C01 - Ep. 69 - Betwixt The Bramblecracks - Great Balls Of Briar
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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

This is a Rooster Teeth production.

Previously, our adventurers acquired another diajam and lollygagged over to the Lagoon of Crokemyre where they saw familiar faces and went firefly fishing. They finally found their way down to the Pantheon Temple and Mudmet Amphibolus and her secret scroll. But after fighting Amnesia and escaping the temple, now it appears they've stumbled into a lily pad pickle. Now, but I cap, let's resume our noxious narrative.

I assume because I'm far behind on listening to the episodes, but I assume we edit out most if not all of your flubs on those intros, guys. But I'm going to call you out. You've been flubbing like pretty consistently lately. I have. I had one flub on this read. Yeah. The other day. It was right away. Yeah. The other day I did have a lot more. You had a lot more. I couldn't stop laughing at diarrhea. Yeah.

That was my bad. I know we can't do this because it would take a lot of time since we have 60 some episodes at this point, but going back and just isolating just the flubs in all of Gus's intros and just making one compilation of it. Micah's shaking his head. No, I'm not asking Micah to do it for sure. That'd be a lot of time and effort just for a dumb joke. Just like this podcast. Hey.

Just kidding.

All the families are staring at you with yellowish eyes. Everyone roll a perception check. Spooky. We're literally going to ask, has anybody noticed that we just came out of the water world? Out of 10. Oh, come on. Dang it.

It was one of those really slow final parts of the roll. It took like 10 seconds to go from 12 to 2. 11. 7. 12. Oh, normally you guys are really good at perception check. This is really bad. That's pretty good for gum gum. I think it's the performance anxiety of coming out and having all these people stare at us. I cast Disguise Self and make my eyes yellow as well.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, I have the dread helm and it makes my eyes glow red. So I go... Well, you try that, Kyborg, and you rub your eyes a little bit to clear your vision, but you end up rubbing salt water into your eyes and it starts stinging and you can't quite open them all the way.

Everyone else, the other three of you, take a quick look around. You see the people of Croke Mire are quite still, either standing outside of lily pad buildings or floating in rowboats. And they're all staring at you with yellowish eyes. Do they look angry? They seem almost like they have a blank expression. Almost like very children of the corn moment. Yeah.

I actually do want to cast something. I cast Fog Cloud. Ooh, Fog Cloud. Bubble spray! Sailor Moon, man. That's the only move that Sailor Mercury has. Mercury?

Who's the one that... You tell us. You're watching it. You're the weed. Blue, right? Yeah. Yeah. You create a 20-foot radius sphere of fog centered on a point within range. The sphere spreads around corners. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It lasts the duration or until a wind of... Wind of moderate or greater speed disperses it.

At least 10 miles an hour. At least 10 miles per hour. So it lasts for up to an hour. So Mud chants some arcane words and fog begins rolling out from his position. I assume he's centered on you guys. Yeah, I pulled a storm. Torthor leans in and whispers in your ear, this seems kind of creepy, right? What are you doing here? He saved you. He is happy. He scared you, though. He is very happy about that.

Has this ever happened in this village before? Is this like something that happens during this festival? No, I have no idea what's going on with these people. They all seem a little off. Could I go try to talk to someone? Like one of the closest people to us? Sure. So I guess, Bart, you emerged from the

creepy fog on the lagoon. You emerge from the... You're creepy. It's my fog. You emerge from the misunderstood fog. Yeah. And approach one of the people. Yeah, and as I'm walking through the fog, I go, it's not just a face. I know. Don't get the reference. It's just if it's creepy fog. Oh, I

A misunderstood fog, whatever it is. It's not just a phase, baby. All right. Yeah. And I go up to one of the people staring at us. What do you do? Could I try to tap someone on the shoulder and say, hey, what's going on? Why are you guys all looking at us all funny? Sure. I feel like that deserves a roll of some kind. Make an insight check. I was prepared for him to do a three stooges routine. I have advantage on insight, so... Up dog.

That's a 22. Okay, you know, you go up to an Aladile and, you know, you tap it on the shoulder like, hey, what's going on? And it slowly raises a finger and points at you and lets out a scream. LAUGHTER

They begin, some of the other creatures in the area begin converging on you, Bart. Oh, gosh. Why did you leave the safety of the fog cloud? Well, I don't know. Maybe these guys need to be snapped out of it. It's body snatchers, right? That's where they pulled this from. What is that? Is that the body snatchers with the guys with the mustache? That's what I had in mind when I said he slowly raised his arms.

Could I do a quick detect magic? Yeah, why not? I mean, I know there's magic at play. I just want to know what kind. All right, I'm going to cast it. Pachow! Detect magic with my wand of detect magic. You cast detect magic and you can detect illusionary magic happening all around you. The allodial you touched on the shoulder reaches out and tries to grab you and grapple with you, Bart. Could I run away? Yeah, make like a dexterity check to see if they're able to grab you or not.

- 14? - 15. Yeah, with the arm that was reached out pointing at you, it clasps on you and grabs you and begins holding you down on the ground as others begin shambling into range. - Can I run and go grab Bart? - You probably couldn't see anything. You're still in the fog cloud.

You run out and you see Bart being held down by an ala dial and other creatures are converging on his position Can I grab try and grab Bart and pull yeah Do you want to grab Bart or do you want to shove the person holding him like how would you want to approach this? I think well I have two

two attacks. So I think I would... You have two attacks, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have two actions. Yeah. You have two attacks per your attack action. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess... Don't yeah me! I'm explaining it to you! I know, I know, I know, I agree. I, uh...

I guess what I'm saying is I would like try and grab Bart, which I guess would be a grapple, and then I might shove. Oh, you're grappling Bart, then Bart has to oppose it. Or I'm not gonna. Or I guess I want to grab Bart and then knock to the guy who grabbed him back. And I'm asking, which do you want to do? Because you moved...

So you can do one or the other. Wait, isn't my attack... I get two attacks, which could be an attack or a grapple. They're both an attack. So you grapple and shove? Uh-huh. Is the shove an attack? Yeah. You could say, like, unarmed strike or something. Okay, yeah. I'm getting a thumbs up from Ben, so we'll allow it. And I'll rage, too. I'll do it. Okay, so you're going to grapple, barf, shove, and then rage? No, rage. Something snapped in Gum-Gum when he saw Bart getting...

All right. I guess make a, I guess like a strength check to grapple. Well, I'll just, Bart, I assume you're not going to oppose the grapple. No. Actually, you would have to oppose the grapple with the creature holding him. All right. I just rolled my rage thing, which is seven. Let's see what that does. Seven, which is flowers and vines simply grow around you until your rage ends. The grounds wouldn't 15 feet of use difficult terrain for your enemies. Okay.

Okay. And then I'll, yeah, I guess I'll do a strength check. Did you say check? Yeah, I guess, I assume you would want to do like a strength check to try to grapple Bart. I have advantage on that. Man, that was two bad rolls. So what'd you get, 11? Yeah, yeah. All right, well, I'm going to make my opposed roll here. Give it to me.

I haven't. Oh, don't worry. I got a five on my roll. So yeah, you don't feel very confident about your attempt to grab Bart, but you do manage to grab Bart and free him from being pinned down. And then you shove the creature that was pinning him down. Me and Gum Gum look like that meme picture of the woman holding the other woman back and pointing and then the cat looking. Yeah. Yeah. I guess just make like a touch attack to see if you hit it. Hit like AC 14. This is a touch attack? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You managed to shove it. You know, you pull Bart out and then with all your rage and the anger in you, you shove the creature off of Bart, but your hands go straight through the creature. What? Oh, no. And your arms are stuck in it. Oh, no. Make a strength saving throw. It's those big goos. It's a whole city of amnesias. Yeah, I am. All right. Let's see. But it's illusionary magic. 25. That's why they look like people.

Yeah, you weren't expecting that. It's like, you know, you shoved into a gel. Then maybe it, like, creeps you out or something. And you very quickly pull your arms back out. And, yeah, the creature no longer has an allodial form. It kind of dissolves into an amnesia. How did we beat them last time? Was it, like, fire? Basically, not piercing. Everyone roll initiative. Oh, shoot. Wait, can I finish my turn and scoot back? What's your move rate? It is 40. Yeah. Yes!

I rolled a 15. Curses! I rolled a 15 on my initiative. Oh, initiative. 15 as well. So now I'm not repeating you, I'm just saying I rolled a 15. I rolled a 21. 20! How many are there? Do we want to fight or run? Ha ha ha!

Kyborg has a higher dexterity than Bart, right? Do we want to fight or run? I think we're rolling initiatives. Yeah, but you can figure it out. Oh, and I got to roll for Torthor as well. We should probably see if there's something that could suck them all in or something. We'll give Torthor a 10. Oh, you're not last, Bart. You got Torthor after you. Haha, suck it.

Despite all that, Gum Gum, you are first. What do you want to do here? Well, how many guys are there, would you say, around us? And like, what's the lay of the land? When you peeked out, you know, and we're out there trying to help Bart, rough estimate, you saw about 10 yellow people looking at you. That's a lot. And are they all around us or is there like only in front of us? All circling around the lagoon. Well, shoot. Do we want to try and fight our way out or fight our way around them?

Well, do you want to maybe like perceive if there's any sort of like path? Well, yeah. I mean, are they all the way around us and is there any way out? They were all around. I mean, it depends. The way you all entered the lagoon was from the north. Then to the north, there were a couple of people standing there. Maybe you could try to like...

get past them somehow? I don't know. It's a tough question to ask just because I don't know what your goal would be. If it's just to escape and go back the way you came, it would be to the north, but there were a few people there. I mean, there's people everywhere. The least is to the south, but there's no way to exit the lagoon to that way. Man, blew my gift to the chromatic dragon on that one fishing thing. There's a bunch of little doggies. I think electricity would hurt them. Yeah, I want to say the electricity worked, but

Electricity and cold, I think, worked. Did fire or anything like that work? I know piercing didn't. I think we can break our way through. Whatever you want to do, Gum-Gum. I'm going to run. Just do something. I'm going to run forward to the area. You said there were a few at the north? Yeah, there were.

And then I want to get to a position where I can kind of like knock them back and do Thunder Wave with my Rainbringer Staff to try and knock them to clear a path. - So you're gonna come out and use your Rainbringer Staff and then using Thunder Wave, try to clear a path to the north. - Yeah, I think that's the plan. - Okay, so you emerge from the fog cloud to the north.

and you know raise your rain bringer staff does come come have to like chant anything or say anything to activate the ring bringer stuff I want boom lightning boom it was worse than I could have imagined just lightning just could not have gone poor that sounds like someone who simultaneously knocked the window of themselves and stubbed their toe mmm I want to hate boom

Yeah, uh, so yeah, a 15-foot cube originating from you must take a constitution save throw on a field to save a crew that takes 2d8 damage and is pushed 10 feet away from you.

Just a side note to clarify on the Rainbringer staff. We've been real loosey-goosey with it. There are charges on it. Oh, I know. And I've been keeping track. Have you? Okay. I guess I don't see them on my side. I think maybe I have to refresh my page when you make a change like that. And whenever it's... Like, I get to re-roll for every, like... Okay. We just haven't talked about it, so I just want to make sure. Yes, his body language was like, let's stay...

One of the ones that

I can use, it's only four or five charges, so I can use it twice for a long rest. Yeah. Or most of the time. Okay, so you come out and you cast Thunder Wave, which it's a wave of thunderous force that comes out from you within a 15-foot cube originating from you. So when you merge from the cloud to the north, you see there are three of these creatures between you and the exit to the north. You get two of them within a 15-foot cube, and that probably, you know, would clear the way enough for your friends to come through. So they all need to make a constitution saving throw. They have a plus two. And what

number do they need gum gum 12 so they need to make it a 12 or higher yes and they have a plus two let's roll this one's 50 50 if they get a 10 or better and they're okay one of them gets a 9 the other one gets 17 so i'm gonna roll this evens it's the one directly in your way odds it's the other one

It's the other one. So the one directly in your way does not get shoved, but the one that's a little more, it's still in the way, but not quite directly dead center, gets shoved 10 feet, we'll say off to the right, away out of the path. And I roll 2d8, which is eight. Eight points of damage? Yeah. So one of them takes eight, one of them takes four, and it makes a loud boom. I want all of our attacks to sound like farts from now on.

So Gum Gum makes a boom boom. Thank you, Dragon. Hey. We'll just release one episode where it's just the fart edition. Oh, we'll release something. We'll just re-release one of the episodes and everything is farts. So like I said, you shove the one that's kind of a little off to the side, a little more out of the way. There is one still directly in the way, but they both do appear to... What kind of damage is that Ringbringer staff? Thunder. All right. Yeah. So they appear to be somewhat hurt and not happy with it.

Well, and I'm going to rage again. Wait, weren't you already raging? Well, I think my rage ends when I cast the spell. Even if you use the item? Well, I don't know. If it doesn't, that's cool. Mutt just turns to Kyborg and goes, hey, hey, Kyborg. Yeah. No, shut up. I'm having a moment. Yeah. I turn to Kyborg and I go, hey, what am I? Oh.

Because we're in the fog cloud this entire time. Just chilling out while all this is happening. Bart clicks on a flashlight and he's like, I'm a lighthouse. Yeah, I think your rage would continue based on what I'm reading in the player's handbook here. I just need to get hit or it'll end because I didn't attack. Well, you are attacking. When you make a melee attack, yeah, get hit or hit. Okay, cool. Then I guess my turn's over. Okay. How many are left standing? All of them.

Oh, yeah, I guess you don't know that, though. You're in the fog. I'm trying to clear a way to run. Yeah, Mud, you're up. How many episodes have we been recording this? Episode 69. Did it. It's good to know Chris still hasn't learned how to take a turn that takes less than 15 minutes in 66, 69 episodes. Well, that was like two times. That was two times. It's a 30 minutes.

All right, Mud, you're up. I have a question about Fog Cloud. The terminology is a little bit vague. It says the duration is up to one hour, but it's a concentration spell. So I'm asking if I end my concentration or cast a new spell, would that dissipate the fog? Or is the spell written that the fog is there and stays there no matter what I do for an hour? Yeah, I can see what you're asking. My interpretation would be that it begins to dissipate and disappear.

Once I what? Drop concentration. Okay, okay. Cool. Then that'll make this a really cool moment. Um, I'm about to wreck your stuff right now, Gus. Oh no! My stuff! Um, I learned something fun about conjure animals. At a fifth level, I summon twice as many as the number that I'm summoning. Yes.

You should see Gus in bed space right now. Hold on. Seeing as how we have kind of two problems to solve, multiple combatants and a swift exit, I'm going to solve that with one spell. I'm casting conjure animals, and I'm summoning 16 giant riding lizards. Right.

I'm gonna show you guys a picture of these guys really quick just so you know what I have now summoned as your steeds I mean I could cast plot of daggers if you want Oh, whoa those are the things from uh Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith Yeah it's very much like the thing And they win, they win, they win

Something like that. Misa can't wait to ride it. So it looks like, for the audio list, there's kind of like a giant iguana, but without the spikes, with a saddle on its back. And it has like these two long things in the front. That was the reins. The reins. It's got a saddle, yeah. Yeah, so...

there's 16 giant riding lizards that have now appeared out of a dissipated fog. So yeah, the fog slowly sinks to the ground and back into the water. And as it does, you see 16 riding lizards. Barking trumpet. I was going to go...

I send one each out to my compatriots for them to be able to use. Bart needs a boost. I'm going to pressure Bart standing next to the lizard, reaching up with little grabby hands. Just trying to climb it. Just like sling him up on his back with his tongue. Yeah, so there's four that are occupied with that, and then...

Another 12. 12 are now attacking. You said there's 10? Yeah. Okay, so. Do you want to give a lizard to Torthor? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that mofo. He gets one as well. So there's 11. Okay, yeah. He did save you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. If I remember he was here, I would have.

I would have included that in my statement. Also, just so, um, even if you want to say there's rough terrain, they have spider climb, so they can actually climb, um, difficult surfaces, including upside down on ceilings. Well, there is difficult terrain because of Gum Gum, but not for you guys. Only around me. Okay. So they're going to do a bite attack against... All ten? I'm just going to make it simple. Five to shove one of the ones that's still in the way out of the way, and then six to shove the other one out of the way. Shove or attack? Attack.

I just want to clarify. I want to just move them out of the way. Trample? Sure. I don't know. I'm not familiar. Let me look up. I'm not familiar with giant riding lizards, so I don't know how their attacks work. Their attack, they have one action. It's called bite.

But I assume any creature could do basically what Gum Gum did, which is just tell them to go and unarm strike. Like just unarm strike versus each of them to try to push them out of the way. Yeah, it could like bite and, you know, if they clasp on, which I'm sure they're going to, it could like continue moving and like drag them along. Sure. I'm just going to roll 11 d20s. Yeah. And their armor class is right now. Their armor class is 14.

Okay. Lots of dice. Good lord. I almost crashed your iPad. It's okay. Um...

- And then, oh, I can't see them all. - I can mouse over. - So they also have a plus four. - Okay, so they need a 10 or better. 17, 13, 18, 18, 20, 15. So six of them hit. - Wow. - Cool. Then let's say three and three. - Sure. - And then you want me to roll for attack or roll for damage? - Roll for their damage. - Okay, I'm just gonna roll. How many did we say? Six? - Yeah, three and three. - Six D eights.

And they're all plus two. Plus two. Look at all those dice. I get to roll so many dice, it's fun. So it's ten, five, ten, seven, four, five. I'm gonna let you, the man who has their HP in front of him, deal with that. Yeah, the pack of giant riding lizards rushes forward to the aid of Rohan. Excuse me, my babies. And begins mercilessly biting at these creatures. And then...

They begin getting dragged and you're a little concerned because the lizards are kind of, you know, they're successful in moving them, but they're a little tied up in like this sticky ooze as well from the creatures as they, you know, transform from town residents back into amnesias. So there's just a mess of lizards and ooze off to the side. Right.

But yeah, there is a clear path for you guys to make an escape. I suggest we make our egress. We are on these riding lizards, so. Let's go. Yeah. Bart kicks the side of it. But.

But like not when you're saddled, you just kick the side of it staring at it. It just grabs onto the tail and holds onto the tail and rides away. Probably doesn't feel like anything to them. Yeah, so I guess all of you ride off into the sunset to the north. Yeah. Yep. As you all are riding past, you see Torthor does slow down as he encounters the group of lizards and amnesias that are all tied up together. And he reaches into a pouch on his belt and pulls out some kind of almost like a dust or a dirt.

and throws it out over the oozes and they begin dissolving, freeing up the giant lizards. So they can rejoin you.

We should get some of that. Yeah. What was that, Torthor? Oh, that's my antiseptic salt. Antiseptic salt. How did you, how do you make it? Is this something you could just like buy somewhere? Oh, I make it myself. It's a special recipe. Here, you can have this pouch if you'd like it. Can you whip up like several batches of that? Because that could be really useful. Could you put some of it on the end of an arrow? Yes.

Perhaps in a pouch of some sort. Also, like, do we get the impression that this stuff could dissolve like a living amnesia or only one that's been kind of taken care of? You could ask him. He'll tell you it doesn't instantly get rid of them, but it does damage them quite a bit.

And if they're already weakened, such as these were, it can do a lot of damage on them. If we were to take the salt and rub it on their lips, would we be able to kiss them and hurt them? You could give them ouchie kisses? Ouchie kisses. I've never tried that. Maybe you should try it and let me know if it works. Poison Ivy did it all the time, and I'm a big fan of hers. Yeah, so he does offer out his pouch of antiseptic salt if someone wants to take it.

Who would be the best person to... I'm just going to put it on arrows if you give it to me. Do with that what you will. Because I can put it on a not exploding arrow, but you know the idea. I was trying to think of a good way of spreading it. Does anyone have a duster? Maybe your main hand? Give it to me. I got some spells. I'll take it. You might be able to put it in your inventory. Antiseptic salt.

I'm going to add it to my inventory. You'd think this would be a more well-known ingredient around the town. Yeah. These things are causing people a lot of trouble. Well, Torthor's a pretty handy guy. Torthor, would you be able to whip up more of that stuff for us? Yeah, it takes a while, though, and I can't exactly get to my lab right now. Is there something going on in the lagoon? Is it any kind of salt or just special salt? Oh, it's special salt. Antiseptic salt. You have to pee on the salt. It tastes delicious on potatoes. Noted. Potatoes.

Well, I think I should probably stick around and see if I can help any of my friends back at the lagoon. But it was great seeing you guys again. Hopefully I'll bump into you guys at some point in the future. Yeah, and if you want to make some more of that salt, well, if you ever get back to your lab and meet back up with us. Once I'm able to figure out what's going on and take care of things down there, yeah, I'll get back to work making some more. Great idea. We'll use the Ahem-mobile. You'll become a little propeller plane. And we'll drop it over the town like we're putting out a forest fire. Crop dusting? Yeah.

Alright, so yeah, Torthor returns the riding lizard and begins very slowly making his way back towards the lagoon. Nice. We came here on the boat, yeah? No, you all just walked here. Oh. I suppose at this time we can return back to the castle, right? What were we supposed to do at the castle again? We got the gem, we got the scroll, we're going to go fix my dad. Hey! So you all make your way northeast toward the towering citadel of spires.

a blanket of glimmering stars and an amber moon providing light to your path. Eventually you reach the earthen foundation of the Bramble Castle, and before you is the dirt wall with a thorny mural of furballed faces you encountered before. Oh, what was the password for that? I think it was like mud like cutting his finger and it opening up. Yeah, I touched it. Yeah. You wanna do that again? I touch it. Yeah, mud, you touch it, and the thorn pierces your finger, drawing just a little tiny drop of royal blood.

The brambles pull away and the dirt wall collapses to the ground, revealing a dark tunnel.

And on top of that, some fans are building a wiki page about the show over at stinkydragon.fandom.com. Delve into the lore phase of where the show takes place or help contribute to chronicling the story up till now. Maybe make a post about problems that I've created for Micah's writing or times where I've contradicted myself. And if you interact with us on social media, we might name an NPC in the show after you. For example, Aljaroc, the Spirit of Stones, named after Jason Alger. Sneko, the Hugging Aladile, named after Atth.

It's a chipmunk, Vat Bundlesby, the friendly fro named after at VATV Ben, Torethor, the teleporting terror shell named after at Torethor, and Amphibolus, the spirit of water named after at Mbalissa. And of course, a way to give a special thanks to some friends, provide VO for characters in the previous episode, Al Jorok, voiced by Andy Cortez from bonermonger.com, Clay Bramblecrack, voiced by Alfredo Diaz, and of course, Amphibolus, voiced by Chelsea Rebecca.

While we're traveling during this time, I have a salt lick. Could I have been salting my weapons? Sure. Like taking the salt lick, almost like honing them with the salt lick. Yeah, and if you want to salt your arrows or anything. Do you want to turn into a horse and lick it as well? Yeah. I usually get the size. It's yummy.

Alright, you all enter that tunnel and crack! The brambles recoil along with the wall of soil and once again you find yourselves in a pitch black tunnel. A bright light flashes across your eyes and you find yourself once again in the palatial entrance of the Bramble Castle. As you look around from here, the castle seems to be dark and quiet. I mean, it's late at night. However, amidst the darkness you're able to see the mossy chairs and coffee table still covered with the plates of half-eaten salt lick sandwiches from your first visit.

In the corner of the room, you also spot the spiraling set of soil stairs heading to the many floors above. Uh, we're supposed to go to the top? Yes, the highest part. Yeah. I draw my bow just in case. I draw my salt link. Yeah, we gotta go to the highest tower. And you met Amphibolus, yeah? That was the person you met? I did. I met a god. Mm-hmm.

Alright, so y'all make your way to the stairs? Yeah, but I'm leaving the 16 lizards at the bottom floor. Oh, how long does that last? Concentration up to one hour. Okay. I haven't cast another spell, so they've got some time. But you did travel. Yeah, how long? Um... 55 minutes. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

On giant riding lizards, no time. Oh, 57 minutes. 57. You climb the spiraling soil stairs for a good while until you reach the landing platform with three monogram doors leading to the royal chambers and a stepped ladder unfurled from the ceiling leading further up the castle. You mean stairs? I was like, what the hell is he talking about? Oh, right, right.

Um, I go up the ladder. I go up the ladder with my bow drawn. Hard to do. Bart goes up the ladder like a normal person. I go up the ladder special like gum gum.

Going up the ladder with the bow drawn would be like using your mouth to hold on to the rungs as you go. I can do it. Is it at an angle or is it straight up and down? A lot of core strength. I would love to see you try to climb that. Can you go up a ladder? A straight up, straight up ladder. I mean, a little bit of a tilt.

Could you go up holding a bow? Probably. It's like unfurled, like it's dropped down, like a rope ladder. A rope ladder, now you're changing things. I said unfurled. What kind of ladder is unfurled? Everyone make a perception check. They'll be better this time, I promise. They better be. 25. See, told you. Nat 20 plus 9, 29. 7. 1. Yep, there they are. There's the norm. 5.

Bart and Mud, you hear like a moaning sound. It seems like it's coming from Clay's room. Ew. Wait, we're up the ladder? No, no, no. Before you go up the ladder. Like a pained moan? Or like a moan of pleasure. You hear like a...

Awesome, what a pleasure. Oh, like someone's tied up. No, we better not go in there. I think he's doing things. Specifically, I should say, you hear it come from behind the door that's labeled CB. Clay Bramble, correct. And that's like what, in the hall we were in? Not up the ladder? Correct, before you go up the ladder, where all the monogrammed doors are leading to the royal chambers. I go up to Clay's door and I get Gumbo out and I have Gumbo smell the door for danger.

What does danger smell like? I don't know. Just whatever. Gumbo is using Gumbo's superior schnoz, and I can speak to Gumbo, so Gumbo can tell me what's going on. Make an investigation check. What does Gumbo smell? I get advantage on investigation checks now. Doesn't matter. I got 19. I'm going to roll a nat 20 right here. Nope, 15. So 19. All right. Thanks to Gumbo, you notice drag marks and yellowish residue along the soil floors. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Leading up to the door labeled CB. And you notice the same footprints then heading up from the CB door up to the unfurled ladder. He thinks there'd be a fake clay roaming about. Yeah.

Should we go free clay first and then go up the ladder? You still have an extra party member for attacks and stuff. Yeah, because NPCs have always helped us so well in fights. Did Torthor not save you guys? Yeah, Torthor's at salt. He could be a bullet shield or something. You seem not so attached to clay. Come here, sponge. We're going to fight. Bart goes up to the door and tries to open it. Yeah.

Yeah, you open it up and, you know, it swings open. And inside's a rather plain bedroom with a little more than a four-post bed built inside a willow tree and a small closet in the corner. Do I see any person in here? Or any living being? You don't see anybody, but you still hear that muffled moaning sound. It seems to be coming from the closet. Can I go to the closet? Yeah. You open it up? Yes. You open up the closet and you find sump bound by entangling vines and weeds. Sump?

He's moaning because his mouth is missing. Oh, what? He has like a look of panic in his eyes. Who is Sump? The butler. Oh, but like this is magic. So this could be that Kajuj. I cast Dispel Magic. Okay. You cast Dispel Magic. The vines and weeds all unfurl from around Sump, freeing him. But his mouth appears to still be missing. And he's like touching at his face. Can I pull up my boomba and do...

To have a magic... Check for magic. Govun kills him. Magic awareness. He just did dispel magic. I know, but I want to see... Outside of the normal things, you don't detect anything out of the ordinary. Could I hand him a piece of paper and a pen? A pen? Yeah. A...

What is that? A quill. A piece of charcoal. What if he's the amnesia and this is the trap? Yeah, he eagerly takes it from you and begins furiously scribbling on the piece of paper. What does it say? Then he hands it over to you and it says, help, amnesia's in the castle. Oh.

Gum-Gum somehow decided to be condescending to someone for stating the obvious. Also, Gum-Gum couldn't read it that fast. It says, Amnesius captured the family and the shaman and took them upstairs. Oh. Oh.

Oh, what happened to your mouth? Yeah, where's your mouth go? Where's your pie hole go? He takes the paper back and pen and begins writing down very quickly again and then hands it back to you. And you read it and says, I tried to stop them, but I don't know what happened. I found myself bound without a mouth here in the closet. Okay.

So we are heading into the trap. What is our best course of action? Well, we know the window is accessible. We do. We do. Should we use the window again? Because it worked out so well last time. Wait, really quick, really quick. Let's, like, put our heads together. Is this a coup? Do you think your younger brother, do you think that he's trying to usurp you as the next in line? Like, he probably poisoned your dad, and then now he's trying to kill you in the process so that he could go straight to the top? Yeah.

You know, it's a possibility. How well do you know your brother? How long have you known him? I don't think I know him very well because I answered every question about my heritage and past incorrectly. So I'm willing to believe in Kyborg's astute observations, which I don't think I thought I'd ever say that. I feel very detectively. Detective? There it is. There's the Kyborg I know. Detectively. I do a backflip! Ha ha ha ha!

It's been a while. Do it. 23. That's a pretty good backflip. I'm back. Who's clapping? Should we surprise and go in the window? How would we all go via the window? That was something that we were able to do by falling, but Bart can't float up.

Is there a floor of bugs? Yeah, but you can attach to my friendship bracelet. I can pull them up. Oh, wait! Can we get the giant riding lizards? The sky and spiders. What would you do? They can climb! Oh my goodness! Okay, we hurry down. We get our giant riding lizards and we climb up the exterior of the building. I'll cast it again if you make me. I'll bolster your magic to give you an extra spell. I don't know if it's strong enough for...

Yeah, I can cast a pretty low actually. Okay, so I'm going to roll it. It's D3. Yeah. Gus isn't even asking for any of these rolls. We're just offering them up. Yeah, I mean, knock yourself out. Goatgum's rolling already. How many spell slots for the roll? The level of which equals the number rolled or lower. So it's a level one spell. Slot one. One spell slot, level one. I give you another one if you want. That's fine. I can do that.

Do another one? No, I'll take that. It's fine. So you go back downstairs and just to clarify, I'm not telling you no or anything. Just to clarify, when you jumped out the windows and everything, it was from this floor down to the ground. Now to proceed, you need to continue going up. Remember I said the ladder was unfurled? Right. But if we go down, get the lizard, go to exterior and climb up the exterior of the building up to the... All I'm saying is that you have not been above this floor so far.

Right. Yeah, that's all. Okay, yeah. Do we want to divide our forces so that there's two people at the door and then two people coming through a theoretical window? I'm down to go invisible and go up the ladder. Okay. I'm down to go up the ladder with Bart as well. I'll go up the ladder too. I thought we were going to split. I'm just going along with it. Yeah, yeah. No, Gungo, you're with me. We get to go raid the lizards again. Okay, I like lizards. Okay. Wizards or lizards? Lizards.

All right. So to be clear, Kyborg and Bart are going up the ladder. They will, yes. And Mud and Gum-Gum are going to go back down, get on the riding lizards, and ride up the side of the building using the spider climb ability of the giant riding lizards. Okay. Yes, they are my babies. I'll deal with Kyborg and Bart. You know, you two climb up the wooden step ladder, and you reach a trap door labeled the briary. Oh, wait a minute. Hold on. Pause. Pause.

Hashtag pause. This is... Cardboard six ups his fist. The briary. Commander talking. What?

Where did I have that written down? We need the bomb of the briary to cure those affected by the amnesia. Oh, okay. Did we get that? I don't know. Did we? No. It's at the top of the tower. So I think we just got to go to the top. Anyway, sorry. The bomb of the briary can be made using the components that you all were sent to retrieve. That's why you needed the components to concoct the bomb of the briary to then heal Lord Lotus. And we do have everything, right? Correct. Okay. All right. Continue.

Continue. Sorry. So yeah, I mean, that was it. You just climb up the one step ladder, reach a trapdoor, label the briary. And I'm invisible, by the way. Okay. And so are you first? Or is Kyborg first? I should probably be first. Yeah, Bert's first. Okay, yeah. So you're the one who sees the label first of all, that says the briary.

It's the briary. And then I do a bunch of a series of commando hand gestures back at you. And then Bart slaps the keyboard on the face. Gently. And Mud can sense in a distance justice has been served. You know those slaps where it displaces their face and then they don't move it? That's what happened. Okay, all right, I'm back in it. So then I'm pointing Mud and Gum-Gum, meanwhile, go downstairs, get on the lizards.

Come back up to the point where you were. And then how do you two want to proceed? Let's go up to the window of the floor above us and do a little peeky peek. Yeah. All right. So you go up and peek into the next room above. And that room is confusing to you. Actually, both of you make a wisdom check. I'm just curious. I get advantage on wisdom checks. Oh, nice. 16. 22. 22.

22. Dang. This room, it's very confusing to look at, but both of you, you know, after staring at it for a minute, you figure it out. It looks like from your perspective or from the perspective of the tower, this room is upside down. Hmm.

and it looks like there's different biomes in all the different corners of the room. It's a rather large room, and there's different biomes in the four corners of the room. Can you elaborate on the biomes? In one of the corners, you see, like, a forest. Another corner, you see desert. Another one appears to be, like, cave-like, and another one is, like, ocean. Okay.

Portals? There's just the biomes in each corner. Is there anything going higher up the, like a ladder going up higher? No. Do we see where the trap door would be that they would come through? You see one down to the south. On the floor or the ceiling? From your perspective, the floor. Okay. So if they come in, they'll come in through what is the actual ceiling of the room? You think so? Okay. Okay.

And no people? No. And is there anything on the floor then? Yeah, the floor above us. Uh, no. Just like a stone. I guess I meant the ceiling, which is below us. No, it's just made out of stone. Okay.

Okay. Is the window openable? No, it's not like a latch. You know, there's no easy way to open it. It's just a window. You could probably break it if you wanted to. Smash and grab. Yeah, we'll smash it. Okay. Which I would imagine you'd hear. Yeah. Which would probably trigger me and Bart to also smash into the door. No. Bart was just blankly staring at Blaine. I'm of always the stealthy maneuvers, but...

- If Glyborg wants to go... - Well, from an attack perspective, you would still be invisible, so I would take the brunt of anything that happens. - Okay. - If that's okay with you. - Yeah, please. - We smash the window and go inside. - I kick down the door. - Okay. - Wait, no, it's a trap door. - How do you trick a door, right? It's a, you're on a ladder. - With bow drawn. - I do this, I flip around. - I knew that was gonna be. - And then I put my legs in the air and I go.

So you invert yourself on the ladder to, like, donkey kick the door open. You have incredible core strength. He's an elf. Make an athletics check. I've seen them do crazy things. That's a 26. Oh, yeah. We'll say you're able to do that. You kick that door open. It seems to swing...

Pretty easily. Almost like it wasn't locked or anything. He didn't even check. So yeah, the door swings open. Do you two rush through at that moment or do you just let it sit there open? I rush through. You rush through and make a dexterity saving throw. Okay. I think something about to come into play. That's a 19. You rush through the door and...

For some reason, gravity is inverted in this room, and you fall from the ceiling of the room down to the floor below. Which is perfect, because my legs were already up in the air. Right, but because you were inverted to kick the door, you managed to gracefully land. Just a pencil dive into a room. Oh my god, that was...

Perfect. And you notice that there are giant knives made of ice on the floor. Oh, God. And you do manage to land between them. Okay, so just going forward so that we're all clear, are we calling the floor, is it the roof? Or the ceiling? So now when you're in the room, it's the floor. For Bart, who has not entered the room, it is the ceiling. So when Bart pokes his head just beyond the precipice of the door...

It's the ceiling that Kybro seems to be standing completely upside down on perfectly. Correct. Okay. That was so cool. For the record. We're in the upside down. Yeah, literally. I guess Mud goes in with his giant lizard and stays riding on the wall. Okay.

and Gum Gum will follow. - Okay. Kyborg, you do not see Mud and Gum Gum. Mud and Gum Gum, you do not see Kyborg. - What? - Are there things obstructing their view? - Do we hear them though? - What is the state of the door? - One question at a time. - Are there things obstructing them? No, not necessarily. Bart, you're actually not in, are you in the room yet? - I poked my head right in. - Okay, if you poke your head through. - But I'm still holding the ladder.

What is that sensation like? Make a strength check to see if you can hold your weight, because as soon as you poke your head through, then it's going to be like you're dangling from the ceiling. Even though my body is out of the room? As soon as your head enters. You've activated the magic. All right. Strength saving or check? Check. Yeah, you stick your head through and you try to hold on really tight. But gravity inverts and you begin falling up towards the ceiling, which is the floor for Kyborg. I sure do have the best of slow descent. Ah, Kyborg.

Don't forget, I'm wearing it. You slowly descend to the dangerous floor below, which is covered in... So Cryborg is like scrambling underneath, just waiting. I gotcha! I don't know if it's a problem that I'm invisible, so... I just go, I'm coming! You just hear this eee!

As it descends. Yeah. Yeah, you slowly fall to the ceiling, which we'll now say is the floor for you guys. Okay. And, you know, the floor is covered in giant ice knives. Ice knives. Yeah. That are like,

Prince of Persia style. Oh, yeah. What are they? Sorry, maybe you guys should ask, like, what do you see in the room? Since we don't see you, what is it they see? Well, I just fell in. Yeah, what do we see? You know, you'd look around and the room's about, yeah, we'll say 40 by 40 with frosted stone walls and ceiling and the floor's covered in sharp 10-foot knives made of ice. Oh, we're in the biome that is the frozen biome, I'm assuming. No, he described what we saw as the room was divided in a bunch of biomes and

But you're in the ice one. You're in just a room that is just an ice kind of place. Yeah. At the far end of the room, you see another door set in the center of the wall. I mean, like halfway up, like 20 feet between the floor and the ceiling. You guys aren't looking into like at a painting or something. We're inside. Okay. And so all these biomes we can see, they're not divided by walls or anything. No, it just appears like it's like one biome flows into another one. Boris does.

desert, like a icy tundra? Ocean and cave. Yes. Ocean. Okay, I scream Marco. Yeah, do we hear them at all? Marco's polo. You guys hear someone screaming Marco from a door coming like from the southern portion of the room.

So they're in another room. Oh. And then you guys say, once you hear Marco, you say... It's not part of Fear Bog culture. I don't know what it is. It's Marco! Do I hear who's Marco?

Yeah, you hear it coming from that trap door at the northern end or the door at the northern end of the room that's halfway up the wall. Yeah, is there anything obstructing our path to that door? No, but it is 20 feet up in the air in the middle of the wall. May I use my loot of levity on myself? I believe so, but let me double check. Just go strumming up into the sky. What does the loot of levity do? So when he plays it, he can cast calm emotions or levitate.

So yeah, you would be able to do that. I also have boots of jumping so I can get up there too. Oh, sorry. I had the ring of jump. I had,

I have boots of kicking. Could I go towards the door and start playing my Loot of Levity and open the door? If I get levitated towards it? Yeah, and lucky for you, levitate allows you to rise vertically up to 20 feet and the door is 20 feet up in the air. So yeah, you can levitate a target that weighs up to 500 pounds. I'm less than that. And you can move only by pushing or pulling against a fixed object or surface. So you could like kind of climb up the wall. Zero grab rules. Yeah, right. Exactly. Okay.

I go up and I open the door. Oh yeah, you open up the door and you peer through and you see mud and gum gum in a confusing room with different biomes in each corner. And there's no other door in our room other than the one that Bart just opened. In your room to the north, there's a stone archway. Archway. That leads into what, a hallway or a room? You can't see. You can't see.

Okay. Well, I open the door wide and I start flailing my arms. Or one arm because my other one's on my loot. I go and grab Bart.

Or ride the lizard to Bart and grab him. Okay. Well, should we investigate this room to see if there's anything in there? I use ring of jump. Okay, I was going to say, Kyborg, do you live in the ice room now? It feels like every winter. All right, you jump. Make an athletics check. Oh, no, wait. No, it just triples your jump. That's all. Oh, yeah, yeah. We'll say you're able to jump up there. I'll do an athletics check if it means I get to do a backflip and then a cool superhero land.

Sure, why not? Alright, here we go. So you're gonna backflip up there? Backflip. Forward flip. Into a door. Bart's essentially magic now. He could float and he could float down with his vest. Yeah, that's pretty cool. He's just flying all over the place. 25. Yeah, you forward flip straight up 20 feet into the air, perfectly into the door. You know, do like a 10-point landing, raise your arms, and as you do that, behind you, in that room, the ice knives slam up from the floor into the ceiling. Oh, wow.

As in like, if I had stayed there they would have just... Gravity didn't gravity flip? Oh, maybe. That makes sense actually. Then after a few seconds they go back down to the ground. Oh, it's a trap. I'm just like, I'm horrified. I saw my life flash before my eyes. It's like when you almost get hit by a pickup truck. You're like... Yeah, huge adrenaline rush. I should call my mom. Do you want to be my dinosaur? I call in two more so they can have their own. Okay.

Because there was a bunch. They all came up on the tower with us. So now there's four of them inside, but there's like 12 that are just like hanging on the outside of this building. That will soon vanish into inexistence. So Ben proposed something interesting. I'm not saying to do this now or anything.

If you combine the ring of jumping and the boots of kicking, could you jump kick through doors? You tell me, because I want to try that sometime. We'll have to investigate it at some point. If it ever becomes relevant, keep that in your back pocket. Dude, yes. I mean, if they're proposing it. Yeah, so you all see this room, 40 feet tall, 40 feet wide, 40 feet long, and it's divided into four sections.

featuring like a different climate and natural setting. And on that far northern wall is a stone archway, and the stone archway leads into darkness to further answer your question. I want to go over to the ocean biome and investigate. Uh, yeah. You head over there. The ocean biome's in the northeast corner of the room. Okay. And you take a look, and it appears to be like an underwater shoal covered in coral reef seaweed and brimming with fish swimming between its crevices.

Like is it, am I looking down into water or is it all water floating in this bio? Yeah, floating in the bio. And there's fishies. Yeah, fish swimming. I stick my hand in the water. Uh, yeah, you stick your hand in and the fish, you know, dart away from your hand. Do you think it's a portal or is this like a, like, does it extend beyond? Is there like a horizon that we're then looking into?

Or is this like a- Or is this a contained, like, fish tank almost? Yeah, this is like an aquarium that's magically contained. If I were to describe it, like, if I were to describe it to one of you in, like, lay-pressures, it would look like a big aquarium, but without the glass, because mud was able to reach in. Okay, but we can see the other end of the wall on the other side. Okay. And the four biomes, do they all connect? So are, like, we inherently in one of them? Or is there, like, a walkway between them that's not? They kind of blend from one to another. Okay.

Except for the water, of course. I mean, that's like pretty defined. So there's cave, desert, ocean, and the archway to the north. Which one is that one in? Or is it in between two of them? It kind of straddles between cave and ocean. Gum Gum, make a perception check. Oh, 18. Oh, there's drawings on the archway, Gum Gum.

Above the archway, you see four emblems etched into the wall. They each appear to depict the head of a different beast. You see the head of a bat, a bear, a spider, and an octopus. Bat, bear, spider. Well, that's the biomes. Yeah, bat would be the cave. Bear would be the woods. Octopus is the ocean. Spider is the desert. You said bat? Bat.

What was the fourth biome? It was forest, ocean, cave, and what, desert? Yeah. Spiders are deserts? You can find, like, the Australian spiders. Yeah, it was desert. You're right. I think, if anything, that works. So maybe we go into those in order, you know? Or maybe we take...

turn stepping into those in the order in which we see them and drawn? I dive into the water. Okay, yeah, you dive into the water and, you know, you see, like I said, fish and seaweed and a coral reef, just everything brimming with life. I talk to the fish.

Can I? So would they, I said they darted away from you. Does it make them receptive to you? Like would they swim up to you? Actually, I have advantage on animal handling. Okay, yeah. We'll say you can try to talk to them. Sure, why not? Hello, my name is Maud. Hello. Is there something in here that I should know about? Like something special, a button, an item? The reef, very special. Lots of food. Oh, I touched the reef. Yeah, you touch it.

You monster, that piece of coral reef is now doomed to die. What? Oh my gosh. He's probably wearing that really bad sunscreen that kills coral reefs. I'm a fear bog. I'm covered in fur. I can touch the coral. Yeah, you touch it. I mean, it's a little sharp. It's coral. Can I notice anything special about this coral? The fish come over to where you touched it and begin looking around for food. Oh, okay. This is a good spot. I like these fish.

Hey, um, oh, is there an octopus in this area? Oh, heavens no. That's scary. Why would you even say that? They begin looking around. Uh, is there? Heavens no. Is there any place an octopus could hide in here that you might not know about it? Oh, they could hide in the coral, but we've never seen one. It would have eaten by now.

I turn back to my teammates. Do you have any ideas? You're underwater. I stick my head out of the water. I stick my head and just poke it out of the water. I'm out of ideas here. What should I do? My head pokes out of the water. It's dripping. I've been talking to the fish. I don't know what to do. What'd they tell you? They told me the reef is good eating. I like reefs. Maybe you should check the coral to see if it's in there.

Sure. How about... Okay, you guys are going to lose your lizards. That's okay. It's probably been three minutes by now. We could try Kyborg's idea of walking in the order that are listed in the... But, oh, has the drawings over the archway changed since I've been in the water? No. Okay. I turn into a fish. Okay. And I swim around into the reef looking for something. Okay, yeah. I swim around in the reef. Lots of yummies for fish. I eat some yummies. Ooh. Nom, nom, nom.

That was somebody's kid. Circle of life. Make a perception check or investigation since you're actively looking. I'm sorry. I wonder what the fish are thinking at this point. Who's the new guy? He is Poseidon, our lord. There's only a four. No, nothing really stands out to you. I'm open to suggestions. Are the biomes in the order listed with their animals? Does that make sense? How can I answer that?

Okay. It's like perception depending on how you're looking at the room. Yeah, I guess. Are they in that order of bat, bear, spider, octopus? Because I know that... Again, that depends on like what order you're... It's a circle, my dude. The room. Yeah. So there's no order. Right. So like, I think the question you're trying to ask is could you walk from one biome to the other? So you tell me what are the biomes for each of those animals? Bat.

Is cave. Bear is wilderness. Wilderness. Spider is possibly desert. Desert. And then octopus is water. You could, but they're not like all next to each other. You would have to like directly cross the room for some of them. Like for example, in one, you might have to go from the northwest to the southeast. You want to try that? What's the first one? Bat. Bat. All right. Cave. So the cave is in the northwest corner.

I dart out of the water. I'm a fish and I just yell, catch me! Uh, Bart reaches out to catch him, but, uh, lets him fall between his hands. He's slippery. Yeah. What kind of fish were you, Mud? Um... Clownfish, am I right? Tell the joke. I can be... I just had a fish ran down. Yeah, pick one. Pick one up. Um...

I'm a catfish. Ooh, a catfish comes out. I'll catch you. But slips through Bart's hands and now you're flopping on the floor. Okay. I'm gonna cook this later.

Yeah. Ooh, you got some salt to go with that. I guess we'll try walking in that direction. Yes. Yeah, but in that direction, you mean the cave? Yes. So you, while holding fish mud, head to the northwest to the cave. Yeah. It's a dank cavern with craggy stalactites overhead, dripping water into a pool below. Is there anything, items or anything that seems out of place? Are you there with them? Yes, I go in there with them. Okay, make an investigation check. I guess we both, can we both do that? Yeah, please do, because I got a five.

15. Hold on. Do you get a disadvantage because you're a fish or anything? It's a 10, doesn't matter. No, nothing really out of the ordinary. It really seems like you're in a cave. Do you know in your head you're in the Bramble Castle? But if you didn't know that for a fact, you would swear you're in a cave right now. Should we take elements from each thing? So like at the cave, you know, maybe there's like

guano or something and then we go and we get sand from the desert and water from the ocean and leaves from the forest is yeah is there anything though in this cave i mean there's that pool that the water's dripping into i'm the stalactites but i mean they're firmly attached to the ceiling break

Break one off. Okay. They're pretty high. The room is 40 feet tall. Maybe something with the water. Yeah, you just go get some water. We also haven't tried just walking through the archway. What are we also trying to do down here? We were on our way to make the bomb of... Yeah, at the top of the tower. But the entrance to that was barred. The entrance to Clay's room had shown signs of amnesia, and we got information from him saying that the amnesias have taken over the castle. You got information from Sump, FYI. From Sump.

So we're trying to get to dad. So can we not go through that archway? Is that a fun fact? That's the first time I've ever heard you call him your dad. Yeah, it just leads to darkness. No one's tried to go through. Did you guys miss that? His dad, yeah. He called him his dad. That's the first time his mother's done that. His papa. Wow, character development. Well, I'll wait for these guys to be done in there before. I've not said it's not my dad. I don't know why. Like, have I said that otherwise? I don't know. I feel like you've always just been cold towards him, you know? Like a father.

We can relate. You know, does Bart want to walk through and try? Well, I don't know if I should try going through without you guys there. We're, oh, we're in the cave. We were walking our way along through the fort to get to that at the end. But we're in the cave. Yeah.

Let me let me try peeking through this archway to see do it what I could see I go along with Bart I like grab the back of their cloak to make sure they've been so cyborg and Bart leads the way Peeking through the archway with cyborg there Yeah to see what's on the other side and I got a hand on Bart just to make sure nothing happens

As you, you know, try to peer through the archway, Bart, it almost seems like the heads of the beasts that are carved into the archway all seem to come alive and all try to attack you. Oh. The bat,

Matt tries to reach out and bite. The bear takes a swipe. The spider bites and the octopus lashes out at you. So are these drawings or these sculptures? These are real things. All four of them hit. Oh, that's cool. Oh my God. Can I not pull back Bart to take a minimal amount of damage?

I'm also invisible. Does that not make it... You're no longer invisible because of levity. Levity. Isn't levity... It's when you break your invisibility when you cast a spell. Well, it's not... Oh, it's an item. It's an item. But you cast levitate. Yeah. Okay. The item just gives you access to casting the spell. Eight points of damage. And then they all lash out, and then at the same moment, Kyborg pulls back. Could I cast...

Cast a new spell that I have. Ooh. Guardian of nature. Oh. And could I become a great tree? Oh my God, they transformed Bart into a tree. So you transform into a great tree.

Describe that for us, Bart. Your skin appears barky, leaves sprout from your hair, and you gain the following benefits. You gain 10 temporary hit points. You make constitution saving throws with advantage. You make dexterity and wisdom-based attacks rolls with advantage. And while you're on the ground, the ground within 15 feet of you is difficult terrain for your enemies. Interesting. So are you a tree or are you like a tree person? I'm a tree person. What are those little things in Zelda? Yeah! Yeah!

I am Groot. So now you're standing before the archway as a tree person. I think an ent. An ent is more tree than person. This seems more person than tree to me. More person than tree. More Groot. Yeah. I am Groot. All right. So you're standing before the archway as a tree person. Yeah. And because I assume I'm within 15 feet of them, if they've swiped at me and strike, striked at me, struck me.

that their terrain becomes difficult for them. Yes, that's typically for like land-based creatures or creatures that are walking across through the terrain. These are kind of like

In the archway. Like gargoyles? Oh, okay. Yeah, they're etched into the archway. Gotcha. Okay, never mind. Tree Bart. Terrain doesn't matter. Yeah, I'm Tree Bart. Bart is a croak. Did we see this meme? Yeah, I mean, yeah, you see Bart becomes tree-ish. Should we maybe try and feed those animals? I don't know. That's because the cave also has its own puzzle to solve. But like the animals might all want something from each biome, like a snack. Oh, right. Like the...

Like the coral that you said was yummy. Yeah, but I don't know. All we saw was rocks and stuff, right? Because we did a check. In the cave? Yeah, it was like a cavern with stalactites that are dripping water into a pool. It's a puddle of water. He said water. He said water a couple times. I just read the same thing. I take... Okay, come, come. We're going to have to work this through as I'm a fish. Yeah. You dip me into the water. Okay. I'll get some water in my mouth and I'll spit it at the bat.

Okay. You're going to the cave water? We're in the cave. Yes, yes, yes. So we're not feeding. I'm trying. I'm hydrating the bat. I'll put you in for some air anyway. And you can take a look around. Oh, God. You take a look around. Yeah. I take a look around in the little pond. What do I see? Nothing. It's very stale and dank water. Stale?

Stagnant. Yeah, you're stagnant. There you go. I take a big old gulp of the stagnant water and keep it in my mouth. Okay. Is there like anything, like insects or anything in the cave? You all did an investigation check and found nothing else other than what I described. Okay.

Okay, then. Well, I had a pretty good investigation check. 15? Yeah. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah, I guess let's try this. So you're going to do that? You've got your mouth full of water. Yeah, take me over to the bat. Okay. And I spit at the bat. The water hits the stone and begins dripping down onto the floor below. Nothing changes? Not that you can tell.

Okay. Do we get a fish from the ocean place and try to feed it to the octopus? Oh, they talked to me. And they were scared of the octopus. You're going to have to be the one who does it. I cannot be the one who does that. So when Bart tried to go through, did the animals that attacked...

They were drawings, but did they, like, come... They're from the archway, so they swipe down, I assume. Yeah, exactly. Can they not disconnect? Can they become off of the archway, you know? From what you saw, it did not appear so. They just kind of, like, lashed out from the etchings in the archway. Can I try something? Unless you're about to... The best I can say is, like, if they are able to come off the archway, we take them to the appropriate biome, but I don't know if that's going to happen or not.

Bart, did you have an idea? I don't know if this is going to work or if it's something I could even do, but could I use my dimension door to essentially go through this tunnel but avoid the archway itself? And we could throw in a catfish behind you. I could take it with me. You can teleport yourself to any spot within range, and your range is 500 feet. It can be a place you can see, one you can visualize, or one you can describe by stating distance and direction, such as...

X number of feet in that direction. So if I was like 10 feet past this archway. This is how Bart dies. Yeah, that would be the way to do it. You wouldn't say like past the archway. You would say like 10 feet in north or straight or something like that. Yeah. So how do you describe the space you want to dimension door to? So I'm still standing right in front of the archway. Are you still a tree person? Yes. Okay. I see.

Oh, does that drop when you cast Dimension Door? It's a concentration up to one minute. Okay, so you would no longer be a tree person. Well, dang. I don't know what I should do here. You're not going to do what you're doing? I'll try Dimension Door. So I guess I'll drop my Garden of Nature. Do I still keep my 10 temporary hit points, though? No. I guess I don't. No. Well, that was a useless waste of a spell. Can I bolster your magic? Give you an extra spell slot? Yeah. All right, I'm going to roll for it.

It's only a level one spell, sorry. That's okay. Okay, so I'm sorry, you said 10 feet in that direction? Yes, whatever direction is like through the archway. So north, I guess? Yeah, so you just teleport yourself. It's not like you actually make a door or anything. So you concentrate on the magic and attempt to teleport yourself 10 feet in that direction. You pop out of existence. From everyone else's perspective, you briefly appear on the other side of the

archway and then you pop back into the room that you're in. Arch glitching. Did I see anything while I was there? It just appeared black. Another waste of a door. Let's do, you know what, we've had bad luck trying to investigate each of these biomes. Why don't you guys try and investigate a different biome and maybe we'll find better hints. What if we all go in a different one? I'm down to divide and conquer. I think if we all go to four different areas.

Yeah. I was suggesting more so, so we could figure out, let's at least figure out one of the biomes and investigation check to figure it out. I've been wanting to go to the wilderness one. So I go to the wilderness one and I look around and I try to perceive stuff. Yeah. It's a hillside sprawling with pine trees, frost covering the grassy floor and a rushing river filled with salmon. Get one of the salmon. Uh,

Yeah, sure. I shoot one of the stamina with my longbow triumph and see if we can grab it out. Okay, make an attack roll. You're gonna shoot it with your bow. Okay, make an attack roll. So are you shooting it, I guess, like from the shore? Yeah. And not like getting in the river or anything? No. 24.

Yeah, you shoot an arrow into the river from the shore and you make contact with a salmon and it stops moving. You see your arrow floating downstream. Okay, then I go grab the arrow I created. Okay, yeah. There's a no longer moving salmon at the end of the arrow. Okay, and then I come out of that biome and I say, this is gonna happen to you, mud. And then I walk up to the archway and I...

Try to feed it to the bear. Nothing seems to happen. You're holding the salmon right in front of the bear. Okay. Then I throw down the salmon in a fit of rage and I'm just like, I am stumped. Is there anything else in this room full of the different biomes other than the archway with the pictures? Anything else that might have words on it or imagery? Not that...

you can see, like I said, it's just a 40 by 40 by 40 room divided into the four sections, each with a different climate and natural setting. On the far northern wall is the stone archway with four emblems etched above. The three things that these biomes have shared thus far is a river, a pool of water, and then one of them is entirely water. If we go into the desert one and if there's some sort of oasis with water, then we have to do something with the water. Just FYI, Kyborg, you get 10 temporary hit points for killing that salmon.

Because you killed it with your bow. Oh, nice. Did I just find a hack? Where in the middle of battle I just shoot a mouse with my longbow and I'm like, oh! That could work. Try the desert. I'll go in the desert. Bart, you walk into the desert. It's a steep, fractured cliffside overlooking a sandy dune peppered with cacti. Okay.

Could I look around, perceive if there's any water? Make an investigation check. 20. No, nothing else seems to be standing out in this biome. It's pretty bleak. Do I see any sort of creatures or any living beings? No. Just the cactus. I guess, yeah. Technically, cactus is alive. Thank you, Chris. Have we tried smashing the stone archway? Yeah.

Could I try something? Just out of curiosity? I turn back into mud. I cast create water in the desert biome and I create 10 gallons of clean water that falls like rain in a 30 foot cube. Okay, just for clarity, the room is not 30 feet.

Since this room is 40 by 40 by 40, the desert biome itself would be what, like 20 by 20. So if you do like a 30 foot cube, that would extend out a little bit more than the size of this. Yeah. Yeah. It begins raining in the desert.

Anything change about the paintings? No. Not paintings, etchings. Etchings. I approach the etchings. Hello, my name is Mud. What is your problem? Silence. Dang it. I give that salmon and then I shot the gum gum because I know he likes collecting things in his pouch. I got a fish. I got a fish. Could I reach in and grab a piece of the coral? Reach into the ocean, you mean? Yeah. Yeah. You snap off a piece of coral, you monster. Yeah, I'm a monster now. Welcome. Don't want to hurt the fish, but the coral can't talk. Let's kill them. Right. It's how it works. Uh.

I tried to offer it to the octopus. No response, nothing. How about this? I'm going to try something else. I'm just throwing things out there. I grabbed the salmon and I grabbed the coral and I tried to go through the archway.

You try to walk through the archway and all four of the emblems lash out and make attacks. Oh, you're missing two components. So maybe if you grab a little bit of sands, a little bit of something from the cave. I don't know that we're supposed to be offering things to this archway. I don't think that's really... Okay. You take 14 points of damage. All right. Someone else's turn to figure out the wrong thing to do. Could I take...

Do you want to try standing in one of each room? I have a hammer. Can I try hammering the stone archway? Yeah. Does it say what kind of hammer? Does it just say hammer? One-handed hammer with an iron head, useful for pounding titans into a wall. Oh, like for rock climbing kind of thing? Yeah. Do you want me to do it, Bart, so you don't get hit? Oh. Oh.

Micah put his fist out to pound. I was like, what? Pound. Pound it. Yeah, you raise up, you know, the hammer over your head. And is there one specific one you want to hit or you just want to hit the archway in general? I'll hit the bat. Yeah, you try to hit the bat with the hammer. And, you know, the hammer impacts the stone and bounces off. I like Gum-Gum's idea. Let's get into different ones. I go to the forest one. I jump in the water. I jump into the cave. I'll go to the desert. Okay. What do I want to do?

Did anything happen? Make a perception check. All of us? Yeah. Welcome to the puzzle. To hell. 14. I rolled a 1. 18. 17. 14. Those are pretty good. What's the hint you're going to give us, Gus? Yeah, I'm trying to think. Kyborg, you feel kind of hungry. Like, you want to eat one of those salmon yourself. Maybe you should just wait out there and eat one. Are you becoming the bear?

I eat the coral. Mud pops the coral in his mouth. Nothing seems to happen. What did you say, Barbara? I missed that. I just said we're becoming the biomes. You know what? I start acting like a bear and I go into the water and I go... Make a nature check for me, Blaine. Okay.

18. Yeah, the bear emblem roars and lights up above the archway. Everyone act like idiots! I start flapping my arms and clicking. Green screeching.

Make a nature check, Gum-Gum. Zero! Nothing seems to happen. Maybe Gum-Gum's never seen one of those animals before. I don't know if we'll ever get past this part of Gum-Gum's nature check is negative three. I start waving my arms around in all kinds of directions and... In the water, right? Squirts of ink! And I change color.

You changed color? How do you do that? Disguise self. Oh, oh, oh, that's pretty good. Make a nature check. This might work out better. Oh, it's an intellect thing. That's why we're not doing well. Two. Actually, you have advantage on that because you tried to change color. Four. Wow. I mean, it's double. Hey, Bart, let's see you do the spider. Bart gets down on all of his limbs and starts crawling around and going...

And then does that little thing that the burying spiders do where they lay down on the ground and shuffles dirt all over them. I was going to say he spits because that's like the closest thing to web. That's PG. Go ahead and make a nature check for me, Bart. Come on, our intellectual friend. 13? Yeah, the spider emblem makes like a hissing noise similar to what you did in Illuminate. I look on jealous because I was like, I could have been the spider again. Spider gum gum.

Could I, now that I've done that, could I go and help Gum-Gum? Yeah, you head over to Gum-Gum to give him notes. Does the spider emblem change? Oh yeah, sorry, it made the noise and also illuminated. But is it gone now that she left though? Or that Bart left? No, no, it's still illuminated. Okay, then I go help Mud. Gum-Gum, hold me up and I'll pretend to be a bat. Okay, I take Bart and I turn him upside down and then I toss him off. And I go, eee! And then...

And you slowly defend because you're fleeing. Make a nature check with advantage, Bart. I have an idea. I have an idea. You follow my lead. I'll follow your lead. Twelve?

Yeah, the bat also makes a clicking sound and then illuminates. We're going to fail our nature check. I jump in the water. I put mud in a headlock and I wrap my legs around him. I just get all tentacly all around him. I just wrap around him. Big bulbous head with lots of limbs. And then I go... Make a nature check with advantage. It's going to be bad. Five and...

20. There you go. Yeah. The octopus also illuminates, makes an octopus sound and lights up. We get out of the water and mud proceeds to the archway. Okay. Yeah. You walk up. It still looks dark, but all four of the etchings are illuminated. You want to try walking through it? I got temp HP, so I'll walk through it. Okay. All right. I walked through it. Yeah. Kyborg walks through the archway and disappears. Same. I will do the same. Bart does the same.

Why did it have to be you? *sigh*

If only I'd known sooner, Mud. Then perhaps we could have been spared of this... this... charade. And floof! All at once, everyone's armor, weapons, and every last piece of equipment disappears from your bodies. Candles and lanterns flicker to life all around you, bathing the room in a sallow glow. Mud, you feel a sharp pain in your head. Everyone roll a perception check. Is my arm still on? Yeah, you still do have your arm kyborged.

21. 24. I'm rolling again because I rolled a 1. 8. 13. So Bart, you got a 13. Gum-Gum, you got an 8. Gum-Gum, you're too distracted at the thought of losing all your equipment to look around, but you do notice your party still has the two die gems and the scroll of amphibolous blessing. Bart, you appear to be in an expansive multi-tiered earthen chamber furnished with tables and shelves of alchemical supplies like pottery, vials, scrolls, and a few rotting bodies along the floor. Mm-hmm.

Then Kaibor got a 21 and Mud got a 24. Both of you spot Soos standing at the far end of the room over a desk sprawling with scrolls and tomes. You notice her locking a chest and placing it below the desk. Something catches your eye. Soos is holding tightly to a staff with a glowing yellow stone embedded into its head.

Oh, don't worry. This isn't for you. It's for them.

Ah dang it. I'll make this simple one.

I know you have the diagem and the scroll. You don't need to give them to me. All you have to do is touch the orb. That's it. Just one little touch of the finger. If you don't, well, Clay here is going to see how far this pit actually goes. Don't do it, Mud! That orb, it's...

Clay's mouth disappears. What will it be, mud? Shaman Zeus is evil. Also, is everyone else naked? Is Mud seeing his nature? Are we all naked? Luckily, I'm covered in fur. Lots of fur. Well, dang it. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do here. Probably need to destroy her staff. I look at you and I go, uh. Describe that. What are you doing? I'm winking. He's just going, uh, uh, uh. You know, you know, you know.

What would happen if you're you're confined you've got your brand new girl wrapped up? The floor for all I care use that up now I was gonna say what if I were to use my hidden step now that makes me invisible I Thought it was I've come here for the transport thing. Oh

Attach the orb. The brambles around your arm loosen enough for you to reach out. Your fingertips touch the crystal orb and your surroundings wash over you like raindrops and then refocus on the chiming of bells. You look down at your feet and once again you're wearing fancy shoes and you're dressed in an elegant floral suit with a butterfly bow tie. You notice you're twiddling with your signet ring, the symbol of brambles etched into the setting. A door opens in the corner of the room and Soos walks in. Wow, you look...nice?

I know you're next in line for the throne and you'd make for a majestic ruler. But if this isn't what you want to do, Mud, then you don't have to take the crown, you know. I've seen how much you've grown in the druidic arts.

You clearly have a passion and talent for it. If this is your calling, Mud, then I say, follow that dream. But it's your choice. Zeus holds open the door and rays of moonlight pour into the room. She offers you a wrinkled smile. As you walk for the door, she holds her shrimpy, wrinkled arm. Wait, before you go, take these with you.

to remember where you came from. And she holds out three small rocks. One from each region of Witherveins. She drops the rocks into your hands and you feel a surge of energy lash out at your mind as Soos stares into your eyes. One by one, memories flood into your mind. Swimming in the Crokemeyer Lagoon, singing on stage in the Moorbane, holding hands with your mother and father along the docks of Bobayu, and then all at once, they vanish from your mind.

Your surrounding swirl once again refocuses back to the present, entangled in bramble staring at Zeus. Her eyes look up at the brown orb now swirling with light. She turns back to you and squints. Ah, right. I took the rocks away from you. Looks like you finally got your memories back.

I wanted you to forget this place. I didn't want you to get in the way. But then I found out later I needed three things to free my master from this briar orb. The Diagem, the scroll, and you, the heir of the crown.

If it's any consolation, Clay was never going to die. She waves her staff and Clay is suddenly hovering over the pit. In fact, you never had a brother. She waves her staff again and Clay fades from existence. I've got what?

We'll have to find out the answers on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I don't know what's real or not anymore. Is that why Clay's accent was so bad? I got him. He's not even here. Fuck.

funny. Hey, just want to say thank you to everyone who's willing to lend a voice to our show out of the kindness of their hearts and know it takes time. Really appreciate everyone who's given us a cameo and done a really great job performing and whatever task. And go check out Alfredo's show, Red Web. Red Web. Which is a great podcast. Where he does not speak in a broken Scottish accent. Yeah. Alright, well thanks for listening everybody. We'll be back next week. ... ...