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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.
This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Top of the morning to all you mites, burrow your way onto the stinky dragon, quaff our latest cocktail, the vexed best thing. It's a mixture of blood boiling bourbon, mint furating leaves, lemon rubbed the wrong way, and a dash of chagrin sugar on the rim. This umbrageous beverage puts the friends back in frenzy. Previously our adventurers imprisoned three tabooleans and a gum gum in the ghost town of Pious Pass.
The party failed to loosen their reptilian tongues about the flats of T'bul nor the missing pies. So they stole a draconic decoction from the give-and-take to bribe the tight-lipped T'bulians. But a monstrous mimic named Spot broke into the jail causing a combustion of chaos and a flammable furball. Can the Infinites find their way out of this T'bulian turmoil or will they all fall flat? Grab a grog and let's get on with our gaseous story.
I love how every intro you do always has it. You got to have a certain cadence to some words and some things. I like to also punch the peas because Michael likes to write a lot of alliterating peas, especially like pious past and blood boiling bourbon. Gus, I can begin the narration for this episode if you'd like. Would you like to? Yeah. We start on muds crisping, crisping,
A smoky corpse laying- smoking on the ground. He was on fire last episode. Mud, did you start the fire? Now he's dead. Now he's burning. Uh, so speaking of- Mud, you are indeed on fire. Flame on! Uh, you actually take-
25 points of fire damage. Oh my god! I saw the game log sign light up and I was like, who's rolling something already? That's me! Fire damage! The Tabulians begin speaking to each other very rapidly and draconic. Our legacy! Our sacred legacy! What are you guys doing? Mud's on fire! Mud, you... Are you screaming, Mud? I was looking up really quick. I always forget which...
I'm resistant to. I don't think it's fire, but it made me wonder, like, am I? Because I remember there's something I'm resistant to. Anyways, the Tupulians are saying, how will we fertilize the eggs? That was the juice. Am I in pain? Yes, it hurts a lot. You have burst into relentless green flames. Mud is trying to desperately think of the wettest animal he knows how to turn into. Cat's sleet storm.
Are you not able to like just do rain? Like is it always sleet? That's how they act. Okay. Rain and sleet. Well, then do rain. It's rain and sleet. It's rain and sleet. If I do a grasping arrow, it'll wrap him up and maybe that'll snuff out the flames. Yeah, you want to snuff it. Well, let's go with Gum-Gum first. Hey, Ice-
An ice storm fills the jailhouse where you all are standing. I'm looking up your Rainbringer stat here. Oh, this is like a jailhouse fire. Okay, so it's a 20-foot tall cylinder with a 40-foot radius. Causes freezing rain and sleet to fall. The area is heavily obscured. Exposed flames in the area are doused.
The ground is covered with slick ice, so it's difficult terrain now, so it's slow to move around. Everyone needs to make a dexterity saving throw or fall prone. Everybody? Yes, because you all are in the area. This sleet storm is filling the entire jailhouse. I could have done something different. Well, you left it to Gum-Gum. Gum-Gum immediately started talking. I know, you have to be faster than our dumb ice wizard. I rolled a five. I was looking at my options first before immediately doing it.
Five, eight, 21. This is fine. We're not in combat. If we're prone. Okay, yeah. Mud and Kyborg fall to the ground from the slippery ice. Gum Gum and Bart manage to keep their feet. The Tabulians all come up and they volunteer to help. We can drain the poison from the fear bowl and the flames then will cease to burn. Okay. What are we doing? Fair warning to the school. It will require us to suck blood from his face.
I mean, he deserves it at this point. I think we should look into different opportunities than three giant snakes biting me. Friends of Gum Gum are friends of ours. We... Bloney. You're not helping me feel better. We can drain this poison. As tabooleans, this relic has no effect on us. Is mud the size of a small campfire? Ha ha ha ha!
- I could. - To that point, you would think that the flames would be extinguished by sleet storm, but for some reason the flames are still going strong. The green flame coming off of mud. Mud's a big boy, so it's probably like a big campfire, yes. - Is it possible, I mean, I'm sure there's some magic at play here, but could I use my wand to detect magic here to see like what kind of magic is at play?
like just like if there's no way to actually extinguish it you know like in a normal like pour water on him research it's not gonna work yeah go ahead just just for fun uh i'll explain in a second make me an arcana check that is a uh nine so you know obviously with the wand you know you do detect magic how
However, the unusual thing about Mud is you detect magic coursing through him. Oh, I think you're poisoned. And it appears to be transmutation magic. You think, based on your roll, that it is possible to extinguish the fire, but it may require unusual things. Yeah, Mud, I don't know how to tell you this. I think you should let the snake suck on you. I have a quick question to the DM. I think you'd get sucked
Yeah. Yeah, you get sucked up. What are these guys that are with us? What are they? Tabulians. They're like winged snakes. What if I turn into a flying snake? You can try. You don't need concentration for that, do you? No.
I don't know. What's wild, Shay? You're on fire. Mud's about to look like the T-1000 at the end of T2, where it's just like transforming into all these different things while on fire. It doesn't specify. It's just as an action, you can magically assume the shape of a beast. It's not even in my spell slots. It's in features and traits. Yeah, it doesn't say anything about it. As an action. So you want to transform into a flying snake. Yes. Okay.
This snake is on fire. Yeah, you transform into a flying snake that is on fire. I was going to say...
Uh, you take an additional 33 points of fire damage. Okay, all right, ticking clock. Let the snake suck you. Let the snake suck you. Wait, I need to see if I'm still a snake. I think that might have done enough damage. I'm now back to a burning fear ball. Again, it's T-1000. He's just morphing. He's just morphing. Yes, uh, if I ain't gonna put my arm out. Oh, Dad, quick. What are you, tell them what to do. Sucker. No, no, we need to hear from him. Tell him what to do. Give them your consent.
Tell the tabooians, give them directions. Tell the snakes what to do in detail.
I wish everybody could see how eager Blaine's eyes are right now. They're very wide. They're very wide. Suck me! Just for fun, if you don't mind, John. This is all fun. Just do me a favor and roll like a nature check for me. We haven't done one of those in a while, and it reminds me. I'm not very good at nature. Aren't you a druid? I have, like...
I rolled a three. It's intelligence. For some reason, nature's intelligence and druids favor wisdom as a stat. This party has no intelligence. No, we don't. Speak for yourself. Bart has the most. And it's not even very high at that. Okay, so you stick your arm out and the tabooleans slither over and all three of them latch on. You can feel it's like they're removing something. They're sucking something out. And as they're doing it, you can feel like
Not only your external, but your internal temperature kind of dropping. Unfortunately, you do take a little more damage. That's fine. That's fine. Do it. From the taboolyans latching on with their fangs to begin this process, you take an additional 13 points of damage. But the flames are diminishing. Could I run over to him to cure wounds, cast cure wounds on him? Sure. I'll do it at the third level. That's looking rough, just letting you know.
Oh, I was like, who's doing that? I was looking around. I thought that was Chris. That's a little audio texture for our listeners there. I came out of nowhere. I do 18 points of healing. I like that. On mud. I just start massaging your shoulders. As I'm doing that, I go, it's okay, buddy. It's okay. Everyone's first time's a little rough. Everyone, make me a perception check. Again, just for fun. Here we go. 20. Nope. Was it? I was trying to manifest it. 15. 19. 11. 13.
13. Eh, they're all not bad. Every time I roll a 7, I think it's a 1, and I get excited because I get to re-roll on 1s, but then I realize it's a 7. It's got that little cap that's taunting you at the top. Just like me today. It's a good squad team force hat. Available now in the store at www.roosterteeth.com. Not as good as my hat. It's actually not. Well, it might be at this point. It might be, yeah. It just comes out August 2nd. August 2nd. My hat is even better.
Oh, sneaky dragon hat. Wow. Available. Khaki with a green logo. Available now. I'm going to take a picture of Chris's hat, and then I will post it when this episode comes out. Just tilt your head down a little bit. There you go. Now, she didn't say tip it. She's looking like a number seven over there. So it appears to you all, like, maybe the taboolians are getting a little bigger as this is happening. Oh, great. Is Gum-Gum also getting bigger? No, Gum-Gum is not.
I guess I'll stop casting sleet. Yeah. Is it a concentration thing that you can just keep going? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems like as the flames go away, the flames are pretty much extinguished now. You're feeling, you know, back to your normal self mud. It's almost like the Tabulians are beginning to sprout appendages. Oh. Arms and legs. And they're growing in size a little bit. So they look like Trogdor. Trogdor just has one arm, doesn't he? No, he has...
Does he have legs? He has two little legs, right? Two little legs and like that one giant back arm. One beefy arm. Yes. Uh, no, they've got two legs and two beefy arms. He was a dragon, man. Our human's just a dragon. Uh, and they take on like a shimmery, coppery color. Dang. And, uh, yeah, then they unlatch from you, Mud, and you are no longer on fire. You have been extinguished. Would you call them like humanoid now? Or are they still like snake torso humans?
I've got Trogdor lyrics coming through DM chat over here. I wouldn't say that they look humanoid. If anything, now that they've sprouted arms and legs, it almost seems like they look like small dragons. Interesting. Small dragons. You guys look like small dragons. When I say small, I know in your mind you might picture, so I mean like small comparatively to like full-sized dragons. Are you saying we should try to imagine dragons? I'm awake! I'm awake!
Leave it to the bard. While Bart is singing Imagine Dragons, I cast Healing Word on myself as well and heal myself 11 more. What's the word? What's the word you heal with? What's the word? Owie.
Two points. Boo-boo. My, what big arms and legs you have, Otak. Yeah, he flexes his wings out and stretches them as much as he can. You know, you all are in the jailhouse. The Tabulians begin speaking to each other in Draconic again. Kyborg listens in subtly, not acting like he doesn't understand. He summons his dumbest face.
Make a performance check. I want to see how dumb your face looks. Yeah. So if a higher performance, the dumber it looks? Yes. 13. That's a pretty dumb face. I'll say Kyborg's advantage on looking dumb. Go ahead and roll that one more time. Kyborg has advantage on looking dumb. Six. Okay, we'll go with 13. Too intelligent. Two.
I like that. You need to put that on your traits. Okay, yeah, you're kind of looking off into the distance. This is what they look like, by the way. Sexy. Like I said, like small dragon-like. That's an upgrade. Like dragon lions. Yeah, we just saw like a Pokemon evolution happen. Yeah, I was going to say they're evolving. They look like Charizard. You hear them talking about returning to their home, to Tora. Tora. Tora.
Tetora. Tetora. So they're not from Tabool? They're discussing now with their strengthened wings. I'm sorry, Barbara, I can't answer because... Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah, I don't understand. I'll read it. With their strengthened wings that they have the endurance to return and make the trip to Tetora. Okay. I like kind of quietly gather up my team, like very subtly, and I just say, I don't think that they're from this land. I think that they're trying to return to a further away land, and now that they're in a stronger form...
they have the capacity to do so. But it seems like they might have been trapped in T'bul. Where are they actually from? Torah. To Torah. To Torah. They're from to Torah. They're not from to Bible. I was gonna, when you said Torah, I was like, oh, they're Jewish. Well,
My head's in my hands. I just come across in an audio podcast. They're Jewish dragons. Listen, I got a one-up mic on the puns. Damn. Tetera. I can say that instead. Is there any chance they've turned into a beast that I can turn into? What's the other restriction? What's the challenge rating on it? Beast. Oh, beast? Is Trogdor on the list? It's not a beast. Okay. So no.
Trogdor? No, I don't think Trogdor is canon in D&D. I'm sorry. It should be. At least in our campaign. Just homebrew. Homebrew Trogdor into it. The Tabulians turn to you guys and say, it's very crowded in here. Why don't we step outside? We can continue our discussion. I don't think we should step outside just yet until we've understood what is happening next. It is cold in here though. Get your friendship.
Very slippery. Mind you, I remember my immovable rod is still in the door. Oh, was it? You never told me. I never took it off. The immovable rod is still there, but the door is smashed and broken. Remember? Who smashed the door? Spot.
Spot smashed him. Well, my immovable rod is still standing in the way of the door, so I'd love to see the big old dragons get out over it. Sheriff Gov chimes in at this point and says, Maybe it's a good time we shake these guys down and find out where our missing pies are. Oh, yeah. Well, you luckily have the right team for a shakedown job right here. My friends, now that you have obtained your magical elixir,
May you help us find our missing people? Did you say magic goose? Magic goo. It sounded like magic goose. More specifically, we know you know where the people are. You stole them. Let's do the hard word. Well, it's, you know, sometimes it's good to... Took them on a trip. The deal was we find your artifact and then you help us return the people to us. Is that...
Still on the table here now that you've, uh, you've got your thing. Otak chimes in. "Yes, we can give you guidance on how to traverse Winder Canyon." Is that, uh, around the Flats of T'Bool? "That will lead you to the Flats of T'Bool." And he looks at Sheriff Gov and Deputy Pants as that's where you will find your friends. Do you buy those? And the people, the other T'Boolians, how do they know that we're friends of you so that they let them go? "We, we, we, I don't know that we would be able to assist with that part."
Could I use my Ring of Truth telling real quick? Yeah. Before we get too far away from what they just told us. Yeah. So you get advantage on an insight check. Yeah. Yeah. So go ahead and roll two insight rolls for me, please. And I assume you're specifically focusing on the Winder Canyon leading to the Flats of Tabool statement. Oh my gosh. A 12 is my higher roll. You do not sense any deception or deceit behind that statement.
Not even a little bit. Not even a little bit. Not even one iota. Oh. It's a fancy word. So maybe, GumGum, you still have your friendship bracelets, right? Yeah. Maybe if you talk to, what's his name? Otak. Otak. Maybe if you and him were friends so that he doesn't, because you're a heavy boy and maybe that would prevent him from flying away. We are friends. But seal the friendship. Take it to the next level. We already did that. Uh...
But those other three guys, do you know their names? Two. Two guys, do you know their names? Our friendship goes behind names. You don't seem to be very good friends with them, Gum Gum. I think you should become better friends with them. Take their friendship to the next level. Put your friendship bracelets on. Share it with them.
Hey guys, do y'all want to put on friendship bracelets? I want to ask because we're already friends. They look at the bracelets and say, no, we have been blessed with our limbs for the first time ever and we want to be able to use them freely. They look very good. Thank you. Quick, is there any, can you write us a note? Like a note to give your friends, your other friends? Because you have hands now. Yeah.
Our language is only spoken. We have no written component. That makes sense. Here's the thing. We know a really smart, smart scientist guy who is probably going to be able to replicate that elixir that is coursing through your veins right now to help the rest of the Tabulians transform into these wonderful creatures that you guys have turned into. We don't want you to fly away. I know that you're going to have the ability to as soon as we get outside, but, like, we need to save the pies. So...
What can we do, Otak? Make a persuasion check. Why not? I feel like you're being pretty persuasive here. That's a good argument. Twelve. And, I mean, Otak says, you know, we will honor our accord and give you the advice necessary to traverse the Winder Canyon to reach the Flats of Tabool. We
do not possess the influence necessary to aid you beyond that. Alright, well, that's about as good as it's gonna get. At least we can find the relocation of the pies and break them out. Mm.
Okay. I mean, ultimately, our goal is to get to the Flats of T'Bul, right? We were supposed to get a guide to, I guess, take us around and where we got to go. And if the pies are there, it's like dual purpose. Right. And I think, like, it wouldn't be unreasonable for us to ask for, like, a blood sample and then see if Dr. Ahem could actually replicate the elixir. I guess to that point, not Otak, but one of the other T'Bulians would step up and say, This relic is older than time itself.
Alright.
Cheese. All right. Well, can I have our friendship? Can we have a blood bond? What's a blood bond? It's where I give you some of my blood and you give me some of my blood and then we're friends. You give them some of your blood and they give you some of your blood? Oh, I mean, you give me some of their blood and I give you some of my blood and it's a blood bond. It means we're friends. We can, if that's something you really want, our blood would be very dangerous and caustic to you.
That's okay. Make a persuasion check with advantage. 15. Not bad. Okay, we will make the accord. Thank you, Udak. And I get out two bottles. Do you have bottles? Yeah, do you have bottles? I mean, they have the empty elixir bottle that mud churned. They will put their blood in that container. Yeah, and then you come into wherever your blood goes to. You can just spray it on the floor. I'm going to give it good. I'm going to give him good blood.
I have a sack. I just got a bunch of exploding jelly in it, though. You want a sack of blood? Then one of the Tabulians bites one of the other and sucks out some blood and spits it into the container and corks it and says, be very careful with this. And then I give, you drink this, and I shove a potion
potion peeling down mud's throat. Okay, how much do I get from that? Drink this! I mean, I'll take it. I still got HP still to fill. 2d4 plus 2, so... A reminder of that scene in Hercules when Panic and Pain shove that anti-god potion down baby Hercules' throat. Yeah. Or he's just like, take some of this!
That's seven. Seven for me. Yeah, John's sucking this down like a capri sun on a hot summer day. He's just... I'm almost to full health. And then I take my axe and then cut my whatever palm. Hand off.
And then bleed it into the thing. Into what thing? Into the bottle. Oh, the one that you just emptied? Gotcha. And I cork it, and I hand it over, and then I say, now we hug. And that completes the ritual. One of them, not Otak, one of the other ones hugs you. Are there wings? Do the wings wrap around Gum-Gum? Yes. Okay, that's nice. Oh, that's good. Arms and wings. All right, the bond has been consecrated. Consecrated. Consecrated.
Let's step outside and make a plan for how we're getting through the winding path. Winder Canyon. Winder Canyon. And I get my immovable rod. Cool. Okay.
You all step outside. Otak says, peace. And then he flies off. I can give you some advice. Once you reach the oasis pool, pass through the pool to reach your goal to the Flats of Tabool. Are there any dangers inside the pool we should prepare for? Be aware that the pool may cause damage to your type. Like me, Bart? To you in general. Oh.
That we are resistant to. People who are not Charizards. And whenever we reach your home, who should we speak to? You would seek out M'ra, our leader here. M'ra. And we tell him that... Do not mention that we told you how to get there. We will be in grave danger if you do so. Don't mention it. Okay. Everything sounds totally normal and safe. Mm-hmm. One of the other T'Bullions, Osuj, leans over to you, Gum-Gum. Gum-Gum.
When you are in the row, make sure you look for the... Okay, thank you. Thank you, Osuch. Gum Gum is typing that into his computer. Thank you, Osuch.
He said, look for the marks on the wall. And with that, the Tabulians flex their wings and say, we must make haste back to our homeland of Tatora. Really quick before you go, how did you guys end up in Tupul from Tatora? Were you guys like stranded here? Oh, they actually fold their wings back up. Oh, we were exiled here long ago. Called abominations for our lack of limbs.
Never having the power to breathe fire, we were forced to adapt to this desert. It is our birthright that we return to our home of Tatora and take back what is ours. Why would you want to return to a place where people were so mean to you? We'll show them. Oh, cool. All right.
All right, well. Guys, a revenge story. Good luck, man. Hey, that sounds cool. Remember that since we've had to adapt here, you'll find that our kind, despite our wings, we prefer to avoid this awful desert heat by burrowing and making our home underground. That's cool. I like you guys. You guys are cool.
all right yeah and with that they re-extend their wings and uh they all take off and you see them flying off in the distance this is waving like a madman right now they're flying uh off to the west safe travels yeah it's the one good night i'll never forget you cool let's go
Let's get going. Sheriff Gov says, Well, I guess it's time we head down to Wanda Canyon. I'm happy to join you guys and show you the way there. I get in Sheriff Gov's face and I say, Don't sleek this. Okay. She says, I don't know what that means, but I won't. We can grab some camels over at the hump house. Is this where you learned how to be a camel, Mud? It is. Oh, yeah. All right. Do you guys want to head over to the hump house? Should we start in the morning instead of going now? Yeah, that might be good. Yeah. A little bit. Hello.
A little bit of a siesta? Well, I would prefer to find my friends sooner than later, but if you all need to rest, we can stay a little longer. I would love a long rest. Maybe just a short rest? Or a short rest. So you all take your short rest, and I assume you head over to the Hump House stables to find some camels? Oh, I'm always down for a visit to the Hump House.
Because you like camels so much. Could we insert some cricket sound effects there? Hey, I got you, Kyborg. Bart fist bumps Kyborg. All right. Roll a performance check, both of you. I want to see how good this fist bump is. Nine. Don't worry, I'll make up for it. Fifteen. That's pretty good. Yeah, Kyborg just sticks his fist out, but Bart.
pounds it and puts some flourishes into it. Yeah, there you go. Should we contact the professor about his blood? Why? We probably should save our one opportunity to reach out to him for something maybe a little bit more dire. Yeah, Regis, I don't want to use my lifeline yet.
I say hold on to it and we can... Well, I have the conch, so I essentially determine when we talk to Doctor Ahem. Right. I'm just advising that we don't use it to ask about random snake blood. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. Wait, so we actually have, like, snake elixir now? Or we were trying to develop something? The camels grow restless.
They seem to want to move. Come on, we gotta find more snake oil. Sheriff Goff says, "Winder Canyon's not too far south of us, but be warned, between those winding rocky walls is a wildly untamed wilderness.
I reckon we should stick together. Right, I get on a camel. I assume everyone gets on camels, makes the trek down south to Winder Canyon. And, you know, the whole way, you know, this whole area is pretty desert-y. The ground's, you know, dry sand. Then after riding for a little bit, it seems like two canyon walls begin rising up out of the sand.
slowly rising at first, but then start rising pretty rapidly. And then they're about, you say they're about 100 feet high. Sheriff Goff pulls up to a stop. Here we are, folks. This is
is Wanda Canyon. - The dangling along a rope between the canyon walls is a row of corroded skulls of various shapes and sizes. Most of them look like they're humanoid. And from here, the path veers southwest and splits into two ways, northwest and southwest. - Do you know which way the oasis is? - We don't explore this area too much because it's very dangerous.
I've heard tale of an oasis to the south, but I don't know the path to get there. Can we perceive if there's any fallen signs or anything like that? Make me a survival check. That's a good question. 12. It looks to you, Kyborg, like the path to the southwest is pretty narrow and the sand appears loose, the sand on the ground. The path to the northwest is a bit wider, but it seems like there's a lot of prickly plants with needles up there. I pull Gumbo out and I say, which way smells better?
And I point him at the ways. So which way does Gumbo think smells better? He's got a good sniffer. Is his tail like the meter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which way's better? What does that mean? Which way smells better? Which way smells like water? Which way smells better? Okay, that's an interesting way to phrase it. Believe it or not, which way smells better was not a question I was anticipating.
You don't have that already prepared as an answer in your module? Can Gumbo make a perception check? Gumbo can make a perception check. What's Gumbo's perception modifier? Oh, Gumbo rolls a nat 20. Very good, Gumbo. With plus one, so 21. Perceive that. Getting scritches in your future. Didn't even need to use advantage. Gumbo's going to sniff around at both and using his complex tail...
sending system. Correct. His tail activates more to the one to the northwest. Alright, Gumbo's favoring northwest. I go where Gumbo goes. Northwest sounds grand to me. Just as a reminder, the trail to the northwest is the one that had like
prickly plants and cacti. That sounds good because, you know, plants and water. Yeah, if we're looking for water where things are growing might not be a bad idea to go that direction. And I should have asked this earlier when you all entered the canyon just for my own clarification. What's your marching order and where would you want Sheriff Gov to be in that as well? I don't mind leading because archery, but also if I hear any draconic, I can stop the crew. Well, I...
Is Sheriff Glove not showing us the way? She doesn't know anywhere because... Yeah, she says that they try to avoid this area. It's dangerous. Yeah, we should probably put her in the middle of the pack. Kyborg, Mud, Sheriff, Bart, Gum Gum. Okay. Is everyone okay with that? Yeah. Sure. All right, you guys begin making your way up to the northwest. Kyborg, make me a dexterity check. It's a six, but I'm going to roll...
That's an overpowered skill or a feat. You say that every time and it just makes me feel even better about getting it. Oh, sorry, I guess I'm in a 24. That's 24 actually.
You begin walking up to the northwest, you know, in the marching order that you've given me. The hairs on the back of your neck stick up or something, you know, as you're walking along, kyborg. Like, almost reflexively, you pull up your bow in front of your face, and right as you do so, some cactus spines get caught in the bow. Like, you block them with the bow. Oh, jeez. And you look around, you see that the nearby plants fired a needle at you when you got
close to it. Really quick, are these cacti, like, is it like one boss cacti or is it a field of these shooting cacti? There appear to be numerous ones. There's not one
It's not like a giant field, but there are several of them. And I don't know, let's say seven or eight. And then Sheriff Gov chimes in and says, Whoa there, partner. I've seen these plants before. They're called cocktox. Keep your eyes peeled for flying needles. They're quite toxic. Interesting. Mutt, can you talk to them? Yes. Because if not, they've got a gift of the Chromatic Dragonfire Arrow coming straight for them. Uh...
Hello, Cactox. My name is Mud. Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot! No, I can talk.
I'll get in front of you too and hold my shield. We're just trying to make our way through the canyon. We're not going to trample you. We're not going to pick you. We're not going to eat you. So if you could maybe hold off on the shooty shooty, that'd be so wonderful. What does this sound like from our perspective, you talking to plants? I can talk to them. They can understand me. So it's not like you talking in plant language and being like...
And I get, I mean, maybe, I don't know. I don't know what the sound would be, but I get advantage on charisma checks. Make a persuasion check. And let me, I want to give him a boost. How so? I can give him the bolstering magic. He gets a D3. 21. Can they talk back to you? No, I can't understand that. Okay. Not with just this, this is just a trait. It's a trait. Okay. You give him that message.
And then can I look around and see if there's a... Do any of the cactuses have flowers? No, they all appear to be just green and spiny. Oh, and don't forget cactox. Tell them we offer a peace offering. I'll make a flower for cactus. How is that a peace offering? Just show them we want to help plants. Make them like a pretty lady cactox. Grow plants, not hurt plants. My...
Flowery wizard friend would be happy to provide you with even more flora in the area as a sign of adding instead of taking away from your splendid desert scape. Bart is listening to Mud looking back at Gum Gum, looking back to Mud, looking back to Gum Gum. What a show. And then grow a cactus flower. Doesn't a cactus
Doesn't a cactus flower have to be on a cactus? Yeah, like a prickly pear one or something. Okay, yeah. So you grow a cactus flower? A saguaro. A saguaro. A saguaro. A saguaro? A saguaro. Yeah, I'll take some peachy. I hate you guys sometimes. Sometimes? Yeah, this cactus flower blooms in the middle of the cactox. They immediately eat it and kill it.
Okay. What do you all want to do now? Could I cast also Pass Without a Trace just to give us a little bit of a less of a footprint in the area? It's your favorite spell I have. Totally not OP. Oh, right. Everyone gets like a plus 10 bonus to stealth checks. Cool. Yeah. I'm so stealthy now. And I changed my cloak of many fashions to Desert Camouflage. We also leave no tracks. FYI. Ooh, nice. That's important. Probably. Yeah.
So we are definitely respecting this place by not even leaving a trace of our travels. Bart whips out his loon and starts playing. Okay. Do you all proceed then? Yes, I do. Yes, I do as well. The same marching order? Yes. Sure. Yeah. But at this point, I want to put away my longbow and pull out my shield. Okay. Okay.
Oh. You all begin confidently but stealthily through the catpox field. And no more spines shoot at you or no attempt is made to seemingly damage you as you stealthily make your way through the field. As we're doing that, Bart puts the thumb up to Mud and starts nodding. Oh, no, that was all gum gum. Yeah, that was a great teamwork all around. Way to go, everybody. He puts two thumbs up in either direction and goes, good job, guys. Yeah, that was great. Hey, can I tell you a secret? You want to know something?
The truth is, you are the true heroes of the Stinky Dragon. The listeners that subscribe to the show and listen each week don't tell anyone. Wait, tell everyone. Therefore, it's time we sent you on a quest. We need you to find the missing listeners. We know there are poor souls out there in the world that have yet to find their way into the Stinky Dragon. So it's up to you. We know you can do it. Find them. Have them listen.
Do it. You want to hear the latest news about the show or witness the most fabulously fantastic fan art to hit the internet and follow us at StinkyDragonPod on Twitter and Instagram. If you tag us on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod or make a post on the StinkyDragon subreddit, you could be named after one of the non-player characters in the next episode.
I'm sure you're asking, what should you post on social media? Well, with all the nail-biting narrations, unpredictable plot twists, and peculiar characters, questions are bound to bake your noodles, so perhaps it's a query for the cast or the crew. Well, say no more. We invite you to post your question on Twitter, Instagram, using hashtag StinkyDragonPod, or post it in the StinkyDragon subreddit. Your questions may end up in the show notes.
And like I mentioned, some characters are named after people on social media who have interacted with us. For example, the Brood of Tabulians, Otak the Spokesperson, was named after At-Kato Deville. Osuge was named after At-Juso Henrik. Aminor was named after At-Sir-Ronimo. Nodnarb the Tabulian-
That literally got away was at BLKNoser. And Spot the Giant Mimic is named after at Mark Your Spot. And we want to give a special thanks to some friends who recently provided VO for some of the characters in the show. Sheriff Gov is voiced by Caden Jensen. Osuj the Tabulian slash Spot the Mimic are both voiced by Micah Reisinger, who's the writer, editor, and composer for the show.
So even though, like I said, this path through the cacti headed to the northwest, as you proceed through all of the cacti, the canyon walls kind of steer you and it takes a turn and you begin heading south. The passageway continues winding and begins going towards the east and eventually you reach another fork in the road. The path splits into two ways, northeast and southeast. I guess we go southeast because we came from the north. Probably. What?
What does Gumbo's magic nose smell? Let's do another Gumbo check. Yeah, like, do you think we're intentionally supposed to wind as much as we can? So, like, if we're going north, we go south. If we go south, we go north. Oh, like it's like a backwards thingy. I also smacked Gumbo's bum just up by her. Oh, Gumbo rolls another nat 20. Gumbo's nose never stops. Who can we replace on this team for Gumbo? Gumbo nose. Gumbo nose.
Don't shake your head at me, Micah. So based on sense of smell, his tail seems to wag more when facing the path to the southeast. And do they look the same? It's hard to tell. The one to the northeast kind of winds a bit and you lose sight of it around a curve. The one to the southeast seems to head in that direction and open up a bit. How tall are these walls? About 100 feet. Okay. I would like to give us a little bit more information
I'm going to cast summon beast and I'm going to cast a, an air beast. Yeah, basically it really is. Um, uh, which might be, I don't know, in a desert. What's that like an owl or something or a vulture? Yeah. Yeah. Either one. Um, I like owls. Let's say owl. Owl. A bit of vulture. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
Or they would sound like a member of the Beatles from Jungle Book. Oh, I forgot about that. So I said I send my my beast up and Got him up to cast another thing. I don't think I can understand them Default that you you read my mind. That was my next question. It's okay. I cast bestial bond and
This is a family podcast, John. Actually, it's just BeastBond. So then I can actually telepathically communicate with them. Telepathically? Yeah. I'm a druid. Up to what range? They come back. They can come back. Oh. You establish a telepathic link with one beast you touch that is friendly to you or charmed by you. Until the spell ends, the link is active while you and the beast are within line of sight. That's what it is. Oh, so it's a line of sight thing. And you're summoning an owl, correct? Yeah. Yeah.
Lucky for you, Owl's intelligence is two. Well, no, they're friendly to me. It's friendly to me. Higher than most of ours. Yeah, but the spell fails if the beast's intelligence is four or higher. So it's dumb enough for it to work. Sure. Yeah. Could you almost do this on Gum-Gum?
GumGum's intelligence is four! But he's not a beast, he's not a beast. He's not a beast. Okay, so you summon... GumGum's intelligence is four? That explains a lot, doesn't it? Y'all knew this, didn't you? I didn't realize it was that low. That's pretty funny. Yeah, it's not like, oh, it's like actually four. So I'm telling the owl to go up and make a little bit of a mental map. Okay.
and to help me out. Its intelligence is too, so it's kind of dumb, but it'll do its best. But owls, they like... They're wise, not intelligent. It can at least convey to me like... Yeah, I'm just trying to be difficult, John. Yeah, stop it. Yeah, so the owl goes up, flies a bit, and comes back down. And it says that from its vantage point, it saw an oasis to the south. Okay, yeah. I mean, I'm hoping to get like...
do we go south from this fork to head to the oasis? From what it could tell, it looks like southeast is the best way to go there, but it looks like there may be a blockage up ahead. All right. Let's go southeast. Yes? Yeah. And I think that's what Gumbo indicated as well, right? Yeah. Me and my menagerie of furry friends and feathery friends. I'm not furry. Bart's very hairy.
Especially his feet. I shave my whole body. I think actually elves are like hairless. Yes. He still shaves it, just to be sure. Just to be sure. The ladies have told Bart that they love his chest hair. Yeah. And back hair. And butt hair. And leg hair. And face hair. And neck hair. So you had some... Foot hair and hair. Gus just chimes in. A dragon attacks you from the sky. Anyone that's hairy catches fire instantly. No!
So you all head to the southeast. As you make your way a little bit, it looks again like the path splits to the left and the right. There's kind of like an outcropping in the middle blocking the way. Yeah, can I have my owl kind of give me some advice again? Who? Yeah, the owl flies up and looks and says, this area looks different than it did before. Oh. It appears that it's a circular path. What do you mean by a circular path? You're stuck. There's no way in or out of here. Oh, like it just goes round and round. Oh.
Right. So what's behind us? Plants have grown. There's a wall of plants. So we have to find a way through this. Everyone make me a perception check. Is there another wall of plants somewhere? 14. 14. 18. 16. Are you going crazy? You all hear voices echoing off the canyon walls. Do we recognize these voices or like who they could, what kind of creature they're coming from? It just sounds like humanoid. Like it's a language you understand. It's almost like they're singing. Maybe you're kind of into it, Bart. Ah, my background singers, finally.
Then lose the time of their rehearse. When in the hay arise a stranger, can he say,
So we go. Do we go to sleep on hay? One more time. Louder and slower. It sounds like more voices are joining in, singing around. It said heavy heads will hit the hay. And then they said the rise again, something strange. So maybe we just go to sleep. No, I think we don't go to sleep. There's also something about loop and loose. Are they still singing? We're going to lose the time of day.
♪♪♪
Oh, it rises straight. It sounds like, are we supposed to just keep going around? Should we just, I think that's how we die. Yeah. Yeah, I can't tell if the riddle is like, do it or don't do it. Right. Can we look and see if there are other places where plants have grown up to block the way? Make me a perception check, GumGum. 12. Is there a door? 12. No, you don't, I mean, you see like plants in one area of this circular path, but that's about it. No.
Nothing else stands out. I asked the plants. Hello! My...
Green friends. Is there a direction we could go that you could give us some sort of sign of where to go? All the plants begin pointing in different directions. Should I call up our old friend, Dr. Ahem, for some guidance here? Would he know? I'm open to that option. Would he know about this particular... How do we shorthand that entire... I think we just hold the phone up to the side. Yeah.
Listen to this! Shazam! How many words is it? What does that do? Can you just tell me how many words it is? 23!
23. Yeah. How many words did we get? 25. Oh, great. I believe, right? Yes. And then at the end, we can tack on, love you. Help us. Love infinites. I think it's help us and then hold it up. Funny. Should we try that or do you want to do whatever you're going to do first? What's up with the incense? The incense is they gave it to us at the church. That one pastor, whatever guy. Yeah.
and we light it, and it's supposed to help us... Cast your devotion. Devotion. And it's supposed to give us, like, a cast the spell that lets us ask God for help or something. Oh. Remember? I don't remember that very well, but if you do, then... We all got...
If I may, I think if we tried that and then as a backup we use Dr. Ahem's lifeline. Is this god thing once a day or once at rest? It's once per instance, I think, and we all got one. Yeah. And actually you got two because you took one for Gumbo, I think. Then let's, I say let's try Ahem and see. Ahem versus the, okay.
I take out my sending stone and I ring up Dr. Ahem and I go, "Help us!" And then I hold it up to the song that's, I assume, playing over it. Yeah, you keep hearing it. It's very faint. It, like, it seemingly fades in and out with the wind, like it's bouncing off the walls.
Like I said, it is a round. Or it sounds like it's being sung in a round. And we're in a circular path. It's very clever. Round and around and around and around. I can picture the artwork already on the Tales from the Stinky Dragon show page on RoosterTeeth.com. You send your message to Dr. You wait a few seconds and then you receive a reply. The reply is, When the path ahead is not clear, look to forge your own way.
All right, exploding arrows. Here we go. Well, I mean, we've got, you know, blades to like cut, forge your own way. Right. Which is to craft your own way. Didn't we tell the plants we wouldn't be mean to them? We told the cactox. Is he the cactox? I don't know. So how many, is this entirely canyon? And then that one path is just the plants that Mud tried to talk to? Yeah, make a perception check.
Yeah, I'm curious of like, I know where the walls are creating a circle, but is there just a lot of overgrowth that we were to hack into the overgrowth? Could it reveal something? You can't tell. It's all confusing since it's all like circular. It's like you come around and the walls look different. It's hard to keep anything straight. Could I ask? No.
Could I ask my owl friend to maybe see if there's a place that looks more overgrown and less wall? Yeah, you know, it goes up and comes down and says that it appears that there's only really one section of vegetation.
Then let's start hacking. You notice when you turn to look at the brush mud, you notice that there's like some string tangled in one of the shrubs. I grabbed the string. Hold that thread. Somebody's poison water hole. I found a toy in the desert. Looks like it was a shoelace.
- A shoelace? - The hell? - Do we, can we recognize if it's from someone's shoe we've met before? - I have gumbo smell the shoelace. - Ooh. Make a perception check. - Okay. How many gumbo perception checks can we do during this session? - How many 20s can he roll? - I don't know. - That's a real question.
I don't think the taboolyans wear shoes. That's only a 13 this time. Gumbo gets fidgety. He wants to jump out of your hands. Okay, I let him go. He begins sniffing off into the sand into the distance and begins digging. I turn into a badger and join him. You both begin digging in the same area and you all dig up some bones. That's fun. That's not good. Are they humans? What kind of bones they might be? It looks like a foot.
Like a humanoid? Yeah, a humanoid foot. Is there a remaining... I take out my shield as a shovel and I start also digging. Do I find anything? No. It's just a foot. It's just a dismembered... Was there a cut at the bone or was it... It looks like there's a jagged break above the ankle. Is it just like in the middle of the ground or is it like at the edge of brush? No, it's not by the brush. It's further away, just off in the sand. The pies don't have feet.
Right? Because they're like insects. Well, they do have feet. They're kind of like praying mantis. But they don't have like... Then I'm asking, is this like a bone off of a humanoid? Oh, it's a humanoid foot. Okay. So it's not like a big insect foot. Wait, Sheriff Gubb's a praying mantis? Yeah. God! The pies have been... I just look at her and realize... Just FYI, in D&D, these kinds of pies would be considered humanoid. Okay.
Okay. But do they have, do they have five toesies? Do they wear running shoes? But the foot that we found is not one of theirs, right? We don't know. Yeah. I don't, I don't think there's any way to tell definitively. Well,
Well, we just got to bust it. I grabbed Sheriff's foot and put it up against the foot that I found just to see. Does it match? I mean, it's hard to tell. I mean, you put bones up to any part of your body. You're like, I don't know what's in there. Okay. What do bones in the ground mean? Everyone make me a perception check. Otak said that they bury in the ground. Oh, 15. 13 only. So maybe we have to dig our way out?
16. Yikes. Eight. So Kyborg and Gum-Gum, both of you notice that one of the walls nearby has like claw marks on it. And the rocks appear to be like a different shade of red from the rest of the rock wall. Oh, like blood? No, just like the rocks. You know, like red rocks. Like iron content in the rocks. You're implying that there was blood on them. What if we're in like one of those plants that like closes and then it eats us and uses us for proteins? Yes.
Oh, dear. Fertilizer? Like the circle's going to close in on us? I mean, maybe. I feel like it's more than hacking our way through and maybe it's digging our way through. Yeah. That's what Odak said that they like to do. Okay. Should we go to where these claw marks are on the wall and continue the work that was done there? Or should we dig? I have exploding jelly from forever ago. I'm not going to be able to turn it into an arrow because God has not deemed it.
appropriate, but I could put that exploding arrow in the ground and then like shoot it from afar. That'd give us a good starting point. It's a dynamite. I'm down for that. Let's try it. Yeah. Okay. So I take all the exploding jelly that I got from that one thing that you won't let me use. Yes. You're going to use it right now. Aren't you? Even though we, even though we proved that it works on our Tik TOK. Yes. Uh,
Check us out. It's pretty forced. Yeah, so I put it I dig a small hole and then I put it in the ground I dig it as deep as I can and I shove it into the ground and then how are you gonna ignite them? Oh actually press the digit ation I summon a flame he said that so Practicing they just like float off the tongue like nothing. He's like stretching Yeah, yeah, all right linguist
Kristen made flashcards for him. Je, je, ma, ma, pel, pel, choc. Kristen did your tition. And you start a small flame to try to make it explode, I presume? Yes. Okay, yeah. You do that, and these rocks that are slightly different color seem to crumble and fall away and explode, exposing a new path forward. Oh, my goodness. That's it. Heck yeah. Bart helped. Bart helped.
Or has not done anything yet. He's still on a camel. You talked to... No, you talked to... I called Dr. Ahem. I got dark vision, so I peer into the hole in the path and see what's up ahead. Is it dark? Well, it's not dark. It's just like... It's more canyon continuing down in this direction, down to the southwest. It's just like off the circle, basically? Yeah. It's like it curves... Or it branches off to the southwest, away from the circle. Okay. Then we...
Proceed? Let's go. Circle. Message group. OMG. Can you believe what just happened? Hashtag explosion. Hashtag circle fam. I like that the solution to the puzzle was make a door. Make a door. Learning a lot about doors. It's always doors. So the path heads southwest and it begins widening, but it's hard to see up ahead because it's completely obscured by like a whirlwind of sand. Oh. Like a
tornado kind of like a yeah kind of like a dust devil you know what the devil is it seems to be encompassing the entire width of the canyon here like 40 50 feet wide it's funny you say dust devil because i went
to a big bend with my girlfriend who's from Louisiana and I've seen dust devils a lot but she finally saw one from like Louisiana there and she was so amazed like I didn't know those are an actual real thing that actually happened. They can get huge. Yeah yeah yeah. I'm guessing this isn't a situation where I could open my bag of holding and like suck the dirt devil into it. It's a little too conversation. Yeah I don't know how you'd get it around the entire
Dust devil. People seem to think they can just walk all over me and treat me like dirt. I have feelings, you know. Wait, is that coming from this thing of dirt? Gus, are you just... Make a perception check. Okay. Was that just Gus just saying that out loud? No, I think that might have been... Oh, this is D&D. Okay, sorry. I thought we had to pause the recording for therapy. 15. Yeah, it seems like you're hearing a voice coming from somewhere inside the dust devil. Seems like every other day now someone shows up unannounced. I think they own the place.
Uh, excuse me, sir? Who's there? Uh, just some friendly pastor buyers. Uh, you seem to be having a bit of a rough day. You want to talk about it? Can't a guy just swirl in peace for once?
I'll join you. I'll swirl with you if you want to talk. And Bart starts spinning. Oh, okay. I do normal. Make a performance check. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like this. I smack his butt. 11. Plus. D4. Plus. All right, so 13 total. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, yeah. You begin swirling along. I get a little dizzy. Yeah, no, you're all right. You're all right. 13. I mean, it's not terrible, but it's not the best, but it's not bad. You're focusing in the distance or something.
Wow, I've never had anyone try to swirl with me out here before. Yeah, it's really fun. Well, it's just so nice, you know, to have someone here who's actually listening and not just in a hurry dashing by. Aw, no, we're not in a hurry. These are my friends. And Bart points to the rest of the party. I start spinning. I start spinning. Those of you who are spinning make performance checks as well.
Hit gumbo. Gumbo starts spinning too. 16. 10. I'm kind of bored. Waiting one for gumbo. And me. Yeah.
I'm doing two. I do a 13. Gumbo, what is his? Don't badgers already stand up when they're like upset? So he's doing that and then he's spinning around. Oh, Gumbo's got bad charisma. Gumbo only did a four. Gumbo begins somersaulting. Aw, he's trying to be like us. Struggling a little bit. He's twirling slowly, then occasionally stops and twirls in the other direction. But he's doing all right. He's doing his best. That's my boy. Oh, you almost be able to relate, you know, just all that drama. No.
toxic people in your life i'm just i'm just so sick of it i just need to wake up you know shake the dust off from this place you know what always helps me in these kind of situations is getting myself to somewhere new so i get new perspective you ever thought of traveling i like that i have maybe it's just time to pick up and go and and try to see something new where would you where do you think i should go where if you see that you like who do we want to screw over uh
Where's Slickfair from? Where is he from?
What's Sleek's home village? What was the forest that we found that the tree house is right outside of our base? I don't remember. I'm so bad at location names. That's my worst memory. There's also the place that we're going, the Flats of Taboo. No, we don't want them going where we're going.
What was Kahlberg? I've got names of places written down. I don't remember. What about the ocean? You should head to Erbloom. They have a rich culture. They've got lots of sights to see. They probably love you on their wind-powered train.
Oh, I've heard of Urbloom. Lots of air elementals there, right? Yeah, we met another elemental in Urbloom. We did meet him, didn't we? We did. We didn't put them in a box. Make a persuasion check, Mud. Dang it, why was I talking? Actually, I'm going to give you advantage on that for remembering the air elementals in Urbloom. Yeah.
That was a really good callback. Yeah. Nice. That's a good roll. 17. The dust devil says, you're right. I'm going to make a name for myself. I'm going to go to Urblu and everyone's going to know Brendung. Brendung? You all were going to hear about me. Come back and visit me sometime in Urblu. And the dust devil begins whirling like tighter and faster and seems to like go up into the air and disappears. He says, farewell. Thank you for everything. Bye, Brendung. You were so pleasant. Thank you.
Wow, you're really nice to talk to, Brindung. Do we stop spinning now? It's fun. We all have to do constitution saving. That's exactly right. Everyone needs to do a constitution check. I was going to say, Barton feels a little nauseous. I have advantage, 22. I rolled a four. I rolled a one, actually. It's a 21. Eight. Mud, you begin throwing up.
That sounds about right. That would be me too, John. You feel real queasy. I do not spin well. Spinning was part of my training to kill Khajiit. But yeah, the path opens up. You see it continues to the west and then seems like it curves a bit to the south up ahead.
Guys, we are kicking this canyon's butt. Onward and westward. Yeah. Let's do it. Don't speak too soon, I'm sure. The floor opens up and consumes you entirely. Nothing bad is going to happen, guys. Guys, I miss Brindung. Brindung was cool. Of all the people we've met, I think I like Brindung almost the most. I wonder how many ways that could have gone. Yeah. You did a really good job of de-escalating there, Bart. Bart is a master of de-escalation. He's not very strong. I like...
I didn't think to twirl. I don't think anybody would do that. And it's a good way to approach that. Bart's a master performer. And so he, you know. It's called parroting. Yeah, exactly. You make people feel more comfortable by being like them. Yeah. Code switching. So I assume you guys continue to the west. And then, you know, like I said, the canyon curves down to the south. The canyon opens up really wide and turns to the east. And at the end to the east, you see an oasis with four palm trees.
Oh my goodness. Can I use perception to see if it's maybe an illusion? Yeah, why not? Make a perception check. Water. Twelve. No, I mean, it's four palm trees, a big pool of crystal blue water. Should we...
Cannonball! No, I'm kidding. Can I pull out Boomba and try and see if there's any magic in it? Magic awareness? Yeah. Show me the magic. You use your Boomba and you detect strong magic coming from the oasis. It appears like it's illusion magic. Oh my goodness, it's illusions. Our friends, Otak, or maybe the other one, the other one might have said it, said that we need to pass through the pool, but that it was going to hurt. Yeah. Oh,
Oh yeah, because we're not their type of people. It wouldn't hurt them, but it's going to hurt us. So do we just take a big old dive? Well, what if this is an illusion and not the real pool? Well, oh, is there rock around? Rock? Not really. It's all sand. You know, there's not really like everything over millennia has just been ground down because of all this sand. I can shoot an arrow if you want. I cast Goodberry.
Get a little something biological. Okay. And I chuck like three of them into the water. Yeah, you chuck the good berries into the water. And as soon as they touch the water, they begin sizzling. Do you think this is the water that they were referring to that we have to go through? It either is or it isn't. 50-50. It could be or it could be like an oasis illusion. But it's definitely an illusion.
I can try... Do you have that portal? I was going to say I could do Dispel Magic and try and see if I can disrupt the illusion spell. Also, while all of this is going on, the party turns back around and see Bart is already in his swim trunks and has the little water wings on. He's got a little bit of a sunblock on his nose. You said Dispel Magic, right? Yeah, why not? And I'll cast that level four. So if it's a level four spell or under, it is dispelled.
Otherwise, it does a check. Okay. Yeah, you cast Dispel Magic, and then before your eyes, what you see seems to melt away. It looks like the water itself turns into a pool of acid, and the trees melt away, revealing snake-like totems. I call Bart. I mean, Mug. Good job, Bart. Bart slowly removes his water wave. It looks like the snake...
Is what we're looking at like in a cul-de-sac kind of a thing? Yeah, exactly. So this is end of maze kind of situation. Yeah, and they said we do need to go through. Well, can I approach, can Mud approach the totems and like check them out, see if there's like, I don't know, writing or familiar runes or... Yeah, make a perception check. Or actually, I'm sorry, investigation. Only someone spoke snake.
Oh. I speak Draconic, so maybe I should look at them as well. I only rolled a three. That's bad. Yeah, it's snakes. Why does it have to be snakes? Can I look at it? Yeah, make an investigation check. Let's hear your best Draconic.
Yeah, nothing out of the ordinary. Sheriff Gov pats you on the shoulder as she also, you know, is taking a close look at these. Well, I'll be. I've heard of an oasis down here, but I didn't realize it was a magic trick like this. Oh, I guess they did say that they don't use writing tools.
in their culture unless Gus forgot about that no and our roles just helped him no no I mean if you're gonna look for something I'm always gonna ask you to roll whether or not regardless of what the outcome is I can't give you a hint by like saying no don't bother tell the snake totems that we are friends of the tabooians and we request passage they're not they're not they're they're not real they're statues but then what if they're like gods
I love it. I'm not... That's really funny. Oh, yeah. No, I guess I do speak Draconic, and I say, please give us passage. We're friends of... We're friends of the Tabulians. Please grant us passage. We seek... We come... Otak sent us, and we seek Imrah. We seek Imrah. We're sent by Otak. Imrah. Imrah. Imrah.
You hear Kyborg's proclamation echoing off of the canyon walls. Do you want to actually do it in Draconic? Sure. What does that sound like? Well, give me some inspiration. What do you think Draconic would sound like? Like hissing and whispering, lots of S's and drawn out. I don't know. I saw Dragonheart and dragons sound a lot like Sean Connery. I got it. I got it. I got it. So stupid.
Uh, yeah. You hear Kyborg's voice booming off of the cannon walls, but the totems seem unmoved. I think we're gonna just have to go in to the water. They said that they burry. Burrow? Burrow. I think we're just gonna have to go down. I just think we would have to pass through the water. It's gonna hurt. Heck it. I'm gonna do it. Wait, I have an idea.
And I pull out my sack of clumsy dust and I cover us in grease so that the acid maybe will like, do you think that would? Why do you have grease in your sack of clumsy dust? Because it can do either slick grease that covers the ground in 10 foot radius. I have it. I got it. Gift of the chromatic dragon. Reactive resistance. Hear this out. When you take acid, cold fire, lightning, or poison damage. Yeah.
When you take acid, cold fire, lightning, or poison damage, you can use your reaction to give yourself resistance to that instance of damage. You can use this reaction three times for a long rest. Kyborg is taking a swim. I'm taking a swim. Make a wisdom check for me, Kyborg. Okay. You did say it was pools of acid, so... I said it looked like pools of acid. Fourteen. Fourteen.
14? Okay. And gift of the chromatic dragon again. Reactive resistance. Okay. And you're going to use it for acid. Acid. Is that correct? Okay. Can we tie a rope to you so we can pull you out if you pull my corpse out? Is it possible just to like dip a finger in and see what happens? Sure. Which finger do you want to dip in? My left pinky finger. She brings it back up. It's gone.
Okay, so you're gonna do that and you're gonna dive in kyborg. I'm gonna I'm gonna test the water So I'm gonna what what does that mean put it toe? I'm gonna dip my toe in dip your toe in yeah It's like a hot tub. I'm checking which toe this is very important. Oh
Somehow with your middle toe, you can spread your toes apart. How about I dip my, I dip some, I have very long hair. I dip strands of my hair in. Okay. And with Gift of the Chromatic Dragon, you're resistant to acid damage now, correct? Yes. You part your hair a bit, let some of it down into the pool that's in front of you. Slow motion too. Whoosh, whoosh.
And it sizzles a bit and you pull it back out. It's like singed. It's like a different color than the rest of your hair now. Somehow I feel like, ouch, that might hurt if you go in there. So it didn't necessarily work then. It's like...
I don't know how to from like a gameplay perspective how to convey it But it did seem like it it did burn your hair a little bit resistance doesn't mean you're immune to it It just means you take half damage from the thing They said that that what we were gonna get hurt from doing this so I stick I stick a foot in okay You stick a foot in and it does sizzle and burn a bit and we'll say you take two points of damage
You gonna keep committing? Yeah, I'm gonna, I keep wading into the water. Okay, yeah, you wade in and it gets deeper and deeper. It gets to a point where you could fully submerge yourself if you want. Okay, yeah, sure, I'll do it. Ow. Could I, uh... I don't want your grease. Stop trying to grease me up, pool boy. Yeah, you take five points of acid damage and on top of that, you feel really sick and you also take an additional six points of poison damage.
Poison. Keep going. However, you do remember that you are also resistant to poison damage courtesy of the diagem in your arm. That's right. So do I still take that? Yes. And their words were, you have to go through the water? I believe so. So.
So like someone couldn't use like dimension door. If you knew where to go specifically, you could. So, okay. Is it deep enough that I could like swim down like into? Yes. It gets to the point where you can be fully submerged and it goes down. All right. Well then I keep going down then. Yeah. So from y'all's perspective, Kyborg disappears. And I'm going to put you on pause Kyborg because they wouldn't know what you see or what happens to you down there. You got it. So this whole time he's still under there. Yeah. He has disappeared. Could I try covering one area?
hand in oil and grease. Grease. You have to be very careful. Very different things. Grease and then maybe also putting sand on it. Okay. And then sticking it slowly in to see. Dirty little boy. Just like a little finger in. See how that... Yeah, it sizzles and it burns and it hurts a bit. And then can I try sticking another hand, finger in? Without? Without it. It hurts way more on that one. Okay. This might, my bet, we should grease up and sand up. Definitely. Okay. Why don't you go for it? Okay.
So I'm gonna cover my body in grease and then roll around in the sand and then any other ideas before I jump in? You should leave me with your immovable rod just in case. I'll just jump in and tie a rope to me and I'll leave my bag of grease out with you. Okay. And then I'll say, if I pull the rope twice, that means come on down. If I pull the rope once, don't come. If I don't pull the rope at all, definitely do not come. Okay.
And then I jump in and swim after a kite board. Okay, I'm gonna put you on pause as well. I guess actually Mud and Bart are still on the shore. Then after a short while, well, let me whisper into Chris' ear. I don't want to put any thoughts in his mind. I'm gonna whisper something to Chris' ear real fast. I don't know how many times you would pull on the rope based on that information. I pulled twice.
All right, I think that means we go. Did we establish what that means? This pull ties meant go. So y'all are waiting on the shore for a bit and then Kyborg emerges again.
Oh god, I burned to death! It's not that bad. It's not that bad. There's a cave underneath that Gum-Gum and I have found. It seems to be the way forward. Bart, I think if you Dimension Door in, then I can save you guys the healing potions that you're inevitably going to use. Into the cave? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can describe to you exactly where you need to go. Okay. So you can place your dimension door appropriately. Dimension door allow me? No. It has to be a creature my size or smaller. Oh, turned into a baby creature. Okay.
You could. I think it's worth it because I have so many things going for me that are making me resistant to all this stuff. You guys are going to get lit up if you go through it. But the sand and oil or grease did help. If I can pass the dimension door, I'll turn into a little something. Yeah, you just got to be small. Me size or smaller. I turn into a mastiff.
You're about the size of a big dog. I mean, you could have just gone like kitty or hamster or something. I mean, if I could turn to something that could be helpful for whatever is lying in there, I'll turn to that. I mean, we didn't like immediately emerge and get attacked. Okay. I'm going to mastiff though. Okay.
And Gumbo's with me. I can't bring him. One creature? It just has one creature. Oh, okay. Then we'll do the thing where Gumbo is part of me now through my wild shape. Sheriff Gov takes her boots off and begins slathering up with grease and sand per Gum Gum's original suggestion.
Bye, camels. Bart and Mud are going through the dimension door. Kyborg is going back through the liquid, and Sheriff Gov is going to follow you, Kyborg. Cool. And I told you to get my bag of dusk. Yeah. Everyone. Kyborg did not remember the bag of dusk. Everyone who goes through the liquid. So, Bart and Mud, you emerge fine.
That was easy! Yeah, you're welcome. Everyone who goes through the pool itself is going to take a little bit of damage. Kyborg, you would take this twice because you made the trip twice? Three times. I was trying to be nice to him, but okay, three times. Yeah, why did you say that? Sorry, sorry, sorry. I mean, twice. Of course, you are resistant to both the poison and acid damage, so you do take half each time, Kyborg. So everyone who went through the pool takes seven points of poison damage.
Half your resistance. And then some acid damage as well. 14 points of acid damage, so 7 if it's half. Yeah, so you all make your way through the corrosive fluid, finally reach the sandy surface on the other side. Your clothes and weapons sizzle from the acrid venom dripping all over your body. You look up and see a scarlet sun teetering on the horizon, casting sharp shadows across tall, reddish, rocky mountains with smooth tops.
You look around to see these flat top mountains, one after another filling your view, but then one stands out to you. Etched into the red rock are several steps leading up to two serpentine totems. In between them is an entrance made of viperous fangs hanging wide open. Sheriff Gov lifts her hat and says, Welcome to the Flats of Tabool.
We made it. Find out what happens in the flatfish pool. You're going to have to tune in next week to the new episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for taking the journey with us today. And once again, shout out to the subreddit. It's actually turned into a fun subreddit.
It's very, for a subreddit, it's really wholesome and safe space. So keep it that way. It's r slash StinkyDragonPodcast. That is correct. So come check it out. Also, tell a friend about this podcast. I feel like anyone who listens to the podcast knows how fun it is. And if you want to tell a friend to check out the first episode and hook them in, that would be greatly appreciated. Yeah, we're on the precipice of some, like, viewer numbers that would help us out with the show. Yeah, so tell a friend, tell two. Yeah. That'd be good.
Bye. Bye!
