C01 - Ep. 66 - Betwixt The Bramblecracks - Moorbane Than Meets the Eye
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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

This is a Rooster Teeth production.

Salutations to all you angry, sorrow-sworn, drag-your-duo-headed-selves-on-in-of-the-stinky-dragon-drink-up-our-latest-dram-ripe-old-rage. It's a mixture of angry, tortured apple cider, hooked armaretto, cinnamon schnapp judgments, and orange juice with plenty of pulp. One taste of this hot-tempered hooch and you won't need to bottle up your feelings, 'cause we've done it for ya.

Previously, our adventurers found themselves at Mud's hometown of Bupa Ayu battling a bad smelling batch of amnusias. After slaughtering the slimy monsters and freeing Mud's brother Clay, they found their way to the towering citadel of Bramble Castle. There, the party was introduced to a dormant Lord Lomish, sorrowful Lady Sandra, and Mud's mentor, Shaman Soos. Round up a refreshment, let's resume this aromatic adventure.

I forgot about Shaman's Hoose. I forgot about Mud's mom. Sorry, I don't know. I should be bringing that energy into this episode. I'm so sorry. What cup of coffee is that for you, Blaine? It's my first. Really? Cold brew, yes. I woke up at 940 on the dot, got here perfectly on time, even though I showered. You showered and drove here in 20 minutes? That old Jeep, it looks like a piece of... No, no, no. That's not the part I'm... The shower is what I'm wondering about. It's like the Millennium Falcon of Jeeps.

You hear a voice from behind you, I ask.

Does this jog your memory? And suddenly, grassy vines and weeds burst from the ground, wrapping all around the furniture in the room. Then a frosty shard of ice whizzes past your head, shattering into a nearby wall in a thousand pieces, and you hear a faint wisp flutter behind you. A shroud of mist dissipates to reveal a dainty, wrinkled, shrimp-like humanoid in flaxen-colored robes standing at your waist. She slaps your butt. Well, aren't you gonna slap your mentor's butt back?

Do it. Yeah. I did. I did at the end of the last episode. You slapped her butt? Yeah. Didn't I? Maybe I didn't. I mean, she gave consent. So you slap her butt. Sure. And as you slap her butt. Wait, before we get too far past. That echoed in the room. Is she a little shrimp? Like shrimp-like. Like small and shrimpy. I'm asking because we just learned that Dr. Ahem is apparently dragonborn and none of us like. What?

He's not human? Oh my god. Have you all not listened to the playbook? I knew this because we talked about it. This is the point I'm trying to make, is that we keep missing these descriptions of these characters, like, what they are. I think, like, even there was a long time before someone realized, I don't know who it was, that the pies are actually, like, praying mantis. I remember that. It was Barb. She told it herself. Yeah, no, definitely. I'm definitely admitting to that. It was also me. It's like, stop picturing actual pies. No.

Ooh, blueberry. I'm being a good little student, and I'm trying to pick up on your very specific words. So to clarify, she looks like a short, shrimp-looking humanoid. So humanoid...

but shrimp-like in appearance. So like the crustaceous little bug. Because we're in the buh-bye-you. She has like antenna things. The buh-bye-you is a good connection. She's a crawfish! If I ever did see one! Ben makes a good example. Kind of like the pies are mantis humanoids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to make a similar thing. Ben also points out that he's literally shown you all photos of Dr. Ahem before. Like,

leading up to before you all not knowing that. Doesn't matter. Also, now I want nothing more than for Blaine to try his best Cajun accent in front of my girlfriend. Oh, who is Cajun. Yeah, I would love to. I like how Micah's put all this work into this show and we don't remember details that are important, especially about his character.

He's just like, I'm out. Done. Okay. Little crawfish person. I slapped their butt. You know what we need? We need a classroom. Oh, my God. We need a classroom where we have all the imagery and all the stuff from everything. You know what would actually be a good idea is if the listeners put together a wiki for us.

and collated all of this information that way you all could reference it. - Yeah, that'd be really cool. - Do free labor, do free labor. - All right, you slap Seuss's butt and then a flash of memories start fluttering through your mind. Mud, specifically, your surroundings blur for a moment and then refocus on the rushing sound of rain. You look down at your damp furry feet and they look smaller and less hairy. You look up and it appears you're standing outside in the rain with Seuss.

You're surrounded by drooping willow trees and mossy logs with a swampy river running through it. Come on, Mud. Don't give up. Just close your eyes and cinch the water all around you. In the air, the ground, on the trees, even inside of you. Channel that feeling and then shape the water into anything.

Ooh, one. Ooh, it's a thaws. Roll a wisdom check, Mud. That's a one. Ten, ten. All right, so you rolled a ten. One plus your non-modifier is nine for a ten. You managed to successfully channel the energies to cast shape water, and you begin molding the water in your environment around you. What do you want to make the water do? No...

There's lots of hand motioning going on. There's a lot of grunting in this audio podcast of my co-stars motioning towards inappropriate things. I wonder what they could have been. Anyways, he forms it into a butt.

Oh nice, like a nice big two-cheeked full moon? Yeah. You can't hear it but I'm doing a golf class audience. Something that, you know, he likes to slap those. Yeah. Your surroundings wash over you like raindrops and then refocus on the chiming of bells. You look down at your feet and they're wearing shoes. Dress shoes to be more precise. You look up and see your fully grown self in a mirror. You're dressed in an elegant floral suit with a butterfly bow tie.

You notice you're twiddling with something in your hand as a door opens in a corner of the room. Soos walks in and says, Wow, you look nice. I know you're next in line for the throne and you'd make for a majestic ruler. But if this isn't what you want to do, Mud, then you don't have to take the crown, you know.

I'm acting all these things out for you.

I am the real deal. I know we'll have maybe it'll either be Gus's voice or if we get the cameo to do Asus's voice. But I imagine it sounds a little like this. Ooh. Because she's a little shrimpy shaman. I accept your audition.

I make a mad dash for the door. You run through the door and your surroundings swirl once again and refocus back to the present in the royal chambers. You look down at your hand and find yourself fiddling with something. Soos asks, What's it been, Mud? A year or so? My heart is overflowing with joy to see you once again.

But also saddened at the circumstances of this reunion. And she turns and looks at Lord Lomish. Did we see that flashback? No. Okay. That was all in Mutt's mind. I was going to ask if we could see that bow tie. I would like to bring that butterfly bow tie back. Make a perception check, Kyborg. Perception check. Got it. All of a sudden, he's wearing a butterfly bow tie. I just lost it.

That's a... It's 11. In the corner of the room, you spot a chair with something draped over the back of it, and it looks like a very nice butterfly bow tie. You do you. I point to that, and I say, can I have that? Who are you saying this to? I'm assuming it's a giant neck-sized bow tie, so I'm assuming it's your neck. Yeah, I don't like ties. You can totally take it. Oh!

I'm adding that to my inventory. What's the stats? Micah, what does it do for me? It's a minus one to dexterity because it's tight around your neck. It restricts the blood flow into your brain. You get a minus one on intelligence. The girl starts stomping on me. I'm too dexterous.

You said I'm fiddling something in my hand again. What am I fiddling with? You look and you remember it's a ring with a bramble symbol. Okay. Yeah, it's not the best reason to have come home. But, you know, it's... Sometimes you don't have a choice and you have to come back and do this kind of stuff. But glad to see you, little shrimp professor. Shrimp professor. She says...

Oh, thank you. You can just call me Soost. That's fine. I think I'll stick with Shrimp Professor. I think that's better. Shaman Soost. Shrimp Professor is a little lower on the list, but that's fine. She's so sweet.

We are so glad to have you back in this trying time with your father. What's wrong with him? One month ago, Lord Loamish was swimming in the royal pond and came into contact with the first sighting of that yellowish slime we've come to call Anousia. His skin turned a sickly yellow and he started losing his memories.

But as the weeks passed, he eventually fell into this comatose state. I could do a medicine check if you want. Yeah, why not? Go for it. I want all the checks. Kyborg rolls up his sleeve. Maybe you'll heal him. All right, here we go. You've got this bow tie on. You're feeling extra confident now. That's a three. He murders the king. If you were in like a hospital setting, you'd be like, boop, boop.

Everything's fine here. Everything's in order. I imagine Qyborg just goes over to Lord Lomish and puts his hand on his forehead and goes, yeah, he's sick. Puts his hand on his forehead and goes, no, he's dead. Pulls the sheet up over his face. Mark the time. Dr. Qyborg, medicine ranger. Uh...

I was just talking about Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, like, I think in a stream recently, and everybody was like, they had not watched that. I forgot about that show. There's going to be so many people listening to this podcast who are like, who? Under the age of 30. We watched Dr. Quinn with Sully, the monster from Monsters, Inc. There were 150 episodes of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. It went on for a while. Wow.

Wow. She's beautiful. I'm looking at it now. This looks like a fun show. What's her name? I don't know. Was it a Jane Seymour? Jane Seymour. Jane Seymour. All I could think of was like, she's the lady who made the necklace later on. That little... Anyways. She was in Star Trek. Jane Seymour? No. No, no, no. You're thinking Captain Janeway. I'm thinking Captain Janeway. Man, how'd you get out of my head? Listen, if we're going to talk about Dr. Quinn or Star Trek, I got some knowledge.

I have been completely distracted. We were... Oh yeah, Lord Lometh, he was swimming. Oh, Qyborg did a medicine check. Okay, yeah, he's sick. Well, I mean, we just dealt with the amnusias to a degree outside, so it feels like that's got to be a problem that's got a solution for it. Maybe we could help and figure out some sort of cure. I haven't given up hope. I have been communing with my ancestors, and I believe there is a cure to this amnusia ailment.

I don't know, I think Guyboog's doing a good job.

There's a guy with a pillow over his head. And he's helping, he's moving. Clear. He's just got an arrow pointed at him with healing jelly on the end of it. Just standing over his bed. I have a brew bow, so I'm aiming my brew bow at him.

Uh, yeah, I think we three should go and Kyborg can stay here and keep working on his medicine. Yeah, you guys go ahead on that fetch quest. I got this all under cover. Uh, no, we definitely can. Uh, we're very good at, uh, gophering stuff. So, uh, we'd be happy to help. That's great, but you need to be careful. My instincts tell me it's no doubt the work of Sludge.

But I still can't make sense of it all. Sludge has been imprisoned in a demiplane for a century by the hand of Lord Brumble Bramblecrack, Mud's great-great-grandfather. He somehow managed to wipe out all of the Kajuju, save for me, and now he's infecting the land of Witherveins.

John's dying. You know, I think I figured it out. At this point, Mike is playing a game with Gus and his game is what can I get Gus to say? Sometimes my tongue feels big in my mouth. Yeah. Brumble, bramble, crack is one of those times. Sludge. It's just still like. I heard Kazuzu. I like how we have. It's the shaman Seuss. Who's a what? What kind of shrimp?

No, you named the type of... Shaman? No. The species? The species. The Kajuju? Kajuju. Oh, so the shrimp people are Kajujus. Kajujus. Yes. Okay. And Sludge has wiped out a bunch of the Kajujus. All of them. All of the Kajujus. Except for Shaman Suze. She's the only Kajuju left. As far as we know at this point, yes. A thousand generations of Kajujus live in you now.

Leave it to Barbara to clarify everything. - I appreciate it. - I need this context. - Thank Barbara for clarifying everything. - You say you need this context or this confidence. You're not writing any of it down. Your phone is face down. - I'm in the moment. I'm performing. - It's okay, I'll take notes. - Also, KJUJU, the root word's Cajun.

So like we're really doubling down on this. It could be Juju. I imagine though. Sounds like they're magic Cajuns. No, but I imagine. Like bad Juju? Question, Kajuju is actually a D&D species? Uh, no. Like Cancus? No, no. Okay, homebrew. Yeah, it's a homebrew. Hard to tell. You guys keep throwing all these random creatures at us. So Shaman Seuss is the last, supposedly the last known Kajuju. Yeah. Yes. Left because Sludge, which is a great name, by the way. Yeah. Wiped him out.

Just for clarity, it's S-L-U-J-J. In mud, whenever you hear the name sludge, does it make you want to go sludge? I don't know if I know who sludge is. Do I know who sludge is? You wiped out your family. Not my family. Your dad, your grandpapa had to take him out. Great grandpapa. I think your brother Clay or someone when you first arrived told you about sludge being imprisoned in the Demi plant. Oh no, you learned about it on the brabble boat.

Yeah, your great-grandpa was the one that cracked him. I like how Gus says, you learn things on the Bramble boat. No, we got to ask a bunch of questions we didn't know the answers to. It was Mudd's great-great-grandfather. Lord Brumple Bramble.

No, I don't have that kind of a vendetta like you. Okay, I'll take that over for you. You can. I'm just currently seeking new vendettas. You need one. I'm in the dating pool. Yeah. You had it for so long, you needed something to fill that hole in. What's the Tinder for villains? Is that what you're going on? There's, yeah, Tinder for having someone to hate. It's called the news. Uh...

Yeah, so are you saying we should go question Sludge? Is he in a place that we can even access him? I don't know what this is like. He's imprisoned in a demiplane as far as we know. However, our immediate need is to heal Lord Lomish. I need to make the bomb of briary that can heal him. But in order to make the bomb, I need you all to get some supplies for me.

Next quest. So I've seen this movie called Kung Fu Panda, and I know that if you go visit the persons in the prison, that's the way they get out of the prison. So instead, we're going to go get all these things because it's fun to go find stuff. Got it. Scavenger hunt. Sludge. First, travel to the foggy hillage of Morbane and retrieve the Emerald Stone of Alderaan. The locals can be fairly power hungry and a bit brutish, so be careful.

Blaine is fake typing in front of himself right now. Loggy. Pillage. Elder Rock. What was it? Elder Rock. The Emerald Alder Rock. Okay. Kyborg. Make a wisdom check. Oh.

Gum gum, make a wisdom check. Rarely am. Okay. I can do it too. That is a... Chris, you don't have to make one. It's also a three. I legitimately got a three. Oh, you got a three? He had to make one too. It was important. Okay, never mind then. You can't just... It was a bad roll. You don't know anything. Is something wrong, Kyberg? No.

Second, travel to Crokemyre and search for an ancient incantation written on a secret scroll preserved by the Crokemyre clan and protected by the spirit Amphibolus. North for a rock, south for a scroll. Got it. Once you've collected both of those items, then come back to Bramble Castle and find me in the highest spire of the tallest tower.

There we will concoct the bomb of briary. Is there a reason we got to go to the top of a tower? That seems like a lot of work. I don't want to walk all the way down. I get it. All right. So just say meet me here. Yeah, yeah, that's what I said. Old shrimp lady. My thing's about stepping on the shrimp lady. Shrimp professor.

Right, okay, we can go do that. My kyborg sense is tingling. I think I need to make another wisdom throw. Gunga, make a wisdom throw. No, Chris, he's not the GM. I don't know what to do. Alright, are you guys ready to go? Do you want to talk to- I guess we awkwardly leave the room. Talk to anyone? What does that road look like? It's green. It's green.

And is this bomb of briary, is this intended to cure Lord Lomish? I believe it will wake Lord Lomish and heal not only him, but the others affected by the amnesia. You know what? The shaman seems really smart and wise with all of her years. Can I ask her if she knows anything about diagems or if they have any in this land? Yeah. How would you phrase it? Like what specifically are you trying to ask her? Uh,

I say that we're on like a larger quest to find the diagems to stop a greater evil. Do you not have one in your arm anymore? I don't want to like give it away because I don't know this old crustacean lady. We're looking for diagems though. The seaweed has always been. And we need to know if you guys have any in this land because we're helping like a big, yeah. I heard of them, but never pursued the lore behind them.

It doesn't really apply to our day-to-day here. I've read of them in ancient texts. Okay. Do you know of them, like, in this land? Like, ancient texts from these parts? I don't know of any in this land. I've read about them, but haven't really pursued that knowledge. Thank you, shrimp teacher.

And her name is? Her name, she is a Kajuju by the name of Shaman. You know it. You got it. It's there. She do not like green eggs in ham. Your imaginary notes are doing you well. Yeah, you might want to check the battery in your made-up laptop.

He'll make note of this. So we're good? Yeah. Okay, Mud uses his billowing cape and makes a dramatic billow and then leaps out the closest window. Oh my goodness.

It hits Bart in the eye because she's that tall. She's too short. Bart also jumps out the window. Oh, my goodness. But uses his vest of slow descent. Hey. All right, who else? Gum-Gum jumps out the window. He's got a way to deal with this. I do not. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Well, how high up am I? You don't know. I mean, do you jump out this window or not? I guess so. Gum-Gum would jump out the window at this point. It's probably real.

Really high y'all. Do it, do it, do it. Yeah. You totally have something. I know your inventory. I know you have something. I'm trying to- Kyborg, are you gonna let this stand or are you gonna jump out the window? I, I, I, uh, uh, take out exploding jelly from that arc several missions ago and I throw it on the ground and then I run out the door. And you kill- And then Mutt's dad wakes up. It's a miracle. So wait, you run out the door? You don't jump out the window?

Is there any like thing that I could like grapple onto? Like a rope thing that I can...

I put a rope around the bed frame of the king. Just slowly lowering yourself down. Okay, so Mud has jumped out. Bart has jumped out. Gum Gum has jumped out. And Kyborg is attaching a rope to the bed frame of Lord Lomus. But I can fly out pretty fast because with my metal arm, friction isn't an issue. And you know what's great about that is we'll have that rope to get back in when we come back. There you go. We're just going to leave it there. We'll leave it there.

It's not a security hazard at all. It's his bed frame just goes... Okay, so Mud, you jump out the window. What do you do to prevent from taking fall damage? This is a great power play at this point because right now this entire story is based around Mud. If I do nothing and Mud just dies right now, what do we do? I'll be the new Mud. Mud turns into a owl. Ooh. Who? Yeah, you beat me to it.

Bart? I use my vest of slow descent. Ooh, your vest of slow descent. Shirt's inside out. Very same for you. That's what happens when you only have 20 minutes to shower and get to work. I like how you have to go under the table to do it as if we haven't all seen you. No one stare at Blaine. No one stare at Blaine right now. Blaine's taking his shirt off. I can see his shoulder and clavicles. Gum Gum, you jump out the window. What do you do to prevent taking any fall damage? Well, tell me what am I seeing? Ha ha ha!

You jump out the window and you see the Babayu sprawling out beneath you. You've jumped out of the top of the Bramble Castle and down directly below you, you can see a courtyard and that Bramble-covered wall that you all had previously entered through. And then beyond that is, of course, the Babayu and then further on, more of the Wither Veins. You're a couple hundred feet in the air falling down at the moment. How far is the Babayu away?

So, you know, that would be at an angle from you. It's a couple hundred feet away. Uh...

You really jumped out of this window with no plan? I'm gonna start rolling fall damage here. You've got about like... You've got a great item for this. But I see, I see, Bart, slowly... You've got about 30 seconds to figure this out before I start rolling damage. Bart, grab my friendship bracelet! Can I... I don't think I can... I throw my friendship bracelet at Bart. Bart doesn't grab it. I just see you whiz past me as I'm slowly descending. Do you need help? Because I think I know something that can help you. Well, I could try and use my immovable rod. Yeah.

to, I guess, teleport back in. Or to the ground. You got about 10 seconds to figure this out. Well, how far down is the ground? It's a couple hundred feet. I can't, I teleport back into the tower. Okay. Gum Gum teleports back into the tower at the very last second. I love how the Shaman Seuss was basically like, here's this stuff you need to get. Meet me back here, blah, blah, blah. And we're like, okay. And we crash through and jump out a window. And then Gum Gum appears back inside. Hey, uh.

And then, Kyborg, you started just like letting yourself rappel out. How much rope did you have anyway? Several hundred feet. Oh, okay. Minimum. You're fine then. I can check. I actually don't know. I see 50 feet of rope in your inventory. Okay.

Okay, okay, how about this, how about this? I can just do that thing where I run laterally until I find another window, and then I go into one of those windows, and then I just descend the rest of the way through the stairs. I have embraced this, I can't go back in there. Okay, okay, I got you. Like, you want to save face, you've already gone out the window. I got it. You sneak into a window. Make a... And I find sludge. Sludge!

Bro, I don't think he's... Is he in this tower? He's being held prisoner in an artifact that is in the Bramble Castle somewhere. I think you don't know specifically where. All right, so you find a window. Make a sleight of hand check to see if you can jimmy it open without breaking it. Okay.

We are gonna do plus five. 18. - Oh yeah, you managed to successfully crack open a window without damaging it, crawl in through a storage pantry and you make your way down to the stairs and run down as fast as you can to try to re- - Is there any rope in there? - Could you retcon that so that it was someone's bedroom? - I thought about it. I didn't wanna go down that path. Sure, yeah, there's another 100 feet of rope in here if you wanna steal it. - Yes, I would like to. - Okay.

So you run down, you catch up very quickly to everyone in the courtyard. Gum-Gum, you teleported back into the bedroom. You catch Lady Sandra by surprise and she muffles a scream of surprise. Oh!

I have a question about the immovable rod. What's the cooldown on using it? I get three a day. Yeah, but in between each use. I think you just keep using it. Could you not have just dropped up until... That's what I was thinking, like, in the sky and then drop a little bit. In the sky, drop a little bit. Well, yeah, but then I'd be using it all. His is the telebar one, not the immovable rod. Right, but, like, he's already, like, going down. I guess my question is...

Do I keep momentum if I use it? Like, if I was to use it, does it stop my momentum or do I keep my momentum? I'm going to say it stops your momentum. Otherwise, you would have slammed into a wall or a ceiling in this room when you teleported back in. Okay, then I could have done that. Yeah. I just... I wasn't... Lessons for next time. I had tested it. I didn't feel like testing it.

While falling out of a... You can also ride it like a broom. So I have Gum Gum's friendship bracelets now. I guess so. Or they're on the ground. Nice catch, by the way. Thank you. I'm just descending so slowly, it's just natural. What do you want to do? You also want to take the stairs down, Gum Gum? Yeah. Bye-bye. Barbara, what are those things? Sugar gliders? Oh, the... Yeah, the, like, squirrel thing? That's what Bart looked like going down. Wee! Wee!

I made a boo-boo. All right, pay now. All right. This is what we learned about Gumsy coming to peer pressure. All right. Don't tell him to do something because he will. He is a lemmy. Yes. Mud thinks it's funny. And then, yeah, slowly, awkwardly backs out of the room. Like a cat. You go downstairs and you find the rest of your party at the base of the Bramble Castle.

Did you witness the newest fabulous fan art post for the podcast or vote in the latest poll about this new story arc? If not, then you should give us a follow at StinkyDragonPod on Twitter and Instagram. Join us on the StinkyDragon subreddit where we feature phenomenal fan art from listeners like SporkRuler. Plus, if you tag us on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod or post

subreddit you could have an npc named after you in fact shaman seuss is named after atseuss861 and of course we want to give a big thank you to all of our voice over actors clay bramblecrack voiced by alfredo diaz sump the furball valet voiced by brian garr lady sandra voiced by kelsey chiles and shaman seuss voiced by elise willems

Remember all the way back to Arc 1 when Bart, Gum Gum, Kyborg, and Mudd were just little interns traveling to Boulderay exploring the Infinite HQ and investigating shenanigans in Pious Pass? Well now you can relive the musical soundscape with our first ever Tales from the Stinky Dragons soundtrack.

The first album is now available for listening on all your favorite music streaming platforms. It includes the Stinky Dragon Show theme song by Colm R. McGinnis @niceviolinboy on Twitter, plus eight other tracks of musical themes and songs written by Micah Reisinger, including Paralites' leitmotif, Wilhelm's Waltz, and the first character's song, His Name is Mud. We hope you all enjoy listening to the album, using it in your own D&D adventures, sharing it with loved ones. Stay tuned for other soundtrack albums to be released in the future.

Speaking of things to check out, we made a puppet video using some of the audio from Tales from the Stinky Dragon. You should check it out on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok. It's really funny. We took a moment from the show where the characters were all haggling over in Pius Pass and using some really cute felt puppets, we kind of tried to bring it to life. I think it's a really great little video. Check it out, like I said, on our Stinky Dragon Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok.

So y'all make your way out of the Bramble Castle and back outside to the edge of the Babayu. You head north toward the hillage of Morbane as the afternoon sun wanes just off the horizon with pastel pinks and yellows coloring the swampy sky. Everyone make a perception check.

Perceiving. 15. 17. Uh, that's a 16. 20 plus 4, 24. Oh, man. Everyone's really good at perception. Uh, we need to make these checks much harder. I'm not. Mine is 1. My eyes glow red. I see all.

Alright, so 15, 16, 17, 24. Bart, we'll start with you since you got the lowest one. After traveling for a while, you take note of the landscape thickening with more and more willow trees, and the once level ground is becoming more sloped, filled with stones, mud, and gum gum. For you all, you notice the air smells quite briny, and you notice a bank of fog rolling in from the north, obscuring your vision.

And Kyborg, in the distance you hear the pounding of earth and every once in a while the ground vibrates beneath your toes. I bend down to touch the ground. I say, hmm, yes. The earth is telling me that there's disturbances up ahead. Vibrations. Good vibrations? I'm talking about good vibrations. No, I was thinking good vibrations. A couple of breaths. No, we don't do Mark to Mark here. Do, do.

So, okay, we're at the edge of the place? No, you're still making your way north to the hill edge. Y'all want to continue going? Do you want to do something about that boom-boom? I'm assuming that there's something, like, very large up ahead, crew. Should we maybe be stealthy? That's not a bad idea. I changed my cloak of many fashions to some camo that kind of looks mossy or whatever the surroundings are looking like. And could I cast invisibility on myself? Yeah.

Wrap myself in my rat blanket your rat blanket

Owls are naturally stealthy. Yeah, of course. And their wings are literally made to not make sound. Owls are really cool. Owls are awesome. They can screech. All right, you all continue on your way? They can screech. After a few more minutes of traveling along the marshy path, the trail ends. Before you is a wide river with rapids rushing from west to east. You peer past the river through the fog, and you catch vague glimpses of buildings and shadowy figures walking around. We would explain the pounding on the ground. Unsure. You're unsure yet. Hmm.

Should we talk to somebody? Shadowy figures on the ground? Walking around. Walking around. Shadowy figures as in, like, they are, like, ghost-like wraiths? Or are they humanoid? It's foggy, so you can't quite make out, like, fine detail. You kind of see, like, shadows walking around. I'm invisible. Do you want me to get closer and try to see? You also have that thing. Those cool goggles. I do. I, in our previous encounter with the shop...

I bought the, oh man, Voronian goggles. Nailed it. Which helped me see through different types of weather, I think including fog and rain. All right, Voronian goggles. While wearing these goggles, you can see up to 100 feet through all types of non-magical weather, such as rain, fog, or snow. Additionally, your vision is not affected by the fog cloud spell.

All right. So like I said, you are standing at the bank of a river that's rapidly rushing from one side to the other. And the river itself is about 70 feet wide. If you stand right up on the bank, you can see like 30 feet past the river. Which I assume they are in that vicinity. Yeah. You see what appear to be large humanoid creatures walking around. Like very large. Like giant size? Yeah. Oh.

Oh, like, are they as big as a... Maybe. No, they're probably the... They're probably bigger, like maybe like the giant we saw on the boat. Oh, yeah. Could I tell if I recognize... I forget his name. He's a titan or... The guy who was the giant on the boat. Maximus the Giant. Maximus. Could I tell if one of them are Maximus or if they seem like the same type of breed as Maximus? They seem similar to Maximus. You don't recognize Maximus himself, but they do seem similar. Okay.

Almost like a wisdom check that someone failed earlier could have helped give insight to this. Should I do a wisdom check? No, no. You recognize these giants. Hey, guys, remember Maximus from the boat, our good old buddy who gave us all that information that we remember perfectly? Who could forget? I think these are his peeps over here. They look very much like him. They're big old guys. Should we try to find Maximus then? That might not be a bad idea. Could I try?

Also, if they're like just kind of like peacefully doing their thing or if they seem like aggressive. How are they lifting the boxes? Aggressively or kindly? I guess like what are they doing? Well, they're not like fighting with each other or anything. It seems like they're going about daily business. Okay, cool.

All right. We just got to get across this river. Are we on the other side of a river? Yeah. A river stands or is flowing between you and these creatures. It's 70 feet wide. There it is. Is there something to do to check to see if the water's safe to cross? Make a survival check.

It looks like it is

very treacherous and very like the water's moving very quickly like it would be dangerous for any of you to try to get into the water without making preparations or having a clear plan to cross the river could i do a little owl reconnaissance to see if there's a boat yeah or bridge or raft it's pretty rapid though right yes it is very rapid mud's played enough uh yeah mud make an investigation check just blast across

I could, but first we're going to roll an investigation check and see what that does. It got me a 19. Nice. You do see a rowboat that's heavily obscured by mossy stones, but it's filled with holes and only has a single splintered oar. Also, the last time we stole a rowboat, it did not go well for us. What happened? It was like right outside the pyramid thing. What was it called? The Escalon. Escalon turned into part of a spider. Yeah.

Oh, I remember. I drew you. Like one of my French girls. I want a picture of Gum-Gum as a spider, but like on a couch. With the heart of the ocean. As a paying customer. I don't like it. I don't like it. I'll never let go, Gum-Gum. I'll never let go. How wide is the river? About 70 feet wide. 70 feet wide. All right.

Well, there's a boat. It's a bit broken. Yeah, and it seems like the river might be too fast to carry us in that boat, even if the boat did last enough to get us across. I don't know. It's too wild. Who's got an idea? I don't mean to impose, but, I mean, you're in owl form. You could probably be a gal form. Hey, big owl. You want to carry us across one at a time?

We could also use our Hapmobile. Could. Unless, does it only have like X amount of uses per day or per rest? I don't believe so. Okay. Make a boat. I'll pull it. Say the magic words part. Say it. Awabanga. He says it in a different way this time. He wants to get more sing-songy with it. I'll make the sound effects for the boat. Oh, there's more than meets the eye to this. I hate everyone. All right.

All right, yeah, you've got a boat that's big enough for all of you bobbing around in this rapidly moving river. Okay, everybody's strapping. We're going for a ride. Does this boat have holes? I hope not. I'll be back. Not yet. All right. How are y'all going to propel the boat across? Is Mud going to pull it or push it? Can I just pull it as a big old owl? Can I help row it? Oh, interesting. I know.

So you would pull it as an owl. Like think of me as a sail, but I'm also the wind all in one package. Sure, why not? And while he's pulling it as an owl, Gumgum, you also want to try to row? Yeah. I don't know why we're doing a boat and not just a plane. I was wondering that, but I mean. Just fly across it instead of going through the treacherous water. But okay, that's not my problem.

It's fun. We're using the Ahem-mobile in a new way. That's what I figured it was all about. I want to do a hot air balloon at some point. I don't think it does that. It's like a boat that you carry. Yes, and? I'm just saying, I think previously I had said land, sea, and air. I guess I did say air. I think it would have to be to bring itself up. You'd have to just fly straight up. I could do it. I got stuff. Yeah, and Kyborg's full of hot air. He could help. Okay.

All right. So Mud, as an owl, tries to pull the boat, and Gum-Gum is helping by paddling. Mud, make a... Let's call it a dexterity saving throw, and Gum-Gum, make an athletics check. 20. Nice. 23.

Nice. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's great. You pulled the boat along. You're very careful in your flight to avoid hitting any tree branches or thorny vines that might be hiding in the fog and you successfully dodge all of them. And Gum-Gum helps keep the boat going in the correct direction with his skillful rowing and keeps you guys out of any eddies and whirlpools that he sees in the water.

And yeah, you manage to successfully reach the other side of the river and you find yourself at the base of several stony hills. Enormous cottages built out of willow wood and stone pepper the foggy foothills. And striding between buildings are gigantic giants and towering trolls with a boom, boom, boom, boom.

Drop in the bay. Guys, before we go up this treacherous hill, I want to point out that that would have taken us like an hour and a half in our previous adventuring days. We have become an elite unit. It did take us a very long time to get out of the castle. But then you jumped out. Like you got out very quickly once you made the decision. Yeah, before you, there are three paths going up the hills. There's a left path, a straight path, and a right path.

Well, I know we don't want to take the straight path. Am I right, boys? Am I right? Where do you want to go? Okay, boy. I want to go left. Sorry, that was my inner gum gum. I want to go left. Then we should go left. Split the party. What the heck? Are you all going to split up? Are you going together? Okay.

The left path leads up to a cloudy building with a smoking chimney. A sign outside of it reads, Bakes Stonery. Nice. Smoking chimney with stonery. Nice. You go up the left path and you find yourself outside of this building. Is it also like a giant building? Like the doors and everything? Yeah, it's huge. It's really big. Okay.

Is there a window? Yes, but it is also, since it is like giant size, it's pretty high off the ground. I can fly, I can fly, I can fly. I look in the window. You peek in the window and you see what appears to be a shop with some cases and various stones. Anybody in there? Yes, you peek and see a troll sitting in there. There's a troll inside. What are his questions? Three. He should knock on the door, don't go in. Does he have a gemstone in his belly button? Check it.

And like I said, there is a sign outside of this building that says "Baked Stonery." Yeah. Can I knock on the door? Do it! Boom, boom, boom. I say as I knock on the door. But not in sync with your knocking. Real psychotic. God, that would break my brain.

You hear a large bassy voice from the inside say, Come in, I'm open. All right. I try and open the door if I can reach it. Yeah. I assume I can reach it. Yeah, yeah. There's also, besides like the giant sized doorknob, there's a smaller lower one for humanoid sized creatures or for medium sized creatures like yourself. Is there one for halfling sized creatures? Yes.

You could reach up and use the same one as them. Accessibility is important. We might have like solved the, you know, eating situation. Like if we lived here, we just buy their normal standard size foods, but it's huge for us. We have family of five. Right. Also just like a cupcake for a giant. Cupcake.

Yeah. Think about Bart, how much he could eat. Yeah. A cupcake has all the nutrients any person needs. So I guess we open the door? Yeah. You all open a large stone door to a hazy shop furnished with countertops and glass cases, each of them glittering with an assortment of jewels and gemstones. But it's hard to see them because everything from the countertops to the furniture to the ceilings are much higher than you're used to. They've got gemstones. What is it? Infant knights. Infant knights. Sorry, go ahead. What does it smell like in here?

Let me finish reading this and then I'll answer that. Sitting behind a counter in the center of the shop is a droopy-eyed troll wearing a shimmering multicolored robe. Make a perception check, Bart. I'm going to say 13. Not bad. It smells a little musty and dank. Like, you feel like you've smelled this before. Every time. Oh, Bart's definitely smelled it before. You said it before.

Stop. Hi, my name is Gum Gum. Are you talking to us or are you talking to that guy? Nope, I'm talking to her. He says, oh, welcome, Gum Gum. What do you have here? Is there any goods? Wait, really quick. Did he know his name? He said, my name's Gum Gum. Oh, sorry, sorry. Yeah, he knows it because he literally just said it. Your notes are really failing you today.

Rolls initiative. He's ready to fight. And I'm sorry, what was your question? I got distracted by the stupid question over there. What kind of goods do you have here? We're looking for an emerald. Oh, he says, oh, well, I've got plenty of emerald stones in stock. Would you like to look? Yeah. Guys, I think we just solved this quest. Maybe. He

points over to one of the display cases and it's to your right. It's a glass display case showing an assortment of gemstones with varying degrees of value. I go, ooh, and I turn to look at Mudd. Why? Ha ha ha!

I don't know. Let's just pick this up. Sir, do you guys have diagems here for sale? I know they're not going to, but you have to ask. Diagems. He kind of scratches his head and says, Can't say I'm familiar with that. Do you have any emeralds? What'd you say? What did you say? No, you go ahead, John. What did you say? Nothing. I want to hear your question. Sorry, I got distracted for a little bit. Go for it. No, no, no. I said emeralds. I know. So did you.

Okay, that's what I was asking if I was doubling up on you. I was trying to be polite and say that I had done something wrong. No. See what the shopkeeper would say. Oh, okay. What the shopkeeper would say.

If we were messing with them? Yeah. Yeah, we were looking at the gemstones. I know. I thought they just showed that they had gemstones. Yeah, there's an assortment of gemstones. They didn't respond to the exact request of emeralds. Oh, there are green gemstones in the case. But I asked for emeralds, right? Yeah, and there are emeralds in there. The gemstones. The emeralds. Look at my...

There's a name for the emerald that we were supposed to get. Hey, we're looking for a particular emerald. One that will help us do a stew, I think, or a goo or something. Brew. Yeah, one of those.

You're trying to make a stew out of an emerald? You don't strike me as a rock eater. Are we looking for the Algaroc emeralds? Algaroc. Oh, we have a shrine of Algaroc here in town. Is that what you're looking for? Maybe. Yeah, an emerald from Algaroc. Is there perhaps a stone on the shrine? I don't have any emeralds associated with Algaroc, but like I said, we do have a shrine to Algaroc here in town. What?

What is it that you're selling here? Are these stones, like, mundane, or have you done something to them? Or what's the product? He kind of strains up. I've made them pretty. Yes, you have. I'm a master stone cutter. If anybody needs jewels, gems, or stones cut in a particular way, they know they got to come to Baked. Yeah, do you use a burner phone? Or how do you contact your client? Stop doing the drug humor. It's called the burner phone.

- It's totally snow dank in here. - In addition to the gems which you all are perusing. - He points out on the other side of the shop. - I also have a case with rings as well. And that can resize rings to fit any kind of creature. So if you see something you like, you let good old Bake know. - Any magic one? - I saw that coming. - Of course. - Ooh. - What you got? I have many fingers that could use some rings.

What a weird way to phrase it. I have many fingers. I know. Some would say I have eight fingers and two thumbs. That's me. I would say that. Which one's your third finger? Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. I've got a ring of jumping here. He's pointing in the display case at this point. A ring of mind shielding, a ring of swimming, a ring of warmth, and a ring of water walking. What does a ring of water walking do? Yeah.

He says, well, when you're wearing this ring, you can stand on and move across any liquid surfaces just like they were solid ground. What's the price range on these here rings? Well, lucky for you guys, I'm running a special today on my rings. Any one of them can be yours. They're all priced the same for 100 gold pieces. Oh, that's not bad. Can I get the ring of jumping? You guys cool with that? I don't have any mobility things. Yeah, please.

I will take a ring of... Was the jumping out the window something that really called attention to your intimate... Wait, does the ring of jumping also allow me... Let's get into the meta of it. Casting jump. Does it allow me to, like, land softly, or am I just jumping in the air and then breaking my leg time? I've been using the ring of jumping the whole...

All it does is it triples your jump ability. That sounds awesome. Which includes land ability. Specifically, it allows you to cast the spell jump and the spell jump triples your jump ability. Okay, how about this? I will take the ring of jumping full price, but could you also give us a discount on the ring of water walking? They're already discounted. 100 gold. The water walking and

And then what were the other? There's the mind protection. There's something about mind protection. I kind of like that one. Oh, the ring of mind shielding. When you're wearing this, you're immune to magic that allows other creatures to read your thoughts, to determine if you're lying, to know your alignment. And creatures can only telepathically communicate with you if you allow it. I'm already a blade book.

There's also the ring of warming. I like how you combined blank slate and open book and said blank book. Really quick, can you guys check your room chores and tell me how many gold pieces you have? I don't need to tell you what's in my bank account. Five? 55. 55. Four. Five. Five.

He's doing it with his fingers and it's the most confusing way to convey the quantity. The reason I ask is if we were hard off for money, I have enough that I could buy everyone a ring as a show of good faith. Whoa. But can you duplicate on rings or do you only have one ring of like... Oh, only one of each. Okay. The ring of mind shielding also allows you to use an action to cause the ring to become invisible until you use another action to make it visible. Make the ring invisible? Yes. And if you die while you're wearing the ring, your soul enters it.

Great. That's cool. I want that one. Yeah, I want the ring of jumping. And don't forget, there are other shops in the area, so. Then I'll just keep the ring. I'll just keep with the ring of jumping. Okay. Oh, you're not getting us rings anymore? Bart, you're low in cash. Do you want a ring? Uh.

Okay. What about this water walking one? Oh, 100 gold. There was one other one too. There were four other ones. There's a ring of jumping, ring of mind shielding, ring of swimming, ring of warmth, ring of water walking. Ring of warmth? What's that do? It keeps you warm. You get resistance to cold damage. In addition, everything you wear and carry are unharmed by temperatures as low as negative 50 degrees. I trade you a health potion for a little bit of your straps of Hagelin. Ah, just...

Ah, do we need some Haglin over here? Yeah, I'd like that ring of mind shielding, but maybe we get a little bit cheaper? Uh, sir, uh, Mr. Baked, if I may call you that. Um, my friend here is- Oh, please, please, Mr. Baked was my father, Hyde. Oh, is that Hyde Baked or Baked Hyde? Mr. Hyde? Oh, I get it. Uh, my friend here is very interested in this, uh, uh, ring of mind, what was it?

Shielding. My shielding. You did that right as I had a full mouth of water. And I was wondering if he could get it for maybe a slightly discounted price of 70 gold pieces. And he flings his strap. Did you just snap your bra? Sure did.

Oh my God. I was like, how did you do that? Because you're wearing a sweater. It's coming through in the microphone. I can hear it. It's so clear. Causing me actual physical damage too. That's great. Roll your, what is it? Persuasion check with advantage. Persuasion. Can I smack? Sure. I smack. 22 and a...

13 so 22. you want to use that yeah use d4 which is an additional four so that would be 26. big big roll yeah and you take damage don't you from that i do i think i take i think it's five you roll you roll for it okay i roll a 1d4 and then if i do it again i roll 2d4 three points of damage oh not bad ben said that you barbara you personally take damage because you're also doing that yeah

Oh, that's pretty low, but yeah, yeah, sure. I can do 75 on that. Wait, 70 was what? I did say 70. Oh, 70. Okay, sorry. That's a Gus misunderstanding. I hand over 70 gold. I wish I had done this. Is there a... Well, I appreciate you being quick and direct.

Do you have to attune these things? Are you limited on how many things you can attune? Yeah, I'm also running into this. Some of them do require attuning. Which ones do not? The ring of swimming and the ring of water walking. I will take the ring of water walking. 100 gold. Just snap it. Just using me, huh? What are you willing to pay for it, Gum Gum? A big hug.

A potion? No, I mean, what are you willing to do? I got you. I got you. I'll heal you. Oh, okay. I got you. No, I'm not worried about the damage. What did you think it's worth? 75. 75 for water walking, sir. Oh, God. Make your roll. With a butt slap. Oh, another butt slap. Okay. That is a 23 and a 14. That's 23 plus a D4 from the butt slap.

It's four. So it's 27. All right. I like you guys. Sure. We can make that happen. We can make that work. My man, my man. Do you have any coupons for other shops in town? You know, sometimes you support local and you guys have like coupon books for sale. Uh,

No, can't say I'm familiar with that. Cool. Okay. You're not from Austin. Nevermind. I took another five points of damage from my suspenders. Wait, so I just got the ring of jump then, right? And I can add that to my inventory and everything's groovy? Yeah. What's the attunement process like? Does it have to be with me for several hours before? Yeah, you probably just have to wear it for a bit just to get it attuned to you. Okay. And it's tripled my jump? Yes. It allows you to cast jump, which allows you to triple. Oh, yeah.

I've got a magic ring. I take out a handful of rations and sprinkle it with Huard's handy spice pouch and give it to Bart for some num-nums. Gum-gums. What does that do? What do I roll for that? I assume like healing stuff? Oh, seasoned meals restore 2d6 hit points and grant five temporary hit points. There you go. 2d6 rolling barb and five temp. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Anybody else want anything?

Do we need the... Do you think the water thing is worthwhile? I thought you got the water thing. I got it. But there's also swimming. Oh, that will be good. Don't forget, I don't think we've come up to it yet, but there is a limit to the number of rings you can wear in D&D. Okay. Thank you for your fine rings and for the tip on where the Eldorak Shrine is. I didn't tell you where the Shrine is. I told you there was one. I would love to know where the Eldorak Shrine is. Could you point me in the direction? I can, but you gotta do something for me. Oh, come on. Oh.

We did. We bought your wares. You ripped me off. You don't know that. So, selling these wares, that's fine and all. That was more of my dad's dream. I want you all to help me with my business. I bake. What's that? My true passion is experimenting with swamp spores, and I'm working on trying to concoct a vapor that grants some relaxing properties. Okay, how is he not expecting us to not touch on what Barbara's been joking about this entire time? I haven't told you all to stop.

Oh, it's just me, John. You're right. You're right. Okay, tell us more. I'm happy to divulge where the Shrine of Alderoc is if you're willing to help me test my latest spore vapor. Absolutely! My man! Baked reaches behind the center countertop and pulls out a cauldron that's wafting a purplish vapor.

I like to call this Bates' breath. And he pulls out a stone pipe. He says, five copper pieces. You can help me test this out. Wait, you're going to pay us five copper pieces? Oh, no, you could pay me because it's just for my materials here. So you need our help to test this out, but we have to pay you to help you. Yeah, it's only five copper. This is my base cost. Is that any relation to baby's breath? No. All right. Okay.

Good. I didn't want it there to be. I will pay the five copper. As I will too. Bardo, cover yours. Give him one silver, just to make it easy for everybody. All right. So Kyborg, Bart, and Gum-Gum are all trying it? Mm-hmm. All right. He, you know, packs a little bit of this material out of the cauldron into a stone pipe and passes it all between you guys. Each of you who inhaled it, so everyone but Mud, make a constitution saving throw. I have advantage. 22? 7. 7.

11. And here we go. 23. Okay. So Kyborg and Gum Gum, you both feel extremely calm. Okay. Like very relaxed and very willing to go with the flow. Bart. Am I paranoid?

Uh, you feel, uh, frightened. You feel like you have lost the ability to distinguish the difference between friend and foe. You're wondering if, uh, the rest of your party is, uh, secretly plotting against you. Sounds very familiar. This is very unlike Bart. Um... Bart, there's something behind you! I think it's working. Bart, are you hungry? Hey, um, I'm really scared, because someone's, like, holding my hand in case I... Do you want to put on the friendship bracelet? I don't want to.

I don't want to like float away or anything like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I trust you, Gum-Gum? Yeah. Okay. We all hold hands. I may have Lay's potato chips. I have some rations.

I'll put on the bonding, I guess, because you had it. Yeah. Bart puts the friendship bracelet on and then attaches it to Gum Gum's wrist as well. And you want to put on your thunder jacket? That's just a big old hug, right? It is. Bart does the thing where he puts his hands on his shoulders across his body. And then I hug Bart and pick him up. What? What?

After about a minute, you feel like these waves of calmness and these waves of fear begin to subside. All three of you go ahead and make an intelligence saving throw. Kyborg was doing yoga the whole time. Intelligence saving throw? Yeah. Zero. Eleven. Oh, 13. All three of you really struggle to remember the last 15 minutes or so.

Baked is writing down. Oh, interesting. So, what do you do here? I'm baked. I have a store here. Do you have any emeralds? We were all baked a second ago. Am I right? This is very interesting. I'll have to adjust my spore mixture. Do you have any emeralds? All right. Hey, I'll take over here. I want to know if you have any magic things. They did their due.

Uh, is there information now to- to share? Yes, yes. There's a greenish waterfall to the northwest. You're gonna want to go behind that waterfall, and, uh, there's a Shrine of Algaroc there. Uh, however, it does require something in order to enter. I'm not sure exactly what, but, uh, that's what you're looking for. Video game rules. Let's go, uh, explore more of the village and see if we can find some more information about this green waterfall. Thanks, Briggs! More things to buy. Yeah. Stop it.

I head to the door and then I wave at Baked and thank him for his time. Yeah, salutes you. Baked was yet another lovely NPC that I enjoyed our interaction with. I don't remember it. Let's head towards the center path and see what's there. That way, there's a building with soothing chimes and steam walking from the windows and a sign outside of it that reads Salt Lake Spas.

You know, after someone bakes, uh, dragon, bakes breath, I'm down for this. Uh, Mutt knocks on the door. You hear a loud booming voice yell, "Come on in!" I'm so friendly here. Uh, we head in. You open the large stone door to a steamy shop furnished with huge overstuffed chairs, shimmering multicolored robes hanging on the walls, and miniature versions of willow trees decorating the corners of the room.

Sitting behind a counter in the center of the shop is a bald giant wearing a shimmering multicolored robe. I like the vibes here, I gotta say. You all recognize this giant as Maximus. It's Maximus. Hello, Maximus. Do you remember us? Do you remember me? Oh, hello, little ones. Bart goes, we missed you. And he grabs onto his calf and hugs him.

Oh, thank you, little, little one. I'm Bart. Littlest one. I was wondering if you have any information on the special little green waterfall in the back of the village. Oh, you're talking about the Shrine of Algaroc? That is correct. I thought it was somewhere over there. I do know you have to take a sacred offering to enter that shrine.

you happen to know what kind of sacred offering we need yeah you know i have information that's useful to you and let me guess you'd like us to help you with something no no no i'd like to help you i'm sure yeah if you guys partake and purchase a spa treatment is this a pyramid scheme uh i should say an echelon i'd like to help you relieve you of your money

Maximus, I am so down. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm happy to help support local businesses of a huge jack giant guy. Yeah, my shoulders are a little achy. From your straps. From something. What is this spa thing, and how much do you require? What are your services? I have two different spa services you can choose from. They're 100 gold each. You can have Halo therapy or Radiance therapy. And what's the difference? One's on Xbox and one's on PlayStation.

The Halo Therapy is an alleviating respiratory treatment that involves deeply breathing in a dry salt aerosol to naturally aid in the treatment of numerous illnesses. If you're feeling stressed, taking the time to sit and breathe relaxes the mind and eases anxiety, helping you find your peace and balance. So relax, breathe, let go, heal, and rejuvenate.

Sounds like some homeopathic crap. Radiance therapy is an invigorating cleansing treatment that leaves the whole body soft, smooth, and radiant. This treatment is a deep full body scrub that exfoliates, nourishes, tones, and soothes your skin with a gentle botanical extract and vitamin rich formula developed from our natural salt deposits. Maximus, does this have like long-term effects or is it just like a one-time, like it's going to last for 24 hours? You will get some benefit out of it. Bart could use that halo treatment, but Bart only has 55 gold.

Why don't we just all tip it to get part of Halo? I'm happy to, but I don't want to go into metagaming, but can I perceive or use intelligence to figure out what it actually does to us? Make a medicine check. Yeah, it has to be background. I'll make one too. I'm curious. Yeah, make a medicine check too then. Bart doesn't ask questions. He just hears nice words and wants the service done. I'll please.

Just like me in real life. That's a seven. I rolled a seven too. Twins. So 14. With your powers combined. You're not quite sure. They do sound lovely though. All right. Yeah. We chip in for Bart. All right. Well, thanks guys. Yeah. I'm going to get the halo treatment, please. Oh, nice. Do you require more than one spa treatment for this health?

Nobody else wants a spa treatment? No one wants to try the scrub? For someone like me who enjoys athleticism and feats of dexterity, which one do you think I should go for, Maximus? Someone who needs to bulk up like you should definitely go for the halo therapy. I'm going for the halo therapy. Anybody want to pitch in for my halo therapy?

Feel free to utilize one of our robes while you're visiting the spa. And he points to a corner and there's other shimmering robes. Of many colors. Massive robes. Is there one in my size? Oh, yeah. We have some children's robes here somewhere. And he pulls out. It's still a pretty large robe. Still big on me. Hey, Maximus. We're old friends. We go back to the boat. You gonna give me like a friends and family discount? Bart, do you want to bring those suspenders over here?

Jesus, his poor shoulders. Yeah, you know, what do you need? What do you need? Just, you know, I'm going to see if I can get a little discount from old Maximus here. You know, since we're buying two Halo treatments, I think maybe good old friend Kyborg here, who, you know, you guys bonded pretty nicely on the boat earlier. Maybe he gets the treatment for, let's say, 70 gold pieces.

I hate it. And I smack Bart's butt, too. At the same time? Yeah, so it's just from all... Go ahead and make your checks, Bart. Nat, 20, 25. Yes! And then the second one's 17, so 25 plus... Bart.

The barder. 26. 26 on that. Okay, yeah, I can, uh, we can cut a special deal for that. How much you talking? Oh, 70, I guess? Yeah. Uh, I know y'all can help yourselves to, uh, some of my salt lick samples. Uh, and he points on the counter. There's a bowl of, uh, small salt lick stone samples. These are from the natural salt deposits of the Morbane. I just did my damage. I got 10 damage. Oh. Um, is there...

Is there benefits to these salt things? Oh, well, first of all, they're delicious. Second of all, they can really exfoliate your skin.

And those are free. Oh, yeah. Help yourself. They're samples. All right. I take one. Yep. I guess I'll take one, too. There you go. I'll take one and along with the robe. It's salty. So Kyborg and Bart are both wearing robes, right? Yeah. And mine is dragging on the floor behind me. So you two enjoy your salt like stones. Wait here. I'm going to go back with the two little ones and help them out with the halo therapy.

Does Maximus consider mud a medium one? Yeah, I'd go with that. Okay, okay. Actually, I'm curious. What's the height of giants? Hill giants, they're really big. So, you know, in D&D perspective, you all are considered medium creatures. Giants are, they have their own class called huge giant. Yeah, you're also a medium creature. So they would be like even bigger than large. Like it's just absolutely massive. We are in a very abnormally large building to us. Yes. Gotcha. Okay.

I was just trying to mentally create the scale. Hill giants are, let's say, between 16 and 17 feet tall. So twice my height. Yeah. So again, if we moved into this town and got like a studio apartment. All right. So Maximus leads Kyborg and Bart into the back to partake in your halo therapy. He lights some incense and...

pours some liquids over some hot stones and says, here, just sit in this room for a bit. He puts on some ambient music. You know, I gotta say, I like this place. I like this arc. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna experience a lot of fun little things. What's fantasy in ya? What would that be called? Fantasy in ya. Fantasy. I'll come back to get you all out in just a minute. Take your time. He leaves you two alone and comes back out to see if Mud or Gum Gum need anything. Mud.

Mud's showing Gum-Gum his ability to juggle the salt rocks. Wow. A few minutes pass. You all who partake in the treatment fully relax and rejuvenate, and Maximus comes in after a while.

and leads you all out of the rejuvenation room. I ate the cucumbers that were on my eyes. No, no, no, no, no. Kyborg, you feel really healthy and you feel like, metagame-wise, you gain resistance to psychic damage for a little while, Kyborg. That's actually helpful. Bart... While being like the entire campaign. I'll let you know. Bart, you gain resistance to necrotic damage for a while. Necrotic damage.

All right, I guess it's time for me to hold up my end of the deal. If you want to get into the Shrine of Algaroc here in town, you need to carry a large algae-covered stone inside. I don't suppose you know where we could get a large algae-covered stone that would be sufficient for this sacrifice. I know Baked knows all about stones. I don't know if you've met him yet. He's got a shop over here in town. Oh, we met Baked. Me and a cyborg high five.

Baked, unfortunately, didn't seem like they had that much information on the waterfall. Are you sure baked is the one that would know where the stones are? Whenever I have a stone question, I ask baked, baked. But I mean, algae-covered stone, you should be able to find this just about anywhere. Does the stone need to be anything special in particular? Or like you're saying, it's something outside? Just any mundane algae-covered stone. Then let's go find a stone, my chaps. Okay. Covered in algae. Yes. I'm fine proceeding to the waterfall, but if you guys wanted to see the other...

Shop, shop, shop, shop, shop. I mean, we should check out the right path. All right. You see that path leads up to a boisterous building reeking of ale. And outside is a sign that reads Slayin's Dragon. Slayin's Dragon. And then when you walk up to the building itself, on the door is a sign that reads, Everyone is welcome. Everyone always cheers.

I think we're in fantasy hands. All right. I approach the door and then I cheer. I go, we. I'm welcome. Okay. You open a large stone door to a dimly lit lobby with several mirrors and a few racks of various clothing. City behind a counter in the center of the lobby is a tall, curvaceous triant. Half troll, half giant. Oh.

wearing a velvet crushed dress shimmering between different shades of green. Bart scooches in past everybody and goes, hello, Molly. Oh, hi, folks. I'm your host, Slayin' Goblins. Two questions before I let you all in. Who is welcome inside and how often do you cheer inside? Everyone's welcome. And we cheer all the time. All right. Yeah. Come on in. Yeah. I like the vibes here.

Might I say, your dress is mighty beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the lady wearing it.

I know, that's part of it. Bart's going, "Heh heh heh heh." Slay says, "Oh, thank you. You're so kind. We like to do our best here at Slay & Dragon." What do you sell here? We sell fun here. Oh! I would like more. This here's a bar and theater. So yeah, you can have as much fun as you want here. What, uh, what movies you play in? This is more of like a performance theater, not any kind of moving picture.

So y'all can feel free to get dolled up with the clothes racks behind you, whatever helps you express your truest self. I'm here to help. Otherwise, when you're ready, just let me know and I'll let you all inside. What's your name, my fair lady?

Slayin'. Slayin'. Slayin', uh, where's the-the-the gentleman, uh, companion of yours? Is he around as well? I don't assume. Of course, of course. Gentleman companion. Well, I don't necessarily need one of those now, do I? Absolutely. You don't need no man. That's right, that's right, Bart.

You're gonna knock this. You're gonna perform your butt off. I think Bart might be barking up the wrong tree. No, no, no, no. Is that because she's so tall? Yeah. Oh, I'll let you figure this out on your own. Oh, I didn't get subtext. Okay. I don't understand what's... What are you talking about?

So before we get all gussied up, we do have a question. We're trying to get through to the shrine, which I... Algae rock shrine, I know the word. And we know that we have to have a mossy rock to get to the waterfall. Is there any chance you have a read on where we get a nice algae covered rock? You can probably find one out by the shrine itself. However, that being said, you need to be careful when you go into the shrine. It is guarded. But...

Bye. I'll let you know if you perform inside the slaying dragon. You got it. All right. Are we now we're putting on some stuff. Are we doing that to participate in something or to witness something? If you want to know what's guarding the shrine, you have to perform. Oh.

I am ready. This is a weird town that is just completely based upon tricking people into buying their wares. Bart is already holding his loot. Oh, no, no. It doesn't cost anything to get dolled up and perform. Bart's always dolled up and ready to perform, baby. Cardboard does drag. Cardboard does drag. Yeah, there's, I mean, all kinds of clothes, accessories, makeup, whatever you want on the racks. Makeover montage. Makeover montage. Yay!

Yeah, so Kyborg decides to dress in drag. Does anyone else have any specific direction they want to get dressed up in? Bart would like to... Is there a curling wand here? There's all kinds of devices to do whatever you want to your hair, and there's also an assortment of wigs as well. Curling wand has a different definition in a fantasy D&D place.

Bart's hair is already curly, but he uses the curling wand to define his curls ever so perfectly and puts on a little rouge on his cheeks and just a little bit of glitter on his eyelids. Oh, sparkly. Yeah.

He wants to shine from far away. And some highlighter, of course, on his cheekbones. Gum-Gum sees the sparkly and is like, ooh. And tries to sparkles his entire stuff up. Oh, just like all over? Like you take the entire thing and just pour it and rub it all over you? Look at me, I'm magic. You're a magical fairy, Gum-Gum. You remind me of this vampire I once met. What about you, Mud? I'm waiting for Kyborg. He went drag. Okay, but what's your specifics? My name is Protina Shakira. Yay!

That is a deep cut. My cut has named a gum gum glam glam. Sounds like a wrestler too.

While Mudd does like the drag element of it all, Mudd already turns into anything he wants. So Mudd turns into an aurochs. And kind of nudges up against, I guess, against Gum-Gum and gets a little bit of the glitter, just a little bit on the cheeks of the aurochs. Nice. I like it. You look really nice, Mudd. Bart's being pulled in multiple directions now. Bart's sweating. Slayin asks, are you all ready? Yeah. Yeah.

Slayen pulls back the curtain to reveal a lively tavern furnished with candlelit dining booths and tables. They're all encircling a smooth stone stage in the center draped with green velvet curtains. The tavern is packed with folks of every shape and size, and they're all currently cheering on a young giant dancing on the stage to live music being played in the corner. The giant does a backflip and lands doing the splits.

Slayn immediately claps and cheers for the dancing giant. A voice from behind the band shouts, "Let's hear it for Sabotage K!" And Slayn asks you all, "Anything to drink I can get you folks?" I think we're just ready to perform, right? Oh, performance straight to the stage! Unless you have anything magic?

Magic. The magic comes from within all of us. Go ahead, Blime. We're drinking pee. Can Bart get on stage and go right... Wait, hold on. Bart almost just walked right past that. Did not register that he said pee. No, no, no, go, go, go, go, go, go. Just slap it out of his hand. You've been doing so good lately.

It grows. People tell us all the time they listen to this show with their kids. Could Bart walk right up to the microphone? Like, is the stage clear now? Performer Sabotage K has walked off the stage. So it is empty if you wanted to just go straight there. Bart walks up to the stage onto my phone and brings his team up and goes, Are you ready to algebra?

Everyone starts cheering. Mud starts stomping with his hooves on the floor to a beat. Nice. And Gum-Gum gets out his drum-drum.

and starts banging along nice kyborg does an insane dance mixed with acrobatics and is just dancing to the music that everyone's playing for the crowd what about you uh bart bart's playing his loot oh all right everyone make a performance check and singing of course oh i'm singing that's 20. 20 wow 21.

It's an eight, but I don't know if you have any luckies left. Hold on. It's about to roll. Lucky on dancing. I can't let this slide. I don't think I can. Maybe it's an electric slide. I'm imagining Kyber as like Esmeralda from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Just like a bunch of little like jingles and stuff like that. Like.

This is, I think, a great example of why you need to stop burning your luckies so quickly is right now you are furiously trying to go through your character sheet to see if you have one, but you don't. I have no luckies. Then you... He rolls a what? Stink my butt. I think I'm an aurochs. I am an aurochs. I ain't got no... Hove me. Hove my butt. I can't. All right, so GumGum, you rolled a 20. Something about the spirit of...

of the room really like channels through you and through your hands and you play the drums like you've never played them before. You feel like you're on a whole other level. Kyborg, it's not your best dance. You keep bumping into people on the stage up there with you and it's not going great. It's an acrobatics thing though, so you want me to roll for acrobatics? No, you're performing. Bart,

Despite Kyborg bumping into you every now and then, you're playing the lute like, I mean, this is like second nature for you. You know, you know, this lute inside and out. And Mudd's rhythmic aurochs hooves are stomping in perfect time on the stage. And everyone in the crowd begins cheering wildly for everyone who is performing.

Did I take out my pan flute and start playing that at the same time as well? Whoa. Whoa, yeah. Do I need to do another performance? Sure, do it. 17. That's really good. You hear, whoa, everyone starts gasping in the crowd. Then you all finish in a crescendo and the crowd goes wild. Everyone's just cheering for you guys. Yay!

And they're throwing money at us, right? No, there is no money. I want to do a double backflip that lands in the splits. I want to top the previous performer. Make a performance check. Performance check. Oh, you have a minus. 16. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, you land it perfectly. Stick it. Yes, redemption. Slayen comes up on stage and says, oh, everyone, let's give a big hand to...

What do you all call yourselves? The Algerocs. The Algerocs. Everybody, yay! Slane says, oh, you all did a fantastic job up there. Congratulations. Do you all practice? Do you all travel and do shows like this often? Surprisingly, every once in a while. Yeah. More than you would think. Oh, it shows. You all absolutely are welcome back any time to perform. We also murder. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Is this on stage? Does the crowd immediately go silent? This is like an aside. This is Clayton talking with you all. Well, that's very impressive too, my friend.

She's a little scared now. One of my eyelashes is falling off at this point. Yeah, Slayin' begins herding you all back out to the front. Here, why don't we help you all get out of this? We need our information. Oh, right, of course. From what I hear, the Algaroc Shrine is guarded by living stones. What do you mean by that?

Like golems? That's what I've heard, that the stones come alive and guard the entrance. Are they on the west side of the waterfall, are they? The information I've heard is that once you enter the shrine, it is guarded by living stones. Okay, thank you. Yeah, let's head to the waterfall. I think we should just, like, we should kind of shuffle away and then maybe leave Bart a moment to talk to...

Yeah, yeah, sure. Slayin', I just want to say, it's been a pleasure. And must I say, you're totally slayin' in that outfit. He slaps his suspenders. Are you haggling with slayin'?

He just wants to impress her. He's haggling for attention. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. I bet you say that in every town you roll through and perform in. Oh, no, not at all. But it's rare to find a beauty such as yours. And I just want to say thank you for allowing us to perform on your wonderful stage and your wonderful place. Well, like I said, all of you, and especially you, Bart, are welcome any time back. He takes her hand and gives a little kiss. Oh. A giant hand.

It's just like a little hand wringing around a finger. Like just a finger. Oh, such a romantic. Get out of here, you charmer. He winks. And snaps. No, I'm kidding. Why is Bart almost dead? I just saw Bart. Um...

Yeah, let's head to the waterfall. Yeah, y'all, with your newfound knowledge, you make your way northwest and eventually come upon a cluster of sizable stones covered in algae surrounding a roaring greenish waterfall. It looks to be pouring straight into the river of rapids you crossed earlier, which now appears far below you at the base of the hills.

Uh, I say we all grab a stone. Yeah. Yeah, sure. I'll grab a big mossy stone. Sure. Yeah, there's plenty of algae rocks, algae-covered rocks to choose from here. And I go, last one in is a stinky rock. And I run and jump into the water. I forget that I'm wearing my ring because I did not remember I bought it.

Because you forgot the last 15 minutes. Because I forgot the last 15 minutes. So then I run and jump and just like... You ever seen people jump into an ice... Yeah, they bounce. They do like a cannonball into it. Oh, yeah. Hurt their tailbone. So the waterfall is across the water? It's like... It's at the mouth, at the origin of the river. Like deep we can't walk through? We need to like... Oh, no, you can... With your knowledge, you know that you can shimmy around on a ledge back behind the waterfall. We do that.

There is an algae covered rock face here. Yeah, I take one of my, I take my rock and I push it against that one. The algae begins to part and open up a pathway for you to go through. And inside is a circular cove with extremely high ceilings. The whole cove is shimmering like greenish crystal with a small pool of water in the center. Inside the pool is a pile of large algae covered stones.

Those are the living stones. Living stones. Living stones must be. Can I approach and put my rock on top of that pile of moss covered stones? Yeah. Can I also do that and then kneel on my prayer pillow? Which I have a prayer pillow. What? And then say, we come and offer to worship the spirit of rock, Algebrak.

That's pretty good. So that's what Kyborg and Gum-Gum are doing. Mud and Bart. I guess I'll follow suit. Why not? Back away in prostration. You got it. Okay. Prostation. No. That's the other bad one. That's the bad one. Is your prostate bad? No.

What are you saying? Prostration? Prostrate? He wants to prostrate himself. It's genuflection. I've never heard that word in my life. It's like a deep bow with like arms extended. Yeah. There you go. Uh, yeah. You all place your stones in the pool and the four stones come to life revealing four stone giants. They pick up large stones around them. They look like they're ready to hurl them at you all. And you hear them ask in booming gravelly voices,

Who are you? From where did you come? I'm a Bramblecrack from the Bramblecracks and the Bayou. What purpose do you serve? How do you know? That was two questions. They asked you the first time also. Who are you? From where did you come? Seek to heal the... We seek to heal the king. Lord Lomish. Lord Lomish. For he has been affected by the...

Shamanusia! We want to destroy Sludge, and we know this because of Shaman Sus. And other friends of this dwelling.

I am a brother of yours. Behold my arm, iron golem. I am part all iron golem. They're rock golems, right? They're rocks. Stone. Stone giants. Stone golems or stone giants? It's a different thing. Yes. I take that last part back. We might be distant relatives. I'm sorry. I just like that you're yelling at them. They actually focus a little bit on you there, Kyborg. And they ask, what makes you you?

Have you ever wished you were someone else? My experiences make me, and I would not change who I am for the world. The stone-faced giants look at each other for a moment, then turn back to face you all. A word of wisdom.

Smart?

Did it like break at all? We'll have to find out in the next episode. I think we handled that well. Y'all were fun. It was a good episode. It was a fun episode. I always like whenever we encounter like a magical being of anything, we're always like, hello. Yes, I have come in peace. We also speak like this. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week with another episode.

Check out our merch. Yeah, we got Smarsh's King shirt. Oh, yeah. Everybody was crazy about the finale. I saw a lot of people in the subreddit happy about how the finale last arc worked out and they liked the inclusion of Smarsh. Yeah, get some Smarsh's King merch and also join our subreddit, reddit.com slash r slash stinky dragon podcast and also tweet at us using hashtag stinky dragon pod.

Or Instagram. You should really follow our Stinky Dragon accounts right now on social because we're about to be posting some really cool supplemental video content. Something very cool. We're all talking faster because we're trying to wrap this up, but we keep going. Bye. Bye. Bye.