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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.
This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Good day to you dire trolls! Stomp on in to the stinky dragon and vibe our latest bev, Swift Kick to the cannibals! It's a mixture of lemon slime sherbet, one can of bite claw, crushed grape soda, topped with maraschino fairies. One swig of this gargantuan gut rot, you'll no longer be fed up with people. Previously, our adventurers infiltrated the twisting tunnels of the taboolean lair.
After facing off with some formidable foes and torturous traps, they finally found a few familiar imprisoned pies. But can they rescue the rest from Quadrant's clutches before life and limb are lost? Or will they pay the ultimate cost? Grab hold of your hooch and scooch on in, because it's time for this tale of Armageddon. Armageddon
Grabbing onto my hooch. Here we go. There was like a missing rhyme there. It was like an Armageddon or Armageddon to begin. I don't know. You're setting up for a rhyme. And I was like, nevermind. No, just me. Only knows. I just was, I was too focused on hooch. So we're, we're, we're living in the, uh, the pun of Armageddon. Oh, okay. Sorry. I, we just had this, this back and forth with my computer. So if we're going against, uh,
Quadrant, who is a robot, I'm really going to put my heart and soul into this fight because I'm not happy with machines this morning, guys. You're going to take out your frustration on him? Yep. Is Quadrant all machine or is Quadrant cyborg? Oh, we might have to find out this episode, won't we? He's pure evil, John. He's pure evil. It's not Quadrant. It's M'ra. M'ra.
And what's going on with that? Yeah, so is Umrah and Qadrin the same? Yeah, arm. It sounds like it is the same. I think we figured out it's arm backwards and that these Tabulians are worshipping him because I think he's cutting off arms of people or pies in particular and giving them to him. Yeah, if you're an entire race of individuals that don't have arms and you find this guy who has a plethora of arms, it makes sense to be like, ooh, umrah.
In the kingdom of blind men, the six-eyed man is king. Yeah. Is that how that goes? That's exactly how it goes. Is that like a Bible verse? Okay, so you open the large stone door to a cavernous sandstone hall bathed in firelight. You see rows and rows of tabooians bowing toward a raised stone dais in the center of the room, surrounded by a pool of green fluid.
But some of the Tabulians look different. Half of them are no longer limbless serpents with wings. Now some have glowing orange arms. To the north, you can see a cave mouth shaped like a fang maw. And out from the mouth, a towering figure slinks from the darkness onto the dais. The Tabulians continue chanting, "Mmm, rah!"
Firelight flickers across the metallic body of Quadrant. He smiles wide and raises forearms, pushing the crowd. My fellow Tabulians have just spoken with the Great Outer, and I come bearing good tidings.
The time has finally come when we no longer cower in the shadow's shame. The great cloud has shown favor on us and granted us the power to reach. Quadrant's right eye shimmers and radiates with an orange light. The crowd cheers and raises their fists.
With these arms, we will take back what is ours. Our Draconic honor, our homeland to Tora, and the arms of our oppressors.
Bring forth the tributes! Out from the Fangmouth come four squadrons escorting a line of pies chained up together. You recognize Chick, Kara, and Ludie among the prisoners. They're all dragged up toward the stone dais. The last pie in the line is much shorter, paler, and has red eyes. You recognize her as Pat Ernst. The quadrant looks down at the prisoners and says, Thank you so much for volunteering. We appreciate you supporting our cause with such...
open arms. The squadrons yank on the chains and all the prisoners fall to the ground prone with their arms outstretched. The quadrant unsheathes an arm plated arm holding it high. Let the Armageddon begin.
Well, lucky for you guys, nobody has noticed you all enter the room yet. So you all get a little surprise action to figure out what it is you're going to do here. Bursting Arrow! Yeah, I think I...
I think Bard is still invisible. I think Mud had cast Pass Without a Trace before we went in, correct? Yes. Also disguised himself so I look like a Tabulian. I guess without arms, right? Because you hadn't really seen the with arm ones yet. Mud takes a look around the room and then adds arms to his disguise.
How many Tabulians are there? There's quite a few Tabulians. They're, you know, in rows facing up toward the dais. If you had to make a guess, I'd say you'd estimate that there's probably like 20. Hmm.
The odds are against us. I feel inclined to try diplomacy before just jumping into action. There is no diplomacy with Quadrin. Well, I meant more with like the Tabulians. I wish the audience could have seen Blaine's face when he said that. He looked so disgusted and so just like, how dare you even suggest diplomacy? I don't even know you, mud. They're clearly a misled group.
And I put more fault into Quadrant than the Tabulians. If I'm going to be pragmatic about this. I'm going to put some arrows into Quadrant. You can do that. I'm not defending Quadrant here. Bad guy. Lots of arms. Bad guy. I'm worried that...
There's just too many of them, and Quadrant's probably too powerful if we try to attack. So like, the question is here, do we try to like make a distraction and save the prisoners? Do we try to like just go for Quadrant? Like, I don't know what to do here. As much as I want to feel Quadrant's blood on my hand,
And a prosthetic hand. No, I think we should try to get them in and fight another day. Because I'm all out of lucky feats. I got an idea. Mud nudges Gum-Gum. Yeah. And says, Gum-Gum, these are your friends. They are my friends. These are your people. They are my people. You've got to help them. So...
This is your moment. Go gum gum. How far away are they? So you all enter through a door that's kind of to the south of the room. So you enter from like kind of the southwest corner of the room and the room opens up in front of you. The first group of Tabulians is probably not that far away. We'll say 20 feet. But the space going on to the dais is a little further beyond that. We'll call it like 40, 45 feet or so. In Tabulians,
Are there any, like, of those warp gates? Just those really, really convenient portals to another land?
Oh, the Immerse Gateway? No, you do not see any Immerse Gateways, but you do see that entrance at the center northern portion of the room where the prisoners were brought out from. And is that also where Quadrant is? Quadrant's on the dais kind of in the center of the room, so like 40, 45 feet away or so. A little bit of a theater in the round is what he's doing? Yeah, kind of. It's rectangular, but yeah, yeah, that's the same idea. So box theater then? Yeah. Yeah.
I smack Gum-Gum's butt. Okay. I feel like we should try to, like, go around the, like, side of the walls to where the prisoners are on the other side and get them back out that door and escape. Yeah. So just to Barbara's point, the prisoners were dragged out of that door to the north, but they have been brought up to the dais with Quadrant kind of in the middle of the room.
They've been forced to kneel there. And we already blew our sending stone text, right? Our phone friend? Yeah, and I don't know if we have time to, like, telephone. The idea here is that this is supposed to be a surprise round, not that you would have necessarily time to send a message and get one back. Got it. Bart's invisible and has passed without a trace. If Bart, while Gum-Gum does some of his charismatic charisma, wants to, like, try to get to the prisoners and do a little bit of sneaky sneaky. Yeah, I was just going to say, like...
if I tug on one of them while invisible, is that going to like freak them out? Or is that going to be like, oh, maybe it's a sign. Does Chick know you? Does Chick know you? I mean, we met, we all met Chick back in Pius Pass when we broke her shop and stole a bunch of stuff. I think, I think we got to take out, I think we got to take our move. Like this is a surprise move. John, you're to bully and,
in disguise, so you go play a counter and try and convince other Kabooleans to go along with it. Bart, you're invisible. You grab the... Get the captives out of the way. I'll be distraction...
Blaine, you do... You have... Kyborg. Kyborg, you go after Quadrant or take his eye or something. I don't know. Wait, what? No, we got to pick one of the... Like, here. Gum, gum. If you can convince the Tabulians to... Turn on Quadrant. Turn on Quadrant. That's what we can do here. What I'm saying is you're a Tabulian dressed up, so you can be like, yeah, he makes sense. Okay, so I... Then Mud tries to, like...
Join the back of the crowd and be one of the Tabulians. You, what's your name? I don't think you speak what they speak. Are they speaking common or draconic? Draconic, bro. They're speaking common right now. Okay. Because Quadrant's here. Quadrant don't speak draconic. You know, you gotta... Right, right. My name is...
Fizzle sticks. Oh, fizzle sticks. Are you as excited as we are to see Umrah unleash the Armageddon? Yes. Look at my new arms. They're so orange and cool, aren't they? Oh, you're so lucky. What did you do to earn your arms so quickly from Umrah? I won a spelling bee. LAUGHTER
Oh, the greatest of us all. They begin bowing to you. A little worm bow. I spelt all the words. Make a deception check just for fun. A what check? Deception. Okay. I like the shock in your voice. A what?
I'm using inspiration dice. That was a nine. That was a five. I mean, that was a six. It got worse. Nine. All right. I'm going to go ahead and roll their insight here. Lucky for you, they're not the brightest people. I clearly should have advantage, though, because I'm dressed like them and I got cool arms. Dude, I'm looking at my spell slots and all that stuff. I ain't got nothing. This is why we have to do this.
They also get a nine. Oh, okay. Cool. So I'll give that to you. Ty goes to the runner. Why don't you have arms? Oh, were you bad this year?
It's several of them. They're kind of grouped up together. Oh, none of us have been deemed worthy yet. We're hoping to reach for our arms today. That would be great. Is there an area that's opposite, like the other direction where I could distract them? The back of the thing? Yeah, sure. Why not? Okay. Also, should we roll initiative just for like a turn order in this scenario? Do you think? I'm going to kind of give everyone one shot to do something. I'll go around the horn here and then we'll start initiative. Right, exactly. Okay.
So that was pretty much mud, and now Gum-Gum, what were you going to do? Well, if I'm going to distract, then I want to go to wherever that raised area that's opposite of where the front of the thing is, where the captives are. So to the center of the room, to the dais? Well, no, opposite it, so that their attention would be turned the other direction. Oh, so like the very south wall then? Yeah. Okay. I want to...
go there and i want to take a little of my exploding jelly and throw it up so it like makes a poof a little does that make sense what's it gonna explode with i just throw it up against the ceiling just a little bit little like oh gotcha gotcha okay not a lot very little just enough to get attention okay and then once everyone's looking at the explosion hello
Jesus. What was that? Bart, why didn't we go? I am Gum-Gum, the great wizard. And I tell you, there is another way to get your arms. A magical way. And I can do it and help you all achieve Armageddon without the Geddons. Just arms. I have already done so, my friends. If you know of Otak and Ostrich, they have already gotten their arms.
Without violence. Ooh, calling back to actual names. It's an interesting tactic. Go ahead and make me a deception check as well, but I'll give you advantage for referencing their compatriots. Okay, I'll do this. Come on. I really wasn't on the board before, but you got to do it. You got to. 21. Ooh.
That's really good. And a five. I'm gonna go with the 21. We'll go with the 21. All right. Good choice. You're probably gonna beat them, but let's see what they roll. Ooh, they got like a 16. Lucky for you. Some of the Tabulians in your area lean in a little closer. If you want, we can say that's everything you've done for now and I can keep moving. Yeah. Bart or Kyborg, does any of you have an idea for what you all want to do?
Is there anything dangling above Quadrin? Like a big exploding chandelier or some exploding barrels? A chandelier made of C4. Yeah, so the dais is surrounded by a green liquid similar to what you saw in the lake, that corrosive stuff that kind of damaged you all as you swam through it. And yeah, sure, why not? We'll say it's an unfinished ceiling and there's a couple of stalactites up above the dais.
I mean, team? I mean, GumGum's doing his thing. In D&D terms, can Kyborg do a ready a strike? Yeah, you could. That being said, it would not proc during the surprise round, so it basically would waste your surprise round, and you could activate it during once initiative rolls, because everyone gets one action right now for a surprise.
I feel like we just went into this dialogue and all this stuff, so it's going to really throw Gum-Gum's plan for a loop if I act and shoot Quadrant, you know? I think a great action for Kyborg is actually withholding action because that's character growth.
I'm looking through if I have anything. Didn't even hear. Right over his head. Right over. I thought you were going to say something like, I think forgiveness is the right action. No, no, no. Don't forgive Qyborg. No, no, no. What a twist. What a twist in the arc. I mean, Quadrant. Don't forgive Quadrant. Well, I wonder what Gus and Micah would do if Blaine was like, you know what? Qyborg's going to forgive Quadrant.
And let bygones be bygones. Well, that would require Quadrant to also accept it and change his ways. Is this the boss fight? Is this the boss fight? Is this happening? I don't know. Don't think of it like video games. Don't think of it like video games. Well, because I have the longbow of crystallina, so if I have the opportunity, I can switch my bow over. Oh, do that. The thing is, though, is if... Because if I claim that Quadrant is...
with the longbow, I can do this thing where I deem him my enemy or whatever, my nemesis. But if I do that, then I get disadvantage on everything that doesn't go against Quadrant. So if we are not facing Quadrant for the final time right now, then I'm going to mess myself up for, what, 10 days? That's just a... You announce it, right? So that's not even a...
a turn thing that's just like a free action no but switching his weapon yeah but you don't have to announce do it do it so i have to say forever winter the target of your attack becomes your sworn enemy until it dies or until seven days later uh you can only have one such enemy at a time when your sworn enemy dies you can choose a new one don't overthink just do all right fine i'm switching over to the bow of crystallina and then i'm i'm just got an arrow trained on quadrants
Okay. Do I have to scream "forever winter" or can I mumble it under my breath so the bow gets the idea? You can whisper it gently to the bow. Uh, okay, okay. I say, "forever winter." I do it cooler, I do it, I do it. "Forever winter."
And I have an arrow trained on it. Kyborg's growling at his bow. Yeah, I'm calling that canon as you did both. No, I need to do that again. Bart, what's up? How far...
is this center dais thing from us? - You came in the door in the southwest corner, the dais is in the center. It's kind of a diagonal northeast from you. We'll say it's between 40 to 45 feet or so. And don't forget, there is that green pool of liquid that's kind of in a semi-circle along the southern edge. So if you want it to get to the dais from where you are, you have to go north kind of around the pool and approach it from the north.
Okay. So there's no like stairs or like bridges. It's like a moat. Yeah, it's almost like a moat. You'd have to go up to the northern wall and then kind of head southeast from there to get around it. You could try jumping over it. At its thinnest, it's five feet across. At its thickest, it's 10 feet across. I'll go.
- I'll go try to get onto the center there and jump over so I don't have to go all the way around. - So to do that, it's from the Southern edge is the thinnest. We'll say it's about five feet across. - Okay, I'm gonna try to do that. - So you're gonna head over from the South
So the south is also where Gum-Gum is, so that actually works to your advantage, because every Tabulian there in the southern portion has turned around and is facing south to see Gum-Gum's distractions, so you'd be able to jump, even though you're invisible and pass it out of the trace. No one's actually looking in the direction for this moment where you're doing this. Mm-hmm. So go ahead and make an athletics check to see if you can jump the five feet over. All right. Oh, thank God, 17. Nice.
Oh, curses. It rolled from a four to a 14. And I was like, oh, fuck.
We were kind of hoping you would jump and wouldn't roll so well. Just a big splash. How dare. Yeah, you are able to jump across. It's not very big, but in your mind, it's bigger than it actually is, but you managed to... How deep is it? You don't know. Okay. Because it's like an opaque green liquid you can't really see to the bottom. Okay. But yeah, you jump across to the dais and land on there. Is there anything else you want to do? I guess technically you would get one action and movement. We'll say you moved here, so yeah, you could still do something if you wanted to. Okay. Um...
Question for the team. I could attempt to use Polymorph on Quadrant and change him into a different thing and push him in to the green liquid. Because I feel like this guy's a big guy and probably wouldn't. As cool as that sounds, man, there's no world in which he fails that roll because he has such crazy modifiers. Like, didn't we try to do something to him in the last encounter in the flashback? And he just like...
i don't know what are you guys saying i think it also that doing that spell would break my invisibility right guys polymorph is a concentration spell so yes yeah would it give away your position could you cast it in like if we pass it then hey it works if not then no one knows just to clarify for how the spells work remember invisibility just gives you advantage on your stealth check so your invisibility would drop but you still do have pass without a trace which is giving you a plus 10 to your stealth so even though you would lose advantage you would
you would still have plus 10 on at what percent of quadrant's body is metal would we say it looks like all of it because i also do have heat metal which would maybe hurt him a lot i see the gears turning in barbara's head i just like i guess it's like what direction do we go and do we try to take him out i'm on team gum gum right now that's where that's where mud is okay um i'm gonna cast heat metal on quadrant
Okay. I was going to just to clarify and like give a little more description specifically for this, Barbara. It does appear that he is all metal with the exception of his four eyes, you know, his three regular eyes and then his glowing orange eye. His eyes do not appear to be metal, just for clarification.
Okay. I took that other eye. He has four eyes. Yeah. Just to be clear, if you cast Heat Metal right now, you just walked right up to him and then cast a spell and you're right next to him. Yeah, I know. I mean, I gotta do something here. I'm gonna actually try to tug at the prisoners and try to lead them away. Okay. We are all so on edge, man. This is rough. Pretty much the only direction you can go off the dais is north. Like I said, the other sides are surrounded by...
that green liquid. So you want to try to tug them and pull them back to the north? You're trying to go back out that exit to the north or west or east around the liquid? What do you think? Probably the exit to the north. Okay, so you start kind of tugging on them to the north. Yeah, and I maybe go, come with me. Come with me if you want to live. Come with me if you want to live. Yeah, yeah, I hear that from a distance. I go, yeah, yeah, that's cool. Ha ha ha!
Alright, now that everyone has taken like a little surprise action here, everyone just go ahead and roll initiative so we can get things in order here. 16. 17. 11. 14. We see Gus roll 20 d20s or whatever. 20 d20s. That's true. So just to clarify, Bart was 17, Gum Gum was 14, Kyborg was 11, and Mud was 16? Yeah. Thank you. Should I use my lucky? Why? Why?
I thought you were out. I have one left. I got one. Don't use it for an initiative role. I just want to be the first to shoot. Man, if it hadn't been for Miranda Lorien, I'd have literally all of my things. That exploding arm cannon thing and a bunch of cool arrows. Whose fault is that?
Yeah. You put a bunch of enemies in front of a boss battle. You give us a save point. You give us a checkpoint before the boss battle does. You got to stop thinking about this like a video game. It's hindering you. Yeah. You can't. You're like, if only the non-playable character hadn't forced me to use all my good stuff to hit all the buttons on D&D Beyond. All the buttons. I just thought it would be funny. All right. So if, you know, last episode is going to be real funny. You're welcome for my sacrifice. Where we all die. Yeah.
That's this episode that we all die. The thing is that, Blaine, you're complaining to, like, Barbara and I, who are spellcasters, and we play the game all the time of having to, like, figure out how to slowly use our spell slots, you know, strategically, so we don't get to the end of stuff and don't have any spell slots. You're right. Give me your spells. Give me your spells. Give me your archival. I cast...
I cast Call Lightning on Kyborg. No, no, no, no, no. Give me a spell slot. I need this. I cast Polymorph on Kyborg and turn him into a goldfish. When it gets to your arc, all right, then I'll give you whatever you need, but I need this. I cast Conjure Animals. Eight cows fall on Kyborg. No, no, no.
- Okay, I'm finally done rolling my 35 initiative rolls over here. Bart, make me a stealth check, just because you're close to everyone and you're moving prisoners now. - With advantage though, right?
With advantage, yes. And also an additional plus 10 because of Pass Without a Trace. Yes. So 34. Hell yeah. How is it 34? Because she rolled a 24. 24 plus 10 without a trace. Pass Without a Trace. How is your stealth modifier plus 10? Oh my god. No, no, no.
Wait, is your stealth modifier plus 10? Oh, are you proficient in it? Yes. I mean, my stealth is just plus 10. Yeah, that's what it is. What's your dex? My dex is plus...
seven on saving throws and plus four on uh checks so it's 18 in total wait wait i guess like what number are you asking for my what's your dexterity like what's your dexterity what's your dang i was i was looking at the wrong character sheet and it didn't make sense i clicked over to your character sheet and it makes sense now barbara that's why i was like i was looking at the wrong character now i look at it i see all the numbers add up that is correct yeah wow crazy that is impressive all right 24 hey well just for fun i'm gonna roll i think this is an impossible role for me but uh
I'm going to check anyway. 34. This is, yeah, definitely impossible for me. Yeah, there's no way. I rolled 2d20 and I still didn't get to 34. Yeah, my performance and my stealth are my highest modifiers. So if we ever need sneaky boys, it is I. Marcus the guy. My highest one is my animal handling. Ha ha ha.
So Bart, you were up there on the dais and you're kind of pulling the prisoners away. You're kind of close to Quadron and there's like four squadrons around him. They don't seem to take note of you as you're pulling the prisoners away. They do all, however, notice Gum-Gum and their eyes are on him right now in the southern end of the room. They are familiar with you guys. So two of the squadrons that are up there decide they want to do something about Gum-Gum being down there in the south. What are they going to do? So it's their turn right now, mine yet? Correct.
I just had you make a check because you're up there and close to them to make sure that they weren't going to notice you and attack you. Okay. So yeah, the two of the squadrons that are up there see Gum-Gum to the south and they say... Destroy all humanoids. And they both fire... It's very casual. They're cold, emotionless. They both fire lances out toward the south from their robotic bodies. Towards Gum-Gum, hitting AC...
10 and 18. So I assume the 18 is a hit? 18 is a hit. Lance comes flying across the room and hits you, Gum-Gum, doing 15 points of damage.
Okay. Bart, it is your turn. And then after Bart is Mud. Chris is very broken up about that. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading Chris wrong, but I was thinking that it seems like we're just in full-on battle now and that the opportunity for, like, talking is gone. Well, that's up to you guys. The squadrons and quadrant are definitely against you guys. Okay. Okay.
Chris was treating with the Tabulians. So, I mean, that's TBD. From your perspective, you don't necessarily know. Okay, yeah, fair enough. Who threw the thing at Gum-Gum? One of the squadrons that's up there on the dais. How many squadrons are there? Four. There's four on the dais next to Quadron. Goodness. Really quick, John, if you act like your arms fall off and, like, it's all a cheat and that
quadrant screwing them over then you can turn them against because you're still a thing right yeah yeah i got you i got you but it is part's turn right now yeah yeah yeah sorry sorry could i uh try to walk away from the dice with the prisoners towards the door now yeah you absolutely can start doing that all eyes are on that little uh that little wizard boy yeah so i tug at their little chain
Just to clarify, I believe we said earlier, pulling them out to the north, which is the closest exit where they came from. Yeah, I guess. Do we want to bring them where they came from? But if it's an exit, it's an exit. So, yeah, the only other option would be the one to the southwest, which is kind of far. You'd have to make them jump over the liquid like you did. And I don't think they could make it. They're all chained up. Yeah, I'll take them to the north. OK, yeah. You begin moving them. Make another...
So you can make a stealth check. They're going to have to make one independent of you. Okay. That just means that, and honestly, metagame wise, most likely it's going to be noticed that they're being moved, but you probably will not be noticed yourself. Okay. I'll make a stealth check. 29. I guess you might don't have to do another one. No, but you still have the plus 10 as well for passive auto trace. Cause that's still up. So 39. 39. Okay. Yeah. Uh,
It's ridiculous. Yeah, you begin leading the prisoners away out to the door to the north. Is there anything else you want to do? You get pretty close, just FYI. With your full movement, you're pretty much at the door after this move. So if I cast Minor Illusion, I don't see that that's a concentration component. So am I able to cast a Minor Illusion and still keep my invisibility? So invisibility says the spell ends for a target that attacks or casts a spell. Okay.
But this is a cantrip. But it's still casting a spell. It's still a spell. Yeah. Normally a spell would drop if you have to cast something that's like concentration, but cantrips are still classified as spell. So if you cast a cantrip, invisibility ends. Okay. Well, if I'm going to break my invisibility, I'd want to do it with something a little more, uh, meaningful. So could I, now that we have moved off the platform, could I cast cloud of daggers over the, uh,
- Yes. - And I'm gonna do it at the third level. - I don't like that. All right, so you're gonna cast it on the dais. Let's see, we got quadrant, we got some squadrons. And how big is the cube that it fills? - I think it's a five foot cube.
- Five foot cube. - But the range is 60 feet. - Yeah, yeah. I'm just trying to figure out how many enemies you'd be able to hit. Who do you want to center it? I assume you want to get Quadrant in it? - Yeah. - Okay, I'll say you'd be able to get Quadrant and one of the squadrons that was next to him. We'll say the one that successfully attacked Gum-Gum. - What about the other squadrons? How close are they together? - So it's kind of like Quadrant in the middle and then two squadrons on one side and two squadrons on the other side. They're each grouped up together.
Okay. I think I'd rather hit two of the squadrons. Sure. Would you rather hit the two that have act or the two that have not acted? I'll take the ones that have acted. Okay. Go ahead and roll your damage on them. Oh, here we go. 16. 16.
So yeah, a cloud of daggers appears on one side of the dais, engulfing two of the squadrons, which have already acted. And yeah, they do take damage from that and they flail around a little bit, kind of trying to squat the daggers away from them. Sparks are flying off of their body as the daggers are slashing into them. And that's it for Barty Boy.
All right. Mud, you're up. Then after Mud is Gum Gum. Mud slaps his knee and casts Guidance on himself. Yeehaw. Real knee slapper. Woo. And turns to the Tabulians and says... That doesn't break your... Does not. Okay. This guy's self is not a concentration spell. Wait, Tabulians have knees? Sorry. Okay. Then I guess I slap my... His bend. Torso.
And I say, oh, I've heard of that man, that Gum-Gum. He's actually, I heard he's the man who found our ancient relic that actually gives us our true form without the help of anything that this, whatever his face, Quadrant, if that's what his real name is, is selling us. I think he actually is on the up and up.
- I like this, I like this. I like where this is going. Make a deception check, Mud. - One. Nat, 20. - Nice. - Which is a 19. - 19. That's pretty good. Let's roll some insight for them. - I like the cut of this guy's jib. - They rolled a three on their insight check. So they're definitely hanging on you every ward. What was that, D4? Was that a mistake? - That was my guidance.
Oh, oh, oh, oh. So it's even higher then. 23. Okay, gotcha. They begin murmuring amongst each other. Oh, really? The true form? No need for Armageddon? No. The Tabulians are very interested in what it is you're saying right now, Mud. I feel like we should be on his side and helping him out. This guy seems to be attacking this guy who has the way to our true form.
Oh, interesting. Interesting. The enemy of my friend is my enemy. Right? I mean, our true form. Like, it's where that's our friend. Can I respond to that? No, wait. And then I drop the arms from my disguised self. Can I do that? No.
Yeah, if you want. Even the arms that I got from Quadrant aren't even permanent. That's not even our true form. This guy is full of lies. Umrah is full of lies. Umrah is full of lies. Umrah is full of lies. Umrah is full of lies.
Shocking. What a turn. Yeah, the Tabulians are fully invested and they're starting to chant along with you. Vive la revolution! Can I respond to that? I'm going to wait until your turn, Gum-Gum. Mud, is there anything else you want to do or are you happy with that turn?
Yeah, I just start really shaking with curiosity because I don't have arms anymore, so I can't do anything. Okay, so then Gum-Gum, it's your turn, then Kyborg, you're after that. Okay. Well, I want to have raised my arm like I cast the daggers. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Do not attack me or you'll be destroyed. It is all true. Your so-called Umrah is...
Wrong. He's deceiving. That's too clever for Gum Gum. No, it's just simple enough.
He's deceiving you. He plans to use all of you for his own evil plans. The real arms you look for do not come from Umrah and his evil magic. It comes from within you. Umrah is the friendship you had along the way. And then I hold up the potion or the blood that we got from...
Otak, you know, whenever he... Here, this elixir is the beginning of a new... Of a new... Beginning? A new beginning where all of you can grow arms and then begin your new life. But first, you must turn away from the evil lies of... Mra... Mra...
So you're just holding the bottle up? Yeah, I show it to them and then I will... Well, yeah, I want to try and persuade them all to turn... Like, the only way is to turn on him and show him for who he really is and take him down. Okay. Yeah, just... You know, I've been... I had Mud do the same thing. I need you to make me a deception check. Okay. Is that deception or persuasion? Deception, because you are lying. I mean, there's some truth in this word. There's truth in that. Yeah.
There's some truth in that. Um, actually. There is. Well, what would you say is wrong or a lie? You don't know that necessarily Umrah is leading them astray. And you are not. You don't have a way to give them arms. Well, I might. I have an idea. No, you don't. The potion...
- But they drank it all over it or Mud drank it and then they sucked Mud's blood to get it out. - But then I got his blood. - But you don't know that the blood necessarily can work that way. - Well, I'm gonna use my inspiration die on that one. 'Cause I'm so glad you have an inspiration die. You rolled a six. - That's an 11. - 11, a little better. - Oh, but I also have a butt slap. - Yeah, you do. - Yeah. - You just slap his butt. - What dice is that? - D4. - You can have multiple butt slaps going, Mud. - Let's say yeah.
- So that's 13. - It's not much added to it. - So 13. - 13, okay, let's see. I'm gonna roll. Their insight is at a minus one here. So you would want this to be 14 or less.
Seven. Yes. Yes. Even without us cheating, we win. Yeah, they begin chanting, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum. And then I guess I'll rage. Okay. Seems like a good time for it. Yeah. I'll see what that does. Wow.
- Wow. Gum Gum establishing that relationship back in Pius' past was actually worth something. Like, we're all like, "You dummy." - It always comes back around. - Yes. - Yeah. - Look at this go. - I'm honestly shocked. I thought it was a waste of time, but yeah, having those names and the blood, it's working out. - Yeah.
It was all part of our genius plan, Gus. Yes. So I teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space. I can see. So where would be the place where I could teleport that would have the biggest, like... Get right up in Quadrant's face, maybe, so you can do barbarian stuff? Yeah, I'll teleport right next to Quadrant. Oh.
Just front on him. So now I'll teleport. You know, I chanted to attack him and pointed. Yeah. And then I teleport next to him. Okay. Yeah. And then I'll strike recklessly down with my axe. Okay. Get down with the sickness. Oh, wow. Wow.
How many episodes have we made reference to that? I get to attack, do it twice. Okay, so I'll use the first one, which is... 26? Yeah. Yeah, that hits. That's 12 damage against him. And I'm, like, aiming for his, like, eye.
His eyes. I don't know if I can do that. Yeah, sure. Why not? So, you know, you get so mad that you teleport right up next to Quadrant. You take a swing at him with the axe aiming for his eye. And right as your axe is about to impact with his eye, he quickly grabs a squadron next to him and swaps places with it. And you end up hitting one of the squadrons instead.
Okay. Doing 12 points of damage. Nice. And then I have a second action, a second attack as well. Okay. And I also scream, begin the revolution. So,
So can I not attack Quadrant? In game, you wouldn't know, but I'll tell you, metagame, that's one of, like, Quadrant's abilities. It's just a reaction where, I'll tell you, once per round, he can do that, where he can swap places with someone who's close to him. So is he, like, now not next to me? He's still within melee range. They were, like, right next to each other. So you just have to turn to a diagonal if you want to attack Quadrant. And then I'll, yeah, I'll turn to Quadrant and then attack him again. It would be 14. Yeah, 14 misses. Dang it.
I guess that's it. All right. Because I mean, I called upon them to attack him and then teleport and attack. Gum Gum's a revolutionary. He's starting an uprising here. Well, with help. Yeah. Kyborg, how do you feel about that? Oh, I've been waiting for this moment my whole life. So Quadrant's not my sworn enemy because I said Forever Winter, so I'm just going to take a shot with the Longbow of Crystallina. Do it. That's a 21. That hits. All right. Doing nine points of damage.
But it says if the attack hits, your sworn enemy takes an extra 3d6 cold damage. But first, let's get a little icy hot up in here because I still got flame arrows from the last episode. So that's 1d6 fire. So I'm going to do a d6 roll. I'm like nervous. I'm horribly nervous. That's a 6. All right. All right.
And yeah, you're seeing a person who murdered your entire family right in front of you. Yeah, this is not a good feeling, but it is a good feeling because we're going to kill him. Now I'm going to switch back over to cold damage, which is 3d6. And that is 12 points of damage. Okay, cool. That's fun. Yeah, you hit Quadrant, who starts looking around with fury to see the source of the attack.
And then between my attacks, I say, I will have my revenge. And then I shoot another long bow of crystalline arrow. 18. That hits. All right. That is bull. Six points of damage plus 1d6 fire damage because of the fire arrows. That's one point additional. Shoot.
That's better than zero. Yeah, he should have drowned. So 3d6 cold damage. He's got them special arrows. 13. Okay. A lot of damage. That's a lot of damage. Quadrant's orange eye glows almost red with anger and fury as it locks onto Kyborg. Probably need to get this eye out of him too. Well, then while he's doing that, then I turn, I pan, I moon him. I moon him. As he lock onto this. Target lock onto this.
Like that's the full moon of every winner you're looking at and I slap it a couple of times I'm like the blood moon is out So kyborg removes his armor No! From what I'm hearing Oh no Is he wearing armor over his posterior? He was Okay I pull it back up it's right back up It was a quickie It was a quickie
Do you hear that, fair hero? It's the sound of missing listeners. How goes your quest to find them? They might be in your kitchen at this very moment, snacking on hummus. Or they could be sitting next to you whilst traveling via wagon. They look like you or me, but you won't know until you investigate.
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Here's some recent NPCs that were named after folks that interacted with us on social media. The Tabulian Treasure Guard Serpiloni is named after at Luca Serpiloni. Franca Tonk is named after at Frank RM00. And Mirandolor named after at Mirandolorian underscore K. Also the recipient of the quickest NPC to die in battle award thanks to Kyborg. And we're going to give a special thanks to some friends who provided voiceover for characters in the previous episode. Sheriff Gov is voiced by Caden Jensen. And Quadran is voiced by BlizzBear.
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All right, is that it for you, Kyborg? Like I said, I think I used everything else. As a bonus action, you can touch a simple or martial weapon and fuse it with... I think I'm going to whip out... Gift of the Chromatic Dragon! Chromatic Infusion! For the next minute, the weapon deals an extra 1d4 damage, and that could be acid, cold, fire, or lightning or poison.
I feel like, should I just do extra cold damage or should I be doing fire? Can I perceive which ones would be more effective, the fire or the ice, or both hitting? -I'll give you this one. Since Kyborg has a long history with Quadrant and presumably has been studying and learning over his entire life for how best to defeat Quadrant, from your knowledge after all these years, you would know that cold and fire are equally damaging to Quadrant.
If I make Chromatic Infusion like fire, even though it's shooting ice arrows, is that negated at all? Or can it just look like a really cool ice flaming arrow? No, no, flaming ice. Okay, cool. Then I'm going to make them flaming arrows. Cool. So I have flaming arrows plus Chromatic Infusion plus their ice arrows. So they're just like, I'm sponsored by Shaq and Icy Hot. It's funny you say that. We were joking on the side here that it sounded like you were about to do an ad read before you started attacking for Icy Hot. No.
You're Todoroki from My Hero Academia. Oh, heck yeah, John. Did you say academia? Yeah, My Hero Academia. Academia, isn't it? Yeah, Barbara, it's an anime. I'm with you, Barbara. Academia is how you pronounce it?
That's how I would. I don't know. Okay. I think maybe my brain goes academy. So academia. That makes sense. But that's my turn. Roll for correctness of pronunciation. 100%. It's probably one of those words I read. Like, there's so much of my vocabulary that I read in a comic book before ever hearing anybody say it. So I had to just come up with my own pronunciation of a lot of words. Yeah, things are really going awry right now. I mean, awry. Shoot. You put the emphasis on the wrong syllable. Ha ha!
God, that's how I hate that. Okay, now that Kyborg's done, it's a bunch of their turns and then eventually Bart is going to come back to you. Just FYI. Eventually. Okay, well first up, we have Quadrant who is very angry. Why? He's just been a
He's attacked like crazy. That's his deal. Did he not get good rest last night? And he sees his enemy, Kyborg, showing him his bum. His bum. His bum bum. All right. He's going to make a beeline for Kyborg. He runs into a mirror. Does he have to go over that moat? He has...
Aldo's arms and legs so he can move in a like he can crawl and or walk like a biped. What he actually does is he jumps up to the ceiling, grabs onto it and climbs across the ceiling or down the wall over to close the distance next to you, Kyborg. That's my move. Yeah, that's a very it's a very spider mud move. Pulls up close and swings a fiery arm at you. Two can play at this game.
He hits AC 22? Sure. Which I assume is a hit. Yeah. You'll allow it? Yeah, yeah. Only because you took your armor off of your butt. That's the only reason why. No, no, no. Does that confirm Kyborg's a moon elf? It does eight points of slashing damage. However, it is on fire, so it also does six points of fire damage.
Gift of the Chromatic Dragon, Reactive Resistance. When you take acid, cold, fire, lightning, or poison damage, you can use your reaction to give yourself resistance to that instance of damage. Ooh. So you take three then from fire. Okay. There goes my 10 points. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Quadrant says, nice party trick. And then hits you with another arm with pure slamming force. Hitting AC 23. Yeah, that's a hit. That's a hit. Yikes. So he gets plus seven to his rolls, I guess. Yikes. Doing 31 points of bludgeoning damage.
What was the roll on that? What did you roll for that? A bunch of D10s. Yeah, he rolled a bunch of D10s. I can't lucky roll that then, unless I lucky rolled his attack. Right, you would have had to have done it immediately. Yeah. How much was that again? 31 points of bludgeoning damage. Hey, guys, Kyborg's tanking this one. He's got it. Oh, my God. Things are not looking well for Kyborg right now. And now you need to make a strength-saving throw. Strength-saving throw.
Come on, come on. That's a one. Oh, my God. Uh,
Lucky. We're using lucky. I thought you used them all. No, no. This was his one. He keeps saying it, but he hasn't used it. 18. Yeah, I think this is a good use. It is so much damage. It almost knocks you to the ground, but you like steal yourself, you know, maybe like drops you to one knee, but you like pull yourself back up. You managed to avoid being knocked down by the massive amount of damage. And you only let a little bit of poo come out out of how much that hurt. Good thing my pants are already pulled down. Gross.
- Then Quadrant swings again with a different arm this time. - Yikes. - Yeah, this one is kind of a tentacle looking arm. Hitting AC 16. - I'm a 16. - That hits. Doing 29 points of damage.
Are you, like, okay? No. I'm... I am... It's gonna take one more hit and I'm dead. Well, lucky for you, that is his final attack. There you go. On this round. How much damage has he taken, Quadrant? It was like 50-something. He took quite a bit. I think he took 56. How's he looking? He's, like, sparking a little bit. You know, things are...
a little rough at the edges. Yeah. But he's like, he, you know, pulls himself up to his full height. Remember, he is large and, you know, lords over you. Kyborg looks down and just says, put that back. It's the Tabulians' turn who are being roused to insurrection at this point. Yay. They're also in the cloud of daggers, are they not? No, no, those are the squadrons. Squadrons. Oh, oh, sorry. These are the Tabulians who Gum-Gum has inspired to overthrow Quadron. With Mud's help. Yeah, with Mud's help. Let's see, they...
- What would they do? I'm just trying to think. - GumGum's campaign manager. - So you told them to overthrow Quadrin. You went up and attacked him. I'm just trying to figure out if they're gonna attack the squadrons that are still up there or if they're gonna go after Quadrin because he moved. - How many are there? Could they, there's a bunch. - Yeah, there's a bunch. They're all kind of in a group that's like mob mentality almost. You know, they're all strength in numbers kind of thing.
You know what? The green pool does not affect them. So they're all going to dive into that and go straight up to the dais and begin attacking the squadrons up there.
Yeah. These rolls, you don't have to worry about. These are just for me. I'm doing... They're attacking the squadrons. I'm going to just do a few things. I do feel like independence rules are happening here. This is a mothership situation. So I'm going to... You're going to see me roll a bunch of dice. This is because there's just a bunch of different things all at once. Not because... Not because this is all a damage. We are all simultaneously taking damage. I'm really glad they're on our side now. Yeah, could you imagine? No. One of the squadrons up on the dice falls down.
not functional any longer. Yay! Is it one of the ones that got damaged thus far? Yes. Okay. Then as it falls motionless, it explodes. That's right. Deer and flames reaching everywhere. Some of the Tabulians fall over, dying in the explosion, but the rest of them seem energized by the combat that's going on. Some of them died? Yeah. It's a big crowd of them.
I feel kinda bad. You did this, GumGum. For the cause. For the cause. Y'all are making me fight myself. We should give them a hero's funeral after. Okay, so that was the Tabulians. Present arms! Oh, oh.
All right, so now it's some of the remaining squadrons that are up there. Ooh, what would they do? They don't see Bart. They see Gum-Gum up here. They're being swarmed by Tabulians. Kyborg and Quadrant are fighting. They're going to fight some of the Tabulians because that's the immediate pressing. And are they still in the cloud of daggers? That is not these. That's the next ones that are going to act, but yes. And only one has died so far of these. One of the squadrons. Squadrons.
- Of the four. - Okay, a few more of the Tabulians fall, but they're still a relatively strong crowd. Now, some of the other squadrons go. These are the ones in the cloud of daggers. Roll me more cloud of daggers damage if you could, Bart. - Oh yeah, and I cast it at this third level. - You said third level, yeah. - All right, that's only 11, Jesus.
Okay, still, that's a good amount of damage. The remaining squadron that's in the clouded dagger steps out of it, does some more damage, some more of the tabooliants fall down. Bart, you're up. Okay. I'm sorry, before you go, Bart, your sending stone is buzzing. Oh, could I pick it up? No time for booty calls, Bart. Sheriff Gov has been in touch. You're not alone. Help is on the way.
Oh, good lord. Alrighty. Well, thank goodness, because we're not looking real good. And I make direct eye contact with Kyborg. He's like, oh, coughing up blood. Could I open, like, am I near the exit door now? Yeah, you are at the door. Yeah, it's open. Okay, could I, like, shuffle the prisoners out the door? Yeah, are you going with them or are you just, like, pushing them out the door? I'm pushing them out. Okay. Okay.
Yeah, they disappear through the door. Okay. And you're staying in this room, right? Yes. Okay. I must help my team. All right, look at you. How far am I away now from a quadrant? It's about, we'll say, 40 feet on a diagonal from you. The other squad drones are still on the dais, yes? Correct. And how far is that away from me now? It's just behind you. What is that? About 40?
15 feet? 15 feet. Maybe 20, but yeah, it's close. I would like to cast Thunder Wave. Thunder Wave. And try to push him back and have him fall into the acid. Okay. And that's a 15 foot cube coming out from you. That would hit all the remaining squad drones as well as the Tabulians that they're engaged with currently. Is there a limit to how many people it affects? Uh,
It just says each creature in a 15-foot cube originating from you must make a constitution saving throw. Yeah, it would affect all of them. There are three remaining squadrons as well as the two bullions. Okay. Right side is they're resistant to that poison stuff, so if they fall in, they're fine. Yeah, but they still might take thunder damage. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Would it push them out of the daggers, though? It would, but I mean, that's a compromise. You can take this damage instead. All right, so they need to make constitution saving throws. Is that correct, Bart? Yes. Okay.
Bart, to cast Thunder Wave, he does the thing where he smashes his fists together and pushes them out. Cool. What's the save on this? I think it's 14 if I remember right. All right, here's the first one. Has a minus one. That's a failure. Oh, is this hitting me? Oh, this would hit Gum Gum too. I forgot you were up there, Gum Gum. I did too. The Tabulians. 13. What is their modifier?
That is plus 114. They make the save. Yeah, they're good. The two other squadrons, they are plus one. So one of them makes it, one of them fails. And Gum Gum, you go ahead and roll it as well. Okay. Come on, Gum Gum. I don't want to hurt you. You did. That's 12. So roll your 2d8 thunder damage, Bart. I did it at the third level. Oh, okay. Roll your appropriate d8 damage then. So how much d8? 4d8. Oh.
Bart's getting strong. 24. So the Tabulians take half because they saved. The squadrons, it doesn't matter. Even the one that saved, they all fall down motionless and are shoved away. Two of them explode in the liquid below.
One of them explodes up top, however. So that means Gum Gum, you're up here. I forgot you were up here. Make me a dexterity saving throw. 19. Very good. 19. Okay, yeah, that's successful. Gum Gum, you take a little bit of damage from the exploding squadron. You take five fire and five piercing.
But two piercing and five fire because you're raging. So seven total. Seven plus the 24? Yes. The second Bart casts that and hits everybody and as it's coming out of his fists, he notices Gum-Gum's up there and he goes, No! It's only 31 damage. It's okay. You're a Gum-Gum.
It was only half my life. But on the bright side, you did clear the squadrons out from up top there. Yes. Excellent. And got the prisoners to safety. All right. Yes. Looking good. All right. Is that it for you, Bart? Uh,
How far is Kaiborg from me? About 40 feet or so. Can I give him some bardic inspiration? Let's see. Does it go that far? Yeah, it's a 60 feet range. Yeah, absolutely then. All right, I'm going to give bardic inspiration. That's a 1d8. Thank you, bard. I'll use it. They could use it for ability check, attack roll, or saving throw. Sweet. I'll use it for a death saving throw here in a second. Yeah. You might have. Actually. Is that it for you, Bart? Yep.
Yep. All right, after Bart is Mud, then after Mud is Gum Gum. Mud, you're up. Okay, since I'm not surrounded by tubulians anymore, I guess I can drop the disguise and become my glorious fear bog. Yeah. How far am I from Quadrant? You from Quadrant, let's see. You're a little closer than Bart. I'd say 30, 35 feet or so. Okay. I'd like to do a few things. One, I'd like to cast Conjure Animals. Wow.
And conjure eight constrictor snakes. Ooh. Felt like that's in theme. And they all attack Quadrant with constrict. No. Which is a melee attack that upon hit, the target is grappled and the creature is restrained until they can escape it with a DC save. Okay. So you have to hit.
Correct? So I'm just going to roll eight d20s. Okay. Okay. So I'll just go numbers and you tell me if it's a hit. 15? No. 16? Yes. 19? Yes. 12 is a no. 6 is a no. 8 is a no. 16 is a yes? Yes.
And nine's a no. So three hit. Yes. So I'm going to roll for damage, which is 15 bludgeoning damage. And now he is being grappled by three of them. Well, I don't like that. I do. And on top of that, Mud's going to try and use a combat wild shape. And I turn into an aurochs. Ooh. Beautiful.
Barbara's eyes just lit up. Yeah. We're all inspired. I heard aurochs and I got excited. I'm going to charge Quadrant and try to get between him and Kyborg. Oh. Right before you charge, when you turn into the aurochs, you just hear Bard go, Daddy, sorry. Daddy, sorry. Sorry.
Okay, cool. I guess charge is like an Aurox-specific trait or something? So charge is specifically, it's actually something that more so if I do an attack as an Aurox, which I can't because the, oh wait, it's combat. No, because conjure animals was my spell. I'm more so describing to you that I want to use my movement to get up into like, to just kind of like run at Quadrant and try to get between him and Kyborg. Gotcha. Gotcha.
Okay. Yeah, that's pretty cool. It is a Aurox move, but it's a thing that you do with connection to an attack as well. Got it. Okay. Yeah. I just want to make sure I'm on the same page. Is that all you can do, Mud? Yes. Not that it was very little or anything. All right. That means it is Gum-Gum's turn. Then after Gum-Gum is Kyborg. So where am I? You're still... You're on the dais. He got pushed. Yeah. Yeah.
You're teetering on the edge of the dais from where you were, right on the edge of that green liquid. So you're at the southern edge of the dais. How far am I from Quadrant? You probably teleport, right? You're pretty close. I'd say you're maybe 25 feet or so. So he's constricted by three snakes right now, right? Yeah. Correct. Can I teleport right to him? Or like right... Is he standing? No.
Or is he on the ground? Standing. Standing. He's restrained. He's not prone. Yeah. Then I want to teleport, I guess, behind him.
and then reach around and grab his eye. - Cool. - Very cool. - Interesting. Okay, don't forget, he would see you coming. Don't forget he has four eyes, two in each direction. But yeah, absolutely. You can totally do that. - Yeah, he has a four eyes, nerd. - I mean, but I teleport. So like he couldn't see me teleport. - I'm just saying like he would know when you appear behind him. Not like he wouldn't know. That wouldn't be just like a hand that comes around and grabs his eye. I'm not trying to tell you don't do it or it's bad or anything. I'm just trying to like let you know, it's just a reminder he has four eyes. - Okay, nerd.
*laughs*
So you're gonna play keep away with his eye, I guess? - Yeah, I don't know what is that like? - Yeah, you're gonna have an advantage on this because he is restrained. What would that be? We'll say like a- - Strength? - Slide a hand maybe? 'Cause it's not like you're using your sheer strength. Like you're trying to be precise and grab this one item off of him and pull it. So I'm inclined to say slide a hand or like it's gonna be something dexterity based as opposed to strength based. - Acrobatics?
Roll a slider hand check, but I'll give you advantage because he's restrained. He's thrice restrained.
Snake friends. Bad rolls. Snake friends. An eight. Eight. You know, his head's just moving around so quickly. Even though his limbs are restrained, he's still able to move his head, and he dodges his head away at the last second from your hand. Well, then I'll use my second attack and do it again. So what happens is it's like you get two attacks per action. It's not that you get two actions. Like a sleight of hand check is an action. So that wasn't like...
an attack. I would see I viewed it as like I'm trying to grab him. You know, he's he's saying it's an it's an action like an unarmed strike. Yeah. Or you didn't strike him. I thought it was an unarmed strike, but it was in fact his entire action. So he took away two of his attacks. Oh, yes. And yes. And sure. Why not go for it? OK. No precedent is being set here. Yes. Thank you.
That's my new favorite catchphrase. Yeah. Yes, and? No, his catchphrase is, I'm not setting a precedent. I reserve the right to not do this next time. Yeah. So that's a 14. Yeah, Gum-Gum, you were initially very dismayed when you failed to pull out the orange eye, but then in a flash, you remembered Gum-Gum has two hands. And you reach around with your other hand and swipe at the orange eye and you managed to successfully pull it out.
As you pull it out, Quadrant howls in anguish. He collapses to the ground. His front right eye is loose from his head, now in your hand. Suddenly, the automaton's iron plating tumbles to the floor. One by one, each of his arms drops from his torso until all that's left is a scaly serpentine body with wings. I knew it! I knew Quadrant was going to escape.
As he turns to look for his automaton forces, you see that they're crumpled on the ground, exploded. What's more, all of the orange arms that the Tabulians had have also fallen to the floor as well. You can't stop the inevitable, Kyborg. Armageddon is over.
I have seen the future. Tabulians, bring me the orange diagem at once. What? They're on our side. He's trying to make his case. He's trying to make his persuasion check. That's silly. What do they do? Is this Quadrant's action? Because I got an action up next. I got a lot of arrows that are burning a hole in my quiver, man.
Yeah, this is just a reaction to the orange eye being replaced or being taken. I'm just standing there with my phone arrow drawn. Mud, as an aurochs, just starts chanting, Mm, wrong. Mm, wrong. Mm, wrong. Mm, wrong. They still think you're saying, Mm, raw, though, because it's so close.
Gum Gum, do you have anything else? I guess I haven't moved yet, right? Is teleporting just like a bonus action? Yeah. It's his magic rage thing. Yeah, you have not moved. I should say you have not taken a movement action. Yeah. I don't know if it's better for me to stay away from him with the eye. Maybe take a few steps away. Well, with that, I guess it wouldn't be an attack. He's restrained. He's restrained. Yeah. So, yeah, I guess I'll take a step between, I guess, Kyborg.
Put mud in front and then take a step back towards between mud and kyborgs. To get behind the aurochs. Yeah. There it is. I was like, I was trying to think of like. So the order is quadrant, aurochs, gum gum, kyborg. Physically speaking, correct? Okay. Yes. I'm on the other side of the room. All right. Is that it for gum gum? Yeah. All right. Kyborg, you're up then.
Quadrant, then Bart. Here we go. All right. I just shuffle a little bit over to get a clear line of shot, but not so much that I want to give up my cover provided by both Mud and Gum Gum. Big cow, big cover. Yes, yes. I'm going to say for mom, and then I'm going to draw my bow back and shoot with the longbow of Kristalina.
Also, I have advantage. So that's a 25. We're going to roll that again. Just for the heck of it. It's a 13, but we'll take that 25. That's a hit. All right. And then that does 11 points of damage. Ouch. But then we also have the flame arrow graciously provided by my friend Bart. So that's another D6. Not Bart. I gave you the Bartic inspiration. Shoot. Graciously provided to me by Mud. That's a one. The
The Aurox kicks him a little bit with a hoof. Down, boy, down. So that's that flaming arrow, but I also have Gift of the Chromatic Dragon. No, no, no, no, no. Say it. Oh, okay. But I also have Gift of the Chromatic Dragon. There it is. One D4. Actually, no, before I roll that, I want to roll...
I'm going to roll the 3d6 cold damage. So we're going to go fire, then ice. Let's get an icy hot sponsorship on this podcast. 16. That's a lot of damage. That's actually, that would do a lot because that messes you up if you ever put your hands in like hot water after being out in the snow. Plus, now we go back to Gift of the Chromatic Dragon. And then that's a 3.
All right. So how's, how's, how's, uh, how's he looking? How's Quadrant looking? What was that total? Oh man, I don't remember at this point. I just keep the final tally. 31. He's, uh, looking a little worse for wear. Yeah. You're definitely, you definitely have the upper hand now. Okay. All right. Well, this one's for dad. So then I pull back to the longbow of Chrislena, take another shot. I got an advantage. That's a 27 and, uh, that's a one, but we'll just ignore that one. Yep. Wow. A 27 and a one.
And then first I'll do damage on that. That's an eight. Ouch. And then we do fire arrow gifts from mud. That's a five. Okay. And then we're going to go with 3d6 cold damage from the longbow. That is 10.
Okay. And then we'll top it off with a little bit of D4 from Gift of the Chromatic Dragon. That's a two. Okay. Yeah, you fire this arrow and, you know, it flies towards Quadrant and the spirit of your family rushes out like rose ghosts and charges into Quadrant's scaly body. Yeah!
Make me a perception check, Kyborg. Okay, watch me fail this real quick. Oh, not bad. 19. You feel like the ground is shaking beneath your feet. You hear like a rumble and a wham and a bang. Smarsh breaks through into the cavern. What the?
Smarch! Smarch is king! Smarch is king! He begins riding around, smashing the remains of the squadrons and pummeling the quadrant. Smarch is riding around in a fit of excitement, crashing his colossal purple head into each of the cave walls.
Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Sm
Oh, exit stage right. To find out what happens, you're going to have to tune in next week to see if our brave party is able to escape in time. I had a lot of fun this week, guys. I thought that y'all took this in unexpected directions. Yeah, I'm curious to know how you guys thought we would tackle that situation. Well, we thought, you know, combat, hand-to-hand, straight in.
you know, roll initiative, kill everyone. But y'all took it in an interesting way. I'm glad you did. I'm excited to catch up with Smarsh. What's he been up to? The adventures of Smarsh. Smashing. Ruling, being king, you know, that kind of stuff. But yeah, we'll be back next week to find out what happens. Can't wait. Bye.
