C01 - Ep. 74 - Of Life & Breath - Win, Lose, or Shaddrow
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Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash save whenever you're ready. For

This is a Rooster Teeth production.

Salutations all you sacred statues! Falsely appear in the stinky dragon and guzzle our latest gulp, Rock Paper Prisoners. It's a mixture of clerical cucumber, shredded cilantro, protector tequila, shaken with eidolon infused rocks. One sip of this sacrilege sauce is enough to... wait what? You don't need air, sleep, food or drink? Oh well. Previously our adventurers were sailing on the Jebediah at the Tatoran border but

Their non-draconic identities were uncovered, recovered, and uncovered again by a slew of sword-swinging silver dragonborn. Eventually they took flight with Mud's menagerie of owls across the blazing border into the province of Geo. But yet another bloody battle lies before them. Can they survive this onslaught of Shadrow? Or will they be snuffed out in a puff of smoke? Draw yourself a dram. If you do drink liquid, let's move into this malodorous memoir.

Why did you pause? What happened there?

We don't need food or drink or what? Well, only if you drink the protector tequila. Oh. You got coffee there, though. I do. Yeah, that's like a... That's tequila this morning. That we know of. That's like a plus one to perception checks. Ooh, really? For Barbara, not for Bart. Yay! And a plus two to anxiety and poops. Plus two. Are we in battle? I thought that when Gus paused and said, like, wait, what's that? Like, I thought he was going to surprise attack us. Yeah, the bartender. Like, it was...

That was strange. It was a weird fourth wall thing that I was like, what's going on? Yeah, no one knows. This entire time, Gus has been allowed to just have a random attack encounter with us as the bartender anytime he wants. That's going to be the final boss battle of this whole campaign. Yeah. Roll for sobriety. That's very Super Smash Brothers of them then. You've been in a bar that's been a dream the whole time. You've just been super, super wasted from drinking at this bar every single day. Oh, so the show Dallas. Yeah.

Yep. Yeah, Gus is gonna get that right. I got it. I got it. Yeah, old people. Well, you didn't acknowledge it. I'm from Dallas. What was that? I want that isolated as my text alert anytime Chris texts me now. It was just a gas-powered lawnmower that's running out of gas.

You open the gate to a quiet cobblestone courtyard with clay homes. And smash! A boulder just misses your head and crashes into the wall next to you. You didn't notice at first because of the quiet, but a bloody battle of green dragonborn and shadowy figures is silently raging all across this courtyard, enshrouded in patches of pitch black darkness. A bruised and bleeding green dragonborn silently falls to the ground just a few feet from where you stand. She barely lifts a blackened face to you all and says something, but no sound is uttered. Her lips move again and you read them perfectly.

Help us. Okay. Gum Gum runs to her. Okay. What do you need help with? Wait. So she's in the Shroud of Darkness. She does not. Was it silent because she's in the Shroud of Darkness? That's what I was asking. Was she silent because she was in the Shroud of Darkness? That's hard to say. Was she silent because she was in the Shroud of Darkness? She sells seashells by the seashore. In the Shroud of Darkness, silently. Okay.

She's like on the edge of it like uh, she like falls out of it and that's why you're able to see her She was in the darkness. You wouldn't be able to see her All I wanted was the exact image is gum gum standing right outside of this thing yelling at a woman that can't respond because she's in a car No no no she's like falling out. Yeah, gum gum runs up to this dragonborn. What are you up with? Make a perception check There is no heartbeat

No, this is just determining whether or not GumGum sees there is battle. You think she might be moving? She might need some boxes. Alright, Bart runs up. What's going on? Are you okay? What's going on? Don't touch your GumGum. Make a perception check, Bart.

18. It's just Bart going full parent going, hands. Hands off. No touching. I drop her and she like, put your hands in your pockets. That's what a parent would say. She's bloodied. Looks like she's been in combat and is very weak from multiple wounds. She looks at you, Bart, and says, Namido.

Hey, Khyberg, what does "Nomito" mean? Ah, yes, Nomito in Draconic, that means... Where's the wisdom saving throw? Shouldn't you know? Yeah, what is it? Make a intelligence check. Okay. Uh-oh. Guys, hold on tight. I have a question after this is resolved.

This is going to be the roll for smart stuff. I rolled a 10. You don't think that's draconic? Based on my two semesters in community college taking draconic, I don't think that that's draconic. Based on your gap year you spent in a draconic speaking country. Yeah, when I was traveling abroad in the flats of Tabool, where's this place? They had a different dialect there. It's weird. They say their S's like...

It's like a suck in. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. I have a question really quick. So visually we are on the docks and we are looking into, you are not on the dock. You had moved. Remember you had gone up a paved path and there was a gate that was open and you had opened that gate and that brought you into this courtyard. Oh,

And that's where all of this is happening. Let me ask a really bad question. It'd be nice. Why did we come to this place? Oh, uh... To Bart's parents. Okay, good. If not just yet. I think Chris might remember. Bart's parents were in the realm of shadows or something. They're being held hostage, quote unquote. And that's supposed to be here. And this is... We're at where the Tabulians got kicked out of because they didn't have arms and legs. Right.

Yeah, correct. You went to Tatora because, remember, when you returned to Boulder Ray, there were some Shadrow who had the darkness spells that kind of taunted you a little bit, Bart. And then at the same time, Hugh Manor had escaped, or Hugh Manor Beta had escaped. And Dr. Ahem had come up with a plan for you all to come here to deal with this and for others to deal with Hugh Manor Beta.

That's a darkness spell that's happening? Well, we've encountered this before. Yes, this is very similar to what you encountered before. Okay, can I dispel it? You can try. Do it. Do it. Okay, why not? Dispel the darkness and all of a sudden it reveals a thousand archers.

Yeah, I mean, Vibe, I don't know what I'm running into. He puts the darkness back. It's like closing the blinds. I'm going to cover my base as best I can. Just FYI, so you know, it's not just one area of darkness. You came into a courtyard and there appear to be four different patches of darkness around the courtyard. Just appropriately setting the scene. Let's just test it on the one in front of us. Okay. Okay.

I must cast this at 6th level, which at higher levels than 4th, you automatically end the effects of a spell on the target if the spell's level is equal to or less than the level of the spell slot you used. So this is, I guess, what does that mean?

So you, so then there needs to be a check and it says the DC is equal to 10 plus the spell's level. Oh, okay. So it becomes automatic. So then you said you were using what level's spell? Six. Six. So then... He aims it at whatever, what's the shadow? The darkness? Yeah, just in case. He's going to attack the darkness. So then if it's level six or less, then it's automatic. Yes. Okay.

So, uh, you cast Dispel Magic on this area of darkness that's right in front of you, correct? And mud, like, huffs and puffs really hard. At the, like, the darkness, trying to blow up the darkness away. Okay, like trying to dissipate it with, uh... Yeah, to make it look cool, like I did it with my breath. Gotcha. Uh, okay, uh...

Uh, yeah, you cast your Dispel Magic and the darkness that this Dragonborn had fallen out of dissipates. And you can see everything that's in front of you under a big tree and there is a Shadrow standing there with a blade drawn. Can I shoot it? Are those ready? You were drawn! Uh, yeah. He's so proud of himself. He's like, I told you, being ready. Uh, that hits. Alright, do it.

13 points of damage. This is gonna be the one Shadrow that- Oh, friends, you've arrived! That was like Force Awakens level, like crossing teams kind of thing. It's the fin of the- Yeah, it's the fin of the Shadrow. As the arrow appears to hit them, the Shadrow seems to spin around from the impact, but you realize that the Shadrow's actually grabbed your arrow out of the air and flings it directly back at you.

Doing 24 points of damage. Oh my god! I mean, you're beefy, but like still, Jesus. Why'd you shoot yourself, K-Fort? Stop shooting yourself. Stop shooting yourself. Is there any roll I can do to... You do. Lucky? Did they roll anything for this to happen? Uh...

I did make a roll. He's gonna make their modifiers so high. Just let it happen. Yeah, fine. Hey, I'm not changing a modifier. It's what's written down. I catch it and I throw it back and we play pass and I say, whoa, I missed my dad. Oh. Me too. I say, oh, touche. Bart, make a perception check. Oh, God. Don't touch me. That is a 19. You notice that the green dragonborn you all initially ran up to has passed away. No. Oh, that's bad.

- Oh, that's really sad. - I was about to give her a healing potion. - I hope we didn't cast that person as a roll. - Everyone roll initiative. - I think she's gone. I don't think there's a healing potion that'll bring someone back from the dead. - Yeah. Crystal, do that thing where you focus on trying to do one thing while the rest of the team's like, "Go, go, go!" - Everything! I rolled a 23, but I also don't want to go first. - Don't worry because I rolled a 15. - Oh. - Nine, 10.

How far are we, me and Bart, from this dragonborn that has magic arrows? That was a shadrow, not a dragonborn. Just FYI. The shadrow is probably 20 feet away. And a shadrow looks like what exactly? Think of it as a dark elf. In my mind space, we're in, like, feudal Japan, and the dragonborn are like samurais, and the shadrow are like ninjas.

That's helping me. So we still don't know the word that they said, right? Correct. Nami-do. Oh, yeah. Blaine already forgot. Is there a way we know what language it is at least or we just don't know? I'm going to say no. Whenever it's someone's turn as a free action, they can try to make... I'll let them make a roll to try to figure it out. Okay. But no. However, Bart...

You're at the top of the initiative roll with the 23. Yeah. So what do you want to do? Let me use that free action and see what language that is. I also want to know, is it just this one Chadra we're fighting? That's all you see currently. However, logic would dictate you...

You dispelled a darkness and there was a Shadrow here and there were three more pods of darkness in the courtyard as well. So there's probably three more. I don't know. Also, not to get too meta, but it was edited out in the podcast, I'm sure, but Gus just spent five minutes setting up initiative and that usually doesn't take that long if it's only us and one combatant. Oh my God, I just realized you're right. Oops, I should have done that ahead of time. We just got in the boat. This is...

That guy threw, he took my arrow and threw it back at me. Quadrant couldn't even do that. I hit four arms. I miss Quadrant, I'm gonna say it. Should we have Blazin' here just to voice Moria? Now you're gonna be chasing windmills for the rest of your life. You got nothing to aspire to. I'm sorry, Bart. Intelligence check. Oh yeah. Actually, let's call this a wisdom check. Wisdom check? Yeah. Okay.

A wisdom check. Yes. Ooh, nice. 28-2. You don't, you know, obviously you don't know, but you don't think that that sounded like draconic? Well, actually, no, it's not draconic because Kyborg said that. Dr. Kyborg. Dr. Kyborg Esquire. You think it might be a reference to a name, either a person or a place. Okay. And so it's not necessarily a language, but it could be the name of something. The name of something, yeah. I think it's a French pastry. Let me quickly check. Pastry. Pastry.

Nami- Nami-do. Yes. Okay, so we got that one guy that we could see and you said three other pods of darkness, right? Correct. Oh my gosh. Okay. I'm really- These guys seem real dangerous. I'm gonna cast Cloud of Daggers over this guy. Okay. At the fifth level.

- The fifth level, how many daggers does that give you? - It gives me 10 D4. - So go ahead and roll that. And that is a concentration spell, just FYI. - So it's 30 points. - So you will have to keep that up. 30 points of damage.

Ouch. I don't like that. I do. Go, Bart. Where there once was darkness, instead, it has been replaced by daggers. Yay! And the... But so many daggers that it's almost looked like another thing of darkness. Yeah, you can't see, but there is sunlight glinting off of the blades. Okay. It's actually horrifying. That might be one of the scariest spells that's in D&D. Yeah. I mean, there's other scarier ones, but like knives? I'm imagining it just comes in like...

It's like everywhere just filling it like a five foot solid cube of spinning knives. Yeah, exactly. Is there anything else you want to do Bart? I would like to move away. Classic Bart. Yeah.

How close am I to this guy? You're within about 20 feet or so. Okay. I would like to move maybe 20 feet away backwards. 20 feet back. So back kind of towards the entrance, like more towards the gate and the path that you all walked up. Yeah. Yeah. You're just like outside of the gate at that point. And I could still, I guess like I'm still in the vicinity. Yeah. You still have like line of sight. If that's what you're asking. Yes. Okay. Is that it for you, Bart? Yes. Yeah.

I know, it's like, daggers! See your little cape just going... Alright, your turn. For some reason, I also imagine Bart wearing clogs, so everywhere you go, it's just like, why? We were talking the other day on the podcast about whether or not

People in Star Wars trying to remember if they have shoes on or not. Jedi specifically. Like Jedi what shoes they wear. They're not barefoot are they? In my head now they are. That's my personal Star Wars canon. Now they have clogs. That's the new thought process. Okay. It is that Shadrach's turn. So it's going to

step out of the cloud of daggers, I guess up closer to where Gum Gum is, because Gum Gum is the only one who's left that's really close. You're mean. What? I said he's mean. Oh, I thought you said you're mean. I thought you said that too. I was like, what are you saying? No, I was saying that as he approaches. He's clearly in his character voice. They will take a slash at you with their blade. He's not raging yet. Oh yeah, Gum Gum's not raging.

It's an unusual circumstance. - It's very rare. - GimGum normally is really good on the initiative roll. - Yeah, 'cause I have advantage on it. - Oh, a one! - Why does it look like a one just popped up on the screen? - I rolled a one. - Crazy. - I hate to date.

It's not even a Monday. All right. It rolls a one. Tries to slash at you, but their blade slips out of their hand. Can I catch it? Why did you give me this? No, you cannot catch it. It's Kyborg. And then the Shadrow looks at you with rage in its eyes. Gum-Gum, I want you to make a save. Wisdom saving throw. You can do it, Gum-Gum. That's going to go really well.

Zero. I'm wondering if I should use my inspiration die. Is that going to help? Yeah, I could re-roll it. I rolled a one. You're a negative one also. Is it worth the inspiration? I just don't want to be stunned. I'm going to do it. Do it. Do it.

You'll probably make us laugh any moment now. 17. A 17. Yes. Damn, okay. Gus is putting his arms in, like, his feet. I hate today. I'm taking my computer home. I'm taking my dice home. We're going home. Are you just trying to kill us today? He looks me in the eye, and then I get, like, cross-eyed.

You can't look at me. I don't give you permission. All right. For some reason, you're remembering crossing over the cavern in Boulderay and how scared you were, but you shake it off. It's just a fleeting memory. Is he trying to scare us, frighten us? Fear. He's trying to probably cast fear. Kyborg. Kyborg.

Shoot them with more arrows. No, I say, hey, you throwing that arrow at me, that was pretty cool. Let's shake. And then I reach out my hand and then I shoot it with my hand cannon. So do you get closer to try to initiate the handshake? Because you're still a little bit away. You know in Jim Carrey movie where it's like across the room and he has his hand out and he starts walking? I want to say I still have a good like

10, 15 feet or however far we were away from it. Okay. It's an awkward hit. Yeah, yeah. It's the beginning of ones and then I give up the gag and I just shoot it. Okay. 19 plus 5, 24. Okay, that is a successful hit. I hate you all so much. So then roll 4d6 bludgeoning damage. You've made us too powerful, Gus. That's why I'm now catching arrows and throwing them back at you. Okay, that's a 13. 13.

13 points of bludgeoning damage? Yeah, and then I do fire damage. 17. The hand cannon goes off and you fire a projectile after your awkward handshake at the Shadrow. Impact it in the chest, knocks it to the ground before you begin smoldering, unmoving. That's what happens when you throw arrows at me. I'm the arrow slinger. Namido! What?

I was gonna like call out all the other people, "Nah, me too!" Yeah, so we obviously are out of initiative now. No, no, no. That's what people say when they die now. Good question. What else do you want to do, Kyborg? I have two more attacks, so draw the Longbow of Triumph, and I look around. What else is there around here? There's the other like... So you're in the courtyard, and there are three buildings on either side of you, to your left and to your right, and then further up to the north

There's a larger building, seems to be much larger than these residences, and make a perception check. A 25, not 20. You hear spine-chilling screams coming from that house to the north. Ah!

Okay. Anything else? I mean, that was a natural 20. You know what I'm saying? Is there anything else I can perceive? A spine-chilling scream coming from the house to the north. But no other? No. Actually, no. Nothing at all. But there's no other enemies or anything like that? Not that you see? Not that I see. Okay. Communicate to the team. Hey, guys, I just heard a spine-chilling scream from that house to the north. What did that sound like? Okay.

Oh, the wild birds of Titora. My spine is so... Ugh, it's so cold for my spine. Do you guys want to move up there? Sure. All right. I want to make my way towards that house. Okay. So the courtyard itself is pretty wide. Trying to set the scene here, Tim?

It's probably about 100 feet wide or so. Then between you and that house to the north are two rather large trees and three different half spheres of darkness as well. And the spheres of darkness are roughly 20 feet wide. So you can get around them. And then the distance from where you are to that house to the north is probably roughly 250, 300 feet or so.

That's a pretty good distance. Oh, so there's a very far away house. Yeah, it's like a big courtyard. Yeah, okay. Okay. Remember I said to the left and the right are three houses also, so it's like kind of like a cul-de-sac. So not everything is covered in the darkness. No, no, not at all. Should I explode those dark bubbles? Can you? They're magic. Wouldn't they just explode back at you? What do you mean? I can explode a dark bubble.

I just, I'll shoot a bursting arrow. I explode the bubble. That doesn't, I don't know if Kyborg knows how magic works. I shoot arrow, explode it. They go boom. Well, if you hurt the person in the darkness, would that make the spell go away? If it's their concentration? His intelligence is 10. I just want to throw that out there. So exploding the bubble. I want to have a talk with you about how magic works and how explosives work. Explosives are part of science. When two people love each other. That's explosive love. No,

No, so there's a difference. You're not going to make the darkness go away by its gold. I shoot a bursting arrow into one of the dark bubbles. And your magic comes from your father who's watching over you. That's not how magic works either. Here it comes. I will not have magic explained to me by YouTube. 19. I assume it's the next closest one, right? I'll shoot the one on the left.

Oh, yeah. The closest one. The next closest one is actually to the right, if that matters. It's like up and to the right. Okay. All right. It hurts. All right. You're firing a bursting arrow into the darkness? Yes. So the way a bursting arrow reads is it's immediately after the arrow hits a creature, the target and all other creatures within 10 feet take force damage. Uh-huh. So you're firing into the darkness, hoping to hit someone and then cause the bursting arrow. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

He's just taking blind shots into the darkness. And you rolled twice. Is that for two attacks?

Oh, no. One was to see if it hit. The other one was for damage. Oh, I see. I see. I see. The confidence. So what I'm going to say is since you're firing into the darkness and you don't actually see the enemy, you would attack with disadvantage. What if I had lucky right now? Oh, man. Okay. So just make one more attack. You already rolled one attack roll for 19. So just make one more attack roll. And that was a 16. Okay. And then we already rolled damage of 13. Okay.

Spoiler, you do hit. Yes! Roll me a d4. That was generous. A d4. That you even got disadvantage. I was thinking it was just this. I rolled a 4. Okay. Yeah, you do hit something and you cause a bursting arrow. Yes, so that would be 10. You fire your arrow in and it bursts. You don't hear anything, but based on your expertise with the bow, you feel fairly confident you successfully hit someone in the darkness. Okay.

Alright. I'm kind of upset because I like the boom, you know? Everyone wants the boom and we didn't get our boom. You're like Marvin the Martian. Uh,

You know what? There was no earth shattering kaboom. I kind of like tap my bow and I'm like, is this thing broken? And then I take another shot with a longbow crystal and we're doing the exact same thing. Okay, so yeah, roll two attack rolls. Okay, that's a 28 and another one at disadvantage. 29. All right, roll your damage. Nine. And then I also want to make that another exploding arrow. Okay. I hope there are only good guys in there.

And roll me a d4 as well. Watch where him just rolls out dead. Oh no. Roll me a d4 as well. You got it. Three. It's the orphans from the local orphanage all in a dark bubble. We cast this protective dark... Okay, yeah, once again you feel... It's actually Bart's parents in there. No! You feel like you hit someone, but there was no earth-shattering kaboom. Yeah.

Guys, my arrow's acting up. My alongo's acting up. This is really just Kyber does not understand magic. At least they're not coming up to hit you. That's a point.

I'm not gonna action surge. Uh, okay. Yeah, wait. How far away am I from the tree? Roughly 20 feet or so. Okay. If I had to pass by the Shadrow, I don't want to do that. I'm gonna just kind of, like, hang back just a little bit. Like, move backwards a little bit. Maybe put some of, uh... How far? Like a gum gum in a mud between me and the... So you're gonna go back to, like, where Bart was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn it back by the gate? I'm here to protect you, Bart! Oh, wow! Ah, yes! Yes!

He's so big and strong. I'm here for you. A protective retreat. Okay, is that it for you, Kyborg? Yes, an honorable retreat. Those are my three attacks. Let the history books note. Unless I action change.

I don't need no man to protect me. I have a gum gum. I have myself. I could just keep plugging this thing with arrows and then hopefully something pops out. Yeah. Some stuff happens. What could go wrong with that, Barbara? And then it's Mud's turn. Something happens and it's Mud's turn. I still have my owls. Oh yeah, you do have owls. Yay! I have 11 of them. They last you for like an hour, right? They last for an hour. I checked. Dispel magic is not a concentration spell. They are a concentration spell and I still have 11 owls. Who?

Not today! Not today! No! We're gonna do two for two. Yeah. I gotta write 11 owls. 11 owls, okay. How quickly can you get us to that house? We're just doing the video game version of just run to the button at the end of the level and move forward. I want to cast Dispel Magic.

on the darkness that Kyborg was shooting. Okay. I'm gonna do it. I... I attack the darkness. He's been attacking the darkness this entire episode, and that sound has been playing in my head on repeat. If you don't know what that meme is...

The summoner geeks? The summoner geeks. So that's old internet. Old internet. Fourth level. A fourth level dispel magic. Which still tracks if it's fourth level or lower, it's automatically dispelled. I want a drum roll reveal. What's behind shadow number one? The darkness dissipates and you see a Shadrow and a green dragon board locked in combat with each other. They both look like they've been shot.

They both have an arrow sticking out. Hey there, stinky listeners. If you want even more odorific content like the show, you should give us a follow at stinky dragon pod on Twitter, Instagram, and Tik TOK, where you find animatic videos, puppet videos, and much more. I'm kind of underselling the puppet videos there. They're really great. Go check them out. Then come join us on the stinky dragon subreddit where fantastic folks like you are constantly posting thought

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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

That's what the d4 you were rolling for? To determine which one I hit? To determine which one you hit. Wait, was 4? Evens was the Shadrach. Odds was the Dragonborn. Do 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 instead. Because then I could have hit just one of them. Good, I can't remember. It's hard for me to remember that way. One Shadrach? Yes. Okay, he's going to get attacked by 11 owls.

What a nightmare. It is. They have a movement speed of 60 feet flying and they have flyby, which means they could go in, attack and leave. Right, without provoking an attack. Their eyes are always looking at me no matter where they're placed. Okay, so then 22. You have to roll 11 attack rolls? Yeah, I'll do that.

- Fly by. - They do a Talons attack is what they do. - Oh, there it is, plus three. So all of these are plus three. - One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11 rolls. Rolling. Okay, can you see all those? - And the winning lottery numbers are? - How many attacks? - Six of them successfully hit. - All right.

2d6 plus 1. Do you want me to roll for each one or just roll for all of them? Roll for all of them. Let's call it 12d6 plus 6. Yes. 37 plus 6 is 43. 43.

It's got to be horrific, honestly. The darkness dissipates. The darkness dissipates and then 11... And then a new kind of darkness comes around them. All these owls show up and just like slash at this shadrow until it falls over dead. Just like ripping it to shreds. They eat it. They eat it. Team effort. That dragonborn who was standing there who's no longer in combat

Turns around and looks at you all and says, "Alright, who shot the arrow?" I hide with the longbow crest on it behind my back. Mud points to the dead Shadra. "Yeah, you shot the dead Shadra!" "That guy!"

And like, and like kicks a bow on the ground towards him a little bit. We're dirty cops, buddy. Make a deception check, man. I will! Do you have a deception check? I don't know. Can you give girls on that? Uh, not a deception check. I have a negative one. It's a charisma check. Not a very charismatic one. I'm a negative two, so...

13. That's not bad. Yeah, the dragon part spits. Filthy Shadrow. Yeah. I also spit. Shadrow spits, but it doesn't go out. It just like hangs on his mouth a little bit.

Capwork wipes it off with the little cloak. Is there anything else you want to do, Mud? There's still two more bubbles of darkness. Correct. And they are further away. Correct. How far is the closest one? The next closest one to you is pretty far. I got to count.

It's just Gus putting his face like an inch from his screen. We just need to get him one of those little magnifying glasses. I gotta show you, like, the map is, since it's so big, the squares are so small. It's okay, yeah, you're still young. The last two remaining shadow bubbles are much closer to the house to the north. Okay. Like I said, that house to the north is probably 300, 350 feet away. The next closest bubble of...

of darkness from where you are is probably 150, 200 feet. - Okay, then I'll do my full moving distance to them, which is 30 feet. And my babies will follow.

Okay, Mud, that's it for you. Gum Gum, a rare last initiative for Gum Gum. Okay. Oh yeah. I was like, I thought you'd already gone, but you'd just been attacked. Yeah, he was attacked by the... I will check and see if there's any... I'll check the dead dragonborn in front of me and then see if there's anything... Verify she's dead and see if there's anything worthwhile, I guess. Check. Yeah, make a... First, let's call it a medicine check. This will go well. Ooh, 14. Nice. Oh, good.

Yeah, he's dead. Hey, just to point it out, you know, we could have saved this person, but honestly, what we did is we saved Ben from having to find somebody to voice the NPC of this person, you know? We're really making our producer's life easier. You're doing good work here. And then you wanted to see if there was anything on this dragonborn, like in their equipment? Or anything that's worthwhile. Yeah. 100%. It's where the dragonborn's wearing leather armor.

It looks like it's pretty messed up. Like it's been through some heavy combat. There is like a money pouch as well.

Money. Okay, I'll take the pouch. Okay. It's got ten silver pieces in it. This is where Chris takes over Gum-Gum's actual actions. Well, I think he was checking. He first checked to make sure they're alive. And here's where Chris rationalizes Gum-Gum taking actions that are not in character in the corpse. Ten silver pieces. Cool. I'll rage. Okay. I want a gold! Okay.

I'm just imagining him, like, bursting like Super Saiyan. Yeah. Only ten? One. Each creature of your choice, you can use in 30 for you. Wait, one? Seven. Oh, that was seven. You rolled a seven. Flowers and vines temporarily grow around you until you reach ends. The ground within 15 feet of you is difficult terrain for your enemies. Okay. Seven.

Yeah, I guess that oddly in the middle of the courtyard towards the southern end, difficult terrain sprouts up, but there are no enemies around. I'll just run towards me. Towards where, yeah, I guess where mud is. Please run towards me. I'll run as far as I can, which I guess is like 60 feet. Hey, GumGum, you should join me up here towards the battle. You can run 80. Remember, your base movement is 40 as a barbarian, so if you double move, you can move 80, so you could run

past mud because you were already in front of him a little bit to begin with so you would be ahead of him by like 30 feet you'd be getting pretty close to the next closest remaining uh bubble of darkness okay i'll i'll get there and look and see if there's anything i can kind of like favorite sam raimi film protection you know like cover there's another tree just like to the east of

the next bubble of darkness you can maybe use that now it sounds more like a metal band bubble of darkness I guess I'll get to the tree okay you'll be able to reach that

So that would put you just a little away from that bubble of darkness. Now we're going to sing our hit song, Cloud of Daggers. Can I ask, as I run past that dragon boar that isn't dead, are there any more bad guys? With both arms, it points to the bubbles of darkness. There are remaining two bubbles. I'm just going to be saying it over and over again. Thank you, Flugerville!

If we keep this joke going long enough, Micah will have to record a song of this and we'll have to hear what Screamo Micah sounds like. Metal song, bubble of darkness. It's just Micah in his apartment just screaming into his mic. Speaking of music, we should also give a shout out to the Next Arc soundtrack that has been released on Spotify and all music platforms, I believe. The Erbloom soundtrack.

Deja Urblu. So we had the first two art soundtracks. Make it go platinum. We can make a VH1 behind the music about Micah and his cats. It's just Micah and his cats.

Behind the music. It's got a lot of really good jams on it. Yeah, it does. Jams as in, like, you turn it on to, like, do chores, and you're like, I'm living in a fantasy world. Yeah, it's very nice. I think it's cool, though. I go, and a bunch of flowers burst around me, and then I sprint all that far and run to a tree, and then now there's flowers. Like, I just like the idea of flowers, like...

Holy cow, nice. That's so intimidating. Do they just keep sprouting wherever he steps? No, he's right. Yeah. So I guess, yeah, you are correct. It does follow you and keeps growing. And now there's flowers all around this tree that I'm hiding behind. Yeah, and in a straight line going from where you started to where you ran. And that's all I got. Does your rage end if you didn't attack or take damage? Shoot an arrow at us.

Stop it. That's a good question. I think it does. I'll then headbutt the tree. Sure. Roll a d20. As long as you don't roll a 1, you're able to headbutt the tree. I want a 1 so badly right now. That's the only reason I said it. That's a 9. Okay, yeah, you're able to headbutt the tree. Doing 85 points of damage. Roll a d4. The tree is made of adamantium. It's spiky.

That's a two. Okay, you take two points of damage from headbutting. A small trickle of blood rolls down your forehead. Is that a two with my rage? Oh, one. You take half. That's right, one point of damage. This tree is nice. Soft wood. It's a cherry blossom. It's in bloom. I have a suggestion for the team. Yes? Perhaps before we start shooting random arrows into the next darkness, we belay our turns and let the druid dispel the darkness. Hmm.

That's a good call. Then you all can take your turns and do whatever you want. I'd be okay with that. I don't know. The owls wouldn't have been as successful if the target hadn't been softened a bit. I'm just throwing that out there. Well, then let me soften up the targets and then you can do a murder. Do a murder. The

The green dragonborn who had an arrow sticking out of them exits that area from where they were and begins moving in a straight line north. But not, so not joining us. Looks like it's making a straight line towards one or the other. Not the shadow bubble that you all ran to, but the other one. Does dialogue need to abide by combat order or by initiative order? Nah, y'all talk whenever. Where are you going? Ha ha ha ha ha.

I was going to suggest. It just points at the next bubble of darkness. Cool. Like as if it's going to go fight it. Unknown? Maybe. Yeah, maybe. Should we be prioritizing the house at the end of the trail that had the screen instead of taking out these two other darkness bubbles? We could gain them as friends, though, could we?

That's a good point. We always do like pass without a trace kind of situation. I'm not worried about passing the bubbles and getting detected. I'm just considering instead of us stopping having combat with this bubble, then go to the next bubble, having combat with that bubble, and then go to the last one, if there might be more...

timely things if that guy's already heading off and he's not going to help his other darkness places. Yeah. He seems a sign of prioritization. Well, with all of that being said, Bart, it is your turn. Yeah. Let me test something. Could I, could minor illusions move? No, it does not appear to be. It cannot move based on what it says.

Okay. Could I dimension door? Yeah. 500 feet. Yeah. You'd be able to go anywhere in this courtyard. Like on the other side of them, like closer to the building. The big house at the end on the north? Yeah. Yeah. There's a, you could get right up to the door of it if you wanted to. Let me try that. Okay. I think dimension door is a really cool spell. It's very cool. It steps into, I always visualize it as like a blue portal door that just like

pops up and you just like step right through it and then it comes out on the other end you step right through it. And just for since this is a 500 foot range but I assume it's not 500 feet total that I'm going um what is like the distance that I am traveling with this? About 300 feet. Oh wow okay. Yeah and then you exit your dimension door right at the entrance to this other building make me a perception check. Nat 20 27. Ooh you notice a trail of blood outside the house leading uh into it. Trail of blood leading into the house is the door open?

- No. - So how, I guess I could just tell it's leading into the house? - Yeah, based on like the direction, the intensity and the direction of the splatter. - Does it seem like someone like, maybe like got hurt and then got dragged in? Like, is that like- - Potentially. - A murder most foul. - And can I just check the door to see if it's unlocked? I don't actually open it, but just like- - It looks like it's got some jiggle to it. - Okay.

My money don't jiggle jiggle. I'm seeing the same thing. My door handle do jiggle jiggle. Uh, okay. Well, I'm definitely not going in here alone, but I don't know how to get y'all closer. I could get us to you pretty quickly. Okay. Um, I, that'll be it. I'll just stay there. Kyborg. I'm gonna hold off on my action until Mud dispels that magic. Okay. And you are still at the very south by where Bart originally was, correct? Yep. Okay.

Kyborg is holding. Do you have the time? Do you? Kyborg, do you want to join Bart at the house, or are you trying to go to the other darkness bubbles? I want to kill. So you're going to the darkness bubbles. Yeah, I want to get the Shadrow. That would be my preference, but you know. All right. I just, I think it's worse. I'm torn by the fact that our Bart is about 150 feet away from us right now. I guess I'm worried about...

We broke into this place. The Dragonborn were not for us initially. This is our chance to win them back by helping them in this big battle in the courtyard. Is that the guy who shot one of them?

It was a mistake. He was in shadows. So my logic is that if we help them beat these Shadrows, that's like at least two dudes that are like, oh, these guys are good people and they can vouch for us. All right. I'm going to try to do something and I'm going to see if Gus let me do this. So it's me and I have 11 great owls. Okay. Yeah. Now each great owl has a fly distance of 60 feet. Okay. Each great owl also has the capacity to carry a large creature.

Okay. Now, if I had six of them... I feel like you're working on a mathematical proof. This is 100% math. If this is true, then this is true, then this is true by the transmutative property. How far am I from Bart? How far are you from Bart? I am gone. But Mud had moved up a bit. Roughly 100 feet. Okay. Could I theoretically have...

Oh. Six of the owls carry the other five owls and me 120 feet or all the way up to Bart, which then would have not used up any of my turn or five of the owls' turn. Oh my god. You're the worst. I can see the look in Micah's eyes just staring at you. Have you ever seen an owl carry another owl? Well, today you do! Who? Um...

I can't see any reason you couldn't do that. I'm really trying to shut you down and say no.

But from a rules lawyer perspective, I believe you are correct. Air tight. Yeah. Owl tight. I was wondering how you were going to get people closer to the bar. I got moves. Wow. The druid is a broken character in this game. Anyways, Kyborg wants to go check the houses. As I fly by, I cast a spell magic on the bubble that Kyborg is heading to. Okay.

Okay, what level are you doing your dispel magic at? Blaine has just let me know that he was doing this under the idea that there's only one bubble left. This is why I was arguing... There are two. What you want to do now, Kaiborg? I still want to kill the Shadrow. Okay, dispel magic and I move forward. At what level? Fourth. Okay. One of the remaining bubbles drops and you see a Shadrow and a green dragonborn locked in combat. And I say bye!

And this is the one closest to Gum-Gum, but that you continue forward to the north by the front of the big house that Bart is at and where the remaining bubble of shadow is. Oh, so the house that Bart is at is covered in darkness? No, it's not, but the remaining bubble is right outside the front door. Okay, I land next to Bart and I'm going to hold off the owls, the five remaining until Bart takes his next action.

Okay, that'll be in the next turn though. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're right. I also don't like my next action is probably just me waiting for you guys to open the door. Uh, well, I don't know what the owls, can the owls, can the owls do a little flyby around the house and look in windows and let me know what they see? Oh. Because I can speak, I can speak. Everyone inside brutally murdered. It's just death. That's all they say over and over again. Yeah, uh, yeah, why not? Sure. What do they see? Uh,

- They see a Shadrow and an elderly Dragonborn. The elderly Dragonborn seems to be injured and looks like he's restrained with a Shadrow over him. - Is there any open windows? - I mean, yeah, I guess if they were able to- - No, I mean, open, open. - No, no, no. - As in cracked for a nice little breeze to come in during this warm day in Torterra. - Tortilla. - Tatora. - Tatora. - Tortilla.

Okay, so no entry. No. Okay, then the owls return to me. Owlmaster. And they're all perched on me. All 11. Five on each arm and one on his head. So many. What do you think owls say?

It's like the bat discussion all over again. All right, is that it for you, Mud? Yeah. Okay, then, Kyborg, do you want to go now or... Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. All right, so I see that Shadrow and I say, forever winter!

Uh, he becomes my sworn enemy and I have advantage on attacks against him, which is great because I just rolled a three. So that's 14 and oh, not 20, 31. That's a good roll. Uh, that's a critical hit. Uh, so yeah, roll damage. Okay. So normally, uh, I would give you one damage die at full. So we'll say instead of five plus one plus five, we'll say it's eight plus one plus five.

Okay. So that's a total of 14. And then I also do 46 cold damage as well. 15. Okay. Yeah. The arrow flies straight at the Shadrow. It turns at the last second, sees it coming and just slaps the arrow out of the air. All right. I got two more attacks, so I'm going to do it again. That's crazy. All right. At least it didn't slap it back at Kybor. Right. Not this time. That's 20 and 12. I'm going to take the 20. All right. Yep. That hits. All right.

All right, there's damage. 13 plus 46. Boop, boop, boop. 8. 21. Yop. Thank you. Okay. This one is not slapped. Okay. This one connects with the Shadrow. All right, I have an additional attack, so I'm going to take it again. Roll this. 29. Hit. Plus.

six points damage and 46 cold damage 13 so that's 19. okay uh yeah this uh shadrow's uh got a couple of uh arrow bolts uh sticking out of it he does not uh he does not appear very happy about that okay that's fun because

I'm gonna just keep shooting them with my arrows and my longbow What I'm imagining is like you're like slowly walking forward like taking a step every arrow you fire is like one step closer step by step getting closer I like that so I'm gonna do that as well so I'm gonna walk a few feet 27 and 26 I take 27 That hits Believe it or not

It's like Legolas in the second movie. Just walking down the stairs during the... Yeah. Next, he's going to throw a shield down and skate down it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eight and 16 cold damage. Yeah, that Shadrow falls down dead. Okay. And then... Man, you just, like, unloaded on it. It even slapped away your critical hit.

And you still dropped it. Yes. And then now I turn my gaze over to the other shadow bubble and I have two more attacks because of action surge. That one's no longer my most sworn enemy because it fell. Right.

With a bonus action I can read declare a sworn enemy, but because I can't see the other shadra that's in the shadow He makes the darkness his sworn enemies. I just hold off on it. Okay, unless I can say hey you shadrow You're my sworn enemy. No, you don't know necessarily could be something different in there. Okay? Well, we're gonna take that chance and I'm just gonna shoot arrows into it. Here we go That's the senior center 13

Does it hit? You see it fly through the other side of the darkness. All right, I got one more. I shoot at disadvantage. 24 and 17. This arrow does not come out the other end of the darkness. All right, I'll roll damage and then a d4 to determine who I hit. You know what I like. 12 points of damage. A d4. Hit an even. Hit an even. Four. Okay. There's just no additional bonus to that? Just 12 points of damage? No, because I can't declare any of them sworn enemies. Gotcha. Okay.

Yeah, you feel like you hit something in the darkness. Cool. And then, uh... What's the next song? Hit something in the darkness.

Is that it for you, Kyborg? That is it for me. Okay, so then we go, we resume our regular initiative. So at this point, it is gum gum. The darkness that was closest to you that you were initially going for is where the Shadrach that Kyborg just killed was. So there is a dragonborn standing there, no longer in combat, and you are still by that tree. The remaining bubble of darkness is not that much further to your north.

Probably only 30, 40 feet or so. You get there in one move. How quickly can I get towards where Bart is? Oh, also, that's one move away. It's like either whether you go straight north to Bart or slightly northeast to get to the darkness. I'm just going to go to where Bart is. Yeah. So you reconvene with Bart and Mud. I regret to inform you, I will not be dispelling magic anymore. Yeah. Is that my full turn? No, that's just one move. You still have another action, whether you want to move or...

Open a door or whatever. Open the door! I don't know. There's blood going in there, man. My house told me there's someone in trouble in there. I'm opening the door. Ha ha ha.

Is Kyberg with us now? No. No, he's making his way up still. Okay, okay. He's on his murder journey. Murder rampage. Can I open the door? Yeah. Quietly, I guess. Make a sleight of hand check. I like that you yelled it and you said, "I did it quietly." Can I open the door quietly? 13? Yeah, you open up the door and inside you see an older dragonborn who's injured

and restrained and a particularly fancy looking Shadrow over him. Can I run to that fancy looking Shadrow and... I don't think you have movement speed anymore. He can, he can, but then he won't be able to... Attack. Attack, correct. Okay. Can you throw something? Yeah, I'm going to throw... Mama from the tree. So how far away are they? From where you are, not that far. We'll say 20 feet.

Kind of in the middle of this big building my whole team's in a cutscene while I'm outside getting that you chose Yeah, there's a there's a logic behind mine. Don't complain. Yeah, all right It's all throw two javelins and I'll throw them recklessly So make your first one reckless that's 25, okay, that's a hit let's deal with this one first, okay? Go ahead and roll your damage

- That's 11 plus three, so 14. - Got it. - And then for the second one, also recklessly 21. - Okay, that would hit. - And that's nine damage. - Okay, the second one looks like it's going to hit,

but the shad draw makes a grab at it. Uh-oh, they matrixing again. They're really good at that. It's the agents. It plucks the javelin out of midair and throws it right back at you, Gum-Gum. So you take that damage instead. I don't even get a chance to dodge it or anything? Nope. Oogie. Is it... It's because it's armor class. What about raging? Oh, you take half damage. Yeah, so I would take four damage? Oh, yeah, four. If I threw with two javelins, can I use a bonus action to throw a third one? No, that's an attack action. What? What?

Like the two of you, the guys who have like the most actions possible. At the end of it, you both always go like, is there anything else I can do? Can I attack again? No, you just went five times. Gum Gum and I have a bloodlust to not be satiated. Spell move. Spell move. All right. And then I guess that's it. I'll growl. You growl? Okay. Make an intimidation check.

And I'll grab the javelin out of my side and grin. Oh, my God. Make an intimidation check. Creepy. That's an eight. So intimidating. Okay, yeah. I guess the grin was, like, more friendly. Yeah. The Shadrach says, oh, you like that, do you? Yeah. Then how about a taste of this? And throws a shard of shadow at you. What's that? That's another song. Hitting AC 15. Oh, it misses. Curse is under its breath.

And throws another one, hitting AC 27. That one hits. GumGum is a sharted chat. Doing 28 points of damage, but you take half because you're raging, so 14. And I need you to make me a wisdom saving throw. Well, that is GumGum's specialty. Not the worst.

- It's only a minus one. - Oh man, that's a one. - He rolled a two. - Two minus one. Yeah, that second blade hits you and as the blade enters your flesh, you feel your eyes go dim. - Lights out. - You can no longer see. - That's bad. - He can no longer see. - Now he's in a blind rage. - Yes. Make me one more wisdom saving throw, Gum-Gum. - Okay. - He's very enthusiastic. - The last one went so well, nine.

The fact that you can't see is really scary to you. And you turn around and run right back out of the house. I'm going out, bye-bye. Just running without being able to see. Do I make it out of the house? Yeah, because you were right by the door. You just had to move. Just immediately into an entryway pillar. I wouldn't be able to because I'm out of movement. I'll think of it like a reaction. Okay. Okay, that's it for them. Bart, so you see this.

Gum Gum opened the door, threw a couple javelins in, one of them came back and hit him, then some shards of darkness hit him, and then he screamed and turned around and ran away. I can't see. Mud and his owls are also there with you, and Kyborg is further back in the courtyard. Okay.

Miles away. And what's the damage on everybody right now? I know Kyborg's taking quite a bit. How are y'all looking? I'm good. I'm fine. I'm fine. You guys are okay? Okay. Oh, yeah. I didn't even scratch the surface. Still have 10 points. See, like, if I cast something into this, I don't want to hurt the old guy in there. What about your talkie thing? My talkie thing? Yeah, you tell them to do stuff. Oh, my command? Yeah. Could I see the fancy guy? Yeah. Yeah.

He's standing in the middle of the room. I picture like it's like a buddy cop movie. You're like up against the doorframe. You like peek your head in real fast to see what's going on. Instead of a gun, you've got a loot in your hand. How close is he to the old guy? They're right next to each other. Right next to each other. Could I cast Dissonant Whispers? You absolutely can. To the fancy guy? Yes. I'm just referring to old guy, fancy guy. Yeah, that's what I gave you. Easy in my head. That's what you're working with. Dissonant Whispers. Dissonant Whispers.

So I need to make a wisdom saving throw, DC 16. My modifier is plus zero. So I need a 16 or better on this. Seven, that is a failure. Yay! All right, I'm casting you. Gonna do it at the third level. Yes!

So it takes 3d6 psychic damage and must immediately use its reaction, if available, to move as far as its speed allows away from you. - Yes. I did it at the third level though, so it's 5d6 and that was 15 points of damage. - What's the strategy you get in the old guy? - The fancy looking Shadrow tries to retreat as far as he can up to the northwest corner. As he does so, he starts dragging the elderly dragonborn with him. - Oh, he takes him with him? - Yeah, into the northwest corner. - Is he attached to him?

He's not attached, but he's, you know, he's very much trying to not get too far away. Okay. So as a bonus action, could I cast command on the fancy Shadrow? Yes. I'm going to tell him to grovel. Grovel. What does that sound like? I hate it. If you could add some, like, really spooky sound effects. Voice. Please don't pitch my voice up in that. Yeah, pitch it up. I've worked hard at that from outside in the courtyard. Ahem.

Please. Please, sir. Yeah, so you cast command, and you feel like you summoned the appropriate Eldritch energies correctly, but it almost seems like it doesn't even register on the Shadrow. Oh. Oh, so it doesn't even work? No, it just, like, bounces off. That's it for me. That's it for Bart. Kyborg. I say, all right, team, last bubble. Let's do it. And then I look around. Cut.

And a tumbleweed blows past me. Would Kyborg like to join us? Uh, Kyborg would like to finish the fight. Like, Master Chief, could you, if I waited, could you dispel the blast bubble? It's so important that we get these dragonborn on our side, I'm telling you. Okay. We could argue that the one we're saving in the house is also getting a dragonborn. Fine, fine. We'll have, like, a break-in team. I'll do it! I hold off my eyes. Okay.

Until after John. Or you could dispel my blindness. Mud. Mud and the Owls. Everyone's favorite band. Welcome to Mud and the Owls. Mud doesn't cast dispel magic. Pure chaos. Oh my god. That's hilarious. What does Mud do then? Mud dispels magic. Wait, me or...

No, not you. You're fine. You're going to see an arrow shoot through one of the windows. I cast Dispel Magic at a... You keep asking me what level. I feel like there's a minimum. I feel like this is... Well, but if I go three, it goes to rolls. So I'll just go fourth. I got the slots. That bubble of darkness drops and you see a Shadrow and a green dragonborn locked in combat.

How far away are they from me? They're very close to you. 10, 15 feet away. Okay. So they're right outside the mansion. Yeah. They're like just to the east of the front door to the big house. How far is Kyborg from me? Kyborg's like halfway up the courtyard. 100 feet or so. Owls carrying owls carrying owls. Owls all the way down. I could actually do that. So if I send three owls and they are ones carrying the other one carrying the other one.

The first one does. The only real question is can an owl carry two owls? I don't know. I don't think so. Once they're carrying capacity. Yeah, so I'm going to say no. They can carry one, but they cannot carry two. Okay, then Kaiborg's on his own. It's fine.

This must be very important to him.

Like, in a life or death situation, this is still something he's willing to stake his life on. Interesting. Okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotcha. Could I use the owls in a kind of peculiar way? Well, I... How? Why are you asking that now? What would happen if someone was restrained by 11 owls?

- Like if you had 11 giant owls trying to pin you to the ground, feels like that would be something we could do. - You can try that. Their strength is not that great. - Okay. Yeah, you're right. But I guess if I rolled 11 times, there's the law of numbers. - There's a chance, yeah. - All right, 11 owls are trying to get this guy. - So you're trying, you're gonna make 11. - Well, I'm gonna make grapple rolls until I win. - Right, so you're gonna make 11. - I'm gonna make them until I win. - Let me finish.

You're gonna make 11 strength checks then to see if you can overcome that. What I'm saying is I might not make 11 if owl number 7 gets the right roll. Okay, I see. So we're doing him individually. Roll 1, yep. That's a 1. That helps. That's a failure. It's gonna be a lot of rolls. 2. That's only an 8. Fail. It was at an 18. That's alright, you got 9 more. Blaine and I are playing here playing...

That's a nine. I'm going to roll for that one. That's a five. I'm really terrible. That's the worst one. It's a fail.

Fail. Fail. Are any of these? No, I'm going along with you here. That's four failures, I think, so far. This is number five. Come on, lucky five. Fifth time's a charm. Failure. He's got a good strength modifier. Dang it. You got six more. Give me a nat. Oh, that's 11. Seven. Oh, nat 20. That's 23. Nat 20, and it's 23. Number eight. Ugh. Number eight. Ugh.

I got a 24. You did not. You can come see it if you want. Ghost, did you like my Simpsons reference? It's pretty good. Sorry, I'm doing math over here. Four, eight, four, nine. These owls are busted. I want a refund on these owls. 13. I'll roll that. This is number 10. 17. Okay, final owl. There he comes. There he comes. For the win. Cinderella story. Only a nine. No. No.

- No. - Okay. Well now there's 11 owls in this house, so that's gotta cost something. - So, these owls all come in one at a time, swooping down at this Shadrow. He's just kind of like swatting at them in the air as they're trying to like get at him. - And then upon failing their grapple, they create a wall of 11 owls between him and the dragonborn. - No. - What do you mean no?

What do you mean they're gonna create a wall? There's three owls on the bottom, and then there's three owls on top of it. That's an answer. Do you really want to do that? Yes! They can hang upside down, can't they? So, yeah. Those are bats. Those are bats, Chris. Freaking bats. Okay, I mean, they can try. He's like...

She is folding on. They're trying to crowd. How about I say it? They're crowding the space. Sure, yeah. I understand that. Okay, is there anything else? No. You want a break in this game? No. I watch as Kyborg does his murders. All right, yeah. Kyborg and then Gum-Gum will get to you after that. Okay, before I attack...

Because there are what, three other dragonborn out there now? Correct, yeah. I say, uh, all together, this is our, you know, let's defeat the Shadrow scum! All together! I'm trying to rally them! Yeah. How's that sound? A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a

Make a persuasion roll. They're confused because it's not the right dialect. They're like, and they look at each other like, okay, they're like nodding, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, and then I declare that final Shadrow my sworn enemy by saying, forever winter. Okay.

I roll my attacks with advantage. That's 22 and 13, 22. That hits. Okay. And I shoot an arrow at it and I know it's going to throw a fire at me. Seven, 12 plus 17. Okay. Uh, 12, 17, 29. Okay. Yeah. Uh, the arrows hits it. Uh,

doing 29 points of damage. - Okay, and I keep on attacking. That's 12 and 30. - That hits. - That's nine plus the cold damage. Nine, 18. - Yeah, that Shadrow falls down, unmoving. - Okay, I have one final attack. Can I see the fancy Shadrow through any of the windows?

That would be pretty cool if I could. I'm just saying. You can see. No, but there seems to be 11 owls obscuring your vision. Yeah. Exactly what I was going to say. You see a lot of feathers. You're directly south of the door, so you can see straight into the building, but there's just so many owls in there. Can I see, like, two? Okay, so if I see my team and I see a bunch of owls, are there any other windows on this side? Like, in the direction that he would theoretically be hitting? The only way you can really see from your angle is the front door. Okay. Um.

Come on in! The water is great! I'm like a hundred feet away so can I use one of my attacks as a thing or do I have to use all of my attacks to- to- to- to change shooting? Okay. Uh, I start heading that way and then I also yell at the other dudes and I'm like, "To the- to the building!" I put in Draconic. Which sounds like- *Loud laughter*

I wish we had a video of what Blaine's mouth was doing. They all kind of nod. Okay. Yeah! Is that it for Kyborg? It's going to have to be because I can't see him. Gum, gum, where did the world go? I don't know. I can't see nothing. You can't see anything. You can do stuff. Head towards the sounds of the owls. You can do without being able to see. You hear perfectly fluent jaconic. And I guess my question is that guy...

Okay. Roll for impression. I'm impressed for you. A blinded creature can't see and automatically fails any ability check that requires sight. Attack rolls against the creature have advantage and the creature's attack rolls have disadvantage. Can I run to where I heard mud? You can go back to mud, yes, and be right next to him within touching air range. Okay. Do that. That's what I want to do. Do that. And then... I'm afraid. Okay. Is that it? Yeah. Okay. You can make another wisdom saving throw at this point. Okay. You're blind. 15? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Now that your turn is over, at the end of your turn, your vision starts coming back. It's like Han Solo when he gets defrosted from the carbonite and you can't see it for a bit. It's like it's starting to come back. Was he poisoned? Blaine's nodding. Or do we not know? No, no. He had a hibernation sickness. Now are you talking about Gum Gum? You're talking about Gum Gum. Chris is talking about Han Solo. Now I'm talking about Gum Gum? Yes. Okay.

So he was not poisoned. No, he was not. Gum-Gum was not poisoned. Or Han Solo. It is that Shadrow's turn. There's owls everywhere. He's backed into a corner. You hear him mutter some words. And a black, misty portal appears in the wall. And he backs into it, dragging the elderly dragonborn with him. We got three out of four. We barely

You hear the green dragonborn yell, Someone save Namito! Ah!

The old guy is named Namido. That's who they were talking about. One of the other ones. Yeah, the same one. Blue Skidoo, we can too. We gotta go into that portal. Oh, is it open? Yeah. He disappears and the portal is still misty and swirling. Mud goes in with 11 owls. Bart runs in as well. And so does Gum-Gum because he can see. I take a little bit longer. But I also go in there.

You step through the mist of blackened shadows and everything goes dark. Your skin feels clammy and cold, and in the distance you hear the rumbling of thunder and rustling of wind. You blink your eyes and you can barely tell the difference between open and closed. All you can make out are silhouettes: gray outlines of bare trees, jagged stones, thick swirling clouds overhead. Thunder and wind get louder and deeper.

FOOM! Out from the clouds flap two enormous deep black wings. Four clawed feet land on a ridge nearby as a hazy tail flails behind. You lift your eyes past a massive body of scales until you see two pale purple eyes behind a long snout staring back at you. A pitchfork tongue hisses out a small plume of smoke. A tingle trickles down your spine.

Might yell that. A dragon! Is it a dragon? Not for a dungeon. Can we take a long rest? Find out if you can take a long rest or not in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Namido! Dragon! Namido!

Want to give a shout out to folks that interacted with us on social media who we named NPCs after in this episode. Just like at Bloody Horror Bri, Bri the Dragonborn, you know, the one that died that no one helped. Link IB, Bolink the Shadrow Leader, Falsely Named Elder Namito, and La La Doria, La Doria the Shadow Dragon. Also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided voiceover for characters in this episode like Bolink voiced by Jolie. And thanks for listening, everyone. We'll be back next week with another episode.

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