C01 - Ep. 64 - Betwixt The Bramblecracks - Own Flesh & Mudd
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Felicitations to all you fired giant dreadnoughts, charge on in as the stinky dragon guzzle our latest gulp, my lips are shield. It's a mixture of fee-fire faux rum, crushed blackened berries, hearth-heated honey, a slash of bladed bitters, and a sprig of smoked rosemary. One sip of this simmering swill and you'll be nowhere to be foundry.

Previously, our adventurers had just diplomatically defeated Quadrant and were hightailing it out of the Tabulian lair. Thanks to Smarsh, they safely returned all the imprisoned pies back to

to Pius' pass and had a restful lie down at the little pecker saloon. But Mud had yet another vexing vision warning him of his past and upon arrival back in Boulderay it seems it has finally caught up with him by way of brotherly bad news. His father is dying. Grab a grog and let's get into this gassy goss.

So you all leveled up and I was looking over your character sheets before we started today. Kyborg and GumGum specifically have crossed a milestone. Oh, they both have over 100 HP now. Oh, that's not fair. 107.

There's such a thing where like I feel like a gum gum versus kyborg fight would be interesting Finale episode you just rage a half HP That's the weirdest thing that I've noticed about this show is that we know each other's characters and our moves I feel like pretty intimately now like mm-hmm. I've already I'm Batman trying to figure out how he can take down the Justice League

I've already figured out you guys' weaknesses and strengths. Now I need to know what's Mudd's HP. I think I'm in the 80s. Yeah, but then he turns into an animal. 83, I think. Get me the exact number. It's 83. It's 83? Excellent. I'm not the lowest. I'm 85. I had some bad HP rolls, too. Yeah. My last one, when we rolled at the between episode, I got a 10 and an 8. Oh, wow. I'll just transform it into something that has higher HP. There you go. It's funny. I was listening to an earlier episode.

when we were like level one or two or something like that. And like someone took a fall and got like 10 pit point damage. And they're like, oh, half my life. Oh, no. Oh, wow. That's funny. Times have changed. It's like something everyone's really worried about. Also, someone tweeted in there like I showed my brother or, you know, loved one the cast of Stinky Dragon because he wanted to know what the voices actor sounded like. And apparently he went through it. Didn't expect that. Didn't expect that. Didn't expect that.

They got to Kaiborg, they got to me, and they're like, yeah, that's on track. That's about right. Again, Kaiborg is just Blaine. But yeah, it would be interesting. I think another one that, you know, you may underestimate this player because of their lower hit points, but I think one that I would be afraid of would actually be Bart.

Bart cannot put out a lot of damage. Bart has a lot of, Bards specifically have a lot of utility. One sleep spell and then we'd be out. I got some good sleep. I also have some now some like good healing stuff, some good buffs for Yael. But I feel like I need to sit down with Gus or Ben or Mike or someone to like go over my unused potential of Bart because I feel like I haven't been tapping into that.

I just feel like I'm kind of like, I'm here to talk to people and cast spells every now and then. Yeah. Don't feel bad about that. Micah just wrote this and I feel this exact same way. That's every D&D player. Every D&D player is like, what am I not doing? How can I maximize what I'm doing with my character right now? What's worse is listening back and being like, I could have, instead of wasting a lucky, I could have used an inspiration die there or like all the things that you do after. You're like, you know what I get mad about myself for? They're

I cannot tell you how many times in the first few arcs I asked to do something with my mage hand and Gus having to remind me, well, it could only carry 10 pounds. Like literally every time I'm like, could I use my mage hand to help lift gum gum out of the swamp? And he's like, well, it's only 10 pounds. Well, you know, you know, now that's part of, that's part of the learning process. You got to do it over and over until, until it sticks. Yes. 10 pounds mage hand. I want to beef that up at some point.

I want to work out my mage hand. Can you increase the stats of your mage hand? I don't think so. No, it's a spell. It's not a bard thing. The cantrip. 5e is broken. 5e is broken. Oh, not to get off on another tangent. I had a funny interaction with Chris the other day when we were talking about D&D. And he was like, yeah, well, we're playing 5e. And so I guess that's one of the iterations of the fifth edition. And I was like, doesn't the e just sound for edition? He thought it was like 5a.

5B, 5C. He's like, well, we're on 5E. And I was like, that's fifth edition. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, I was like, you know, they probably do patches, so this is like...

Like iPhones? The only like iteration I can think of would be like there was a 3.5 edition. I was going to say there was like a 3. Oh, yeah. Was 3 just that bad that they were like, scramble. No, no, 3 was actually pretty good. There were just a couple of mechanics that were broken. They got a little refined in 3.5. It wasn't like a major overhaul. Gotcha.

Well, let's dive into this. I'm so excited. Yeah. Clay Aiken's here. Jesus. What a callback. Yeah, I know. The only Clay I know, I think. Or know of, rather. I have a cousin, Clay. What about Clay Face? I hope he's okay. I don't know.

Micah says he can't wait for the coverage that comes with 5G. Only two more to go. A chair shuffles at the corner table. The cloaked figure stands tall inside the tavern, nearly to the ceiling. They lower their hood, revealing a young, slender face covered in ruddy fur. With piercing caramel eyes, the furball steps forward to Mud. Uh, who is it? I've been looking a long time for you, brother. Ah, dang it. Mud's arc! Whee!

It's me, Clay. Listen, we have plenty of time to catch up later, but you have to come with me right away. It's about father. He's, he's dying. Oh.

I step up to Mug. Kyborg steps up to Mug and just kind of pats him on the back. Why did you say Mug? Why did you say Mug? Did I say Mug? You did. I step up to whoever that guy is and I pat him on the back because I know what it's like to lose a parent in this fictional world. I do too, but I can't reach his back, so I just pat the top of his butt cheek. Gum Gum walks up and is not sure what... He just pats Bart's back. We're all just patting each other on the backs.

It's just like a big circle of backpacks. Yeah. Everyone go out there and do the best. Y'all are buffing each other like crazy. Yeah. The one person who actually buffs using that motion is not doing it. Yeah. We want to give you something for once. Yeah. Give back. It's like if your dog all of a sudden started petting you. Whoa.

- Cats do that. Cats will pet you. - I guess normally they want something. Normally they got claws when they're doing that. - Man, my cat would not stop biscuiting my stomach. It was, oh, I didn't sleep at all last night. - Biscuiting. - Biscuiting. Biscuit as a verb is great. - Do you biscuit Clay? What do you do to Clay? - Clay was kneading bread. - Making biscuits is a- - I think of making biscuits as like farting. - No, making biscuits is the kitty thing. - Okay. Anyway, yeah, Clay tells you that, "Father has fallen into some kind of stupor.

It's unclear how long he will remain alive. So I urge you, brother, please come home with me straight away. Right. Well, that does sound a bit serious. Bart holds out a tissue. I think his eyes are dry, though. Dry is pious past, Bart.

I was trying to think of where have we established where mud comes from? How quickly you forget. You're from the Witherveins, brother. Oh, the Witherveins. Your ancient homeland. The Witherveins are due east of Boulderay. I traveled from there via my ship, the Brambleboat. I've been getting some Witherveins on my hips in my old age. Shut up.

Can we mute Blaine's voice? Ben reached over to do it. Um, okay. Well, then, yes, we should definitely head on out there. Not exactly my favorite place to go back to, but if it's of imperative importance, yeah, that tracks. I guess I'm asking if the party is going to come with me. Bart's already on his way to the ship. I will not leave you in your time of need.

not a fan of gum gum getting serious. Serious gum gum. For some reason it comes off a tad bit creepy. Okay, I'll go stand over here. And he goes, gum gum stands in the corner, faces the wall. Even the mightiest trees fall sometime, mud. It's okay to feel your feelings. Uh, yeah, I'm sure. Uh,

Where are... Yes, we should go and do that. But my question first is, where are we with our quest for the Diagems? Just to make sure I understand what we're doing with that. You retrieved one Diagem, which is currently in your possession, with Kyborg. The other one you came close to retrieving from Quadrant. It was the eye, right? Correct. At the last moment, Entropa showed up and absconded with it. It was close. I had it in my hands.

He did, literally. Okay. Well, then, yeah. I mean, I guess Mud would head over and follow with. Do we have anything to prepare before we go on a journey? We all leveled up. I think we're pretty good. Where's Dr. Ham? He stepped outside with Brink when you first walked in here. I suppose we should...

ask for PTO from our employer? Yeah, and check on them and see if there's anything. Unless there's something in this wither vein that might happen to be there, so we could kind of kill two birds with one stone. Yeah, I guess it's mostly like, I was trying to think of like, do we need to tell Dr. Ahem? I think so. Remember when you entered the tavern here, Dr. Ahem and Brink were seated with Clay.

Oh, I do not remember that. Yeah, and then they said they would be waiting outside for you. Oh, okay. In game, you would know that Dr. Ahem and Brink have already talked to Clay, and then they stepped outside. Well, then let's head out. Well, I was going to sit this one out. You didn't ask me. But I do see that you have a- Come, come. Bart, you're good to go? I'm here to be your comfort blanket, Mud. Bart hangs on to Mud's leg and won't let go. And I will be your comfort bed.

But I noticed that you have a yacht though, a party barge. The Brumble Boat, is that what it's called? Bramble Boat? Yeah, the Bramble Boat. Yeah, I'll go for that. Can I ski on it? How fast does this baby go? We haven't seen it yet, you don't know. Let's turn off Blaine's mic. It's docked off the northern shores of Vass Highland.

which if you remember, this is where you scaled the cliff and raced sleek up that cliff. Okay. You're a good old friend. So I guess we'll RIP. Yeah. Go outside. We're ready to go. I like to think of Bart as like a weighted blanket for mud right now. Bart really is very empathetic and cares a lot about family. So he very much feels for mud and clay. After the journey we went through in Everwinter and exploring Kyborg's dark past...

And all the times that mud was there for Kyborg. I will be there for you, my friend. All right. But I'm also trying to light the mood, you know? That's fine. Yeah. Let's go. Okay.

You all step outside and Dr. Ahem and Brink are out there and Dr. Ahem flags you down. Before you depart, I have a disbursement of funds for you all to take on your journey to pay for any needed supplies. And hands over a sack with 1,000 gold pieces. Payday. Oh my goodness. Total? Yes. $2.50 each? $2.50 each. All right, admin. Gold?

Wait, gold. Right before he does that, Bart holds out his little hand and goes, money, please. Make sure you set aside some for taxes. Oh, God. All the improvements in Boulder Ray. The Boulder way was not free. Someone has to pay for it. Dr. Ahim has the components that I need. He did at least last time for my, uh,

arm cannon can i get that from him oh yeah um how much was that it's i think three gold pieces okay yeah we'll say i mean how many do you want his hand cannon i i oh if i can load up i'll take 20 hand cannon arm am munitions we'll say he's got 10. i'll take him so i'll deduct 30. all right because we're gonna be using these i'm gonna be shooting whatever number blaine said i wasn't give him half actually there is it's

Is there an opportunity to do some resource shopping since you've said you need to do that? This would be the time to acquire any of those resources you need. I wonder who we're going to potentially run into. Probably in a quadrant. It might be me, a puzzler, whatever accent he has.

Can I give the doctor... The Traboolians gave me their blood and they're trying to get some special potions so they get legs. I was wondering if you could help. See if you could help work on a potion that could help them. Good for you, GovGov. Yeah, Dr. Ahem takes it from him and says, Oh, fascinating. Is this blood infused with a decoction? Yes. I do love a new experiment.

After all, if I'm successful with this, it could benefit people all across the lands. They're good people, I think, who are misunderstood. They think they're murderers. Yes, I've heard tales of the Tumulians and their tribulations.

I will work on this straight away. Thank you. When a spell, this is actually like D&D question, when it has a component that has a price amount attached to it, is that like a hard, you have to spend that much? There's no... Yeah, because typically it's intended to be

Like a limiting factor for that spell. So even if I find something in a store that matches the price, but haggle down? I think typically what they say is, like an example, a gem. A gem worth at least. Okay. So it's like as long as the value is, you know, X, whatever that is, if you haggle, that's fine. Okay. Mud needs to go somewhere where someone can do, like, engraving work. Ooh.

Ooh. What? Specifically, what are you looking for here? I need something, someone who can engrave the image of a dragon onto something. Yeah, you should be able to find that no problem here in Boulder, eh? Like, is it metal or is it stone? Something that's worth at least 500 GP. You getting tattoos or? We have that smithing kit, remember? Yeah, where's, what's your face? Milled? Yeah. But we have our own. Sure. Are we capable of then making something that's worth 500 gold? I don't know.

But we could put a dragon on something. Okay, I don't want to drag the whole conversation down. Dr. Ahem says, Well, I've been learning a thing or two from Meld's craftwork. I would be happy to offer my engraving services. Right. Well, I need something that has the image of a dragon on it and has some high worth to it.

Do you have the item with you or do you need to purchase it first? I need to acquire the item. You need to acquire an item and then get someone to engrave a dragon on it. Sure. I guess. Yeah, I guess if the material is worth that much, then the engraving. How about a gold figure? Love it. Of? A dragon. A dragon with a dragon engraved on it. I

I'm what's going on. That's really, that's really, what do you need? I'll read it out. An object with the image of a dragon engraved on it worth at least 500 G. So we can get you an item made of gold worth at least 500. What do you want the item to be that has the dragon engraved on it? Could there be some sort of like a, like a, I'm trying to think of the word.

Not a coin, but like a talisman, maybe? Medallion. Medallion. Thank you. Do you already have an item that's worth 500? No. Sure. A medallion works. Medallion or even a gold brick. So like a medallion with a dragon engraved on it. That way you can always wear it. Yes. Or as Micah is now calling it, the medallion. Dr. Ahim, can you engrave a heart with the word mom on my arm?

I can do that for you. Bart whips out his dagger. Cast heat metal on it. Yeah, Dr. Ahem says just give him a few minutes to run to Infinite HQ and he has a medallion ready. He just needs to quickly engrave a dragon onto it. I used to give pirates tattoos all the time.

With a knife. Yeah. If you just want to go ahead and remove the 500 gold. Is Dr. Ahim going to take my 500 gold completely? Is there any chance that my employer... Well, the actual gold, he's not ripping you off. No, I know, but I'm saying maybe he gives a little employee discount. Make a... But it's not worth 500 gold. No, that's what I asked. Make a persuasion check. If it's worth that much, I don't have to spend that much. Make a persuasion check. Hey, John, make a persuasion check, please. Hey, can you make a persuasion check, Kaibor? I'm rolling. 16. Okay, you get it at...

very base material cost, which is 500 gold.

Because it has to be worth 500 gold. Then what was the worth of the persuasion check? See if you could persuade him to bring out a discount. Yeah, to see if he wasn't going to raise it. You can use my gold teeth. He was going to raise it? What are you doing, Gus? It's worth 500 gold. I'm not going to... Here, take my gold teeth. No, it's fine. You can use these gold teeth. Take the gold teeth. How much for the gold teeth? The gold teeth will say are worth 30 gold.

That's it? How many teeth do you have? Teeth are small! Yeah, but also, how many gold- It was a whole mouth. But that would meld down to like two gold pieces, though, if you think about it. Right. Thank you for being rational. Why would a couple of teeth be worth more than their weight in gold, you know? Alright. Okay, so $470. Fine, with the teeth discount. There you go. What if it doesn't work? He uses the gold from the teeth.

To help. Gus is in a stingy mood today. Your spell's not going to work, Gus. I gave you my own tea. It's not worth 500. No, Blaine, if the... Okay, so you go to a store and someone says, this thing is worth 500 gold, and you go, okay, can I haggle it down to 450? He'll say, yeah, I'll sell it to you for 450. Great, it's worth 450. That's amazing. I got a great discount. I'm going to make a death-saving roll for your father here to see if he stabilizes or if he's dying. Ugh.

Eleven. Okay. He's still holding out. Do whatever you want. You are the one who said these new spells, we have to get the things for them. And I'm trying to get the thing for him. What's up, Bart? I was just going to ask if someone could throw me really high up in the air. I could do that. Oh. I just want to try out my best of slow descent because I haven't used it yet. And it's been sitting in my inventory. If you remember, the dock where the boat is, is at the base of a cliff.

Did someone throw me onto the boat? Yeah. I've already thrown you up in the air. That's just for us, though. I have a longbow triumph and I say, pull! And I'm aiming at Bart. Eh.

I like to think it's like Mario with the Tanooki suit holding the cape and like super Mario world. Yeah. It's not the Tanooki suit actually. It's when he's got the feather and he gets the cape. Yeah. The Tanooki suit's different. He turns into a stone statue. Did the feather have a name? I don't know. Well, there's the feather and then there's raccoon. That's a leaf. The leaf is. Yeah. It's a new key leaf. If the feather was worth 500 gold coins, does the slow descent thing work no matter what? Uh,

Uh, yeah. Okay, I was just checking before. We just checked you and there was like a roll you had to do and we just threw Bart to... It was called Cape Feather. Oh, Cape Feather? Yeah, I get no fall damage upon landing. Nice. Do it. Are we at the... Does anybody else need any items or have anything they need to get done? Just that whistle. I want to make it so I can whatever... Oh, you have to be attuned to it. Attune it to me? Yeah, we'll say that when you took your long rest that you cuddled with it and slept with it and now it's attuned to you. That's very attuned.

You spent sufficient time with it. And it's a whistle, so now it's in tune. That's it. I'm done. All right. So is everyone ready to depart for the ship? All aboard the bramble boat. Beep, beep. As you all step away from the tavern and begin making your way to the docks, Dr. Ahem stops you one last time and says, Oh, I almost forgot.

I have a friend aboard the Bramble Boat named Bunko. Bunko and I have been in contact for some time, working on a few special projects together. I think you will be pleased with our results. Bunko. Bunko. I'm going to get ahead of this. Is Bunko embezzler? Dun, dun, dun. Oh.

Or is he brother of former companion of ours from a previous D&D session, Lunko? I was going to say that name sounded familiar, and I couldn't figure out what it was. It's like a mixed, or it's Bunko, it's Lunko, but there's also Funko Pops. Yeah, I was going to say, is he made of terrible plastics and has like a disproportionately sized head, and he's valueless and stupid culture? It's probably just named after someone who watches the show. As long as he makes people, they make people happy. I don't know if I like Bunko. No.

Haven't met them yet. All right, you all depart and you're outside in the afternoon sun making your way towards the northern shores of vast highlands, not far from those cliffs that you raced up with Sleek. Eventually, you reach the rocky beach and spot an ornately crafted yacht made out of a willow tree. The lavish vessel has multiple decks, each with branches that droop off the sides of the boat, draped with lightning bugs.

Clay leads you to the edge of the shoreline where you find a glossy gangplank leading up to the boat. I'm not so sure how you're used to traveling, but this is my ship, Bramble Boat the Third. Come aboard when you're ready and we'll get underway. What happened to the first two? Bart and Marge, you guys robbed them? No. The first two weren't taken over by pirates.

Were they? So am I not on the cliff anymore? Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you were doing that. Yeah, yeah. You definitely have an opportunity to test out your item at the top of the cliff before descending with everyone. As you guys are all boarding the ship, Bart runs all the way back up the cliff and jumps off using his vest of slow descent to land safely on... How long are we waiting? I'm a fast runner. No, no, I mean how slow is the descent? Oh, okay.

I think it's like, it's like not too slow, but it's like epic superhero descent. You know, like when they lower themselves because they could fly. Do you do like a ground pound when you land? No, he does like a with like jazz hands. Could Gum-Gum climb down the cliff at the same rate and go, Hi, Bart. Hi, Bart. I'm just going. Hi.

Maybe she does the poem that Lois Lane does in Superman 1978. Did you just Google that right now? I couldn't remember what the poem was, but yeah, no, it's she's like holding hands with the guy. Oh, yeah. That's so weird. I don't remember that. I don't remember that at all. So your rate of descent is 60 feet per round. So that's 60 feet every six seconds. So 10 feet a second. Cool. Not super slow, but not like super fast or anything.

And, uh, yep, you land on your feet. And you awkwardly pedal your legs like they did in, uh, Goblet of Fire. Absolutely. That was his first time using it, so he's just, like, really trying all the moves. And when he lands, he puts his hands on his little hips. If it's your first time, then you would have, like, mistargeted how to get to the boat. Would have floated past the boat and just, like, start floating towards the water. Does slow descent, does Bart get to, like, go further horizontally? Or is it the same, just down slower? I think he goes down.

Yeah, it would be the same horizontal distance, just down slower. GumGum wants to make sure no one can out jump him. Well, I was just wondering, because that'd be cool if Bart could like glide. Yeah. Like a little flying squirrel. I hold up a sign that says 10. Apparently also when I'm wearing this, I get disadvantage on strength saving throws against strong winds. You better be careful. Oh, because you're light now. The wind can just pick you up. You want to talk about strong winds?

Never mind. I don't want to poop my pants. Once Bart lands and rejoins the party, Clay goes aboard the ship to the bridge on the upper deck, presumably to take care of preparations for the boat to take off. Shall we get on? I guess we would look for Bunko. Almost called him Funko. I put that idea in your head. Yeah, let's go look for Bunko. Yeah, you all get on the ship, and obviously when you board it, you're on the main deck. And there on the main deck, you see there is a wet bar.

Okay. And someone comes out from behind the bar. It's a furball. He's got gray fur. It's slicked down. He's wearing a mossy suit with a floral bow tie, and he very enthusiastically grabs all your hands and starts shaking them. Greetings, Master Mud. I see you have friends joining us. I am Simple Stillskin, but you may call me Sump. May I offer you any refreshments? Maybe a little something-something.

You're not allowed to criticize their bad jokes and then follow up with that. Oh, well, I'm very aware of my bad jokes. Uh, some gives a hearty guttural laugh. But dearie me, that was a most amusing joke. Most amusing indeed. I'll take an ice water. If I may, shall I inform you of today's food or drink specials? What kind of food you got? Clam chowder. For our cuisine specials, we've prepared the delectable gombalaya, deviled guac cakes, and stroban grits.

Should we just get like three for the table and like split? Okay. What the heck? Let's get crazy. Tapas style. Oh, yes. I can definitely bring one of each if you'd like. Yeah. Wait. And one more to this part. What would you like the extra dish to be? Jambagaya. Go.

Absolutely. Any drinks for our guests? What are your drink specials today, my man? I'm glad you asked. Good, sir. We have Pious Pearl, the Blind Flare, and Golden Gutrot of Bouldery. Ooh, Golden Gut for me. Yes, I believe you will enjoy that one. I'll take the something flare. The Blind Flare? That's the one. The Golden Gutrot is reminding me of the drink they have in Only Murders in the Building, Gut Milk. Oh.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Are they alcoholic or non-alcoholic? They are alcoholic. However, we can make mocktail versions as well. Do any have coffee in them? Coffee? Hmm. Let me just see. Don't let them make fun of you. Mocktail. Oh. The listeners could not see my very confused face. You and everyone else in the room. Everyone looked at me and went, tilt the head, tilt.

None of them have coffee in them, but I could curate a version of the Pius Pearl with coffee in it. Some coffee, dust, milk, we can get that out immediately. I'd like that then. I'll just have, I guess, the other one that hasn't been ordered. All three have been ordered, good sir, but can I get another one for you? The Pius Pearl, but without coffee. The regular Pius Pearl. Got it. Wait.

- Add whey protein to mine and egg whites. - Whey protein to the blind flare plus egg whites? - Yes, please. - Probably not gonna taste its best. - That's okay. I can add my macros. - I don't know if they'd have the technology for powdered protein at this point. And so I think if you ask for protein, they would just like throw in some like ground beef into your- - Chicken breast? - Just into your drink. - Sounds pretty good.

Technically speaking, the blind flare is garnished with a tentacle of their choice center. Ergo, we could procure a protein-rich tentacle as a substitution. I think I'll just go with water. Bart has a really disgusted look on his face, but he's trying to be respectful because it's other people's culture and ways of life. Yeah, you all didn't even ask what's in the food or the drinks. You're going to be surprised when they come out. I'll take the blind flare and make it however you want. Try.

Trying to be respectful as well. This is their ship after all. Sump takes your order down, writes it all down and says, I'll be back in just a moment. Feel free to take a seat and chat with any of the patrons on deck. And you look around and there's several other patrons rubbing shoulders, talking, you know, moving around on the deck. Are these crew or are these just people that are like on a boat, like,

These do not seem like crew. That's a good question. Do I recognize anyone? None of them stand out as people you recognize. However, they're not all furbolgs. Some are furbolgs. There's giants, trolls, allodiles, sproads, and terrorshells all aboard. And is this ship going straight to Withervein? Yes. Okay, no other stops or anything like that? No.

Far as you know, that is correct. What's like the closest real world comparison? Is this like, is this a yacht? Is this a, uh, what are these things called? Yeah, it's a yacht. Okay. Is there a captain around? That would probably be Clay, but, uh, he went up to the bridge. Does he need any of us to be either the powder monkey, the helmsman, the surgeon, or the rigger? Ha ha ha!

Now, this is a luxury boat. Don't worry. It's all taken care of. Barbara is standing up straight in the way that anybody does asking for an inspiration dice. I already have one. I already have one. Inspiration die, please. Money fee.

She wants to be acknowledged for recalling information from a previous episode. We're on another ship. Do they got one of the big crossbow things that ships have sometimes? Oh, no. Heavens no. There's no armaments? No. What happens when you get attacked by Bart's kind of people? Pirates. Hey, what do you mean kind of people? You're a pirate. Yo-ho, yo-ho. All right. She's his main. He's his main. The Bramble Boat is the fastest ship on the seas. No pirate would ever be able to catch up to it.

We're asking for a naval battle. That's what I'm saying. That's like, the Titanic could never sink. Yeah, yeah. Disregard the fact this is the third grapple boat. Pay no attention. This one's the fastest. Yeah, I guess we got to find Bunko now, right? Was that Bunko who gave us that one? That was Sump. Can I go talk to a giant, though? I want to talk to a giant. Yeah, there's a snaggletooth giant in a tuxedo made of ebony standing there on the deck. That's a heavy tuxedo. I go up and I say...

How do I get to be your size? I wanna get- Can you train me? How tall is this giant? How tall is the giant is a good question. Giant... I wanna know how much taller than me they are. How tall is- is Mud? Eight. Not how old he is. Uh, an average giant is about 21 feet tall. Is that how the other two vessels sank? Was by taking on too many giants? Don't worry, there's only one giant on this, uh, he says, uh,

It takes a lot of work to be as big as me. Oh, my like rib cage is rumbling from the base of his voice. Barks like somehow like vibrating on the ship. I'm sure you're very big for your size. Ah, what's his name? Um, Maximus Pendlewin. Maximus. I, you want to be pen pals? I'm a big fan. Just based off of your sheer size. Um...

This is a character they didn't flush out and I wanted to- No, no! Oh, someone your size can write? That's amazing. Good for you, buddy. Oh, he's a classist giant. As I say, he sounds a little, uh, biased or a little, uh, condescending. Do you lift weights, Maximus? Oh, yes. Uh...

All the time. Okay. Giant boulders. That's cool. For me, they're not so big. They're boulders. Maximus, I'd love to hear a specific exercise you do. Do you know what kind you do? Yeah, Maximus, what's your routine? Typically, I go out into the forest and rip trees out from the ground. Then I crunch the bones of smaller creatures. Man, I wish you were on our team. Our guy just rips ass. Do you know how to lift, little guy? Yeah. Yeah.

His voice went up. Yeah, I know how to lift. I'm pretty strong. Tell me to lift something. I'll lift it. There's really not much out here on the ocean. Maybe you can show me when we arrive at the Wither Veins. All right, cool. All right. You can show off for the other giants there. Bart runs up to Kyborg and planks himself down on the floor, and he goes, lift me. Okay, I deadlift Bart. Oh. Yeah, he's quite dense, Maximus. Maximus lays down and says, lift me. I try. I try.

I try. Make a strength check. Okay. I want a one so bad. 21 foot giant. Does anybody have any chalk? I get a belt. I put a belt on and I put on some wrist straps. You have a belt of cool tricks. That's a 23. That's pretty good. How do you know his inventory better than him? Yeah. You've been going through people's stuff? I remember him getting it.

- Yeah, you're unable to budge him. It's just massive. He's just, oh, there you go. That's a good try. Good lift. - Thanks, Maximus. All right. - Do you know of, what was it? Kunko? Munko? - Try again. - Funko? - Should I keep going? - Not Lunko. - Keep going. - Bunko! - There you go. - Oh, there's so many people here on the ship. I have not had time to meet them all. You can go ask around. Maybe it's one of these other people up here. These are all various people who live in the Wither Veins. - Kumkum. - Bunko! - Okay. - Anyone look?

Uh, no. Oh. This is a good shotgun approach to try to find somebody. I appreciate that. Try this, try this. I genuinely was going to tell you to do that. Oh, really? Is there anyone that looks magical? Like I said, there's a firbolg, you talk to the giant, a troll, an aladile, which is like a crocodile gator type people, froads, which are like frog slash toad people, and terracels, which are like turtle people. Ooh.

Now I'm gonna talk to the turtles. They're so wise. This sounds like cast members from a Ninja Turtles show. You go up to the turtle, he said? Yeah. He says, oh, he grabs your hand and starts saying, how are you? I'm Tore Thor. Really great to meet you. Nice to meet you. I'm Gum Gum. Oh. The magic wizard. The magic wizard. Is that why you're going to the Wither Veins? No. Why?

Is that where magic people go? I don't know. Just asking, making conversation. That's what I do. Why are you going to Withervane's? Oh, me? I'm going back home. I'm going to visit Crokemeyer. Oh, Crokemeyer. Yep. Where are you going? Moorvane? Crokemeyer? Bobayu? Yes. Oh, very good. All of them then. I'm going to make the Grand Prix around the Withervane's. You know a Monko. A Monko. Monko? No, I can't say I do. I know lots of people, but I don't know anyone by that name. Oh, Monko.

That's what I said, didn't I? She said "monko". "Bunko", no, up here we got an alfie, a maximus, sneko, vat, and a torothor. That's it. Oh, and a sump. Don't forget sump. Sump eats the food. Do you know anyone who's looking for their son? Anyone Lord Lomish looking for his son? Mud. Oh, okay.

Okay. This is fun. A fast talker meets a slow thinker. I was gonna say, you are a fast talker for a tortoise. What is that supposed to mean? I'm just saying it's... I move fast, not all tortoises move slow. I'm impressed. Watch me go. Whoa. He takes off. Oh, how fast is he? In a very slow walk. But his sneakers are very squeaky and very loud on the deck. I love this person. So he moves slow, but moves loudly.

I love him. I want to take him as a pet. He's like a full humanoid creature. He's probably ancient, too, because he's a Torgus. And justified. So you said Lord was looking for a son? Lord who? Lord Lomish, of course. Lomish? Lomish. Everyone here knows Lord Lomish. He's the benevolent king of Witherbane. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Mud, you're a prince? Yeah. Remember how we've always talked about how, like, Mud came from, like, wealth, essentially? Yeah, I didn't know he was a prince, though. You're a prince? Yeah. Prince Mud. Prince Mud.

Aww. That's technically my title, yeah. Wow. That's cool. He's strong as ten regular men, naturally.

I got it. I bow before mud. Now knowing his real title. I kiss his knuckles where a ring should be. And this is exactly why I did not want you guys to know this. Can we go below the decks or does anybody want to talk to anybody else up here? Maybe the frog. Okay. Do we see anyone selling anything? No, the closest would be Sump, but he's not charging you for any of the food and drinks.

By the way, while you all are talking to everyone, Sumpa lays out all your food and your drinks at the table. You all had chosen. Oh, all inclusive. I start eating and drinking. You had ordered the golden gut rata boulderay. And then we were all splitting the foods? Yeah. Yeah.

Family style. It's a mixture of infinigen, Grinks Bold Batch of Bronze Blazing Boulder Whiskey topped with golden flakes of Sangria Night Gummies. Hey, whoa, whoa. Grinks? You're wasting these. You could be using these for the intros of the show. One gulp of this hoot from the highlands, you'll be saying infinite night. Is it, you said Brinks Whiskey? Yeah. He has his own. Brinks Bold Batch of Bronze Blazing Boulder Whiskey. He has his own batch of whiskey? He's got a lot of stuff going on. He's got his fingers in a lot of pies. If he's a mayor, he should also be a businessman. Not those pies. Yes.

I shifted my brain to think of pies as those creatures, so when you said fingers a lot of pies, I went, oh no.

Gross. I eat my food. I'd like to go below deck to see if we can find this bunko. Does anything happen when we eat the food and drink the drink? You all are very satisfied. The food is very delicious and the drinks are a little strong. You feel a little tipsy, except for Mud, who had no alcohol in his...

Get a mocktail. Get a mocktail. Got a little bit of a caffeine buzz. Yeah, I agree. Below deck? Wait, didn't someone say they wanted to talk to the Frode? Oh, yeah. Hi, Frog. It's your Frog. We don't have to if you don't. Hi, Frog. Pleased to meet you. I'm Vat Bundlesby. What brings you here? I'm on a religious pilgrimage. Gonna go worship in Witherveens. That's cool. What kind of religion you do? What?

What kind of religion you do? I worship amphibolus. It's a spirit of water. I'm going to visit Crokemeyer. Big temple there. Do you know a bunco? Bunko? Can't say I do. Is that a priest at one of the other temples? Maybe Algerock? Genesoyle? We don't know. Yeah, normally over in Crokemeyer, lots of fishing. So lots of good food as a result. Quippers, steam methods, sharks. Can't wait to get there.

I worship Kord just like Maximus. Isn't that right, Maximus? Maximus looks over. Do you think we all sound like to Maximus because he's so big? Probably, yeah. Or like a bunch of ants talking. Yeah, Maximus says, oh no, Aljaroc for me. Aljaroc. Aljaroc. Kord. Kord. Kord. What's Aljaroc? Who's he the god of? He's like a spirit of stones. Oh, that's cool. Kord's better. He's the god of athletes and stuff.

You guys want to head below deck and see if we can find Bunko, who is probably in Besler? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I would very much like to. You all head downstairs? Yeah. Yeah. Bart's rubbing his belly. Oh, oh, oh. I think the guy that made the food. Bunko.

Yeah, I leave him one silver piece. Oh, that's very gracious of you, sir, but there's simply no need. This cruise is all-inclusive and I've been very well taken care of by the captain. You get a fair wage here. Do you want to unionize? You good? Indubitably, we are good, sir. Okay. Very well taken care of, thank you. Okay, just making sure. Hey, blink twice if you need help.

You begin trying to look for stairs to make your way down below decks. And you walk by what appears to be a small stage with curtains, with tables and chairs facing it. And as you're walking by, heading to the stairs, out from behind, the curtains pops out.

who you remember. You've encountered Oof a few times. Oof is the law school guy, right? A big spectacle orc. Yeah, pursuing a law degree. He was with us like the first episode. Yeah, and also in Urbloom. He was a tour guide. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oof, how are you? He says, welcome, friends. Welcome, everyone. It's time for the game everyone loves, Ooferdie.

Hello, stinkers. Did you witness the newest fabulous fan art post for the podcast or vote in the latest poll about the new story arc? If not, then you should follow us on at StinkyDragonPod on Twitter and Instagram and join us on the StinkyDragon subreddit. We feature phenomenal fan art from users like SporkRuler.

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I'm gonna need some volunteers to take part in my trivia game. Oof. Oof, oof, oof. Oh no, this trivia. Uh, you four. Oh, you all have great faces. Why don't you all step up? You're gonna play Oof-er-dee with me. There will be 10 questions of Oof-er-dee, at the end of which, all Oof points will be tallied and determine the winner of my mysterious prize. Okay.

How's law school? Oh, law school's going great. This is just a little side gig. I don't want to talk about that right now. We can chat a bit when I'm done with this. I don't want to talk. All right. Is everyone ready to play Euphrates? Yay. Ba-ba-da-ba.

Alright, let's play Oofertie! Oof goes around and hands out buzzers to everyone. Just click this if you know the answer and we'll call on you. Are they just birds? Is he just handing out birds? They're bees. I like to think it's that button that goes "snoot". Okay, question one of Oofertie. Besides firbolgs, name three other humanoid races that live in the wither veins.

We've got answers here. Kyborg and Mud have both buzzed in, oh, as well as Gum-Gum. We're going to go down the list. Kyborg. Giants. Correct. Humans. Oh, we're sorry. What? That is not correct. What?

Next on the list was Mud. Mud, do you want to steal this? I'ma try. Okay. It's Giants. Correct. Allendiles. Correct. And Croakmires. Ooh, we're sorry. That is not correct. They were told something. Gum-Gum, before you can step in and take a steal here. Giants, the one that might be a minion, and Bumblebees. No, that is not correct.

Oh, that means no one gets the first question. Fun game, fun game.

Really shouldn't have sped through the upper deck, huh? All right. Next question. These questions are all the things we learn on the upper deck. What three clans and towns make up the land of the Witherveins? Oh, gosh. I'll keep my hand off my buzzer on that one. He spoke so quickly. I didn't think we were supposed to write those down. I thought it was just fun little, like, side lore. What's funny is that once he said the name of the tortoise, I was like, we should probably be taking notes, but I just didn't want to. Oh, and that's time. Oh.

The three clans and towns that make up the land of the Witherveins is Morbane, Crokemeyer, and Babayu. Morbane, Babayu, and what was the- Crokemeyer. Are the Babayu gonna be like French Cajun? We're gonna have to find out. Oh god, I hope. I wanna hear that from Gus. Next question. What spirit do the people of Morbane mainly worship? Oh, we have a buzz in here from Mud. Oh, and Mud and Gum Gum, but Mud, you were first. The Fibulus? Ooh, sorry, that is not correct.

That is the people of Crokemeyer. Gum Gum. Al-Jurrock? That is correct! That's our point for Gum Gum! Good news, Gum Gum. It's the one point any of us are going to get this entire game. You've practically won. What was it? Al-Jurrock. It's what Maximus was saying. The spirit of rocks. Man, I really should have been listening to this lore. Question number four. Don't forget, we have ten questions. Question four. What are the two main sources of revenue in the Withervanes?

Why don't you know this, Mike? We have a buzz in here from Gum Gum and Bart, but Gum Gum, you were first. Uh, fishes. That is one of them. And...

- Fishes and mining. - Oh, sorry. That is not correct. Oh, Kyborg also buzzed in, but Bart, you are next. - Fishing and forestry? - Sorry. Kyborg. - Fishing and agriculture. - Not quite. The correct answer we're looking for, Gum-Gum, you were in the neighborhood. It's fishing and salt. Fishing and salt. - Is that like half a point? - No, sorry.

Question five. Who are the four current members of the Bramblecrack family? Can you tell us, Mud? You would think that I would, but we haven't gotten over this, so no. We have Bart and Kyborg both buzzed in. Bart, you're first. Mud. Correct. Clay. Correct. Lord Lomish. Correct.

Don't think we named the queen yet. And Queen Lomish. Ooh, close. Very close, but not quite. Mother Mud. Kyborg and Gum Gum have also buzzed in. Kyborg, you buzzed in next. Mud. Correct. Clay. Correct. Lord Lomish. Correct. That's not a word for dirt. Dirt. Another word for dirt. Dirt. Ah!

Not quite. I'm not familiar with dirt. Hey, Mud. What did you call your mom? I called her mom. The last person who buzzed in was Gum Gum. Mud, Clay, Lord Lomas, and Mom. Well, she's not your mother, so I can't take that, unfortunately. The correct answer we're looking for is Lady Sandra. Lady Sandra. Have we hit Lord Lomas? No. No. Oh, no.

Y'all didn't keep talking to the people. I thought we were trying to keep time low. This is when we're actually being punished for not slowing down and talking to them. I know. Question six. All right, I got this one. Who has points, by the way? Currently, Gum Gum is leading the pack with one point. Just want to check in on that. See if that's still sound. Question number six. How long have the Bramble Cracks ruled over the Wither Veins?

Oh, Kyborg right away with a buzz. Oh, and then GumGum, but Kyborg, you buzzed first. 12 generations. We need years. 500 years.

240 years. Not quite. That is not the answer we're looking for. I see Bart, you buzzed in as well, but Gum Gum, you're next. 500 years. Sorry, I didn't mean to step over it. Not quite. Sorry about that, Gum Gum. That is not correct. Bart. A thousand years. It's a good call. It's safe. Sorry, sorry. It's been a century. 100 years. 100 years. See, I was going to go less, but you said not quite. And so I was like, does that mean it's not enough? Yeah.

Try to see, yeah. Question seven. Should have gone prizes, right? Rules missed on one. Who defeated a great monster and became the first ruler of Witherveins? Oh, wow. Lots of buzzings there. Gum Gum and Kyborg. Oh, and Mud. Gum Gum, you were first. Lord Lamish. Lord Lamish? Lomish. Lomish. Sorry, that is not correct. Lord Lomish is the current ruler, most recent ruler of the Witherveins. Kyborg. Yes.

Lord Lomish's father, who is King Lomish. Sorry, that is not correct. I see Mud and Bart have also buzzed in. Mud, you're next. Lord Gravelbeard. Ooh, Lord Gravelbeard was mighty, but that is not the correct answer. Bart. Lord Bramblecrack. We need full name, please. Lord Julius Bramblecrack.

Sounds kingly. I'm not familiar with that branch of the family. We don't talk about them very much here. That is not correct. The answer is Brumble Bramblecrack. Brumble Bramblecrack. Bart was on the right track. I was on the right crack. Only three questions left. So many opportunities to take this win away from GumGum.

Speaking of Brumble Bramblecrack, what was the name of the monster that was defeated by Lord Brumble? Oh, Kyborg, Bart. Oh, and Mud. Kyborg, you're up first. The Rock Eater. No, the Rock Eater is terrifying, but that is not the correct answer. That is like never ending story. Bart. Smarsh Senior. No, I believe Smarsh Senior. It was last spotted in Pious Pass, if my information is correct. Once you were tired? Then after Bart, Mud.

We're all just guessing. It's because we didn't talk to anybody. We asked a giant what his workout routine was and then listened to a tortoise that spoke too fast for us to write anything down. That's important information. Maximus' workout. I kept trying to throw in as much as I could as throwaway lines from everyone.

I don't know. Sorry. Time's up. Gum gum. Oh, um, a big, gross bug. That's all one word. A big, gross bug. No, sorry. He defeated an imprisoned sludge. Sludge is imprisoned in a demiplane encapsulated within a relic known as a briar orb, as we all know. But is he a bug? No. You're saying things so fast I can't even write down the words. These aren't English words I know. What are you betting?

Defeated an imprisoned sludge. In a demi-plane. A demi-plane. Encapsulated in the Briar Orb. Hope he don't face sludge. Sounds like he's not gonna- Briar Orb. Take arrow damage. Okay, question nine. Only two questions left. Who is anyone gonna be able to defeat Gum-Gum? Come on. Here we go. Question nine. What is Mud's relation to Lord Brumble? Oh, everyone buzzed in. Kyborg, Mud, Bart, Gum-Gum. Uh, Kyborg. Mud is Lord Lomish's son-

No, we're looking for Lord Brumble. Oh, grandson, grandson! I'm sorry, you said son. Son is not correct. Next up, Mud. What is Lord Brumble's relation to you? I would say grandson. Not correct. He's your grandpa. He's not your grandson. No, no, no. I would clarify that. Bart. Grandpa.

Great grandfather. There you go. Sorry, that is not correct. The final person who buzzed in is Gum Gum. Great great grandson. That is correct. Brumble is Mudd's great great grandfather. Wow. 100 years. Really? Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. That's facts. Final question. This is a gimme. Everyone knows this. We're old buddies. What is my full name and aspiring career?

Uh, we got- Ooh, Kyborg, Gum Gum, Bart, uh, Kyborg. Oof, you're going to law school, and your full name is? Oof, I did it again. Oof, Oof. What? Oh, sorry, uh, your microphone gave out there. I didn't speak up. Yeah, yeah, it's, uh... Barbara is furiously trying to go through her notes. I'm starting a timer. I don't remember. Oof from... Oof, Oof Hand. Oof. Oof.

I don't know. Uffeldorf. Uffeldorf. That is not correct, unfortunately. Gum Gum, what is my full name and aspiring career? Uff, the half-orc lawyer in training. My full name, please. Uff. He likes the half-orc as his last name. Uff. Time's up. Bart. Yes. Here we go. His name...

is john cena oh time's up bart that fast huh my full name is euphoric studying to become a lawyer don't worry uh next time we encounter each other you'll remember it's like euphoric there you go oof don't take

Take that personally. We're all big fans and we really look forward to meeting you each time we see you, Oof. Oh, you're flattering me, but it's going to get you nowhere. No, that's fine. I really just don't want you to be upset. I know. I can smell that pious pearl you've been drinking. It's probably just messing with your memory a little bit. That's it. That's exactly it. Tallying up the points here. Our winner with two points is Gum Gum. You win the mysterious prize, Gum Gum. Oof reaches back behind the curtains.

and pulls out a giant lily pad sack and hands it over to you. Here you go, the mysterious prize for you, Gum-Gum. Can I open? Yeah, you open it up, and inside the lily pad sack is 500 gold pieces. Oh my goodness. Oh.

- Oh, well done Gum Gum. - I wish you were my friend. - Really? I mean, you should keep the majority of it. - Thanks for playing Oof-er-dee everyone. It's been a great time. You've been a great audience. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time we play Oof-er-dee. - Thank you Oof-or-ick starting to be a lawyer. - Oh, you're welcome. Everyone who's here, visit the auction downstairs. Oof dips back behind the curtain.

More to do on this ship. How big is this ship? Big. It's a big yacht. You really sure? Yeah. I should have 400 and something. Last I checked. Man, y'all are rich. I got 494. Do you need a loan? Gum gum. How much is gum gum giving each of us? I will split it evenly. 100 for you, 100 for you, 100 for you, and 100 for me. Where's the extra 100 going? 100. 100.

You should go to GumGum. So 500? I just want to make sure he counts for it. You keep 200. Do you want 200? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to take 200? I thought I was keeping 100, but okay. If you have 200, each of us get 100. You can keep Gumbo's share. Thank you, GumGum. You won the game fair and square, so you should keep the majority. Good for you, GumGum. I would have done the same thing.

Bart uses his ring of truth telling on Kaibor. Rolling for deception. All right. Whenever everyone's ready to move on, there's an auction downstairs. I rolled a 31. I rolled a 5. And then we head down to the auction. Yeah, you all, like I said, there are stairs pretty close to the stage. And as you begin making your way down the stairs, you can hear like a murmuring of voices. Like it's louder and louder as you go down the stairs.

You go down and you enter a hall lined with emerald chandeliers, lily pad couches, and silver lined display cases. At the end of the hall, you see a short patchy-haired firbolg who seems to be auctioning off items to a small group of people who are out in front of him. We should work as a team. Oh, to, like, how do you, what do you mean? Us work as a team. We would all raise the price if we all just bid on it. I know, that's why we can't, we have to bid as one.

Okay, okay, so if one of us wants the item we communicate with the other guys We have one we have one better. Okay. What if it's what if it's art? It's it's Yeah, I'm grabbing at my shirt like I'm grabbing my nipples the Bargaining Hagelin Wait until you get it the suspenders Hagelin He got there

I knew the second you went like this what it was, but I just wanted to let you play it out. Yeah, I was just thinking, I don't think that's part of how auctioning works. Next item. The boots of kicking. I wonder what these do. These boots allow the wearer to kick objects twice as far. Do I hear 10 gold?

One of the other people who's downstairs raises their hand. Ten. Ooh, very good. Do I hear 20? I wouldn't mind the parity. So go for it. Okay. Tore Thor has made his way down. It says, ooh, 20. It won't fit you. I raise my hand. And say? 30. Ooh, 30. I have 30. Do I hear 40? Go.

Going once. Just like eBay. Oh, God, I up in it. Going twice. Why did I do this to myself? Sold to our Elvin friend for 30. It's only 30? Woo!

Good job with those boots. Don't need to package them. I'll wear them out of the store. I put them on right on stage. Before you can get up to stage, the auctioneer says, You, sir, meet me backstage after the auction. I will deliver them personally to you. What does this guy look like? I told you. Fairbalk. Patchy Fairbalk. Auctioneer? Is it Patchy Fairbalk? Does he have a name? Short Patchy Heard Furball. Does he have a name tag on? He has a name tag on that says Bunko. There he is. And nobody knew.

- I knew who this was, yet he's auctioning items in the bottom of the ship. - Does he have any facial hair? - All fear bugs, I'm sorry. - Yeah. - Can I grab at it? A little tug? - What are you doing? What are you doing? What is this moment you're creating? - As you reach up for him, you know, he grabs your hand and says, "Look, I know you know it's me. Just meet me backstage after lunch." - Okay, all right, hey, wink.

Oh, I get it. You know, I don't know this guy. Next item of forbid, the waste of space. We already got three of those. A plain looking yet oversized cummerbund. It allows the wearer to teleport to any place within 30 feet once. Will only teleport the wearer and any items they are carrying. How big is it?

Width wise, I'd say seven or eight inches. Then around, we'll say 40 inches. Just trying to make sure it's halfway friendly. When you say attached to, I'm just trying to figure out like... Like what you're... The wearer. Okay. So just pretty much one person. Yeah. Okay.

Once again, Torthor raises his hand. Ooh, 150.

Oh, do I hear 160? That's expensive. Bart taps his little spell book where it says dimension door in there. I raise my hand. Oh, 164 hour rich elven friend. Do I hear 170? Torthor narrows his eyes and looks at you. It's just not again. Not this time. Torthor cut it out. Torthor raises his hand. 170. Oh.

What battles are you fighting, Torthor? I raised my hand. 180. I raised my hand. I raised it. Torthor says, these will make me sneak up upon my enemies even quicker. You don't have any. You're rich and old. Old? Do I hear 190? 190!

190! 190 for our elven friend! Torthor says you can't keep up with me. 200. It's just a one-time use. Wait, ever? Or just per long rest? It's not one-time use. Oh, I thought you said you could do it once. Oh, within 30 feet once. Oh, yeah? Wait, so you use it once and that's it? And then it combusts? Uh, we'll say once per long rest. 205! 205 for our elven friend. That's an angry bitter.

Can't wait for something to come around that you really want and you just have no gold left because you're getting this cummerbund. The longbow of glory! The longbow of never misses. It is a one-time use. Like ever? Yeah. Stop bidding. I take it back. I take it back. Okay, well, we'll see. I know you bid that when I said the other way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where were we at? Were we at 200? Yeah. And for Torathor, right? He's only using it once ever. Yes. All right. 200 going once, going twice. Ah!

sold to our frode friend Torethor! -Duckers. -Stupid. -And that concludes the auction tonight. -Ah, just two items? -You joined partway through the auction. -Thank you everyone for joining. We will see you all next time, once we have replenished our inventory.

Sir, once I'm done with Torethor, if you and your friends could meet me backstage, I would deliver that item to you. Bunko is dealing with Torethor, taking his money and giving him his item. Of course, because Kyborg was raised in the woods and is kind of like a backwoods idiot on this fancy yacht, he does a snot rocket because he doesn't think that's... That's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, you know.

You guys go backstage and there's a small green room set up for Bunko. After a couple of minutes, Bunko comes back into the room and starts removing some of the makeup and the prosthetics he's got on. And you recognize your old friend, Bezler.

Who could have seen this coming? Well, look who it is again. Give him a little dap. What's up, Pesler? I assume you are here because Dr. Ahem sent you? Yeah, he said that you're on our side, I guess. So what do you got for us? Oh, yeah, he said you're working on a project. Thanks to the engineering efforts of Dr. Ahem and the supply chain of yours, truly, we have developed some upgrades for your equipment. Oh, my goodness.

We have these boots for you, Kyborg. For free. Are you having trouble kicking things? These equipment upgrades are tailor-made for each of you, but due to supply chain issues, I can only grant you one upgrade each. Who wants to hear their options first? Me.

I think a bird just flew by and made a noise as it went by. She saw the buzzer. But we can upgrade your ring of truth telling to a ring of truth zone. Not only would it give you advantage on insight checks, but once prolonged rest, you can cast zone of truth. What does that do? It's a good spell. Zone of truth is a spell that creates a magical zone that guards against deception.

And until that spell ends, creatures in the zone have to make a save or they cannot speak a deliberate lie. How big is the zone? A 15-foot radius sphere. Around wherever the ring is? Centered on the point of your choice within range. So within 60 feet. That the only upgrade available, feral Barty boy? You also have another option. We can upgrade your wand of magic detection to a wand of magical care. Not only would it allow you to detect magic three times,

but you could also expend a charge instead to cast Dispel Magic. What if y'all have something like that, right? He's got a little fourth level. Dispel. I have a spell. And lastly, we can upgrade your loot to a Loot of Levity. It would become a loot with three charges, and you can expend one charge as an action to play the instrument and cast one of the following spells.

Calm emotions or levitate. The loot would regain 1d3 expended charges daily at dawn. Let's upgrade the loot. The loot. And don't forget, in order to make this upgrade stick, you will have to do a special attunement to it.

What does that entail? You have to sleep with it. That's not an issue for Bart. You got to play through Bohemian Rhapsody from start to finish. Not too far off. In order to upgrade your loot to a loot of levity, you must make up a short song using the word levity in the lyrics. Right now? Right now. Whenever you're ready to start using it. Maybe we do our other upgrades and then we get back to you and then you can take this. Oh, I'm ready. Let's do a jam set now. Make me feel levity. Just make me feel levity.

-Hey, I like it. -Is that a John Muir song? -Yeah, she was singing Gravity. -Gravity. -Who would like to see their upgrade options next? -I'll go. -Guyborg, you also have three options. We could give you Elven Eye Rose. -Which would give you a plus two bonus to attack and damage roll made with these magic arrows.

which have three charges when you hit a target these magical arrows detect any dangerous creatures within range around the target and if there are any dangerous creatures within range of the arrow it'll emit a radar light beacon highlighting creatures that only you can see and it does extra damage you said plus two bonus to attack and damage rolls okay so if i shot at an enemy with one of these arrows it could detect if there's more enemies nearby like a radar right think of what's his face his arrows from overwatch

Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Very cool. Or you could target an item as well. Okay, yeah. What's that character? It's not Hanzo, is it? This is Hanzo, isn't it? Hanzo. Yeah. Next up, the Cloak of Manifolds. By the way, this is an upgrade to your Cloak of Many Fashions. Right.

This magical cloak has three charges. While wearing it, you can expend one charge as a bonus action to do one of the following for the duration. One minute. You can fabricate fashion so you can change the style, color, and apparent quality of the garment. The cloak's weight does not change. Regardless of its appearance, the cloak can't be anything but a cloak. Nice cloak.

Although it can duplicate the appearance of other magic cloaks, it does not gain their magic properties and you would get +1 to deception checks related to your appearance. Facsimile fashion, you can project an illusion that makes you appear to be standing in a place near your actual location, causing any creature to have disadvantage on attack rolls against you.

If you take damage, the property ceases to function until the start of your next turn. This property is suppressed while you are incapacitated, restrained, or otherwise unable to move. How far away can it project the thing with me? It just says near you. It would say within like five or ten feet. Think of Pokemon Double Team. Yeah. I was thinking of the hologram from Halo Reach. Oh, yeah. Then the last ability you would get is Fortify Fashion, and you can harden the exterior of the cloak's fabric and gain plus one bonus to AC and saving throws. That's pretty good.

-But again... -Full levity. -He's still playing on the tune. -Don't forget, it only has three charges and it can do any of those for one minute. Okay. The last upgrade is the multi-tool of Knockery. While using this magical multi-tool, you gain +2 to any dexterity or sleight of hand checks you make to disarm traps or open locks. The multi-tool includes a small file, lockpicks, narrow-bladed scissors, and a pair of pliers. For every three successful lockpicking checks, the multi-tool gains a charge for the spell Knock.

Uh, with the cloak thing, is that a bonus action? Yes, it is a bonus action. We're gonna go with the cloak! Ooh, and don't forget, you do have to attune yourself, much like you watch Bart. Do I have to sing a song? No, every item has a different attunement. Uh-huh. So if you want to attune yourself to the cloak, you must hand stitch, carve, or brand your initials into the color of the cloak with golden lettering. Yeah, okay, I do that. Yeah, sure. Do you have any thread? Do you have any gold thread that I can borrow? Uh, yeah, you can have it.

It's Kaidelius of Everwinter. Did we have a last name for my family? Crystallana of Everwinter? What would it just be? K-O-E? I think it's just of Everwinter. Yeah? Big K on it. Just do a big K. Just a big K. Who's next? I'll go. I feel like I'm going to be last. We have three options for you as well, Mud. An upgrade to your shield called the Shield of Fortifana. A shield? I do.

This magical shield has one charge. While holding the shield, you can expend one charge as a bonus action by speaking the command phrase, Protect Target, O Great Beast. This will cause it to animate into the face of a beast of your choosing, then leap into the air and hover in a space of your choosing to protect the target as if wielding without any hands. Hmm. Hmm.

We have an upgrade to your signet ring, turning it into a ring of familiar bond. As an action, you can perform the bind familiar ritual while you and your chosen familiar are wearing this pair of rings. Afterwards, you gain the service of the bound creature as a familiar and they retain the statistics of their normal form. Your familiar acts independently of you, but it always obeys your commands to the best of its abilities. Your familiar can take part in combat, but only as a bonus action within your initiative role.

Otherwise, when initiative is rolled for combat, the familiar takes this as an order to retreat to a safe distance until the danger has been dealt with. While your familiar is within 60 feet of you, you can communicate with it telepathically. The ring has two charges. You can expend a charge to either sense through your familiar's senses until the start of your next turn or grant your familiar 10 temporary hit points for one minute.

And the last upgrade option is Mud's Totem of Restoration. This droidic totem has two charges and takes the shape of any creature you desire and acts as a spell casting focus. You can expend one charge as a bonus action to cast Healing Spirit or Lesser Restoration.

Defense or offense or healing? The druid trifecta. Familiar is not just offense. It's also utilitarian. Yeah. Isn't that what it is? Isn't that like an upgrade to gumbo, essentially? Yeah, kind of. Oh, I thought it was you could just latch it on to whatever and then it becomes your familiar because... You could do that, but he could use it for... There's a lot you can do with familiars. Are you in a poly relationship with gumbo? Are you able to see other familiars? Is that how you view pets? What?

As his lover? Yeah. The owner of a dog and two cats is asking me that? I only have eyes for Dutch. What if your cats hear this? Yeah. They don't listen to this show.

That's why I don't love them. Let's, yeah, let's do the, I've been getting rid of healing spells just because it's been less of a need, but it'd be nice just to have it as a bonus action. So I'll just, I'll do the totem restoration. Okay, and again, before you can use this item, you do have to attune yourself to it. Doesn't mean you have to do it now, just at some point before you use the item, you have to do this. And the attunement for the totem, you must spend one minute without clothes, humming and communing with the totem. Go ahead, Mudd.

Get to it yourself. Do you want me to play you a beat in the background? Levit-y.

Uh, sure. I guess I'll be doing that in my alone time. What if we get into a battle? You need to do it now. I ain't gonna use it. What if pirates attack? You need that totem. That leaves Gum Gum. Hi. You have three options as well. Think carefully about these. We have an upgrade for your battle axe, turning it into a balancing axe. On a hit, the wielder can choose one of the following as a bonus action.

Force the target to make a dexterity saving throw or be knocked back up to 10 feet in a direction of your choice, or take the disengage action, which means you could move out of combat without taking an attack of opportunity. - We have an upgrade to your staff of flowers, turning it into a staff of friendly flowers. - In addition to conjuring flowers, if the wielder is offering a conjured flower as a gift to a creature, they can cast friends once per long rest. - And your final upgrade, bonding friendship bracelets.

These rose-colored iron manacles have heart-shaped bindings. When two creatures are bound together, the chain can magically extend up to 60 feet, and the wielder can cast Warding Bond once per short rest. Can he, like, throw it at someone? Like, get over here! Uh, no, it's after they're bound together. Okay. Okay, so the friends, refrigeration, I get advantage on charisma checks at a creature that isn't hostile towards me. Mm-hmm.

Okay, it's and I do that once per how often with this? Once per long rest. Once per long rest, I can cast that spell. And then with the friendship bracelets, what was it again? It would allow you to cast a warding bond once per short rest. So basically, it creates a connection between you and the target. And as long as you're within 60 feet of each other, which you would have to be because of the friendship bracelets, it gains plus one bonus to AC and saving throws and has resistances to all damage.

Also, each time it takes damage, you take the same amount of damage. Because like it bonds you two. Resistance to all damage? Yeah. What does that mean? It takes half damage. It's like when you're raging, you're resistant to bludgeoning, slashing, piercing. That's cool. It's like

It's like a way to protect someone. And you said that they stretch out to 60 feet? Or the spell does? The chain magically extends up to 60 feet. So once you friendship bracelet someone with this, it can extend up to 60 feet if you want. How often can I do that? Or is there a limit on it? Or is it... You can bound with the bracelet as much as you want, but you can only use the warding bond feature once per short rest. Okay. I think...

I kind of want the friendship bracelets. I think they're cool. Go for it. I'll do the friendship bracelets. Arguably your most used item. Bonding friendship bracelets. And don't forget, you need to attune yourself to these gum gum. Do I just friendship bracelet myself? No, you must skip gleefully for 10 minutes with a friend while both of you are wearing friendship bracelets. Okay. That just sounds like fun. Who's your friend? You are my friend. Who wants to skip? You can sing your song and we can skip. Stay the hell away from me.

It's still going. What makes this gum gum? This heart gem. Skip. You know, my body's naked humming to his totem. And you're sewing. I'm just doing sewing. Your brother comes downstairs and is like, okay. Just some sort of weird fugue state going on down here in this auction house. Love it. All right, now get the hell out of here. I need my beauty sleep. I guess we would probably proceed back up to the deck. Yeah, you're going to head back up to the main deck where the barbershop

The bar and sump bar and all the different NPCs? Yeah. Yeah, you head back up and it seems like activity here on the main deck is dying down a little bit. A voice bellows all across the ship. Attention, guest and crew. We have just crossed the border into Witherveins and en route to Babayu. Please, gather your belongings and proceed to the main deck for departure. Hermine, serve centavos, por favor.

A curly mist rolls in from the east, shrouding the ship and your vision. Welcome to Babayu. Sorry, I wasn't even listening. We're in Babayu. We're in Babayu. Yeah, and a curly mist rolls in from the east, shrouding the ship and your vision. Is this all planned?

What was that? Are we in the swamps? I was like, is this a third language? You see Clay at the port side of the ship unfurling a gangplank onto a nearby dock. I guess we're leaving. Yeah. All right. Disembark. Yeah, disembark. Slowly because it's misty and I don't want to fall off the plank and into the water. Misty step. Does everyone disembark? Oh, I think I do.

Sure. Oh, I say bye to Maximus. He might be getting off too. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure we'll run into each other again, little one. Okay. Little one. How does it feel now? Awful. You climb down the glossy gangplank onto the dock and suddenly the curling mist dissolves. Before your eyes, the landscape opens up to a mesmerizing marsh swath in dripping trees, fireflies, wildlife chirping and croaking all around and rippling rivers of water babbling by.

Welcome to the land of weathervanes and to our hometown, Babayu.

Thank you. Well, thank you, Gum-Gum. Yay. Come, we shall make our way to Bramble Castle to see... Oh, does anyone smell that? Sorry. Suddenly, Clay's legs are yanked out from beneath him. With lightning speed, you see something like yellow slime dragging him by the legs away from the docks towards the wall. Mud! Mud, help me! Brother, help me! Mud!

Mud, are you going to help your brother? Maybe you can help him in the next episode of Tug Tale from the Stinky Dragon. Is that sludge? Is it the return of sludge? It's sludge. It's sludge. I can tell by the silence. Sludge is great, great, great. Mud! All right. Thanks for listening, everyone. Bye. Bye-bye, you.