reaction to do another roll. Do it, do it. All right, I'll do that. Gus is cool as it. I think you should get your reaction back. So this is your reaction, which you've already used. Okay, gotcha. I just saw a star go over Gus's head with a rainbow with the words, the more you know. Gus majored in rules. Oh God. Yeah, but I went to a part of college. He majored in rules.

That was Gunga. Lighting up that Shadrach. The Shadrach from the middle.

Uh, it's mad at kyborgs. Kyborg attacked it. You lined it up. What do you mean, what did you do? You just filled it with arrows. There's only two because the other one went through them. Yeah, but can he shoot with his arrow since I'm within melee range? Different one. Oh, yeah, and you're at the one at the north anyway. What's it going to do? So Gum-Gum's over there. Kyborg's over there. I'm just trying to... I'm building my own mental image. My own Gum-Gum mental map. This one's going to fire one of those shards at Kyborg. Oh!

It's AC 19. I'm going to use that shield thing. Really? I mean, it's going to blind me. Maybe. We can make a saving throw. Gus smirked as he said that. Do it. No, okay. Then I'll wait. I'll wait. I'll wait. I'll do the saving throw. What is the DC on the saving throw? I'll never tell. Oh, okay.

What's the saving throw? Well, hold on. Let me do my damage first. Let me do my thing. Do you guys all use dark mode on your D&D beyond? I do. I'm a psycho who doesn't use dark mode.

I switched Barbra's to dark mode once and you noticed immediately. Yeah, I was like, eh? Because I also load your profiles and it's the same. Yeah. Oh, so if you load my profile and change it to dark mode, it'll change on my profile. It happened to you once before. Well, sorry about that. The shard hits you doing 12 points of damage, Kaiborg. And you need to make a wisdom saving throw. Here it comes. The best saving throw ever. Kaiborg. Kaiborg. I'm having a hard time. It's at 12. Kaiborg.

Nope, nope. Nope, nope. He's a melt. He's got kind of a broken laptop right now. Could you use your finger? God, I feel like such a boomer. It's funny on D&D Beyond, they call it under dark mode. Oh, do they? Yeah. That's funny. What do they call the light version? It's just default. Like it's only toggle under dark mode on or off. You said wisdom saving throw? Yeah. Okay.

DC 25. What? I'm kidding. Doesn't matter. No, 5, but I have the advantage on... Saving throws? Yes, yes, yes. No, on constitution saving throws. Oh, unless... Lady! I have another thing called Indomitable! You can reroll a saving throw that you fail. You must use the new roll. You can use this once for long rest. So I'm going to do that.

I'm assuming that I just filled that saving throw. Oh, a five? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, all right. You don't have to be so... What was that? Wisdom saving throw? Yeah! 19! Oh! Yeah, you take damage and you feel like a pain in your head and your vision kind of closing down to a point, but then it expands and you manage to keep your vision. Good. I go cross-eyed for a second and I'm like, oh no, my eyes! Just kidding! I'm fine! Well, the shard draw does not look like it's kidding when it fires a second shard at you. Oh my god!

Multi attack, they multi attack. 26. Is that the hit? Yeah, even with the shield thing, I can't. No, no! I refuse! I use lucky! Oh, but I already queued up my damage. Okay, now it's fine.

so i have to sitting there going yeah i just wanted to give you guys so i have to re-roll my attack roll that's right and i get to choose which dice so like i re-roll one time yes okay yeah yeah you have three lucky points for long rest let's make sure because you got this oh i rolled better 28. not a good day for the infinite

I'll take the 26. There you go! Alright!

All of a sudden we wake up and we're warming our bed and it was all a dream. All right, you take 24 points of damage. I'm wearing that little sleep mask, which is why he's blind. And you must make another wisdom saving throw. Come on, man. John, are we going to be in a situation where our whole party's blind except you and me? Yeah. You said 24? Damage? Yeah, 24. That hurts. That hurts real bad. All right, wisdom saving throw. Well, you might take a little nap here.

Well, it's what you roll, Kai. I can't see it from over here. I bugged somebody! Lucky! I am lucky! How many luckies can you- How many of these, like, saving throw dice things that you have can you get rid of? This is two out of three. No, he also used that indomitable thing. Oh. Fourteen! He's got higher. That's a failure. Yeah. Oh my god! No! No! God. Grrr.

You've all made fun of us who have high wisdom modifiers. Okay, fine. I can work with this. I can make this work. I don't need to see to shoot a bow and arrow. You might be knocked prone. We'll see. I don't need to be standing up and see things to shoot a bow and arrow. Even is your eyes. Odd is your feet. Oh. Oh.

Odd. Odd. Odd. Odd. Yeah! The shard hits you and it knocks you prone. You fall and you're prone on the ground. And I say, yes! Your face down and your fist just comes up in the air like the end of Breakfast Club. Like freeze frame on your hand.

This is the story of a lonely guy. Is that another Blink-182 reference? They're so obscure. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know Blink, yeah. They're playing in Austin in July. Yeah, it's only like $600 each ticket. All right, that was it for its turn. So Kyborg is prone over there. Gum-Gum is blind over there. Mud is...

Mud really hasn't moved. You're still at the same starting spot, right? Yeah. Mud's doing a puzzle. Yeah, and then Bart has moved in that direction. Thinking about them bones. Dead bones. Let me jump in bones. Wait, what bones? There were bones to the north. Like a... I was gonna say box. Lots of bones. Okay. Is it Mud's turn finally? No, it is not. Wow. Thank you for inquiring.

It is Bolink's turn. I thought he left. He disappeared. And he reappears behind mud. Gosh, dang it. Emerging from the shadows. He dodges it. You didn't roll anything. You didn't either. He pulls out a short scythe.

You already have inspiration die, right? I gotta save those. Oh, no, wait. You don't have an inspiration die. Oh, no, I used it. I used it. You get an inspiration die. That's a good job. Judd. Judd. Judd. Judd. Judd. And takes a swing at you, Mud. Hitting AC 27. Oh, yeah, that totally connects.

Slashing you for... Oh, 11 points of damage. 5x10 HP. Plus some necrotic damage. 5x real HP. How much? 18 points of necrotic damage. So 11 plus 18? Yeah, 29. Damage. Damage.

He takes a second slash with that scythe, hitting AC 16. Yo, I think that misses. No, it does not. I am very unarmored. What is your AC? It would be 15. It says 13 right now, but I'll explain why, but it's 15. 26 points of slashing damage. In addition to the 18? Yeah. And 25 points of necrotic damage. 51. 51.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dragon scale for that last one. I'll use it. Plus five AC would miss. Yes, that would miss. So then you don't take the last two damages I just said. So that was just a one-time thing, right? Yep. Yeah. You blew it. But hey, we're at block 51 points. I'll take it. Yeah, it's a pretty good little shield. And we each have one? Yes. Once. So we use once.

Bolink looks at you with rage in his eyes, upset at you pulling that shield out and cheating him from the damage that he wanted to cause. Go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw. I have advantage. That's only a 13, but this will be 16. 16. I think that's a success.

You feel a core of fear and dread take root in your heart, but you managed to shake it off. You felt like running away and hiding and abandoning your friends, but your senses got the better of you and you stay and hold your ground. They were trying to make me afraid? Yeah. Okay.

Mudd's always thinking about abandoning his friends though, so... It's just Mudd Day. Mudd Day. Oh, nice. Well, it is Mudd Day, 'cause it's Mudd's turn. Woo! Hey! Mudd, Mudd, Mudd. My turn! He's our man. Okay, so Bo-Link is on my butt. So, Mudd's going to cast Summon Elemental Spirit. And I'm gonna cast it at a 6-level slot, and I'm gonna summon a Water Elemental. There, my friend.

And I want to summon them, I guess, right on them. Right next to Bowling. Okay. And their initiative is right after mine. Okay. So as a bonus action, Mud's going to... I was looking this up and then you called on me finally because I realized I wanted this for my bonus action. Bonus action, I want to use the Combat Wild Shape. Okay. And I'm going to turn into...

Polar bear. Ooh, it's like lost. 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. There you go. Why do I still remember those numbers? It's so useless. I don't need that. I forget my youngest child's birthday sometime. I knew that. If only it was 418. Yeah, I wish. Cool. So then the water elemental gets to go now and look really cool. Why is D&D Beyond not working? I want to know what a polar bear is. It's like multiple screens pulled out for you.

Well, because I got a lot of stuff to look up. I'll figure out what a polar bear does in a second. I'll help you. Thank you. So my water elemental gets to take three attacks. That seems OP. It is, but I cast at level six. It takes as many multi attacks as half the spell that I spell slot I use it at. So real fast, polar

Polar Bear gets two attacks, one with bite, one with claw. Yeah, I'll find it. Okay. It's just the browser wasn't working. There it is. I got it. Okay. Yeah, I remembered I had multi-attack, which is why I wanted to do it. And a good amount of temporary HP. So I slam. Into the space jam. Come on and slam. Okay. So you slam Bolink. Yeah. So it's my hit die. No, wait. My attack is plus five. So it is...

D20. That's only a six. Wait, what? No, sorry. Plus five. 11. That misses. Let's do another one. Shockingly. It's 21. That hits. Okay. Can I just roll the other one since I'm on D20s? Why not? Okay. That one's only of eight. That misses. Okay, cool.

And then, sorry, I got to go back to my elemental to find out. It is 1d10 plus 4 plus the spell's level bludgeoning damage. So 1d10 plus 10. So it's not going to be a ton. It might be. 1d10 plus 10. You get up to 20. 14 total. Pretty good. Bludgeoning damage. On Bolink. And then...

I would like it to move into Bowling Space and whelm Bowling. Whelm? Like, he's not overwhelmed. He's just whelmed? Yeah. Uh,

Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Yeah. Each creature in the elemental space must make a DC 15 strength saving throw on a failure. One target takes 2d8 plus 4 bludgeoning damage. Okay. So you said strength saving throw. Yes. Okay. Rolling that. This is a plus 5. 17. Okay. Don't worry about that. All right. And I'm a bear and a roar at bow link. Ooh, make an intimidation check.

They can pee his pants. Give me urine. Show me urine. I mean, that's an 18. Oh, yeah. You see the confidence disappear from his eyes for a brief second. That's half a ounce of urine. Say, you're in trouble. You're in trouble. You're in trouble. And it just sounds like... I speak to your conic. Maybe I do too. Anything else, Mud? And that already included your water elemental as well, right? Yeah.

What's its name? What's the name? Glubby. Glubby. Glubby. Big fan. Glubby. Related to Glubber. All right. Finally, it's Inku's turn. Take that damage. Oh, right. I've written down right here. Oh, dang. That was nice. 20 damage from Cloud of Daggers. Okay. Don't think I forgot. It was like an hour ago. I have it written here. I would have seen it during this turn, but I did not see it at that moment. 20. Okay. Boom. Note gone.

And she disappears into the shadows. Oh, man. And then reappears behind Bart. That cloud of daggers could have come from anyone. She leans in and whispers into your ear. That was very naughty, Bart. Kind of hot. Bart goes, I like ASMR. From under her cloak, it doesn't make any sense, but she pulls out this giant scythe and she takes a swing at you, Bart. This will be the day I've waited for.

That was not a Blink-182 reference. But that was good. Ruby. That hits AC 17. Should I use the shield? I feel like you're going to have multiple attacks. Yeah, I just don't know what she's going to do. Okay, I'm going to use that shield to increase my AC by five. So that would not hit. So what is your AC with that five? 20.

Ugh, okay. Yeah, Inku looks upset with you. She wasn't before. More so, she was annoyed before. Now she's angry. That was really nuts. I still like you when you're angry. Well, let's see if she likes you. She takes another swing, hitting AC 29. Well, yeah. I don't know if my shields are going to help you on that one, Bart. Sorry. That does? Bart closes his eyes, so it feels like it hurts less. Oh.

It doesn't work. 39 points of slashing damage. All right. Plus... Necrotic. And 60 points of necrotic damage. Well, I'm dead. You're down. Well, I had 56. There's a difference of terminology. You are down. You are not dead. I am down. I'm at zero HP. Correct. Jeez. Inku smiles.

That's all she'll do for now. Okay, team. We got that bones thing over there that we still need to figure out. That was Bart's mission, but Bart is down. The Shadrow to the south. It's turn. Everyone's far from it. Everyone moved away in the other direction.

Man, this one's kind of... Is it purring? Get it, mud. This one's not in the greatest of locations. It's going to close the distance to try to get closer to Inku. And, oh yeah, it'll take a shot at Gum Gum. Hitting AC, 28. That hits. You sounded really excited about that, Gum Gum.

18 points of piercing damage. Okay. So nine. Nine. And make a wisdom saving throw. Two. Wait, you're blind still, right? Yeah. Make a wisdom saving throw to see if you knock prone. Ah.

Okay. I guess I'll do that. That's 12. 12. You're knocked pro. Okay. The shadrow fires another shard at you. Okay. These are tough. Hitting AC 24. Remember, John said he felt bad for me. The things had not been going my way in combat recently. We invite that into our lives. Thanks for manifesting that into reality. I'm proud of my choices. I'm fine. What are you guys doing? So it hits. Dying.

16 points of damage piercing damage so eight yes and you're already prone and blind so i mean on the bright side you don't have to make a save throw again i can't see it dark to me the dark side which is also a blink 182 song i hate this i hate it i won't be home for christmas so it's bart's turn i'm down right but you have to make a roll to see if you stabilize i don't see where that is it's another blink 182 oh

So go ahead and roll a d20. 1 to 10 is bad. 11 to 20 is good. Nice. No! So check failure. That's the faintest. Cool. It's okay. It's okay. We got you. Don't you worry, folks. I've got you.

Say that beautiful singing voice. I've got the plan. Getting cold. No. I shoot a flaming arrow at you. I use my mage hand to give myself CPR. I can slap you a couple times. One last hurrah. Hold my hand, mage hand. I just found out I was a quarterling. I'm gonna die. You're gonna be a nunling. Oh, zeroling. A zeroling.

The Shadrow to the north. Wait, why was I able to do that just now? Is it after everyone's turn? It was your turn. So we've got a full circle. That's your turn. I thought I'm before Gum-Gum. You are. You're first in the initiative. So after that last Shadrow, it came back up to the top of the initiative, which was your turn. Gum-Gum hasn't gone again. Oh, okay. I thought he was doing his turn. Gum-Gum took a damage. Never mind. Yeah. And the Shadrow to the north. Gum-Gum is close to them. Oh, I know.

Come on, bring it. Don't invite that. I say from the ground blind. That Shadrow unsheathes a blade that is pitch black and reflects no light. Darksaber. I couldn't see it anyway.

And it takes a swing at Gum Gum. Chris's defiant face. I wish everyone could see it. Hitting. Oh, AC 13? That misses. Yeah. Wow. I just have to check, though. I'm blinded and prone. Yes. I don't think it affects your AC. I think when you're prone, you do not get your dexterity modifier added to your AC. An attack roll. Okay.

against creature has advantage if they're within five feet. Oh, because you're prone, so I get to roll again. Yeah. Oh, thank you. That was not very good for you, but no. It's not very close of him to do that. 15. Oh, it misses also. Oh, well, look, see, it worked out for you. Yeah, the Shadrow is not happy about it. I like to think it's like striking down with its sword and you're just rolling around. It's like you roll to the left and

Stripe swings down again. You roll to the right. Whee. I knew that Gum-Gum has good hearing, so. All of his other senses are heightened if he's blind, right? Yeah. You can hear the air rushing aside as the sword comes down. What's that character again? That's like the Marvel hero that's blind. Daredevil. You become Daredevil. Well, let's see if it happens again because it gets to make a second attack with that blade. I rolled both times. So the bear won 21. That, I assume, is a hit. 21? Yeah. Yeah. So that is it.

This time the Shadrach has learned from its mistake, figures out which direction you're rolling in and connects for 23 points of slashing damage. - Okay, so half of that. - Plus necrotic. - Necrotic damage. - Okay, well what's that? - 30 points of necrotic damage. - So 30 plus what was 23, half of 23. Did I do a lot? - We'll run it down, that'll be 11. - Okay, so. - 41. - How you doing? - All right.

I really am. All right. That's its turn. Kyborg. Okay. I'm going to try to run through this very quickly, but can you quickly give me a run through of how I get up from prone and what's up with those bones? Half your movement to be standing again. Okay. I do that. So then you have half less movement and then the bones are...

You'd have to wade through some of the purple liquid, because like I said, it's like resting on the precipice of a waterfall of this purpley liquid. And it's further beyond this shadrach to the north. What do I see with my beautiful green elven eyes? Can I perceive anything about it? Make a perception check then. You got it. Come on! It's a one. It's a one. We got a one, folks! Well, it's six, but...

It's kind of hard to find the box. It's like blended in with the rocks that it's resting on. It's really hard to make a distinction as to what it is. I'm going to shoot those bones. I have no other choice. Yeah. All right. First of all, gift of the chromatic dragon. Chromatic infusion. I'm going to make my arrows opposite of necrotic. What should I do? Cold. Lightning or fire? Yeah, lightning. I do lightning. So you fire...

arrow with gift of the chromatic dragon using lightning at the bone chest I keep wanting to say box at the bone chest we know what you mean you know it okay enter the bone zone make a bone saws ready uh there you go you made an attack roll 20 okay it hits I guess roll damage okay

What's the bone box's AC? I feel like destroying the bone box wasn't the solution for the puzzle. All right, well, you know, I'm just trying to do something. Hey, we got to knock out options. Plus 1d4 damage from the lightning. Roll it. You got it. I have no idea what the box's AC is, Barbara, to answer your question. I was like, just roll. If it's high, we'll say it hits. If it's low, we'll say no. I am, like, passed out right now. So this all sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher in the background. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

The D4 is like a pyramid. Got it.

- Two! - So 10 points of damage? - Yeah. - What happens? What happens Gus? What happens? Paint us a vivid picture of what happens when our good friend Kywork shoots a lightning arrow at a box. - It seems like time slows down as the arrow impacts the box and the bones shatter flying in every direction. Out from inside the box, you see a key start spinning in the air. It falls precariously on the edge of the waterfall. It seems like it could go at any second.

I didn't see that. I don't have a lot of movement. I don't have a lot of movement here. How far away is it? Because I got half of 35, which is 17, 18. Yeah. Use the arrow you have that lets you shoot at things and bring them back to you. You don't have like a mage hand type situation, huh? It's a little further than that. I'd say it's probably like 35, 40 away or so. And what's the... Am I going to be opening myself up to attacks of opportunity if I like run beeline it straight towards it or...

Because I can use an attack to further my movement, is that correct? Movement. What do you mean use an attack to further your movement? No, if you don't attack, then you can double dash, but you can't. Right. That's your action. You can't use a second attack. Right. You could try to wade through the water or you could try to jump up onto some of the rocks where that Shadrow and Gum-Gum are currently at.

You probably have enough movement for either of those, but that would only take you about halfway to the key. Okay. Well, I've already made an attack, so I can't do movement. Correct. Okay. So I will do that. I'll make that movement. Make that movement? Yeah. So you're up on that little, which is a jump, I assume? Or do you want to wade through and climb up there? No, I want to jump. Okay. So athletics or? Yeah, just make a, well, yeah, an athletics check. Acrobatics, perhaps? No, it's not. You didn't say a fancy jump. If you were doing like some kind of flip, I would say. There.

There's like a cool flourish of the hands and the feet when I do it. Jazz hands? Yeah. Okay. Acrobatics then?

Okay, is your acrobatics roll better than your athletics roll? Yes? Yeah, sure. Just by one. Still, that one counts. 23. Oh yeah, easily. Is this easy mode? No. Bart's dying. Okay. I know Bart, I know Bart. Okay, so then, um, then, uh, who was the guy that inflicted a lot of damage, uh, that wasn't- All of them. Bolink? Bolink. Bo! Bo! Bolink attacked Mud. Okay.

This is forever, Winter! You are my sworn enemy! Uh, and then I use the longer bow of crystallina on bow. Okay. Bow. Bow. So we do...

31. That hits. Okay. And I do 10 points of damage. Plus lightning. Plus I have 4d6 on sworn enemies of cold damage. But what about your lightning? Is it still there? Don't get into it. Oh. Ice lightning. And what reckless abandon. So that's 12. Cold damage. Okay. Cold damage plus a d4 lightning damage. That's four. So that's 26. Well, total. Total. Okay. Okay.

How's that? How do you like that? Yeah, he looks cold and electrified at the same time. He does not look happy. Neat. All right, I'm gonna do it again. I have three action or three attacks. So I hit another arrow. Ooh, baby. That's a 32. Ooh, baby. All right. And then I do one more. Seven piercing. 17 cold salmon. Plus a little bit of lightning. A little bit of lightning. So 27? Yes.

Okay, yeah. Bolink is not happy about any of that. How are they like looking looking though? Not great. Okay. Yeah, I just want to get this guy out of here for the listener at home. Gus just rolled his eyes. I forgot about action search. You're killing my dudes. All right, action surge. Going to continue on with Longerbow, Kristalina.

Boom. On Bolink again, I assume? Yes. 30. Yeah, that hits. He's my mortal enemy. 46 ice damage. Is that a crit? No, 17 plus 13. First, I'll do the piercing, which is 10. And then the ice damage, which is 23. Plus the lightning damage, which is... 46 and you got a 23? Yeah. 6566. Wow. Damn. Plus the lightning damage is one point.

So that's a 34. The power of Satan. Kill Bolink. Yeah, Bolink falls to the ground. Unmoving. I don't have an enemy next to me anymore. Are they dead? He's unmoved. I'll make sure. Down and unmoving.

I'm technically down and unmoving. He's dead. And then I already used Gift of the Chromatic Dragon, but with Action Surge, that doesn't reset my bonus action, does it not? No, I do not believe so. Okay, well, you know, I'm just going to take another shot at bowling just to make sure. I think he's dead. I think he's dead.

- Just to be clear, I was trying to be cagey about it. Yeah, don't waste it. - Okay. And then even though it's at disadvantage, I have two more attacks. I'm gonna use them against Inku. - Are you at disadvantage? - Because Bolink, wait. - Your sworn enemy is down. - Oh yeah, my sworn enemy's dead. So then I get to switch it. Forever winter!

Now, uh... Can you switch it? Yes. In the same turn? Once, if they fall, the mechanic is supposed to not punish you if you actually succeed in killing your enemy. Yeah. Oh, God. But then they'll have advantage against me. That's fine. That's fine. Kill one of the little Shadrach. No, I'm gonna go against Inku. Okay. Uh, Inku, my sword enemy! Uh, I use my longer bow triumph against them. It's okay. It's not like these adds are totally killing us. 22. Uh, yeah, that hits her. All right, I do. 13 points piercing. Ouch.

18, uh, ice, and 3 lightning. Mark just cast a lot of daggers right into the chest,

- He's gonna wake up and everyone's gonna be dead. - At this point you're hearing Kyber yell a lot. - It's all just like hazy explosions and stuff like that. - So that is 34 total? - Yes. - And what was it again? 13, 18, three. Okay, 31, 34, got it. - Okay, and then I'm gonna, oh God, I should have been rolling twice this entire time

because I have advantage. Well, you haven't missed, so it's been fine. But you could have gotten a crit. Could have been critted. So this is 16, and then I'm going to roll that again. 17. All right, so no crits. Yeah. 17, though? Oh, I thought you were doing your rerolls. 16, 17. No, those do not hit. I'm lucky. Curses.

Curses. Pretty sure the way that Tolkien wrote the end of The Hobbit, Bilbo goes the same thing. I think he gets knocked out and then gets told the final fight by the dwarves. So I'll just be like him. Yeah. And you're also a half-blood. Quarterly. 19 hits. Okay. Doing piercing. 14 plus ice. Oh, wait, no. I'm going to roll lightning just to mix it up. Ha ha. Four plus ice. 11. So that's...

29. 29. Okay. You have Inku's attention. That's the end of my turn, so then I just wave. Gum Gum. Yeah. You're rolling around. What are you going to do? Do you think Kyborg is close to you? I do. You smell him. It smells like Axe body spray. Yeah.

Is that the elf still near me that attacked me? Yes. How far away was Bart? Bart was back across like some of that liquid back on the shore. Let's say from where you are 15, 20 feet or so. If I use my immovable rod to teleport to Bart. Okay. I don't know. Is there anything he could even do for me if I'm... He could give you a potion or try to stabilize you and then that would like bring you back up and

and you would no longer need to make the saving throws. - So, and we discussed changing the way we do potions so that I can use it not as a main action or like, how does it work? If I wanted to try and heal Bart. - We've gone a few different ways and normally when we encounter the situation, the party who you're giving it to is awake and able to assist you. In this case, Bart is down and incapacitated. So I would say it would take an action for you to pull it out and then to give it to Bart. - Okay. And then using my immovable rod, that would take out my action?

Oh, I see what you're saying. I mean, I still have two more attempts to save myself, too. This is also, I think Gum Gum would do this. Oh, yeah. Okay, sure.

I'm gonna say yes, that would be an action to pull out and use your immovable rod. So that would use your action. So you could get to Bart, but you couldn't also give the potion as well this turn. Okay. Quick question. How far is Bart from mud? Not too far. Bart just ran up a little ways from, I'd say 20 feet or so. 20 feet to the east. I've got Bart. Don't worry about him. I can't help but worry about him, but okay. Then I guess I will stand up. Okay.

Let's have my movement. Yes. And I will recklessly attack that elf that's in front of me. Shadrow. So that cancels out and you end up even. Yeah. Okay. That's 26. That hits. Doing 17 points of damage. Ooh. You hear the Shadrow grunt in pain. And it's... You can smell it still standing in front of you. What's it smell like? I like the sound of you smelling it too. I feel like the Shadrow would have like...

Axe. I just made that joke while you were gone. What? I said, you smell kyborg close to you. It smells like axe body spray. It's just, yeah, it gets the star kills. Then I'm going to make a DC 15 to make a saving throw or be knock prone.

What? You're going to make a... Read my balancing X. On a hit, the wielder can choose one of the following... Oh, I see what you're saying. So you force the target to make a dexterity saving throw or be knocked prone. Okay. So that is a DC 15 dexterity saving throw. Shadrow has plus eight dexterity.

That is a 10. Failure. Yes. So the hit from your balancing axe knocks the Shadrow down. Okay. And now I'm going to use my second attack to hit it again. This time, also not at disadvantage because now it's prone. Yes, correct. So normally you would be at advantage, but because you're blind, you're disadvantaged, so that cancels out. It's just a normal attack.

19. That hits. That's 17 plus 3, so 20. Nice. The Shadrow is prone, not because of your attack, but because it is dead. Yay! It sounds dead and smells it. I don't say yay because I'm dead. Bye, Gum-Gum. I have to move back. That's a reference that so many people are not going to get. Aw, Gum-Gum.

Nope, not even that. See, I don't think Barbara knows what it's from. I'm in. Okay, you do. No, I'm making a joke that the same people who did the hot pocket. Oh, yeah. So you one-upped his joke with your own joke. Hey. I see your joke. Oh, wait. I'm dead. Yes. Yes, and. Yes, plus. I want to use my remaining 20 feet of movement to run towards Bart.

Run or jump. Remember, there's kind of like that purplish liquid between you. Well, I guess, is there any other guys around me? I don't think so. The closest one is going to be Inku, who is by Bart. Okay, and then that key, I don't even see it, so I couldn't go for it. Correct. You knew where the box was there, but you would have no idea what happened to it.

I'm gonna go to Bart. Okay. Whatever the- if I can- I can jump there. You tell me. Yeah, I'll jump there. That's fine. Jump onto Inku. Nope. Wait, no. Really quick though, if this key... Is it for unlocking his- Don't worry about the key, don't worry about Bart, but I- Mom's saying like, if you ran to the parents, I could throw you Hail Mary, the key, to you, and you can unlock the parents if that's what it's supposed to be for.

- Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You just got it. - Mud's got it, Mud's got it. - Let the druid go. - What are you doing, Gum-Gum? - I'm gonna jump to wherever Bart is. - Okay, you jump over to Bart and Inku. - I don't know what else to do. - Yeah. - 'Cause I don't know the key. - That's fine. Anything else you wanna do or are you just closing that distance? - I'll close the distance. I don't suppose. - I love when a sentence starts with that. - I could put my friendship bracelet on Bart. - That's gotta be an action, right?

Or is it a bonus action on the description? I already used my bonus action. Yeah, he already used it. I was trying to be like, I might let it slide as a bonus action, but you already used a bonus action. So I'm going to say no. Then yeah, that's it. That's it for Gum Gum. It is the Shadrow in the center's turn. Has that one been attacked at all? Yes, that one has been attacked. It looks like a couple of times. It's going to...

Okay, so Gum-Gum just came back. Bard is down. Inku's there. Kyborg's over there. Mud's over there. Bolink's down. It could go a couple of different ways. I think it's going to attack Mud because Bolink is down and Inku can take care of herself. Do it. Do it. Yeah. Bolink.

Poor Joe. Joe, thanks for voicing. It fires a shard at Mud, or I guess the polar bear. Oh, man, there's also a water elemental. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Which one would it attack? Oh.

You can do whatever you want. No, I didn't do either. Even is Polar Bear oddest water elemental. Polar Bear. All right. So it fires a shard at the Polar Bear, hitting AC 27. Yes. That physically harmed John's stomach. The loudest stomach growl just came out of me because I am ready for food. Lunchtime soon. 24 points of piercing damage. Okay. And you must make a wisdom saving throw.

making me get into too many screens you got this you got that that's easy what was it a wisdom saving throw yes okay i get advantage i don't think i'll need it 27. that's beautiful yeah that makes it curses how much damage did you do 24.

Okay. I wish when it said custom roll, it like had a small indication telling you which dice were rolled to get that roll because then I have to go back and click at them. Anyway. All right. So then is summon elemental a concentration spell? Like, do you need to roll concentration since you took damage there? Pretty sure it's not. I believe he just is. Yeah, I don't think it is a concentration either. I just want to verify that. Summon elemental. Uh.

- Nope. - Yeah, okay. Yeah, 'cause it's just there. It's like it has a top- - Oh wait, it is. Concentration up to one hour. - Oh, it is. - Dang. - Oh, wow. I didn't realize that. - That didn't make any sense. - I'll agree with you, but rules are rules.

He actually pushed up your glasses on that one. Our rolls, our rolls. Okay. What do you want to do? Make a concentration check. Concentration check. You can do this. You can do this. Come on, man. Wait, concentration? Yeah. Roll for concentration? Is that in... It should be a d20 plus the spell level plus...

Well, just roll a d20 and then I'll work on it. I think it's also plus the damage you took. I am going to use my inspiration die on that. That was a one. That was a one. That's not good. That's a...

12. Better. Spell was at 6, so 18 plus... The DC equals 10 or half the damage taken, whichever number is higher. You took... 12. 12. All right, so then... So I beat it. Yeah, and it would be a constitution saving throw, so then you add one of your constitution saving throw bonuses to it. I'm already there. Okay. What was water elemental's name again? Glubby. Glubby! Stay, Glubby. So it's a successful check.

You feel that sense of dread come over you again. It tries to cast fear on you. Make a wisdom saving throw. Okay. 27 or 19. So 27.

Yeah, it does not take root. You're too brave. Yeah, I am. Thank you. Okay. What was that? Central. Bowlink dead. Mud. Oh, Mud. Do I get to go? Yeah, it's your turn. Oh, man. Two turns in one episode? Yeah. Whoa. Look at her. All right. How's it feel? That's an episode you kill one of the players or you down one of the players. That's the only reason because Bart's down. I take the shortest. Speaking of Bart. Okay. Bart is ahead of me. Bart.

How far, uh, you know, I'll deal with Bart first. Um... Bart's breath is terrible. I'd go up to Bart. I would've... Ha ha ha!

I would assume that using an item is an action, correct? Usually. We may have some leeway depending on what specifically you want to do. Well, okay. I'm going to use my eggless of equipping so that I can pull an item from me. I'm a bear still. Okay. And so I'm going to pull an item, and I want to pull the mud's totem of restoration, which allows me to...

I can expend a charge and use a bonus action to cast Healing Spirit, which will sit next to Bart. Healing Spirit then allows Bart to roll for some health, which is 1d6 plus whatever spell level you cast it at above second level. I'm going to cast it at fifth level, so 4d6. Okay. Mm-hmm.

Good. I mean, right now? Yeah. Because that would bring him out of death roll, right? Correct. So it's 46. Oh, six. Oh!

21. Nice. So if you do that, just for clarification, the elemental goes away. But the item is the one that's casting it. Isn't it? It's a totem. It can heal a number of times people to one plus your spellcasting ability modifier. So you pull out, you use the totem. Because it keeps doing, is that not how that works? I'm trying to, is this our first time using it? I don't think we spent enough time acknowledging that I rolled a 21 on a 46. On a 24? That's great. That's like your roll from before, Blaine. Yeah, dude. You killed it.

And if I may, I'm pretty sure that the elemental stays. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yes. We'll allow it? Yes, we'll allow it. Okay. We're pulling out, we'll allow it. Yeah, like I said. Bart, wow, a 21. Bart does the thing where he goes... Welcome back.

I mean, glit. God, it's a shame that this is audio only. The facial reactions from you guys. Okay, I want to make it very clear. Bart will roll that on Bart's next action. Oh, okay. It starts on your first place when you are in the vicinity of the healing spirit, which also means, Gum-Gum, your next action, you need to roll as well for health. Okay. Okay.

Okay. So Bart is still down, but we'll receive that healing that was already rolled. I could use that? Yeah. It's a five foot cube, and it stays there for a minute. I'll pretend I'm still seeing the skull on my thing instead of my HP. Okay. And then now the water elemental to the key.

How much is ground? How much is water? So it's not, just to clarify, it's not water. It's like a purple liquid. Okay, liquid. Yeah. Just the first 25 feet or so are solid. Then after that, it becomes that liquid. And then there's a rocky crag

where the key is at the very end. Okay. Then I have to give you a little math problem and I'm going to let you figure it out. Excellent. Yes, I knew you would like that. He muttered in math. The water elemental has a 30-foot land speed, 90-foot swim speed. Oh, okay. Yeah, easily makes it. Okay.

He's just not going to try. No, no, no. It's just 20. And then that's like two thirds. So then you're left with a third. That's another 30. I think it has either a third. I'm going to be good here and say, I think it has either 30 or either 90. It doesn't go 30 and 90. Well, no. Yeah. So it uses 20, which is two thirds.

of 90, which leaves a 30 of liquid. Okay. So it's at the key. Yes. It would be able to reach the key. Uh, yeah, it does. It makes it easily. Uh, and it reaches the key.

Okay. Does grabbing the key count as an action? No, I'll say no. Okay. Then he comes back to me and gives me the key. I don't know if it has enough movement for that. Well, you said... It's 30 and 90. Oh, so it's like it only double moves. Yeah. If it does... Yeah, correct, correct.

Yeah. Here, Globby. Oh, yeah. So the water elemental comes back and then like the last few feet as it reaches you, it's like it almost dissipates and it just becomes like a wave of water that pushes the key towards you. My Globby's gone? Gone. What? What?

dropping the key at your feet. But the key looked like it was surfing. It's real tubular. Why did it disappear? I don't know. Do I know? Can you communicate with it? Yeah. It felt pain when it was in the fluid. Oh. Oh. I don't feel so good. Interesting. Okay, don't touch the fluid. And so the key... The keyboard's drinking out of it. The key laps up at your feet. It's a really weird material. It's almost like it's shifting. It's kind of like...

Inky black key. You would swear it's a fluid, but it's really not. It's solid. Can I pick it up? Uh, yeah. I pick it up. Make a wisdom saving throw.

Okay. Glad this is you, not me. The wisdom saving throws? Yeah. That is either 21 or 21. Yeah, 21. Again, you feel that fear try to take root inside of you just from holding this key in your hand. It conjures up awful images in your mind's eye, which you're able to push it away. M is for mud. M is for might not get afraid. M is for mind's eye. It's for mighty. All right.

I've got the key! My key! Thank you, and all the others. Anything else, Mud? No, I'm next to Bart, and that's it. So you're next to Bart and Gum-Gum, who came over. And Inku. And Inku, yeah. God, I hope they don't have AoE. Okay. Oh, it's Inku's turn. Yay. I'm still down. Yes, you are still down. Why did you give him that idea?

Okay, so... Would you heal from the thing? Not until their turn. I got it, yeah. Top of your turn. Inku does not like that you have the key mud, so she fixes her attention on you, and she's going to attack you with her scythe.

Okay. Hitting AC 21. Yes. Doing 37 points of slashing damage. Okay. And yes. And 48 points of necrotic damage.

Oh, 85? Yeah, uh, 85. I believe I'm still standing. Did I knock the polar bear out? Oh, I am no longer the bear of the polars. I'm a very, very hurt druid. Well, let's see if we can make you a very, very dead druid. Okay. How dare you? She attacks again, hitting AC 16. Just barely. Barely.

No, we're not bears anymore. No bear puns. Yeah, barely. Doing 39 points of slashing. I'm down. Okay, no point in continuing. Inku smiles. No one's there to see it. I'm there. I just can't see it. No one can see. Wait, Kyber can. He's not there. I'm staring out from the distance because Inku was like, I see you. And then I'm like, oh, it's not. So now what's he going to do? So Inku's in our space. Cool.

Correct. So, Inku makes the attack. Mud goes down. In an annoyed voice, Inku shouts, "Enough of these games!" She waves her bony fingers and everything suddenly goes black. Oh. Kaiborg, you feel the power drain from your body.

And you feel like something's wrong. You know your diadem is gone. No! Amidst the darkness, you hear Inku call out. You were never truly going to win the day, Bartholomew. But don't worry. You'll get what's coming to you. Hugh Manor, who did nothing the entire fight, Hugh Manor chuckles. Indeed, the end is coming. I've seen it, and I promise none of you are ready for it.

Shall we, my love? Inku snaps her fingers and you hear a crack of thunder. Gum-Gum, you can see again. I guess, Kyborg, you can see as well. But Inku, Hugh, and the Shadrow are gone. The swirling portal you entered earlier is beginning to fade. Are we in combat? No. Okay, then can the healing spirit do some stuff? The healing spirit, I guess, would proc and everyone who was around it would heal. Healing spirit lasts for...

a minute and you can cast a spell that takes 10 seconds, right? Around 6 seconds. Around 6 seconds. So the healing spirit could technically cast the heal thing, what, 10 times? 10 times. Okay, so we're at full health. That being said, the portal you entered is beginning to fade and seems like it's not going to stick around very long. Then it goes off at least once. Okay.

And you get 21. You need to roll for 4d6, and I will roll for 4d6. So should I run? We should probably all run for the portal. Yeah, they need heals to get them back up and out. No, I think I'm good now. Yeah, and then we just need to all sprint. I have 19 health. And I got 21 from that roll. As you all are healing, you hear shouts from the southeast corner of the cavern. You're perfect.

It's your parents. Oh, gosh. They're here. You need to go get them. I'm going with you, right? Let's go. Bart runs up to his parents. I run to assist. Like I said earlier, they're bound and held in place there. But when you touch the key to their bindings, the bindings slip away. And does the key disappear too? Yes.

I assume you take them and escape. So you all pass through the portal and arrive back in the heart of Mount Sayamoto. Chromatic fluids swirling with color all around you. Duncan is pacing at the entrance of the cavern while morning light peeks through the mouth of the cave. He perks up at the sight of you.

Oh, thank die. You made it back, my friends. It's so good to see your faces again. Hurry, come and see, come and see. Duncan waves you all over to the entrance. We go and see. Yeah, yeah. You exit the cave and the radiant rays of the sun never felt warmer on your weary skin. You look out all across the provinces of Tatora and you see countless dragonborn defeating what's left of the Shadrow as they recoil in the sunlight. At the base of the mountain, you see all four ancient dragons surrounding Ladoria, each exhaling their elemental breath in a cone around her.

Her scaly body is consumed and dissolves in a mist of shadow. That was the other dragon. That was the one that was chasing us. Yeah, it was the one that had been chasing you before. Yeah, remember that quick time of it? A wrinkled halfling clears his throat. Bart? It really is you, isn't it? But you're so grown up, am I not?

The dragonborn that's with him says, I'm afraid we've been tortured with the worst fears and nightmares imaginable for what can only be described as an eternity. It is difficult to believe that this is all truly happening. Dad? Forgive us, Bart. We weren't there for you. For years, it seems. And well...

We never stopped loving you, son. It seems Daya has given her family a second chance. A new day to finally make things. I feel as if I know you. Hi, I'm Gum-Gum. Jim Soon, look.

I have eyes? They're crossed. *Gasp* That's...

Find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I want to congratulate Kyborg because out of the four of us, he's the only one who doesn't have daddy issues. He's got mommy issues. I miss Kristalina. I hug my bow.

I can't even process what all just happened. I cast a cloud of daggers and then it popped out of existence until it was all done. Well, let's explore more about what's going on with Bart's family next time. Here's a quick shout out to folks interacting with us on social media recently. Here's some of the NPCs named after them in this episode. Ladoria the Shadow Dragon was named after At-La-La-Doria and Bolink the Shadrow was named after At-La-La-Doria.

LinkIB. We also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided voiceover for characters in this episode, like Inku, who's voiced by Raquel Lilly, Hugh Manor, voiced by Achievement Hunter's Trevor Collins, Bo Link, voiced by Achievement Hunter's Joe Lee, Omar Finn, voiced by Funhouse's Jacob Fullerton, and SimSun Finn, voiced by Squad Team Force's BlizzBear. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. ...